104:10) Eric A. Hochman Date: 07-MAR-94 1:31 Since the yellow train had already appeared and made Lisa late for Fish's play, I figured it had lost interest in me, and I could get home safely. I could go off on a tangent about how people who go to Bay Ridge DESERVE to have yellow trains follow them, but it's really beside the point, so I won't. So after Fish's play and the several hours of debauchery which followed it, I ended up on the 4 train. Yeah, I know I was nowhere near the 4 train where we all were, but that's another story. Ask me tomorrow at the Art Bar if you really care, which I'm sure you don't, because I don't either. The 4 is a good train, usually. I've never seen a yellow train while waiting for the 4, and I didn't tonight. Unfortunately, the 4 doesn't stop at Grand Army Plaza, unless it's after 1 a.m., which it is now, but wasn't then, so there I was at Nevins St. waiting for the 2. If you've been paying any attention to this item at all, you know what was there waiting for me. DIESEL FUMES! Oh, hi Janet. How nice to see you here in Xenophobia. Did you get a haircut AGAIN? It gives me The Fear when my hair is longer than yours. So where was I? Nevins St. (one of the armpits of Brooklyn). You could not only smell the Eau De Yellow Train, you could SEE it in the air. Now you understand why I don't bother complaining about smokers. There were lots of transit authority employees sitting around in their most fashionable reflective orange vests. There was a most frightening mechanical growling off in the distance. I couldn't see the yellow train, but I KNEW IT WAS THERE, parked, doing whatever it is that yellow trains do. When the 2 finally showed up, I looked out the window, to learn the great secret of the universe: WHAT THE FUCK DO THOSE TRAINS DO? I didn't find out. There was a yellow train there, just outside the station, but a wall was in the way and I couldn't see what it was doing. The yellow train mocks me. I am depressed. - - - - - 104:13 ) Chick Tingey Date: 07-MAR-94 19:18 my hair is definitely longer than yours now, eric. in fact, I caught some of it under the wheels of a yellow train last night. it seemed appropriate yellow train:yellow hair - - - - - 104:15 ) Grace Date: 07-MAR-94 20:02 I don' know but now I know why I have The Fear o' Brooklyn. It's YELLOW TRAINS Is it any wonder? - - - - - 104:16 ) Eric A. Hochman Date: 08-MAR-94 2:06 It warms the cockles of my heart that Janet read my yellow train story, and has longer hair. Usually, you have to stand around and wait for the yellow train. Tonight, after the Art Bar, I went over to catch the 2 at 14th St. and there was a yellow train just sitting there, waiting for me. It was a little one, made out of what were probably two normal subway cars at one time, except that the doors and windows were barred, and the whole thing was painted yellow, except for a 2 inch panel at the top of one window. Clearly, they did not want people to know what goes on in this train, so of course I looked in. It was full of metal bins, presumably containing subway tokens, and a sign on the wall said "Please sign out before removing tokens from train." After about 2 seconds, someone was looking back out at me from inside the yellow train. I don't know who he was, but his future is definitely not in public relations. I gave some serious thought about asking if I could sign out some tokens, but this didn't look like the sort of person who would let me, so instead I said "Tonya Harding wants to have your love child!" and walked away. If you're going to try this yourself, I recommend dressing entirely in black and wearing a "Phree Phiber Optik" button. Hi Janet. Lovely evening, isn't it? Don't let your boss catch you reading this. While this was going on, ANOTHER YELLOW TRAIN went through the station, this time on the local track. This was not the normal 2 or 3 car yellow train - it was 8. The fucking things must be BREEDING in the train yards! It was full of wood. Not neatly stacked, evenly sized pieces of wood, like you might use for rail ties, but big heaps of oddly shaped pieces of wood. I still can't figure out what they do with it, and probably don't want to know, even though not knowing will bug me for WEEKS. A few minutes later, the other yellow train left - IN THE WRONG DIRECTION! I could see the newspaper story tomorrow: "Forty seven subway riders were killed when a 7th Ave. express collided with a work train..." but it didn't happen. I don't know where that yellow train went, but not too long after, a REAL train showed up, so it must have gotten out of the way. A few minutes later, the express caught up with the big yellow train on the local tracks. Of course, I was watching it from the window. As we passed the first car, the yellow train driver turned, looked at me, and blasted his air horn twice. I swear to God the two blasts sounded like "FUCK YOU!" - - - - - .