"A Sailing Dictionary" by Henry Beard & Roy McKie
%%
A-:  Nautical prefix indicating condition or direction.  Thus, a boat that is
  drifting is adrift and something off a boat is abaft.  Some other common
  examples of this form:  abash (toward another boat); awhiff (toward an area
  of low tide); aglub (sinking); aduff (seated); adaft (mentally unbalanced);
  asludge (in an oil slick); abarf (under the weather); and amuck (caught in
  mud).
%%
Abandon:  1. Wild state in which a sailor acquires a boat.  2. Wild state in
  which a sailor relinquishes a boat.
%%
Admiralty Law:  Convoluted body of law which regulates behavior at sea.  For
  example, under admiralty law, captains may perform marriages at sea, but not
  divorces, bar mitzvahs, or most forms of brain surgery; the eating of one
  individual on a lifeboat to sustain the lives of others is permissible under
  some circumstances, but certain recipes, such as casseroles and all but a few
  cold dishes, are forbidden; and although it is considered improper for a
  captain to maroon his passengers on some godforsaken island inhabited by
  unpleasant natives, this stricture does not apply to Ireland or Bermuda.
%%
Alcohol Stove:  Compact stove used in small-boat galleys to bring liquids to
  body temperature and solid foods to cabin temperature, usually within one
  hour.  Preferred over propane stoves by many boat owners since, in a pinch,
  its propellant may be served as a cocktail.  Alcohol stoves are also used
  sometimes by boat owners, together with a valid insurance policy, to convert
  their craft into a liquid asset.
%%
American Practical Navigator:  Ancient nautical treatise, generally thought to
  deal with navigation, which to the present day has resisted all attempts to
  decipher it.  Often found on board ship as a decorative element or paper-
  weight.
%%
Anchor:  Any of a number of heavy, hook-shaped devices that is dropped over the
  side of the boat on the end of a length of rope and/or chain, and which is
  designed to hold a vessel securely in place until (a) the wind exceeds 2
  knots, (b) the owner and crew depart, or (c) 3 a.m.
%%
Anchorage:  1. Destination at day's end.  Always found at the junction of two
  charts, in the gutter of a chart book, or on a chart not aboard.  2. Any
  location on the water where at least twenty boats may be accommodated in
  sufficient proximity to one another so that a sound of 10 decibels (roughly
  equal to the noise produced by folding a paper towel in half) made by a
  member of the crew of any one boat may be heard clearly by a person of
  average hearing on any one of the other boats.
%%
Anchoring:  A process during which the anchor is lowered, and rancor is height-
  ened.
%%
Aneroid Barometer:  Meteorological instrument which sailors use to confirm the
  onset of bad weather.  Its readings, together with heavy rain, severe
  rolling, high winds, dark skies, and a deep cloud cover, indicate the
  presence of a storm.
%%
Approved Abbreviations:  A method of chart-labeling adopted by the U.S. Coast
  Guard as a means of producing significant cost savings in the printing of
  charts by eliminating all vowels and every third consonant from descriptive
  terms.
%%
Auxiliary:  Any object, animate or inanimate, which is in the way when it is
  not needed and missing or broken when it is.
%%
Aye-Aye:  Somewhat-somewhat redundant-redundant nautical-nautical method-method
  of-of saying-saying "yes."
%%
Bar:  Long, low-lying navigational hazard, usually awash, found at river mouths
  and harbor entrances, where it is composed of sand or mud, and ashore, where
  it is made of mahogany or some other dark wood.  Sailors can be found in
  large numbers around both.
%%
Basic or Stripped Boat:  A term commonly used by boatbuilders and salesmen to
  describe what is specifically covered in the advertised price of a boat.  The
  basic boat normally consists of several hundred gallons of fiberglass resins
  and glue, a hundred or so sheets of marine plywood, a ton or more of lead and
  steel, a sewing kit, and an instruction book.  By contrast, the basic boat
  with options and in "sailaway condition" - a somewhat more expensive proposi-
  tion - boasts a host of convenient extras, such as a deck, a cabin, an
  engine, a galley, an anchor, a tiller or wheel, a rudder, and a cockpit; and
  sails, spars, rigging, fittings, and portholes.
%%
Battery:  Electrochemical storage device capable of lighting an incandescent
  lamp of a wattage about equal to a refrigerator bulb for a period of 15
  minutes after having been charged for 2 hours.
%%
Beam Sea:  A situation in which waves strike a boat from the side, causing it
  to roll unpleasantly.  This is one of the four directions from which wave
  action tends to produce extreme physical discomfort.  The other three are bow
  sea (waves striking from in front), following sea (waves striking from the
  rear), and quarter sea (waves striking from any other direction).
%%
Berth:  Any horizontal surface whose total area does not exceed one half of the
  surface area of an average man at rest, onto which at least one liter of some
  liquid seeps during any 12-hour period and above which there are not less
  than 10 kilograms of improperly secured objects.
%%
Bilge:  Strictly speaking, the lowest spaces inside the hull where poorly
  understood chemical reactions among the liquids which collect there create a
  slow-moving, viscous substance which some scientists believe is a primitive
  form of life; but now, more commonly, the substance itself.
%%
Binoculars:  Entertaining shipboard kaleidoscope which when held up to the
  light reveals interesting patterns and designs caused by salt spray, thumb-
  prints and scratches.  Uncapped, its lenses may also be employed to collect
  small amounts of salt from seawater through evaporation.
%%
Bitter End:  One of only eight names authorized by the Coast Guard for estab-
  lishments serving alcoholic beverages in harbor areas.  The other are:  The
  Outrigger, The Beachcomber, The Hatch, The Rusty Rudder, The Crow's Nest, The
  Jolly Roger, and Barnacle Bill's.
%%
Boarding:  The knowledgeable sailor does not "get on" a boat or "climb in" a
  boat - he *boards* a boat.  And the prudent individual does not "stay
  behind," "keep off," or "say the hell with it" - he *remains* *ashore*.
%%
Boat Haul-Out:  An annual procedure during which a boat owner's collection of
  marine specimens is removed from his hull, usually by convicts in work-
  release programs.  Electronic gadgets, binoculars, radios, and other costly
  bric-a-brac which have gradually encrusted cabin spaces over the year are
  removed as well, and at most boatyards, as part of the operation, the boat
  owner is also thoroughly cleaned out by professionals.
%%
Bobstay:  Tiny seabird with an annoying warble disturbingly similar to the
  whining sound made by a metal cable parting: SNIK weeeeeeeeeee bee-WINGGG!
%%
Boom:  1. Laterally mounted pole to which a sail is fastened.  Often used
  during jibing to shift crew members to a fixed, horizontal position.  2. The
  sound produced when an alcohol stove (q.v.) is used to convert a boat into a
  liquid asset.
%%
Bosun's Chair:  Nineteenth-century nautical execution device consisting of an
  iron chair to which a lightning rod was attached.  The condemned sailor was
  strapped into the bosun's chair where he remained until a fortuitous bolt of
  lightning or a lethal dose of St Elmo's fire resulted in his execution.
%%
Bottom:  The land under the water.  Its characteristics are indicated on
  nautical charts to assist sailors in anchoring.  Some common types of bottom
  which boatmen are likely to encounter are: ick, ycch, ugh, crddy, crppy, ftd,
  rttn, nsty, awfl, hrrbl, dsgstng, and unblvbl.
%%
Brightwork:  Mental effort through which the more intelligent individuals on
  board ship evade their share of boring and unpleasant tasks, such as polish-
  ing brass hardware.
%%
Bulkhead:  Discomfort suffered by sailors who drink too much.
