From mmaker@u.washington.edu Wed Jan 28 14:26:52 1998 Received: from jason05.u.washington.edu (root@jason05.u.washington.edu [140.142.78.6]) by lists.u.washington.edu (8.8.4+UW97.07/8.8.4+UW97.05) with ESMTP id OAA50316 for ; Wed, 28 Jan 1998 14:26:51 -0800 Received: from dante06.u.washington.edu (mmaker@dante06.u.washington.edu [140.142.15.8]) by jason05.u.washington.edu (8.8.4+UW97.07/8.8.4+UW97.05) with ESMTP id OAA29250; Wed, 28 Jan 1998 14:26:49 -0800 Received: from localhost (mmaker@localhost) by dante06.u.washington.edu (8.8.4+UW97.07/8.8.4+UW97.04) with SMTP id OAA57610; Wed, 28 Jan 1998 14:26:49 -0800 Date: Wed, 28 Jan 1998 14:26:48 -0800 (PST) From: "M. Maker" To: Peter Ivar Nelson cc: Kim Kyle , Dana@u.washington.edu, uw esar Subject: Joke: New Evaluations? (fwd) Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: MULTIPART/MIXED; BOUNDARY="-1936847096-816490820-886026408=:47514" Content-ID: This message is in MIME format. The first part should be readable text, while the remaining parts are likely unreadable without MIME-aware tools. Send mail to mime@docserver.cac.washington.edu for more info. ---1936847096-816490820-886026408=:47514 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; CHARSET=us-ascii Content-ID: I didn't read them all, so if some of thema are way out there, don't get all bent outa shape with me. > PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS & APPRAISALS > > These are purported to be lines out of actual > Officer Efficiency Reports, (military performance appraisals). > > . Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. > . Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't looking. > . A room temperature IQ. > . Got a full 6 pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all > together. > . A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. > . A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on. > . A prime candidate for "natural deselection". > . Bright as Alaska in December. > . One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests. > . Donated his body to science before he was done using it. > . Fell out of the family tree. > . Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. > . Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it. > . He's so dense, light bends around him. > . If brains were taxed, he'd get a refund. > . If he was anymore stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week. > . If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change. > . If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. > . It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm. > . One neuron short of a synapse. > . Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled. > . Takes him 1 ? hours to watch "60 Minutes". > . Was left on the Tilt-A-Wheel a bit too long as a baby. > . Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead. > > > > Quotes taken from actual performance evaluations: > > > "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has > started ...to dig." > "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity." > "I would not allow this employee to breed." > "This associate is really not so much a has-been, but more of a > definitely ...won't be." > "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in > a trap." > "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change > whichever foot ...was previously in there." > "This young lady has delusions of adequacy." > "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve > them." > "This employee should go far; and the sooner he starts, the better." > "This employee is depriving a village, somewhere, of an idiot." > ---1936847096-816490820-886026408=:47514-- .