Sat, 20 Aug 1994 19:14:54 -0700 for Date: Sat, 20 Aug 94 22:14 EDT From: "Doug Smith: Computer Czar--LuvDoug" Subject: Survey research To: socgrad@UCSD.EDU Hey. Since we are feeling free to pass academic humor on the board in lieu of real thought, I'll share one of my favorites. This poem was passed to me by a former professor here at Penn State (Thanks Dave!). A NOTE FROM THE UNDERGROUND BY RESPONDENT NO. 5542 The little men in untold legions Decend upon the private regions. Behold, my child, the questionnaire, And be as honest as you dare. "As briefly as possible, kindly state Age and income, height and weight. Sex (M or F); sex of spouse (or spouses-list). Do you own your house? How much of your income goes for rent? Give racial background, by percent. Have you had, or are you now having Orgasm? Or thereunto a craving? Will Christ return? If so, when? (kindly fill this out in pen) Do you masturbate? In what style? (fill and return the enclosed vial) Do you eat, or have you eaten Feces? Whose? And were you beaten? Was your mother? Sister? Dog? (attach descriptive catalogue.) Have you mystic inspiration? Our thanks for your co-operation." Distended now with new-got lore, Our plump and pleasant men-of-war Torture whimsey into fact, And then, to sanctify the act, Cast in gleaming, ponderous rows, Ingots of insipid prose. A classic paper! Soon to be, Rammed down the throats of such as we. * *Submitted anonymously in lieu of anonymous questionnaire in a study of student values and campus religion at the University of Wisconsin by N.J. Demerath III and Kenneth G. Lutterman. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chad C. Mulligan was a sociologist. He gave it up. - John Brunner Stand On Zanzibar -------------------------------------------------------------------------