From sources via Jon Noring (noring@netcom.com) %% Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them. -- Einstein %% "War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest thing: The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks nothing worth a war is worse. A man who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing he cares about more than his personal safety, is a miserable creature who has no chance of being free, unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself." -- John Stuart Mill %% The thinking that we are has brought us to where we have already been. In order to go somewhere else, we must think in a different way. -- Albert Einstein %% My Mom always told me that sex was a dirty, ugly, horrible thing that I was only to do with someone I loved. %% Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under socialism, it's just the opposite. %% >From the movie "Patton": "No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country." %% Woody Allen : "Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing ; between 5 it's fantastic ..." %% *********** "Yes, it is true," he was saying, "that sometimes unusually intelligent and sensitive children can appear to be stupid. But, Mrs. Benson, stupid children can sometimes appear to be stupid as well. I think that's something you might have to consider." Ralph Standish - Chief Consultant Psychologist %% "I want you to get that man out of bed right away. Get him back to the front. I won't have these men who are really wounded see that man babied so." - George S. Patton %% An officer in the US Civil War was inspecting his troops while enemy snipers were active. When warned to be careful, he said: "Are you kidding? They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--" and collapsed, shot through the head. %% A pilot friend of mine mentioned that when the "black box" is recovered from an airplane crash site, the last words on it are usually something like "OHHHHHH SHIIIIIITTTT!!!!". But in one instance, the captain is clearly heard to say: "Point your toes; we're going in deep!" %% "...and always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said "A truck!"..." - Emo Philips %% 90% of Science Fiction is crap. On the other hand, 90% of _everything_ is crap. %% "Do not throw cigarette butts into the urinals." --written in a bathroom "Yeah, it makes them soggy and hard to light." --scrawled beneath %% "We are all worms, but I believe I am a glowworm." - Winston Churchill %% "Art should never try to be popular. The public should try to make itself artistic." - Oscar Wilde %% "make lots of money", "enjoy the work", "operate within the law": choose 2 %% "Paradise is exactly like where you are right now...only much, much better" - L. Anderson %% "A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedence, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down." - Robert Benchley %% "Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines." - John Benfield %% "True, money _can't_ buy happiness, but it isn't happiness I want. It's money." - Bizarro %% "Never before have I encountered such corrupt and foul-minded perversity! Have you ever considered a career in the Church?" - Black Adder II %% "The Bible doesn't forbid suicide. It's Catholic directive, intended to slow down their loss of martyrs." - Ellen Blackstone %% "Most human problems can be solved by an appropriate charge of high explosive." - Blaster, "Uncommon Valor" %% "Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier." - Blore's Razor %% "The human race likes to give itself airs. One good volcano can produce more greenhouse gases in a year than the human race has in its entire history." - Ray Bradbury %% "It's immature and silly, but then again -- so is high school." - Mathew Broderick in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" %% "A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer." - A. Whitney Brown %% "I would sooner live in a society governed by the first two thousand names in the Boston telephone directory than in a society governed by the two thousand faculty members of Harvard University." - William F. Buckley, Jr. %% "Liberals are an easy target. They're so soft and furry, and they make lovely pleading noises when trod on." - Patrick Carroll %% "You wanna know how to nail Capone? This is how you nail Capone: he pulls a knife you pull a gun, he puts on of yours in the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. THAT'S how you nail Capone." - Sean Connery in "The Untouchables" %% "When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken." - Benjamin Disraeli %% "I guess we all know who's the real wizard under the sheets." - David Duke, referring to Bill Clinton and Gennifer Flowers %% "This is a picture of the British High Command at the beginning of World War I. These aren't evil men -- some of them aren't even stupid." - G. Dyer, in _WAR_ %% "Do not needlessly endanger your lives until ordered to do so." - Dwight D. Eisenhower %% "I never met a kid I liked." - W.C. Fields %% "Four people attack you with screwdrivers, you have a gun, they're supposed to die. That's not racism. That's Darwin." - Chip Flatow %% "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -; I took the one less traveled by; And that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost %% "Modern diplomats approach every problem with an open mouth." - Arthur J. Goldberg %% "The most important thing in an argument, next to being right, is to leave an escape hatch for your opponent, so that he can gracefully swing over to your side without too much apparent loss of face." - Sydney J. Harris %% "Fig Newton: The force required to accelerate a fig 39.37 inches/sec." - J. Hart %% "We tend to idealize tolerance, then wonder why we find ourselves infested with losers and nut cases." - Patrick Nielsen Hayden %% "Goldilocks is about property rights. Little Red Riding Hood is a tale of seduction, rape, murder, and cannibalism." - Bernard J. Hibbits %% "It is well to remember that the entire population of the universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others." - John Andrew Holmes %% "In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments -- there are consequences." - Robert G. Ingersoll %% "The greatest happiness is to scatter your enemy, to drive him before you, to see his cities reduced to ashes, to see those who love him shrouded in tears, and to gather into your bosom his wives and daughters." - Genghis Kahn, 1226 %% "The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball." - Doug Larson %% "Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success." - Christopher Lasch %% "I am not, nor ever have been, in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the white and black races--I am not, nor ever have been, in favor of making voters or jurors of Negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people." - Abraham Lincoln, First Lincoln-Douglas Debate, August 21, 1858 %% "Listen, strange women, lyin' in ponds, distributin' swords, is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives itself from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony." - Monty Python and the Holy Grail %% "THE NEBRASKA STATE MOTTO: `I dunno. What do you wanna do?'" - Sharon O'Neil %% "These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of our men and women. Tyranny, like Hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value." - Thomas Paine %% "Practically everyone but myself is a pusillanimous son of a bitch." - George S. Patton, Letter to Col. Codman, 1945. %% "Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equpped with 18,000 vaccuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vaccuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1 1/2 tons." - Popular Mechanics, March 1949 %% "The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little." - Porterfield %% "A university professor set an examination question in which he asked what is the difference between ignorance and apathy. The professor had to give an A+ to a student who answered; I don't know and I don't care" - Richard Pratt, Pacific Computer Weekly, 20 July 1990 %% "...Yes, the lectures are optional. Graduation is also optional." - Professor Brian Quinn %% "Conservatives define compassion not by the number of people who recieve some kind of government aid but rather by the number of people who no longer need it." Jack Kemp %% "I don't feel in the least bit humble before the vastness of the heavens. The stars may be large, but they can not think or love; and these are the qualities which impress me far more than size does." - FP Ramsey %% "Practice random acts of kindness and senseless beauty." %% "Guns don't kill people; people kill people." Now apply to smoking: "Cigarettes don't cause lung cancer; lungs do." %% "Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves." -- Dorothy Parker %% My father is credit manager at a funeral home. His bosses have a card that they hand out. It says "Thank You for Smoking -- Your local undertaker." %% Coach: How's it going, Norm? Norm: Daddy's rich and Momma's good lookin'. %% Sam: What's up, Norm? Norm: My nipples. It's freezing out there. %% It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. - Woody Allen %% Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employs a million. - Mark Twain %% Heredity is what sets the parents of a teen-ager wondering about each other. - Laurence J. Peter %% Milwaukee Journal, about two years ago (on the front page): "MATH TEST RESULTS ADD UP TO A FAILURE - Only 14% of eighth grade students show average proficiency Washington DC - AP - Just one in seven eighth grade students nationawide can exhibit average proficiency in mathematics, according to a federal . . . %% "Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand" - Homer Simpson, trying to be a father to Lisa. %% "Things are only impossible until they're not." -- Jean-Luc Picard. I forget which episode. %% If God had intended for Texans to ski, he would have made bullshit white. %% You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back you've really got something. %% M. D. to patient: First the good news--you're going to have a disease named after you. %% "There's a Fine Line Between Fishing and just Standing on the Shore like an Idiot..." -Stephen Wright %% "My parents went to Tehran and all I got was this lousy death shroud" %% "Hell, if you understand everything I said, you'd be me!" -Miles Davis %% "It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians." -- Televangelist Pat Robertson, speaking at the Republican convention, on the proposed equal-rights amendment: %% "to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best night and day to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight and never stop fighting." - e. e. cummings %% "For the rest of your life you must run, Your day in the sun is done, You're a LIBERAL... Run, liberal, run! ... "Big government was your creed; But now you're the last of a dying breed. So, run liberal run, Run run run run run run, Run run run RUN, Run run run run; Run run..." --Saturday Night Live %% Reality is always more conservative than ideology. --Raymond Aron %% "You never forget how to fuck. Unless you're really, _really_ stupid." -Frank Zappa %% "Where imagination is sucked out of children by a cathode ray nipple T.V. is the only wet nurse that would create a cripple On television, the drug of a nation Breeding ignorance and feeding radiation." -Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy %% If a women seeks education it is probably because her sexual apparatus is malfunctioning. %% There once was a young man from Lyme Who couldn't get his limericks to rhyme When asked "Why not?" It was said that he thought They were probably too long and badly structured and not at all very funny. %% "Ordinarily he was insane, but he had lucid moments when he was merely stupid" Heinrich Heine %% Keep your values off my family. %% "It's not by amusing oneself that one learns." -- Anatole France "It's only by amusing oneself that one can learn." -- Edward Kasner and James R. Newman %% He is one of those peple who would be enormously improved by death H.H. Munro %% Country and Rap are to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art. %% The trick is to stop thinking it is `your' money. IRS auditor %% Rudyard Kipling said: "A woman is a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke" %% "The Bible is not my book, and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long, complicated statements of Christian dogma." Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) %% "The government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion." George Washington (1732-1799) %% "This sentence no verb." %% "This sentence is false." %% "Everybody's got plans...until they get hit". - Mike Tyson, heavyweight champ on "plans" released by Tyrell Biggs' camp on how they would defeat the champ. %% In case you don't know yet, Mississippi's governor, Kirk Fordice, has a habit of making colorful, unpolitic remarks that get him in trouble with the press and some factions and groups. Today's contribution is: ... "If you were a gay illegal-alien looking for an abortion, it was a humdinger of a week." Kirk Fordice 1/29/93 %% First learn your horn and all the theory. Next develop a style. Then forget all that and just play. - Charlie "Bird" Parker %% Jack: "I don't get it..." Lo Pan (interrupting): "Shut up, Mr. Burton. You are not put upon this world to 'get it.'" - Big Trouble In Little China %% My favorite wedding toast from a best man included: "... and may your children have rich parents." %% allworkandnoplaymakesjackadullboyallworkandnoplaymakesjackadullboyallworkand noplaymakesjackadullboyallworkandnoplaymakesjackadullboyallworkandnoplaymakes jackadullboyallworkandnoplaymakesjackadullboyallworkandnoplaymakesjackadull boyallworkandnoplaymakesjackadullboyallworkandnoplay -- the shining %% It is the early worm that gets eaten by the bird. %% "Miscellaneous method of Civil Disobedience: Standing in front of City Hall and chanting the word 'pudding' until one's demands are met." %% In NOTORIOUS, Claude Reins' Nazi Mom says to him: "You have been saved by the enormity of your stupidity" %% Five senses; an incurably abstract intellect; a haphazardly selective memory; a set of preconceptions and assumptions so numerous that I can never examine more than minority of them - never become conscious of them all. How much of total reality can such an apparatus let through? -C. S. Lewis %% To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. -Woody Allen %% "A zebra cannot change its spots." -- Al Gore %% "The national budget must be balanced. The public debt must be reduced; the arrogance of the authorities must be moderated and controlled. Payments to foreign governments must be reduced, if the nation doesn't want to go bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance." - Marcus Tullius Cicero, 55 BC %% As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being. - C. G. Jung %% "Is there life before death?" -- Belfast Graffito %% "Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast." -- Douglas Adams %% The best way to accelerate a Macintosh is a 9.8 meters per second squared. %% A desire not to butt into other people's business is eighty percent of all human wisdom. %% "We males cannot really know the misery of female birth control, just as we cannot know the pain of childbirth (a fact for which I get down on my knees and give thanks at every opportunity)." -- Dave Barry %% SLAVERY IS FREEDOM...IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH...TAXES IS PATRIOTISM... CLINTON IS PRESIDENT!!! %% "Women. You can't live with them, and sheep can't cook." %% "I have two rules about smoking. The first is that I never smoke while I'm sleeping. The second is that I never smoke more than one cigar at a time." %% "We are often most in the dark when we are the most certain, and most enligthened when we are the most confused." M. S. Peck %% Bigamy is when you have too many wives. Monogamy is... the same thing. %% I saw this bumper sticker yesterday. Our child was INMATE OF THE MONTH at Santa Clara County Juvinile Detention Facility %% "Leadership is getting someone else to do what you want him to do because he wants to do it." - Dwight David Eisenhower %% Heard on the local news in Burlington, Vermont: "On a scale of 1 to 10, that [prison] is very poorly run." %% "Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world." - George Bernard Shaw %% "Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try." - Yoda %% "Right now I'm a freshman in my fourth year at U.C.L.A., but my goal is to become a veternarian, 'cause I love children." -- Julie Brown %% "The reward of a thing well done is to have done it." --Emerson %% "The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena. Whose face is marred by dust, sweat and blood: who knows the enthusiasm, the great devotion, and spends himself in a worthy cause. Who at best if he wins knows the thrill of high achievement and if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls, who know neither victory nor defeat." -JFK %% "Everybody experiences far more than he understands. Yet it is experience, rather than understanding, that influences behavior." --Marshall Mcluhan %% "All generalizations are dangerous, including this one." -Alexandre Dumas %% If you believe the people who believe in reincarnation, life sucks, then you die, then life sucks again %% I wouldn't be so paranoid, if everyone wasn't out to get me. %% "there are three types of people in this world: those who can count, and those who cannot." %% "This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been a real life you would have been instructed where to go and what to do." %% "You should never use the phrase 'you should'." - Tim Veatch %% "What if no one ever asked a hypothetical question?" - in the .sig for hjiwa@gruc19.nor.chevron.com (Jeff Wang) %% >For every problem there is a solution which is simple, obvious, and wrong" > --Albert Einstein %% No one ever says 'I am a reincarnated shoe salesman from Jersey', or anything. %% No, a liberal is someone who insists that the government should intervene and restrict argument-winning on grounds that violates people's self-esteem and is clearly prejudicial to peoples whose cultural and socioeconomic upbringing do not allow them to develop competitive arguing skills. %% OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just loose their faculties %% OLD BLONDES never fade, they just dye away %% OLD BOWLERS never die, they just end up in the gutter %% OLD BUREAUCRATS never die, they just waste away %% OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just do it inorganically %% OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just lose their refluxes %% OLD COMPOSERS never die, they just decompose %% OLD COURIERS never die, they just keep on EXPRESSing it! (c)opyright 1986 AIR COURIERS INTERNATIONAL Vancouver, BC %% OLD COMPUTER PEOPLE never die, they just lose their memory %% OLD ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS never die, they just have slower rise times %% OLD ENGINEERS never die, they just lose their bearings %% OLD FARMERS never die, they just spade away %% OLD FROGS never die, but they do croak %% OLD GEOLOGISTS never die, they just recrystalize %% OLD GRAPHIC ARTISTS never die, they just de-rez %% OLD HUNTERS never die, they just stay LOADED %% OLD KEY PUNCH OPERATORS never die, they just punch out %% OLD LAWYERS never die, they just loose their briefs %% OLD LINGUISTS never die, they just rearrange their deep structures %% OLD MAIDS count on fingers, but young girls count on legs %% OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just decompose %% OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just go from bar to bar %% OLD PILOTS never die, they just buzz off %% OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte it %% OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just decompile %% OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just go to bits %% OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just loose their memory %% OLD SAILORS never die, they just get a little "DINGHY" %% OLD SHEETROCKERS (dry wallers) never die, they just hang around %% OLD SYSTEM USERS never die, they just chdir to NULL %% OLD THERMODYNAMICISTS never die, they just achieve their state of maximum entropy %% OLD TRUCK DRIVERS never die; they just get a new Peterbilt %% OLD POSTMEN never die, they just lose their zip %% "A liberal is someone who won't take his own side in an argument." %% when i die, i'd like to go peacefully. in my sleep. like my grandfather. not screaming, like the passengers in his car... %% "Time is only thing keeping everything from happening at once." %% I was Caesarian born. You can't really tell that, although whenever I leave a house, I go out through a window. %% I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Still tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone talks to me like I'm an idiot. %% I took the headlights off my car and put strobe lights on. When I drive at night, it looks like I'm the only one moving. %% When I woke up this morning, my girlfriend asks me, "Did you sleep well?" I said, No, I made a few mistakes." %% Programming is an endless race between the software engineer, who seeks to design increasingly idiot-proof code, and the Universe, which strives to produce even bigger idiots. %% If the opposite of "pro" is "con", what is the opposite of "progress"? %% The lottery is just a tax on people who are bad at math. %% A cat will almost always blink when hit with a sledgehammer. %% He who laughs last has the slowest sense of humor. %% Any fool can count the seeds in an apple. Only God can count all the apples in one seed. %% God does not have to put His name on a label in the corner of a meadow because nobody else makes meadows. %% You have to wonder about a society that says God is dead and Elvis Presley is alive. %% f u cn rd ths u r usng unx %% Men do not reject the Bible because it contradicts itself, but because it contradicts them. E Paul Hovey %% The best way to accelerate a Macintosh is at 9.8 meters/second squared. %% An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. -- Agatha Christie %% Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat. %% Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute. %% Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth. -- John Lyly %% May you never leave your marriage alive. %% Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He baptized one and kept the other as a control. %% "I've made it a rule never to drink by daylight and never to refuse a drink after dark." --H. L. Mencken %% "An experienced, industrious, ambitions and often quite picturesque liar....." --Mark Twain %% "Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice." --H. L. Mencken %% "Truth is never pure and rarely simple. Modern life would be tedious if it were either, and modern literature a complete impossiblity." --Oscar Wilde %% "Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." --James Thurber %% "Shallow men believe in luck." --James Thurber %% "Early to rise and early to bed, makes a male health, wealthy, and dead." --James Thurber %% "One of the benefits of a college education is to show the little boy its little avail." --James Thurber %% "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desparation." --Henry David Thorueau %% "The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it." --Oscar Wilde %% "There is no sin except for stupidity." --Oscar Wilde %% "Ah! don't say you agree with me. When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong." --Oscar Wilde %% "We cannot be free men if this is, by our national crisis, to be a land of slavery. Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." --Abraham Lincoln %% "People who like this sort of thing will find that this is the sort of thing they like." --Abraham Lincoln %% "My spelling is wobbly. It's good spelling but it wobbles and the letters get in the wrong places." --Pooh (Alan Alexander Milne) "Four things greater than all things are, - %% "Women and Horses and Power and War." --Rudyard Kipling %% "For the female of the species is more dangerous than the male......" --Rudyard Kipling %% "A conservative government is an organized hypocrisy." --Benjamin Disraeli %% "Society everywhere is in a conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members." --Ralph Waldo Emerson %% "All conservatives are such from personal defects. They have been effeminated by position or nature, born halt and blind, through luxury of their parents, and can only, like invalids, act on the defensive." --Ralph Waldo Emerson %% "I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him: "I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don't accept His claim to be God." That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic--on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg--or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come with any patronising nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to." --C. S. Lewis %% "Some rainy winter Sundays when there's a little boredom, you should always carry a gun. Not to shoot yourself, but to know exactly that you're always making a choice." --Lina Wertmuller %% "Do you know that disease and death must needs overtake us, no matter what we are doing? What do you wish to be doing when it overtakes you? If you have anything better to be doing when you are so overtaken, get to work on that." --Epicetus %% Reality is only as the mind perceives it, where yesterday will never arrive and tomorrow has long since gone. %% In life try to get what you like otherwise you shall be forced to like what you get. %% The diffrence between success and failure is to refuse to quit when you are discouraged. %% "To be occasionally quoted is the only fame I care for." Alexander Smith %% "Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question." Lt. Henry Mon, USAF, circa 1961 %% "Work is the curse of the drinking classes." -O. Wilde- %% "I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation." --Wilde %% "The question of whether or not a computer can think is about as interesting as whether a submarine can swim." - Edward Djikstra on AI %% Try to learn something about everything and everything about something. - T.H. Huxley %% To hate is to study, to study is to understand, to understand is to appreciate, to appreciate is to love. So maybe I'll end up loving your theory. - John A. Wheeler %% One trouble with being efficient is that it makes everybody hate you so. - Bob Edwards %% "The problems of this world cannot possibly be solved by sceptics or cynics , but only by men who can dream of things that never was " - John F. Kennedy %% The hard thing about death is that nothing ever changes. The hard thing about life is that nothing stays the same. %% Common sense is collection of prejudice acquired by age 18. Albert Einstein %% The defense attorney was hammering away at the plaintiff: "You claim," he jeered, "that my client came at you with a broken bottle in his hand. But is it not true, that you had something in YOUR hand?" "Yes," he admitted, "his wife. Very charming, of course, but not much good in a fight." %% There's more than one way to skin a cat: Way number 15 -- Krazy Glue and a toothbrush. %% Kasha, n.: Kasha is always defined as "buckwheat groats". There's only one problem with this definition: what the fuck are "buckwheat groats"? I know what they are -- they're kasha. But that doesn't help you much. -- Arthur Naiman, "Every Boy's Guide to Yiddish" %% "Seeing Ministry live is like mainlining on the 20th Century" - Melody Maker %% 'The rich are getting richer and the poor are getting drunk.' The Replacements. %% `Jazz isn't dead, it just smells funny.' Frank Zappa %% "Cos there's nothing strange about an axe with bloodstains in a barn, there's always some killing you've gotta do around the farm." - Tom Waits %% "Noone could be happy-happy out of their head all the time,unless they were on some fierce drug altogether." - Frank & Walters %% "When I emerged from my mothers uterus,I was the size of a chicken bouillon cube and Father said to the obstetrician: `I realise that at this age it's difficult to prognosticate his chances for a productive life,but if he's going to to remain six-sided & 0.4 grams for the rest of his life,then euthanasia's our best bet' " - Mark Leyner %% "Businesses may come and go, but religion will last forever, for in no other endeavor does the consumer blame himself for product failure." %% "Take this cross and garlic; here's a Mezuzah if he's Jewish; a page of the Koran if he's a Muslim; and if he's a Zen Buddhist, you're on your own." %% "Moviemaking is not about politically correct people - Fuck politically correct." - Paul Verhoeven %% "Hell,I even thought I was dead.But I found out I was just in Nebraska." - Little Bill,in Unforgiven %% "People should mate for life,like pigeons or catholics." - Woody Allen,Manhattan %% "I was such a pacifist I used to get beaten up by Quakers" - Woody Allen,Sleeper %% "It takes a sweet little bullet from a pretty blue gun to put those scarlet ribbons in your hair." - Tom Waits,Blue Valentine %% "Vogon spaceships don't look as if they had been designed so much as congealed." - Douglas Adams %% "To say that vogons are not above a little bribery and corruption is like saying that the sea is not above the sky" - Douglas Adams %% "They've got a Saturday night special,every night of the week." - Loudon Wainwright III %% "Real life sucks losers dry,if you wanna fuck with the eagles you've got to learn to fly." - Heathers %% "Another time in the park I was waiting for her,sitting on a bench humming tunes in my head and staring vacantly into space;she came up from the side and was leaning over to say 'Boo!' when I realised she was there;I jumped up to give her a kiss and cracked her on the chin with my head;knocked the poor kid unconscious." -Iain Banks "Espedair Street" %% "There are only two really important things in life: 1. Sex 2. (well it's not really that important)" -Woody Allen %% "Soap and education aren't as deadly as a massacre but they get you in the end." - Mark Twain %% "Veronica : But Heather why can't we talk to different types of people Heather : Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw,do I look like Mother Teresa ?" - Heathers %% "I'm considering a move to Memphis,that's Memphis,Tenesee It worked for Elvis Presley,why can't it work for me?" - Colour-blind James Experience %% "I don't know but I've been told the streets of heaven are lined with gold I ask you how things could get much worse if the russians happened to get up there first wowee,pretty scary" - Robert Zimmerman %% "The difference between the Pope and George Bush is that whereas Bush walks on the ground and kisses women,the Pope kisses the ground and..." %% "CIA spokesman : We can say with some certainty that Noriega was a sadist,a drug-abuser and despot. Reporter : How do you know so much about him? CIA spokesman : Well he was on our payroll." - Johnny Tingle %% "And she had a bath once a year .....whether she needed it or not." - Mark Twain %% "The vogon spaceships hung in the air,in the same way as bricks don't." - Douglas Adams %% "the band is just fantastic,that is really what I think oh,by the way,which one's Pink" - Pink Floyd %% "Grow up,be a man and shut your mealy mouth Dial-a-Cliche" - Morrisey %% "Back in the days when the galaxy was formed,when men were real men,women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri." - Douglas Adams %% "Broad-mindedness is what you get when you flatten out high-mindedness." %% "All animals are equal but some are more equal than others" - George Orwell %% "A Clockwork Orange,the story of a young man whose principal intersets are rape,ultra-violence and Beethoven" %% "There is more than one way to skin a cat; Way No.27 : The electric-sander method ...." %% "2 is never equal to 3,not even for large values of 2." %% "We have a large selection of milk,but that one looks hungry" - Maths Soc. %% "But what we want to know is, do people want nasally-insertable computers?" %% "I travelled to a mystical time-zone,and I missed my bed and I soon came home.They said there's too much caffeine in your blood-stream and a lack of real spice in your life....." - S. Morrisey %% "Frank settled out in the valley,and he hung his wild years on a nail that he drove through his wifes forehead." - Tom Waits %% "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work,I want to achieve immortality by not dying" - Woody Allen %% "Eric : What kind of system errors could you expect in this experiment? Jason : Typograhical errors. [and he was serious] " %% "All science is either physics or stamp-collecting." - E. Rutherford %% "Welcome to the Politically Correct States of America. Please turn your mind in to the nearest oppressed minority pressure group. It will be returned to you once we've decided what you can think" %% "Accuracy is the vice of being right." %% "If Helen Keller is alone in a forest and falls, does she make a sound?" %% "What follows is based on actual occurences.Although much has been changed for rhetorical purposes,it must be regarded in its essence as fact.However,it should in no way be associated with that great body of factual information relating to orthodox Zen Buddhist practice.It's not very factual about motorcycles,either." - Robert M. Pirsig (Introduction to Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintainance) %% "All things dull and ugly, All creatures short and squat, All things rude and nasty, The Lord God made the lot; Each little snake that poisons, Each little wasp that stings, He made their brutish venom, He made their horrid wings. All things sick and cancerous, All evil great and small, All things foul and dangerous, The Lord God made them all. Each nasty little hornet, Each beastly little squid. Who made the spikey urchin? Who made the sharks? He did. All things scabbed and ulcerous, All pox both great and small. Putrid, foul and gangrenous, The Lord God made them all." - Monty Python's Flying Circus %% " 'Heather,why are you such a megabitch ?' 