Anti-Social Media Worldwide Presents... A Vicious Propaganda Production vvv vvv pppppppp /------------------\ vvv vvv ppp ppp | Bumpin uglies | vvv vvv ppp ppp | for the lord, | vvv vvv ppp ppp | Yall' must think | vvv vvv icious pppppppp ropaganda | we're off our | vvvvv ppp | gourd... | vvv ppp version 3.05 \------------------/ ASCII Art... Can you dig it? Table Of Contents ================= Article Composer ------- -------- 1.0 Quote Of The Month 2.0 B187's Gross Overexageration B187 3.0 Inside danoZANO's Skull danoZANO 4.0 Better Living Thru Subversion MySTiK 5.0 Guest Rant noid 6.0 31i73 k014 B187 7.0 Closing Comments B187 1.0 Quote Of The Month ====================== "If someone has consistently good luck, it ain't luck" -Spider Murphy 2.0 Gross Overexagertation - B187 ================================= This Month's Topic... Selling out to Yahoo! After months of desperation, I decided to promote "net.VP" by registering it with Yahoo! and a couple other search engines. I thought that with a little luck, net.VP would reach a bigger audience... Boy was I right. Within 5 days I got 300 new hits. 300 people who've never seen VP before. I got marriage proposals from women (well... woman... but that's not the point.) for christ's sakes! But the thing that impacted me the most was an e-mail I got just the other day... To: vicious.propaganda@juno.com From: bucksatan@hotmail.com Subject: Your zine sucks... What sort of publisher do you consider yourself? Vicious Propaganda (or whatever you call it.) is the biggest load of crap I've ever read in quite a while. You should have saved yourself the trouble of selling out to Yahoo and even putting the page up to begin with. Simply said, do the world a favor and delete your page NOW! Thank you for your time, bucksatan@hotmail.com Anyhow, I sent buck a little (10k) E-Mail which I won't publish here to keep down on length and "your mom" jokes... (Who ever said I was mature?) So, B (reffering to myself in the third person) is an unhappy camper altogether. I encourage that you e-mail bomb him at once. Remember "bucksatan@hotmail.com" is your one stop shop for all things asshole... This issue proves to be a good one. danoZANO appears again to throw a little curveball into the mix, as does MySTiK and his "Subverstion of Fury" that somehow only happens to work on females at coffee shops who are trying to do their homework... And for the first time, a cameo from one of Barfing Yak's finest: noid!!!!! Enjoy. Not done selling out yet, B187 3.0 Inside danoZANO's Skull - danoZANO ====================================== Here's a transcript of a convo between myself and booger recently . ..perhaps this will shed some blight on the creative process and explain a bit about it all at the same time. Or not. i have been churning article ideas around, but. . i don't know if they will prove suitable for your fine virtuous zeen! hey, it's cool if you can't come up with anything for 3.05 I wouldn't wanna kill my star talent. I can take articles till the 12th, but that's pushin it... ok, i have a bit of time too refine the ideas then . .. i dig ya, i'll try to hammer on these puppies, but it's been dry earth of late. . for dano tho... anything...:) hm, in the works i have cheesetales, a fine article about bathroom air-mints, meaning the plastic things they install in the public loo to make it smell pretty.... I actually spoke at some length with an air-mint installation technician recently, and he informed me that though there was no jasmine scented mint, the tropical was popular because it reminded people of a Pina Colada. I thought it was nice that people wanted to feel like they were on a miniature south seas-style vacation every time they stepped out, so I am working on different scents for the mints. I'm thinking of a cheddar-flavored one, to give people the tranquility of being surrounded by the lovely scent of sharp cheesiage as they grunt away. Sort of an old-fashioned Danish cellar o' cheese feel, like you're in the Old Country in a dirt-floored bathroom with cheese all around you. Very homey. no shit. i've been harasing people. I like to tell them about the chemical make-up of shake machine lubricant, especially after they've taken a big slurping mouthful. cool! queule! You must really put a lot of people off their feed that way! Has anyone ever actually beaten you about the head and shoulders for that type of prankishness? noid did a cheese article... hehehehhe... i heard! i hear it was quite a rant! but he diddin lemme read it! you'll be able to by the meet... right on! i have 2 to write for you, and one for him...and eventually some