Northern Exposure quotes %% Let's face it, Jewish doctors are not exactly an endangered species. Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% Because, Joel, once you have experienced Alaska, and I am talking about the *real* Alaska, everything else pales in comparison. Peter Gilliam -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% So what we've decided to do is set you up in Cicely, situated in an area that we Alaskans refer to as The Alaskan Riviera. Peter Gilliam -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% So what you're saying is, if I don't like it, I can leave? Absolutely. Joel and Peter Gilliam -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% You're a doctor, right? Yeah. Look, where are we? I like Doctor Connie Graham. She's on the radio. Helps you with your personal problems. Ed meets Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% See ya. Where are you going? Home. What? Are you kidding me? You've got to take me to Mr. Minnifield. Oh! You can return the thanks to me later. Hey! Hey! HEY! Oh, God! Ed drops Joel off outside of Cicely -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% Only been to New York one time - for a parade. What? For the Macy's Day? Ticker-tape. Maurice and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% Now we've got an outstanding little town here, Joel, ready to step up in the world. We've got natural resources; we've got land; we've got wildlife, just waiting to be fondled. Maurice -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% This is Cicely. She and Roslyn founded the town 97 years ago. Rumor and innuendo notwithstanding, they were just good friends. Maurice -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% This is my *office*?!? A few curtains, a couple of heads on the wall; you're in business! Joel and Maurice -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% Who are you? Marilyn. I'm here for the job. Joel meets Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% I don't don't like it - I hate it! And I demand to leave! ... Well that is because you are not the one who is supposed to spend the next 4 years of his life in this Godforsaken hole in the wall, pigsty with a bunch of dirty, psychotic rednecks! Joel to Gilliam on the phone -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% I will under no condition, *no condition*, spend the best years of my life in the worse place on Earth! Joel is trapped in Cicely -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% You haven't heard back from your attorney, huh? Well, no - but as I'm sure you know, these are very, very complex legal issues here, and they take quite some time to sort out. Besides, she's got finals. Holling and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% What kind of name is Clem anyways? What is that short for? Clemton? Clemlock? Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% Look, you know, if you'd rather spend the night here than at my place, don't let me get in your way! Look, I don't want to tell you how to run your business, but this petulant aggressive thing is a real turnoff... I am not a hooker...jerk. I'm your landlord. Maggie meets Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% I fly. What? You're a stewardess? I mean, I'm sorry - flight attendant. Which airline? I own my *own* plane. I'm a pilot. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% I'm leaving tomorrow, so if I don't get the chance to say goodbye, thanks again for your hospitality. Goodbye. Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% Just the water, then? Yeah...no, give me a bagel and cream cheese. What's a bagel? Ruth Anne and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% What are you all doing here? They're waiting to see the doctor. Joel and Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% There is *no* job! Joel to Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% Ok. What's your problem? I'm feeling achey and I'm hot. All right, for how long? About three years. You do feel warm - let's get your temperature. Now, how am I going to get your temperature without a thermometer? There is no job. You could have just wheeled it in on a cart. Joel and his first patient -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% You signed a contract, Joel. But much more important than that, you gave your word. And I intend to hold you to that word within the bounds of the law. If necessary, without the bounds of the law. Maurice -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% I didn't kill him! We were on a glacier. I take a hike; he decides to take a nap. And froze. Maggie -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% Quit it! This is my office. People get sick, people get shot, people get hurt. I haven't got a problem with that - believe me, I wouldn't have it any other way. Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% And if I leave? 10,000 dollars or 18 years in jail...AND 18 years in jail?!? Joel receives the bad news -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% Moose burger or caribou dog? Ed -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% What time is it in New York City right now? Around midnight. So I guess maybe you and your fiance'd be coming back from a movie about now, maybe stop by a little cafe for a cup of espresso, pick up the Sunday edition of the _New York Times_, and some fresh, hot bagels for breakfast tomorrow? Sounds about right. How do you know about bagels? Oh, I saw _Manhattan_. I think Woody's a genius. Ed and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% I got nothing to say to you, Maurice, but I'm saying it anyway. Holling -- Northern Exposure (1.1) %% You're missing the point, Ed. Golf isn't a game, it's a choice that one makes with one's life. To hang out with people in funny-looking pants? Joel and Ed -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% It's a bare footprint. As in grizzly bear footprint? No, more like as in a person with no shoes on. Ed and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% What does he look like? He's big. Broad-shouldered. Flat-top head. Kind of hulking. Green. That's Frankenstein. Joel and Ed about Adam -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% I can't sleep. I can't eat. If this keeps up, I may have to go see Dr. Fleischman. Ruth Anne -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% I can't criticize what I don't understand. If you want to call this art, you've got the benefit of all my doubts. Maurice to Chris -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% You're like a pig with truffles when it comes to the fillies! Maurice to Chris -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% Marilyn, I think we should review office procedure one more time. When I ask for a patient's chart, I don't want a map to his house, I want his medical records, I am a doctor. Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% Where am I? You know, I've been asking myself that same question since I got here. I've finally figured out we are somewhere between the end of the line and the middle of nowhere. Oh. Where is that on the map? Bernard meets Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% You're in Cicely. Alaska. On the cusp of the new Alaskan Riviera. Ed to Bernard -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% Now, here is a customer who says that his breakfast is very good. The man hasn't eaten in two days, Holling. Holling and Shelly -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% Jung says that dreams are the woofer and tweeter of the total sound system. Chris -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% It's crazy. One morning, you're living your life in Portland. You get up, and go to work at the IRS. Nothing special. And you have this dream. At least, you think it's a dream, but you're not sure. So you quit your job, you sell your condo, and you buy yourself a Harley, although you're afraid of motorcycles. And then you head North, with no fixed destination in mind. But you know you've got to keep going and going and going, and just when you think you've lost touch with everything that was once real, you find yourself in Cicely, Alaska on the cusp of the new Alaskan Riviera. Know what I mean? Bernard to Chris, Holling, and Shelly -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% You've got to be the most paranoid person I've ever met. Oh, excuse me, O'Connell. But uh, paranoia implies an irrational highly agitated state. There is nothing irrational about taking a few reasonable security precautions. Maggie and Joel as he double-bolts his cabin -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% You look me square in the eyes and tell me that Adam is just a figment of this town's warped imagination. Joel to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% You can't look me in the eyes, can you? I could, *if* I wanted to. Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% So, from way up here, have you ever spotted anything, um, unusual? Unusual? How so? Uh...I don't know. You know, big, green. Well, I've seen a lot of trees. Joel inquires about Adam to Ranger Burns -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% It's a big big responsibility waiting for disaster to happen. Ranger Burns -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% Let me ask you something. Say that a fire did break out, and you spotted it, it's not like there are any firefighters up here to do anything. Well, that's what I keep trying to tell them down in Anchorage, but nobody listens to me. Joel and Ranger Burns -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% My father was an avid card player. Me too! Bernard and Chris -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% You can rip me off - just don't leave me here! Joel to Adam -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% I don't like people! You are a person, and I don't like people. Do you *understand* me? Adam to Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% Do you want to *die*? Is that what you want? Adam to Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% Do you know *who* I am? No. I'm Adam. Oh, I'm Chef Boyardee. Adam and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% Do I have to do something to prove to you that I'm Adam? Adam is a big, threatening, wild...I mean, granted, you're that. But, he's not the kind of guy who stirs noodles in a wok. Adam and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% Jung said that? Yeah, I think it was Jung. Either that or Vince Price. Bernard and Chris -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% You went to cooking school in Buffalo? Hey! No Buffalo jokes! Joel and Adam -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% You were in Nam, huh? I said, NO QUESTIONS! Joel and Adam -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% Hello boys, I am Carl Jung. And while I know much about the collective unconscious, I don't know how to drive! Carl Jung -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% Hold this thing correctly...it's a spoon, not a darning needle! Adam gives cooking lessons to Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% He fixed you dinner? Well, it was more like a late supper, actually. Maurice and Joel about Adam -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% Son, if you think you're going to get out of your employment with this psycho-babble routine, you've got another thing coming. Maurice to Joel about Adam -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% Your birthday's July 3rd? July 3rd, 1963. What? I was born July 3rd, 1963. Do you have a picture of your father?!? Chris and Bernard -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% That makes Daddy a...a TRAVELLING MAN. I knew somethin' was up by the way they played bridge. Chris and Bernard and Holling -- Northern Exposure (1.8) %% After you've been in a place for a while, everything starts to look... I won't say better, there's no need to go to extremes...but your everyday life does start to become...familiar. Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% But lonely guy letters and long-distance phone calls are a poor substitute for a big kiss and a big, big hug. Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% No wait, this is my fiance that you are not flying in. This is impossible! Joel to a flu-stricken Red Murphy -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% No. No drunks, no convicted felons, and no one named Maggie. Her real name is Mary Margaret. Joel and Ed -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% It's just...being my fiance, Elaine is a very special person to me. I would hope so. So, I don't want you doing any white knucklers while you've got her up there. Joel asks Maggie to fly in Elaine -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% Just business. That's why I'm charging you double. Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% I brought everything on your wish list. I'll vouch for that. Elaine and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% What exactly does Maurice need to see me about? He's sick. Oh. Joel and Ed -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% Chris is puking. Maurice is sick. Ed straightens out the situation -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% I am well aware that the flu season doesn't officially begin for the next two months, but you try and tell that to people who have been barfing in my bathroom all night, if you get my drift. Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% Marilyn! Something stinks worse than ever out there! Use the disinfectant - the lemon-scented. Not *pine*. Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% What *is* this? An ancient tribal remedy. It smells like moose dung! Joel and Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% What's the native logic here? If you feel like crap, you should smell like it, too? Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% Flowers for Joey Fleischman... Joey??? Delivery person and Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% Notice anything different? What, you got a tattoo? Yeah, but I was talking about the air conditioner. Elaine and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% It does seem a little superfluous to use an air-conditioner in Alaska. The hum helps me get to sleep. Elaine and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% We brought this man here to keep us healthy, and here we are - all sick! Now, we've got a right to know why you've failed us so miserably! Maurice to the town meeting -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% Just what kind of flu have we have here, Doc? That's an excellent question, Holling, that's an excellent question. A flu virus is named for its point of origin. Um, the Shanghai flu, the Hong Kong flu, the Russian flu, the Westchester... So, it could be Russian flu? Certainly. I never did trust Gorbachev. Holling, Joel and Ruth Anne -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% It's pretty sad when the Soviets' only hope for world domination is to send a flock of sick birds across the Bering Strait. Don't be ridiculous. This is not a political conspiracy, I promise you - this is a medical problem! That's easy for you to say! What is *that* supposed to mean? It means your grandfather was probably a Trotsky-ite and your parents marched in candlelight vigils for Julius and Ethel Rosenberg! The town meeting becomes ugly -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% And despite everything, I think everyone learned a lot of really good stuff tonight. Oh, really? Yeah! I never knew there was a power struggle in the Kremlin after Andropov died. Ed and Joel discuss the town meeting -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% Is this straight, Dr. Sarano? Your department refuses to give me any backup or technical support until some flunkie lab tech down in Anchorage confirms my diagnosis? That's my nephew! Joel and Dr. Sarano (over the phone) -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% Elaine, get back in bed. You're not supposed to be walking around! I need more tea. I'll bring it in to you. Fortunately for both of us, I am perfectly capable of boiling a pot of water. Joel and Elaine -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% This is a highly contagious infection - practically the whole town's got it. Not Maggie. All right - there's one glaring exception. Joel and Elaine -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% Does this have something to do with your sleep deprivation or have you just finally gone over the edge? Maggie -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% You skillfully planted the notion that there was something deep and symbiotic between you and me. In your *dreams*, Fleischman. Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% I disagree with the last caller. Even though Dr. Fleischman is incompetent, why, that's not a reason to ship him off to Siberia! Jules up on the Kayak River -- Northern Exposure (1.5) about Joel's inability to treat the flu %% Marilyn, did I not specifically tell you that this office could not legally or morally prescribe a treatment with no known medical value? You didn't prescribe it - I did. How many people did you give it to? Five? Ten? Everyone?!? Joel and Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% This has got to be the most depressing and dreadful romantic weekend on record. Joel to Elaine -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% Desperate times call for desperate measures. Take off your nightgown. Oh honey, I'm not in the mood. Joel and Elaine -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% How's the wife? Keeping me honest... Well, tell her I said 'hi' and give a kiss to your sister! Chris and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% Aren't you a sweet brother? Elaine to Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% Hey, big boy - I missed you. Do you want to go out on the roof? Or you want to do it in the atrium? Or do you want to do it in the igloo? Maggie to Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% Just because I finally got better...there's no law that says that you have to perform on demand. Elaine -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% Yes, some big shoes needed to be filled, and I always did have an extra wide foot. Ed -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% Don't be offended if most of these rednecks give you the cold shoulder for being caught dead with the pinko doctor. Joel forewarns Elaine about the town -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% I owe you an apology too, Doc. Giving out an Indian cure took an act of courage. Actually, it was an act of desperation, and she did it behind my back. Redneck and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% She said you were a great guy. She thinks you're funny, smart, and compassionate. And? No and. But. Oh. She doesn't understand why you don't cut anybody any slack. Why you can't roll with the punches. Why you think everyone you meet has an ulterior motive. Why you can't be spontaneous. And why you can't see the beauty that's all around you. And frankly, I didn't know what to tell her. Elaine rephrasing Maggie to Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% It would make a lovely holiday card - "Greetings from the Netherworld, love Joel and Elaine." Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% It's just this weekend, that's all it was. It just wasn't meant to be, you know? Joel to Elaine -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% You could take your half; you'd apply it to various tribal projects; I could take my half and retire comfortably for the rest of my life! Sound plausible? Joel tries to profit from the tribal remedy -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% Anyway, thanks for being so nice to her. Yeah, you know, she'd make a great sister. Joel and Maggie discuss Elaine -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% Would you like me to rub this all over you? Yeah, that would be... You would? In your *dreams*, Fleischman. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.5) %% Here for a specific reason, Ed, or was it a little slow in the woods today? No, they're about the same as always. Joel and Ed -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% You know what I would do? About what? Lay astro-turf over this whole road and have yourself a real golf course. Yeah! We'll put in a *windmill* and call it Fleischman's mini-putt. Ed and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% Oh yeah, I've been to Hawaii. They got their sun, they got their water, but you can take that Big Island and plop it down on top of Mt. McKinley with all its lava and still have room left over for a leper colony. Maurice to Japanese businessmen -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% What's with him? He's going to vomit! Not in the car! Maurice and Mr. Chiba -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% Do you want to ... NO! No what? What were you going to say? I was going to say, "Do you want to take your coat off?" Joel and Shelly -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% He saw the plastic cup this morning, but I told him Ruth Anne was giving away free packets of Mr. Toilet. Shelly -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% This man is sick, Joel! He puked in my caddie. (Ice-pellets all over my dash-board!) Maurice -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% Tell him that Dr. Fleischman is the kind of enterprising, young professional who's chosen to stake his claim right here on the banks of the Alaskan Riviera. Tell him I'm being held against my will. Maurice and Joel to businessmen -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% Let's just say that Mr. Masuto's got a very highly diversified portfolio. He's also got wax! Maurice and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% How do you tell your old man that your pee turned blue? Shelly -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% Haven't you ever heard of hormones, Fleischman? What is this, a pop quiz? Yeah, I've heard of hormones. You want hormones? Estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, which obviously regulates your personality. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% And you know how to treat your women. I mean, you guys practically set the standard. How can they kick you in the jewels when they're walking 6 paces behind you? Of course, they can stab you in the back and rip your heart out while you're not looking ... Maurice -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% You'll have to excuse me. I've got to go sit on the can for a little while. Warm liquor gives me gas. Maurice to Japanese businessmen -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% Gopher was the purser. Now he's a ... he's a what? Congressman. Right. Too bad the show was a hit, or he might have been an ex-president by now. Joel and Ed -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% You don't see anything tacky and obnoxious about dropping a lime- green rug in a setting like this? Maggie -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% Just come here to give me grief, O'Connell? Or am I catching you on a good day? Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% Do something to earn your job distinction. Oh? What's your job title? Maid of honor. Oooh - sounds like a heavy load. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% Chris is ordained? He answered a classified on the back of _Rolling Stone_. Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% You know, I was kind of hoping that Shelly would get hitched to that astronaut fella...I admit he hasn't got all his oars in the water, but boy does he have a lot of cash! Shelly's Dad to Holling -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% You're forging a bond with these men that's tighter than a g-string on a Sumo-wrestler. Maurice to Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% If she wants to live over a bar with a man who doesn't believe in guns...if that'll make her happy - fine with me! Maurice about Shelly -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% Granted, it's a little a humid out there, and you are sounding a little nasal, but the forecast for this deal is sunny and mild. Maurice to Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% I read magazines...I watch TV...I know how people are supposed to treat each other! Shelly -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% You see - For 40 years I have been alone, on my own, and life has been good. But now it's... It's what? It's better. So what's the problem? Holling and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% Hey Fleischman - the wedding's back on. Holling and Shelly? No, Fleischman, Laurel and Hardy. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% Let's bring a little dignity to it this time, okay? Bring a little dignity? Me? What are you insinuating? Late show, no groom, bad socks. Hey, my fiance gave me those socks. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% What time did you book them out on the honeymoon moose? Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% Me? Rick and me? Oh, yeah. I guess. I mean, maybe. Who knows? Oh sure...why not? Maggie on marriage -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% He re-asked me to re-marry him tomorrow, and I've re-said yes. Shelly -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% Besides, you can't keep walking around carrying a blowtorch for me when I'm walking around carrying little Holling, Jr. Shelly to Maurice -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% It's occasions like these that my thoughts turn to marriage. I think of the Dalai Lama, the Pope, Mother Theresa. Very spiritual people who never took the plunge. Then, on the other hand, we have Elizabeth Taylor and Mickey Rooney who couldn't get enough of a good thing. Chris -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% Shelly Tambo, do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband, 'til death do you part? Uh huh. Holling Vincoeur, do you take this lovely girl to be your lawful wedded wife, 'til death do you part? ... Holling? ... Holling? I wonder if I might speak with Shelly for a moment. In private. Chris at Shelly and Holling's wedding -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% That was the most beautiful non-ceremony that I ever saw! Ruth Anne -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% Let me put it this way, you cross those guys - you sleep with the sushi. Maurice about businessmen -- Northern Exposure (1.4) %% I *love* hanging out watching Marilyn browse through my Sharper Image catalog. Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% Are you trying to tell me that in a town of 815 people with 16 hours of daylight, you have a hard time squeezing everybody in?? Maggie -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% "Hello, I was hit by a bus" is a reason to be late for a doctor's appointment. Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% Do you need a steak knife, Dr. Fleischman? No, actually, I could use a chainsaw. Do you mind identifying this evening's side dishes? I'll ask. Shelly and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% I can't wait to get up at the crack of dawn and climb into a flying sardine can with a woman who wishes I'd catch a slow and painful disease so I can do some dirty deed for an old geezer who ignores everything I tell him and then gets annoyed at me because he doesn't get better. I'm just living for that. I don't know how I'll sleep. Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% I think there were a couple of air pockets you missed back there - let's look for them on the way back... Joel to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% Maggie. What? He's wearing Old Spice. He shaved to kill himself. Joel and Maggie about Soapie -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% I don't like people committing suicide. All the ethical considerations aside - it's just plain bad for business. Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% I'll just skip these cremating instructions if it's okay with everybody. Please do! Holling reading Soapie's will and Maurice -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% A man, a dead man, puts you in his will, and naturally you would think there's some ulterior motive. Maggie to Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% I was thinking we could set up an animal preserve, and name it after Soapie. An animal preserve? So all the Alaskans can have some place to get back to nature? Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% Chris, you play this crap at 6 in the morning and you'll be looking down so many barrels, you'll think you landed in an NRA convention. Maurice -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% If I'm driving in my truck and I see a sign that says "Rock Slide" or "Road Work Ahead," I see you. Maggie thinks of Joel as an obstacle -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% It's not a movie, it's a documentary. Oh yeah? I *like* those! Animals kill each other; that bald guy sells insurance. Student of Soapie's and Ed -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% Two glasses of this, and you may see me in an *entirely* new light. Joel about a $200 bottle of wine -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% I owe you an apology - I don't always see you as this huge physical impediment. Maggie to Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% Well, I guess I was hitting on you. You were coming on to me, and I stopped you. Well, yes. Maybe. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% Soapie once told me that the thing he loved most about country music was its sense of myth. There's heroes and villains, good and bad, right and wrong. The protagonist strolls into a bar which he sees as a microcosm of the big picture. He contemplates his existence and asks himself, "Who's that babe in the red dress?" Chris in the morning -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% Was there anything about Soapie that no-one knew except you? Well...I probably shouldn't say this since he's not here to defend himself. But, Soapie did not believe in artificial sweeteners! Soapie's student and Shelly -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% So what do I do? Only go out with guys that I'd like to see dead? Maggie -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% You are the most vile, odious, pernicious waste of corpuscles I've ever had the misfortune to lay my eyes on. Maggie -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% All you care about is you, and New York, and your precious career! Look, Mother Theresa. I did not get off the plane and say that I am Marcus Wellby, kindly physician, and all around swell guy! Okay!?! Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% Where's Amnesty International when it comes to Joel Fleischman?!? Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% I've been thinking a lot about what you said and some of it was right on the money. A significant amount. Most of it. Everything except odious - I bathe regularly. Joel tries to apologize -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% The only consequence of all this will be, that whenever I open a nice Bordeaux, there will be the distant, distasteful memory of a nutcase who tried to kill me because I allowed her to kiss me on the cheek under false pretenses. I can live with it. Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.3) %% That is nine pounds this month! Which means by the time this baby is due you should put on about 80 pounds; which means only one thing... It's a boy? Slow down - you are eating like there is no tomorrow. Joel and Shelly -- Northern Exposure (1.6) %% Give the stud a gun, a car. Throw in a good looking woman. Then you've got yourself a movie. Grope and kill; grope and kill. Maurice gives advice to Ed -- Northern Exposure (1.6) %% I can't very well marry Cindy until I first divorce you! Wayne to Shelly -- Northern Exposure (1.6) %% In my experience, I have seen this many many times, and only once has it been malignant. But this one time when it was bad; is the person okay now? No, but... No? He's dead? Yeah, but... How long...how long did he live? Six months, but... Six months!?! Joel discovers a "growth" on Rick -- Northern Exposure (1.6) %% You forgot to tell me you were married? Yes. Don't tell me that you've never forgotten anything, Holling. Holling and Shelly -- Northern Exposure (1.6) %% The odds are a thousand to one - why would you be the one in a thousand? This is ridiculous - you're not that special. Maggie denies Rick's growth -- Northern Exposure (1.6) %% I'd be playing for the Flames by now if it wasn't for her walking out on me. She took the fire right out of me. I didn't want to fight; I didn't want to stick. I didn't want to crush nobody's skull. Wayne -- Northern Exposure (1.6) %% You mean to tell me her nipples are hard as sapphire, she's eating like two horses, her breasts are growing by leaps and bounds, and she's *not* pregnant? Holling -- Northern Exposure (1.6) %% Looking great! I'm not in the mood, Fleischman. Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (1.6) %% There are more important things to talk about in the world besides fat-burgers, Wayne. Yeah, yeah, I know. Hockey and sex. But as far as I'm concerned, there is still enough room on this planet for small talk. Shelly and Wayne -- Northern Exposure (1.6) %% Because if I can't count on you when something as piddly as a husband pops up, what happens when the really big stuff hits? Shelly -- Northern Exposure (1.6) %% Sarano on one. We've only *got* one line! Marilyn and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.6) %% You are fine. Thank God... Thank you, God. Thank God... Oh, thank you God! Joel delivers the good news to Maggie and Rick -- Northern Exposure (1.6) %% Why are you sitting directly above and behind me? Who died and made you chief? Reserved seating. *grin* Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.6) %% Now for the traffic report. Maggie O'Connell just drove down Main Street...too fast. Chris in the Morning -- Northern Exposure (1.7) %% You had me do a two hour turn around to Anchorage to pick up *bagels*? They were supposed to be medical supplies! Maggie -- Northern Exposure (1.7) %% Hey Pete! How's life in the big city you lying, miserable, deceitful son of a... Joel to Pete Gilliam -- Northern Exposure (1.7) %% I don't know the first thing about hygiene. I'm not going to touch that one. Maggie about the hygiene class to Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.7) %% There are four words you need to know to adequately prepare yourself for childbirth. Take notes here, ladies. "I WANT MY EPIDURAL!" Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.7) %% Tom, thanks for the fruit basket. It's always good to have some apples when you're in mourning. Maurice -- Northern Exposure (1.7) %% So, how was school today, son? Maurice to Chris, his new heir -- Northern Exposure (1.7) %% Malcolm and my dad had the right stuff. As far as they were concerned, I was spam in a can. Maurice -- Northern Exposure (1.7) %% I love women. Most women. Joel to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (1.7) %% I may not have had a child, Fleischman; but I know one when I see one. Maggie -- Northern Exposure (1.7) %% Simultaneous fantasies...very touching. Joel about the childbirth class -- Northern Exposure (1.7) %% Are there any questions? Something you'd like to ask a *doctor*? How will I know when it's time? Trust me, all mothers show up. Joel at his prepared childbirth class -- Northern Exposure (1.7) %% Oh, remember son. Seeds sprout. Maurice to Chris before a date -- Northern Exposure (1.7) %% You consider yourself grounded, young man! Stick it between your legs, *Dad*. Maurice and Chris -- Northern Exposure (1.7) %% It's time! No, it's _Newsweek_. One of the natural child birth coaches going into labor and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.7) %% *I'm* having a baby. What am I missing here? She's pregnant. She's in labor! A stowaway? I'm not even going to ask why. You've got a hell of a dressmaker. Thanks! One of the natural child birth coaches going into labor, Joel, and others -- Northern Exposure (1.7) %% Tempus fugit, eh Joel? It doesn't fugit nearly fast enough. Chris and Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% I have nice, thin, New York blood. *You* probably don't have blood at all. Joel to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% There are other ways besides *sex* to get a bladder infection, Fleischman. Yeah, but that's the funnest. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% Don't get frostbite! Elaine writes farewell to Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% Hey, Fleischman. What? Is it the wrong color?? Maggie gives Joel her "sample" -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% Anyways, everybody knows that size has nothing to do with performance. It's the quality of the equipment that counts, little lady. Maurice -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% Hey, if there is a cross in this particular scenario, I'm carrying it. Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% You are single, you are heterosexual, you are a doctor, you are Jewish. Alaska is wide open for you and I was right. Believe me, I will be out there. I'll have to fight the women off. What women? Joel and Ed -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% 12 years man, you think you know somebody, and then TBPT, they blow you off in a barely legible letter. Don't take that personally. Chris to Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% *I* have a headache. Shelly after a night of TV -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% Could you stand over there, please? You're making me look very short in front of these women. Joel to Chris on a date -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% Look, O'Connell. Unlike most of your former boyfriends, Elaine is not dead. Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% Dumped again, Fleischman? Maggie -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% Intellectually, we're on our game. But emotionally...Joel. We have talked and we have talked and we have talked about this problem. But this is the *third* time we have fallen apart. Younger Joel to Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% 17 years old? When we didn't get into Harvard? We didn't handle *that* one very well, did we? No, we didn't. Younger Joel to Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% How many more times are we going to subject ourselves to this abject humiliation? Younger Joel to Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% It's "Love is Pain" day on KBHR. Music to soothe the shattered heart. Dedicated to you, Dr. Joel. Chris in the morning -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% That's closure? In a manner of speaking. The last fifteen minutes of your movie with Elaine. Ed and Joel discuss closure -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% Sometimes you've got to suck it up, pull yourself together. Be a *man*! That's what I've been telling myself for the past 15 *years*. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% Which would you rather watch: sword-swallowers and snake charmers from New Delhi...or *MacGyver*? Shelly -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% You look familiar. Well, I should look familiar, Fleischman. You've only known me for eight months. Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% I don't like it, you don't get it - FINE. Just go ahead and do it, and hurry up, because I'm freezing... Maggie on closure -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% Not frequency, I am not talking about frequency; although that would have been great, too. I wanted more intensity. I wanted to be out there, outside myself, outside my skin. I wanted sex to be like robbing *life* out of the jaws of death! Wow... Are you okay? Why? Well, it's 20 below out, and you're breaking a sweat. Joel to Maggie on sex -- Northern Exposure (2.1) %% Hmm. Hmm what? Your thing. What about it? It looks funny. Shelly and Holling -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% How come you weren't...you know...clipped? Shelly to Holling -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% I'm sure your dad would like to meet your beau. Oh, God... Ruth Anne and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% My neck was a little stiff last week. Once in a while I get a tick right here under my eye. I'm thinking about getting circumsized. And every now and again, my knee pops out. What? My *knee* pops out. Holling and Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% I hear it's also more ... in style. In style? Like pleated pants, or an earring? Holling explains his reasons for being clipped to Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% I have an assistant here who thinks it's unnecessary to take names. She'd rather run my office like a delicatessen. Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% I don't suppose you have an undertaker either. Milt. Milt...Wyman? He's a taxidermist. Joel and Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% I was looking forward to meeting your Dr. Joel. Maggie's dad wants to meet her beau -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% This is so incredibly macho! Shelly about Holling being snipped -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% Why is seven degrees in Alaska colder than seven degrees anywhere else? Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% How many guys would get their Johnny peeled just to show his babe how much he cared? Shelly to Joel about Holling -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% Darling! Maggie to Joel in front of her dad -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% What kind of boyfriend are you? You wouldn't think we had a close, caring relationship; that we've been intimately involved for the past six months. What kind of impression is that going to make on my dad? My dad! Who's come all this way to meet you, my boyfriend, the doctor, who I've written so many wonderful letters about. Maggie to Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% Me? The person you describe as manipulative, self-centered, sub-human? The person who just a few hours ago you compared unfavorably to a tapeworm? Why would you do such a twisted, perverted thing? Joel tries to understand Maggie's deception -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% You know, you should wear a dress more often. Let people see this dynamite figure of yours. Why should I be the only lucky one? Joel to Maggie and her dad -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% Sports, me? What do you play? Well, in the winter, it's luge. Joel and Maggie's dad -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% I have grown really, really tired of contact sports. I mean, you can break an ankle, you can tear up a knee...but can you *die*? Joel to Maggie's dad -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% Scalpel... Uh oh... Can you fix it? Joel and Shelly in Holling's dream about the impending operation -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% Holling, are you stewed? Joel to Holling before his operation -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% I can't do it. I can't, I cannot put you at risk. I know how much you want this, Holling. I feel terrible. You come to me with a simple request; one simple little request. What do I do? I fail you. Do you know how that makes me feel? Impotent. Like a failure. Joel does the honorable thing -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% Dad, my boyfriend's name is Rick. He's a bush pilot, he's not particularly smart, he's never been to college, he has no plans or goals. You'd hate him. Maggie tells the truth to her dad -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% Only when we understand all is vanity, only then, it isn't. Chris -- Northern Exposure (2.3) %% I'll bet you anything they were in cahoots from the beginning. Professor Plum and Mrs. White? Maggie and Joel play CLUE -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% I once had to *pry* Colonel Mustard off of Mrs. Peacock's back! Maggie -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% This is stupid, O'Connell. You can't play the game of CLUE with two people. It is obviously Colonel Mustard with the candlestick in the library! Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% I mean, when you come right down to it, what's the point of coming back here at all? You'll get thrown in the slammer for breach of contract. Okay. There's a point. Joel and Ruth Anne -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% Well, thanks Fleischman. That's...that's sweet. Oh, I appreciate it, I do. It's just that I have this Pavlovian response to you and I can never really express my appreciation. To you, that is. Because you're sneaky and duplicitous and self-serving and I always think you have a hidden agenda. You're welcome. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% That's right, tomorrow's Founders' Day, when we all get together down at the church and mark that special day back in 1932 when Cicely and Roslyn stalled out here on the cusp of the new Alaskan Riviera and had to make the best of a bad situation. That's a damn lie! Chris and Maurice -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% Now nobody really knows for sure what happened in that stalled car out in the woods with Cicely and her very special friend Roslyn... Damn it! I told him to lay off that lesbian angle! Chris and Maurice -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% I've got nothing against Sapphic love! I've been in some erotic movies myself! Maurice -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% From now until the end of tagging season, he thinks of nothing but hares, hares, hares. I can dig it. Ingrid and Shelly -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% Those are the black fedoras; symbolizing...well you know. Death? Right. And what does the glued on macaroni symbolize? Man's inhumanity to man? Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% Let's not tell him about the Anchorage-New York plane crash. If he finds out he's dead, the evening will be a total drag. Mr. "Streisand" to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% Dr. David Ginsberg. BA City College, MD Columbia University. Do I know guys like him? I *am* guys like him. He's going to love Cicely, Alaska. Joel about his replacement -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% If a person has a premonition that some other person is going to die... But you're not really close to the someone or anything. Is it the premonitioner's moral obligation to warn the premonitionee? Maggie asks Chris -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% Your history with men being what it is *and* a black fedora? Chris about Maggie's dream about Joel's death -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% You better zip your lip, boy! Maurice brandishing a hammer at Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% Mrs. Klausner is an astronaut groupie?? Joel to Maurice -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% You're my replacement? *You're* Dr. Ginsberg? Please. I can't handle this "Doctor" stuff. He likes to be called Dave. Joel, Dave, and Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% Jewish? Give me a break. What Jew looks like that and fixes heaters? Michael Landon. Joel rants about his replacement to Ed -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% You want to cancel my trip because you dreamed my plane crashed? Yes...no...you died. Oh. You *dreamed* about me? Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% Dr. Fleischman? Ed? Two moose burgers medium well... Now I've lost my train of thought. You said, "Dr. Fleischman." Oh right. Ed and Joel interrupted by Shelly -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% And while our mental gears are shifted into memory; I'd like to call a little attention to a fellow that we've gotten pretty attached to here in the last few months. A guy that we refer to as Dr. Fleischman. Well, he might just go away for two weeks...well, how many people know about Maggie's dream? Wow. Okay. All right. Sure. He can come back. And true, even if he doesn't, we still have Dave... Chris at the Founders' Day meeting -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% I feel really bad about Elaine breaking up with him. I can't help but think had she known about the plane wreck, she might have gone ahead and waited until he was dead. I think that would have been the tactful way to handle it. Ruth Anne "remembers" Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% This is Grandpa Jim. He's dead. If you see him, tell him Grandma is only marrying Mr. Skinner for his microwave. Little boy to Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% Okay, okay. You win. I'm spooked. I admit it - I'm officially unsettled. I give up! It's not worth it. I have my pride, but I'll be damned if I'm going to die for it. Joel to Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% What's that thing on your back? Parachute. Flight attendants aren't supposed to wear *parachutes*. How do you think the passengers feel? Bon Voyage, Fleischman! Joel and Maggie in Joel's dream -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% Look, I know how much you like it here, and how great everyone thinks you are, but there has been a change of plans. I don't know how to spring this on you, but we've run into a little scheduling problem. I'm only sorry you couldn't stay longer. I'm sure there's a doctor in Yellow Knife or something who will need a substitute. Well. Take care. If you find yourself in Cicely, don't be a stranger. Bye, Dave! Joel ushers Dave out of the office -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% You've had thoughts about me. Maybe more like...impulses. Impulses? No, thoughts. Now, wait a minute. Thought-type thoughts, or fantasy-type thoughts? Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% Tell me to take that doomed flight, and I will. Well? Joel to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% All that talk about winged chariots got to me. It was creepy; and damn moving! Maurice -- Northern Exposure (2.4) %% If we go, go insane We can all go together In this wild, wanton world We can all break down forever... Song from 2.5 %% It's a time for madness; a time for our fangs to come down and our eyes to glaze over so that the beast in us can sing with unmitigated joy. Oh yes, ecstacy, I welcome thee! Chris in the Morning -- Northern Exposure (2.5) %% How'd you like _Beefcake Bingo_? Ruth-Anne to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (2.5) %% Born to Bingo! Ruth-Anne's shirt -- Northern Exposure (2.5) %% It seems the meltdown causes some criminal insanity; but it's only temporary. Maurice -- Northern Exposure (2.5) %% You tolerate crime because it's cost effective?!? Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.5) %% Hey, don't get zen on me. I have been *violated*! Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.5) %% Boy, Holling sure is cute when he's out to kick butt. I'd like to jump his bones, but I've got this *thing* ... What thing? Shelly and Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (2.5) %% Okay, okay, we'll do like an eclectic group thing; something with maybe a Roman motif. Togas? *YEAH*! Joel and his fantasy women -- Northern Exposure (2.5) %% So, now what? Let's do it! Here? Now? In the middle of my subconscious with all the lights on? You're shy... No, I'm extremely self-conscious. Better? Yeah, if I can just get my pupils to dilate. Where are you? Joel and his fantasy women -- Northern Exposure (2.5) %% Listen: "Inarticulate, he moved with her at the marsh in violent, gloomy, wordless passion, almost in hatred of her 'til gradually she became aware of him, aware of herself with regard to him. Her blood stirred to life, she began to open towards him; to flow towards him again. He waited 'til the spell was between them again, 'til they were together within one rushing, hastening flame." What's that all about? Shelly -- Northern Exposure (2.5) %% They pulled me off an 905R, rabies suspect, brown bear. We lost it in a trailer park. Sgt. Semanski -- Northern Exposure (2.5) %% Oh, excuse me! *You* have the jello regulation book, I've been looking everywhere for it. Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.5) %% Look, why don't you call me Maurice? And Sergeant Semanski is an awful mouthful...what's your first name? Officer. Maurice and Sgt. Semanski -- Northern Exposure (2.5) %% Sometimes Ed, sometimes you just gotta do something bad just to know you're alive. Chris -- Northern Exposure (2.5) %% I'm with a patient, I see your thigh! I'm driving to work, I want your toes in my mouth! You told me it was going to stop when the ice broke! Joel to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (2.5) %% You don't smoke! You hate smoking! You always get onto me when I light up. I smoke sometimes...especially after a good conversation. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.5) %% You're going to run out that door, down Main Street out to Highway One, in front of God and everybody in near freezing temperatures with absolutely *nothing* on? Joel and The Running of the Bulls -- Northern Exposure (2.5) %% What about my father? Can't you tell me anything? Even his name? Smith. Ed and the tribe -- Northern Exposure (2.2) %% They put in extra parts just to make you crazy. What *is* this?? This look like a tibia to you? No, it looks like the tailbone of of an orangutan. How many teeth do you think this thing has? 30. I counted them. What happened to 32? This guy go to a dentist before he came to me? Joel holding up a human skeleton -- Northern Exposure (2.2) %% Here's to your voice, son. May it come back soon. If not, look for work. Maurice to Chris -- Northern Exposure (2.2) %% Where's Rick? He had to fly a bunch of old guys up to Valdez to try and prove the whole thing didn't happen. Chris and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (2.2) %% There's an old saying that if you come back to the place where you became a man, you will remember all those things you need to be happy... That saying never made sense to me, but I thought it was worth a try. One Who Waits to Ed -- Northern Exposure (2.2) %% That smile of yours makes the Mona Lisa look self-doubting. Joel to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (2.2) %% Do I detect a note of jealousy, Fleischman? Jealous? Me? Of what? Why would I be jealous? I was thinking how Rick might feel...remember him? Big guy with landing gear for brains? Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.2) %% He's not just going to talk, Fleischman; he's going to *SING*! Like Pavarotti! Maggie promises to bring Chris's voice back -- Northern Exposure (2.2) %% My God! It looks like Maggie the cat! Joel about Maggie's outfit -- Northern Exposure (2.2) %% Does she moan? Joel asks Chris -- Northern Exposure (2.2) %% I'm not *that* colorblind! Rick -- Northern Exposure (2.7) %% Still, you gotta wonder. If O'Connell would do that to a boyfriend; what would she do to someone she kept her clothes on with? Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.7) %% Just for my own curiosity, as a physician with an interest in aberrant psychological behavior, now why would you do such a thing?? Joel wonders about Maggie -- Northern Exposure (2.7) %% I get it. It's the dead boyfriend thing! The jinx, the curse, they all croak on you. You think Rick's doomed! Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.7) %% Boy, Rick sure was lucky. Lucky? He's dead! Yeah, but how many people get to get hit by a satellite. I'll bet he makes the Guiness Book of World Records. Ed adds perspective -- Northern Exposure (2.7) %% If I have to be the bad guy, okay. But I will not have another death on my hands! Maggie -- Northern Exposure (2.7) %% Rick crawled up on the roof... Joel finishes up a joke -- Northern Exposure (2.7) %% Maurice Minnifield has never had an impure thought about another man in his life. Well, there was one unsettling dream where I was wrestling with David Niven; but I swear to you - *nothing* happened! Maurice -- Northern Exposure (2.7) %% I know you all remember Rick's predecessor Dave. He fell asleep on a glacier and froze to death. But before Dave there was Glenn, and Glenn and his Volvo took a wrong turn and ended up on a missile test range. And then there was Bruce, victim of a terrible fishing accident. And then there was Harry. Remember Harry? He died when he was out...uh...umm...how was it? Picnic. At a picnic. Picnic. Right. Potato salad. Chris eulogizes with Maggie's help -- Northern Exposure (2.7) %% There is a lot more to life than nookie! Shelly -- Northern Exposure (2.7) %% You want me to kill him? Just date him - let nature take its course. Maggie and a disgruntled wife -- Northern Exposure (2.7) %% I don't care what consenting perverts do in their own home! Maurice -- Northern Exposure (2.7) %% As a doctor, as a man of science, I can tell you there is no such thing as curses! Everything just happens as a question of probability. The statistical likelihood of a specific event. For instance, if a man falls asleep on a glacier, it is highly probable he will freeze to death. Likewise, if a man sits on a mountainside, there is some probability, albeit slight, that he will get hit by a satellite. Your having a relationship with those men is inconsequential; it simply does not enter into the equation. Are you done, Mr. Wizard? Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (2.7) %% If you don't dance with me, O'Connell, you know what you are doing? You're turning your back on reason, on mankind's struggle to pull itself out of the mire of ignorance and superstition. You are saying "yes" to witchhunters and inquisitors; you are slamming the door on enlightenment, and you are inviting back the Dark Ages. Now I am not doing this for you, O'Connell, I am doing this for *civilization*. What do you say? Pretty please? Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.7) %% Indians don't knock - it's *rude* No? What the hell do Indians do? Use the key. Ed (with Joel's cabin key) and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.2) %% You're a doctor, you're smart, you're brilliant. Toilets are dumb. Maggie on why Joel could fix his own toilet -- Northern Exposure (1.2) %% He [Ed's Uncle Anku] doesn't like doctors? He doesn't trust them. Why is that? He *is* a doctor. Oh really? Which kind? Witch. Which which? Which what? Which *doctor*? Right. Joel and Ed -- Northern Exposure (1.2) %% Have a great time. Tell Rick to feel free to drop by anytime so I can sew up those puncture wounds from you walking all over him in those heels. Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.2) %% You look tired! Yeah, well, I was up all night trying to think like a shower. Maybe you should start with something easier, like a sink or a faucet. Ed and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.2) %% It's just a little prostrate cancer. Oh? What's led you to that conclusion? I had a dream. I read a couple tea leaves. Tea leaves? And I saw a specialist in Anchorage when I went to get the chicken... Gotcha! Ed's Uncle Anku and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.2) %% Are you drunk, Fleischman? No - I'm just...I'm a little...I'm homesick. Must be all this clean air, the bright stars. I can't sleep without bus fumes, the din of traffic, the crazy people in the street. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (1.2) %% If you want to catch a fish, *think* like a fish. Uncle Anku -- Northern Exposure (1.2) %% Lightfeather...your broom is here. Father Duncan -- Northern Exposure (2.6) about Ed armed with broom %% This is considered a spectator sport? I've had more fun watching slush melt. Joel on chess -- Northern Exposure (2.6) %% You know, when I was a kid, I broke my leg and had to have a cast on for six months. It itched like crazy. I was always sticking this stick down there, you know, to itch it? I thought *that* felt good. Ed on sex -- Northern Exposure (2.6) %% It's time I broke out and did the wild thing, like Tolstoy. Holling -- Northern Exposure (2.6) %% I want the *words* Lightfeather -- Northern Exposure (2.6) %% I thought a motorcycle was just a motorcycle. Lightfeather -- Northern Exposure (2.6) %% Why don't we go on to the next scene? It's a pretty good one. Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (2.6) %% Are you flirting with me? No! I'm just merely saying that beneath that whiny, abrasive exterior of yours I sometimes get a glimpse of the teensiest, eensy bit of something...almost manly. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (2.6) %% It was supposed to be dignified and regal. And instead, it looks like... A hood ornament. Maggie and Joel about Rick's statue -- Northern Exposure (3.1) %% So it didn't bother you in the least that there were two of us? Two?!? Maggie faces Rick's cheating past with one of Rick's other girlfriends -- Northern Exposure (3.1) %% You can't compare roller-blading to crouching in a duckblind with a shotgun next to your cheek. Maurice to Shelly -- Northern Exposure (3.1) %% Adam? No, it's the Fuller Brush man. Joel and Adam -- Northern Exposure (3.1) %% What do you want? It's after midnight. Oh forgive me!! My visit is untimely!! Joel and Adam -- Northern Exposure (3.1) %% You're married? You never said you were married. Oh, did I neglect to give you my curriculum vitae?? Joel and Adam -- Northern Exposure (3.1) %% So Adam, this alleged wife of yours. Her name's Eve. You're kidding. You're wife's name is Eve? Spare me the snake and apple jokes, please. Joel and Adam -- Northern Exposure (3.1) %% And let me tell you. Every single hour of every single day of every single year has been bliss. Not happiness, Fleischman. Pure, unadulterated ecstacy. Bliss. Well, she must be very special. Adam and Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.1) %% Special? She's incredible. She's unique. She's a rare flower, a precious jewel. Most men can only dream about a women like Eve and I have her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Sounds wonderful. You've never been married, have you? Adam and Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.1) %% Because they can only think of one thing. The joystick. Is it big enough, and where can they put it. Maggie on men -- Northern Exposure (3.1) %% Ok. Sex is fine. Sex is good. Sex is *great*! Okay, okay, we need men for sex... Do we need so many?? Maggie on men -- Northern Exposure (3.1) %% Love is like friendship caught on fire. Chris in the morning -- Northern Exposure (3.1) %% You know something? You have *no* neck! Like Gumby! Maggie insults a townsperson -- Northern Exposure (3.1) %% I'm attractive, I'm bright ... but that means nothing when you can't swallow! If only you couldn't talk!! Eve and Adam in marital bliss -- Northern Exposure (3.1) %% At times, I actually find you refreshing. You mean like a glass of ginger ale? And occasionally amusing. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.1) %% That's the movies, Ed. Try reality. No thanks! Joel and Ed -- Northern Exposure (3.2) %% It's just one of those things where you think one thing and someone else thinks something else and pretty soon, your whole world is shot to hell. Holling -- Northern Exposure (3.2) %% You said it best, Will. "Love looks not with eye but with the mind. And therefore is the winged Cupid painted blind." Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.2) %% Can't you call the airplane version of the AAA? Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.3) %% When they find out Wayne is a...whatchamacallit... A bigamist. No, not that! I mean one of those guys who's married to two chicks at the same time. Cindy clears up the term for Holling -- Northern Exposure (3.3) %% What are wolverines anyways? Little wolves that swarm all over you and nibble you to death? Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.3) %% Life has dealt me a royal straight flush. Shelly -- Northern Exposure (3.3) %% You were pretty deft with that knife. Remind me not to aggravate you when you're armed. Joel compliments Maggie on a squirrel dinner -- Northern Exposure (3.3) %% Hey! I don't trust anyone that sweats through their tongue. Joel about Rick the dog -- Northern Exposure (3.4) %% Sometimes, Chris, you've just got to know when to cut your losses. Take Joel Silver. He would have been much better off if he had just pulled the plug on _Hudson Hawk_. Ed to Chris and Holling -- Northern Exposure (3.4) %% Nobody hardly ever sits here anymore. Ever since Rick ... you know...ate the satellite. Shelly -- Northern Exposure (3.4) %% Hey Ed - you're an Indian. Is this Rick? Oh - I don't know. But if Rick were to come back as a dog ... I think he'd come back as a terrier. Shelly and Ed -- Northern Exposure (3.4) %% All we are basically, are monkeys with car keys. Grandma Woody -- Northern Exposure (3.4) %% Let me ask you people something. What do you think about dogs? I enjoy them. If cooked properly. Joel to Indian Chiefs -- Northern Exposure (3.4) %% He's disoriented, and confused, and he's dressed like a loan shark! Maggie about J. Fleischman -- Northern Exposure (3.5) %% I'm very happy with myself. I have no need to go slumming in your persona. Joel to Jules -- Northern Exposure (3.5) %% Incredible. Two of you. Double your pleasure...double your fun. Maggie and Jules -- Northern Exposure (3.5) %% As a physician, I have to tell you that that's a perfect breeding ground for aerobic bacteria, salmonella, striptococcus, cholera. Yeah, I'd keep it covered. Jules (as Joel) to Ruth Anne -- Northern Exposure (3.5) %% Dr. Fleischman! That's me. Did my test results come in? Errr...yeah...and you got an "A"! Patient to Jules (as Joel) -- Northern Exposure (3.5) %% Hi Dr. Fleischman! Hi Fred. Ed to Jules (as Joel) -- Northern Exposure (3.5) %% What seems to be the problem? Well, I got a headache and a sore throat. I think I got that flu that's going around. Well, I'm not going to rule out the flu, but there are other possibilities. Tonsilitis, brain tumor. Let's take a look see. Jules with a patient -- Northern Exposure (3.5) %% Let's check your reflexes...BOO! Jules with a patient -- Northern Exposure (3.5) %% Take O'Connell, for example. Jules plies her with alcoholic beverages, instinctively tells her everything he knows she wants to hear, flatters her, charms her, and then sticks his tongue down her throat before she has a chance to say ahh! Joel to Freud -- Northern Exposure (3.5) %% What I really want is to lick her naked body from head to foot like a postage stamp. Joel to Freud about Maggie -- Northern Exposure (3.5) %% And you put 2 and 2 together and came up with 22? Yeah! Joel and Shelly -- Northern Exposure (3.6) %% What is it around here? The water? The air? I feel like I'm changing. I'm mutating in some horribly grotesque way... Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.6) %% You want to find your coordinates son? You're losing me here. Maurice to Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.6) %% There you go, ladies and gentlemen. That's the opinion of a New York doctor. A *JEWISH* New York doctor... Maurice -- Northern Exposure (3.6) %% Now they're getting into paradox. Dicey stuff. Ruth Anne -- Northern Exposure (3.6) %% Son, you're suffering from hypothermia. Take your drink, calm down, clam up! Maurice to Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.6) %% Dreams are postcards of the subconscious. Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.7) %% This is how you treat a friend?? You kidnapped me; your wife held me in chains! All right, acquaintance. Adam and Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.7) %% Pray tell? Shoelace? Road kill? Color swatch? Surely this is *NOT* a tomato! Adam insults the cooking -- Northern Exposure (3.7) %% Men have feelings too, and mine have been mutilated by the fount of human kindness currently overflowing in your truck. Joel about Elaine -- Northern Exposure (3.7) %% The rainforest of my psyche has been sprayed with defoliant! Bernard -- Northern Exposure (3.7) %% Chris, I don't want to appropriate your unconsciousness, but I think this is supposed to be my dream. Bernard -- Northern Exposure (3.7) %% That is a fresh Virgin Mary, princess. Drink it. Go home. Throw up. You'll feel better. Adam to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (3.7) %% The mere thought of intimacy turns you into an Eskimo Pie. Adam to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (3.7) %% The Fleischman *I* know is arrogant, egotistical, self-centered, and a walking *SMIRK*! Maggie -- Northern Exposure (3.7) %% You, on the other hand, will be surrounded by cats. Lots and lots of cats. Adam to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (3.7) %% It's best to kill the meat before you eat it; otherwise you tend to hear it scream. Right, Holling? Chris to Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.8) %% Dr. Joel Fleischman, spokesman for majestic animals of the wilderness is going to commit Bambicide?? Maggie to Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.8) %% I deviated plenty in New York... Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.8) %% You look like a creamsicle! Shelly to Joel about his hunting outfit -- Northern Exposure (3.8) %% Do you mind if I lose Maurice? He's giving me heartburn. Ruth Anne -- Northern Exposure (3.8) %% Note the rise, the arc, lock onto it, take the bird inside you, link, linger, lash out! Don't hurry your shot. Chris and Holling give Joel advice -- Northern Exposure (3.8) %% At my age, I can live with a dormant sex life, but no pot roast is not a sacrifice I am willing to make. Ruth Anne -- Northern Exposure (3.8) %% What do women want? I don't know, do you? Same thing men want, only in prettier colors. Chris and Ed -- Northern Exposure (3.8) %% I'm available, but I'm not interested. Marilyn to the Flying Man -- Northern Exposure (3.9) %% This guy couldn't tell the difference between a migraine and a subdural hematoma! Joel about a classmate -- Northern Exposure (3.9) %% On the sub-atomic level, everything is so bizarre, unfathomable. With magic, you have some control. The head carnival guy -- Northern Exposure (3.9) %% I'll take the New York thyroid community by its throat. Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.9) %% You look like Clark Kent. Marilyn to the Flying Man -- Northern Exposure (3.9) %% How big? Inordinately large. Chris and Holling about Shelly's feet -- Northern Exposure (3.9) %% I need a parallel-interface cable. The best I can do is an extension cord. Adrienne and Ruth Anne -- Northern Exposure (3.9) %% I'd rather have big feet than a mean, little heart!! Shelly to Holling's marriage proposal -- Northern Exposure (3.9) %% You haven't had a date since Rick ate the satellite?!? Shelly to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (3.9) %% Look. This would be so easy for me. I mean, physically you're like my perfect fantasy. Clearly, the sex would be fabulous. I mean, you're strong, you've got a perfect back; I can just feel my arms and legs wrapped around you. We'd be all over the room and we'd go on for hours and hours...and the kids; oh yeah, I can see that the kids would be incredibly beautiful. But even with all this, it's just not enough. I'm sorry. I want to be happy. That's what I want. I want to be happy. Maggie to a handsome stranger -- Northern Exposure (3.9) %% If there's nothing of substance in the world, if the ground that we walk on is just a mirage, if reality itself really isn't, what are we left with? What do we hang our hat on? Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.9) %% What's the height of the irrational? What's the zip code of the mysterious? Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.9) %% Who are you? He's my dad. Yeah, I got that part. And your son. Maurice and his grandson -- Northern Exposure (3.10) %% First of all, Fleischman, my clumsiness is not part of a subconscious agenda. Maggie -- Northern Exposure (3.10) %% She was short and had black hair. Maurice tries to describe a Korean woman he has fond memories of -- Northern Exposure (3.10) %% I always admired atheists. I think it takes a lot of faith. Joel to Ruth Anne -- Northern Exposure (3.10) %% I believe in a supreme being. I just don't think she takes human form. Ruth Anne to Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.10) %% I could handle anything. I could even handle it if he were a bookworm; I'd find some way to accept him. Maurice -- Northern Exposure (3.10) %% A long time ago, the raven looked down from the sky and saw that the people of the world were living in darkness. The ball of light was kept hidden by a selfish old chief. So the raven turned itself into a spruce needle and floated on the river where the chief's daughter came for water. She drank the spruce needle. She became pregnant and gave birth to a boy which was the raven in disguise. The baby cried and cried until the chief gave him the ball of light to play with. As soon as he had the light, the raven turned back into himself and carried the light into the sky. From then on, we no longer lived in darkness. Marilyn tells the raven tale -- Northern Exposure (3.10) %% One man's savior is another man's pair of lead boots. Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.10) %% My Christmas wish for you tonight - may your dog talk. Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.10) %% He's here! Wonderful Marilyn. I've been counting the minutes. Who's here? Marilyn and Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.11) %% You're not ready for crepes, Dave. Why don't you go boil some water or something? Adam -- Northern Exposure (3.11) %% So...what brings you to Cicely? You're right. Let's try an easier one. How's Eve? She's sick. Oh, what a surprise. Joel and Adam -- Northern Exposure (3.11) %% I was just going to ask where he practices. Hunan. If you must know. Hunan as in China? No, Hunan as in North Dakota. So Eve is in China? Am I talking to myself?? Joel asks Adam about Eve's whereabouts -- Northern Exposure (3.11) %% I think something's been festering in this town like an angry boil, and it's time we gave it a scratch. Maurice -- Northern Exposure (3.11) %% The problem, Maurice, is your paper is a major snooze. Ruth Anne -- Northern Exposure (3.11) %% Four bear claws means instant classic...one bear claw means stay home and read. I think it's time that people know the truth. Ed -- Northern Exposure (3.11) %% One can only guess at the unique circumstances which rendered him incapable of distinguishing Rocky and Bullwinkle from the evening news. Joel about Adam -- Northern Exposure (3.11) %% I'm sure everyone here is fascinated to hear more pop psychiatry from number *fifty-four* in his class at Columbia Med. Adam about Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.11) %% I have great ears. If there was a tree out there talking, believe me, I would hear it. Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.11) %% Grill, Dave. Not cremate. Grill. Adam -- Northern Exposure (3.11) %% I was delivering newspapers. Good. I rented a truck. That's good thinking. I put it on a credit card. Well, I'll reimburse you. Oh no, you don't have to do that. I put it on *your* card. An exhausted Ed and Maurice -- Northern Exposure (3.11) %% ...O'Connell...is concerned that a log she cut down is suffering from separation anxiety. Joel to Maurice about the article in the Cicely newspaper -- Northern Exposure (3.11) %% You give 'em what they want. That's the role of journalism. No, Maurice. That's the role of professional wrestling! Maurice and Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.11) %% Why would I possibly want a restaurant? I hate people! Adam can't be bribed -- Northern Exposure (3.11) %% I am not a child of nature. I am a child of asphalt and toxic fumes. Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.11) %% She says you look unhappy. Who me? I told her you always look like that. Marilyn and Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.12) %% The richest man is the guy who has nothing. Marilyn to Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.12) %% Marilyn is a whole new universe of silence. I mean, we're talking a silence so cold, so relentlessly powerful, it actually sucks all the sounds out of the air. It's like being vibed into a black hole. You're out in space *alone* with this galactic *VORTEX* of disapproval. Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.12) %% Way to go, Joel. I think Cicely supports you in the flesh sacrifice to come. Chris about Joel's upcoming tribal adoption -- Northern Exposure (3.12) %% Do you know what I think of when I look at the moon? I think of Al Sheppard's feet. Maurice -- Northern Exposure (3.12) %% Welcome ... Heal's With Tools! Joel is welcomed to the tribe -- Northern Exposure (3.12) %% I'm not a vanishing breed. Well, you're Jewish. That's pretty rare. Joel and Ed -- Northern Exposure (3.13) %% Lots of things are rare in Cicely. Boxed lunches, public transportation, victimless crimes. It doesn't mean they don't exist. Joel to Ed -- Northern Exposure (3.13) %% We were snatching life out of the jaws of death all night and even all that hanky-panky didn't tire him out. Shelly about Holling's depression -- Northern Exposure (3.13) %% I'm 63 years old. My life is half over. This must be what people call a mid-life crisis. Holling -- Northern Exposure (3.13) %% What is this? Hair of dog. Thank you...that's very considerate. What is in this?!?? Hair of dog. A hungover Joel encounters another one of Marilyn's tribal remedies -- Northern Exposure (3.13) %% Soon there wasn't much stuff left to trap. Bummer! Shelly's puppet show -- Northern Exposure (3.13) %% Want moo? Pass. It's *very* fresh. Double pass. Chris offers milk to a very green Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.14) %% My mother is pathologically polite. Maggie -- Northern Exposure (3.14) %% And we're going to have this transitory cow fling thing right here in Cicely? Shelly to Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.14) %% Whatever creativity he had left went into a hatchback. Maggie's mom on her father's sexual performance -- Northern Exposure (3.14) %% If I had a pet, it would be dead! Maggie is traumatized by the fire -- Northern Exposure (3.14) %% It could have been worse - your mom could have *cooked*! Shelly to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (3.14) %% First she ruins my life. And then she ruins my *life*! Maggie about her mother -- Northern Exposure (3.14) %% And then they hurl this cow right at the castle with a catapult. POW! Ed about Monty Python's Holy Grail -- Northern Exposure (3.14) %% Dave...he's melted into Rick's head. Rick's foot is in Bruce's back. Every man I've ever been involved with is now merged into one big blob. Maggie bemoans the loss of her shrine -- Northern Exposure (3.14) %% Thank you Maurice for playing Apollo to my Dionysus. Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.14) %% This is absolutely key. It's not the thing you fling, it's the fling itself! Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.14) %% Do you realize how many Republicans live on the Upper West Side? Yeah, you're looking at him. Joel to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (3.15) %% You're a self-serving materialistic pig! A self-serving *Republican* pig. Thank you very much. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.15) %% Another deep thought from a woman who thinks an election should be conducted like a fashion layout. Joel to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (3.15) %% Shelly, pull yourself together. I can't think about sex with a bar full of registered voters! Holling -- Northern Exposure (3.15) %% This is a *debate*, not a cotillion! Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.15) %% I was wondering if the candidates saw the stop sign as a Jeffersonian or Hamiltonian expression of democracy in action. What kind of stupid question is that? SIT! A townsperson and Ruth Anne the moderator -- Northern Exposure (3.15) %% You're treating?? I can't pass that up. Maggie to Joel's dinner invitation -- Northern Exposure (3.15) %% That new dishwasher detergent sure brings out the shine in these beer glasses! Holling goes domestic -- Northern Exposure (3.16) %% As Bill used to say: "You don't get cold in the bush. You're either warm or you're dead." Holling -- Northern Exposure (3.16) %% There they go into the last great gasp of the wilderness known as Alaska. Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.16) %% I'm Bill's wife. Was. The SOB finally gave in. Had to hold a rifle to his head. Shut your mouth - the flies will fly in. Solvane -- Northern Exposure (3.16) %% How'd he go, anyways? Between the sheets, God bless. Maurice and Solvane -- Northern Exposure (3.16) %% She licked her chops in the pleasure of anticipation. Chris reads _Call of the Wild_ juxtaposed with a shot of Solvane -- Northern Exposure (3.16) %% Holling Vincoeur, you've got a *fine* behind. Solvane -- Northern Exposure (3.16) %% I didn't crawl in here to chat, Maurice. Give me a kiss! Solvane -- Northern Exposure (3.16) %% You two are nothing but a couple of dried-up peas in a pod. Solvane -- Northern Exposure (3.16) %% I was doing okay until that rascal kicked me in the head with that fancy foot move. Holling after a bar fight -- Northern Exposure (3.16) %% The man could skin a ten-point buck faster than most could tie their shoes. No point in living in the past. Amen. Holling and Maurice eulogize Bill -- Northern Exposure (3.16) %% What a time we had...splashed through bogs, ate like hogs, slept like logs. Holling sums up his trip for Shelly -- Northern Exposure (3.16) %% I feel lucky to be here...very, very, *very* lucky. Joel writes a letter to a NY friend -- Northern Exposure (3.17) %% Should I renew _The New Yorker_? Yeah, absolutely. Four years? Don't start. Three. Uh uh. Four. Not four. Nowhere near four. Three years, eight months, 22 days and 15 hours. Marilyn and Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.17) %% You are the Mozart of hypochondriacs! Joel to Eve -- Northern Exposure (3.17) %% I'll make you a deal. I'll give you a complete physical, head to toe, then you leave and never darken my doorstep again. Blood gasses? Blood gasses. Cholesterol infraction? I'll even throw in an EEG. Deal. Joel and Eve -- Northern Exposure (3.17) %% You forgot to mention that a man sprayed his brains across the walls of my cabin?!? Joel to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (3.17) %% Joel Fleischman, a rational, over-educated New York doctor implying an encounter with the supernatural? Maggie to Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.17) %% There was no choice! You either slept in a ghost-infested cabin or you slept outside! Maggie to Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.17) %% You know about this guy Jack? Uh huh. When I asked you yesterday, you acted like you had no idea what I was talking about. I didn't want to scare you. Oh, thank you, Marilyn. Thank you very much. Joel and Marilyn about Jack -- Northern Exposure (3.17) %% Oh, Fleischman. Get a grip! You're blowing this way out of proportion. You're not weaseling out of this by painting me as some kind of hysteric!! Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.17) %% Generally, I like the Swiss Lemon Maalox. It's tart, light, nice chilled. Eve to Ruth Anne -- Northern Exposure (3.17) %% Mylanta definitely has it's place! It's unpretentious, simple, very consistent; goes beautifully with decongestants. Eve to Ruth Anne -- Northern Exposure (3.17) %% They called it the "Bearded Nail" in those days. Oh yeah? Why'd they call it that?? I have *no* idea. Joel and Ruth Anne discuss the former "Brick" -- Northern Exposure (3.17) %% I just want to get Jack out of the house. I'm not really angry with him. Joel gets squeamish about damning the spirit of Jack to eternal torment -- Northern Exposure (3.17) %% As you know, we have enjoyed a rewarding doctor-patient relationship. Uh huh. And I can honestly say I found you to be a first-rate internist. Well, thank you. You're just not qualified to be my obstetrician. Eve and Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.17) %% Thank you, Dr. Joyce Brothers for that penetrating analysis. Joel to Maggie's insight that he's Jack -- Northern Exposure (3.17) %% You live alone, he lived alone. You're anti-social, he was anti-social. He had no friends, you... Maggie about Joel and Jack -- Northern Exposure (3.17) %% You haven't even unpacked! If a rock hit you tomorrow, we'd shake our heads, toast your memory, and Maurice would just buy us another doctor. Maggie delivers the brutal message -- Northern Exposure (3.17) %% The city of the dead sleeps encircled by the city of the living. Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.17) %% I think of it like a prison. It's a terrible, dreadful place; but you might meet some nice people. Joel to Maggie about Cicely -- Northern Exposure (3.17) %% Do you still want another cabin? Nah, it's kind of nice having a roommate. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.17) %% You're telling me the baby was there in the chair in the car seat? Joel to Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (3.18) %% What kind of a person would abandon a baby like this? Oh, my parents. Oh yeah. Right. Sorry. Joel sticks his foot in his mouth with Ed -- Northern Exposure (3.18) %% These ingredients are modulated to create a perfect harmony and you come waltzing in here like some tone-deaf, low-life, Elvis impersonator throwing a B-flat into the middle of my A-sharp major concerto, and all you can say is, "I'm sorry"?!? Adam to Dave the Cook -- Northern Exposure (3.18) %% We talked and danced and we kissed so much my lips were numb for a week! Tammy to Shelly -- Northern Exposure (3.18) %% Shelly, I'm just admiring your mother's *expertise* on the dance floor. Maurice -- Northern Exposure (3.18) %% You may be a borderline personality with enough pathologies to build a DSM, but you can *cook*! Joel to Adam -- Northern Exposure (3.18) %% Nice? What do you mean by nice? Define your terms! Adam to Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.18) %% It's like more of a light-headedness... What? Dizzy? No, not dizzy so much. It's like... Congested? No...no...it's like I'm...I'm *happy*. Happy?? Adam and Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.18) %% Good morning, Adam. Can I help you with something? It is, isn't it? Ruth Anne and a cheerful Adam -- Northern Exposure (3.18) %% Oh, and you have a letter from Eve. Well, Hallelujah! My better half. My oh-so obsessively pregnant beloved has taken time to unplug herself from the ultrasound machine and send me a fax. Ruth Anne and Adam -- Northern Exposure (3.18) %% Oh, so you must be Shelly's hunk of burning love! Tammy told me her sister found herself an older man. Sister? Kenny (Tammy's fiance) to Holling -- Northern Exposure (3.18) %% Why can't you just shut up and be grateful? Adam to Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.18) %% Yeah, or they relieve their anxiety by tearing out the throats of two-bit quacks expounding psychobabble just to hear themselves talk! Hey, it's just a hunch. Adam and Joel on Joel's theory that Adam is experiencing a sympathetic pregnancy -- Northern Exposure (3.18) %% Now is it going to be white bread and bologna with the paint-by number crowd, or are you going to fill your palette with the more complex colors? Adam to Baby "G" -- Northern Exposure (3.18) %% Sounds like second trimester happy hormones to me. Joel to Adam on his sympathetic pregnancy -- Northern Exposure (3.18) %% Put a bib on her, will ya, and try not to choke her! Adam gives Joel helpful baby advice -- Northern Exposure (3.18) %% I've discovered that I'm more than just the greatest chef in the world. I am also a husband and soon a father. A breadwinner, a teacher! An example. Ciao. Adam to Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.18) %% How'd you find me? Usually when you take off you go to the mall or to the movies. We don't have a mall. Tammy and Shelly -- Northern Exposure (3.18) %% Do you think people like listening to your phlegm? Maurice to Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.19) %% You asked me when I was playing Game Boy?? You said 'yes'. I was playing Game Boy. I wasn't listening. I would have said 'yes' to anything ... to gum surgery. You said 'yes'. Joel and Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (3.19) %% Spring. Spring, spring, spring. Naturally, this man's fancy turns to thoughts of death. Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.19) %% God! What's happening to me? I look like Swamp Thing! Shelly -- Northern Exposure (3.19) %% Shelly seems pretty well-adjusted. She makes good eye-contact. How does she get along with animals? Leonard to Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.19) %% Next! *NEXT*! Come on, Marilyn! There is no next. Joel and Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (3.19) %% I know bears. It might not be food he's looking for. No? What would he be looking for? Might be you. Arthur and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (3.19) %% You're saying this bear might have a crush on me? I certainly wouldn't fault him if he did. Maggie and Arthur -- Northern Exposure (3.19) %% How could you in good conscience tell a person they're sloughing their skin like a boa constrictor?!? I could be wrong. Joel and Leonard -- Northern Exposure (3.19) %% You're bored because you're boring. What? You're boring. I'm boring?!? You're one of the most boring people I've ever met. Leonard and Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.19) %% Hey - nice flowers. Don't forget to water them. Leonard to Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (3.19) %% Do you think he'd go better over by the cigarette machine? Ed asks Holling where he would like to see Jesse positioned in the Brick -- Northern Exposure (3.20) %% Fleischman, you are just not human! Humans have inquiring minds and a thirst to know! You're just a thing! A rock! A shoe! A two-by-four! A person with absolutely no imagination and curiosity! Maggie to Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.20) %% Earth's a parking lot and outerspace is just too pricey. Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.20) %% There's lots of ways to blaze a trail. I always think back to those unsung heroes of the past. Like that prehistoric gourmet who looked at that lobster and said, "I'm gonna eat that." Or the first healer who picked up a knife and said, "Let's operate boys." You see, adventures come in all shapes and sizes. Like getting your haircut. Falling in love. Even getting behind the wheel and backing out of the driveway can be a sublime act of faith, as well as a monumental act of courage. Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.20) %% The world's become a fragile place. It's not to be conquered. It's to be protected, coddled, nursed like a little baby. Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.20) %% Since Maurice couldn't be here tonight, and since the mayor's out of town and the former mayor's out doing some *guy* thing, which he better not ding himself doing; me, being the former mayor's almost-wife, was asked to honcho this get together! Shelly opens the town meeting -- Northern Exposure (3.20) %% I mean don't get me wrong! I don't believe in blind obedience to the law! In my time, I've ignored stop signs, I've jaywalked, I've had open fires on Jones Beach. But this...this is the U.S. Mail. And since I was old enough to lick a stamp, I was taught that it's a sin to so much as to hold someone's letter up to the light! I was inoculated with the sanctity, the inviolability of the mail. Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.20) %% Those postmarks are just a little bit more than bureaucratic hieroglyphics. That's a symbol of a most sacred trust. That package has been annointed and sealed. It's like King Tut's tomb, we open it at great personal risk. Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.20) %% The bane and blessing of human nature. That old cat killer, curiosity. Something so deeply embedded in our psyches that it screams to us from ancient myths of Pandora. Eve. Lot's wife. Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.20) %% Good or bad, curiosity is woven into our DNA like tonsils or like the opposable thumb. It's the fire under the ass of the human experience! Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.20) %% Some people look at this box, they see a box. You know what I see? The spice route to India. The gateway to the Nile. I see the dark side of the moon. Terra incognito. I see Alaska, people. So, what do you say? Let's be a little human! Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.20) %% The Aurora Borealis becomes very visible around 10:30. So? That's why they come. What? To look at the Aurora Borealis? Not to look at it, no. To copulate under it. Ron and Eric reveal to Maurice why the Japanese visit Cicely -- Northern Exposure (3.20) %% Are you saying that they're upstairs off having sexual intercourse? We assumed you knew. Right now they're upstairs...? Pumpin' like pistons. Making the beast with two backs. Maurice, Ron, and Eric discuss the activities of their Japanese visitors -- Northern Exposure (3.20) %% All that coitus taking place under one roof is a little disconcerting. Maurice -- Northern Exposure (3.20) %% If some of our GM executives had been conceived under the Aurora Borealis, we wouldn't be in the trouble we're in today. Maurice -- Northern Exposure (3.20) %% Should we reconsider the moose? No moose, no moose. Ruth Anne and Joel discuss what to send in the box -- Northern Exposure (3.20) %% Yes, Jesse's in the cave. He's also high on the mountaintop, deep under the ocean, way out there in outerspace. Boy, oh boy, he sure gets around. Yes, he does. No telling where you'll find Jesse. In the closet. In the dark at the top of the stairs. Under the bed. He's always somewhere. All we've got to do is gird our loins and go out looking for him. Holling and Shelly -- Northern Exposure (3.20) %% I'd like to play this song for Richard McWilliams and for the curious child who lives in all of us. Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.20) %% You were a bear. You were a great big bear. You were wild and you were free. Godspeed, Jesse. Holling bids farewell to Jesse -- Northern Exposure (3.20) %% I'm sorry, people, I seem to be problems. I...I seem to be blems getting the words out...technical difficulties? Chris in the Morning -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% For the next three days, I'm going to be surrounded by colleagues. Physicians like myself. Many of whom, if demographics hold, will be under 35 and female and single. It will be like shooting ducks in a barrel, bees to honey, moths to a flame. Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% Women flock to pediatrics, Marilyn. It's the nurturing thing, you know. Geriatrics, physical therapy, but pediatricians, man, they're the best. They worry most about their physical appearance. Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% It's a fact, Marilyn, that within a very small range of error you can predict a M.D.'s entire personality based upon his or her field of specialization. Orthopedists are butchers, hammer and nail guys. Radiologists, country clubbers. Gas passers tend not to speak English, but female pediatricians fall somewhere between Jane Fonda and candy stripers in heat. Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% Bernard, natural very on you looks! What mean I is, very looks natural you on, Bernard! Chris greets Bernard -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% You know, I'm in such a good mood, O'Connell, that not even you can spoil it. As soon as Red gets here, I'm winging off for three days of Nirvana, 72 hours of freedom. An entire weekend to forget all about this place and concentrate on nothing but seminars and sin. Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% What am I saying? It's just a plane ride. As soon as we get to Juneau life begins again. There's no O'Connell there. I don't know you. I never met you. You don't exist. As far as I'm concerned you're just an anonymous bush pilot whose life is of absolutely no consequence to me. Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% Well, it's possible that after all these years and all those words you just need to get retracked. Like reformatting a hard disk. Errors on your C: drive. It's interesting. Very. Bernard and Chris discuss Chris's speech problems -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% You're going to die. What?! You're going to die. When?! Why?! You smoke too much. Marilyn diagnoses her first patient -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% This is great! First, I'm forced to fly here with a homicidal man-hater, and now they've screwed up my reservation! Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% Fleischman, try to show a little grace under pressure! Maggie -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% Well, you're in luck. The manager has agreed to put you and Mrs. Fleischman in our suite. Whoa! I am *NOT* Mrs. Fleischman. Ah well, we don't pry into the affairs of our guests. What she means is that we're not together. I mean not in the together sense of together. We might have come here together, but we're not an item. I mean we're barely even friends. Hotel clerk in Juneau, Maggie, and Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% Are you delirious? This is my weekend, mine OK? This is my chance to get away from Cicely and meet some other people. Some girls. To have sex with strangers. Joel to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% Are you seriously going to refuse me a place to sleep? Are you that shallow? Are you that incredibly small of a human being? Maggie to Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% As you may know, I spent the last three months in Africa. A wondrous, magical place. But as shadows lengthen across the KHBR window, thoughts turn to homecoming. Journey's end. Because in a sense, it's the coming back, the return which gives meaning to the going forth. We really don't know where we've been until we've come back to where we were. Only, where we were may not be as it was because of who we've become. Which is, after all, why we left. Bernard -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% Don't worry, Fleischman, I have no intention of cramping your alleged style. Maggie -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% Bag all the bimbos you want, Fleischman. It's not a sight I care to see. Look, I would hardly call an aggregate of highly trained professional women, bimbos. Sluts then? They're doctors, O'Connell. Oh. Skilled specialists. Doctors, you know. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% Don't you find this mating dance a bore? A what? The small talk. The feigned interest in careers? When all anybody wants to do is get into somebody's pants. Excuse me? Coupling and uncoupling. That's the real agenda of any conference. Linda introduces herself to Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% What do you really like, Joel? What do you like? Do your like it rough, Joel? Rough is good, Joel. Rough is fine. Nothing phases me. Oh...um...you know, it's time for my insulin. Insulin? We'll talk later. Joel escapes Linda -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% I've seen it before, Joel. You can talk the talk, but you can't walk the walk. I know, your mother gave you baths until high school or maybe it was some traumatic experience during potty training. Look, baby, it's not that I don't find dysfunction a challenge, I do. But, it's work, Joel. It's work. I didn't come here to work. Linda -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% Hey Fleischman! You're a boxer man! I always had you pictured as the jockey type! Maggie -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% O'Connell, the only interest I may have in what you do between the sheets is strictly clinical. Clinical? Yes, naturally as your physician, I'm concerned that you take proper precautions to avoid sexually transmitted diseases, which I assume you did. Nice try, Fleischman, but you're not going to use the public service announcement to find out if I scored last night. Hard as this is to believe, O'Connell, I don't spend my nights wondering whether you've improved your personal batting average or not. What you do behind closed doors is your own business. Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% Be open to your dreams, people. Embrace that distant shore. Because our mortal journey is over all too soon. Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% You think my brain's on tilt from ant bomb? What'll I do? Don't leave food around. Shelly and Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% Not available, huh? I just had this family practice guy up in my room, says he's not married, right? I unhook my bra, he starts to cry. Linda -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% Look, Joel, we can run up to my room right now and both get a good night's sleep. I can iron those wrinkles out of your forehead. Linda -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% OK, OK. I can play along. You need control. Fine. You've turned me down. I'm walking away. See? I'll be in 402 when you change your mind. Linda -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% O'Connell, is this the effects of 36 hours of sleep deprivation? Do you care? No, do you? Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% Wait, stop. We better figure this out. Why? Because. Are you sure about this? Fleischman, we're both over 21, single, free, HIV negative...are we? Yeah, but... Then shut up, Fleischman. For once in your life, just shut up. Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% Hold that thought. All right. We'll meet back where? In the middle. Fine. In the middle of whose room? Your room? My room? In the bed. The middle of the bed. Fine. Whose bed? Just find me, Fleischman. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% Ladies and gentlemen, that's my brother Bernard, my karmic doppelganger, my buddy, my twin who pulled me out of my times of trouble. Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% Hey, Marilyn, let me ask you something. Just hypothetically, if you happen to sleep with me, afterwards would you think it was great or would you basically pretend I didn't exist? Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.21) %% I'm a man, Fleischman. We are born with an image of woman imprinted on our psyches. We spend our whole lives searching for the embodiment of that female archetype. And there she sits! In the flesh! You tell me what man could resist the fantasy of having her as his wife? Adam about Eve -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% Aren't weddings a gas, babe? Shelly to Holling -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% This wedding's got me so jazzed, I could pee in my pants! Shelly -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% Eve, this is the heaviest day of your life! You can't just shine it on! Even if you don't have any friends, you have to have a maid of honor! Shelly gives wedding advice to Eve -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% Shame on you! The poor woman can't even look you in the eye. What were you thinking? What are you talking about? I understand. You were out of town. You felt free, unencumbered, but did you have to sleep with her? Who told you that? Adam. Adam? How did Adam know? Eve and Joel discuss what did (or, rather what didn't) happen in Juneau -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% What is it with you men?! Why do you all act like guilty children? Eve -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% You're a man. And what? That means I'm immediately guilty of something? Yes. Marilyn and Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% I'll tell you what I don't want. I don't want one of those quicky, hang loose, I'm OK, you're OK weddings. I want tradition. I want ritual. I want to *feel* married. Adam tells Chris how he wants his wedding -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% Where am I? A commune? A love-in? What we're retro-counter culture all of a sudden? Need I remind you that the social experiments of the 60's and 70's were an abject failure. They left them spiritually bankrupt! Empty! Alienated! Adam -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% I happen to be Christian Scientist! Christian Scientist! You're the poster child for the AMA! I am a reformed Christian Scientist!! He's a Quaker. Eve and Adam discuss their religious differences with Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% This is a part of a much larger issue! My identity! Do you know how hard it is for a woman in this society to earn recognition on her own? To be respected as competent and independent? And then to throw it all out the window by getting married! By allowing herself to be consumed by some hirsute man!! Eve -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% All right, all right, all right! I'll convert. You will?! Do you have any Mary Baker Eddy? Adam capitulates to Eve and then asks Chris for spiritual guidance -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% This shower's just got to be the most totally, perfect, bitchin' thing. I mean, a babe, you know, she spends her whole life just waiting for this. The big *M*. Holy matrimony. When you're a little kid, you watch everybody's older sister get hitched and you think, *GOD* when is it going to be my turn? When am I going to get to walk down that aisle? Be queen for a day. Everybody saying how hot you look and your mom crying. And your squeeze standing there in a powder blue tux looking all cute and scared. And then those words. "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride." Shelly -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% Crowds. Qui-nhon, 1968. Mama-san walked into the bar peddling cigarettes. Nobody paid her much attention, that is, until she pulled a fragmentation grenade out of her basket. By then it was too late. Oh. Piece of advice, my friend. In a room like this, you keep your back to the wall, your eyes on the door. Thanks. Adam and Ed at the bachelor party -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% What a relief, huh? No men. I don't know, Maggie. These segregated affairs have always struck me as unnatural. Maggie and Ruth Anne at the bridal shower -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% You're in pain, Vincouer. I can help. You need an adjustment. A what? Chiropractic, and don't give me the AMA big line. They'll tell you anything to protect their little monopoly. Adam and Holling -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% It's a symbiotic relationship. You cannot separate the mind from the body. The root cause is psychosomatic, but the pathology is real. What are you talking about? Oh, you need laymen terms. I'll give it to you in one word, my friend, guilt. You dumped Shelly at the altar and now you can never forgive yourself. Adam and Holling about Holling's neck pain -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% I don't understand people like you, Vincouer. Despite everything I've achieved in my life, the culinary awards, the military commendations, the honorary degrees, I have never, ever lost sight of what's truly important. The thing that gives meaning to these triumphs. Someone to share them with. A companion. A help mate. A wife. I'm counting the minutes, the seconds until the moment when I slip that ring on Eve's finger. Adam -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% A husband by definition is supposed to be a provider. Adam. He'll never be able to take care of me. I'll always have to take care of him. And I already have one child, now, I'll have two. Eve -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% A lot of strange things about women. Amen to that. They give you every indication that they want you to do one thing when in fact, they want you to do just the opposite. And the topper is, that they get mad if you don't know that. Joel and Maurice talk about women -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% Women have a very difficult time understanding that men are simpler creatures. Simpler. Simpler, because we're not wildly irrational? Look at it this way. For the most part, men are ruled by two things. Their penis and their stomach. Now, those are concrete, tangible things. With women the situation gets much murkier. They're motivated by all that right brain emotional stuff. Love, hate, rage. Maurice and Joel -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% Maggie, there are two parts to guilty pleasure. If she's going to suffer the guilt, then she should at least enjoy the pleasure. Ruth Anne -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% What are man and woman if not members of two very different and warring tribes? Yet decade after decade, century after century, they attempt in marriage to reconcile and forge a union. Why? I don't know. Biological imperative? Divine law? Or just a desire to connect to that mysterious other? In any case, it's always struck me as a hopeful thing. Bernard on marriage -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% Where are your shoes? You think I didn't try?! It was torture for me! Joel and Adam before the wedding -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% This is it! Don't be nervous! Backs straight! Boobs out! And don't forget to smile! Let's go out there and kick butt!! Shelly -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% You live with me for 12 years. I cook for you! I give you physiotherapy! I time your medications and you don't tell me you have money?! Adam -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% Why was I cursed with a woman like you? You're nothing but a misery. You're a knife in my heart. Adam -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% We know what my net worth is. Yeah, zippo. OK, well, what is yours? I mean, what am I signing off on here? Do I have to answer? Well he should make an informed decision. 22 million. *22 MILLION*!!! Adam, Eve, Bernard, and Joel discuss Eve's financial situation -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% You must have suspected something. All the Christmas gifts my father sends. Light bulbs, automobile parts, cutlery. What do they all have in common? How should I know? Tungsten. My father mines tungsten ore. He is tungsten ore. Where do you think all the money for the trips come from? China, Switzerland, Senegal? You said that was from our frequent flier mileage! And you believed me? Eve and Adam -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% I'm kind of like a fan. It's the same as hockey. I mean, you can really get off on it watching, but that doesn't mean you have to play. Shelly on weddings -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% Marriage. It's a hard term to define. Especially for me--I've ducked it like root canal. Still there's no denying the fact that marriage ranks right up there with birth and death as one of the three biggies in the human safari. It's the only one though that we'll celebrate with a conscious awareness. Very few of you remember your arrival and even fewer of you will attend your funeral. You pick a society, any society, Zuni, Nudembo, Pennsylvania Dutch. What's the one thing they have in common? Marriage. It's like a cultural hand-rail. It links folks to the past and guides them to the future. That's not all though. Marriage is the union of disparate elements. Male and female. Yin and yang. Proton and electron. What are we talking about here? Nothing less than the very tension that binds the universe. You see, when we look at marriage, people, we're are looking at creation itself. "I am the sky," says the Hindu bridegroom to the bride. "You are the earth. We are sky and earth united." Chris -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% You are my husband. You are my wife. My feet shall run because of you. My feet shall dance because of you. My heart shall beat because of you. My eyes see because of you. My mind think because of you and I shall love because of you. Now are you guys cool with that? Chris marries Adam and Eve -- Northern Exposure (3.22) %% You bluffed me! I don't like it when people bluff me. It makes me question my perception of reality. Kit -- Northern Exposure (3.23) %% One person can have a profound effect on another. And two people...well, two people can work miracles. They can change a whole town. They can change the world. Ned -- Northern Exposure (3.23) %% And out of this remarkable vehicle stepped an equally remarkable woman, Roslyn. I knew from the moment she lifted her goggles, that here was a woman who was twice the man I'd ever be. Ned -- Northern Exposure (3.23) %% It was then I first set eyes on Roslyn's companion, Cicely. And it was like the unveiling of Botticelli's Venus. I have never before, nor have I since, seen anyone or anything as beautiful. Ned -- Northern Exposure (3.23) %% There is nothing sadder in this world than the waste of human potential. The purpose of evolution is to raise us out of the mud, not have us grovelling in it. Roslyn -- Northern Exposure (3.23) %% But Cicely persevered. Like a candle in the night. Like a beacon in a storm. She wasn't swayed by the darkness around her. The purity of Cicely's heart, the power of her beauty, cast a light on everybody in that room. Ned -- Northern Exposure (3.23) %% I despise the tyranny of the strong over the weak. I think people who abuse power are nothing more than cowards. Roslyn -- Northern Exposure (3.23) %% Men are confused. They're conflicted. They want a woman who's their intellectual equal, but they're afraid of women like that. They want a woman they can dominate, but then they hate her for being weak. It's an ambivalence that goes back to a man's relationship with his mother. Source of his life, center of his universe, object of both his fear and his love. Roslyn -- Northern Exposure (3.23) %% For a man to love a woman, this comes naturally because of his love for his mother, but for a woman to love a man she has to transfer her natural affinity for the female to the male. It's a very difficult process and, in my experience, it usually fails. Fortunately there are alternatives. Roslyn -- Northern Exposure (3.23) %% People are like shoes. Everybody's got a mate somewhere. Roslyn -- Northern Exposure (3.23) %% If you've go a terrible toothache, one that's driving you out of your mind, you need a dentist. And you don't want one that's just hung up his shingle. No ma'am. You want a fellow who, well, a fellow who's got experience. A fellow who's pulled hundreds of teeth. Don't you? Well, yes. It's the same with me. Why would I want a gal who's just hung up her shingle? Do you really mean that? I've got a terrible heartache. And you're the only one that can fix it. Abe courts Sally -- Northern Exposure (3.23) %% I call this one, Between Antigone: Blue jays on a log agog. Blue jays on a log agog. Brown, long log, blue jays. Blue, blue jays on the brown, long log. Agog, blue jays on the log. Blue jays, blue. Blue jays off the log. Blue jays off the long, brown log. Off, off the long, brown log. Ned recites his poem -- Northern Exposure (3.23) %% If you were in a burning house and there was a cat and a Rembrandt, what would you save? The cat...you would save the cat, because the cat is alive. The art is dead. It's just paint on a canvas, ink on a page. To live for art is to deny life. It's just to destroy life. Roslyn -- Northern Exposure (3.23) %% Without art, the cat does not live. Without art we cannot speak of the cat, we cannot know the cat, we cannot see the cat. Without art there is no cat. Mary -- Northern Exposure (3.23) %% I'm going to recite the three parts of the Hegelian dialectic, and then you are coming with me, one way or another! Thesis!! Antithesis!! Synthesis!! Kit -- Northern Exposure (3.23) %% In this tiny corner of Alaska, the human spirit has triumphed. We hold in our hands, the most precious gift of all: Freedom. The freedom to express our art. Our love. The freedom to be who we want to be. We are not going to give that freedom away and no one shall take it from us! Cicely -- Northern Exposure (3.23) %% Cicely's death had a profound effect on everyone. No one could look at that fair angel and remained unmoved. A town was born that day, and without anybody saying it, we all knew it would be called...Cicely. Ned -- Northern Exposure (3.23) %% Mary and Kafka never did tie the knot, but they stayed together. She went back to Prague with him, and it is my understanding _The Castle_ was her idea. Ned -- Northern Exposure (3.23) %% In the Orient, old age is revered. It's a time of wisdom and influence. That's the way it should be. Chris and Maggie on her birthday -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% If you don't get it by the time you're thirty; you ain't going to get it. Chris on Maggie's 30th -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% My colleagues from Columbia are nipping and tucking their way up Park Avenue to Westchester; I'm stuck in the middle of Alaska, just praying for a case of Lyme's disease. Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% You make me nervous. Oh, I make *you* nervous?? Marilyn enlightens Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% You're not getting older; you're already there! Maggie's birthday card -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% Thirty! Wow! I'm looking down the snout of the big two one, and I'm ready to call a T.O.! Shelly to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% Yeah, but 30! You get crow's feet and chicken chin. Your nips start heading south and your bum turns to yogurt! Shelly to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% To hold back the terrors of aging, they'll go to the River and send messages to all the people they've known dead and alive who are holding them in the past. Ed to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% You might give it a tad more gas ... Marilyn, not so much! Ease up, for God's sake! Ruth Anne gives Marilyn a driving lesson -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% Same time tomorrow? I'm afraid not. I'm too old for this sort of thing. Any more stress on these worn out nerves and they'll snap just like a frayed old fan belt. Good luck! Ruth Anne stops giving lessons to Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% That's the difference between us, Fleischman. I see a passage, you see a wall. Maggie on turning 30 -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% I think you're in denial. About what? Turning 30. That's ridiculous! So heavily into denial, you're denying your denial. Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% Five minutes of self-examination, Fleischman, and you'd end up being your own patient at Bellevue. Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% I'm more like a sponge, than a fountain. Chris to Marilyn on how he's a student and not a teacher -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% That's why your passage ritual is so perfect. Because it's a way for me to unburden myself of everything that's been festering in my guts and expel it into the universe like a big popped boil. Maggie to Ed -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% I went to take a whizz and the damn thing wouldn't grasp. I had to do my business like a South Paw. Maurice has an emergency -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% This is a fine final chapter to my memoirs. I reach outer space and I can't even hold my peter to take a proper pee. Maurice -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% The greater your rapport with the vehicle, the greater your joy! Chris gives Marilyn a driving lesson -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% Okay, let's mail you guys. Rick ... Bruce ... Bye Bruce! ... David ... Take care of yourself, David. ... Glenn ... Maggie mails her letters -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% Sorry, I was afraid I'd lose my train of thought. That *would* be a tragedy. Maurice and Ruth Anne -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% She's out there in the middle of nowhere, writing letters to a river ... so ... Joel gets concerned about Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% The fish is in my pocket! Maggie gets delirious -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% By thirty, you should be pretty much where you're going. But, where am I? Alaska. Yeah, that too. Nowhere. Joel and Ed -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% I'd be married. That was before Elaine dumped you. Joel and Ed talk about the future -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% I'm not adorable anymore. You look okay to me, Dr. Fleischman. Thanks; thank you Ed. I didn't mean it like that. I mean you're cute; better than okay. I would call you handsome, but you're really not very tall. More like cute. Joel and Ed -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% .. wrote a book called _Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance_ ... Chris -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% Maurice, can I get you anything? Yeah, tenderloin, blood rare, side of rings, and a cola, please. Loin, still kicking ... Holling and Maurice -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% You're driving me bat-loony with that tape recorder, Maurice. Give it a rest! Shelly -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% Well, I think she went this way. You do? Yep, see there ... that twig snapped ... and there's a footprint. Hmm ... You can track. All right! You learn that, or are you born that way? Beats me ... Ed and Joel track Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% Hey Rick; when did you get the gut? Maggie to the dead Rick -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% Why are you shivering? Why do you think? I froze to death on a glacier! Maggie and a dead David -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% We didn't have good sex? Mediocre at best. It was all right, I guess. Nothing to write home about. I liked it okay. Maggie and Glenn, Rick, David and Bruce -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% Did we ... uh ... Uh huh. But you're not ... Lightning. Oil rig. I was taking some pictures for an annual report. *BOOM* Great potato salad, Rick. Pass me the ketchup? Maggie finds out the fate of Steve Escandon (with Glenn) -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% Ed! Nice feathers! Maggie to Ed -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% I'm going to unzip your trousers and I'm going to pull them down over your hips. I'll try not to get turned on. Joel to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% You have an inflamed appendix. That's all. It's going to be fine. Take it out. We're going to. Throw it in the river. Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% I miss walking. Marilyn refuses more driving lessons from Chris -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% *MY GOODNESS!* Ruth Anne kills Maurice's tape recorder -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% My student came to me with a desire to know the time and I told her how to build a watch. Chris -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% You were on a helicopter? You're scared of helicopters. Yeah, well. I'm right there. *Truly* horrible. They have no wings. You know that? :) They don't even have doors. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.1) %% Is there some craven agenda lurking under my neighborliness? Joel to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.2) %% Why must you always search for the asp among the lilies? Oh, experience, conditioning. That sort of thing. Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.2) %% You smell great. You know that? A sun-silly Joel to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.2) %% What happened to that Fleischman angst? That scowl that's always across your face? Where's Dr. Dismal? Maggie to Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.2) %% I *LOVE* this place! A sun-silly Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.2) %% Would you like to have sex with me? No. See. There it is again. That wonderful Cicely directness. I love it. Thank you. Don't mention it. Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.2) %% I didn't know you Jewish people were tall enough to care about basketball. Maurice to Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.2) %% I never underestimate the importance of morale. Neato! Joel and Shelly -- Northern Exposure (4.2) %% One measly "tsk" can stop me cold. Joel to Gillis -- Northern Exposure (4.2) %% A kind of Jewish law of motion - for every "yippee" that we utter, there is an equal and opposite "tsk". Joel to Gillis -- Northern Exposure (4.2) %% You are light-loony ... sun-silly! Gillis to Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.2) %% Fleischman! There is no such thing as a termite emergency! Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.2) %% I saw how fabulous you look; like this incredibly voluptuous sweatpant-clad wood-nymph. Joel to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.2) %% Cicely, Alaska. God's health spa. Maurice's new business plan -- Northern Exposure (4.2) %% I've got to go home, Coach Fleischman. I've got to do some things. Like what? Eat. Sleep. Things like that. Ed and Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.2) %% And so, the rubber spheroid arced beneath the brilliant lights. Headed for a hoop of dreams he'd dreamt of all those nights. The crowd gasped as the ball descended; Would it grant their fondest wish? There was no doubt in Casey's mind, He knew it was a *SWISH*! Joel's rendition of "Casey at the Hoop" -- Northern Exposure (4.2) %% Why can't they [men] be attracted to women who are intelligent and focused and competent? Maybe gloves ... Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.2) %% Yeah. I put an ice-cube in his ear. He didn't even flinch. Chris about Joel in his long sleep -- Northern Exposure (4.2) %% How was your nap? Long. Ed and Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.2) %% Next season, we *beat* them. Joel to his basketball team -- Northern Exposure (4.2) %% It's a dog. The purest form of unconditional love a man can know. Chris -- Northern Exposure (4.3) %% I study other transcendental numbers, but I don't know ... there's something about pi. Amy -- Northern Exposure (4.3) %% I just have this feeling if I take pi, well past all this static, take pi to 10 million, 20 million digits, that I'll find something really incredible. Not just a pattern, not just an order, but ... a sign. A mathematical sign. Amy -- Northern Exposure (4.3) %% You fell in love with the woman who's pet you murdered? Joel to Chris -- Northern Exposure (4.3) %% Was Rusty just a sacrificial lamb, I ask myself, a chess piece whose only purpose on earth was to bring us together? Or is there a darker more ominous meaning? Was he the first shoe to drop? A domino in a chain of events that will lead to our mutual annihilation? Chris -- Northern Exposure (4.3) %% Tell me, Rolf. How does it feel to always be the bad guy? Ed -- Northern Exposure (4.3) %% How ya doing little bird? Little bird? Chris murders another pet -- Northern Exposure (4.3) %% It's one of the best vintages in the past 50 years. Taste it. See what you think. Ummm! Tastes like Robitussin! Maurice and Shelly -- Northern Exposure (4.3) %% Do you hate me? No. Why do you kill my pets? Amy and Chris -- Northern Exposure (4.3) %% This magnificent clock will be keeping bad time long after I'm just a footnote in the Smithsonian catalog. But while it's here, I can take some comfort in it's beauty. Maurice to Rolf -- Northern Exposure (4.3) %% The truth is like a lizard. It leaves its tail between your fingers and runs away knowing full well it will grow a new one in a twinkling. Chris -- Northern Exposure (4.3) %% Alaska ... that's cool. Bears. Penguins. Pipelines. Brad Bonner -- Northern Exposure (4.4) %% Are you in detox? Brad to Shelly -- Northern Exposure (4.4) %% Sorry about Freddie. Freddie? Your first drummer. Your twin? Shelly and Brad -- Northern Exposure (4.4) %% Hendrix? Purple Haze. Woodstock. "Star Spangled Banner". Headband. Oh. Black dude, right? He wrote the "Star Spangled Banner" didn't he? Brad and Chris -- Northern Exposure (4.4) %% You see, each answer only rattles the question harder. Chris -- Northern Exposure (4.4) %% Death. What a scam, eh? Brad -- Northern Exposure (4.4) %% They [the Indians] said you're very good, but you're like a pebble. I'm like a pebble? A pebble in the shoe. Ed and Brad -- Northern Exposure (4.4) %% In metal, you do everything big, right? Yeah, big stage... Big sound ... Big hair. Brad and Ed -- Northern Exposure (4.4) %% I have an aunt who's allergic, too. Really? Well, she doesn't live in a bubble. She just can't eat oranges. Ed and Mike Monroe -- Northern Exposure (4.5) %% Where ya been, O'Connell? Fairbanks. For three days. Oh. Thanks for noticing. Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.5) %% He's allergic. To what? The twentieth century. Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.5) %% He's a nice guy, O'Connell. He's just very seriously nuts. Joel on the bubble guy -- Northern Exposure (4.5) %% Couple of weeks ago, they did underground nuclear testing in China. Put me in bed for a week. Mike to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.5) %% Fleischman, it's really annoying when you repeat everything I say. Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.5) %% I'm not the one who's talking about hot-waxing the elephant man here. Drop dead, Fleischman! Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.5) %% Nah! He's crazy. He is ... He is completely bonkers; beyond the pale. But what sublime madness! Joel to Maggie about Mike -- Northern Exposure (4.5) %% Gimme a break, O'Connell. See, the bubble man is right out of Emily Bronte. He's handsome, flawed, and totally inaccessible. He's perfect for you. Joel to Maggie about Mike -- Northern Exposure (4.5) %% Maurice let Mike wear his spacesuit. Well, of course, Maurice can't fit into it anymore. Too many mooseburgers. Ed to Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.5) %% That's Kim Chee. That's Korean cabbage. Smells like an old pair of gym shoes. Maurice -- Northern Exposure (4.6) %% What exactly is Flo? Plumbing fixture? Slinky? Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.6) %% Wouldn't it be somewhat of an occupational hazard to be up there in the stratosphere knowing you have a crack in your landing gear? Joel to The Flying Man -- Northern Exposure (4.6) %% Want lunch? Yeah. A small chocolate milk. One brown milk. Ed and Shelly -- Northern Exposure (4.6) %% You don't cook. Well, no, I don't cook, cook. But I bake. I bake all the time, Maurice. Muffins, mainly. Bran muffins, corn muffins, all kinds of muffins. Maurice and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.6) %% It shoots fluoride into teeth with positive ions ... but *this* is his masterpiece. Joel with his new golf club invented by a dentist -- Northern Exposure (4.6) %% You always think a fish is a fish. You never stop to think about whose mouth it's been in. Or whose hand it's been in. Ed -- Northern Exposure (4.6) %% I don't know what's gotten into that girl. All of a sudden she's a vegetarian. Wearing a dress. Spouting off about cow flatulence. Maurice -- Northern Exposure (4.6) %% Well, she did make fudge one time. Yeah, that's true. Ruth Anne and Maurice discuss Maggie's cooking -- Northern Exposure (4.6) %% You talked. I heard you. Marilyn to The Flying Man -- Northern Exposure (4.6) %% Words are a heavy thing ... they weigh you down. If birds talked, they couldn't fly. Marilyn to The Flying Man -- Northern Exposure (4.6) %% *I* orbited the globe; all you had to do was go to the copying machine. And what did you do? Fail? Utterly. Maurice and Ed -- Northern Exposure (4.7) %% God save the Queen. With kids like hers, she needs it! Jackie gives a toast -- Northern Exposure (4.7) %% You both kind of have the same face. Big. Shelly to Holling and Jackie -- Northern Exposure (4.7) %% Where's the ladies'? I've got to take a wicked tinkle. Jackie -- Northern Exposure (4.7) %% The old one [frying pan] was better. It was aluminum. Aluminum gives Alzheimer's. Maybe. But the bottom was copper. Copper turns green. Marilyn and her mother argue -- Northern Exposure (4.7) %% Do you have one? A house? Gee, not that I can think of. Not right off hand. But I could make some calls. Good. You mean right now? Marilyn and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.7) %% All of a sudden, like this, to find out that I have a daughter who's almost twice as old as you are. I love having a daughter! Holling and Shelly -- Northern Exposure (4.7) %% It makes the air nervous. The stove? Uh huh. Marilyn and Maggie look at a new house -- Northern Exposure (4.7) %% Maurice, do you notice anything amiss about my daughter? Well, she cusses like a sailor. Not a very flattering feminine trait as far as I'm concerned. Holling and Maurice discuss Jackie -- Northern Exposure (4.7) %% Do you know what I'm afraid of? She's going to end up a lonely geek. Just like Liza Minneli. Ed about Princess -- Northern Exposure (4.7) %% First thing we'll need is a sample. Come again? No, once will be sufficient. Joel and Holling -- Northern Exposure (4.7) %% They look like Robert E. Lee's troops after the battle of Gettysburg! Holling about his "sample" -- Northern Exposure (4.7) %% How do we dance? With abandon. Ed and Chris do a swan dance -- Northern Exposure (4.7) %% I'm amazed, Fleischman. You actually have a capacity for pleasure. Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.8) %% I don't know Fleischman. You cheerful like this? It's kind of creepy. Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.8) %% Ed threw a tomato at me because it's Thanksgiving?!? Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.8) %% I'm to believe that this tomato was simply Ed's way of saying Seasons' Greetings? Joel to Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (4.8) %% Tomatoes look like blood, but they don't hurt. Marilyn to Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.8) %% I may look white, but I am not. I am Jewish. Okay? Jewish. A fellow person of color. A victim of oppression. Joel to Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (4.8) %% Do you really think that hurling tomatoes is an acceptable way to express that hostility? Could be worse. Baseball bats. Bicycle chains. Tire irons. Joel and Dave the Cook -- Northern Exposure (4.8) %% Am I the only one in Cicely who finds this barbaric behavior unsettling? Probably. Joel and Ruth Anne -- Northern Exposure (4.8) %% They say I owe them a fifth year of medical service! Joel gets a letter -- Northern Exposure (4.8) %% Come on, Fleischman. Suck it up. This is degrading! Maurice -- Northern Exposure (4.8) %% Let's give it one more try, shall we. I'll write the prescriptions, and you'll take the medicine. That simple enough? Something that pea-sized brain of yours can handle?? Joel gets abusive to his patients -- Northern Exposure (4.8) %% You? Yeah, you. Bookworm. Another planter's wart, I suppose, right? Come on. Get in there. Go! Move! Come on. Come on, get your shoes off ... Joel gets abusive to his patients -- Northern Exposure (4.8) %% I'm supposed to push the rock up the hill? Why me? Why do I have to do it? You're my replacement. If you think this is bad, check out Prometheus! How'd you like some vulture ripping out your liver everyday? Or worse yet, they could send you to Alaska. Think about that, Fleischman! Joel and Sisyphus -- Northern Exposure (4.8) %% It's the same with white people. They cleared the forest, they dug up the land, and they gave us the flu. But they also brought power tools and penicillin and Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (4.8) %% You can march with us. Really? I thought it was an Indians only kind of deal. You're not white anymore. Marilyn and Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.8) %% Look at you Fleischman! You press your pants, you wear a tie, I bet you even floss regularly, right? So what? That's not the way somebody acts, Fleischman, who spends any amount of time thinking about *dead*! Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.9) %% In the mens' room there should be a sign instructing the employees to wash their hands. I figure they already know that. Jason, the health inspector and Holling -- Northern Exposure (4.9) %% Normally, in a situation like this, I would get really mad at you for being so inept and lazy that you couldn't even fix a simple washer, but I'm not going to do that anymore. You know why? Because anger is a negative destructive feeling, and life is too short for negative destructive feelings. Spare me. I know what you're going to say. You always take refuge in cheap cynicism. But I really mean this. I am going to concentrate on what's important in life. I'm going to strive everyday to be a kind and generous and loving person. I'm going to keep *death* right here, so that anytime I even think about getting angry at you or anybody else, I'll see *death* and I'll remember. Maggie to Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.9) %% I will *not* have the American people believing that I sang to some chippie in a Florida motel room! Maurice to the ex-KGB agent -- Northern Exposure (4.9) %% Do you see what it means for a Jew to have his own country? After 2000 years of wandering you can finally go home. You can always go to Israel. What? Well, you can't go anywhere Dr. Fleischman. You're stuck here. Joel and Ed -- Northern Exposure (4.9) %% Holling, being judged is standing up in stiletto heels on a hot stage with only inches of spandex between you and your birthday suit. And these horny businessmen and their dried up old *soc* types with their scorecards are just eyeballing you, just dying to find things wrong. And when they do, it's not something lame like a stovetop or a leaky faucet. Uh uh. It's your nips, or your butt, or your ankles. Shelly -- Northern Exposure (4.9) %% People are simply incapable of prolonged, sustained goodness. Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.9) %% So by trying to be good, I'm making myself ill? Every good deed, every kind gesture, every generous impulse, you are putting another nail in your coffin. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.9) %% Back in my competitive days, Dr. Fleischman, you could drop a baton or mess up your statement of personal goals, none of the men would blink, as long as you smiled and displayed a well rounded personality. But the women; try to wear a lip gloss they'd never seen before or dare to squeeze your well toned buns into a size 4 swimsuit they couldn't wear on a bet, they'd mark you down all over the place. It was brutal. Well, Shelly, I hate to minimize your experience, but I hardly think that a beauty contest and a court of law are analogous. Well maybe not. But they're definitely the same. Shelly and Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.10) %% What about the frogs? What about them? Well, they're still dead. Well, that's true, but if they were good little frogs, they're in froggy heaven. Ed and Shelly -- Northern Exposure (4.10) %% It turned out that due to a slight oversight on my part, I neglected to pay my income taxes for 33 years. Holling -- Northern Exposure (4.10) %% You've got a way with words, son. You've got the Steven's way with words. And on top of that, you don't sound black. Truth is Bernard, if I close my eyes, you sound as white as Casper. Maurice to Bernard -- Northern Exposure (4.10) %% You know something, Maurice, I like you. I do. And it troubles me. Troubles you? Yeah. This may come as a shock, but you're a bigot. A bigot! Yeah, a racist. Wait a minute, because you don't sound black, I'm a bigot and a racist? Bernard and Maurice -- Northern Exposure (4.10) %% I know black people. I've been around black people, and I know how they talk. The say "thang" instead of "thing." They say "ax," "I ax you this, brother, I ax you that." Now, you don't say "ax." Neither does Colin Powell and that....that Denzel fellow. Maurice -- Northern Exposure (4.10) %% You know what's interesting is the linkage of King's English and superior breeding. And the further linkage of superior breeding with being white. And rather than saying there's a black person speaking in the King's English, we say there's a black person speaking white. Bernard -- Northern Exposure (4.10) %% Although, admittedly, you're a racist and what you said makes me uncomfortable, there is a kernel of truth to it. Though, I suspect it has more to do with intellectual and cultural standards than it does with racial distinctions. Why is it that when I say something like that, I'm a racist, and when you say something like that, you're just being thoughtful. Oh no, Maurice, I'm a racist too. For a long time I didn't like being around white people. But once I realized that imperialism, slavery, and genocide weren't exclusively white institutions, it helped me loosen up a bit. Bernard and Maurice -- Northern Exposure (4.10) %% I'm not judging people, I'm judging their actions. It's the same type of distinction that I try to apply to myself, to judge, but not be judgmental. Judge Percy -- Northern Exposure (4.10) %% Mike and I, we've been over what I'm supposed to say and I've got to tell you, it's pretty persuasive stuff, but is it the whole truth? It's a slice of truth, a morsel, a fraction. It's a piece of the pie, certainly not the whole enchilada, and now that I've been thinking about it, I don't think I could tell the whole truth about anything. That's a pretty heavy burden, because we all just view the world through this little piece of coke bottle. Is there such a thing as objective truth? I wonder. Chris -- Northern Exposure (4.10) %% I was wondering if Chris is really two people, the old Chris and the new Chris, why couldn't the old Chris go to West Virginia and the new Chris stay here? Interesting point metaphysically, Debbie. Well Debbie, I think on the corporal plane that the state of West Virginia has first dibs. Shall we discuss the philosophical question raised here, Chris? The state of sin vs. the state of grace? Uh huh. Does redemption actually remake a man or simply return him to some sort of core being? Precisely. Is the reformed center truly a different person then he was? Well speaking from Western tradition, Bernard, I'd say no. Pray tell why, my brother? Well, I think most born again Fundamentalists would disagree and most Judeo-Christian theologians would to argue that the reformed center simply discovered a divine spark that had always laid within anyway. That answer your question Debbie? Uh.....I guess. Debbie (KBHR listener calling in), Bernard, and Chris -- Northern Exposure (4.10) %% After careful review, it is my opinion that the defendant, by virtue of what I can only call his "Chris-ness," has a vital impact upon the life of Cicely, and to summarily remove him would place undue hardship on the town exceeding the caliber of his own offense. Judge Percy -- Northern Exposure (4.10) %% Who is Chris Stevens? Who are any of us? Are we one person fixed at birth? Do we grow like a snowball coming down the mountainside of life? Or can we change, shed our skin. A caterpillar becomes the butterfly leaving the remains of his former self behind. I look at my yearbook photo, Wheeling Central Catholic High School, class of '81, and I wonder who that stranger is. Damned if I know. Maybe that's the point maybe we're not supposed to know. Maybe that's what this earthly joy ride's all about. Chris -- Northern Exposure (4.10) %% Like a schmuck, I listened to the ozone report. I went out without my SPF360 sunblock. Joel in Ed's futuristic nightmare -- Northern Exposure (4.11) %% PVC contains carcinogens. I'm not going to drink out of it, Ed. It's for my garden. Ed and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.11) %% You got a lot of attitude for a guy who isn't tall enough to get on half the rides at Disneyland. Joel to Brad -- Northern Exposure (4.11) %% You know Maggie, fairies are the perfect people to do this kind of work. Biologically, their upperbody is strong enough to wield a pick-axe. But, temperamentally, they're...ah...precise and meticulous. Maurice to Maggie about Ron and Eric -- Northern Exposure (4.11) %% Hey! Huh-uh. Huh-uh. I'm not going to be collectively vibed out of my own office. Understand? Huh-uh. Huh-uh. You have 5 minutes. Joel to Maggie, Ruth Anne, and Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (4.11) %% Hey babe! Hullo. Who are you? What's it look like? I'm the subconscious manifestation of your primal male fantasy fixations. What's in the *basket*? The Big Bad Wolf and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.11) %% Try raw. Try violent. Try *sex*, kid. It's just a hood. The Big Bad Wolf and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.11) %% And if you call me "little lady" one more time, I'm going to punch you in the nose! An empowered Maggie to Maurice -- Northern Exposure (4.11) %% Did you ever stop to think about that word, Fleischman? History? HIS STORY? Maggie to Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.11) %% Figures. If it's her story, it's not history. Look at Catherine the Great, for example. Okay. Why? Maggie to Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.11) %% Love is. Period. Chris to Brad -- Northern Exposure (4.11) %% I've wrecked three pairs of underwear just dreamin' about you. No kiddin'? It's been a long time since someone's said that to me. Brad and Shelly -- Northern Exposure (4.11) %% You're sweet and charming and all, but Holling holds the keys to my pants. And my heart. Shelly to Brad -- Northern Exposure (4.11) %% A good time? How in the hell can you tell? I mean, nobody's fighting Nobody's throwing anything. Nobody's yelling. With men, you can tell when they're having a good time. Maurice and the guys -- Northern Exposure (4.11) %% I wouldn't mind so much if it made the slightest bit of sense. But this is just stupid. You can't look for logic, Maurice. With women, it seems that rabid emotion is the justification for everything. A woman uses her intelligence to find reasons to support her intuition. Maurice, Joel and Chris -- Northern Exposure (4.11) %% 5000 dollars? I'm exercising my option. I'm paying off the store. Maurice and Ruth Anne -- Northern Exposure (4.12) %% Say, can I get a hair shirt? Oh, I'm afraid we don't wear those anymore. No hair shirts? Mortification of the flesh has its place; no doubt about it. But, uh, our feeling is that you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar. Chris and Brother Timothy -- Northern Exposure (4.12) %% And it was this last item, chastity, which really gave him some grief. It seems he couldn't get a certain hometown girl out of his mind. And on one occasion when the desire for her was so overwhelming, he eschewed the traditional cold shower. Instead, he took off his clothes and threw himself naked in a briar patch, rolled around in the thorns until his flesh was rent and bleeding. Now, that's commitment. Bernard on St. Benedict -- Northern Exposure (4.12) %% Your brother has a skewed, but interesting perspective. Maurice to Bernard -- Northern Exposure (4.12) %% Ever since I read St. Augustine in the joint, I've been in this religious, philosophical thing. You know? Chris to Brother Simon -- Northern Exposure (4.12) %% I just thought the food would be simpler. You know, like gruel. Gruel? You know, part of the denial of the flesh, self-deprivation kind of thing. Terrible food, lots of fasting. Chris, you've got some wild ideas about monastic life. I don't know about self-deprivation, but we like to eat well. Chris and Brother TImothy -- Northern Exposure (4.12) %% When was the last time you had a mole check? Remember - an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Bernard reads Joel's ad over the radio -- Northern Exposure (4.12) %% What else do you think about? Colors. Colors? Blue mostly. Blue. And beige. Marilyn, is this conversation as absurd to you as it is to me? You started it. Joel and Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (4.12) %% I am capable of quietude. Marilyn! I am capable of solitary reflection. Wanna bet? A bet. You mean, like a wager? 