From dmeadows@idirect.com Tue Dec 24 05:10:12 2002 Received: from mxu2.u.washington.edu (mxu2.u.washington.edu [140.142.33.7]) by lists.u.washington.edu (8.12.1+UW01.12/8.12.1+UW02.12) with ESMTP id gBODACCK037832 for ; Tue, 24 Dec 2002 05:10:12 -0800 Received: from jandor.look.ca (jandor.look.ca [207.136.80.126]) by mxu2.u.washington.edu (8.12.1+UW01.12/8.12.1+UW02.12) with ESMTP id gBODA81I013599 for ; Tue, 24 Dec 2002 05:10:09 -0800 Received: from on-ham-a53-05-150.look.ca ([216.154.54.150]) by jandor.look.ca with esmtp (Exim 4.05) id 18Qoou-0006A9-00 for classics@u.washington.edu; Tue, 24 Dec 2002 08:10:05 -0500 Date: Tue, 24 Dec 2002 08:07:20 -0500 From: dmeadows@idirect.com X-Mailer: The Bat! (v1.60q) Personal Reply-To: dmeadows@idirect.com X-Priority: 3 (Normal) Message-ID: <49787566.20021224080720@idirect.com> To: classics@u.washington.edu MIME-Version: 1.0 Subject: humour Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Spam-Status: No, hits=2.2 required=7.0 tests=NOSPAM_INC,NO_REAL_NAME,SPAM_PHRASE_02_03,USER_AGENT_THEBAT version=2.43 X-Spam-Level: ** X-Uwash-Spam: Gauge=XIIIIIII, Probability=17%, Report="NOSPAM_INC, NO_REAL_NAME, SPAM_PHRASE_02_03, USER_AGENT_THEBAT, __EVITE_CTYPE, __HAS_X_MAILER, __HAS_X_PRIORITY" Some seasonal humour while you're removing the elbow pads (from the Middle-l list): >FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director >DATE: December 1 >RE: Christmas Party > >I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party >will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the >banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, >but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing >traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't Be >surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! > >----- > >FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director >DATE: December 2 >RE: Christmas Party > >In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our >Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an >important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, >though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on >we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy >applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this >time. > >Happy now? > >----- > >FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director >DATE: December 3 >RE: Holiday Party > >Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics >Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't >sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but >if I put a sign on a table that reads "AA Only" you >wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle >this? Somebody? > >----- > >FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director >DATE: December 7 >RE: Holiday Party > >What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December >2 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids >eating, drinking and sex during daylight hours. There goes >the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon >this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim >employees' beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on >serving your meal until the end of the party - the days >are so short this time of year - or else package >everything for take-home in little foil swans. Will that >work? > >Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Overeaters >Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and >pregnant women will get the table closest to the >restrooms. Did I miss anything? > >----- > >FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director >DATE: December 8 >RE: Holiday Party > >So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what do you >expect me to do, a tap-dance on your heads? Fire >regulations at Luigi's prohibit the burning of sage by our >"earth-based Goddess-worshipping" employees, but we'll try >to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the >band's breaks. Okay??? > >----- > >FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director >DATE: December 9 >RE: Holiday Party > >People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having >our CEO dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of >"Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil >connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." It's a >tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family >feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on >Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up? > >----- > >FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director >DATE: December 10 >RE: Holiday Party > >Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're >going to keep this party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue >whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the >table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so >quaintly put it, and you'll get your freaking salad bar, >including hydroponic tomatoes. But you know, they have >feelings too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them. I've >heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right now! > >----- > >FROM: Teri Bishops, Acting Human Resources Director >DATE: December 14 >RE: Pat Lewis and Holiday Party > >I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pat Lewis a >speedy recovery from her stress-related illness and I'll >continue to forward Your cards to her at the sanatorium. > >In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our >Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd >off with full pay. > >We hope that this change does not offend anyone. > >Received from vix-tick. > .