You need to install a RTFM protocol.
Too many packet crashes, not enough packet ambulances.
That would be because the software doesn't work.
There's a fatal error between your monitor and the chair.
That's easy to fix, but I can't be bothered.
We're upgrading /dev/null
Our POP server was kidnapped by a weasel.
It's stuck in the web.
Your modem makes funny sounds? I guess it doesn't speak English.
Your hard-drive is sleeping, let it wake up on it's own.
You must have hit the wrong any key.
You firewall needs coolant.
You need to upgrade your VESA bus to MasterCard.
Sounds like a Windows problem, call Microsoft Tech Support.
(l)user error.
I swear, it's a feature.
Daemons did it!
That's a problem?
It's called a design limitation.
Look, Windows 3.1 is a General Protection Fault.
Support staff hung over, send aspirin and come back later.
It's a Windows 95 feature.
There /are/ daemons in your computer sir.
NOTICE: alloc: /dev/null  filesystem full
Permission Denied
Just type, 'mv * /dev/null'
Your monitor needs another box of pixels.
I'm not sure. Try calling the Internet's head office, it's in the book.
Fatal Error right in front of the screen.
No, General Failure does not work for us.
You made a mistake? Use white out.
What builtin drink tray did you just break?
No, a hard drive is /not/ Baltimore to Washington in rush hour.
Computers are special, what else accepts a 3.5" floppy?
I'm sorry, Tech Support is not a support group.
Press the power button and wait for me to call you back... CLICK!
Your packets got lost on the way, call internet search and rescue.
You have a severe ID10T problem, I can't fix that.
Upgrade to a 5 1/4\" drive, your computer will like the bigger disk.
Your SCSI drive just needs a little cleaning...
Your computer is smoking? That's illegal, I'm calling the cops.
Go to: w w w dot h a n g u p dot t i m e... CLICK!
DIE SCREAMING!
.