%%
Bunk:  Nautical Lore
%%
Buoy:  Navigational aid.  There are several types and colors of buoys of which
  the most numerous are: the black can (seen as a fuzzy black spot on the
  horizon); the red nun (seen as a fuzzy black spot on the horizon); the red or
  green day beacon (seen as a fuzzy black spot on the horizon); and the
  vertically striped black-and-white channel marker (seen as a fuzzy black spot
  on the horizon).
%%
Cabin:  A cramped, closetlike compartment below deck where crew members may be
  stored - on their sides if large or on end if small - until needed.
%%
Calm:  Sea condition characterized by the simultaneous disappearance of the
  wind and the last cold beverage.
%%
Canvas:  An abrasive sailcloth used to remove excess skin from knuckles.
%%
Capsize:  The interior diameter of any piece of headgear, usually expressed in
  inches.
%%
Captain:  See "Figurehead".
%%
Catalog:  A list provided by manufacturers of items that are currently unavail-
  able, or that have been dropped from production entirely.
%%
Catamaran:  A boat design involving the use of two joined hulls.  Its chief
  features are that it is twice as likely to hit something or develop a hole or
  leak, but will generally take double the amount of time to sink after having
  done so.
%%
Caulk:  Any one of a number of substances introduced into the spaces between
  planks in the hull and decking of a boat that give a smooth, finished
  appearance while still permitting the passage of a significant amount of
  seawater.
%%
Centerboard:  Permanently jammed movable keel.
%%
Chantey:  Traditional sea song like "Skeg o' my Heart," "My Darling Brigan-
  tine," "Try to Remember the Kind of Sub Tender," and "Catch a Falling Spar."
%%
Chart:  1. A large piece of paper that is useful in protecting cabin and
  cockpit surfaces from food and beverage stains.  2. A common decorative motif
  of place mats.  3. A nautical map that assists the boatman in determining
  whether he is on the water (blue on charts) or on land (yellow).
%%
Chart Compasses:  An instrument consisting of two hinged legs,one holding a
  pencil, the other terminating in a sharp point, that is used to describe on
  charts the circles sailboats customarily travel in.=
%%
Charter:  Chartering agencies operate quite openly in the "red-buoy" districts
  of most harbors.  They offer "bare-boats," "cat-boats," "jolly-boats," and
  other "aweigh-for-pay" craft, and if you have the "jack" - $100 per day and
  up - it's "Hello, sailor!"
%%
Chip Log:  Following a rash of extremely unpleasant incidents in the 1960's,
  the Coast Guard has required boat owners to maintain a daily record of snack
  consumption to insure an equitable division among guests and crew of a large
  category of "munchable provender" whose presence on board ship has been
  deemed to be a potential source of disputes likely to result in the commis-
  sion of a felony.
%%
Chock:  Sudden and usually unpleasant surprise suffered by a Spanish seaman.
%%
Chronometer:  Precision instrument which registers sharp impacts by displaying
  a telltale spiderweb pattern on its glass face, by the absence of a normal
  ticking sound when held to the ear, or by the presence of small, loose pieces
  moving around within its case when shaken.  It also indicates excess humidity
  by forming tiny droplets on the inside of its face, and when stopped, it
  displays the correct time twice each day.
%%
Circuit Breaker:  An electromechanical switching unit intended to prevent the
  flow of electricity under normal operating conditions and, in the case of a
  short circuit, to permit the electrification of all conductive metal fittings
  throughout the boat.  Available at most novelty shops.
%%
Citizen's Band/Marine Radio:  Part of a government study of terrestrial radio
  emissions to determine if intelligent life exists on earth.  None has so far
  been detected.
%%
Clew:  Evidence leading to recovery of a missing sail.
%%
Clothing/Foul Weather Gear:  Type of weatherproof clothing usually needed only
  in the fall, spring, winter, and summer months.
%%
Clouds:  Concentrations of water vapor at various levels of the atmosphere, the
  shapes and sizes of which are often used in predicting weather changes.
  Thus, a cloud shaped like an umbrella indicates rain, while one shaped like a
  beach chair indicates sunny weather.
%%
Clove Hitch:  Any of a number of difficulties encountered in the use of this
  popular spice.
%%
Club, Yacht Club, Racing Association:  Troublesome seasonal accumulation in
  coastal areas of unpleasant marine organisms with stiff necks and clammy
  extremities.  Often present in large numbers during summer months when they
  clog inlets, bays, and coves, making navigation almost impossible.  Among
  their unpleasant characteristics are an unmistakable loud, braying cry and a
  vicious competitiveness which is at its peak among their young.  The infesta-
  tions are most serious along the coasts of Connecticut, Massachusetts, and
  Maine.  They can be effectively dislodged with dynamite, but, alas, archaic
  federal laws rule out this option.
%%
Code:  1. Regular form of static heard on marine radios, often referred to as
  "Morse."  2. Relatively mild upper respiratory ailment commonly contracted at
  sea.
%%
Codfish:  Popular dish on seafood restaurant menus where it appears under a
  variety of names, including haddock, scallops, bluefish, swordfish, and
  lobster Newburg.
%%
Coiled:  1. Arranged in a neat circular pattern.  2. Relatively mild upper
  respiratory ailment commonly contracted at sea by sailors from Brooklyn.
%%
Collision:  Unexpected contact between one boat and another.  As a rule,
  collisions that result in the creation of two smaller and less seaworthy
  vessels from the hull of one are thought to be the most serious.
%%
Colorful Nautical Tidbits/the Half-model:  A traditional time-saving design
  tool of naval architecture, consisting of the lengthwise half of a hull-form
  which incorporates the basic shape and lines of a vessel.  Historically, its
  employment by boatbuilders unfamiliar with the basic concept led to consider-
  able delay in its wider acceptance since the first half-ships constructed
  from half-models sank immediately after launching.
%%
Compass:  Navigational instrument that records a variety of directional errors
  and indicates the presence of machinery and magnets on board ship by spinning
  wildly.
%%
Compass Points (Boxing the Compass):  Many boat owners have learned to vent
  their frustrations on their compasses and get some exercise at the same time
  by taking up compass boxing.  Heavily padded gloves reduce the risk of damage
  to the instrument or injury to the sailor.  Points are scored whenever the
  compass needle makes a full 360-degree spin.  Professional compass boxing was
  once popular in maritime areas, and in its heyday, compass "cards" featured
  such greats as Kid Azimuth and "Gentleman Gimbal" Morrison, but after several
  well-publicized "compass fixes" in which fighters concealed magnets in their
  gloves and compasses were set to "take a spin," the sport went into a long
  decline.
%%
Compass Rose:  Sobriquet given to Rosemary Alcott (1871-1922), an Englishwoman
  who somehow became naturally magnetized.  She earned a living for a while as
  a circus and music-hall performer, but after a matinee in Brighton that led
  to five ships striking rocks off shore and foundering, she was banned - by a
  special act of Parliament - from all ports and coasts in Britain and the
  Empire.  A sympathetic public took up a subscription to establish her as a
  seamstress in a village in the geographic center of Kent.  After a quiet
  life, she made the headlines again in March, 1919, when the king decorated
  her for heroism.  It was revealed at that time that for nearly two years she
  had been working as a British agent in a tailor's shop in Hamburg where she
  was credited with helping to keep the German fleet at anchor.  At her death,
  every compass in the British Empire was hooded for one hour in her honor.
%%
Corps of Engineers:  The promulgation by President Truman in 1949 of the then-
  secret Executive Order 2395 - the Defense Inappropriateness Measures -
  assigned responsibility for constructing and maintaining canals, channels,
  and ports to the Army; highway construction to the Navy; railroad operation
  to the Air Force; and implementation of a national mobile library program to
  the Marines.  The measures were born in a period of anti-Soviet hysteria and
  were designed to confuse the enemy about the missions and deployments of the
  various American military forces in time of war.  Following the tragic loss
  of the Margaret Fuller, the first and last of a projected class of LSBs
  (Landing Ship, Books) to be operated by the Marines, calmer heads prevailed,
  and the order was drastically modified.  Today, only the Army, through its
  Corps of Engineers, retains its incongruous mission.
