X-Google-Language: ENGLISH,ASCII-7-bit X-Google-Thread: f996b,b4a9e61e9696d20 X-Google-Attributes: gidf996b,public X-Google-ArrivalTime: 2003-02-04 15:23:07 PST Path: archiver1.google.com!news1.google.com!newsfeed.stanford.edu!news-spur1.maxwell.syr.edu!news.maxwell.syr.edu!newsfeed-east.nntpserver.com!nntpserver.com!border1.nntp.aus1.giganews.com!nntp.giganews.com!nntp3.aus1.giganews.com!nntp.texas.net!news.texas.net.POSTED!not-for-mail NNTP-Posting-Date: Tue, 04 Feb 2003 17:23:04 -0600 Message-ID: <3E404B77.2080109@texas.net> Date: Tue, 04 Feb 2003 17:23:35 -0600 From: Gerald Clough Reply-To: clough@texas.net Organization: Liver Donors, Ltd. User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 5.1; en-US; rv:1.0.1) Gecko/20020823 Netscape/7.0 X-Accept-Language: en-us, en MIME-Version: 1.0 Newsgroups: alt.ascii-art Subject: Re: She left me and I could do anything for her happiness... References: <5an53vk2cgpj3tcnab7riskkd4dmdj6kce@4ax.com> <3E3F2C08.6020502@texas.net> <9cfv3v4j2eet4ln7ek8srh1u6i35e58fm0@4ax.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Lines: 64 X-Trace: sv3-d5L3WJH+TaDKOe+tbHHYzVDlv7iZuTIMbNxCULdldJPzwTUIOK8E5ksrhWmc6TS/JC4NmAksdPdlgTF!jQ/4g1cl1r5IVdAy/UCgbX1s5JMlajKdbh1IuY1Bj3G56zuetqBvqYW8ANcU X-Complaints-To: abuse@texas.net X-DMCA-Complaints-To: abuse@texas.net X-Abuse-and-DMCA-Info: Please be sure to forward a copy of ALL headers X-Abuse-and-DMCA-Info: Otherwise we will be unable to process your complaint properly X-Postfilter: 1.1 Xref: archiver1.google.com alt.ascii-art:21715 Advice, preaching, etc. via a newsgroup is hard to get right, even if it's possible to get it right at all. But, let's boil it down. She loved some guy extravagently. He left her. You loved her extravagently. She left, becaue she couldn't reciprocate, even though you didn't ask that. I imagine she tried, tried to see if she would come to love you like that. Seems she couldn't find it. You know, she might been put together differently, able to be quite comfortable and content with a slightly lopsided love affair. Turns out she wasn't like that. Can't say what she's really after. There's all sorts of folks. It might be worth considering that her previous thing and her thing with you were kind of the reverse of each other. From what you tell, she may well have recognized your role in the relationship to be her role in her old relationship. That sort of thing can be like a cloud hanging over a relationship. I know you wouldn't ask her to have to keep one eye on that cloud to stay with you. It hurts - real bad. There's no real quick fix for it, but the cold wind blowing through your guts will one day subside. I think that about all we can do with these things is to use them to come to a better and better relationship with relationships. One of those things is the realization that relationships never end, but they do change. Her relationship with her ex didn't end. Maybe, though, it needs to change some more. Your relationship with her didn't end, but it sure changed. This next part is the dangerous part, because it can lead to false hopes and expectations, bad goals, in other words. I don't know if it's possible, but perhaps the two of you can talk. Not with any goal of getting back together. Just with the idea that there's a lot that can be learned by open sharing of thoughts. It might not be possible, if you can't come to some reasonable acceptance that the relationship has changed. If you can't, she'll see it and back off from it. Really, the goal of talking together is to make the relationship a good one, not necessarily the one you think you want, but the one you need. She sounds caring enough to do that for you, so long as you're not trying to shape the relationship but trying to learn about what shape it's supposed to take. E-mail direct, if you want to talk about it. Or not. Relationships is something I've done a lot of personal work on. (The group is probably getting bored. We haven't even coughed up an ascii-art broken heart. ) -- Gerald Clough clough@texas.net "Nothing has any value unless you know you can give it up."