From antunar@emba.gsm.uci.edu Date: Thu, 06 Apr 95 13:14:30 PST From: Ricardo Antuna To: argentina-cafe@journal.math.indiana.edu Subject: chistes de economistas Jokes about economists and economics I believe that even Adam Smith would enjoy these jokes... Heard at Boston University: Man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock." The shepherd thinks it over; it's a big flock, so he takes the bet. "973," says the man. The shepherd is astonished because that is exactly right. Says "OK, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." Man picks one up and begins to walk away. "Wait," cries the shepherd, "let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." Man says sure. "You are an economist for a government think tank," says the shepherd. "Amazing!" responds the man. "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?" "Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you." _________________________________________________________________ Two men are flying in a captive balloon. The wind is ugly, they deviate from their course, and they have no idea where they are. So they go down to 20 m above ground and ask a passing wanderer, "Could you tell us where we are?" "You are in a balloon." So the one pilot says to the other: "The answer is perfectly right and absolutely useless. The man must be an economist" "Then you must be businessmen," answers the man. "That's right! How did you know?" "You have such a good view from where you are, and yet you don't know where you are!" _________________________________________________________________ Light bulb jokes are always in. . . Q: How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it. _________________________________________________________________ Q: How many mainstream economists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two. One to change the bulb and one to assume the existence of ladders. _________________________________________________________________ Q: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb? A1: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself. A2: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in. The above light bulb jokes were stolen from an article in _The_Wharton_Journal_, Feb. 21, 1994, by Selena Maranjian, who undoubtedly pilfered the humor from someone else. Q: How many Boston M.A.'s does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, if you hire me. I can actually change the light bulb by myself. As you can see from my resume, I've had extensive experience changing light bulbs in my previous positions. I've also been named to the Boston Light Bulb list, and am presently a teaching assistant for Light Bulb Management 666. My only weakness is that I'm compulsive about changing light bulbs in my spare time. _________________________________________________________________ Q: How many E-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb? A: I'm writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about 5 years. _________________________________________________________________ Q:Why did God create economists? A:In order to make weather forecasters look good. _________________________________________________________________ An econometrician and an astrologer are arguing about their subjects. The astrologer says, "Astrology is more scientific. My predictions come out right half the time. Yours can't even reach that proportion." The econometrician replies, "That's because of external shocks. Stars don't have those." _________________________________________________________________ A totalitarian head of state requested an economist with one arm to advise the government. Why? Because he was tired of economists who say: "Well, on one hand... But on the other hand..." _________________________________________________________________ An economist is someone who didn't have enough personality to become an accountant. _________________________________________________________________ Q: What is a recent economics graduate's usual question in his first job? A: What would you like to have with your french fries, sir? _________________________________________________________________ A central banker walks into a pizzeria to order a pizza. When the pizza is done, he goes up to the counter to get it. There, a clerk asks him: "Should I cut it into six pieces or eight pieces?" The central banker replies: "I'm feeling rather hungry right now. You'd better cut it into eight pieces." _________________________________________________________________ Reproduced below is an Economist Joke that illustrates the separate facilities solution to an externality problem. Three guys decide to play a round of golf: a priest, a psychologist, and an economist. They get behind a *very* slow twosome, who, despite a caddy, are taking all day to line up their shots and four-putting every green, and so on. By the 8th hole, the three men are complaining loudly about the slow play ahead and swearing a blue streak. The priest says, "Holy Mary, I pray that they should take some lessons before they play again." The psychologist says, "I swear there are people that like to play golf slowly." The economist says, "I really didn't expect to spend this much time playing a round of golf." By the 9th hole, they have had it with the slow play, so the psychologist goes to the caddy and demands that they be allowed to play through. The caddy says OK, but then explains that the two golfers are blind, that both are retired firemen who lost their eyesight saving people in a fire, that that explains their slow play, and that would they please not swear and complain so loud. The priest is mortified; he says, "Here I am a man of the cloth and I've been swearing at the slow play of two blind men." The psychologist is also mortified; he says, "Here I am a man trained to help others with their problems, and I've been complaining about the slow play of two blind men." The economist ponders the situation. Finally, he goes back to the caddy and says, "Listen, the next time, could they play at night?" _________________________________________________________________ A physicist, a chemist and an economist are stranded on an island with nothing to eat. A can of soup washes ashore. The physicist says, "Let's smash the can open with a rock." The chemist says, "Let's build a fire and heat the can first." The economist says, "Let's assume that we have a can-opener..." _________________________________________________________________ Q: What's the difference between a finance major and an economics major? A: Opportunity Cost _________________________________________________________________ An economist, a philosopher, a biologist, and an architect were arguing about what was God's real profession. The philosopher said, "Well, first and foremost, God is a philosopher because he created the principles by which man is to live." "Ridiculous!" said the biologist. "Before that, God created man and woman and all living things, so clearly he was a biologist." "Wrong," said the architect. "Before that, he created the heavens and the earth. Before the earth, there was only complete confusion and chaos!" "Well," said the economist, "where do you think the chaos came from?" _________________________________________________________________ The First Law of Economists: For every economist, there exists an equal and opposite economist. The Second Law of Economists: They're both wrong. _________________________________________________________________ If all the economists were laid end to end... a) it would be a good thing b) they would be more comfortable c) they would never reach a conclusion d) all of the above e) none of the above _________________________________________________________________ Two economists are walking down the street. One sees a dollar lying on the sidewalk, and says so. "Obviously not," says the other. "If there were, someone would have picked it up!" _________________________________________________________________ We have 2 classes of forecasters: Those who don't know . . . and those who don't know they don't know. - John Kenneth Galbraith _________________________________________________________________ Murphy's law of economic policy: Economists have the least influence on policy where they know the most and are most agreed; they have the most influence on policy where they know the least and disagree most vehemently. - Alan S. Blinder _________________________________________________________________ Economists don't answer questions others make because they know what the answer is. They answer because they are asked. _________________________________________________________________ There is also a joke about the last May Day parade in the Soviet Union. After the tanks and the troops and the planes and the missiles rolled by, there came ten men dressed in black. "Are they spies?" asked Gorby. "They are economists," replied the KGB director. "Imagine the havoc they will wreak when we set them loose on the Americans." _________________________________________________________________ The mathematician's child and the economist's child were in the third grade together, and the teacher asked, "If one man with one shovel can dig a ditch in ten days, how long would it take ten men with ten shovels to dig the same ditch?" Both children raised their hands. The teacher said to the mathematician's child, "Johnny, how long?" Little Johnny said, "One day, teacher." The teacher looked at the economist's child and said, "John Maynard, is that right?" Little John Maynard said, "Teacher, it all depends..." _________________________________________________________________ Given 1000 economists, there will be 10 theoretical economists with different theories on how to change the light bulb and 990 empirical economists laboring to determine which theory is the *correct* one, and everyone will still be in the dark.