At first she was his girlfriend. But as time went on they found that embarrassing, and things had changed anyway. So he called her his roommate. It was asexual, and sincere.

But that didn't last. So he began to call her his friend -- and then his good friend.

At some point he began to call her Borax With Brighteners.

Eventually he called her Vietnam.

And soon after, she left him for a man who called her Baby.