427:614) Eric A. Hochman
Date: 25-FEB-94   0:36

 So it's Thursday night, which means I have to get home from 72nd & B'way
 at 11 o'clock give or take a few minutes, as usual (the mystery of what
 I do on Thursday nights will someday be a subject for this item, maybe,
 if I'm really desperate for something to talk about).

 So, down on the 72nd St. IRT platform, there are not one, but TWO
 yellow trains!  They're just sitting there, belching diesel fumes,
 and NOTHING can get in or out of the station.   Having nothing better
 to do, I walked up to the driver of one of the trains and asked him
 "Did you get this job just so you could play with the air horn?"
 and he just looked at me.  I guess people ask him that all the time,
 and he's tired of it.   A few minutes pass, and the trains don't move.
 In fact, the motorman that I had just tried to have a deep meaningful
 conversation with gets off the train and goes to talk to the other
 motorman.

 Now you may ask, what could the drivers of yellow trains possibly want to
 talk about?  Would you believe FIGURE SKATING?  The fucking yellow train
 drivers were delaying the entire 7th Ave. line to talk about how they
 both lusted for Nancy Kerrigan.  Like she'd give the time o' day to a
 yellow train driver.

 So now there's a yellow train sitting there with nobody on it.  There
 was only one thing to do:  STEAL THE FUCKING YELLOW TRAIN and drive it
 to Brooklyn.  They're remarkably easy to handle, and unlike the kid
 who stole a 6 train and got caught 'cause he missed a couple of stops,
 nobody really gives a fuck what a yellow train does.  You could go
 through the stations backwards and not get a second glance.  The air
 horn was fun to play with, but not so much fun that I'd want to do it
 all the time.  I parked it in Grand Army Plaza, and it's probably
 still there, fucking up the Brooklyn 3 service (but the people who
 live in that part of Brooklyn deserve it!).

 Oh, all right...none of that really happened; I shared a cab and had a
 completely ordinary and boring ride home.
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