Posts by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
 (DIR) Post #AxgiKj25MJ0LKx6JUm by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
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       I feel like I'm on here every few days with another idea for what I'd like to do with my life.But most of y'all know I've been doing some serious introspection since about April, when the first shock of being outside the United States wore off, and I was able to start healing and thinking about what I really want.I love tech, as a general field of exploration, and it makes me happy to solve IT-related problems and unsnarl workflows. And cybersecurity, privacy, hacking, all that stuff is fascinating. I wouldn't have gotten through two certs and be aiming for more if I didn't enjoy it a lot.But I just...the tech field right now, in terms of jobs and work...it's so confusing. Sometimes I think I just want to hover in some sort of tech support position for a couple years, keep building up some skills, and wait and see what the hell happens.I guess I'm just not in the mood to lead Pickett's Charge up some corporation's poorly-maintained information security hill.1/?
       
 (DIR) Post #AxgiKjpiNmhfosJwqu by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
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       And the sincerely epic traffic in Bangkok has morbidly given rise to the question -- if I were to suddenly have my life end, what would I most regret not doing?It sure wouldn't be closing more tickets.I have an ok situation right now, though I might ask for a small financial boost next week if beginning to fill my prescriptions here in Thailand goes over budget. But it's not work I can do for very much longer, I hate it. Like, it makes my soul cry every day.So I'm having to think whether the next career step will involve pushing further into the path I was on, or pursuing something else entirely, or some hybrid of the two.I swerved close to this decision back in spring, but I knew I needed to at least get over here to Asia and see what the vibe was, before I made any choices.I like it here, and I think I'll want to stay in this part of the world for at least a good handful of years. There's so much I want to see and do. So I feel stable in that.And I'm still on track to be in my own place in about 3 weeks, give or take. That will be more stability, which will help me see more clearly.2/?
       
 (DIR) Post #AxgiKkPWEfLLbv4Xey by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
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       To clarify, the tech work I'm doing as a gig right now is NOT the career path I was on, that I would potentially be pushing further into. It's not information security, or even tech support or QA, all that stuff I was focusing on before I took this job. This is just a side-quest.I'm not sorry I took it on, it got me here and it's refined how I want to approach technology as a user and a professional (hint: never listen to hype, just tune it out and walk away)But like, what's my heart's work? What's the thing that I could pour my best into, and know that doing so was something I could do long-term? For me, and not just for the everyday pleasure of doing a good job, but the soul-deep version of Work?It's writing.3/?
       
 (DIR) Post #AxgiKlPYW0y0iK65M8 by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
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       My daily life, in two acts:#catsOfMastodon #Zele #Athina #cats
       
 (DIR) Post #AxgiKlsGnFw49NX172 by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
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       For a long time I said I didn't want to try to make a living from writing.It wasn't even about whether or not I thought I could. It just seemed like such a galaxy-class shitshow, and this is coming from someone with a degree in creative writing and a certificate in editing and publishing. I saw a bit behind the curtain and was like LOL no. I was finishing my degree right as the Kindle was released and self-publishing took off.Watching what's happened in publishing since then has been like being ring-side at a wrestling match. Entertaining, but I'm glad I'm not the one being hit with the folding chair.I still wrote. For the decade and a half since then, I've been writing. I think I'm actually ok at it. People seem to like it.And I never wanted to be rich. I want to pay the bills, have a comfortable home and money to socialize a little, be able to travel from time to time, and have good health. And of course, buy some books and plants and paints. I am middle-class to the bone, I don't know how to even want anything else. This is exactly the lifestyle that hard work and moderate success as a writer would eventually provide.4/?
       
 (DIR) Post #AxgiKmumvNXnNTiXg0 by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
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       I don't mind working eight hours a day, or even more if I had to make a push.But I can't do this gig job I'm doing for eight hours a day. I've tried. I started this job in May of 2024, so it's been over a year, and consistently I do about 6 hours a day if you average it out. I'd be happiest doing about 4. I could actually live on that here just fine!The issue is, going to about 4 hours a day while I looked for something I liked better, and ramped up my writing, would affect where I choose to live in Bangkok. There's a ceiling to where I could responsibly rent, and keep it under the 1/3 of your income it's supposed to be at.That affects my decisions *right now*, as I'm contacting rental agents.I'm not willing to live in a dump, been there done that in past years. I want to be near train transport so that I can get to my eventual Chinese classes with ease. I am not willing to do any more long commutes. But this still includes a ton of great apartments! Just...not in the sexy exciting part of Bangkok, haha.Which, if I worked full time at this job and later in another tech job, I could easily afford.But I don't think my heart could take it, metaphorically speaking.Location matters so much. I really don't want to make any mistakes there, especially on a lease and in a foreign country. I need to feel connected. But there is no use being close at hand to all the instagrammable cafes or whatever if I'm too soul sick from my job to even tolerate the sight of them. Not that I'm into that anyway, but they are fun to look at.5/?
       
