Subj : [6/7] FYI Fwed advice To : All From : Rachel L. Akers Date : Fri Mar 23 2001 12:25 am .. FYI Fwed advice: Dealing with a Practicing Christian [6/7] Subject: Re: Dealing with a Practicing Christian Date: Fri, 9 Feb 2001 22:37:15 CST Newsgroups: alt.religion.wicca.moderated > I told her I was "outside the mainstream" of the Protestant > Christianity with which I had been raised. Which probably means she either thought you were unchurched or else tap dancing around the question for reasons very close to the real ones. > She has now taken to giving me literature (and sending me emails) > about the Bible, Christianity, God, etc. She wants to know what > I think of them and what my beliefs are. This is inappropriate in the workplace, though more awkward since it should have been firmly, if politely, stopped at the first occurrence. > This person is, in other ways, extraordinarily kind and sunny. When > I've objected to some of her statements, she is always apologetic. Or passivce-aggressive. > ... and she wants me to approve of her. Or feel guilty if you don't. > So she came by my office this morning with a "present." A book on > Christian child-raising and personality development. My instincts > were to reject it (which she would have regarded as an affront, of > course) but instead I took it and put it on my desk. Big mistake. When we don't pay attention to those instinctive responses, the results usually teach us to do better (g). > What to do with it next? I might have left it there and given it > back to her in a few days, but curiousity got the best of me and I > opened it. She had said that certain chapters were particularly > interesting. They were filled with homophobic, anti-women, > Patriarchal stuff. This is about the sixth or seventh time she's > given me this kind of thing. Therefore this is the zixth or seventh time you've accepted it? > In the past, I told her of my specific objections to the content and > since the past offerings were digital, simply deleted them from my > email. WHen you don't draw a firm limit with some people (this is not limited to zealous Christians, by any means) they will not set limits for themselves. > Since I had told her of my objections in the past, I was > hoping, this time, that the book would contain less offensive stuff. Why? In what way has it been necessary for her to modify her behavior in the slightest degree? > Frankly, it is the worst of all her submissions to me, and I get the > feeling she's taking advantage of my lack of psychic protection to > assault fullscale with her own beliefs. Don't make this about psychic or magical issues. This is about psychological imposition and workplace etiquette. > I'm going to immerse myself in centering and protective work this > weekend, of course. Why? That has no bearing on the situation. Oh, do something to bolster your emotional well-being of course, but better to spend some of the tme drafting the email you will send her telling her that while you were reluctant to be confronational about it, you do not appreciate these intrusive documents, you ask her to stop sending them either in email or hardcopy, and that while you are sorry if it hurts her feelings, any further intrusions of this kind will be reported to your manager. If she IS your manager, then look for another job. She's abusing her position, but it's a lose/lose proposition to try and make her lay off. And the next time someone like this pops up, draw your limits at once. > But has anyone else ever sensed this kind of assault? I really > feel she was waiting for me to drop my protection and then stick > this book in my world. Don't dress this nonsense up as magick. Deal with it on the plane on which it occurs. > This book came with a kind of energy attached to it that went > beyond the mere words inside of it. It seems to exude hate from > every page. Given the givens that sounds like projection on your part. You find it hateful, therefore it hates you. Look, I know this is sounding harsh, but you are ensorcelling yourself on this one. Banish once as much for your own phantasms as any of hers, and stop doing that. > I'm feeling guilty, as if I asked for trouble. Don't feel guilty, for the victim of an imposition is not at fault, but yes, you asked for trouble. Lessons learned should not be sources of guilt, though they can make us feel pretty damsilly. > I emailed her and told her to stop giving me Christian material, > that I find it offensive. Now I'm thinking that probably gave her > more power and may even validate her worldview. Oh horse feathers. It denies her power and who CARES if you validate her world view? Her faith is firm that you will go to Hell and cannot be righteous for you are heathen. So? Will her belief send you to Hell? Does her belief define your righteousness? Unless YOU wanted to convert HER, her feelings are irrelevant. > How do I get into a better place? If you mean a better workplace, by updating your resume. If you mean better headspace, by setting your limits with this intrusive collegue without feeling guilty, and if possible, without repressing the issue until you explode in unprofessional anger in public. Look, if she were propositioning you sexually would you feel the slightest remorse in telling her to stop or else it goes to management? Same thing here. Best of luck, Paul --- Msged/2 4.00 * Origin: Elfwhere - The POINTy eared POINT (3:640/531.2379) .