~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright 1994 by Daniel Keys Moran. All rights reserved. I, Daniel Keys Moran, "The Author," hereby release this text as freeware. It may be transmitted as a text file anywhere in this or any other dimension, without reservation, so long as the story text is not altered IN ANY WAY. No fee may be charged for such transmission, save handling fees comparable to those charged for shareware programs. THIS WORK MAY NOT BE PRINTED OR PUBLISHED IN A BOOK, MAGAZINE, ELECTRONIC OR CD-ROM STORY COLLECTION, OR VIA ANY OTHER MEDIUM NOW EXISTING OR WHICH MAY IN THE FUTURE COME INTO EXISTENCE, WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THE AUTHOR. THIS WORK IS LICENSED FOR READING PURPOSES ONLY. ALL OTHER RIGHTS ARE RESERVED BY THE AUTHOR. DESCRIPTION: The following was a spec screenplay, written by myself and my sister, for the television show "Dream On." Nothing ever came of it. If you're a fan of that show, though, you might enjoy "Another One Bites the Dust." I still think it's one of the funnier things either Jodi or I ever wrote. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dream On: another one bites the dust Daniel Keys Moran & Jodi Moran ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FADE IN: 1 INT. MARTIN TUPPER'S OFFICE 1 MARTIN is reading at his desk - the New York Times Book Review. * INSERT - NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER LIST * The Number One entry for nonfiction is The Last Dancer, by Richard Stone. The Number One entry for fiction is of course Devlin's Razor, also by Richard Stone. 1 INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - CONTINUING 1 MARTIN (muttering) He's at the top of both charts. TOBY calls from the outer office. TOBY Did you say something? Martin comes out to her desk, waving the Times angrily. MARTIN The Pulitzers weren't enough. The Emmys weren't enough. The awards and the honors and the appearances on Nightline! They weren't enough for him! Now he's intruding in my field! TOBY (figuring it out) Your ex's husband, Richard. His novel is doing well? MARTIN Number One! His non-fiction's been at the top of the list for three months. For three months I haven't been able to look at that list! Now he's at Number One on the fiction list. How many Mondays am I going to have to come in here and look at this? C-1 FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER (CLIP) C1 1 TOBY'S DESK - CONTINUING 1 MARTIN (shakes paper wildly) It's not fair! He didn't need this! TOBY You know, Martin, you're not dealing with this well. MARTIN What do you know about this, Toby? All your ex's are dead! TOBY It's neater that way. MARTIN (breathing heavily) I'm going home for the day. If anybody asks, I'm gone. Martin goes back inside his office. We HEAR the sound of things crashing and breaking. JUDITH enters. JUDITH Hi, Toby. Is Martin in? TOBY Ah -- no, no. He's not here. (crashing sound) He left. You should leave too. (breaking sound; Toby speaks urgently) Maybe right now. JUDITH Is that Martin? TOBY No, that's -- that's the cleaning people. They're cleaning. Martin's not here. Martin comes out. Judith looks at Toby in bewilderment. JUDITH Cleaning people? MARTIN Judith! How wonderful. C-2 MAN SHOOTING SELF IN HEAD (CLIP) C-2 1 TOBY'S DESK - CONTINUING 1 JUDITH I thought I'd come take you to lunch. Sort of a celebration. Richard's novel debuted at -- MARTIN (breathing heavily) You don't say. JUDITH -- number one. Isn't that wonderful? C-3 MAN HANGING SELF (CLIP) C-3 1 TOBY'S DESK - CONTINUING 1 TOBY He's thrilled. (to Martin) Neater. Remember that. MARTIN (hyperventilating) Thrilled. JUDITH ... Can we talk in your office? MARTIN No. The cleaning people haven't come. It's a mess. JUDITH Martin, are you okay? You're hyperventilating. Martin opens his mouth to say something. His mouth works but nothing comes out and he abruptly grabs his coat, turns and leaves. Judith looks at Toby. TOBY He's so happy for both of you. CUT TO: 2 INT. EDDIE CHARLES' STUDIO 2 They are taping the EDDIE CHARLES show. Eddie's guest is a Very Famous Horror Writer -- you