Quotes I got off rez@yoyo... ask him where he got them from
%%
"Women were meant to be loved, not to be understood."
    -- Oscar Wilde  1854 - 1900
%%
"Why don't you wake up and smell what you shovelling?"
    -- Sgt. Al Powell (Reginald Veljohnson), Die Hard
%%
"I had absolutely no knowledge of any corruption in the Queensland
Police Force."
    -- Ex Qld Police Commissioner, Sir Terrence Lewis, 3/7/89
%%
"Whatever you do, you'll regret it."
    -- Allan McLeod Gray  1905 - 1975
%%
"He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death"
    -- H. H. Munro  1870 - 1916
%%
"Murphy was an optimist"
    -- O'Toole's commentary on Murph's Law, as cited by A. Block
%%
"It is useless for sheep to pass resolutions in favor of vegetarianism
while wolves remain of a different opinion."
    -- William Ralph Inge, D. D.  1860 - 1954
%%
"There's one born every minute."
    -- P. T. Barnum  1810 - 1891
%%
"The truth is the one thing that nobody will believe."
    -- George Bernard Shaw  1856 - 1950
%%
"Democracy can withstand anything but democrates."
    -- J. Harshaw  1904 -
%%
"Rascality has limits; stupidity has not."
    -- Napoleon Bonaparte  1769 - 1821
%%
"The majority is never right."
    -- L. Long  1912 -
%%
"There may come a time when the lion and the lamb will lie down together,
but I am still betting on the lion."
    -- Henry Wheeler Shaw  1818 - 1885
%%
He who think by the inch,
and talk by the mile,
ought to be kicked by the foot.
%%
"The human being is an amazing creature!  He can't even make a worm,
yet he makes gods by the dozen!!"
    -- St. Peter, Pearly Gates comic strip
%%
Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.
%%
Things get worse under pressure.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
    -- Fahnestock's rule for failure.
%%
Almost anything is easier to get into than to get out of.
%%
"You don't fix a boat from the outside because you might not be able
to tread water long enough to point out everyone elses mistakes."
    -- Mike Warnke, Good News Tonight.
%%
Toto :  "If you must suffer, suffer in silence."
Boho :  "Oh all right.  I don't mind suffering is silence, as long as
        everyone knows I'm suffering in silence"
    -- Toto the monkey and Boho the hippopotamus,
          from the Jungle Doctor story, "Sweet and Sour Hippo"
%%
"Has anyone told you your a person of a few words... a few million."
    -- Toto the monkey, from the Jungle Doctor story, "Sweet and Sour Hippo"
%%
"You can't trust anyone in the jungle these days."
    -- Boho the hippopotamus,
          from the Jungle Doctor story, "Sweet and Sour Hippo"
%%
"Experience - the name people give thier mistakes"
    -- Wilde
%%
"Ignorance is bliss"
    -- RDT student after a physics lecture on Electricity & Magnetism
%%
"If it jams, force it.  If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway."
    -- Murphy's Law of Mechanics
%%
"'The early bird catches the worm' just shows
that the worm should have stayed in bed."
    -- Lazarus Long
%%
"Before I start to speak , I'd just like to say a few words !"
    -- Colin Herbert
%%
Ambition - a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
%%
Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.
%%
Do something unusual today.  Accomplish work on the computer.
%%
Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them use to reality.
%%
Familiarity breeds children.
%%
If it is good, they will stop making it.
    --Herblock's Law
%%
If you don't change your direction, you may end up where you were headed.
%%
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
    --  Albert Einstein
%%
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
%%
Life is what happens to you while you are planning to do something else.
%%
When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
    -- Lynch's Law
%%
Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
%%
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
%%
Quoting one is plagiarism.  Quoting many is research.
%%
If Murphy's law can go wrong it will.
    -- Silver's law
%%
Some grow with responsibility, others just swell.
%%
The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.
%%
Those who can't write, write help files.
%%
To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
%%
Today is the last day of your life so far.
%%
Wasting time is an important part of life.
%%
When all else fails, read the instructions.
%%
Power means not having to respond.
%%
The secret of success is sincerity.
Once you can fake that you've got it made.
    -- Jean Giraudoux
%%
When in charge, ponder.  When in doubt, mumble.  When in trouble, delegate.
    -- James H. Boren
%%
Only those who attempt the absurd can acheive the impossible.
%%
Our parents were never our age.
%%
Nothing was ever accomplished by a reasonable person.
%%
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
    -- From the "Notebooks of Lazarus Long" by Robert Heinlein
%%
You can't fall off the floor.
%%
I used to be lost in the shuffle.  Now I just shuffle along with the lost.
%%
Love your enemies. It'll drive 'em crazy.
%%
Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
%%
Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible?
%%
Buerocrats do not change the course of the ship of state.  They 
merely adjust the compass.
%%
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word.
%%
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to 
the stupidity of your action.
    -- A. Kindsvater
%%
Nuke the whales
%%
Join the Army:  travel to exotic distant lands;  meet exciting, 
unusual people and kill them.
%%
If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, blind 'em with bull.
%%
I don't have a drinking problem.
    I drink
    I get drunk
    I fall down
    No problem
%%
Don't take life so seriously... it's only a tempory situation.
%%
Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow
    -- Swedish Proverb
%%
The use of the right word is more important than the right argument.
%%
There is no time like the pleasent.
%%
An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can
be made in a very narrow field.
%%
The man who has no more problems to solve is out of the game.
%%
Integrity needs no rules.
%%
Experience - What you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
%%
Why is it that nothing seems to keep a train on time so much
as your arriving at the station a little late?
%%
Too much agreement kills a chat.
%%
If you kill imagination, that is a kind of long term suicide.
%%
Spite is never lonely; envy always tags along.
%%
If you want to know who your freinds are, get yourself a jail sentence.
%%
He who rides the tiger finds it difficult to get down.
%%
A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.
%%
Laugh and the world laughs with you;
snore and you sleep alone.
%%
Adolesence is like a house on moving day:
   A temporary mess.
%%
Taxes are the price we pay for a civilized society.
%%
I rather pride myself on knowing when to stand on my
dignity and when to sit on it.
%%
The voice of the majority is not proof of justice.
%%
A stitch in time saves enbarrassment.
%%
None are so empty as those who are full of themselves.
%%
Killing the dog doesn't cure the bite.
%%
We are all inclined to judge ourselves by our ideals; others by their acts.
%%
It is always better to discuss what is right, rather than who is wrong.
%%
"Television - a medium"  So called because it is neither rare or well done.
    -- Ernie Kovacs
%%
I don't have time for a crisis!
%%
We the underpaid, led by the unqualified,
have been doing the unbeleivable 
with so little, for so long,
that we now attempt the impossible
with nothing at all.
%%
It takes a wise man to handle a lie, a fool had better remain honest.
    -- Norman Dougland
%%
He who beleives in nobody knows that he himself is not to be trusted.
%%
"Such a beautiful beast roaming the earth could put steam in a man's stride."
    -- The Joker (Jack Nickolson), Batman ( In reference to Kim Bassinger )
%%
No fools are so troublesome as those who have some wit.
    -- La Rochefouccauld
%%
Never give advice in a crowd.
    -- Arabian Proverb
%%
Better bend than break.
    -- Scottish Proverb
%%
An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.
    -- Fulton John Sheen
%%
Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn.
    -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Politicians are like banana's:
  They go in green;
  Come out yellow;
  And are always bent.
%%
What's wrong with political jokes?  They get elected all the time!
%%
Intelligance is believing only half of what you hear;
Brilliance is knowing which half.
%%
Children in the back seat cause accidents,
Accidents in the back seat cause children.
%%
"Back off buddy, I'm a scientist."
    -- Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters
%%
"Men give women jewels when they have absolutely no idea what might
please them, and are not willing to take time to find out".
    -- Sheri S. Tepper
%%
Everything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
%%
It takes a magician to get a rabbit out of a hat; but any fool can
let the cat out of a bag
    -- anon.
%%
"I hope you understand this because I don't..."
    -- Dr. Andrew P. Paplinski, Microprocessor Applications lecture
%%
I really hate this darn machine,
I wish that they would sell it.
It never does quite what I want,
Only what I tell it.
    -- The Programmers Lament
%%
Yesterday, whilst in my chair,
I saw a bug which wasn't there,
It wasn't there again today,
Oh, how I wish it would go away...
    -- Heisenbug's Uncertainty Principle in plain English.
%%
"Hey Mike?"
"Yeah, Gabe?"
"We got a problem down on Earth. In Utah."
"I thought you fixed that last century!"
"No, no, not that. Someone's found a loophole in the physics program.