'Because I can be.' " - Heathers %% They [District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: (1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate 53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a pile and hold a press conference where you announce that they have a street value of $850 million. These raids never fail, because ALL high schools, including brand-new, never-used ones, have at least 53 marijuana cigarettes in the lockers. As far as anyone can tell, the locker factory puts them there. (2) Raid an "adult book store" and hold a press conference where you announce you are charging the owner with 850 counts of being a piece of human sleaze. This also never fails, because you always get a conviction. A juror at a pornography trial is not about to state for the record that he finds nothing obscene about a movie where actors engage in sexual activities with live snakes and a fire extinguisher. He is going to convict the bookstore owner, and vote for the death penalty just to make sure nobody gets the wrong impression. -- Dave Barry, "Pornography" %% "Yes, that was Richard Nixon. He used to be President. When he left the White House, the Secret Service would count the silverware." -- Woody Allen, "Sleeper" %% "I have little experience of marriage myself,sir,having only been married once." - Oscar Wilde %% "If the lower orders do not set us an example,then I really cannot see the use of them.As a class they seem morally very irresponsible." - Oscar Wilde %% > You know you are in lust/love/infatuation when... When thought can nolonger be un-interupted by her, and your soul is crying out to be loved by her. Alex Feely %% My mind prances in wilderness yet untamed by human conception. %% Enter my world of LIFE, DEATH, AND NEUTRALITY ETERNAL!! %% A tree is a terrible thing to waste.... %% Love can be the basis of daily existance, my goal is to find as much love as possible. %% Sir I admit your general rule That every Poet is a Fool But you yourself may serve to show it That every Fool is not a Poet rendered from the french by Pope %% "Any sufficiantly advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." -Arthur C. Clarke %% "Bruce is too obsessed with the Beatles" --comment on report card from Spring '64 Bruce Dumes Stratus Computer, Inc. %% Civilization is just a temporary failure of entropy. --Christine Nelson Cray Research, Inc. %% > FEMINISM IS FOR THE BIRDS AND ANY REAL WOMEN KNOWS THAT. WOMEN ARE BORN >SUBMISSIVES AND LONG TO BE TREATED AS SUCH. MAN IS THE TRUE DOMINATE SEX AND >WILL ALWAYS BE SUPERIOR TO THE FEMALE. A WOMAN SHOULD BE KEPT BOUND AND GAGGED >UNTIL SHE HAS REACHED A POINT IN HER TRAINING THAT SHE KNOWS HER PLACE AND WILL >BE TOTALLY SUBMISSIVE TO HER MASTER (THE MALE). %% [etc., etc., etc.] Down-dooby-doo-down-down/breaking up is hard to do. Have you been this bitter for a while now, or did she just leave you recently? -Devjani Mishra A student/professor at Yale %% "Eliminate the impossible and what ever remains, no matter how improble, is the truth" -- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle through Sherlock Holmes %% "I reject that philosophy. The impossible often has a kind of integrity which the merely improbable lacks." -- Douglas Adams through Dirk Gently %% Ask Troi, and do the opposite of what she says. Jeff R. Lamb University of Illinois at Urbana %% I also register for EC 201 on mondays & wednesday at 11:20 and 12:10 and I will also add CSC 258 to push it to 17 hours and drop one a couple of weeks from now. -Nelson Wilson (A freind of mine demonstrating his great mastery of the English language.) %% We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us. -Marcel Proust %% But then again, Holland is a country where you buy your marihuana at a coffee-shop, your porn mags & video's at a petrol-station and hamburgers at an electronics store, so whadja want? -Ralph 'Hairy' Moonen AT&T, Holland(?) %% Even when you do find food, it's wicked expensive (like everything else at WDW!). - rik@world.std.com (Rik Ahlberg) %% What's right is what's left when everything is wrong. -Robin Williams %% Why does there have to be an end to the rainbow? Can't we just let beauty exist without trying to prove that it dies? -- Spite The University of Akron %% "Uh...had a slight weapons malfunction. But, uh, everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here...now...thank you. How are you?" *wince* %% "Can someone get this walking carpet out of my way?" "No reward is worth this." %% "I bring a gift: these two droids." "Artoo, you're playing the wrong message!" %% "Kreesh naa krenko." "Yeah, I'll bet you have." %% "That's cause droids don't pull people's arms out of their sockets when they lose. Wookies are known to do that." "I have a new strategy, Artoo. Let the Wookie win." %% "Wait! I thought you were blind!" "Trust me!" %% "Urk..urk..." "Apology accepted, Captain Nida" %% familiarity * lots = warm-fuzzies; warm-fuzzies + magic = fall in love. -Stewart Tansley (Nov 17, 1992) BNR Europe Limited London Rd, Harlow, CM17 9NA, UK %% "The wonderfull thing about Tiggers, is Tiggers are wonderfull things. Thier tops are made out of rubber, thier bottoms are made out of springs. They're bouncy,flouncy,trouncy,pouncy, fun,fun,fun,fun,fun. But the most wonderfull thing about Tiggers is I'm the only one." -Tigger (From Winnie the Pooh) %% When the doors of perception are cleansed, man will see reality for what it really is, infinite. -William Blake (Inspiration for the name of The Doors.) %% The goal of Computer Science is to build somthing that will last at least until we've finished building it. %% Whenever possible blame the hardware. %% Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp--or what's a heaven for? Robert Browning %% Given the choice between the experience of pain and nothing, I would choose pain. William Faulkner %% I'm proud of paying taxes. The only thing is --- I could be just as proud for half the money. Arthur Godfrey %% A really busy person never knows how much he weighs. Edgar Watson Howe %% Swallowing pride never choked anyone %% The best thing to do behind a person's back is to pat it %% The muse of humor has once again looked down upon me, and found me worthy to carry out the deeds of her noble cause. Michael S. Rosenberg %% If you think before you speak the other guy gets its joke in first. A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. %% We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it--and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit on a hot stove lid again--and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore. Mark Twain %% Those who talk don't know. Those who don't talk, know. %% It is a truly wise man who does not play leap frog with a unicorn. %% Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is. Douglas Adams, _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ %% Legend --- a lie that has attained the dignity of age. H. L. Mencken %% We who are about to die, are going to take one hell of a lot of the bastards with us. Karl Cullinane, _The Silver Crown_ by Joel Rosenberg %% All of the animals except man know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it. %% There are more dead people than living. And their numbers are increasing. The living are getting rarer. %% She's a very dominant woman; she walks on the ground I worship Dennis Miller %% I swear, if you existed I'd divorce you. Edward Albee %% -Well, here's something to occupy you and keep your mind off things. -It won't work, I have an exceptionally large mind. Douglas Adams, _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ %% Just on the border of your waking mind, there lies another time, where darkness and light are one. And as you tread the halls of sanity, you feel so glad to be unable to go beyond. I have a message from another time..... ELO: "Prologue from the "Time" album -- Daicon IV Opening Animation %% That we can comprehend the little we know already is mindboggling in itself. Tom Gates %% Open your mind before you open your mouth. Fortune Cookie %% Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions. Oliver Wendell Holmes %% The melancholy truth was that his glorious golden head had nothing in it. Cecil Woodham Smith %% He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with two eyes. %% Designed with your mind in mind by people who have in mind what you should have in mind. %% That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting. Marvin, _Life, the Universe, and Everything_ by Douglas Adams %% Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" %% There are 4 kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy. Ambose Pierce %% Since I gave up hope I feel much better %% The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true. %% Pain past is pleasure. %% Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week. Will Rogers %% A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run. %% A politician is an animal who can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground. %% An apology for the devil:it must be remembered that we have heard one side of the case. God has written all the books. Samuel Butler %% A man without a God is like a fish without a bicycle. %% Scientists are the easiest to fool. They think in straight, predictable, directable, and therefore misdirectable, lines. The only world they know is the one where everything has a logical explanation and things are what they appear to be. Children and conjurors--they terrify me. Scientists are no problem; against them I feel quite confident. Zambendorf, _Code of the Lifemaker_ by James P. Hogan %% I'm looking for Miss Right, or at least, Miss Right Now. Robin Williams %% Sex is nature's way of saying 'Hi!'. %% For every dollar a man makes A woman makes 63 cents Now, fifty years ago that was 62 cents, So, with any kind of luck, it'll be the year 3,888 Before we make a buck Laurie Anderson %% When God created men, she was only joking %% All men are created equal. All women are created superior. %% You can't make a baby in one month, even if you make nine women pregnant Some scientist %% When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you Friedrich Nietzche %% Natural laws have not pity. %% Hell hath no fury like a woman beaten out of a million dollars. %% Humahumanukanukaapua'a -the state fish of Hawaii (Reef Trigger Fish) %% If you're walking on thin ice, you might was well dance. %% Of, excuse me, I though I was someone else for a moment %% Stress: The confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it. %% Tenderness is the repose of Passion. Joseph Joubert %% A bore is a person who talks so much about itself that you can't talk about yourself. %% He missed an invaluable opportunity to hold his tongue. %% Every person is wrong until they cry, and then they are right, instantly. %% Some men are discovered; others are found out. %% Absentee: A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction. %% Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. %% I have the most perfect confidence in your indiscretion. %% Anyone can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. %% It's a useless but absolutely vital precaution. %% There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation W. C. Fields %% There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order to things. N. Machiavelli %% Some people march to a different drummer--and some people polka. %% Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even though you wish they were. %% In Mexico we have a word for sushi -- bait. Jose Simon %% The harder you fall, the higher you bounce. ---American proverb %% "I think it's about time we voted for senators with breasts. After all, we've been voting for boobs long enough." -- Arizona senatorial candidate Claire Sargent, on women candidates %% "Many, if not all, of my presidential opponents are certifiable idiots." -- Philippine presidential candidate Miriam Defensor Santiago %% "Your food stamps will be stopped effective Marc, 1992, because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." -- From a letter to a dead person from the Greenville County (S.C.) Department of Social Services %% "We believe he wanted to win in the worst way." -- Seminole County, Fla., Sheriff Don Eslinger on a state representative challenger charged with attempted murder of his opponent %% "It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." -- Televangelist Pat Robertson, who spoke at the Republican convention, on the proposed equal rights amendment %% "Would you please shut up and sit down!" -- George Bush, to a grooup of POW-MIA families protesting his campaign speech in Crystal City, Va. %% "Life is something that everyone should try at least once." -- Michael Moncur %% "I am a Marxist--of the Groucho tendency." -- Anon., French slogan %% "Last week, I went to Philidelphia, but it was closed." -- W. C. Fields %% "Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder." -- Dr. Laurence Peter and Raymond Hull %% "After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'" -- Ronnie Shakes %% "And that's the world in a nutshell, an appropriate receptacle." -- Stan Dunn %% Un baiser: un petit point rose que l'on met sur l'i du verbe Aimer. "votres lobes d'oreilles sont comme les te^tes des poissons" %% " The whisper of a pretty girl can be heard further than the roar of a lion" Arab Proverb %% Plumpick?: Don't you understand, the whole town will blow up in three minutes! Columbine: Yes--they will be wonderful, those three minutes. --_The King of Hearts_ %% There are three kinds of kisses: peach, plum, and alfalfa. --Tom Hyde %% A thing can be true and still be desperate folly. --Richard Adams, _Watership Down_ %% Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women that you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place? --George Carlin %% If they give you lined paper, write the other way. --e. e. cummings %% Don't get even--get odd. --Swami Beyondananda %% Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break. --William Shakespeare, _Macbeth_ %% Kon: Are you happy? Jake: Who can answer that question off the top of their head? Kon: People who are happy. --_The Two Jakes_ %% Bed Spreaders spread spreads on beds. Bread Spreaders spread butter on breads. And that Bed Spreader better watch out how he's spreading or that Bread Spreader's sure going to butter his bedding. - Dr Suess %% Upon an island hard to reach, the East Beast sits upon his beach. Upon the west beach sits the West Beast. Each beach beast thinks that he's the best beast. %% Which is best? Well, I thought at first that the East was best and the West was worst. Then I looked again from west to east and I like the beast on the east beach least. - Dr Suess %% Fritz needs Fred and Fred needs Fritz. Fritz feeds Fred and Fred feeds Fritz. Fred feeds Fritz with ritzy Fred food. Fritz feeds Fred with ritzy Fritz food. And Fritz, when fed, has often said, "I'm a Fred-fed Fritz. Fred's a Fritz-fed Fred." - Dr Suess %% One year we had a Christmas brunch with Merry Christmas Mush to munch. But I don't think you'd care for such. We didn't like to munch mush much. - Dr Suess %% The storm starts when drops start dropping. When the drops stop dropping then the storm starts stopping. - Dr Suess %% Also, I'm not sure about these two: %% A skunk sat on a stump. The skunk thunk the stump stunk but the stump thunk the skunk stunk. %% Betty Botter bought some butter, "But", she said, "the butter's bitter. If I put it in my batter it will make my batter bitter." So she bought a bit of better butter (better than her bitter butter) and she put it in her batter and the batter was not bitter. So 'twas better Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter. %% In Anthony Burgess' "The End of the World News", one of the characters recites the following: "I loved you. And love for you has not yet burned out of my soul. But don't let my love cause you distress any more. I don't wish to bring you grief. I loved you silently, hopelessly, sometimes in joy, sometimes in jealousy. I loved you so sincerely, so tenderly. Ah, may God grant that you be so loved by another." %% My world, and welcome to it -- Thurber. %% Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one play s -- Smuel Butler (I've misquoted this somewhere on the net -- apoologies to a ll) %% Life is like the Olympic games; a few men strain their muscles to carry off a prize, others sell trinckets to the crowd for a profit; some just come and see how everything is done. -- Pythagoras %% it is now some years since I detected how many were the false beliefs that I ha d believed to be true since my earliest youth. And since that time, I have bee n convinced that I must once and for all seriously try to rid myself of all the opiniouns which I had formerly accepted, and begin to build anew, if I wanted t o establish any firm and permanent structure for my beliefs. -- Rene Descartes , Meditations. %% The following ties in nicely with another thread (What is music?) All I know about music is that not many people ever really hear it. And even t hen, on the rare occasions that something opens within, and the music enters, w hat we mainly hear, or hear corraborated, are personal, private, vanishing evoc ations. But the man who creates the music is hearing somethin else, is dealing with the roar rising from the void, and imposing order on it as it hits the ai r. What is evoked in him, then, is of another order, more terrible because it has no wards, and more triumphant, too, for that same reason. And his triumph, when he triumphs, is ours. -- James Baldwin "Sonny's Blues" %% "You're not *hearing* Jimmi" -- paraphrase (not an exact quote -- I have a lous y memory) from White Men Can't Jump %% Since I've seen this *several* times in this group, the actual context of the "God is dead" quotation of Nietzsche: The Madman. -- Have you ever heard of the madman who on a bright morning lighte d a lantern and ran to the market-place callin out unceasingly: "I seek God! I seek Gad!" -- As there were many people standing about who did not believe in God, he caused a great deal of amusement. Why! is he lost? said one. Has he strayed away like a child? said another. Or does he keep himself hidden? Is he afraid of us? Has he taken a sea-voyage? has he emigrated? -- the people c ried out laughingly, all in a hubub. The insane man jumped into their midst an d transfixed them with his glances. "Where is God gone?" he called out. "I me an to tell you! *We have killed him*, you and I! We are all his murderes!...." -- from THE JOYFUL WISDOM %% The mere formulation of a problem is often far more essntial than its solution. To raise new problems from a new angle requires creative imagination and mark real advances..." -- Albert Einstein (why don't my prof's ever accept this o n a test??? hehehehehehehe) %% Sometimes you have to be silent to be heard -- Stanislav Lee %% A closed mouth gathers no foor. ???? (saw it on a crosstich of all places!) %% There are some things that are so serious that you have to laugh at them. -- Niels Bohr (quantum physicist). %% "Stay away from needle drugs. Richard Nixon is the only dope worth shooting." -- Abbie Hoffman %% "Free speech means the right to shout 'theatre' in a crowded fire." --- Abbie Hoffman %% Steal this Book %% "Our rights remain rights only as long as we have the prudence not to test them" -Mark Twain %% He did not mean to be cruel. If anybody had called him so, he would have resented it extremely. He would have said that what he did was done entirely for the good of the country. But he was a man who had always been accustomed to consider himself first and foremost, believing that whatever he wanted was sure to be right, and therefore he ought to have it. So he tried to get it, and got it too, as people like him very often do. Whether they enjoy it when they have it is another question. - Dinah Craik - The Little Lame Prince %% It is easy-- terribly easy-- to shake a man's faith in himself. To take advantage of that to break a man's spirit is devil's work. Take care of what you are doing. Take care. - G.B. Shaw - Candida %% Girls who wear glasses have lots & lots of energy! -- Al on Qunatum Leap %% Time and space can be a bitch. -- Gooshie on Quantum Leap %% There is more to life than chocolate. Just not a whole lot more. %% I know my mind.... and it's around here somewhere!!! 8) %% No, we're never going to survive unless we get a little bit crazy--Seal %% Don't wait for answers, just take your chances, don't ask me why--B.Joel %% If you want me, you can find me, left of center, off of the strip.--Suzanne Vega %% Reality is for people who can't handle Star Trek. %% I use not all the brains I have, but all the brains I can borrow.-W.Wilson %% Beauty is in the heart of the beholder.--Al Bernstein %% Love: 2 minds without a single thought.--Philip Barry %% There is no intelligent life on Earth, but I'm just visiting. :) %% A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down. %% Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see-The Beatles %% Faith is believing in things that common sense tells you not to.-G.Seaton %% I will not be a pawn for the Prince of Darkness any longer--Indigo Girls %% "My place is of the sun and this place is of the dark..."--Indigo Girls %% "In a world that keeps on pushing me around, I won't back down."--T.Petty %% "I know what's right...I got just one life..."-- Tom Petty %% "You can stand me up at the gates of Hell, but I won't back down."--T.Petty %% Why is it always due yesterday when tomorrow is already here?? %% Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. 8) %% "With friends like these... who needs hallucinations?"--Buddy on Night Court %% My .sig loves me. %% My .sig never lies. %% Smile - people will wonder what you've been up to. :) %% Have you hugged your .sig today? %% Read my .sigs. %% "She's fragile as a string of pearls... she's nobody's girl."--Bonnie Raitt %% There are three kinds of memory--good, bad, and convenient. %% The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.-Ehrlich %% The meek shall inherit the Earth after the strong are done with it. %% A sadist is a masochist who follows the Golden Rule. %% There are a lot of lies going around and half of them are true.-Churchill %% There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.-Santayana %% There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrong. %% There is no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it. %% There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing. %% There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad.-S.Dali %% There are two kinds of egotists: those that admit it and the rest of us. %% I'm not like other people. You see, pain hurts me.