104:58) Eric A. Hochman
Date: 18-MAR-94   1:29

 Yesterday was a small ray of hope in my paranoid life, because the yellow
 train fucked up - the one that caused all that trouble at Chambers St. was
 still there, but it had moved to the local track, and didn't get in my way.
 Boy, were those TA employees embarrassed when I waved to them from the
 express.

 I knew they'd be out for revenge today, and were they ever!  I knew it was
 going to be bad when I saw the St. Patrick's Day parade on TV, and the
 Transit Authority had a yellow train in it, disguised as a float.  Sure,
 painting it green and hanging lots of streamers all over it fooled most
 people - they were CHEERING the goddamn thing, can you believe it?
 They'll have to do better than that to fool me!

 So it's 11 o'clock, and as usual, I'm back at 72nd & B'way.  Other than
 seeing the train in the parade, it had been a pretty good day, so I was
 ready for one, even two yellow trains.  The "train approaching" light
 was flashing, but I actually had an extra token (who says I never learn
 anything?), and with a couple hip checks and shoulder blocks, I was down
                            
 on the platform.  The place was full of diesel fumes, and I could hear
 that ominous rumbling sound that the yellow trains make, but it was IN
 FRONT OF ME.  They hadn't counted on my stopping to buy beer, and had
 fucked up again and MISSED ME!  I was overjoyed.

 Hi, Janet! Can you believe this cold weather is back?  I almost thought
 it was Spring until today.

 You can therefore imagine how I felt when a yellow train suddenly charged
 into the station and stopped right in front of me.  It was a little one,
 not all that interesting in itself, except one of the flat cars was full of
 cardboard boxes.  What an opportunity! One of them was big enough to hide in,
 and I could find out once and for all where those trains go after I get
 home.  I was about to climb into the largest one, when I realized about
 30 people on the platform were watching me.  I mean, it was like they'd
 never seen a yellow train before!  One of them said to me, in a really
 low, conspiratorial voice

 "Buddy, do you know where those boxes have BEEN?"

 And I started having second thoughts.  He was right - ANYTHING could be in     
             
 a box that you find on a yellow train.  I decided it just wasn't worth the
 risk, and got back on the platform just as the yellow train started up
 again.  Fortunately, a real train showed up just about then, and I jumped
 on it before anyone could ask me stupid questions.

 Pretty soon we passed the yellow train that I had jumped off of, and I
 gave the driver the finger as we went by.  A few people looked at me,
 but they all figured I was drunk, so they left me alone.  When we got
 to Times Square, I discovered that my Yellow Train Radar was OK after
 all, because there was ANOTHER yellow train sitting there.  There had been
 one that just missed me.  And it was WEIRD! There was this one car, it
 had something on it, square, with little round windows, that looked like
 a piece of deep-sea diving apparatus.  I still don't know what it was, let
 alone what they might do with it in the subway.

 I relaxed, since NOBODY ever sees more than two yellow  trains in one
 evening - if it ever happened, it would be one of the signs of the end of
 the world.  So you can imagine how totally awestruck I was when we passed
 another yellow train, just outside Penn Station.  This was the huge 10
 car one with the conveyor belts and bulldozer on it, that I told you about
 last week.  It looked like they had added a car with an MX missile on it,
 but it was pretty dark and I may be mistaken.  The fourth yellow train,
 just outside 23rd st, was so ordinary it's not even worth describing.

 Once we got past Chambers St, I relaxed, since there's only one track
 in each direction - it's not possible to see a yellow train south of
 Chambers St, unless it's headed in the other direction.  Besides, HOW
 MANY OF THE FUCKING THINGS DO THEY HAVE, ANYWAY?

 I forgot about the 4 joining the 2 and 3 in Brooklyn.  I looked up from
 my book at Nevins St., and there it was - ANOTHER YELLOW TRAIN, with
 the same weird diving bell thing that had been on the second train.

 I screamed.  People asked me what was wrong, and all I could do was
 hyperventilate and point at the yellow train.  Two cops appeared, and
 suggested that I get home and sleep it off.  I just nodded my head in
 agreement - what could I say? Besides, the police are probably part of
 the conspiracy.
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