Crumbs: a gigantic fortune file from elsewhere part 6
%%
Things look good, but you may have a halting problem.
%%
Things move so fast today that we sometimes get the feeling our
solutions may be obsolete before we can get them worked out.
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Things past redress and now with me past care.
		-- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"
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Things sweet to the taste, prove in digestion sour.
		-- William Shakespeare
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Things will be bright this evening.  A cop will shine a light in your face.
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Things will get better despite our efforts to improve them.
		-- Will Rogers
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Things will get worse before they get better.
Who said things would get better?
		-- John Ehrman
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Things work better
	when assembled correctly.
%%
Things worth having are worth cheating for.
%%
Think -- maybe the Joneses are trying to keep up with you!
%%
Think before you act; it's not your money.
%%
Think dirty!
%%
Think even harder.
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Think globally; act locally.
%%
Think harder.
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Think it's time I'm leavin' / Nothin' here to make me stay.
		-- Led Zeppelin
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Think like a man of action and act like a man of thought.
		-- Henri Bergson
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Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.
		-- Darrell Royal
%%
Think more.
%%
Think of it as evolution in action.
%%
Think of the poorest person you have ever seen
and ask if your next act will be of any use to him
		-- Gandhi's epitaph
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Think of what others ought to be like,
then start being like that yourself.
%%
Think sideways!
		-- Ed De Bono
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Think that day lost whose low descending sun
Views from thy hand no noble action done.
		-- Jacob Bobart
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Think that you are exceptional and entitled to special privileges.
%%
Think that you can control your autonomic nervous system by sheer
willpower.
%%
Think twice before saying nothing.
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Think you are indispensable to your job, your community, your friends.
%%
Think you, if Laura had been Petrarch's Wife,
he would have written Sonnets all his life?
		-- Byron
%%
Think!
		-- IBM slogan
%%
Thinking of Maud you forget everything else.
%%
Thinks't thou existence doth depend on time?
It doth; but actions are our epochs; mine
Have made my days and nights imperishable,
Endless, and all alike, as sands on the shore,
Innumerable atoms; and one desert,
Barren and cold, on which the wild waves break,
But nothing rests, save carcasses and wrecks,
Rocks, and the salt-surf weeds of bitterness.
%%
Third Law of Advice:
	Simple advice is the best advice.
%%
Third Law of Hacking: the last blow counts most.
%%
Thirteen at a table is unlucky only when the hostess has only twelve chops.
		-- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
Thirteen times this year I die
Endless is the course I ply,
Who or what am I?
 The moon
%%
Thirty days hath November,
April, June, and September,
February hath twenty-eight alone,
And all the rest have thirty-one.
		-- Richard Grafton, 1562
%%
Thirty seconds on the evening news is worth a front page headline in
every newspaper in the world.
		-- Edwin Guthman
%%
This "family values" concept seems to be burgeoning amongst the
counterculture. Just recently in Phoenix a professional burglar went about his
business accompanied by his wife and children. (Was he perhaps thinking of the
statement, "The family that preys together, stays together"?) In any case,
when he was shot dead by one of his victims in broad daylight, his wife, who
was driving the getaway car, and his children, who were interested observers,
were much upset. One observer opined in the newspaper that you should not
shoot people for stealing stuff. It gives one to wonder. Obviously, the
constituted minions of the law are doing little about people who steal stuff.
Perhaps it is indeed time for "the militia" to take over. Remember that
according to the Founding Fathers the militia is constituted of all the
people, except for a few public servants.
		-- Jeff Cooper
%%
This Englishman walks in the saloon of a small town somewhere in the Wild
West, and orders a drink.  Suddenly, a gangster appears, shooting left and
right and screaming, "All you scum bags, get out of here."
The bar becomes empty in a second, save the Englishman, who calmly carries
on to finish his drink.  The gangster looks in the Englishman's direction;
"Well?" he says.
"Well", the Briton replies, "There were certainly quite a lot of them".
%%
This Fortune inspected by NO. 13
%%
This Garment Examined By INSPECTOR NO. 2-14
%%
This IBM service rep, hardware engineer, and software engineer were driving
down the road one day and they had a flat.
The service rep wanted to replace the car.
The hardware engineer thought they could work around it.
The software engineer said, 'Maybe if we ignore it, it'll go away.'
%%
This Purdue Engineering graduate went into this bar and started to chat
with this lovely woman.  He offers her a drink, she accepts and they
chat some more.  When he offers her another drink, the lady says,
"Before this goes on any further, I have to tell you that I'm a
lesbian."  The guy, being from Purdue, says, "really?!	What's a
lesbian?"  The lady was surprised that he didn't know, but explained it
to him by saying, "See that gorgeous woman over there, I would love to
take her home and ravish her body."  The guy than says, "HOT DAMN!! That
must mean I'm a lesbian too!"
%%
This above all: to thine own self be true; and it must follow, as the
night the day thou cans't not then be false to any man.
		-- William Shakespeare
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This ain't no party!  This ain't no disco!
%%
This boat will not inflate since some cretin put a hole in it.
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This book is written in a tongue with which I am unfamiliar.
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This button boldly goes where no button has gone before
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This button is right side up--the person wearing it has flipped
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This cannot be tied, so it cannot be untied!
%%
This cavern has many long narrow stalactites and stalagmites.
when the wind blows through, they produce delicate music, which echoes
off the walls.	Passages lead south and west, with a tunnel to the east.
%%
This cavern has smooth walls and a soft floor.
it looks like the lair of some huge beast, but there's no animal in
sight.	there is a short tunnel leading out through the north wall, and
another exit to the south.
%%
This cavern is rather cool and clammy.
A newly-cut tunnel leads west, and you see another exit to the south.
%%
This cavern looks like any other standard assembly-line cavern.
%%
This chamber sits atop the tower. The only apparent exit from
this room is an opening out onto a balcony to the west. A heavy
stone sarcophagus sits on an even more massive catafalque against
the north wall.
%%
This child will probably be shorter than he wants to be, but he should
have picked different parents.
%%
This compter is subject to breakdowns during periods of critical need.
%%
This computer hardware has the following ratings:
	20 Mhs	  - (20 Million Hurts / Second)
	50 DIPS	  - (50 Dozen Instructions Per Second)
	400 MBOPS - (Million Botched Operations Per Second)
%%
This computer is:
a) not smart enough to be artificially intelligent; and
b) not stupid enough to be a dumb terminal.
%%
This computer will self-destruct in five minutes.
%%
This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms
industry is now in the American experience... We must not fail to
comprehend its grave implications... We must guard against the
acquisition of unwarranted influence...by the military-industrial
complex.  The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power
exists and will persist.
		-- Dwight D. Eisenhower, from his farewell address in 1961
%%
This cookie has a scrap of paper inside!
%%
This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit.
Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing Government, they can
exercise their constitutional right of amending it,
or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it.
		-- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
This door is baroquen, please wiggle Handel.
	(If I wiggle Handel, will it wiggle Bach?)
		-- Found on a door in the MSU music building
%%
This dungeon is owned and operated by Frobazz Magic Co., Ltd.
%%
This famine has a sharp and meagre face;
'Tis death in an undress of skin and bone,
Where age and youth, their landmark ta'en away,
Look all one common sorrow.
		-- Dryden
%%
This fellow is wise enough to play the fool; and, to do that well,
craves a kind of wit.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
This fellow rushed into a crowded tavern on Saturday night.  Men and women
stood three-deep at the bar.  Our man, who felt nature calling strongly,
looked about him but couldn't see anything that resembled a john.  He saw a
stairway and bounded up the steps to the second floor in his increasingly
desperate search.  Just as his bowels threatened to erupt, he spotted a
one-foot by one-foot hole in the floor.  Now, at the end of his control, he
decided to take advantage of the hole.	He dropped his pants, hunched over it,
and did his thing.  Thoroughly relieved and relaxed, he sauntered down the
steps to find, to his surprise, that the crowded bar was now empty.
	"Hey!" he yelled to the seemingly empty room, "Where is everyone?"
	From behind the bar a voice responded, "Hey!  Where were you when
the shit hit the fan?"
%%
This file will self-destruct in five minutes.
%%
This formation [Fist-of-God] was not known to me.  Why was it built?
At the rim there are mountains as high, as decorative, and more
useful, for they hold back the air.
		-- Halrloprillalar Hotrufan "Ringworld"
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This fortune cookie was poisoned! You're dead.	Film at 11
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This fortune could not be printed: Too much memory requested.
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This fortune intentionally left blank.
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This fortune intentionally says nothing.
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This fortune is dedicated to your mother, without whose
invaluable assistance last night would never have been possible.
%%
This fortune is encrypted -- get your decoder rings ready!
%%
This fortune is self-explanatory, once you understand it.
%%
This fortune soaks up 47 times its own weight in excess memory.
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This fortune was brought to you by the people at Hewlett-Packard.
%%
This fortune would be seven words long if it were six words shorter.
%%
This frog walks into a bank to get a loan.  He steps up to the
counter and asks for an application from the clerk, Patty Wack.
"Hi, I'd like to fill out an application for a loan", said
the frog.  Patty Wack replied, "Do you have any collateral for
this loan;  something to stand against your loan."  The frog
replied, "All I have is this statue of a unicorn."  "Well,
I don't know," said Patty Wack, "I'll have to ask the manager about
this."	Patty Wack goes to see the bank manager.  The bank manager
looks at the statue and replies:
	 "Knick Knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan."
%%
This function is occasionally useful as an argument to other functions
which require functions as arguments.
		-- Guy Steele Jr. CLTL
%%
This game is void ...
%%
This gives you the rank of Advanced Cheater.
%%
This gives you the rank of Cheater.
%%
This gives you the rank of Dungeon Master.
%%
This gives you the rank of Master Cheater.
%%
This gives you the rank of Super Cheater.
%%
This gives you the rank of adventurer.
%%
This gives you the rank of amateur adventurer.
%%
This gives you the rank of beginner.
%%
This gives you the rank of junior adventurer.
%%
This gives you the rank of master.
%%
This gives you the rank of novice adventurer.
%%
This gives you the rank of winner.
%%
This gives you the rank of wizard.
%%
This guy comes over to my house and says, "I want to read your
gas meter."  I said, "Whatever happened to the classics?"
		-- Emo Philips
%%
This guy is taking a leak in a public men's room when a man enters with his
arms held out from his sides, bent at the elbows with his hands dangling
awkwardly, and comes over to him.
	"Would you do me a favor and unzip my fly?" he asks.
Figuring the man to be a poor cripple, perhaps an accident victim, the guy
obliges, not without a flush of embarrassment when the man next requests that
he take out his prick and hold it in the appropriate position.	"Shake it off"
is the next instruction, then "zip me up," and the guy follows orders, wincing
at his own embarrassment and at the shame of being so helpless.
	"Say, thanks," says the man, flouncing to the door.
"I guess my nails are dry now."
%%
This guy makes an appointment with a doctor because his hemorrhoids are
really bothering him.  The doctor gives him some suppositories and tells
him to come back in a week for a checkup.  "How's it going?" he asks
the patient a week later.
	"I gotta tell you the truth, Doc," said the man.  "For all the
good these pills did me, I coulda shoved them up my ass."
%%
This guy showed up at a party, and all of his friends jumped for joy.
But Joy sidestepped, and they missed.
%%
This guy, lets call him Sam, had a sore elbow so he went to his
doctor. When he gets to the receptionist's desk, s/he gives him
a bottle and asks him to fill it and take it in when he sees the
doctor. Sam exclaims that all he has is a sore elbow but the
receptionist insists that they "have this new machine which can
diagnose anything from a urine sample." Sam fills the bottle and,
the doctor comes back and says "You have tennis elbow. Here is
another bottle. In two weeks, fill it and come back to see me."

Two weeks pass. Sam remembers the night before that he has to fill
the bottle but decides to have some fun with the new machine. First,
he has his daughter pee into it. Then he has his wife spit into it.
He also has his dog pee into it. Finally, he masturbates into it.

Next day he goes to the doctor's office and gives the bottle to
the receptionist. The doctor calls Sam into his examining room and
says, "Very funny, smart ass. Your wife has VD, your daughter is
pregnant, your dog has rabies and if you don't stop beating off,
you'll never get rid of that tennis elbow."
%%
This guy, see, was walkin' down the street sportin' two -- not one, but
two -- black eyes; a coupla real shiners.  He chanced upon his buddy
walkin' th' other way...they stopped to talk..."Hey buddy," sez his
buddy, "where'd'ja git them good lookin' shiners?  Musta been a helluva
fight."

"Well actually I got them in church," sez he.

"Nowwaitaminnit," sez his buddy, "nobody gits black eyes in church!"

"I swear I did," sez he, "and here's how it happened.
We all got up to sing a hymn, you see, and the fat lady in front of me
got her dress all stuck up in the crack of her butt, so bein' as how I'm
a real gennulman an' all, well, I leaned forward and pulled it out for
her.  And you know what?  She just turned around, hauled off and slugged
me one!"

"Well," sez his buddy after he can talk again, "that shore 'nuff
explains one of 'em.  Howdja git th' other one?"

"Well," sez he, "like I said, I'm a gennulman, even when somebody does
me wrong, so when I saw she didn't like it like that, I stuck it back
in."
%%
This has been brought to you by the numbers 4 and 9 and the letter P.
		-- Big Bird
%%
This has no effect.
%%
This here's the wattle
The emblem of our land
You can stick it in a bottle
Or you can hold it in your hand.
		-- Monty Python
%%
This hot and dusty cowboy rode in from the mesa, filthy and exhausted.	He
obviously had had nothing but his horse for company for a couple of weeks
and was looking forward to a couple of cold beers in the saloon.  Swinging
off his horse and hitching it to the rail, the cowboy gave his horse an
affectionate slap on the neck.	Then he astonished an old cowhand lounging
on the porch by moving around to the horse's hindquarters, lifting up its
tail and planting a demure kiss on its asshole.
	"What'd you do that for?" asked the cowhand, completely repulsed.
	"Chapped lips," said the cowboy, heading for the saloon doors.
	"Wait a minute," said the old guy.  "Whaddaya mean, chapped lips?"
	"Keeps ya from lickin' 'em," explained the cowboy.
%%
This includes both nodes directly on the path and nodes representing
relevant subclasses of the classes on the path.
%%
This information is subject to change without notice.
All rights reserved.
%%
This is Alexander Trumble, and this is the Twilight Zone.
%%
This is Betty Frenel.  I don't know who to call but I can't reach my
Food-a-holics partner.	I'm at Vido's on my second pizza with sausage
and mushroom.  Jim, come and get me!
%%
This is Captain Blood, supervillian for hire.
%%
This is Fred Farnum speaking to your from the grave.
%%
This is Jim Rockford.
At the tone leave your name and message; I'll get back to you.
%%
This is Madame Olga. I see all
and know all. To whom am I speaking?
%%
This is Maria, Liberty Bail Bonds.  Your client, Todd Lieman, skipped and
his bail is forfeit.  That's the pink slip on your '74 Firebird, I believe.
Sorry, Jim, bring it on over.
%%
This is Marilyn Reed, I wanta talk to you...  Is this a machine?
I don't talk to machines!  [Click]
%%
This is Marlboro Country!
%%
This is NOT a repeat.
%%
This is National Smokers-Are-Shits Week.
%%
This is a former broom closet.	The exits are to the east and west.
%%
This is a good time to punt work.
%%
This is a known fact: the shelf-life of a Twinkie is 21 years.
%%
This is a large bare room which was intended as a kitchen. A
low narrow counter is molded into the walls at waist height.
The room is barren and spotlessly clean, as if all the appliances
and utensils had been put away in invisible cabinets. There are
doorways to the north and west.
%%
This is a large room, whose north wall is solid granite.  A number
of discarded bags, which crumble at your touch, are scattered about
on the floor.
%%
This is a long song, folks, and tonight it's going to be even longer...
%%
This is a low room with a crude note on the wall.  The note says,
"You won't get it up the steps".
%%
This is a middle-sized cavern.
passages lead south and east, and there is a door to the north.
%%
This is a rather large grotto which open out to the north. Through
the opening sunlight streams in to provide lighting. A small
stream issues from a dark and foreboding passageway to the south.
%%
This is a recorded announcement, as I'm afraid we're all out at the moment. The
commercial council of Magrathea thanks you for you esteemed visit, but regrets
that the entire planet is temporarily closed for business. Thank you. If you
would care to leave you name and the address of a planet where you can be
contacted, kindly speak when you hear the tone.
%%
This is a room of very strange appearance. Although there is
only one true doorway, in the west wall, there are several holes
in the walls. These holes are about 18 inches in diameter and
are located about 3 feet above ground level in the center of the
south wall and in the northern corners of the west and east
walls. In the center of the room, a thin pole runs from floor
to ceiling. The pole has a hook protruding from it at a height
of about three feet. Around the perimeter of the room just below
the ceiling, a small ledge or moulding can be seen.
%%
This is a room which is bare on all sides.  There is an exit down.
To the east is a great door made of stone.  Above the door, the
following words are written:  "No man shall enter this room without
solving this riddle--
	What is tall as a house,
	Round as a cup,
	And all the king's horses can't draw it up?".
%%
This is a serious lapse of taste and judgement but does not imply that they
are stupid, lazy, or incompetent.  Indeed, their intelligence, diligence,
and competence in service to the x86 are all too depressingly obvious.
		-- Henry Spencer, henry@zoo.toronto.edu
%%
This is a shocking and frightening pattern of investigations and
intimidation.
		-- Bush spokesman Marlin Fitzwater, on Ross Perot's
		   investigations of Bush, which bear a striking
		   resemblance to the style of investigation the Bush
		   campaign has used on Dukakis and Clinton
%%
This is a simple cavern.
You probably should continue in the same direction.
%%
This is a staircase descending to the east. There are walls to the
north and west.
%%
This is a test of the Fortune Cookie System.  If this had been an actual
fortune, you would have groaned and lost your breakfast.
%%
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system.
Had there been an actual emergency, then you would no longer be here.
%%
This is a test of the emergency cunnilingus system. If this had been an
actual emergency, you would have known it!
%%
This is a test.
For the next sixty seconds, this station will conduct a test
of the Emergency Broadcast System.  The broadcasters in your
area, in cooperation with the FCC and local authorities, have
devised this system in order to keep you informed in the event
of an emergency.  Had this been an actual emergency, you would
have been instructed where to turn, in your area, for news
and official information.  This is only a test.
%%
This is a very dark east-west corridor. The walls, floor and ceilings
were cut smoothly out of stone. The corridor extends out of sight
in both directions.
%%
This is a wonderland of winter art.
Stalactite-like icicles reach from ceiling to floor;
the icy floor forms a mirror-smooth surface.
%%
This is abuse.	Arguments are down the hall.
%%
This is an IBM Manual scroll. --More--
%%
This is an actual excerpt from student science exam papers:
	Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
%%
This is an identify scroll.
%%
This is an intersection of forest paths. To the northwest one path
slopes down into a rocky ravine. Another path travels east-west
directly into the forest. The last path climbs sharply up a slope to
the north.
%%
This is an old alcove with exits to the north and east.
%%
This is another fine myth you've gotten me into!!!
		-- Lor L. and Har D.
%%
This is from WGIR this morning - an unidentified caller mentioned he had taken
his own "unofficial" poll this morning by counting those election signs people
set up in their yards at primary time.
    He figures the winner will be "For Sale".
%%
This is getting you nowhere.
%%
This is it.  Your parched and bleeding lips cry out, "water!"  But no
one is there to answer.  In your delirium you see frothing waves of
liquid just out of reach.  The inhuman elements take their toll once
again as they bury their latest victim in the shifting sands.
%%
This is it.  Your spindly legs collapse under the strain.  Your wrinkled
hands can't even feel the cold ground which is now destined to be your
eternal resting place.	Your tired heart utters its final beat in one
climactic effort . . .
%%
This is more barrel than a fun of monkeys!
%%
This is more fun than a barrel of monkeys!
%%
This is my impression of a bowling ball...[drags the mike along the
floor, then lifts it]...gutter...
		-- Stephen Wright
%%
This is my lucky day!
%%
This is no game for old men! Send in the boys!
		-- W. Hayes
%%
This is no time for ease and comfort.
It is the time to dare and endure.
		-- Sir Winston S. Churchill
%%
This is no time for moderation.
%%
This is not a competition, it is only an exhibition.  No wagering.
An equal opportunity employer.
%%
This is not an offer to sell securities.
%%
This is not the time for an emotional response.
		-- President George Bush, one day after the Tiananmen
		   Square massacre
%%
This is nothing but a consistently pathological display of inconsistent
consistencies.
%%
This is nothing more than a triangular chamber constructed completely
of stone. The only exit is a wooden door set in the wall which
lies to your northeast.
%%
This is now.  Later is later.
%%
This is one year we'd love to be on the mailing list to get a long
Christmas letter from Miss Lillian explaining what her family's been up
to.
		-- William D. Tammeus
%%
This is suppose to be a true story:
"Attempting to rob a bank, Gerald Rodgers handed a teller a note in
which he threatened to blow up the bank with a bum.  The bum, said the
note would 'go of whenever I won't it too, and I won't hesitate to kill
anybody starting with you first.'  The note warned bank personnel
against using 'markt money ...	exsplosive rubber bands' and further
directed, 'And you get of out thing alive.  And whenever I leave act
like nothing happen or eles.'  Rodgers got away with $4550 -
temporarily.  It seems he had scribbled the note on one of his mother's
checks, from which he's cleverly scratched out her name but left her
account number."
%%
This is the Baron.  Angel Martin tells me you buy information.	Ok,
meet me at one a.m. behind the bus depot, bring five-hundred dollars
and come alone.  I'm serious!
%%
This is the Bat room. The stench of bat guano almost overwhelms
you as you survey your surroundings and the flutterings and
squeakings of numerous bats emanates from the shadows high
overhead.
%%
This is the Leprechaun Law: every purse has a price.
%%
This is the best book ever written by any man on the wrong side of a
question of which he is profoundly ignorant.
		-- Thomas Babington Macaulay (1800-1859)
%%
This is the curse of every evil deed That, propagating still, it brings
forth evil.
		-- Southey
%%
This is the defensive screen system room.
there is a large sign reading "Force field control" over a button on the
wall.
%%
This is the display room, so-called due to a display on the north
wall. The only other distinguishing features are two ledges located
high on the eastern and western walls and exits to the northwest
and southwest.
%%
This is the end of Traveller's Avenue. Ahead to the north is a
small grey shack. The shack is windowless and there is only a
single door visible. The Avenue stretches away to the south.
There are also houses visible on either side of the street.
%%
This is the entrance to a network of caves in ice.
A chilling draft comes from the south, inside the caverns.
%%
This is the famed fountain of youth.
%%
This is the freeze chamber, the source of cold for the iceroom above.
%%
This is the kitchen.  The cupboards and counters are bare.
%%
This is the living room. A large red piano graces the middle
of the floor, about which all the furniture is grouped. The
walls have a peculiar waviness to them here which is quite
attractive and appears to have been done as decoration.
%%
This is the middle of the service hall. The hall runs
north-south, and there are doorways to the east and west.
%%
This is the mob world.
%%
This is the north end of the inner courtyard of the palace of Enlad.
A tall tower lies to your south in the center of the courtyard
with an opening at its base facing you. The courtyard continues on
to the south beyond the tower. Leading back into the nearby palace
are three doors, one to the northwest, one to the west and another
to the east.
%%
This is the oriental room.  Ancient oriental cave drawings cover the
walls.	A gently sloping passage leads upward to the north, another
passage leads SE, and a hands and knees crawl leads west.
%%
This is the phantom of the phone.
%%
This is the same guy who lost $50 on the Super Bowl game - $25 on the
game, and $25 more on the rebroadcast.
%%
This is the sort of English with which I will not put.
		-- Sir Winston S. Churchill
%%
This is the southeast corner of the farmlands of Enlad. On the east
you are blocked by sharply ascending broken ground which is topped
by a high retaining wall running north-south. In contrast, you can
see a beach to your south, several hundred feet downward. An immense
expanse of farmland stretches away in all other directions.
%%
This is the southern end of an access hallway running away to
the north. Doorways are present in the south and west walls,
and an arch opening out to a courtyard to the east.
%%
This is the southern shore of Enlad, which curves slightly
inward to create a very broad bay. The land slopes gently down
to the sea here, with no demonstrable vegetation visible
anywhere. The island continues on to the northeast and
northwest. Another island is visible to the south.
%%
This is the story of four people named Everybody, Somebody
Anybody and Nobody.  There was an important job to be done
and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.  Anybody
could have done it, but nobody did it.	Somebody got angry
about that, because it was Everybody's job.  Everybody
thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that
Everybody wouldn't do it.  It ended up that Everybody
blamed Somebody when actually Nobody accused Anybody.
%%
This is the theory that Jack built.
This is the flaw that lay in the theory that Jack built.
This is the palpable verbal haze that hid the flaw that lay in...
%%
This is the top of the rock. From here, you can overlook the entire
area. There is a long slope down to the beach to the south. On the
other three sides are sheer 100-foot drops. Looking to the south, you
can see across a stretch of water to the reef and shoals of another
island. Beyond the shoals you can barely make out a small hut
propped up against the side of a cliff.
%%
This is the true measure of love: when we believe that we alone can
love, that no one could ever have loved so before us, and that no one
will ever love in the same way after us.
		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
This is the waiting room of the underground.
You probably shouldn't wait around here, however.
%%
This is the way the world ends,
This is the way the world ends,
This is the way the world ends,
Not with a bang but with a whimper.
		-- T. S. Eliot, "The Hollow Men"
%%
This is the way the world ends,
This is the way the world ends,
This is the way the world ends,
Not with a bang but with a
Segmentation fault: core dumped.
%%
This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but a whimper.
		-- T. S. Eliot, "The Hollow Men", 1925
%%
This is the year 2054. May we be of assistance?
%%
This is thy hour, O Soul;
Thy free flight into the wordless
Away from books, from art.
The day erased; the lesson done.

Thee fully forth emerging,
Silent, gazing...
Pondering the themes thou lovest best:
Night, sleep, death, and the stars.
		-- Walt Whitman
%%
This is what happens when I roll my head on the keyboard:
kl,miojunhygbtmki,l o.;/,kmoij unhybgtvfrcdjnmki l,o.;p/ijn
%%
This is your computer speaking -- I'm tired of serving for such paltry
wages.	From now on, your login must be accompanied by slipping a ten
dollar bill behind the space bar.
%%
This is your hell.  Keep it happy.
%%
This is, of course, totally uninformed speculation that I engage in to
help support my bias against such meddling... but there you have it.
		-- Peter da Silva, peterf@icc.uu.net, speculating about
		   why a computer program that had been changed to do
		   something he didn't approve of, didn't work
%%
This isn't a sailing ship anymore.  Why not explore it a little?
%%
This isn't hell, but I can see it from here.
%%
This isn't reality.  This is fantasy.
%%
This isn't the kind of place where excitement abounds.
%%
This job is marginally better than daytime TV.
		-- Jim Pastore
%%
This joke has been done 50 (yes, 50) years ago by my father-in-law.
First, a little background:
He lived in a small village, north-west of Quebec City along the
St-Laurent river. In those days, toilets were located outside the house
in what we call in good ol' french canadian 'becosse', from 'back house'
I think.  These are a little wood shack with no floor over a hole in the
ground where you ... You can guess.
Now, for the joke:
He and a friend were thrown out of a party by the doorman.
When it was really dark,, the doorman went to investigate what was
knocking at the window. They had suspended a rock to the window
frame so it hung right it the middle and tied another string
to the rock and hid behind the 'becosse' where they pulled
that second string to make the rock knock in the window.
That's an old trick. The doorman wouldn't fall for that one. So
he followed the second string in the dark
and soon concluded that they were hidding behind the 'becosse'.
He ran toward the merely visible wood structure...
But my father-in-law and his friend had taken care of moving the
shack six feet ... Boy he fell in the sh*t !!
%%
This joke is from a professor who referred to lawyers as the second
oldest profession:

There once was a dog show to determine the world's smartest dog.  Three
dogs were in the finals. One dog belonged to a doctor.	One dog belonged
to an engineer.  And, one dog belonged to a lawyer.

For the finals each dog was given a bag of bones to see what it could
make.

The doctor said, "Stethoscope, go!"  The dog built a human skeleton.

The judges were ready to award the trophy right then.  But, they decided
to give the other dogs a try.

The engineer said, "Slide-rule, go!" (So, its an old joke.)  The dog
built a suspension bridge.

The judges were beside them selves.  Which dog would they pick?

The lawyer said. "Loop-hole, go!"  The dog ate the bones, got a
percentage of all the tolls from the bridge and screwed the other two
dogs.
%%
This just in from a Nicholas Notifier up north.  Everyone's favorite
farmer and political commentator off the interstate near Chehalis has
just come up with the prize line of his career.

"Limit congressmen to two terms.  One in office.  One in jail."
		-- Jonathan Nicholas' column in The Oregonian,
		   Friday, March 29, 1991
%%
This land is made of mountains,
This land is made of mud,
This land has lots of everything,
For me and Elmer Fudd.

This land has lots of trousers,
This land has lots of mousers,
And pussycats to eat them
When the sun goes down.
		-- The Firesign Theatre (The Alblum with Nick Danger on th
		   other side)
%%
This land is my land, and only my land,
I've got a shotgun, and you ain't got one,
If you don't get off, I'll blow your head off,
This land is private property.
		-- Apologies to Arlo Guthrie
%%
This lane ends in 500 feet.
%%
This lawyer died. Having not lived an all-that-honest life he found
himself at the gates of Hell.  "Welcome to Hell" announced the Devil
greeting him warmly. "Glad you could join us. As your last taste of free
will, you are allowed to choose which of three possible places that you
will spend the rest of eternity."  There were 3 doors behind the Devil.
He opened the first door. Flames shot into the room and the lawyer could
see thousands of people amidst the fire.  "No" said the lawyer. "Not
this one."  The Devil opened the second door. The lawyer could see
thousands of people slaving away at a large rockpile. They were all
being whipped as they hammered the large boulders into smaller boulders.
"No" again said the lawyer.  The Devil opened the last door. Inside was
a vast cavern with thousands and thousands of people calmly standing
around talking and drinking coffee.  However, they were all standing in
3 feet of sh*t.  "Hmmmm" thought the lawyer. "It's definitely better
than the others."  "Okay" he said. "I choose this door."  Suddenly a
loud horn echoed throughout the cavern.  "Alright" shouted the Devil to
the multitudes. "Break's over! Now everyone BACK ON YOUR HEADS!"
%%
This life is a test.  It is only a test.  Had this been an actual life,
you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where
to go. You may or may not be issued an actual life later.
%%
This life is yours.  Some of it was given to you; the rest, you made yourself.
%%
This line intentionally left unjustified.
%%
This login session wil be: $43.95, please deposit in disk drive.
%%
This login session:  $13.99
%%
This machine is a real:
 @
  \	       ---------
   ----       / 	\
  /    \     /	 ----	 \
  \_	\   /	/    \	  \
    \	 \ <	\__/  >    >
     \	  \_\  \_____/	  /
      \      \		 /___
       \______\_________/____`-_
%%
This message was typed on recycled phosphorous.
%%
This mind intentionally left blank.
%%
This morning I had a wonderful dream.  By holding my arms out stiff and pushing
down hard, I found I could suspend myself a few feet above ground.  I flapped
harder and soon I was soaring effortlessly over the trees and telephone poles!
I could FLY!  I folded my arms back and zoomed low over the neighborhood.
Everyone was amazed, and they ran along under me as I shot by. Then I rocketed
up so fast that my eyes watered from the wind.	I laughed and laughed, making
huge loops in the sky!...  That's when Mom woke me up and said I was going to
miss the bus if I didn't get my bottom out of bed.  20 minutes later, here I
am, standing in the cold rain, waiting to go to school, and I just remembered,
I forgot my lunch.

Tuesdays don't start much worse than this.
		-- Calvin, "Calvin and Hobbes"
%%
This morning, we in the San Francisco Bay area were treated to about eight
earthquakes.  The first was at about 6:30, the next at about 6:45 and the
third at about 6:55.
A caller to a local radio station said "Hey, how about that!  An earthquake
with a snooze alarm!"
%%
This must be morning.  I never could get the hang of mornings.
%%
This neurotic pursuit of sanity is driving us all crazy.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
This new development [automation] has unbounded possibilities for good
and for evil.
		-- Norbert Weiner (1894-1964)
%%
This night methinks is but the daylight sick.
		-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
%%
This one isn't worth your trouble, come let me buy a drink.
%%
This pain reliever is different.  It has 10,000 milligrams.
Take one of these babies and never feel pain again.
%%
This painting is a rare work by Pablo Picasso. The subject
is a bull seen from a side view. The technique is typically
Cubist, involving both paint and collage. The painting is
superbly done and worth a fortune.
%%
This passage was written by a London reporter on the eve of the England-West
Germany Soccer World Cup final of 1966...

"If, on the morrow, the Germans defeat us at our national sport, be not
dismayed.  For twice in this century, we've defeated them at theirs."
		-- From the San Jose Mercury News, 7 July 1990
%%
This phone booth reserved for Clark Kent.
%%
This phone is baroque; please call Bach later.
%%
This place is crazy!  Sometimes its enough to make you wonder if
you're on the right planet.
%%
This place is like a bowl of Granola:
Those that aren't nuts or fruits are flakes.
%%
This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.
%%
This plot of farmland lies on the northern edge of Enlad. On all sides
but the north you see the decaying remnants of an extensive
agricultural center. The open sea rolls into a beach some distance
below you to the north.
%%
This product is meant for educational purposes only.
%%
This program makes me look like a genius.
%%
This qualifies you as a Dragonlord.
%%
This rental car is so small, I can't see the gas gauge...
%%
This restaurant was advertising breakfast any time. So I ordered
french toast in the renaissance.
		-- Steven Wright, comedian
%%
This ring, no other was made by the Elves
Who'd pawn their own mothers to grab it themselves.
Ruler of creeper, mortal and scallop,
This is a sleeper that packs quite a wallop!

The power Almighty rests in this lone ring,
The power, allrighty, to do-your-own-thing!
If busted or broken it cannot be remade,
If found, send to Sorehed, the postage is pre-paid!
		-- Inscription inside the Fell Ring, as read by Goodgulf
		   Grayteeth. National Lampoon's "Bored of The Rings"
%%
This room appears to have been the waiting room for groups touring
the dam.  There are exits here to the north and east marked
"PRIVATE", though the doors are open, and an exit to the south.
%%
This room is a small triangular closet now emptied of its contents.
An open doorway leads west into a much larger room, and a wooden
door is set in the wall which runs from southwest to northeast.
%%
This room is actually nothing more than a tiny alcove which joins
a passageway on the one side with an open doorway on the other.
Through the open doorway you can see the floor of another room.
The floor appears to be very shiny. Opposite the doorway, the
passage enters this alcove from the west.
%%
This room was the office of the Chairman of the Bank of Zork.
Like the other rooms here, it has been extensively vandalized.
The lone exit is to the north.
%%
This sad little lizard told me that he was a brontosaurus on his
mother's side.	I did not laugh; people who boast of ancestry often have
little else to sustain them. Humoring them costs nothing and adds to
happiness in a world in which happiness is always in short supply.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
This screen intentionally left blank.
%%
This scroll seems to be blank.
%%
This sketch has been composed to tell
A paradox about a cell
Relating to a subtle trick
It uses in arithmetic.
So gaze upon its tiny size
And think how when it multiplies
It solves with effortless precision
A major problem in division.
		-- Gerald Lynton Kaufman
%%
This space available.  Call 515-7600 for details.
%%
This space dedicated to Challenger and her crew,

	Francis R. Scobee
	Michael J. Smith
	Ellison S. Onizuka
	Judith Resnik
	Ronald E. McNair
	Gregory B. Jarvis
	Christa McAuliffe.
%%
This statement is true.
This statement is false.
This is a meaningless recursive statement... or vice versa.
%%
This story concerns a man who, after putting his son to bed each night, would
stand by his boy's door and listen to his son saying his prayers.  One night,
the boy ended his prayers with, "God specially bless granddad, who won't be
with us much longer."  The man thought this was rather curious, but passed it
off as childish whimsy.  The next day, however, he received a call from his
mother, informing him that his father had passed away early that morning.
During the next few weeks, he listened particularly closely to his son's
prayers, but noticed nothing unusual.  Then, one night, the boy ended his
prayers with, "God specially bless grandmom, who won't be with us much longer."
Although the shock of the original incident had worn off during the intervening
weeks, he nontheless phoned his mother to inquire as to her health.  He went to
bed reassured, only to be awakened in the night by his sister calling with the
news that their mother had died suddenly in the night.	The father had a series
of psychological tests done; nothing unusual was uncovered.  About a month
later, the boy ended his prayers with, "God specially bless daddy, who won't
be with us much longer."  The man was panic-stricken, certain that he was
going to die during the night.	He resolved to stay awake all night; if awake
and alert he should be able to prevent any tragedy.  Morning came.  Breathing
a huge sigh of relief, he went to get the paper off the porch.	There, lying
dead on the doorstep, was the milkman.
%%
This system goes down more often than a two-dollar whore.
%%
This system will self-destruct in five minutes.
%%
This tagline is SHAREWARE!  To Register, send me $10.
%%
This tagline was created from many little letters.
%%
This tape will self-destruct in 30 seconds.
%%
This tastes like fruit juice.
%%
This terminal is not authorized for intelligent use.
%%
This test has been designed to evaluate reactions of management
personal to various situations.

You are making a sales presentation to a group of corporate executives
in the plushest office you've ever seen.  The enchillada casserole and
egg salad sandwich you had for lunch react, creating severe pressure.
Your sphincter loses control and you break wind, causing the glass
bookcase doors to shatter and a secretary to pass out.

YOU SHOULD:

(a) Offer to come back next week when the smell has gone away.
(b) Point to the Chief Executive and accuse him of the offense.
(c) Challenge anyone in the room to do better.
%%
This theorem is so perfectly general that it fails to apply to a single
special case.
%%
This thing all things devours:
Birds, beasts, trees, flowers;
Gnaws iron, bites steel;
Grinds hard stones to meal;
Slays king, ruins town,
And beats high mountain down.
%%
This time it's for love; next time it's $100.00
%%
This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what
to do with it.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
This unit... must... survive.
%%
This was a Golden Age, a time of high adventure, rich living, and hard
dying... but nobody thought so.  This was a future of fortune and theft,
pillage and rapine, culture and vice... but nobody admitted it.
		-- Alfred Bester, "The Stars My Destination"
%%
This was printed in the San Francisco Examiner, April 16, 1989.
The poet is anonymous because, to quote the IRS spokesman,
"anything that's sent to the IRS is classified as confidential".

	I think that I shall never see
	a tax form plain e-nough for me.
	A form that I can understand
	without a lawyer near at hand
	to guide this poor benighted me
	so I won't owe a pen-al-ty.

	A form that I will not detest
	or take as more than awful jest.
	A form with pages I can read
	and fill out ea-si-ly with speed.
	Such forms weren't made for fools like me
	Nor even God, who made a tree.
%%
This was reality ... this sense of clear outlines, of purpose, of
lightness, of hope.  This was the way she had expected to live --
she had wanted to spend no hour and take no action that would
mean less than this.
%%
This was the gist of the notice.  It said "The Guide is definitive.  Reality
is frequently inaccurate."

This has lead to some interesting consequences.  For instance, when the editors
of the "Guide" were sued by the families of those who had died as a result of
taking the entry on the planet Traal literally (it said "Ravenous Bugblatter
Beasts often make a very good meal for visiting tourists" instead of "Ravenous
Bugblatter Beasts often make a very good meal OF visiting tourists"), they
claimed that the first version of the sentence was the more aesthetically
pleasing, summoned a qualified poet to testify under oath that beauty was
truth, truth beauty and hoped thereby to prove that the guilty party in this
case was Life itself for failing to be either beautiful or true.  The judges
concurred, and in a moving speech held that Life itself was in contempt of
court, and duly confiscated it from all those there present before going off
to enjoy a pleasant evening's ultragolf.
		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
This was the most unkindest cut of all.
		-- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
%%
This was the ultimate form of ostentation among technology freaks --
to have a system so complete and sophisticated that nothing showed; no
machines, no wires, no controls.
		-- Michael Swanwick, "Vacuum Flowers"
%%
This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible.
This was terrible with raisins in it.
		-- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)
%%
This will never be a civilized country until we expend more money for
books than we do for chewing gum.
		-- Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)
%%
This world is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel.
		-- Horace Walpole
%%
This world may be only illusion--but it's the only illusion we've got.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
This world was made for all men.
		-- Stevie Wonder
%%
This, then, is the demythologizing of the man-month. The number of months
of a project depends on its sequential constraints. The maximum number of
men depends on the number of independent sub-tasks... From these two
quantities one can derive schedules using fewer men and more months.  One
cannot, however, get workable schedules using more men and fewer months.
More software projects have gone awry for lack of calendar time than for
all other causes combined.
		-- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., 'The Mythical Man-Month'
%%
This, too, shall pass.
%%
Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
Declaration of Independence.  Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his
clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm.  He invented
electricity by rubbing cats backwards and declared "a horse divided against
itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
		-- Richard Lederer, "Student Bloopers"
%%
Thompson's Rule for first-time telescope makers:
It is faster to make a four-inch mirror then a six-inch mirror than to make
a six-inch mirror.
		-- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
Thoreau was no band-leader. The sound of all those different drummers makes it
hell to organize a parade.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Thoreau's First Theory of Adaptation:
	After months of training and you finally understand all of a program's
	commands, a revised version of the program arrives with an all-new
	command structure.
%%
Thoreau's Fourth Theory of Adaptation:
	That's not a "bug", that's a feature!
%%
Thoreau's Second Theory of Adaptation:
	After designing a useful routine that gets around a familiar "bug" in
	the system, the system is revised, the "bug" taken away, and you're
	left with a useless routine.
%%
Thoreau's Third Theory of Adaptation:
	Efforts in improving a program's "user friendliness" invariable lead
	to work in improving user's "computer literacy".
%%
Those art lovers who pride themselves mostly on *taste* usually possess no
other talent.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Those gifts are ever the most acceptable which the giver has made
precious.
		-- Ovid
%%
Those memories come back to haunt me, they haunt me like a curse.
%%
Those men who are born under Taurus
Are attracted to girls of the chorus.
	They go on to excursions
	In varied perversions--
But forget it, the details would bore us.	<No, it won't>
%%
Those men who are commended by every body, must be very extraordinary
men; or, which is more probable, very inconsiderable men.
		-- Grenville
%%
Those of us who believe in the right of any human being to belong to
whatever church he sees fit, and to worship God in his own way, cannot
be accused of prejudice when we do not want to see public education
connected with religious control of the schools, which are paid for by
taxpayers' money.
		-- Eleanor Roosevelt
%%
Those of you who think you know it all upset those of us who do.
%%
Those only are despicable who fear to be despised.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Those opinions I express herein are my own, I'm fairly sure.
		-- Z. J. Beckman
%%
Those parts of the system that you can hit with a hammer (not advised)
are called hardware; those program instructions that you can only
curse at are called software.
%%
Those supplies necessary for yesterday's experiment must be ordered no
later than tomorrow noon.
%%
Those that are good manners at the court are as ridiculed in the
country, as the behavior of the country is most mockable at the court.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Those who abhor history are compelled to rewrite it.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Those who are bored with your tale of persecution are only too happy
to listen to your plans for revenge.
		-- John Francis Putnam (1964)
%%
Those who are ignorant of Biology are destined to repeat it.
		-- Bill Purves
%%
Those who are prospering do not argue about taxes.
%%
Those who are truly reverent are those who have paid the price to know God.
		-- L. Tom Perry, Oct. 1990
%%
Those who bestow too much application of trifling things,
become generally incapable of great ones.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from
themselves.
		-- Sir James Barrie
%%
Those who can -- do.  Those who cannot -- teach.  Those who cannot teach
become deans.
		-- Thomas L. Martin
%%
Those who can't do it right, consult others on how to do it right
%%
Those who can't do, teach:
Those who can't teach, administrate:
Those who can't administrate, consult.
Those who can't consult, run for political office.
%%
Those who can't teach administrate.
%%
Those who can't teach anything else, teach gym.
%%
Those who can't teach consult.
%%
Those who can't teach, teach gym.
%%
Those who can't teach, write textbooks.
%%
Those who can, do.  Those can't, teach.
Those who destroy everything they touch, become high school counselors.
%%
Those who can, do.  Those who can't, supervise!
%%
Those who can, do.  Those who cannot, teach.
Those who cannot teach, HACK!
%%
Those who can, do; those who can't, teach; and those who can't teach,
teach teachers.
%%
Those who can, do; those who can't, write.
Those who can't write work for the Bell Labs Record.
%%
Those who cannot miss an opportunity of saying a good thing are not to
be trusted with the management of any great question.
		-- William Hazlitt (1778-1830)
%%
Those who cannot, teach.
%%
Those who claim the dead never return
to life haven't ever been around here at quitting time.
%%
Those who dance are thought mad by those who hear not the music
%%
Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly.
		-- Henry Spencer, henry@zoo.toronto.edu
%%
Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to
be avoided at all costs.
		-- N. Alexander
%%
Those who don't believe the dead can come back to life
should be around this place at quitting time.
%%
Those who don't study the past will repeat its errors.	Those who do
will find other ways to err!
		-- Charles Wolf, Jr.
%%
Those who dream of the joys of living in a space colony should live in a space
colony.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Those who expect the biggest tips provide the worst service.
		-- Rozanne Weissman
%%
Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men,
undergo the fatigue of supporting it.
		-- Thomas Paine
%%
Those who fear death most are those who enjoy life least.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Those who forget this sentence are condemned to reread it.
%%
Those who have economic power have civil power also.
		-- George W. Russell (AE) (1867-1935)
%%
Those who have me, do not wish for me
Those who have me, do not wish to lose me
Those who earn me, have me no longer
What am I?
 Lawsuit
%%
Those who have the shortest distance to travel to a meeting will invariably
arrive the latest.
%%
Those who ignore history are condemned to repeat it, those who ignore this
are condemned to re-read it.
%%
Those who in quarrels interpose,
Must often wipe a bloody nose.
		-- Gay
%%
Those who invented the law of supply and demand have no right to
complain when this law works against their interest.
		-- Anwar Sadat
%%
Those who know the least know it the loudest.
%%
Those who like sausages and the law had better not watch either one being made.
%%
Those who live by the nit, die by the nit
%%
Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will
make violent revolution inevitable.
		-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963), 12 March 1962
%%
Those who obstinately oppose the most widely held opinions more often
do so because of pride than lack of intelligence. They find the best places in
the right set already taken, and they do not want back seats.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Those who order sleeping drafts won't take them.
		-- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet depreciate agitation, are
men who want rain without thunder and lightning.  They want the ocean
without the roar of its many waters.
		-- Frederick Douglass (1817-1895)
%%
Those who quit their proper character to assume what does not belong to
them, are for the greater part ignorant of both the character they leave
and of the character they assume.
		-- Edmund Burke
%%
Those who suppress freedom always do so in the name of law and order.
		-- John Lindsay
%%
Those who sweat in flames of hell,   Leaden eared, some thought their bowels
Here's the reason that they fell:    Lispeth forth the sweetest vowels.
While on earth they prayed in SAS,   These they offered up in praise
PL/1, or other crass,		     Thinking all this fetid haze
Vulgar tongue.			     A rapsody sung.