%%
Course:  The direction in which a skipper wishes to steer his boat and from
  which the wind is blowing.
%%
Crew:  Heavy, stationary objects used on shipboard to hold down corners of
  charts, anchor cushions in place, and dampen sudden movements of the boom.
%%
Cross Bearings:  Unusually difficult or trying conditions at sea.
%%
Cruising:  Waterborne pleasure journey embarked on by one or more people.  A
  cruise may be considered successful if the same number of individuals who set
  out on it arrive, in roughly the same condition they set out in, at some
  piece of habitable dry land, with or without the boat.
%%
Current:  Tidal flow that carries a boat away from its desired destination, or
  toward a hazard.
%%
Cyclone:  Technical name for storms.  Mariners use a universal measure of the
  severity of storms, called the Beaufort scale, which classifies sea condi-
  tions for sailors.  The categories - or "forces" - are: 1. No wind at all; 2.
  Too little wind; 3. Too much wind; 4. Much too much wind; 5. Wind, wind, wind
  - whoooeee, will it ever stop blowing?; and 6. Blammo!
%%
Dead Reckoning:  Traditional form of rough-estimate navigation used for
  hundreds of years by sailors, almost all of whom are dead.  As it is prac-
  ticed today, the technique involves the use of three special "chart darts"
  which are "entered" in the appropriate region of a nautical chart from 8 feet
  away.  The resulting holes are joined by pencil lines to form a triangle
  whose central point is taken as the boat's position.
%%
Deck Lines:  There are a large number of these.  Among the most common are: "Do
  you sail often?"; "Here, let me help you with that"; "Would you like a
  cushion/cocktail?"; and "Want to take the wheel/tiller?"
%%
Deck Shoe:  A canvas shoe with a rubber sole having a specially designed tread
  that provides for secure footing on deck unless the deck is wet, the shoe is
  somewhat worn, the deck is worn, or the shoe is wet.
%%
Derelict:  In spite of the selfless work of the Salvation Navy, many harbors
  are still filled with "bum-boats" and "drifters" who "kedge" handouts,
  usually with some plaintive cry like, "Can you spare ten dollars for a pint
  of bottom paint?"  There is no sadder sight than a yachtsman who has touched
  bottom, but sometimes a few hearty words of encouragement are enough to put
  him back on his sea legs, ready to set a course for self-respect.  "Listen,
  kelp-face," you might cry good-naturedly the next time you are accosted by
  one of these individuals, "why don't you get a job as a piling? There's no
  charge for the creosote, and if you don't mind sea gulls doing numero duo on
  your noggin, you're home free!" Remember, the sailing fraternity looks after
  its own.
%%
Deviation:  Unnatural love of the sea.
%%
Dinghy:  Small craft customarily towed from the stern of boats, stowed on deck
  on larger boats, or stolen from moorings when boats are away.  It serves the
  purpose of lifeboat, shore shuttle, and wastebasket, and by filling up with
  water and sinking, it provides a crude measurement of recent rainfall.
  Ideally, it should have sufficient stability to carry the entire crew at
  least 50 boat-lengths away from their vessel before foundering.  For reasons
  lost in maritime tradition, dinghies - or "dinks" as they are often referred
  to - are by custom equipped with two oars, but only one functioning oarlock.
%%
Distress Signals:  International signals which indicate that a boat is in
  danger.  For example, in Italian waters: moaning, weeping, and wild gesticu-
  lations; in French waters: fistfights, horn-blowing, and screamed accusa-
  tions; in Spanish waters: boasts, taunts, and random gunfire; in Irish
  waters: rhythmic grunting, the sound of broken glass, and the detonation of
  small explosive devices; in Japanese waters: shouted apologies, the exchange
  of calling cards, and minor self-inflicted wounds; and in English waters:
  doffed hats, the burning of toast, and the spilling of tea.
%%
Dock:  Harbor landing-place which goes squeak or thud when hit.  See Pier.
%%
Dolphin:  Marine mammal of legendary intelligence often credited with saving
  drowning sailors by supporting them and nudging them to shore.  Unfortunate-
  ly, due to the expense of feeding these likeable creatures, it has not proved
  practical to equip boats with life-dolphins.  An early attempt to exploit
  their remarkable qualities ended in tragedy when the S.S. City of Cadiz -
  equipped with twenty-three of the animals - went down off Tenerife in 1923
  with all hands, and all fins.  A reconstruction of the catastrophe from
  somewhat hysterical wireless broadcasts sent by the radio operator of the
  Cadiz as it foundered puts the blame for the mishap on the ship's Portuguese
  chef, who in an ill-advised burst of culinary enthusiasm removed two of the
  dolphins from their wooden holding tank on the deck of the tiny tramp steamer
  and featured them in a Seafood Zarzuela.  The remaining fish, apparently
  maddened by the conversion of their companions into a midday meal, became
  increasingly unruly and ultimately butted the flimsy tank to bits.  Its
  contents flooded the overloaded vessel, which quickly sank.  Her owner, one
  M. Lucien Fichou of Marseilles, had neglected to provide lifeboats for the
  vessel, reasoning, as he testified to a court of inquiry, that the presence
  of alternate means of escape would have "shed doubts on the moral fiber and
  inherent capacities of the dolphins, thus perhaps removing their elan for
  their appointed task and plunging them into a poisonous gloom in the grasp of
  which they would have been incapable of performing their duties."  Fichou was
  sentenced to twenty years in the notorious prison on Devil's Island, where,
  in one of those charming oddities that make the study of nautical history so
  rewarding, he spent much of his time developing an ingenious pressurized
  bottle designed to permit deep-sea divers to have an aperitif while sub-
  merged.
%%
Double-ender:  Sailboat design in which the shape of the stern closely resem-
  bles that of the bow.  This design is an advantage when waves are striking
  the boat from behind, since the sharply pointed stern breaks them smoothly,
  but in calm waters it is often a source of some confusion for inexperienced
  boatmen.  Painting front and back in large letters in the appropriate places
  on a double-ender may be a source of some embarrassment to the novice sailor,
  but it does eliminate a potential source of piloting error.
%%
Dry Rot:  Degenerative condition of wood that transforms ship timbers into a
  substance that has compressive and tensile strengths about equal to those
  found in coleslaw.  Since salt water is the most common cause of dry rot, the
  best preventive measure is to keep vessels with predominantly wooden con-
  struction in a cool, dry place - such as a garage or warehouse - on a
  permanent basis.
%%
Emergency:  At sea, an emergency situation is presumed to exist whenever one or
  more persons find themselves on any floating craft in waters whose depth
  makes it impossible for the shortest one of them to stand on the bottom and
  still have his head completely above water.
%%
Engine:  Sailboats are equipped with a variety of engines, but all of them work
  on the internal destruction principle, in which highly machined parts are
  rapidly converted into low-grade scrap, producing in the process energy in
  the form of heat, which is used to boil bilge water; vibration, which
  improves the muscle tone of the crew; and a small amount of rotational force,
  which drives the average size sailboat at speeds approaching a furlong per
  fortnight.
%%
Equator:  A line circling the earth at a point equidistant from both poles
  which separates the oceans into the North Danger Zone and the South Danger
  Zone.
%%
Error:  Navigational inaccuracy.  "Compass error," a catchall term covering the
  more or less permanent directional distortions which that instrument is
  subject to, is the most notable.  Attempts are generally made to reduce or
  eliminate this problem by placing in the vicinity of the compass various
  devices with corrective properties, such as rabbits' feet, four-leaf clovers,
  and religious statuettes.
