Subj : FidoGazette Vol 12 no 31 Page: 3
To   : All
From : Janis Kracht
Date : Wed Aug 01 2018 20:52:02

    Last Week I assaulted your senses with Linux Jokes.
    It's only fair that this week, I do the same with
    Windows jokes :)

    Collected by Janis Kracht.

    Microsoft Short Jokes

    Q: Why are PCs like air conditioners?
    A: They stop working properly if you open Windows!
    Q. How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a
       lightbulb?
    A. None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness(TM) as the new
       industry standard.
    Q: What if Bill Gates had a dime for every time Windows Vista
       crashed...
    A: Oh, wait a minute, he already does!
    Q: What's the difference between a virus and windows?
    A: Viruses rarely fail.
    Q: What do you call the movie about Uma Thurmans PC crashing?
    A: Kill Bill Gates.
    Q: What do you call Windows Multitasking?
    A: Screwing up several things at once!
    Q: What do houses and Microsoft Windows have in common?
    A: Bugs come in through open Windows
    Q. How many MicroSoft vice presidents does it take to change a
       light bulb?
    A. Eight. One to work the bulb, and seven to make sure that
       MicroSoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere
       in the world.
    Q: What do Baby Gates (Jennifer Katharine Gates) and Microsoft
       product offerings have in common?
     A1: Bill gets the credit but someone else did most of the work.
     A2: Regardless of the problem, calling Microsoft Tech Support
         won't help.
     A3: As they mature, we pray that they will be better than that
         which preceeded them.
     A4: They arrive in shaky condition with inadequate
         documentation.
     A5: Neither can stand on its own two feet without A LOT of third
         party support.
     A6: For at least the next year, they'll suck.
    Q: What does WINDOWS stand for?
    A: "Work is never done on Windows systems"
    Q: How did Microsoft break Volkswagen's world record?
    A: Volkswagen only made 22 million bugs!
    Q: What if you call Microsoft product offerings software?
    A: You probably call Burger King cuisine, Lauren Conrad
       talented, and Sarah Palin a genius!

    The other day I discovered something that is really scary. If you play a
    Windows Installation CD backwards it plays a satanic message but the most
    frightening thing of all, if you play it forwards it installs Windows!

    Microsoft Bar Jokes
    There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to
become
    a great writer.  When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write
    stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a
    truly emotional level.  Stuff that will make them scream, cry, and howl in
    pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

    First man: "You know, I hear Microsoft is going to start making Condoms."
    Second man: "That gives a whole new meaning to the words,
                'General Protection Fault.'"

    source: http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes/
    corporatejokes/microsoftjokes.html [wraps]



    FIDOGAZETTE  Vol 12 No 31    Page  3         August 01, 2018


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