From jjsteele@u.washington.edu Fri Jan 2 18:50:54 1998 Received: from jason01.u.washington.edu (root@jason01.u.washington.edu [140.142.70.24]) by lists.u.washington.edu (8.8.4+UW97.07/8.8.4+UW97.05) with ESMTP id SAA20878; Fri, 2 Jan 1998 18:50:53 -0800 Received: from homer16.u.washington.edu (jjsteele@homer16.u.washington.edu [140.142.70.17]) by jason01.u.washington.edu (8.8.4+UW97.07/8.8.4+UW97.05) with ESMTP id SAA11354; Fri, 2 Jan 1998 18:50:45 -0800 Received: from localhost (jjsteele@localhost) by homer16.u.washington.edu (8.8.4+UW97.07/8.8.4+UW97.04) with SMTP id SAA18114; Fri, 2 Jan 1998 18:50:44 -0800 Date: Fri, 2 Jan 1998 18:50:44 -0800 (PST) From: Jeffrey J Steele To: Lambda Chi Alpha House Corps Board -- Dave Fitch , Harley Moberg , Tom Krilich , Subject: Fwd: joke (fwd) Message-ID: MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: MULTIPART/MIXED; BOUNDARY="-1936833007-1958773420-883795844=:85166" Content-ID: This message is in MIME format. The first part should be readable text, while the remaining parts are likely unreadable without MIME-aware tools. Send mail to mime@docserver.cac.washington.edu for more info. ---1936833007-1958773420-883795844=:85166 Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; CHARSET=US-ASCII Content-ID: <0_883753543@inet_out.mail.aol.com.1> =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Jeffrey J. Steele, M.D. Department of Pediatrics University of Washington School of Medicine 7554 - 15th Ave. N.W. Seattle, Washington 98117 206/783-9300 fax:206/783-3196 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Date: Fri, 2 Jan 1998 10:05:41 EST From: Smitties96 To: Paul@nervm.nerdc.ufl.edu, EbbBerry@worldnet.att.net, Sheila_bisson@juno.com, KBrooks@nervm.nerdc.ufl.edu, toptuba@n-jcenter.com, Gatorboy@grove.ufl.edu, Mandi32@juno.com, RLehner@jou.ufl.edu, kalm@nersp.nerdc.ufl.edu, Minnick@uhavax.hartford.edu, Rajah11@juno.com, Moocow7004@aol.com, roberts2@ocps.k12.fl.us, jjsteele@u.washington.edu, JT513@aol.com, ethyne@dow.com, TVD96@grove.ufl.edu, WELTRADE@aol.com, Zick@uhavax.hartford.edu, CZipps@thehartford.com Subject: Fwd: joke Hi gang!! Enjoy these! happy new year!!! -Patrick ---1936833007-1958773420-883795844=:85166 Content-Type: MESSAGE/RFC822 Content-ID: <0_883753543@inet_out.mail.aol.com.2> Content-Description: Return-Path: Received: from relay25.mail.aol.com (relay25.mail.aol.com [172.31.109.25]) by air11.mail.aol.com (v37.8) with SMTP; Wed, 31 Dec 1997 15:51:02 -0500 Received: from smtp.ufl.edu (sp04.nerdc.ufl.edu [128.227.175.134]) by relay25.mail.aol.com (8.8.5/8.8.5/AOL-4.0.0) with ESMTP id PAA26968 for ; Wed, 31 Dec 1997 15:48:07 -0500 (EST) Received: from ufl.edu (sp07.nerdc.ufl.edu [128.227.175.137]) by smtp.ufl.edu (8.8.7/8.8.7/1.5.1) with ESMTP id PAA86562 for ; Wed, 31 Dec 1997 15:48:06 -0500 Received: from [128.227.206.227] (ppp-12-ts13.nerdc.ufl.edu [128.227.206.227]) by ufl.edu (8.8.7/8.8.7/1.7) with ESMTP id PAA29272 for ; Wed, 31 Dec 1997 15:48:02 -0500 X-Sender: gesaod@ufl.edu (Unverified) Message-Id: Date: Wed, 31 Dec 1997 15:51:11 -0500 To: Patrick and Terri From: "Dr. Gregory E. Smith" Subject: joke Content-type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII Content-transfer-encoding: 7bit Hi there...got this from Joel Wagoner in Beckley. Think it is one of the funniest ever. Happy New Year. Love DAD >>>>> >>>>>These are taken from history essays, from 8th grade through college. >>>>>And they say the US is slipping in academics. >>>>> >>>>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >>>>>Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. >>>>>They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of >>>>>the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. >>>>> >>>>>The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the >>>>>Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of >>>>>their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?" >>>>> >>>>>Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened >>>>>bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on >>>>>Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever >>>>>reached >>>>>Canada. >>>>> >>>>>Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. The >>>>>Greeks >>>>>were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have >>>>>history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth. >>>>> >>>>>Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that >>>>>name. >>>>>Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people >>>>>advice. >>>>>They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his >>>>>death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. In the Olympic games, >>>>>Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. >>>>> >>>>>Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people >>>>>Romans >>>>>because they never stayed in one place for very long. >>>>> >>>>>Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The >>>>>Ides >>>>>of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. >>>>> >>>>>Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus." Nero