Subj : Re: Prayers Of Children To : Daryl Stout From : George Pope Date : Wed Jan 26 2022 15:50:26 > Toward the end of the year, my late wife and I would pull a friends > chain, telling them "we wren't going to have sex for the rest of the > year" (it was like Dec. 29). We waited to observe them getting this horrid > look on their faces...then when they realized what day it was, it was like > "Oh, [expletive]!!" . I've used that one -- generally posting publically on a BBS that I plan to stay offline for the rest of the year (panic ensued with dozens of other members crying, "noooooo!" then dozens of others saying "calm down & look at the date he posted that!") I do my part to keep y'all on your toes! >> It's an artform, not a hackjob. . > And, with puns, not everyone appreciates the humor. To me, the beauty of > a pun is in the groan of the recipient. You know it! A groan because it's sneaky, but should have been obvious are my favourites, but there's also0 the "Oh, that's so simple as to be lame" groans & I don't count those ones; I just say, "Hey, hey only get worse! Hold your hand out if you want to redeem my double yor money back guarantee" I do nothing; they ask where is it; I say look, I even gave you triple for your troubles. . . > cutting up...I don't mean to offend anyone, so my apologies in advance. If anyone enters a PG-rated jokes echo or forum, & gets offended, it's their own damned fault! My mom taught me to not take tghings that don't belong to me, so if I see an Offense. . . >> ! Fat Tuesday > Add an R, and that's when you can go crazy on beans and legumes...right College Greek houses like their 5-bean chili, do they? I taught my wife to make chili the way I like it: no beans -- just lots of beef & lots of hot peppers (chilis, habanero, jalapenos, dried cayenne(by the 1/3 cupful) & one Anaheim to sweeten it up a tad (instead of whole tomatoes) Feel the burn! >> ! Light-Weight Entertainment > Midget movies?? Midget bowling? (where they throw the midget down the lane) >> ! Chubby-Hubby > Building up insulation for the winter. That's been my story & I'm sticking to it. . . >> ! The Weight Is Over > ...what the scale can hold -- sounds like Garfield The Cat after eating > too much pizza and lasagna. One guy was being harangued by a large Karen for taking too long, he loked her dead in the eye & said, quite sincerely, "I'm sorry for your weight." >> ! Big Men and Women on Campus > If they do a cannonball into the pool, that'll soak everyone nearby. Is there another way to get into the pool? >> ! Fat of the Land > Sounds like the blooper where the formerly obese woman would tell that > her diet helped her lose all the fat...and added "she will bring samples". One of those Boot Camp "Last 65 pounds" shows starts by loading a table with pounds of lard & a huge mound of white sugar, saying, "That's how much fat & sugar you ate last week." That's an eye-opener! (so was the smell of bacon cooking, apparently) >> ! Big, Fat Hit > Those chest bumps hurt!! That's what SHE said! (when I pinched them) (remember that time Peanut was saying that over & over again to everything Jeff-fa-fa said?) > Facebook became Meta, and rumor has it where Twitter will become > Mucil. So, we'll be on Metamucil every day. I've cut back on my metamucil for a bit -- sdtuff's expensive! > On some of those cooking shows, I wish I could graze on what was > being shown or prepared. My late wife and I would watch Emeril > Lagasse Never sesen him -- I like Guy's Grocery Games, & his Diners, Drive-insd, & Dives; but my fave, by far, is Carnival Eats! (I want EVERYTHING that gut tries!) LIVE on The Food Network (I don't think that show is on, > anymore)...and one day, Paula Deen was on there doing a southern > style breakfast. > We're talking eggs, bacon, ham, sausage, pork chops, biscuits with > butter, sausage gravy, hash browns, tomato slices, toast, jelly, > pancakes, syrup, etc. [We will now pause 3 minutes for drooling ]. > Well, she was using this tenderizer to make the pork chops to > where they'd "melt in your mouth". In describing the tool, she said > "I use this to beat my meat with!!" . > That's a euphemism for masturbation, and the entire studio audience You don't say! > Some days, they'd be preparing something, and all of a sudden, my > wife let out this pitiful wail, like was in pain. I asked her what > was wrong, and she lamented "He just ruined it!!". She grew up learning "proper suthe'n cooking"? > That happened at my late wife's church years ago. It was an offshoot > of "The Worldwide Church Of God", known as "The Community Church Of God". > They didn't have a "Sunday School", per se...but they had a potluck > every other Sunday after church. Well, with any organization, sacred or > secular, at times, you have to conduct "a business meeting...and you > know, to most folks, they avoid attending those like the plague. Well, > as luck would have it, the meeting ran way overtime, and the church > service was LATE starting. The guy who was leading the music that > Sunday (who was best man at my wedding), said "Since we got started so > late, I'm sure our preacher will be considerate, and cut his sermon > short". Without missing a beat, the pastor said "Fat Chance!!". It > brought the house down in raucous laughter, and the look on that guy's > face was absolutely priceless!! No other response I'd expect from most pastors -- they get the spotlight once a week, & they WILL enjoy the time! >> ! Battle of the Bulge > I have 3 ailments: > 1) Furniture Disease - my chest is into my drawers > 2) Dunlop Disease - my belly done lopped over my belt > 3) Dickeydo Disease - my belly hangs out more than my dickey do Been there. . . working on fixing these & doing quite well, I've dropped 10 BMI points this past year, since April. .. >> ! Fat Sells > Got to have a shed for your tool. That's my story, too! > A waist is a terrible thing to mind. My doc told me to watch my waist, so I put it right out front where I can easily keep an eye on it. . . >> ! Devouring the Competition > Sounds like the July Coney Island Hot Dog Battle. My son's dream is to win that one day. . . > Eat to live...not live to eat. I do both. . . >> ! Large and in Charge > I hope the chair is strong enough. Not the La-Z Boy Lift-Recliner I recently bought, I found out -- the max was 50# below my weight :( It doesn't operate so well now, forcing me to do my own lifting to get my carcass out & moving (sucks when I'm trying to answer Natrure's Holler) >> ! Fat of the Land > There'll be a harvest of blubber this year. This phrase is from the Bible -- it & every use of "fat" in the Bible is to mean "the best & richest" > I have a BMI calculator on my phone...it says I'm nearly 90 > pounds overweight. Well, getting it off is easier said than done. What kind of phone do you have? I'll give you the directions to get that app off your phone quite easily! *G* >> ! Gut-Busting > Only when they're doing gastric bypass surgery. But, there's > good and bad with that. I've had friends experience both results (very good & very bad) >> how real the end product is these days -- I miss Walter (That's "Mr. >> Cronkite" to you younguns) > And, that's the way it is. There you go. . . I only caught the tail-end of his career, usually only when quoted on our local news that my dad watched faithfully every night at 6pm. . . > I prefer the meteorological acronym...CBS stands for cumulonimbus's Shouldn't it be cumulonimbi for the plural? > (several thunderstorms together, as it a line). Our tornado season will > be here soon enough (Sigh!). Tell every married man in Tornado Alley to refuse "mouth hugs" from their girlfriends, as tornado warnings & that action definitely suggest that someone is going to lose a house! I have a buddy who was flying out today and he was looking at a weather map trying to layout his flight path. But he was frustratingly listing all of the bad weather conditions that he has to avoid along the way. Him: "Dang, there's some cumulonimbus clouds over there. This part is going to be really turbulent. And there's icing!" Me: "Wait, why don't you like icing? That's what makes cake so tasty!" Him: stares at me intensely Rain Rain Go Away That's what all my haters say. -cumulonimbus clouds probably --- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-5 * Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757) .