They're getting energy out of nowhere."
"Lemme check..." <tappity clickity tappity> "Hey, I thought I
fixed that!  All right, let me find my terminal." <tappity clickity
tap... save... compile> "There, that ought to patch it."
    -- A Bug In The Heavenly Software
%%
Stress - The conflict that occurs when your mind overrides your bodies narural
urge to beat the living crap out of somebody who desparately deserves it.
%%
Beauty is only sin deep.
%%
Accidents are surprises set up by nature.
%%
A committee is a group of people who, individually can do nothing;
and collectively decide that nothing can be done.
    -- Keith Floyd, Floyd on Food
%%
A committee is a form of life with six or more legs and no brain.
    -- Robert Heinlein
%%
A camel is a horse designed by a committee ...
%%
Death doesn't care as long as you're punctual... and kind to cats.
%%
"With firm application, and determination, I made a fool of myself."
    -- The Court Jester.
%%
Make our greenies useful, put them in the army.
%%
Conservationists should be re-cycled.
%%
f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrming.
%%
A parrot is an animal with the ability to imitate man but not enough
intelligence to refrain from doing so.
%%
The Wh-words of English:
  Who, What, When, Where, How, and sometimes Why.
%%
Drink your coffee - there are people in India sleeping.
    -- Seen on a coffee cup
%%
The crime problem is so bad in this city, the mayor's had to
designate school-free drug zones.
%%
If you're facing the richest and most disgusting conspiracy in history,
you have to do more than stick up two fingers and say "peace".
    -- Ben Elton, Stark
%%
"When you have intercourse with another student in the class,
you not only distract them, you distract me."
    -- John Dann, Systems Software lecture
%%
If you don't understand UNIX, think of it as an enema.
%%
Being weird isn't enough.
%%
Eight-five percent of people who quote statistics are lying.
%%
"English language?  We don't need no stinking english language!"
    -- Wintermut  ( RDT Student )
%%
Beauty is only skin deep - uglyness goes right to the bone.
%%
Nice computers do not go down.
%%
Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
%%
Cigarette - a fire at one end, a fool at the other,
and a bit of tobacco in between.
%%
You can tell you are going to have a bad day when the horn on your car
gets stuck while you're following a group of hells angels on the freeway.
%%
Man connot live by incompetence alone.
%%
Anyone who isn't confused doesn't really know what's going on.
    -- Edward R. Murrow
%%
A harp is a naked piano.
%%
Just once, I wish we would encounter an
alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.
    -- The Brigadeer, Dr Who
%%
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
%%
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinately.
%%
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
%%
Engage brain before putting mouth in gear.
%%
It is amazing how much mature wisdom resembles being too tired.
%%
Lie - a very poor substitute for the truth,
      but the only one discovered to date.
%%
Why can't life's big problems come when we are twenty and know everything.
%%
Two wrongs do not make a right - It usually takes three or more.
%%
Misfortune - the kind of fortune that never misses.
%%
Having abandoned my search for truth, I am now looking for a good fantasy.
%%
Q:  What's the difference between your mother-in-law and a vulture?
A:  The vulture waits until you're dead.
%%
Boy - a noise with dirt on it.
%%
Happiness - a agreeable sensation arising
from contemplating the misery of another.
%%
Monday is a hard way to spend one-seventh of your life.
%%
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
%%
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
%%
Clones are people two.
%%
Tomorrow will be canceled due to a lack of interest.
%%
Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
%%
To err is human.
To forgive is divine.
To moo is bovine.
To bleat is ovine.
To oink is porine...
%%
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a large rock.
    -- Wynn Catlin
%%
The chicken did not cross the road.
%%
A bore is someone who persists in holding his own views
after we have enlightened them with ours.
%%
All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.
%%
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
%%
Any fool can see the world is flat.
%%
Quantum Mechanics is His way of saying, "HA, SOLVE THAT!"
%%
Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.
%%
UNIX is like the maritime transit system in an impoverished country. The
ferryboats are dangerous as hell, offer no protection from the weather
and leak like sieves.  Every monsoon season a couple of them capsize and
drown all the passengers, but people still line up for them and crowd aboard.
%%
If the human mind was simple enough to understand,
we'd be too simple to understand it.
    -- Emerson Pugh  
%%
Q:  Why don't blind people go bungie jumping?
A:  Scares the dog.
%%
UNIX - Nice place to live, horrible place to visit.
%%
THE WAGES OF SIN IS DEATH !
But when they take the taxes out all you're left with is a sort-of
tired feeling.
%%
Tell someone there are 3 billion stars in the universe and they'll believe you,
tell them there's wet paint on a seat and they'll touch it to make sure.
%%
If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.
    -- Florynce Kennedy, 1976
%%
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher
a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts,
build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders,
cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch
manure, program a computer cook a tasty meal, fight efficently, and die
gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
    -- R.A. Heinlein
%%
Technology is dominated by two types of people - Those who understand what
they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand.
    -- Putts Law
%%
If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost.
    -- Rune's Rule.
%%
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
    -- Curtois' Rule.
%%
A crisis is when you can't say, "Let's forget the whole thing".
    -- Fergusons' Precept.
%%
One should always prefer the probable impossible to the improbable possible.
    -- Aristotles Dictum.
%%
Nice people don't finish nice.
    -- Kelly's Reformation.
%%
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time
they will pick themselves up and continue on.
    -- Cherchill's Commentary On Man.
%%
Wisdom consists of knowing when to avoid perfection.
    -- Howitz's Rule.
%%
When people are free to do as they please, they often immitate each other.
    -- Hoffer's Law.
%%
When working towards the solution of a problem,
it always helps if you know the answer.
%%
Inside every small problem is a larger problem struggling to get out.
    -- The Schainker Converse to Hoareshaw.
%%
There is nothing too small that it can't be blown out of proportion.
%%
Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.
%%
If you can distinguish between good advice
and bad advice, you don't need advice.
    -- Van Rays Advice.
%%
If you do not understand a particular word in a piece of technical writing
ignore it, the piece will make perfect sense without it.
%%
Nobody notices the big errors.
    -- Mayes Law.
%%
Fools and their money are soon elected.
%%
Life - A sexually transmitted disease which
afflicts some people more severely than others.
%%
"You are protected by the enormity of your stupidity."
    --  Notorious
%%
  _--_|\
 /      \     No child will live in poverty...
 \_.--._/         -- Bob Hawke
       v
%%
"It's great to be young and insane."
    -- Michael Keton, The Dream Team
%%
"There is a certain triumph in well-considered monotony"
    -- Voltaire on COBOL
%%
In the game of life you get to choose where you keep your brain -
heads you win, tails you loose.
%%
"How can they cut the power?  They're animals!"
    -- Aliens
%%
Virus - A program designed for maximum portability...
%%
I'll eat anything at a trough.
    -- Bryson Frost
%%
Sinners can repent, but stupid is forever.
%%
The employer generally gets the employees he deserves.
    -- Walter Bilbey
%%
Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity.
They seem more afraid of life than death.
    -- James F. Byrnes
%%
Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your
own. You may both be wrong.
    -- Dandemis
%%
Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises.
    -- Demosthenes
%%
A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough
to take it all away.
    -- Barry Goldwater
%%
Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.
    -- Edgar W. Howe
%%
The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be
taken seriously.
    -- Hubert H. Humphrey, 1965
%%
A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished.
%%
"Hell, yes I'm drunk! I'm no stunt driver!"
    -- Seen on the back of a Ford Laser
%%
Don't come close to me. 
I explode on contact.
    -- Seen on a bumper sticker
%%
I might be fat but you are ugly and I can diet.
%%
CAUTION: This vehicle stops at red lights.
    -- Seen on a bumper sticker
%%
Fine Art Diplomas, please take one.
    -- Seen on a toilet paper dispensor
%%
"HEY! There is something more important than money... 
                                                  ...it's called breathing."
%%
Don't Steal.
   The government hates competition.
%%
"ANSWER ME!!!"
    -- Agro Vation, Tonight Live with Steve Vizard.  (Talking to Fat Cat)
%%
"I can't give you brains, but I can give you a diploma."
    -- The Wizard of OZ
%%
Dont you just love a place that takes away your name and gives you a number.
%%
"64? Where did 64 come into it?"  I hear you cry. Well, 64 is 8 squared,
don't you see?  Ask a silly question, get a silly answer.
    -- Tom Lehrer
%%
UNIX: It's not a job, it's a Jihad!
%%
Chasing women has never harmed any one,
it's catching them that does the damage.
%%
"Graphs of higher degree polynomials have this habit of doing unwanted
wiggly things."
