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       Stardate: 20230420.2104
       Location: the lab
       Input Device: AlphaSmart dana.wireless
       Software: AlphaWord
       Audio: My daughter playing piano upstairs
       Visual: Alphabalpha
       Emotional State: sad, distressed, unstable.
       
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       They had a round of layoffs today at work.  It made me sad.  I am 
       still gainfully employed but it doesn't make it easy.  It takes me 
       back to when I was laid off in September of 2020.  Some of those 
       feelings from before are coming back again.  It does not seem fair 
       and the reason seems understandable...money, as usual.  But it does 
       not seem right.  
       
       My boss was one of those that were let go.  I feel badly for him and 
       his family.  I experienced the same thing and can imagine what he is 
       going through.  When I lost my job of 17 years, I went through some 
       rough times.  I kept trying to make sense of, find some kind of 
       reason as to why I was laid off.  I could not find any.  Even now, I 
       still don't know.  I even asked and there wasn't anything they could 
       tell me.  Sometimes I still wonder.  It all just seemed so cold and 
       impersonal, especially since I was told in a  video conference 
       meeting and I had put so much time, effort, and loyalty into my work.  
       
       I'm glad that it wasn't me but I'm sad that my boss and others had 
       to go.  I am now left with survivor's guilt, more reminders of 
       impermanence, and the uncertainty of the future of my current 
       position.  There are feelings of sadness, anger, fear, remorse, 
       mistrust.   My wounds from last time had been healing, but the 
       current situation has me questioning again.  
       
       For those who lost their jobs and those looking for work and 
       struggling through the uncertainty of recent times, my heart and my 
       prayers go out to you.
       
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