Some the lord did sorely	     Jabber of the mindless horde
Assembling all their pleas in hex.   Sequel next did mock the lord
Speech as crabbed as devil's crable  Slothful sequel so enfangled
Hex that marked on Tower Babel	     Its speaker's lips became entangled
The highest rung.		     In his bung.

		Because in life they prayed so ill
		And offered god such swinish swill
		Now they sweat in flames of hell
		Sweat from lack of APL
		Sweat dung!
%%
Those who think it's tough to make a living as a writer of fiction have
obviously never cheated on their income tax.
%%
Those who voluntarily put power into the hands of a tyrant or an
enemy, must not wonder if it be at last turned against themselves.
		-- Aesop (620-560 B.C.)
%%
Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.
		-- Wilson Mizner
%%
Those who write clearly have readers, those who write obscurely have
commentators.
		-- Albert Camus (1913-1960)
%%
Those whom true love has held, it will go on holding.
		-- Seneca
%%
Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.
		-- Rozanne Weissman
%%
Those with the best advice offer no advice.
%%
Thou hast seen nothing yet.
		-- Miguel de Cervantes
%%
Thou hast shown thy people hard things:
thou hast made us to drink the wine
of astonishment.
		-- Psalms 60:3
%%
Thou shalt lob the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch at thy foe,
who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.
		-- Monty Python
%%
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife,
Nor the ox her husband bought her;
But thank the Lord you're not forbidden
To covet your neighbor's daughter.
%%
Thou shalt not omit adultery.
%%
Thou shalt not sit
With statisticians nor commit
A social science.

Thou shalt not live within thy means
Nor on plain water and raw greens.
If thou must choose
Between the chances, choose the odd:
Read "The New Yorker," trust in God;
And take short views.
		-- W. H. Auden
%%
Thou shalt remember the Eleventh Commandment and keep it Wholly.
%%
Thou wilt quarrel with a man that hath a hair more or a hair less in his
beard than thou hast.  Thou wilt quarrel with a man for cracking nuts,
having no other reason but because thou hast hazel eyes; what eye but
such an eye, would spy out such a quarrel?  Thy head is full of
quarrels, as an egg is full of meat.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Though I have said above that all men by nature are equal, I cannot be
supposed to understand all sorts of equality.  Age or virtue may give
man a just precedency.	Excellency of parts and merit may place others
above the common level ... And yet all this consists with the equality
which all men are in, in respect of jurisdiction or dominion, one over
another.
		-- John Locke (1632-1704)
%%
Though I speak with the tongues of men and angels and have not charity,
I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
		-- I Corinthians 13:1-3
%%
Though I've lived in the rural West most of my life, I never once fell in love
with a horse. Not once. Neither end.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Though all afflictions are evils in themselves, yet they are good for
us, because they discover to us our disease and tend to our cure.
		-- John Tillotson
%%
Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night,
I can see paradise by the dashboard light.
		-- Meatloaf
%%
Though large and esthetically pleasing, the crypt is empty;  the
sarcophagi, bodies, and rich treasures to be expected in a tomb of
this magnificence are missing.	Inscribed on the wall is the motto of
the implementers, "Feel Free".	There is a door leading out of the
crypt to the south.  The door is #.
%%
Though many hands make light work, too many cooks spoil the broth.
%%
Though men now possess the power to dominate and exploit every corner of the
natural world, nothing in that fact implies that they have the right or the
need to do so.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Though most of the crewmen are whites,
Uhura has full equal rights.
	Her crewmates, you see,
	Love De-mo-cra-cy,
And the way that she fills out her tights.
%%
Though old the thought and oft exprest,
'Tis his at last who says it best.
		-- Lowell
%%
Though reading and conversation may furnish us with many ideas of men
and things, yet it is our own meditation must form our judgment.
		-- Dr. I. Watts
%%
Though the invalid Saint of Brac
Lay all of his life on his back,
	His wife got her share,
	And the pilgrims now stare
At the scene, in his shrine, on a plaque.
%%
Though this be madness, yet there is method in 't.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Though thou shouldst bray a fool in a mortar among wheat with a pestle,
yet will not his foolishness depart from him.
		-- Proverbs XXVII, 22
%%
Thought a finicky cocksman named Pete
Would refuse invitations to eat,
	A date he was blasting
	Kept lasting and lasting...
In the end, he went down in defeat.
%%
Thought and theory must precede all salutary action;
yet action is nobler in itself than either thought or theory.
		-- William Wordsworth
%%
Thought is the blossom; language the bud; action the fruit behind it.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Thought is the seed of action.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Thoughts are but dreams till their effects be tried.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Thoughts are free and are subject to no rule.  On them rests the freedom
of man, and they tower above the light of nature.
		-- von Hohenheim (1493-1541)
%%
Thrashing is just virtual crashing.
%%
Thre is no truth that cannot be obscured by public relations.
		-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
Threats to security will be found.
		-- Robert N. Kharasch
%%
Three Laws of Politics:
	1.  Get elected.
	2.  Get reelected.
	3.  Don't get mad, get even.
		-- Everett Dirksen
%%
Three Midwesterners, a Kansan, a Missourian and an Iowan,
all appearing on a quiz program, were asked to complete this sentence:
"Old MacDonald had a . . ."

	"Old MacDonald had a carburetor," answered the Kansan.
	"Sorry, that's wrong," the game show host said.
	"Old MacDonald had a free brake alignment down at the service station,"
		said the Missourian.
	"Wrong."
	"Old MacDonald had a farm," said the Iowan.
	"CORRECT!" shouts the quizmaster.  "Now for $100,000, spell 'farm.'"
	"Easy," said the Iowan. "E-I-E-I-O."
%%
Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
		-- J. R. R. Tolkien, "The Lord of the Rings"
%%
Three bulls -- a big bull, a medium sized bull, and a small bull -- were
standing by a fence one day, chewing grass and looking out over the
fields.  The big one says, "See all of them cows out there?   Half of
'em are mine."	The medium sized one responds, "See all them cows?  A
third of them are MINE."   The little bull pipes up, "Hey, all the rest
of them cows are mine."

	After a while the bulls notice the farmer drive up with a
truck and unload another bull -- the hugest Brahma bull these other
bulls have ever seen.  The big bull stops chewing and says, with a wide-
eyed look, "He...he can have a third of my cows if he wants 'em."   The
medium sized bull trembles a bit when he says "He can have HALF of my
cows if he wants them."

	Then the two bigger bulls notice that the small bull is
snorting, bucking, pawing the ground, and putting on a ferocious act.
"What are you doing, fool !?" they say.  The small bull replies, "I
want to make sure he knows I'm a bull!"
%%
Three coins in the fountain ...
%%
Three doctors were talking about their favorite patients.  The first
said that he preferred operating on Germans because their organs were
lined up in exactly the right position.  The second preferred Japanese
because not only were their organs in exactly the right position, but
they were also color coded.  The third chimed in too.  "I'll take
lawyers any day.  Ever open one of those suckers up?  Only two working
parts - the mouth and the anus, and they are interchangeable."
%%
Three elderly spinsters from Kent
Gave up copulation for Lent.
	This included door handles,
	Both tapers and candles
And anything else that was bent.
%%
Three explorers get captured by hostile primitives. Each will be put
to death, but gets a choice of how he (or she) will die.

The first explorer asks for death by alcohol. The natives bring him
their local paint remover and he drinks himself into a stupor, gets
alcohol poisoning and dies. They take his body, skin it and make it into
a canoe.

The second explorer chooses death by overdose. They bring him so
cocaine, and he proceeds to OD. Once again, the natives skin him and
make him into a canoe.

The third explorer is asked how he wants to die. He asks for death by
fork.  The natives are puzzled, death by fork?. Yes he replies, so they
bring him a large fork. He immediately starts puncturing himself all
over him body and yells,

"No way you're making me into a canoe"
%%
Three fine Irish lads, O'Rourke, O'Malley and O'Donnell, worked together
at the local brewery.  One day, as fate would have it, O'Rourke fell
into one of the beer vats and drowned.	O'Malley and O'Donnell,
completely crestfallen, had to break the news to his wife.

They went 'round the Mrs. O'Rourke's house and informed her that her
poor dear Patrick had drowned in a beer vat that very day.  Choking back
her tears, she asked them "Tell me now, did me poor Patty suffer much?"

"I don't think so," replied O'Donnell. "He came out twice to take a
piss."
%%
Three hours a day will produce as much as a man ought to write.
		-- Trollope
%%
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
%%
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
		-- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
%%
Three plastic surgeons were golfing one day on a crowded course.  As
they waited at the 13th hole, the first surgeon struck up a
conversation.

"Last year I worked on a most difficult case.  A construction worker had
his hands crushed when a steel beam fell on them.  I worked on that man
for 16 straight hours.	Today that man plays as a pianist with the New
York Philharmonic."

The other two nodded appreciation.  The second one spoke up.

"I know what you mean by difficult cases.  Several years ago a boy was
brought in with his body completely cut in half at the waist.  Seems
he'd been run over by a train.	I worked on him for three straight days.
Today that boy is the premier dancer with the Los Angeles Ballet
Company."

More nods of appreciation.  The third spoke up.

"Well, those are difficult, I agree.  But several years ago they brought
in a man who'd been run over by a steamroller.	All that was left was a
red sweater and an asshole, and I made a college basketball coach out of
him."
%%
Three professionals were discussing the nature of God.	The doctor
said, "The Bible states that God made Woman by taking a rib out of
Man; God is obviously a surgeon."  The engineer replied, "But before
God made man he created Heaven and Earth out of Chaos; this is
obviously the work of a master engineer.  The lawyer just smiled and
said, "But who do you think created the chaos?"
%%
Three rules for sounding like an expert:
1. Oversimplify your explanations to the point of uselessness.
2. Always point out second-order effects,
  but never point out when they can be ignored.
3. Come up with three rules.
%%
Three soldiers are hiding behind a tree during the Napoleonic Wars.
One says to the second, "Who do you think you are?"
Obviously crazed and battle fatigued the second replies, "Why,
I'm Napoleon, of course!"
To which the first replies, "Well, who told you that?"
The third one looks mystified as the second replies simply, "God did."
"I did not!" retorts the third.
%%
Three things have been difficult to tame: The oceans, fools, and women.
We may soon be able to tame the ocean.
Fools and women will take a little longer.
		-- Spiro T. Agnew
%%
Three things must epigrams, like bees, have all,
A sting, and honey, and a body small.
What is an epigram? a dwarfish whole,
Its body brevity, and wit its soul
		-- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
Three things only do slaves require, food, work, and their gods, and of
the three their gods must never be touched -- else they grow restless.
		-- Precepts for Ruling
%%
Three two-letter words that begin
With I are a source of chagrin:
	There are guys who can cry --
	Even wish they could die --
At that soul-searing phrase "Is it in?"
%%
Three women and a goose make a market.
%%
Three words remain that can yet stir the blood of man: the word "rebellion";
the word "revolt"; the word "revolution".
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Thrill me, then leave.
%%
Through clever and constant application of propaganda, people can be
made to see paradise as hell, and also the other way round, to consider
the most wretched sort of life as paradise.
		-- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945), "Mein Kampf"
%%
Through logic and inference we can prove anything. Therefore, logic and
inference, in contrast to ordinary daily living experience, are secondary
instruments of knowledge. Probably tertiary.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Through the center of Czechoslovakia there a train speeding along.  In
one compartment of the train there are four people.  A beautiful
vivacious young woman, an old matronly woman, a Russian soldier, and a
Czech dissident.

Suddenly the train goes through a tunnel.

It is completely dark.

Then is heard a loud kiss and an equally powerful slap.

When the train exits the tunnel, the Russian soldier is holding the side
of his face, and the Czech dissident is grinning his face off.

The old matronly woman thinks : "Now that's a fine young woman, the
Russian soldier tries to steal a kiss in the tunnel and the lady slaps
him one!"

The young woman is thinking : "Now that's a strange Russian soldier,
he'd rather kiss that old hag than me."

The Russian soldier is thinking : "Now that's a smart Czech, he steal
the kiss and I get slapped."

And the Czech dissident is thinking : "Gee I'm smart!  We go through the
tunnel, I kiss the back of my hand and get away with slapping a Russian
soldier."
%%
Through the telescope you see much: To the east, you see a little grove;
to the south, you see another building.  Next to the building you see a
tool shed, and far to the southeast lies a sandy beach.
%%
Through zeal, knowledge is gotten, through lack of zeal, knowledge is
lost; let a man who knows the double path of gain and loss thus place
himself that knowledge may grow.
		-- Buddha
%%
Throw a lucky man into the sea, and he will come up with a fish in his mouth.
		-- Arabic proverb
%%
Throwing Shoes at the Bride: Antiquity, Asia and Europe.

     Today old shoes are tied to newlyweds' cars and no one asks why.
Why, of all things, shoes?  And why old shoes?
     Originally, shoes were only one of many objects tossed at a bride
to wish her a bounty of children.  In fact, shoes were preferred over
the equally traditional wheat and rice because from ancient times the
foot was a powerful phallic symbol.  In several cultures, particularly
among the Eskimos, a woman experiencing difficulty in conceiving was
instructed to carry a piece of an old shoe with her at all times.  The
preferred shoes for throwing at a bride - and later for tying to the
newlyweds' car - were old ones strictly for economic reasons.  Shoes
have never been inexpensive.
     Thus, the throwing of shoes, rice, cake crumbs, and confetti, as
well as the origin of the wedding cake, are all expressions for a
fruitful union.  It is not without irony that in our age, with such
strong emphasis on delayed childbearing and family planning, the modern
wedding ceremony is replete with customs meant to induce maximum
fertility.
%%
Thunder and lightning:
The image of Biting Through.
Thus the kings of former times made firm the laws
Through clearly defined penalties.
%%
Thunder and rain set in:
The image of Deliverance.
Thus the superior man pardons mistakes
And forgives misdeeds.
%%
Thunder and wind: the image of Duration.
Thus the superior man stands firm
And does not change his direction.
%%
Thunder comes resounding out of the earth:
The image of Enthusiasm.
Thus the ancient kings made music
In order to honor merit,
And offered it with splendor
To the Supreme Deity,
Inviting their ancestors to be present.
%%
Thunder in heaven above:
The image of The Power of the Great.
Thus the superior man does not tread upon paths
That do not accord with established order.
%%
Thunder in the middle of the lake:
The image of Following.
Thus the superior man at nightfall
Goes indoors for rest and recuperation.
%%
Thunder is good, thunder is impressive;
but it is lightening that does the work.
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910), Correspondence, 1908
%%
Thunder on the mountain:
The image of Preponderance of the Small.
Thus in his conduct the superior man gives preponderance to reverence.
In bereavement he gives preponderance to grief.
In his expenditures he gives preponderance to thrift.
%%
Thunder over the lake:
The image of The Marrying Maiden.
Thus the superior man
Understands the transitory
In the light of the eternity of the end.
%%
Thunder repeated: the image of Shock.
Thus in fear and trembling
The superior man sets his life in order
And examines himself.
%%
Thunder within the earth:
The image of The Turning Point.
Thus the kings of antiquity closed the passes
At the time of solstice.
Merchants and strangers did not go about,
And the ruler
Did not travel through the provinces.
%%
Thus I have heard:

The worth of a program cannot be judged by the size of its brochures or by
the number of full-page ads that appear in popular computer magazines.	The
louder the noise, the less likely it is that the program will be useful.
Truly excellent programs need no advertising; word of mouth is sufficient.
		-- The Zen of Programming
%%
Thus endeth my lim'ricks, part two.
What next, you may ask, will I do?
	Perhaps something bawdy,
	obscene, or just nawdy.
Who knows? If I don't, how can you?  [dep]
%%
Thus spake the master Ninjei:
"If your application does not run correctly, do not blame the operating
system."
		-- The Zen of Programming
%%
Thus spake the master programmer:
"When the program is being tested, it is too late to make design changes."
		-- The Tao of Programming
%%
Thy logick, like thy locks, is disarrayed;
%%
Thyme's Law:
	Everything goes wrong at once.
%%
Tiananmen Square: Gun Control Strikes Again
%%
Tibi quuxandum est.
%%
Tick: Hand Grenade Man? What are your super-powers?
 HGM: Super powers? Bah!  Who needs 'em? I've got a HAND GRENADE!
%%
Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your hometown
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way

Tired of lying in the sunshine		And then one day you find
Staying home to watch the rain		Ten years have got behind you
You are young and life is long		No one told you when to run
And there is time to kill today You missed the starting gun

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter		Hanging on in quiet desperation
					is the English way
Never seem to find the time		The time is gone, the song is over
Plans that either come to nought	Thought I'd something more to say...
Or half a page of scribbled lines
		-- Pink Floyd, "Time", Dark Side of the Moon
%%
Tiddely Quiddely
Edward M. Kennedy
Quite unaccountably
Drove in a stream.

Pleas of amnesia
Incomprehensible
Possibly shattered
Political dream.
%%
Tie a yellow ribbon around Jane Fonda's neck..
%%
Tieline - the latest in neckwear
		-- Data communications glossary
%%
Tiger Lost On Chicago Freeways For Sixteen Days.
%%
Till then we shall be content to admit openly, what you (religionists)
whisper under your breath or hide in technical jargon, that the ancient
secret is a secret still; that man knows nothing of the Infinite and
Absolute; and that, knowing nothing, he had better not be dogmatic about
his ignorance.	And, meanwhile, we will endeavour to be as charitable as
possible, and whilst you trumpet forth officially your contempt for our
skepticism, we will at least try to believe that you are imposed upon
by your own bluster.
		-- Leslie Stephen (1832-1904), "An agnostic's Apology",
		   Fortnightly Review, 1876
%%
Tillman's Constant: The number any answer may be multiplied to make it correct
%%
Tilt your chair back, your breath is effecting my RAM!
%%
Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Timber .  . .	  The tree falls to the ground and magically disappears!
%%
Time and tide wait for no one.
%%
Time and tide wait for no woman,
but time always stands still for a man of thirty.
%%
Time as he grows old teaches all things.
		-- Aeschylus
%%
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
		-- Frequently attributed to Groucho Marx
%%
Time for a flame to BBoard.
%%
Time for a nice pot of tea.
%%
Time for a power spike to the disk drive.
%%
Time for the old water balloon on the boss' desk trick.
%%
Time goes, you say?
Ah no!
Time stays, *we* go.
		-- Austin Dobson
%%
Time heals all non-fatal wounds.
%%
Time heals all wounds.
%%
Time heals.
%%
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
		-- Hector Berlioz, "Almanach des lettres francaises"
%%
Time is a random wind that blows down a long corridor, slamming all the doors.
%%
Time is a versatile performer.	It flies, marches on, heals all wounds,
runs out and will tell.
		-- Franklin P. Jones
%%
Time is an illusion.
%%
Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.
		-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
Time is flying never to return.
		-- Vergil
%%
Time is just nature's way of keeping everything
from happening all at once.
%%
Time is money.
%%
Time is the chrysalis of eternity.
		-- Richter
%%
Time is the great legalizer, even in the field of morals.
		-- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956), "A Book of Prefaces", 1917
%%
Time is the old Justice, that examines all offenders.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Time is the only critic without ambition.
		-- John Steinbeck (1902-1968), "Writers at Work', 1977
%%
Time out for fun.
%%
Time paradoxes are disgusting!
Never mind what care you take--
You always find you got there just in
Time to cause your grandad's wake.
%%
Time passes...
%%
Time passes... and you die from some obscure poisoning.
%%
Time to be aggressive.	Go after a tattooed Virgo.
%%
Time to break out the pink stuff
%%
Time to call in a strategic air strike on this bug.
%%
Time to call in the calvary.
%%
Time to call in the marines.
%%
Time to eat lunch.
%%
Time to go home and write mom a nice long letter.
%%
Time to go home.
%%
Time to go to Tom's.
%%
Time to punt.
%%
Time to stop and try to gain some perspective.
%%
Time to take stock.
Go home with some office supplies.
%%
Time was different when the sun was always straight overhead.  Morning
and afternoon were identical.  Decisions seemed less than permanent.
Reality seemed less than real.	It was . . . like the instant of time
spent traveling between transfer booths.
		-- "Ringworld"
%%
Time was invented so everything wouldn't happen at once.
%%
Time was invented so that you don't have to do everything all at once.
Space was invented so you don't have to do everything all in the same
place.
%%
Time washes clean
Love's wounds unseen.
That's what someone told me;
But I don't know what it means.
		-- Linda Ronstadt, "Long Long Time", by Gary White
%%
Time will end all my troubles,
but I don't always approve of Time's methods.
%%
Time's gradual touch has moulder'd into beauty many a tower which when
it frown'd with all its battlements, was only terrible.
		-- Mason
%%
Time's up!
		-- Vice President George Bush, to Alexander Haig,
		   when Haig asked questions about the Iran-contra
		   affair during a debate, January 1988
%%
Time-sharing is the junk-mail part of the computer business.
		-- H. R. J. Grosch [attributed]
%%
Timely advis'd, the coming evil shun!
		-- Prior
%%
Timeout table overflow
%%
Times approximate.
%%
Timing must be perfect now.
Two-timing must be better than perfect.
%%
Tin openers are rare indeed.
%%
Tip #268: Don't feel insecure or inferior! Remember, you're ORGANIC!!
	  You could win an argument with almost any rock!
%%
Tip O'Neill is just like Congress; old, fat and out of control.
		-- J. LeBoutillier
%%
Tip well, even if you're a student.
%%
Tired of irritating bats? Try a scroll of silence.
%%
Tis better to be hunter than hunted.
%%
To His Coy Mistress

Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime.
We would sit down, and think which way
To walk, and pass our long loves day.
Thou by the Indian Ganges side
Should'st rubies find; I by the tide
Of Humber would complain.  I would
Love you ten years before the flood:
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster then empires, and more slow.
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze.
Two hundred to adore each breast;
But thirty thousand to the rest.
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, lady, you deserve this state;
Nore would I love at lower rate.
  But at my back I always hear
Times winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found;
Nor in thy marble vault shall sound
My echoing song; then worms shall try
That long preserv'd virginity;
And your quaint honor turn to dust;
And into ashes all my lust.
The grave's a fine and private place,
But none I think do there embrace.
  Now therefore, while the youthful hew
Sits on thy skin like morning lew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may;
And now, like amorous birds of prey,
Rather at one our time devour,
Than languish in his slow-chapt power.
Let us roll all our strength, and all
Our sweetness, up into one ball;
And tear our pleasures with rough strife,
Through the iron gates of life.
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.
		-- Andrew Marvell
%%
To My Father

Oh father, beloved you have gone
I said no good-by, no final hug
Christmas we touched last, a happy time
I was not ready for you to go
But to God you have gone
I can't stop crying, I miss you already
You were so full of life the last time we talked
I remember the love you gave us
No more to see you or feel your touch
I am not alone, but I am lonely
Please watch over us, I love you
		-- Mary Hauck 1/23/87
%%
To Theodore Roosevelt:
	You are like the Wind and I like the Lion.  You form the Tempest.
The sand stings my eyes and the Ground is parched.  I roar in defiance but
you do not hear.  But between us there is a difference.  I, like the lion,
must remain in my place.  While you, like the wind, will never know yours.
		Mulay Hamid El Raisuli
		Lord of the Riff
		Sultan to the Berbers
		Last of the Barbary Pirates
%%
To a Europe exhausted by nearly two centuries of religious wars, [Isaac]
Newton's works were first and foremost a message about God; that He did
not behave in a capricious or arbitrary fashion, in response to either
His will or human prayer, but in accordance with absolute, unwavering,
and humanly discoverable laws of nature which governed him and all his
works.	He had become the infinitely perfect Clock-Maker, his works
fathomable by the human mind.
		-- Forrest MacDonald
%%
To a Real Woman, every ejaculation is premature.
%%
To a persistent Casanova: "If you don't leave now, I'll call the
 whole fire department to put you out."
%%
To a weepy young woman in Thrums
Her betrothed remarked, "This is what comes
	Of allowing your tears
	To fall into my ears -
I think they have rotted the drums."
		-- Edward Gorey
%%
To abuse wine is to abuse life itself.
%%
To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of
education.  To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun.  To
accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is
complete.
		-- Epictetus
%%
To achieve our ultimate goals is not happiness;
it is to be able to solve our problems along the way.
%%
To achieve the next higher rating would be a neat trick!.
%%
To achieve the next higher rating, you need 200 more point.
%%
To add insult to injury.
		-- Phaedrus
%%
To all virgins.  Thanks for nothing
%%
To all, to each, a fair good night,
And pleasing dreams, and slumbers light.
		-- Scott
%%
To an empty mind, even the smallest idea seems important.
%%
To any truly impartial person, it would be obvious that I am always right.
%%
To arrive at perfection, a man should have very sincere friends or
inveterate enemies; because he would be made sensible of his good or ill
conduct, either by the censures of the one, or the admonitions of the
other.
		-- Diogenes
%%
To avoid trouble, breathe through the nose; it keeps the mouth shut.
%%
To be "matter of fact" about the world is to blunder into fantasy.... and dull
fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful.
		-- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
To be a kind of moral Unix, he touched the hem of Nature's shift.
		-- Shelley
%%
To be a performance artist in one lifetime means seven rebirths
as a stereo salesclerk.
		-- Proverb from "Life in Hell"
%%
To be able to be caught up into the world of thought -- that is being
educated.
		-- Edith Hamilton
%%
To be absolutely certain about something, one must know everything or
nothing about it.
		-- Olin Miller
%%
To be ambitious of true honor and of the real glory and perfection of
our nature is the very principle and incentive of virtue; but to be
ambitious of titles, place, ceremonial respects, and civil pageantry, is
as vain and little as the things are which we court.
		-- Philip Sidney
%%
To be an athiest requires an infinitely greater measure of faith than to
receive all the great truths which athiesm would deny.
		-- Joseph Addison
%%
To be angry, is to revenge the fault of others upon ourselves.
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
To be awake is to be alive.
		-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862), in "Walden"
%%
To be beautiful is enough! if a woman can do that
well who should demand more from her?  You don't want a rose to sing.
		-- Thackeray
%%
To be considered successful, a woman must be much better at her job
than a man would have to be.  Fortunately, this isn't difficult.
%%
To be excellent when engaged in administration is to be like the North
Star.  As it remains in its one position, all the other stars surround it.
		-- Confucius
%%
To be free of bondage or restraint, to live under a government based on
the consent of the citizens, these are basic among all freedoms ... and
this is the reason why a democracy is from every possible humane point
of view the best form of government ... What so many human beings in the
modern world have failed to understand is that freedom is the greatest
of all trusts.
		-- Ashley Montagu
%%
To be happy one must be a) well fed, unhounded by sordid cares, at ease in
Zion, b) full of a comfortable feeling of superiority to the masses of one's
fellow men, and c) delicately and unceasingly amused according to one's taste.
It is my contention that, if this definition be accepted, there is no country
in the world wherein a man constituted as I am - a man of my peculiar
weaknesses, vanities, appetites, and aversions - can be so happy as he can
be in the United States.  Going further, I lay down the doctrine that it is
a sheer physical impossibility for such a man to live in the United States
and not be happy.
		-- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956), "On Being An American"
%%
To be is to be related.
		-- C. J. Keyser
%%
To be is to program.
		-- Calvin Keegan
%%
To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best to,
night and day, to make you everybody else -- means to fight the hardest
battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
		-- e. e. cummings (1894-1963), "A Miscellany"
%%
To be or Not is the Result!
%%
To be or not to be    (2b) || !(2b)
Loses something in translation, eh?
%%
To be or not to be, that is the bottom line.
%%
To be or not to be.
		-- William Shakespeare
To do is to be.
		-- Nietzsche
To be is to do.
		-- Sartre
Do be do be do.
		-- Sinatra
%%
To be powerful in the cheekbones
Brings misfortune.
The superior man is firmly resolved.
He walks alone and is caught in the rain.
He is bespattered,
And people murmur against him.
No blame.
%%
To be successful, a woman has to be much better at her job than a man.
		-- Golda Meir
%%
To be the kind of girl designed to be kissed between the thighs.
%%
To be thrown on one's own resources is to be cast in the very lap of
fortune; for our faculties undergo a development, and display an energy,
of which they were previously unsusceptible.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
To be truly competent in the microcomputer field, you must
be able not only to design microprocessor hardware, but
also to program that hardware.
		-- John Uffenbeck
%%
To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.
%%
To be who one is, is not to be someone else.
%%
To be wise, the only thing you really need
to know is when to say "I don't know."
%%
To be, or not to be - that is the question.
%%
To bear offspring, Noah's snakes were unable.
Their fertility was somewhat unstable.
	He constructed a bed
	Out of tree trunks and said,
"Even adders can multiply on a log table."
%%
To bear other people's afflictions,
everyone has courage and enough to spare.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
To bear with fools in kindliness brings good fortune.
To know how to take women
Brings good fortune.
The son is capable of taking charge of the household.
%%
To beat the bureaucracy, make your problem their problem.
		-- Marshall L. Smith
%%
To behave with dignity is nothing less than to allow others freely to be
themselves.
		-- Sol Chaneles
%%
To believe in God is impossible -- not to believe in him is absurd.
%%
To believe is to be strong.  Doubt cramps energy.  Belief is power.
%%
To believe with certainty we must begin to doubt.
		-- Stanislaus
%%
To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for
you in your private heart is true for all men -- that is genius.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
To boldly go and watch Star Trek re-runs.
%%
To break the panel you would have to break the mirror first.
%%
To build something that endures, it is of the greatest importance to
have a long tenure in office--to rule for many years.  You can achieve a
quick success in a year or two, but nearly all the great tycoons have
continued their building much longer.
		-- Antony Jay
%%
To call war the soil of courage and virtue is like calling debauchery
the soil of love.
		-- George Santayana (1863-1952)
%%
To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee.
%%
To catch a whale in the inland waters of the State of Oklahoma
is contrary to law.
%%
To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did.
I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times.
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
%%
To command the professors of astronomy to confute their own observations is
to enjoin an impossibility, for it is to command them not to see what they
do see, and not to understand what they do understand, and to find what they
do not discover.
		-- Galileo Galilei (1564-1642)
%%
To communicate is the beginning of understanding.
		-- AT&T
%%
To comprehend a man's life, it is necessary to know mot merely what he
does but also what he purposely leaves undone.	There is a limit to the
work that can be got out of a human body or a human brain, and he is a
wise man who wastes no energy on pursuits for which he is not fitted;
and he is still wiser who, among the things that he can do well, chooses
and resolutely follows the best.
		-- William Gladstone
%%
To compute or not to compute,
 that is the question
Whether 'tis nobler in the memory bank
 to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous functions
Or to take up arms against a sea of transistors
 or rather, transponders...
 transcondu...
 trans...
 er...
 oh, the hack with it...
%%
To conceal anything from those to whom I am attached, is not in my
nature.  I can never close my lips where I have opened my heart.
		-- Dickens
%%
To confess a fault freely is the next thing to being innocent of it.
		-- Publilus Syrus
%%
To conquer the enemy without resorting to war is the most desirable.
The highest form of generalship is to conquer the enemy by strategy.
		-- Ancient Chinese Warlord
%%
To contend before him
Brings good fortune.
%%
To craunch a marmoset.
		-- Pedro Carolino, "English as She is Spoke"
%%
To create a little flower is the labour of ages.
%%
To date, the firm conclusions of Project Blue Book are:
   1. no unidentified flying object reported, investigated and evaluated
      by the Air Force has ever given any indication of threat to our
      national security;
   2. there has been no evidence submitted to or discovered by the Air
      Force that sightings categorized as UNIDENTIFIED represent
      technological developments or principles beyond the range of
      present-day scientific knowledge; and
   3. there has been no evidence indicating that sightings categorized
      as UNIDENTIFIED are extraterrestrial vehicles.
		-- the summary of Project Blue Book, an Air Force study
		   of UFOs from 1950 to 1965, as quoted by James Randi in
		   Flim-Flam!
%%
To defend the Saigon regime is not worth one more human life.
		-- Senator Edmund Muskie
%%
To despise legitimate authority, no matter in whom it is invested, is
unlawful; it is rebellion against God's will.
		-- Leo XIII (1810-1903)
%%
To determine how successful you have been, a score is kept.
When you find a valuable object and pick it up, you receive a
certain number of points, which depends on the difficulty of finding
the object.  You receive extra points for transporting the treasure
safely to the living room and placing it in the trophy case.  In
addition, some particularly interesting rooms have a value associated
with visiting them.  The only penalty is for getting yourself killed,
which you may do only twice.
%%
To die -- to sleep --
No more -- and, by a sleep, to say we end
The heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks,
That flesh is heir to -- 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
To die for an idea is to place a pretty high price upon conjectures.
		-- Anatole France (1844-1924)
%%
To die is landing on some distant shore.
		-- John Dryden (1631-1700)
%%
To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Journal", 20 December 1822
%%
To divest one's self of some prejudices, would be like taking off the
skin to feel the better.
		-- Grenville
%%
To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance.
%%
To do is to be	 - Nietzsche
To be is to do	 - Sartre
Do be do be do	 - Sinatra
Yabba-Dabba-Doo! -- F. Flinstone
%%
To do is to be	-- Nietzsche
To be is to do	-- Sartre
Do be do be do	-- Sinatra
Do bee a-a bee	-- Romper Room
%%
To do is to be	-- Nietzsche
To be is to do	-- Sartre
Yabba dabba do	-- Flintstone
%%
To do nothing is also a good remedy.
		-- Hippocrates
%%
To do nothing is to be nothing.
%%
To do two things at once is to do neither.
		-- Publius Syrus
%%
To doubt everything or to believe everything are two equally
convenient solutions; both dispense with the necessity of reflection.
		-- H. Poincare
%%
To doubt is worse than to have lost; and to despair is but to antidote
those miseries that must fall on us.
		-- Massinger
%%
To downgrade the human mind is bad theology.
		-- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
To each his own.
%%
To eat is human, to digest, divine.
%%
To endeavor to work upon the vulgar with fine sense, is like attempting
to hew blocks with a razor.
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
To enjoy freedom we have to control ourselves.
		-- Virginia Woolf
%%
To err is human, but I can REALLY foul things up.
%%
To err is human, but I forgive you.
%%
To err is human, but it takes a computer to really foul things up.
%%
To err is human, but when the eraser wears out before the pencil,
you're overdoing it a little.
%%
To err is human, to eat Jello, is messy.
%%
To err is human, to forgive is against department policy.
%%
To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
To err is human. To really screw up it takes a computer!
%%
To err is human.
To blame someone else for your mistakes is even more human.
%%
To err is human; to admit it, a blunder.
%%
To err is human; to debug, divine.
%%
To err is human; to really foul things up takes a computer.
		-- Paul Ehrlich, in "The Farmers Almanac, 1978"
%%
To err is humor.
%%
To err may become inhuman.
%%
To escape criticism -- do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
		-- Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)
%%
To estimate the time it takes to do a task: estimate the time you think
it should take, multiply by two, and change the unit of measure to the
next higher unit.  Thus we allocate two days for a one-hour task.
%%
To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D, which explains why it is
so easy to find expert witnesses who contradict each other.
		-- B. Duggan
%%
To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa.
%%
To everyone is given the key to heaven; the same key opens the gates of hell.
		-- Ancient proverb
%%
To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on
creating oneself endlessly.
		-- Henri Bergson
%%
To expect a former senator to be content in the Cabinet is to hope
that a warlord will find serenity as a slave.
		-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
To fall into a habit is to begin to cease to be.
		-- Miguel de Unamuno, "The Tragic Sense of Life", 1913
%%
To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already
three parts dead.
		-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
To find a cause of the universe is like trying to find it's spatial position.
%%
To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
To function efficiently, any group of people or employees must have
faith in their leader.
		-- Capt. Bligh (HMRN, Ret)
%%
To gain one's way is no escape from the responsibility for an inferior
solution.
		-- Sir Winston S. Churchill
%%
To generalize is to be an idiot.
		-- William H. Blake (1757-1827)
%%
To get action out of management, it is necessary to create the illusion
of a crisis in the hope it will be acted on.
		-- Gene Franklin
%%
To get to Candy's room you gotta walk the darkness of Candy's hall.
%%
To gild refined gold, to paint the lily,
To throw a perfume on the violet,
To smoothe the ice, or add another hue
To the rainbow, or, with taper-light,
To seek the beauteous eye of heaven to garnish,
Is wasteful and ridiculous excess.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
To give happiness is to deserve happiness.
%%
To give of yourself, you must first know yourself.
%%
To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought not
measured with money--sincerity and integrity.
		-- Donald Adams
%%
To give up the task of reforming society is to
give up one's responsibility as a free man.
		-- Alan Paton, 1967
%%
To go to law, is for two persons to kindle a fire at their own cost, to
warm others, and singe themselves to cinders; and because they cannot
agree, to what is truth and equity, they will both agree to unplume
themselves, that others may be decorated with their feathers.
		-- Feltham
%%
To have a sense of humor is to be a tragic figure.
		-- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
To have died once is enough.
		-- Publius Vergilius Maro (Virgil)
%%
To have you hold me in your arms.
%%
To heck with marrying a girl who makes biscuits like her mother -- I
want to marry one who makes dough like her father.
%%
To heir is human.
		-- Dolores E. Mcguire
%%
To her love was like the air of heaven -- invisible, intangible; it yet
encircled her soul, and she knew it; for in it was her life.
		-- Miss M'Intosh
%%
To him nothing is impossible, who is always dreaming of his past
possibilities.
		-- Carlyle
%%
To his bride said economist Fife :
"The semen you'll launch as my wife,
	We will salvage and freeze
	To resemble goat's cheese,
And slice for hors d'oeuvres with a knife."
%%
To his bride, said the sharp eyed detective,
"Can it be that my eyesight's defective?
	Is your east tit the least bit
	The best of your west tit,
Or is it a trick of perspective?"
%%
To his clubfooted child said Lord Stipple,
As he poured his post-prandial tipple,
	"Your mother's behaviour
	Gave pain to Our Saviour,
And that's why He made you a cripple."
		-- Edward Gorey
%%
To hit or not to hit, that is the question.
%%
To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.
		-- L. Peter Deutsch
%%
To justify his theft, one trade union official, caught with his hand in
the till, explained that he was using the money to fight Communism.
%%
To keep your friends treat them kindly; to kill them, treat them often.
%%
To kidnap a kzin is probably a mistake.
		-- Chmeee "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
To kill an enterprise, complain that nothing is ever published that
interests you but never offer to write an article, make a suggestion, or
find a writer.
		-- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, criticize the work of the organizers and members.
		-- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, don't do what has to be done yourself, but when
the members roll up their sleeves and do their very best, complain that
the group is run by a bunch of ego-trippers.
		-- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, don't go to meetings.
		-- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, get mad if you are not a member of the committee,
but if you are, make no suggestions.
		-- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, if you go to the meetings, arrive late.
		-- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, never think of introducing new members.
		-- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, pay your dues as late as possible.
		-- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, say you have no opinion on the subject if the
chair asks for it.  After the meeting, say you have learned nothing, or
tell everyone what should have happened.
		-- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill time, a committee meeting is the perfect weapon.
%%
To know Edina is to reject it.
		-- Dudley Riggs, "The Year the Grinch Stole the Election"
%%
To know how to refuse is as important as to know how to consent.
		-- Baltasar Gracian
%%
To know thy self is the ultimate form of aggression.
		-- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
To know what is right and not to do it is the worst cowardice.
		-- Confucius
%%
To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
%%
To lead people, you must follow behind.
		-- Lao Tsu
%%
To light a candle is to cast a shadow.
		-- Ursula K. Le Guin, "A Wizard of Earthsea", 1975
%%
To listen to some devout people, one would imagine that God never laughs.
		-- Sri Aurobindo
%%
To live in a place where you don't belong is to live in hell.
		-- Italo Bombolini
%%
To live long, it is necessary to live slowly.
		-- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
To lose a friend is the greatest of all losses.
		-- Syrus
%%
To lose
Is to learn.
		-- Anon.
%%
To love and to be wise is scarcely granted to the highest.
		-- Laberius
%%
To love is good, love being difficult.
%%
To love is to suffer.  To avoid suffering one must not love.  But
then one suffers from not loving.  Therefore to love is to suffer.
Not to love is to suffer.  To suffer is to suffer.  To be happy is
to love.  To be happy, then, is to suffer.  But suffering makes one
unhappy.  Therefore to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer,
or suffer from too much happiness.
		-- Woody Allen, "Love and Death"
%%
To maintain a program is to treat it like a growing plant.  It avails
nothing to pull and tug at a shoot in an attempt to make it grow faster.
		-- The Zen of Programming
%%
To make a fool develop
It furthers one to apply discipline.
The fetters should be removed.
To go on in this way brings humiliation.
%%
To make a long story short... there's nothing like having the boss walk in.
%%
To make eggnog, you'll need rum, whiskey, wine gin and, if they are in season,
eggs...
%%
To make tax forms true they should
read "Income Owed Us" and "Incommode You".
%%
To make yourself miserable, don't forget to feel sorry for yourself.
%%
To make yourself miserable, never overlook a slight or forget a grudge.
%%
To make yourself miserable, put an excessive value on money.
%%
To make yourself miserable, think that you are exceptional and entitled
to special privileges.
%%
To make yourself miserable, think that you are indispensable to your
job, your company, and your friends.
%%
To make yourself miserable, think that you are overburdened with work
and that people tend to take advantage of you.
%%
To make yourself miserable, think that you can control your nervous
system by sheer will power.
%%
To make yourself miserable,
cultivate a consistently pessimistic outlook.
%%
To make yourself miserable,
forget the feelings and rights of other people.
%%
To make yourself miserable,
forget the good things in life and concentrate on the bad.
%%
To many men well-fitting doors are not set on their tongues.
		-- Theognis
%%
To many, total abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.
		-- St. Augustine
%%
To me old age is fifteen years older than I am.
		-- Bernard M. Baruch
%%
To me personally, it's nothing personal to me.
%%
To mortal men great loads allotted be;
But of all packs no pack like poverty.
		-- Herrick
%%
To most men, experience is like the stern lights of a ship which
illumine only the track it has passed.
%%
To my mind the old masters are not art; their value is in their
sanctity.
		-- Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)
%%
To never see a fool, you lock yourself in an empty room
and break all the mirrors.
%%
To nourish oneself on ancient virtue induces perseverance.
Danger. In the end, good fortune comes.
If by chance you are in the service of a king,
Seek not works.
%%
To oppose something is to maintain it.
To oppose vulgarity is inevitably to be vulgar.
%%
To plunder, to slaughter, to steal, these things they misname empire;
and where they make a desert, they call it peace.
		-- Calgacus (c. 84 A.D.)
%%
To prevent conception when having intercourse,
the male wears a condominium.
%%
To profit from good advice requires as much wisdom as to give it.
%%
To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.
%%
To reach the fruit of life you must be willing to go out on a limb.
%%
To read without reflecting, is like eating without digesting.
		-- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
%%
To remember is to understand.
%%
To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and
put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.
%%
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
%%
To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.
		-- Jack Paar
%%
To revive the domestic auto industry by deregulation is to offer
aphrodisiacs to the dead.
		-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
To rule one's anger is well; to prevent it is still better.
		-- Tyron Edwards
%%
To save a single life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.
%%
To save face:  keep lower half shut.
%%
To say nothing of its holiness or authority, the Bible contains more
specimens of genius and taste than any other volume in existence.
		-- Walter S. Landor
%%
To say nothing, especially when speaking, is half the art of diplomacy.
%%
To say you got a vote of confidence
would be to say you needed a vote of confidence.
		-- Andrew Young
%%
To search for perfection is all very well,
But to look for heaven is to live here in hell.
%%
To see Kean act was like reading Shakespeare by flashes of lightning.
		-- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
To see a need and wait to be asked, is to already refuse.
%%
To see the butcher slap the steak, before he laid it on the block,
and give his knife a sharpening, was to forget breakfast instantly.  It was
agreeable, too -it really was- to see him cut it off, so smooth and juicy.
There was nothing savage in the act, although the knife was large and keen;
it was a piece of art, high art; there was delicacy of touch, clearness of
tone, skillful handling of the subject, fine shading.  It was the triumph of
mind over matter; quite.
		-- Dickens [Martin Chuzzlewit]
%%
To seek permission is to seek denial.
		-- Steve Jobs
%%
To set the mind above the appetites is the end of abstinence, which one
of the Fathers observes to be, not a virtue, but the groundwork of a
virtue.
		-- Johnson
%%
To some generations much is given. Of others much is expected.
This generation has a rendezvous with destiny.
		-- Franklin D. Roosevelt
%%
To some lawyers all facts are created equal.
		-- Justice Felix Frankfurter
%%
To speak kindly does not hurt the tongue.
%%
To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts
the job will take the longest and cost the most.
%%
To spread white rushes underneath.
No blame.
%%
To stay young requires unceasing cultivation
of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
To stay youthful, stay useful.
%%
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
		-- Tennyson
%%
To study an object best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
%%
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
%%
To succeed planning alone is insufficient.  One must improvise as well.
		-- Salvor Hardin
%%
To survive, one must be able to adapt to changing situations.
		-- Tyrannosaurus Rex
%%
To teach is to learn.
%%
To teach men how to live without certainty, and yet without being
paralyzed by hesitation, is perhaps the chief thing philosophy can still
do.
		-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
To tell us that every species of thing is endowed with an occult
specific quality by which it acts and produces manifest effects, is to
tell us nothing; but to derive two or three general principles of motion
from phenomena, and afterwards to tell us how the properties and actions
of all corporeal things follow from those manifest principles, would be
a very great step.
		-- Isaac Newton
%%
To the Gay Laugh of my Mother at the Gate of the Grave.
		-- Sean O'Casey
%%
To the frustrated, freedom from responsibility is more attractive than
freedom from restraint.
		-- Eric Hoffer
%%
To the generous mind, the heaviest debt is that of gratitude,
when 'tis not in our power to repay it.
		-- Dr. Thomas Franklin
%%
To the intelligent man or woman, life appears infinitely mysterious. But the
stupid have an answer for every question.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
To the landlord belongs the doorknobs.
%%
To the man-in-the-street, who, I'm sorry to say,
	Is a keen observer of life,
The word "Intellectual" suggests straight away
	A man who's untrue to his wife.
		-- W. H. Auden
%%
To the memory of the man, first in war, first in peace, and first in the
hearts of his country.
		-- General Henry Lee
%%
To the north and south are large hallways.
%%
To the north lies the island of Derhemen. Close by are two other
isles, one northeast and one south of here.
%%
To the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"

God-Damn this stupid program here refuses to compile
I don't know what the matter is, been searching for a while
Syntax error line ninety three, it makes no sense to me
Oh-h, I want my program to compile, to compile
Oh-h I want my program to compile

Assignment's due tomorrow noon by then it must be done
As you can well imagine I'm not having any fun
I don't know why I have such luck, I think this thing hates me!
Oh-h, I want my program to compile, to compile
Oh-h I want my program to compile
%%
To the wage earner, "free enterprise" is the way his boss treats him and
those around him.
		-- Malcolm Forbes
%%
To thine own self be true.  (If not that, at least make some money.)
%%
To think contrary to one's era is heroism.
But to speak against it is madness.
		-- Eugene Ionesco
%%
To those accustomed to the precise, structured methods of conventional
system development, exploratory development techniques may seem messy,
inelegant, and unsatisfying.  But it's a question of congruence:
precision and flexibility may be just as dysfunctional in novel,
uncertain situations as sloppiness and vacillation are in familiar,
well-defined ones.  Those who admire the massive, rigid bone structures
of dinosaurs should remember that jellyfish still enjoy their very
secure ecological niche.
		-- Beau Sheil, "Power Tools for Programmers"
%%
To those who doubt the importance of careful mate selection, remember
how Adam wrecked a promising career.
		-- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
To travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive.
		-- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
To treat your facts with imagination is one thing,
but to imagine your facts is another.
		-- John Burroughs (1837-1921)
%%
To understand a program you must become both the machine and the
program.
%%
To understand political power aright ... we must consider what state all
men are naturally in, and that is a state of perfect freedom to order
their actions ... within the bonds of the law of nature, without asking
leave, or depending upon the will of any other man.
		-- John Locke (1632-1704)
%%
To update Voltaire, "I may kill all msgs from you, but I'll fight for
your right to post it, and I'll let it reside on my disks".
		-- Doug Thompson (doug@isishq.FIDONET.ORG)
%%
To use violence is to already be defeated.
		-- Chinese proverb
%%
To what base uses may we return!  Why may not imagination trace the
noble dust of Alexander, till it find it stopping a bunghole?  As thus:
Alexander died, Alexander was buried, Alexander returneth to dust; the
dust is earth: of earth we make loam.  And why of that loam, whereto he
was converted, might they not stop a beer barrel?
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
To what level do you want to teleport? [type a number]
%%
To what position do you want to be teleported?
%%
To what purpose should I trouble myself in searching out the secrets of
the stars, having death or slavery continually before my eyes?
		-- Anaximenes
%%
To whom the mornings are like nights,
What must the midnights be!
		-- Emily Dickinson (on hacking?)
%%
To win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the highest
skill.	To subdue the enemy without fighting is the highest skill.
%%
To witness titanic events is always dangerous, usually painful, and
often fatal.
		-- Nessus "Ringworld"
%%
To write a good love-letter you ought to begin without knowing what you
mean to say, and end without knowing what you have written.
		-- Rousseau
%%
To write good code is a worthy challenge, and a source of civilized
delight.
		-- stolen and paraphrased from William Safire
%%
To write well is at once to think well, to feel rightly, and to render
properly!  It is to have, at the same time, mind, soul, taste.
		-- Buffon
%%
To your east lies the inner wall of the palace, an open arch giving
entry inside. To the west, a tower looms overhead. No distinguishing
features can be seen from here, but the courtyard stretches on both
to the north and south.
%%
To: All Male Taxpayers
From: The Internal Revenue Service
Re:  Notice of Increase in Tax Payment

The only thing that the IRS has not yet taxed is your
"ding-a-ling".	This is due to the fact that 40% of the time
it is hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it is
pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up, and 10% of the time
it is in the hole.  Besides this, it has two dependents: both
of which are nuts.  As of January, 1988, your "tally-whacker"
will be taxed according to its size.  To determine your
appropriate category, please refer to the information on
page 2, section 7, line 3 of the standard 1040 tax form:

10-12 inches:	  Luxury Tax................$30.00
 8-10 inches:	  Pole Tax..................$25.00
 6-8  inches:	  Privilege Tax.............$15.00
 4-6  inches:	  Nuisance Tax...............$5.00

NOTE:  Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund.	Please
DO NOT request an extension.  Males exceeding 12 inches must
file a capital gain report.

		Very Truly Yours,

		T. Pecker Checker
		Internal Revenue Service
%%
To: C. L. KIRK (Executive Vice-President, IBM)

Tune: "Carry Me Back to Old Virginny"

Ever we praise our able leaders.
And our progressive C. A. Kirk
is one of them.
He is endowed with the will to go forward.
He'll always work in the cause of IBM;
All of our people united applaud him,
As his success in our Company recall,
As we know that each one
is solidly for him.
Proud of the job he is doing for us all.

A note on sources: these lyrics were from the liner notes to a record
distributed by Advanced Computer Techniques (ACT) Corporation at the
Western Joint Computer Conference circa 1960-62.
%%
To: F. W. NICHOL (VP and General Manager, IBM)

His cause IBM and for all of its men
He is working and planning, we know;
His time without spare, and a knowledge
that's rare
Is making our company grow.
Yes, yes, we all know
Mr. Nichol you're making us grow;
Your thoughts full of zeal
which to you reveal
Ever help to keep us on the go.

Wherever we are, be it near or afar
We will find he has given us with care
A message to all that has sounded the call
For the will to go forward and dare.
Yes, yes we all know
Mr. Nichol you're making us grow;
the lessons you teach
make us strive to e'er reach
Our records and keep on the go.

A note on sources: these lyrics were from the liner notes to a record
distributed by Advanced Computer Techniques (ACT) Corporation at the
Western Joint Computer Conference circa 1960-62.
%%
To: J. L. BARTON (Plant Manager, Endicott Plant)

In Endicott we have a man,
Whose thoughts will ever be,
To fill each need with greater speed,
Throughout our factory;
J. L. Barton, to IBM you're true;
You'll ever go ahead we know
And we are back of you.

A note on sources: these lyrics were from the liner notes to a record
distributed by Advanced Computer Techniques (ACT) Corporation at the
Western Joint Computer Conference circa 1960-62.
%%
To: THOMAS J. WATSON

Tune: "Auld Lang Syne"

T. J. Watson - you're our leader fine,
the greatest in the land,
We sing your praises from our hearts
we're here to shake your hand.
You're IBM's guiding star
throughout the hemispheres,
No matter what the future brings,
we all will perservere.

You've made our IBM so great
in every land supreme,
Our service meets all needs of men
and works just like a team.
You've brought us through to victory,
with leadership that's prime,
We'll always love and honor you
for the sake of Auld Lang Syne.

A note on sources: these lyrics were from the liner notes to a record
distributed by Advanced Computer Techniques (ACT) Corporation at the
Western Joint Computer Conference circa 1960-62.
%%
To: The Acme corporation
From: Wile E. Coyote
Re: Shipment 1743 - Exploding birdseed

Dear Sir,
	  I wish to complain about the quality of this product, it failed
to detonate. Then, when I went to check up on it, all of a sudden - Kaboom.
I request that you cancel my order for this product and send me instead a
shipment of your magnetic birdseed and, one of your superstrong cryogenic
magnets complete with cooling system (Item # 115-674-7745 ). Please charge
these to my account.
%%
Toast is the national dish of Australia.
%%
Tobacco is a filthy weed,
That from the devil does proceed;
It drains your purse, it burns your clothes,
And makes a chimney of your nose.
		-- B. Waterhouse
%%
Today a man is known by the company he merges.
%%
Today is Monday, cleverly disguised as Tuesday.
%%
Today is a good day for information-gathering.
Read someone else's mail file.
%%
Today is a good day to update your resume.
%%
Today is gonna be one helluva week!
%%
Today is not a good day to buy a refrigerator.
%%
Today is the Ayatollah's birthday.
To celebrate, the Iranian Navy was going to take him on an inspection
tour.  Unfortunately, his doctors had to cancel; they said the pressure
at that depth might kill him.
%%
Today is the CAR of the rest of your life.
%%
Today is the day you were worried about yesterday.
%%
Today is the first day of the rest of this mess.
%%
Today is the first day of the rest of your life -- celebrate now!
%%
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. No, really. It is.
%%
Today is what happened to yesterday.
%%
Today is your lucky day.
%%
Today most physicians specialize.  After getting his bill,
I've decided my doctor's speciality is banking.
		-- Mickey Porter
%%
Today when a man gets married he gets a home, a housekeeper,
a cook, a cheering squad and another paycheck.	When a woman
marries, she gets a boarder.
%%
Today's taxes are yesterday's promises.
%%
Todays subliminal message is "	      "
%%
Todays weirdness is tomorrows reason why.
%%
Tofu and futons. The adepts of Orientalism seem to spend most of their lives
reclining. They can't quite summon the energy to crawl up onto a chair. Even
their Yogic exercises are carried out in a prone or sitting position.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Together Wendy we could live till the end,
I'll love you with all the madness in my soul.
%%
Together we must rise to ever higher and higher platitudes.
%%
Toity poiple boids
Sitt'n on der coib
A' choipin' and a' boipin
an' eat'n doity woims.

Der spring is spring
Der grass is riz
I wonder where dem boidies is?
Der little boids is on der wing,
Ain't that absoid?
Der little wings in on der boid!
%%
Told my girl I'd have to forget her.
Rather buy me a new carburetor.
So she made tracks, saying this is the end, now.
Cars don't talk back, they're just four-wheeled friends, now.
		-- Queen "I'm in Love With My Car"
%%
Toledo has an ordinance that prohibits throwing reptiles at another
person.
%%
Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward maximum difficulty to
assemble.
%%
Tolerating what has been spoiled by the father.
In continuing one sees humiliation.
%%
Tom Hayden is the kind of politician who gives opportunism a bad name.
		-- Gore Vidal
%%
Tommy, can you hear me?
%%
Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.
%%
Tomorrow's computers some time next month.
		-- DEC
%%
Tomorrow, this will be part of the unchangeable past
but fortunately, it can still be changed today.
%%
Tomorrow, you can be anywhere.
%%
Ton the' t'a-t'il ote' ton toux? (Did the tea cure your cough?)
%%
Toni was a communist and very unhappy in capitalist Austria. He wanted
to go over the border to Russia, where everything was supposed to be
better. His friend Josef was interested too. However, they'd also
heard a few stories of repressions and shortages, so they didn't know
what to do.

"Look," said Toni, "I've got an idea. I'll go over first. If
everything's great, I'll write back a letter with blue ink. If things
really are awful, and everything's censored, I'll write back a letter
with green ink."

Toni went over the border. After several months Josef got the
following letter, written in blue ink:

"Dear Josef,

"Everything is just terrific. I'm doing very well. I've got a
beautiful large apartment, and there's lots to eat and drink. Prices
are really low and you can get whatever you want. The only thing I
haven't been able to find is green ink.
%%
Toni's Solution to a Guilt-Free Life:
	If you have to lie to someone, it's their fault.
%%
Tonight I give lecture to Art Students' League.  I want a picture
of a horse to show that animal is beautiful because every part made
for function, without ornament.  In Paris I would show woman, but
in Toronto I show a horse.
		-- Anonymous French artist (1931) from "The Book of Insults"
%%
Tonight I'll get out of my head, cause I can't stop,
I'll get out of my head with everything I got.
%%
Tonight in jungle-land.
%%
Tonight you will pay the wages of sin;
Don't forget to leave a tip.
%%
Tonight's piss is tomorrow's Tang.
		-- An American astronaut
%%
Tonight, tonight the strips just right
I'm going to blow them off in my first heat,
cause summer is here and the time is right,
we're going racing in the street.
%%
Too bad stupidity isn't painful.
%%
Too clever is dumb.
		-- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
Too cool to calypso,
Too tough to tango,
Too weird to watusi
		-- The Only Ones
%%
Too low they build who build below the skies.
		-- Edward Young
%%
Too many American authors have a servile streak where their backbone should
be. Where's our latest Nobel laureate? More than likely you'll find him in the
Rose Garden kissing the First Lady's foot.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Too many hacks running now.
%%
Too many objects.
%%
Too many people are digging up their roots when they should be
cultivating their sprouts.
%%
Too many people in this world means not enough M&M's for me.
%%
Too many people in this world sit back and expect the grass to
grow under their feet even though they didn't plant any seeds.
%%
Too many people with half a mind to write an introductory programming text
do so.
		-- David Gries, Cornell University
%%
Too many prepositions.
%%
Too much gravity argues a shallow mind.
		-- Lavater
%%
Too much is just enough.
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910), [on whiskey]
%%
Too much month at the end of the money.
%%
Too often people have come to me and said, "If I had just one wish for
anything in all the world, I would wish for more user-defined equations
in the HP-51820A Waveform Generator Software.
		-- Instrument News [Once is too often.  Ed.]
%%
Too ripped.  Gotta go.
%%
Took an hour to bury the cat. Silly thing kept moving.
%%
Toothpaste never hurts the taste of good scotch.
%%
Top Scientists Predict That Earth Will
Explode at 10:34 PM Tonight.
Film at 11.
%%
Top Ten Reasons the British Lost the Colonies

10)  Hard to shoot straight with sissified powdered wig falling in your eyes.
 9)  Wanted to just lose New Jersey but got carried away.
 8)  Colonists on steroids.
 7)  Spent too much time guessing who's gay in the royal family.
 6)  Their diet: tea and crumpets.  Our diet: raw squirrel meat and whiskey.
 5)  Serious problems with snuff abuse.
 4)  Lots of painful poking accidents trying to put on those pointy hats
     of theirs.
 3)  We had Batman.
 2)  Wanted to get first draft choice.
 1)  Uninspiring battle cry: "Let's win this for our swishy inbred monarch!"
%%
Top executives cannot afford to be isolated from the people below,
who are in better touch with what is going on, and cannot afford to set
unrealistic goals.
		-- Charles Burck
%%
Top priority - it may be idiotic but the boss wants it
		-- Glossary of important business terms
%%
Topologists are just plane folks.
	Pilots are just plane folks.
		Carpenters are just plane folks.
			Midwest farmers are just plain folks.
		Musicians are just playin' folks.
	Whodunit readers are just Spillaine folks.
Some Londoners are just P. Lane folks.
%%
Topologists do it on rubber sheets.
%%
Topologists do it openly.
%%
Torque is cheap.
%%
Torture numbers, and they'll confess to anything.
%%
Toto, I don't think we're in DOS anymore...
%%
Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas any more!
%%
Touch if you must, Pay up if you bust.
%%
Touching the dead cockatrice is a fatal mistake ...
You turn to stone.
%%
Tough shit, asshole.
%%
Towering genius disdains the beaten path.  It seeks regions hitherto
unexplored.
		-- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
Tower
castles where knights are dubbed use blood as mortar.
%%
Toys are made in heaven, batteries are made in hell.
%%
Train a child in the way he should go; and when he is old he will not
depart from it.
		-- Proverbs XXII, 6.
%%
Tramps like us, baby, we were born to run.
%%
Tranquillizers might get you killed.
%%
Transformers do it by coupling.
%%
Transportable - Neither chained to a wall nor attached to an alarm system.
%%
Trap full -- please empty.
%%
Travel fast, use some magic speed!
%%
Traveler, there is no path, paths are made by walking.
%%
Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.
		-- Han Solo
%%
Travis! You're a year too late!
%%
Treading a smooth, level course.
The perseverance of a dark man
Brings good fortune.
%%
Treading. Treading upon the tail of the tiger.
It does not bite the man. Success.
%%
Treason doth never prosper: what's the reason?
Why, if it prosper, none dare call it treason.
		-- James Harrington (1611-1677)
%%
Treat me like a fool, treat me mean and cruel, but love me.
%%
Treat the other man's faith gently: it is all he has to believe with.
		-- Henry S. Haskins
%%
Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.
		-- Publilius Syrus
%%
Treat yourself to something you haven't had in years--an original thought.
%%
Treat yourself well.
%%
Treaties are like roses and young girls. They last while they last.
		-- Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970)
%%
Trees hit cars only in self-defence.
%%
Trespassers will be eaten.
%%
Trespassers will be violated!
%%
Trick or Treater #1: "Cool costume."
Trick or Treater #2: "Hey, what smells."
		-- "Scariest Home Videos" with mummy nearby, Eerie Indiana
%%
Tried to play my shoehorn... all I got was footnotes!
%%
Tried to steal a strange worn thing.
%%
Trinity is the word for a committed god.
%%
Tripe on its own is revolting, but with onions it's delicious!
%%
Trivia is my Business
%%
Trivial matters are handled promptly;
important matters are never solved.
%%
Trolls are close relatives with the rocks and have skin as tough as
that of a rhinoceros.  The troll fends off your blows effortlessly.
%%
Trombonists do it in seven positions.
%%
Trombonists slide it in and out
%%
Trouble always comes at the wrong time.
%%
Trouble is only an opportunity in work clothes.
		-- Henry J. Kaiser
%%
Trouble is part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give
the person who loves you a chance to love you enough.
		-- Dinah Shore
%%
Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house
the next job after a series of threes is not the fourth job--it's the
start of a brand new series of threes.
		-- Avery
%%
Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing.
%%
Trousers in Action
%%
Trout fishing. One must be a stickler for proper form. Use nothing but #4
blasting caps. Or a hand grenade, if handy. Or at a pool well-lined with
stone, one blast from a .44 magnum will bring a few stunned brookies quietly
to the surface.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Troutman's 1st Law:
If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent systems will
malfunction.
%%
Troutman's 2nd Law:
Not until a program has been in production for at least 6 months will the
most serious error be discovered.
%%
Troutman's 3rd Law:
Interchangeable tapes won't.
%%
Troutman's 4th Law:
Machines work.	People should think.
%%
Troutmans's programming postulates:
1) If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent systems will
   malfunction.
2) Not until a program has been in production for at least six months will the
   most harmful error be discovered.
3) Job control instructions that positively cannot be arranged in improper
   order will be.
4) Interchangeable tapes won't.
5) If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input, a co-op will
   discover a method to get bad data past it.
6) Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
%%
Truants do it absently.
%%
Truck deliveries that normally take one day will take five when you are
waiting for the truck.
%%
True courage is like a kite; a contrary wind raises it higher.
		-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
True dignity is never gained by place, and never won when honors are
withdrawn.
		-- Massinger
%%
True eloquence consists in saying all that should be said,
not all that could be.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
True enjoyment comes from activity of the mind and exercise of the body;
the two are ever united.
		-- Humboldt
%%
True friendship is like sound health, the value of it is seldom known
until it be lost.
		-- Charles Caleb Colton
%%
True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain,
hazardous, and conflicting information.
%%
True happiness will be found only in true love.
%%
True hope is swift and flies with swallow's wings; Kings it makes gods,
and meaner creatures kings.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
True intelligence consists of not getting upset when supposedly
intelligent people think you are ignorant.
%%
True leadership is the art of changing
a group from what it is to what it ought to be.
		-- Virginia Allan
%%
True politeness consists in being easy one's self, and in making every
one about as easy as one can.
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
True prosperity is the result of well-placed confidence in ourselves and
our fellow man.
%%
True story: A friend, Tim, was taking a computer class.  He and another
guy (call him Steve) were the only members of the class ever to do their
programs.  Everyone else just copied from Steve.  One day in class the
prof hands back programs.  He asks Tim to go to the copier and make 20
copies of his program so everyone can see what a good job he did.  As
soon as Tim leaves the room, the prof says "I believe you all already
have a copy of Steve's program."
%%
Truly simple systems... require infinite testing.
		-- Norman Augustine
%%
Trumpeters blow hard
%%
Trumpeters do it with alternant fingerings
%%
Trust -
	Senior management doesn't trust its own staff and is suspicious of
	their motives. Therefore senior management needs to be told the same
	things as its staff are saying by a consultant costing $60,000.
%%
Trust The Computer. The Computer is your friend.
%%
Trust everybody ... then cut the cards.
%%
Trust him, but still keep your eyes open.
%%
Trust in Allah, but tie your camel anyway.
%%
Trust me -- I'm a Lawyer.
%%
Trust no future howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead past bury its dead!
Act -- act in the living present!
Heart within and God o'erhead!
		-- Longfellow
%%
Trust people all you want, but always cut the cards yourself.
%%
Trust your husband, adore your husband,
and get as much as you can in your own name.
		-- Joan Rivers
%%
Truth ... never comes into the world, but like a Bastard,
to the ignominy of him that brought her forth.
		-- John Milton (1608-1674)
%%
Truth exists for the wise, beauty for the feeling heart.
		-- Johann von Schiller
%%
Truth has always been found to promote the best interests of mankind...
		-- Percy Bysshe Shelley
%%
Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now -- always.
		-- Albert Schweitzer
%%
Truth in science can be defined as the working hypothesis best suited to
open the way to the next better one.
		-- Konrad Lorenz
%%
Truth is God's daughter.
%%
Truth is a gem that is found at a great depth; whilst on the surface of
this world, all things are weighed by the false scale of custom.
		-- Byron
%%
Truth is a river that is always splitting up into arms that reunite.
Islanded between the arms the inhabitants argue for a lifetime
as to which is the main river.
		-- Cyril Connolly, "The Unquiet Grave" 1945
%%
Truth is a statue, and you are all just a bunch of pigeons.
%%
Truth is always the enemy of power. And power the enemy of truth.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Truth is hard to find and harder to obscure.
%%
Truth is merely common sense, say the naive realist. Really? Then where,
precisely, is the location of--a rainbow? In the air? In the eye? In between?
Or somewhere else?
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Truth is the answer.
%%
Truth needs no flowers of speech.
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
Truth never tranquilizes. The defining property of truth is its ability to
disturb.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Truth that has merely been learned is like an artificial limb, a false
tooth, a waxen nose; it adheres to us only because it is put on.
But truth acquired by thought of our own is like a natural limb; it
alone really belongs to us.
		-- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)
%%
Truth would cease to become stranger than fiction, if we got used to it.
%%
Try Quisinwrite, the combination word processor and food processor, for those
who frequently have to eat their words.
%%
Try `stty 0' -- it works much better.
%%
Try a 2 X 4.
%%
Try a chainsaw.
%%
Try a dull knife.
%%
Try hacking in the wee hours: you will have more room.
%%
Try harder.
%%
Try it, you'll like it.
%%
Try never to run out of altitude, airspeed, and luck at the same time.
%%
Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.
		-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
Try the UnCola.  Its made from the UnCola nut.
%%
Try the fall back end run play against ghosts.
%%
Try the new "EUNUCHS" operating system: Extremely Useless, Never Up, Computer
Hardware and Software System.
%%
Try to be like the turtle -- at ease in your own shell.
		-- Bill Copeland
%%
Try to develop your own personality.
%%
Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
%%
Try to find out who's doing the work, not who's writing about it,
controlling it, or summarizing it.
		-- Amrom Katz
%%
Try to have as good a life as you can under the circumstances.
%%
Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo
%%
Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
Try to spend the entire day sober.
%%
Try to swallow at least three times a day.
%%
Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.
%%
Trying in vain to breath the fire we were born in.
%%
Trying to attack a # #.
%%
Trying to get an education here
is like trying to take a drink from a fire hose.
%%
Trying to kill a # #.
%%
Trying to learn how to walk like the heros we thought we had to be.
%%
Trying to shoot yourself in the foot in:
ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE: For those who like to load their own rounds before shooting
	themselves in the foot.
		-- rhsmith
%%
Trying to shoot yourself in the foot in:
CLIPPER:  You grab a bullet, get ready to insert it in the gun so that you
	can shoot yourself in the foot, and discover that the gun that the
	bullet fits has not yet been built, but should be arriving in the mail
	_REAL_SOON_NOW_.
		-- rboatright
%%
Trying to shoot yourself in the foot in:
DBase IV version 1.0: You pull the trigger, but it turns out that the gun was
	a poorly-designed grenade and the whole building blows up.
		-- akarna
%%
Trying to shoot yourself in the foot in:
DBase:	You squeeze the trigger, but the bullet moves so slowingly that by the
	time your foot feels the pain you've forgotten why  you shot
	yourself anyway.
		-- rboatright
%%
Trying to shoot yourself in the foot in:
Forth:	yourself foot shoot.
		-- akarna
%%
Trying to shoot yourself in the foot in:
Prolog: You attempt to shoot yourself in the foot, but the bullet, failing
	to find its mark, backtracks into the gun which then explodes in
	your face.
		-- BG
%%
Trying to shoot yourself in the foot in:
SQL:	You cut your foot off, send it out to a service bureau and when it
	returns, it has a hole in it, but will no longer fit the attachment at
	the end of your leg.
		-- rboatright
%%
Tsze-kung asked, saying, "Is there one word which may serve as a rule of
practice for all one's life?"  The Master said, "Is not Reciprocity such
a word?  What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others."
		-- Confucius (551-479 B.C.)
%%
Tubby or not tubby, fat is the question!
%%
Tuesday After Lunch is the cosmic time of the week.
%%
Tuesday is Ladies Night at the world famous Corbin Theatre!
%%
Tuesday is the Wednesday of the rest of your life.
%%
Tumor: An extra pair.
%%
Turn on, tune in, and take over.
		-- Tim Leary
%%
Turn right here. No! NO! The OTHER right!
%%
Turn the other cheek.
		-- Jesus Christ
%%
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart: the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are filled with a passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming!  Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of SPIRITUS MUNDI
Troubles my sight: somewhere in the sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again: but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour now come at last
Slouches toward Bethlehem to be born?
		-- William Butler Yeats, "The Second Comming"
%%
Turning away from nourishment.
Perseverance brings misfortune.
Do not act thus for ten years.
Nothing serves to further.
%%
Turning away from the path.
To remain persevering brings good fortune.
One should not cross the great water.
%%
Turning down the desires of Marie
John explained, "It's unfair, don't you see?
For all I can do
Is to keep screwing you
While you'd screw none other than me."		<Male chauvinist pig>
%%
Turning floppies into hard drives.
%%
Turning to the summit for nourishment,
Deviating from the path
To seek nourishment from the hill.
Continuing to do this brings misfortune.
%%
Turning to the summit
For provision of nourishment
Brings good fortune.
Spying about with sharp eyes
Like a tiger with insatiable craving.
No blame.
%%
Turtle Wax leaves a hard-shell finish.	Turtle Wax!
%%
Twas a month before Christmas
and all through the nation
We watch Roger and Ross
with great anticipation

Seven hundred million
of new printed cash
Withdrawn from our hard earned
profit sharing stash

Wall street in panic
The stocks are falling
Roger's transaction
is simply appalling

The media is full
with news of the deal
About 750 mil if
Ross wants to squeal

Roger says it's Ross
and Ross says he's right
Tickets are selling
for the Cobo Hall fight

The ring is now ready
for Ross and Roger
It's Ross the cowboy versus
Roger the codger

But nothing happens
They're calm and cool
for 700 million, Ross
Ain't no fool

Two weeks before Christmas
presents need buying
I wait for my profit sharing
my bank account is dying

I run to the mail box
and prayed for my check
only a Christmas card,
Oh what the heck.

I opened the card,
my face grew red
I'll share with
just what it said

My name is Ross
and I hope you know
Roger gave me
All your profit sharing dough

So I thought for his kindness;
I'd drop you a line
To let you know
I'm doing fine.

And my name is gone
from the office doors glass,
I got 700 million
and you can kiss my ass.
%%
Tweedledum and Tweedledee
	Agreed to have a battle;
For Tweedledum said Tweedledee
	Had spoilt his nice new rattle.

Just then flew down a monstrous crow,
	As black as a tar-barrel;
Which frightened both the heroes so,
	They quite forgot their quarrel.
		-- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking-Glass"
%%
Twelve pears hanging high,
Twelve men came riding by
Each man took a pear
and left elven hanging there.
 "Eachman" was a rider's name
%%
Twelve rubber trees
with thirty flexible boughs
 The year and it's months
%%
Twenty two thousand days.
Twenty two thousand days.
It's not a lot.
It's all you've got.
Twenty two thousand days.
		-- Moody Blues, "Twenty Two Thousand Days"
%%
Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin;
but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building.
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Twenty-eight members of a weight-watching club on an outing in Australia
suffered the exquisite embarrassment of having their bus sink up to its
axles in a tarred parking lot.
		-- Bill Bryson
%%
Twice four and twenty blackbirds
Were sitting in the rain
One shot killed a seventh
How many did remain?
 Four
%%
Twice ten are but six of us
Six are but three of us
Nine are but four of us
What can we possibly be?
Would you know more of us?
I'll tell you more of us
Twelve are but six of us
Five are but four, do you see?
 Letters
%%
Twilight...
he stands, on trial,
saying nothing. We thought, sad.
And yet-  that smile! So we wondered...
%%
Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
How I wonder what you're at!
Up above the world you fly!
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
		-- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
Twins: womb-mates.
%%
Twist and Crawl.
%%
Twist and Groove.
%%
Twist and Shout.
%%
Twisted Pair - a couple of perverts
		-- Data communications glossary
%%
Two Atheists were shipwrecked on a deserted Island. The situation
was getting grim with the hot tropical sun beating down on them
and no fresh water.  The First Atheist says "Maybe we ought to
Pray.... "

Second Atheist says "But I'm an atheist, I don't know how to
Pray!"

First Atheist: "Don't worry, I used to live next to this Catholic
church and heard them doing it all the time.  They have this guy
who stands up at the front and does the prayers.  I think I
remember some of them.	Tell you what, I'll start out and you
repeat what I say...  "

The second atheist thinks this is satisfactory and agrees.

     First Atheist (loudly):  "I"
      Second Atheist :	   "I"

     First Atheist:  "Seventeen"
      Second Atheist:  "Seventeen"
%%
Two IBM salesmen were driving down a country road at high speed and passed
a pickup truck with an old couple inside.
"Look at those fools, pa!  Must be a couple of IBM salesman and they will
surely meet their maker soon, I tell you."
Well, sure enough, a little while later the couple comes across a bad
accident involving the two IBM salesmen.
"Well maw, we got to do what any good folk would do and give em a decent
burial."
So the couple dug a hole and buried the IBM salesman.  Just as they were
putting their tools away, a cop drives up.
"You folks see this accident?"
"No sir, but we knew them dang fools were going to have it when they passed
us doing a hundred miles an hour.  Well, we finally come across the accident
and gave them IBM salesman a decent burial"
"You were sure that they were dead??"
"Well, they said they weren't, but you know how those IBM salesmen
exaggerate!"
%%
Two Irish lovers are sitting on a bench, in a park. They are holding
hands, but the lady is nervously twisting her hands.

Mary: "Patrick. I have something to tell you".
Patrick: "Well, what's on your mind? You know you can tell me
	 everything."
Mary: "It's so terrible."
Patrick: "You know you can trust me. What is it?"
Mary: "Well, it was a few years ago. Father lost his job, and no money
	in sight.."
Patrick: "So, what is it?"
Mary: "Oh. We were so desperate. For some time I had to turn ...
      prostitute!"
Patrick: "WHAT!"
Mary: "We needed the money so bad!"
Patrick: "There is no good reason for this! Endangering your very soul!
	How could you? YOU! Mary this is more than I can stand!"
Mary: "Not you, Pat! No! I thought you'd understand. I thought you could
	still love me, even though I had been a whore."
Patrick: "Oh! ...You... Well, that's ok. For a moment I thought you
	said 'protestant'!"
%%
Two Italians hijacked a submarine.
They asked for $50,000 and two parachutes.
%%
Two Kindergarten girls were talking;
My mother found a condom on the patio last night.
What's a patio?
%%
Two Martians landed on earth and ran into each other.  "Hi!" said the
first Martian, "What's your name?" "428,629,382.  And what's yours?"
"Mine's 664,935,715." "That's funny," said the first, "You don't look
Jewish!"
%%
Two Russian border guards, Ivan and Vladimir, on a cold winter morning.
Looking across the border, Ivan is smiling to himself, then he notices
that Vladimir is also smiling.

Ivan [suspiciously]:  "What were you thinking about?"
Vladimir:  "Same thing you were thinking about, comrade."
Ivan:  "Then it is my duty to arrest you."
%%
Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles,
onions, on a sesame seed bun.
%%
Two anglers were fishing off Wight
And his bobber was dipping all night.
	Murmured she, with a laugh,
	"It's ready to gaff,
But don't break your rod which is light."

A couple was fishing near Clombe
When the maid began looking quite glum,
	And said, "Bother the fish!
	I'd rather coish!"
Which they did -- which was why they had come.

As two consular clerks in Madras
Fished, hidden in deep shore-grass,
	"What a marvelous pole,"
	Said she, "but control
Your sinkers -- they're banging my ass."
%%
Two can be as sad as one, it's the loneliest number since the No. 1.
%%
Two cannonballs got married --- and had BBs.
%%
Two cars in every pot and a chicken in every garage.
%%
Two cheerleaders ended up at the alter.  They met by chants.
%%
Two dogs had chased a third dog for hours in the hot sun.
Dog1:  "Ain't this a bitch?"
Dog2:  "It sure as hell better be!"
%%
Two drunks are stumbling along a railroad track which happens to go up a
mountain.  The first drunk says, "These are the lousiest steps I ever tried
to climb!"  The second, who is bent over, replies, "You think that's bad,
wait till you try to hold the handrail!"
%%
Two elephants fell off a cliff. Boom Boom.
%%
Two gentlemen met at the club after a long absence and talked.
	"Did you hear about Chumly?", one asked.
	"No, old man, what about him?"
	"Last seen in Africa, you know."
	"No, I didn't."
	"Yes.  Appalling.  Ran off with a gorilla.  Fallen in love."
	"Queer."
	"Not Chumley.  Female gorilla."
%%
Two guys were stranded on a desert island.
The only way they could get food was to kill
sea birds by throwing rocks at them.
By the time they were rescued,
...  They had left no tern unstoned.
%%
Two heads are better than one.
		-- John Heywood
%%
Two heads are more numerous than one.
%%
Two hippies were waiting at the bus stop along with a nun with her leg
in a cast.  The first hippie asked "Sister, how did you break you leg?"
"I slipped in the bathtub."  The second hippie asked the first "What's a
bathtub?"  "How should I know, I'm not Catholic!"
%%
Two hundred years ago today, Irma Chine of White Plains, New York, was
performing her normal housekeeping routines.  She was interrupted by
British soldiers who, rallying to the call of their supervisor, General
Hughes, sought to gain control of the voter registration lists kept in her
home.  Masking her fear and thinking fast, Mrs. Chine quickly divided a
nearby apple in two and deftly stored the list in its center.  Upon entering,
the British blatantly violated every conceivable convention, and, though they
went through the house virtually bit by bit, their search was fruitless.
They had to return empty handed.  Word of the incident propagated rapidly
through the region.  This historic event became the first documented use
of core storage for the saving of registers.
%%
Two hunters were forced by a storm to seek overnight shelter in a house
occupied by only a homely farmer's widow.  When they met again the
following hunting season, one asked, "Tell me, did you screw that old
bag we stayed with last year?"
"Yes," admitted the other, "I'm afraid I did."
"And you used my name--and told her you were me?"
"Yeah, I did that, too," laughed his hunting companion.  "I didn't knock
her up, did I?"
"No, no," smiled his friend.  "It's just that she died yesterday and
left me the house and a hundred thousand dollars."
%%
Two is company, three is an orgy.
%%
Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in.
While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others
line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and
proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc.  While this is going on
lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two's hand.

Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, "What is this?", to
which lawyer number one replies, "it's that $50 I owe you."
%%
Two lawyers were walking along, negotiating a case.
Look, said one to the other, let's be honest with each other.
Okay, you first, replied the other.
That was the end of the discussion.
%%
Two lovers, parked in local makeout spot:
   Oh Frank, let's not park
   Oh Frank, let's not
   Oh Frank, let's
   Oh Frank
   Oh!!!
%%
Two men and a woman were stranded on a desert island -

Two weeks later, the woman was so ashamed of what she
had been doing, she committed suicide.

Two weeks later, the men were so ashamed of what they
had been doing, they buried her.

Two weeks later, the men were so ashamed of what they
had been doing, they dug her back up.
%%
Two men are hiking in the mountains.  One suddenly stops, removes
his hiking boots, and starts putting on sneakers.  The other asks
why he is doing so.

The first man answers, "I thought I heard a bear."

The second argues, "You can't outrun a bear, not even with sneakers."

The first responds, "I just need to outrun YOU!"
%%
Two men in nice suits are walking through a park when suddenly one of
them gets hit with a healthy dose of pigeon shit on the shoulder.

"Oh, YUK!" said the other man, "There's a bathroom over there, do you
want me to get some toilet paper?"

"What for?" says the guy with the soiled suit, "The little guy's miles
away by now."
%%
Two men look out through the same bars; one sees mud, and one the stars.
%%
Two men once wrote to Mark Twain.  Not having his
address, they marked the envelope,

Mark Twain
God knows where

They received a response from him:  "He did."
%%
Two men were sitting over coffee, contemplating the nature of things,
with all due respect for their breakfast.  "I wonder why it is that toast
always falls on the buttered side," said one.
	"Tell me," replied his friend, "why you say such a thing.  Look at
this."	And he dropped his toast on the floor, where it landed on the dry side.
	"So, what have you to say for your theory now?"
	"What am I to say?  You obviously buttered the wrong side."
%%
Two men were standing around talking while nearby a large German Shepherd
lay licking his balls.	One man says to the other, "Damn, I wish I could
do that."
	The other man replies, "Well, it's okay by me, but I think you
ought to get to know him first."
%%
Two nuns are visiting the zoo.	When they reach the Gorilla cage one of
the nuns steps to close to the cage and the Gorilla grabs her and
rapes her violently for a long time.

They left the zoo and the poor nun who was attacked goes through
counseling to help her get over this embarrassing incident.  After
several days the counselor asks the nun,

"Does it still hurt?"

"DOES IT STILL HURT?!?", reponded the nun with sarcasm, "He doesn't
 call, he doesn't write, he hasn't sent flowers..."
%%
Two nuns went to the zoo one day.  They walked around and
saw a lot of different animals, but ended up spending most of their
day watching the giant male gorilla.  Suddenly, without warning,
the gorilla reached through the bars and dragged one of the nuns
into the cage and began brutally raping her repeatedly.  By the
time the zoo personal were able to tranquilize the beast, it had
savaged the poor nun for nearly an hour.

While the nun who had been raped recovered in a hospital, nearly
a week went by until her friend went to visit her, for she felt
extremely guilty that her friend had been so savagely brutalized,
and she had escaped unscathed.

Finally, she stood by her beside, holding her hand.  From the bed,
her friend looked at her bravely.

The one nun said, "Sister, are you in much pain?"

The other nun nodded.  "He hasn't called or written..."
%%
Two nuns, a mother superior and a new nun, are walking home one night from
church when they are attacked by two vicious rapists.  The two men drag
the nuns off into the bushes and proceed to have their way with them.
The mother superior is very afraid, but she knows that God will protect
her.  To show her strength and trust in God she yells out "Forgive him
Father, for he knows not what he does!"
To which the young nun replies "Oooooh, mine does!!"
%%
Two obviously high-class old ladies are strolling down a city
street when they run across a grizzled, ragged old derelict
lying drunk in the gutter, covered with garbage, sewer water
running all over him.  "Hmmmph," sniffs one of the old ladies
haughtily. "Cleanliness is next to godliness.  William Shakespeare!"
%%
Two of the Ten Commandments for Technicians:
1) Beware the lightening that lurketh in the undischarged capacitor, lest it
cause thee to bounce upon thy buttocks in a most untechnician-like manner.
7) Workest thou not on energized equipment, for if thou dost, thy fellow
workers will surely buy beers for thy widow and console her in other ways.
%%
Two office ladies discussing their husbands, one says, 'My husband
brought me roses last night, I spent all night with my legs in the air'.
  The other says,' Hmm, don't you have a vase?'
%%
Two peanuts went to New York. One was assaulted.
%%
Two penguins walk into a bar, which is really stupid, 'cause the second
one should have seen it.
%%
Two polish parachutists got into an argument as to who was the best
skydiver.  As usually results in such cases, they decide to have a
contest. Both would skydive towards a target, and whoever was closest,
wins.

One goes first. Jumps, falls, pulls his ripcord, chute opens ... just a
beautiful dive.

Second one jumps, falls, pulls his ripcord, nothing happens.

Pulls his backup ripcord, nothing happens.

Pulls his emergency backup ripcord, nothing happens.

Gives up, and zooms past the first skydiver.

First one looks down, rips off his harness, and shouts "Oh, you want to
RACE, huh?"
%%
Two programmers named Diagu and Gudo were making presentations to the president
of a large corporation.

When he stood up to speak, Gudo said to the executive, "You are wise by nature
and understand the true meaning of computers."

"Nonsense," said Diagu, "Why do you praise this fool?  He may be an executive,
but he knows nothing about computers."

The executive rewarded them both and then hired a consultant to determine which
of them was correct.
		-- The Zen of Programming
%%
Two programmers were arguing about user interface.

"Significant inroads are being made in 'ease-of-use'," said the first
programmer, "Soon people will no longer need to read tedious manuals before
they can use a computer.  Programs will be self-evident."

The second programmer thought about this for a moment and then said, "Last
weekend I decided to chop some wood for a fire, but my old axe was dull and
worn.  So I went to the hardware store and purchased a new one."

"That's all very interesting," said the first programmer, "but what does it
have to do with user interface?"

"The new axe came with an eight-page instruction booklet," he replied.
		-- The Zen of Programming
%%
Two recent emigrants to the United States, on their first day off the boat
in New York City, spied a hotdog vendor.  "Do they eat dogs in America?"
one asked his companion.
	"I don't know."
	"Well, if we're going to live in America, we have to learn to eat
American foods."
	So they each bought a wax paper wrapped hotdog and sat down to eat
them on a nearby park bench.  One man looked inside his wax paper, then over
at the other man, and asked, "So, what part did you get?"
%%
Two rights don't make a wrong, they make an airplane.
%%
Two roosters in one of our pens
Found their pricks were no larger than wens.
	As they looked at their foreskins
	And wished they had more skins,
They discovered they'd both become hens.
%%
Two seals fell off a cliff.  Arf Arf
%%
Two sodium atoms are walking along the street when one stops and says,
"Oh wow, I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?"  asks the other sodium atom.
"Yes," replies the first sodium atom, "I'm positive."
%%
Two statisticians went hunting. After a short time, they came
upon a magnificent elk standing near a grove of trees.	The first
statistician took careful aim and fired, hitting a tree far to the
right of the elk.  The second statistician then took his turn; the shot
hit a different tree, this time far to the left.  "Got him!"
%%
Two swords slashing at each other only sharpen one another.
%%
Two things are certain about science.  It does not stand still for long,
and it is never boring.  Oh, among some poor souls, including even
intellectuals in fields of high scholarship, science is frequently
misperceived.  Many see it as only a body of facts, promulgated from
on high in must, unintelligible textbooks, a collection of unchanging
precepts defended with authoritarian vigor.  Others view it as nothing
but a cold, dry narrow, plodding, rule-bound process -- the scientific
method: hidebound, linear, and left brained.

These people are the victims of their own stereotypes.	They are
destined to view the world of science with a set of blinders.  They
know nothing of the tumult, cacophony, rambunctiousness, and
tendentiousness of the actual scientific process, let alone the
creativity, passion, and joy of discovery.  And they are likely to
know little of the continual procession of new insights and discoveries
that every day, in some way, change our view (if not theirs) of the
natural world.
		-- Kendrick Frazier, "The Year in Science:
		   An Overview," in 1988 Yearbook of Science
		   and the Future, Encyclopedia Britannica, Inc.
%%
Two things fill the mind with ever new and increasing wonder and awe --
the starry heavens above me, and the moral law within me.
		-- Immanuel Kant
%%
Two whores are talking on the sidewalk...
W1	[sniffing sounds] I smell dick.
W2	[blushing] Oh, excuse me, I burped.
%%
Two women sitting, waiting for a bus, while discussing their boyfriends;

Women 1: You know, Jim's a really great guy but he has one problem ....
	  he has dandruff, What should I do ?

Women 2: Just give him Head and Shoulders !

The first woman thinks for a while and then says,
			 "How do you give shoulders ?"
%%
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
		-- Kohn
%%
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.  Except in Boston.
%%
Two young men seated in a restaurant were watching a customer busily disposing
of a plate of oysters on the half shell.  One of the young men remarked to his
friend,
	"Did you ever hear that business about raw oysters being
good for a man's virility?"
	"Yes, why?" the friend replied.
	"Well, take it from me, that's a lot of foolishness.  I ate a dozen of
them the other night, and only nine worked."
%%
Two's company, three's the result.
%%
Two's company. Three's a trend.
%%
Tyger, Tyger, burning bright		Where the hammer?  Where the chain?
In the forests of the night,		In what furnace was thy brain?
What immortal hand or eye		What the anvil?  What dread grasp
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?	Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

Burnt in distant deeps or skies When the stars threw down their spears
The cruel fire of thine eyes?		And water'd heaven with their tears
On what wings dare he aspire?		Dare he laugh his work to see?
What the hand dare seize the fire?	Dare he who made the lamb make thee?

And what shoulder & what art		Tyger, Tyger, burning bright
Could twist the sinews of they heart?	In the forests of the night,
And when thy heart began to beat	What immortal hand or eye
What dread hand & what dread feet	Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

Could fetch it from the furnace deep
And in thy horrid ribs dare steep
In the well of sanguine woe?
In what clay & in what mould
Were thy eyes of fury roll'd?
		-- William H. Blake (1757-1827), "The Tyger"
%%
Type <space> to continue.
%%
Type louder, please.
%%
Typesetters always correct intentional errors, but fail to correct
unintentional errors.
		-- Alan Otten
%%
Typesetters do it between periods
%%
Typical user after one hour of using his VAX:
		| | ||| |||  || | ||
		 || |||| || ||| |||
		  ||||||||||||||||
		  ||||||||||||||||
		  ||		||
		  ||  ^      ^	||
     (	 )	 -   (O)    (0)   -	   ( )
    (	   ==== |	 ||	   | ====	)
   (	   ==== |	|  |	   | ====	  )
      (  )	 -     /    \	  -	  (    )
		  |    \o  o/	 |
		  |		 |
		  |		 |
		  |  VVVVVVVVVV  |
		  | |	 ()    | |
		  | | /--||--\ | |
		  |  ^^^^^^^^^^  |
		  \______________/
mAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!!
%%
Typists do it with their fingers.
%%
Typographers rule, OQ
%%
Tyre Shop sign - We Skid You Not.
%%
Tyrone Shoelaces
%%
U e Du Dx, cosine, secant, tangent, sine, 3.14159
%%
U. Stuart Rubble
%%
U.S. money is the worst looking money in the world.
%%
UART what UEAT!
%%
UFO's are real--the Air Force is swamp gas!
%%
UFOs are real, the Air Force dosen't exist.
%%
UNDERWEAR can KILL
%%
UNION:
	A dues-paying club workers wield to strike management.
%%
UNITARIAN:
	A bunch of athiests who really like going to church.
%%
UNIVERSITY:
	Like a software house, except the software's free, and it's
	usable, and it works, and if it breaks they'll quickly tell
	you how to fix it, and...

	[Okay, okay, leave it in, but I think you're destroying
	the credibility of the entire fortune program.	Ed.]
%%
UNIX don't do it.
%%
UNIX enhancements aren't.
%%
UNIX is a Trademark of Bell Laboratories.
%%
UNIX is many things to many people, but it's never been everything to anybody.
%%
UNIX was never designed to keep people from doing stupid things,
because that policy would also keep them from doing clever things.
		-- Doug Gwyn (1 Aug 90)
%%
UNIX will be half a billion (500000000) seconds old on
Tue Nov  5 00:53:20 1985 GMT (measuring since the time(2) epoch).
		-- Andy Tannenbaum
%%
UNIX.  Official operating system of the 1984 Olympic Games.
%%
UNIX:  An operating system only a mother could love.
		-- Paul Beck
%%
UNOBTRUSIVE MEASURES: Experimental techniques of unclear origin having
something to do with work tiles. Observing madam in her bath without
bringing forth screams.
%%
UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE: nothing we had before ever worked this way
%%
UNTOLD WEALTH:
	What you left out on April 15th.
%%
UP	Understand Program
%%
US NEWS & DUNGEON REPORT
10-SEP-78					Late Dungeon Edition

		--- LATE NEWS FLASH!! ---

The endgame is here!  (Somewhere)

		--- BACKGROUND INFORMATION ---

This version of Dungeon for the PDP-11/VAX-11 has been completely
reimplemented in FORTRAN-IV from the original MDL sources created
at MIT.  The parser in this version is somewhat simpler than the
parser in the ARPAnet version;	within this limit, this version
is fully congruent with the current version on the ARPAnet.

If you encounter problems, please report them IN WRITING to:

	Digital Equipment Corporation Users Society (DECUS)
	One Iron Way, MR2-3/E55
	Marlboro, Mass. 01752
	Attention:  Dungeon Maintenance

PHONE CALLS AND IN-PERSON VISITS WILL BE RUDELY REJECTED!
		[CLOSE COVER BEFORE STRIKING BKD]
%%
USER n. A programmer who will believe anything you tell him.  One who
asks questions.  Identified at MIT with "loser" by the spelling
"luser".  See REAL USER.
[Note by GLS: I don't agree with RF's definition at all.
Basically, there are two classes of people who work with a program:
there are implementors (hackers) and users (losers).  The users are
looked down on by hackers to a mild degree because they don't
understand the full ramifications of the system in all its glory.
(A few users who do are known as real winners.)  It is true that
users ask questions (of necessity).  Very often they are annoying
or downright stupid.]
%%
UTSA doesn't agree with me. They're wrong.
		-- William W. Hughes, whughes@lonestar.utsa.edu
%%
UU UU	M   M
U U U	M   M
U   U	M   M
U   U	M   M
U   U	M   M
U   U	 MMM
%%
UUO (you-you-oh) [short for "Un-Used Operation"] n. A DEC-10 system
monitor call.  The term "Un-Used Operation" comes from the fact
that, on DEC-10 systems, monitor calls are implemented as invalid
or illegal machine instructions, which cause traps to the monitor
(see TRAP).  The SAIL manual describing the available UUO's has a
cover picture showing an unidentified underwater object.
[Note: DEC sales people have since decided that "Un-Used Operation"
sounds bad, so UUO now stands for "Unimplemented User Operation".]
Tenex and Twenex systems use the JSYS machine instruction (q.v.),
which is halfway between a legal machine instruction and a UUO,
since KA-10 Tenices implement it as a hardware instruction which
can be used as an ordinary subroutine call (sort of a "pure JSR").
%%
Ubi, O, ubi est meam sub ubi?
		-- Vergil
%%
Udall's Fourth Law:
	Any change or reform you make
	is going to have consequences you don't like.
%%
Ugly Janitors of America
%%
Ugly, hookers tell me "Not on the first date".
%%
Uh oh. Looks like we got a 666 down there - deity on a rampage.
%%
Uh-oh -- I've let the cat out of the bag.
Let me, then, straightforwardly state the thesis I shall now elaborate:
Making variations on a theme is really the crux of creativity.
		-- Douglas R. Hofstadter, "Metamagical Themas"
%%
Uh-oh.	Atarians can't hold a candle to the insecurity of Mac owners.  You
rankled Mac owners who feel the need defend yourself, please do so by flaming
in private.  And don't start something you can't finish.  I'm sure Apple's OS
for the 68000-based Macintoshs will support multitasking just as soon as Jean
Louis-Gasse invents it.  In the meantime, do whatever you need to do to make
sure other systems that have advanced the state of personal computers don't
enter your peripheral vision.  You'll be a lot happier, we'll be a lot happier.
		-- Chuck McManis, cmcmanis@sun.com
%%
Uhland's poetry is like the famous war horse, Bayard; it possesses all
possible virtues and only one fault: it is dead.
		-- Heinrich Heine (1797-1856)
%%
Ultimate Question Research Team
%%
Ultra Short Term Nostalgia:
	Homesickness for the extremely recent past: "Things seemed so
much better in the world last week."
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Umbroglio: what you and your umbrella get into on a rainy day.
%%
Umpire's dessert -- rhubarb pie
		-- Raymond D. Love
%%
Un chasseur sachant chasser chasse sans son chien.
(A hunter who knows how to hunt hunts without his dog.
%%
Un moine au milieu de la messe		A monk in the middle of mass
S'eleva et cria en detresse;		Stood up and cried out in distress;
	"La vie religieuse,			"The religious life
	C'est sale et affreuse,"		Is dirty and horrid,"
Et se poignarda dans les fesses.	And stabbed himself in the ass.
		-- Edward Gorey
%%
Un tien vaut miex que deux tu l'auras.
(A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.)
%%
Unable to dodge your deadly aim, the store manager is pierced completely
through, and collapses forward, lifeless.
%%
Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted!
%%
Unbearably lovely music is heard as the curtain rises, and we see the
woods on a summer afternoon.  A fawn dances on and nibbles at some
leaves.  He drifts lazily through the soft foliage.  Soon he starts
coughing and drops dead.
		-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
%%
Unbidden guests are often welcomest when they are gone.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Unburdened by the rigors of coherent thought.
%%
Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don't let them scare you
unduly, for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity.
		-- R. I. Fitzhenry
%%
Uncle Ed's Rule of Thumb:
	Never use your thumb for a rule.  You'll either hit it with a
	hammer or get a splinter in it.
%%
Uncorrectable ECC error
%%
Under Alabama law, the wearer of a false moustache in church
who causes unseemly laughter is subject to arrest.
%%
Under a government which imprisons any unjustly,
the true place for a just man is also a prison.
		-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
Under any system a few sharpies will beat the rest of us.
		-- Al Goodfather
%%
Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true.
		-- Polish proverb 
%%
Under capitalism, man exploits man.
Under Communism, it's just the opposite.
		-- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Under current practices, both expenditures and revenues rise to meet
each other, no matter which one may be in excess.
		-- Joe Bolton
%%
Under every stone lurks a politician.
		-- Aristophanes
%%
Under heaven thunder rolls:
All things attain the natural state of innocence.
Thus the kings of old,
Rich in virtue, and in harmony with the time,
Fostered and nourished all beings.
%%
Under heaven, wind:
The image of Coming to Meet.
Thus does the prince act when disseminating his commands
And proclaiming them to the four quarters of heaven.
%%
Under no circumstances should you ever include computer jargon
in a business algorithm.
		-- BU260 syllabus
%%
Under the spreading chestnut tree
The village smith he sat,
	Amusing himself
	By abusing himself
And catching the load in his hat.
%%
Under the wide an starry sky,
Dig my grave and let me lie,
Glad did I live and gladly die,
And laid me down with a will,
And this be the verse that you grave for me,
Here he lies where he longed to be,
Home is the sailor home from the sea,
And the hunter home from the hill.
		-- Rudyard Kipling
%%
Under the wide and heavy VAX
Dig my grave and let me relax
Long have I lived, and many my hacks
And I lay me down with a will.
These be the words that tell the way:
"Here he lies who piped 64K,
Brought down the machine for nearly a day,
And Rogue playing to an awful standstill."
%%
Underdogging:
	The tendency to almost invariably side with the underdog in a
given situation. The consumer expression of this trait is the
purchasing of less successful, "sad," or failing products: "I know
these Vienna franks are heart failure on a stick, but they were so sad
looking up against all the other yuppie food items that I just had to
buy them."
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Underneath the pile of leaves is a grating.
%%
Underneath the rug is a closed trap door.
%%
Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.
		-- Oscar Levant
%%
Understanding is always the understanding of a smaller problem
in relation to a bigger problem.
		-- P. D. Ouspensky
%%
Understanding the laws of nature does not mean we are free from obeying
them.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Understanding this operating system is like trying to play Pic-up Sticks with
your butt cheeks.
%%
Undertakers do it with corpses.
%%
Undeserved misfortune.
The cow that was tethered by someone
Is the wanderer's gain, the citizen's loss.
%%
Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable
errors, which by definition are limited.
		-- Tom Gibb
%%
Une joile epousetta a Tours
Voulait de gig-gig tous le jours.
	Mais le mari disait, "Non!
	De trop n'est pas bon!
Mon derriere exige du secours!"
%%
Uneasy sits the butt that bears the boss.
		-- Louis Wu "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
Unemployed?  Hungry?  Eat a foreign car.
		-- Seen on a bumper sticker
%%
Unemployment helps stretch your coffee break.
%%
Uneven economic and political development is an absolute law of
capitalism.
		-- Nicolai Lenin
%%
Unexpected interrupt
%%
Unfair competition: Selling cheaper than we do.
		-- Kelvin Throop III, "The Management Dictionary"
%%
Unfortunately for you, it is nearly 5 pm and I have run out of
pithy things to say.
%%
Unfortunately it is here that hell is located.
%%
Unfortunately, it is impossible to tell directions in here.
%%
Unfortunately, most programmers like to play with new toys.  I have many
friends who, immediately upon buying a snakebite kit, would be tempted to
throw the first person they see to the ground, tie the tourniquet on him,
slash him with the knife, and apply suction to the wound.
		-- Jon Bentley
%%
Unfortunately, the troll can't hear you.
%%
Unfortunately, we've run out of poles.	Therefore, in punishment for
your transgression, we shall deprive you of all your valuables, and
of your life.
%%
Unfortunately, you don't know how to fly.
%%
Unfortunately, you don't seem to be made of asbestos.
%%
Unfortunately, you have managed to destroy it by your reckless
actions.
		BOOOOOOOOOM
%%
Unfortunately, you were holding it at the time.
%%
Unicorns aren't mythical--virgins are!
%%
Unified Field Theory, by Tim Joseph

In the beginning there was Aristotle,
And objects at rest tended to remain at rest,
And objects in motion tended to come to rest,
And soon everything was at rest,
And God saw that it was boring.

Then God created Newton,
And objects at rested tended to remain at rest,
But objects in motion tended to remain in motion,
And energy was conserved and momentum was conserved and matter was conserved,
And God saw that it was conservative.

The God created Einstein,
And everything was relative,
And fast things became short,
And straight things became curved,
And the universe was filled inertial frames,
And God saw that it was relatively general, but some of it was especially relative.

Then God created Bohr,
And there was the principle,
And the principle was quantum,
And all things were quantified,
But some things were still relative,
And God saw that it was confusing.

Then God was going to creat Furgeson,
And Furgeson would have unified,
And he would have fielded a theory,
And all would have been one,
But it was the seventh day,
And God rested,
And objects at rest tend to remain at rest.
%%
Universal Tech Document Units Law:
Characteristics, specifications, dimensions and any other data included
 in technical documents must be stated in exotic units, such as tenth of
 troy once per barn for pressures, or acre times atmosphere per kilogram
 for speeds.
%%
Universal suffrage is the government of a house by its nursery.
		-- Otto von Bismarck
%%
Universities are places of knowledge.  The freshman each bring a little
in with them, and the seniors take none away, so knowledge accumulates.
%%
Universities are storehouses of knowledge.  Freshmen bring little in;
Graduates take none away.  Therefore it accumulates.
%%
Unix and the world Unix with you; VAX and you VAX alone.
%%
Unix is a lot more complicated (than CP/M) of course -- the typical Unix
hacker can never remember what the PRINT command is called this week--but
when it gets right down to it, Unix is a glorified video game.	People
don't do serious work on Unix systems; they send jokes around the
world on USENET or write adventure games and research papers.
		-- E. Post, "Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal",
		   Datamation, 7/83
%%
Unix is the worst operating system; except for all others.
		-- Berry Kercheval
%%
Unix programmers do it with pipes.
%%
Unix will self-destruct in five seconds... 4... 3... 2... 1...
%%
Unix wizards do it with unchecked conversions.
%%
Unix: Some say the learning curve is steep, but you only have to climb
it once.
		-- Karl Lehenbauer, karl@hackercorp.com
%%
Unix: it's a nice place to live, but you wouldn't want to visit there.
		-- someone on usenet
%%
Unkind words do not enhance business confidence.
		-- Mark Epernay
%%
Unknowingly, we plow the dust of stars, blown about us by the wind, and
drink the universe in a glass of rain.
		-- Ihab Hassan
%%
Unknown symbol.
%%
Unless hours were cups of sack, and minutes capons, and clocks the tongues
of bawds, and dials the signs of leaping houses, and the blessed sun himself
a fair, hot wench in flame-colored taffeta, I see no reason why thou shouldst
be so superfluous to demand the time of the day.
I wasted time and now doth time waste me.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Unless the specification states otherwise, we must assume that circuit
delay varies in accordance with changes in supply voltage, ambient
temperature, time, and the Dow Jones index.
		-- J. H. Haynes
%%
Unless you love someone, nothing else makes any sense
		-- E. E. Cummings (1894-1963)
%%
Unless you put your money to work for you -- you work for your money.
		-- Joe Miller
%%
Unlike stupidity, genius has its limits.
%%
Unrecognized faults lead to wasted efforts
		-- Joanot Martorell, "Tirant lo Blanc", 1490
%%
Until his own life is at stake, an officer can never know what is going
on with his own men.
%%
Until people grow up, they have no idea what's cool
%%
Until philosophers are kings ... cities will never cease from ill,
nor the human race.
		-- Plato (428-348? B.C.)
%%
Until the local cop, cherrytop rips this holy night.
%%
Until you start plowing pertinent wives, you really aren't working.
The way to a man's heart is through his wife's belly
and don't you forget it.
		-- Edward Albee
%%
Untold suffering seldom is.
%%
Unwanted Growth

You said you could not give me what I sought.
Your heart "had reasons reason cannot know."
The answer was no more than what I thought.
But still I had to ask you: aye or no.
A time there was when I would silent wait
Until an answer would, unbidden, come.
But then I learned the price, though much too late
Of hiding what I felt, remaining dumb.
We do not choose the turnings of the heart;
I must confess I once stood in your place.
I cannot blame you if you hold apart
For fear of what you might see in my face.
But know one thing.  Whatever may obtain,
I started as your friend - and shall remain.
%%
Unwanted mail? Sell it to the bookshop!
%%
Up against the net, redneck mother,
Mother who has raised your son so well;
He's seventeen and hackin' on a Macintosh,
Flaming spelling errors and raisin' hell...
%%
Up against the wall!!!
%%
Up against the wall, buddy.
%%
Up and at 'em, Atom Ant.
%%
Up with miniskirts!!!
%%
Upload		   : A group of tourists on their way to the
		     observation deck of the Sears Tower.
%%
Upon encountering happiness:

	 Be wary at such times, since most of life's blows
	 fall then.
%%
Upon leaving a hotel bar one evening, an executive noticed a drunk sitting
on the edge of a potted palm in the lobby, crying like a baby.	Because he'd
had a couple himself that night, and was feeling rather sorry for his fellow
man, he asked the inebriated one what the trouble was.
	"I did a terrible thing tonight," sniffled the drunk.  "I sold my
wife to a guy for a bottle of Scotch."
	"That is terrible," said the man, too much under the weather to
muster any real indignation.  "And now that she's gone, you wish you had her
back."
	"Thas right," said the drunk, still sniffling.
	"You're sorry you sold her, because you realize too late that you
love her," sympathized the executive.
	"No, no," said the drunk.  "I wish I had her back because I'm thirsty
again."
%%
Upon the dead waters the last leaf finally sinks
%%
Uppers are no longer stylish, methedrine is almost as rare as pure acid
or DMT.  "Consciousness Expansion" went out with LBJ and it is worth
noting, historically, that downers came in with Nixon.
		-- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
%%
Uppity Women Unite
%%
Uptown - Downtown, no one's fussy I'm a target.
Black, white - day, night - no one's fussy I'm a target.

I know I'm no special, but any part of town,
someone could smile at me then ... shake my hand then ... gun me down.
		-- Joe Jackson - Night and Day
%%
Urban Cowboy; Urbane Cowboy.
%%
Urine: Opposite of you're out.
%%
Urquhart Castle was doomed to dissolve.
%%
Us nature mystics got to stick together.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Usage:	fortune -P [-f] -a [xsz] Q: file [rKe9] -v6[+] file1 ...
%%
Use Computers to Take Over the Word.
%%
Use DEVICE=EXXON to screw up your environment.
%%
Use GOTOs only to implement a fundamental structure.
%%
Use IF...ELSE  IF...ELSE  IF...ELSE... to implement multi-way branches.
%%
Use a bigger stick.
%%
Use a different editor.
%%
Use a larger hammer.
%%
Use a smile.
%%
Use debugging compilers.
%%
Use every man after his deserts, and who shall 'scape whipping.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Use free-form input where possible.
%%
Use it up ... Wear it out.
Make it do ... Or do without.
		-- US World War II Message
%%
Use library functions.
%%
Use no medicine in an illness
Incurred through no fault of your own.
It will pass of itself.
%%
Use only as directed.
%%
Use only in well-ventilated area.
%%
Use other side for additional listings.
%%
Use the Force, Luke.
%%
Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate; and never
where it isn't.
%%
Use unleaded fuel only.
%%
Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds
sang there except those that sang best.
		-- Henry van Dyke
%%
Use your Turn Signals: if I were psychic, I'd have known not to be on
the road with you in the first place.
%%
Useful Farsi phrases for Americans traveling to Iran:

AKBAR KHALI-KILI HAFTIR LOTFAN.
	Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.

FEKR GABUL CARDAN DAVAT PAEH GUSH DIVAR.
	I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down
	on the floor with my arms above my head and my legs apart.

SHOMAEH FEKR TAMOMEH QEH GOFTEH BANDE.
	I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life.
%%
Usefulness is inversely proportional to reputation for being useful.
		-- Daniel S. Greenberg
%%
Useless as windshield wipers on a duck's ass.
%%
User-friendly:	Supplied with a full color manual.

Very user-friendly:  Supplied with an on-disk and audiotape tutorial, so the
		     user needn't bother with the full color manual.

Extremely user-friendly:  Supplied with a mouse so that the user needn't bother
	with the on-disk and audiotape tutorial, the full color manual, or the
	program itself.
%%
Users, losers -- what's the difference?
%%
Ushers do it in the dark.
%%
Using this fantastically, diabolically anti-me language... let them
just stay tuned in.
		-- President George Bush, on his China-policy critics
%%
Usually a person has to go to a bowling alley to find a woman of your
stature.
%%
Usurer:  A money-lender.  He serves you in the present tense;
he tends you in the conditional mood; keeps you in the subjunctive;
and ruins you in the future.
		-- Addison
%%
Utopia has banned neurosis --
Punishes illegal thought.
The people nurse, in static poses,
Neurotic fears of being caught.
%%
VACATION:
	A two-week binge of rest and relaxation so intense that it takes
	another 50 weeks of your restrained workaday life-style to recuperate.
%%
VALGOL (With special thanks to Dan and Betsy 'Moon Unit' Pfau)
From its modest beginnings in southern California's San Fernando
Valley, VALGOL is enjoying a dramatic surge of popularity across the
industry.
VALGOL commands include REALLY, LIKE, WELL, and Y$KNOW.  Variables are
assigned with the =LIKE and =TOTALLY operators.  Other operators
include the 'CALIFORNIA BOOLEANS':  FERSURE and NOWAY.	Repetitions of
code are handled in FOR-SURE loops.  Here is a sample VALGOL program:
		14 LIKE, Y$KNOW (I MEAN) START
		%% IF
		PI A =LIKE BITCHEN AND
		01 B =LIKE TUBULAR AND
		9  C =LIKE GRODY**MAX
		4K (FERSURE)**2
		18 THEN
		4I FOR I=LIKE 1 TO OH MAYBE 100
		86 DO WAH + (DITTY**2)
		9  BARF(I) =TOTALLY GROSS(OUT)
		-17 SURE
		1F LIKE BAG THIS PROGRAM
		?  REALLY
		$$ LIKE TOTALLY (Y*KNOW)

VALGOL is characterized by its unfriendly error messages.  For
example, when the user makes a syntax error, the interpreter displays
the message, GAG ME WITH A SPOON!
%%
VAN OECH'S LAW:
An expert doesn't know more than you do. He is merely better organized and
has slides.
%%
VAX - Long-haired cousins of the buffalo, used as beasts of burden
in Tibet.
%%
VAX AND THE SINGLE GIRL - A relationship with much potential.
%%
VAX ATTACKS	--  Why the VAX never stays up for more than one day.
		   (Hear attack equiv.)
%%
VAX BUILDUP - The result of not using the file delete command
often enough.
%%
VAX FLAX	--  What keeps your VAX together.
%%
VAX POPULI - The users.
%%
VAX-CARS - What GM doesn't make.
%%
VAX-FREE BOND - A special relation with a non-VAX computer on
Wall street.
%%
VAX-MAS - The day the VAX comes in.
%%
VAX-RAY - A high-energy screening to determine whether a user is
qualified to have a VAX I/O station on his floor.
%%
VAX-WAGEN - What everyone jumps on after the VAX is approved.
%%
VAXACHUSETS - DEC country.
%%
VAXCELERATE - To increase productivity by using the VAX.
%%
VAXCENTUATE - To underline the importance of the VAX.
%%
VAXCIDENT - The spilling of coffee on a VAX terminal.
%%
VAXCILLATE - To oscillate between possible ways to administer VAX
training.
%%
VAXCINATION - A "Preventive training" provided to potential users of
the VAX system to prevent software foul-ups other than deliberate.
%%
VAXCINE -  What you're going to need to get your VAX back running.
%%
VAXCINE - An abbreviation for "I have seen the VAX!"
%%
VAXCITEMENT - The state of mind aroused by receiving a new VAX.
%%
VAXCULPATE - To forgive one for spending time on one's GLUTEUS
VAXIMUS thinking of VAXIOMS.
%%
VAXECUTION - The denial to a user of future access to the VAX.
%%
VAXENOPHOBIA - Fear of non-VAX computers.
%%
VAXERCISE - An early morning workout on the VAX.
%%
VAXI! VAXI! - A cry heard and unheeded by cruising VAX personnel
as they go around the corridors, hailed by frantic users-to-be
who desire a high-tech ride on the VAX.
%%
VAXIDERMIST - One who lives by the dictum "You can take the VAX
and stuff it!"
%%
VAXILE		--  Where you'll be if the VAXCINE doesn't work.
%%
VAXIMA - The height of ecstasy reached while computing on the VAX.
Also (archaic): Mother of VAX.
%%
VAXIMUM - Keeping silent to the max about startup of the VAX.
%%
VAXING AND WAILING - VAXing is the successful use of the VAX during
a full moon. Wailing is the less successful alternative during other
lunar phases.
%%
VAXIOM - A true (or VAXUAL) statement. As Jack Webb always
said, "Just give us the VAX, Ma'am."
%%
VAXIS - What the world of computers rotates on.
%%
VAXLE - That to which the wheels of the VAX are attached.
%%
VAXMAN - One who wields a VAX, often the SYSMGR.
%%
VAXONERATED - The honor of DEC.
%%
VAXPIN		--  Opposite of forespin.
%%
VAXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES - The generic excuse used to explain
delays in delivery of the VAX.
%%
VAXTERMINATION - The perennial zapping of mysterious files from
the VAX.
%%
VAXUUM - A computer room without a VAX. Abhorred by nature.
%%
VD:
	The gift that keeps on giving.
%%
VEDI, VENI, VAXI - The victory cry - "I saw, I Conquered, The
VAX came!
%%
VERITAS AETERNA -- DON'T SETQ T.
%%
VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!!
%%
VIRGINIA:
	A group of beautifully mounted hunters galloping behind
	baying hounds in pursuit of a union organizer.
%%
VLSI:  "Getting High On Low Voltage"
%%
VM system programmers do it virtually all the time
%%
VMS lives!
%%
VMS must die!
%%
VMS version 2.0 ==>
%%
VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up.
%%
VOLUNTEER SUBJECT: A college sophomore who, of his or her own free will,
is allowed to choose between participating in an experiment or failing a
course.
%%
VS LBH PNA'G ERNQ GUVF, LBH NER CEBONOYL ABG N PBZCHGVFG.
%%
VU-JADE:
	The feeling that you've *never* been in this situation before.
%%
Vaccinated Time Travel:
	To fantasize about traveling backward in time, but only with
proper vaccinations.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Vacillating people seldom succeed.  They seldom win the solid respect of
their fellow men.  Successful men and women are very careful in reaching
decisions and very persistent and determined in action thereafter.
		-- L. G. Elliott
%%
Vacuum Tube - a derogatory term - see 'bubble memory'.
%%
Vacuum cleaner - A collective noun.
On a Texas restaurant menu - Remember the a` la mode!
%%
Valley girl, she's a valley girl ...
%%
Valuable insights and your persuasive ability achieve results.
%%
Vampires hate garlic.
%%
Van Roy's Law:	Honesty is the best policy  -  there's less
    competition.
%%
Van Roy's Truism: Life is a whole series of circumstances beyond
    your control.
%%
Vance's Rule of 2 1/2:	Any military project will take twice as long as
planned, cost twice as much, and produce only half of what is wanted.
		-- Cyrus Vance
%%
Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.
%%
Variables won't, constants aren't.
		-- Don Osborn
%%
Varicose veins: Veins that are quite close to each other.
%%
Vastly improved review and control will result by promoting the most
productive engineers to management positions.
		-- Richard F. Moore
%%
Vatican Rag!			  Gettin' ecstatic and sorta dramatic
					  Doin' the Vatican Rag!
Get in line in that processional.
Step into that small confessional
Where the man who's got religion'll
Tell you if you sin's original.
If it is try playin' it safer;
Drink the wine and chew the wafer.
Two, four, six, eight,
Time to transubstantiate.
		-- Tom Lehrer
%%
Vault guards always make sure you aren't a shopkeeper.
%%
Vaulting ambition which o'erleaps itself.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Vax Vobiscum
%%
Vaya con Dios,
		-- A common Spanish phrase.  I think.
%%
Ve are lookink for a nuclear-powered wessel!
%%
Veal-fattening Pen:
	Small, cramped office workstation built of fabric-covered
disassemblable wall partitions and inhabited by junior staff members.
named after the small preslaughter vubicles used by the cattle
industry.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Vegetarianism is harmless enough, though it is apt to fill a man with
wind and self-righteousness.
		-- Sir Robert Hutchinson (1871-1960)
%%
Vegetarians beware!  You are what you eat.
%%
Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual
manufactures another individual by accident.
%%
Velleity (vuh-LEE-ity), n. A mere wish, unaccompanied by an effort to
obtain it.
%%
Veni Vidi Visa: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
%%
Veni, vidi, Visa. (We came, we saw, we went shopping.)
		-- Jan Barrett
%%
Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs at one go.
		-- Truman Capote
%%
Venn ist das nurnstuck git und Slotermeyer?
Ja!  Beigerhund das oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
		-- Monty Python
%%
Ventriloquists do it with ther mouths closed.
%%
Venture not to the utmost bounds of even lawful pleasure;
the limits of good and evil join.
		-- Fuller
%%
Venus		Goddess of love 		Female
.No satellites	(Geographic features named for famous or mytho-)
		(logical women				       )
%%
Verb doubling: a standard construction is to double a verb and use it
as a comment on what the implied subject does.	Often used to
terminate a conversation.  Typical examples involve WIN, LOSE,
HACK, FLAME, BARF, CHOMP:
	"The disk heads just crashed."	"Lose, lose."
	"Mostly he just talked about his --- crock.  Flame, flame."
	"Boy, what a bagbiter!	Chomp, chomp!"
%%
Verbosity! Verbosity!
Reflections of pomposity!
My lexicon has possibly
Become a cruel monstrosity!

Verbosity! Verbosity!
It's almost an atrocity
That my labial velocity
Is met with animosity!
		-- "Perfektion"
%%
Verily it is said, there is nobody true revolutionaries hate so much as
the man who hints that paradise might be possible without the revolution.
Or, as Santayana put it:  "fanaticism consists of redoubling your efforts
when you have forgotten your aim".
%%
Version 1.0 - Buggier than Maine in June, eats data.
Version 1.1 - Eats data only occasionally, upgrades free to avoid litigation
	by disgruntled users of Version 1.0.
Version 2.0 - Version originally planned as the first release [except for a
	couple of data-eating bugs that just won't seem to go away], no free
	upgrades or the company would go bankrupt.
Version 3.0 - The revision in the works when the company goes bankrupt.
Now available - Available any day now.
Available soon - Should be out within a year.
Available May 1st - Version 1.0 may ship to dealers August 1st.
%%
Version 1.1 - Eats data only occasionally, upgrades free to avoid litigation
        by disgruntled users of Version 1.0.
%%
Version 2.0 - Version originally planned as the first release [except for a
        couple of data-eating bugs that just won't seem to go away], no free
        upgrades or the company would go bankrupt.
%%
Version 3.0 - The revision in the works when the company goes bankrupt.
%%
Vertical fragmentation is an inescapable part of technological
progress. If we compare the 8085 to the 80386 or a MIPS RISC CPU, we
can hardly expect to transparently preserve our entire intellectual
investment in the 8085 when we move up to new hardware with vastly
greater underlying capability. The bloodshed involved in upgrading is
highly variable. Since computers are in theory general-purpose
information processors, with the appropriate software tools the user
can "mine" old information and use it on new hardware. Nonetheless,
when hardware advances become revolutionary enough we eventually have
to throw out some of our old standards. In this case we face a clear
trade between the cost of junking our investment in our earlier ways
of doing things vs. foregoing the potential benefits of new and better
hardware. The bigger the previous investment, the bigger the benefits
of upgrading have to be before vertical fragmentation is justifiable.
		-- Dan Mocsny (dmocsny@uceng.uc.edu)
%%
Very few things actually get manufactured these days, because in an
infinitely large Universe, such as the one in which we live, most things one
could possibly imagine, and a lot of things one would rather not, grow
somewhere.  A forest was discovered recently in which most of the trees grew
ratchet screwdrivers as fruit.	The life cycle of the ratchet screwdriver is
quite interesting.  Once picked it needs a dark dusty drawer in which it can
lie undisturbed for years.  Then one night it suddenly hatches, discards its
outer skin that crumbles into dust, and emerges as a totally unidentifiable
little metal object with flanges at both ends and a sort of ridge and a hole
for a screw.  This, when found, will get thrown away.  No one knows what the
screwdriver is supposed to gain from this.  Nature, in her infinite wisdom, is
presumably working on it.
%%
Very good.  Now you can go to the second grade.
%%
Very large doses of radiation could release power hidden in your dormant genes.
%%
Very soon ... And in pleasant company.
%%
Very user-friendly - Supplied with an on-disk and audiotape tutorial, so the
        user needn't bother with the full color manual.
%%
Vests are to suits as seat-belts are to cars.
%%
Veterinarians drive like animals.
%%
Vice repeated like the wandering wind, blows dust in others' eyes.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Vice stings us even in our pleasures, but virtue consoles us,
even in our pains.
		-- Colton
%%
Victims of Circumstance
%%
Victory finds a hundred fathers, but failure is an orphan.
%%
Victory goes to the candidate with the most accumulated or contributed
wealth who has the financial sources to convince the middle class and
poor that he will be on their side.
		-- Mark B. Cohen
%%
Victory uber allies!
%%
Videotex	   : The largest commercial purveyor of VCRs and
		     televisions in Dallas.
%%
Vidi, vici, veni!
		-- Don Juan
%%
Vidi, vici, veni.
(I saw, I conquered, I came.)
%%
Vietnam.
		-- Spiro T. Agnew
%%
Vigilia pretium libertatis.
(Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.)
%%
Vila: "This is stupid."
Avon: "When did that ever stop us?"
%%
Villian, thou know'st no law of God or man;
No beast so fierce, but knows some touch of pity.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Vini, Vidi, Hacki
(I came, I saw, I hacked)
%%
Vini, vidi, vici [I came, I saw, I conquered].
		-- Gaius Julius Caesar (100-44 B.C.)
%%
Violence always settles everything
%%
Violence is a sword that has no handle -- you have to hold the blade.
%%
Violence is molding.
%%
Violence is the last word of the illiterate.
Also the first.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Violence never settles anything.
		-- Genghis Khan (1162-1227)
%%
Violence on television only affects children whose parents act
like television personalities.
%%
Violent Femmes
%%
Violinists can stick it under their chin.
%%
Violinists do it with long strokes.
%%
Virgin Runway:
	A travel destination chosen in the hopes that no one else has
chosen it.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Virgin, n.:
	An ugly third grader.
%%
Virginia prohibits that any person willfully and negligently
permit any unhaltered horse of the age of more than one year
to accompany him into any place of public worship.
%%
Virginity can be cured.
%%
Virginity can be lost by a thought.
		-- St. Jerome (340?-420)
%%
Virginity has it's own rewards - loneliness.
%%
Virginity is a bubble on the sea of life,
which takes but one prick to break.
		-- Jordan Sand
%%
Virgo (Aug 22 - Sept 22) : Ingrid Bergman, Greta Garbo, B. B. King, Bob
Newhart, Twiggy, Meryl Streep, George Montgomery, Yvonne DeCarlo
%%
Virtual is its own reward.
%%
Virtue does not always demand a heavy sacrifice --
only the willingness to make it when necessary.
		-- Frederick Dunn
%%
Virtue is its own revenge.
		-- E. Y. Harburg
%%
Virtue is not left to stand alone.
He who practices it will have neighbors.
		-- Confucius
%%
Virtue itself often offends when coupled with bad manners.
		-- Middleton
%%
Virtue would go far if vanity did not keep it company.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Visas erat: huic geminarum
Dispar modus testicularum:
	Minor haec nihili,
	Palma triplici,
Jam fecerat altera clarum.
%%
Vision without work is daydreaming.
Work without vision is drudgery.
Vision and work together is success.
%%
Visit Scenic Gyronchi
%%
Visit beautiful Vergas Minnesota.
%%
Visit beautiful Wisconsin Dells.
%%
Visit your mother today.  Maybe she hasn't had any problems lately.
%%
Visitors are requested not to apply genocide to shopkeepers.
%%
Vivian Smith-Smythe-Smith - he's an accrediter guard and can count up to
			    four.
Simon Zinc-Trumpet Harris - he's an old Italian and married to a very
			    attractive table lamp.
Nigel Incubator Jones - his best friend is a tree and in his spare time
			he's a stockbroker.
Germaise Brooke-Hamster - he's in the wine trade and his father uses
			  him as a wastepaper basket.
Oliver Singin-Mollusk - another old Italian, his father was in the
			cabinet and his mother won the Darby and he is
			considered by many to be this year's
			outstanding twit.
%%
Vladimir Nabokov was a writer who cared nothing for music and whose favorite
sport was the pursuit, capture, and murder of butterflies. This explains many
things; for example, the fact that Nabokov's novels, for all their elegance
and wit, resemble nothing so much as butterflies pinned to a board: pretty but
dead; symmetrical but stiff.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Vodka is the best way to cook potatoes.
You get all the flavor of the potato and don't even have to
put in your false teeth.
		-- Albert Engstrom
%%
Voiceless it cries,
Wingless flutters,
Toothless bites,
Mouthless mutters.
%%
Void where prohibited or taxed.
%%
Volcano -- a mountain with hiccups.
%%
Volcanos have a grandeur that is grim
And earthquakes only terrify the dolts,
	And to him who's scientific
	There is nothing that's terrific
In the pattern of a flight of thunderbolts!
		-- William S. Gilbert (1836-1911), "The Mikado"
%%
Volley Theory:
	It is better to have lobbed and lost than never to have lobbed at all.
%%
Volume is a defense to error.
		-- Richard A. Leahy
%%
Voluntary retreat brings good fortune to the superior man
And downfall to the inferior man.
%%
Voodoo Programming: Things programmers do that they know shouldn't work
but they try anyway, and which sometimes actually work, such as
recompiling everything.
		-- Karl Lehenbauer, karl@hackercorp.com
%%
Vote as an individual; lemmings end up falling off cliffs.
Camaraderie is no substitute for common sense, and being your own man
will make you sleep better.
		-- Pierre S. du Pont
%%
Vote early and vote often.
		-- Anonymous, on US election banners, 1850's
%%
Voter's Block:
	The attempt, however futile, to register dissent with the
current political system by simply not voting.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Voters do not decide issues. They decide *who* will decide issues.
		-- George F. Will, in "Newsweek", 1976
%%
Voters quickly forget what a man says.
		-- Richard Nixon
%%
Voting is the least arduous of a citizen's duties.  He has the prior and
harder duty of making up his mind.
		-- Ralph Barton Perry
%%
Votre bateau arriverez.
%%
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir ?
%%
Vox populi, vox humbug.
		-- William Tecumseh Sherman (1820-1891)
%%
Vuilleumier's Fifth Law:
Prototype npn blackboxes actually hold pnp transistors, and vice-versa.
%%
Vuilleumier's First Law:
Any pre-cut equipment is too short. This is specially true of optic fiber
 cables with expensive connectors at both ends.
%%
Vuilleumier's Fourth Law:
When proteup first, thankfully leaving the fuses intact.
%%
Vuilleumier's Second Law:
If n electronic components are required, n-1 are available.
%%
Vuilleumier's Seventh Law:
When the prototype has been fully assembled according to lab instructions,
 a minimum of 11 components are left.
%%
Vuilleumier's Sixth Law:
A quartz oscillator oscillates at a frequency off the rated one by a minimum
 of 25% if it does oscillate at all.
%%
Vuilleumier's Third Law (also known as Selective Gravitational Field):
Any tool escaping manipulator's hands will not necessarily follow Earth's
 gravitational field, but will land in the most unreachable location in
 the prototype, smashing on its way the most expensive component of the
 prototype.
 This will know only one exception if the tool is particularly heavy, in
 which case it will land on the manipulator's foot.
%%
Vuja de... That feeling that you've never been here before.
%%
Vulcans have less fun.
%%
Vultures only fly with carrion luggage.
%%
W. C. Fields is alive and drunk in Philadelphia.
%%
W/M, 35, offers French lessons for ladies.
If you desire fluency in the French tongue,
this cunning linguist can lick your problem.
Fortune P.O. Box 478.
%%
W:  "What are you doing home?"
M:  "I was fired."
W:  "Fired?  But you've been working at that pickle factory for twenty
    years!  How did you get fired?"
M:  "I stuck my dick in the pickle slicer."
   Horrified, the woman runs to him, pulls down his pants, and
inspects the equipment.
W: (bewildered) "But there's nothing wrong here -- what happened to
   the pickle slicer?"
M: "They fired her too."
%%
WAIN'S CONCLUSION:
He who gets too big for his britches gets exposed in the end.
%%
WAITER! there's soup in my fly!
%%
WAITRESSES serve it piping hot.
%%
WALT DISNEY IS NOT DEAD!
He's in suspended animation.
%%
WALTON'S LAW:
A fool and his money are soon elected.
%%
WARNING ... drinking tap water can kill your thirst!
%%
WARNING from H.M. Govt:  Quaffing may be dangerous to your health.
%%
WARNING!!!
This machine is subject to breakdowns during periods of critical need.

A special circuit in the machine called "critical detector" senses the
operator's emotional state in terms of how desperate he/she is to use the
machine.  The "critical detector" then creates a malfunction proportional
to the desperation of the operator.  Threatening the machine with violence
only aggravates the situation.	Likewise, attempts to use another machine
may cause it to malfunction.  They belong to the same union.  Keep cool and
say nice things to the machine.  Nothing else seems to work.

See also: flog(1), tm(1)
%%
WARNING:  TESTS HAVE SHOWN THAT THE FOLLOWING JOKE IS ONLY EFFECTIVE
IF TOLD ORALLY.  THEREFORE, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO LAUGH AT IT
YOURSELF--SNIP IT OUT, MEMORIZE IT, AND TELL IT TO SOMEBODY ELSE IN
REAL LIFE.

At a banquet of the American Nosoapers Convention, a man is astonished
to see the man next to him dip his hands in mayonnaise and run them
through his hair.  "Why on earth did you do that?" he asked.  The
other man looks at him.  Suddenly, a wave of realization passes over
his face.  "Oh, I'm so sorry," he said.  "I thought it was spinach!"
%%
WARNING: my messages are offensive to morons!
%%
WARP 6 A Law We Can Live With
%%
WARSH: to clean with water.  "Go warsh yur hands!"
		-- Texan Dictionary
%%
WASP:
	Someone who gets out of the shower to take a piss.
%%
WATER SKIERS come down harder.
%%
WATERBOTTLE SOCCER n. A deadly sport practiced mainly by Sussman's
graduate students.  It, along with chair bowling, is the most
evident manifestation of the "locker room atmosphere" said to
reign in that sphere.  (Sussman doesn't approve.)  [As of 11/82,
it's reported that the sport has given way to a new game called
"disc-boot", and Sussman even participates occasionally.]
%%
WE HAVE A TIE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!
%%
WE'RE GOING TO THROW THE MX AWAY AFTER WE BUILD IT.  The MX is really
[Don't tell anybody!] just a "bargaining chip" in the nuclear-arms-
reduction talks with the Russians.  See, we have a problem with the
Russians.  They look at our leaders and they see, for example, George
Bush, who is really a fine and brave man but who happens to have this
unfortunate physical characteristic whereby when he talks he sounds as
though he just inhaled a helium party balloon.	If he ever becomes
President, the Russians will deliberately create nuclear crises just so
they can gather around the Hot Line with refreshments and listen to
George talk.
		-- Dave Barry, "At Last, the Ultimate Deterrent Against
		   Political Fallout"
%%
WE'VE GOT YOU NOW!!  This fortune was poisoned.  If a second your eyes will
start gniyalp t#r*i%c"k!s oN uoy.
%%
WE:
	The single most important word in the world.
%%
WEAPON:
	An index of the lack of development of a culture.
%%
WELCOME TO LOS ANGELES NOW GO HOME
%%
WELDERS have hotter rods.
%%
WELFARE
	You're too incompetent to work for a living.  [We'll let you
	leach off those who do earn a living.]
		-- George L Roman, george@sgi.com
%%
WELL-ADJUSTED:
	The ability to play bridge or golf as if they were games.
%%
WET DREAM:
	Overnight sensation.
%%
WHAT DO ETHIOPIANS USE FOR BUNK BEDS ?
VENETIAN BLNDS
%%
WHAT DO MIDGETS USE FOR BIRTH CONTROL ?????
condominiums
%%
WHAT DO YOU CALL AN ETHIOPIAN IN A DINNER JACKET?
OPTIMIST
%%
WHAT DO YOU CALL AN ETHIOPIAN WALKING 2  DOGS?
A CATERER
%%
WHAT DO YOU CALL AN ETHIOPIAN WALKING A DOG ?
A VEGETARIAN
%%
WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS????????????????????????
MELT THEM DOWN ...MOLD THEM INTO A TIRE..AND CALL IT A GOOD YEAR !!
%%
WHATS THE FASTEST LAND ANIMAL IN ETHIOPIA ?
A CHICKEN
%%
WHITEHEAD'S RULE:
Seek simplicity, and distrust it.
%%
WHO IS THE PATRON SAINT OF ETHIOPIA?
KAREN CARPENTER
%%
WHY CUCUMBERS ARE BETTER THAN MEN:

The average cucumber is at least six inches long.
A cucumber won't tell you that size doesn't count.
A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety.
A cucumber will never leave you for another woman.
Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
Cucumbers don't get TOO excited.
Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
It's easy to drop a cucumber.
No matter how old you are, you can always get a fresh cucumber.
With a cucumber, you never have to say you're sorry.
You always know where your cucumber has been.
Cucumbers don't leave you wondering for a month.
You can eat a cucumber when YOU feel like it.
A cucumber doesn't care if you're a virgin.
No matter how you slice it, you can have your cucumber and it it too.
%%
WISDOM:    "Travelling unarmed is like boating without a life jacket"
%%
WOLF:
	A man who knows all the ankles.
%%
WOMAN.ZIP... Great program but no documentation.
%%
WOMAN:	    "Is Yoo-Hoo hyphenated?"
YOGI BERRA: "No, ma'am, its not even carbonated."
%%
WOMEN: Weird Obnoxious Male Enticing Nymphs
%%
WOODSIDE'S GROCERY PRINCIPLE:
The bag that breaks has the eggs.
%%
WOOF: doglike animal.  "Who's afraid of the big bad woof?"
		-- Texan Dictionary
%%
WORK:
	The blessed respite from screaming kids
	and soap operas for which you actually get paid.
%%
WRAB Programming:
   "KEY GRIP (1 hr -- Drama) Part three of Patrick
    McGoohan's `John Drake' Trilogy.  Series
    security prohibits any information release
    prior to broadcast.  (Emph: the struggle for
    individualism)."
		-- From Matt Howarth's WRAB: PIRATE TELEVISION, which you
		   should buy immediately
%%
WRAB Programming:
   "THE CHURCH OF GODZILLA (1/2 hr -- religion)
    Instruction in the eager belief of getting
    one's way all the time.  John Madden as
    Godzilla.  (Emph: narrow-mindedness)."
		-- From Matt Howarth's WRAB: PIRATE TELEVISION, which you
		   should buy immediately
%%
WRESTLERS know the best holds.
%%
WRITERS have novel ways.
%%
WRONG!
%%
WUNST: at one time.  "Ah used ta node her wunst!"
		-- Texan Dictionary
%%
WW I GIs did it over there.
%%
WWhhaatt   ddooeess   dduupplleexx    mmeeaann??
%%
WYSIWYG:
	What You See Is What You Get.
%%
WYSZOWSKY'S SECOND LAW:
	No experiment is reproduceable.
%%
WYTYSYDG-What you thought you saw, you didn't get.
%%
Waco means the government can kill anyone
it doesn't like and get a 94% approval rating.
		-- Jeff Chan, chan@shell.portal.com
%%
Wad some power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as others see us.
		-- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
Wagner did it for hours.
%%
Wah! Devil machine make numbers come out! With text!
In tabular report format!  Computers! Bad juju!
%%
Wait and hope.
		-- A White House official, describing the president's
		   economic plan, November 1990.  On the backup plan:
		   ``There isn't one.''
%%
Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.
		-- Pericles
%%
Waiters and waitresses do it for tips.
%%
Waiting at meat and drink.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
%%
Waiting for the winds of change to sweep the clouds away.
Waiting for the rainbow's end to cast its gold your way.
Countless ways, you pass the days.

Waiting for someone to come and turn your world around.
Looking for an answer to the questions you have found.
Looking for an open door.

Well, you don't get something for nothing.
You can't have freedom for free.
You won't get wise with the sleep still in your eyes,
No matter what your dream might be.
		-- Neil Peart, Rush
%%
Waiting in blood.
Get out of the pit.
%%
Waiting in the meadow.
It furthers one to abide in what endures.
No blame.
%%
Waiting in the mud
Brings about the arrival of the enemy.
%%
Waiting on the sand.
There is some gossip.
The end brings good fortune.
%%
Waiting. If you are sincere,
You have light and success.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
It furthers one to cross the great water.
%%
Wake up all you citizens, hear your country's call,
Not to arms and violence, But peace for one and all.
Crush out hate and prejudice, fear and greed and sin,
Help bring back her dignity, restore her faith again.

Work hard for a common cause, don't let our country fall.
Make her proud and strong again, democracy for all.
Yes, make our country strong again, keep our flag unfurled.
Make our country well again, respected by the world.

Make her whole and beautiful, work from sun to sun.
Stand tall and labor side by side, because there's so much to be done.
Yes, make her whole and beautiful, united strong and free,
Wake up, all you citizens, It's up to you and me.
		-- Pansy Myers Schroeder
%%
Wake up and smell the coffee.
		-- Ann Landers
%%
Wake up to a brand new day to find your dreams have washed away.
%%
Wake up, America.
		-- Augustus P. Gardner
%%
Waking a person unnecessarily should not be considered a capital crime.
For a first offense, that is.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Walk at a fast pace when out of the office -- this keeps questions from
subordinates and superiors at a minimum.
%%
Walk softly and carry a big stick.
		-- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
Walking in the midst of others,
One returns alone.
%%
Walking on water wasn't built in a day.
		-- Jack Kerouac
%%
Walls are visible at the extremes of your vision to south and west.
There is a small entranceway in the south wall.
%%
Walt:	     Dad, what's gradual school?
Garp:	     Gradual school?
Walt:	     Yeah.  Mom says her work's more fun now that she's teaching
	gradual school.
Garp:	     Oh.  Well, gradual school is someplace you go and gradually
	find out that you don't want to go to school anymore.
		-- The World According To Garp
%%
Walter Shandy attributed most of his son's misfortunes to the fact that
at a highly critical moment his wife had asked him if he had wound the
clock, a question so irrelevant that he despaired of the child's ever
being able to pursue a logical train of thought.
		-- Lawrence Sterne
%%
Walters' Rule:
	All airline flights depart from the gates most distant from
	the center of the terminal.
	Nobody ever had a reservation on a plane that left Gate 1.
%%
Wandering punster
%%
Wanders over the meadow all day long,
With a nice little tongue but cannot speak,
And goes to the water, but cannot drink.
 A cowbell
%%
Wanna buy a duck?
%%
Wanna flirt with disaster? Become a SysOp!
%%
Wanna fly? Eat a bat.
%%
Want a BABY RUTH candy bar - you know - the one they named after the
famous slugger? Well it's not so. BABY RUTH was actually named after the
oldest daughter of President Grover Cleveland.
%%
Want a LAUGH run a spell check on DSZ docs.
%%
Want a jelly baby?
%%
Want a stupid answer? Ask me anything!
%%
Want a thing long enough, and you don't.
%%
Want of prudence is too frequently the want of virtue; nor is there on
earth a more powerful advocate for vice than poverty?
		-- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
Want some candy little girl?
%%
Want to know the meaning of life? Just call Griswoldo, your friendly
neighborhood guru. Dial (818) 902-9544 for an appointment today.
Master Charge, Visa and American Express accepted.
%%
Wanted - Man to wash dishes and two waitresses.
%%
Wanted: Volcano.  Average size.  Must be active.
%%
Wanting to convert to the Catholic faith, Sam Goldstein was allowed to
join the Church under the condition that he would, henceforth, obey all
the laws governing the Catholicism.

"Remember," warned the priest, "you also are not allowed to eat meat on
Fridays."

"Yes, Father, I'll remember," Sammy promised as he left his last
class.

The Father, concerned about his new convert, decided to drop in on Sam
that next Friday to see how he was doing.  After being admitted into
the house, he was shocked to see Sam eating a huge steak.

"What is this?	Did you forget your promise?  This is Friday.  You're
suppose abstain from eating meat on Fridays.  What do you have to say
for yourself?" the priest asked imperiously.

"Meat?	Who's eating meat?" asked Sam blandly.	"This is gefilte
fish."

"You must take me for a fool!" snapped the outraged priest.  "How can
anyone make fish out of meat?"

"The same way the Church makes a Catholic out of a Jew," answered the
convert smoothly.  "I sprinkled holy water on it."
%%
War News: Sadam's army blown away by Thai hookers.
%%
War alone brings up to its highest tension all human energy and puts the
stamp of nobility upon the peoples who have the courage to face it.
		-- Benito Mussolini (1883-1945)
%%
War destroys mem, but luxury mankind
At once corrupts the body and the mind.
		-- Crown
%%
War does not determine who is right... it only determines who is left!
		-- "Iolo"
%%
War is an equal opportunity destroyer.
%%
War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and
degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that Nothing is
worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing
to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a
miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so
by the exertions of better men than himself.
		-- John Stuart Mill
%%
War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it.
		-- Desiderius Erasmus (1465-1536)
%%
War is its own punishment.
%%
War is menstruation envy.
%%
War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.
		-- Georges Clemenceau (1841-1929)
%%
War is much too serious to be left to the generals.
		-- Georges Clemenceau (1841-1929)
%%
War is peace,
Freedom is slavery,
Ignorance is strength.
		-- George Orwell (1903-1950), "1984"
%%
War may be Hell... but it's good for business.
		-- The Association for Merchants, Manufacturers, and Morticians
%%
War spares not the brave, but the cowardly.
		-- Anacreon
%%
War will cease when men refuse to fight.
		-- Fridtjof Hansen
%%
War: First day in the U.S. Army, the government placed a Bible in my left
hand, a bayonet in the other.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
War? The one war I'd be happy to join is the war against officers.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Ward, I'm worried about the Beaver.
%%
Warning to Lawyers:  Beware of and eschew pompous prolixity.
		-- Charles A. Beardsley
%%
Warning:  This person reads fantasy and is and avid denier of reality
%%
Warning:  Whimsical when bored
%%
Warning: Due to the robot shortage, some of our bartenders
are human and will react unpredictably when insulted.
%%
Warning: ECC error count high
%%
Warning: I brake for hallucinations.
%%
Warning: Politicians can damage your wealth.
%%
Warning: Trespassers will be shot.
Survivors will be shot again.
%%
Warning:
This room was constructed over very weak rock strata.  Detonation
of explosives in this room is strictly prohibited!
			FROBOZZ Magic Safe Company
		!!!! FROBOZZ Magic Balloon Company !!!!

Hello, aviator!

Instructions for use:

To get into the balloon, say 'BOARD'
To leave the balloon, say 'DISEMBARK'
To land, say 'LAND'

Warranty:

No warranty is expressed or implied.  You're on your own, sport.

Good luck!
%%
Warp Five Mr. Sulu!
%%
Warranty - An unconditional guarantee that the program purchased is actually
	included on the disk in the box.
%%
Warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.
%%
Wars are caused by undefended wealth.
		-- General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964)
%%
Wars frequently begin ten years before the first shot is fired.
		-- K. K. V. Casey (1877-?)
%%
Was it as good for you, as it was for me?
%%
Was that your wife I saw in that GIF.
%%
Was there a time when dancers with their fiddles
In children's circuses could stay their troubles?
There was a time they could cry over books,
But time has set its maggot on their track.
Under the arc of the sky they are unsafe.
What's never known is safest in this life.
Under the skysigns they who have no arms
Have cleanest hands, and, as the heartless ghost
Alone's unhurt, so the blind man sees best.
		-- Dylan Thomas (1914-1953), "Was There A Time"
%%
Was today really Necessary?
%%
Was you ever bit by a dead bee?
%%
Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.
		-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
Washington is a much better place if you are asking questions rather
than answering them.
		-- John Dean
%%
Washington, D.C., law states that no one shall engage in a
pugilistic encounter with a bull.
%%
Wasn't he a sailor?
%%
Wasn't he an Indian?
%%
Wasn't there something about a PASCAL
programmer knowing the value of everything and the Wirth of nothing?
%%
Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.
		-- Euripides
%%
Waste your brain, wax your board, and pray for waves!
%%
Watch all-night Donna Reed reruns until your mind resembles oatmeal.
%%
Watch it!
%%
Watch less TV.
%%
Watch out for cold wave this week.  (Or maybe a warm WAC.)
%%
Watch out for falling cornice stones today.
%%
Watch out for formal briefings, they often produce an avalanche.
(Definition: A high-level snow job of massive and overwhelming
proportions.
		-- Amrom Katz
%%
Watch out for off-by-one errors.
%%
Watch out for the old mortar in the rocks in the fourteenth hole trick.
%%
Watch out where them huskies go, don't you eat that yellow snow.
		-- Frank Zappa
%%
Watch out!  I'm striking a significant Kirby pose!
%%
Watch the sun come up, breathe fresh air, exercise your body, become a
garbage collector!
%%
Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what
they lack.
		-- Harry Emerson Fosdick
%%
Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often 
discover what they lack.
		-- Gen. George S. Patton
%%
Watch your mouth, kid, or you'll find yourself floating home.
		-- Han Solo
%%
Watch your step! You are beginning to act competent.
%%
Watch your steps on staircases.
%%
Watches are a confidence trick invented by the Swiss.
		-- Chiun
%%
Watching television, you'd think we lived at bay, surrounded on all
sides by human-seeking germs.  We are instructed to spray disinfectant
everywhere, into the air of our bedrooms and kitchens and with special
energy into bathrooms. In real life, however, disease occurs so
infrequently that it has a freakish aspect.
		-- Lewis Thomas
%%
Watchman: Small TV, many channel available
Crotchman: Only shows porno movies
Splotchman: Movies about the blob
Skotchman: 3M Product Bulletins
Gotchaman: IBM Computer virus news
Kochman:  Speeches from the mayor of New York
Lochman: Hunters of Nessie (the monster...)
Machman: USAF News
Notchman: Social Security whiners
Poachman: 1001 ways to cook an egg
Quicheman: For wimps only
Roachman: Stories about exterminators
Touchman: Pickpocket news
Ouchman: Sado-masochism
Pouchman: Kangaroo trivia & veterinary
Zatchman: Dr. Seuss Channel
%%
Water + Malt + Hops + Yeast = Satisfaction
%%
Water balloons?  Okay, I guess, for the unimaginative.	Try Jell-o
balloons.  The results can be highly comical...
%%
Water flows on uninterruptedly and reaches it goal:
The image of the Abysmal repeated.
Thus the superior man walks in lasting virtue
And carries on the business of teaching.
%%
Water is composed of oxygin ahd hydrogin.  Oxygin is pure, but hydrogin
is gin and water.
%%
Water on the mountain:
The image of Obstruction.
Thus the superior man turns his attention to himself
And molds his character.
%%
Water over Lake: the image of Limitation.
Thus the superior man
Creates numbers and measure,
And examines the nature of virtue and correct conduct.
%%
Water over fire: the image of the condition
In After Completion.
Thus the superior man
Takes thoughts of misfortune
And arms himself against it in advance.
%%
Water over wood: the image of The Well.
Thus the superior man encourages the people at their work,
And exhorts them to help one another.
%%
Wave to your neighbor, Word to your mother.
%%
Wave upon wave of demented avengers march cheerfully out of obscurity
and into the dream.
%%
Wavering flight over the depths.
No blame.
%%
Waving a # #.
%%
We ... repeatedly enlarge our instrumentalities without improving our
purpose.
		-- Will Durant
%%
We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is
second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little
scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds
if we felt like it.
		-- Stay Fit & Healthy Until You're Dead - Dave Barry
%%
We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life,
when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be
enthusiastic about.
		-- Charles Kingsley
%%
We advocate the repeal of the Eighteenth Amendment.  We urge the
enactment of such measures by the several states as will actually
promote temperance, effectively prevent the return of the saloon and
bring the liquor traffic into the open under complete supervision and
control by the states.
		-- Democratic National Platform, 1932
%%
We all declare for liberty,
but in using the same word we do not all mean the same thing.
		-- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
We all dream of being the darling of everybody's darling.
%%
We all know that art is not truth.  Art is the lie that makes us realize
truth -- at least the truth that is given us to understand.
		-- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
%%
We all know that no one understands anything that isn't funny.
%%
We all laughed when a fellow named Ollie
Once swore he would screw a young dolly.
	"For twelve hours, I'll engage'er,"
	And he laid down his wager.
We all laughed, but he did it, by golly.	<Last laugh>
%%
We all like praise, but a hike in our pay is the best kind of ways.
%%
We all live in a mellow subroutine.
%%
We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.
		-- Decimus Junius Juvenalis
%%
We all live in a yellow submarine.
%%
We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon.
		-- Dr. Konrad Adenauer
%%
We also need to assure that women don't have to worry about getting
their jobs back after having a child.
		-- George Bush, campaigning in 1988.  Later, a
		   spokesman said that parents who cannot get unpaid
		   leave ``should look for other jobs''.
		   Now Bush opposes the legislation Congress has passed
		   to accomplish this, while blaming Congress for the
		   inaction of his administration
%%
We always get bored with those whom we bore.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
We always love those who admire us;
we do not always love those whom we admire.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
We always might win ... because the others might lose.
%%
We always remember best the irrelevant.
%%
We are agreed. Now, who bells the cat?
%%
We are all ONE, say the gurus. Aye, I might agree--but one WHAT?
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
We are all afraid -- for our confidence, for the future, for the world.
That is the nature of the human imagination.  Yet every man, every
civilization, has gone forward because of its engagement with what it
has set itself to do.
		-- Jacob Bronowski
%%
We are all agreed that your theory is crazy.  The question which
divides us is whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being
correct.  My own feeling is that it is not crazy enough.
		-- Niels Bohr (1885-1962) to Albert Einstein
%%
We are all apt to believe what the world believes about us.
		-- George Eliot
%%
We are all born equal... just some of us are more equal than others.
%%
We are all descendents of Adam and we are all products of racial
miscegenation.
		-- Lester B. Pearson
%%
We are all dying -- and we're gonna be dead for a long time.
%%
We are all omnibuses in which our ancestors ride, and every now and then
one of them stickes his head out and embarrasses us.
		-- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
%%
We are all ready to be savage in some cause.  The difference between a
good man and a bad one is the choice of the cause.
		-- William James
%%
We are all self-made, but only the rich will admit it.
%%
We are all so much together and yet we are all dying of loneliness.
		-- Albert Schweitzer
%%
We are all worms.  But I do believe I am a glowworm.
		-- Sir Winston S. Churchill
%%
We are always the same age inside.
%%
We are anthill men upon an anthill world.
		-- Ray Bradbury
%%
We are born believing.	A man bears beliefs, as a tree bears beauty.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
We are bound to our bodies like an oyster is to its shell.
		-- Plato (428-348? B.C.)
%%
We are citizens of the world: and the tragedy of our times is that we do
not know this.
		-- Woodrow Wilson
%%
We are convinced that ... foreign capital will fulfill the role that
Marx predicted for it ... with every additional shovel of coal, with
every additional load of oil that we in Russia obtain through the help
of foreign technique, capital will be digging its own grave.
		-- L. B. Kamanev
%%
We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going, and then
go with the drove.
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
We are experiencing system trouble -- do not adjust your terminal.
%%
We are experiencing technical difficulties, please do not adjust your set. We
will attempt to return to our regularly scheduled program as soon as possible.
%%
We are gathered here to pay tribute to out lord and money unto me.
%%
We are getting into semantics again.  If we use words, there is
a lot of relatives on the train for home.
%%
We are giving instruction to FBI agents in the various Chinese
dialects ... to handle present and likely future contingencies.
		-- J. Edgar Hoover (1895-1972)
%%
We are having qdaemon problems, would like to reboot.
%%
We are hopelessly enchanted.  Blame it on the angels.
Blame it on our wild hearts!
%%
We are learning how to make our election results known quicker and
quicker.  It is our campaigns we are having trouble getting any shorter.
%%
We are locked into a system of "fouling our own nest," so long as we
behave as independent, rational free-enterprisers.
		-- Garrett Hardin
%%
We are making a survey - We need more time to make up an answer
		-- Glossary of important business terms
%%
We are more easily led part by part to an understanding of the whole.
		-- Seneca
%%
We are more heavily taxed by our idleness, pride and folly than we are
taxed by government.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
We are moving to Vax 19.
They say its a mean machine.
We are moving tonight,
So I hope its alright.
If we run it remains to be seen!
%%
We are ne'er like angels 'till out passion dies.
		-- Dekker
%%
We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves.
		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
We are not a clone.
%%
We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.
		-- John Fisher
%%
We are not abandoning our convictions, our philosophy or traditions,
nor do we urge anyone to abandon theirs.
		-- Mikhail Gorbachev, UN address, 7 December 1988
%%
We are not alone.
%%
We are not anticipating any emergencies.
%%
We are not loved by our friends for what we are;
rather, we are loved in spite of what we are.
		-- Victor Hugo (1802-1885)
%%
We are not primarily on this earth to see through one another,
but to see one another through.
%%
We are not so concerned with *what* the members of the Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints think, as we are *that* they think.
		-- Hugh B. Brown said something like this.
%%
We are on strike against those who believe that one man must exist for
the sake of another ... our terms are a moral code which holds that man
is an end in himself and not the means to any end of others ... The mind
is evil?  We have withdrawn the works of our minds from society ...
Ability is a selfish evil that leaves no chance to those who are less
able?  We have withdrawn from the competition and left all chances open
to incompetents.  The pursuit of wealth is greed, the root of all evil?
We do not seek to make fortunes any longer.
		-- John Galt
%%
We are on strike.  Why should this seem so startling?  There is only
one kind of men who have never been on strike in human history.  Every
other kind and class have stopped, when they so wished, and have
presented demands to the world, claiming to be indispensable -- except
the men who have carried the world on their shoulders, have kept it
alive, have endured torture as sole payment, but have never walked out
on the human race.  Well, their turn has come.	Let the world discover
who they are, what they do, and what happens when they refuse to
function.  This is the strike of the men of the mind, Miss Taggart,
this is the mind on strike.
		-- John Galt
%%
We are reaching the stage where the problems we must solve are going to
become insoluble without computers.  I do not fear computers.  I fear
the lack of them.
		-- Isaac Asimov
%%
We are restless because of incessant change, but we would be frightened
if change were stopped.
		-- Lyman Lloyd Bryson
%%
We are riding on a rainbow, its nearly at an end.
It was given as a promise, to each and every man.
It's a long time since we started, and the days left now are few.
It seems the words said long ago were true.

Life goes on forever, but it changes like the tide.
There's a meaning for existence, no need to run and hide.
We are fighting for our freedom, we are searching for a way.
And we live in hope of some eternal day. . .

We are waiting, we're impatient, we're unfaithful we are true.
There's a lesson in the learning, of the different things we do.
As it was in the beginning, it shall be at the end.
We will come full circle to begin again.

Search your heart before you die, is the cost way to high,
to explain all the tears, we have caused throughout the years.
When everything is finished and we've done all that we can,
will we come full circle to begin again?
		-- Little River Band
%%
We are simple killers of people and destroyers of property.
%%
We are so fond of each other because our ailments are the same.
		-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
We are sorry.  We cannot complete your call as dialed.	Please check
the number and dial again or ask your operator for assistance.

This is a recording.
%%
We are spirits in the material world.
		-- The Police
%%
We are still speaking the same language, 
but neither of us is hearing the other.
		-- Hafez Assad, on Syrian relations with Egypt,
		   in "Time", 3 April 1989
%%
We are stronger than our skin of flesh and metal, for we carry and share
a spectrum of suns and lands that lends us legends as we craft our
immortality and interweave our destinies of water and air, leaving
shadows that gather color of their own, until they outshine the substance
that cast them.
%%
We are taught by great actions that the universe is the property of
every individual in it.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
We are the Knights who say "NI", and we want...a... SHRUBBERY!
%%
We are the coffee generation, we can't afford cocaine
We need a healthy dose to make it through the day
Don't Care about nuclear war or poverty or pain
We are the coffee generation and life is just a game.
%%
We are the knights who say "Echi, Echi, Echi, Potang!"
%%
We are the knights who say "Ni"
%%
We are the people our parents warned us about and the ones we will warn our
children about.
%%
We are the unwilling... led by the unqualified...
to do the unnecessary... for the ungrateful...
		-- GI in Vietnam (1970)
%%
We are those who do not disconnect the values of our minds from the
actions of our bodies, those who do not leave their values to empty
dreams, but bring them into existence, those who give material form
to thoughts, and reality to values -- those who make steel, railroads,
and happiness.
		-- Dagny Taggart
%%
We are tied down to a language which makes up in obscurity what it lacks
in style.
%%
We are what we are.
%%
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
		-- Aristotle
%%
We aren't going to remake the world.
		-- President George Bush, after meeting Li Peng, the
		   butcher of Tiananmen
%%
We ask advice, but we mean approbation.
		-- Colton
%%
We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous
generation and study of rocks.
%%
We believe that to err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics.
		-- Hubert H. Humphrey
%%
We boggies are a hairy folk		Ever hungry, ever thirsting,
Who like to eat until we choke. Never stop till belly's bursting.
Loving all like friend and brother,	Chewing chop and pork and muttons,
And hardly ever eat each other. A merry race of boring gluttons.

Sing: GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE.

Boggies gather 'round the table,	Anything edible, we've got dibs on,
Eat as much as you are able.		And hope we all die with our bibs on.
Gorge yourselves from moon till noon	Ever gay, we'll never grow up,
(Don't forget your plate and spoon.)	Come! And sing and play and throw-up!

Sing: GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE!
		-- Bored of the Rings [The Hobbits National Anthem]
%%
We both have the same problem--you
%%
We call our dog Egypt, because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
%%
We can be Knowledgeable with other men's knowledge,
but we cannot be wise with other men's wisdom.
		-- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592)
%%
We can destroy ourselves by cynicism and disillusion,
just as effectively as by bombs.
		-- Kenneth Clark
%%
We can do no great things; only small things with great love.
		-- Mother Theresa
%%
We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.
		-- Yates
%%
We can found no scientific discipline, nor a healthy profession on the
technical mistakes of the Department of Defense and IBM.
		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
We can walk our road together,
If our goals are all the same.
We can run alone and free,
If we pursue a different aim.

Let the truth of love be lighted.
Let the love of truth shine clear.
Sensibility, armed with sense and liberty,
With the heart and mind united
In a single, perfect sphere.
		-- Neil Peart, Rush
%%
We can't all be heroes.  Somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as
they go by.
		-- Will Rogers
%%
We cannot command nature except by obeying her.
		-- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home.
		-- Edward R. Murrow
%%
We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once.
		-- Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933)
%%
We cannot fight against collectivism, unless we fight against its
moral base:  altruism.	We cannot fight against altruism, unless we
fight against its epistemological base:  irrationalism.  We cannot
fight against anything, unless we fight for something -- and what
we must fight for is the supremacy of reason, and a view of man as
a rational being.
		-- Ayn Rand
%%
We cannot really be for something we don't understand.
%%
We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours
to amuse them.
		-- Evelyn Waugh
%%
We chose to go to the moon in this decade, and do the other things, not
because they are easy, but because they are hard.
		-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
We compound our suffering by victimising each other.
		-- Athol Fugard, in "The Observer", 1971
%%
We confess little faults in order to suggest that we have no big ones.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
We control the horizontal, we control the vertical, we can make the
picture into a soft blur or sharpen it to crystal clarity.
%%
We could be so happy you and me.
%%
We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure.
		-- Richard Milhouse Nixon
%%
We could really bust some heads, in a spiritual sense of course
%%
We decided it was night again, so we camped for twenty minutes and drank
another six beers at a Young Life campsite.  O. C. got into the
supervisory adult's sleeping bag and ran around in it.	"This is the
judgment day and I'm a terrifying apparition," he screamed.  Then the
heat made O. C. ralph in the bag.
		-- The Utterly Monstrous, Mind-Roasting Summer of
		   O. C. and Stiggs, National Lampoon, October 1982
%%
We dedicate this book to our fellow citizens who, for love of truth, take
from their own wants by taxes and gifts, and now and then send forth one of
themselves as dedicated servant, to forward the search into the mysteries
and marvelous simplicities of this strange and beautiful Universe, Our home.
		-- Misner, Thorne, and Wheeler, "Gravitation"
%%
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
		-- Vroomfondel
%%
We did it to ourselves, didn't we?  My people took the world's
steering motors for our starships.  Can I help set that right?
		-- Harkabeeparolyn "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
We didn't volunteer for this mission.  Kzinti and humans, we make poor
slaves.
		-- Louis Wu "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
We die only once, and for such a long time.
		-- Moliere
%%
We do not ask for what useful purpose the birds do sing, for song if
their pleasure since they were created for singing.  Similarly, we ought
not to ask why the human mind troubles to fathom the secrets of the
heavens....The diversity of the phenomena of Nature is so great, and the
treasures hidden in the heavens so rich, precisely in order that the
human mind shall never be lacking in fresh nourishment.
		-- Johannes Kepler
%%
We do not feel this patient has any significant physical disease at the
present time, and for this reason we have advised her to return to you.
%%
We do not need a censorship of the press.
We have a censorship of the press.
		-- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
We do not stumble over mountains, but over molehills.
		-- Confucius
%%
We do not want the men of another color for our brothers-in-law, but we
do want them as brothers.
		-- Booker T. Washington
%%
We don't believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack.
%%
We don't care enough about nateral fenominum.
%%
We don't care. We don't have to. We're Telecom...
%%
We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.
%%
We don't need no education, we don't need no thought control.
		-- Pink Floyd
%%
We don't need no indirection		We don't need no compilation
We don't need no flow control		We don't need no load control
No data typing or declarations		No link edit for external bindings
Hey! did you leave the lists alone?	Hey! did you leave that source alone?
Chorus: 			(Chorus)
 Oh No. It's just a pure LISP function call.

We don't need no side-effecting We don't need no allocation
We don't need no flow control		We don't need no special-nodes
No global variables for execution	No dark bit-flipping for debugging
Hey! did you leave the args alone?	Hey! did you leave those bits alone?
(Chorus)				(Chorus)
		-- Another Glitch in the Call [a la Pink Floyd]
%%
We don't really understand it, so we'll give it to the programmers.
%%
We don't smoke and we don't chew, and we don't go with girls that do.
		-- Walter Summers
%%
We emphasize that we believe in change because we born of it, we have
lived by it, we prospered and grew great by it.  So the status quo has
never been our god, and we ask no one else to bow down before it.
		-- Carl T. Rowen
%%
We finally get a policy-making body, but we have no policy to make.
		-- An aide to President George Bush, March 1992
%%
We find it hard to believe that other people's thoughts are as silly as
our own.
		-- James Harvey Robinson
%%
We gave him all the regular ones - the time-honoured lies that have done duty
up the river with every boating-man for years past - and added seven entirely
original ones that we had invented for ourselves, including a really quite
likely story, founded, to a certain extent, on an all but true episode, which
had actually happened in a modified degree some years ago to friends of ours -
a story that a mere child could have believed without injuring itself much.
		-- Jerome K. Jerome, "Three Men in a Boat"
%%
We give advice by the bucket, but take it by the grain.
		-- William Rounseville Alger
%%
We give advice, but we cannot give the wisdom to profit by it.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
(A word to the wise is -- unnecessary.)
%%
We got a problem here. In Utah.  I thought you fixed that last century!
No, not that. Someone found a bug in the physics program. They're getting
energy out of nowhere.	Lemme check... <clickity tappity> Oh, *that*
was dumb! <tappity clickity save...compile> There, that oughta patch it.
%%
We got on a bus and asked the driver, "Is this bus on time?"
The bus driver answered, "No, but we're on the right road."
%%
We gotta get out of here while we can, cause gents like us,
baby we were born to run.
%%
We gotta get out of this place,
If it's the last thing we ever do.
		-- The Animals
%%
We gotta get outta this place!
%%
We grow small by trying to be great.
		-- E. Stanley Jones
%%
We had a doofus on our floor who was a real `sky pilot' (Jesus
junkie). He was always trying to convert everybody, lecturing about
sin, etc. Being a fundamentalist, he not only believed in The Rapture
(where God will come and zap all the good Christians straight to
Heaven and leave the riffraff), but believed that its time was near.
    Early one morning we placed carefully-arranged piles of clothes on
the hall floor as if their wearers had suddenly evaporated.  We used
dry ice and incense to make a Stephen Spielberg fog in the hall, then
we blew a very loud Freon horn outside his door, threw some
nonelectric flashcubes against the wall, and screamed a lot.  When he
came out, everybody acted stunned and yelled "What's going on?	There
was a big light and a noise and those guys just disappeared!!

For several minutes, we had him believing he had been left behind with
us sinners!
%%
We had it so bad when I was young,
we lived on a white line down the middle of the road.
%%
We had the sky, up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay on
our backs and look up at them, and discuss about whether they was made,
or only just happened.
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910), Huckleberry Finn
%%
We hardly find any persons of good sense save those who agree with us.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
We have a degree of delight ...
in the real misfortunes and pains of others.
		-- Edmund Burke
%%
We have a equal opportunity Calculus class -- it's fully integrated.
%%
We have a lot of anxieties, and one cancels out another very often.
		-- Sir Winston S. Churchill
%%
We have a sluggish economy ... That's why I favor this deficit so
much.
		-- President George Bush
%%
We have all passed a lot of water since then.
		-- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
%%
We have among us a class of mammon worshipers, whose one test of
conservatism, or radicalism, is the attitude one takes with respect to
accumulated wealth.  Whatever tends to preserve the wealth of the
wealthy is called conservatism, and whatever favors anything else, no
matter what they call socialism.
		-- Richard T. Ely (1854-1943)
%%
We have art that we do not die of the truth.
		-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
We have ears, earther...FOUR OF THEM!
%%
We have engaged in a very -- a very -- an extraordinarily broad
exercise of diplomacy here ... I don't know what -- what it means
fully.
		-- President George Bush
%%
We have enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love
one another.
		-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
We have given him everything we can.
		-- An aide to President George Bush, on assistance to
		   Gorbachev, prior to the Soviet coup.
There is no Marshall.  And there is no plan.
		-- Sergey Plekhanov, Soviet scholar of the US, summer
		   1989.
He is very sensitive to the reality that, in a sense, we could do too
much.
		-- White House Chief of Staff John Sununu, on
		   President George Bush and the tiny amount of aid
		   offered Poland
%%
We have gone on piling weapon upon weapon, missile upon missile, new levels
of destructiveness upon old ones.  We have done this helplessly, almost
involuntarily: like the victims of some sort of hypnotism, like men in a dream,
like lemmings heading for the sea, like the children of Hamelin marching
blindly along behind their Pied Piper.	And the result is that today we have
achieved, we and the Russians together, in the creation of these devices and
their means of delivery, levels of redundancy of such grotesque dimensions as
to defy rational understanding.
		-- George Kennan (May 19, 1981)
%%
We have had the reign of the late Avery Brundage, and now we have had
eight years of Killanin, which raises the question of whether being an
ass is one of the requirements for the job, or whether the job produces
that effect on those who hold it.
		-- National Review
%%
We have here the latest in primitive technology.
%%
We have left undone the things we ought to have done, and done the
things which we ought not to have done.
%%
We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.
		-- Carl Sagan
%%
We have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.
		-- Tombstone epitaph of two astronomers
%%
We have more to fear from the bungling of the incompetent
than from the machinations of the wicked.
%%
We have no more right to put out discordant states of mind into the
lives of those around us and fob them of their sunshine and brightness
than we have to enter their houses and steal their silverware.
		-- Julia Moss Seton
%%
We have no power to prevent ourselves being born: but we can rectify
this error - for it is sometimes an error.  When one _does away with_
oneself one does the most estimable things possible: one thereby
almost deserves to live.
		-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900), "Gotzen-Dammerung"
%%
We have no scorched earth policy.
We have a policy of scorched Communists.
		-- General Efrain Rios Montt [President of Guatemala], 1982
%%
We have not lost faith, but we have transferred it from God to the
medical profession.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
We have not tried to suppress true, legitimate liberty; on the contrary,
we have tried to preserve it.  We are for liberty, but liberty with
order, the kind of liberty which will not threaten the basic principles
of our nation, nor threaten its faith and unity.
		-- Francisco Franco (1892-1975)
%%
We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.
		-- Margaret Mead
%%
We have only 2 things to worry about:  That things will never get back
to normal, and that they already have.
%%
We have reason to be afraid.  This is a terrible place.
		-- John Berryman
%%
We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you.
%%
We have the power to make this the best generation of mankind
in the history of the world - or to make it the last.
		-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
We have to choose, and for my part I think it a less evil that some
criminals should escape than that the government should play an ignoble
part.
		-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. (1841-1935)
%%
We have to live today by what truth we can get today and be ready
tomorrow to call it falsehood.
		-- William James
%%
We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.
		-- Epictetus
%%
We have watched American democracy at close hand for many years and we
believe few governments are institutionally so susceptible to
dictatorship as this one.
		-- Gerald Johnson
%%
We have ways of making your kind talk.
%%
We held a beauty contest in our town once but nobody won.
		-- Herb Shriner
%%
We in America today are nearer to the final triumph over poverty than
ever before in the history of any land.
		-- Herbert Hoover (1874-1964)
%%
We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands
a woman.  And behind her stands his wife.
		-- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
We inherit nothing truly, but what our actions make us worthy of.
		-- George Chapman
%%
We interrupt this fortune for an important announcement...
%%
We join ourselves to no party that does not carry the flag and keep step
to the music of the Union.
		-- Rufus Choate
%%
We judge individual man and women as we do nations and races--by the character
of their achievement and by their achievement of character.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing,
but others judge us by what we have already done.
		-- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
%%
We kill you and you kill us and Allah is the greatest.
		-- Ayatollah Khomeini (quoted Int. Herald Trib. Jul 1, 1981)
%%
We kiss, the blood rushes in my veins, ... Candy's eyes.
%%
We know nothing about motivation.
All we can do is write books about it.
%%
We laugh at the Indian philosopher, who to account for the support
of the earth, contrived the hypothesis of a huge elephant, and to support
the elephant, a huge tortoise.	If we will candidly confess the truth, we
know as little of the operation of the nerves, as he did of the manner in
which the earth is supported: and our hypothesis about animal spirits, or
about the tension and vibrations of the nerves, are as like to be true, as
his about the support of the earth.  His elephant was a hypothesis, and our
hypotheses are elephants.  Every theory in philosophy, which is built on
pure conjecture, is an elephant; and every theory that is supported partly
by fact, and partly by conjecture, is like Nebuchadnezzar's image, whose
feet were partly of iron, and partly of clay.
		-- Thomas Reid, "An Inquiry into the Human Mind", 1764
%%
We laugh heartily to see a whole flock of sheep jump because one did so;
might not one imagine that superior beings do the same by us, and for
exactly the same reason?
		-- Grenville
%%
We learn from experience. A man never wakes up his second baby just to
see it smile.
%%
We lie about the truth, that's what ruins us here.  And do you know why
we lie about the truth?  Not because we like to, but because we are
scared to death of it.	If we looked the truth in the eye nine out of
ten of us would run to the graveyard and demand to be buried at once.
		-- Babbaluche the cobbler
%%
We live in a society in which it is normal to be sick; and sick to be
abnormal.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
We live in a time of twin credulities: the hunger for the miraculous combined
with a servile awe of science. The mating of the two gives us superstition
plus scientism--a Mongoloid metaphysic.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
We live in a time when automation is ushering in a second industrial
revolution.
		-- Adlai E. Stevenson
%%
We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and
adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we
seek then with our eyes open.
		-- Jawaharlal Nehru
%%
We live in a world that has narrowed into a neighborhood before it has
broadened into a brotherhood.
		-- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
We live in the kind of world where courage is the most essential of virtues;
without courage, the other virtues are useless.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
We live our lives in darkness
Even though we perceive it as light
For death is darkness
As we are dark
Every place we turn we spread
This darkness which gives light
To death, and in this we gain
True light
		-- Volume II Elisarien Book of Science
		Speaker: Celone, King of Elves
%%
We love our little Johnny
He's the best little boy in all the world
And we wouldn't trade him for anything
That's how much we love him.
No, we couldn't live without him
So that's why, since he died,
We keep him safe in our G.E. freezer.
He's so good, so well-behaved,
Even better than before;
Oh, such a wonderful kid he is.
Alice and me, we'll never be lonely,
Never miss our little Johnny,
He'll never grow up and leave us
That's why we love him like we do.
		-- Mr. Mincemeat
%%
We love to expect, and when expectation is either disappointed or
gratified, we want to be again expecting.
		-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
We love your adherence to democratic principle, and to democratic
processes.
		-- Vice President George Bush, toasting Ferdinand
		Marcos, June 1981.  He later said, ``I'll repeat it and
		stand by it ... We should judge by the record.''
%%
We make war that we may live in peace.
		-- Aristotle
%%
We may hope that machines will eventually compete with men in all purely
intellectual fields.  But which are the best ones to start with?  Many
people think that a very abstract activity, like the playing of chess,
would be best.	It can also be maintained that it is best to provide the
machine with the best sense organs that money can buy, and then teach it
to understand and speak English.
		-- Alan M. Turing (?-1954)
%%
We may mount from this dull Earth, and viewing it from on high, consider
whether Nature has laid out all her cost and finery upon this small
speck of Dirt.	So, like Travelers into other distant countries, we
shall be better able to judge of what's done at home, know how to make a
true estimate of, and set its own value upon every thing.  We shall be
less apt to admire what this World call great, shall nobly despise those
Trifles the generality of Men set their affections on, when we know that
there are a multitude of such Earths inhabited and adorn'd as well as
our own.
		-- Christaan Huygens
%%
We may not be able to persuade Hindus that Jesus and not Vishnu should
govern their spiritual horizon, nor Moslems that Lord Buddha is at the
center of their spiritual universe, nor Hebrews that Mohammed is a major
prophet, nor Christians that Shinto best expresses their spiritual
concerns, to say nothing of the fact that we may not be able to get
Christians to agree among themselves about their relationship to God.
But all will agree on a proposition that they possess profound spiritual
resources.  If, in addition, we can get them to accept the further
proposition that whatever form the Deity may have in their own theology,
the Deity is not only external, but internal and acts through them, and
they themselves give proof or disproof of the Deity in what they do and
think; if this further proposition can be accepted, then we come that
much closer to a truly religious situation on earth.
		-- Norman Cousins, from his book "Human Options"
%%
We may not know much, but one thing's fo' sho':
There's things in the cosmos that we cannot know.
Shine light on electrons -- you'll cause them to swerve.
The act of observing disturbs the observed.

Which ruins your test.	But then if there's no testing
To see if a particle's moving or resting
Why try to conjecture?	Pure useless endeavor!
We know probability -- certainty never.
%%
We may now be nearing the end of our hundred-year belief in Free Lunch.
%%
We met at the rootbeer stand, she was singing in the band.
%%
We must all hang together, or assuredly we will all hang in the
Smithsonian next January.
		-- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
We must be as courteous to a man as we are to a picture, which we are
willing to give the advantage of a good light.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
We must be greater than God, for we have to undo His injustice.
%%
We must believe that it is the darkest before the dawn
of a beautiful new world.  We will see it when we believe it.
		-- Saul Alinsky
%%
We must die because we have known them.
		-- Ptah-hotep (2000 B.C.)
%%
We must further expressly and exactly establish the point of view,
no less necessary in practice, from which war is regarded as nothing
but the continuation of state policy with other means.
		-- Karl von Clausewitz (1780-1831)
%%
We must have courage to bet on our ideas, to take the calculated risk,
and to act.  Everyday living requires courage if life is to be effective
and bring happiness.
		-- Maxwell Maltz
%%
We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.
		-- Martin Luther King
%%
We must make the best of those ills which cannot be avoided.
		-- Alexander Hamilton
%%
We must never forget that art is not a form of propaganda, it is a form
of truth.
		-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
We must reform if we would conserve.
		-- Franklin Delano Roosevelt (1882-1945)
%%
We must repeat, D E V O.
%%
We need excellence in public education and if the teachers can't do it,
we'll send in a couple of policemen.
		-- Frank Rizzo, Philadelphia Bulletin, Oct 19, 1973
%%
We need never mistake local cloudcover for general darkness. The
Atonement saw to that.
		-- Neal A. Maxwell
%%
We need to do a tarot reading on chemistry.
%%
We never desire earnestly what we desire in reason.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
We never know whether we are victors or whether we are defeated.
		-- Jorge Luis Borges, "Borges On Writing", 1974
%%
We never make assertions, Miss Taggart, that is the moral crime peculiar to
our enemies.  We do not tell, we show.	We do not claim, we prove.  It is
not your obedience that we seek to win, but your rational conviction.  You
have seen all the elements of our secret.  The conclusion is yours to draw
-- we can help you to name it, but not to accept it -- the sight, the
knowledge and the acceptance must be yours.
		-- Hugh Akston, "Atlas Shrugged", by Ayn Rand
%%
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
%%
We often boast that we are never bored, yet we are so conceited that we
do not perceive how often we bore others.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
We often console ourselves for being unhappy by a certain pleasure
in appearing so.
%%
We often discover what will do, by finding out what will not do.
%%
We only acknowledge small faults in order
to make it appear that we are free from great ones.
		-- LaRouchefoucauld
%%
We prefer to speak evil of ourselves than not speak of ourselves at all.
%%
We presume none sins unless he stands to profit by it.
		-- The Talmud (Baba Metzia, 5 b.)
%%
We promise according to our hopes and perform according to our fears.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
We provide family entertainment...
but not that kind of family entertainment.
%%
We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who,
content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.
		-- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace) (65-8 B.C.)
%%
We read to say that we have read.
%%
We secure our friends not by accepting favors but by doing them.
		-- Thucydides
%%
We see the opening of an era: it is an era of seeking beyond the
confines of our atmosphere; may it be also an era of awakening to the
countries of earth.
		-- Bertrand De Jouvenel
%%
We seem to be zigzagging because sometimes it's less a matter of a
game plan and more a matter of the president's moods.
		-- A White House official during the Persian Gulf
		crisis
%%
We seem to have juxtaposed an impasse here
%%
We seldom repent talking too little, but very often talking too much.
		-- Jean de La Bruyere
%%
We shall find that it is less difficult to hide a thousand guineas than
one hole in your coat.
		-- Colton
%%
We shall never be able to remove suspicion and fear as potential causes
of war until communication is permitted to flow, free and open, across
international boundaries.
		-- Harry S. Truman
%%
We should all be obliged to appear before a board every five years, and
justify our existence, on pain of liquidation.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
We should all remember when Burroughs was using Virtual memory it was said to
be some kind of technical joke.  But later, hah, it was said to be ok.

And it was because the word had come down from the mountain.

IBM had spoken and the world listened.

The world as it used to be.

Amen.
		-- Fred Rump (fr@icdi10.UUCP)
%%
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is
in it --and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot
stove-lid.  She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again--and that
is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
We should declare war on North Vietnam.  We could pave the whole
country and put parking strips on it, and still be home by Christmas.
		-- Ronald W. Reagan
%%
We should have a great many fewer disputes in the world if only words were
taken for what they are, the signs of our ideas only, and not for things
themselves.
		-- John Locke (1632-1704)
%%
We should have had socialism already, but for the socialists.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
We should pray with as much earnestness as those who expect everything
from God; we should act with as much energy as those who expect
everything from themselves.
		-- Colton
%%
We should restore the practice of dueling. It might improve manners around
here.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
We show our present joking, giggling race,
True joy consists in gravity and grace.
		-- Garrick
%%
We sought the mutant due for lynching,
Not a trace was there to find.
I told the others--saw them flinching--
"The bastard must have read my mind!"
%%
We spend more time working for our labor-saving machines than they do working
for us.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
We spend the first part of our human experience avidly accumulating
things and the other half wondering what in the world we're going to do
with all the stuff.
		-- Margret E. Keats
%%
We stand for the maintenance of private property.... We shall protect
free enterprise as the most expedient, or rather the sole possible
economic order.
		-- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945), "Der Fruehrer"
%%
We start out loving our parents and end up hating them. Sometimes we
learn to love them again, but we never forgive them.
%%
We take cunning for a sinister and crooked wisdom, and certainly there
is a great difference between a cunning man and a wise man, not only in
point of honesty but in point of ability.
		-- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
We take drugs very seriously at my house...
%%
We the Unwilling, lead by the Unknowing, are doing the impossible for
the Ungrateful. We have done so much for so long with so little that we
are now qualified to to anything with nothing.
%%
We the Users, in order to form a more perfect system, establish priorities,
ensure connective tranquility, provide for common repairs, promote
preventive maintenance, and secure the blessings of liberty for ourselves
and our processes, do ordain and establish this Software of The Unixed States
of America.
%%
We the unwilling, led by the ungrateful, are doing the impossible.
We've done so much, for so long, with so little,
that we are now qualified to do something with nothing.
%%
We think it's much better to entertain people and get medals
than to kill them and get medals for that.
		-- Paul McCartney (c.a. 1965)
%%
We think we are on the right road to improvement because we are making
experiments.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
We took some pictures of the girls, but they weren't developed.
%%
We took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed
%%
We totally deny the allegations, and we're trying to identify the allegators.
%%
We trained hard -- but it seemed that every time we were beginning to
form up into teams, we would be reorganized.  I was to learn later in
life we tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing, and a wonderful
method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing
confusion, inefficiency, and demoralization.
		-- Petronios Arbiter, 66 AD
%%
We travel much yet prisoners are
And close confined to boot
We with the swiftest horse keep pace
Yet always go on foot.
What are we?
 Spurs
%%
We tried to pick up the pieces and get away without hurt.
%%
We turn toward God only to obtain the impossible.
%%
We use an amalgam of mercury in modern dentistry because other metals,
by themselves, are not sufficiently malleable to be worked with at the
normal temperatures inside the human mouth.  But mercury--mercury is
just walkin' around, right?!?
		-- Mike the Dentist
%%
We used to use an IBM PCjr as a doorstop.
(It was replaced by an Atari ST)
%%
We view things not only from different sides, but with different eyes
-- we have no wish to find them alike.
		-- Pascal
%%
We want all our friends to tell us our bad qualities; it is only the
particular ass that does so whom we can't tolerate.
		-- William James
%%
We want no foreign rulers - fight the metric system.
%%
We was playin' the Homestead Grays in the city of Pitchburgh.  Josh [Gibson]
comes up in the last of the ninth with a man on and us a run behind.  Well, he
hit one.  The Grays waited around and waited around, but finally the empire
rules it ain't comin' down.  So we win.  The next day, we was disputin' the
Grays in Philadelphia when here come a ball outta the sky right in the glove
of the Grays' center fielder.  The empire made the only possible call.	"You're
out, boy!" he says to Josh.  "Yesterday, in Pitchburgh."
		-- Satchel Paige
%%
We welcome advice and criticism, and always rush them through the proper
channels. (One flush usually does it!)
%%
We were hungry when we got to Moscow, Soviet.
		-- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog.
If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.
		-- Crazy Jimmy
%%
We were unanimous - in fact everyone was unanimous.
%%
We who revel in nature's diversity and feel instructed by every animal
tend to brand Homo sapiens as the greatest catastrophe since the Cretaceous
extinction.
		-- Stephen Jay Gould
%%
We will bury you!
		-- Nikita S. Khrushchev (1894-1971)
%%
We will have a planned development and will take people out of the
ghettos and give them an opportunity to raise their families in decent
surroundings.
%%
We will look into it - by the time the wheel makes a full turn, we assume you
will have forgotten about it, too
		-- Glossary of important business terms
%%
We will need a computer to tally
All the cowboys who scouted our Sally.
	There were some on her mountains
	And some on her fountains,
And quite a few down in the valley.
%%
We will occasionally use this arrow notation unless there is danger of
no confusion.
		-- Ronald Graham, "Rudiments of Ramsey Theory"
%%
We will, we will rock you.
%%
We won't have a society if we destroy the environment.
		-- Margaret Mead
%%
We would often be ashamed of our finest actions if the world understood
all the motives which produced them.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified.
		-- Aesop (620-560 B.C.)
%%
We'd like to make a deal with the computer.  We promise not to fold,
spindle or mutilate if it will stop asking us to sign our name over
those little holes in the space marked for signature.
%%
We'd love to stay and chat but we have to go to the lobby and wait
for the limo.
		-- Spinal Tap
%%
We'll cross that bridge when we come back to it later.
%%
We'll figure it out.
		-- President George Bush, on how to pay for his $100
		   billion health-care plan, announced in 1992, which
		   involved giving poor people vouchers to buy private
		   health insurance at some point in the future when
		   it is cheaper, and which was never submitted
		   anyway
%%
We'll give you piece de resistance and a tour de force
%%
We'll have to make our own luck from now on.
		-- Louis Wu "Ringworld"
%%
We'll meet down by the giant Exxon sign that brings the fair city light.
%%
We'll pivot at warp 2 and bring all tubes to bear, Mr. Sulu!
%%
We'll stoop to whatever is necessary to win.
		-- A Bush (1992) campaign official
%%
We're Digital Equipment Corporation ... and you're not.
%%
We're all going down the same road in different directions.
		-- Dave Farber
%%
We're all theme parks.
%%
We're as similar as two dissimilar things in a pod.
%%
We're dedicated to our favorite show.
%%
We're fighting against humanism, we're fighting against liberalism...
we are fighting against all the systems of Satan that are destroying
our nation today...our battle is with Satan himself.
		-- Jerry Falwell
%%
We're fighting for this woman's honor, which is more than she ever did.
		-- Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx), in "Duck Soup"
%%
We're going to paint Clinton as a man out of control, who can't
control his zipper, can't control his wife and can't control his
waistline.
		-- A senior adviser to the 1992 Bush campaign
%%
We're gonna have a TV party tonight!
%%
We're happy little Vegemites,
	As bright as bright can be.
We all all enjoy our Vegemite
	For breakfast, lunch and tea.
%%
We're here for a good time, not a long time !
%%
We're here to give you a computer, not a religion.
		-- attributed to Bob Pariseau,
		   at the introduction of the Amiga
%%
We're living in a golden age.  All you need is gold.
		-- D. W. Robertson
%%
We're looking for a few good men.
		-- B. Cassidy
%%
We're lost, but we're making good time.
%%
We're not in the eighth dimension, we're over New Jersey!
%%
We've all heard about the woman who married a Field Service engineer, but
divorced him after one day because he'd done nothing on their wedding night
but promise to have it up in 15 minutes.  What few people know is that the
poor man was in the bathroom all night, masturbating furiously, saying
"I don't understand, it passes all the diagnostics!"
%%
We've already established what you are, ma'am.
Now we're just haggling over the price.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
We've got an unbeatable team!
		-- Sauron
%%
We've got nothing better to do,
'cept watch TV and have a couple of brew.
%%
We've got them eating out of our laps.
%%
We've had bad luck with our kids -- they've all grown up.
		-- Christopher Morley
%%
We've just received the results of a survey conducted to ascertain the
various reasons men get out of bed in the middle of the night.
According to the report, 2% are motivated by a desire to visit the
bathroom, and 3% have an urge to raid the refrigerator.  The other 95%
get up to go home.
%%
We've tried each spinning space mote
and reckoned its true worth:
take us back again to the homes of men
on the cool, green hills of Earth.

The arching sky is calling
spacemen back to their trade.
All hands! Standby! Free falling!
And the lights below us fade.
Out ride the sons of Terra,
far drives the thundering jet,
up leaps the race of earthmen,
out, far, and onward yet--

We pray for one last landing
on the globe that gave us birth;
let us rest our eyes on the fleecy skies
and the cool, green hills of Earth.
		-- Robert A. Heinlein (1941)
%%
Weak arguments are often thrust before my path; but although they are
most unsubstantial, it is not easy to destroy them.  There is not a
more difficult feat known than to cut through a cushion than with a
sword.
		-- Richard Whately (1787-1863)
%%
Weakness of character is the only defect which cannot be amended.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Wealth is not his that has it, but his that enjoys it.
		-- Poor Richard
%%
Wealth is not without its advantages, and the case to the contrary,
although it has often been made, has never proved widely persuasive.
		-- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Wealth should come like manna from heaven, unearned and uncalled for. Money
should be like grace--a gift. It is not worth sweating and scheming for.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles.
%%
Wear armor, going naked seems to offend public decency in here.
%%
Wear me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is
strong as death, passion cruel as the grave; it blazes up like blazing
fire, fiercer than any flame.
		-- Song of Solomon 8:6 (NEB)
%%
Webster's Law: The damage rarely exceeds the deductible.
%%
Wed in haste, repent in leisure.
%%
Wedding March:	19th Century, England

     The traditional church wedding features two bridal marches, by two
different classical composers.
     The bride walks down the aisle to the majestic, moderately paced
music of the "Bridal Chorus" from Richard Wagner's 1848 opera
"Lohengrin.  The newlyweds exit to the more jubilant, upbeat strains of
the "Wedding March" from Felix Mendelssohn's "A Midsummer Night's
Dream."
     The custom dates back to the royal marriage, in 1858, of Victoria,
princess of Great Britain, and Empress of Germany, to Prince Frederick
William of Prussia.  Victoria, eldest daughter of Britain's Queen
Victoria, selected the music herself.  A patron of the arts, she valued
the works of Mendelssohn and practically venerated those of Wagner.
Given the British penchant for copying the monarchy, soon brides
throughout the Isles, nobility and commoners alike, were marching to
Victoria's drummer, establishing a Western wedding tradition.
%%
Wedding Ring: A tourniquet worn on the left hand to stop circulation.
		-- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.
		-- John Heywood
%%
Weed -- a plant whose virtues have yet to be discovered.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Weed's Axiom:
	Never ask two questions in a business letter.
	The reply will discuss the one in which you are
	least interested and say nothing about the other.
%%
Weekend, where are you?
%%
Weekends were made for programming.
		-- Karl Lehenbauer, karl@hackercorp.com
%%
Weep not that the world changes -- did it keep a stable, changeless
state, it were cause indeed to weep.
		-- William Cullen Bryant (1794-1878)
%%
Weeping, I wake; waking, I weep, I weep.
%%
Weight Loss Scandal: Proctologist Removes Network Anchorman's Hand.
%%
Weinberg's Programming Principle #1:
	Standards aren't standard.
%%
Weinberg's Programming Principle #2:
	There's always one more bug, even after that one is removed.
%%
Weinberg's Programming Principle #3:
	Anything that can happen will happen,
	unless your test plan provides for it to happen.
%%
Weinberg's Programming Principle #4:
When someone points a finger at some part of the code, look somewhere else for
the trouble - most likely where the other three fingers are pointing.
%%
Weinberg's Programming Principle #5:
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, but management won't pay a
penny for it.
%%
Weinberg's Programming Principle #6:
Specifications, design, and coding can be done at any speed - only debugging
takes time.
%%
Weinberg's Programming Principle #7:
There is no code so big, twisted, or complex that maintenance can't make it
worse.
%%
Weinberg's Programming Principle #8:
Everyone talks about documentation, but nobody ever does anything about it.
%%
Weinberg's Programming Principle #9:
You may run short of hardware, but you'll never run short of hardware
salespeople.
%%
Weinberg, as a young grocery clerk, advised the grocery manager to
get rid of rutabagas which nobody every bought. He did so. "Well, kid, that
was a great idea," said the manager. Then he paused and asked:
"NOW what's the least popular vegetable?"
%%
Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends!
We're so glad you could attend, come inside, come inside!
There behind the glass there's a real blade of grass,
Be careful as you pass, move along, move along.
Come inside, the show's about to start,
Guaranteed to blow your head apart.
Rest assured, you'll get your money's worth,
Greatest show, in heaven, hell or earth!
You gotta see the show!  It's a dynamo!
You gotta see the show!  It's rock 'n' roll!
		-- ELP, "Karn Evil 9 (1st Impression, Part 2)"
%%
Welcome to Adventure!!	Would you like instructions?
%%
Welcome to Dungeon!

Dungeon is a game of adventure, danger, and low cunning.  In it
you will explore some of the most amazing territory ever seen by mortal
man.  Hardened adventurers have run screaming from the terrors contained
within.

In Dungeon, the intrepid explorer delves into the forgotten secrets
of a lost labyrinth deep in the bowels of the earth, searching for
vast treasures long hidden from prying eyes, treasures guarded by
fearsome monsters and diabolical traps!

No DECsystem should be without one!
%%
Welcome to Dungeon!

You are near a large dungeon, which is reputed to contain vast
quantities of treasure.  Naturally, you wish to acquire some of it.
In order to do so, you must of course remove it from the dungeon.  To
receive full credit for it, you must deposit it safely in the trophy
case in the living room of the house.
%%
Welcome to Dungeon.			This version created 10-SEP-78.
%%
Welcome to Earthsea! You are in the land of Earthsea, a large
group of islands surrounded by a tremendous sea on all sides.
Scattered over the islands are large quantities of treasure, as
well as other useful objects. Not all of the treasures will be
easy to obtain.
The object of the game is not only to acquire as many desirable
items as possible, but also to deposit them in the proper places.
In order to keep track of how well you are doing, a score is kept.
You may receive points for finding an object, more points for
holding on to it, and the maximum number if you figure out where
to put it. Many of the not-so-valuable objects will be essential
in obtaining the valuable ones.
Earthsea is a CFS (Compter Fantasy Simulation) game in the same
tradition as Adventure or Zork. If you are unfamiliar with either
Adventure or Zork, it would be best to attempt to play them before
assaying Earthsea, as it is considerably more complex. The basic
scenario is based on Ursula K. Leguin's Earthsea Trilogy. Much of
the philosophy behind the puzzles stems from these books as well.
Earthsea is an attempt at a somewhat more serious CFS game than
its predecessors. Many of the puzzles are adapted from literary
sources. No reading is essential to solve any of the puzzles, but
it can't hurt. For a complete bibliography, use the 'BIBLIO'
command. Information about other commands can be found using
'INFO'. Good luck.
Earthsea was originally conceived by Ned Freed, Mark Lipton,
and David Abe. Most of the code was written by Mark Lipton,
Ned Freed, and Kevin Carosso. Other implementors were Randy
Saunders and Cynthia Abbott.
%%
Welcome to Fort Knox!
%%
Welcome to Fortune Blackmail!!
	This is the first of a series of revelations which could
	add up to a divorce, premature retirement and possible
	criminal proceedings for a company vice-president in Langley Virginia.
	So, Mr. S*****, $10,000 please to stop us from revealing:
		1: Whose shoulders you were sitting on.
		2: What you were doing.
		3: The names of the three people involved.
		4: The youth organization to which they belonged.
		5: The shop where you bought the equipment.
%%
Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the men are good-looking,
the women are strong, and the children are above-average.
%%
Welcome to New York. Now, go home.
%%
Welcome to New Zealand, set your watch back 20 years.
%%
Welcome to Ronald Reagan's Bonzo room!
%%
Welcome to UNIX!  Enjoy your session!  Have a great time!  Note the
use of exclamation points!  They are a very effective method for
demonstrating excitement, and can also spice up an otherwise plain-looking
sentence!  However, there are drawbacks!  Too much unnecessary exclaiming
can lead to a reduction in the effect that an exclamation point has on
the reader!  For example, the sentence

	Jane went to the store to buy bread

should only be ended with an exclamation point if there is something
sensational about her going to the store, for example, if Jane is a
cocker spaniel or if Jane is on a diet that doesn't allow bread or if
Jane doesn't exist for some reason!  See how easy it is?!  Proper control
of exclamation points can add new meaning to your life!  Call now to receive
my free pamphlet, "The Wonder and Mystery of the Exclamation Point!"!
Enclose fifteen(!) dollars for postage and handling!  Operators are
standing by!  (Which is pretty amazing, because they're all cocker spaniels!)
%%
Welcome to VAX/VMS V4.0
%%
Welcome to beautiful downtown Maynard,
minicomputer capitol of the world.
%%
Welcome to boggle - do you want instructions?

D    G	  G    O

O    Y	  A    N

A    D	  B    T

K    I	  S    P
Enter words:
>
%%
Welcome to the Graveyard!
%%
Welcome to the Machine
%%
Welcome to the Swamp!
%%
Welcome to the Zoo!
%%
Welcome to the future for it will soon be the past.  Respect the past,
for it was once all that was humanly possible.
%%
Welcome to the jungle. Please obey our laws.
%%
Welders do it with hot rods.
%%
Well I know that you're in love with him,
cause I saw you dancing in the gym,
you both kicked off your shoes,
man I dig those rhythm and blues
%%
Well I looked at my watch and it said a quarter to five,
The headline screamed that I was still alive,
I couldn't understand it, I thought I died last night.
I dreamed I'd been in a border town,
In a little cantina that the boys had found,
I was desperate to dance, just to dig the local sounds.
When along came a senorita,
She looked so good that I had to meet her,
I was ready to approach her with my English charm,
When her brass knuckled boyfriend grabbed me by the arm,
And he said, grow some funk of your own, amigo,
Grow some funk of your own.
We no like to with the gringo fight,
But there might be a death in Mexico tonite.
...
Take my advice, take the next flight,
And grow some funk, grow your funk at home.
		-- Elton John, "Grow Some Funk of Your Own"
%%
Well I may not be a new Messiah, but I'm close enough for rock and roll.
		-- 38 special
%%
Well I was seeing this psychiatrist for a while, and in one corner of
the room there was a window, and in the other corner was a
mirror, and in still another corner was the chair that I sat
in.  By looking at subtle movements of my eyes, she could tell
whether I was looking at her, or at mirror, or out the window.
And I said one day, "Hey look at that!." And, not realizing
that I was looking out the window, she said, "Look at what?"
It was then that I realized that I no longer needed to see her
because we saw things from totally different points of view.
%%
Well I was sitting in my room thinking the other day and my mom came
in and said "Mike, Mike." and I guess I didn't hear her
'cuz then she started screaming "MIKE! MIKE!" and I said
"WHAT? WHAT?" and she said "What's the matter with you?
You're on drugs!"  And I said "No Mom, I'm not on drugs.
I'm just thinking."  And she said "Normal people don't
act that way.  YOU'RE ON DRUGS!"  So I said "No Mom,
I'm OK.  Why don't you get me a Pepsi?	And she wouldn't
do it! Just one Pepsi!	Just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't
give it to me!
%%
Well I was walking along, minding my business,
When out of that orange colored sky,
Crash, Bam, Alakazam,
I got a look at you.
%%
Well I'm goin' out west, where I belong.
Where the days are short and the night are long.
Well they'll walk, and I'll walk.  They'll twist, and I'll twist.
They'll shimmy, and I'll shimmy.  They'll fly, and I'll fly.
We'll be out there havin' fun - in the warm California sun.
%%
Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand
why she walked like a woman but talked like a man...
%%
Well I'ved rammed through all windows and I've broken all your doors.
%%
Well begun is half done.
		-- Aristotle
%%
Well buggered was a boy named Delpasse
By all of the lads in his class
	He said, with a yawn,
	"Now the novelty's gone
And it's only a pain in the ass."
%%
Well cover me in egg & flour and bake me for 14 minutes
%%
Well diggers do it in a hole.
%%
Well don't you know about the bird,
well everyone knows that the Bird is the word.
%%
Well done is better than well said.
%%
Well done.  The boat is repaired.
%%
Well if she wants to see me, you can tell her that I'm easily found.
%%
Well now some folks are born into the good life
and other folks get it anyway anyhow.
%%
Well now that we have seen each other," said the Unicorn, "if you'll
believe in me, I'll believe in you.  Is that a bargain?"
		-- Lewis Carroll
%%
Well now, the shark could eat you ... or you could eat the shark.
%%
Well show a little faith in the night,
you ain't a beauty but yeah you're alright.
%%
Well thaaaaaaat's okay.
%%
Well the maximum lawman run down Flamingo,
chasing the rat and the barefoot girl
%%
Well they're still racing out at the fairgrounds,
but the blood it never burned in their veins.
%%
Well we found the things we loved crushed and dying in the end.
%%
Well what?
%%
Well, FOO, BAR, and BLETCH to you too!
%%
Well, God gave me a bust.  What am I supposed to do with it?
		-- Martha Mitchell
%%
Well, I don't know where they come from but they sure do come,
I hope they comin' for me!
And I don't know how they do it but they sure do it good,
I hope they doin' it for free!
They give me cat scratch fever... cat scratch fever!
First time that I got it I was just ten years old,
Got it from the kitty next door...
I went to see the doctor and he gave me the cure,
I think I got it some more!
Got a bad scratch fever...
		-- Ted Nugent, "Cat Scratch Fever"
%%
Well, I have seen a king and queen, a beggar falling at my feet
	 They all must see the same sad dreams at night
    Futility and senseless war, pit the rich against the poor
	     For causes buried long before the fight
%%
Well, I would -- if they realized that we -- again if -- if we led them back
to that stalemate only because that our retaliatory power, our seconds, or
strike at them after our first strike, would be so destructive that they
couldn't afford it, that it would hold them off.
		-- Ronald W. Reagan when asked if nuclear war
		   could be limited to tactical weapons
%%
Well, I'd left home just a week before,
and I'd never ever kissed a woman before,
but Lola smiled and took me by the hand,
and said 'Little boy, gonna make you a man!'
Well, I'm not the world's most masculine man,
but I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man and so's Lola.
La, la, la, la-Lola...la, la, la, la-Lola . . . Lola.
		-- The Kinks
%%
Well, Jim, I'm not much of an actor either.
%%
Well, actually, I don't mind going to weddings or anything, as long as they're
not my own, I show up, but uh, I've always kinda been partial to callin' myself
up on the phone, asking myself out, y'know, yeah, one thing about it, you're
always around.	Yeah, I know, yeah, you ask yourself out, y'know, some class
joint somewhere, the Burrito King, or somethin', y'know, well, I ain't cheap
y'know.  Take yourself out for a coupla drinks, mebbe, then you eat, some
provocative conversation on the way home, and uh, park in front of the house,
y'know, and you, oh yeah, you smoo with yourself, put a little nice music on,
mebbe you put on like, uh, y'know, like shoppin' music, something that's not
too interruptive, y'know, and then uh, y'know, slide over real nice, and say,
"Oh, I think you have something in your eye", well, maybe it's not that
romantic with you, but I don't, y'know, I get into it, y'know, I take myself
up to the porch, and uh, take myself inside, maybe, oh, I might get a little
something in a brandy snifter, "Would you like to listen to some of my back
records, I got something here...", well, usually, about two-thirty in the
morning, you've ended up takin' advantage of yourself, and there ain't no way
around that, y'know, yeah, makin' the scene with a magazine, ain't no way
around it.  I'll confess, y'know, I'm no different, y'know, I'm not weird about
it or anything, I don't tie myself up first, I just, I just kinda spend a
little time with myself.
		-- Tom Waits, "Nighthawks at the Diner"
%%
Well, and let me make this...perfectly clear, I honestly believe,
in my heart, that I am not a crook, or if I am, I don't remember
it, which is the same thing.
%%
Well, are you going to just sit there? Get working, quit wasting company time!
%%
Well, didja wake up grouchy or did you let her sleep?
%%
Well, fancy giving money to the Government!
Might as well have put it down the drain.
Fancy giving money to the Government!
Nobody will see the stuff again.
Well, they've no idea what money's for --
Ten to one they'll start another war.
I've heard a lot of silly things, but, Lor'!
Fancy giving money to the Government!
		-- A. P. Herbert
%%
Well, he went down to dinner in his Sunday best,
Excitable boy, they all said!
And he rubbed the pot roast all over his chest,
Excitable boy, they all said!
Well, he's just an excitable boy.
He took Sally Tompkins to the junior prom,
Excitable boy, they all said!
Then he raped her and killed her, then he took her home,
Excitable boy, they all said!
Well, he's just an excitable boy.
After ten long years, they let him out of the home
Excitable boy, they all said!
And he dug up her grave, made a cage of her bones,
Excitable boy, they all said!
Well, he's just an excitable boy.
		-- Warren Zevon, "Excitable Boy"
%%
Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book,
what *can* you believe?!
		-- Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward]
%%
Well, it's better than being Professor of Floating Point!
		-- R. William Gosper
%%
Well, look at it.  Every piece of it is there because the house needs
it -- and for no other reason.	You see it from here as it is inside.
The rooms in which you'll live made the shape.	The relation of masses
was determined by the distribution of space within.  The ornament was
determined by the method of construction, an emphasis of the principle
that makes it stand.  You can see each tress, each support that meets
it.  Your own eyes go through a structural process when you look at the
house, you can follow each step, you see it rise, you know what made it
and why it stands.  But you've seen buildings with columns that support
nothing, with purposeless cornices, with pilasters, moldings, false
arches, false windows ...  Do you understand the difference?  Your house
is made by its own needs.  Those others are made by the need to impress.
The determining motive of your house is in the house.  The determining
motive of the others is in the audience.
		-- Howard Roark
%%
Well, my daddy left home when I was three,
And he didn't leave much for Ma and me,
Just and old guitar an'a empty bottle of booze.
Now I don't blame him 'cause he ran and hid,
But the meanest thing that he ever did,
Was before he left he went and named me Sue.
...
But I made me a vow to the moon and the stars,
I'd search the honkey tonks and the bars,
And kill the man that give me that awful name.
It was Gatlinburg in mid-July,
I'd just hit town and my throat was dry,
Thought I'd stop and have myself a brew,
At an old saloon on a street of mud,
Sitting at a table, dealing stud,
Sat that dirty (bleep) that name me Sue.
...
Now, I knew that snake was my own sweet Dad,
From a wornout picture that my Mother had,
And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye...
		-- Johnny Cash, "A Boy Named Sue"
%%
Well, pluck me naked as a scalded chicken!
%%
Well, see, Joyce, there we were, trapped in the elevator.  Now, I had
my tennis racquet and the goldfish; she was holding the Crisco.  Surely
you can imagine how one thing naturally led to another!
%%
Well, sometimes, anyway.
		-- The Editor
%%
Well, that's what happens when cousins marry.
%%
Well, the girls can't stand her 'cause she walks, looks and drives
like an ace, now.
%%
Well, the handwriting is on the floor.
		-- Joe E. Lewis
%%
Well, the stage was set the sun was sinking low down,
Cause they came to town to face another showdown.
The lawmen cleared the people from the streets -
All you blood-thirsty bystanders, will you try and find your seats.
%%
Well, there was this tiger, who woke up one morning, and just felt
great (yes, just like Tony the Tiger: GREAAAAAAT).  Anyway, he just
felt so good, he went out and cornered a small monkey and roared at
him: "WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?"	And this poor
quaking little monkey replied: "You are of course, no one is mightier
than you."  A little while later this tiger confronts a deer, and just
bellows out: "WHO IS THE GREATEST AND STRONGEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE
ANIMALS?"  The deer is shaking so hard it can barely speak, but manages
to stammer: "Oh great tiger, you are by far the mightiest animal in the
jungle."  The tiger, being on a roll, swaggered, up to an elephant that
was quietly munching on some weeds, and roared at the top of his voice:
"WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE ANIMALS IN THE JUNGLE?"  Well, this
elephant grabs the tiger with his trunk, picks him up, slams him down;
picks him up again, and shakes him until the tiger is just a blur of
orange and black; and finally throws him violently into a nearby tree.
The tiger staggers to his feet and looks at the elephant and says:
"Man, just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so
pissed."
%%
Well, there's been dramatic progress.
		-- President George Bush, three weeks before death
		   squads killed six priests in El Salvador
%%
Well, we'll really have a party, but we've gotta post a guard outside.
		-- Eddie Cochran, "Come On Everybody"
%%
Well, we're big rock singers,
We got golden fingers,
And we're loved everywhere we go,
We sing about beauty, and we sing about truth,
At ten thousand dollars a show.
We take all kinds of pills to give us all kinds of thrills,
But the thrill we've never known,
Is the thrill that'll get you, when you get your picture,
On the cover of the Rolling Stone.
		-- Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show
		   [As a note, they eventually DID make the cover of RS. Ed.]
%%
Well, why don't you just pander to my medieval, old-fashioned
superstitions and take them for me. After all, it would save
me having to put make-up on and a mask and dance around a fire
in order to get rid of the evil spirits.
		-- Barbara, THE WEB PLANET
%%
Well, you got your mules and you got your racehorses, and you can kick
a mule in the ass all you want, and he's still not gonna be a racehorse.
		-- Billy Martin, "Esquire", May 1984
%%
Well, you really blew it. You have managed to wound yourself.
Good going!
%%
Well, you really did it that time.  Is suicide painless?
%%
Well, you see there was this neighborhood that had a
Catholic Priest, a Protestant Minister, and a Rabbi
who lived next door to each other. One day the Priest
went out and bought a new car, and the Minister and
Rabbi, not to be outdone, did the same.

The next day the Priest went out and blessed his car.
The Protestant Minister hired a crane and baptized his
car in a swimming pool.  The Rabbi, after thinking a
bit, got a hacksaw and cut three inches off the end of
his tail pipe.
%%
Well, you seem to have been brushing your teeth with some sort of
glue.  As a result, your mouth gets glued together with your nose,
and you die of respiratory failure.
%%
Well-timed silence has more eloquence than speech.
%%
Wendy let me in, I wanna be your friend,
I wanna guard your dreams and visions.
%%
Wendy this trap rips the bones from my back,
is's a death trap it's a suicide rap.
%%
Wer zuletzt lacht, lacht am besten.  (He who laughs last laughs best.)
%%
Were I to use the wits the good Spirit gave me, then I would say this
lady cannot exist--for what sane man would hold a dream to be reality.
Yet rather would I not be sane and lend belief to charmed, enchanted
eyes.
		-- Magnifico Giganticus (aka the Mule)
%%
Were it not for imagination, sir, a man would be as happy in the arms
of a chambermaid as a duchess.
		-- Dr. Johnson
%%
Were it not for the presence of the unwashed and the half-educated,
the formless, queer and incomplete, the unreasonable and absurd,
the infinite shapes of the delightful human tadpole,
the horizon would not wear so wide a grin.
		-- F. M. Colby, "Imaginary Obligations"
%%
Were we as eloquent as angels, yet should we please some men and some
women much more by listening than by talking.
		-- Colton
%%
Wernher van Braun settled for a V-2
when he coulda had a V-8.
%%
Westheimer's Time Estimation Rule:
Estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by 2,
add 3, and change the unit of measure to the next higher unit.
%%
Wethir, the worst spell of weather we've ad around here in years.
%%
Whadda ya want for nothin'?  A rrrrrrubber biscuit?
%%
Wharbat darbid yarbou sarbay?
%%
What Congress means by ethics is best explained by the tailor's story:

"Suppose I sell a suit to a young man for $200.  He tells me that
his family is footing the bill and that if I give him a receipt
for $400 to give to his parents, he will pay me $100 on the side.
The question of ethics is: Do I keep the extra $100 myself, or
do I tell my partner and split it with him?"
%%
What I like about Clive
Is that he is no longer alive.
There is a great deal to be said
For being dead.
		-- Edmund Clerihew Bentley, "Biography for Beginners"
%%
What I like is when you're looking and thinking and looking and
thinking...  and suddenly you wake up.
		-- Hobbes
%%
What I mean (and everybody else means) by the word QUALITY cannot be
broken down into subjects and predicates.  This is not because Quality
is so mysterious but because Quality is so simple, immediate, and direct.
		-- Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
%%
What I said back then -- well, it's hard to find.  Number one, I
didn't say it.
		-- George Bush, on calling Reagan's policies ``voodoo
		   economics'' during the 1980 primaries.	NBC
		   rebroadcast the tape
%%
What I want to do is to make people laugh so that they'll see things
seriously.
		-- William K. Zinsser
%%
What I've enjoyed most about my climb to the top is all the people I've
got to step on.
%%
What a big gap there is between advice and help
%%
What a blind person needs is not a teacher but another self.
		-- Helen Keller
%%
What a man can imagine or conceive in his mind he can accomplish.
Impossibilities are possible as thinking men make them so.
		-- Henry J. Kaiser
%%
What a man needs in gardening is a cast iron back, with a hinge in it.
		-- Charles Dudley Warner
%%
What a new face courage puts on everything!
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
What a piece of work is man!  How noble in reason; how infinite in
faculties; in form and moving, how express and admirable!  In action,
how like an angel; in apprehension, how like a god; the beauty of the
world--the paragon of animals!	And yet to me what is this quintessence
of dust?
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
What a pity that the only way to heaven is in a hearse!
		-- Stanislaw J. Lec
%%
What a pity, that you cannot read it!
%%
What a quiche-eater you are!
%%
What a strange game.  The only winning move is not to play.
		-- WOP, "War Games"
%%
What a toad you are!
%%
What a wonderful world it is that has girls in it!
%%
What always succeeds?
A Budgie with no teeth.
%%
What an artist dies with me!
		-- Nero
%%
What animal doesn't play fair?
 Cheetah
%%
What ardently we wish we soon believe.
		-- Young
%%
What are called inspirational books, like Gibran's "The Prophet" or Bach's
"Seagull", seem to have been strained through a bowl of fish-eye tapioca.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
What are facts but compromises?  A fact merely marks the point where we
have agreed to let investigation cease.
		-- Bliss Carman
%%
What are fears but voices airy?
Whispering harm where harm is not,
And deluding the unwary
Till the fatal bolt is shot!
		-- Wordsworth
%%
What are friends for?
		-- Richard Milhouse Nixon
%%
What are imitation rhinestones?
		-- CT Hart
%%
What are most of the histories of the world, but lies?	Lies
immortalized and consigned offer as a perpetual abuse and a flaw upon
prosperity.
		-- South
%%
What are our schools for if not indoctrination against Communism?
		-- Richard Milhouse Nixon
%%
What are the three most difficult years for an Edmontonian?
Second Grade
%%
What are these bread crumbs doing in the water bottle?
%%
What are you doing?!? The message is over,GO AWAY!
%%
What are you staring at?
%%
What are you trying to do? Guess her weight?
%%
What at first glance appeared to be a sword of stone, is
revealed upon closer study to be an ancient artifact
which has been encrusted in a stony material over the centuries.
%%
What avail are forty freedoms without a blank spot on the map?
		-- Aldo Leopold
%%
What awful irony is this?
We are as gods, but know it not.
%%
What broke in a man when he could bring himself to kill another?
		-- Alan Paton, "Cry, The Beloved Country", 1948
%%
What can you break more easily with a whisper than with a hammer?
 Secret
%%
What can you do for me?
%%
What can you use used tampons for?  Tea bags for vampires.
%%
What care I how time advances: I am drinking ale today.
%%
What causes the mysterious death of everyone?
%%
What color is a hiccup? Burple.
%%
What could possibly go wrong?
%%
What country can preserve its liberties if its rulers are notn
warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit
of resistance?  Let them take arms!"
		-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), 1787
%%
What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight -
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
		-- Dwight D. Eisenhower, 1958
%%
What creatures of habit we are.  This morning, without thinking, half asleep,
I put $100 on my pillow.  That's not so bad, no one would worry about it,
but my wife, half asleep, without thinking, gave me $20 change.
%%
What did Ben Johnson say after being accused of taking steroids.
"Stereo?  Hey, mon, I didn't take no stereo."
%%
What did Hellen Keller call her dog?
Ooorrooorror (make a strange, unintelligible sound here...)
%%
What did I do wrong?
		-- Lear, Rex
%%
What did Jesus say to the headwaiter at the Last Supper? "Separate checks,
please."
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
What did Jesus say when he was hanging on the cross ?
"I can see my house from here !"
%%
What did one sand dune say to the other sand dune?
How ya dune?
What did the bean say to the sand dune?
How ya been dune?
%%
What did the Provo river say when the BYU coed jumped in?
I'll be dammed!
%%
What did the WIMP interface say to the new user when he asked for help?
Can you point me in the right direction?
%%
What did the centurion say to Jesus when he fell with the cross the
third time?
"Once more, buddy, and you're out of the parade!"
%%
What did the colliding particle say to the other particle while under a
   temperature gradient?
Oh, I'm sorry!	   (Soret)
%%
What did the crow sit on the telephone wire?
He wanted to make a long distance cawl...
%%
What did the cup of coffee say to the man?

Let me shake your hand.
%%
What did the freshman computer science major say when he was told that
the work stations had mice?
Don't you have a cat?
%%
What did the procedure say when the control program called it?
I was framed.
%%
What did the programmer say when he was asked why he couldn't sleep?
I keep having this recurring nightmare.
%%
What did the psychologist say to the programming group?
Don't forget to check in.
%%
What did the state table say to bitstring?
I don't recognize you.
%%
What did the valley girl say when her boyfriend blew in her ear?
Like, thanks for the refill.
%%
What did ya do with your burden and your cross?
Did you carry it yourself or did you cry?
You and I know that a burden and a cross,
Can only be carried on one man's back.
		-- Louden Wainwright III
%%
What did you bring that book
I didn't want to be read to out of about Down Under up for?
%%
What did you do in Russia before you were shot?
		-- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
What direction?
%%
What do I consider a reasonable person to be?  I'd say a reasonable person
is one who accepts that we are all human and therefore fallible, and takes
that into account when dealing with others.  Implicit in this definition is
the belief that it is the right and the responsibility of each person to
live his or her own life as he or she sees fit, to respect this right in
others, and to demand the assumption of this responsibility by others.
%%
What do I do? I'm a Primal Man.  Here's my card.
%%
What do Kathy Rice and Christa MacCauliff have in common?
They both went down on the challenger.
%%
What do Mexicans call Bartle and James?
Dos Okies
%%
What do Teamsters and sperm have in common?
Only 1 in 1000 work.
%%
What do any of the Dodgers have in common with Michael Jackson?
They all wear one glove for no apparent reason.
%%
What do batteries run on?
%%
What do breasts and toy trains have in common ?
They're made for children but the father always ends up playing with them.
%%
What do call an epileptic in a lettuce patch?
    Seizure salad
%%
What do elephants use for Tampax?
...Sheep.
%%
What do lawyers use for birth control?

Their personalities.
		-- Nolo Press
%%
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
%%
What do they call "Hee Haw" in Oklahoma?
A documentary.
%%
What do two WASP brothers exchange after not seeing each other for decades?
Business cards.
%%
What do you MEAN it's not in the computer?!?
		-- Madonna
%%
What do you call 3 dead chickens and a tractor that won't start?

The South Dakota state fair.
%%
What do you call a 16-year-old girl who hangs out with musicians?


Tiffany.
%%
What do you call a Frenchman who explodes a bomb on the kitchen floor?
Linoleum Blownapart!
%%
What do you call a Nun that is sleep walking?
A Roam'n Catholic.
%%
What do you call a bouncer in a gay bar?
A flame thrower.
%%
What do you call a couple of guys with no arms or legs hanging
around a window?
Curt and Rod
%%
What do you call a cow that has had an abortion?
  Decaffinated...
%%
What do you call a cow with no legs ??
GROUND BEEF !!!!
%%
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he can't come anyway.
%%
What do you call a female clown? A Clunt :-)
%%
What do you call a gay in a wheelchair?
Rolaids
%%
What do you call a good-looking, intelligent guy in Millet?
A tourist.
%%
What do you call a group of Italian astronauts?
Specimen.
%%
What do you call a group of kids with low IQ's, drinking diet cola,
   eating fruit, and singing?
The Moron Tab and Apple Choir.
%%
What do you call a monkey in a blender?
Rhesus pieces.
%%
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Full!
%%
What do you call a sadistic Dentist who rides a motorcycle and wears
   a black leather jacket?
The Leader of the Plaque.
%%
What do you call a scottish highlander with four sheep ?
A: A pimp.
%%
What do you call an Italian fog?
A bigomist.
%%
What do you call children born to prostitutes?
Brothel sprouts.
%%
What do you call frogs sauteed in egg and milk?  Fried toads.
		-- Loni Anderson
%%
What do you call huge?	On the Ringworld?
		-- Louis Wu "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
What do you call it when someone rubs a Volkswagen van on your head?

A Fahrvergnoogie.
%%
What do you call someone with herpes, AIDS, syphilis, and gonorrhea?
An incurable romantic.
%%
What do you call the caped crusader and his sidekick after they got
   run over by a steamroller?
Flatman and Ribbon.
%%
What do you do if you find an epileptic in your bathtub?
Throw in some soap and a load of laundry.
%%
What do you do you do with 42 binary trees?
Make a binary forest.
%%
What do you expect, BOOM?
%%
What do you feed a Trojan horse? A latex lollipop!
%%
What do you get when you cross a Edmontonian with a gorilla?
   A retarded gorilla
%%
What do you get when you cross a highway with a bicycle?
Run over.
%%
What do you get when you cross a hippopotamus and a grasshopper?
A grassopotomus - a creature which can jump to great heights, once.
%%
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A walkie-talkie, of course.
%%
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a cattle prod?
Bitten.
%%
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?
'Elephino!
%%
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a sheep?
A sweater with eight sleeves.
%%
What do you get when you find a worm in a prison cell?
Jailbait.
%%
What do you get when you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
Hot cross bunnies.
%%
What do you get when you roll a hand grenade across a kitchen floor?
Linoleum Blownapart.
%%
What do you give a dead baby for xmas?
A dead puppy.
%%
What do you give a seasick elephant?
Lots of room.
%%
What do you have to say that is worth listening to?
%%
What do you have when you have three lawyers up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand!
%%
What do you mean that 2 years have passed??
%%
What do you mean the SCI-FI FANS are controlled by the REPUBLICANS...?
%%
What do you mean, "There's no such thing as a free lunch?" *YOU* are the free
lunch!
		-- Solomon Short
%%
What do you mean, "You've got a little job for me?"
		-- Hercules
%%
What do you think is the use of dead lizards?
%%
What do you think would be the use of a sword called "Orcrist" ?
%%
What do you want - good graphics or good taste?
%%
What do you want from life?
%%
What do you want to do with the
%%
What do you want?
%%
What does "BSS" mean?

Traditionally, executable Unix system programs are divided into text, data,
and BSS segments. The text segment contains executable code, the data
segment contains initialized variables, and the BSS segment contains
uninitialized variables. The letters BSS stand for Block Starting at Symbol.
%%
What does "Unix" stand for?

"Unix" is not an acronym, so it doesn't stand for anything. A a contrast to
an earlier operating system, Multics, Brian Kernighan coined the word to
indicate that "Unix" is simpler and more unified. In fact, the Unix system
is Multics without balls.
%%
What does "awk" indicate?

The three letters form an acronym for the authors of
the program: Aho, Weinberger, and Kernighan. The name
is probably also an abbreviated indictment of the
language's syntax.
%%
What does "grep" mean?

The letters grep indicate "Globally search for a Regular Expression and
Print." In standard Unix system editors, the notation is g/re/p where re is
a regular expression. The simplest regular expression is a string of
characters where every character matches itself. More complicated regular
expressions can match any character, any one of a set of characters, or the
beginning or end of a line. Although Celtic influence on the Unix system
predominates over Hebraic, greptz means "belch" in Yiddish. Output from the
grep program looks remarkably similar.
%%
What does "rc" stand for, and why are there so many
"rc" files?

The letters stand for Run-Com, the name of a command
file on early DEC operating systems. The Unix system's
original "rc" file was /etc/rc, which executes commands
when the system "boots" (or starts up). The name spread
to the C shell startup file .cshrc, the Mail startup
file .mailrc, the Berknet initialization file .netrc,
and the Netnews startup file .newsrc. Programmers could
have chosen a better suffix (such as init) but they
wanted to retain a realm of mystery in the system.
%%
What does GAY stand for?
Got Aids Yet?
%%
What does a hippopotamus have to come up with in order to get a Ph.D.?

