From blackjs@u.washington.edu Wed Oct 1 09:50:32 1997 Received: from jason05.u.washington.edu (root@jason05.u.washington.edu [140.142.78.6]) by lists.u.washington.edu (8.8.4+UW97.07/8.8.4+UW97.05) with ESMTP id JAA49404 for ; Wed, 1 Oct 1997 09:50:31 -0700 Received: from dante24.u.washington.edu (blackjs@dante24.u.washington.edu [140.142.15.74]) by jason05.u.washington.edu (8.8.4+UW97.07/8.8.4+UW97.05) with ESMTP id JAA22706; Wed, 1 Oct 1997 09:50:30 -0700 Received: from localhost (blackjs@localhost) by dante24.u.washington.edu (8.8.4+UW97.07/8.8.4+UW97.04) with SMTP id JAA36490; Wed, 1 Oct 1997 09:50:29 -0700 Date: Wed, 1 Oct 1997 09:50:28 -0700 (PDT) From: "J. Black" To: norski@msn.com, Megan and Carl , fegrad@u.washington.edu Subject: just funnies (fwd) Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: MULTIPART/MIXED; BOUNDARY="-1936847030-1848058818-875724628=:20580" Content-ID: This message is in MIME format. The first part should be readable text, while the remaining parts are likely unreadable without MIME-aware tools. Send mail to mime@docserver.cac.washington.edu for more info. ---1936847030-1848058818-875724628=:20580 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; CHARSET=iso-8859-1 Content-ID: > Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to USA by boat and one says to the > other, "I hear that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs." > > "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we > might as > well do as the Americans do." > > Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor > and > they both walk toward it. "Two dogs, please," says one. > > The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in > foil. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap > their > 'dogs.' The mother superior is first to open hers, then, > staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers > cautiously, "What part did you get?" > > > ******************************************************************* > > > I'm not offended by all the dumb blond jokes because I know I'm not > dumb...and I also know that I'm not blond. > - Dolly Parton > > You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a > smart woman with a dumb guy. > - Erica Jong > > I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends > told > me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything > that > feels GOOD for 36 hours. > - Rita Rudner > > I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my > job. > - Roseanne > > My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We > can't > decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. > - Rita Rudner > > I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding. That > was > kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters. > - Susie Loucks > > This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a > macho and > a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?" > - Judy Tenuta > > He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant. > - Carol Leifer > > I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. > - Wendy Liebman > > Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. > - Erma Bombeck > > If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. > - Sue Grafton > > I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. > - Gilda Radner > > I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. > - Roseanne > > I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair > under my arms instead. > - Sue Kolinsky > > I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next > door > to an amusement park. > - Dolly Parton > > I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's > because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know > THAT? > - Wendy Liebman > > I think -- therefore I'm single. > - Lizz Winstead > > > > > Some Good Useless Bits of information follow > > > It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that, for a > month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his > son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and > because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the > "honey month" or what we know today as the "honeymoon." > > Before thermometers were invented, brewers would dip a thumb or finger > into the mix to find the right temperature for adding yeast. Too cold > and the yeast wouldn't grow, too hot and the yeast would die. This > thumb in the beer is where we get the phrase "rule of thumb." > > In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old > England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them > to mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get > the phrase "mind your P's and Q's." > > Beer was the reason the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock. It's clear > from the Mayflower's log that the crew didn't want to waste beer > looking for a better site. The log goes on to state that the > passengers "were hasted ashore and made to drink water that the seamen > might have the more beer." > > After consuming a bucket or two of vibrant brew they called aul, or > ale, the Vikings would head fearlessly into battle--often without > armor or even shirts. In fact, the term "berserk" means "bare shirt" > in Norse, and eventually took on the meaning of their wild battles. > > Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into > the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, > they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the > phrase inspired by this practice. > > In 1740 Admiral Vernon of the British fleet decided to water down the > navy's rum. Needless to say, the sailors weren't too pleased and > called Admiral Vernon "Old Grog," after the stiff wool grogram coats > he wore. The term "grog" soon began to mean the watered down drink > itself. When you were drunk on this grog, you were "groggy," a word > still in use today. 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