Subj : FidoGazette Vol 11 no 1/2 To : JANIS KRACHT From : Daryl Stout Date : Thu Sep 28 2017 11:11:00 Janis, JK> 1. I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. JK> Apparently a turban, beard, and a backpack wasn't what they JK> had in mind. A case of mistaken indemnity. JK> 2. After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, John woke up to JK> find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he JK> realized he had made it home safely. An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2am, and is asked where he's going at that hour. The man replies "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse, and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, staying out late, and carousing". The police officers then asks "Really?? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night". The man replies "That would be my wife". JK> 3. Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the JK> Para-Olympics after they tested positive for WD40. At least there's no squeaks as the items turn. JK> 4. A teenage boy asks his granny: "Have you seen my pills? They JK> were labeled LSD?" Granny replies: " The hell with the pills, JK> did you see the dragons in the kitchen?" L)arge S)caley D)ragons. JK> 5. Wife gets naked and asks hubby: "What turns you on more, my JK> pretty face or my sexy body?" Hubby looks her up and down and JK> replies: "Your sense of humor!" (Hospital visiting hours are JK> from 5:00 to 6:00.) He must be in pretty bad shape for only an hours viewing. :P JK> 6. A chap's wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for JK> making a sex movie last night, and all he did was suggest JK> they should hold auditions for her part. (His viewing will JK> be Saturday from 7:00 till 8:30.) Talk about the end of production!! JK> 7. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap JK> could spell disaster. That's as bad as Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs playing Scrabble. Her first tiles are M, I, D, G, E, T, and S. :P JK> 8. I woke up this morning at 9:00, and could sense something was JK> wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the JK> kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know JK> what to do. Then I remembered McDonaldCÇÖs serves breakfast JK> until 10:30. In some markets, they serve it around the clock. Although I saw a story last night that "human remains were found in some McDonald's Meat". Looks like I'm going to switch to Burger King for breakfast. :( JK> 9. My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door. JK> She screamed: "I wish you a slow and painful death, you JK> bastard!" I replied: "Oh, so now you want me to stay!" Really. JK> 10. Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. When we JK> went to the fair last night it took me 3 hours to get her JK> off the Ferris wheel. The wheel is spinning, but the hamster is dead. :P JK> 11. The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept JK> with. I told her: "Only you. All the others kept me awake JK> all night!" (The doctor says I should be able to see again in (Continued to next message) === þ OLX 1.53 þ Velcro - what a rip off! --- SBBSecho 3.01-Win32 * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - wx1der.dyndns.org (1:19/33) .