Subj : Top 16 things
To   : All
From : Larry Eggers
Date : Wed Jul 18 2001 02:21 pm

Here's a little something I got from one of the e-lists I'm on.



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         Today's Classic Top5:   Internet Commandments
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                         July 16, 2001

  The Top 16 Things You Don't Want to Hear at the Pearly Gates

16> "You stuck a knife in the toaster?  Boy you *are* a doofus."

15> "Before we go on, you might want to change into something a
    little less flammable."

14> "Bet you're regretting all those Falwell jokes now, aren't
    you, Mr. White?"

13> "Hey, Saint Augustine!  Saint Ignatius!  Look!  It's Gary,
    the kid who peed all over himself during the 1982 Kennedy
    Elementary School Christmas pageant!"

12> "Hey, aren't you the guy who wrote that 'Who Let the Dogs Out'
    thing?  God's been waiting for *you*."

11> "I can't let you in because God doesn't believe you exist."

10> "Price check!  Carnal knowledge of a trained seal."

9> "Take a seat.  It'll be a few minutes -- God's helping a high
    school football team in Texas."

8> "Just because Moses didn't write down 'Thou shalt honor Pauly
    Shore' doesn't make it God's fault."

7> "Oh, I wouldn't worry about the heat -- the fall will
    probably kill you."

6> "Okay, so you're a nice guy.  Now watch as I flip to the page
    containing the number of people executed while you were
    Governor of Texas."

5> "TopFive?  Oh, yeah... the Boss has been keeping a close eye
    on you folks."

4> "You donated your organs?  Sorry, you're going to need those!
    Wait in the foyer until ALL your parts are here."

3> "Jeez, this can't be right... *how* many times did you
    masturbate?!"

2> "Boy, Aquinas is gonna be tweaked at this one.  He had $50
    bucks riding on your humanist-based moral code doing you
    in, when all along it was incident with the goat and the
    tequila."

              and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing You
           Don't Want to Hear at the Pearly Gates...

1> "Security!!!"

             [  The Top 5 List   www.topfive.com  ]
             [   Copyright 2001 by Chris White    ]

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