more for Gargantuasupplement.. coolie. how long is best for you? articlewise? hey... no pressure... whatever dano feels like. uh oh, i see now . . . nooooooooo pressure! he says! you're the creative genius, stretch it however you wanna... heh! but a secret: no pressure makes no article! and I want you to be happy with the end shape of your zean. okay then... I want 2 articles on my desktop, 9500 w0rds long each... you mind if i let the computer write 'em then? i have to go to work! AND I WANT THEM 5 seconds AGO!!!! :) heh! I can do that, i have this predictive upload prot that actually dumps the data over before you tell it what to send, and there's a patch my buddy Doghead wrote that tweaks it to actually fabricate new files to suit the need and send them before they're written AND before you don't not tell it what it isn't that you didn't want to not not say. It's all very confusing. hey, i understand. hehe! i have really been prodding myself for these articles, with a real prod. i'd planned to write them tonight but that was before it got to be way past beddy bye time i have the first day off in 6 months manana... wow! that's a long time! yep. well, i have to get some sleep. i was secretly hoping you'd log tonight so you'd get my message, i'm glad you got on when you did! BTW - Eyebrow hair boy sez hi... right on, several of the items in your recent treasure trove are currently in prominent display in the Gargantuadrome. .thanks for those habanero pepper cigarettes, they're great. The blisters on my lungs are healing right up, too. dano... you know where my brother's zit cream is? umm, yes. It's right under the couch, left front corner, and i think there's something in front of it. I'm getting a word, it's ..muffin. There is a blue box of Jiffy muffin mix right in front of it, the energy's really strong now ...someone dropped the box a long time ago, and it's lain untouched for lo these many moons. should i be afraid now? no, i hope not to know, actually.. yes... is any part of your body which does not normally wear jewelry immersed in it? me neither... the tacos here are like crab grass...long and stringy, man. Long and stringy. i like to check in the black thing, that's where most stuff seems to end up. that's the black thing for you. ... it holds all. pretty nifty. ah...i see... i inherited it. from a friend. when he moved. damn fool had newspaper 3 feet deep on his floor by the time he moved out, i personally collected over 500 marlboro miles from discarded packs on the floor! I am gonna make another curious bag o'stuff...perhaps with vegeable clippings in it. well... go sleep lad... arrrrrrr, avast ye! i goes te sleep then! have a calm day off. you know! yeah... you have a calm working day... :) dano... an office job? hrm... yep, it's temp work....but the bux are good, and my hands stay pretty clean, and i can have desk toys. I just moved Freaky the weasel in, he lives in a drawer in my desk. I hope the others don't notice, cause he does smell sometimes..and he steals my paper clips. every office is like that, i guess i've been lucky not to be incarcerated! cool job then. lovely. really. Wouldn't trade it, sometimes. Plus I can do what i want if my work moves along .. like write articles? i tried today! :) but i only had about 40 minutes, and nothing helped... i jotted notes all day, but it's end-of-the-month, when the work is heaviest, and they're switching their LAN over. . .it's a WAN really...so all the paper paperwork goes to me. well... you deserve a cookie then... :) damn skippy i deserve a cookie! well, a cookie you shall get. but i wouldn't like to be too forward, don't you know. Can't just walk up and expect everyone you meet to go handing you a cookie, it's not like cheese is, you of all people should know all about that, don't you think? hey, coffee this next week? yep! tues nite? or did you mean other coffee? cause that can work too. other coffee? yeah, an Uncle Salty, perhaps, everyone's drinking 'em... you know, they're not ... the normal thing... Exactly! cool! And you can make 'em....in the Boogerm0bile! yep... woww i wanna paint it no. aw, cmon, blue stripes with orange and purple dog skeletons fucking on the doors no no no no no no... i dunno, which one you refering to? and the shiny door handles can be either dog tags or weenies i'll think about it... depending on their exact configuration. Their placement, you see. i had my heart set on puke green with mauve flames. whew! the Flaming Booger! exactly... hot... sexy... cyber e-males... hehe! with null modems! for safety, so no actual modeming need take place on CO equipment! ooooohhhh baby... so who's this Buckwheat Sticke you keep needling me with? sounds like some ethnic secret agent rock star type That's my new alter ego... You're white. I'm sorry. But that is just how it is Hi... I is Buckwheat Sticke... There may be hope, but you need to understand! You should see me in blackface... i should! the meet's tuesday... and i can bring you a straw hat and a cane hrm... tempting... i'll call you massuh kingfish... hehe! Ah be Mistah Interlocutor, and y'all cain be Mistah Bones! Ah's agwine weah mah silbah shues. . w00 h4h! i saw a sticker. ..Gay Pride -- Not Just For Homosexuals Anymore! hrm... 