5 dollars. How long? 5 minutes. 5 minutes? I'll give you six. Joel and Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (4.12) %% Brother Simon, what's your given name? Chris. Chris and Brother Simon -- Northern Exposure (4.12) %% I never walked so hard. I thought I would have to change my name to "One Who Walks". One Who Waits to Ed -- Northern Exposure (4.13) %% I had a dog once. Then business got slow and I ate him. Man's best friend tastes surprisingly like chicken. Arlon, the blind piano tuner, to Holling -- Northern Exposure (4.13) %% I'll bet even as we speak there is some miscreant in Yokohama illegally firing up his hibachi! Joel rags Maggie about Mike's nose -- Northern Exposure (4.13) %% Luke's father turned out to be alive, too. And they got in this terrible fight. And he cut off Luke's hand! And well. It's the kind of thing to make a person nervous. Ed to One Who Waits -- Northern Exposure (4.13) %% Are you saying I'm trying to cheat... A perceptially impaired individual? Someone who is visually challenged? Who knows? You may even be trying to rob me blind. Holling and Arlon -- Northern Exposure (4.13) %% Pete...I think you should know that I'm...I'm...I'm...I'm...I'm... You're what, Ed? Uh, kind of thirsty. Ed and Pete, his father -- Northern Exposure (4.13) %% Well. There are those who believe that time is a wheel turning forever. Which would mean that your moment will surely come. Then, there are those who believe that time is a river. Which, if that's true, it's possible that your moment has already flowed by. Which one do you think it is? Ah. I believe that time is just time. Ed and One Who Waits -- Northern Exposure (4.13) %% There is no cause and effect here. Yes there is. I'm the cause and death is the effect. Mike and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.13) %% I'm five for five. I'm a scientific phenomenon. Maggie to Mike about her "curse" -- Northern Exposure (4.13) %% No, no, no, no. A thousand times, "NO!" Joel considers a trip to Michigan to meet Maggie's family -- Northern Exposure (4.14) %% There is nothing you or anybody else could say to make me want to spend a weekend in Detroit. Are you sure about that Fleischman? What are those? Tickets. To what? Pistons. Those are Pistons tickets? Detroit Pistons tickets? Um huh. Nah. Nice try, though. Let's see. What does this say here? The Detroit Pistons versus the New York *Knickerbockers.* The Knicks. You got Knicks-Pistons tickets? Floor seats. Center court. Let me see these. Let me see 'em! Where'd you get these? You can't get these. Floor seats. Knicks-Pistons. Center court. The boat leaves Saturday morning. Don't forget your toothbrush. Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.14) %% Don't flatter yourself. Your family is no crazier than any other American nuclear unit. Believe me. Oh yeah? What would you say to a father who at 58 years old quits his job and buys a Buffalo ranch in South Dakota? I'd say I would not be surprised if he had a daughter who was a bush pilot in the wilds of Alaska. Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.14) %% She was Jewish. I'm sure of it. Her father or somebody. Besides, she was...you know. What? Smart. Smart and funny. Maggie and Joel discuss the Jewish-ness of Grosse Pointe -- Northern Exposure (4.14) %% Poor Jane...always getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop. Maggie's Grammy about Maggie's Mom -- Northern Exposure (4.14) %% Say Joel, do you mind if I ask you a...personal question? $465 a month after taxes, no, I'm not married, and I haven't had sex in two years. You said personal. Oh...I had a different sort of question in mind. Reverend Harding and Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.14) %% You okay, there? You're...looking...a little...flustered, Fleischman. Jed Fleming during a basketball game with Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.14) %% So is Maggie still into those moonlight skinny-dips? You and Maggie skinny dipped, huh? Well, I don't want to tell tales out of school or anything. Can't be much to tell. Why's that? Because all the guys that got lucky are sprouting daisies about now. *SWISH* Jed tries to psych out Joel during the basketball game -- Northern Exposure (4.14) %% I want you to know, it is not easy living with her. With her Rush Limbaugh on the radio and her TV blaring at all hours of the night. Maggie's Mom about Maggie's Grammy -- Northern Exposure (4.14) %% Is there anybody you would like me to notify? Just move my Lexus off the street. The Reverend with Jed as he's wheeled to the ambulance -- Northern Exposure (4.14) %% You're right. You've got yourself a regular loony bin here. It's absolutely incredible that you survived. I don't know. I guess you're made of something. Joel to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.14) %% I'm going to Seattle. The gateway to Alaska. I want an adventure. Marilyn tells Joel she is going on vacation -- Northern Exposure (4.15) %% I would have figured that a dude as old as you would have finished high school eons ago! Shelly to Holling -- Northern Exposure (4.15) %% Hon, like the Fresh Prince says. "Don't be a fool. Stay in school." Shelly to Holling -- Northern Exposure (4.15) %% Wow. This is really chilling. What? You. The veil's been lifted; the mask just ripped from your face. For the first time I see your true self and it's... it's cold! I mean, you are so cold...and you are so bleak! Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.15) %% Come on, the last thing we need is women flying combat! Jane to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.15) %% I mean, a woman's got about two weeks a month of relative sanity, and I'd say even that's a stretch for some. Jane to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.15) %% Jeez...those look totally dorky on those geeks in chess club. But a hunk like you can pull that look off, no sweat! Shelly to Holling about his pocket protector -- Northern Exposure (4.15) %% She goes on vacation to a strange city. Grabs the wrong bag and before she knows it, she's kidnapped by ruthless arms dealers who would as soon slit her throat as let her go. _Frantic_. Roman Polanski, 1988. I'll see you, Dr. Fleischman. Ed tells Joel not to worry about Marilyn's vacation -- Northern Exposure (4.15) %% That was very *vivid*, Holling. Thank you. Jane in response to Holling's essay -- Northern Exposure (4.15) %% Who is supposed to stick together? *WOMEN*! Oh, you're one of *those*. Jane and Maggie differ on women's rights -- Northern Exposure (4.15) %% They are my ideas. And if you don't like them, that's just too bad. And I'm not going to let you or any other _sister_ dictate how I think or how I feel. Oh yeah, and another thing, *sister*... I already have a sister. And you're not her. Jane to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.15) %% She's simple. Developmentally delayed? Joel and a police detective discuss Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (4.15) %% I can't believe I found you! I bet you're surprised to see me. Not really. Joel finds Marilyn in the concrete jungle of Seattle -- Northern Exposure (4.15) %% How do you feel about Ibsen? Depressing. Yeah. I guess he is. Joel and Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (4.15) %% For those of you who missed it, Maggie scored a one round decision over Dr. Fleischman last night. Right jab to the old honker. Pow! T-K-O. Chris -- Northern Exposure (4.16) %% One thousand *feet*. That's a lot of time. Wind roaring in your ears just ripping at your clothes. The pull of gravity dragging you down ... down ... down ... time for one last look. PFFF! Ed -- Northern Exposure (4.16) %% Whoa! That's some bandage! Maggie comments on her handiwork -- Northern Exposure (4.16) %% I read once about this guy ... got executed in the gas chamber. Took him a full ten minutes to die. Hmm. I ate some bad salmon once. What was that like? I puked a lot. Ed and Dave -- Northern Exposure (4.16) %% Fleischman, normally I give 30 days. I thought in your case a week was *very* generous. Maggie serves Joel with an eviction notice -- Northern Exposure (4.16) %% Maybe I'll burn your house down, Fleischman. You know, it runs in the family. Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.16) %% But in fact, I was wrong, and you are exactly what I thought you were. You are spoiled and you are frigid. That's right! *POW* Ah! Aggh! Ah! You broke my broken nose! Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.16) %% What is it? The wind that suddenly makes everyone think they can threaten the town doctor with impunity? Joel to Maurice -- Northern Exposure (4.16) %% I believe, leaving out extraneous items, such as gold fillings, the shopping bag price of the adult human body separated into discrete components was something like $14.73. That's it, huh? Well, that was a long time ago, Maurice, you've got to allow for inflation. So it would be somewhere around 15 bucks. More or less. Huh. I always knew life was cheap. Joel and Maurice -- Northern Exposure (4.16) %% Look. I understand what you're trying to do. I even think it's interesting in a primitive domino theory of the soul kind of way. Chris to Maurice when Maurice tries to pay him off for saving his life -- Northern Exposure (4.16) %% Cows are smart. Pigs are smart. Anything is smart compared to a sheep. Don't get me started. So, why are you a shepherd, Enrique? Enrique the Basque, and Ruth Anne -- Northern Exposure (4.16) %% My advice to you is cash it. This morning. Now. Before he comes to his senses. Joel gives Chris financial advice about a check from Maurice -- Northern Exposure (4.16) %% I'm willing to drop that lawsuit if you're willing to drop the eviction. Weak case, huh Fleischman? Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.16) %% Suicide's not the Indian way. It's not? Don't go where you're not invited. Know what I mean? Ed and Shelly -- Northern Exposure (4.16) %% Well, O'Connell, as it was explained to me at $110 an hour by Tom Hoverman, my esteemed lawyer, by the time I actually got a judge to actually issue an injunction against you, we might all be dead. And, in terms of my civil suit, let's just say, it would triple my current debt load by the time I had my first legal conference in the flesh. Joel tries to make amends -- Northern Exposure (4.16) %% You get your hands off me, Fleischman, or I'm gonna punch you in the nose again! There's no way you're hitting me again, O'Connell! You get your hands off me! Maggie and Joel take a roll in the hay -- Northern Exposure (4.16) %% We'll be here to answer questions later. Maggie after Joel & Maggie's announcement in the brick -- Northern Exposure (4.16) %% As far as I'm concerned, we buried the needle. Discovered another planet. You should have seen the claw marks this morning. Beyond, beyond. Joel and Maggie the morning after -- Northern Exposure (4.16) %% What does sex have to do with anything? Maggie erases a bad memory -- Northern Exposure (4.17) %% She's probably trying to put the whole thing behind her. I beg your pardon? That's what I'd do if I had knowledge of you in the Biblical sense. Ruth Anne harshes on Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.17) %% It's way beyond me how a grown man could pee his pants over a chickadee that's common over half the Russian speaking world. Maurice to Holling -- Northern Exposure (4.17) %% We didn't have sex! What would you call it? A feeding frenzy? Maggie in denial and Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.17) %% It's flattering in a twisted psychotic kind of way, but it didn't happen! Maggie in denial to Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.17) %% Women are the enemy. Never forget it. Okay. Biologically, emotionally, their main function in life is to make us crazy. But we have a function too. You see, men were put on this earth to not let women make us crazy. By the way, congratulations on your engagement. Joel and Ed -- Northern Exposure (4.17) %% I definitely need to see a woman naked before I agree to anything, you know? I mean, there could be all sorts of unsightly epidermal flaws - moles, cysts, the occasional third nipple. Joel to Ed -- Northern Exposure (4.17) %% Take a good look, though. Girls tend to turn into their mother and we're not talking about a pretty sight here. Joel to Ed about Ed's fiance -- Northern Exposure (4.17) %% You know, Maggie, sometimes you just have to go for it. Grab for the gusto. Mike to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.17) %% It must be like eighth grade when I broke my leg skiing. The whole thing was so horrendous and so horrible that my mind just blacked the whole thing out. Well, I'm flattered and touched. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.17) %% More than once? I stopped counting when my fingers went numb. Oh God! My guess it's some sort of land speed endurance record for a man my age. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.17) %% Like what kind of things did you forget? Well. Uh. Maurice almost fell off the roof of the Brick. Al Simmons' barn blew over. I had sex with Fleischman, and a whole herd of sheep went through Cicely. What'd you just say? A *whole* herd of sheep went through Cicely. Mike and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.17) %% Ed, this is my boyfriend, Craig. Craig, this is Ed. My fiance. Debbie Something -- Northern Exposure (4.17) %% Anything else? How about a big gun with a bullet in it? Holling keeps all his big guns locked up. Would a .22 be all right? Shelly and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.17) %% Strychnine ... is that one of those imported vodkas? Shelly -- Northern Exposure (4.17) %% How could you ... what? Have sex with Fleischman ... If it makes you feel any better, I thought you two got down a long time ago. Shelly and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.17) %% Let me give you a little advice. Don't believe a word that woman says. I mean, ever. Joel to Mike about Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.17) %% We can't have sex. Why not? Because you'd die! Maggie and Mike -- Northern Exposure (4.17) %% So, wait a minute, let me get this straight here. I'm expendable but he's not. Right. Well. You're saying it's okay to have sex with me, because it's no big deal if I croak, but you don't want to fool around with Mike because you're afraid that he'll kick the bucket? Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.17) %% I'd hop in the sack with him right now if I weren't afraid I'd kill him. Maggie about Mike -- Northern Exposure (4.18) %% No physician willing to take your place. Stop. Community cannot be placed in jeopardy. Stop. Vacation denied. Our apologies. The state of Alaska. Joel receives a telegram -- Northern Exposure (4.18) %% Miller? Lite. Chris asks a question, and Lance the hobo gives him inspiration -- Northern Exposure (4.18) %% I will not allow one man to hold this town hostage! Worse comes to worse, I'll see him behind bars. You want to put Joel in jail? Who's talking about Joel? I'm talking about that scrofulous bum who parked himself on Main Street. Maurice addresses the town meeting to discuss Joel's withholding of services -- Northern Exposure (4.18) %% People! Let us not waste each other's time. My vacation as stated in the contract is absolutely and unequivocally non-negotiable. Thank you. Ed makes a statement for Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.18) %% Shelly, let me ask you something. Now, I thought that we were friends. That you liked me. I do! How is that you could be part of this lawsuit? Oh, that! Just being a team player. Joel tries to understand Shelly -- Northern Exposure (4.18) %% God, Maggie! I knew we had an excellent case against Joel, but now we have got him by the short hairs! Mike finds a precedent against Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.18) %% You did it, Maggie. You put the final nail in Joel's coffin. Mike -- Northern Exposure (4.18) %% All the others. Maurice, Ruth Anne, Mike. They couldn't wait to stab me in the back. But not you. You are a real mensch. Joel to Ed unaware that Ed is changing the lock on Joel's door -- Northern Exposure (4.18) %% It's a different kettle of fish, though. What do you mean? Your situation with Mike. I break in here at 3 am, I risk my life. You hit the rack with Mike, you risk his. Chris and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.18) %% Real meaningful endeavours, the biggies in human existence, often require the sacrifice of others. Chris tells Maggie to go for it -- Northern Exposure (4.18) %% I'm freezing to death, I've been completely abandoned, and you want to talk about glucose dipsticks?? We're running low. Joel and Marilyn -- Northern Exposure (4.18) %% See, what I realized is ... a person has three choices in life. You can swim against the tide and get exhausted, or you can tread water and let the tide sweep you away, or you can swim with the tide, and let it take you where it wants you to go. Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.18) %% Light is knowledge, light is life, light is light. Chris before showing his work of art -- Northern Exposure (4.18) %% The ballerinas, Floyd! Those flat skinny chicks that just went spinning by! Shelly sees dancers -- Northern Exposure (4.19) %% You and Marilyn are cousins? Yep. The Whirlwinds come from the family's Raven clan. The Chigliak's come from the family's Bear clan. Dave too. Joel and Ed discuss Ed's family tree -- Northern Exposure (4.19) %% It's a schizoid personality disorder ... it's really nothing more than a fissuration of the mental functions. In lay terms, it would imply that ... I guess that it would imply that you're kind of nuts. Joel diagnoses Shelly -- Northern Exposure (4.19) %% What the hell's going on? Bear clan. They can never handle the truth. Maurice and Marilyn after the unveiling of the totem pole -- Northern Exposure (4.19) %% Maurice, tell Dave that I'll have the same. You get that, Dave? Please inform Marilyn that I'd rather pluck my eyes out than serve her. Marilyn, Maurice and Dave -- Northern Exposure (4.19) %% They say that blood is thicker than water. Maybe that's why we battle our own with more energy and gusto than we would ever expend on strangers. Chris in the morning -- Northern Exposure (4.19) %% You know my friend Tooley? He had his fair share of both religiously inspired and chemically induced visions. I think he had the healthiest take on it all. He said to me, Chris, as long as they're still on the wall and not crawling up your leg. Let 'em ride! Chris to Shelly -- Northern Exposure (4.19) %% No, no, no ... we are not just ... *just* ... we are just .... *whatever*! And whatever that is, it implies a certain chemistry, and intensity, and a passion ... so don't try and stand there and tell me that we are just ... *just* ... 'cause we both know better than that! Joel to Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.19) %% I recognize the signs. What signs? Signs of someone seeing dancers. Eyes glazed over. Pupils dilate. Slight involuntary rhythmic swaying. Leonard and Shelly -- Northern Exposure (4.19) %% And clearly, to you, as to many people, life is a dance. And for that, you need a partner. A husband. Leonard diagnoses Shelly -- Northern Exposure (4.19) %% We are definitely not friends, O'Connell. Think about what friends do. What do they do? They have dinners, and they have conversations, and they go to the movies, and they help each other move ... So? So? Well, friends don't go into barns and tear each other's clothes off in an uncontrolled sexual frenzy and then proceed to go at it in the dirt. Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.19) %% Look, you can delude yourself all you want, but this thing between us, whatever it might be, is not something that you're going to domesticate by putting in a box and mislabelling it, "My Little Friend". Hey! I do not have to domesticate our relationship. I can beat it to death with a stick. I can make hamburger out of it, and eat it for lunch! Fine, and you can top it off with some ersatz Alaskan cheesecake. Joel and Maggie -- Northern Exposure (4.19) %% I know it's short notice, but the bride-to-be is pushing for a quickie. Medical emergency. Nope, it's not what you're thinking. Anyway, I know a couple of us have been down the aisle with these people before, maybe this time, they'll make it to the altar. Chris in the morning -- Northern Exposure (4.19) %% Marilyn, hit it! I'm coming down! Marilyn, can it! Okay, let's roll! Shelly and Holling get married -- Northern Exposure (4.19) %% Do you take me for your lawfully wedded squeeze? Yes I do, certainly, most assuredly. Me too. Chris, put a knot on it. By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you legal. Can I kiss the bride? Yep. Oh! We'll suck face later, babe. Right now, I've got to check something out. Shelly and Holling and Chris during the wedding ceremony -- Northern Exposure (4.19) %% How about desirous? Desirous? Mutually desirous incompatibles. Maggie and Joel think up a term to describe their relationship -- Northern Exposure (4.19) %% Goodnight, my mutually desirous incompatible. Goodnight. Maggie and Joel -- Northern Exposure (4.19) %% Hey! Babe! That doesn't mean I don't have a steel-belted radial around my heart! Shelly tells Holling that she doesn't want to wear the wedding ring -- Northern Exposure (4.19) %%