    -- from a 1A Engineering maths lecture :
%%
"When you stick your fingers in the mains, its not the imaginary component
which you will feel"
    -- From an EIST lecturer:
%%
"FORTRAN... Then, as now, the language used by
            scientists with real problems."
%%
VMS is like a Soviet railroad train.  It's basically industrial-strength,
but when you look at it closely, everything's a little more shabby than
you might like.  It gets the job done, but there's no grace to it.
%%
The Mac operating system is like the monorail at Disney World.
It's kind of spectacular and fun, but it doesn't go much of anywhere.
Still, the kids like it.
%%
"Everyday I see myself in the mirror
But I do not know who's staring back at me"
    -- Midwinter Night
%%
The Macintosh is like a computer, only slower.
%%
My boss:  "You're cruel."
My reply: "I'm mean.  Cruelty is meanness to those who don't deserve it."
%%
"I have an Aunt in Long Island whos crazier than she is.
She's president of the P.T.A."
    -- Nuts
%%
"Subtlety, what's subtlety?"
"Ahh...  it's a kind of fish isn't it?"
%%
Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.
%%
The ultimate profit-making juke-box:
It plays Kylie Minogue songs until you put money in it...
%%
"The eagle may soar, but the weasel never gets sucked up into a jet engine."
    -- Simon & Simon
%%
"He's dead Jim...  You get his phaser, I'll get his wallet."
%%
"When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane."
    --Hermann Hesse
%%
Save the whales, collect the set.
%%
My cat had the flu but he survived...
    -- Dr. Andrew P. Paplinski, Signals and Systems lecture
%%
Everyday in everyway I'm getting better and better, at least thats
what the little green men from mars keep telling me.
%%
"Can't have everything, where would you put it?"
    -- Steven Wright "Everywhere!"
%%
'I' before 'E' except after 'C'....
                                     ... We sure live in a weird society!
%%
"DISCLAIMER:  In no event will the author be liable for ANY damages
arising from the use, misuse, abuse, inability to use, etc., etc., of
this program, even if it were to initiate a complete mass to energy
conversion of your personal computer, thus reducing the state in which
you reside to a smoldering ruin.  This program is distributed "as is"
and the user assumes all risks.  If these terms are unacceptable I hereby
grant the user the right to erase this program from any storage medium
said user may own or use."
    -- disclaimer found on a piece of freeware.
%%
The Three Untruths of Today's Society:
  1)  The check is in the mail
  2)  I'll still respect you in the morning
  3)  Hi, I'm from the government and here to help.
%%
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
    -- Seen in cocktail lounge
%%
Specialists in women and other diseases.
    -- Seen on a doctor's office window
%%
Drop your trousers here for best results.
    -- Seen on a dry cleaner's window
%%
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law
and headed over the embankment.
    -- Seen on an insurance form
%%
I had been driving my car for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel
and had an accident.
    -- Seen on an insurance form
%%
I was sure that the old fellow would not make it to the other side of the
road when I struck him.
    -- Seen on an insurance form
%%
The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran him over.
    -- Seen on an insurance form
%%
The telephone pole was approaching fast.  I was attempting to swerve out
of its path when it struck my front end.
    -- Seen on an insurance form
%%
"Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world.
Everyone thinks he has enough."
    -- Descartes, 1637
%%
People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
%%
Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you're doing.
%%
Johnnie was a chemist,
A chemist he is no more.
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.
    -- NOTE :- H2O is water, H2SO4 is sulfuric acid
%%
"Producing a system from a specification is like walking on water, its
easier if it's frozen." 
%%
"There ain't no rules around here.  We're trying to accomplish something."
    -- Thomas Edison is alleged to have made this remark about his laboratory
%%
Didn't twenty-five years of Dr. Who teach you not
to trust names like INTEL and ZILOG?
%%
Extremists think "communication" means agreeing with them.
%%
I used to be disgusted, now, I'm just ammused.
%%
I don't care. I don't have to.
%%
Everything you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.
%%
I do my best to be just who I am, but everybody wants me to be just like them.
%%
Talent does what it can,
genius does what it must,
I do what I'm paid to do.
%%
I used to be an idealist, but I got mugged by reality.
%%
Have another day.
%%
Conform, go crazy, or become an artist.
%%
Don't ask me any questions. I just might tell you the truth.
%%
One person with courage makes a majority.
%%
In the land of the blind the one-eyed must be mad.
%%
Don't let school interfere with your education.
%%
Mama told me there'd be years like these.
%%
Women like the simplest things in life...men.
%%
A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.
%%
Theory is close to practice more often in theory than in practice.
%%
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of congress.
But I repeat myself.
    -- Mark Twain
%%
Save a tree....
                .... eat a beaver.
%%
Keep an open mind, but not so open that people throw garbage in. 
%%
"Your so open minded that your brain fell out"
    -- Whatcha Gonna Do When Your Numbers Up, Steve Taylor
%%
No matter who you elect, the Government still gets in.
%%
(This quote deleted due to painfully extreme insipidity.)
%%
A dead dog cannot bite.
%%
A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.
%%
A sweater is a garment worn by a child when his mother feels chilly.
%%
After a number of decimal places, nobody cares.
%%
All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.
%%
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
%%
Always draw your curves, then plot the data.
%%
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
%%
Avoid colloquial stuff.
%%
Be braver.  You cannot cross a chasm in two small jumps.
%%
Be careful what you wish, it might come true.
%%
Bigamy is having one spouse too many.  Monogamy is the same.
%%
Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
%%
Death has been proven to be 99 per cent fatal in laboratory rats.
%%
Do you know what floccinaucinihilipilification means?
%%
Youth is not a time of life, it's a state of mind.
%%
"Green penguins are not red."
    -- Dr. Michael Morgan, Instrumentation Physics lecture
%%
"Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage."
    -- H.L. Mencken
%%
Complex analysis is just that --- complex.
%%
Don't try and teach a pig to sing,
It's a waste of time and annoys the hell out of the pig.
%%
I've never really trusted Smokey the Bear.  Everytime I see him I
wonder what happened to the Boy Scout that was orginally wearing that hat.
%%
"You have reached nnn-nnnn. Why?"
    -- Succinct answering machine message
%%
"Smile" they said, "It could be worse".
So I did - and it was...
%%
Once bitten, twice shy, thrice stupid,
%%
Don't knock on Deaths door...
Ring the bell and run away, Death hates that.
%%
"You're okay," said Honeysuckle.  "The dogs like you."
    -- Charles Bukowski, "How to Get Published"
%%
A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.
    -- B. L. Taylor
%%
Oh gracious, why wasn't I born old and ugly?
    -- Dickens
%%
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie
is that a cat has only nine lives.
    -- M. Twain
%%
When angry, count four;
when very angry, swear.
    -- M. Twain
%%
A perfect vacuum exists only in the minds of men.
    -- P. H. Beck
%%
When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains,
however improbable, must be the truth.
    -- Sherlock Holmes
%%
Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly.
    -- Simeon Strunsky
%%
Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.
    -- Theophrastus
%%
You cannot put the same shoe on every foot.
    -- Publilius Syrus
%%
Of course you realize this means war!
    -- Bugs Bunny
%%
Life is a continuing series of multiple-choice questions, with the
answers torn out of the back of the book.
    -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what
the Universe is for and why it is  here. it  will instantly disappear and
be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
    -- Douglas Adams, "The Restaurant at the end of the Universe"
%%
The following sentence is false.
The preceding sentence is true.
%%
Heaven wheels above you
Displaying to you eternal glories
And still your eyes are on the ground.
    -- Dante
%%
Innocence, innocence, innocence lost,
All souls want it back, some uncover the cost.
Innocence, innocence, innocence lost,
Break free, look at me, is your innocence lost?
    -- From the song "Innocence Lost" by Steve Taylor
%%
"I'll say this once and then reiterate it."
    -- Dr. Michael Morgan, Instrumentation Physics lecture
%%
668 -- The neighbour of the beast
%%
Only as far as we seek, can we go,
Only as much as we dream, can we be.
%%
X Toolkit Error: someone pulled the keyboard out from under us
    -- Error message from the X Toolkit software
%%
What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth?
Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common
laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.
    -- Dave Barry
%%
Conjecture: 1 + 1 = 1  (plus a small constant)
    -- Ewan Tempero
%%
Intel put the 'backward' in 'backward compatible'.
%%
Thinking small is when you see your bus on the other side of the street
and wish you could teleport across to catch it.
%%
I wonder, therefore I might be.
%%
Life is like a clock:  you can work constantly and be right all the
time, or not work at all and be right at least twice a day.
