Monday mornings... the worst time to wake up. I usually try to stay in bed for as long as I can, that is, until my Mum drags me out. Either that or until I fall out and give myself a mild concussion. Well, not quite, but I can always try! When I'm finally out of bed, I stumble into the bathroom, stumble out the bathroom, fall down the stairs, climb back up the stairs, walk back into the bathroom, get washed, get dressed, look at my watch and panic! I rush out the house (Usually without any breakfast) and try to get to school as fast as I can. School, or as its really called Prison. What did I do to deserve this 12-year stretch in this place, where the teachers try to bore you to death. It must have been pretty awful! Registration... Yawn. Actually, It's quite good. A nice chance to catch up on missed sleep (Or, more often missed homework. Not by me of course, my homework is always done on time, and to the highest standard possible. I wish). Hmmm, English first period? Too hard to think about English. Too Tired. Can't even produce a coherent... Erm. What's next? Better look at my journal... WHAT?!? "If you lose your journal, you must buy a new one and copy up all the information from your old one". Now THAT was designed by committee. Uh-oh... Maths with Mr. Taylor... cue 'Star Wars' Darth Vader music. Today is the day we get the result of out test back... Woohoo! 79%! Oh wait... it's an 80% pass mark... better get my detention slip ready. Is this school, nay, the world obsessed with bureaucracy? There are forms for this, forms for that, soon you'll need a form just to blow your nose! OK, Maths? What's the point in Maths? Are we going to need any of the information in real life? Do we need know what ( to the power of ( times the multiple of R over Q is? (Incidentally, the answer is 4). A well-deserved break comes next. I can just relax and watch people get very angry over a piece of dead cow skin formed into a sphere with air in the middle (a.k.a. a football). Is there any point in telling these people that: 1, it's just a friendly kick-about, not the world cup or anything; and 2, Even if it was the world cup, ITS ONLY A GAME! Ah, my favourite lessons next, no wait, I don't have a favourite lesson, they're all c... I mean all great... I couldn't choose a favourite lesson. Well anyway, it's RE next. I wonder what exciting task I will be set in today's lesson. Copy out this sheet then answer the questions below in full sentences. Well, nothing new there then. There are three main teaching methods. Firstly, there's the "Chalk and Talk" method. The teacher writes things on the board and talks. And talks. And talks. And... you get the picture. They don't seem to notice that no one understands what on earth they're babbling on about. Next, there is the "Textbook and Worksheet" method. Class, please copy out page 27 and worksheet 41. Some teachers really spice up this method by adding Questions to the task. (This tends to make people think a bit more; no one really reads the stuff they are copying out). Luckily, the last method is the "Good" method. This is where the teacher explains things properly and people learn things! Unluckily, a lot of teachers use the first two methods. Not mentioning any names. Ooo, its French next, this wonderful day keeps getting better and better! (By the way, I was being sarcastic) I find French pointless. If I go to France, I'll want to know how to say useful things like "When does the train to Tours arrive". Why will I ever need to say "The green monkey has stolen my aunties hat"? Wouldn't the world be a better place if everyone learned the same language? Not necessarily English, something like Esperanto would be good. In fact, the world would be better place if there were no countries, if everything was part of one country, or different countries ruled by one government. Well, that works... in theory. Shame it wouldn't work though. There'd be fewer wars if it did. (Of course, people would just start civil wars instead, and things would be divided back into countries, then we'd be back to square one). Well, dinnertime (lunchtime if your from down south) is approaching, and I'm about to get a delicious and nutritious meal. Chips actually. As usual. I'm glad see the government project to ensure every school child has at least one healthy meal a day is going well. (Again, I am resorting to sarcasm). The Labour party is responsible, they make me sarcastic. Don't ask me how they do it, they