xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx X ________ ____ ___ Warriors, Colts and Tree Stumps: X X \______ \ _ _ _ __ ___ \ \/ / Sexcerpts from "Bosi and Herraud" X X | | \ | | | | '__/ _ \ \ / ------------- X X | ` \| |_| | | | __/ / \ Edited by Random Tox X X /_______ / \__,_|_| \___|/___/\ \ X Xxxxxxxxxxx\/ Blender Corporation \_/xxxxxxx[DBC016(LTWN)-RT.940408]xxxxxxX _Bosi and Herraud_ (Bo/sa saga og Herraudhs) was written around 1300, surviving in manuscripts from the following century. This translation is by Herman Pa/lsson and Paul Edwards, based on the text of the Gudhni Jo/nsson edition. Bosi is the son of a retired viking, Thvari, also known as Bryn-Thvari. Herraud is the alienated son of Hring, the king ruling over East Gotaland. Friends since childhood, they set off on an adventure spanning many strange lands, in an attempt to first fulfill an impossible quest set to them by Hring, and then to save their homeland from the ruthless invaders who carried off Herraud's new wife. Through the course of their journeys, Bosi befriends several young women, and milks them for information after a series of puns, jokes, double entendres and some good old-fashioned sex. Besides being decidedly amusing, what sets these scenes apart is that they were originally written in the earliest years of the fourteenth century, and the jokes within were quite possibly scripted over a century prior to that. Erotic and humorous interludes are nothing new, and have long been a part of the full-throttle adventures told by our forbears centuries ago. Enjoy these excerpts, and remember that these same words brought smiles to our ancestors' faces almost 700 years ago. - Random Tox * * * One morning Bosi told his men he was going ashore with Herraud to explore the forest and see what they could find.... The foster-brothers made their way into the wood. They had nothing to eat except what they could catch by shooting wild animals and birds; sometimes their only food was berries and the sap of the trees, and their clothes were badly torn by the branches. One day they came upon a cottage. An old man was standing outside it splitting firewood, and he greeted them and asked who they were. They told him and asked him his name, and he said he was called Hotekil. Then he said they were welcome to stay the night if they wanted to, so they accepted his offer. The old man showed them to the living-room, where not many people were to be seen. The woman of the house was getting on in years, but there was an attractive young daughter. The girl pulled off their wet clothes and gave them dry things instead, then brought a basin so they could wash their hands. The table was laid, and the young woman served them with excellent ale. Bosi kept eyeing her suggestively and touching her foot with his toe, and she did the same to him. In the evening they were shown to a comfortable bed. The farmer slept in a bed-closet, his daughter in the middle of the room and the foster-brothers in a bed under the gable beside the door. When the people were asleep, Bosi got up, went over to the young woman's bed and lifted the bedclothes off her. She asked who was there and Bosi told her. "What have you come for"?" she asked. "I wasn't comfortable enough in my bed as things were," he said, and added that he'd like to get under the bedclothes with her. "What do you want to do here?" she said. "I want to temper my warrior," said Bosi. "What sort of warrior's that?" she asked. "He's still very young and he's never been steeled," he said, "but a warrior ought to be hardened early on in life." He gave her a gold ring and got into bed beside her. She asked him where the warrior was, and he told her to feel between his legs, but she pulled her hand back and said he could keep his warrior and asked why he was carrying a monster like that on him, as hard as a tree. He told her the warrior would soften in the dark hole, and then she said he could do anything he wanted. So now he set the warrior between her legs. The path before him was rather narrow, and yet he managed to complete his mission. After that they lay quiet for a while, as long as they pleased, and then the girl asked him if the tempering of the warrior had been a complete success. Bosi asked her in turn whether she felt like tempering him again, and she said she'd only be too pleased as long as he felt like it. There's no record of how often they played the game that night, but it's believed that Bosi asked her, "Have you any idea where I can find a vulture's egg inscribed with gold letters? " She said the very least she could do in payment for the gold ring and a good night's entertainment was to tell him all he wanted to know. Bosi thanked her for telling him all this and repaid her handsomely with yet another round of good entertainment. They were both very pleased with themselves, and slept till dawn. * * * Herraud and Bosi went ashore and came to a small well-kept cottage. An old man was living there with his wife, and they had an attractive and well-informed daughter. The peasant gave them an invitation to stay the night, which they accepted. The cottage was