The Way of Ad-Di-Do


by Don Webb

 
The Way of Ad-Di-Do is an ancient and powerful martial
art of transforming BS into Truth, or it's something I just
made up.  Either way, if you pass through its Nine Gates,
you will achieve truth, perfect happiness, and immortality
(or at least have a hell of a lot of fun trying).  Sisters
and Brothers of the Way greet each other thusly, "Just
yesterday I thought I knew what was going on."  To which the
brother replies, "And how!" I will describe each of the Nine
Gates of this powerful and ancient brotherhood.  With this
Secret Knowledge you too may become an Ad-Di-Do master (or
just blow it off).  You may pass through these gates with no
teachers, and when you have learned enough to teach others,
be sure you end each testing session by having your
honorable students say, "Sez who?"  
 
Gate I.  Realize that there is more to the world than
what you see and hear in the media.  Then decide that you
want bath to know more, and to do something about some of
the things you have found out are going on.  Once you've had
this realization you may use the sacred greeting to other
brothers of the Way, "I used to think I knew what was going
on."  The brother or sister will say, "And how!"  Convince
at least one person that media is slanted.  Learn the art of
stage magic so that you can amaze your friends (and find out
how reality is created).
 
Gate II.  Decide to meet with at least one other to
analyze the world.  Find out who pays for the ads in your
local newspaper, and how that effects news coverage.  Or a
TV station.  Get a source of alternate news for yourself,
_Factsheet Five_ is not a bad place to start looking.  Know
that a bad memory is good for mind control.  Start learning
to get a better memory, by remembering to say the Oath every
day, "I will find what is hidden, bring forth the beautiful
and the true, and have some laughs along the way.  Chance is
my ally.  Ad-Di-Do und Dosey-Do."  Bow once in the direction
of Austin, Texas, or any other place where cool cultural
stuff happens to be going on.  This is to be done in
absolute secret, unless you want to do it in front of
somebody.  Convince at least one person that Ad-Di-Do is a
real ancient brotherhood.  Learn a martial art to defend
your body.
 
Gate III.  Publish a 'zine, start a BBS, do radio.  Get
the message out there.  Whether you're fighting for East
Timor or for the NRA, get your message heard.  Begin to
study the art of pranks and media stunts to get the media to
work for you, as well as making a medium of your own. 
Network with others!!  Add to the oath, "Every day I send
forth truth."  Convince several people that media is
slanted, and have facts to back up your case.  Help others
pass into Gate I.  Learn about civil liberties so you can
defend your medium.
 
Gate IV.  Pick a group that you hate and make sure that
they get honest and truthful media coverage at home.  It's
easy to work for truth, when it's yours -- it's harder to
work for uncomfortable truths.  Subscribe to a good foreign
newspaper.  Read world history, and begin to see how long
propaganda has ruled the world.  Convince several people
that history has been slanted, and have solid facts to back
up your case.  Give advice to people passing from Gate II
into Gate III.  Learn an art like dance or writing so you
can defend your soul from ugliness.  
 
Gate V.  Let it be known that you are a master of
Ad-Di-Do.  Find a space, which you will call the Sacred
Ad-Di-Do Space, where you can teach others the art.  Provide
them with alternate media, experience at doing a 'zine or
cable TV or whatever.  Also provide space for local artists
to do readings, show paintings etc.  Display the symbol of
the Brotherhood, a blue hexagon with the words "Are you
sure?" in bright red lettering.  When nobody but brothers
are around, turn the hexagon over to revel the true secret
words (in any colors you like): "Boredom is the first enemy,
distraction the second."  When you turn the hexagon around,
say the magic formula, "I ripple the timestream from this
place moving humankind toward the Good."   Convince yourself
that the Brotherhood of Ad-Di-Do exists.  Study magic that
you may produce miracles, when needed.
 
Gate VI.  When the space has been running good, tell
everybody you're tired of it.  Tell them it's bullshit. 
This way you won't produce followers.  Go out and get a
secure place in the world, rake in the dough, you're going
to need it.  Do interior work on yourself.  Find one myth --
belief in science, analysis, whatever and carefully take it
apart.  If you find it wanting, figure out its weak point. 
Work on yourself until it has no effect.  In the meantime,
deny that you're in the VIth Gate.  Make sure that everyone
thinks you've sold out.  Only then will they look for
strength inside themselves.  While passing through the Sixth
Gate, all previous oaths and greetings are put aside (but
all arts must be practiced and perfected).  Each night as
you prepare for sleep, say, "In his house at Rl'yeh Cthulhu
lies sleeping."  This Gate takes years.  Study and invent
(in secret) new ways of manipulating the media, because
you'll need it.
 
Gate VII.  When you have extinguished the bad belief in
yourself, begin an all-out war to extinguish it in others. 
Use the arts you've learned and invented (as well as the
knowledge of how people act).  Erase the one blot that held
you back.  You have to come up with your own Oath for this
one.  Learn the art of stand-up comedy.  If Socrates had had
a few good one-liners, they wouldn't have nailed his butt.
 
Gate VIII.  When you have completed the work of Gate
VII, or at least given it your best shot, begin to create a
useful no-nonsense way of thinking to replace the bad one
you've got rid of.  It's easy to get rid of the bad, but if
you don't have something to replace it with, people fall
back in their own bad habits.  Learn the art of
autobiography, so that you can pass down what you've
learned.  One of the easiest things to do is create a new
ancient brotherhood that works better than the one you
learned in.
 
Gate IX.  Remember the principles and lessons that
you're discovered and learned, so that you carry them into
the next life, whatever that may be.  Learn the art of
cooking, so you can make cookies for your grandkids, while
instrucing them in the princiaples of wonder. 
 
Now this is the Sacred and true way of Ad-Di-Do,
revealed to me by Sister Donna Young of the Fourth Gate. 
The media will try to suppress this knowledge, indeed so
media-conditioned am I that I already think it's a hoax.
Yeah that's the ticket, it's just a joke.  Xerox and keep
this document, for it is written that he or she who keeps a
copy of this document on their person will always have a
piece of paper when they need it most.  So it is written, so
it shall be done.

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