%%
There are three kinds of lies:
  lies, damned lies, and statistics.
    -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
The world will never starve for a want of wonders, but only for want of wonder.
    -- G. K. Chesterton
%%
It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but
I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
    -- Robert Benchley
%%
If you can't be funny, be interesting.
    -- Harold Ross
%%
Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is
not original, and the part that is original is not good.
    -- Samuel Johnson
%%
I turned on my computer, and the screen is still black. Where do
I get a new light bulb?
    -- Novice Computer User
%%
 User:  My printer doesn't work. Where do I get a new one?
Admin:  Are you sure that all the connections are hooked up properly?
 User:  Oh, I haven't plugged it into the computer yet. Do I need to
        do that?
    -- Novice Computer User and Computer Administration/Help
%%
Octal is just a state of mind.
    --Phil Gustafson
%%
"Don't try this at home, kids. This should only be done by
trained, professional idiots."
    -- Plucky Duck
%%
"10 years ago I was so ignorant, I didn't even know who the
Prime Minister of America was."
%%
I'm not tense, just terribly alert.
%%
``...it is really a discussion of how many angels can dance on 
the head of a pin, and not really interesting unless those involved 
in the discussion are drunk or graduate students - two states of 
roughly similar incompetence.''
    -- Steven King
%%
A penny saved is a congressional oversight.
%%
Nothing is beautiful unless it is large. Vastness and immensity can make
you forget a great many weaknesses.
    -- Emperor Napoleon I, predicting the development of X-window in 1813
%%
" . . . within a nanometer (about a billionth of a yard) . . . "
    -- Reader's Digest, November 1990, pp. 31
%%
I wouldn't hurt a fly, but only because they taste funny.
%%
"It's amazing how many intelligent people don't own an IBM..."
    -- John Pritchard
%%
Anatidaephobia:  The fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you.
%%
"Bugs Bunny was an optimist."
%%
Canada: a few acres of snow.  
    -- Voltaire
%%
"There's nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean
 level wouldn't cure. "
    -- Ross MacDonald
%%
"The C committee took something that wasn't broken, and tidied it up
 without breaking it."
    -- Dennis Ritchie, about ANSI C standard X3J11
%%
Pascal gives you a water pistol filled with distilled water.  C not only
 gives you a loaded .357, it points it at your head as a default.  Why do
 you think Pascal is taught in school? And which would you rather have
 when there was a hungry bear in the area?"
%%
"The effort of using machines to mimic the human mind has always struck
 me as rather silly.  I would rather use them to mimic something better."
    --Edsger Dijkstra
%%
"The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle:
 they're on TV!"
    -- Homer Simpson
%%
"The difference between the right word and a similar word is the
 difference between lightning and a lightning bug."
    -- Mark Twain
%%
"When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become president;
I'm beginning to believe it."
    -- Clarence Darrow
%%
"My friend Bob is a radio DJ, and when he walks under a bridge, you can't
 hear him talk."
    -- Steven Wright
%%
``POO-POO HAPPENS!''
    -- Baby carriage bumper sticker  (Bob Irwin)
%%
"Indecision is the key to flexibility."
    -- Author Unknown
%%
"It's better to be silent and thought a fool
 than speak and remove all doubt."
    -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
They don't make nostalgia like they used to.
%%
"You know how Einstein got bad grades as a kid?  Well, MINE are even WORSE!"
    -- Calvin
%%
"Standards committees are not the best ways to create a standard.
 Standards meetings and standards themselves are horribly political
 things.  One thing that people forget is that many standards are made by
 rather small groups of people.  A few good people can really save the
 day, and a few idiots can really make it miserable for years to come."
    -- Dennis Ritchie, coinventor of UNIX
%%
In his '90 Usenix presentation, Dennis Ritchie reminded the audience that 
Steve Jobs stood at the same podium a few years back and announced that 
X-windows was brain-dead and would soon die.  "He was half-right.
Sometimes when you fill a vacuum, it still sucks."
    -- Dennis Ritchie, coinventor of UNIX, from an article in UNIX Today
%%
Sometimes you get the elevator and sometimes you get the shaft.
%%
First learn computer science and all the theory.  Next develop a programming
style.  Then forget all that and just hack.   
    -- George Carrette [1990]
%%
If you can't make a mistake, you can't make anything.
    -- Collins's Law:
%%
   1. Everybody who matters is stupid now and then.
   2. If I'm being stupid, that's my problem.
   3. If my being stupid makes you stupid, that's your problem.
   4. If you think you're never stupid, boy are you stupid!
    -- Corollaries ("Rabinovitch's Rules of Sane Dialogue"):
%%
Better to kill time than have it kill you.
    -- Karl
%%
"Debug is human, de-fix divine."
%%
"There's a bug born every minute, and two to replace him."
    -- P. T. Bugem
%%
"There are two ways to write bug-free code; only the third way works."
    -- unknown consultant
%%
How much wood could a wookchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
%%
Oh well, as they say, the two most common things in the universe
are hydrogen and stupidity.
%%
"UNIX isn't so tough, even secretaries can use it."
    -- VMS user
%%
MS-DOS... an operating system designed for a microprocessor that modern
kitchen appliances would sneer at...
    -- Dave Trowbridge, Computer Technology Review, Aug 90
%%
"These days, though, you have to be pretty technical before you can 
even aspire to crudeness."
    -- William Gibson, _Johnny Mnemonic_
%%
I don't want the world - I just want your half.
%%
'Computer literacy' is relative.
%%
Artificial Intelligence is better than none.
%%
"Unfortunately, life contains an unavoidable element of unpredictability"
    -- David Lynch "The Angriest Dog in the World"
%%
"Lindsay, he's cut off from his chain of command, he's operating
alone, he's showing signs of pressure induced psychosis and he's
got a nuclear warhead.  All I'm asking is that you go a little
easy on him."
    -- The Abyss
%%
Hindsight is always 20/20
    -- Billy Wilder
%%
You have to do something before you can do something for a change
%%
      Customer :- I'd like to get a mouse pad for my Macintosh.
Shop Assistant :- Yeh, that sounds like a fair deal.
%%
Studying physics is like throwing mud at a wall and hoping some of it sticks.
    -- John Pritchard
%%
In the long run, though, I think the low quality of English text books
is bound to come to the attention of high-quality publishers ready to
fill our need.  In ten years we will probably have excellent texts
again.  We'll import then from Japan.
    -- Kathryn Lindskoog, Creative Writing For People Who Can't Not Write
%%
Don't edit reality for the sake of simplicity.
%%
Women!  Can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em!
    -- Robin Williams
%%
This is a bug.  I have told my manager that it is a bug.  He doesn't seem
to care.  Today is my last day at IBM, and I don't care either.
    -- Comment seen in some source code.
%%
"They own a mountain?  I thought only God could own a mountain."
"We got a good deal."
    -- Dennis Booker & Chick Sterling, Booker
%%
You say faith is a crutch,
For a mind that's closed,
You guzzle your crutch,
And shove it up your nose.
    -- Steve Taylor, Bad Rap ( Who You Tryin' To Kid Kid ? )
%%
I have great confidence in fools; self-confidence, my friends call it.
    -- Edgar Allen Poe
%%
        When any principle, law, tenet, probability, happening,
        circumstance, or result can in no way be directly, indirectly,
        empirically, or circuitously proven, derived, implied,
        inferred, induced, deducted, estimated, or scientifically
        guessed, it will always for the purpose of convenience,
        expediency, political advantage, material gain, or personal
        comfort, or any combination of the above, or none of the above,
        be unilaterally and unequivocally assumed, proclaimed, and
        adhered to as absolute truth to be undeniably, universally,
        immutably, and infinitely so, until such time as it becomes
        advantageous to assume otherwise, maybe.
    -- Rhode's Law
%%
Critic, n.:
        A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries
to please him.
    -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%%
Keep Australia beautiful.  Swallow your beer cans.
%%
        If a string has one end, then it has another end.
    -- Miksch's Law
%%
If there is a way to delay in important decision, the good
bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.
    -- Parkinson's Fifth Law
%%
Man and nations will act rationally when all other
possibilities have been exhausted.
    -- Katz' Law
%%
I don't have to take this abuse from you, I've got hundreds of people
waiting to abuse me.
    -- Bill Murray, "Ghostbusters"
%%
Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
    -- Horngren's Observation
%%
It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take
Hofstadter's Law into account.
    -- Hofstadter's Law
%%
Behold the warranty ... the bold print giveth and the fine print taketh away.