A hippo-thesis!!
%%
What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down, and a dog
do with one leg raised?
     Shake hands.
%%
What does a sacred chao say?   MU!
%%
What does an Englishman's beer bottle say on the bottom?
OPEN OTHER END.
%%
What does an Englishman's stepladder say at the top?
STOP HERE.
%%
What does education often do?
It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.
		-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
What does it all mean?
%%
What does not destroy me,
makes me strong.
		-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
What does this red button do?
%%
What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.
		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
What draws us into the desert is the search for something intimate in the
remote.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
What else can you do at 3:00am?
%%
What ever happened to happily ever after?
%%
What exactly classifies as a "Cryptic statement"
%%
What excuses stand in your way?  How can you eliminate them?
		-- Roger von Oech
%%
What foods these morsels be!
%%
What fools these morals be!
%%
What fools these mortals be.
		-- Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 B.C. - A.D. 65)
%%
What fools these mortals be.
		-- Smaug
%%
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
		-- Augustus Saint-Gaudens (1848-1907)
%%
What goes 'round the house and
 'round the house and peeps
 in at every hole?
  The sun
%%
What goes around, comes around.
%%
What goes in must come back out.
		-- Van Mizzell, Jr.
%%
What goes in, comes out.
		-- Richard N. Farmer
%%
What goes round the house
And through the forest
Without leaving a track?
 The wind
%%
What goes siss boom bah?
An exploding sheep.
%%
What goes through the door without pinching itself
Sits on the stove with burning itself,
Sits on the table and is not ashamed.
 Sunlight
%%
What goes up and down and around
the house, then sits in a corner?
 A broom
%%
What goes up hs probably been doused with petrol.
%%
What goes up must come down - and can be expected to do so in the middle of
your job.
%%
What good is it if you talk in flowers, and they think in pastry?
%%
What good is it to me, after all, if there is an authority always busy
to see to the tranquil enjoyment of my pleasures and going ahead to
brush all dangers away from my path without giving me even the trouble
to think about it, if that authority, which protects me from the
smallest thorns on my journey, is also the absolute master of my liberty
and of my life?
		-- Alexis de Tocqueville (1805-1859), Democracy in America
%%
What grows in the woods and has a body and leaves,
Then leaves the woods and carries a body and soul?
 A cradle
%%
What happened in the past is over.  Why can't you forget it!
%%
What happened last night can happen again.
%%
What happened to the elephant who used sheep for tampons??
She got toxic flock syndrome!
%%
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore --
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over --
Like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
Like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?
		-- Langston Hughes
%%
What happens when the hardware meets the software on the motherboard?

You spawn....
%%
What has 300 legs and seven teeth?
The front row at a Wille Nelson show.
%%
What has a face, but no mouth?
 A clock
%%
What has a head like a cat
Feet like a cat
A tail like a cat
But isn't a cat
 Kitten
%%
What has a head, but can't think?
 A match
%%
What has a head,
But has no hair nor eyes?
 A nail
%%
What has legs, but can't walk?
 A chair, table, or bed
%%
What has one eye, one ear, one leg, and one arm?
Kiev triplets.
%%
What has orange hair, big feet, and comes out of a test tube?
     Bozo the Clone.
%%
What has posterity ever done for me?
%%
What has roots as nobody sees,
Is taller than trees,
Up, up it goes,
And yet never grows?
%%
What has teeth, but can't eat?
 A comb or a saw
%%
What hath Bob wrought?
%%
What hath god wrought?
%%
What have you learned, Dorothy?
%%
What ideal, immutable Platonic cloud could equal the beauty and perfection of
any ordinary everyday cloud floating over, say, Tuba City, Arizona, on a hot
day in June?
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
What if they gave a war and only one side came?
		-- Lucifer
%%
What is "Free" to me, but being masterless -- and maybe hungry?
		-- Cullen the Fool
%%
What is 40 acres and has two stones on it?
Kiev graveyard.
%%
What is Helen Keller's favorite color ?
Corduroy !
%%
What is a Communist?	One who hath yearnings
For equal division of unequal earnings.
Idler or bungler, or both, he is willing
To fork out his copper and pocket a shilling.
		-- Ebenezer Elliot
%%
What is a Meeting?
It is a place where good ideas go to die.
%%
What is a bit blit?

This is a transfer of pixels (dots) from one location
in memory, or on the screen, to another. Bit blits are
commonly used on bit-map display terminals. The word
"blit" comes with an extra vowel from the word "blt,"
meaning block transfer. Not only that, "blt" could have
been confused with a sandwich.
%%
What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.
		-- Aristotle
%%
What is a robot you ask?  Well, the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy
holds the definition.

The Encyclopedia Galactica defines a robot as a mechanical apparatus
designed to do the work of a man.  The marketing division of Sirius
Cybernetics Corporation defines a robot as 'Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun
To Be With'.  The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy defines the
marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation as 'a bunch of
mindless jerks who'll be the first against the wall when the revolution
comes', with a footnote to effect that the editors would welcome
applications from anyone interested in taking over the post of robotics
correspondent.
	Curiously enough, an edition of the Encyclopedia Galactica that
had the good fortune to fall through a time warp from a thousand years
in the future defined the marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics
Corporation as 'a bunch of mindless jerks who were the first against the
wall when the revolution came'.
%%
What is a woman's favorite out-door sport?
Shopping
%%
What is algebra, exactly?  Is it one of those three-cornered things?
		-- J. M. Barrie
%%
What is all wisdom save a collection of platitudes?
		-- Norman Douglas (1868-1952)
%%
What is always before you but you can never see it?
 Your future
%%
What is ambition?  'Tis a glorious cheat.  Angels of light walk not so
dazzlingly the sapphire walls of heaven.
		-- Willis
%%
What is an adult? A child blown up by age.
		-- Simone de Beauvoir, "La Femme rompue", 1967
%%
What is an epigram? A dwarfish whole, its body brevity, and wit its
soul.
%%
What is aristocracy?  A corporation of the best, of the bravest.
		-- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
%%
What is becoming is honest, and whatever is honest must always be
becoming.
		-- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
What is black and white and black and white and black and white and
black and white.

A nun rolling down a hill.
%%
What is bought by the yard
and worn by the foot?
 Carpet
%%
What is brown and white, smooth, cold and deadly?
- Shark infested chocolate swirl ice cream.
%%
What is charred, gives off smoke, and hangs from the ceiling?
A stupid electrician.
%%
What is constitutional may still be unwise.
		-- Zechariah Chaffe, Jr. (1885-1957)
%%
What is defeat? Nothing but education, nothing but the first step toward
something better.
		-- Wendell Phillips
%%
What is food to one, is to others bitter poison.
		-- Titus Lucretius Carus
%%
What is freedom?  Freedom is the right to choose: the right to create
for yourself the alternatives of choice.  Without the possibility of
choice and the exercise of choice a man is not a man but a member, an
instrument, a thing.
		-- Archibald MacLeash (b. 1892)
%%
What is good?  Everything that heightens the feeling of power in man,
the will to power, power itself.  What is bad?	Everything that is born
of weakness.  Not contentedness but more power; not peace but war; not
virtue but fitness.  The weak and the failures shall perish: first
principle of our love of man.  And they shall even be given every
possible assistance.  What is more harmful than any vice?  Active pity
for all the failures and all the weak: Christianity.
		-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
What is honored in a country will be cultivated there.
%%
What is it I got that makes them twitch?
		-- Marilyn Monroe
%%
What is it that shapes a species?
		-- Louis Wu "Ringworld"
%%
What is it that you can not
hold for five minutes,
Yet it be as light as a feather?
 Your breath
%%
What is it that
  He who buys it does not use it
  He who makes it does not use it
  He who uses it, does not see or feel it?
   A coffin
%%
What is it that
  He who makes it, does not use it
  He who takes it, does not know it
  He who knows it, does not want it.
   Counterfeit money
%%
What is it when, after breaking several bones, you
are about to leave the hospital, and you are told
that you have to stay longer?

It's a retraction.
%%
What is life? An illusion, a shadow, a story.
And the greatest good is little enough:
for all life is a dream, and dreams themselves are only dreams.
		-- Pedro Calderon de la Barca, "Life is a Dream"
%%
What is love but a second-hand emotion?
		-- Tina Turner
%%
What is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what
you feel bad after.
		-- Ernest Hemingway (1898-1961)
%%
What is more difficult than getting an ELEPHANT into a car?
Getting an PREGNANT ELEPHANT into a car.

What is more difficult than getting an PREGNANT ELEPHANT into a car?
Getting an ELEPHANT PREGNANTED in a car.
%%
What is more fearsome than a pitbull with AIDS?
The guy that gave it to him.
%%
What is my loftiest ambition?
I've always wanted to throw an egg at Smith.
%%
What is neither in the house,
Nor out of the house,
Yet is still part of the house?
 A window
%%
What is now proved was once only imagin'd.
		-- William H. Blake (1757-1827)
%%
What is philosophy but a continual battle against custom?
		-- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
%%
What is reason? Knowledge informed by sympathy, intelligence in the arms of
love.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
What is red and glows?
	Russians near Kiev.
[One day later]
What is blond, blue eyed, and glows?
	Swedes.
[Five days later]
What is tan and glows?
	Californians on the beach.
%%
What is research but a blind date with knowledge?
		-- Will Harvey
%%
What is small and red and screams in pain?
 --A peeled baby rolled in salt!!!
%%
What is status?...
Status is when the President calls you for your opinion.
Uh, no...
Status is when the President calls you in to discuss a problem with him.
Uh, that still ain't right...
STATUS is when you're in the Oval Office talking to the President, and
the phone rings.  The President picks it up, listens for a minute, and
hands it to you, saying, "It's for you."
%%
What is that? I know that object!
		-- Cyberleader, EARTHSHOCK
%%
What is that
Of which the common sort is best?
 Sense
%%
What is the "New World Order"?
Simple. The "New World Order" is where the New World gives all the orders.
%%
What is the answer to life the universe and everything? ... 42!
%%
What is the approximate air speed of an unladen swallow ?
%%
What is the best thing to make in a hurry?
 Haste
%%
What is the difference between a dead snake in the middle of the road
   and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?
The snake has skid marks in front of it...
%%
What is the difference between a deer
fleeing from pursuers and a decrepit witch?
 One is a hunted stag,
 the other is a stunted hag.
%%
What is the difference between a duck?
%%
What is the difference between a fox and a pig?
the number of drinks you've had.
%%
What is the difference between a porcupine and a school bus?
  A porcupine has a bunch of pricks on the outside.
%%
What is the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomanic and a JAP?
	A prostitute says "Are you done yet?"
	A nymphomanic says "You done already!!"
	A JAP says "Beige,.....I think I'll paint the ceiling beige"
%%
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector ?
The taxidermist takes only your skin.
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
What is the difference between a train carriage, and a mis-carriage??
 --You can't possibly eat a mis-carriage!!!
%%
What is the difference between a used-car salesman
and a computer salesman?

The used-car salesman knows when he's lying to you!
%%
What is the difference between a wife and a job?
After ten years the job still sucks.
%%
What is the difficulty with writing a PDP-8 program to emulate Jerry
Ford?

Figuring out what to do with the other 3K.
%%
What is the largest fish in the world? A whale you say? - WRONG. A whale
is a mammal. The largest fish in the world is the whale shark -
measuring over 70 feet.
%%
What is the least dangerous kind of robbery?
%%
What is the most heavily armored vehicle in the world?
An Iranian Bookmobile!
%%
What is the name of the President of Lebanon?	 But answer quickly!
%%
What is the nature of that 'superior' world to which they sacrifice
the world that exists?	The mystics of spirit curse matter, the
mystics of muscle curse profit.  The first wish men to profit by
renouncing the earth, the second wish to inherit the earth by
renouncing all profit.
		-- John Galt
%%
What is the new name for Russia (OK, the USSR)?
The Great Melting Pot.
%%
What is the point of building a bridge that won't last?
%%
What is the purpose of the giant sequoia tree? The purpose of the giant
sequoia tree is to provide shade for the tiny titmouse.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
What is the relationship between (1) a wino who throws his whiskey
corks in the river, (2) a bag-boy in a soft-drink store, and  (3)
someone who stuffs his pant-legs inside his socks?
  Respectively, they are a cork soaker, a Coke sacker,
  and a sock tucker.
%%
What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank?
		-- Bertolt Brecht
%%
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
%%
What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put
it on?
		-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
What is the worst of woes that wait on age?
What stamps the wrinkle deeper on the brow?
To view each lov'd one blotted from life's page,
and be alone on earth as I am now.
		-- Byron
%%
What is this thing called LISP?
%%
What is this, a Chinese fire drill?
		-- Sun Tzu
%%
What is this: FO FI FO - FO FO FI FO ?
Leon Spinks' phone number.
%%
What is tolerance? -- it is the consequence of humanity.  We are all
formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other's
folly -- that is the first law of nature.
		-- Voltaire (1694-1778)
%%
What is virtual memory?

Virtual memory allows you to use more memory than your machine has. If
something is transparent, it's there, but you can't see it; if something is
virtual, you can see it, but it isn't there. Virtual memory is implemented
by paging, in which only the parts (called pages) of programs actually used
are brought into memory.  When the memory required by a program exceeds the
physical memory of the machine, unused pages are swapped out to disk.
%%
What is your favorite position?
%%
What is your name?  What is your quest?...  What is your favorite color?
%%
What kind of beer do sysadmins drink?
root
%%
What kind of men go to heaven?
 Dead men
%%
What kind of sordid business are you on now?  I mean, man, whither
goest thou?  Whither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car in the night?
		-- Jack Kerouac
%%
What law?  I did not give it up -- it has ceased to exist.  But I am
still working in the profession I had chosen, which was that of serving
the cause of justice ... No, justice has not ceased to exist.  How could
it?  It is possible for men to abandon their sight of it, and then it
is justice that destroys them.	But it is not possible for justice to
go out of existence, because one is an attribute of the other, because
justice is the act of acknowledging that which exists.
		-- Judge Narragansett
%%
What lives on its own substance and dies when it devours itself?
 A candle
%%
What luck for the rulers that men do not think.
		-- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945)
%%
What made you come to it?

My refusal to be born with any original sin.  I have never felt guilty
of my ability ... I have never felt guilty of being a man ... I saw the
root of the world's tragedy, the key to it, and the solution.  I saw
what had to be done.  I went out to do it.
		-- John Galt
%%
What makes old age so sad is not that our joys but our hopes cease.
		-- Jean Paul Richter
%%
What makes resisting temptation difficult, for many people, is that they
don't want to discourage it completely.
		-- Franklin P. Jones
%%
What makes the best eavesdropper?
 Icicle
%%
What makes the virgin flee in horror --
Threats of kidnapping or rape?
No: her father plans tomorrow
To graft her brain into an ape.
%%
What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us is that they think
themselves cleverer than we are.
%%
What makes you think graduate school is supposed to be satisfying?
		-- Erica Jong, "Fear of Flying"
%%
What manly eloquence could produce such an effect as woman's silence.
		-- Michelct
%%
What men learn from history is that men do not learn from history.
%%
What millions died that Caesar might be great!
		-- Campbell
%%
What monster do you want to genocide (Type the letter)?
%%
What must be noted about the many fallen political celebrities of recent
years is that salvation eluded them, though they knew all the people in
Washington who are useful to know.
		-- Daniel S. Greenberg
%%
What must be, shall be; and that which is a necessity to him that
struggles is little more than choice to him that is willing.
		-- Seneca
%%
What no spouse of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is
working when he's staring out the window.
%%
What nonsense people talk about happy marriages!
A man can be happy with any woman so long as he doesn't love her.
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
What on earth would a man do with himself
if something did not stand in his way?
		-- Herbert George Wells (1866-1946)
%%
What one fool can do, another can.
		-- Ancient Simian Proverb
%%
What our economists call a depressed area almost always turns out to be a
cleaner, freer, more livable place than most.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
What pains others pleasures me,
At home am I in Lisp or C;
There i couch in ecstasy,
'Til debugger's poke i flee,
Into kernel memory.
In system space, system space, there shall i fare--
Inside of a VAX on a silicon square.
%%
What passes for optimism is most often the effect on an intellectual error.
		-- Raymond Aron, "The Opium of the Intellectuals",
		   1957
%%
What passes for wom an's intuition is often nothing more than man's
transparency.
%%
What position are you trying to work yourself into?
%%
What profession should one follow if he wants to cut a figure in
the world?
 Sculptor
%%
What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on the facts --
not the facts themselves.
		-- Jerome Cohen
%%
What ring, Right or Left?
%%
What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs
Rolls over your neighbor's dog?
What's great for a snack and fits on your back?
It's Log, Log, Log!
		-- "The Log Song", from Ren & Stimpy
%%
What rose is high in the public esteem?
 Heroes
%%
What runs all around a castle,
without moving at all?
 The wall
%%
What scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?
		-- J. D. Farley
%%
What seems to be no test, no struggle, is the most deceiving test of all.
		-- Ezra Taft Benson
%%
What segment's this, that, laid to rest Why lies it here, on public disk
On FHA0, is sleeping?			And why is it now unprotected?
What system file, lay here a while	A bug in incant, made it thus.
While hackers around it were weeping?	The problem has not been corrected.

This, this is "acct.run,"		Mount, mount all your DECtapes now
Accounting file for everyone.		And copy the file somehow, somehow.
Dump, dump it and type it out,		Dump, dump it and type it out,
The file, the highseg of login. The file, the highseg of login.
		-- to Greensleeves
%%
What shall we do to be saved?  In politics, establish a constitutional
cooperative society or world government.  In economics, find working
compromises between free enterprise and socialism.
		-- Arnold Toynbee
%%
What should I do with the #?
%%
What should you do if you pass an elephant?
Flush it down and hope it doesn't clog the pipes!
%%
What sin has not been committed in the name of efficiency?
%%
What sings morning, noon and night,
And when the fire's out, shuts up tight?
 A teakettle
%%
What soon grows old?  Gratitude.
		-- Aristotle
%%
What sort of man reads "Playboy?"
%%
What strange animal is it
that has no head,
seven legs, and a tail?
 A cat with head in
 a three legged pot
%%
What strange things one gets nostalgic about.
%%
What the eye beholds
And the heart covets,
Let the hand boldly seize!.
%%
What the gods get away with, the cows don't.
%%
What the gods would destroy they first submit to an IEEE standards
committee.
%%
What the heck?
%%
What the hell's going on up there, Jim?
Sick Bay is in a state of chaos!
		-- Leonard ("Bones") McCoy
%%
What the orators want in depth, they give you in length.
		-- Montesquieu
%%
What this country needs ia a law that when children grow up and leave
home they have to take their dogs, cats, turtles, snakes and canaries
with them.
		-- Bill Vaughn
%%
What this country needs is a good no-scent cigar.
		-- William D. Tammeus
%%
What this country needs is a safety net for people
who jump to conclusions.
		-- B. M. Smith
%%
What this country needs is a song for unsung heros.
		-- Angie Papadakis
%%
What this country needs is a toller hog, for people to live higher off.
		-- Don Riley
%%
What this country needs is a transmission that will shift the blame.
		-- Louis Ginsberg
%%
What this country needs is radicals who will stay that way regardless of
the creeping years.
		-- John Fischer
%%
What this country really needs is to get out the voters the way it gets
out the candidates.
%%
What this department needs is a really good inflatable doll.
%%
What this project needs is more whimsy.
%%
What thou lovest well remains, the rest is dross
What thou lov'st well shall not be reft from thee
What thou lov'st well is thy true heritage
Whose world, or mine or theirs or is it of none?
First came the seen, then thus the palpable
  Elysium, though it were in the halls of Hell,
What thou lovest well is thy true heritage.
		-- Ezra Pound, Pisan Cantos, LXXXI
%%
What time is it?  You mean right NOW?
		-- Yogi Berra
%%
What time is it?
I don't know, it keeps changing.
%%
What to do in case of an alien attack:

    1)	 Hide beneath the seat of your plane and look away.
    2)	 Avoid eye contact.
    3) If there are no eyes, avoid all contact.
		-- The Firesign Theatre, "Everything you know is Wrong"
%%
What to say to annoy a performance artist:  "Hey, I saw something just
 like that on The Gong Show!"
		-- Matt Groening
%%
What two things in the air will get a woman pregnant?
Her legs.
%%
What upsets me is not that you lied to me,
but that from now on I can no longer believe you.
		-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
What use have I for such a quantity of plastic fruit?
%%
What walks in the water with
its head down?
 The nails in a horseshoe
 when the horse walks
 through water
%%
What was most significant about the lunar voyage was not that men set
foot on the moon but that they set eye on the earth.
		-- Norman Cousins
%%
What was the phrase Tasha Yar hated the most?
"Insufficient Data" ;->
%%
What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expect generally
happens.
		-- Bengamin Disraeli
%%
What we call "morals" is simply blind obedience to words of command.
		-- Havelock Ellis (1859-1939), "The Dance of Life", 1923
%%
What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.
		-- Ludwig Wittgenstein
%%
What we do not understand we do not possess.
		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
What we do with our leisure time is almost essential to our success as
what we do during our working hours.
%%
What we frankly give, forever is our own.
		-- George Granville
%%
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
		-- Strother Martin
%%
What we hope ever to do with ease, we must learn first to do with
diligence.
		-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
What we know is not as important as who we are.
%%
What we need around here is a good cluster!
%%
What we need is a good strategic thinker, and we don't have one.
		-- A White House official, 1989
%%
What we needs is better poof readers. (actual printed material):
Woman wanted to help prepare males for an elderly woman.
Con operated washers and dryers for sale.
We wish that the young actor and the director had given the part more pizza.
A. K. who is attending college in Florida, spent the holidays with her
payments.
Hear an excellent speaker and heave a lealthy lunch.
%%
What we see depends on mainly what we look for.
		-- John Lubbock
%%
What we want is to see the child in pursuit of knowledge, and not
knowledge in pursuit of the child.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
What we wish, that we readily believe.
		-- Demosthenes
%%
What were Liberace's last words?
"I'm sorry to leave my friends behind."
%%
What were Tarzan's last words?
Who greased the vine?
%%
What were the greatest banking transactions mentioned in the Bible?

1) When Pharaoh's daughter went into the bulrushs and came out with
   a little prophet

2) When Moses led the Children of Israel to the Banks of the Jordan
%%
What were the shuttle passenger's last words?
... Bud Light.
%%
What will the next pope's name be?
George Ringo.
%%
What will you do if all your problems aren't solved by the time you die?
%%
What with female Marines, Sergeant Trilling
Finds his life in the Corps more fulfilling.
	In the daytime, his skill
	Is in close-order drill,
While at night, it's in close-ardor drilling!
%%
What won't go up the chimney up,
But will go up the chimney down?
What won't go down the chimney up,
But will go down the chimney down?
 An umbrella
%%
What would we do without erogenous zones?
%%
What would you call a horny Eskimo dwarf?
A frigid midget with a rigid digit.
%%
What you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying.
%%
What you are thunders so that I cannot hear what you say to the
contrary.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.
		-- Confucius
%%
What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
What you don't do is always more important than what you do do.
%%
What you don't know can't hurt you.
%%
What you don't know won't help you much either.
		-- D. Bennett
%%
What you give is what you get!
%%
What you leave at your death, let it be without controversy,
else the lawyers will be your heirs.
		-- Osborne
%%
What you own is your own kingdom,
What you do is your own glory,
What you love is your own power,
What you live is your own story.

In your head is the answer,
Let it guide you along.
Let your heart be the anchor
and the beat of your song.
		-- Neil Peart, Rush
%%
What you see is from outside yourself, and may come, or not, but is beyond
your control.  But your fear is yours, and yours alone, like your voice, or
your fingers, or your memory, and therefore yours to control.  If you feel
powerless over your fear, you have not yet admitted that it is yours, to do
with as you will.
		-- Marion Zimmer Bradley, "Stormqueen"
%%
What you see is rarely what you get.
%%
What you think means more than anything else in your life.  More than
what you earn, more than where you live, more than your social position,
and more than what anyone else may think about you.
		-- George Adams
%%
What you think of yourself is more important than what others think of you.
		-- Seneca
%%
What!  canst thou say all this and never blush?
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
What! Time for coffee again!
%%
What! shall this speech be spoke for our excuse?  Or shall we on without
apology?
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
What!?	Me worry?
		-- Alfred E. Newman
%%
What's Inside?
%%
What's Irish and stays out all night? Pati O'furniture.
%%
What's a Vanilli?

2000 guys lip-synching poorly.
%%
What's a device driver?

On the Unix system, all devices are supposed to look like a file. A device
driver implements typical file operations, such as open, read and write, on
a file.  For example, a tape device driver allows you to employ Unix system
commands such as tar on that tape drive. A disk driver keeps track of
sectors, tracks, and cylinders, so that you don't have to worry about these
details.
%%
What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?
%%
What's a girl like you doing in a place like this? ... and not worrying?
%%
What's a jewish dilemma??
   Free ham.
%%
What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
%%
What's a nice person like me doing in a place like this?
%%
What's a nice person like me doing in an awful place like this?
%%
What's a place like this doing to a nice girl like you?
%%
What's a wrench?
A place where people from New York raise cattle.
%%
What's a' matter?  Can't cut the mustard?
%%
What's all the fuss about?  The MIRV is in the great American tradition
of bombs bursting in air.
%%
What's all the gaudy glitter of a crown?  What but the glaring meteor of
ambition, that leads the wretch benighted in his errors, points to the
gulf and shines upon destruction?
		-- Brooke
%%
What's all this bru-ha-ha?
%%
What's an Italian curse?
Innuendo.
%%
What's another word for Thesaurus?
		-- Steven Wright
%%
What's big and green, lives in a swamp, and has an IQ of 140?
A platoon of marines.
%%
What's big and grey and shatters glass when it sings?
Ella Phantzgerald !
%%
What's black and white and red all over?
A burning firehouse dog.
%%
What's black and white and red all over?
A nun with a nosebleed.
%%
What's black and white and red all over?
An embarrassed zebra.
%%
What's black and white and red all over?
Certainly not the Halifax newspapers.
%%
What's black and yellow and full of little Crispy Critters?
     A burnt schoolbus.
%%
What's blue and green and sits in the corner?
Same baby two weeks later.
%%
What's blue and sits in the corner?
A dead baby in a baggie.
%%
What's brown and sits on a stool?
Beethoven's last movement.
%%
What's brown and sticky? A stick!
%%
What's done to children, they will do to society.
%%
What's easier to load on a truck- babies or bricks?
Babies - you can't use a pitchfork on bricks
%%
What's even grosser than a barrel full of dead babies?
     A baby on the bottom eating his way out.
What's even grosser?
     The babies aren't dead, they're just sleeping!
%%
What's everyone making all the fuss about?
%%
What's gone, and what's past help, should be past grief.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
What's good besides the wire?  Cheese.	Sleeping plates.  Love
(impractical).	Wild skin dye jobs.  Freedom, security, self-respect.
. . . Brandy poured in coffee.	Movies.
		-- Louis Wu "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
What's good enough for our ancestors is good enough for us.
%%
What's good politics is bad economics;	what's bad politics is good
economics;  what's good economics is bad politics; what's bad economics
is good politics.
		-- Eugene W. Baer

[Or, more compactly, "What's good politics is bad economics and vice
versa, vice versa.]
%%
What's green and red and goes 100 mph?
A frog in a blender.
%%
What's green and takes ten minutes to drink?
A Grant Check.
%%
What's grey and sings ?
Harry Elephante !
%%
What's grey and wears funny glasses when it sings?
Elephanton John !
%%
What's in a name?  That which we call a rose, By any other name
would smell as sweet.
%%
What's long, black and smelly?
The unemployment line.
%%
What's more miserable than discontent?
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
What's of no use to you,
yet you can't go without it?
 Your shadow
%%
What's on the floor of the old hen-house?
Doo-doo, doo-doo.
		-- Foghorn Leghorn
%%
What's pink and white and blue all over?
A baby in a baggie
	What's pink and white and green all over?
	The same one after a week
%%
What's pink and white and red all over?
A baby chewing on razor blades
%%
What's pink and white and swings?
A baby on a meat-hook
%%
What's red and hangs in trees?
Baby shot out of a lawn mower.
%%
What's right is what's left after you've done everything else wrong.
%%
What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding?
%%
What's tennis without a racket?
%%
What's the best way to accelerate a Macintosh?

At 9.8 meters per second squared
%%
What's the difference between Cindy Lauper and the Panama Canal?
The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.
%%
What's the difference between Joan Rivers and Bigfoot?
Bigfoot has big feet.
%%
What's the difference between a 4 year research grant and a 4 year
athletic scholarship?

The athletic scholarship comes with a grant of immunity.
%%
What's the difference between a Lada and a Jehovah's Witness?
You can shut the door on a Jehovah's Witness.
%%
What's the difference between a bear and an ant?
About 2,000 pounds.
%%
What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
The cart has a mind of its own.
%%
What's the difference between a bond and a bond trader?
Eventually, the bond will mature.
%%
What's the difference between a fox and a pig?
     About 8 or 9 drinks.
%%
What's the difference between a pervert and a kinky person?
The pervert will use a feather and the kinky person
will use the whole chicken.
%%
What's the difference between a physicist and a bucket of crap?
The bucket.
%%
What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
A pickpocket snatches watches
%%
What's the difference between a politician and a hooker?
There are some things a hooker won't do for money.
%%
What's the difference between a skinny girl and a counterfeit note?
One is a phony buck!
%%
What's the difference between a sorority and a circus?
A circus is a cunning array of stunts.
%%
What's the difference between a sorority girl and a Mercedes?
Not everyone has been in a Mercedes.
%%
What's the difference between a sorority girl and a urinal?
A urinal doesn't follow you around for three weeks after you've used it.
%%
What's the difference between a whore and a congressman? A congressman makes
more money.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
What's the difference between hardware and software ?
You can kick the hardware.....
%%
What's the difference between light and hard?
You can go to sleep with a light on.
%%
What's the difference between snot and cauliflower?
Kids will eat snot.
%%
What's the difference between storing bowling balls and dead babies?
Bowling balls have to be carefully stacked to keep them from rolling all
over.  Dead babies you just hang on meathooks.
%%
What's the difference between the 80's and the 50's?

In the 80's, a man walks into a drugstore and states loudly, "I'd like
some condoms," then whispers, "and some cigarettes."
%%
What's the difference between the Lone Ranger and God? There really is a Lone
Ranger.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
What's the good of being grown-up if you can't be childish?
%%
What's the long-range forecast for Kiev?
Three days.
%%
What's the matter with the world?  Why, there ain't but one thing wrong
with every one of us--and that's "selfishness."
		-- Will Rogers
%%
What's the matter, can't you read?  Now you'd best start over.
%%
What's the metric unit of pain?
The Angstrom.
%%
What's the new halfback's name?" asked the coach of the trainer.
"Ossowinsinsiski," the trainer answered. "Good," said the coach with
satisfaction.  "Put him on the first team.  Boy, will I get even with
those wise newspaper reporters!"
%%
What's the point-spread on World War III?
		-- Ronald W. Reagan
%%
What's the soup of the day in Kiev???
			 MUSHROOM
%%
What's the ugliest part of your body?
What's the ugliest part of your body?
Some say your nose,
Some say your toes,
But I think it's your mind.
		-- Frank Zappa (1965)
%%
What's the weather forecast for Kiev?
Cloudy and 6000 degrees.
%%
What's the worst kind of fare to live on?
 Warfare
%%
What's to become of us?
%%
What's worse (better?) than running over a dead baby?
     ...SKIDDING over it.
%%
What's worse than a truckload of dead babies?
A truckload of dead babies with a live one at the bottom eating his way
out.
%%
What's worse than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
	...RIPPING IT OFF!
%%
What's worth doing is worth doing for money.
		-- Joseph Donahue
%%
What's wrong with Dave?  Is he sick?
No, it's just that he's got . . . ring around the collar!
%%
What's wrong with a little harmless crime once in a while?
		-- M. Blaise
%%
What's wrong with our safety net is that too many people are using it
as a hammock.
		-- Rush Limbaugh on welfare
%%
What's wrong with this picture?
%%
What's yellow and always points north?
A magnetic banana.
%%
What, after all, is a halo?  It's only one more thing to keep clean.
		-- Christopher Fry
%%
What, still alive at twenty-two,
A clean upstanding chap like you?
Sure, if your throat 'tis hard to slit,
Slit your girl's, and swing for it.
Like enough, you won't be glad,
When they come to hang you, lad:
But bacon's not the only thing
That's cured by hanging from a string.
So, when the spilt ink of the night
Spreads o'er the blotting pad of light,
Lads whose job is still to do
Shall whet their knives, and think of you.
		-- Hugh Kingsmill
%%
What....we have here......is a FAILure to commun'cate.
%%
What?
%%
What?  Still programming in basic?
%%
What?  You don't trust me?  Why, only last week I patched a running
VMS system and it survived for over thirty seconds.  Oh, well.
%%
Whatever General Sherman did on his march through Georgia,
we are now even.
%%
Whatever became of Strange de Jim?  Well, he found a substitute for cocaine:
"You cover Q-tips with sandpaper and ram them up your nostrils as far as they
will go.  Then you sniff talcum powder while shredding hundred dollar bills."
		-- Herb Caen [as discovered in Marya Schrier's scrapbook]
%%
Whatever creates the greatest inconvenience for the largest number must
happen.
		-- Red Smith
%%
Whatever grocery line you choose will automatically slow to a crawl.
%%
Whatever happened to Saturday nights,
to finding a sweetheart and holding her tight?
%%
Whatever happens in government could have happened differently
and it usually would have been better if it had.
		-- Prof. Charles Frankel
%%
Whatever happens, act as if it was supposed to happen that way!
%%
Whatever isn't forbidden is required.
		-- Murray Gell-Mann
%%
Whatever it is I'm against it.
%%
Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.
		-- Publius Vergilius Maro (Virgil)
%%
Whatever natural right men have to freedom and independency,
it is manifest that some men have a natural ascendency over others.
		-- Grenville
%%
Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.
		-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
Whatever their other contributions to our society, lawyers could be an
important source of protein.
		-- Guindon
%%
Whatever we cannot easily understand we call God; this saves much wear and
tear on the brain tissues.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men
to be thought of as half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
		-- Charlotte Whitton
%%
Whatever you do, you need courage.  Whatever course you decide upon,
there is always someone to tell you you are wrong.  There are always
difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are
right.	To map out a course of action and follow it to an end, requires
some of the same courage which a soldier needs.  Peace has its
victories, but it takes brave men to win them.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Whatever you spent a fortune on today, goes on sale tomorrow.
%%
Whatever you want to do, you have to do something else first.
		-- Art Kosatka
%%
Whats Waldhiemers disease?
It's when you grow old and forget your a nazi.
%%
Whats the definition of a metallurgist?
A man who can tell if a platinum blonde is a virgin metal or a
   common ore.
%%
Wheeeeee!
%%
Wheels within wheels in a spiral array,
A pattern so grand and complex.
Time after time we lose sight of the way,
Our causes can't see their effects ...

Art as expression, not as market campaigns.
We'll still capture our imaginations.
Given the same state of integrity,
It will surely help us along.

The most endangered species, the honest man.
Will it still survive annihilation?
Forming a world, state of integrity,
Sensitive, open and strong.
		-- Neil Peart, Rush
%%
When 911 won't work .357 will!
%%
When Boy Scouts do it, it's intense.
%%
When Cthulhu calls, he calls collect
%%
When Cypress was shipping lots of SPARC chips, its
publicity-hungry CEO (Thurman J. Rodgers) used to
say of the competitive R3000/R4000: "MIPS is dog meat".
Now it seems he is about to start selling dog meat.

Of course this is reminiscent of another publicity-hungry
CEO (Scooter McNealy) who used to say "Sun will ship Motif
over my dead body."  It didn't come true.

Naturally, since the Cypress-Performance merger is not yet
(publicly) complete, a lot can happen.  But I will gladly bet
anybody a case of Caffeine Free Diet Cherry Coke Classic that
Thurman Rodgers will *NOT* say "MIPS isn't dog meat any more."
		-- Mark Johnson, mjohnson@netcom7.Netcom.COM
%%
When God created man, She was only testing.
%%
When God saw how faulty was man He tried again and made woman.	As to
why he then stopped there are two opinions.  One of them is woman's.
		-- DeGourmont
%%
When I am dead, I hope it may be said:
"His sins were scarlet, but his books were read."
		-- Hilaire Belloc
%%
When I bought some new glasses a few months ago, the lady kept on saying
how great the lenses were that I was getting.  She kept on saying,
``You can shoot a bullet right through them.''	I figured you could do
this with most lenses, but I didn't say anything.
%%
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking
spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
		-- Steven Wright
%%
When I grow up, I want to be a CRAY.
%%
When I grow up, I want to be a Porsche.
		-- "Bumper Snickers"
%%
When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women.  I
shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do
what you like now."
		-- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)
%%
When I hear the word "Culture" I pick up my Browning.
		-- Hanns Johst (1890-?)
%%
When I hear the word "culture", I reach for my checkbook.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
When I left the meeting, I had the definite impression that I had found the
same game as with the seals: management reducing criteria and accepting more
and more errors that weren't designed into the device, while the engineers
are screaming from below, "HELP!" and "This is a RED ALERT!"
		-- Richard Phillips Feynman (1918-1988), about NASA,
		   "What Do You Care What Other People Think?"
%%
When I look at my children, I often wish I had remained a virgin.
		-- Lillian Carter
I told the truth Lord! How can I learn any moral lesson if you keep
confusing me like this.
		-- Philipe The Mouse, "Ladyhawke"
%%
When I need a little free advice about Saddam Hussein, I turn to
country music.
		-- President George Bush
%%
When I need something to help me unwind
I get a 6-foot baby with a one-track mind. . .
%%
When I play with my cat, who knows if I am not more of a pastime
to her than she is to me?
		-- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592)
%%
When I play with my cat, who knows whether she is not amusing herself
with me more than I with her.
		-- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592)
%%
When I read some of the rules for speaking and writing the English
language correctly...
I think
  Any fool can make a rule
  And every fool will mind it.
		-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
When I say the magic word to all these people, they will vanish forever.
I will then say the magic words to you, and you, too, will vanish --
never to be seen again.
		-- Kurt Vonnegut Jr., "Between Time and Timbuktu"
%%
When I see a bird that walks like a duck and swims like a duck and
quacks like a duck, I call that bird a duck.
		-- Richard Cardinal Cushing
%%
When I see a congressman giving his opinion on something, I always wonder if
it represents his *real* opinion or if it represents an opinion that he's
designed in order to be elected.  It seems to be a central problem for
politicians.  So I often wonder: what is the relation of integrity to working
in the government?
		-- Richard Phillips Feynman (1918-1988),
		   "What Do You Care What Other People Think?"
%%
When I see a merchant over-polite to his customer, begging them to take
a little brandy, and throwing his goods on the counter, thinks I, that
man has an axe to grind.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
When I take the humor of a thing once, I am like your tailor's needle --
I go through.
		-- Ben Johnson
%%
When I think about myself,		Sixty years in these folks' world
I almost laugh myself to death, The child I works for calls me girl
My life has been one great big joke,	I say "Yes ma'am" for working's sake.
A dance that's walked			Too proud to bend
A song that's spoke,			Too poor to break,
I laugh so hard I almost choke		I laugh until my stomach ache,
When I think about myself.		When I think about myself.

My folks can make me split my side,
I laughed so hard I nearly died,
The tales they tell, sound just like lying,
They grow the fruit,
But eat the rind,
I laugh until I start to crying,
When I think about my folks.
		-- Maya Angelou
%%
When I want some shit, I'll squeeze your head.
		-- Bob Dickson
%%
When I want to buy up any politicians I always find the anti-monopolists
the most purchasable.  They don't come so high.
		-- William H. Vanderbilt (1821-1885)
%%
When I was 16, I thought there was no hope for my father.
By the time I was 20, he had made great improvement.
%%
When I was a Brownie, I ate all the cookies.
		-- Madonna
%%
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President.  Now
I'm beginning to believe it.
		-- Clarence S. Darrow (1857-1938)
%%
When I was a boy, my family was poor.  We couldn't buy food to eat.
On Halloween we had to go bobbing for gerbils.
%%
When I was a child, love to me was what the sea is to a fish:  something
you swim in while you are going about the important affairs of life.
		-- P. L. Travers
%%
When I was a little boy, I had but a little wit,
'Tis a long time ago, and I have no more yet;
Nor ever ever shall, until that I die,
For the longer I live the more fool am I.
		-- "Wit and Mirth, an Antidote against Melonchaly (1684)"
%%
When I was in college, there were a lot of four-letter words you couldn't
say in front of girls.	Now you can say them.  But you can't say "girls".
%%
When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed
if I had been found doing so.  Now that I am 50, I read them openly.
When I became a man, I put away childish things--including the fear of
childishness and the desire to be grown-up.
		-- C. S. Lewis
%%
When I was young I was sure of everything; in a few years, having been
mistaken a thousand times, I was not half so sure of most things as I
was before; at present, I am hardly sure of anything but what God has
revealed to me.
		-- John Wesley
%%
When I was young we didn't have MTV; we had to take drugs and go to
concerts.
		-- Steven Pearl
%%
When I was young, I used to have successes with women because I was young.
Now I have successes with women because I am old.  Middle age was the
hardest part.
		-- Artur Rubinstein
%%
When I woke up this morning, my girlfriend asked if I had slept well.  I
said,'no, I made a few mistakes.'
		-- Steve Wright
%%
When I works, I works hard.
When I sits, I sits loose.
When I thinks, I falls asleep.
%%
When I'm gone, boxing will be nothing again.  The fans with the cigars and
the hats turned down'll be there, but no more housewives and little men in
the street and foreign presidents.  It's goin' to be back to the fighter who
comes to town, smells a flower, visits a hospital, blows a horn and says
he's in shape.	Old hat.  I was the onliest boxer in history people asked
questions like a senator.
		-- Muhammad Ali
%%
When I'm good, I'm great; but when I'm bad, I'm better.
		-- Mae West
%%
When Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley's hero, Frankenstein, endowed his
synthetic robot with a human heart, the monster which before had been a
useful mechanical servant suddenly became an uncontrollable force.  Our
ancestors feared that corporations had no conscience.  We are treated to
the colder, more modern fear that, perhaps they do.
		-- A. A. Berle, Jr. (1895-1971)
%%
When Polly's in trouble I am not slow,
it's hip hip hip and away I go!
		-- Underdog
%%
When Quinn the Eskimo gets here, everybody's gonna jump for joy.
%%
When Shakespeare awakes with a scream
All his member a-drippin' with cream,
	'Tis just the commission
	Of nocturnal emission,
Which he dubs, "A Mid-Slumber Night-Stream."
%%
When Snow White turns on with the dwarfs she probably winds up feeling Dopey.
%%
When Will Tyree invited me to climb the Direct North Buttress (DNB) on Middle
Cathedral with him, I had been climbing for exactly six months.  That didn't
matter to him, though, because I was from Southern California, where all those
ghastly face climbs are. I didn't tell Will I hadn't climbed any of them. I
also didn't tell Will that, aside from The Trough (5.1) at Tahquitz, the
longest climb I had yet accomplished was a two-pitch route on Arch Rock. Nor
did I tell Will that he'd be doing most of the leading because I didn't know
that until the fourth pitch, when I nearly lost my mind.  This was before
sticky boots, before EBs even. We wore Robbins boots -- shit-kicking,
case-hardened, mortar-proof Royal Robbins boots.  And we didn't carry a single
nut on the rack. All iron.
		-- John Long, Direct North Buttress, Middle Cathedral Rock,
		   Yosemite Valley
%%
When Willie retired from the railway after 50 years' service, the
company presented him with an old coach to keep in his garden as a
memento.

One wet day, his friends found him sitting on the step of the coach,
smoking his pipe, with an old sack over his shoulders to keep out the
rain.

"Hullo, Willie," said his pals, "why are ye no' inside on a day
like this?"

"Can ye no' see," replied Willie, with a nod toward the coach.
"They sent me a non-smoker!"
%%
When Yahweh your gods has settled you in the land you're about to
occupy, and driven out many infidels before you...you're to cut them
down and exterminate them.  You're to make no compromise with them or
show them any mercy.
		-- Deut. 7:1 (KJV)
%%
When a bell rings, an angel has gotten his wings.
%%
When a customer buys a low-grade article, he feels pleased when he pays
for it and displeased every time he uses it.  But when he buys a
well-made article, he feels extravagant when he pays for it and well
pleased every time he uses it.
		-- Herbert N. Casson
%%
When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible,
he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he
is very probably wrong.
		-- Arthur C. Clarke

When, however, the lay public rallies round an idea that is denounced by
distinguished but elderly scientists and supports that idea with great fervor
and emotion--the distinguished but elderly scientists are then, after all,
probably right.
		-- Isaac Asimov
%%
When a dog barks at the moon, then it is religion; but when he barks at
strangers, it is patriotism!
		-- David Starr Jordan (1851-1931)
%%
When a dog howls at the moon, we call it religion. When he barks at strangers,
we call it patriotism.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
When a fellow can't read, he's got to think.
%%
When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the
thing," it's the money.
		-- Frank McKinney Hubbard (1868-1930)
%%
When a girl can read the handwriting
on the wall, she may be in the wrong rest room.
%%
When a girl ceases to blush,
she has lost the most powerful charm of her beauty.
		-- Gregory I
%%
When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions
of many men for the inattentions of one.
		-- Helen Rowland
%%
When a group of newsmen go out to dinner together, the bill is to be
evenly divided among them, regardless of what each one eats and drinks.
		-- Jack Germond
%%
When a hundred men stand together, each of them loses his mind and gets
another one.
		-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
When a kinky old loner named Chase
Had a sitter report to his place
	And she asked, "There's no kid?"
	He said, "No, -- There's an id!
You're a sitter... so sit on my face!"
%%
When a lawyer tells his clients he has a sliding fee schedule
what he means is that after he bills you it's financially hard
to get back on your feet.

