ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÂÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³SOLUTION 53353034 of 432643733 ³ Why US in Bosnia? ³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÁÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ So, please, do stop with this bull... Read your history and the facts. I hate the left propaganda and demagoguery more then I do the right propaganda and demagoguery. It is very damaging to our cause. We need to be educated and know our facts. Don't just follow some stupid line. We have seen where that sort of shit has brought us. Sorry, but it does upset me when I see the "line." I've had enough of it here and elsewhere. ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³The following entry brought to you by Rich W.(rich@pencil.math.missouri.edu)³ ÃÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÂÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ´ ³PROBLEM 82137 of 8327454 ³ Stop Repeal of Assualt Weapons Ban ³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÁÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ PEACE ACTION COALITION CORNER SPECIAL ALERT!!! STOP THE REPEAL OF THE ASSAULT WEAPONS BAN!!! The following action alert comes from our colleague organization working to stop violence at home and abroad, New Yorkers Against Gun Violence. Along with NYAGV, Handgun Control Inc. is spearheading an effort to prevent the overturning of the assault weapons ban nationwide. For more information on Handgun Control's efforts, call them at (202) 898-0792, fax (202) 371-0574.
NEW YORKERS AGAINST GUN VIOLENCE URGENT LEGISLATIVE ALERT ASSAULT WEAPONS BAN REPEAL IMMINENT PLEASE CONTACT YOUR MEMBER OF CONGRESS TODAY December 5, 1995 Today, House Speaker Newt Gingrich announced that he plans to bring an appeal of the Ban on Assault Weapons to the House floor for a vote in the next 10 days. ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÂÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³SOLUTION 82137 of 8327454 ³ Stop Repeal of Assault Weapons Ban ³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÁÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ We need to let our representatives in Congress know that such an effort is intolerable to us. Our voice must be heard to counter the gun lobby. In this season of peace, why does Speaker Gingrich want to allow weapons of warin this country? So please call, fax, and e-mail Newt Gingrich. It is possible that pressure will make him back down on even pushing for a vote. Because of the immediacy of this issue, try to CALL or FAX any comments to your Representative. Do the same to the White House, to let the President know how much we value his vow to keep the ban in place. Numbers are included below for Speaker Gingrich and the White House. If you do not know the numbers of your Representative, call the Capitol Switchboard, 202-224-3121. Tell your Representative that we must KEEP THE ASSAULT WEAPONS BAN. Please call, fax, and e-mail today. The Honorable Newt Gingrich TEL: 202-225-4501 FAX: 202-225-4656 E-MAIL: georgia6@hr.house.gov President Bill Clinton The White House TEL: 202-456-1111 FAX: 202-456-2461 TELEGRAM: 1-800-325-6000 E-MAIL: president@whitehouse.gov For further information call: 212-592-3400 ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³The following entry brought to you by Rich W.(rich@pencil.math.missouri.edu)³ ÃÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÂÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ´ ³PROBLEM 32847 of 1235412 ³ Netscape Chairman for Key Escrow... ³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÁÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ They asked for it: "To secure Net communications, the government will need to have access to private data exchanges using what is known as a key escrow security system," -Netscape Communications chairman Jim Clark, arguing for a security system called key escrow that would require you to give the government access to your private messages. Source: STAMPER'S NEWS NUGGETS ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÂÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³SOLUTION 32847 of 1235412 ³ Netscape Chairman for Key Escrow... ³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÁÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ Netscape has a webpage at www.netscape.com. There is a "toys" area and any message you leave in that area goes to an ELECTRONIC MARQUEE SIGN at Netscape that all the employees can see. SPAM THAT SIGN. (2) SPAM NETSCAPE Here's where the EMAIL BLITZ should go (extra points for creativity): info@netscape.com General information admgr@netscape.com Netscape site advertising sales x_cbug@netscape.com Bug reports from X Window users win_cbug@netscape.com Bug reports from Windows users mac_cbug@netscape.com Bug reports from Macintosh users hr@netscape.com Netscape Human Resources department training@netscape.com Netscape Training programs information admgr@netscape.com Netscape site advertising sales and Sponsor program information proprietor@netscape.com Netscape electronic store feedback editor@netscape.com Feedback about Netscape's Net site ssl-talk-request@netscape.com E-mail list for Secure Sockets Layer protocol discussion standards@netscape.com Questions about Netscape's open-standards activities nswinapi-talk-request@netscape.com E-mail list for users of the Windows Netscape Server API NETSCAPE COMMUNICATIONS CORPORATION 501 E. Middlefield Rd. Mountain View, CA 94043 415/528-2555 Product and sales information (7:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. PST) 415/254-1900 Executive