--Darkwing Duck %% Facts are stupid things. -- Ronald Reagan %% People who don't read are brutes. -- Eugene Ionesco %% "Now think of all the years you tried to/Find someone to satisfy you/I might be as crazy as you say/If I'm crazy then it's true/That it's all because of you/And you wouldn't want me any other way"--Billy Joel %% No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. H. L. Mencken %% An asylum for the sane would be empty in America. %% The poet ranks far below the painter in the representation of visible things, and far below the musician in that of invisible things. Leonardo DaVinci %% Now, in reality, the world have paid too great a compliment to critics, and have imagined them to be men of much greater profundity then they really are. Henry Fielding %% Works of art, in my opinion, are the only objects in the material universe to possess internal order, and that is why, though I don't believe that only art matters, I do belive in Art for Art's sake. E. M. Forster %% Art is a collarboration between God an the artist, and the less the artist does the better. Andre Gide %% You're an actor, are you? Well, all that means is: you are irresponsible, irrational, romantic, and incapable of handling an adult emotion or a universal concept without first reducing it to something personal, material, sensational -- and probably sexual! George Herman, _A Company of Wayward Saints_ %% The art of a people is a true mirror to their minds. Jawaharial Nehru %% But that's what being an artist _is_ -- feeling crummy before everyone else feels crummy. The New Yorker %% Acting is not being emotional, but being able to express emotion. Kate Reid %% Art is not a handicraft, it is the transmission of feeling the artist has experienced. Leo Tolstoy %% Another unsettling element in modern art is that common symptom of immaturity, the dread of doing what has been done before. Edith Warton %% A critic is a legless man who teaches running. %% The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children. Clarence Darrow %% To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so. Orben's Current Comedy %% Copmuters are useless. They can only give you answers. Pablo Picasso %% Computers aren't intelligent, they only think they are. %% A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel. Robert Frost %% A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake, at the moment. Willis Player %% A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they're dead. Leo C. Rosten %% A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time. Alfred E. Wiggam %% It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea. Robert Anton Wilson %% A religious conservative is a fanatic about a dead radical. %% A liberal is a conservative who's been arrested. A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged. %% Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you. Woody Allen %% Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees. J.J. Furnas %% I wouldn't mind dying -- it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me. R. Geis %% Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. W. Somerset Maughm %% When the Black Camel comes for me, I'm not going to go kicking and screaming -- I am, however, going to try to talk my way out of it. "No, no, you want the other Walter Slovotsky." Walter Slovotsky, "The Warrior Lives" by Joel Rosenberg %% Once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he comes next to drinking and sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination. Thomas De Quincey %% I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again. Bart Simpson %% The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from. Andres S. Tannenbaum %% I like the word 'indolence'. It makes my laziness seem classy. Bern Williams %% Virtue is its own reward, but then so is sin! %% When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. Alexander Graham Bell %% Better murder an infant in its cradle than nurse an unacted desire William Blake %% You know, sometimes a man just can't satisfy all of a woman's desires. Which is why God invented dental floss. Susanne Kollrack %% It's not peace I want, not mere contentment. It's boundless joy and ecstasy for me. Kugell %% Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I accomplish. Michelangelo %% Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address. Lane Olinghouse %% I'm a simple man. All I want is enough sleep for two normal men, enough whiskey for three, and enough women for four. Walter Slovotsky, "The Warrior Lives" by Joel Rosenberg %% There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it. George Bernard Shaw %% I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me. George Bernard Shaw %% Help me to resist temptation, Lord, especially when I know no one is looking. %% If you haven't all the things you want, be grateful for the things you don't have that you wouldn't want %% What is my loftiest ambition? I've always wanted to throw an egg at an electric fan. %% What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel. Frank Adams %% Isn't it strange? The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously. Cincinnati Enquirer %% A billion here, a billion there, and pretty soon you're talking about real money. Everett Dirksen %% Ask five economists and you'll get five different answers (six if one went to Harvard). Edgar R. Fiedler %% The trick is to stop thinking it as `your' money. IRS auditor %% If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of it ... it would have been much better. Karl Marx's Mother %% I am not an economist. I am an honsest man! Paul McCracken %% An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. Laurence J. Peter %% When better business decisions are made, economists won't make them. H. V. Prochnow %% I'd give $1000 to be a millionaire. Lewis Timberlake %% I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. Mark Twain %% Economists are people who work with numbers but don't have the personality to be accountants. %% Learning is finding out what you already know Richard Bach %% Academy: A modern school where football is taught. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" %% Education: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" %% The whole art of teaching is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young minds for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards. Anatole France %% Genius without education is like silver in the mine. Ben Franklin %% If you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you. Robert F. Goheen %% Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. Laurence J. Peter %% A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education. George Bernard Shaw %% About all some parents accomplish in life is to send a child to Harvard. %% I have never let my schooling interfere with my educations. %% An egotist is a person of low taste--more interested in himself than in me. Ambrose Bierce %% Big egos are big shields for lots of empty space Diana Black %% Everyone wants to be Cary Grant. Even I want to be Cary Grant. Cary Grant %% Don't be so humble, you're not that great. Golda Meir %% I'd probably be famous now if I wasn't such a good waitress Jane Siberry %% When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they're not it. %% Experience is a great advantage. The problem is that when you get the experience, you're too damned old to do anything about it. Jimmy Connors %% Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. F.P. Jones %% Trouble brings experience, and experience brings wisdom. %% Experience is what you got by not having it when you need it. %% Silence is the virtue of fools. Francis Bacon %% There's no fool like an old fool -- you can't beat experience. Jacob Braude %% He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask reamins a fool forever. Old Chinese saying %% Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer. Charles Caleb Colton %% The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools. Doug Larson %% It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenius. Edsel Murphy %% There is no cause so right that one cannot find a fool following it. Niven's Law # 16 %% A man cannot be too careful in his choice of enemies. Oscar Wilde %% We really don't have enemies. It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us. %% Advice from your friends in like the weather, some of it is good, some of it is bad. %% Never speak ill of yourself; your friends will always say enough on that subject. %% More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen %% Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future. Niels Bohr %% We seem to have a compulsion these days to bury time capsules in order to give those people living in the next century or so some idea of what we are like. I have prepared one of my own. I have placed some rather large samples of dynamite, gunpowder, and nitroglycerin. My time capsule is set to go off in the year 3000. It will show them what we are really like. Alfred Hitchcock %% The trouble with out times is that the future is not what it used to be. Paul Valery %% It is the business of the future to be dangerous; and it is among the merits of science that it equips the future for its duties. Alfred North Whitehead %% Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action. Benjamin Disraeli %% He's simply got the instinct for being unhappy highly developed. H.H. Munro %% Happiness is just an illusion caused by the temporary absence of reality. %% Happiness: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another. %% A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and a courageous person afterward. Jean Paul Richter %% Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth. Will Rogers %% Slovotsky's Law Number Thirty-One: Get scared right away; avoid the rush. Walter Slovotsky, "The Warrior Lives" by Joel Rosenberg %% ...the bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding go out to meet it. Thucydides %% Heroes have an infinite capacity for stupidity. Thus are legends born! %% What is history but a fable agreed upon? Napolean Bonaparte %% If you had your life to live over again--you'd need more money. Construction Digest %% In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these. Paul Harvey %% Any event, once it has occurered, can be made to appear inevitable by a competent historian. Lee Simonson %% Indeed, history is nothing more than a tableau of crimes and misfortunes. Voltaire %% History is made at night. Character is what you are in the dark. Lord John Whorfin %% We learn from history that we do not learn anything from history. %% Living in the past has one thing in its favor - it's cheaper. %% Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. Mel Brooks %% A joke is a very serious thing. Winston Churchill %% Humor is a universal language. Joel Goodman %% Humor is our greatest natural resource. James Thurber %% Seven days without laughter makes one weak. Mort Walker %% A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. %% Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused. %% I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. Woody Allen %% Each life makes its own immitation of immortality. Stephen King %% When we are young Wandering the face of the Earth Wondering what our dreams might be worth Learning that we're only immortal -- For a limited time "Dreamline" -- Rush %% I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way. Franklin P. Adams %% Even a fool knows you can't touch the stars, but it doesn't stop a wise man from trying. Harry Anderson, "Night Court" %% The first step towards knowledge is to know that we are ignorant. Richard Cecil %% The little I know I owe to my ignorance. Sacha Guitry %% The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand. Frank Herbert %% Ignorance is a voluntary misfortune Nicholas Ling %% A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx %% It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. William G. McAdoo %% A wise man sees as much as he ought, not as much as he can. Montaigne %% Knowledge is soon changed, then lost in the mist, an echo half-heard. Gene Wolfe %% The confidence of ignorance will always overcome indecision of knowledge. %% Language is a virus from outer space. William S. Burroughs %% >From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put. Winston Churchill %% We are getting into semantics again. If we use words, there is a very grave danger they will be misinterpreted. H. R. Haldeman, testifying in his own defense. %% The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it. George Bernard Shaw %% How often misused words generate misleading thoughts. Herbert Spencer %% We dissect nature along lines laid down by our native language. Language is not simply a reporting device for experience but a defining framework for it. Benjamin Whorf %% Conversation is the slowest form of human communication. %% Friends applaud, the Comedy is over. Ludwig von Beethoven %% Goodbye, Everybody! Hart Crane, poet, who committed suicide by jumping overboard during a steamship voyage. %% What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset. Crowfoot, Blackfoot warior and orator, 1890 %% ...the fog is rising Emily Dickinson's last words %% The nourishment is palatable. Millard Fillmore %% Dieu me pardonnera. C'est son mtier. (God will forgive me. It's his job.) Heinrich Heine %% And now, in keeping with Channel 40's policy of always bringing you the latest in blood and guts, in living color, you're about to see another first -- an attempted suicide. Chris Hubbock, who shot herself during a broadcast %% Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough. Karl Marx to his housekeeper %% Drink to me. Pablo Picasso %% Why yes -- a bulletproof vest. James Rodges, murderer, on his final request before the firing squad %% I still live. Daniel Webster %% Go away...I'm alright. H. G. Wells %% Ah, well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means. Oscar Wilde %% A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. Robert Frost %% The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer. Henry Kissinger %% Any society that needs disclaimers has too many lawyers. Erik Pepke %% You are better off not knowing how sausages and laws are made. %% Council for the defence was prepared to prove: 1) He shot in self defence, 2) The police did it and stuck the gun in his hand, and 3) He was 100 miles away when it happened. %% A life without cause is a life without effect Barbarella %% If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing pole. Doug Larson %% Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. Fran Lebowitz %% Life is too serious to be taken seriously. Mike Leonard %% If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself. Mickey Mantle %% In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular. Kathy Norris %% Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. Will Rogers %% Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive? Heidi Sandige %% What is life, except excuse for death, or death but an escape from life. %% Live every day as if it were your last and then some day you'll be right. %% Like most endeavors, life is seriously over-advertised and under-funded %% "Contrariwise", continued Tweedledee, "If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." Lewis Carroll %% Only a brave person is willing to honestly admit, and fearlessly to face, what a sincere and logical mind discovers. Rodan of Alexandria %% The decision doesn't have to be logical, it was unanimous. %% To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. Woody Allen %% Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great. Comte DeBussy-Rabutin %% Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. Albert Einstein %% Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality Victor Frankel %% A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished. Zsa Zsa Gabor %% Love is a hole in the heart. Ben Hecht %% Love is like pi -- natural, irrational, and VERY important. Lisa Hoffman %% Love is only the dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species. W. Somerset Maugham, "A Writer's Notebook" 1949 %% Many a young lady does not realize just how strong her love for a young man is until he fails to pass the approval test with her parents. %% A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. Joey Adams %% Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. Joey Adams %% It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time. Honor de Balzac, "The Physiology of Marriage" 1829 %% Marriage must incessantly contend with a monster that devours everything: familiarity. Honor de Balzac, "The Physiology of Marriage" 1829 %% Marriage is the result of the longing for the deep, deep peace of the double bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise longue. Mrs. Patrick Campbell %% My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we ahd to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked. Winston Churchill %% Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. F. M. Knowles %% By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. Charles Wadsworth %% Never try to guess your wife's size. Just buy her anything marked `petite' and hold on to the receipt. %% There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst. %% Marriage is like the army. Everybody complains, but you'd be surprised at how many re-enlist. %% There is one thing more exasperating than a spouse who can cook and won't, and that's a spouse who can't cook and will. %% My notion of a wife at forty is that a man should be able to change her, like a bank note, for two twenties. %% Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater. Albert Einstein %% Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different. Goethe %% Mathematics, rightly viewed, posses not only truth, but supreme beauty -- a beauty cold and austere, like that of sculpture. Bertrand Russell %% Perhaps the purpose of categorical algebra is to show that which is trivial, is trivially trivial. %% This makes sense. This over here, this does not make sense. That's why I called it algebra. %% Trying to solve differential equations is a yourful aberration that you will soon grow out of. %% Nature abhors secord order differential equations. %% 95% of this game is half mental. Yogi Berra %% It is no longer my moral duty as a human being to achieve an integrated and unitary set of explanations for my thoughts and feelings. Bronwyn Davies %% There are only two truly infinite things, the universe and stupidity. And I am unsure about the universe. Albert Einstein %% Intellectual brilliance is no guarentee against being dead wrong. David Fasold %% George was a great dunce, but no matter for that: all men do not thrive in the world according to their learning. Henry Fielding %% Man has made use of his intelligence, he invented stupidity. Remy De Gourmant %% Genius not only diagnoses the situation but supplies the answers. Robert Graves %% The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract. Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. %% Like most intellectuals, he is imensely stupid. Marquise de Merteuil %% The intelligent man is one who has successfully fulfilled many accomplishments, and is yet willing to learn more. Ed Parker %% Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week. George Bernard Shaw %% The mind has exactly the same power as the hands: not merely to grasp the world, but to change it. Colin Wilson %% The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. %% The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office. %% There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the real labor of thinking. %% If we increase the size of the penguin until it is the same height as a man and then compare the relative brain size, we know find that the penguin's brain is still smaller. But, and this is the point, it is larger than it WAS! %% When a stupid person is doing something it is ashamed of, it always declares that it is his job. %% Miscellaneous is always the largest category. Walter Slovotsky, "The Warrior Lives" by Joel Rosenberg %% I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. Woody Allen %% The duration of passion is proportionate with the original resistance of the woman. Honor de Balzac, "The Physiology of Marriage" 1829 %% A good many dramatic situations begin with screaming. Barbarella %% ...once can imagine the government's problem. This is all pretty magical stuff to them. If I were trying to terminate the operations of a witch coven, I'd probably seize everything in sight. How would I tell the ordinary household brooms from the getaway vehicles? John Perry Barlow %% You can observe a lot by just watching. Yogi Berra %% A kiss is a rosy dot over the 'i' of loving. Cyrano de Bergerac %% Belladonna: In Italian, a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" %% Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" %% Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" %% To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. Ashleigh Brilliant %% I'll play with it first and tell you what it is later. Miles Davis %% Get your cut throat off my knife Diane Diprima, "Nightmare Gallery" %% As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppresiion. It is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air--however slight- -lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness. W. O. Douglas %% The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. Albert Einstein %% A signature always reveals a man's character--and sometimes even his name. Evan Esar %% Only those who attempt the absurd...will achieve the impossible. I think ...I think it's in my basement...Let me go upstairs and check. Escher %% The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking. J. K. Galbraith %% A kiss: the anatomical juxtaposition of 2 orbicularis oris muslces in a state of contraction. Dr. Henry Gibbons %% Lif is too short Bart Gold %% The truly proud man knows neither superiors or inferiors. The first he does not admit of -- the last he does not concern himself about. William Hazlitt %% A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity. Robert Heinlein %% There is nothing quite so good as burial at sea. It is simple, tidy, and not very incriminating. Alfred Hitchcock %% The paperback is very interesting, but I find it will never replace the hardcover book--it makes a very poor doorstop. Alfred Hitchcock %% I find that the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving; To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it--but we must sail, and not drift, nor lie at anchor. Oliver Wendell Holmes %% Hypocrisy is the lubricant of society. David Hull %% A lady came up to me on the street and pointed to my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too." Jake Johanson %% Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted. Martin Luther King, Jr. %% Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I ever said it. T. Lehrer %% Nearly all men can stand adveristy, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. Abraham Lincoln %% It takes less time to do a thing right than explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow %% Every once in a while a film comes along. This is such a film. Mad Magazine %% When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands. H. L. Mencken %% Morality is the herd-instinct in the individual. Nietzsche %% He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. Nietzsche %% Believe me! The secret of reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment from life is to live dangerously! Nietzsche %% Nirvana or lasting enlightenment or true spiritual growth can be acheinved only through persistent exercise of real love. M. Scott Peck, M.D. %% Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. Laurence J. Peter %% It is always preferable to visit home with a friend. Your parents will not be pleased with this plan, because they want you all to themselves and because in the presence of your friend, they will have to act like mature human beings... Playboy, January 1983 %% A woman is like a tea bag--you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. Nancy Reagan %% Plato had slaves...George Washington had slaves...So, do I feel intrinsically better than these two men? Of course I do! They're dead! Todd Andrew Reid %% We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones. L. Rochefoucauld %% Yea, though I walk through the valley of death I will fear no evil, for I am the meanest son of a bitch in the valley. Karl Cullinane "The Silver Crown" by Joel Rosenberg %% There just isn't any pleasing some people. The trick is to stop trying. Walter Slovotsky, "The Warrior Lives" by Joel Rosenberg %% If you are going to do something wrong at least enjoy it. Leo Rosten %% Skepticism, like chastity, should not be relinquished too readily. George Santayana %% Self-sacrifice enables us to sacrifice other people without blushing George Bernard Shaw %% Finally, in conclusion, let me say just this. Peter Sellers %% A kiss: To a young girl, faith; to a married woman, hope; to an old maid, charity. V.P. Skipper %% All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. Casey Stengel %% We are in such a slump that even the ones that aren't drinkin' aren't hittin'. Casey Stengel %% When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear. Mark Twain %% Since the mind is specific biocomputer it needs specific instruction and directions. The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don't define them, learn about them, or even seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them. Denis Waitley %% A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal. Oscar Wilde %% In any closet, you can find it, if it is too small, or out of style, or there is just one of it where there should be two. %% People can travel faster than sound, yes, but not nearly so fast as rumor! %% ...If I seem to give a damn, please tell me. I would hate to be giving the wrong impression. %% Fate tried to conceal him by naming him Smith. %% In place of infinity we usually put some really big number, like 15. Anonymous Computer Science professor %% The most difficult part of attaining perfection is finding something to do for an encore. %% A guy has to get fresh once in a while so the girl doesn't lose her confidence. %% If you want to commit suicide you can use my razor; it's electric, but you can hang yourself with the cord. %% ...an eternity with Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death shall be a picnic compared to five minutes with me...and this pencil. %% Never send a monster to do the work of an evil genius. %% All the sex and twice the violence... HARSH realm. %% I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading one, so I woke up from sheer boredom. %% Eat a live frog, every morning, and nothing worse will happen to you all day. %% In the first movement alone, I took note of six pregnancies and at least four miscarriages. Sir Thomas Beecham -- on Bruckner's 7th symphony %% A musicologist is a man who can read music but can't hear it. Sir Thomas Beecham %% I see music as the augmentation of a split second of time. Erin Cleary %% These are bagpipes. I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made sound never equalled the purity of the sound achieved by the pig. Alfred Hitchcock %% Wagner has lovely moments but awful quarters of an hour. Gioacchino Rossini %% What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error. Raymond Aron, "The Opium of the Intellectuals" 1957 %% Optimism: The doctrine that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. ... It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious. Ambrose Bierce %% I don't believe in pessimism. If something doesn't come up the way you want, forge ahead. If you think it's going to rain, it will. Clint Eastwood %% The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it is true. Robert Oppenheimer %% A pessimist is someone who has had to listen to too many optimists %% The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments. William H. Borah %% I would like to electrocute everyone who uses the word 'fair' in connection with income tax policies. William F. Buckley %% Diplomacy --- the art of saying "Nice doggie" 'til you can find a stick. Wynn Catlin %% It has been said that democracy is the worst form of givernment except all the others that have been tried. Winston Churchill %% Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. John Kenneth Galbraith %% We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex--but Congress can. Cullen Hightower %% Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too. Richard M. Nixon %% If Communism goes, I've still got the U.S. House of Representatives. Robert Novak %% No poor bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making other bastards die for their country. George Smith Patton %% Democracy is a process by which people are free to choose the man who will get the blame. Laurence J. Peter %% I think it's about time we voted for senators with breasts. After all, we've been voting for boobs long enough. Clarie Sargent, Arizona senatorial candidate %% Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management. Senator Soaper %% Our elections are free--it's in the results where eventually we pay. Bill Stern %% A leader in the Democratic Party is a boss, in the Republican Party he is a leader. Harry Truman %% No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session. Judge Gideon J. Tucker %% It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress. Mark Twain %% Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half. Gore Vidal %% Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a congressperson can. %% A radical is a person with both feet firmly planted in the air. %% This last Presidential election was something like the sex life of many people. They had to settle for what they could get. %% There is a certain inevitability to a couple of things. Death and taxes come to mind. However, death doesn't get worse every time the legislators come together. %% Republicans employ exterminators. Democrats step on bugs. %% Don't vote, it only encourages them. %% When I'm working on a problem, I never think about beauty. I think only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong. Richard Buckminster Fuller %% For every problem, there is one solution which is simple, neat and wrong. H. L. Mencken %% The best way to escape from a problem is to solve it. Alan Saporta %% Procrastination is the thief of time. John Dos Pasos %% The sooner I fall behind, the more time I have to catch up. %% Nothing is really work unless you'd rather be doing something else. %% To *you* I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. Woody Allen %% I am an agnostic; I do not pretend to know what many ignorant men are sure of. Clarence Darrow %% I want to know all Gods thoughts...all the rest are just details. Albert Einstein %% I could prove God statistically. George Gallup %% Who says I am not under the special protection of God? Adolf Hitler %% The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad. Nietzsche %% If a person wants to be atheistic it's his God-given right to be an atheist Michael Patton %% I believe in god, I just don't like him. %% Religions revolve madly around sexual questions. %% There was never a genius without a tincture of madness. Aristotle %% It's good to know that if I behave strangely enough, society will take full responsibility for me. Ashleigh Brilliant %% You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond resonable doubt. Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict %% I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me. Hunter S. Thompson %% When the lay public rallies round to an idea that is denounced by distinguished by elderly scientists and supports the idea with great fervour and emotion, the distinguished but elderly scientests are then, after all, right. Isaac Asimov %% Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization. Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" %% The important thing in science is not so much to obtain new facts as to discover new ways of thinking about them. Sir William Bragg %% If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the physical world. One mihgt as well attempt to grasp the game of poker entirely by the use of the mathematics of probability. Vannevar Bush %% As soon as questions of will or decision or reason or choice of action arise, human science is at a loss. Noam Chomsky %% It has been a bitter moritification for me to digest the conclusion that the 'race is for the strong' and that I shall probably do little more but be content to admire the strides others made in science. Charles Darwin %% The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another. J. Frank Dobie, "A Texan in England" 1945 %% Science is nothing but trained and organized common sense, differing from the later only as a veteran may differ from a raw recruit: and its methods differ from those of common sense only as far as the guardsman's cut and thrust differ from the manner in which a savage wields his club. Thomas Henry Huxley %% The great tragedy of Science -- the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact. Thomas Henry Huxley %% Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life. Immanuel Kant %% There are no such things as applied sciences, only applications of science. Louis Pasteur %% Science is the refusal to believe on the basis of hope. Carrie P. Snow %% Evolution...is--a change from an indefinite homogeneity, to a definite coherent heterogeneity. Herbert Spencer %% Science is organized knowledge. Herbert Spencer %% Discovery consits in seeing what everone else has seen and thinking what no one else has thought. Albert Szent-Gyorgi %% Try to be the best of what you are, even if what you are is no good. Ashleigh Brilliant %% Once conform, once do what others do because they do it, and a kind of lethargy steals over all the finer senses of the soul. Montaigne %% Do, or do not. There is no try. Yoda %% Don't knock masturbation -- it's sex with someone I love. Woody Allen %% Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. Woody Allen %% I don't mind where people make love, so long as they don't do it in the street and frighten the horses. Mrs. Patrick Campbell %% I know nothing about sex because I was always married. Zsa Zsa Gabor %% Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. . . the other eight are unimportant. Herny Miller %% A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you. Francoise Sagan %% Slovotsky's Law number Twenty-Three: Trouble with you Jewish girls is that your desire to DO is in inverse proportion to your willingness to TALK about it. Walter Slovotsky, "The Sleeping Dragon" by Joel Rosenberg %% If you are ever in an S&M relationship, make damn sure you are the S. Someone's mother to them %% There is no remedy for sex but more sex. %% Sex is like snow... You never know how many inches you're going to get or how long it will last. %% What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick. %% Love is a matter of chemistry, but Sex is a matter of physics. %% The thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble is sex. %% Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good. %% Just because a dress is red satin doesn't mean it will come off easily. %% I expect Woman will be the last thing civilized by Man. George Meredith %% I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it. Marilyn Monroe %% If a woman seeks education it is probably because her sexaul apparatus is malfunctioning. Nietzsche %% If you go to see the woman, do not forget the whip. Nietzsche %% Women's virtue is man's greatest invention. Cornelia Otis Skinner %% If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman. Margaret Thatcher %% Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination. Calvin, "Calvin and Hobbes" by Bill Watterson %% For most of history, Anonymous was a woman. Virginia Woolf %% I gather, young man, that you wish to be a Member of Parliament. The first lesson that you must learn is, when I call for statistics about the rate of infant mortality, what I want is proof that fewer babies died when I was Prime Minister than when anyone else was Prime Minister. That is a political statistic. Winston Churchill %% If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will. Paul Harvey News, 1979 %% Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital. Aaron Levenstein %% 50% of this country's schoolchildren have IQ's below average. Under our education policy, we can turn that around! New Zealand National Pary candidate's campaign statement %% 49% of all statistics . . . are wrong. Statistics Canada 1985 %% Numbers are like people; torture them enough and they'll tell you anything. %% 50% of the high school graduates in this country graduated in the bottom half of their class. %% 50% of the citizens of this country have a below average understanding of statistics. %% 49% of the U.S. population belongs to some minority group. %% 82.8% of all statistics are made up on the spot. %% My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure. Ashleigh Brilliant %% If you wish to be a sucess in the world, promise everything, deliver nothing. Napoleon %% It's not enough to succeed. Others must fail. Gore Vidal %% Crash programs fail because they are based on theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month. Wernher von Braun %% There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want Calvin, "Calvin and Hobbes" by Bill Watterson %% Truth sits upon the lips of dying men. Matthew Arnold %% Defending the truth is not something one does out of a sense of duty or to allay guilt complexes, but is a reward in itself. Peter Bechmann %% Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. Winston Churchill %% It is always good policy to tell the truth unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar. Jerome K. Jerome %% Fiction is the truth inside the lie. Stephen King %% It is a puzzling thing. The truth knocks on the door and you say, 'Go away, I'm looking for the truth.' and so it goes away. Puzzling. Robert M. Pirsig %% I never give them hell. I just tell the truth and they think it's hell. Harry Truman %% Honesty is the best policy; but he who is governed by that maxim is not an honest man. Richard Whately, Archbishop of Dublin %% Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a person of some sense to know how to lie well. %% Liar: One who tells an unpleasant truth. %% There is a theory that state: "If anyone finds out what the universe is for it will disappear and be replaced by something more bizzarly inexplicable." There is another theory that states: "This has already happened..." Douglas Adams, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" %% It has always seemed to me extreme presumptuousness on the part of those who want to make human ability the measure of what nature can and knows how to do, since, when one comes down to it, there is not one effect in nature, no matter how small, that even the most speculative minds can fully understand. Galileo Galilei %% It is my supposition that the Universe in not only queerer than we imagine, is queerer than we CAN imagine. J.B.S. Haldane %% My goal is simple. It is complete understanding of the universe, why it as it is and why it exists as all. Stephen Hawking %% The universe is not hostile, nor yet is it unfriendly. It is simply indifferent. Rev. John H. Holmes %% The chess board is the world, the pieces are the phenomena of the universe, the rules of the game are what we call the laws of Nature. The player on the other side is hidden from us. We know that his play is always fair, just and patient. But we also know, to our cost, that he never overlooks a mistake, or makes the smallest allowance for ignorance. Thomas Henry Huxley %% The farther it gets from the bench it was worked on, the more real the real world becomes. Todd Johnson %% You don't fuck around with the infinite Mean Streets %% For after all what is man in nature? A nothing in relation to infinity, all in relation to nothing, a central point between nothing and all and infinitely far from understanding either. The ends of things and their beginnings are impregnably concealed from him in an impenetrable secret. He is equally incapable of seeing the nothingness out of which he was drawn and the infinite in which he is engulfed. Blaise Pascal %% Reality is good for you...in small doses. %% Aischbedellazouchecastleabbe -title of song (Ash forest by the bridge next to the Castle Abbe) %% Artiformologicalintactitudinarianisminist -one who studies 4-5 letter latin prefixes and suffixes %% Humuhumunukunukuapua'a -the state fish of Hawaii (Reef Trigger Fish) %% Kardivilliwarrakurrakurrieapparlandoo -name of a lake in Northern Australia %% Regnant populi. (The people rule.) Pregnant ropuli. (The snake will soon lay eggs.) %% The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any. Russell Baker %% The reserve of modern assertions is sometimes pushed to extremes, in which the fear of being contradicted leads the writer to strip himself of almost all sense and meaning. Winston S. Churchill %% Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. Christopher Hampton %% Trouble rather the tiger in his lair than the sage amongst his books; for to you kingdoms and their armies are things mighty and enduring, but to him they are but toys of the moment, to be overturned by the flicking of a finger. GORDON DICKSON, "THE TACTICS OF MISTAKE" %% Any technology sufficiently advanced is indistinguishable from magic. CLARKE'S THIRD LAW %% There ain't no sense worrying about what you can control, because if you can control it, there ain't no sense worrying about it, and there ain't no sense worrying about what you can't control, because if you can't control it, there ain't no sense worrying about it. MICKEY RIVERS %% We have met the enemy, and they is us. POGO (WALT KELLY) %% If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane. JIMMY BUFFET %% I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. JOHN LENNON %% A little patience goes a long way. %% Too much patience goes nowhere. ANONYMOUS %% It is better to laugh about your problems than to cry about them. OLD JEWISH PROVERB %% It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him. J.R.R. TOLKIEN %% A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you'll look forward to the trip. ANONYMOUS %% Behold the turtle, he makes progress only when his neck is out. DR. JAMES B. CONANT, HARVARD UNIV. PRESIDENT %% Don't claim that you know everything- besides not being true, it's very irritating to those of us who do. ANONYMOUS %% We are too busy mopping the floor to turn off the faucet. ANONYMOUS %% I've got to start acting more sensible--TOMORROW! SNOOPY (CHARLES SCHULTZ) %% There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over. MESKIMEN'S LAW %% I'm sick and tired of this machine, I wish that they would sell it. It never does just what I want, But only what I tell it. ANONYMOUS %% Before I started working here I drank, smoked, and used foul language for no reason at all. But thanks to this job, I now have a reason. ANONYMOUS %% Practice does not make perfect; perfect practice makes perfect. VINCE LOMBARDI %% Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy. ANONYMOUS %% Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both no and yes. J.R.R. TOLKIEN %% Alas, "should" is not "would". ANONYMOUS %% The best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to log off or run the program. ANONYMOUS %% Scientists study the world as it is, engineers create the world that never has been. THEODORE VON KARMAN %% Chance favors only the prepared mind. LOUIS PASTEUR %% Everybody is ignorant, only in different subjects. WILL ROGERS %% To think is to differ. CLARENCE DARROW %% An inventor is simply a fellow who doesn't take his education too seriously. CHARLES F. KETTERING %% Common sense is not so common. VOLTAIRE %% Reason can answer questions, but imagination has to ask them. ANONYMOUS %% You can observe a lot just by watching. YOGI BERRA %% I am a great believer in luck. The harder I work, the more of it I seem to have. COLEMAN COX %% Some things have to be believed to be seen. RALPH HODGSON %% There are no foolish questions, and no man has become a fool until he stops asking questions. CHARLES P. STEINMETZ %% Seek simplicity, and distrust it. ALFRED NORTH WHITEHEAD %% Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things that escape those who dream only at night. EDGAR ALLAN POE %% It is better to wear out than to rust out. BISHOP RICHARD CUMBERLAND %% There are two kinds of failures: the man who will do nothing he is told, and the man who will do nothing else. PERLE THOMPSON %% Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you. SATCHEL PAIGE %% A scientist can discover a new star, but he cannot make one. He would have to ask an engineer to do it for him. GORDON L. GLEGG %% A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices. EDWARD R. MURROW %% An engineer is an unordinary person who can do for one dollar what any ordinary person can do for two dollars. ANONYMOUS %% Use logic to decide between alternatives, not to initiate them. ANONYMOUS %% Statistics are no substitute for judgement. HENRY CLAY %% Short words are best and the old words when short are best of all. SIR WINSTON CHURCHILL %% He who will not reason, is a bigot; He who cannot, is a fool; And he who dares not, is a slave. WILLIAM DRUMMOND %% Money is a stupid measurement of achievement but unfortunately it is the only universal measurement we have. CHARLES P. STEINMETZ %% I think that I shall never see A billboard lovely as a tree. Indeed, unless the billboard falls, I'll never see a tree at all. OGDEN NASH %% The man who graduates today and stops learning tomorrow is uneducated the day after. NEWTON D. BAKER %% Education is what you have left over after you have forgotten everything you have learned. ANONYMOUS %% A child is highly creative until he starts to school. STANLEY CZURLES %% The test of tolerance comes when we are in a majority; The test of courage comes when we are in a minority. RALPH W. STOCKMAN %% .......but the breadboard worked ANONYMOUS CUSTOMER %% .......but your salesman said........... ANONYMOUS CUSTOMER %% O sibili si ergo Fortibusis in ero Nobili demis trux Sevatis enim Cousendux ANONYMOUS %% Although a wise man might urge that one suffer fools gladly, this should not be construed as a license for any fool to demand that one do so. FREDRICK WILLIAM KANTOR %% Knowledge is the only instrument of production that is not subject to diminishing returns. J.M. CLARKE %% When you lose your power to laugh, you lose your power to think straight. JEROME LAWRENCE & ROBERT E. LEE %% The savage bows down to idols of wood and stone: the civilized man to idols of flesh and blood. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW %% Common sense is that layer of prejudices which we acquire before we are sixteen. ALBERT EINSTEIN %% Science is nothing but developed perception, interpreted intent, common sense rounded out and minutely articulated. GEORGE SANTAYANA %% If we do not permit the earth to produce beauty and joy, it will not produce food either. JOSEPH WOOD KRUTCH %% Order and creativity are complimentary. LEWIS MUMFORD %% No doubt equality of goods is just; but, being unable to cause might to obey justice, men have made it just to obey might. Unable to strengthen justice, they have justified might; so that the just and the strong might unite, and there would be peace, which is the sovereign good. PASCAL %% Nothing is more terrible than activity without insight. THOMAS CARLYLE %% The feeble minded are people who know the truth, but only affirm it as consistent with their own interests. Apart from that, they denounce it. PASCAL %% There is no one cause more mysterious than another, if we look into it. LEIGH HUNT %% A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. SAMUEL BUTLER %% The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed. ALBERT EINSTEIN %% The great political tugs of the past 35 years have concerned the distribution of the golden eggs. In the 1980's and 1990's we must focus on the health of the goose. PAUL TSONGAS %% Morality is simply the attitude we adopt to people we personally dislike. OSCAR WILDE %% How wonderful that we have met with a paradox. Now we have some hope of making progress. NIELS BOHR %% Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up. G.K. CHESTERTON %% He who knows nothing, loves nothing. He who can do nothing understands nothing. He who understands nothing is worthless. PARACELSUS %% There are two ways to slide easily through life; to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking. ALFRED KORZYBSKI %% Cream rises to the top. So does fat. KELVIN THROOP III %% Yes quaint and curious war is, You shoot a fellow down; You'd treat if met where any bar is Or help to half a crown. ? %% Here lies a toppled god; His fall was not a small one. We did but build his pedestal-- A narrow and a tall one. TLEILAXU EPIGRAM FRANK HERBERT, "DUNE MESSIAH" %% What does it avail a man to gain a fortune and lose his soul? JIMMY MESSINA, from the Bible %% Sometimes work comes from inspiration, but more often inspiration comes from work. ANONYMOUS %% Everyone must believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink. W.C. FIELDS %% But let your communications be Yea,yea; nay,nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil. MATTHEW 5:37 %% The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps. BENJAMIN DISRAELI %% Parties who want milk should not seat themselves on a stool in the middle of a field in hope that the cow will back up to them. ELBERT HUBBARD %% We shape our buildings, and forever afterwards our buildings shape us. WINSTON CHURCHILL %% The world is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human poverty... JOHN F. KENNEDY %% All good things which exist are the fruits of originality. JOHN STUART MILL %% Greater than the tread of mighty armies is the idea whose time has come. VICTOR HUGO %% Creativity is the art of taking a fresh look at old knowledge. ANONYMOUS %% Important ideas are those that lie within the allowable scope of nature's laws. ANONYMOUS %% Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE %% Observation, not age, brings wisdom. ANONYMOUS %% The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled. PLUTARCH %% The probability is that tomorrow will not be an extrapolation of today. ERNEST C. ARBUCKLE %% You may not, cannot, appropriate beauty. It is the wealth of the eye, and a cat may gaze upon the king. THEODORE PARKER %% Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving words in evidence of the fact. GEORGE ELLIOT %% A little experience often upsets a lot of theory. CADMAN %% Money never starts an idea; it is the idea that starts the money. W.J. CAMERON %% The highest use of capital is not to make more money, but to make money do more for the betterment of life. HENRY FORD %% If an army of monkeys were strumming on typewriters, they MIGHT write all the books in the British museum. SIR ARTHUR EDDINGTON %% The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others. DOUG LARSON %% If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. ABRAHAM MASLOW %% Every adult needs a child to teach; it's the way adults learn. FRANK A. CLARK %% The hours that make us happy make us wise. JOHN MASEFIELD %% Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions. A.A. LATIMER %% Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face. VICTOR HUGO %% The man who insists on seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. HENRI FREDRIC AMIEL %% By appreciation, we make excellence in others our own property. VOLTAIRE %% One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making new discoveries. A. A. MILNE %% It is not doing the thing we like to do, but liking the thing we have to do, that makes life blessed. GOETHE %% When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not. MARK TWAIN %% School is a building that has four walls- with tomorrow inside. LON WATTERS %% I believe that genius is an infinite capacity for taking life by the scruff of the neck. CHRISTOPHER QUILL %% In the long run the pessimist may be right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip. DANIEL L. REARDON %% The art of teaching is the art of assisting discovery. MARK VAN DOREN %% It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. WODDY ALLEN %% In matters of principal, stand like a rock, in matters of taste, swim with the current. THOMAS JEFFERSON %% If you wish to make a man your enemy, tell him simply, "You are wrong." This method works every time. HENRY C. LINK %% Success is a journey, not a destination. BEN SWEETLAND %% In the pursuit of happiness, the difficulty lies in knowing when you have caught up. R.H. GRENVILLE %% The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. HERBERT SPENCER %% 'Tis the mark of an instructed mind to rest assured with that degree of precision that the nature of the subject admits, and not to seek exactness when only an approximation of the truth is possible. ARISTOTLE %% Thousands of engineers can design bridges.....,but the great engineer is the man who can tell whether the bridge.....should be built at all. EUGENE C. GRACE %% We fear things in proportion to our ignorance of them. TITUS LIVIUS %% It's amazing what ordinary people can do if they set out without preconceived notions. CHARLES F. KETTERING %% Habit is a cable; we weave a thread of it each day, and at last we cannot break it. HORACE MANN %% Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I can accomplish. MICHELANGELO %% Daring ideas are like chessmen moved forward; they may be beaten, but they may start a winning game. GOETHE %% If you want to kill an idea, assign it to a committee for study. ANONYMOUS %% Nature never deceives us; it is always we who deceive ourselves. JEAN JAQUES ROUSEAU %% The engineer's first problem in any design situation is to discover what the problem really is. ANONYMOUS %% We can have facts without thinking but we cannot have thinking without facts. JOHN DEWEY %% Watch your step when you immediately know the one way to do anything. Nine times out of ten, there are several better ways. W. B. GIVENS, JR. %% Whatever one man is capable of conceiving, other men will be able to achieve. JULES VERNE %% Originality is just a fresh pair of eyes. W. WILSON %% Mathematics is the queen of the sciences. CARL FRIEDRICH GAUSS %% Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness. JAMES THURBER %% There is one rule for the industrialist and that is: Make the best quality of goods possible at the lowest cost possible, paying the highest wages possible. HENRY FORD %% In modern business it is not the crook who is to be feared most, it is the honest man who doesn't know what he is doing. OWEN D. YOUNG %% It is a socialist idea that making profits is a vice. I consider the real vice is making losses. WINSTON CHURCHILL %% Aluminum was once a precious metal. JULES VERNE %% One of the cheapest ways to design something is not to design it at all. GORDON L. GLEGG %% The world is divided into people who do things as they are, and those who do things as they ought to be. STOWE %% Be wary of the man who urges an action in which he himself incurs no risk. JOAQUIN de SETANTI %% The difficulty in life is the choice. GEORGE MOORE %% It's got to be the goin', Not the gettin' there that's good. HARRY CHAPIN %% A physicist is just an atom's way of looking at itself. NIELS BOHR %% Better is the enemy of good enough. ANONYMOUS %% The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come again. ANONYMOUS %% Hope: Mistaking desire for probability. ANONYMOUS %% Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths being in and out of favor. ROBERT FROST, "THE BLACK COTTAGE" %% For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision. KELVIN THROOP III %% I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving; To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it--but we must sail, and not drift, nor lie at anchor. OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES %% Witchcraft always has a hard time, until it becomes respectable and changes its name. CHARLES FORT %% Indifference is isolation. In difference is texture and wonder. EDWIN SCHLOSSBERG %% The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend. HENRI BERGSON %% If the lesser mind could measure the greater as a footrule can measure a pyramid, there would be finality in universal suffrage. As it is, the political problem remains unsolved. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW %% Change is one thing, progress is another. "Change" is scientific, "progress" is ethical; change is indubitable, whereas progress is a matter of controversy. BERTRAND RUSSEL, "UNPOPULAR ESSAYS" %% Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought. HENRI BERGSON %% There is no such thing as a functional illiterate. KELVIN THROOP %% Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere. G.K. CHESTERTON %% The real world is not user-friendly. KELVIN THROOP %% Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. OSCAR WILDE %% Life must be lived forward, but can only be understood backward. KIERKEGAARD %% It's what you learn after you think you know it all that counts. EARL WEAVER %% The aim of education is the wise use of leisure. ARISTOTLE %% Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat. THEODORE ROOSEVELT %% Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW %% To stimulate creativity, one must develop the childlike inclination for play and the childlike desire for recognition. ALBERT EINSTEIN %% In matters of belief, he who is absolutely sure he is right is almost certainly dead wrong. KELVIN THROOP %% More persons on the whole are humbugged by believing nothing than by believing too much. PHINEAS T. BARNUM %% The Earth is the cradle of human civilization, but one cannot live in the cradle forever. KONSTANTIN TSIOLKOVSKII %% Until now, I had never realized what beauty water adds to a river. MARK TWAIN, ON ALBUQUIRQUE %% Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious convictions. PASCAL %% Blaming "society" makes it awfully easy for a person of weak character to shrug off his own responsibility for his actions. STANLEY SCHMIDT %% Ultimately what's most lasting are those intimate moments that are so fleeting. Those magical, mystical moments where a man leaves himself and becomes one with another person. There is no witness except the person you shared it with-- a woman, a child, another man. I think if you stacked all those tender moments head to head, if you get out of life with 27 minutes like that, you're probably way ahead. LEE MARVIN %% Success is what people settle for when they can't think of anything noble enough to be worth failing at. LAURENCE SHAMES %% All women grow up to be like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No men do. That is theirs. OSCAR WILDE %% The only difference between the fool and the criminal who attacks a system is that the fool attacks more unpredictably and on a broader front. GUMMIGES LAWS OF COMPUTING %% For every complex problem, there is a solution that's simple, straightforward -- and wrong. H.L. MENCKEN %% It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. GRACE HOPPER %% If it's never finished, you can't prove it doesn't work. JEFF BROWN, ARGOSYSTEMS %% Never leave an enemy behind or it will rise again to fly at your throat. SHAKA ZULU %% I hold that man is in the right who is most closely in league with the future. HEINRIK IBSEN %% There is a tide in the affairs of men which taken at the flood leads on to fortune. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE %% When the doors of perception are cleansed, man will see things as they truly are, infinite. WILLIAM BLAKE %% Cogito ergo sum. DESCARTE %% When you're up to your ass in alligators, it's hard to remember that your objective was to drain the swamp. ANONYMOUS %% Nature has given man one tongue and two ears, that we may hear twice as much as we speak. EPICTETUS %% Fanaticism consists in redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim. GEORGE SANTAYANA %% It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it. JOSEPH JOUBERT %% There are three types of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics. BENJAMIN DISRAELI %% As you believe, so it is for you. RICHARD BACH %% No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session. JUDGE GIDEON J. TUCKER %% I can resist anything, except temptation. OSCAR WILDE %% Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence... AMBROSE BIERCE, "THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY" %% Companies should spend money keeping ahead of the competition, not suing it. JON TITUS %% Diplomacy -- the art of saying "Nice doggy" until you can find a stick. WYNN CATLIN %% It is amusing that a virtue is made of the vice of chastity; and it's a pretty odd sort of chastity at that, which leads men straight into the sin of Onan, and girls to the waning of their colour. VOLTAIRE %% Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY %% Enough research will tend to support your theory. MURPHY'S LAW OF RESEARCH %% POLITICIAN: From the Greek 'poly' ("many") and the French 'tete' ("head" or "face," as in 'tete-a-tete': head to head or face to face). Hence 'polytetien', a person of two or more faces. MARTIN PITT %% The sky is the daily bread of the eyes. RALPH WALDO EMERSON %% Iron rusts from disuse; water loses its purity from stagnation and in cold weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigors of the mind. LEONARDO DA VINCI %% Disciplined thinking focuses inspiration rather than constricts it. ANONYMOUS %% In nature's infinite book of secrecy A little I can read. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE %% Beauty, like supreme dominion, Is but supported by opinion. BENJAMIN FRANKLIN, POOR RICHARD'S ALMANAC, 1741 %% Only fools and dead men don't change their minds. Fools won't. Dead men can't. JOHN H. PATTERSON %% Great is the art of beginning, but greater the art of ending... HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW %% Men are more apt to be mistaken in their generalizations than in their particular observations. MACHIAVELLI %% Everyone complains of his memory, but no one complains of his judgement. DUC DE LA ROCHEFOUCAULD %% The justification of private profit is private risk. FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT %% Many times an economical design with a predictable life is superior to an expensive design with an indefinite life... GORDON L. GLEGG %% The laws of probability, so true in general, so fallacious in particular. EDWARD GIBBON %% Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third. BIERCE %% Justice: A decision in your favor. ANONYMOUS %% It is bad luck to be superstitious. ANDREW W. MATHIS %% He who knows only his own side of the case, knows little of that. JOHN STUART MILL %% Genius might be described as a supreme capacity for getting it's possessors into trouble of all kinds. SAMUEL BUTLER %% Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions. CULLEN HIGHTOWER %% What is more mortifying than to feel that you have missed the plum for want of courage to shake the tree? LOGAN PEARSALL SMITH %% A stepping-stone can be a stumbling block if we can't see it until after we have tripped over it. CULLEN HIGHTOWER %% No object is mysterious. The mystery is in your eye. ELIZABETH BOWEN %% Beware of the man of one book. ST. THOMAS AQUINAS %% We changed with the times, so we can't blame the children for just joining the times without even having to change. WILL ROGERS %% He who beats his sword into a plowshare usually ends up plowing for those who kept their swords. ANONYMOUS %% I have never found, in a long experience of politics, that criticism is ever inhibited by ignorance. HAROLD MACMILLAN %% Most people want security in this world, not liberty. H.L. MENCKEN %% A failure is not always a mistake; it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying. B.F. SKINNER %% The endeavor to understand is the first and only basis of virtue. BARUCH SPINOZA %% Science is always simple and always profound. It is only the half-truths that are dangerous. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW %% We keep, in science, getting a more and more sophisticated view of our essential ignorance. WARREN WEAVER %% To accomplish great things, we must not only act but also dream, not only plan but also believe. ANATOLE FRANCE %% We sometimes get all the information, but we refuse to get the message. CULLEN HIGHTOWER %% Modern science has imposed on humanity the necessity for wandering. ALFRED NORTH WHITEHEAD %% Science has made gods of us before we were even worthy of being men. JEAN ROSTAND %% If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one. JOHN GALSWORTHY %% You can't depend on your judgement when your imagination is out of focus. MARK TWAIN %% Sometimes I think we're alone. Sometimes I think we're not. In either case, the thought is quite staggering. R. BUCKMINSTER FULLER %% Though many have tried, no one has ever yet explained away the decisive fact that science, which can do so much, cannot decide what it ought to do. JOSEPH WOOD KRUCH %% Let your soul stand cool and composed before a million universes. WALT WHITMAN %% Space is to place what eternity is to time. JOSEPH JOUBERT %% The simplest schoolboy is now familiar with truths for which Archimedes would have sacrificed his life. ERNEST RENAN %% Language is a city to the building of which every human being brought a stone. MARK TWAIN %% If you chose to dance with a bear, don't stop when you get tired. OLD RUSSIAN PROVERB %% Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny--Did you ever try buying then without money? OGDEN NASH %% If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of the problem. DUCHARM'S AXIOM %% I'm too tired to distinguish truth from reality. KEN HERRITY %% A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. MARK TWAIN %% Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out if it alive. ANONYMOUS %% It's not the size of the dog in the fight that counts, but rather the size of the fight in the dog. DWIGHT EISENHOWER %% Every successful person has had failures but repeated failure is no guarantee of eventual success. ANONYMOUS %% Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. AMBROSE BIERCE %% Pro is to con as progress is to Congress. ANONYMOUS %% 'n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same time as 'n' tasks. GRAY'S LAW OF PROGRAMMING %% 'n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as 'n' trivial tasks. LOGG'S REBUTTAL TO GRAY'S LAW %% Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone. PARKER'S LAW %% You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof. NAESER'S LAW %% People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it. OGDEN NASH %% Ninety percent of everything is crud. STURGEON'S LAW %% Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies. RULE OF DEFACTUALIZATION %% The advancement of the arts, from year to year, taxes our credulity and seems to presage the arrival of that period when human improvement must end. HENRY ELSWORTH, US PATENT OFFICE, 1844 %% Don't be afraid to ask dumb questions. They're a lot easier to deal with than dumb mistakes. ANONYMOUS %% A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur coat. ANONYMOUS %% If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success in common hours. HENRY DAVID THOREAU %% Every engineer should be as simple as possible, but not simpler. RONAN CULLEN %% The pessimist complains about the wind; The optimist expects it to change; The realist adjusts the sails. WILLIAM ARTHUR WARD %% A faith-holder puts himself below his faith and lets it guide his actions. The fanatic puts himself above it and uses it as an excuse for his actions. GORDON DICKSON, "CHANTRY GUILD" %% It's not whether you win or loose, it's how you lay the blame. ANONYMOUS %% 1) When in charge, ponder. 2) When in trouble, delegate. 3) When in doubt, mumble. BOREN'S LAWS %% 1. Never be first. 2. Never be last. 3. Never volunteer for anything. LACKLAND'S LAWS %% Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on. WINSTON CHURCHILL %% Sales: Mistaking desire for profitability. SIMON FAVRE %% Because it's there! GEORGE MOWRY, ON WHY HE CLIMBED MOUNTAINS %% All lies and jest, still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest. PAUL SIMON %% There comes a time in every man's life at lease once, and I've had plenty of them. CASEY STENGLE %% Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. F.P. JONES %% There is a theory that states: "If anyone finds out what the universe is for it will disappear and be replaced by something more bizaarly inexplicable." %% There is another theory that states: "This has already happened...." DOUGLAS ADAMS, "THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY" %% Bureaucracy is the art of making the possible impossible. JAVIER PASCUAL SALCEDO %% Critic: A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him. BIERCE %% If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled and none dare criticize it. ANONYMOUS %% I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life. ANONYMOUS %% The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the amount of work already completed. VAIL'S SECOND AXIOM %% Everything put together falls apart sooner or later. SIMON'S LAW %% If you take something apart, odds are you cannot get it back together again. SIMON'S COROLLARY %% After exhausting all other possibilities, Americans can be counted upon to do what is right. WINSTON CHURCHILL %% We are in business to make money. Our problem is that the Japanese make money to be in business. GASCOYNE %% Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition. BROOKE'S SECOND LAW %% Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups. WETHERN'S LAW %% The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from. ANDREW S. TANENBAUM %% There were but little work left for preaching, if law and compulsion should grow so fast upon those things which hithertofore were governed only by exhortation. JOHN MILTON %% The reason God was able to create the world in six days is that He didn't have to worry about the installed base. ANONYMOUS %% Hacker, oh Hacker, Where goest thy code? Far, far away, Flushed down the commode! FAVRE %% The problem with trying to keep everything a secret is that eventually you will succeed. JEN-HSUN HUANG %% Investment in security continues only until someone insists on getting some real work done. ANONYMOUS %% Science and technology are just tools. What they do FOR you is entirely dependant on what you do WITH them. STANELY SCHMIDT %% I must decline your invitation owing to a subsequent engagement. OSCAR WILDE %% Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it. EMERSONS' LAW OF CONTRARINESS %% Work expands to fill the time available. PARKINSON'S LAW %% The older I get, the better I used to be. ANONYMOUS (SEEN ON COFFEE MUG) %% Miss, n.: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. AMBROSE BIERCE, "THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY" %% I'd better get off the phone now, I've already told you more than I heard myself. LORETTA LOCKHORN %% You'll always find a tool in the last place you look. COROLLARY TO MURPHY'S LAW %% If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have two of them. COROLLARY TO MURPHY'S LAW %% A carelessly planned homebuilding project takes three times longer than expected to complete, a carefully planned one takes only twice as long. COROLLARY TO MURPHY'S LAW %% When the need arises, the tool or object closest to you becomes a hammer. COROLLARY TO MURPHY'S LAW %% The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change. COROLLARY TO MURPHY'S LAW %% The first place to look for a dropped part is the last place you expect to find it. COROLLARY TO MURPHY'S LAW %% A horizontal surface will soon be piled up. COROLLARY TO MURPHY'S LAW %% If you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly. COROLLARY TO MURPHY'S LAW %% There are two kinds of tape: The one that won't stay on, and the one that won't come off. COROLLARY TO MURPHY'S LAW %% There are some things that are impossible to do, but it is impossible to know what they are. COROLLARY TO MURPHY'S LAW %% No two identical parts are alike. COROLLARY TO MURPHY'S LAW %% You can fool some of the people all of the time, and You can fool all of the people some of the time, but You can't fool mom. ANONYMOUS BUMPER STICKER %% You can pick your friends, And you can pick your nose, But you can't pick your friends' nose. ANONYMOUS %% We need to listen twice as much as we need to talk. That is why we have 2 ears and 1 mouth. ANONYMOUS %% Reputations are made by searching for things that can't be done and doing them. FRANK TYGER %% To teach is to learn twice. JOSEPH JOUBERT %% The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat. JOHN MCNULTY %% Your conscience never stops you from doing anything. It just stops you from enjoying it. ANONYMOUS %% The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. ANONYMOUS %% In a hierarchy, each person rises to the level of his own incompetence. THE PETER PRINCIPLE %% Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage; Those who manage what they do not understand. PUTT'S LAW %% Culture is the arts elevated to a set of beliefs. TOM WOLFE %% Don't confuse the water with the pump. TOM WOLFE %% Something there is that doesn't love a wall. ROBERT FROST, "MENDING WALL" %% The difference between intelligence and education is this: Intelligence will make you a good living. CHARLES F. KETTERING %% There are two kinds of statistics: The kind you look up and the kind you make up. REX STOUT %% I want to suggest to you today, that unless we have a tolerant attitude toward mistakes - I might almost say "a positive attitude toward them" - we shall be behaving irrationally, unscientifically, and unsuccessfully. Now, of course, if you now say to me, "Look here, you weird Limey, are you seriously advocating relaunching the Edsel?" I will reply, "No." There are mistakes - and mistakes. There are true, copper-bottom mistakes like spelling the word "rabbit" with three Ms; wearing a black bra under a white shirt; or, to take a more masculine example, starting a land war in Asia. These are the kind of mistakes described by Mr. David Letterman as Brushes With Stupidity, because they have no reasonable chance of success. JOHN CLEESE %% Faith, n: That quality which enables us to believe what we know to be untrue. BIERCE %% To ask permission is to seek denial. SCOTT MC NEALY %% All things are to be examined and called into question. There are no limits set on thought. ANONYMOUS %% There's nothing new under the sun, but there are lots of old things we don't know. BIERCE %% It isn't what people think that's important, but the reason they think what they think. EUGENE IONESCO %% Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. MARK TWAIN %% So naturalists observe, a flea hath smaller fleas that on him prey; And these have smaller still to bite 'em; and so proceed ad infinitum. JONATHAN SWIFT %% I've never met a human being who would want to read 17,000 pages of documen- tation, and if there was, I'd kill him to get him out of the gene pool. JOSEPH COSTELLO, PRESIDENT OF CADENCE %% The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders. P.J. O'ROURKE %% In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office. AMBROSE BIERCE, "THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY" %% My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it. ABRAHAM LINCOLN %% Anyone can make a fortune. It takes a genius to hold onto one. JAY GOULD %% Work and play are words to describe the same thing under different conditions. MARK TWAIN %% If you want to know what a man is really like, take notice how he acts when he looses money. NEW ENGLAND PROVERB %% Men of power have no time to read, yet the men who do not read are unfit for power. MICHAEL FOOT %% The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. ROBERT FROST %% On the other hand, you have different fingers. STEPHEN WRIGHT %% Unemployment has gone from quantitative to qualitative. ALVIN TOFFLER %% Human capital has replaced dollar capital. MICHAEL MILKEN %% We were nearly one of the last to realize that in the age of information science the most expensive asset is knowledge. MIKHAIL GORBACHEV %% You cannot push anyone up the ladder unless he is willing to climb himself. ANDREW CARNEGIE %% There exist limitless opportunities in every industry. Where there is an open mind, there will always be a frontier. CHARLES F. KETTERING %% Necessity is the mother of taking chances. MARK TWAIN %% Happiness is the result of discovering that you do not have to have what you want. JAMES FLEIBLEMAN %% Football combines two of the worst things about American life. It is violence punctuated by committee meetings. GEORGE WILL %% In time of war, the first casualty is truth. HODDING CARTER %% Faith is an island in the setting sun But proof, yes proof is the bottom line for everyone. PAUL SIMON %% The field cannot be seen from within the field. RALPH WALDO EMERSON %% Vision is the art of seeing things invisible. JONATHAN SWIFT %% Humankind cannot stand very much reality. T.S. ELLIOT %% Desk-top publishing: A system of software and hardware enabling users to create documents with a cornucopia of typefaces and graphics and the intellectual content of a Formica slab. STEPHEN MANES %% In peace, children bury their fathers. In war, fathers bury their children. HERODOTUS %% Europe was created by history. America was created by philosophy. MARGARET THATCHER %% Getting laid off is better than not getting laid at all. BRETT ISHAM %% Sports serve society by providing vivid examples of excellence. GEORGE WILL %% I couldn't wait for success, so I went ahead without it. JONATHAN WINTERS %% George Orwell, in his vision of 1984, got it backward. We do not have to fear Big Brother watching us on TV. In times like these, we have to fear the effects of our watching Big Brother. MORTIMER B. ZUCKERMAN %% I was married once, to a beautiful woman. She drove me to drink. That is the one thing I am indebted to her for. W. C. FIELDS %% The will to perfection is absolutely the cause of so much evil. ROBERT CONQUEST %% Dogs are trained. People are educated. KEITH RILEY %% Channeling is just bad ventriloquism. You use another voice, but people can see your lips moving. PENN JILLETTE %% A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works....A complex system designed from scratch never works and cannot be patched up to make it work. You have to start over, beginning with a working simple system. GRADY BOOCH--OBJECT ORIENTED DESIGN %% A question well-asked is half answered. ANONYMOUS %% To explain the unknown by the known is a logical procedure; to explain the known by the unknown is a form of theological lunacy. DAVID BROOKS %% I can't stand intolerant people. TORE ADOLFSON %% You simply MUST stop taking advice from other people. MELISSA TIMBERMAN %% To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it. G.K. CHESTERTON %% Some tortures are physical and some are mental, but the one that's both is dental. OGDEN NASH %% Hydrogen, n.: A light, colorless, odorless gas that, given enough time, turns into people. ANONYMOUS %% Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening all at once. ANONYMOUS %% It's easier to listen than it is to think. ANDY ROONEY, ON THE POPULARITY OF TELEVISION %% On one side you have book burners, Congressional wives and Pat Robertson. On the other side, you have vulgar comedians, foul-mouthed rap groups and Dennis Hopper--all your choices should be so easy. SANDRA BERNHARD %% God is a verb. BUCKMINSTER FULLER %% The stone age was marked by man's clever use of crude tools; the information age, to date, has been marked by man's crude use of clever tools. ANONYMOUS %% Money is like muck, not good unless it be spread. FRANCIS BACON, "OF SEDITION AND TROUBLES" %% Nature cannot be commanded except by being obeyed. FRANCIS BACON, "PLAN OF THE WORKS" %% Scripture does not explain things by their secondary causes, but only narrates them in the order and style which has most power to move men, and especially uneducated men, to devotions.... Its object is not to convince the reason, but to attract and lay hold of the imagination. SPINOZA %% Love of bustle is not industry. SENECA %% Minds are conquered not by arms but by greatness of soul. SPINOZA %% Democracy becomes a government of bullies tempered by editors. RALPH WALDO EMERSON %% Among mankind money is far more persuasive than logical argument. EURIPEDES %% The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities. SOPHOCLES. %% All we know about the new economic world tells us that nations which train engineers will privail over those which train lawyers. No nation has ever sued its way to greatness. RICHARD LAMM %% Contrasting this modest effort [of Seymour Cray in his laboratory to build the CDC 6600] with 34 people including the janitor with our vast development activities, I fail to understand why we have lost our industry leadership position by letting someone else offer the world's most powerful computer. THOMAS J. WATSON, IBM PRESIDENT, 1965 %% It seems Mr. Watson has answered his own question. SEYMOUR CRAY %% Ignorance of the law is no defense, and since they'll never tell you what the law is, you're defenseless. Every business must pay protection money to lawyers. NICHOLAS VON HOFFMAN %% Most people would die sooner than think - in fact they do so. BERTRAND RUSSELL %% The glory of great men should always be measured by the means they have used to acquire it. LA ROCHEFOUCAULD %% Ability will never catch up with the demand for it. MALCOM FORBES %% Adding engineers to a late project makes it later. BROOKE'S FIRST LAW %% Morality is not properly the doctorine how we may make ourselves happy, but how we may make ourselves worthy of happiness. KANT %% Critics of utopia unite. You have nothing to lose but illusions. E.J. DIONNE %% A society that will trade a little liberty for a little order will lose both, and deserve neither. THOMAS JEFFERSON %% They that can give up an essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. BENJAMIN FRANKLIN %% We were all guilty in letting the regime function. VACLAV HAVEL %% When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision. LORD FALKLAND'S RULE %% Useless laws weaken the necessary laws. MONTESQUIEU %% Science can get along with talent, but art requires genius. WILL DURANT %% The world is a comedy for those who think but a tragedy for those who feel. HORACE WALPOLE %% These days an income is something you can't live without--or within. ZIGGY (TOM WILSON) %% Knowledge of the lowest kind is un-unified knowledge; science is partially-unified knowledge; philosophy is completely-unified knowledge. HERBERT W. SPENCER %% The eyes have one language everywhere. GEORGE HERBERT %% Remember that when you hear a horse, it might be a zebra. ANONYMOUS %% Two rights don't make a wrong, but three will get you back on the freeway. JAMES WESLEY JACKSON %% Everything has changed except our way of thinking. ALBERT EINSTEIN %% I used to really adore women, but now I've decided they really aren't much nicer than men. NORMAN MAILER %% The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. MARK TWAIN %% Pessimism is only the name that men of weak nerve give to wisdom. MARK TWAIN %% Love each other like brothers and sisters, and have a real good time. BILL GRAHAM %% The plan is nothing. The planning is everything. ANONYMOUS %% Anything scarce is valuable: praise, for example! ANONYMOUS %% It's better to burn out than to fade away. NEIL YOUNG %% There are women and women, and some hold you tight While some leave you counting the stars in the night. BERNIE TAUPIN %% Everything starts as somebody's daydream. LARRY NIVEN %% The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said. PETER F. DRUCKER %% The arm of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice. MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. %% Mondays are the potholes in the road of life. TOM WILSON %% Change starts when someone sees the next step. WILLIAM DRAYTON %% The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. DOUG LARSON %% I take a simple view of life: keep your eyes open and get on with it. LAURENCE OLIVIER %% The best way to pay for a lovely moment is to enjoy it. RICHARD BACH %% Sometimes the fool who rushes in gets the job done. AL BERNSTEIN %% A warm smile is the universal language of kindness. WILLIAM ARTHUR WARD %% What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of living high. DOUG LARSON %% Spring appears, and we are once more children. ANONYMOUS %% In the race for quality, there is no finish line. DAVID T. KEARNS %% Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them. LADY BIRD JOHNSON %% Money is a good servant but a bad master. FRENCH PROVERB %% This summer one third of the nation will be ill-housed, ill-nourished, and ill-clad. Only they call it a vacation. JOSEPH SALAK %% The impersonal hand of government can never replace the helping hand of a neighbor. HUBERT H. HUMPHREY %% Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. BILL COSBY %% A leading authority is anyone who has guessed right more than once. FRANK A. CLARK %% A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both. DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER %% There ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them. MARK TWAIN %% Make no judgements where you have no compassion. ANNE MC CAFFREY %% Once you get people laughing, they're listening and you can tell them almost anything. HERB GARDNER %% Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most do. DALE CARNEGIE %% It takes a long time to grow on an old friend. JOHN LEONARD %% Trust in God - but tie your camel tight. PERSIAN PROVERB %% If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it. JONATHAN WINTERS %% Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen. JOHN STEINBECK %% You can't act like a skunk without someone's getting wind of it. LORENE WORKMAN %% Until you make peace with what you are, you'll never be content with what you have. DORIS MORTMAN %% You don't have to suffer to be a poet. Adolescence is enough suffering for anyone. JOHN CIARDI %% Time has a wonderful way of weeding out the trivial. RICHARD BEN SAPIR %% Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response. MILDRED BARTHEL %% You never know when you're making a memory. RICKIE LEE JONES %% We find comfort among those who agree with us-- growth among those who don't. FRANK A. CLARK %% One man practicing sportsmanship is far better than 50 preaching it. KNUTE ROCKNE %% Cherishing children is the mark of a civilized society. JOAN GANZ COONEY %% Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone. JIM FIEBIG %% Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by the traffic from both sides. MARGARET THATCHER %% Other things may change, but we start and end with family. ANTHONY BRANDT %% Just remember, when you're over the hill, you begin to pick up speed. CHARLES SCHULZ %% Christmas is the day that holds time together. ALEXANDER SMITH %% Discoveries are often made by not following instructions, by going off the main road, by trying the untried. FRANK TYGER %% Character is what you are in the dark. DWIGHT MOODY, "SERMONS" %% A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. P.J. O'ROURKE %% I have learned to use the word "impossible" with the greatest caution. WERNER VON BRAUN %% Nothing can keep an argument going like two persons who aren't sure what they're arguing about. O.A. BATTISTA %% Each man can interpret another's experience only by his own. THOREAU %% In marriage, being the right person is as important as finding the right person. W.D. GOUGH %% There is no pillow as soft as a clear conscience. FRENCH PROVERB %% Don't worry about opposition. Remember, a kite rises against the wind, not with it. HAMILTON WRIGHT MABIE %% The essence of genius is to know what to overlook. WILLIAM JAMES %% Nothing is worth more than this day. GOETHE %% Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing in the tempting place. BENJAMIN FRANKLIN %% So convenient a thing it is to be a reasonable creature, since it enables one to find or make a reason for everything one has a mind to do. BENJAMIN FRANKLIN %% Luck is when opportunity meets preparation. ANONYMOUS %% What he labels sexual, she labels harassment. ELLEN GOODMAN %% Ninety percent of the game is half mental. YOGI BERRA %% It is seldom that any liberty is lost all at once. DAVID HUME %% Computer models can't prove correctness, they can only prove incorrectness. ANONYMOUS %% There is more to life than increasing its speed. MOHANDAS K. GANDHI %% Government investigations have always contributed more to our amusement than they have to our knowledge. WILL ROGERS %% Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home. BILL COSBY %% Wisdom is that quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it. DOUG LARSON %% Optimism is an intellectual choice DIANA SCHNEIDER %% You can build a throne with bayonets, but you can't sit on it for long. BORIS YELTSIN %% Organic life, we are told, has developed gradually from the protozoon to the philosopher; and this development, we are assured, is indubitably an advance. Unfortunately, it is the philosopher, not the protozoon, who gives us this assurance. BERTRAND RUSSEL %% I do not believe in the creed professed by the Jewish church, or the Roman church, by the Greek church, by the Turkish church, by the Protestant church, nor by any church that I know of. My own mind is my own church. THOMAS PAINE %% We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty. EDWARD R. MURROW %% Making fun of born-again christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope. P.J. O'ROURKE %% If the obstacles of bigotry and priestcraft can be surmounted, we may hope that common sense will suffice to do everything else. THOMAS JEFFERSON %% Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight. MARK TWAIN %% The motto ("In God We Trust") stated a lie. If this nation ever trusted in God, that time has gone by; for nearly half a century its entire trust has been in the Republican Party and the dollar - mainly the dollar. MARK TWAIN %% They all laughed at Albert Einstein. They all laughed at Columbus. Unfortunately, they also all laughed at Bozo the Clown. WILLIAM H. JEFFERYS %% High expectations are the key to everything. SAM WALTON %% One of the most dangerous forms of human error is forgetting what one is trying to achieve. PAUL NITZE %% When in doubt, duck. MALCOM FORBES %% There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot. STEPHEN WRIGHT %% What we must decide is how we are valuable rather than how valuable we are. EDGAR Z. FRIEDENBERG %% No nation was ever drunk when wine was cheap. THOMAS JEFFERSON %% Either God exists or He doesn't. Either I believe in God or I don't. Of the four possibilities, only one is to my disadvantage. To avoid that possibility, I believe in god. PASCAL %% If God made us in His image we have certianly returned the compliment. VOLTAIRE %% Happy is the person who can laugh at himself for he will never cease to be amused. ANONYMOUS %% A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs - jolted by every pebble in the road. HENRY BEECHER %% Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. VICTOR BORGE %% Humor is such a great gift - why leave it to chance? JOEL GOODMAN %% You can be happy or you can be miserable - the choice is yours. ANONYMOUS %% It is as useless to argue with those that have renounced the use and authority of reason as to administer medication to the dead. THOMAS PAINE. %% Those who are not shocked by quantum theory do not understand it. NEILS