Subj : Hardfart Hillbilly Beggin Service"TOO POOR TO WIPE" To : alt.bbs.ads From : kool2215 Date : Sat Nov 27 2004 07:39 am Hardfart Hillbilly Beggin service."TOO POOR TO WIPE!" We have to use leaves and some of em cause rashes,so we use a flat rock whenever we find one.Just smear it around till it dries. We can't afford Christinus.Last year I made Bulla Sue some possum panties.This year all I could find was a dead fish so she gets a comb. We had to go to the Doc cause our privates turned green.The gyloconogist said to her to stop eating turnip greens and start wiping the opposite direction.I been off work a week with spider bites.I been drinkin cuzin Doody doos spider bite medicine ever day and the same blame spider keeps comin back bitin me.I know its him cause he has three teeth.I waited up one night and it came out of Bulla Sue's wig.I took it off and stomped it.Cuzin Doody Doos spider bite medicine still exploded on him and the sherrif had to take him to the Doc.He said he would help him fix it for something called percentage.Doody don't like the sherrif.He's been investigatin local killins.He sez they aint no dental records and all the DNA is the same.Doody thinks he wants to look in his mouth and check his DNA. He don't like folks messin with his privates.He went to Doc for a physical.Doc told him to drop his drawers and turn around.He still can't figure out how Doc checked his buissiness with both hands on his shoulders.If my beggin service don't work out I'll have to go back to work shovellin pooh pooh for three corn cobs a day.Lukey wants a double barled shotgun and a pet dog like all the other four year olds.I sez we can't afford another mouth to feed so I went and caught him a pet that only eats once a month.Mimipaw made him get rid of his last pet cause it caught rabies and sprayed everyone.Poor Lukey has to walk ten miles to school with a biskit in a can.If the creeks up,he has to walk five and swim five.All he really needs right now is his own cot.Right now he has to sleep with Unky Pee Pee.He calls him Unky Pee Pee cause he wets the cot.Unky Pee Pee got a job with the American Dental Association goin to grade schools to show kids what happens when you don't brush your teeth.Unky Pee Pee fell asleep fishin and a rattler crawled up his britches.He had to lay still for three days.Doc sez to feed him lots of beens.When the rattler came out we stomped it.It still had a good rabbit and squirrel in its belly.We had rattler for supper,squirrel for breakfast and rabbit for dinner. We try to get Unky Pee Pee to sleep at the river more often.Rekon it thought he was an old holler log.We all had to share the same bathwater for a month.Lukey sez it smells strangely delicious so we heated it up and had soup.It tasted like dilled owl gizards.We inbred chickens to have three legs but now they are to fast to eat.Lukey couldn't see to catch them so we took him to the opthermologist.He said his eyes are bad.We can't afford glasses so we broke bottles and taped the bottoms to balin wire so they look like glasses.Lulla Loo ran out of birth control so I had to go to the farmacutitist for her pills.He asked "is she sexually active?" and I sez "no,she just lays there like her mother."Lukey sez granny Mimipaw can pee standin up. He sez he saw her stand on her cot and pee out the window one night. We try to go to church and do right.Last week sermon was don't poke your sister.Unky Pee Pee told the preacher that Mimipaw tried to give him a poke while he was sleepin and the preacher told Mimipaw if she gave Unky Pee Pee a poke she would go to hell.If you think We give you a good beggin service please send one dollar to me: Dukey doo,Doody doo,Lukey poo,Bulla Sue,Lulla Loo,Mimipaw and Unky Pee Pee.Then We'll send you an autographed family Photo with a personolized certificate of congratulations.Be sure to fold your dollar in a letter so no one can see it through the envelope. This is fer real and we want your money so as we can get Christinus. Please send it to double H B.S.RT.6 Box 4570 Paris,Tx.75462 .