Today's Bit ============ How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psychopath. How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroid's. What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese. What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite. What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table. What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck. What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. Where do you find a no legged dog? Right where you left him. Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep. Why are there so many Johnson's in the phone book? They all have phones. Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from the noise. Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers. What do you get when an epileptic farmer falls in his lettuce patch? Seizure salad. A guy goes into a Chinese bar and says, "How 'bout a Stoly?" The bartender says, "Once upon a time . . . ." Did you hear they found a new use for sheep in Alabama?> Wool. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with . . . . the other is used to carry groceries. Why do Italians hate Jehovah's Witnesses? Italians hate ALL witnesses. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb. What has 75 balls and screws old ladies? Bingo! What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry. A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender says, "All right, I'll let ya stay---but don't start nuthin." Charlie Manson is sitting before the parole board. He says, "Is it hot in here or am I crazy?" Did you hear about the Amish woman who wanted a divorce? Her husband was driving her buggy. A guy is driving down the street. A cop pulls him over and says, "Sir, were you aware that your wife fell out of the car about a mile back?" The guy says, "Oh, thank God! I thought I went deaf." What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter. He won't come anyway. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer and a mop." What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an Atheist? Someone who knocks on your door for no reason. What's the different between a Jehovah Witness and a Yugo? You can slam the door on a Jehovah Witness. Have you heard about the new scientific study which discovered that a certain type of food decreases a woman's sex drive? It's called wedding cake.