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From: alien_eggman@yahoo.com (Alien Eggman)
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Subject: Hey baby, what's your sign...
Date: 13 Sep 2003 19:30:17 -0700
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Someone sent this to me today, thought I'd share it...

Aries-  The Ram
   .-.   .-.  You tend to be a headstrong and deliberate in your actions.
  (_  \ /  _) Basically you don't give a f@ck about anyone. Most people hate 
       Y      you but you couldn't care less. You're the type of person who
       |      would masturbate at a wedding.

 Taurus-  The Bull
   .     .
   '.___.'     Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get
   .'   `.     on well with most people because you're bisexual. You hardly
  :       :    ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss.
  :       :
   `.___.'

Gemini-  The Twins
   ._____.
     | |    Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character.
     | |    Simply your a neurotic schizophrenic. A real f@cking weirdo,
    _|_|_   the type of person who'd kill themselves to win a bet.
   '     '

Cancer-  The Crab
     .--.
    /   _`. You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making     
   (_) ( )  money. You're an unscrupulous bastard who would sell relative's
  '.    /   limbs to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.
    `--'

 Leo-  The Lion
    .--.       
   (    )      The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to
  (_)  /       try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden
      (_,      snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos ar living on the
               welfare.

Virgo-  The Virgin
   _
  ' `:--.--.    You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them.
     |  |  |_   But you're prone to bullshitting and you're a cheap bastard. Virgo
     |  |  | )  men are usually queers and the majority of Virgo women are whores.
     |  |  |/
          (J

Libra-  The Balance
      __
 ___.'  `.___   You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges.
 ____________   This makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a
                complete prick out of you.  Nobody will go to your funeral.

Scorpius-  The Scorpion
  _
 ' `:--.--.      You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles.      
    |  |  |      However these are your only good traits. You screw small 
    |  |  |      animals and love picking your nose. You always have snot
    |  |  |  .., on your clothes.
          `---':

Sagittarius-  The Archer
        ...
        .':     You are the romantic type, soft-hearted and a lover of the
      .'        arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex 
  `..'          toys.You thrive on incest.
  .'`.

Capricorn-  The Goat
          _
  \      /_)    You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quite type.
   \    /`.     A mean self-centred shite and a closet homosexual. Your best
    \  /   ;    friend is probably an altar boy.
     \/ __.'

 Aquarius-  The Water Bearer

 .-"-._.-"-._.-  You are the academic type and will probably end up working in  
 .-"-._.-"-._.-  the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at
                 the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a
                 Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.


Pisces-  The Fishes

   `-.    .-'   You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation.
      :  :      You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most
    --:--:--    people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will
      :  :      continually fail. You're a prick.
   .-'    `-.