'hrm', i like that .. kind of a sideways guffaw thing.. pull an ellen!!! 'Pull an Ellen?' pulanelen! nelenalup sounds like Eskimo, or Pygmy or gibberish i really do need to get going! And that's when I went to sleep, so help me God, so anything else in this issue I am absolutely denying flat out that I influenced at all. -dz 4.0 Better Living Thru Subversion - MySTiK ========================================== This Month's Lesson: Eating Taco Bell Food... How many of you out there have been eating at Taco Bell and all of a sudden your burrito falls apart, or your taco starts to drop meat all over the table? Don't be shy it has happened to everyone at some point or another. This can be avoided however by learning the proper way to eat Taco Bell food. Now many people belive that this is a very simple matter, it is not. First we will start with the ever popular burrito. To eat this item correctly we must first look at how one should hold the burrito. One must never just grab the burrito by the middle and start to eat away at it. You must gently lift the burrito and with one hand cradle the bottom of the burrito, thus giving it support. Next comes in the actual biting of the burrito. One should never bite and try to pull away. This will cause tearing and eventually bean misplacement. You need to bite down throughly. Use your teeth to sever the soft shell of the burrito then pull back. These simple manuvers can help you save the embarrasment of finding sauce and beans on your jeans. These maneuvers will work for all burritos on the menu. For the next item why don't we look at the taco. Contrary to new T.V. comercials you do not need to suffer "Taco Neck Syndrome" to eat a taco with out spilling. Instead of tilting your head tilt the taco so that it is paralell to the table. If you can keep it this way you will avoid "TNS" and you will avoid spillage. As with the burrito manuvers this will work with any other taco on the menu. For the final item this article we will be discussing drinks. Drinks are commonly drank the improper way, that is thru a straw. Taco Bellians should never and I repeat NEVER consume their soda or any other beverage thru a straw. The straw limits fluid consumption rates and should therfore never be used. The only exception to this rule would be if you had visited the drive-thru and were on the road. Then use of a straw is permisible but still not necessary. This concludes this article. If there is any Taco Bell item that you are unsure of the proper way to eat E-mail me at "Mystik@pacbell.net" and let me know. Remember: Now you know the proper way, and knowing is half the battle. -My§TiK 5.0 Guest Rant - noid ===================== ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Scary Cheese ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I was in the grocery store today and I noticed something particulary evil. My girlfriend needed a block of Velveeta. I searched all through the refrigerated section but to no avail, I could not find the Velveeta. I finaly find it and where is it? In the cracker section, that's where..There is something decidedly wrong with cheese that dosent even need to be refrigerated. Right next to it is a whole rack of other hell-spawned cheese. Cheese in cans that can be blasted into your waiting mouth via ozone depleting chemicals, cheese in foil packs, cheese in jars. Is it just me or is there something incidiously evil about cheese that is liquid at room tempreature? Dosen't this bother anyone else? The last time I checked cheese was a dairy product, that like most other dairy products, goes bad if not refrigereated. So, if this cheese dosen't need to be refrigerated then I'm going to assume that its not a dairy product, thus making it not cheese right? wrong. Apparently this is cheese. I'm going to assume that through some marvel of modern technology that apparently we dont have to refigerate our cheese anymore. If that's the case then why does every other kind of cheese have to be kept cold? What makes some kinds of cheese so special? I was becomming almost frantic in the store..I wanted to ask someone who worked there if they knew, but I figured I'd just the the usual slack-jawed yokel response that you usualy get when asking these kinds of questions. The thing that really bothers me about this is the fact of how "American" the whole thing is. We as a society have progressed to a point where we now demand convience for everything. We cant even wait five fucking minutes to melt real cheese on our nachos. We're Americans, we gotta have it now! We have to scientificly engineer cheese that wants to be liquid at room temprature so we can pour it straight onto our food so we dont have to waste anytime stuffing our fat faces with it. We're Americans! I dont want to cube up cheese and melt it onto crackers..that takes too long. I want to blow some kind of yellow cheese-like paste out of a fucking can onto crackers so I can cram them down my throat..Goddamn it, I'm an American, I dont have to wait. It's my God given right. We're better than those damn forigners with their slow melting cheese, ours comes straight off the shelf and right into my mouth. Why do we have to pervert the natural order of things? This is cheese for Christsake. I then noticed that sitting next to it was milk in large "juice box" sized cartons, but that's another rant.. 6.0 31i73 k0l4 - Th3 drink ph0r 411 y0u 0-d4y h4x0rz ==================================================== Contents ======== Jolt Cola (20 ounces) Expresso (3 2 ounce shots) Fukola Cola (12 ounces) Sugar (2 teaspoons) Punch Concentrate (1 tablespoon) Lemon Juice (1 teaspoon) Directions For Combination ========================== Get a washed out 2 liter bottle. Combine all the contents in the bottle being careful to combine all the ingredients _totally_. Taste may differ for each person. I've gotten results from people spread all over the spectrum. People have told me "This is wonderful!!!!" and "My god.... what's in this shit?" all from the same batch. Be sure to seal the bottle _tightly_ so none of the carbonation is lost. Consume within 18 hours of making for your own good. Note ==== This makes a huge botle... The 40 of cola, this shit is guaranteed to taste funny, and keep you awake for the whole weekend. It's not much on taste 90% of the time, but it's rocket fuel for the h4x0r on the go. 7.0 Closing Comments - B187 =========================== Well, here wraps up another issue of VP, but before I say my last words, I'd like to leave you with a simple press release: \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ \ / \ Vicious Propaganda Press Release - Read and Distribute / \ / \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ From the desktop of B187 May 4th, 1997 Re: Change Of Address... That's right party people, B187 shall soon be changing addresses. Expect an exo.com account within a month. But until then, you hafta mail me at "b187.vp@juno.com". All the mail going to "cospe001@cerritos.edu" will be forwarded to "b187.vp@juno.com" until the 17th of May. On the 17th one last warning will be issued, before "cospe001@cerritos.edu" is closed for the summer. The Vicious Propaganda site will be moving temporarly too... Until I get the account on exo.com (a local service provider, which offers a shell account...) net.VP will be taking a residence on the Geocities server. net.VP can be reached at: "http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Lakes/1076" I am aware that Geocities is a joke with their fragmentation going on, but net.VP will soon be up for good on exo. Worry not little one... As always, Vicious Propaganda will be out by the 13th (or somewhere around there). All submissions and gripes can be directed to "vicious.propaganda@juno.com" (Yeah... another Juno account. What can I complain? It's free.) [End Of Press Release] Now that that's said and done, special thanks go out to: Arclight, noid, danoZANO, Griffer, MySTiK, Hari-Kiri, Haratio, Vandal, Crime Lord, Big Brother, Belladonna (lamu9), Unreal(ism), Cal, and that mysterious, androgyenous, person I had an encounter with in the bathroom at the Winged Heart... It was magic... :) Tripple Special thanks go to: The Ruckus Queen Drink 31i73 k014! Eat Taco Bell! Make her call you "B" when you're bumpin uglies... And remember: Everywhere you turn, the corrupt injustice of the world will be there. Everywhere you step, there will be a million feet that have crossed that path before. Everyhwhere you look, they will be watching... Tread lightly and rip the system. And never forget about paranoia... For it will keep you a l i v e . . . B187 [EOF]