%%
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs,
then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
    -- Weinberg's Second Law
%%
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
    -- Lieberman's Law
%%
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
    -- Hanlon's Razor
%%
The nice thing about standards is that there are so many
of them to choose from.
    -- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
%%
Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
    -- Mosher's Law of Software Engineering
%%
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
%%
        "Now about Lankhmar.  She's been invaded, her walls breached
everywhere and desperate fighting is going on in the streets, by a
fierce host which out-numbers Lankhamar's inhabitants by fifty to one,
and equipped with all modern weapons.  Yet you can save the city."
        "How?" demanded Fafhrd.
        Ningauble shrugged.  "You're a hero.  You should know."
    -- Fritz Leiber, from "The Swords of Lankhmar"
%%
The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant;
the population is growing.
    -- Mr. Cole's Axiom
%%
Don't pat certain animals, e.g., crocodiles and scorpions or
dogs you have just kicked.
    -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
%%
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee,
that will do them in.
    -- Bradley's Bromide
%%
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.
    -- Pope John Paul I
%%
You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of
the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mum.
    -- Captain Penny's Law
%%
Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
    -- Grelb's Reminder
%%
The inevitable result of improved and enlarged communications between different
levels in a hierarchy is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.
    -- Law of Communications
%%
"There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it."
    -- C. S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia
%%
Avoid overly pretentious job titles such as "Lord of the Realm,
Defender of the Faith, Emperor of India" or "Director of Corporate Planning."
    -- The Official MBA Handbook on business cards
%%
Bug:
        Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.
%%
Famous last words:
        1.  Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
        2.  Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there.
        3.  What happens if you touch these two wires tog...
        4.  We won't need reservations.
        5.  It's always sunny there this time of the year.
        6.  Don't worry, it's not loaded.
        7.  They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.
%%
You have taken yourself too seriously.
    -- The Fifth Rule
%%
All you have to do to see the accuracy of my thesis is look around
you.  Look, in particular, at the people who, like you, are making
average incomes for doing average jobs -- bank vice presidents,
insurance salesman, auditors, secretaries of defense -- and you'll
realize they all dress the same way, essentially the way the mannequins
in the Sears menswear department dress.  Now look at the real
successes, the people who make a lot more money than you -- Elton John,
Captain Kangaroo, anybody from Saudi Arabia, Big Bird, and so on.  They
all dress funny -- and they all succeed.  Are you catching on?
    -- Dave Barry, "How to Dress for Real Success"
%%
The IRS spends who knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free
information hot lines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a
dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly.  If you ask them a
real tax question, such as how you can cheat, they're useless.
So, for guidance, you want to look to big business.  Big business never
pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big
consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes...
    -- Dave Barry, "Sweating Out Taxes"
%%
Children are natural mimic who act like their parents despite every
effort to teach them good manners.
%%
Be wary of strong drink.  It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss
    -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
%%
Science is true.  Don't be misled by facts.
    -- Finagle's Creed
%%
When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.
%%
Space is big.  Really big.  You just won't believe how vastly, hugely,
mind-bogglingly big it is.  I mean, you may think it's a long way down the
road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space.
    -- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
To determine how long it will take to write and debug a program, take your best
estimate, multiply that by two, add one, and convert to the next higher units.
    -- The Briggs/Chase Law of Program Development
%%
There is a theory that states: "If anyone finds out what the universe is for it
will disappear and be replaced by something more bazaarly inexplicable." 
There is another theory that states: "This has already happened ...."
    -- Donald Adams, "Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
    -- Wiker's Law
%%
The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of
the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
    -- Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules
%%
If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?
%%
When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly
content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
    -- Rule of Feline Frustration
%%
Avoid any wine with a childproof cap.
    -- Richard Smit, "The Bronx Diet"
%%
If it happens, it must be possible.
    -- Unnamed Law
%%
To err is human but to really foul things up requires a computer.
                         - Paul Ehrlich, in "The Farmers Almanac, 1978"
%%
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
    -- Lewis's Law of Travel
%%
It's not that I'm afraid to die.
I just don't want to be there when it happens.
    -- Woody Allen
%%
You know you have it when you can't think of anything that's your own fault.
    -- Self Test for Paranoia
%%
Such senseless violence!  I don't understand it."
"We don't expect you to.  If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd be on in
prime time."
    -- Marge and Lisa in  Krusty Gets Busted   "The Simpsons"
%%
Bart:  "I think this guy's a little crazy."
Grandpa: "General Patton was a little crazy.  This guy's totally out of his
 mind!  We can't fail!"
    -- Bart the General   "The Simpsons"
%%
"I have feelings too - like "My stomach hurts" or "I'm going crazy!"
    -- Homer to Lisa in  Moaning Lisa   "The Simpsons"
%%
"Chocolate ... double chocolate ... *gasp!*  New flavor!  Triple chocolate!"
    -- Homer  "The Simpsons"
%%
"There are no good wars, with the following exceptions:  the American
Revolution, World War II and the Star Wars Trilogy.  If you'd like to learn
more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with
cool, gory pictures."
    -- Bart in  Bart the General   "The Simpsons"
%%
"Now we are going to set this pile of evil ablaze.  But remember, because
these are children's toys, the fire will spread quite rapidly.  So, please
stand back and try not to inhale the toxic fumes."
    -- Minister in  Krusty Gets Busted   "The Simpsons"
%%
"You can march them off a cliff, you can send them to certain death in some
god-forsaken land, but for some reason you can't slap them."
    -- Grandpa in  Bart the General   "The Simpsons"
%%
Homer:  "Sometimes I think we must be the worst family in Springfield."
Marge:  "Well, maybe we should move to a larger community."
    -- There's No Disgrace Like Home   "The Simpsons"
%%
Marge: "Bart, you love your sister, don't you?"
Bart:  "Don't make me say it.  I know the answer.  You know the answer.  He
 knows the answer.  Let's just drop it, okay?"
    -- Moaning Lisa   "The Simpsons"
%%
Teacher:  "Bart, give us an example of a modern-day paradox."
Bart:  "Damned if you do, damned if you don't."
    -- Bart the Genius   "The Simpsons"
%%
I didn't do it.  Nobody saw me do it.  There's nobody that can prove anything.
    -- Bart in  Moaning Lisa   "The Simpsons"
%%
Aunt Patty:  "Nothing dear, I'm just trashing your father."
Lisa:  "Well, I wish you wouldn't because, aside from the fact that he has the
same frailities as all human beings, he's the only father I have therefore he
is my model of manhood and my estimation of him will govern my prospects of my
adult relationships.  So, I hope you bear in mind that any knock at him is a
knock at me and I am far too young to defend myself against such onsluaghts."
Aunt Patty:  "Uh, huh.  Go watch your cartoon show, dear."
    -- Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire   "The Simpsons"
%%
Bart is an underachiever and is.. um... how should I put this... "proud of it."
    -- School psychiatrist in Bart Gets An 'F'  "The Simpsons"
%%
Nuke:  To destroy, demolish, obliterate, wipe out, mung, hash into little
bits, waste, screw up, or make FUBAR, by means of atomic weapons
or with a computer.
    -- Amiga ROM Kernal Manual  (Glossary)
%%
16-inch rotary debugger:
     A highly effective tool for locating problems
     in computer software.  Available for delivery in most major
     metropolitan areas.  Anchovies contribute to poor coding style.
    -- Amiga ROM Kernal Manual  (Glossary)
%%
:-)   A standard smiley.  Used to indicate satire or humour.
    -- Amiga ROM Kernal Manual  (Glossary)
%%
The best way to accelerate a Mac is 9.8 metres per second per second.
%%
This is a crude version of a more advanced utility that has never been written.
    -- From the X-windows xwud(1) man-page
%%
Warning: Do not drink the battery acid. It doesn't taste good and will
hurt you. Also do not bite the tyres, especially while the bike is
moving.  Our lawyers made us put these warnings in.
    -- Motorbike manual
%%
Berenger: If we were married we could do this together all the time.
    Hurt: If we were married, I'd be doing this alone.
    -- Tom Berenger and Mary Beth Hurt, The Big Chill  (Going shopping)
%%
Be not ashamed to say what you are not ashamed to think.
%%
Country life is very good; in fact, the best - for cattle.
%%
If your trouble is of long standing.  Try kneeling.
%%
To spot the expert, pick the man who predicts the job will take the longest
and cost the most.
%%
The only perfect science is hind sight.
%%
The thing that impresses men most about America is the way parents obey their 
children.
%%
He that pities another, remembers himself
%%
Today even a blank sheet of paper is considered a work of art.
%%
Flattery is alright - if you don't inhale.
%%
Happiness is the greatest cosmetic for beauty.