%%
Etiquette:  Marine custom establishes a code of social behavior and nautical
  courtesy for every conceivable occasion.  Thus, for example, a boat belonging
  to another boatman is always referred to as a "scow," a "tub," or a "pig-
  boat."  When one skipper goes aboard another's boat, he does not hesitate to
  tell him frankly about any drawbacks or disadvantages he finds in comparison
  to his own craft.  Sailors welcome every opportunity to improve their
  vessels, and so he knows that his remarks will be greatly appreciated.  When
  one sailboat passes another, it is customary for the captain of the passing
  boat to make a bladderlike sound with his lips and tongue, and for the
  captain of the passed boat to return the courtesy by offering a smart salute
  consisting of a quick upward movement of the right hand with the second digit
  extended.  There is a time-honored exchange of courtesies involved in
  boarding ship which sailors who respect conventions always use.  Having the
  proper questions and responses down pat lets others know that you are a full-
  fledged member of the seagoing fraternity.  The person who wishes to board a
  ship says, "Hey there, on deck, can I come aboard?" to which the skipper - or
  in his absence, the senior member of the crew - replies, "My compliments [or,
  the captain's complements] sir, but hay, as you may or may not be aware, is
  for horses."  The correct rejoinder to this is, "Oh, come on."  Whoever is on
  board will then insist that the person wishing to enter the ship "preface
  your remarks, if you would be so good, with the magic word."  At this point,
  the person wishing to board replies, "*Please*, can I come aboard?" and he is
  then granted permission with the phrase, "With all due respect [or, the
  captain's respects] sir, I do not know if you *can* or not, but you *may*."
  There are literally hundreds of different forms of nautical usage, and there
  is only room here to give a little flavor of the rich traditions of the sea.
%%
Fast:  Firmly attached, as for example, a rope made fast to a piling.  Also
  used to describe a boat that has run aground.  Thus, a boat that appears to
  be unusually slow, may in fact be "fast."  Nautical terminology is full of
  these amusing paradoxes!
%%
Figurehead:  Decorative dummy found on sailboats.
%%
Fish:  Any living creature that does not call the Coast Guard when faced with
  the prospect of being submerged for more than one minute.
%%
Fitting Out:  Series of maintenance tasks performed on boats ashore during
  good-weather weekends in spring and summer months to make them ready for
  winter storage.
%%
Fix:  1. The estimated position of a boat.  2. The true position a boat and its
  crew are in most of the time.
%%
Flag:  Any of a number of signaling pennants or ensigns, designed to be flown
  upside down, in the wrong place, in the wrong order, or at an inappropriate
  time.
%%
Flag (Liberian):  Flag of convenience flown by many merchant ships.  It has the
  advantage that Liberian laws are very loose, and hence the cost of operating
  a ship under Liberian registry is low, but suffers from the disadvantage
  that, generally speaking, the Liberian flag is accorded the respect and
  courtesy one would expect upon displaying a bedspread or pot holder.
%%
Flipper:  Rubber swimming air worn on the feet.  Usually available in only two
  sizes, 3 and 17.
%%
Flood:  Sudden rising of water on shore during which "landlubbers" are intro-
  duced to the pleasures of boating.
%%
Flotsam:  Anything floating in the water from which there is no response when
  an offer of a cocktail is made.
%%
Fluke:  The portion of an anchor that digs securely into the bottom, holding a
  boat in place; also, any occasion when this occurs on the first try.
%%
Fo'c's'l:  Th' c'b'n f'r'th'st f'r'd
%%
Fog:  "Oh fatal vapor, thrice accursed brew
       Thou gloom of doom, thou deadly devil's stew!"
               - Shakespeare, All Ashore That's Going Ashore, Act III, Scene I.
%%
Fuel:  Sailboats without auxiliary engines do not require fuel as such, but an
  adequate supply of pale yellow carbonated beverage with a 10 percent to 12
  percent alcohol content is essential to the operation of all recreational
  craft.
%%
Galley:  1. Ancient: Aspect of seafaring associated with slavery.  2. Modern:
  Aspect of seafaring associated with slavery.
%%
Gangway:  On boarding ship, the point of no return.
%%
Gender:  As a rule, boats are customarily referred to as "she," and parts of
  boats are preceded by "her," but there are a few ports, such as Key West,
  Fla., and Provincetown, Mass. where "he" and "his" are becoming common.
%%
Gimbals:  Movable mountings often found on shipboard lamps, compasses, etc.,
  which provide dieting passengers an opportunity to observe the true motions
  of the ship on relation to them, and thus prevent any recently ingested food
  from remaining in their digestive systems long enough to be converted into
  unwanted calories.
%%
Gong Buoy:  One of a class of sound-emitting buoys with movable hammers that
  hit bells or gongs when waves rock them.  Buoys not equipped with active
  means of sound generation also send out characteristic sounds when struck,
  which help the sailor identify them.  The nun and the can emit a sharp clunk
  or clank; the day beacon on pilings yields a deep thudding sound with some
  splintering noises; fixed channel markers surrounded by rip-rap (circles of
  stones) give off a grating, cracking, or crunching sound; channel-marking
  stakes produce a light snap; and moorings usually make a series of faint
  tapping noises as they pass along the hull.
%%
Greenwich Time:  The incorrect time in London.
%%
Gunwale:  Upper edge of the side of a boat, pronounced "gunnel," "gunn'l,"
  "gnl," or "gn."  By the way, many people have difficulty mastering nautical
  pronunciation, and this seems as good a place as any to address this problem.
  The effect to aim for is a cross between train announcements and the sounds
  that come from patients in dentists' chairs.  Probably the best way to
  develop a "sea mouth" is to practice speaking with an unopened chowder clam
  held in your mouth.  Work on this sentence: "Gaff that grommet gasket to the
  garboard gudgeon gunter."  It should come out something like: "Gfthtgrmgskt-
  thgbdgdgngnr."  Remember, properly delivered nautical commands must be
  incomprehensible to the person toward whom they are directed even when
  accompanied by clear hand signals or pantomime indicating the desired action.
  The U.S. Navy has a handy memory aid for the seven basic rules of the
  nautical command - it's a good one to memorize:
  C onfuse
  O bscure
  M umble
  M ispronounce
  A bbreviate
  N asalize
  D rool
%%
Hazard:  1. Any boat over 2 feet in length.  2. The skipper of any such craft.
  3. Any body of water.  4. Any body of land within 100 yards of any body of
  water.
%%
Head:  Technically, the toilet on a boat, although heads are in fact structur-
  ally much closer to the radioactive waste disposal systems which they
  resemble.  A head's operation is rather complicated, but once mastered, it
  should present no particular difficulty to the boat owner or visitor.
  Approved methods of working the marine head are contained in the excellent,
  though somewhat superficial, seven-volume work, Principles and Operation of
  the Marine Head, published by the Department of Defense in cooperation with
  the Department of Justice and the surgeon general.  Also, most manufacturers
  of shipboard sanitary units provide extensive audiovisual materials on a loan
  basis to purchasers of their products, and many educational institutions in
  areas with large boating populations offer a basic 80-hour "hands-on" course
  in Sanitary Navigation (previous credits in Fluid Dynamics and the Fundamen-
  tals of Crowd Control may be a prerequisite).  Proper operation of the head
  is essential.  Simply put, the head macerates and chlorinates a certain very
  restricted class of waste materials prior to discharge, transforming them
  into a chemical compound that annoys, but does not kill, marine life.
  Foreign matter must not be introduced into the head under any circumstances.