offices 415/528-4124 Fax www.netscape.com ATLANTA Netscape Communications Corporation 1850 Parkway Pl. Suite 420 Marietta, GA 30067 CHICAGO Netscape Communications Corporation 2159 N. Seminary Chicago, IL 60614 DALLAS Netscape Communications Corporation 17304 North Preston Road Suite 800 Dallas, Texas 75252 NEW YORK Netscape Communications Corporation 599 Lexington Ave. Suite 2300 New York, NY 10022 NORTHWEST Netscape Communications Corporation 501 Middlefield Rd. Mountain View, CA 94043 SOUTHWEST Netscape Communications Corporation 111 N. Sepulveda Blvd. Manhattan Beach, CA 90266 WASHINGTON, D.C. Netscape Communications Corporation 6701 Democracy Blvd. Suite 300 Bethesda, MD 20817 THANKS AND A HAT TIP TO HELEN AT E.PLURIBUS FOR GETTING ALL THE ADDRESSES!!!!!!!! Kind regards, *********************** V ************************ DEATH TO THE NEW WORLD ORDER **************************************************** Linda Thompson American Justice Federation Home of AEN News & news videos, "Waco, the Big Lie," "America Under Siege" 3850 S. Emerson Ave. Indianapolis, IN 46203 Telephone: (317) 780-5200 Fax: (317) 780-5209 lindat@iquest.net ðððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððð SHORT STORIES/POETRY... ðððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððð ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³The following entry brought to you by Greggory (greggory@netvoyage.net) ³ ÃÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ´ ³ "You Deserve A Break Today" ³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ "Hello. May I take your order, please?" The smile was a study in artificiality, as if the boy's facial muscles were not designed with the purpose of smiling inclusive. He wore the traditional carpet-brown and sunshine-yellow uniform (resplendent with coruscating white outlines), crowned with the matching cardboard and mesh hat with its roundtopped yellow M, frowning its double frown. His nametag spelled out BRAD in peeling brown labeltape. BRAD listened to the asked-for list of foodstuffs for the 47th time today, the 289th this week, the 711th this month, the 2096th since his 17th birthday, the 3312th this year, the 3585th since Christmas, the 7147th since the schoolyear had begun: "Lemmeget two Big-Macs, a Quarter-Pounder with cheese, a Hot Cherry Pie, a Coke, no:two:alargeandamediumnottoomuchice, makethata Hot Apple Pie, another Quarter-Pounder with no cheese makesurethatone doesn'thaveanycheeseIhatecheese, a Vanilla Milkshake: canIgetthatthin?nonevermind, howmany Big-Macs didIorderohokay: makesureonehas no sesame seeds, uh wasthat um nookay a Hot Cherry Pie, a Cheeseburger Happy Meal canyou makesureithasthecar lasttimeitdidn't havethecar andmydaughterwas realupset, a Chocolate Milkshake do Fries comewiththe Happy Meal ohyeahIsee, a ChocolnoIsaidthatum umyeah: twothreetwonothree large Fries notwoahhnothreethreeisgood: three. How much is that? (Jesus, McDonald's has gotten so goddamned expensive.) Well, how much?" BRAD, after the gentleman had with such alacrity tendered the prescribed lucres amount, edified him that his food would be ready in just a few minutes, and could he please step to the side while he was waiting. -- * when a Patron has placed a large order, one that we cannot fill in the time it takes him or her to pay for it, ask them if they will please step to the side, in order that we may service our other Patrons as quickly and friendly as possible. Good, efficient, friendly service is the Golden Key to McDonald's long-term success in the dine-in/take-out food industry. Remember: always keep a smile on! -"McDonald's New-Hire/Trainee Handbook," pg. 6, paragraph 3. BRAD said: "May I take your order, please?" And, for the 48th time today, the 290th this week, the 712th this month, the 2097th but he stopped this particular Patron in the middle of her order (thus violating Rule #4 ("Never interrupt a Patron in the middle of placing an order.") of the "Review of Order-Taking," ibid., pg. 11) with a sniffled, sobbing obtrusion of laughter. "Y'know, I'm sorry," he began, "but I'm just not ready to take your order. Could you step to the side, please?" And he pulled, from the right-front pocket of his brown polyester trousers (one of the two required purchases (all black tennis-shoes being the other) of all McDonald's New-Hires/Trainees, to complete the standard and required uniform of a McDonald's non-management level employee ("The Golden Arches Dress Code," ibid., pg. 2)), a stainless-steel .357 Magnum revolver. Several Patrons jumped back in alarm, gazing warily at the apparently disturbed (prima facie), possibly dangerous, but (it must be admitted) well-groomed ("All members of the McDonald's Team must be properly groomed at all times: boys, with their hair cut above the ears and above the collar (positively no earrings!)