%%
Idleness is the art of being a vegetable.
%%
To intervene is to spread burning oil onto troubled waters.
%%
A kleptomaniac is a person who helps himself because he can't help himself.
%%
Life is 10% what you make of it and 90% how you take it.
%%
LIFE: From diapers to dignity to decomposition.
%%
Marriage is not a word but a sentence.
%%
Metaphysics is an attempt to establish an alibi for the universe.
%%
Monday morning is when we look back wistfully on the good old days..... 
Saturday and Sunday.
%%
A monopolist is a person who keeps an elbow on each arm of his theatre chair.
%%
The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only deader.
%%
To be normal is to have the usual eccentricities.
%%
Repentance is good but innocence is better.
%%
lint(1) is the compiler's only means of dampening the programmer's ego.
%%
"The less you know about home computers
 the more you'll want the new IBM PS/1."
    -- Advertisment in the Edmonton Journal, Thursday, December 13, 1990
%%
"I don't sing, I don't dance, and I don't like people who do."
    -- Late Night with David Letterman
%%
"We would like to apologize for the way in which politicians are
represented in this programme.  It was never our intention to imply
that politicians are weak-kneed, political time-servers who are more
concerned with their personal vendettas and private power struggles
than the problems of government, nor to suggest at any point that
they sacrifice their credibility by denying free debate on vital
matters in the mistaken impression that party unity comes before
the well-being of the people they supposedly represent, nor to imply
at any stage that they are squabbling little toadies without an ounce
of concern for the vital social problems of today.  Nor indeed do we
intend that viewers should consider them as crabby ulcerous little
self-seeking vermin with furry legs and an excessive addiction to
alcohol and certain explicit sexual practices which some people might
find offensive.  We are sorry if this impression has come across."
    -- Monty Python
%%
"Please excuse my wife.  She may appear to be rather nasty,
but underneath she has a heart of formica."
    -- Monty Python
%%
"The world bores you when you're cool."
    -- Calvin & Hobbes
%%
"Get a life!"
    -- Saturday Night Live
%%
"How often does the train go by?"
"So often you don't even notice it."
    -- The Blues Brothers
%%
"Logic is a tweeting bird, chirping in your ear.
Logic is a wreath of pretty flowers that smell bad."
    -- Star Trek, `I, Mudd`
%%
"Thank God.  The police."
    -- Fletch
%%
Your digestive system is your body's Fun House, whereby food goes
on a long, dark, scary ride, taking all kinds of unexpected twists
and turns, being attacked by vicious secretions along the way, and
not knowing until the last minute whether it will be turned into a
useful body part or ejected into the Dark Hole by Mister Sphincter.
    -- Stay Fit & Healthy Until You're Dead - Dave Barry
%%
"Hey, Max -- Wake up!  You're missing all the fun!"
"What?"
"A seven-foot specter of evil appeared in front
of the car, so I ran over it.  Sounded like a bag
of laundry going under.  Hope I didn't hurt the
tires.  Want a fig newton?"
    -- Sam and Max, Freelance Police
%%
"It's classified.  I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."
    -- Top Gun
%%
Birds of prey know they're cool.
    -- Gary Larson, The Far Side
%%
"I hate snakes!  I hate 'em!!"
"C'mon!  Show a little backbone, will ya?"
    -- Raiders of the Lost Ark
%%
"We're not laughing at you -- we're laughing near you."
    -- Dead Poets Society
%%
Arriving home, they learned that Glenn and Edna Catwomb had been
slain by maniacs.
    -- Beatiful Stories for Ugly Children,
          (The Deadjohnson's Big Incredible Day)
%%
"Headache?"
"No thanks, I've already got one."
    -- The Fusco Brothers
%%
"Now it's time to say goodbye.  Please get off my property.  Until
next year!  I suggest you don't dawdle -- the hounds will be released
in 10 minutes."
    -- The Simpsons
%%
"Want some pretzels?"
"No thanks, we're on duty.  A couple beers would be nice, though."
    -- The Simpsons
%%
"This is not a lending library.  Put the magazine back or I'll blow
your heads off."
    -- The Simpsons
%%
"Stephanie, do you know what I do when I don't understand an emotion?
I suppress and deny it."
    -- Newhart
%%
"That gum you like is going to come back in style."
    -- Twin Peaks
%%
"If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't
be a human being.  You'd be a game-show host."
    -- Heathers
%%
"A desire not to butt into other people's business is at least eighty
percent of all human wisdom... and the other twenty percent isn't
very important."
"You butt into other people's business.  All the time."
"Who said I was wise?  I'm a professional bad example.  You can learn
a lot by watching me."
    -- Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert A. Heinlein
%%
"Read it?  Good God, no!  It's bad enough to write such a thing."
    -- Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert A. Heinlein
%%
"If you see the man who invented the wheel, send him up; I want to give
him a piece of my mind.  Meddler!"
    -- Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert A. Heinlein
%%
Burning technicians don't smell very nice...
    -- Jim Breen, Computer Communications and Networks lecture  19/03/91
%%
"Most of the VAX instructions are in microcode,
 but halt and no-op are in hardware for efficiency"
%%
Mass-energy cannot be created or destroyed. It CAN, however, be wasted.
%%
"My views on evolution?  I think Darwin was adopted."
    --Steven Wright.
%%
"Meanwhile back at the farm, Aunt Martha had gone for a tramp in the forest
and was lying in a ditch at the edge of town..."
    -- M*A*S*H
%%
Eat properly, exercise daily, and die anyway.
%%
Keep death off the roads: blow up a Volvo.
%%
The four basic personality types:
1)  The glass is half full
2)  The glass is half empty
3)  Half full... No! Wait! Half empty!... No, half... What was the question?
4)  Hey!  I ordered a cheeseburger!
    -- The Far Side, Gary Larson
%%
I know that you think an unhappy childhood has lead you to all this,
but that's really no excuse.
    -- The Flash
%%
One yuppie can ruin your whole day.
%%
Practical - Testing Level 0 Communications Protocol
Equipment: - 2 tin cans
           - 1 piece of string
    -- Computer Communications and Networks Prac
%%
Avenge yourself!  Stay alive long enough to become a problem to your children.
%%
"Are you the cutest thing in all the world?"
"No, but I'm in the top 10"
    -- Michelle
%%
"In order to save whales could you please write on both sides of the paper."
    -- Graham Leary, Mathematics II Test
%%
"... but that's not important, that's just numbers."   
    -- Dr. Wu,  Math Professor
%%
If it's green, it's biology,
If it stinks, it's chemistry,
If it doesn't work, it's physics.
    -- Murphy's law of science
%%
"Would you like a bag with that, sir?"
"No thanks, I'll throw up in the packet."
    -- Terry ordering MacDonalds
%%
"Because there is something in you that I respect, and that makes me desire
to have you for my enemy."
"On those terms, sir, I will accept your enmity or any man's."
    -- Shaw, "The Devil's Disciple"
%%
"I don't understand", said the scientist, "why you lemmings all rush to the sea
and drown yourselves".  "How curious", said the lemming, "The one thing I don't
understand is why you human beings don't."
    -- James Thurber.
%%
In spite of the recent progress in science, the depths of human imbecility
have not yet been plumbed.
    -- H. Ellis
%%
I have finally learned what "upward compatible" means. It means we get to
keep all our old mistakes.
    -- Dennie Van Tassel
%%
"My life is a sine wave. Now, if I could just get the damned amplitude down..."
    -- Stephen Dennison 
%%
.signature not found, format hard disk instead? (Y/N)_
%%
"Here's another worry. It's not as bad as exams, but it's 
still a worry. Nuclear War."
    -- Rick Brouwer
%%
Leisure time is that five or six hours when you sleep at night.
    -- George Allen
%%
Women like silent men. They think they're listening.
    -- Marcel Archard
%%
Wit is cultured insolence.
    -- Aristotle
%%
The future is like heaven - everyone exalts it,
but no one wants to go there now.
    -- James Baldwin, "Nobody Knows My Name", 1961
%%
Television is the first truly democratic culture - the first culture
available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want.
The most terrifying thing is what people do want.
    -- Clive Barnes, in "New York Times", 1969
%%
"Now comes the mystery."
    -- Henry Ward Beecher, last words, 8 March 1887
%%
Politeness, n:
        The most acceptable hypocrisy.
    -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" 1911
%%
The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children.
    -- Dietrich Bonhoeffer
%%
Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed.
If I fail, no one will say, 'She doesn't have what it takes.'
They will say, 'Women don't have what it takes.'
    -- Clare Boothe Luce
%%
The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out.
    -- Chinese proverb
%%
The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less.
    -- Eldridge Cleaver, "Soul on Ice", 1968
%%
Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.
    -- Laurence Coughlin
%%
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them 
to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
    -- Phyllis Diller
%%
I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget.
    -- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
Genius is one per cent inspiration and ninety-nine per cent perspiration.
    -- Thomas Alva Edison, "Life", 1932
%%
God does not play dice.
    -- Albert Einstein
%%
Nothing is more destructive of respect for the government and
the law of the land than passing laws which cannot be enforced.
    -- Albert Einstein, "Ideas and Opinions", 1954
%%
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters
compared to what lies within us.
    -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
When it is dark enough you can see the stars.
    -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
To be great is to be misunderstood.
    -- Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Essays", 1841
%%
Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.
    -- Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Conduct of Life", 1860
%%
A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way
that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.
    -- Ludwig Erhard, in "The Observer", 1958
%%
There's a difference between beauty and charm.  A beautiful woman
is one I notice. A charming woman is one who notices me.
    -- John Erskine
%%
Computer: a million morons working at the speed of light.
    -- David Ferrier
%%
It's not your blue blood, your pedigree or your college degree.
It's what you do with your life that counts.
    -- Millard Fuller, in "Time", 16 January 1989
%%
Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing
between the disastrous and the unpalatable.
    -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant,
and kindness from the unkind; yet strange, I am ungrateful to these teachers.
    -- Kahlil Gibran
%%
Nobody can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has
just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own.
    -- Sydney Harris
%%
In times like these, it is helpful to remember
that there have always been times like these.
    -- Paul Harvey
%%
Prosperity is a great teacher; adversity a greater.
    -- William Hazlitt
%%
If a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of 
fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it.
    -- Herodotus
%%
There's nothing in the middle of the road
but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.
    -- Jim Hightower, in "Time", 3 April 1989
%%
You can discover what your enemy fears most
by observing the means he uses to frighten you.
    -- Eric Hoffer, in "The Faber Book of Aphorisms", 1964
%%
Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.
    -- Horace
%%
Experience is not what happens to you.
It is what you do with what happens to you.
    -- Aldous Huxley, in "Reader's Digest", 1956
%%
The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone.
    -- Henrik Ibsen, "An Enemy of the People", 1882
%%
If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River,
the headline that afternoon would read: PRESIDENT CAN'T SWIM.
    -- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
The heart has its prisons that intelligence cannot unlock.
    -- Marcel Jouhandeau, "De la grandeur"
%%
An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts.
    -- John Junor
%%
Some men see things as they are and say why?
I dream things that never were and say 'Why not?'
    -- Robert F. Kennedy, quoted in "Esquire", 1969
%%
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
    -- Soren Kierkegaard, "Life"
%%
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
    -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
    -- Groucho Marx
%%
I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.
    -- William H. Mauldin, "Up Front" 1944
%%
Having two bathrooms ruined the capacity to co-operate.
    -- Margaret Mead
%%
A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence
and yet keep both ears to the ground.
    -- H. L. Mencken
%%
To be loved, be lovable.
    -- Ovid, "Ars Amatoria"
%%
Maxim 1070: I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
    -- Publilius Syrus
%%
Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards,
if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.
    -- Ronald Reagan
%%
All the wastes in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk.
    -- Ronald Reagan, quoted in "Burlington Free Press", 15 February 1980
%%
I have just signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever;
we begin bombing in 5 minutes.
    -- Ronald Reagan, weekly radio address, 11 August 1984
%%
Where would we be without this great land of ours?
    -- Ronald Reagan
%%
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
    -- Will Rogers
%%
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have
the whole government working for you.
    -- Will Rogers
%%
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.
    -- Will Rogers, "The Illiterate Digest", 1924
%%
I never met a man I didn't like.
    -- Will Rogers, speech, June 1930
%%
A technique is a trick that works.
    -- Gian-Carlo Rota
%%
People who know little are usually great talkers,
while men who know much say little.
    -- Jean Jacques Rousseau, "Emile, ou de l'education",
          1762
%%
Tolerance means excusing the mistakes others make.
Tact means not noticing them.
    -- Arthur Schnitzler
%%
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
    -- Joseph Stalin
%%
The cruelest lies are often told in silence.
    -- Robert Louis Stevenson, "Virginibus Puerisque", 1881
%%
It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.
    -- Harry S. Truman
%%
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand
to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished
at how much he had learned in seven years.
    -- Mark Twain
%%
I believe that in the end the truth will conquer.
    -- John Wycliffe
%%
Progress might be a circle, rather than a straight line.
    -- Eberhard Zeidler, in "Contemporary Architects", 1980
%%
The lion and the calf shall lie down together
but the calf won't get much sleep.
    -- Woody Allen
%%
Beauty, n:
        the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
    -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" 1911
%%
Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.
    -- Alex Hamilton, "The Listener", 1978
%%
An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience
                      - Donald R. Perry Marquis, "archy and mehitabel", 1927
%%
O God, give us serenity to accept what cannot be changed,
courage to change what should be changed,
and wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.
    -- Reinhold Niebuhr, sermon, 1934
%%
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
                         - J. Danforth Quayle
%%
Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite
at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
    -- Ronald Reagan, "Saturday Evening Post" 1965
%%
A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, will tell you.
    -- Bert Taylor, "The So-Called Human Race", 1922
%%
"Life moves pretty fast.  If you don't stop and look around every once in a
while, you just might miss it."
- Matthew Broderick, Ferris Bueller's Day Off
%%
"American Airlines. Fly with us and you won't walk again."
    -- Sign seen in L.A.
%%
"Familiarity breeds distraction."
"I thought it was 'contempt'."
"That's next"
    -- The Bible Study
%%
As hard as finding a piece of hay in an incredibly large stack of needles
    -- BlackAdder
%%
Who says hedgehogs are of no value to the economy? In New
Zealand they make up approximately 1.7% of the roading.
%%
"Tell this to me straight, Denis."
"Denise"
"Sorry."
    -- Twin Peaks  (Agent Cooper talking to a transvestite)
%%
A cat by any other name is still a scheming little fur ball
that craps behind the couch.
%%
Down on exam day... there is nothing lonlier... nothing so final...
nothing so cruel... expecially if you haven't studied.
    -- The Swamp
%%
That's it!  Cancel scraps for the lepers and orphans, no more merciful
beheadings, and call off christmas.
    -- Alan Rickman, Robin Hood - Prince Of Thieves
%%
"Looking at a DNA molecule and saying 'What a fascinating accidental
arrangement of atoms' is like looking a Mt. Rushmore and saying 'What a
fascinating erosion pattern.' "
%%
"In hardware engineering, Ohm's law and Maxwell's equations pale in
importance and influence next to Murphy's Law"
    -- Gordon Bell
%%
Everything you know is wrong -- but some of it is a useful approximation!
%%
"Do you know what a squiggle is?"
    -- John Dann, Computer Graphics lecture
%%
It's hard to be a James Bond in an Abbott and Costello world.
%%
    Black Holes are where God is dividing by zero
%%
Sturgeon's law:
    90% of everything is crap.
%%
Octopus:
        An eight sided cat.
%%
See Dick drink,
See Dick drive,
See Dick die.
Don't be a Dick!
%%
If it's not one thing it's your mother!
%%
There must be a hundred reasons why I shouldn't blow you away.
Right now I can't think of one.
    -- Clint Eastwood, The Rookie
%%
"We've got company."
"Police?  How many?"
"All of them I think."
    -- Terminator II
%%
I don't trust career advisors.  If they knew anything about getting
a job they wouldn't be career advisors.
    -- Happy Harry (Christian Slater), Pump Up The Volume
%%
"It's ten-o'clock, do you care where your parents are?"
    -- Happy Harry (Christian Slater), Pump Up The Volume
%%
I don't know what it is about reggea music,
but it gives me the munchies every time.
%%
Ben:    Leland's daughter was murdered and the Norwegians left.
Jerry:  Did they sign?
Ben:    No.
Jerry:  We had those vikings by the HORNS!  What HAPPENED?
Ben:    We're not exactly sure; they took the translator with them.
Jerry:  Sigh.  Did you say Leland's daughter was murdered?
Ben:    Yes.
Jerry:  I'm depressed.
    -- Ben & Jerry Horne, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Truman:  Jelly donuts?
Cooper:  Harry, that goes without saying.
    -- Sheriff Truman & Agent Dale Cooper, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Dick:  I lost your number....
Lucy:  I work at the sheriff's office!  You could have dialed 911!
    -- Dick Tremayne & Lucy Moran, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Truman:  You saw a giant?
Cooper:  Yes.
Albert:  Any relation to the dwarf? 
    -- Sheriff Truman, Agent Dale Cooper & Agent Albert Rosenfield, _Twin Peaks
%%
Some of my best friends are white people!
    -- Deputy Tommy "The Hawk" Hill, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Judge Sternwood:   So, Agent Cooper, how are you finding our little corner of
                   the world?
Cooper:     It's heaven, sir.
Judge S.:   Well, this week heaven includes arson, multiple homicide, and an
            attempt on the life of a Federal agent.
Cooper:     Heaven is a large and interesting place, sir!
    -- Judge Sternwood & Agent Dale Cooper, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Ben, as your attorney, your friend, and your brother, I strongly suggest you
get a better lawyer.
    -- Jerry Horne, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Listen to me, Lucy Moran, you just listen.  When the Tacoma Sperm Bank was
looking for donors, naturally I applied.  It's my civic duty and I like whales.
A routine physical examination revealed that I'm sterile.  Sure I thought it
meant that I didn't have to take a bath, but the doctors told me the truth.
They told me I can't have babies.  So what I wanna know now is why are you
having one and how?
    -- Deputy Andy Brennan, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Albert:  I performed the autopsy on Jacques Renault.  Stomach contents re-
         vealed, let's see, beer cans, a Maryland license plate, half a bi-
         cycle tire, a goat, and a small wooden puppet.  Goes by the name of
         Pinocchio.
Cooper:  You're making a joke!
Albert:  I like to think of myself as one of the happy generations.
    -- Agent Albert Rosenfield & Agent Dale Cooper, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Albert:  You listen to _me_!  While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the
         fact is I am a nay-sayer and a hatchet man in the fight against
         violence!  I pride myself in taking a punch and I'll gladly take
         another because I choose to live my life in the company of Gandhi and
         King!  My concerns are _global_.  I reject absolutely revenge,
         aggression, and retaliation.  The foundation of such a method...
         is love.  I love you, Sheriff Truman.
Cooper:  Albert's is a strange and difficult path...
    -- Agent Albert Rosenfield & Agent Dale Cooper, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Look, it's trying to think.
    -- Agent Albert Rosenfield, _Twin Peaks_  (in reference to Sheriff Truman)
%%
Doc Hayward:  You're not going anywhere.
Cooper:       Doc, when the will is invoked, the recuperative powers of the
              physical body are simply extraordinary.  Just give me a couple
              of hours to get dressed.
    -- Dr. William Hayward & Agent Dale Cooper, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Truman:  Lucy, you better bring Agent Cooper up to date.
Lucy:    Leo Johnson was shot, Jacques Renault was strangled, the mill burned,
         Shelley and Pete got smoke inhalation, Catherine and Josie are
         missing, Nadine is in a coma from taking sleeping pills.
Cooper:  How long have I been out?
Truman:  Six hours.
    -- Sheriff Truman, Lucy Moran & Agent Dale Cooper, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Diane, it struck me again earlier this morning:  there are two things that
continue to trouble me, and I am speaking now not only as an agent of the
Bureau but also as a human being.  What really went on between Marilyn Monroe
and the Kennedys, and who really pulled the trigger on JFK?
    -- Agent Dale Cooper, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Albert:  Coop, about the uniform.  
Cooper:  Yes, Albert?  
Albert:  Usually, replacing the quiet elegance of the dark suit and tie for the
         casual indifference of these muted earthtones is a form of fashion
         suicide.  But, call me crazy, on you it works.
    -- Agent Albert Rosenfield & Agent Dale Cooper, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Annie:  I lived in my head mostly.
Cooper: That's not a bad neighborhood.
Annie:  There were some pretty strange neighbors.
    -- Annie Blackburne & Agent Dale Cooper, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Judy Swain: An orphan, you know.  
Andy:       Really?  What happened?  Did his parents die?  
    -- Judy Swain & Deputy Andy Brennan, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Cooper:  Sure fire cure for a hangover, Harry.  You take a glass of nearly
         frozen unstrained tomato juice.  You plop a couple of oysters in
         there.  You drink it down.  Breathe deeply.  Next you take a mound,
         and I mean a mound of sweetbreads.  Sautee it in some chestnuts and
         Canadian Bacon.  Finally, biscuits, big biscuits, smothered in gravy.
         Now here's where it gets tricky.  You're gonna need some anchovies.  
Harry:   Excuse me. [and rushes to the bathroom]  
Cooper:  That should do it.  
    -- Agent Dale Cooper & Sheriff Harry S. Truman
%%
          Sometimes the urge to do bad is nearly overpowering.
    -- Ben Horne, _Twin Peaks_
%%
Treat romance like a cane toad, study it furtively, then squash it.
%%
I'm afraid of no man, and very few women.
%%
The kangaroo is fairly well behaved and we've got a couple of
backups in case he jumps of a cliff or anything.
    -- Comments on the new Skippy series.
%%
Assembly Language, great stuff!
Just like hitting your head against a brick wall, feels good when you stop.
    -- Colin Herbert, Software Development Lecture
%%
Ride a motorcycle.  Save Gas, Oil, Rubber, Steel, Aluminum, Parking Spaces,
The Environment, and Money.  Plus, you get to wear all the leather you want!
%%
Sometimes, you're the windshield....  sometimes, you're the bug!"
    -- Mark Knopfler
%%
The look, the textures... it's like a movie it's so real.
    -- Michael J. Fox,  The Hard Way
%%
Do what you do in Hollywood.  Run drinks, tend bar, gerbil racing.
    -- James Wood,  The Hard Way
%%
This is too real.
    -- Michael J. Fox,  The Hard Way
%%
I love life and life loves me,
I'm as happy as I can be.
A happier man nowhere exits,
I think I'll go and slash my wrists.
%%
An elderly spinster was annoyed because an attractive girl sitting next to her
is a restaurant had lit a cigarette.  She snapped, "Young lady, I would rather
commit adultery than smoke in public like that."
"So would I," said the girl, "but I've only got half an hour for lunch."
%%
Little Willie, with a shout,
Gouged the baby's eyeballs out,
Jumped on them to make them pop,
Mother murmured: "Willie, stop."
Willie, with a thirst for gore,
Nailed his brother to the floor,
Mother said, with humour quaint,
"Careful, Will, don't mar the paint."
Willie shot his little sister,
She was dead before we missed her.
Willie's always up to tricks.
Ain't he cute?  He's only six.
%%
It's a wonder I don't have a persecution complex with everybody in the whole
world out to get me.
%%
As I awoke this morning,
When all things sweet are born,
A robin perched upon my sill
To hail a happy morn.
He looked so young and fragile,
So sweetly did he sing,
That thoughts of joy and happiness
Into my heart did spring.
I smiled discreetly to myself
As I paused beside my bed,
Then quickly brought the window down,
And smashed his little head!
%%
The difference between prose and poetry.  For example:
"There was a young lady from the Khyber Pass,
Who went into the Ganges up to her knees."
That's prose.  If she had gone a bit deeper it would have been poetry.
%%
Don't smoke in bed, the ashes that fall on the carpet may be your own.
%%
Stop air pollution, ban Disk Jockeys.
%%
Don't throw cigarette butts on the floor, it gives the cockroaches cancer.
%%
The light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off due to the recession.
%%
"Ever ask yourself 'How I got here'?"
"I use to, now I just ask myself how the hell do I get out."
    -- Hiding Out
%%
Sometimes I think that the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere
in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
    -- Calvin
%%
"This isn't science fiction.  This is Star Trek!"
    -- Sheila Willis
%%
I got somthin' to say - It's better to burn out than to fade away.....
    -- Def Leppard
%%
More computing sins are committed in the name of efficiency (without
necessarily achieving it) than any other single reason - including
blind stupidity.
    -- Bill Wulf
%%
"We are young, wandering the face of the Earth, wondering what our dreams
might be worth, learning that we're only immortal, for a limited time."
    -- RUSH (Roll The Bones)
%%
OS/2 ??  What good's half an operating system ??
%%
"No matter where you go, there you are."
    -- Buckaroo Banzai, Buckeroo Banzai - Across the 8th Dimension
%%
"The President's on line one.  He wants to know is everything all right with
the alien space craft from Planet 10 or should he go ahead and destroy Russia?"
"Tell him yes on one, no on two."
"Which was yes, destroy Russia or number two?"
    -- Soldier and Buckaroo Banzai, Buckeroo Banzai - Across the 8th Dimension
%%
Don't worry until the chickens are dead.
    -- Shane
%%
Life is like a brick.  Drop it on your toe and it hurts.
%%