  Although it operates on the principle of the chain saw - as the noise which
  accompanies its use suggests - it is highly susceptible to clogging.  Heads
  that become clogged can result not just in considerable inconvenience, but in
  great expense as well, requiring the intervention of trained personnel with
  decontamination gear and remote-handling equipment, and in extreme - but by
  no means uncommon - cases, may lead to the abandoning of the boat. (Inciden-
  tally, in that regard, most insurance policies specifically exclude clogged
  heads in their coverage of the boat, or have a high deductible - typically
  $50,000 - for that category of risk.)  The key to the operation of the head
  is the addition at the appropriate moment of a special tablet, a macaroon-
  sized cake composed of a blend of potassium cyanide, phosgene, lye, prussic
  acid, formaldehyde, diatomaceous earth, ground glass, metal filings, and high
  explosive.  Though not specifically prohibited by the Geneva convention,
  these tablets are regulated to some degree by the United Nations; in interna-
  tional waters, it is advisable to consult the various protocols that govern
  their transport and use.
%%
Heeling:  A basic process affecting all sailboats, which begins with the boat
  leaning over as the wind presses on one side of its sails, and ends as the
  sailboat finally exhibits its natural tendency to come to a state of rest on
  the sea bottom.
%%
Houseboat:  In recent years, there have been a spate of complaints about
  unscrupulous developers, chiefly in California and Florida, selling "sea-
  site" vacation homes on "prime ocean-view wet-land water-front-and-back"
  parcels in developments with names like Wave Crest, Sea Gardens, and Rancho
  Aguamucho.  Caveat emptor!  If the fine print in your purchase contract
  requires you as a homeowner to carry collision insurance and have YMCA
  swimming certification, you're headed for a tidal rip-off!
%%
Hydrophobia:  Fear of the water.  Accepted by many states as a basic test of
  fundamental sanity.
%%
Iceboat:  A sailboat having such characteristics that it is statistically more
  likely to crash than to sink; that it can become a total loss without
  sinking; and that in the event of a mishap, its crew will be able to walk to
  shore.
%%
Ice Chest:  Insulated compartment in the galley (q.v.) that holds a block or
  two of ice to keep food and beverages cool.  No one knows why - it could have
  something to do with sudden temperature changes, continuous sea motion, and
  pressure - but fresh produce placed inside undergoes a transformation into a
  dense, peatlike substance surprisingly familiar to soft coal; frozen meat
  corrodes; and containers of beer are somehow transmuted into cans of diet
  Fanta.
%%
Inland Waters:  As defined by the Coast Guard, areas of U.S. territorial waters
  abutting or passing through heavily populated regions, where a man who falls
  overboard will dissolve before he drowns.
%%
International Rules:  Set of worldwide maritime agreements that: outlaw exces-
  sive noise - such as the slamming of hatches, sounding of loud horns or
  whistles - in narrow straits, like those of Gibraltar, Molucca, and Hormuz;
  require ships to have a clean flag and a note signed by the king, president,
  prime minister, or chairman before leaving port; decree that anything left
  floating around in the ocean will be thrown out or given away; and, in the
  Panama and Suez canals, prohibit ships from "racing" up and down the locks.
%%
Jetsam:  Too often shipboard refuse is unceremoniously dumped over the side
  with no attention whatsoever to the nautical niceties.  That pile of untidy
  refuse in the bottom of a bucket may not look like much, but those unsung
  "silent crew members" have done their part to contribute to the success of
  the voyage, and they are deserving of respect as they are committed to the
  deep.  The short, but moving "Service for Items No Longer Wanted" in the Book
  of Common Prayer is an appropriate accompaniment to the disposal procedure.
  The crew is assembled on deck, and as the container is emptied over the side,
  the skipper calls out, "Three cheers for our noble leavings!" and the crew
  responds with lusty huzzahs.
%%
Jib (Genoa):  Jib made from pressed meat.  Not recommended in warm climates.
%%
Jib-boom:  "Jib-boom, Jib-boom." Popular hit song of the 1950's, originally
  recorded by Billy Buddy and the Logarithms.
%%
Jibe:  Course change which causes the boom (q.v.) to sweep rapidly across the
  cockpit; also, frequent type of comment made by observers of this maneuver.
%%
Jury Rig:  An emergency arrangement of sails, lines, spars, etc., usually put
  together in a period of temporary insanity.
%%
Ketch:  Disagreeable clause in boat-purchase contract.
%%
Knot:  Any connection between two or more ropes, involving a number of loops,
  ties, and twists, and having the property that the link cannot be parted or
  broken in any way or through any means, other than by severing it with a
  knife, except if it is subjected to steady stress in the course of normal
  use.  There are dozens of highly specialized nautical knots, of which the
  most common are the half-snarl, the fisherman's snag, the trip-knot, the reef
  tangle, the rat's foot, the lubber's loop, and the fouline.  A seaman who
  really knows his ropes is referred to as a "knut," a "knerd," a "kninny," or
  a "knumbskull."
%%
Latitude and Longitude:  A series of imaginary lines on the earth's surface
  drawn at intervals parallel to the equator (latitude) or the poles (longi-
  tude) as an aid to navigation.  Since they are invisible, many mariners find
  them of limited usefulness.
%%
Lazaret:  Although by no means all, or even a majority, of sailboat owners are
  superstitious, by longtime custom a small shrine, called a lazaret, is
  maintained in the stern of most sailboats.  It is basically a locker, with a
  watertight cover, and it contains what might best be described as an amulet
  or "juju."  This consists of a barbecue grill (representing harvest and the
  hunt) securely wrapped in 20 to 30 feet of depth-sounding line (symbolizing
  safe passage through shallow waters), and in turn knotted to several rubber
  bumpers (symbolizing protection from collisions) with the rope of a small
  anchor (a symbol of peaceful anchorages).  Exact practice varies from boat to
  boat, but snorkels and face masks (representing the recreational aspects of
  the sea) are sometimes jammed into the barbecue grill, a plastic bucket and a
  mop (symbolizing cleanliness) are tied to the anchor, and a lantern with a
  dead battery (a reminder of the cruelty of fate) is placed in the bucket.
%%
Leadership:  In maritime use, the ability to keep persons on board ship without
  resorting to measures which substantially violate applicable state and
  federal statutes.
%%
Lead Line:  A block of lead at the end of a length of rope which is thrown over
  the side to determine depth.  If it bounces, the course should be changed at
  once.
%%
Leak:  A situation calling for leadership (q.v.).
%%
Leeward:  Pronounced "Lourdes," or shortened to "loo."  The direction in which
  objects, liquids, and other matter may be thrown without risk of reencounter-
  ing them in the immediate future.
%%
Lifeboat:  The only known class of vessel which, upon going aboard, an individ-
  ual thereby increases rather than decreases his chances of survival.
%%
Life Preserver:  Any personal flotation device that will keep an individual who
  has fallen off a vessel above water long enough to be run over by it or
  another rescue craft.
%%
Lubber:  Or landlubber, an odd rendition of "land-lover."  Derogatory slang for
  persons unfamiliar with boats and uncomfortable in and around them.  Modern
  brain research has indicated that the speech defect which leads some individ-
  uals to substitute b for v may be a symptom of a severe, and hitherto
  unrecognized, form of brain damage associated with inner-ear dislocations
  caused by long periods spent pitching, rolling, rocking, and swaying.
%%
Marina:  Commercial dock facility.  Among the few places, under admiralty law
  (q.v.), where certain forms of piracy are still permitted, most marinas have
  up-to-date facilities for the disposal of excess amounts of U.S. currency
  that may have accumulated on board, causing a fire hazard.
%%
Mean Low Water:  A phenomenon, probably mythical, first reported by mariners in
  the sixteenth century, in which some coastal waters at extreme low tide make
  slapping and burbling noises that sound to the crews of boats passing through
  them like "You call yourself a sailor?  A clam has more brains"; "That's not
  a boat - that's a barnacle caught on a toothpick"; and other equally mali-
  cious remarks.