know, Steven Prince. Him. Martin stands, watching, crumpled newspaper in his hand. EDDIE -- guest today is the best selling writer in the world, a writer who has scared more readers than anyone else alive today. C-4 MAD SCIENTIST AT WORK (CLIP) C-4 2 INT. EDDIE'S STUDIO -- CONTINUING 2 PRINCE I never really wanted to be a horror writer. (Bug eyes.) I wanted to be a lumberjack! (Eyes normal.) That's a joke. Monty Python. But I always wanted to write romances. So I did. EDDIE (professional veneer slips) You did not. PRINCE I've finished the book already. It's really good. Hot stuff, cross my heart. Unfortunately, my current publisher doesn't want to put it out. They think it'll damage my image. EDDIE Is that possible? C-5 DEFACING A STATUE/PAINTING (CLIP) C-5 2 INT. STUDIO - CONTINUING 2 PRINCE It really is a romance novel. About a character named Agony Chilblains. Eddie is at a loss for words. EDDIE Romance. Well, romance is -- romance is good. Martin's insane gloom lightens; he has an idea. C-6 VAST RICHES SHALL BE YOURS (CLIP) C-6 2 INT. STUDIO -- CONTINUING. 2 The studio audience is applauding; the show is over. Martin comes back from his dream, tags Eddie on his way offstage. EDDIE Martin! Hey, buddy. You know, I met this girl -- MARTIN No kidding. EDDIE Big horror fan. You'd be amazed at what women will do to meet this man. MARTIN (waving crumpled, sweaty Times) Never mind that. Have you seen this? EDDIE (taking it gingerly) It's damp. MARTIN He's at Number One, Eddie! Both lists! EDDIE (hands it back) Yeah, I heard. MARTIN What am I going to do? EDDIE You could hire someone to kill Richard Stone. C-7 THAT'S AN IDEA! (CLIP) C-7 2 INT. STUDIO - CONTINUING. 2 MARTIN No -- no, then I'd have to console Judith. And I'd feel guilty and she'd know. She always knows about things like that. EDDIE Jeez, Martin, I was kidding. MARTIN Look, Eddie, introduce me to Mr. Prince. EDDIE Sure. Prince stands a ways off, chatting with the show's staff, signing autographs. Eddie and Martin go over to him. PRINCE -- and his head came right off! Funniest thing I ever saw! EDDIE Mr. Prince, I wanted to introduce my friend, Martin Tupper. Martin's an editor with Whitestone Publishing. PRINCE You're the guys who publish all those sleazy exploitation bios, aren't you? MARTIN That's us. PRINCE (suspiciously) What do you think about romances? MARTIN (unconvincingly) Romances are fine -- fine, really. Listen, Mr. Prince -- PRINCE Call me Steve. Big Steve. MARTIN Listen, Steve -- Big Steve -- sleazy exploitational bios aren't all we do. We do children's books too! And we want to branch out, into romances! PRINCE Really. MARTIN We'd love to publish your romance. PRINCE Have you ever published a romance before? MARTIN (thinking quickly) "The Dame with the Two-Fisted Legs." PRINCE That was a romance? MARTIN Sort of. PRINCE Great! I like to work with people who have experience. And conviction! Most editors are spineless, gutless, little wormlike creatures. C-8 SPINELESS, GUTLESS, WORMLIKE CREATURES (CLIP) C-8 2 INT. STUDIO - CONTINUING. 2 MARTIN Not me! PRINCE Well. I'll send the book over. If you like it and can pay five million, I'll be over on Monday to sign the contract. MARTIN But -- you -- five million? You want us to publish your book for five million dollars? PRINCE It's what I get per book. (to Eddie:) I thought everyone knew that. Eddie looks embarrassed; he thought everyone knew that too. C-8 FISHERMAN/THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY (CLIP) C-8 2 STUDIO - CONTINUING 2 MARTIN We'll publish it! We'll publish it! Five million -- no problem. (holds hand out to shake) I'll see you Monday. Prince shakes hands, exits. Martin and Eddie are left together. EDDIE So, you figure this book will knock Richard out of Number One. MARTIN On the fiction list, anyway! Isn't this great? C-9 YOU'RE BEING PROMOTED, SON! (CLIP) C-9 2 STUDIO - CONTINUING 2 EDDIE You should call Judith up, really get in her face with this. MARTIN I am too good a person to do something like that to someone I still care about. Eddie nods, grinning. Sure you are. CUT TO: 3 INT. GIBBY'S OFFICE 3 GIBBY