 (DIR) Post #AxgiKnOD9z50qjU2XQ by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
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       This is all just a roundabout way to say that I want to focus on writing, and to make it my career.Really.I'll still try and devote enough time to a tech job, especially if it has to be full-time for a few years, to find joy in that and get some financial stability (which is desperately needed).But if there was anything I can say I was put on this earth to do, and always loved doing, it's writing fiction. I started at about four years old and just never quit.I don't want to lose that, in the big shuffle of switching hemispheres, in the crazed restructuring of the world economy and politics, and in the glamour of this city. There's a money dream here, just like in every big capital. I can catch a whiff of it now and then, and it makes me go what if...What if I wasn't me, and could make myself do whatever, and just accumulated all the lovely things I could afford and live that life? And not have to worry about the consequences or meaning of anything, or whether I stay true to the self I've somehow managed to hang onto for four decades?I know, no fortress of awesome possessions is worth that. Even if all I'm talking about is anime figurines, not a private jet.6/?
       
 (DIR) Post #AxgiKnp9XodACI5YX2 by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
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       But like...I'll die someday. Memento mori.And I think life is about giving, not taking. It's about dying, spent. In a good way. With your Big Project completed to your satisfaction. And hopefully surrounded by some loving faces who saw you through that project, or met you because of it.That's the dream!If you have a thing you really want to make or to accomplish, just what in the fuck is supposed to compensate for missing out on it? Nothing can.What I want to accomplish isn't necessarily making a liveable income from writing. That, to me, isn't what makes someone a writer. Or even making a dime. No, my Big Project, the lump of soul-stuff in me that wants to come out, are the stories.And try as I might, I just can't make them come out when they are a side gig.I don't want to have an occasional fling with my writing. I want to marry it. Even if we're polyamorous with tech.7/?
       
 (DIR) Post #AxgiKoA4I3MRF9sG8G by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
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       This is a long way of saying I'm changing careers. Again.I am a writer. Or an aspiring author. Whatever you want to call it.I also do tech work because I like it, and to keep myself and the kitties fed.I'm not, at the moment, an aspiring eventual cybersecurity professional anymore.That might alter in the coming years, because I still care about the profession and want to keep studying and tinkering with fascinating stuff. Part of my brain just *lives* there, watching the data flow by.But I gotta do something. What I love most is stuck inside me, and it's starting to hurt.On a day-to-day level probably nothing will change at first, though I do hope whatever IT job I get next to support myself while I build this, will just give me the regular tech headaches, not make me feel like crawling out of my skin on the daily.Any opinions are welcome. Thanks for reading all this.8/8(hey, that's my lucky number)
       
 (DIR) Post #AxgiKoYsnnD6U7U4oK by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
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       An addendum: I do feel in my gut that there's something I'm supposed to do in my life in relation to cybersecurity, which is a vague-ass thing to say, but that's because it's a vague yet strong hunch.It may not be a job. That's okay.
       
 (DIR) Post #AxgiKorffwEtQOH560 by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
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       TL:DR --I have spent so many poignant moments of my life being beaten by one thing, while staring longingly at another.No more. YOLO. I'm an author.
       
 (DIR) Post #AyZfrovOrKnIzzrK0e by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
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       @RussSharek That site is really nice. I let some little boats go, and I feel better for it.
       
 (DIR) Post #AyZfrqN5TsXHU9ownw by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
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       I'm gonna tell y'all about how to lock in and get stuff done:Prioritize joy as much as possible. It won't even feel like that much effort to do that work.The huge downside of this is that it's completely incompatible with the capitalist reward system.But I can say that feeding one's soul into the shredder is not the type of strategy anyone looks back on fondly. I've mostly heard the opposite.
       
 (DIR) Post #AzfB5F2CGiZoed62FM by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
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       @welshpixie Hey, I requested to join! I have no idea what I'm doing, I think I did it right.
       
 (DIR) Post #AzfB5Gwx9BZQawesLo by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
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       I had a dream where I broke down and said that wished I was cis -- like that I'd actually been a girl, as I was assigned. But it's not true. I'm not a girl -- I wouldn't want to be one -- I'm glad that I'm this nonbinary male-ish thing. I'm even glad I have a vagina, despite it being what caused other people to set me down the wrong path in the first place.I think that it's easier to wish you were cis, because then you can aim all the anger at yourself, instead of what feels like an intractable monolith of society.I don't know. My inner voice says things will get better for us trans people. I can't push back against the whole world in the meantime, but I can stand in my own joy to be what I am. I hope it's enough, and that it helps.
       
 (DIR) Post #AzrmR8oA7vYzuoMAk4 by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
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       The only thing I have actually disliked about being in Asia, is that I get up in the morning wanting to chat with people on here, and 99% of my mutuals have just gone to sleep. 🫤
       
 (DIR) Post #AzrmR9ecyrWyXWu4WG by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
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       I'd gotten used to six years of "morning coffee and Mastodon."That will be nice to enjoy again. 💚
       
 (DIR) Post #AzrmRAJOXI8mZxyd3w by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
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       Anyway, who's up??
       
 (DIR) Post #AzvWlA1SV3Hsq5wKFE by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
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       I am absolutely not going to absorb any negativity today.One day of happiness and feeling a trickle of hope. Let yourself have that, JFC. You gotta survive on something.
       
 (DIR) Post #AzvkmjmiQAFXOxgpP6 by erosdiscordia@onycha.monster
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       @Curator Yes."Growth" isn't just a number, too. The word can also mean, do your users grow as people from using your service?"Number go up" is great and all. But if admins fail to prevent people using their platform to regress to online assholes, they really built nothing IMHO.