%%
Mile (Nautical):  A relativistic measure of surface distance over water - in
  theory, 6076.1 feet.  In practice, a number of different values for the
  nautical mile have been observed while under sail, for example: after 4 P.M.,
  approximately 40,000 feet; in winds of less that 5 knots, about 70,000 feet;
  and during periods of threatening weather in harbor approaches, around
  100,000 feet.
%%
Mizzen:  1. Itzy-bitzy mazt in zee back of zee boat.  2. Lozt.
%%
Moon:  Earth's natural satellite.  During periods when it displays a vivid blue
  color, sailing conditions are generally favorable.
%%
Mooring:  The act of bringing a boat to a complete stop in a relatively
  protected coastal area in such a fashion that it can be sailed away again in
  less than one week's time by the same number of people who moored it without
  heavy equipment and with no more than $100 in repairs.
%%
Mushroom Anchor:  Handy galley accessory that keeps this popular and flavorful
  fungus from rolling off plates in high seas.
%%
Naval Architect:  Boat designer.  Among the best known in modern times are
  Frank Lloyd Shipwright, Mies van der Roheboat (one of the pioneering archi-
  tects of the bauthaus movement), and Minoru Yachtasaki.
%%
Navigational Lights:  To assist in identification at night, all boats are
  required to carry various colored lights.  Thus, for example, boats for sale
  display a string of 60-watt bulbs from stem to stern; houseboats are identi-
  fied by a pair of yellow bug lights, a table lamp, and a small white light in
  a lantern held by a jockey statuette; and all haunted vessels are bathed in a
  light green or bluish glow.
%%
Nylon Rope:  A durable synthetic rope that has the curious property that its
  strength decreases over time in almost exact proportion to the increase in
  its retail price.
%%
Offshore:  Out of (a) sight of land; (b) your mind.
%%
Oil:  Thick, viscous substance poured by sailors on troubled waters in former
  times, but now more frequently poured on troubled beaches, troubled marshes,
  and troubled seabirds.
%%
Oilskin:  Irritating epidermal condition suffered by boat owners who work on
  diesel engines.
%%
Overboard:  No longer on board ship - usually used in reference to a person who
  has fallen off one.  One of the limited number of circumstances when disem-
  barkation from a boat implies a shortening rather that a lengthening of the
  life span of the individual involved.
%%
Passage:  Basically, a voyage from point A to point B, interrupted by unexpect-
  ed landfalls or stopovers at point K, point Q, and point Z.
%%
Passenger:  A form of movable internal ballast which tends to accumulate on the
  leeward side of sailboats once sea motions commence.
%%
Perpetual Motion:  An "impossible" state, in which, once set in motion, an
  object continues to move forever, defying gravity and friction.  All sail-
  boats display perpetual motion.  No one knows how this can be, but this
  interesting subject - and many other fascinating topics - are addressed in
  the popular book, Yachts of the Gods?, which suggests that sailing was taught
  to earthmen in ancient times by spiteful visitors from outer space in return
  for having been given spinach, the concept of original sin, and the mumps.
%%
Pier:  Harbor landing place that goes crack or crunch when hit.  See Dock.
%%
Points:  Traditional units of angular measurement from the viewpoint of someone
  on board a vessel.  They are: Straight ahead of you; right up there; Just a
  little to the right of the front; Right next to that thing up there; Between
  those two things; Right out there, look; Over that round doohickey; Off the
  right corner; Back over there; and Right behind us.
%%
Pratique:  Technical maritime term for customs procedure on entering foreign
  waters.  When passing through customs, particularly in the tropics - the most
  common foreign destination for American pleasure craft - it is customary to
  display a small amount of that country's official currency in a conspicuous
  place and to transfer it to the parting handshake.  A nice sharp slap as the
  captain effects the transfer shows he cares about appearances.  And it is by
  no means out of place for the skipper to add a friendly word or two, such as
  "Here, Sambo, this is for *you*.  Why don't you go out and buy yourself some
  joy juice and get stupid?"  Incidentally, these inspectors are justly proud
  of their educational attainments, and the savvy boat owner can win some fast
  friends by remarking with surprise and admiration on their ability to read
  and write.
%%
Privileged Vessel:  The vessel which in a collision was "in the right."  If
  there were witnesses, the owner could bring an admiralty court case - known
  as a "wet suit" or a "leisure suit" - against the owner of the other boat,
  and if he proves "shiplash," he could collect a tidy sum.  See Sea Lawyer.
%%
Propeller:  Underwater winch designed to wind up at high speed any lines or
  painters left hanging over the stern.
%%
Psychology at Sea:  Shipboard therapists deal with many psychoses, ranging from
  marimania to the Lord Nelson complex.
%%
Punt:  1. Small square-nosed dinghy.  2. To row around in a small square nosed
  dinghy.  3. To decide not to row around in a small square-nosed dinghy.
%%
Quahog:  A large saltwater clam that lives in a shell composed of two joined
  ashtrays.
%%
Quantum Periodic Galley Table:  A compact piece of fold-up or fold-down
  furniture, usually built in and/or bolted down, often found in cabins of
  small sailboats.  It has the peculiar characteristic of spontaneously
  changing state to form a shrunken, collapsed form in an unpredictable manner
  which modern physics is still at a loss to explain.
%%
Quarantine:  Traditional four-masted plague ship.
%%
Quarter:  Basic gradation of direction as seen from the aft portion of a boat.
  Thus, for example, a buoy seen at a 45-degree angle off the left of the boat
  would be 27 cents off the port quarter, tacks included.
%%
Queeg:  Affectionate slang term for ship's captain.
%%
Racing:  Popular nautical contact sport.
%%
Radar:  Extremely realistic kind of electronic game often found on larger
  sailboats.  Players try to avoid colliding with "blips," which represent
  other sailboats, large cargo vessels, and supertankers.
%%
Rapture of the deep:  Also known as nautical narcosis.  Its symptoms include an
  inability to use common words, such as up, down, left, right, front, and
  back, and their substitution with a variety of gibberish which the sufferer
  believes to make sense; a love of small, dark, wet places; an obsessive
  desire to be surrounded by possessions of a nautical nature, such as lamps
  made from running lights and tiny ship's wheels; and a conviction that
  objects are moving when they are in fact standing still.  This condition is
  incurable.
%%
Red Right Returning:  Best known of a series of mnemonic phrases designed to
  help sailors remember critical pieces of nautical information.  There are
  many others, like: cold cod cakes can cause catarrh; binnacle, barnacle,
  baggy wrinkle, boo!; the flounder in zany pajamas swam quickly by the crabby
  gravlax; and knead a reever, carve a thole.
%%
Regatta:  Jimmy "the Fid" Regatta was generally recognized as the "Codfather"
  or "Skippo di tutta Skippi" of the shadowy Costa Nostra organized marine-
  crime family in the north-eastern U.S. in the 1950's.  Operating out of
  Newport, R.I., Regatta ran a number of illegal enterprises, including boat-
  loansharking, the old shellfish game, the sale of adulterated Dramamine, and
  the protection racket (sailors who frequented the waters of Buzzards Bay in
  those years remember being approached by seagoing thugs who would chew on
  toothpicks and drawl insolently, "Nice looking yach-it you got there.  It
  sure would be a shame if a drawbridge closed on it.")  A brutal man more
  noted for his animal cunning than his intellectual capacity, Regatta penned a
  minor footnote in American legal history when, in an appearance before a
  Senate committee, he somewhat unexpectedly "took the Third," declining to
  testify "on de grounds dat soldiers may be quartered in my home in time of
  peace widout my consent."  Shortly after allegedly fixing the Newport to
  Eleuthera Race or 1961, the notorious "lobster mobster" came to a predictable
  end.  his removal coincided with rumors that suggested that as recreational
  boating displaced the traditional fishing industry, a new breed of criminal
  had come to the area.  Rather surprisingly Jimmy Regatta's body was found
  buried in a sand trap on the long dogleg par 5 at the exclusive Ball Point
  Golf Club, and several of his confederates - prior to their disappearance -
  received mysterious "black balls" marked on pages torn from the Social
  Register.  There was talk for a while of a "Madras Mafia," but if it does
  exist, it is exceptionally discreet.
%%
Relative Motion:  The motion of one boat in relation to another on which the
  first is converging.  If direct convergence occurs, one or both of the boats
  may develop downward motion.
%%
Rhumb Line:  Shipboard dance similar in some respects to the conga line.
%%
Ropes:  The various kinds of rigging on a boat are extremely sensitive to
  abuse.  Never call them "ropes."  There is no aspect of sailing in which a
  novice can more quickly display his ignorance and lack of respect for
  nautical usage that this, and unless you want a nasty burn the next time you
  handle "that rope there" or a sharp slap in the face from the end of a miffed
  hawser, you should learn the proper terms.  Generally, "your coilage," "your
  cordship," or "your lineage" are acceptable when making reference to anchor
  lines, mooring lines, and the like, but if you wish to avoid unnecessarily
  chafing your gear, it is advisable to address the more essential forms of
  rigging by their proper names: "Mr. Rutherford, this is the Main Halyard,
  Holder and Raiser of the Mainsail" or "Mrs Millicent, may I present the Port
  and Starboard Jib Sheets."
%%
Rudder:  A large, heavy, vertically mounted, hydrodynamically contoured steel
  plate with which, through the action of a tiller or wheel, it is possible,
  during brief intervals, to point the sailing vessel in a direction which, due
  to a combination of effects caused by tide, current, the force and direction
  of the wind, the size and angle of the waves, and the shape of the hull, it
  does not wish to go.
%%
Rule of Thumb:  Hitchhiking at sea is both illegal and inadvisable.
%%
Rules of the Road:  Government-published pamphlet outlining the rights and
  responsibilities of watercraft in giving way to other vessels in potential
  collision situations.  Since its relatively few paged printed on thin paper
  have a negligible cushioning capability, it is not thought prudent to rely on
  it too heavily in the event of an impending impact.
%%
Schooner:  1. Traditional sail vessel.  2. Traditional ale vessel.
%%
Scuppers:  Customary disembarkation points for prudent rodents.
%%
Seabag:  1. Canvas sack in which a sailor's gear is carried.  2. Aging mermaid.
%%
Sea Lawyer:  Attorney practicing admiralty law (q.v.).  For the most part, sea
  lawyers are reputable, but there are still some "Coast Guard cutter-chasers"
  around making unethical profits off collision cases, and there are a few
  notorious "mouth trumpets" or "megaphones" for maritime criminal elements.
  If you have any complaints about the behavior of a sea lawyer, contact your
  local branch of the American Sand Bar Association.
%%
Sea Monster:  Mythical giant sea creature, usually described as snakelike in
  appearance.  Thought by credulous sailors to appear suddenly and gobble up
  the unwary.  Obviously, a preposterous supersti
%%
Sextant:  An entertaining, albeit expensive, device, which, together with a
  good atlas, is of use in introducing the boatman to many interesting areas on
  the earth's surface which he and his craft are not within 1,000 nautical
  miles of.
%%
Ship's Chandler:  For example, The Big Sloop, or Farewell My Lubberly.
%%
Shipshape.  A boat is said to be shipshape when every object that is likely to
  contribute to the easy handling of the vessel or the comfort of the crew has
  been put in a place from which it cannot be retrieved in less than 30
  minutes.
%%
Ship-to-Shore Radio:  A combination radio transmitter/receiver that permits
  captains and crew members to obtain wrong numbers and busy signals while at
  sea.
%%
Shower:  Due to restricted space, limited water supplies, and the difficulty of
  generating hot water, showers on board ship are quite different from those
  taken ashore.  Although there is no substitute for direct experience, a rough
  idea of a shipboard shower can be obtained by standing naked for two minutes
  in a closet with a large, wet dog.
%%
Small Craft Warnings:  There are a great many of these, and the wise skipper
  pays close attention to them.  Typical are: "Is there supposed to be water in
  those drawers under the bunks?"; "I think that man on the fishing boat over
  there wants to talk to you"; "All the other boats are going on the other side
  of that black thing"; "What does it mean when the little needle breaks off
  and falls to the bottom of the gauge?"; "If those are sea gulls, why aren't
  they moving?"; "That's funny, that shiny-looking stuff in the water is only
  right here around the boat"; "Gee, the wheel suddenly got much easier to
  turn"; "Hmmmmm, you'd think they'd put an island as big as that on the
  chart"; "Weren't we towing a little boat behind us when we left?"; and "On
  second thoughts, I *will* have one of those little pills."
%%
Snub:  To attach one end of a line to a cleat, and, by extension, to treat a
  person with disdain or contempt by ignoring him or pretending in some manner
  that he doesn't exist, as, for example, by attaching one end of a line to
  him.
%%
Spanner Wrench:  One of the most useful tools for engine repair; in some cases,
  the only suitable tool.  Not currently manufactured.
%%
Spinnaker:  An extremely large, lightweight, balloon-shaped piece of sailcloth
  frequently trailed in the water off the bow in a big bundle to slow the boat
  down.
%%
Spinnaker Pole:  Jocular term based on ethnic slur used to describe individual
  who attempts to fly a spinnaker.
%%
Splice:  Method of joining two ropes by weaving together the individual strands
  of which they are composed.  The resulting connection is stronger than any
  knot.  Splicing is something of an art and takes a while to master.  You can
  work on perfecting your technique at home by practicing knitting a pair of
  socks or a stocking cap out of a pound or so of well-cooked noodles.
%%
Stowing:  A form of temporary caulking in which clothes and personal belongings
  are jammed into a number of irregular spaces between the inner hull and the
  cabin for the purpose of absorbing any random moisture, caused by small
  leaks, etc., which may have collected there.
%%
Suit of Sails:  Sail wardrobes are still mostly white, but some solid colors
  are beginning to appear, and if Mark La Motte, editor of Harbors Bazaar and
  the author of The Well-Dressed Ship is right, checks, plaids, and patterns
  are just around the corner, and we'll soon be seeing a move away from the
  "Continental loo" Marconi rig in favor of a return to the baggy tweed or
  flannel "Vanderbilt" style mainsails that were so popular in Newport in the
  1920's.
%%
Surf 'n' Turf:  Popular harborside restaurant dish consisting, typically, of a
  lobster tail and a filet mignon.  Other generally accepted terms for this
  combination are: Angler 'n' Wrangler; Beef 'n' Reef; Maine 'n' Plain; Pound
  'n' Sound; Paw 'n' Claw; Loam 'n' Foam; Chap 'n' Trap; Steer 'n' Pier; Kine
  'n' Brine; Marine 'n' Bovine; Paddle 'n' Saddle; Oar 'n' Shore; Sand 'n'
  Brand; Tide 'n' Hide; Dive 'n' Drive; Comber 'n' Roamer; Lasso 'n' Sargasso;
  Ship 'n' Whip; Boat 'n' Oat; Cud 'n' Scud; Rudder 'n' Udder; Slime 'n' Prime;
  Scow 'n' Cow; and Ooze 'n' Moos.
%%
Swab:  To effect, with the aid of a mop, a sponge, or some similar device, the
  even distribution of a mixture of seawater, dirt, food particles, ash, and
  other foreign matter over the entire deck, cockpit, and cabin.
