Subj : Re: do serious programmers have a life? To : comp.lang.c++,comp.programming From : Grahamo@nospam.com Date : Fri Sep 23 2005 10:11 am Dear amanda, "Is feeling like a robot a typical description of a programmer's life? " I am delighted you ask this question. In fact, not a lot of (non-programmer) people are aware of the life of a typical software engineer, so I'll take the time to enlighten you. As a programmer robot, our day is actually defined by a series of routines, or "subroutines" to us programmer types. It varies from robot to robot (or should I say programmer to programmer) but the underlying pattern is the same. Subroutine_compubyte_2a_nanopixel_usb_part1: I wake up every morning to a cup of metal bolts and warm castol oil, it limbers me up nicely. The castrol oil is essential so all my movable joints stay in shape and it also helps to prevent corrusion. Once I've oiled my nuts and tightened any loose fitting hinges, I like to take a quick grease shower. It's immensley refreshing to start the day like that before heading off to the lab. Once I've meticulously completed this initial morning routine my code process execution flow allows me to proceed the pre-departure subroutine. Subroutine_compubyte_2a_nanopixel_usb_part2: This subroutine is second in the day an essentially dictates how I leave the house and engage in the transportation process to work, it begins the moment I secure the private tokenised security algorithm on my lower port B docking subnet. (locked the front door). Once that has completed and the I'm secure in my mind that the motherboard lockout module has completed I am ready to engage the hoverboard quasi transpo-vector process. This involves my activating the motor reel on my chevretron X234.rr1. I am guaranteed delivery to my laboratory destination within 15 minutes under normal operating conditions. The chevretron X234.rr1 is the transport model of choice for us robot programmers and we are entitled to free upgrades every 8 years. subroutine_alpha_argv_psp_box_datacom_1s1aaa.rr65 This is the third part of my day and begins once I've stepped out of my chevretron X234.rr1 transporter. It activates the "at work" environment which is pre-programmed into all robots. It's the special module we programmers use to communicate and work throughout the day. In essence it's basically a secret encoding mechanism that protects programmers from other non-programmer types. It allows us to communicate using strange words and it also allows us to identify non-programmer robots. For example have you ever been in a scenario where you've heard somebody say things like; "Hi alf, I'm getting bit hard by a classic dreaded diamond scenario. It's a polymorphic nightmare and I'm considering a total refactor. With any luck the recompile won't instantiate too many templates and my relink time will be minimal" "Ah Victor, long time no see. Yeah, I'd go for the refactor option, why not consider another 3GL and protect yourself via interfaces?" If yes, then you've actually been in the company of programmer robots. There is no need to worry, simply observe. Don't try to understand or they (might) turn nasty. Similarly has anybody ever asked you; "Hey Amanda, know where I can download the latest JRE?" If yes, then you've been probed by a programmer robot. Nothing to be afraid of really, they were just checking to see if you were a robot programmer or not. ButI digress. Anyways, once subroutine_alpha_argv_psp_box_datacom_1s1aaa.rr65 has been initialised and I'm in my work environment, I proceed to my docking station. Each programmer robot has a unique computer programming environment that is unique. Once at their programming environment the programmer robot starts programming. This entails using a bizarre sequence of numbers, characters and special keys on their keyboard that is understood by nobody outside the robot world. Each robot has their favourite set of these numbers, keys and characters and they even mean different things on different computers. On top of that these special keys and characters are constantly changing. That means that no matter how much a programmer robot knows, he never knows it ALL. He is constantly using these special keys and characters and learning about new ones. The more new ones he learns, the more are created. There is an INFINITE supply of other robots that are constantly creating new keys and special characters that robots need to learn. It's a constant cycle that never changes and is to conintue for infinity. Anyways, the programmer robot does this stuff all day and never tires of it. From time to time a programmer will blow a transitor or an internal hardware error will cause him to malfunction. The malfunctions are great fun. It basically causes the robot-programmer to turn into a normal "human being" for a while. By this I mean, he has emotions and senses and feelings, just like a human. The robot programmer when malfunctioning, will enter a rage. The rage is all consuming and is completely out of his control. It consumes the robot programmer and he is compelled to seek out the solution to a puzzle that is an obsession. he becomes fixated by issues which a normal human would find laughable. For example, imagine somebody asked you to go to your wardrobe and place your 3 favourite frocks on your bed. Well you would do just simply that, wouldn't you? Well a malfunctioning robot programmer cannot do that. He must find out the "optimal" means of getting to the wardrobe (after he's determined where is currently is, so he can perform repositioning relative to his current location). Now once the frocks have been recovered from the wardrobe (and it's significant to the programmer what type of clothes container the wardrobe is), he is in a position to select his favourites and put them on the bed. The malfunctioning programmer will spend days, hours , even weeks trying to figure out the BEST way of arranging the frocks on the bed... and he will not give up until the optimal solution is found. "Is feeling like a robot a typical description of a programmer's life? " I'm too tired to go on........what do you think amanda? How do robots feel? Do robots have feelings? Or do you mean "feel" in the context of "grope". How do you feel? I'm off to the pub now and if things go my way, I'll get lucky and laid by a scorching blonde in the club tonight. that should answer your question. G .