Subj : Re: Smoking
To   : phigan
From : Daryl Stout
Date : Tue Sep 02 2025 17:30:43

 ph> Not sure I've ever had popcorn farts... but I never noticed
 ph> that cabbage farts were a thing until someone else pointed it
 ph> out. 

  There was a commercial years ago, I think done by Tractor Supply
Company. 

  This family is sitting down for dinner, and their dog is laying
down under the table. The father is asking the blessing on the
meal (it wasn't Archie Bunker's 'Bless the meat, damn the skin,
open your kisser, and cram it in!!'), and soon as he says "Amen!",
the dog bounds away from under the table, like he has spotted his
hunting quarry.

  It turns out that the family is eating all these "fart producing
foods" (beans, cabbage, legumes, etc.), which would cause "a green
haze afterwards". :P

  The dog bounds up the stairs and into the bedrooms. He opens the
dresser drawers and starts digging around. After several drawers,
he finally finds what he is looking for...a gas mask!!

  He runs down stairs with it on him (I'd like to know how he put
it on himself), then lays back down under the table. Then, the 
announcer comes in, and says "We have what you need". <G>

  It's also like the meme, where the dog is standing on the chest
of his owner, and he growls "If you quit snoring, I'll quit
farting". <G>

  Everyone, male and female, man and beast does it...from as little
at 15 times a day, to as much as 20 times an hour (I'd like to know
how much of our tax money was used to determine that). 

  Two years before my wife died (she has been gone 18 1/2 years now), 
she and I were "intimately occupied" on the Futon bed, and our 
dachshund was in his bed on the floor next to us. All of a sudden,
this horrid stench permeated our nostrils...the dog had dropped a
silent but deadly SBD methane bomb fart!! I started gagging, and
my wife was laughing uncontrollably, saying "You know he's down
there thinking 'Hee hee hee. Ignore my @$$, will you??!!'". 

  Any love making went out the window, and I had to get dressed,
and take the little booger out for a walk. My guess was that he
was mad that he wasn't getting our full attention, and was spoiled
(as most pets are). But to many folks, their pets are their kids.

Daryl

.... Better give me a 6 slice pizza...I don't think I can eat 8.
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