Subj : Re: This Train Just Went Splat!
To   : alt.tv.er
From : npardue
Date : Sun Sep 25 2005 13:25:24

From Newsgroup: alt.tv.er


MauiJNP wrote:
> >
> >> since I believe that breastfeeding is harmful to the older child's
> >> emotional/psychological health, if I would ever decide that my older
> >> child needs the nutritional value of the breastmilk, then I won't mind
> >> the sarifice of having to pump and store the milk.
> >
> > Having a close bond with mom is emotionally and psychologically harmful?
> > Knowing that there is a place you can receive comfort, caring and
> > sustenance is harmful?  I certainly hope you spend a lot of time reading
> > and learning about emotional and what truly causes emotional harm before
> > you ever have a child.
> >
> >
>
>
> I have the closest bond to my parents then either of my siblings (who were
> breastfed a little and I wasn't at all).


I think was Lesa was saying isn't that breastfeeding is the only or
best way to bond.  But what YOU seem to be saying is that a close bond
between a toddler and mother is, somehow, a sign of a lack of
boundaries ... that if a mother wants to set appropriate boundaries for
the child, she has to stop before the child is old enough to
'understand what he's doing.'

Of course there are many factors involved in the parent/child
relationship, and things get even more muddied when we get to be adults
ourselves.

  Like I said before, my opinions
> stem from my experiences.  If I often (not always) see negative things
> coming from extended breastfeeding it is harder (though not impossible) to
> see the flip side even when I know my experiences are not always the case.

I can understand that. Do be aware that family dynamics in any family
are complex, and there are likely other issues at work in this friend's
family you've described.  Know too that, while there are certainly
similarities between a 5-6 year old (early school age) and a 2 year
old. (A toddler.)there are also huge differences. Don't feel that you
HAVE to wean at a given age because of something that could potentially
happen 3 years down the pike.  The fact is, as noted, most kids who are
nursing at 18 months or 2 years are NOT nursing at 5; either because
the child has weaned himself, or the mother has had enough.

As for clingyness/outgoingness ... again, many factors.  My sister
nursed both her kids for a fairly extended period (around 18 months for
the first around 2 1/2 years for the second). The eldest is now 16;
very outgoing, involved in theater and music and sports. The younger
(12) has some odd issues, but nothing that could really be attributed
to breastfeeding. (He has a hard time making decisions, he can be very
moody.)  My daughter (breastfed 14 months), is rather shy and
introverted, but that's likely to be a mixture ofinborn personality,
since I'm that way, and lack of siblings. (And, strangly, she was much
more outgoing as a toddler than she is now.)

The kids in the preschool were a real mixed bunch.  One little girl
(breastfed until around 2, weaned only because mom was pregnant again
and didn't want to tandem nurse) was VERY clingy. She was in her mom's
class during the mornings, so never really had to be apart from her.
When mom would leave her in aftercare (my job), she would cry for
hours. (It got to the point where when she'd see me in the hall outside
of class/school hours, she'd burst into tears -- didn't do much for MY
self esteem, I'll tell you!) But the issue there wasn't the
breastfeeding, it was that the little girl had never been apart from
mommy. By the end of the year, she was still nursing but was growing
more accustomed to other adults.
ANother little boy, around 2 1/2 ... was still breastfeeding at least
midway into the year; don't know if he was weaned at some point. One of
the brightest and most outgoing kids in the class; rather tiny for his
age physically, but really bright and funny. (One of the kids I miss
the most -- the school reorganized its aftercare program this year, and
my job was eliminated. :-( )
Yet another little girl. Was weaned somewhere  past her second
birthday.

(Again, mom was pregnant and didn't want to be breastfeeding 2.) The
happiest, most sociable child I've ever seen. She'd never been away
from mom before for any legnth of time, but took to preschool like the
proverbial fish to water. Almost never cried; (the very first day of
school I had her in aftercare. She did a back-flip off the swing into
the dirt. Most kids would cry just from the shock of it.  I say to her
"Z, that was a big bump! Are you ok?" and she says "I'm not hurt!" and
gets back onto the swing.)Huge child. (Her baby sister is equally huge
-- I joked with her mom that she must make pure cream.) Very sweet and
affectionate. If she suffered in any way from being breastfed past 2, I
sure never saw it!

As I said, most of the other kids in the school have breastfeeding
histories that were unknown to me. Some are clingy and shy. Some are
outgoing. Some take time to get used to preschool, others love it from
day one. We have some sibling pairs where one child is very mature and
bright, the other is more shy.

Naomi

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