The man gets five million per book, Martin. You know that? MARTIN He's worth it. GIBBY Oh, I know he's worth it. And we'll make our money back on the deal. But we're a small company; to raise this kind of money we're going to have to cut at least twenty of the books in the pipeline. Most of them your writers; it only seems fair. MARTIN (swallowing) I can handle that. GIBBY We'll have to cut back on staff, too. Starting with, uhm -- C-10 YOU'RE FIRED! (CLIP) C-10 3 INT. GIBBY'S OFFICE - CONTINUING 3 GIBBY -- your secretary, what's-her-name. C-11 RELIEF/BETTER HER THAN ME (CLIP) C-11 3 INT. GIBBY'S OFFICE - CONTINUING 3 MARTIN Toby. GIBBY Can't afford her. And you won't have that many writers to deal with, you won't need her now. Martin is wavering. C-12 YOU'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING! (CLIP) C-12 3 INT. GIBBY'S OFFICE - CONTINUING. 3 MARTIN (desperately) We have to publish this! GIBBY That's my boy! You've got a Steven Prince novel. Fuck the rest of the world, eh? (smiling; friendly) Knew you had it in you. You should call your ex-wife up and throw it in her face. MARTIN I'm not the kind of person who would do that. GIBBY Pity. It's great fun. CUT TO: 4 TOBY'S DESK 4 MARTIN Toby, I need to talk to you -- TOBY Martin! We're really publishing Steven Prince? MARTIN Well, yes. But -- TOBY Have you called up Judith yet, to gloat? MARTIN No! Toby, this is very difficult -- TOBY What is it? MARTIN Well, this book is very expensive. It's costing the firm a lot. TOBY Gibby's not taking our bonuses away again! C-13 KILL HER QUICKLY; IT'S KINDER (CLIP) C-13 4 TOBY'S DESK - CONTINUING 4 MARTIN We're going to have to let you go. We'll give you two weeks and then a month's severance pay. TOBY (slowly) Is this a joke? Gibby put you up to this, right? MARTIN (swallows) No. I'm sorry. It's not a joke. Uh, where are you going? TOBY (clearly shaken; picking up her purse) Lunch. For the rest of the day. Maybe longer. CUT TO: 5 INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - INTERCUT W/JUDITH 5 Martin sits at his desk a moment, then shakes himself. This is getting tough. Suddenly he smiles. MARTIN I'm not too good a person to gloat. Martin picks up the phone and calls Judith. MARTIN Hey, Jude! JUDITH Martin. Look, I'm glad you called. I'm really sorry about this morning, I wasn't thinking. MARTIN (doesn't want apology) Yeah, well, guess what? Guess who we're publishing? JUDITH Oh, Martin, you didn't buy another one of those exploitation bios? MARTIN No, no, that's not it. (dramatic pause) Steven Prince. JUDITH Oh, Martin, that's wonderful! Uhm, can your company afford him? MARTIN Oh, sure. No problem. And get this; it's a complete change of subject for him. We're publishing a romance novel he wrote! Isn't that wild? JUDITH Romance? MARTIN Romance. Remember that book he wrote about the romance novelist? JUDITH Certainly. Richard said it was a cry for help. C-14 "OF COURSE HE DID." (CLIP) C-14 5 INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE/INTERCUT W/JUDITH 5 MARTIN (annoyed) Anyway, he's messengering the book over later today. We're having lunch Monday; the book should be at the printers within a week; in stores within a month. JUDITH But -- that'll knock Richard's book out of Number One. MARTIN (unconvincingly) Really? JUDITH Martin -- you're not just doing this to be petty -- are you? C-15 I'M GUILTY! GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY! (CLIP) C-15 5 INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - CONTINUING. 