From chimp1@u.washington.edu Tue Dec 16 01:03:54 1997 Received: from jason05.u.washington.edu (root@jason05.u.washington.edu [140.142.78.6]) by lists.u.washington.edu (8.8.4+UW97.07/8.8.4+UW97.05) with ESMTP id BAA28318 for ; Tue, 16 Dec 1997 01:03:53 -0800 Received: from dante06.u.washington.edu (chimp1@dante06.u.washington.edu [140.142.15.8]) by jason05.u.washington.edu (8.8.4+UW97.07/8.8.4+UW97.05) with ESMTP id BAA15932; Tue, 16 Dec 1997 01:03:50 -0800 Received: from localhost (chimp1@localhost) by dante06.u.washington.edu (8.8.4+UW97.07/8.8.4+UW97.04) with SMTP id BAA71454; Tue, 16 Dec 1997 01:03:49 -0800 Date: Tue, 16 Dec 1997 01:03:49 -0800 (PST) From: "B. Ubelaker" To: kaorder@u.washington.edu cc: "J. Hittle" , "J. Morford" Subject: Re: 50 things to do when failing an exam (fwd) In-Reply-To: Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII hey, where the hell was this when i was failing my chemistry exam. chimp On Mon, 15 Dec 1997, T. King wrote: > > > Fifty Fun things to do in a final that does not matter (i.e. you are going > to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam): > > 1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. > Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. > Turn it in a few minutes early. > > 2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the > secret documents!!" > > 3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long > answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the > integral symbol. > > 4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's > left nostril. > > 5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate > your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO > sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the > instructor is. > > 6. Bring cheerleaders. > > 7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly > say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every > lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's > the regular guy?" > > 8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max > level. (PacMan ?) ;) > > 9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to > refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this > question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be > creative. > > 10. Bring pets. > > 11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of > relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the > country" and run off. > > 12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into > very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." > If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost > the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes. > > 13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers. > > 14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your > head, and nothing else. > > 15. Come down with a BAD case of Tourett's Syndrome during the exam. Be > as vulgar as possible. > > 16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make > one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals. > > 17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. > Blame it on the person nearest to you. > > 18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it. > > 19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be > taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let > them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of > the profits if they are allowed to stay. > > 20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to > another seat, continue with the exam. > > 21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, > start commenting on how easy it was. > > 22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it > is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..). > > 23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers > completely blacked out. > > 24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down > violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly. > > 25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the > instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after > one hour to go drink) > > 26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point > during the exam, you should start crying for mommy). > > 27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, > tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above > my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!" > > 28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day. > > 29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put > on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until > they drag you away. > > 30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the > class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you were a > student of his/hers. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for > your right to take the exam. > > 31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say > "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our > Lives is on!!!" > > 32. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said. > > 33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the > instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave > one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai. > > 34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam. > > 35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you > could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. > If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story. > > 36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield. > > 37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the > exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation. > > 38. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is > obvious...like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not > just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them > to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for > references as you see fit." > > 39. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip. > > 40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any > question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her. > > 41. One word: Wrestlemania. > > 42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do > before concerts start. > > 43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave. > > 44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room. > > 45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. > Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. > > 46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to > you every few minutes throughout the exam. > > 47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, > anything you can reach. > > 48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 > degree angle. > > 49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are > asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook > with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical > instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so". > > 50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Sucks" > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > .