:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: : Issue 41 Tuesday 29 September 1998 : :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: (( ___ )) / \ ,___,_|_ _ ( \) / | / \ | /_\ \___/\/\_| \_/ |_/\__, of the day "If Noah had been truly wise, he would have swatted those two flies." - Helen Castle ___ __ ___ ___ | |_ / /| / / | | |_| /_/ | \_\_ |_| of the day According to Genesis 1:20-22 the chicken came before the egg. ____ _____W E_I_R D ____ __ __ / __) (_ _) / O\ ( O\ (_ \/ _) \__ \ | | ( ) | _ < \ / (____/ (___) \___/ (__|\_) (__) O F T H E D A Y 1994 -- Roberto Carlos da Silva, 21, confessed to police in Sorocaba, Brazil, in February that he was so consumed with grief over the death of his fiancee that, three months after her burial, he dug up her body, which still had her wedding dress on, and had sex with it. He told the Estado news agency, "I was desperate and needed her." _ _ | |_ (_)doubtfully | _| _ _useful | | | | | _ \ | | | | | |_) ) |_| |_| | __/ of the | | day |_| Use wet cotton wool to pick up small pieces of broken glass etc to avoid cutting your fingers. ____ __ ___ //_// (( // // // (( (( _)) ((__ (( (( of the day _ ==(W{==========- /===- || (.--.) /===-_---~~~~~~~~~------____ | \_,|**|,__ |===-~___ _,-' ` -==\\ `\ ' `--' ), `//~\\ ~~~~`---.___.-~~ ______-==| /`\_. .__/\ \ | | \\ _-~` __--~~~ ,-/-==\\ ( | . |~~~~| | | `\ ,' _-~ /' | \\ )__/==0==-\<>/ / / \ / .' / | \\ /~\___/~~\/ /' / \ /' / ____ / | \`\.__/-~~ \ |_/' / \/' /-'~ ~~~~~---__ | ~-/~ ( ) /' _--~` \_| / _) | ; ), __--~~ '~~--_/ _-~/- |/ \ '-~ \ {\__--_/} / \\_>-|)<__\ \ /' (_/ _-~ | |__>--<__| | | _/) )-~ | |__>--<__| | / /~ ,_/ / /__>---<__/ | o-o _// /-~_>---<__-~ / (^(~ /~_>---<__- _-~ ,/| /__>--<__/ _-~ ,//('( |__>--<__| / -Alex Wargacki .----_ ( ( ')) |__>--<__| | /' _---_~\ `-)) )) ( |__>--<__| | /' / ~\`\ ,/,'//( ( \__>--<__\ \ /' // || ,( ( ((, )) ~-__>--<_~-_ ~--____---~' _/'/ /' `~/ )` ) ,/| ~-_~>>--<_/-__ __-~ _/ ._-~//( )/ )) ` ~~-'_/_/ /~~~~~~~__--~ ;'( ')/ ,)( ~~~~~~~~~~ ' ') '( (/ ' ' ` +--------------------------------------+ | Issue 42 Wednesday 30 September 1998 | +--------------------------------------+ (( ___ )) / \ ,___,_|_ _ ( \) / | / \ | /_\ \___/\/\_| \_/ |_/\__, of the day "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." - Freud ___ __ ___ ___ | |_ / /| / / | | |_| /_/ | \_\_ |_| of the day In the English hospitals of the seventeenth century, children were entitled to two gallons of beer as part of their weekly diet. ____ _____W E_I_R D ____ __ __ / __) (_ _) / O\ ( O\ (_ \/ _) \__ \ | | ( ) | _ < \ / (____/ (___) \___/ (__|\_) (__) O F T H E D A Y In Bountiful, Utah, Bruce Jensen, 39, discovered that his wife of 3 1/2 years was a man. the deception by Felix Urioste, 34, unraveled when Jensen filed a missing person report and police learned that Las Vegas, Nevada, authorities had arrested Urioste for using fraudulent credit cards issued to Bruce and Leasa Jensen to run up at least $40,000 in debt. He was traveling as a bearded man. Authorities said the feminine- looking Urioste, who already had his testicles, but not his penis, removed in anticipation of a sex-change operation when he met Jensen at the University of Utah Health Sciences Center while masquerading as a female doctor, never let Jensen see him naked during their celibate marriage. Jensen wed Urioste out of a sense of obligation after Urioste claimed to be pregnant with twins after their lone sexual encounter. Urioste later said the twins were stillborn. "I feel pretty stupid," Jensen said, adding that he is seeking an annulment, citing irreconcilable differences. _ _ | |_ (_)doubtfully | _| _ _useful | | | | | _ \ | | | | | |_) ) |_| |_| | __/ of the | | day |_| Use a teapot for watering indoor plants - the spout makes pouring more accurate avoiding spills. ____ __ ___ //_// (( // // // (( (( _)) ((__ (( (( of the day /) // // (( \\ )) // _,-'"._ /_ , \ | ' / \) ,\' '| \ / | ) /_ , / / _ % ( ) / ' \ / \_) ), )_ \_ , _/ _/% \/) (' __/ \ ___ \, \ ( `"- __ / '\ \ (( > \ ) \ '-.-,_='~~~ ~ (' / ' ~~ ~ ~~ ~~ b'ger " "" +-----------------------------------+ | Issue 43 Tuesday 6th October 1998 | +-----------------------------------+ (( ___ )) / \ ,___,_|_ _ ( \) / | / \ | /_\ \___/\/\_| \_/ |_/\__, of the day "If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat." - Mark Twain ___ __ ___ ___ | |_ / /| / / | | |_| /_/ | \_\_ |_| of the day Julio Inglesias was goalie for Real Madrid. ____ _____W E_I_R D ____ __ __ / __) (_ _) / O\ ( O\ (_ \/ _) \__ \ | | ( ) | _ < \ / (____/ (___) \___/ (__|\_) (__) O F T H E D A Y British Army Air Corps Major David Senior, on trial for falsely inflating ration claims for his men and pocketing the $30,000 surplus, defended himself by declaring he acted under the influence of too much tea. His attorney said Senior has drunk as much as a gallon of tea a day for the past 20 years, resulting in his suffering from a recognized addiction called "caffeinism," which may have caused him to make a genuine accounting error. _ _ | |_ (_)doubtfully | _| _ _useful | | | | | _ \ | | | | | |_) ) |_| |_| | __/ of the | | day |_| For extra security write down your customer reference numbers for the gas and electric or anything else where the meter needs to be read. Stick this by the front door and ask meter readers to quote your ref. number as well as showing their ID. The real ones won't mind. ____ __ ___ //_// (( // // // (( (( _)) ((__ (( (( of the day ,-. ,'::| /::::| ,'::::o\ _.. ____........-------,..::?88b ,-' / _.--"""". . . . . . . . ""`-._ ,-' .;' <. - :::::o...... ... . . .. . . . .""--._ ,-'. .;' `-._ ` `":`:`:`::||||:::::::::::::::::.:. . ""--._ ,'| ,-'. .;' """_=-- //'doo.. ````:`:`::::::::::.:.:.:. .`-`._-'. .;' ""--.__ P( \ ` ``:`:``:::: . .;' "\""--.:-. `. .:/ \. / `-._ `.""-----.,-..::(--"".\""`. `:\ `P `-._ \ `-:\ _ Seal _ `. `:\ "" " `-._) |================================| | Issue 44 Wednesday 7th October | |================================| (( ___ )) / \ ,___,_|_ _ ( \) / | / \ | /_\ \___/\/\_| \_/ |_/\__, of the day "Education...has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading." - George Macaulay Trevelyan ___ __ ___ ___ | |_ / /| / / | | |_| /_/ | \_\_ |_| of the day Coca-Cola was named back in 1885 for its two "medicinal" ingredients: extract of coca leaves and kola nuts. Just how much cocaine was originally in the formulation is hard to determine, but the drink undeniably contained some cocaine in its early days. ____ _____W E_I_R D ____ __ __ / __) (_ _) / O\ ( O\ (_ \/ _) \__ \ | | ( ) | _ < \ / (____/ (___) \___/ (__|\_) (__) O F T H E D A Y In 1982, Navy Lieutenant George M. Prior, 30, played 36 holes of golf at the Army-Navy Country Club in Arlington, VA. Even before the last hole Prior was complaining of a headache; by nightfall he was feverish and nauseated and had developed a rash. Four days later Prior was in Bethesda Naval Hospital with a 104.5 degree fever, his body covered with blisters. He died ten days later after a toxic substance had burned the skin from 80% of his body and caused his major organs to fail. The toxic substance was determined to be Daconil, an FDA-approved fungicide that had been sprayed on the Army-Navy golf course twice a week. Prior apparently had a hypersensitivity to the chemical used in the fungicide, causing a severe allergic reaction. His widow filed a $20 million lawsuit against the manufacturer, Diamond Shamrock Chemical Company; the lawsuit was eventually settled out of court. _ _ | |_ (_)doubtfully | _| _ _useful | | | | | _ \ | | | | | |_) ) |_| |_| | __/ of the | | day |_| To make a cheap, safe, long lasting toy for a dog, you just need an old pair of jeans. Cut off the leg, tie a knot in the middle and you have a dog pull to chew and retrieve. ____ __ ___ //_// (( // // // (( (( _)) ((__ (( (( of the day ___.___ ~ _____________ \ \\ \ ,, ??? | '\\\\\\ \ \\ \ /< ? | ' ____|_ --\//,- \_. /_____ | '||:::::: o- / \_/ '\ | '||_____| | \ ' o \'________|_____| | )- # < ___/____|___\___ `_/'------------| _ ' <<<:| /________\| |_________'___o_o| b'ger - Regular Joe-six-bytes - +----+ | 45 | +----+ (( ___ )) / \ ,___,_|_ _ ( \) / | / \ | /_\ \___/\/\_| \_/ |_/\__, of the day "Curiosity is the very basis of education and if you tell me that curiosity killed the cat, I say only the cat died nobly." - Arnold Edinborough ___ __ ___ ___ | |_ / /| / / | | |_| /_/ | \_\_ |_| of the day Sugar was first added to chewing gum in 1869....... by a dentist (William Semple) ____ _____W E_I_R D ____ __ __ / __) (_ _) / O\ ( O\ (_ \/ _) \__ \ | | ( ) | _ < \ / (____/ (___) \___/ (__|\_) (__) O F T H E D A Y 1996 -- Sigma Chemical Co. in St. Louis gained notoriety in the wake of the Oklahoma City bombing for making the artificial scents used to train the dogs that helped find dead bodies amidst the rubble. According to the March Discover magazine, the company makes these smells: Pseudo Corpse I (for a body less than 30 days old), Pseudo Corpse II (more than 30 days old), Pseudo Drowned Victim and Pseudo Distressed Body (for a person still alive but in shock), with Pseudo Burned Victim in the works. _ _ | |_ (_)doubtfully | _| _ _useful | | | | | _ \ | | | | | |_) ) |_| |_| | __/ of the | | day |_| Fresh eggs have a rough and chalky shell. Old eggs are smooth and shiny. ____ __ ___ //_// (( // // // (( (( _)) ((__ (( (( of the day /T /I / |/ | .-~/ T\ Y I |/ / _ /T | \I | I Y.-~/ I l /I T\ | | l | T / T\ | \ Y l /T | \I l \ ` l Y __ | \l \l \I l __l l \ ` _. | \ ~-l `\ `\ \ \\ ~\ \ `. .-~ | \ ~-. "-. ` \ ^._ ^. "-. / \ | .--~-._ ~- ` _ ~-_.-"-." ._ /._ ." ./ >--. ~-. ._ ~>-" "\\ 7 7 ] ^.___~"--._ ~-{ .-~ . `\ Y . / | <__ ~"-. ~ /_/ \ \I Y : | ^-.__ ~(_/ \ >._: | l______ ^--.,___.-~" /_/ ! `-.~"--l_ / ~"-. (_/ . ~( /' "~"--,Y -=b-. _) (_/ . \ : / l c"~o \ \ / `. . .^ \_.-~"~--. ) (_/ . ` / / ! )/ / / _. '. .': / ' ~(_/ . / _ ` .-<_ /_/ . ' .-~" `. / \ \ ,z=. ~( / ' : | K "-.~-.______// "-,. l I/ \_ __{--->._(==. //( \ < ~"~" // /' /\ \ \ ,v=. (( .^. / /\ " }__ //===- ` / / ' ' "-.,__ {---(==- .^ ' : T ~" ll -Row / . . . : | :! \\ (_/ / | | j-" ~^ ~-<_(_.^-~"