ASCII Art - ASCII Comics - Computer Games Come to Life Tony Lemming Gets His Wish Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go... | | Will you shut the fuck | up, Victor? We're lemmings, | not fucking dwarves! | | ||// \\|| ||// / \\|| \ o\ \ o\ \ o\/ \ o\ //-\/ |-\/ //-\/ |-\/ //| |\ |||| //| |\ |||| ""\|__|" |""|_ ""\|__|" |""|_ \\/|__| |__|__| \\/|__| |__|__| ------------------------------------------------------- Christ! What's up with you today, you miserable bastard? | | I don't know... I've been | thinking about the pointlessness | of our mundane existence. Walk, | dig, float if we're lucky... | then do it all again... | | \\|| ||// \\|| | ||// \ o\ \ o\ \ o\/ \ o\ |-\/ //-\/ |-\/ //-\/ |||| //| |\ |||| //| |\ |""|_ ""\|__|" |""|_ ""\|__|" |__|__| \\/|__| |__|__| \\/|__| ------------------------------------------------------- Oh man, not this self-pitying crap again! Can't you just be happy with your lot for once? | | I dunno... sometimes I | wish I could just end it all... | | ||// \\|| ||// / \\|| \ o\ \ o\ \ o\/ \ o\ //-\/ |-\/ //-\/ |-\/ //| |\ |||| //| |\ |||| ""\|__|" |""|_ ""\|__|" |""|_ \\/|__| |__|__| \\/|__| |__|__| ------------------------------------------------------- Er, Tony? I... I think you might have Shit! There's got your wish. \|/ so much I / -5- haven't done! / /|\ / \\||/ ||// \\|| / ||// \ o\ \ o\ \ o\/ \ o\ |-\/ //-\/ |-\/ //-\/ |||| //| |\ |||| //| |\ |""|_ ""\|__|" |""|_ ""\|__|" |__|__| \\/|__| |__|__| \\/|__| ------------------------------------------------------- Well, see you next time around, guys... | \|/ | -1-...OH ||// \\|| | /|\ NO! \\|| \ o\ \ o\ \ | \ o\ //-\/ |-\/ \{|}/ / |-\/ //| |\ |||| //-\\- |||| ""\|__|" |""|_ \\_// |""|_ \\/|__| |__|__| |__|__| |__|__| ------------------------------------------------------- Poor Tony. | Yeah. Look guys, /\ /\ | can we stop off || || | here for a min? \/ ___ \/ / I'm desperate for \\ / \ // / a piss. \\/ \// / / /| |\ \\||/ ||// / \\|| / | | \ \ o\ \ o\/ \ o\ / | | \ |-\/ //-\/ |-\/ / | | \ |||| //| |\ |||| / |_____| \ |""|_ ""\|__|" |""|_ | _|_______|_ | |__|__| \\/|__| |__|__| | |___________| | ---------------------------END------------------------- Introducing: Mario! ____ / _\ _/ /M\\ It's-a me, Mario! /_____|_||_ / / // /_~_~__\ / \O\\ @ @| / | \ / Hey, Mario! How's-a it \ # \__/ / going? Hahahaha! _______ \ ##### ---------- \ / _ _ \ \_____/ \ _/ / \ / \ \_ / \___ \ / |o| |o| \ / __ \\ \ __ -----| \_/ \_/ | | / \ \_// // \ _________ / \/ / __ \/ // \__||_____||__/ |\_/ / \ / // / \ \____/ \_// __/ \__ | \ / \ / \ ======= |____\_______/____| ------------------------------------------------------------------ ____ / _\ _/ /M\\ It's-a me, Mario! /_____|_||_ / / // /_~_~__\ / \O\\ @ @| / | \ / \ # \__/ / \ ##### -------- M-Mario? Watch where \_____/ you're jumping, guy! / \___ _______ | / __ \\ \ __ / _ _ \ | / | / \ __ \_// // _/ / \ / \ \_ | / \/ / / // \/ // / |o| |o| \ / / / \_/ / //\ / // | \_/ \_/ |-- / / \ / // \_// \ _________ / / / / \_// \__||_____||__/ / / / / \ / / / __/ \__ / / / / \ / \ / |____\_______/____| ------------------------------------------------------------------ ____ / _\ _/ /M\\ /_____|_||_ It's-a me, / // /_~_~__\ Mario! \O\\ @ @| / | \ / Why, Mario? \ # \__/ / WHHHYYY? \ ##### -- | \_____/ | / \___ | / __ \\ \ __ | | / \ \_// // | \/ / __ \/ // _____________ |\_/ / \ / // / |o| |o| \ \____/ \_// _/| \_/ \_/ |\_ | \ \_____\______/_____/ ======= -------------------------------END-------------------------------- Prince Of Persia ~~~ | .> God, this dungeon's so | |--------depressing! Everything \/ looks the same... //\| |||| |||| |||| |""/ | | | | \_/ === ---------------------------------------------- ~~~ | .> Tsk! Do they really | |----think they'll catch \/ me out with such //\| blatant traps? Another |||| identical set of spikes! |||| Big shitting deal - I'll \ |||| / just walk slowly... \ |""/\/ / / \ \| /\/\ / / \/ / /\ / / /\/\ /_|/ ==\ /=== \ / ---------------------------------------------- ____ Defend yourself,-------- / \ valiant Prince! \ \____/ \ <' | ~~~ YAWN. I just \ \_| | .> killed an undead \/____/ \ _| |---skeleton! I'll /|____ |\ / /\/\ crush YOU, prick! | ====| \ / / /\____ \ | |_/ \ \ /\_____}|============ \ | |\/ \ / / \ \ | /\ \ / /\ \ / / \ | / / \ \ /_/ |_| | | \___/ === === \ / \\ === === ---------------------------------------------- ~~~ | .> | | --------HA! I can make this \/ jump from HERE! No need //\| for a run-up! |||| |||| |||| |""/ | | | | \_/ === --------------- ------ | | | | | | | | ---------------------------------------------- / / \ /\ \ / \ / \ \ /\\ \ \ / \\ \ \ \ \ \ \ --------------- \ Ouch! ------ | \ / | | / | | CRUNCH / | | / | ---------------------------------------------- ~~~ | .> God, this dungeon's so | |--------depressing! Everything \/ looks the same... //\| |||| |||| |||| |""/ | | | | \_/ === ---------------------END---------------------- Day Of The Tentacle /\ /\ / _\ You know what I /_ \ / / \\ hate about being // \ | / \_/ | a tentacle?---------| \_/ | _ | __ | /\| __ |// | / \ | \ / \ / / \__/ |---The lack of / \__/ | | ___ | respect from | ___ | | / \ | creatures with | / \ \ | \___/ | a skeleton? | \___/ | | | | | ========= ========== ------------------------------------------ /\ /\ / _\ Yeah, that... and /_ \ / / \\ also, I don't // \ | / \_/ | have opposable | \_/ | | __ | thumbs. I can-----/\| __ | | / \ | barely even do my \ / \ \ / \__/ | own shoelaces! / \__/ |\| | ___ | | ___ | | / \ | | / \ \ | \___/ |----You don't wear | \___/ | | | shoes. | | ========= ========== ------------------------------------------ /\ Anyway, at least you /\ / _\ HAVE arms! You don't /_ \ / / \\ know how frustrating // \ | / \_/ | it gets. You... | \_/ | _ | __ | /you know what I /\| __ |// | / \ | / mean, right? I, \ / \ / / \__/ |/ er... I. I don't / \__/ | | ___ | suppose you | ___ | | / \ | could... | / \ \ | \___/ | | \___/ | | | | | ========= ========== ------------------------------------------ /\ /\ / _\ Oh, no! You /_ \ / / \\ nearly choked // \ | / \_/ | me last time | \_/ | _ | __ | we tried that! /\| __ |// | / \ | \ \ / \ / / \__/ | \ / \__/ | | ___ | --------| ___ | | / \ | | / \ \ | \___/ | | \___/ | | | | | ========= ========== -------------------END-------------------- Yoshi: Lick & Stay _ /O\ __ ___ / / "\ Mmmmm... / \__ | | | hungry! | \ \__ ___/ / / / \_\ ------ / / /\ |___ | |\__/ \ \|___} / \ \ \ | \ /\ \ / \____/ "" / | |__ | |____\ | -------------------------------------------------------------- _ /O\ __ ___ / / "\ Fmmmckmmg Hmmmm! / \__ | | | / | \ \__ ___/---- / / \_\===========================/ / /\ |___ | |\__/ \ \|___} / \ \ \ | \ /\ \ / \____/ "" / | |__ | |____\ | -------------------------------------------------------------- ____ / _\ Mrrrrnnnn! Hnnnnp mmmmmmm, _/ /M\\ yrrrrr crrnt! / /_____|_||_ / / // /_~_~__\ I've told you not _ / \O\\ @ @| to lick things /O\ / | \ when we're in / / "\ / \ # \__/ Ice World, Yoshi. | | | / / \ ##### / \__ ___/--- | \_____/----- / \_\=================/ / \___ / /\ |___ / / __ \\ \ __ |\__/ \ \|___} | | / \ \_// // \ \ \ / \/ / __ \/ // \ /\ \ | |\_/ / \ / // \____/ "" / \____/ \_// | |__ / | \ |____\ | ======= | -------------------------------END---------------------------- Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego? 1) Look in France. ^ / \ | | //_\\ || || || || ||_|| /_____\ |----------------\ //_____\\ |The Eiffel Tower| /// \\\ |----------------/ ___///_______\\\_||______ REPORT: No Carmen Sandiego is not in France. ---------------------------------------------------------- 2) Look in Tunnel Of Danger. ________ /////////\ ///////////\ /////o/o/////\ |//////////////| |//////////////| ____|//////////////|___________ REPORT: No Carmen Sandiego is not in Tunnel Of Danger. ---------------------------------------------------------- 3) Look in Greggs Hello I am Carmen Sandiego! __ Please could I have a chicken pasty? _/__\__ / //|oo|\ / ///| >|\\/ |/ | v| \\ || _\/_ /\_/ \ / / /\\ /||oo| \\ //||oo| \\ // |===\ // {} | \ \ // | \ {} | \ \ | \__\ |______\ || \\_ /_| \_\ REPORT: Carmen Sandiego is in Greggs! GAME OVER. ---------------------------END---------------------------- Donkey Konga ___ / \ /_ _\ |/ \_/ \| /||/o|o\/|\ \_\\_|_//_/ / " " \ _|_______| / \\|||||// \ / \_____/ \ / {} \ BOOM / /\ /\ /\ \ \ \ \ \ || / / / \ \ \| || |/ / \ _//\\\ \/ __///\\ \ /______\ /______\ \| | | | /\| | | | \ | | |/ | | ----------BAM |\| | | | | | | |_|__|_| |_|__|_| \______/ \______/ --------------------------------------------------------- ___ / \ /_ _\ |/ \_/ \| BOOM BOOM /||/o|o\/|\ pa-da-dum \_\\_|_//_/ CRASHHHH / " " \ bidalaBOOM __|_______|__ paSMASH! / \\|||||//\ \ \ / \_____/ \ \ \ / / {} \ \ \ \ \ \___/\____/ \/ ------- CLAP----------------}{ /\ CLAP \_____}{______/ \ ____|_ \/ ___|__ -----Huh? /______\ /______\ | | | | /\| | | | | | | |/ | | | | | | | | | | | | |_|__|_| |_|__|_| \______/ \______/ --------------------------------------------------------- ___ / \ You're a proper fucking /_ _\ show-off, Diddy! |/ \_/ \| / /||/o|o\/|\ / \_\\_|_//_/ / | ___ / " " \ / | / \ _|_______|----- | /_____\ / \\|||||// \ | /|/ | \|\ {}------ / \_____/ \ {} \|\o|o/|/ // / {} \ \\ |_____| // / /\ /\ /\ \ \\ \\|||//_//_ | \ \ \ || / / / \\___\___| ======= \ \| || |/ / \__ ____|_____| | _//\\\ \/ __///\\ _____ / \| | /______\ /______\ | | / \ | | | | | /\| | | | | || | | | | | |/ | | | | | || | | | | | | | | | | |_____|| | /|\ |_|__|_| |_|__|_| | | | \ / / | \ \______/ \______/ | | \______/| / | \ ----------------------------END-------------------------- Dr. Mario _ ----/ \ __/----\_/ It's-a me, / // ~ ~| Doctor Mario! \O\\ @ @| / | \ / \ # \__/ / \ ##### -- \_____/ ___/_____\________________ Doctor Mario, |__________________________|/you've got ||/ \ \_// // || / to help me! || / __ \/ // ___|/ I've got a ||_/ / \ / // ///\\ terrible ||___/ \_// @///\\@ hacking cough, || \ \___/ and a dreadful ||===== __/___\__fever! | | -\-| | / \| | /\/ / | | \ /|\_| | \/|| \|_______| || || || || || || || || || || || || || ------------------------------------------ _ ----/ \ __/----\_/ Sounds-a to me like you've / // ~ ~| got the SARS! Hahahaha! \O\\ @ @| / | \ / \ # \__/ / \ ##### -- \_____/ ___/_____\________________ Ahahaha! I |__________________________|/ love you, ||/ \ \_// // || / Doctor Mario! || / __ \/ // ___|/ ||_/ / \ / // ///\\ ||___/ \_// @///\\@ || \ \___/ ||===== __/___\__ | | -\-| | / \| | /\/ / | | \ /|\_| | \/|| \|_______| || || || || || || || || || || || || || --------------------END------------------- Gaming Nightmares #1: Frogger Daddy, where are we going? Well, first we need \ to pop to the shops, \ then we're picking up \ your sister from the \ swimming pool. \ ___/_______________ \ / _/ | \ \ \ / /o \_ | \ \ \ / \_/o \| \ \ _________\-----\__/|________|______\_____ / | | | \ / _____| | | _____ \ |_______/ ___ \_______|________|/ ___ \_______| |______| / \ |_______________| / \ |______| ------------------------------------------------------ Are we nearly there? I need the toilet! Oh, I told you to go before \ we left! Can't you - OH JESUS \ FUCKING CHRIST! What the FUCK \ is that thing in the road? \ / \ ___/_______________ \ / _/ | \ \ \ / /o \_ | \ \ \ / \_/o \| \ \ _________\-----\__/|________|______\_____ / | | | \ / _____| | | _____ \ |_______/ ___ \_______|________|/ ___ \_______| |______| / \ |_______________| / \ |______| ------------------------------------------------------ |_______ _______ _______ | |\ \ /\ \ /\ \ | |/______/ \/______/ \/______/ | | | | _______ _______ _______ | | /\ \ /\ \ /\ \ | | \/______/ \/______/ \/______/ | | | |_________________ See, son? THIS is ___________| | -=---=- why I'm against -=---=- | | | | animal testing... | | | | -=---=- \ -=---=- | |==== ==== ==== ==== \ ==== ==== ==== | | \/"\/ -\---=- | | | | | | | | /\\_//\ -=---=- | |==== ==== ==== ==== ==== ==== ==== | | -=---=- -=---=- -=---=- | | | | | | | | | | -=---=- -=---=- -=---=- | ------------------------END--------------------------- Duck Hunt 2005: Daily Mail Edition (()) ------ ( )() |||| | ()() |SHOT| | \ |R:01| \ \ ()() ------ | ()(_)() _|_ ()( ) |// | ( ) )() |()()) >O<====> ())() ( )() ) | /" \\| |()( ) |/ \\ |// \ // ( ) | / ()() | | ()( )) | | ()()()() /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ ------------------------------------------ (()) ------ ( )() ||| | ()() |SHOT| | \ WHHYYYY? |R:01| \ \ ()() \ /\/\ ------ | ()(_)() -->OBANG> ()( ) |// \/\/ ( ) )() |()()) ())() ( )() ) \\| |()( ) \\ |// \ // ( ) | / ()() | | ()( )) | | ()()()() /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ ------------------------------------------ (()) ------ ( )() ||| | ()() You disgust me!|SHOT| | \ This sort of |R:01| \ \ ()( sick game should----- | ()(_) be banned! _|_ ()( ) |// | | ( ) )() |()()) _ |____ ())() ( )() ) / /~~\__/ \\| |()( ) / /O O /} \\ |// \//-o-\//|" \ // \_D_//|| ( ) | / / / | \O> ()() | | \_} | ()( )) | | | | ()()()() /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ ------------------------------------------ (()) ( )() ()() Oh, it starts off | \ as just a bit of fun, \ \ ()( but before long you'll | ()(_) be running around ()( ) |// killing prostitutes! ( ) )() |()()) _ |____ ())() ( )() ) / /~~\__/ \\| |()( ) / /O O /} \\ |// \//-o-\//|" \ // \_D_//|| ( ) | / / / | \O> ()() | | \_} | ()( )) | | | | ()()()() /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ ------------------------------------------ (()) ( )() Kids play these games, ()() go out and buy a real | \ gun, and go on crazed \ \ ()( killing sprees! And it's | ()(_) all because of games