quite comfortable, and the hospitality good. The table was laid, and the guests were served with excellent beer. The master of the house was silent and reserved, but his daughter, the most sociable member of the household, was the one who served the guests. Bosi was in a good humor and flirted with her a little, and she did the same with him. In the evening they were shown to their beds, but as soon as the light had been put out, Bosi went over to the girl and and lifted the bedclothes off her. She asked who was there, and Bosi told her. "What do you want?" she asked. "I'd like to water my colt at your wine-spring," he said. "Do you think you can manage it, lad?" she asked. "He's hardly used to a well like mine." "I'll lead him right to the edge, then push him in if there's no other way to make him drink," said Bosi. "Where is your colt, sweetheart?" she asked. "Between my legs, love," he said. "You can touch him, but do it gently, he's terribly shy." She took hold of his prick and stroked it and said, "It's a lively colt, though his neck is far too straight." "His head isn't all that well set," agreed Bosi, "but his neck curves much better once he's had a drink." "Well, it's all up to you now," she said. "Lie as open as you can," said Bosi, "and keep calm." Then he watered his colt generously, completely immersing him. This pleased the girl so much she was hardly able to speak. "Are you sure you're not drowning the colt?" she asked. "He has to be given all he can possibly take," said Bosi, "he often gives me a lot of trouble when he isn't allowed to drink his fill." Bosi kept at it for as long as he wanted, then took a rest. The girl was wondering where all the fluid between her legs had come from, for the whole bed was lathering under her. "Could it be that your colt's drunk more than was good for him," she asked, "and then vomited up more than he's drunk?" "Something's the matter with him," said Bosi, "he's as soft as a lung." "He's probably ale-sick," she said, "like any drunkard." "Could be," he said. So they entertained themselves to their satisfaction, the girl now under him and now on top. She said she'd never ridden a more even-paced colt than this. After many an entertaining turn, she asked him who he was. He told her and in turn asked her what was the latest news in the land.... After that they dropped the subject and slept for the rest of the night. * * * They walked for a while until they came to a house belonging to an old man and his wife, who had a good-looking daughter. The foster-brothers were given a friendly welcome and served with excellent wine in the evening. Bosi gave the girl a cheerful smile, and she eyed him in return. A little time later they all went to sleep. Bosi went over to her bed and she asked what he wanted. He said he wanted to put a ring on his stump. She said he wondered what ring he could be talking about, and he asked her didn't she have one? She answered that she hadn't any ring that would fit him. "I can widen it if it's too narrow," he said. "Where's that stump of yours? I've got a fair idea of what I can expect from my narrow little ring." He told her to feel between his legs, but she pulled her hand back and said he could keep his stump. "What does it remind you of?" he asked. "My father's steel-yard with the ring broken off." "You're very critical," said Bosi. He took a ring off his finger and gave it to her. She asked what he wanted in return. "I want to put a stopper in your bung-hole," he said. "I can't think what you mean," she said. "Lie as open as you can," he said. She did as he asked, and he went between her legs and made a thrust deep into her body, almost up under her ribs. She gave a jump, and said, "You've pushed the stopper right through the hole, man." "I'll get it out again," he said. "How did you like that?" "Nice as a drink of fresh mead," she said. "Keep the mop stirring in the flue." He kept nothing back, and she got so warmed up she began to feel a bit sick, so she asked him to leave off, and they took a rest. Then she asked him who he was, and he told her.... * * * Bosi had a son by the girl who tempered his warrior for him. He was called Svidi, the Bold, and his son was Vilmund the Absentminded. * * * For the complete saga of Bosi and Herraud, as well as six other highly entertaining and exciting stories, read the book _Seven Viking Romances_, by Penguin Classics. Partial Bibliography: (Courtesy of Herman Pa/lsson) Gudhni Jonsson, _Fornaldarsogur Nordhurlanda_, I-IV (Reykjavik. 1950). O.L. Jiriczek (ed.), _Die Bosa saga_ (Strassburg, 1893). Alex. H. Krappe, "La source de la Saha af Herraudhi ok Bosa", _Neuphilog, Mitteil_ 29 (1928), 250-56. Claibourne W. Thompson, "The Runes in _Bosa saga ok Herraudhs_", _Scandinavian Studies_ 50 (1978), 60-56. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xX Copyright (C) 1994 by The Durex Blender Corporation and Random Tox Xx xX All Rights Reserved. Text used with kind permission. Xx xX * * * Xx xX The Durex Blender Corporation / Box 381511 / Cambridge, MA 02238-1511 Xx xX The Eleventh Hour BBS 617.696.3146 Xx XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX