excerpts from "POWER TO THE PEOPLE MOVER" - zine in progress

NORTH COUNTY TRANSIT ROUTE 301

An interesting exchange between the corpulent driver and an even more
obese passenger was observed by people mover agent Lyon. The
discussion concerned proper dietary habits as they related to the
preservation of good health. As usual, the bus driver did most of the 
talking. His basic premise was that one should only eat fresh, unprocessed
foods. Vegetables were to be considered staples in a healthful diet.
"And don't mess around with frying them; just steam them very slightly."
Milk was also considered a particularly wholesome beverage: "but don't get
any of this pasteurized crap. Drink raw milk; if possible, squeeze it right
out of the cow's tit." Given the somewhat rundown physical condition of
both of the participants in this conversation, the observer was forced to 
conclude that he had witnessed yet another example of the breakdown 
between theory and practice.
----------
One of the drivers (I'll call him The Professor) seemed particularly
cultured with an international outlook. When he had a passenger who
was obviously British depart the bus, he would cheerfully call out
"Cheerio!" or "Toodledoo, Dearie". He was also fond of making announcements
in Spanish and then (in English) expressing doubts whether
the Mexican passengers on the bus could understand a single word he had
just said. The Professor has proved a great source of North County Transit
lore in this agent's opinion.

In one of his inspired discourses, The Professor informed us of how he came to
be driving a bus at his advanced age. "It's my kids, you see. They all decided to
move back home within a year of each other. They were all out working after
high school, but they didn't like that too much. They said, "Hey Dad, this work
thing really sucks. We want to go to college!"

The Professor is also a good source of politcally correct commentary. One day
for seemingly no reason, he said, "Thank you for leaving your cars at home
and helping to save gas for America. If you don't like that, thank you for
leaving your cars at home and helping to save the environment? Don't like that
one? Then thank you for leaving your cars at home and helping to keep your bus
driver in a steady job so he can feed his wife, three kids, two parakeets
and a dog."

The Professor has his own system for assessing the health of his passengers.
After one woman departed the bus he commented, "that lady is in excellent
health. You know how I can tell? She paints her toenails. I can't paint
*my* toenails. In order to paint one's toenails, one has to be able to reach
them." At this point, The Professor got up from the drivers seat and displayed
his very impressive and protruding gut to all interested passengers. This
physical evidence was quite effective in demonstrating his point to the
audience.

Eric Lyon [eric@wendy.ucsd.edu]
2-25-1993