Subj : Metric Dozen To : All From : George Pope Date : Wed Aug 25 2021 16:49:01 Welcome to another edition of the Metric Dozen Punnies & Funnies. Please do comment as to which you loved & which you hated. . . Also, at any time, let me know if you're done with receiving these. Because you're a mate, I won't even charge you my usual $19.00 cancelation fee! ;) -= 1 =- A cute lil poem to start u off this issue: ~#~ via Margie Chant, Pastor and Evangelist, on Quora.com ~#~ Whether you know someone your entire life or meeting just this once. Show them you are interested and do not be a dunce. It only takes you just a sec to greet them with a smile Do not use their same technique. Try another style. In these four words they'll see a friend and that's something they need too Show you care about other folks and ask,”How do you do?”. -= 2 =- QOTI (Quote of the issue): “Pych[iatric] Wards are like day cares for suicidal adolescents that hate God and love drugs.” --teenager Caroline Konstnar on YouTube -= 3 =- A friend sat a philosophy exam back in the 1970's. It had just one question, which was, "Is this a fair question?" Everybody groaned and set to work. My pal wrote one line and walked out. His answer was, "Is this a fair answer?" He passed. -= 4 =- Three bachelors were kidding their married friend. .. . ."You've been married five years now, Daryl," said one, "and still no childeren? Is your wife" (and here he tried a very bad pun) "unbearable?" .. . .Or," interjected another, "perhaps she's inconceivable?" .. . ."Maybe she's, uh, impregnable," joked the third. .. . .Daryl shook his head sadly. "No, boys, you're all wrong. She's insurmountable and inscrutable." -= 5 =- "Why do you take such an immediate dislike to people?" It saves time. -= 6 =- Q: Why don't chicken breasts have nipples? A: Because if you froze them they'd poke holes in the packaging. -= 7 =- Q: How do you know when there is a singer at your door? A: Because she can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in. -= 8 =- Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Years later, they get back together to discuss the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother for her 90th Birthday. The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.” The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.” The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can’t see very well. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000.00 a year for 10 years, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it.” Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: “Milton,” she wrote the first son, “The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.” “Marvin,” she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!” “Dearest Melvin,” she wrote to her third son, “You were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. That chicken was delicious.” -= 9 =- A hillbilly took his pet duck and got in his pickup to go to the movin’ pcture show in town. He walked up to the ticket booth with his duck under his arm to buy a ticket, but the girl said, “sir, you can’t bring that bird in here”. The hillbilly tries to explain ’bout how the duck is a housebroken pet, but the girl says, “SIR, I’m sorry but you can’t bring that animal into the theater”. So, the hillbilly is sitting in his truck, stroking his duck, trying to think, and has an idea! He hides his duck down the bib of his overalls and goes and buys a ticket and sits down next to these two town girls with his duck hidden in his pants, and starts watching the movie. A few minutes later, one of the townie girls nudges the other, and says, “this guys got his cock out”. Her friend says “ignore him, you seen one, you’ve seen ’em all”. The first girl replies, “not like this one, it’s eating my popcorn”. -= 10 =- Q: What do you call a feathery farmyard bird that stares at a plate of lettuce and anchovies? A: Chicken sees a salad. Your friend, <+]:{)} Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM --- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux * Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2) .