BOHR %% I don't like it (Quantum Mech.), and I'm sorry I had anything to do with it. ERWIN SCHROEDINGER %% I have repeatedly said that in my opinion the idea of a personal God is a childlike one, but I do not share the crusading spirit of the professional atheist whose fervor is mostly due to a painful act of liberation from the fetters of religious indoctrination received in youth. I prefer an attitude of humility corresponding to the weakness of our intellectual understanding of nature and of our own being. ALBERT EINSTEIN %% Upon careful examination, Nostradamus will be found to have predicted EVERY significant event. However, the prediction itself cannot be understood, or even recognized, until after the event has occurred. ROBERT SHEAFFER, PAST CHAIRMAN, THE BAY AREA SKEPTICS %% Inspect every piece of pseudoscience and you will find a security blanket, a thumb to suck, a skirt to hold. What have we to offer in exchange? Uncertainty! Insecurity! ISAAC ASIMOV %% Science does not promise absolute truth, nor does it consider that such a thing necessarily exists. Science does not even promise that everything in the Universe is amenable to the scientific process. ISAAC ASIMOV %% True greatness consists in the use of a powerful understanding to enlighten oneself and others. VOLTAIRE %% All generalizations are dangerous, even this one. ALEXANDRE DUMAS %% If the liberties of the American people are every destroyed, they will fall by the hands of the Clergy. GENERAL MARQUIS DE LAFAYETTE, 1789 %% The fires of righteous indignation may yield a pleasant feeling of warmth, but they don't get the food cooked. ROBERT MATHIESEN %% There are two infinite things: The Universe and Human Stupidity. But the former is not certain. EINSTEIN'S CALCULUS %% Stupidity is much the same all the world over. JOHN STUART MILL %% Every generation thinks it has the answers, and every generation is humbled by nature. PHILIP LUBIN %% Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies. GRAUCHO MARX %% Critics quarrel with other critics. With an artist, no sane man quarrels. GEORGE SANTAYANA %% When you come to a fork in the road, take it. YOGI BERRA %% Mystical explanations are considered deep. The truth is that they are not even superficial. FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE %% When the gods wish to punish us they answer our prayers. OSCAR WILDE %% Every age and generation must be as free to act for itself, in all cases, as the ages and generations which preceeded it. THOMAS PAINE %% Let us permit nature to have her way; she understands her business better than we do. MONTAIGNE %% The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true. JAMES BRANCH CABELL %% Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything. JOHN KENNETH GALBRAITH %% Conservative (n.) - A statesman who is enamoured of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others. AMBROCE BIERCE %% The value of the average conversation could be enormously improved by the constant use of four simple words: "I do not know." ANDRE MAUROIS %% Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards. ANONYMOUS %% We do not remember days; we remember moments. CAESARE PAVESE, "THE BURNING BRAND" %% Perfectionism is the enemy of creation, as extreme self-solicitude is the enemy of well-being. JOHN UPDIKE %% Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will. JAMES STEPHENS %% I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. EDITH SITWELL %% Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age. AMBROSE BIERCE %% Statistics are like bikinis: what they show is important, but what they hide is vital. ANONYMOUS %% It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious. OSCAR WILDE %% It is very easy to forgive others their mistakes. It takes more gut and gumption to forgive them for having witnessed your own. JESSAMYN WEST %% When two elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers. EAST AFRICAN PROVERB %% A little philosophy inclineth man's mind to atheism, but depth in philosophy bringeth men's minds about to religion. FRANCIS BACON %% What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say. RALPH WALSO EMERSON %% We have too many high-sounding words, and too few actions that correspond with them. ABIGAIL ADAMS %% The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit. MAUGHAM %% Crash programs fail because they are based on the premise that, with nine women pregnant, you'll get a baby in a month. WERNER VON BRAUN %% It is because the people are civilized, that they are with safety armed. JOEL BARLOW %% The tree of liberty must be watered periodically with the blood of tyrants and patriots alike. It is its natural manure. THOMAS JEFFERSON %% Swallow your pride occasionally, it's not fattening. FRANK TYGER %% A friend is one before whom I may think aloud. RALPH WALDO EMERSON %% A hero is no braver than anyone else; he is only brave five minutes longer. RALPH WALDO EMERSON %% If only God would give me a clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. WOODY ALLEN %% Life is like riding a bicycle. You don't fall off unless you stop pedaling. CLAUDE PEPPER %% Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy. HENRY KISSINGER %% All animals except man know that the ultimate of life is to enjoy it. SAMUEL BUTLER %% Poetry begins in delight and ends in wisdom. ROBERT FROST %% Childhood: The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth -- two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age. AMBROSE BIERCE, "THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY" %% An executive is a person who always decides; sometimes he decides correctly, but he always decides. JOHN H. PATTERSON %% Every absurdity has a champion to defend it. ANONYMOUS %% What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expected generally happens. BENJAMIN DISRAELI %% If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW %% I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear. WOODY ALLEN %% By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually hasa a son who thinks he's wrong. CHARLES WADSWORTH %% Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. AMBROSE BIERCE, "THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY" %% Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories. ARTHUR C. CLARKE %% The folly of mistaking a paradox for a discovery, a metaphor for a proof, a torrent of verbiage for a spring of capital truths, and oneself for an oracle, is inborn in us. PAUL VALE'RY, 1895 %% Three may keep a secret, if two are dead. BENJAMIN FRANKLIN %% Man tends to root for the underdog, because he fears that he will find himself in that same position far too often. MICHAEL S. ROSENBERG %% No one ever listened himself out of a job. CALVIN COOLIDGE %% Few people are successful unless a lot of other people want them to be. CHARLES BROWER %% A halo has to fall only a few inches to become a noose. FARMERS ALMANAC %% To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful. BESS MYERSON %% The road uphill and the road downhill are one and the same. HERACLITUS %% Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom. HANNAH ARENDT %% Many a man's tounge broke his nose. SEUMAS MACMANUS %% It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to. BILL CLINTON %% Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence JOHN ADAMS %% Icky icky icky icky fKANG zoop-boing n zowzyin... THE KNIGHTS WHO SO RECENTLY SAID "NEE!" %% For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. 2 TIMOTHY 4:3-4 %% Revenge is a dish which people of taste serve cold. SICILIAN (OR KLINGON) PROVERB %% Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. RALPH WALDO EMERSON %% I wanted to change the world. But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself. ALDOUS HUXLEY %% Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise. SIGMUND FREUD %% I know but one freedom, and that is the freedom of the mind. ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPERY %% Men do not desire to be rich, but to be richer than other men. JOHN STUART MILL %% Love cures people--both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it. KARL MENNINGER %% It matters if you don't just give up. STEPHEN HAWKING %% I am convinced that every boy, in his heart, would rather steal second base than an automobile TOM C. CLARK %% No one goes there anymore -- it's too crowded. YOGI BERRA %% The best proof of love is trust. DR. JOYCE BROTHERS %% You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play. WARREN BEATTY %% The whisper of a pretty girl can be heard further than the roar of a lion. ARAB PROVERB %% In waking a tiger, use a long stick. MAO TSE-TUNG %% Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. OSCAR WILDE %% The trouble with our age is it's all signposts and no destination. LOIUS KRONENBERGER %% Sooner or later, you've heard about all that your best friends have to say. Then comes the tolerance of real love. NED ROREM %% We shall always keep a spare corner in our heads to give passing hospitality to our friends' opinions. JOSEPH JOUBERT %% The man who believes he can do it is probably right. HELVETIUS %% A word to the wise is unnecessary. LA ROUCHEFOUCAULD %% A lie has speed, but truth has endurance. EDGAR J. MOHN %% The first day of spring is one thing, and the first spring day is another. The difference between them is sometimes as great as a month. HENRY VAN DYKE %% Fable is more historical than fact, because fact tells us about one man and fable tells us about a million men. G.K. CHESTERTON %% There is nothing in the world like a persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus and upset the convictions and debauch the emotions of an audience not practiced in the tricks and illusions of oratory. MARK TWAIN %% Politicians say they're beefing up our economy. Most don't know beef from pork. HAROLD LOWMAN %% It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves. EDMUND HILLARY %% Those who agree with us may not be right, but we admire their astuteness. CULLEN HIGHTOWER %% In the long run, men only hit what they aim at. HENRY DAVID THOREAU %% We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. EDUARDO GALEANO %% The man who does not read good books is at no advantage over the man that can't read them. MARK TWAIN %% This is patently absurd; but whoever wishes to become a philosopher must learn not to be frightened by absurdities. BERTRAND RUSSELL %% When men lack a sense of awe, there will be disaster. LAO TSE, TAO TE CHING: 72 %% When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. MAE WEST %% Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others. ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON %% I have tried too in my time to be a philosopher; but I don't know how, cheerfulness was always breaking in. OLIVER EDWARDS %% If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. MARCUS AURELIUS %% Patience is bitter but its fruit is sweet. FRENCH PROVERB %% The proverb warns that "You should not bite the hand that feeds you." But maybe you should if it prevents you from feeding yourself. THOMAS SZASZ %% Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on. SAMUEL BUTLER %% Entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem. (Entities must not be multiplied beyond necessity.) OCCAM'S RAZOR %% If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't. LYALL WATSON %% The mountain remains unmoved at seeming defeat by the mist. RABINDRANATH TAGORE %% In the part of this universe that we know there is great injustice, and often the good suffer, and often the wicked prosper, and one hardly knows which of those is the more annoying. BERTRAND RUSSELL %% You always pass failure on your way to success. MICKEY ROONEY %% America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damn well please. P.J. O'ROURKE %% Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before. ART BUCHWALD %% The only way to have a friend is to be one. RALPH WALDO EMERSON %% Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit ther WILL ROGERS %% How should one deal with a man who is convinced that he is acting according to God's will, and who therefore believes that he is doing you a favour by stabbing you in the back? VOLTAIRE %% The good life, as I conceive it, is a happy life. I do not mean that if you are good you will be happy - I mean that if you are happy you will be good. BERTRAND RUSSEL %% Unfalsifiable propositions are not amenable to any method at all. If there were, then religions would be able to find a way to resolve internal conflicts over differing versions of their unfalsifiables without resorting to schism, excommunication, torture, or jihad. In science, however, there are no permanent schisms, because there is a recognized final court of appeal, namely the universe itself. ANONYMOUS %% The greatest pleasure I know is to do a good action by stealth, and have it found out by accident. CHARLES LAMB %% One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ALBERT SCHWEITZER %% Creative minds have always been known to survive any kind of bad training. ANNA FREUD %% Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret. HENRY WARD BEECHER %% Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. AMBROSE BIERCE: THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY %% Chivilization is a method of living, an attitude of equal respect for all men. JANE ADDAMS %% Every guilty person is his own hangman. SENECA %% A man's silence is wonderful to listen to. THOMAS HARDY %% If a man has done his best, what else is there? GEORGE PATTON %% "Assuming that the left wing or the right wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles." -- Pat Paulsen %% "We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special." -- Stephen W. Hawking, Der Spiegel, 1989 %% "We're all nothing but unified arrangements of atoms and particles, drifting around, enjoying consciousness every now and then for a second or so before splitting up to become bits and pieces of trees and stars and french fries." -- Alan Dean Foster, character Rail in _Glory Lane_, 1987 %% "You may think you're smart, Pierce, but you're STUPID! But, you've met your match in ME!" -- Col. Flagg %% "Good tea. Nice house." -- Worf %% "To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target." -- Ashleigh Brilliant %% Elwood: "It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, It's dark and we're wearing sunglasses." Jake: "Hit it!" -- _The Blues Brothers_ %% "Time is just nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once." %% "If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?" %% "Do it today, tomorrow it will be illegal." %% "In the topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, it's often useful to have a nice, solid piece of wood in your hands." -- Ian Faith, _Spinal Tap_ %% Monty Python: "In accordance with our principles of free enterprise and healthy competition, I'm going to ask you two to fight to the death for it." %% "Consequences, shmonsequences! So long as I'm rich!" -- Daffy Duck %% "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." -- T. E. Lawrence _The Seven Pillars of Wisdom_ %% "It's said that 'power corrupts', but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power. When they do act, they think of it as service, which has limits. The tyrant, though, seeks mastery, for which he is insatiable, implacable." -- David Brin, _The Postman_ %% "Go! And never darken my towels again!" -- Groucho Marx, "Duck Soup". %% "There are three side effects of acid. Enchanced long term memory, decreased short term memory, and I forget the third." -- Timothy Leary %% "Bacchus: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk." %% Winston Churchill: "I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." %% James Thurber: "I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere." %% Johnny Hart's comic strip "B.C.": "If man evolved from the ape, how come there are still apes around? Some of them were given choices." %% "Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." -- _Calvin and Hobbes_ %% "My life needs a rewind/erase button." -- _Calvin and Hobbes_ %% "There is no limit to the amount of good that people can accomplish, if they don't care who gets the credit." -- Anonymous %% "A pig ate his fill of acorns under an oak tree and then started to root around the tree. A crow remarked, `You should not do this. If you lay bare the roots, the tree will wither and die.' `Let it die,' said the pig. `Who cares so long as there are acorns?'" -- Anonymous %% "You oughtn't yield to temptation." "Well, somebody must, or the thing becomes absurd!" --- Anthony Hope %% "Money is the root of all evil, and yet it is such a useful root that we cannot get on without it any more than we can without potatoes." -- Louisa May Alcott %% My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating. -- Ashleigh Brilliant %% "Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet." -- Dave Barry %% If you wish to know Why there are disasters Of Armies and Weapons in the world Listen to the piteous cries From the slaughterhouse at midnight -- Old Chinese Saying %% "If you understand, things are as they are. If you do not understand, things are as they are." -- Gensha, Zen Master %% "But as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed....The evidence...is still unimpeachable. The judges' decisions...were sound in logic and in law. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value." -- Ambrose Bierce %% Majority: That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law. %% "The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws." -- Tacitus, 56-120 A.D. %% "When I grow up, I want to be an honest lawyer so things like that can't happen." -- Richard Nixon as a boy (on the Teapot Dome scandal) %% "There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence." -- Jeremy S. Anderson %% "The only difference between a madman and myself is that I am not mad" -- S. Dali %% "Anyone who attempts to generate random numbers by deterministic means is, of course, living in a state of sin." -- John von Neumann %% "Statistics in the hands of an engineer are like a lamppost to a drunk--they're used more for support than illumination." -- Bill Sangster, Dean of Engineering, Georgia Tech %% "The best way to destroy your enemy is to make him your friend." -- Lincoln %% "The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it." %% The Peter Principle: People are promoted until they reach their level of incompetence. %% "The strongest man in the world is he who stands alone." --Ibsen %% "The universe is not indifferent to intelligence, it is actively hostile to it." %% "Necessity is the excuse for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of the tyrant and the creed of the slave" - William Pitt, 1763 %% "The two most abundant things in the universe are Hydrogren and stupidity." -- Harlan Ellison %% "Your species has the most amazing capacity for self-deception, matched only by its ingenuity in destroying itself." -- The 7th Doctor Who %% Thomas Edison is alleged to have remarked about his laboratory, "There ain't no rules around here. We're trying to accomplish something." %% Subject: longest turnaround time in the world "Rumor has it that when they closed down the 7094 at MIT in 1973, they found a low-priority job that had been submitted in 1967 and had not yet been run." %% Lie, n: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one known to date. %% "Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time." -- E. B. White %% "The good christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell" --St. Augustine %% "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from Magic." -- Arthur C. Clarke %% The Meta-Turing Test: I'll call something intelligent when it attempts to construct objects and apply Turing tests to them. -- Lew Mammel, Jr. %% "It's impossible to make something foolproof because fools are so ingenious." %% "All men are poets at heart" -- Ralph Waldo Emerson "All poets are mad" --Robert Burton %% "If we applied government standards for determining the amount of salt in food to the question of how much matter there is in the universe, we would conclude that the universe is matter-free." -- Kolak & Martin, _Wisdom without Answers_ %% "The number of UNIX machines has grown to 10 with more expected." -- The UNIX manual, *1972* %% "The Way of the sage is to act but not to compete." -- Lao Tzu %% "If one is master of one thing and understands one thing well, one has at the same time, insight into and understanding of many things." -- Van Gogh %% "Nature has neither kernel nor shell; she is everything at once." -- Goethe %% "To know and to act are one and the same." -- Samurai maxim %% "The foolish reject what they see, not what they think; the wise reject what they think, not what they see." -- Huang Po %% "Words, as is well known, are great foes of reality" -- Joseph Conrad %% "Man's many desires are like the small metal coins he carries about in his pocket. The more he has the more they weigh him down." -- Satya Sai Baba %% "There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving and that's your own self." -- Aldous Huxley %% "There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past." -- George Carlin %% "Life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced." -- Kierkegaard %% "We have no right to assume that any physical laws exist, or that if they have existed up to now, that they will continue to exist in a similar manner in the future." -- Max Planck %% "What we call reality is an agreement that people have arrived at to make life more livable." -- Louise Nevelson %% "An independant reality in the ordinary physical sense can neither be ascribed to the phenomenon nor to the agencies of observation." -- Niels Bohr %% "As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality." -- Albert Einstein %% "Monk: Where can I enter Zen? Master Gensha: Can you hear the babbling brook? Monk: Yes, I can hear it. Master Gensha: Then enter it there." %% "Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old; seek what they sought." -- Basho %% "I wonder why. I wonder why. I wonder why I wonder. I wonder _why_ I wonder why I wonder why I wonder!" -- Richard P. Feynman %% "If you know that fundamentally there is nothing to seek, you have settled your affairs." -- Rinzai %% "The bird of paradise alights only upon the hand that does not grasp." -- John Berry %% "If you want to get the plain truth, Be not concerned with right and wrong. The conflict between right and wrong Is the sickness of the mind." -- Seng-Ts'an %% "Mars is essentially in the same orbit... somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe." -- Former Vice President (and space program coordinator) Dan Quayle %% "What a terrible thing to have lost one's mind. Or not to have a mind at all. How true that is." -- Former Vice President Dan Quayle winning friends while speaking to the United Negro College Fund %% "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances." -- The Constitution of the United States of America %% "The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized." -- The Constitution of the United States of America %% "No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury... nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation." -- The Constitution of the United States of America %% "In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence." -- The Constitution of the United States of America %% "The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people." -- The Constitution of the United States of America %% "The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people. " -- The Constitution of the United States of America %% cold matsushita their technology stronger enslaves our people -- Damon Koronakos and Brian Roberts: HI-TECH HAIKUS %% midori ito girl finds glory, is broken they can rebuild her -- Damon Koronakos and Brian Roberts: HI-TECH HAIKUS %% honda seatcovers winter warm and summer cool little lambs no more -- Damon Koronakos and Brian Roberts: HI-TECH HAIKUS %% samurai fighter keyboard and mouse are his sword digital battles -- Damon Koronakos and Brian Roberts: HI-TECH HAIKUS %% DAT arrives frequency notch treachery people are not fooled -- Damon Koronakos and Brian Roberts: HI-TECH HAIKUS %% young sony worker innocent hands build walkman tears run down faces -- Damon Koronakos and Brian Roberts: HI-TECH HAIKUS %% "Either I've gone nuts, or all this is really happening. If I'm nuts, I'll be the last to know. So I might as well act as if everything is just the way it looks." -- Keith Laumer, _The Ulitmax Man_ %% "...and remember you're a Man, not just god, and for you there aren't and never will be any easy answers, only questions, and no reasons, only causes, and no meaning, only intelligence, and no destination and no kindly magic smiling down from above, and no fires to goad you from below, only Yourself and the Universe and what you make out of the interface between the two equals." -- Keith Laumer, _Night of Delusions_ %% "Baby, after considerable thought I've reached the conclusion that the only conceivable legitimate answer to the Universe as constituted is a peal of hysterical laughter." -- Keith Laumer, _Night of Delusions_ %% "I wasn't ready, man. I - I still believed in justice." "Your world entertains many quaint superstitions." -- Victor Milan, "Madman across the Water" (in _Jokertown Shuffle - Wild Cards IX_) %% "Laws are only words words written on paper, words that change on society's whim and are interpreted differently daily by politicians, lawyers, judges, and policemen. Anyone who believes that all laws should always be obeyed would have made a fine slave catcher. Anyone who believes that all laws are applied equally, despite race, religion, or economic status, is a fool." -- John J. Miller, "And Hope to Die" (in _Jokertown Shuffle - Wild Cards IX_) %% "[There is] a duty in refusing to cooperate in any undertaking that violates the Constitutional rights of the individual. This holds in particular for all inquisitions that are concerned with the private life and the political affiliations of the citizens..." -- Albert Einstein %% "We care a lot / About the welfare of all you boys and girls We care a lot / About you people 'cause we're out to save the world. It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it..." -- Faith No More %% "Quick to judge, quick to anger / Slow to understand Ignorance and prejudice / And fear walk hand in hand..." -- Rush, "Witch Hunt" %% "When they turn the pages of history When these days have passed long ago, Will they read of us with sadness For the seeds that we let grow?" -- Rush, "A Farewell to Kings" %% "If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your councels or your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen." -- Sam Adams %% "Prohibition goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to control a man's appetite by legislation and makes crimes out of things that are not crimes. A prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was founded." - Abraham Lincoln %% "And all should cry, Beware! Beware! / His flashing eyes, his floating hair! Weave a circle round him thrice, / And close your eyes with holy dread, For he on honeydew hath fed, / And drunk the milk of Paradise." -- "Kubla Khan", Samuel Taylor Coleridge %% My opinions are definitive; reality is frequently inaccurate. %% "You put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit and plays with the apple, I'll buy you a new car." -- Harvey Diamond %% "Gee, but I'd like to be a G-Man / And go Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Just like Dick Tracy, what a "he-man" / And go Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! I'd do as I please, act high-handed and regal 'Cause when you're a G-Man there's nothing illegal." -- Harold Rome, from "The G-Man Song",1937 %% "...[T]he lesson [comic books] taught children- or this child, at any rate- was perhaps the unintentionally radical truth that exceptionality was the greatest and most heroic of values; that those who were unlike the crowd were to be treasured the most lovingly; and that this exceptionality was a treasure so great that it had to be concealed, in ordinary life, beneath what the comic books called a 'secret identity'." -- Salman Rushdie %% "Take off all your clothes and walk down the street waving a machete and firing an Uzi, and terrified citizens will phone the police and report: `There's a naked person outside!'" -- Mike Nichols %% "A vegetarian diet can prevent 97% of our [society's] coronary occlusions." - "Diet and Stress in Vascular Disease," Journal of the American Medical Association, Vol 197, No. 9., 1961, pg 806. %% "I have from an early age abjured the use of meat, and the time will come when men will look upon the murder of animals as they now look upon the murder of men." -- Leonardo Da Vinci %% "To be a vegetarian is to disagree -- to disagree with the course of things today. Nuclear power, starvation, cruelty -- we must make a statement against these thigns. Vegetarianism is my statement. And I think it is a strong one." -- Isaac Bashevis Singer %% "With our combined strength we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy." -- Darth Vader %% "If you fall down seven times, get up eight times." -- Japanese proverb %% "I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me...and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country....Corporations have been enthroned ...an era of corruption in high places will follow...and the money power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working on the prejudices of the people...until the wealth is aggregated in a few hands...and the republic is destroyed." -- Abe Lincoln %% Murphy's Law: "If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it." -- Edward A. Murphy, Jr %% "... A socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." -- Pat Robertson on feminism %% "Naturally the common people don't want war... but after all it is the leaders of a country who determine policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along ... All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger." -- Hermann Goering,1936 %% "Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence." -- Albert Einstein %% "I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority." -- E.B. White %% "I don't understand you." -- Every man who ever lived to every woman he's ever known %% "When two tigers fight, one is certain to be maimed, and one to die." -- Master Funakoshi %% "Whatever you want too much, you can't have, so when you REALLY want something, try to want it a little less." Walter Slovotsky, _The Sleeping Dragon_ by Joel Rosenberg %% "Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive." -- Bugs Bunny %% "I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man." -- Chang-tzu %% "I am endeavoring, ma'am, to construct a mnemonic memory circuit, using stone knives and bearskins." -- Spock %% SUCCESS To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson %% "When I consider the caliber, the bravery and the patriotism of the fine young soldiers whose deaths I have witnessed...it is untenable and incomprehensible to me that a man who was not merely unwilling to serve his country, but actually protested against its military, should ever be in the position of commander in chief of our armed forces." Lt. Col. Eugene Holmes, US Army (Ret.)--commenting on Slick Willy Clinton %% Ren,.............will you button me? %% "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!" - MST3k %% Learn. Keep Moving Better yourself. %% >From 'The Little, Brown Book Of Anecdotes' by Clifton Fadiman Albert Einstein was a late talker as a child. His parents were understandably worried. finally at the supper table one evening, He broke his silence to say, "The soup is too hot." Greatly relieved, his parents asked why he never said a word before. Young Albert replied, "Because up to now everything was in order." %% It is alledged that when Einstein and his wife visited the Mount Wilson Observatory in California, Mrs. Einstein pointed to a particularly complex piece of equipment and asked its purpose. Their guide said that it was used to determine the shape of the universe. "Oh," she said, not at all impressed, "my husband uses the back of an old envelope to work that out." %% And Einstein said If Euclid failed to kindle your youthful enthusiasm, then you were not born to be a scientific thinker. %% "Stimpy, your wealth of ignorance astounds me." -Ren Hoek %% "I'm bored--I think I'll become a beatnik." -Sluggo (from the Nancy comic strip) %% "You shouldn't think about *how* we're doing this. You should ask yourself, 'why?'" -Penn Jillette %% "Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies." --Gore Vidal %% "You just can't fillet a twinkie." --Michael MacDonald, breeder of Golden Retrievers %% "Does history repeat itself, the first time as tragedy, the second time as farce? No, that's too grand, too considered a process. History just burps, and we taste again that raw-onion sandwich it swallowed centuries ago." -- Julian Barnes %% "I think Rodney King said it best when he said: 'Ow ow ow ow..'" -Dennis Leary %% "If I owned Hell and Texas, I'd live in Hell and rent out Texas." - General Phil Sheridan %% conversation, n. A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor. Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary %% "The price of liberty is, always has been, and always will be blood: the person who is not willing to die for his liberty has already lost it to the first scoundrel who is willing to risk dying to violate that person's liberty. Are you free?" -- Andrew Ford %% It's 106 miles to Chicago, We got a Full tank of gas, Half a pack of cigarettes, It's dark And we're wearing sunglasses. ... Hit It! -Elwood Blues %% "It is not enough to succeed. Everyone else must fail." %% "I used to be disgusted; now I try to be amused." -Ken Small %% Tighten it until it strips, then back off a quarter turn... - on the wall at a racing mechanics shop... %% A human being is a part of a whole, called by us _universe_, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. -- Albert Einstein %% You don't hunt ducks with a turnip! %% What's the most popular order at the Zen hotdog stand? "Make me One With Everything!" %% He who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused. %% I am a meatball: Bite me. %% We cannot stop at the foothills when Everest lies ahead. -- Ronald Reagan %% An idea which cannot be commercialized is just a passing thought. --Momofuku Ando (Nissin Foods) %% Them bats is smart--they use radar. --Dave Letterman %% Damn the rules! It's the feeling that counts! - John Coltrane %% Money does not protect me from grief, but I'd rather cry in a Jaguar than in a bus. %% "If at first you do succeed---try to hide your astonishment." --Harry F. Banks %% The agnostics prayer: "O God, if there is a god, save my soul, if I have a soul" - Ernest Renan (1823-1890) %% Congress is so strange. A man gets up to speak and says nothing. Nobody listens - and then everybody disagrees. - Boris Marshalov %% Nobody believes a rumor in Washington until its officially denied. - Edward Cheyfitz %% More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. - Woody Allen %% "If at first you succeed -------- don't let your boss know or he will expect it all the time. %% "Self-deprecation is my middle name, but I am not very good at it." %% "hello/ computer support/ my shift key doesn't seem to work." - e.e.cummings %% A reasonable man adapts himself to the world around him, while an unreasonable man expects the world to adapt to him. Therefore, all progress is caused by unreasonable men. %% "I'm not really a lesbian -- it's a career move." %% Did you exchange a walk on part in the war, for a leading role in a cage? --Roger Waters %% "I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like...VICTORY" Robert Duvall %% Lady Astor and Churchill: LA: If you were my husband, I would feed you poison. WC: If you were my wife, madam, I would take it! %% Sir Winston and Lady Astor: LA: Winston your quite drunk! WC: Madame your quite ugly. In the morning I will be sober where as you will still be ugly! %% Once I was at a gig with Big Jack Reynolds a old bluesman I know in Toledo after he played a couple of young wanna-bees were gathered around his amp and guitar checkin' out the hardware when Big Jack happened by and said in passing, "It ain't the guitar boys ...." %% 'Money doesn't buy happiness but it does buy a better grade of misery.' %% Money can't buy happiness. It buys things that make you happy. %% (Old couple in run-down shack:) Man: Martha, maybe before we die, we can be rich someday. Woman: We've always been rich, dear; maybe someday we'll have money. %% Solid Woody Allen : "Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing ; between 5 it's fantastic ..." %% If at first you don't suceed, try, try again. Then give up. No use being a damn fool about it. %% How about: "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." -- Steve Martin %% "Trees make more smog than cars." -R Reagan %% English cuisine is generally so threadbare that for years there has been a gentlemen's agreement in the civilized world to allow the Brits preeminence in the matter of tea - which, after all, comes down to little more than the ability to boil water. -- GQ %% "Yes, we're all different!" "I'm not." "Shh!" - Monty Python %% If you have built castles in the air do not despair; build foundations under them. Thoreau %% "He who proselytizes in the cause of unbelief is basically a man in need of belief." -- Eric Hoffer %% "How does Ramen blow up?" - Curt George Siffert 29 Dec 92 %% Half a cup of water is half-full, with air. %% ...understanding Marketing... "...what I told you was true...from a certain point of view." -Ben Kenobi %% ...understanding Computer Science... "Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology." %% ...understanding Responsibility.... "This is all your fault, Artoo." -See Threepio %% ...understanding How To Combine Budget Cuts, Extra Projects, And No Resources... "Use the Force." - Obi-Wan Kenobi %% ...understanding The Work Environment... "If a train station is where the train stops, what's a work station?" %% ...understanding How To Deal With Authority Figures... "Yes, Your Worshipfulness." - Han Solo %% "Do not adjust you mind, it is reality that is malfunctioning." %% Would I rather be right, or happy? %% Dorthea Parker's reply to her editor who was bugging her for her belated work while she was on her honeymoon: "Too fucking busy, and vice versa." %% "Sir, how much money do you get for those seal skins?" "Money? I just like to club them!" %% To be is to do. -Immanuel Kant To do is to be. -Sigmund Freud Dooby, dooby, do. -Frank Sinatra %% "It is better to have loved and lost than to have had your hand stuck in a blender." %% "Nothing is better than sex. Masturbation is better than nothing. Therefore, masturbation is better than sex." %% "Yes, it is true," he was saying, "that sometimes unusually intelligent and sensitive children can appear to be stupid. But, Mrs. Benson, stupid children can sometimes appear to be stupid as well. I think that's something you might have to consider." Ralph Standish - Chief Consultant Psychologist %% Glimpses do ye seem to see of that mortally intolerable truth; that all deep, earnest thinking is but the intrepid effort of the soul to keep the open independence of her sea; while the wildest winds of heaven and earth conspire to cast her on the treacherous, slavish shore? --Herman Melville, Moby Dick %% In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry, and is generally considered to have been a bad move. -- D. Adams %% "No library is complete that contains the works of Jane Austen." - Mark Twain %% "The United States has much to offer the third world war." Ronald Reagan, in a 1975 speech. %% "If English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for them Mexicans" -- Some politician in Texas %% "The problem with learning from experience is that you get the test before the lesson." %% 1) Reach between legs 2) Grasp firmly 3) Pull Ejection Seat Instructions From the cockpit of a wwii US fighter... %% "Help," he said, "is giving part of yourself to somebody who comes to accept it willingly and needs it badly. -- Norman Maclean _A River Runs Through It_ %% "You can love completely without complete understanding." -- Norman Maclean _A River Runs Through It_ %% You look like someone who owes me money. --- Tony Ianuzzi %% "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." - Voltaire %% "The progress toward totalitarianism arose, and keeps arising, because of society's refusal to be shit." ---Kathy Acker %% "Women, can't live with them ... pass the beer nuts." - Norm on "Cheers" %% "For the last time, I'm not male! I'm HUMAN!" - Curt Siffert %% I don't know about all this sex on television, I keep falling off. -Monty Python %% "The fight is what's important. Doing what is good and right is why we're here. The end is variable and relative. A person can only do what his heart tells him and break away from the terrible things around him. We do what we can ... and live with the consequences. -Marc Zanoni %% A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy? - Albert Einstein %% "There is a fundamental conviction which some people never acquire, some hold only in their youth, and a few hold to the end of their days-- the conviction that IDEAS MATTER. In one's youth that conviction is experienced as a self-evident absolute, and one is unable fully to believe that there are people who do not share it. That ideas matter means that knowledge matters, that truth matters, that one's mind matters. And the radiance of that certainty, in the process of growing up, is the best aspect of youth." - Ayn Rand %% "When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV." - Homer Simpson %% "Stay away from that jazz man, Lisa. Nothing personal, I just fear the unfamiliar." - Marge Simpson %% "Ya' know, Mo, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said 'Homer, your a big disappointment' and God bless her soul, she was really onto something." - Homer Simpson %% "I guess you say that about most things in life; it isn't so bad as long as you can keep the fear from your mind" - Dale Cooper (Twin Peaks) %% "Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination" - Oscar Wilde (I believe) %% "He who laughs last donesn't get the joke" - M. Keast %% "People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases" - Mark Twain %% Or, as a Southern friend of mine says, "If at first you don't secede, try, try again." %% There's a comedian over here in Britain called Jack Dee who came out with a great string of famous last words. He came up with the idea of a Black Box Recorder for cars, so that you could find out the last thing that was said in the car before crashing! "'Reduce Speed Now'. Hmmmmm, I think I know when to apply MY brakes ...." "Mum, Dad, I want to be a woman!" %% Asked in rec.sport.volleyball Subject: FAQ Ok, I've seen this a bunch of times. What the heck is an FAQ??? %% If worms were dogs the ground would bark. %% High tech is potent, precise, and in the end, unbeatable. The truth is, it reminds a lot of people of the way I pitch horseshoes. Would you believe some of the people? Would you believe our dog? Look, I want to give the high-five symbol to high tech. - George Bush, April 25, 1989 %% ". . . Nirvana or lasting enlightenment or true spiritual growth can be acheived only through persistent excercise of real love" - M. Scott Peck, M.D. _The Road Less Travelled_ %% I wouldn't mind dying-- it's that business of having to stay dead that scares me %% Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out. - Chekhov %% A quote in Newsweek attributed to Alexander Haig on Cuba: Just give me your word, Mr. President, and I'll make the island into a fucking parking lot. %% "I'm interested in the fact that the less secure a man is, the more likely he is to have extreme prejudice." --Clint Eastwood %% " The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn." - David Russell %% "To the atheist, death is the end; to the believer, the beginning; to the agnostic, the sound of silence." - Dr. Laurence J. Peter %% "A Freudian slip is when you say one thing when you're really thinking about a mother." -- Cliff Claven - Cheers %% If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he entitled to happiness? -- Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, _Unkempt Thoughts_ %% Veronica: "Lots of people drink mineral water. It's come a long way." JD: "Yeah, but this is Ohio. If you don't have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a skirt." %% Heather Chandler's dying words: "Corn nuts!" %% Pauline Fleming: "Deciding whether or not to kill yourself is one the most important decisions a teenager can make." - "Heathers" %% "Give, expecting nothing thereof" - St. Thomas Aquinas %% "On the day of victory no one is tired." - Arab proverb %% "Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man" - Francais Bacon %% "For three hundred years flutists tried to play in tune. Then they gave up and invented vibrato." - George Barrere %% I find that we all get more legendary as time goes by. "Legend" means, basically, "bullshit." Walter Slovotsky, _The Warrior Lives_ by Joel Rosenberg %% "Holy 1/2 a keg on the porch!" - Brian Eberle 7 Feb 93 %% "How does a guy grow a goat cheese?" - Stephanie Cinocco 24 March 93 %% Jesus Saves!! He Shoots, He Scores, WHAT A GAME!!! %% >ROGER ASCHAM 1515 1568 >I said how, and why, young children, were sooner allured by love, >than driven by beating, to attain good learning. >The Schoolmaster (1570), preface %% This put me in mind of a story i have long enjoyed, but never known the source of. A young man went to Socrates and asked to be taught. Socrates led the man down to the sea, and waded in. The young man hesitated, but followed Socrates until they were both chest deep in the water. Socrates then pushed the young man's head under the water and held it there for some time, though the young man struggled (Socrates was known for being hale). %% Finally he released the young man, and waded back to dry land. Then Socrates questioned the man. `What did you most want just now?' The young man replied, `Air.' `When you want knowledge as much as you just wanted air, you shall have it.' %% Denis Leary is god. This is from his song Asshole, a great artistic work IMHO. He just busts into this in the middle of the song. It's from memory but I know it's almost exact. %% You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac(sp) Eldorado convertible, hot pink, with whale-skin hubcaps, and all leather cow interior, and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights. And I'm gonna drive around in that baby doin' 155 miles per hour, gettin' 1 mile per gallon, suckin' down quarter pounder cheeseburgers from McDonald's in the old fashion nonbiodegradable containers. And when I get done suckin' down those greaseball burgers I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag and throw the styrofoam containers right out the side and there ain't a God Damn thing anybody can do about it. You know why? Cause we got the bomb, that's why. Russia, Germany, Rumania, they can have all the Democracy they want. They can have a big Democracy cakewalk right through the middle of Tienaman(?) square and it won't make a lick of difference because we got the bombs. Two words: Nuclear Fucking Weapons. Okay? John Wayne's not dead, he's frozen. And as soon as we find a cure for cancer we're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off, ya know why. Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well multiply that by 15 million times and that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Duke, and Lee Marvin, and Sam Beckenforth(?), and a case of whiskey, and drive down to Texas... You know you really are an asshole? (someone else) Why don't you just shut up and sing the song pal. Then he just goes back to singing. His album No Cure For Cancer is well worth the price. %% i'm probably going to get hit for this one but... i couldn't resist... %% "I want to find out who I am and give up letting everyone else define me." (Judith) %% "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." (Elanor Roosevelt) %% "We are only what we feel." (Neil Young) %% "It is fatal to be right when the rest of the world is wrong." (Brother Theodore) %% "When you find yourself in the majority, it is time to pause and reflect." (Mark Twain) %% "A man hears what he wants to hear, and disregards the rest." (Paul Simon) %% "All children are morbid. It is their one saving grace." (Truman Capote) %% "Sin is seeing yourself through somebody else's eyes." (Sebastian Moore) %% "You can best serve civilization by being against what usually passes for it." (Wendell Berry) %% "Become who you are." (Nietzshe) %% "The debt we owe to the play of imagination is incalcuable." (Carl Jung) %% "The present is the only thing that has no end." (Erwin Schrodinger) %% "How can we have any new ideas or fresh outlooks when 90% of all the scientists who have ever lived have still not died?" (A. L. Mackay) %% "The way to get a new theory accepted is to propose it and then wait for all the old physicists to die." (Max Planck) %% "Die my dear Doctor? That's the last thing I shall do!" (Palmerston) %% "I am dying as I have lived-beyond my means" "This wallpaper is killing me-one of us has got to go" -Oscar Wilde %% "Goodnight" (Lord Byron) %% "More light! Give me more light!" (Goethe) %% "My work is done, why wait?" (George Eastman) %% "Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something." (Pancho Villa) %% "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." (A letter from the Greenville, S.C. County of Social Services to a deceased Greenville resident.) %% "Whether you think you can or think you can't - you are right." (Henry Ford) %% "The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena. Whose face is marred by dust, sweat and blood: who knows the enthusiasm, the great devotion, and spends himself in a worthy cause. Who at best if he wins knows the thrill of high achievement and if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls, who know neither victory nor defeat." (Teddy Roosevelt) %% By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates %% Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable. -- Oscar Wilde %% Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred. %% Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them. %% Think how much fun you could have with the doctor's wife and a bucket of apples %% "It's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." %% "It's not the size of the stick, it's the magic in the wand." %% "It's not the shape, it's not the size, it's how many times you can make it rise." %% "It's not the size of your engine, it's the way you shift it." %% "It's not how long you make it, it's how you make it long!" %% "It's not how deep you can plow, it's how long you can stay in the field." %% "It's not how deep you fish it's how you wiggle your worm!" %% Being bored the other day, and having access to a copy of Bartlett's Familiar, I decided to go through and find a variety of "last words". These are all from the "Fifteenth and 125th Anniversary Edition", 1980. %% Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmer of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time. --Sir J. Lubbock %% Well, I'll tell you: In all my days, I've never seen, heard, nor smelled any issue that was so dangerous it couldn't be talked about. Hell, yes! I'm for debating anything. --Stephen Hopkins %% A man who carrys a cat by the tail is getting experience that will always be helpful. He isn't likely to grow dim or doubtful. Chances are, he isn't likely to carry the cat that way again, either. But if he wants to, I say let him! --Mark Twain %% The purpose of a fish trap is to catch fish, and when the fish are caught, the trap is forgotten. The purpose of a rabbit snare is to catch rabbits. When the rabbits are caught, the snare is forgotten. The purpose of words is to convey ideas. When the ideas are grasped, the words are forgotten. Where can I find a man who has forgotten words? He is the one I would like to talk to. --Chuang Tzu %% The breath of the man who loves and the woman who loves goes to fill the water trough where the spirit horses drink. --Robert Bly %% Firearms stand next in importance to the Constitution itself. They are the American people's liberty teeth and keystone under independence... From the hour the Pilgrims landed, to the present day, events, occurrences, and tendencies prove that to ensure peace, security, and happiness, the rifle and pistol are equally indispensable.... The very atmosphere of firearms every- where restrains evil interference - they deserve a place of honor with all that's good. - George Washington (bogus?) %% The militia of these free commonwealths, entitled and accustomed to their arms, when compared with any possible army, must be _tremendous and irresistable_. Who are the militia? _are they not ourselves_. Is it feared, then, that we shall turn our arms _each man against his own bosom_. Congress have no power to disarm the militia. Their swords, and every other terrible implement of the soldier, are _the birth-right of an American_...the unlimited power of the sword is not in the hands of either the _federal or state governments_, but, where I trust in God it will ever remain, _in the hands of the people_. --Tench Coxe 20 Feb. 1788 %% To preserve liberty, it is necessary that the whole body of the people possess arms, and be taught alike, especially when young, how to use them. --Richard Henry Lee %% The great object is, that every man be armed.... Everyone who is able may have a gun. --Patrick Henry %% Guard with jealous attention the public liberty. Suspect every one who approaches that jewel. Unfortunately, nothing will preserve it but downright force. Whenever you give up that force, you are ruined. --Patrick Henry %% Are we at last brought to such a humiliating and debasing degradation, that we cannot be trusted with arms for our own defense? Where is the difference between having our arms in our own possession and under our own direction, and having them under the management of Congress? If our defense be the _real_ object of having those arms, in whose hands can they be trusted with more propriety, or equal safety to us, as in our own hands? --Patrick Henry %% Whenever, therefore, the profession of arms becomes a distinct order in the state....the end of the social compact is defeated... No free government was ever founded, or ever preserved its liberty without uniting the characters of the citizen and soldier in those destined for the defense of the state...Such are a well regulated militia, composed of the freeholders, citizen and husbandman, who take up arms to preserve their property, as individuals, and their rights as freemen. --Richard Henry Lee %% Americans have the right and advantage of being armed - unlike the citizens of other countries whose governments are afraid to trust the people with arms. -- James Madison %% I believe there are more instances of the abridgement of the rights of the people by the gradual & silent encroachments of those in power than by violent & sudden usurpations. -- James Madison, Virginia Conv. 1788. %% The right of the people to keep and bear...arms shall not be infringed. A well-regulated militia, composed of the body of the people, trained to arms, is the best and most natural defense of a free country.... -- James Madison %% I ask, who are the Militia? They consist now of the whole people. --George Mason ? %% I ask, sir, what is the militia? It is the whole people, except for a few public officials. -- George Mason %% For a people who are free, and who mean to remain so, a well organized and armed milita is their best security. --Thomas Jefferson 1808 %% The Greeks by their laws, and the Romans by the spirit of their people, took care to put into the hands of their rulers no such engine of oppression as a standing army. Their system was to make every man a soldier, and oblige him to repair to the standard of his country when ever that was reared. This made them invincible; and the same remedy will make us so. --Thomas Jefferson letter to Thomas Cooper(1814) %% A strong body makes the mind strong. As to the species of exercises, I advise the gun. While this gives moderate exercise to the body, it gives boldness, enterprise and independence to the mind. Games played with the ball and others of that nature, are too violent for the body and stamp no character on the mind. Let your gun, therefore, be the constant companion of your walks. --Thomas Jefferson --Encyclopedia of Thomas Jefferson, 318 (Foley, Ed. reissued 1967) %% The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. -- Thomas Jefferson %% "...when all government... in little as in great things, shall be drawn to Washington as the centre of all power, it will render powerless the checks provided of one government on another and will become as venal and oppressive as the government from which we separated." Thomas Jefferson, 1821 %% "The First Amendment has erected a wall of separation between church and state, but that wall is a one directional wall; it keeps the government from running the church, but it makes sure that Christian principles will always stay in government." - Thomas Jefferson, Jan 1, 1802, address to the Danbury Baptists %% C'est magnifique, mais ce n`est pas la guerre. --Marshal Bosquet %% The outward and visible sign of the end of war was the introduction of the magazine rifle. --I.S. Bloch 1899 %% "I believe that God puts us in this jolly world to be happy and enjoy life " --Lord Baden-Powell %% [The role of the Scoutmaster should be as an]"elder brother among his boys - not detached or above them, but joining in their activities and sharing their enthusiasm." --Lord Baden-Powell %% Shooting at a fixed target is only a step towards shooting at a moving one, like a man. --Lord Baden-Powell Scouting for Boys(1908) %% Make yourselves good scouts and good rifle shots in order to protect the women and children of your country if it should ever become necessary. --Lord Baden-Powell Scouting for Boys(1908) %% We have all got to die some day; a few years more or less of our lives don't much matter if by dying a year or two sooner than we should otherwise do from disease we can help to save the flag of our country from going under. --Lord Baden-Powell Scouting for Boys (1908) %% Personally, I should like to see all Boy Scouts drilled. I look upon the Movement as a further savings of the situation for the nation in the future, and that it will pave the way directly for its national service. --Lord Baden-Powell letter to Lord Meath (1910) %% Our gallant fellows at the front are carrying their football training into practice on the battlefield. They are 'playing the game' in all conscience. --Lord Baden-Powell Headquarters Gazette (1914) %% To certain individuals of small minds and overweaning ambition, there is no greater insult than to be proved wrong. --Thomas H Dyer 1984 %% Arms in the hands of citizens (may) be used at individual discretion...in private self-defense. --John Adams %% Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other. --John Adams %% The religion and public liberty of a people are intimately connected; their interests are interwoven, they cannot subsist separately, and therefore they rise and fall together. For this reason, it is always observable that those who are combined to destroy a people's liberties practice every art to poisn their morals. --Samuel Adams, 1772 %% The Constitution shall never be construed...to prevent the people of the United States who are peaceable citizens from keeping their own arms. -- Samuel Adams During Mass' Constitution ratification Convention, 1788 %% The goal of civilization is settled life and the achievement of luxury. But there is a limit which cannot be overstepped. When prosperity and luxury come to a people, they are followed by excessive consumption and extravagance. With that the human soul itself is undermined both in its worldly well-being and in its spiritual life. --Ibn Khaldun %% "For no soldiers or sailors, in any of our forces today, would so willingly endure the rigors of battle if they thought that in another twenty years their own sons would be fighting still another war on distant deserts or seas or in far-away jungles or skies." - Franklin Roosevelt %% "Military action is important to the nation--it is the ground of death and life, the path of survival and destruction so it is important to examine it. -Sun Tzu %% ``A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson, glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch: one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deniest the least syllable of thy addition.'' --Earl of Kent, _The_Tragedy_of_King_Lear_ %% "No people can be bound to acknowledge and adore the invisible hand which conducts the affairs of men more than the people of the United States. Every step by which they have advanced to the character of an independent nation seems to have been distinguished by some token of providential agency.... We ought to be no less persuaded that the propitious smiles of Heaven can never be expected on a nation that disregards the eternal rules of order and right, which Heaven itself has ordained." - George Washington, in his first Inaugural Address %% "Is it not that, in the chain of events, the birthday of the nation is indissolubly linked with the birthday of the Saviour? .... Is it not that the Declaration of Independence first organized the social compact on the foundation of the Redeemer's mission? That it laid the cornerstone of human government upon the first precepts of Christianity and gave to the world the first irrevocable pledge of the fulfillment of the prophecies announced directly from Heaven at the birth of the Saviour and predicted by the greatest of the Hebrew prophets 600 years before?" -John Quincy Adams, 1837 %% "The religion which has introduced civil liberty is the religion of Christ and his apostles, which enjoins humility, piety, and benevolence; which acknowledges in every person a brother, or a sister, and a citizen with equal rights. This is genuine Christianity, and to this we owe our free constitutions of government." - Noah Webster, _A History of the United States_ %% "The moral principles and precepts contained in the Scriptures ought to form the basis of all our civil constitutions and laws. All the miseries and evils which men suffer from vice, crime, ambition, injustice, oppression, slavery, and war, proceed from their despising or neglecting the precepts contained in the Bible." - Noah Webster %% "If religious books are not widely circulated among the masses in this country, I do not know what is going to become of us as a nation. If truth be not diffused, error will be; If God and His Word are not know and received, the devil and his works will gain the ascendancy; If the evangelical volume does not reach every hamlet, the pages of a corrupt and licentious literature will; If the power of the Gospel is not felt throughout the length and breadth of the land, anarchy and misrule, degradation and misery, corruption and darkness will reign without mitigation or end." - Daniel Webster %% "He who shall introduce into public affairs the principles of primitive Christianity will change the face of the world." - Benjamin Franklin, while he was US Ambassador to France %% "The choice before us is plain: Christ or chaos, conviction or compromise, discipline or disintegration. I am rather tired of hearing about our rights and privileges as American citizens. The time is come - it now is - when we ought to hear about the duties and responsibilities of our citizenship. America's future depends upon her accepting and demonstrating God's government." - Reverend Peter Marshall, on being elected Chaplain of the U. S. Senate in January 1947 %% I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realised that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and inpenetrable fog ! -- Calvin Feb 11, 1993 %% "You just can't promise something like that just to get elected if you know there's a good chance that circumstances may overtake you." - Bill Clinton, East Lansing MI debate, Mon Oct 19 1992 %% "So, where can someone practice with his phaser 'round here?" - Dr. Bashir to Odo, Stardate 46393.1 %% "If you will not fight for right when you can easily win without bloodshed; if you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not too costly; you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance of survival. There may be even a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than live as slaves." --Winston Churchill %% "I consider trial by jury as the only anchor yet imagined by man, by which a government can be held to the principles of its constitution." - Thomas Jefferson %% "It is not only [the juror's] right, but his duty, in that case, to find the verdict according to his own best understanding, judgement, and conscience, though in direct opposition to the direction of the court." - John Adams, 1771 %% "The jury has the right to determine both the law and the facts." - Samuel Chase, signer of the Declaration of Independence, and Supreme Court Justice, 1804 %% "The jury has a right to judge both the law as well as the fact in controversy." - John Jay, first Chief Justice, U.S. Supreme Court ( Georgia vs. Brailsford, 1794:4 ) %% "In the trial of all criminal cases, the Jury shall be the Judges of Law, as well as of fact, except that the Court may pass upon the sufficiency of the evidence to sustain a conviction." - Article XV, section 5, Constitution of Maryland. %% "In all criminal cases whatsoever, the jury shall have the right to determine the law and the facts." - Indiana Constitution. %% "If the jury feels the law is unjust, we recognize the undisputed power of the jury to acquit, even if its verdict is contrary to the law as given by a judge, and contrary to the evidence ... and the courts must abide by that decision." - US v Moylan, 4th Circuit Court of Appeals, 1969, 417 F.2d at 1006 %% "It would be an absurdity for jurors to be required to accept the judge's view of the law, against their own opinion, judgement, and conscience." - John Adams %% In the force if Yoda's so strong, construct a sentence with words in the proper order then why can't he? /fortune %% Where am I going, and what am I doing in this handbasket? %% "I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have changed several times since then." -- Alice %% Real Men are NOT afraid to say: "Fuck OFF, you're Not my type." -- Drieux %% I try to take one day at a time, but lately several days have attacked at once! (JP) %% Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. --Eleanor Roosevelt %% There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it. --George Bernard Shaw %% It's men who make laws, and enforce them, and break them, and think the whole performance is wonderful. Most women would rather just ignore them. -- Ursula K. Le Guin %% Even in mathematics, the sacred yoni appears in both the shape and substance of 0, the void, while the lingam appears in the shape and substance of 1, the creative lightning, and out of the union of the 0 and 1, all of the numbers of creation can be generated in binary notation. -- Robert Anton Wilson %% Advertising copy. Where sentences are replaced by participle phrases. Noun phrases. And dangling conjunctions. Bleah. -- K %% Anyone who believes exponential growth can go on forever in a finite world is either a madman or an economist. -- Kenneth Boulding %% My role model, inspiration, and heroine is Morticia Addams. -- Siouxsie Sioux %% There is a California state law that says "All employees of Apple Computer, Inc., must take either the Myers-Briggs Personality Traits Battery or a urine test." I pissed on the Myers-Briggs test. -- Mike Cappella %% All the world's a net! And all the data in it merely packets come to store-and-forward in the queues a while and then are heard no more. 'Tis a network waiting to be switched! -- Vint Cerf %% In the future, computer companies will be famous for fifteen minutes. -- Martin Streicher %% Quality is Job 1.01. -- Daniel Sears %% I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. --August Strindberg %% "I'd like to buy him for what I think he is worth, and sell him for what he thinks he is worth." %% Four Stages of Acceptance: 1. This is worthless nonsense. 2. This is an interesting, but perverse, point of view. 3. This is true, but quite unimportant. 4. I always said so. --J.B.S. Haldane %% Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. --Mark Twain %% There's nothing like good food, good wine, and a bad girl. (fortune cookie) %% Purple shoes! I like that in a woman. %% [The] Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute for life. -- Andrew Brown %% I'm not a breast man. I'm a breast *person*. (jwh) %% C'mon Mike. Would the dolphins give up their favorite sandwiches to save our butts? -- John Grimes %% This is Usenet. We're all masterbating in public places. -- Dawn %% Beware the Vampire Jesus; he gave his blood for you and he wants it all back--RIGHT NOW! (PB) %% People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. %% You slapped my face Oh but so gently I smiled At the caress -- william carlos williams %% Beware of Geeks bearing gifs. -- ST* %% Some people move in lesbian circles, I move in bisexual dodecahedrons. --RK %% The enemy of science is irrationalism, not religion. --Stephen Jay Gould %% Who needs lime jello? We had lasagna... --In Joke Hall of Fame %% I'll take Fucking Clues for $200. --Mark %% To let understanding stop at what can be understood is a high attainment. Those who cannot do it will be destroyed on the lathe of heaven. Chuang Tse XXIII %% A cat and his owner see a relationship counselor: "He doesn't want you to run the vacuum cleaner or go out on dates." --Nicole Hollander %% An ye harm none, do as ye will. %% That God is not other than the universe...does not diminish God but rather elevates the universe. -- David Loy %% It is Maya! Dost thou not know her? Illusion -- dreams -- phantoms. But, to the wise, Maya is more. -- Holst, "Savitri" %% Anyone who wants to can call themselves a pervert or a queer, but slut is a compliment you have to earn. %% Cum deliramus, ea numina significamus --"Profuit ignaris" %% The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off for a while. %% Suppose there were no hypothetical questions? %% Yes is a world & in this world of yes live (skilfuly curled) all worlds --e.e. cummings %% The older woman flirts with a self-controlled awareness which can make her assaults much more deadly than the blind rushes of the young -- Iris Murdoch %% The force of gravity on the moon is a fraction of the gravity on the earth, so the moon would not be able to attract the pen to inself. Rather, it would only be able to suspend the pen." --The Pen Is Mightier Than the Moon Hall of Fame %% A more intimate theology, and one more consonant with the nature of...love, pictures a demonic force engaged in continuous creation and participation. -- Iris Murdoch %% "One of us has to be a pragmatist." "Nonsense!" %% It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important. Saint-Exupery %% "What would *you* call the creation of the universe?" "The Horrendous Space Klablooie!" -- Watterson %% I didn't understand this at first, but YOUR CONVINCING USE OF CAPITAL LETTERS HAS MADE IT ALL CLEAR TO ME. -- J. Nairn %% Carpe diem (fish for ten cents) --Usenet Oracle %% After many years of study, scientists have determined that dogs bark "just for the hell of it." -- Smithsonian %% "Excuse me. This life isn't working. I want to exchange it." "Have you tried plugging it in?" %% Sabina proceeded with her melancholy musings: What if she had a man who ordered her about? A man who wanted to master her? How long would she put up with him? Not five minutes! >From which it follows that no man was right for her. Strong or weak. --Kundera %% Let's not drag any more dead herrings across the garden path. --Mixed metaphor hall of fame %% You're throwing out the baby to spite the bathwater. --Bolloxed proverb hall of fame %% The glove is on the other foot now. --Mixed metaphor hall of fame %% This is not a bootstrap process of stiffening the upper lip and digging into unwanted independence, as some would have it. --Mixed metaphor hall of fame %% Look - either dualism sucks, or it doesn't. %% We're caught on the horns of our own petard. --Mixed metaphor hall of fame %% Sometimes you want to ride herd over the default choices. --Colorful metaphor hall of fame %% You can separate the wheat from the shaft. --Bolloxed proverb hall of fame %% You've buttered your bread, now lie in it. --Mixed metaphor hall of fame %% I have a discussion topic I'd like to throw on the floor. --Mixed idiom hall of fame %% This bill goes to the very heart of the moral fiber of human anatomy. --Mixed metaphor hall of fame %% >From now on, I'm watching everything you do with a fine-toothed comb. --Mixed metaphor hall of fame %% You either sink or swim, or you don't. --Bolloxed proverb hall of fame %% And that, in a breadbasket, is production control. --Mixed idiom hall of fame %% It's like looking for a camel in a haystack. --Mixed metaphor hall of fame %% Do under others as you would have them do under you. --Bolloxed proverb hall of fame %% I may look calm, but beneath this cool exterior is a churning iceberg ready to explode. --Mixed metaphor hall of fame %% It's time to shit or get off the fan. --Mixed metaphor hall of fame %% They were mad as a bunch of boiled owls. --Colorful simile hall of fame %% To see which way the tides are flowing, you have to feel the tea leaves. --New-age cliche hall of fame %% Picasso wasn't born in a day. --Mixed metaphor hall of fame %% A hand in the bush is worth two anywhere else. --Bolloxed proverb hall of fame %% Don't make a molehill out of a can of beans. %% Were you waiting with baited breath to know if your life was still hanging by a Sword of Damocles? --Mixed metaphor hall of fame %% Dear Miss Manners -- Is it proper for a gentleman to compliment a lady on her tattoo? SAYINGS %% Most of the people I know are more critical of their own faults. Especially when they find them in other people. -- Seth %% It's so elegant that it's wrong. %% The universe is not only queerer than we imagine, it's queerer than we can imagine. -- J. B. S. Haldane %% WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe. -- Susan Hewitt and Edward Subitzky %% HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles per Hour. -- Susan Hewitt and Edward Subitzky %% PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any Use of This Product, in Any manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in the Universe. -- Susan Hewitt and Edward Subitzky %% PLEASE NOTE: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State. -- Susan Hewitt and Edward Subitzky %% IMPORTANT NOTE TO PURCHASERS: The Entire Physical Universe, Including ThisProduct, May One Day Collapse Back into an Infinitesimally Small Space. Should Another Universe Subsequently Re-emerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe Cannot Be Guaranteed. -- Susan Hewitt and Edward Subitzky %% A millihelen is the amount of beauty required to launch a single ship. %% One day it was announced by master Joshu that the young monk Kyogen had reached an enlightened state. Much impressed by this news, several of his peers went to speak with him. "We have heard that you are enlightened. Is this true?" his fellow students inquired. "It is," Kyogen answered. "Tell us," said a friend, "how do you feel?" "As miserable as ever," replied the enlightened Kyogen. %% Your eyes are weary from staring at the screen. Your eyelids feel very heavy. You feel sleepy. Notice how restful it is to watch the cursor blink. Close your eyes. The opinions stated above are yours. You cannot imagine why you ever felt otherwise. When you awake you will follow up this post and enthusiastically agree with it. Then you will send all your money to martin@cs.curtin.edu.au. %% Love was when you thought someone was so great that they should always be happy, and you wanted to be part of making them happy. In love is when you feel so good around someone that you always want to be around them. -- Muffy Barkocy %% I went to all that work to get him out of his shell, and he really *was* a spineless mollusc! --Dame Enid Aurelia %% "How would you like walking around with a frog in your drawers that you couldn't get rid of?" "What an astute metaphore for the masculine condition." -- Dawn/Charlie %% All dates consist of three things; food, entertainment and affection. At first, there is a lot of entertainment and only a little affection. As the relationship progresses, the entertainment is decreased and the affection is increased. When the affection *becomes* the entertainment, we no longer call it "dating". At no time may the food be omitted. -- Miss Manners %% Say IT LOUD! Say IT PROUD! I Ain't Gonna LET them FAGGOTS decide who Gets to CAMP IT UP!!!! --drieux %% You seem to have one of the common American delusions: that the Eleventh Amendment in the Bill of Rights grants you the right to go through life without being offended. Think again. --ALY %% +---------------------------+ | This .sig has been | | temporarily removed | | for study. | +---------------------------+ --Howard %% I don't have to choose, nyaah, nyaaah, nah nyaah nyaah. --Sandra Hereld %% I am not politically incorrect. I am politically challenged. --Matt Bloom %% In the 17th century, Kikaku, one of the ten disciples of the great Japanese poet Basho, composed a haiku: Take a pair of wings From a dragonfly, you would Make a pepper-pod. Basho told Kikaku: "That's not a haiku. You kill the dragonfly." Kikaku recomposed the lines: Add a pair of wings To a pepper-pod, you would Make a dragonfly. --Amal Naj, PEPPERS %% You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him to find it within himself. -- Galileo %% The sin that most needs to be loved and forgiven is the state of mind that sees human beings as sinners. -- Thaddeus Golas in "The Lazy Man's Guide to Enlightenment" %% Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you. -- Sartre %% The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places. -- Hemingway %% This program posts news to billions of machines throughout the galaxy. Your message will cost the net enough to bankrupt your entire planet. As a result your species will be sold into slavery. Be sure you know what you are doing. Are you absolutely sure you want to do this? [ny] y -- valerie@athena.mit.edu %% Years ago, I was musing with a biologist friend about the curse "Jesus H. Christ!" and asked idly, "I wonder what the 'H' stands for?" and my friend said "Haploid." I nearly died laughing. --Kathryn Huxtable %% Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice what is adequately explained by stupidity. %% It's better not to date anyone than to date someone who treats you like a pair of slippers. --little 'e' %% ... of the many who beseech the Goddess to send them love, so few will accept it when it comes, because it has come in what they consider the wrong shape, or the wrong size, or at the wrong time. Against our prejudices, even the Goddess strives in vain. -- Diane Duane, DOOR INTO FIRE %% Just as there are laws of Conservation of Matter and Energy, so there are in fact Laws of Conservation of Pain and Joy. Neither can ever be created or destroyed. But one can be converted into the other. --Spider Robinson %% We always thought there was something a little weird about Scooby Doo, but we didn't realize he was in oppression-denial. --The New Republic, discussing Feminists for Animal Rights %% "And Walter, why does this issue concern you so?" "The devil is paying me to have a conversation." -- Walter Lego %% Endeavor to steer the craft of your narration on a less serpentine course. -- Peter Shaffer, Lettice & Lovage %% At the heart of liberty is the right to define one's own concept of existence, of meaning, of the universe, and of the mystery of human life. --Justice Anthony Kennedy %% You're already a monk, try the libido instead. --Steve Swann %% First they came for the drug users, and I said nothing because I wasn't a drug user. Then they came for the atheists, and I said nothing because I wasn't an atheist. Then they came for the hackers... --mortis@ruth.UUCP %% Coming events do cast shadows. Writers know that their books are often prophetic. One gratuitously imagines what is really going to happen. Though since the fates are as teasing as oracles, the happening may be curiously different from its prefigurement. --Iris Murdoch %% "Because, my dear Julian, pure ignorant young girls cannot save complicated neurotic over-educated older men from disaster, however much they kid themselves that they can." --Iris Murdoch %% I'm sorry, baby. You want monogamy? Marry a swan. -- HEARTBURN %% But is not an event in fact more significant and noteworthy the greater the number of fortuities necessary to bring it about? Chance alone has a message for us....We read its message much as gypsies read the images made by coffee grounds. --Kundera %% If God were a woman, men would have vibrating dicks, and three more tongues (strategically located). --Daniel Mocsny %% Freedom's just another world for nothing left to lose. --Janis Joplin %% There is a great difference between not wishing to do evil and not knowing how. --Seneca %% As formerly we suffered from crimes, so now we suffer from laws. --Tacitus %% Anarchy. It's not the law, it's just a good idea. %% All life is a conjugation of the verb "to eat." %% Democracy is four wolves and a lamb, voting on what to have for lunch. %% "It's a personal CD player! You said you wanted something personal!" -mhc %% And if He closes before you all passes and all ways He'll show you a hidden pathway which no one yet has known -- Maulana Rumi %% ...me and David were slow dancing. The odors of his brut cologne was blowing my mind away and the feeling of his fingers on my back. You know that great car-stomach feeling when you fly over a hump? That was my whole body. -- Lynda Barry %% Apollo, the God of light, of reason, of proportion, harmony, number -- Apollo blinds those who press too close in worship. Don't look straight at the sun. Go into a dark bar and have a beer with Dionysos, every now and then. -- U.K. LeGuin %% At the first turning of the second stair I turned and saw below The same shape twisted on the banister ... Under the vapour in the fetid air Struggling with the devil of the stairs who wears The deceitful face of hope and of despair. --TS Eliot %% He wants to dream like a young man With the wisdom of an old man, He wants his home and security, He wants to live like a sailor at sea --Bob Seger %% And through the spaces of the dark Midnight shakes the memory As a madman shakes a dead geranium --T.S. Eliot %% Against the Word the unstilled world still whirled About the center of the silent Word. --T.S. Eliot %% i met a womyn from kentucky while i was in new orleans this summer who found out that i am a vegetarian...she said: "i'm a kittitarian." she eats pussy-cats..... ha ha ha ha ha... so much for bi/lesbian/dyke/byke....we're all KITTITARIANS!!! --katie %% In his chamber opera "Savitri" which is based upon the sanskrit Mahabharata, Holst has Satyavan sing about Maya: It is Maya! Dost thou not know her? Illusion -- dreams -- phantoms. But, to the wise, Maya is more. ------------------ But, to the wise, Maya is more. Look around: All that thou see'st, Trees and shrubs, The grass at thy feet, All that walks or creeps, All that flies from tree to tree, All is unreal: All is Maya. Our bodies, our limbs, our very thoughts. We ourselves are slaves to Maya. What remaineth? Who can say? Love to the lover, The child to the mother, The song to the singer, God to the worshipper; These, wandering thro' the world of Maya, Are perchance shadows of that which is. --Holst, "Savitri" (based upon the sanskrit Mahabharata) %% My Love is of a birth as rare As 'tis, for object, strange and high; It was begotten by Despair Upon Impossibility. --Andrew Marvell %% Human, do you know how interesting it is, this thing you describe? Avata does not have a god. How is it that you have a god? Avata has Self, has the universe. But you have a god. Where did you find this god? --Frank Herbert %% And the heat goes on...where the hand has been --Byrne/Eno %% Had we never loved sae kindly Had we never loved sae blindly Never met, or never parted We had ne'er been broken-hearted --Robert Burns %% I aske not labored letters which should weare Long papers out: nor letters which should feare Dishonest carriage: or a seer's art: Nor such as from the brayne come, but the hart. --John Donne Cum deliramus, ea numina significamus %% (cum = with or by. deliramus = we go crazy, we run riot. ea numina = the gods' will. significamus = we signify, denote, become, announce. "It is when we run riot that we signify the gods." Or "By running riot, we do the will of the gods." Or "It is when we run riot that we announce the will of the gods." Or "By going crazy, we signify the will of the gods.") "Profuit ignaris," "12th century poem of sexual invitation written by a churchman to some young women who are behind the walls of a cloister. The speaker turns his simple request into an elaborate argument considering the purposes of love as the guiding principle of nature and the cosmos." -- Leonard Barkan, THE GODS MADE FLESH: METAMORPHOSIS AND THE PURSUIT OF PAGANISM %% ...it is right to chide man for being blind to such coincidences in his daily life. For he thereby deprives his life of a dimension of beauty. --Kundera %% Anyone whose god is "something higher" must expect someday to suffer vertigo. Vertigo is something other than the fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us; it is the desire to fall. --Kundera %% Happiness is the longing for repetition. --Kundera That God is not other than the universe...does not diminish God but rather elevates the universe....those who choose to make an attempt to overcome their egoism find their efforts aided by forces outside their conscious control....the movement toward self-realization is inherent to the structure of the universe....The Mayhayana Dharmakaya radiates love and compassion to all, impersonally like the sun. --David Loy In beauty may I walk All day long may I walk Through the returning seasons may I walk Beautifully will I possess again Beautiful birds... Beautifully joyful birds... On the trail marked with pollen may I walk With grasshoppers about my feet may I walk With dew about my feet may I walk With beauty may I walk With beauty before me may I walk With beauty behind me may I walk With beauty above me may I walk With beauty all around me may I walk In old age, wandering on a trail of beauty, lively may I walk In old age, wandering on a trail of beauty, living again, may I walk It is finished in beauty It is finished in beauty --Navajo Night Way chant %% There is no room for death, Nor atom that his might could render void; Thou--Thou art Being and Breath And what Thou art may never be destroyed. --Emily Bronte %% Nothing is ever really lost, or can be lost. No birth, identity, form--no object of the world. Nor life, nor force, nor any visible thing; %% Appearance must not foil, nor shifted sphere confuse thy brain. Ample are time and space--ample the fields of nature. --CONTINUITIES, Walt Whitman %% Joshu is my favorite Zen Master. It is said that a monk once asked him, To be holy - what is it like?" Joshu replied, "To dump a mountain of shit on a clean plain." -- Disk Sutphen %% Self-improvement is a dangerous form of vanity. -- Alan Watts %% The meaning of here and now is beautifully illustrated by a Zen story of a monk who was being chased by two tigers. He came to the edge of a cliff. He looked back - the tigers were almost upon him. Noticing a vine leading over the cliff, he quickly crawled over the edge and began to let himself down the vine. Then as he checked below, he saw two tigers waiting for him at the bottom of the cliff. He looked up and observed that two mice were knawing away at the vine. Just then, he saw a beautiful strawberry within arm's reach. He picked it and enjoyed the best tasting strawberry in his whole life! -- Ken Keyes %% Children, apples of my eyes, when you feel like weeping gems, go to the garbage dumps, the dead ends of the labyrinth, the oubliettes, the cemeteries, the charnal grounds. Find yourself a spot there and surrender to the melancholy of the place, recollect the sadness around you and the misery of the world, and wish ardently that they cease. The more sincere your feelings, the clearer the gems that will form. Gems from cruelty have facets, gems from broken hearts are purple or orange, the death of a child brings forth emeralds; animals that people torment bring forth pearls and diamonds. The deeper the emotion, the more luminous the gem. --Esther Rochon/Henry Polard %% It is because of your disillusionments that you fly.... Here then is the dragonfly with its four wings, full of confidence and joy, and I am at the double junction of the wings. -- Esther Rochon/ Henry Polard %%