ad88888ba ,ad8888ba, 88 88 888888888888 d8" "8b d8"' `"8b 88 88 ,88 Y8, d8' 88 88 ,88" `Y8aaaaa, 88 88aaaaaaaa88 ,88" `"""""8b, 88 88""""""""88 ,88" `8b Y8, 88 88 ,88" Y8a a8P Y8a. .a8P 88 88 88" "Y88888P"8888`"Y8888Y"'88888ba 8b 88 888888888888 88 `"8b 88 "8b Y8, ,8P 88 `8b 88 ,8P Y8, ,8P 88 88 88aaaaaa8P' "8aa8" 88 88 88""""88' `88' 88 8P 88 `8b 88 88 .a8P 88 `8b 88 88888888Y"' 88 `8b 88 ** the remainder from the glorious but short-living TACV group. **** #include . if you see your name mentioned here STOP READING IMMEDIATELY. you might *like* what you read and start harassing me in real life causing situations i am not ready to deal with. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- i am completely un-balanced (if i manage to make myself clear) i am schizophrenic. i hear voices inside my head i give them names they discuss my life and tell me what to do. and i give them names! gone is the time when i tried to trace parallells between my dreams and computer programming (when i was an earlier teenager - at age 16 i dare to call me a later teenager - (i used to compare my dreams to programs (the whole preparation for getting asleep (came up in my mind in images like "int main();" but back to the point i am getting distrated there's so much to tell i have voices inside my head and i give them names and they tell me what to do my shyness is called niemeyer. don't ask me why i hear his voice. my shyness voice. my wild instincts are called quijano. what am i trying to tell myself? (i don't make up these names, they sprout out of the blue in my dreams - they are silly but they are MY DREAMS. quijano is don quijote's real name. in the cervantes work i haven't read it for three years i think. i am starting to think i know something about me that i don't know damn. that's a little confusing. i am schizophrenic and my mind is tearing apart. to accentuate un-balance i am having *ODD* sexual fantasies and their voice sprouted yesterday - out of nothing. (and jovo pretty much knows what it's about and why its name is kathryn) well. those are my dreams i can still try to ignore them but then. next. UNDERGROUND POETRY since i started to vent in freeverse some people tell me i am trying to write UNDERGROUND POETRY. how the . i am supposed to write UNDERGROUND POETRY if i can't get in touch with my own underground? i just feel more comfortable with freeverse, darn. let me be. people will just not let me be. my parents with their liberal appearance they let me do anything - and they have this way of exercising their invisble pressure so it doesn't seem like they're doing it but they are! and my life seems overall ok i live this really nice upper middle class life i am smart enough to get through school with no effort at all it's just the details, you know the lack of social life i speak too fast couldn't get an ice cream this morning the money is still in my hand. the stupid woman didn't undertsand me. "wannanacream" "?" "want an ice-cream". I. WANT. AN. ICE. CREAM. LOOK AT THE DAMN $1 BILL IN MY HAND I WANT AN ICE CREAM. and she couldn't understand me. there's marina. there's hassib. there's the whole circus around me. details. so many details. so small that they don't seem important enough all together, they just fuck up all the scenery i have so many answers i just knew what the questions are -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The formerly glorious TACV group dissolved like salt in the acid. ligbm and qx4 are too busy getting prepared for their college exams to write. in fact, i should be getting prepared for my college exams too, but. well. i have promised myself to start in august so a few issues might still go up. i haven't found yet a place to archive this but if you got it on a forward, the subscription address is marina-subscribe@onelist.com. have a nice life. mov dx