like ()( ) |// this! I read the papers! ( ) )() |()()) _ |____ ())() ( )() ) / /~~\__/ \\| |()( ) / /O O /} \\ |// \//-o-\//|" \ // \_D_//|| ( ) | / / / | \O> ()() | | \_} | ()( )) | | | | ()()()() /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ ------------------------------------------ (()) ( )() Coward! It's all just ()() a game to you!!! | \|---------------------------| \ | YOU HAVE SELECTED 'QUIT'. | | | You sick, game-playing | ()( ) | bastard. Now go away and | ( ) )()| think about what you've | ())() | done. --------- | \\| | | QUIT | | \\ | --------- | \ |---------------------------| | / / / | \O> ()() | | \_} | ()( )) | | | | ()()()() /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ -------------------END-------------------- Mario & Luigi: Super Anal Brothers Mamma mia! What-a night! I can't remember anything. Oh, my head! ____ | ____ ________/ _\_______| ______/_ \______ _/ /M\\ /| / //L\ \_ /_____|_||_ / |\ / _||_|_____\ / // /_~_~__\ |/ | | /___~_~\ \\ \ \O\\ @ @| / | | |- - //O/ | \ /| | | / | \ # \__/ / | | | \_/ # / \ #####-- \ / \ #### | ________\_____/_____\/ \________\ /_____ _______/______\_____________________\_/\_____ _____________________________________________ Mamma mia! What-a night! I can't remember anything. Oh, my arse! ____ | ____ ________/ _\_______ |_____/_ \______ _/ /M\\ /\ /| //L\ \_ /_____|_||_ / \ / | _||_|_____\ / // /_~_~__\ | | | | /___~_~\ \\ \ \O\\ @ @| | | | | |@ @ //O/ | \ | | | \ / | \ # \__/ | | | \ \_/ # / \ ##### \ / \ ----#### | ________\_____/_____\/ \________\ /_____ _______/______\_____________________\_/\_____ _____________________________________________ MAMMA MIA! | | ____ | | ____ ________/ _\_______ | | ______/_ \______ _/ /M\\ /\/ \/ //L\ \_ /_____|_||_ / /\ /\ _||_|_____\ / // /_~_~__\ |/ | | \ /___~_~\ \\ \ \O\\ @ @| / | | \ |@ @ //O/ | \ /| | | \ / | \ # \__/ / | | | \ \_/ # / \ #####-- \ / \ ---#### | ________\___O_/_____\/ \________\O /_____ _______/______\_____________________\_/\_____ ---------------------END--------------------- REAL LIFE VIDEOGAME FIGHTS! Who would win in a real fight between: MARIO... ____ / _\ _/ /M\\ /_____|_||_ / // /_~_~__\ \O\\ @ @| | \ \ # \__/ \ ##### ----It's-a me, Mario! \_____/ / \___ / __ \\ \ __ / | / \ __ \_// // / \/ / / // \/ // / / \_/ / //\ / // / / \ / // \_// / / / \_// / / / BOING! BOING! ___ ...and BOWSER? ____/ _/ __/ / / /\ \_/\ /\__/O | | | \/ | | _ | \___//| \___/\_ \/\/ | ||/ \\ / ///____\\___ RARRGH!-----/ // \ | \__/\ // ____ \ | __ \ \\__ \ | \--- " \__\ \__\ \ | \ | / " \\ \| \| " / \\ \ \ " || ____ |\ "\ /\ || | / | \ "____/ \ \\ | / |__\ \ \\ |/ |\ | \ \\ |_\ \ \ \\________\ / \_________\ /_ _|______| /__|___|_| Answer revealed below! ------------------------------------------------- ___ ____/ _/ __/ / / /\ \_/\ /\__/O | | KER | \/ | - | _ | CHOMP. \___//| \___/\_ _/\ \ \/\/ | ||/ \\ /___\ \-------- / ///____\\___ / // / / // \ | \O\\ \ \__/\ // ____ \ | | \/\ __ \ \\__ \ | \--- \ # \\_ " \__\ \__\ \ | \ | \ ##### / " \\ \| \| \_____/ " / \\ \ / \___ \ " || ____ |\ / __ \\ \ __"\ /\ || | / | \ | / \ \_// // "____/ \ \\ | / |__\ \/ / __ \/ // \ \\ |/ |\ | |\_/ / \ / // \ \\ |_\ \ \____/ \_// \ \\________\ | \ / \_________\ ======= /_ _|______| /__|___|_| ------------------------------------------------- The answer is Bowser, obviously. You stupid twat. ----------------------END------------------------