COACHING NOTES February 13, 1999 Brought to you by Ann McAllister, Ph.D. (But you can call me Bubba.) Welcome to COACHING NOTES, your biweekly coaching session in the form of an email newsletter, for those who want to live balanced, fulfilling, successful lives and are willing to take the steps to make it happen. **************************************************************** TABLE OF CONTENTS 1. Your Special Lover…You 2. Wreaders Write 3. Humor: HMO FAQs 4. Words of Wisdom 5. Taking Care of Business 6. Growth and Learning Opportunity for Women *************************************************************** YOUR SPECIAL LOVER…YOU! Valentine's Day! A day some of us will celebrate with our sweethearts and a day some of us will feel extra alone and sad. I've been there a few times myself. I have worked with so many people over the years who have longed for a primary romantic relationship, couldn't find one (or one that would last), and have suffered deeply about because of it. For most of us, having that primary connection is an important element in having a fulfilling life. But do we have to suffer if we don't have that special relationship? I don't think we do. Paradoxically, what makes us most fulfilled when we are single, makes us most likely to attract a relationship with someone we would really like to be with for the long haul. What is it? It is becoming the person we would like to be in a relationship with. Ask yourself these questions: 1. Do I enjoy myself? Am I one of the (if not the most) fascinating people I know? 2. Is my career (this includes homemaking) fulfilling and enjoyable? Do I enjoy going to work most days? 3. Do I have activities and interests, besides my career, that I engage in regularly and really enjoy? 4. Do I have a circle of close, supportive friends? 5. Am I on good terms with my family? 6. Am I financially stable and secure? 7. Is my home comfortable, safe, and nurturing for me? 8. Am I as healthy and fit as I can be, given any limitations due to illness or disability? 9. Am I happy with my appearance? Do I like my haircut? Do I wear clothes that I am comfortable in and flatter me? 10. Am I complete with my past and not distracted by it? 11. Do I feel that I am constantly growing as an individual and a member of my community? 12. Have I found the spiritual path that meets my needs? If you can answer "yes" to most of these, you are an incredibly attractive person. You will definitely attract similar people as friends and business associates. And you are likely to find that special someone that will enhance your already abundant life. If you don't, you will still be living a very good life. If you can answer "yes" to only a few or none of these, it is unlikely that, even if the person of your dreams came into your life, you would be able to be happy. Become your first and best lover, and the rest of your life will fall into place. **************************************************************** WREADERS WRITE (or Readers Rite) Ann, Just a quick note to let you know that I am enjoying "Coaching Notes" very much. Keep it coming. I did want to comment on your last newsletter concerning "what is success?". This has always been a difficult question for me. I grew up in a household where success was determined mostly by how "others" felt about whether or not I was successful. And it mostly had to do with community standing or money. Can you see what a trap this was? I never really had to do any sort of self-actualization and so felt little satisfaction in any of my accomplishments. But I've developed a new measure for success, and it's so simple and so devalued in our culture: "Am I enjoying what I'm doing?". If the answer is yes, then I am successful. This doesn't mean that what I'm doing isn't difficult; this doesn't mean that I am the "best" at what I do; this may or may not mean that what I do benefits humanity; this may or may not mean that I will be poor. I am working toward a belief that if I am simply enjoying myself then all sorts of wonderful things will come from that belief. Peace, Tom Robertson Thanks Tom! I couldn't have said it better myself. -Another reader wrote a response about learning to under promise and over deliver: "It is easy to be over committed. This is a lesson I'm learning! I attended a class for general contractors long ago (house builders), and the teacher was asked how come the contractors never do what they say they will. He responded, 'They're optimists.' I guess in this business, a little (apparent) pessimism is a better thing. Thanks for the reminder." ***************************************************************** HMO FAQs Q. What does HMO stand for? A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with such hi-tech substitutes as referral slips and voice mail, but the result remains the same. Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification? A. No. Only those you need. Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want? A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time he information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry -- the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half day's drive away! Q. What are pre-existing conditions? A. This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they want to talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to be pre-stuck with it. Q. Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions? A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment. Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine? A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment. Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do? A. Poke yourself in the eye. Q. I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000 yearly cap. My insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-patient surgery, but I'd already paid my bill. What should I do? A. You have two choices. Your doctor can sign the reimbursement check over to you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in one of those great offers that only doctors and dentists hear about, like windmill farms or frog hatcheries. Q. What should I do if I get sick while traveling? A. Try sitting in a different part of the bus. Q. No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick? A. You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing your primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and then get sick. Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office? A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $10 co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it. Q. Will health care be any different in the next century? A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then. ****************************************************************** WORDS OF WISDOM What I have learned in life… I've learned- that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. I've learned- that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back. I've learned- that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it. I've learned- that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts. -Source Unknown ************************************************************ TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS Most of us only learn through painful mistakes. Here is an opportunity to learn through good advice. BACK UP EVERYTHING IMPORTANT ON YOUR COMPUTER. If you haven't experienced the horror of losing months and years of work, you will someday unless you back up those important files. Go on! Do it right now! ************************************************************** GROWTH AND LEARNING OPPORTUNITY FOR WOMEN IN THE ATLANTA AREA VisionBuilding for Women Is this you? You have never really gotten off the ground…still need your first set of wings. You have a dream for a relationship, job business, or healthy lifestyle, but don't quite know how to achieve it. Your life is lopsided…you don't have a balance in how you live. You have accomplished many things you have set out to do, BUT something is still missing. Then these workshops may be for you. Built on the concepts of professional coaching, this program will inspire and motivate…and help you to envision, set, and maintain the goals that have seemed out of reach. Eight weekly sessions begin: 7:00 PM Wednesdays, February 24 or Lunchtime, Fridays, March 5. Led by Vision Mavens Mary Pike, Psy.D. and moi. For information, call 770-399-6619. *************************************************************** SHAMELESS MARKETING TIP If your life is pretty good, but somehow you just know there should be more, you could use a coach. If you are ready to move your business or career to the next level, you could use a coach. If you have had a lifelong dream but just can't quite get started on realizing it, you could use a coach. Great athletes have coaches. Great musicians have teachers. Great leaders have advisors. Isn't YOUR life just as important? For a complimentary introductory session to see if coaching is for you, call me at 770-399-6619 or email me at CoachAMcA@aol.com. I am available for individual and group coaching. Who is Ann McAllister, Ph.D., you ask? Well, she has been helping people achieve the lives they really, really want for 26 years as a psychologist and more recently as a personal and professional coach. She is a member of the International Coach Federation and the Coach Training Program of Coach University. Her current projects include creating VisionBuilding workshops with colleague Mary Pike, Psy.D.(we call ourselves the Vision Mavens) and seminars on truly effective financial planning with financial planner Fran Levine. *************************************************************** I welcome submissions from all of you for the newsletter, suggestions on what you would like to see in it, constructive criticism on what you don't like about it, and even messages to unsubscribe because you don't find it useful. Please feel free to distribute this newsletter in its entirety (including copyright) to anyone you think might enjoy it. Give them a gift! To subscribe, send an email to CoachAMcA@aol.com with "subscribe" in the body of the email. To unsubscribe, just type in "unsubscribe". Copyright 1999 Ann McAllister, Ph.D. All rights reserved. http://www.coachreferral.com/coaches/m/mcallister, ph.d.1002312.html