...." (from "The Golden Arches Dress Code," ibid.)), pimple-faced young man who was, prima facie, named BRAD, though all kept their places in line. They watched him put the revolver to his right temple and pause, looking out over the assembled pond of humanity (Drop by drop, billions and billions served.), which was sans ripple in their attentive curiosity and desires to have their orders taken. He pulled the trigger, the hammer snapping against the butt end of a single, shining bullet, creating an impressive (for both The Sound and The Fury) explosion, which, in turn, forced the bullet from its chamber at a harrowing velocity, incising, at an askew angle, through the right wall of the skull, through varied and important lobes of the brain, and egressing athwart from its point of entrance, splattering a fair amount of blood and cerebral tissue onto the burger-fryer and into the fry-fryer, as well as dappling various minimum-wage earners with like detritus. Then, BRAD toppled over. The Crew Chief, attracted by the BOOM of the BULLET that BANGED through BRAD'S BRAIN, saw him lying on the floor. "BRAD," he said. There was no answer. He bent down, placing two fingers proximate BRAD'S primary jugular vein. He felt BRAD'S BLOOD slowly BEAT a BUMP (pause) BUMP (pausepause) BUPB. "He's still alive," the Crew Chief said. "Let's see...you," he pointed, "and you: take him in the back. And you," he pointed, "get a mop and clean this up. Oh, hey," he said to the two that were dutifully-but-slowly dragging BRAD to the BACK, "you should probably call the police or something." He then looked to the pond (not the one of blood at his feet, but the aforementioned (of humanity)): "Sorry for the delay, folks. Your food is coming right along. Bear with us, and it'll all be back to normal in juuuust a second." The Patrons, thus placated, resumed their respective places in their respective lines, all the happier than they had been before when they saw that two stations were being opened to replace the one "that stupid boy" had "so irresponsibl"y abandoned, and so their respective waits would be all the shorter, respectively. "May I take your order, please?" "May I take your order, please?" ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³The following entry from Robert W. Howington (Robert_W._Howington@hud.gov) ³ ÃÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ´ ³ "Like Pushing A Marshmellow Through A Keyhole" ³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ I sat at the front desk answering the Dept. of HUD's main phone. When it wasn't ringing I read punk rocker Henry Rollins' autobiographical book PISSING IN THE GENE POOL. David, a co-worker and an ex-Marine and a staunch Republikkkan and a father of an outstanding All-Amerikkkan family with its values intact, eyed the book's brightly colored, psychedelic cover as he passed by. He stopped and read the book's title. "Jesus, Howington," he said, "you know you're poisoning your mind reading that JUNK!" I put down the book and said, "My mind is already poisoned. This 'junk' is just one more fix." ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³The following entry brought to you by Dave (IAMHOLTZ@oak.grove.iup.edu) ³ ÃÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ´ ³ "The Tale of Mom and the Toilet" ³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ Accidentally flushed my mother down the toilet. I felt sort of bad and all. She was cleaning it out and I walked in to piss and she just got scared and she fell right in the toilet. I wasn't sure what to do at first. I flushed in fear. I should have used the plunger but I didn't so now my mom is floating through the pipes. What made it worse was that I had to make a number 2 that couldn't wait. Sorry, mom. So now my mom is floating through the pipes with my shit. So I flushed the potpourri down the toilet for her to cover up the smell. It really does work wonders, that potpourri stuff. So then I decided that it was time to really help her so i got a sledge hammer out of the living room and broke the toilet. That didn't work though but all this water starting shooting out of the floor so I stared at it for a while until I remembered that I accidentally flushed my mother down the toilet. So then I called my friend coochie monkey but he wasn't home. What to do, what to do! Call the plumber and the National Guard. Aww, who am I kidding? It's only my mom.
ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³The following entry brought to you by Anonymous ³ ÃÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ´ ³ "The Truth About Santa" ³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ "After reading an article recently, the whole Santa issue has come crashing down on me lick a ton of bricks......pleasent childhood memories....or nasty rumors started by evil parents...... I present the facts......" 1. No known species of Reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen. 2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. But since Santa doesn't (appear to) handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, and Buddist children, that reduces the work load to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each. 3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to difference time zones and rotation of the Earth, assuming he travels east to west.(which seems logical) This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with at least one good child, Santa has 1/1000 of a second to park,hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney,etc.. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept) We are now talking about about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do every 31 hours, plus feeding etc. This means Santas sleigh is traveling at 650 miles per second, 3000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 mph. 4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more that a medium sized lego set (2 lbs), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as over weight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 lbs. Even granting that flying reindeer could pull TEN times that, we would need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload to 353,430 tons. 5. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the Earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy. Per second. In short, the will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than the Earths gravity. A 250 lb Santa would be pinned back in his sleigh by 4,315,015 lbs of force. In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now. Happy Holidays :) Bord.......Very Bord Research from Spy magazines Jan 1990 issue ðððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððð ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³ McCROSKEY'S CORNER ³ ÃÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ´ ³ RELATIONSHIPS ³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ Please send all responses to lamont@CPCN.COM Hello all. This is yet another non-sexist McCroskey's Corner. Actually, this Corner isn't even all that funny. This Corner is to make you think a little about life, or some of the things that you do in life, and why you even bother to do it. My most recent discussion was about relationships. My friend (also the founder of this zine) had put me on the spot numerous times, and I just wanted to return the favor by making him sweat a little. We were all just sitting around at our favorite place to hangout. It was Dave, his girlfriend Becky, Ted and a few others. Dave and I got to talking about why he didn't go buy his girlfriend a drink when she asked him to. I was asking her why he didn't go buy her the drink even though she was paying for it. I told him that he wasn't treating her any differently than he treated me or any of his other friends. Then, when she came back with her drink, I really let him have it. I turned to him and asked him why he liked Becky. All he could do was give me that open-mouthed it's-on-the-tip-of-my-tongue-of-shit-I'm-in-for-it-now look. I've asked a ton of people, single or otherwise, why they liked somebody. Very few of them, if any, have been able to answer with anything feasible. Most of the time I tear their answer down and make them look dumb. "Well, he has great eyes!" "She's got such nice legs!" "His hair is sooo great!" What kind of answer is that? There are so many people that are only attracted because of something physical that it's just... I can't even find the words for it. It's just dumb. Does that mean that there are alot of people basing relationships on things like hugging and fucking? That's just disgusting. That's the only thing that can come of a relationship that's based on something physical. How many other people out there have brown hair, or blue eyes, or two buttholes or whatever it is that you're looking for? It's only going to lead to cheating because there are so many other people out there tat have the same attributes. Don't get me wrong now, a person can look a certain way AND have a great personality. I'm sure that a person has to be pleasing to the eye or else you'll puke every time you get near them. But if the answer they give is based on a physical thing, I tear that shit up real quick and make the person feel dumb. I'm sure that there are couples out there that are perfectly fine with basing a relationship on sex, but that's not for me. Now we move on to the mental/emotional side of it all. I don't understand how anyone can base a relationship on emotions. Every time I ask someone where an emotion comes from, which part of the body or brain, they can't answer. Emotions are so completely unknown to people, and yet they're in almost everybody and we experience them every day. But who actually knows what an emotion is? What is love or hate, or sadness? Sure, you can tell what causes it, but what IS it? No answer, huh? Well then how can you base a thing as important as a relationship on something so unknown? Can anyone even tell me what the point of having a relationship is? Is it to prevent loneliness? Is it due to having the right 'chemistry?,' a love at first sight thing? I know that one definite reason is sex, but that isn't a very intense relationship. Not to mention there are a lot of people who look for something deeper in a relationship than just the physical aspect. So please, somebody, ANYBODY, e-mail me with the answer. Or just let me know what you think about the whole thing. I'd also like to hear from any of you out there that are currently in a relationship, tell me your reasons. If they're good, maybe I won't rip 'em apart. ðððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððð ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿Life does suck. There's no denying it. But you shouldn't let that ³IN CLOSING:³ever-so-common phrase get in the way of what you want to see ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙhappen, of what you want to accomplish in the short life that you have. I don't know how many times I have heard 'I should just kill myself' from many people I do and don't know. C'mon, are you upset? Do something productive. Or at least talk to someone about it. So one thing didn't work out for you. You aren't cursed! You are simply experiencing what everyone else experiences all the time. Bitch about life, go ahead, but relize that people in your position are doing what they can to enjoy themselves. You can be depressed all you want,and while you're at it you can go and KILL YOURSELF! ðððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððð ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³DISTRIBUTION IS AS FOLLOWS:³ ÀÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÙ E-MAIL: * IAMHOLTZ@oak.grove.iup.edu * BEAN@cpcn.com FTP: * ftp.eng.ufl.edu/incoming * etext.archive.umich.edu/pub/Zines/KillYourself * ftp.etext.org/pub/Zines/KillYourself * locust.cic.net/pub/Zines/KillYourself GOPHER: * gopher://gopher.etext.org/11/Zines HTML: * http://hops.cs.jhu.edu/~mbk/killyourself.html (homepage) * http://www.etext.org/Zines/KillYourself ðððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððððð