COACHING NOTES December 30,1998 Brought to you by Ann McAllister, Ph.D. (who in less serious moments is known as Bubba) Happy New Year to all! Welcome to the first issue of COACHING NOTES, an email newsletter for those who want to live balanced, fulfilling, successful lives and are willing to take the steps to make that happen. Each issue will contain information which, I hope, will be useful, thought provoking, and just plain fun. I welcome submissions from all of you for the newsletter, suggestions on what you would like to see in it, constructive criticism on what you don't like about it, and even messages to unsubscribe because you don't find it useful. Please feel free to forward COACHING NOTES in its entirety to friends, family, and colleagues. *************************************************** YET ANOTHER ARTICLE ON NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS (well, maybe...) It's that time of year again. Time to think of New Year's resolutions. YUCK!! What an exercise in futility! What a great way to get down on ourselves! Throw the whole idea out! What a strange thing for a coach to say...don't make resolutions, don't set goals. Well, that's not exactly what I am saying. What I'm suggesting is that we often aren't clear on what will make a resolution stick. And until we are clear, we are just giving ourselves a stick up with which to beat ourselves. ( I have resolved to never end a sentence with a preposition. Let's see how long that lasts.) So, here are 3 principles to keep in mind when you give in and start making those cursed resolutions. Principle # 1 If a resolution is designed to cure your self-esteem problems, it won't, and you likely won't stick to it anyway. Resolutions won't last if their sole purpose is to make you feel better about yourself. If you resolve to begin working out so you will have a nicer body so you can feel good about yourself, it won't work! You may stick with it and get buff, but deep down you will not feel truly good about yourself. That's a whole other issue. Rather, exercising needs to be done because you love yourself and want to take care of yourself (including looking good). That will keep you exercising. If you improve how your body looks and you feel proud of maintaining an exercise routine, that is just icing on the cake, which you can eat more of (oops), if your exercise. Principle # 2 Resolutions will likely stick when they are steps in the process of getting your needs met. Needs are things or qualities we must have in our lives in order to function at our best. For instance, I need freedom. Another person might need structure imposed from outside themselves. These needs are different, but neither is better or worse than the other. We are all different and what will make us tick smoothly is different for every person. Examples of needs are 1) to be acknowledged, 2) to have power, 3) to be comfortable, 4) to be loved, 5) to be dutiful. What do you REALLY need to be at your best? HONESTLY! What you come up with may be something you have been taught is not OK. It doesn't matter. There are healthy ways to meet all needs. If someone has the need to control, a career as a police officer or in the armed forces would be a possibility as would a hobby of training dogs. (Training cats would not be a good idea for this person.) Getting a need met makes a great resolution. I'll share a personal example. I need to be acknowledged when I compliment someone, give a gift, send a letter or email, leave a message. I get bothered when I have sent something out into the universe and nothing comes back. This drains me a little every time it happens. Sometimes I get angry. I resolved to educate the people in my life that being acknowledged is important to me; they have cooperated and my life flows a little more smoothly. I am also being assertive with customer service reps (a bane of my existence), that I expect an answer promptly. I am more energized now because my friends are responding, and I enjoy being assertive with customer service reps. The reps sometimes don't cooperate, but it sure is fun speaking up(oops). I love the words, "I want to speak to your supervisor." If you would like to receive a list of needs and how to work with them, call or email me. I WILL respond and send one to you. Getting your needs met is a lot more fun than resolving to be nice to Aunt Lucretia or giving up chocolate. Principle # 3 If it ain't fun, don't resolve to do it. It is easy (or easier) to hang in with something that is fun (duh)! Resolutions that involve activities that excite or intrigue you are going to stick. That is how I learned to be computer literate....although there have been many frustrating hours in the process. We get carried along by this natural source of energy. Why not make a resolution to incorporate some activity in your life that you've always wanted to do but never got around to. Believe me, there are ways to make the time for it, and you will be rewarded with more energy for those less than fun aspects of your life. Have a wonderful 1999! I am going to go track down a customer service rep and be acknowledged. ******************************************************* REMEMBER THESE WHEN YOU START DOUBTING YOUR DREAMS..... "The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?" --David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s. "The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible." --A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.) "Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" --H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927. "I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper." --Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind." "A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make." --Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies. "We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." --Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962. "Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." --Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895. "If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this." --Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads. "So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we' ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" --Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and HP interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer. ***************************************************** AND THE PART OF THIS ISSUE YOU WILL LOVE TO HATE..... Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that the soles of his feet became quite thick and hard. Being a very spiritual person, he ate very little, and often fasted. As a result, he was quite thin and frail. Furthermore, due to his diet, he ended up with very bad breath. Therefore: he came to be known as a.... "Super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis." ********************************************** WORDS OF WISDOM "There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way." - Christopher Morley "The amount of luck that comes your way depends on your willingness to act." - Barbara Sher ********************************************** SHAMELESS MARKETING TIP If your life is pretty good, but somehow you just know there should be more, you could use a coach. If you are ready to move your business or career to the next level, you could use a coach. If you have had a lifelong dream but just can't quite get started on realizing it, you could use a coach. Great athletes have coaches. Great musicians have teachers. Great leaders have advisors. Isn't YOUR life just as important? For a complimentary introductory session to see if coaching is for you, call me at 770-399-6619 or email me at CoachAMcA@aol.com. I am available for individual and group coaching. Who is Ann McAllister, Ph.D., you ask? Well, she has been helping people achieve the lives they really, really want for 25 years as a psychologist and more recently as a personal and professional coach. She is a member of the International Coach Federation and the Coach Training Program of Coach University. Her current projects include creating VisionBuilding workshops with colleague Mary Pike, Psy.D.(we call ourselves the Vision Mavens) and seminars on truly effective financial planning with financial planner Fran Levine. Watch for more information on these learning opportunities. ************************************************* Copyright 1998 Ann McAllister, Ph. D. All rights reserved. Please feel free to distribute this newsletter in its entirety (including copyright) to anyone you think might enjoy it. To subscribe send an email to CoachAMcA@aol.com with "subscribe" in the body of the email. To unsubscribe just type in "unsubscribe".