5 MARTIN No. Of course not. It's just a coincidence. JUDITH You are! MARTIN It's just business, Jude. JUDITH Speaking as a psychologist, this kind of behavior is petty and childish and I hope you die. Judith hangs up. Martin doesn't look happy. CUT TO: 6 INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - LATER THAT DAY 6 Martin is on the phone. MARTIN Look, Mary, you understand that we've valued your relationship with Whitestone Publishing. But with the current financial constraints on the company, we're going to have to return the manuscript to you and suggest you seek a new publisher -- no, no, we're not displeased with the work -- really, I've always loved your writing -- yes, yes, I understand that -- no, we're not asking for a rewrite, we just can't publish your book -- look, I'm trying to make this easy for both of us -- C-16 COLD BLOODED KILLER AT WORK (CLIP) C-16 CUT TO: 7 INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - LATER 7 Martin is on the phone, tie loosened, sweating. MARTIN Well, Jack, your last couple of books didn't sell so well. This isn't a personal thing, we're just cutting costs here and you happened to be one of the places we've had to cut. No, no, please don't cry, it's not your fault, really -- please stop crying. C-17 ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST (CLIP) C-17 CUT TO: 8 INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - LATER 8 His tie and coat are off; he looks like hell. MARTIN You think this is easy for me, Terry? Do you? I've been editing your books for six years! I don't want to stop editing your work, but I don't have any choice in the matter! And neither do you! C-18 AND ANOTHER ONE DOES (CLIP) C-18 CUT TO: 9 INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - LATER 9 MARTIN Hi, Dorothy. Yeah, this is Martin over at Whitestone. (shouts) Get a new publisher! Martin slams the phone down. C-19 EVERYONE HATES YOU, BUDDY (CLIP) C-19 CUT TO: 10 INT. MARTIN'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM 10 Martin is reading a manuscript. The title is, of course, . Eddie is in the kitchen getting a beer. EDDIE How is it, man? MARTIN (dazed) This is the worst thing I've ever read. EDDIE I thought you liked Prince's stuff. MARTIN I do. Did. But this -- I don't even understand what's happening in this story. Agony keeps getting ravished -- but she's still a virgin -- so I'm not sure what happens when she gets ravished. Maybe it's just, like, really violent foreplay? Martin looks at Eddie to see what he thinks of this idea; Eddie nods, maybe that's it. MARTIN And she's got five different men in love with her and they're all named Burke Smythington-Wellesly-Smith. EDDIE All of them? MARTIN Except for Ralph. But I think Ralph is secretly her mother who had the sex change operation. (stares at Eddie wide-eyed) I can't publish this. CUT TO: 11 INT. GIBBY'S OFFICE 11 GIBBY What's wrong with it? MARTIN It's incoherent, Gibby! GIBBY Well, the books you buy usually are, Martin. It's never seemed to bother you before. MARTIN Gibby, we can't publish this! The reviewers will savage it. We'll be a laughingstock! C-20 PEOPLE LAUGHING AND POINTING (CLIP) C-20 11 INT. GIBBY'S OFFICE - CONTINUING 11 GIBBY Martin, listen to me. I would publish this book if it were Prince's private collection of letters he'd written to Penthouse Forum. I'd publish anything with his name on it. We are going to publish this and that's the end of the matter. Now, I understand you two are having lunch. Go schmooze the man -- and stop whining. Martin, whipped, turns to go. GIBBY Oh, Martin. (Martin turns back) When you talk to him -- ask him if he's ever written anything to Penthouse Forum. Okay? Just ask. In passing. CUT TO: 12 AT TOBY'S DESK 12 MARTIN Did you make the reservations I asked for? TOBY What reservations? MARTIN For my lunch. With Prince. Toby advances on Martin threateningly; Martin retreats toward his office. TOBY Do you honestly think I've got time to make reservations for you to go out to lunch? I'm busy looking for a new job! I'm pounding the pavement. Reading the newspaper. Making telephone calls. Sucking up to people in interviews. My cheeks ache from smiling. (shouts) I'm not a natural smiler, Martin! Martin backs into his office and slams the door. TOBY (from the other side of the door) And stay in there! CUT TO: 13 AT LUNCH - IN A SLEAZY DINER 13 PRINCE Nice place. C-21 BETTE DAVIS - "WHAT A DUMP" (CLIP) C-21 13 AT LUNCH - IN A SLEAZY DINER - CONTINUING 13 MARTIN Yeah, it's got -- got -- atmosphere. And burgers -- burgers, shakes, fries, that all-American thing, that thing you write about. Brand names. (whips up ketchup bottle) Look, Heinz! PRINCE (nods approvingly) Americana. You know, Martin, I don't think an editor's ever taken me to a place like this before. (stares at Martin) I think you understand. MARTIN (abruptly stomping on floor) That wasn't a cockroach. C-22 MILLIONS OF BUGS SWARMING (CLIP) C-22 13 AT LUNCH - IN A SLEAZY DINER - CONTINUING 13 PRINCE Looked like one. Kind of small, though. In Texas they have cockroaches as big as your hand. Want to see one? C-23 ONE GIANT BUG (CLIP) C-23 13 AT LUNCH - IN A SLEAZY DINER - CONTINUING 13 MARTIN Have you got it with you? PRINCE In the car. His name's Dennis. C-24 DENNIS THE MENACE (CLIP) C-24 13 AT LUNCH - IN A SLEAZY DINER - CONTINUING 13 MARTIN Dennis. PRINCE He didn't want to come in. MARTIN Oh. PRINCE (explaining) Wasn't hungry. MARTIN (change the subject, quick) I just love your books! May I ask you a question? PRINCE Shoot. MARTIN What prompted you to give up horror for romance writing? PRINCE Fear. MARTIN You're afraid of your own writing? PRINCE No! Well, yes. But not the writing part. What comes before. MARTIN I don't understand. PRINCE (instant paranoia) You're not like the others, are you? MARTIN What others? PRINCE The ones who think there's some shame in romance writing, who think that horror writing is better in some obscure way. You know -- (ranting, words tumbling out; people turn to look) -- I can't sleep at night. If you did all day what I do all day, you wouldn't be able to sleep at night either. Other people hear a noise in the night and they think the house is settling. Me, I'm forty-four years old and I still have to check under the bed before I go to sleep. My own children are afraid of me! I have rats scritching in my walls -- giant mutant android rats. (pause) Playing reggae music. (leans forward, eyes bug out) Loud reggae music! MARTIN Really. PRINCE (abruptly subsiding; matter- of-fact:) Well, maybe not really. But sometimes I think they are. MARTIN I love romances. I've always kind of thought of myself as that romantic type. Just ask my ex-wife. PRINCE I can trust you, can't I? You're not like other editors, are you? You're a real person. With emotions; a heart. Blood, and intestines. MARTIN You bet. PRINCE Let's go sign that contract. MARTIN You're not hungry? PRINCE I ate already. In the car, with Dennis. CUT TO: 14 INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE 14 Martin has the contract sitting on the desk in front of Prince. Prince sits in the guest chair. PRINCE This is what I always wanted to do. Sometimes, Martin, I just get this urge to show my softer side. MARTIN Well, you've certainly shown it. C-25 SOFT IN THE HEAD! (CLIP) C-25 14 INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - CONTINUING 14 PRINCE So what do you like best about the book? MARTIN (looking for a pen on his desk) Uh -- uh -- Burke Smythington- Wellesly-Smith. PRINCE Which one? Martin tries one pen -- it doesn't write. MARTIN The second one. PRINCE The one that used to be Agony's mother before the sex change? MARTIN (finding a pen that writes) I thought that was Ralph. PRINCE (shrugging) Could have been. Prince reaches for the pen Martin is offering him. He pauses, reaches again; his fingers close around the pen clumsily, and the pen drops to the ground. He leans over to reach for it, is unable to, and slumps back into his chair. PRINCE (gasping; clutching chest) I need another pen. That one's -- no good. MARTIN (slow on uptake) Are you okay? (comes around desk, picks up pen) It's a perfectly fine pen. PRINCE (gasping; turning red) It is not. MARTIN Look, it writes. PRINCE (spasming) I need a new pen! His head falls forward on his chest and he sits there limply. MARTIN (grabbing Prince by the shirtfront and shaking him) Are you all right? Are you dying? Prince doesn't answer. MARTIN You have to sign this contract first! You can't die! (shakes Prince violently) Thirty seconds! I only need thirty seconds! (begins slapping Prince) Breathe! Breathe! C-26 TAKE THAT! AND THAT! (CLIP) C-26 14 INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - CONTINUING 14 Toby enters as Martin is slapping Prince around. TOBY What are you doing? MARTIN (dropping Prince abruptly) Nothing. TOBY (peering at Prince closely) Is he -- is he -- dead? MARTIN (guilty) No. TOBY Did you kill him? MARTIN Of course not! TOBY (screaming loudly) Oh my God! He's killed the best- selling writer in the world! Gibby enters. GIBBY Do I hear screaming? TOBY Martin killed Steven Prince! MARTIN I did not! Toby runs outside to her desk. We HEAR HER on the phone in the background. GIBBY You killed him? (pause) This is wonderful! We couldn't buy this kind of publicity! I can see it now: EDITOR OFFS BELOVED HORROR WRITER; GETS ELECTRIC CHAIR! We'll make money hand over foot. Every poor book-reading schmuck in the country will snap up a copy of Agony -- (looks at Martin consideringly) And while you're on death row, you can write your memoirs: WHY I KILLED STEVEN PRINCE. We'll make money together, Martin. You and I. MARTIN (screaming) I didn't kill him! GIBBY Can you prove that? MARTIN He had a heart attack! Or a stroke, I don't know. Call an ambulance! Toby enters. TOBY I've already called the police. (gives Martin the evil eye) Fire me, will you? GIBBY Look at the opportunity, Martin. Even if you didn't do it, I think it would be in our best interests if you were to admit to it. MARTIN He didn't sign the contract, Gibby. GIBBY I'll send women on visiting days. Whoever you ask for. I'll send -- what? He didn't what? MARTIN Sign the contract. GIBBY (screaming) How could you kill him before he signed the contract? You've ruined us. You bastard -- you -- Judith enters. JUDITH Do I hear screaming? MARTIN No! GIBBY Wait. Wait. We can forge his signature. (He knocks Prince from the chair, begins rifling his pockets. Look, his wallet! His driver's license has his signature! (thrusting license at Martin) Take care of it, Martin. (turning to Judith & Toby) Could you both step outside for a moment? TOBY I'm sorry, Gibby, but I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone with Martin. Him being the murderer that he is. JUDITH (a flash of normalcy) He's -- dead? Oh, my God, he's dead. MARTIN I didn't kill him! At this point, two police officers enter the room. Over the general babble, one cop shouts. COP All right, all right! Let's have some quiet here! Now, who's the victim, and who's the murderer? Gibby waves a disgusted hand at the body; Toby points at Martin. CUT TO: 15 INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - LATER 15 Paramedics are rolling Prince's body out on a gurney. In the BG, a cop is speaking to Toby. COP Look, we can't arrest him for giving the guy a heart attack. It's inconsiderate, but it's not a crime. In the FG, Martin and Judith are sitting together, ignoring everyone else. JUDITH I'm so sorry, Martin. I know how much this book meant to you. And I'm sorry for what I said the other day. MARTIN It's okay. You were right, I was being petty. I only wanted Prince to knock Richard out of the #1 spot. It's just -- really hard, having to deal with the constant reminders of his perfection. JUDITH He knows. He said to tell you he forgives you. CUT TO: 16. TOBY'S DESK - LATER 16 Martin is pleading with Toby. MARTIN Toby, I'd really like you to stay on. TOBY Hah. MARTIN Please? TOBY You fired me! MARTIN You tried to get me arrested for murder. TOBY I was upset. My feet hurt. All that hitting the pavement. MARTIN So you'll stay? TOBY My eyes hurt, too. Those ads are printed in really small type. MARTIN Does this mean you're staying? TOBY Aw, I guess so. MARTIN Great! Look, Toby, would you get me a list of my writers? TOBY (snarling) Get it yourself. CUT TO: 17 INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - LATER 17 Martin is on the phone. * INSERT - A LIST OF NAMES, ABOUT TWENTY OF THEM. * Half the names have checkmarks next to them. Midway down the list, the name Dorothy Fontana lacks a checkmark. 17 INT. MARTIN'S OFFICE - CONTINUING 17 MARTIN Dorothy -- I understand some maniac has been calling -- ha ha -- claiming to be me, screaming at you about your needing to get a new publisher. (listens) No, we don't know who it was, but we've notified the police. Yes, yes, the police are looking into it. FADE OUT. ROLL END CREDITS