was a cruel tyranny who >>>>>would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them. >>>>> >>>>>Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw. >>>>> >>>>>Finally, the Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for >>>>>the same offense. >>>>> >>>>>Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while >>>>>standing on his son's head. >>>>> >>>>>Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. >>>>>When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah." >>>>>It >>>>>was an age of great inventions and discoveries. >>>>> >>>>>Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important >>>>>invention was the circulation of blood. >>>>> >>>>>Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes >>>>>and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a >>>>>100 foot clipper. >>>>> >>>>>The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was >>>>>born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much >>>>>money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, >>>>>comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and >>>>>Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be >>>>>laid by >>>>>Juliet. >>>>> >>>>>Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote >>>>>Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote >>>>>Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. >>>>> >>>>>During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great >>>>>navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His >>>>>ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. >>>>> >>>>>Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's >>>>>Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many >>>>>people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was >>>>>responsible for all this. >>>>> >>>>>One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in >>>>>their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the >>>>>post >>>>>without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to >>>>>pay for taxis. >>>>> >>>>>Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. >>>>>Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of >>>>>the >>>>>Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing >>>>>two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot >>>>>stand." >>>>>Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. >>>>> >>>>>Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure >>>>>domestic >>>>>hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep >>>>>bare arms. >>>>> >>>>>Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother >>>>>died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his >>>>>own >>>>>hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation >>>>>Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the >>>>>theater >>>>>and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. >>>>>The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane >>>>>actor. >>>>>This ruined Booth's career. >>>>> >>>>>Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire >>>>>invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. Gravity was >>>>>invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when >>>>>the apples are falling off the trees. >>>>> >>>>>Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large >>>>>number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he >>>>>kept up >>>>>in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most >>>>>famous >>>>>composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half >>>>>Italian and half English. He was very large. >>>>> >>>>>Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote >>>>>loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was >>>>>calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this. >>>>> >>>>>The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted >>>>>into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since >>>>>Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children. >>>>> >>>>>The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in >>>>>the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest >>>>>queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who >>>>>practiced >>>>>virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign. The >>>>>nineteenth >>>>>century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. >>>>> >>>>>People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. >>>>>The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. >>>>>Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a >>>>>hundred men. >>>>>Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a >>>>>naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered >>>>>radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers. >>>>> >>>>>The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an >>>>>anahist, >>>>>ushered in a new error in the anals of human history. >>>>> >>>> >>>> >>> >>> >> > > ---1936833007-1958773420-883795844=:85166-- .