Subj : Computer Failure Haikus To : Daryl Stout From : George Pope Date : Mon Jan 17 2022 08:35:46 > George, >> You sure? Platypi are kiund of cool -- you bug one & they don't "fahht >> in your general direction" but they can scratch you with their hind >> leg spur & poison you with the venom in it! > Didn't know about the poison leg spur. We amuse AND we educate, all for thew very low price of wahtever we're charging your credit card monthly (you really should regularly scan your hard drive for hidden records of your banking details) You'll find our fees listed as from "Services Rendered Uninc." >> Thankfully it's been a while since I've called 911 & needed an >> ambulance -- it's a pain in the benchwarmer! > There's a new vehicle called the flatulance. It picks you up after you > have been run over by a steamroller. & the wahmbulance that comes when you've been whining (or whinging, but not wining or winning) *vocalizing* "wah-ahhh wahhh-ah wah-ahhh" > The Windows Vista7Up Virus renders all legacy programs useless. I saw a > tagline the other day that noted "This virus requires Microsoft 3.1 to run". Yup; I used to get my emnail & newsghroups via a DOS-like menu at a freeserve(generic, no TM; **** "TM" when the term existed priorly & is a generic term) & was amnusing to get an email that looked unlike my usal replies/correspondence, look at it & see nothing but code (high ASCII), scroll down until Iu see a recognizable charactyer string (usually the virus de jour); if from a friend's real email, I'll reply, putting random crap into the first couple lines to render the virus non-executable & warn my mate to run a good virus scan after updating virus definitions. . . Generally got 1-3 a week or more when one virus was particularly rampant on PCs of my generation. I've only had email hacks, done at the server level, & I've taken care of the fallout on my own PC & for those I correspond with. . . I update definitions daily (some are that new) & run full heuristics scan daily on all RW drives, too. non-RW drives ares canned when unknown/new media is inserted. The Cyberpope does NOT spread worms >> They must think I'm very stupid. > Or we're dumb enough to keep shelling out big bucks for their stuff. Who says I do? > Basically. Or like the horny hare...you was doing that to every female > rabbit he could "Wham, Bam, Thank You, Ma'am!". Well, he was so blinded > by his sex drive, that he saw this rabbit statue, and it became "Wham, Bam!! > Ahhh!! Damn!!" A rabbit escaped the testing lab & hopped full speed to freedom -- out towards the green fields distant. Upon arrival he met a creature who looked like him, but didn't smell like the others in the lab. "I'm Peter--no jokes, please--I live here; I don't recgnize you; where you from?" "I'm EXP-1H-547-2021," replied our escapee friend, "I just escaped from that laboratory distant; I want to experienmce life as a normal wild rabbit; will you help me?" Peter sat up, "You don't say! That name's a nmouthful; I'm just going to call you Expy. Sure, follow me; right now I'm just enjoying the new shoots of dandelions, clover, & grass, hidden amongst these old ones" They had fun eating for a half hour, then Peter said, "Time to head inside the warrebn, my friend, & do what nature demands." They go into the warren(network of tunnels the local rabbits call home) & proceed to breed a dozen doe-bunnies each. After this, the now-tired Espy, begsa off & says he nmust return to the lab. "Whast the hell, dude?" exclaimed Peter, "I thought you were enjoying the freedom, the foodm, the comradarie, & especially the bunny boinking, why are you going back to the cages?" "Because I'm dying for a f***ing cigarette!" > Baringly, I can Sea that from the Fair Banks side of the water. Nice! Q: How did the newlywed Eskimo girl instruct her new husband? A: in... you et (Inuit) > Your sister had a baby, but we don't know if it's a boy or girl, so > I don't know whether you're an aunt or an uncle. How can they know, when the baby's not old enoug to talk & TELL them?! /s >> My wife asked for a divorce today, saying I was too un-American. I saw >> it coming from a kilometer away. > We should support the Metric System every inch of the way. This is why DC is so scared of Canadians; we speak two languages & we understand metric well enough to use iutr daily! (& most of us can do Imperial, too) >> didn't want a Pope Sicola. > He didn't want a Royal Crown, either (never mind an RC and a moonpie). I like Crown Royal (12year blended rye whiskey), & we had RC Cola in the '70s until Pepsi bought it up here & killed the brand (it was my fave pop by far, as 1 in 5 were winners, but I won more like 2-3 in 6!) > ... A Stud Muffin at 50 -- there's more muffin than stud. -Chondra Pierce At 18, she was pure cheesecake; at 48, she was more like sour cream. A real man loves her no less at 48. . . My fave quote from "Married With Children" Bud(son): Why don't you try dating my teacher? Al Bundy: How old is she? B: 40. A: That's ooolldd! B: But, Dad, YOU are 40! Al: That's right, son; & there'll be time enough for 40 year old women when I'm 60! --- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-5 * Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757) .