%%
Swimming:  A form of solo waterborne navigation, ordinarily practiced over
  short distances, whose expense, compared with sailing, is negligible, since
  the most costly item - the boat - is dispensed with entirely.
%%
Tack:  To shift the course of a sailboat from a direction far to the right,
  say, of the direction in which one wishes to go, to a direction far to the
  left of it.
%%
Teredo:  A wormlike saltwater organism, actually a mollusk.  The only known
  creature whose fondness for traditional all-wooden sailing vessels matches
  that of their owners'.
%%
Thwart:  Thmall, hard lump of thkin found on handth of thailorth who fail to
  take precauthions when handling frogth.
%%
Tides:  Rise and fall of coastal waters.  There are two tides daily on week-
  days, one on Saturday, and none on Sunday, Harbor Day, Spinnukah, Swabber
  Day, Clam Wednesday, and Farragut's Birthday.  For tides in your area, be
  sure to consult your local tide tables.  For example, someone leaving Groton
  on the 11:07 (a local tide) has to be at block Island by 6:13 to catch the
  outbound Long Island Sound tide (a notoriously unreliable flow), and regard-
  less of point of origin or destination, everyone in the northeast has to
  change at Sandy Hook.  Even if the water is running smoothly, planning is
  essential.  Dredging operations sometimes result in delays, and tides are
  occasionally canceled without notice.  Incidentally, as this book went to
  press, the Coast Guard was considering designating certain tides as "smoking"
  or "no smoking" - call your local boating association for details.
%%
Toe:  Stub your "toe"?  Well, then, it's time to brush up on your nomenclature!
  In nautical terms, a toe is a catchcleat or snagtackle.  A few others: head -
  boomstop; leg - bruisefast; and hand - blistermitten.
%%
Trailering:  Transporting a boat to dockside on a car-trailer.  One of the few
  situations in which a boat owner not aboard his boat is in substantially the
  same peril as when he is on it.
%%
True North:  The direction in which the geographic North Pole lies, as distin-
  guished from the directions in which compass needles point, which range from
  Magnetic North to Sort of North, Northish, East, West, and South.
%%
Uniform:  As worn by yacht club members and other shore hazards, a distinctive
  form of dress intended to be visible at a distance of at least 50 meters
  which serves to warn persons in the vicinity of the long winds and dense
  masses of hot air associated with these tidal bores.
%%
U.S. Government Publications:  The U.S. Government publishes a number of
  pamphlets and booklets of interest to mariners.  Among the most useful are
  the Annual Tax Tables, which provide a list - updated weekly - of all state
  and federal tariffs applicable to boat owners; "Tax Sale Ho!", which de-
  scribes the process of seizing an individual's watercraft to satisfy liens;
  and "Sure You survived a Shipwreck - But Will You Survive an Audit?", an
  excellent survival manual which contains waterproof tax forms, a comprehen-
  sive definition of the one circumstance under which the abandoning of a boat
  is considered a nontaxable "involuntary disposal of assets," and clearly-
  written instructions for the marooned sailor on how to avoid eventual IRS
  penalties upon rescue by keeping a careful record of fish caught, roots and
  berries consumed and other forms of "windfall sustenance in lieu of income."
%%
U.S. Weather Service:  Relying on sophisticated sensing devices which turn pink
  or blue depending on key meteorological indications, the U.S. Weather Service
  makes regular radio broadcasts describing changing weather conditions.
%%
Vang:  Name of German sea dog.  See Wharf.
%%
Varnish:  High-fiction coating applied as a gloss over minor details in
  personal nautical recollections to improve their audience-holding capacity
  over frequent retellings.
%%
Wake:  1. Horizontal track in the water caused by passage of a boat.  2.
  Ceremony held if that track becomes vertical.
%%
Weather Helm:  Marked tendency of a sailboat to turn into the wind, even when
  the rudder is centered.  This is easily countered by wedging a heavy object
  against the tiller.  See Crew.
%%
Weigh Anchor:  To raise the anchor.  This odd terminology may derive from the
  fact that every time the anchor is pulled up - almost always by hand on
  sailboats - an excellent opportunity is presented to the crew members hauling
  it up to gain a good working idea of its weight, which is generally consider-
  able and, apart from minute changes caused by corrosion, quite consistent
  from one weighing to another.  Still, it is a source of cheer and comfort to
  many that in a constantly changing nautical environment, 30 or more dead-
  weight pounds of metal are "hanging in there," and this may be why sailors
  traditionally sing chanteys when pulling them up.
%%
Wharf:  Sound made by Vang (q.v.) when he wishes to be fed.  See Whelk.
%%
Whelk:  Sound made by Vang (q.v.) to show that he doesn't like that dry, lumpy
  dog food you put in his dish.  See Whip.
%%
Whip:  Useful accessory if that dry, lumpy dog food is all you happen to have
  on board.
%%
Whitecaps:  1. Agitated, foamy water of the tops of waves.  2. Luggage handlers
  at seaside hotels.
%%
Winches:  Jocular term for compliant and helpful young ladies on a sailboat.
  By contrast, women who are serious sailors but dull company are called
  "windlasses" or "wet bulbs."
%%
Windward:  The direction the wind is coming from, also known as the eye of the
  wind or the teeth of the wind, and in New Jersey coastal waters, the mouth of
  the wind.
%%
Wing-and-Wing or Double Wing:  A unique soft-shoe step perfected by the comedy
  tap-dancing team of Flo and Eddy and first introduced in their 1933 hit,
  Mermaid in Heaven.
%%
Xebec:  Also, zebec.  A small, three-masted Mediterranean sailing vessel, used
  primarily in commerce in the Middle East, and in Scrabble in North American
  waters.
%%
Yacht:  Any recreational craft whose owner or user is not responsible for her
  upkeep, or whose owner recognizes sufficient tax benefits from his ownership
  to defray all operating expenses.  Also commonly used to describe any boat
  prior to its purchase, and by many boat owners to describe their vessel to
  persons who have never seen it and are never likely to do so.
%%
Yacht Broker:  Form of coastal marine life found in many harbors in the
  Northern Hemisphere generally thought to occupy a position on the evolution-
  ary scale above algae, but below the cherrystone clam.
%%
Yardarm:  Horizontal spar mounted in such a way that when viewed from the
  cockpit, the sun is always over it.
%%
Yawl:  Southern version of ahoy.
%%
Zee:  The Dutch have made significant contributions to boating safety in their
  tiny country by draining coastal areas long favored by Netherlands yachtsmen
  and converting them to farmland.  The fleets of little mudtfrigjates scudding
  through the fields of ripening turnips and Brussels sprouts are a peculiar
  but colorful sight, and although some complain that the swish of plant tops
  along the hull and the squelch of rubber tires in mud are no substitute for
  the slap of waves and the tang of salt, there is no denying that the unfortu-
  nate sailor who capsizes is better off in Davy Jones's larder than in his
  locker!
%%
Zenith:  One of a number of odd and probably meaningless terms used by adher-
  ents of Celestial Navigation, a peculiar cult whose members profess to
  believe that it is possible to tell where you are by consulting mystical
  "tables" and peering at the stars and planets through an instrument that
  looks like something abandoned by the dental profession around the turn of
  the century.  Though rarely dangerous, celestial navigators - or "starries"
  as they are sometimes called - are avid proselytizers, and sailors who don't
  want to be pressed to join in their odd rituals are advised to give them a
  wide berth at twilight when they gather on deck and mumble numbers at one
  another.
%%
Zephyr:  Warm, pleasant breeze. Named after the mythical Greek god of wishful
  thinking, false hopes, and unreliable forecasts.
%%