Subj : In The 10th Step Spirit
To   : All
From : Jacques Montagne
Date : Mon Oct 30 2000 06:18 am

..

     Dear readers,

     Admitting my wrongs as soon as I notice them has been on my mind
since yesterday.  But being busy at other priorities, I was unable to
come to my computer and dare share my latest admission of errors.


STEP TEN
     Continued to take personal inventory and, when we were wrong,
     promptly admitted it.


     A first wrong I could admit to would be that I did not do my
long-time written sharing on the step of the month since last May.
Yet, I had been doing it for the past 7 or 8 years, month after month.

     Well, since it is still October, on this 30th day, I will amend
myself and I am doing a 10th step right now, in the here and now of
timeless written sharings.

     One more wrong I could admit to is feeling guilty about having done
something wrong.  This is a sad conditioning from my past.  It is not a
moral wrong, but a psycho-physical one imprinted in my muscles and cells.

     One wrong of the moment is that I would feel guilty for not having
finished this text before I undertook something else.  I've just been
busy sharing on the telephone, having my first meal of the day, doing
the dishes; 2 hours seem to have gone by.  But that's OK; I have to
admit that whatever priorities come to me, in the moment, I must
acknowledge them as the will of my Higher Power.  Where I used to go
wrong, was by thinking that I was not correct, because I had not
followed an ideal plansheet or agenda, one that was supposed to take
care on my every bit of activity.  This is what I now call, wrong
thinking, dysfunctional observations of my life and it's needs, as my
ego might have wanted it; an insane way of being.

     One wrong I have often done was trying to be "perfect" all the
time and doing it for fear of not being praised and loved !!!  Such a
dependent I was.

     But one wrong I don't have, or have much less now, is that I accept
being imperfect; I don't need to linger in depression, not blaming
myself for my inability at obeying my mind's crazy directions.  I've even
noticed I don't refer to me as depressed anymore, only as "very tired"
and I accept my perception and I try to relax and give myself the rest I
need.

     And now, I can stop this text without needing to go to my usual
length of 90 lines.  I'm changing, I guess, with my HP's help.

 * May there be Good for All ! *

Jacques

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P.S. If you feel like answering, commenting or asking questions,
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BBS NetMail:   Fidonet:  1:167/133           FAX & Voice: (450) 659-3417
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