just do. They can't quite decide if they are left or right. They sort of hover in the middle. I don't know if you ever noticed, but "The Houses of Parliament" is an anagram for "Loonies Far up the Thames"(!). After my... whatever it is they call it, I can relax and watch people kick around a dead cow, or, as I usually do, do homework that has to be in for after dinner. Um... did I say that? What I mean is, watch other people do homework that has to be in for after dinner, My homework is always, as I said earlier, done on time. Bell, Enter registration, say prayers, answer 'Yes Miss', sit down, stand up, Bell, exit registration. Same old routine. After registration it's off to another exciting lesson of Technology. Very exciting... so exciting I could... YAWN! Well, maybe I'm being a little too harsh on poor electronics. It's actually OK, except when I go to the toilet, and when I come back my pencil has mysteriously broken. Strange. Very strange. (Sarcasm Episode 3:The Sarcasm Strikes Back). The time is 3 'o' clock. I think I'll just sit and do nothing for the next 15 minutes. I think I could get an A* in doing nothing. Hey, I could get a PhD in doing nothing. Dr. Philip Chillag PhD BSc Hons. L.A.Z.Y. What an excellent title! Finally, the sound I have been waiting all day to hear! The going home bell! Yay! Grab bag, head for door, rush home. Routine again, but this time it's a good routine! Once I'm home, I can get a big glass of coke, a sandwich and sit down and just... relax. Unwind. Get away from the stress of school. Until I have to do my homework. Well, nothing lasts forever. But before my homework, I can do a bit of surfing. Channel Surfing that is. OK, Remote? Check! Snacks? Check! Drink? Check! Let's surf! Hmmm... news. How come that at any time, somewhere in the world there is some kind of conflict. Wouldn't it be better if we could all live in peace and harmony (Man)? (I sometimes suffer Hippie attacks as well as Sarcasm attacks... Blame... George Bush). Seriously though, I think we should try the 'One Country' thing. It would cut down some of the wars. Next channel... Rubbish. Rubbish, Rubbish, Rubbish. Let's see, Do I want to buy Elvis shaped Salt and Pepper mills from the home-shopping channel? Only £299.99 and £45.92 Postage and Packaging! The answer is no. Who on earth actually buys this junk anyway? I tell you, TV these days, there's nothing good on. Well, I better do my homework. (Five minutes later). OK, finished my homework... Not. Ah, who cares? Well, OK, yes, the teachers and my parents but who else? Oh. Me. Well, I better do the rest of it. (An hour and a half later). FINISHED! OK, now I can watch TV! My favourite programme is on, 'The Simpsons!' Some surreal comedy is just what I need in my life! Time for my tea (dinner for the people down south) and guess what? Another meal of chips... Tony Blair Strikes Again! This time I get some fish with it, so at least I get some protein. Someone, somewhere said fish was supposed to improve your brain, I don't know if it's true, but dolphins eat fish and they're smarter than most humans are. I mean, all they do is play, and that's good! You don't see dolphins starting wars do you? Anyway, who needs to know anything? Einstein said "You don't need to know anything except where to look it up". (This means he wasn't actually as smart as everyone says he was, and he found the theory of relativity in a book somewhere). After my tea, I tidy my room (Yeah, Right) and then do some more surfing. This time it's surfing the net. First I check my e-mail. 26 junk mails, 2 'jokes' from people I don't know and 1 e-mail I actually want (It's from me). Check out some web sites and get 47 more adverts, watch helplessly as some 14-year-old spotty Californian idiot hacks into my computer and tries to delete files. Laugh as I disconnect him. Visit my virtual house, buy a virtual car and find out that I'm in virtual debt. Get a virtual job to pay off my virtual debt. Play Quake. Pretend the all the characters are my sister etc. Typical time surfing the net. After that, I can watch some more TV and read a few books before heading upstairs and turning on the radio. I usually listen to the radio or read for a couple of hours before I go to sleep. Tuesday Mornings... The worst time to wake up. ----- This was GCSE english coursework I wrote a few years ago. It's a 'stream of conciousness', apparantly. Make of it what you will. Philip Chillag darksun@sdf.lonestar.org 15/05/04 .