From spedracr@u.washington.edu Fri Nov 7 17:48:59 1997 Received: from jason01.u.washington.edu (root@jason01.u.washington.edu [140.142.70.24]) by lists.u.washington.edu (8.8.4+UW97.07/8.8.4+UW97.05) with ESMTP id RAA43950 for ; Fri, 7 Nov 1997 17:48:58 -0800 Received: from dante18.u.washington.edu (spedracr@dante18.u.washington.edu [140.142.15.68]) by jason01.u.washington.edu (8.8.4+UW97.07/8.8.4+UW97.05) with ESMTP id RAA25142 for ; Fri, 7 Nov 1997 17:48:58 -0800 Received: from localhost (spedracr@localhost) by dante18.u.washington.edu (8.8.4+UW97.07/8.8.4+UW97.04) with SMTP id RAA30532 for ; Fri, 7 Nov 1997 17:48:57 -0800 Date: Fri, 7 Nov 1997 17:48:57 -0800 (PST) From: "B. Emerson" To: uw racing Subject: Creative and fun uses for a bicycle pump! (fwd) Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Hey everyone, Sorry for the long forward, but I thought this little saftey notice needed to be posted before any of you creative types got hurt. Later, Brian E. ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Date: Fri, 7 Nov 1997 08:55:53 -0800 From: Deus X Machina Subject: Creative and fun uses for a bicycle pump! >>>Japan Times -- April 16, 1997 >>> >>>"The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of 'Pumping'," >>> a spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital told reporters. "If >>>this perversion catches on, it will destroy the cream of Thailand's manhood." >>> >>>He was speaking after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai Puanmuangpak >>>had been rushed into the hospital's emergency room. >>> >>>"Most 'Pumpers' use a standard bicycle pump," he explained, "inserting >>>the nozzzle far up their rectum, giving themselves a rush of air, >>>creating a momentary high. This act is a sin against God." >>> >>>Charnchai took it further still. He started using a two-cylinder foot >>>pump, but even that wasn't exciting enough for him, and he boasted to >>>friends that he was going to try the compressed air hose at a nearby >>>gasoline station. They dared him to do it so, under cover of darkness, >>>he snuck in. >>> >>>Not realizing how powerful the machine was, he inserted the tube deep >>>into his rectum, and placed a coin in the slot. As a result, he died >>>virtually instantly, but passersby are still in shock. One woman though >>>she was watching a twilight firework display, and started clapping. >>> >>>"We still haven't located all of him.", say the police authorities. >>>"When that quantity of air interacted with the gas in his system, he >>>nearly exploded. It was like an atom bomb went off or something." >>> >>>"Pumping is the devil's pastime, and we must all say no to satan," >>>Ratchasima concluded. "Inflate your tires by all means, but then hide >>>your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt you." >>> >>> Let's hear it for Charnchai Puanmuangpak, the NEW 1997 undisputed >>>Darwin Awards recipient! --------------------------------------------------------------- >> >> ---- Kid Quotes ---- >> >> ========== >> >> >> >> Never give up because life gets harder as you get older. After >> >> preschool the road of life keeps getting bumpier and bumpier and >> >> bumpier. -- Angela Martin, age 11 >> >> >> >> Never blow in a cat's ear because if you do, usually after three or >> >> four times, they will bite your lips! And they don't let go for at >> >> least a minute. -- Lisa Coburn, age 9 >> >> >> >> Don't think life is easy, because when you get older it is hard work. >> >> I used to think life was easy, now I have to do the dishes every >> >> other day. -- Nick Coleman, age 9 >> >> >> >> Take risks. I mean, if you like this person and you don't know if >> >> they like you, ask them out and see what happens. I liked this girl >> >> and I asked her out. She said no and she hates me now, but I took >> >> that risk. -- Bruce Wagner, age 13 >> >> >> >> A realist is more correct about things in life than an optimist. But >> >> the optimist seems to have more friends and much more fun. -- Megan, >> >> age 14 >> >> >> >> The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from >> >> essays, exams, and classroom discussions. Most were from 5th and >> >> 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain's contention that the "most >> >> interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they >> >> know and then stop." >> >> >> >> Question: What is one horsepower? Answer: One horsepower is the >> >> amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second. >> >> >> >> You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you >> >> came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind. >> >> >> >> Talc is found on rocks and on babies. >> >> >> >> The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down. >> >> >> >> When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed >> >> with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed >> >> with explosions. >> >> >> >> When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. >> >> When planets do it we say they are orbiting. >> >> >> >> Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand. >> >> >> >> Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any >> >> direction. >> >> >> >> South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they >> >> still manage. >> >> >> >> Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to >> >> change back into a sun in the daytime. >> >> >> >> Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 >> >> degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees >> >> between north and south. >> >> >> >> A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it >> >> wants to go. >> >> >> >> There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be >> >> discovered. Finding them all means living forever. >> >> >> >> There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth >> >> because of so much population stomping around up here these days. >> >> >> >> Lime is a green-tasting rock. >> >> >> >> Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others >> >> preferred to be oil. >> >> >> >> Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why >> >> you should. >> >> >> >> Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we >> >> know they're there. >> >> >> >> Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, >> >> so sometimes it's brother against brother. >> >> >> >> Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I >> >> have never been able to make out the numbers. >> >> >> >> We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation >> >> gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on. >> >> >> >> To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists >> >> solutions are things that are still all mixed up. >> >> >> >> In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are >> >> twice as many H's as O's. >> >> >> >> Clouds are high flying fogs. >> >> >> >> I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do >> >> it, and that is the important thing. >> >> >> >> Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. >> >> There is not much else to do. >> >> >> >> Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will >> >> kill the strongest man. >> >> >> >> A blizzard is when it snows sideways. >> >> >> >> A monsoon is a French gentleman. >> >> >> >> Thunder is a rich source of loudness. >> >> >> >> Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound. >> >> >> >> It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in >> >> other places. >> >> >> >> The wind is like the air, only pushier. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >Deep thought... >Bragging is only the patter of little feats. > >------ > >A proctologist decided to quit, and become a car mechanic. >He took a mechanics' course, and did the mechanics' >union exam, and received the grade 105 percent. > >The authorities were very puzzled about such an unusual >grade, and inquired about it. The tester explained: > >"He's a really good mechanic. I asked him to fill the oil, >and he did. I asked him to put in new filters, and he >did. I asked him to clean the spark-plugs, and he did." > >"So why didn't you grade him a 100 percent--why 105?" > >"Cause he did it all through the exhaust pipe." > >----- > >After a really terrible round of golf the player said, "I think >I'll just go drown myself in the lake." > >"I doubt you could keep your head down that long," said his >caddy. > >----- > >A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge. > >----- > >Bill Clinton, Dan Quayle and Newt Gingrich are in a car going >through Kansas that is suddenly swept up by a tornado. >The car is lifted high off the ground and then suddenly it gently >comes back to earth. > >The trio gets out of the car and notice a big sign that indicates >they are in the land of Oz. They decide to go see the Wizard. > >Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain." > >Gingrich says, "I'm requesting a heart." > >Clinton says, "Where's Dorothy?" >----- .