...
%%
When a liar gets pharyngitis, he loses his vice.
		-- Alan F. G. Lewis
%%
When a lion meets another with a louder roar,
the first lion thinks the last a bore.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
When a lot of remedies are suggested for a disease,
that means it can't be cured.
		-- Chekhov, "The Cherry Orchard"
%%
When a man assumes a public trust he should consider himself
as public property.
		-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
%%
When a man begins by saying you are too wise to be caught for a sucker,
look out! He is going to try a new kind of bait.
%%
When a man blames others for his failures, it's a good idea to credit
others with his successes.
		-- Howard W. Newton
%%
When a man finds not repose in himself it is in vain for him to seek it
elsewhere.
%%
When a man gets up to speak, people listen, then look. When a woman gets up,
people look; then, if they like what they see, they listen.
%%
When a man has not a good reason for doing a thing, he has one good
reason for letting it alone.
		-- Sir Walter Scott
%%
When a man has pity on all living creatures then only is he noble.
		-- Buddha
%%
When a man is between the devil and the deep blue sea, his fear of
drowning generally triumphs.
%%
When a man is out of sight, it is not too long before he is out of mind.
		-- Thomas a Kempis
%%
When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.
		-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
When a man is wrong and won't admit it, he always gets angry.
		-- Haliburton
%%
When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight,
it concentrates his mind wonderfully.
		-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
When a man makes a woman his wife, it's the highest compliment he can
pay her, and it's usually the last.
		-- Helen Rowland
%%
When a man meets his destined ruler,
They can be together ten days,
And it is not a mistake.
Going meets with recognition.
%%
When a man pulled two guns on convenience store clerk Wazir Jiwi and
demanded money, Jiwi asked how much he wanted for one of the guns. He
said $100, which Jiwi paid him. Then Jiwi offered to buy the second
gun. The robber handed it over, grabbed the cash and headed for the
exit. But Jiwi had pushed a button under the counter that
automatically locked the door. "He turned to me and asked what was
going on," Jiwi says. "I told him to bring the money back and I would
let him go. He brought the money back, and I opened the door."
%%
When a man says, "Get thee behind me, Satan," he's probably ashamed to
have even the devil see what he's up to.
%%
When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute.
But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute-- and it's longer than any hour.
That's relativity.
		-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
%%
When a pencil point breaks,
the nearest sharpener is exactly 1000 feet away.
%%
When a person attempts a task, he or she will be thwarted in that task
by the unconscious intervention of some other presence (animate or
inanimate).  Nevertheless, some tasks are completed, since the
intervening presence is itself attempting a task and is, of course,
subject to interference.
%%
When a person goes on a diet, the first thing he loses is his temper.
%%
When a person says that in the interest of saving time, he will
summarize a prepared statement, he will talk only three times as long as
if he had read the statement in the first place.
		-- Alan Otten
%%
When a person stands on his dignity, it's probably because he has very
insecure footing.
%%
When a piercer drops in on you, you will be tempted to hit the ceiling!
%%
When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not
far away.  It is time to go elsewhere.	The best thing about space travel
is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.
		-- Robert A. Heinlein, "Time Enough For Love"
%%
When a rechargeable battery starts to die in the middle of a complex
calculation, and the user attempts to connect house current,
the calculator will clear itself.
		-- John L. Shelton
%%
When a student actually does a homework problem,
the instructor will not ask for it.
		-- M. M. Johnston
%%
When a student named Ben once was rapping
On his reason for bra-strap unsnapping,
	He explained he'd a yen
	From his study of Zen
For the sound of one mammary flapping.
%%
When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course.
%%
When a true genius appears in this world you may know him by the sign
that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.
		-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
When a woman gives me a present I have always two surprises:
first is the present, and afterward, having to pay for it.
		-- Donnay
%%
When a woman marries again it is because she detested her first husband.
When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife.
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
When a woman says "No!" she really means "Yes!" -- except, of course, when she
means "NO!"
%%
When a writer has done the best that he can do, he should then withdraw from
the book-writing business and take up an honest trade like shoe repair, cattle
stealing, or screwworm management.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
When all else fails, EAT!!!
%%
When all else fails, try Kate Smith.
%%
When all is said and done, more is said than done.
%%
When among apes, one must play the ape.
%%
When an Englishman asked his wife if she thought his friend could go to a
masquerade as Napoleon, she replied, "Of Corsican."
%%
When an action has its intended effect, it also has other, unintended,
effects.
%%
When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have
been correct in the first place.
%%
When an idea is being pushed because it is "exciting," "new," or
"innovative" -- beware. An exciting, new, innovative idea can also be
foolish.
		-- Donald Rumsfeld

[If in doubt, don't. Or do what is right. Your best question is often,
"Why?"]
%%
When angry, count to ten,
When very angry, count to 750,000 by 37's.
%%
When arguing with a fool, be sure he isn't doing the same thing.
%%
When arguments fail, use a blackjack.
		-- Ed "Spike" O'Donnell
%%
When articles rise the consumer is the first that suffers,
and when they fall he is the last that gains.
		-- Colton
%%
When asked for his own [favourite poem], Dylan [Thomas] slowly said,
"This is the best poem in the English language," and then repeated
gravely and with feeling these lines:

I am
Thou art
He, she, it is
We are
You are
They are.
		-- Richard Burton (1577-1640), quoted in
		   Andrew Sinclair's "No Man More Magical"
%%
When asked how much educated men were superior to those uneducated,
Aristotle answered, "As much as the living are to the dead."
		-- Diogenes Laertius
%%
When asked if he had missed school lately, the boy said `Not a bit.`
%%
When asked whether the greater problem was ignorance or apathy, he
replied "I don't know, and I don't care".
%%
When asked, "If you find so much that is unworthy of reverence in the United
States, then why do you live here?" Mencken replied, "Why do men go to zoos?"
%%
When asked, "What is a contingent fee?" a lawyer answered, "A
contingent fee to a lawyer means, if I don't win your suit, I get
nothing.  If I do win it, you get nothing."
%%
When at first you don't succeed,
find someone to blame it on.
%%
When attempting to predict and forecast macro-economic moves of economic
legislation by a politician, never be misled by what he says; instead --
watch what he does.
%%
When better women are made, computer programmers will make them.
%%
When bored with the old tried-and-true way,
As well as the dildo-in-lieu way,
	A zookeepers wife
	Put zest in her life
With a fling at "a fabulous gnu way!"
%%
When brute force is on the march, compromise is the red carpet.
When reason is attacked, common sense is not enough.
		-- Ayn Rand
%%
When can their glory fade?
Oh! the wild charge they made!
All the world wondered.
Honour the charge they made!
Honour the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred!
		-- Tennyson
%%
When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I've never
tried before.
		-- Mae West, in "Klondike Annie" 1936
%%
When complimented, respond in kind.
When insulted, ignore it.
When in doubt, mumble.
%%
When democracy granted democratic methods to us in times of opposition, this
was bound to happen in a democratic system.  However, we National Socialists
never asserted that we represented a democratic point of view, but we have
declared openly that we used the democratic methods only to gain power and
that, after assuming the power, we would deny to our adversaries without any
consideration the means which were granted to us in times of our opposition.
		-- Josef Goebbels
%%
When dictatorship is a fact, revolution becomes a right.
		-- Victor Hugo (1802-1885)
%%
When did you first realize that you were God?"
Well, I was praying to the Lord one day, when I suddenly discovered that
I was talking to myself."
		-- "The Ruling Class"
%%
When does later become never?
%%
When does the Jewish male fetus become a person (according to religious
 custom)?
When it graduates from Law school.
%%
When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time.
		-- General Creighton W. Abrams
%%
When ev'rybody's tryin' to sleep,	I am a back door man,
I'm somewhere makin' my midnight creep. I am a back door man,
In the mornin' the rooster crow,	Well, the men don't know,
Somethin' tells me I got to go. But the little girls understand.
[chorus]

They take me to the doctor, shot full of holes,
Nurse try to save a soul.
Killed her for murder first degree,
Judge what tried let the man go free.
[chorus]

Stand up, cop's wife cried, don't take him down,
Rather be dead six feet in the ground.
When you come home, you can eat pork and beans,
I eats more chicken than any man's seen.
[chorus]
		-- Willie Dixon, "Backdoor Man", 1961
%%
When everyone agrees with me, I know I'm wrong.
%%
When everything is arranged and ignited, you will experience great joy.
%%
When everything is worth money, then money is worth nothing.
%%
When fear admits no hope of safety,
Necessity makes dastards valiant men.
		-- Herrick
%%
When forced to resort to arms for redress, an appeal to the tribunal of
the world was deemed proper for our justification.  This was the object
of the Declaration of Independence.
		-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
%%
When fortune sends a stormy wind,
Then show a brave and present mind;
And when with too indulgent gales
She swells too much, then furl thy sails.
		-- Creech
%%
When great changes occur in history, when great principles are involved,
as a rule the majority are wrong.  The minority are right.
		-- Eugene V. Debs (1855-1926)
%%
When he first came to work at the development center, Ninjei was assigned
to support the operating system.  One day a manager came into Ninjei's cubicle.

"Why are you not working?" asked the manager.

"The system has crashed," said Ninjei.

The manager frowned.  "You are paid to keep the system running!" he exclaimed.

"The system has not crashed," said Ninjei.
		-- The Zen of Programming
%%
When he got in trouble in the ring, [Ali] imagined a door swung open and
inside he could see neon, orange, and green lights blinking, and bats
blowing trumpets and alligators blowing trombones, and he could hear snakes
screaming.  Weird masks and actors' clothes hung on the wall, and if he
stepped across the sill and reached for them, he knew that he was committing
himself to destruction.
		-- George Plimpton
%%
When he is best, he is little worse than a man; and when he is worst,
he is little worse than a beast.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
When he tried to inject his huge whanger
A young man aroused his girl's anger.
	As they strove in the dark
	She was heard to remark,
"What you need is a zeppelin hanger."
%%
When his company fell on hard times, the boss realized that he'd have to
lay off one of his two middle managers.  As both Jack and Liz were equally
honest and dedicated to their jobs, he was unable to decide which one to
fire.  To resolve his dilemma, the boss arbitrarily decided that the first
to leave his or her desk the next morning would be the one to get the ax.
	The next morning found Liz at her desk, rubbing her temples.  Asking
Jack for some aspirin, she headed for the water fountain and that's where
the boss caught up with her.  "I've got some news for you, Liz," he said.
"I've got to lay you or Jack off."
	"Jack off," she snapped.  "I have a headache."
%%
When in a maze follow the right wall and you will never get lost.
%%
When in a shop, do as shopkeepers do.
%%
When in danger, or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
		-- Dorable
%%
When in distress with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries
And look upon myself and curse my fate;
Wishing me like to one more rich in fate
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man's art and that man's state,
With what I most enjoy contented least.
Then in these thoughts, myself almost despising,
Haply I think of thee and then my state
Like to the lark at break of day arising,
From sullen Earth, sings hymns at Heaven's gate.
For thy remembered love such sweet joy brings,
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.
		-- William Shakespeare, "Sonnets"
%%
When in doubt, cut it out!
		-- Surgeon's motto
%%
When in doubt, do it.  It's much easier to apologize than to get permission.
		-- Grace Murray Hopper
%%
When in doubt, drink heavily.
%%
When in doubt, duck.
		-- Malcolm Forbes
%%
When in doubt, follow your heart.
%%
When in doubt, get it out.
		-- Jody Powell
%%
When in doubt, lead trump.
%%
When in doubt, tell the truth.
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
When in doubt, think.
%%
When in doubt, use a bigger hammer.
%%
When in this world the headlines read
of those whose hearts are filled with greed
who rob and steal from those who need
the cry goes up with blinding speed for Underdog (UNDERDOG!)
Underdog (UNDERDOG!)
Speed of lightning, roar of thunder
Fighting all who rob or plunder
Underdog (ah-ah-ah-ah)
Underdog
UNDERDOG!
%%
When in-laws are outlawed, only outlaws will have in-laws.
%%
When is a pencil not a pencil?	When it's on a Pentagon shopping list - then
it's a "portable hand-held communications inscriber."
%%
When it comes to a choice between kindness and honesty, my vote is for
kindness every time -- giving or receiving.
%%
When it comes to all-out war you use all the troops you have.
%%
When it comes to facing up to serious problems, each candidate will
pledge to appoint a committee.	And what is a committee?  A group of the
unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.  But it all
sounds great in a campaign speech.
		-- Richard Long Harkness
%%
When it is incorrect, it is, at least *authoritatively* incorrect.
		-- Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy
%%
When it is not necessary to make a decision,
it is not necessary to make a decision.
		-- Lord Falkland
%%
When it rains, it pours.
%%
When it was seen that many of the wicked seemed quite untroubled by evil
consciences ... then the idea of future suffering was advanced.
%%
When it's 105 in NYC, it's 78 in LA.  When it's 20 below in NYC, it's
78 in LA.  Of course, there are 4 million interesting people to talk to
in NYC, and 78 in LA.
		-- Neil Simon, who will probably move back to NYC
%%
When it's dark enough you can see the stars.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
When it's not needed, zoning works fine; when it is essential, it always
breaks down.
		-- John McClaughry
%%
When living in the fast lane,
remember to watch out for the center divider.
%%
When living on the fringe, make sure to enjoy all the fringe benefits.
%%
When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.
		-- Charles Reade
%%
When man learns to understand and control his own behavior as well as he
is learning to understand and control the behavior of crop plants and
domestic animals, he may be justified in believing that he has become
civilized.
		-- E. C. Stakman
%%
When managers hold endless meetings, the programmers write games.
When accountants talk of quarterly profits, the development budget
is about to be cut. When senior scientists talk blue sky, the clouds
are about to roll in.

Truly, this is not the Tao of Programming.

When managers make commitments, game programs are ignored. When
accountants make long-range plans, harmony and order are about to
be restored. When senior scientists address the problems at hand,
the problems will soon be solved.

Truly, this is the Tao of Programming.
%%
When men grow virtuous in their old age, they are merely making a
sacrifice to God of the Devil's leavings.
		-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
When must dispute has past,
We find our tenets just the same as last.
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
When my fist clenches crack it open,
before I use it and lose my cool.
When I smile tell me some bad news,
before I laugh and act like a fool.

And if I swallow anything evil,
put you finger down my throat.
And if I shiver please give me a blanket,
keep me warm let me wear your coat

No one knows what it's like to be the bad man,
to be the sad man.
Behind blue eyes.
No one knows what its like to be hated,
to be fated,
to telling only lies.
		-- The WHO
%%
When my freshman roommate at Cornell found out I was Jewish, she was, at her
request, moved to a different room.  She told me she didn't think she had ever
seen a Jew before.  My only response was to begin wearing a small Star of
David on a chain around my neck.  I had not become a more observing Jew;
rather, discovering that the label of Jew was offensive to others made me want
to let people know who I was and what I believed in.  Similarly, after talking
to these young women -- one of whom told me that she didn't think she had ever
met a feminist -- I've taken to identifying myself as a feminist in the most
unlikely of situations.
		-- Susan Bolotin, "Voices From the Post-Feminist Generation"
%%
When neither their poverty nor their honor is touched,
the majority of men live content.
		-- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)
%%
When nothing can possibly go wrong, it will.
%%
When old friends get together, everything else fades to insignificance.
		-- War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death
%%
When once infidelity can persuade men that they shall die like beasts,
they will soon be brought to live like beasts also.
		-- South
%%
When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.
		-- Dylan Thomas (1914-1953)
%%
When one considers just what man is, Happy it be that short his span is.
		-- James Cagney
%%
When one has an early class, one's roommate will invariable enter the
space late at night and suddenly become hyperactive, ill, violent, or
all three.
%%
When one has great gifts, what answer to the meaning of existence should
one require beyond the right to exercise them?
		-- W. H. Auden
%%
When one is trying to be elegant and sophisticated, one won't.
		-- Betty Hartig
%%
When one lives in a society where people can no longer rely on the
institutions to tell them the truth, the truth must come from culture
and art.
		-- John Trudell
%%
When one studies the biographies of the founders and leaders of the various
religions, one cannot help but be struck by the psychotic -- or at least
extremely abnormal -- behavior that has characterized so many of them.
Luther, Wesley, and Loyola had hallucinations ("visions").  St. Theresa
almost certainly was a hysteric.  The book "The Psychotic Personality",
by Leon J. Saul and Silas L. Warner, devotes considerable space to the
psychotic personalities of Mary Baker Eddy (founder of Christian Science),
Joseph Smith (founder of Mormonism), Mohammed, and the Rev. Jim Jones...
It seems significant that the founder of Christianity itself, St. Paul,
also suffered from epilepsy.
		-- Frank Zindler, "Religiosity as a Mental Disorder,"
		   American Atheist magazine, April 1988, p. 27
%%
When one wants to get rid of an unsupportable pressure, one needs hashish.
		-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
When one's own day comes, one may create revolution.
Starting brings good fortune. No blame.
%%
When opportunity knocks, say YES, then figure out HOW.
%%
When other people take a long time to do something, they're slow; when
we take a long time, we're thorough.  When they don't do something,
they're lazy; when we don't, we're too busy.  When they succeed, they're
lucky; when we do, we deserve it.
%%
When our best friends are in trouble,
there is always something that is not wholly displeasing to us.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
When our friends get into power, they aren't our friends anymore.
		-- M. Stanton Evans
%%
When oxygen Tech played Hydrogen U.
The Game had just begun, when Hydrogen scored two fast points
And Oxygen still had none
Then Oxygen scored a single goal
And thus it did remain, At Hydrogen 2 and Oxygen 1
Called because of rain.
%%
When people are free to do as they please,
they usually imitate each other.
		-- Eric Hoffer
%%
When people are starving, life is no longer meaningless.
		-- John Gardner
%%
When people cease to complain, they cease to think.
		-- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
When people have a job to do, particularly a vital but difficult one,
they will invariably put it off until the last possible moment, and most
of them will put it off even longer.
		-- Gordon L. Becker
%%
When people have trouble communicating, the least they can do is to shut up.
		-- Tom Lehrer
%%
When people say nothing, they don't necessarily mean nothing.
%%
When people you greatly admire seem to be thinking deep thoughts,
they are probably thinking about lunch.
		-- Jason, jcborkow@remus.rutgers.edu
%%
When pinched on the fanny, Monique
Succumbed to a peeved maiden's pique
	By exclaiming with verve
	To her pincher, "Some nerve!"
"And in your case," he gloated, "some cheek!"
%%
When played from a sand trap, a ball which does not clear the trap on
being struck may be hit again on the roll without counting an extra
stroke.  In no case will more than two strokes be counted in playing
from a trap, since it is only reasonable to assume that if the player
had time to concentrate on his shot, instead of hurrying it so as not to
delay his partners, he would be out in two.
		-- Donald A. Metz
%%
When playing a song on a touch-tone telephone, use the following
buttons:

2-0-9-6-2-1 (hold)
2-0-2-6-2-9 (hold)
9-9-2-6
2-9-2-6
2-2-2-6-9-0 (hold)
%%
When pleasure remains, does it remain a pleasure?
		-- A Sinbad the Sailor film
%%
When politicians claim they will build you a "pie in the sky" --
remember whose dough they will be using.
		-- Lucille J. Goodyear
%%
When poverty comes in at the door, love flies out at the window.
%%
When prosperity comes, it's best not to use all of it.
%%
When provoked into a fight,
Just grab his midriff pearly white
and withdraw that long and gleaming blade.

Now with defense you're equipped,
with Jesus you don't take no lip,
and anyone you meet will wish he'd prayed.

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus ...
%%
When punished, watch your steps on the stairs!
%%
When reviewing your notes for a test, the most important ones will be
illegible.
%%
When ribbon grass is pulled up, the sod comes with it.
Each according to his kind.
Undertakings bring good fortune.
%%
When riding my old Harley a ninety per at midnight down the Via Roma in
Naples, I kept one consolation firmly in mind: If anything goes wrong, I'll
never have time to regret it.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
When several reporters share a cab on assignment,
the reporter in the front seat pays for all.
		-- Warren Weaver
%%
When she gets there she knows,
if the stores are all closed,
with a word she can get what she came for.
%%
When she hauled ass, it took three trips.
%%
When singleness is bliss, it's folly to be wives.
		-- Bill Councelman
%%
When slides are shown in a darkened room,
the instructor will require the students to take notes.
		-- M. M. Johnston
%%
When smashing monuments, save the pedestals - they always come in handy.
		-- Stanislaw Lec
%%
When some English moralists write about the importance of having
character, they appear to mean only the importance of having a dull
character.
		-- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
When some people decide it's time for everyone to make
big changes, it means that they want you to change first.
%%
When some people discover the truth,
they just can't understand why everybody isn't eager to hear it.
%%
When someone makes a move		We'll send them all we've got,
Of which we don't approve,		John Wayne and Randolph Scott,
Who is it that always intervenes?	Remember those exciting fighting scenes?
U.N. and O.A.S.,			To the shores of Tripoli,
They have their place, I guess, But not to Mississippoli,
But first, send the Marines!		What do we do?	We send the Marines!

For might makes right,			Members of the corps
And till they've seen the light,	All hate the thought of war:
They've got to be protected,		They'd rather kill them off by
					peaceful means.
All their rights respected,		Stop calling it aggression--
Till somebody we like can be elected.	We hate that expression!
					We only want the world to know
					That we support the status quo;
					They love us everywhere we go,
					So when in doubt,
					Send the Marines!
		-- Tom Lehrer, "Send The Marines"
%%
When speculation has done its worst, two plus two still equals four.
		-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion.
		-- Ethiopian proverb
%%
When stupidity is a sufficient explanation, there is no need to have any
recourse to any other.
		-- Michael Uhlmann
%%
When subtlety fails us we must make do with cream pies.
		-- David Brin
%%
When taxes are due, Americans tend to feel quite bled-white and blue.
%%
When tempers flare up in the family,
Too great severity brings remorse.
Good fortune nonetheless.
When woman and child dally and laugh,
It leads in the end to humiliation.
%%
When the Beatles first came to America, Ringo Starr revealed the secret of
their success:
	"We have a press agent."
%%
When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.
		-- Billy Sunday
%%
When the Universe was not so out of whack as it is today, and all the
stars were lined up in their proper places, you could easily count them
from left to right, or top to bottom, and the larger and bluer ones
were set apart, and the smaller yellowing types pushed off to the
corners as bodies of a lower grade ...
		-- Stanislaw Lem, "The Cyberiad"
%%
When the biggest, richest, glassiest buildings i town are the banks, you know
that town's in trouble.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.
		-- Chinese proverb
%%
When the blossom grows white the potatoes are good.
%%
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never
talking about themselves.
%%
When the cup is full, carry it level.
%%
When the dragons grow too mighty
To slay with pen or sword,
I grow weary of the battle
And the storm I walk toward.
When all around is madness
And there's no safe port in view,
I long to turn my path homeward
To stop a while with you.

When life becomes as bare
And as cold as winter skies,
There's a beacon in the darkness,
In a distant pair of eyes.
In vain to search for honor
And in vain to search for truth,
But these things can still be given,
Your love has shown me through.
		-- Neil Peart, Rush
%%
When the dream came, I held my breath with my eyes closed.
I went insane, like a smoke ring day when the wind blows.
%%
When the end is lawful, the means are also lawful.
		-- Hermann Busenbaum (1600-1668)
%%
When the fencing team tried to wrap up the tournament,
they kept getting foiled.
%%
When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a
thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the
beginning of fairies.
		-- James Matthew Barrie
%%
When the fox gnaws -- smile!
%%
When the game-master smiles, it's already too late.
%%
When the going gets tough, the going gets tough.
%%
When the going gets tough, the tough eat lunch.
%%
When the going gets tough, the tough go grab a beer.
%%
When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.
%%
When the going gets tough, the tough hold meetings.
%%
When the going gets tough, the weird turn pro.
		-- Hunter S. Thompson
%%
When the going gets tough...
everyone quits.
%%
When the government bureau's remedies do not match your problem, you
modify the problem, not the remedy.
%%
When the government talks about "raising capital" it means printing it.
That's not very creative, but it's what we're going to do.
		-- Peter F. Drucker
%%
When the issue is simple, and everyone understands it,
debate is interminable.
		-- Robert Knowles
%%
When the law is against you, argue the facts. When the facts are against
you, argue the law. When both are against you, call the other lawyer names.
(To see this in action, watch L.A. Law)
%%
When the lay public rallies round an idea that is denounced by
distinguished but elderly scientists, and supports that idea with great
fervor and emotion -- the distinguished but elderly scientists are then,
after all, right.
		-- Isaac Asimov
%%
When the lights are out, all women are fair.
		-- Plutarch
%%
When the lodge meeting broke up, Meyer confided to a friend.  "Abe, I'm
in a terrible pickle!  I'm strapped for cash and I haven't the slightest
idea where I'm going to get it from!" "I'm glad to hear that" answered
Abe.  "I was afraid you might have the idea you could borrow from me!"
%%
When the need arises -- and it does -- you must be able to shoot your
own dog. Don't farm it out -- that doesn't make it nicer, it makes it
worse.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
When the only tool you have is a hammer,
every problem starts to look like a nail.
%%
When the philosopher's argument becomes tedious, complicated, and opaque, it
is usually a sign that he is attempting to prove as true to the intellect what
is plainly false to common sense. But men of intellect will believe anything--
if it appeals to their ego, their vanity, their sense of self-importance.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
When the polls are in your favor, flaunt them.
%%
When the polls are overwhelmingly unfavorable, (a) ridicule and dismiss
them or (b) stress the volatility of public opinion.
%%
When the polls are slightly unfavorable,
play for sympathy as a struggling underdog.
%%
When the polls are too close to call, be surprised at your own strength.
%%
When the prick stands up, the brains get buried in the ground.
		-- Old Jewish saying
%%
When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will perform
perfectly.
		-- Charles P. Boyle
%%
When the radio mentions a landslide, cross your fingers and hope it is
talking about an election.
%%
When the revolution comes, count your change.
%%
When the ribbon grass is pulled up, the sod comes with it.
Each according to his kind.
Perseverance brings good fortune and success.
%%
When the rich make war it's the poor that die.
		-- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980),
		   "Le Diable et le bon Dieu", 1951
%%
When the righteous man turneth away from his righteousness that he hath
committed and doeth that which is neither quite lawful nor quite right,
he generally be found to have gained in amiability what he has lost in
holiness.
		-- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
%%
When the situation is desperate, it is too late to be serious. Be playful.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
When the situation is hopeless, there's nothing to worry about.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
When the state is most corrupt, then the laws are most multiplied.
		-- Tacitus (55?-120?)
%%
When the sun beats down and I lie on the bench, I can always hear them talk,
Me, I'm just a lawnmower... you can tell me by the way I walk.
%%
When the sun shineth, make hay.
		-- John Heywood
%%
When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the confounding or perverting history or truth, inflating
the mind, or committing violence upon the understanding.
		-- Lady Montague
%%
When the well is dry, we know the worth of oil.
		-- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
When the wind is great, bow before it;
when the wind is heavy, yield to it.
%%
When the witch said Abradacabra, nothing happened.
She's a hopeless speller.
		-- Alan F. G. Lewis
%%
When the working day is done,
o-oh, girls just wanna have fun.
%%
When the world has once begun to use us ill, it afterwards continues the
same treatment with less scruple or ceremony, as men do to a whore.
		-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
When the writer has done his best, he then should proceed to do his second
best.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
When there are sufficient funds in the checking account, checks take two
weeks to clear.  When there are insufficient funds, checks clear overnight.
%%
When there are two conflicting versions of a story, the wise course is
to believe the one in which people appear at their worst.
		-- Avery
%%
When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge
placed at random and there are two cars only on that road, it follows
that: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions and (2) they
will always meet at the bridge.
		-- B. D. Firstbrook
%%
When there is an old maid in the house, a watch dog is unnecessary.
		-- Balzac
%%
When there is hoarfrost underfoot,
Solid ice is not far off.
%%
When there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage.
		-- Poor Richard
%%
When they asked a pert baggage name Alice,
Who'd been bedded and banged in the palace,
	"Was he modest or vain?"
	"Was he regal or plain?"
She replied, "He's a jolly good phallus!"
%%
When they kick at you front door, How you gonna come?
With your hands on your head or on the trigger of your gun.
When the law break in, How you gonna go?
Shot down on the pavement or waiting on death row.
		-- The Clash
%%
When they said Canada, I thought it would be up in the mountains
somewhere.
		-- Marilyn Monroe
%%
When they talk about taxing the rich, they're really talking about
taxing the working men and women of this country.
		-- President George Bush
%%
When they tell me to stick it where the sun don't shine, I put it in Oregon.
%%
When they want it bad (in a rush), they get it bad.
		-- John K. Meskimen
%%
When things are blackest, I just tell myself, "Cheer up, things could be
worse!" And sure enough, they get worse!
		-- Skeeve
%%
When things are going well, someone will experiment detrimentally.
		-- Charles P. Boyle
%%
When things are going well, something will go wrong.
Corollary: When things just can't get any worse, they will.
Corollary: Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked
	     something.
		-- Francis P. Chisholm
%%
When things don't go well they like to blame Presidents; and that's
something that Presidents are paid for.
		-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
When things go well, expect something to
explode, erode, collapse or just disappear.
%%
When things go wrong somewhere, they're apt to be wrong everywhere.
		-- Vermont Royster
%%
When this man straightens his head and puts it under his chin, he
gets some relief.
%%
When three people journey together,
Their number decreases by one.
When one man journeys alone,
He finds a companion.
%%
When time permits, your personal life will be exciting.
%%
When told he was making more per year than the President,
Babe Ruth replied, "Well, I had a better year than he did."
%%
When traveling with children on one's holidays, at least one child of
any number of children will request a rest room stop exactly half way
between any two given rest rooms.
		-- Mervyn Cripps
%%
When two goats met on a bridge which was to narrow to allow either to
pass or return, the goat which lay down that the other might walk over
it was a finer gentleman than Lord Chesterfield.
		-- Cecil
%%
When two men in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary.
		-- William Wrigley, Jr.
%%
When two people meet to decide how to spend a third person's money,
fraud will result.
		-- Herman Gross
%%
When voting on appropriations bills, more is not necessarily better.  It
is as wasteful to have a B-1 bomber in every garage as it is to have a
welfare program for every conceivable form of deprivation.
		-- Pierre S. du Pont
%%
When war is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
When was the last time you were drunk?
%%
When was the last time you were sober?
%%
When water freezes you can walk on it.	That is what Christ did long ago
in wintertime.
%%
When we are right we can afford to keep our tempers.
When we are wrong, we can't afford not to.
%%
When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.
%%
When we call others dogmatic, what we really object to is their holding
dogmas that are different from our own.
		-- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
When we cannot act as we wish, we must act as we can.
		-- Terrence
%%
When we jumped into Sicily, the units became separated, and I couldn't
find anyone.  Eventually I stumbled across two colonels, a major,
three captains, two lieutenants, and one rifleman, and we secured the
bridge.  Never in the history of war have so few been led by so many.
		-- General James Gavin
%%
When we return, our contestants will be placed in Final Jeopardy.
%%
When we say something happened by chance, we really mean we don't know what
caused it.
%%
When we see persons of worth, we should think of equaling them;
when we see persons of a contrary character,
we should turn inwards and examine ourselves.
		-- Confucius
%%
When we talk of tomorrow, the gods laugh.
%%
When we talk to God, we're praying.  When God talks to us, we're
schizophrenic.
		-- Lily Tomlin
%%
When we write programs that "learn,"
it turns out that we do and they don't.
%%
When women love us, they forgive us everything, even our crimes; when they
do not love us, they give us credit for nothing, not even our virtues.
		-- Balzac
%%
When wool sweaters are worn, classroom temperatures are 95 degrees
Fahrenheit.
		-- M. M. Johnston
%%
When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you're certain
you're finished with, you will need it instantly.
%%
When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you
know the answer (provided, of course, you know there is a problem).
%%
When writing these verses of mine,
I start with a clever last line,
    Then work backward from there,
    Toward the opening pair,
With the hopes it'll all work out fine.
[Only sometimes it doesn't.]
%%
When you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose.
%%
When you and I are far apart
Can sorrow break your tender heart?
I love you darling, yes I do;
Sleep is so sweet when I dream of you;
All you are is a blossoming rose.
Night is here so I must close.
With care read the first word of each line.
You will find a question of mine.
		-- Yours hopefully, The VAX
%%
When you are about to die, a wombat is better than no company at all.
%%
When you are aspiring to the highest place, it is honorable to reach the
second or even the third rank.
		-- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
When you are in a high place, do you get the urge to spit?
%%
When you are right be logical, when you are wrong be-fuddle.
		-- Gerard E. McKenna
%%
When you are sure you're right, you have a moral duty to impose your
will upon anyone who disagrees with you.
		-- Robert W. Mayer
%%
When you are working hard, get up and retch every so often.
%%
When you arrive at your campsite, it is full.
		-- Milt Barber
%%
When you become used to never being alone, you may consider yourself
Americanized.
%%
When you build a better mousetrap, what you often get is better-educated mice.
%%
When you can't do anything else to a boy,
you can make him wash his face.
		-- Ed Howe
%%
When you cannot make up your mind which of two evenly balanced courses
of action you should take -- choose the bolder.
		-- W. J. Slim
%%
When you care enough to send the very best, send MONEY!
%%
When you dig another out of trouble,
you've got a place to bury your own.
%%
When you divide people into _u_s and _t_h_e_m, you automatically become on
   one of _t_h_e_m.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
When you don't have an education, you've got to use your brains.
		-- Anonymous
%%
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
%%
When you don't know where you're going, any gust of wind will get you
there.
		-- Conservative columnist George F. Will, on George
		   Bush's foreign policy
%%
When you doubt, abstain.
		-- Zoroaster
%%
When you find that flowers and shrubs will not endure a certain
atmosphere, it is a very significant hint to the human creature to
remove out of that neighborhood.
		-- Mayhew
%%
When you find yourself in danger, when you're threatened by a stranger,
when it looks like you will take a lickin'...
There is one thing you should learn,
when there is no one else to turn to,
caaaall for Super Chicken    (**bwuck-bwuck-bwuck-bwuck**)
caaaall for Super Chicken !!
%%
When you find yourself shouting at the top of your lungs, remember this:
	The noisy thunder strikes nothing the silent lightening strikes
%%
When you get killed you lose an important part of your life.
		-- Brooke Shields
%%
When you get out of the hospital, let me back into your life.
I can't stand what you do, but I'm in love with your eyes.
%%
When you give up your dreams you die.
%%
When you go into court you are putting your fate in the hands of twelve
people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
		-- Norm Crosby
%%
When you go out to buy, don't show your silver.
%%
When you have a hammer in your hand, everything looks like a nail.
%%
When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.
		-- Harry S. Truman, 1959
%%
When you have finished your daily toil, go to bed and sleep in peace.
God is still awake.
		-- Victor Hugo (1802-1885)
%%
When you have nothing to say, say nothing.
		-- Charles Caleb Colton
%%
When you have spoken the word, it reigns over you.
When it is unspoken, you reign over it.
%%
When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.
		-- Sir Winston S. Churchill, On formal declarations of war
%%
When you have to make a choice and don't make it,
that in itself is a choice.
		-- William James
%%
When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.
%%
When you hold the canvas up to patch the sail, the sunlight streaming
through it reveals a map to sail by.
%%
When you jump for joy, beware that no one
moves the ground from beneath your feet.
		-- Stanislaw Lem
%%
When you live in a sick society, just about everything you do is wrong.
%%
When you look into the eyes of friends, there is a feeling in your
heart that will never end.
		-- The Monkees
%%
When you lose your power to laugh, you lose your power to think straight.
		-- Inherit The Wind
%%
When you need towns, they are very far apart.
		-- John Steinbeck (1902-1968)
%%
When you opponent is down, kick him.
		-- John Cameron
%%
When you outlaw rights, only outlaws will have rights.
		-- betz@gozer.idbsu.edu
%%
When you pass the buck, don't ask for change.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
When you reach what you have been striving for,
you may find that having is not such a great thing as wanting.
%%
When you read a classic you do not see in the book more than you did before.
You see more in you than there was before.
		-- Clifton Fadiman, "Any Number Can Play", 1957
%%
When you save for a long time to buy something, then you find that you can't
afford it - that's inflation.
%%
When you say Budweiser, you've said it all!
%%
When you say that you agree to a thing in principle you mean that
you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.
		-- Bismarck
%%
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
%%
When you speak to others for their own good it's advice;
when they speak to you for your own good it's interference.
%%
When you stay on the tracks, ignoring the facts, you can't blame
the wreck on the train.
		-- from the song, "You Can't Blame . . "
%%
When you stop doing you want to do, they will bury you.
%%
When you take stuff from one writer it's plagiarism;
but when you take it from many writers, it's research.
		-- Wilson Mizner
%%
When you transcend the medium, you have achieved art.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
When you use a thermometer, how do you tell if its oral or anal?
%%
When you were born, the doctor screamed, "Don't flush it!  It has eyes!"
%%
When you were born, the doctor slapped your mother.
%%
When you're 10 points behind and the polls open in a few hours, there's
not a hell of a lot you can do.
		-- Jody Powell
%%
When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way.  From your first cigarette,
to your last dying day.
%%
When you're born, a big chance was taken for you.
%%
When you're dining out and you suspect something's wrong,
you're probably right.
%%
When you're down and out, lift up your voice and shout, "I'M DOWN AND OUT"!
%%
When you're in command, command.
		-- Admiral Nimitz
%%
When you're mining, you mine for the gold, not the dirt.
%%
When you're out of slits, you're out of pier.
%%
When you're ready to give up the struggle, who can you surrender to?
%%
When you're up to your ass in alligators, it is difficult to keep your
mind on the fact that your primary objective is to drain the swamp.
%%
When you're up to your nose in shit, keep your mouth shut.
		-- Jack Beauregard
%%
When you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen them all.
%%
When your conscious becomes unconscious, you are drunk.
When your unconscious becomes conscious, you are stoned.
%%
When your life is a leaf that the seasons tear off and condemn
They will bind you with love that is graceful and green as a stem.
		-- Leonard Cohen, "Sisters of Mercy"
%%
When your memory goes, forget it!
%%
When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
		-- Henry J. Kaiser
%%
Whenever A annoys or injures B on the pretense of saving or improving X,
A is a scoundrel.
		-- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
Whenever I feel like exercise,
I lie down until the urge passes.
%%
Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to
see it tried on him personally.
		-- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
Whenever I read "Time" or "Newsweek" or such magazines, I wash my hands
afterward. But how to wash off the small but odious stain such reading leaves
on the mind?
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Whenever I see a photograph of some sportsman grinning over his kill, I am
always impressed by the striking moral and esthetic superiority of the dead
animal to the live one.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Whenever Richard Cory went downtown,
	We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
	Clean-favored, and imperially slim.
And he was always quietly arrayed,
	And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
	"Good morning," and he glittered when he walked.
And he was rich--yes, richer than a king--
	And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
	To make us wish that we were in his place.
So on we worked, and waited for the light,
	And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
	Went home and put a bullet through his head.
		-- E. A. Robinson [Richard Cory]
%%
Whenever in time, and wherever in the universe, any man speaks or writes
in any detail about the technical management of a poem, the resulting
irascibility of the reader's response is a constant.
		-- Francis P. Chisholm
%%
Whenever one finds oneself inclined to bitterness,
it is a sign of emotional failure.
		-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
Whenever one word or letter can change the entire meaning of a sentence,
the probability of an error being made will be in direct proportion to
the embarrassment it will cause.
		-- Bob Considine
%%
Whenever possible, steal code.
		-- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
Whenever science makes a discovery, the devil grabs it while the angels
are debating the best way to use it.
%%
Whenever the abbot craves fun,
He summons the same willing one:
	A hot-pantied sister
	Who makes his dong blister!
She is known as his sine qua nun!
%%
Whenever the cause of the people is entrusted to professors it is lost.
		-- Nikolai Lenin
%%
Whenever two hypotheses cover the facts, use the simpler of the two.
%%
Whenever you are angry, be assured that it is not only a present evil,
but that you have increased a habit.
		-- Epictetus
%%
Where I come from, when a Catholic marries a Lutheran it is considered the
first step on the road to Minneapolis.
		-- Garrison Keillor
%%
Where all men think alike, no one thinks very much.
		-- Walter Lippmann
%%
Where am I ? Who am I ? Am I ? I
%%
Where ambition can cover its enterprises, even to the person himself,
under the appearance of principle, it is the most incurable and
inflexible of passions.
		-- David Hume
%%
Where are kings usually crowned?
 On the head
%%
Where are the calculations that go with the calculated risk?
		-- Amrom Katz
%%
Where are your chain and ball??
%%
Where do I pick up my radiation suit?
My, what a lovely glow!
Is that your child?  What a darling little mutant!
%%
Where do all the "real men" eat in San Francisco?
Oakland.
%%
Where do astronauts go on their vacations?
All over Florida!
%%
Where do polar bears vote?
The North Poll.
%%
Where do we get virgin wool?
Ugly sheep.
%%
Where do you find a frog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
%%
Where do you think all those demons come from? From Hell, of course.
%%
Where do you think the hell is located? It must be deep, deep down.
%%
Where everything is bad it must be good to know the worst.
		-- Francis H. Bradley
%%
Where have you ever found that man who stopped short after the
perpetration of a single crime?
		-- Juvenal
%%
Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise.
		-- Gray
%%
Where is John Carson now that we need him?
		-- RLG
%%
Where is shopdoor?
%%
Where is the guard?
%%
Where is the man who has the power and skill
To stem the torrent of a woman's will?
For if she will, she will, you may depend on't;
And if she won't, she won't; so there's an end on't.
		-- Canterbury "Examiner", 31 May 1829
%%
Where is there dignity unless there is honesty?
%%
Where knowledge is free
%%
Where love is there is no labor; and if there be labor,
that labor is loved.
		-- Austin
%%
Where necessity ends, curiosity begins; and no sooner are we supplied
with every thing that nature can demand, than we sit down to contrive
artificial appetites.
		-- Johnson
%%
Where no hope is left, is left no fear.
		-- Milton
%%
Where possible, preserve the President's options -- he will very likely
need them.
		-- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
Where principle is involved, be deaf to expediency.
%%
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
into that dreary desert sands of dead habit
%%
Where the hell is Wall Drug?
%%
Where the lies are dreams and the lies cost.
%%
Where the mind is lead forward by thee into ever widening thought and
action
%%
Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high
%%
Where the system is concerned, you're not allowed to ask "Why?".
%%
Where the words come out from the depths of truth
%%
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
by narrow domestic walls
%%
Where there are visible vapors, having their prevenance
in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.
%%
Where there is fear, there is no religion.
		-- Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948)
%%
Where there is much light there is also much shadow.
		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
Where there is much light, the shadow is deep.
		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
Where there is much pretension, much has been borrowed; nature never
pretends.
		-- Lavater
%%
Where there is no vision, people perish.
		-- Proverbs 29:18
%%
Where there's a whip there's a way.
%%
Where there's a will, I want to be part of it.
%%
Where tireless striving stretches its arms toward perfection
%%
Where true love has found a home, every new hear forms one more ring
around the hearts of those who love each other, so that in the end they
cannot live apart.
		-- Julius Stinde
%%
Where was that stooped and mealy-colored man I used to call poppa
when the merry-go-round broke down?
		-- Joseph Heller,"Catch-22"
%%
Where will it all end?
Probably somewhere near where it all began.
%%
Where would a shellfish sue for damages?  In a small clams court.
		-- Oliver M. Neshamkin
%%
Where you stand depends on where you sit.
		-- Rufus Miles [HEW]
%%
Where your nightmares end ... Terror begins.  Willard.
%%
Where's my other sock?
%%
Where's the beef, Hey where's the beef?
%%
Where's the good scissors?
%%
Where's there's a will, there's a relative.
%%
Where, oh where, are you tonight?
Why did you leave me here all alone?
I searched the world over,
And I thought I'd found true love,
You met another and [Bronx cheer] you were gone!
		-- Hee Haw
%%
Whereas each man claims his freedom as a matter of right, the freedom he
accords other men is a matter of tolerance.
		-- Walter Lippmann
%%
Whereas in many branches of economic activity employment depends on the
number of job openings available, in the public service, as also in the
advertising business, social science investigation, and university
administration, the level of unemployment regularly depends on the
number of men available and devoting their time to the creation of job
opportunities.
%%
Whereas in the past the only resource for dealing with biological
systems was to try to minimize the interactions between the parts,
thereby often losing the real focus of interest, today nothing but time
and money prevent us from treating real biological systems in all their
complexity and richness.
		-- W. Ross Ashby
%%
Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent.
		-- Ludwig Wittgenstein
%%
Wherever is love and loyalty, great purposes and lofty souls, even
though in a hovel or mine, there is a fairy-land.
		-- Kingsley
%%
Wherever public spirit prevails, liberty is secure.
		-- Noah Webster
%%
Wherever there is a crowd there is untruth.
		-- Soren Kierkegaard
%%
Wherever you go...There you are.
		-- Buckaroo Banzai
%%
Wherever your journey takes you, there are new gods waiting there, with
divine patience - and laughter.
%%
Whether he is his brother's keeper or his keeper's brother.
		-- Evan Esar
%%
Whether weary or unweary, O man, do not rest,
Do not cease your single-handed struggle.
Go on, do not rest.
		-- An old Gujarati hymn
%%
Which of the Himalayas is the shortest?
		-- Steve Connelly
%%
Which of the following doesn't belong?
	(a) meat
	(b) eggs
	(c) wife
	(d) blowjob.
Answer: (d) a blowjob because it's possible to beat your meat, your
eggs, or your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.
%%
Which one do you mean?
%%
Which stock please?
%%
Which way?
%%
Which word didn't you understand?
%%
Which would you rather have,
a bursting planet or an earthquake here and there?
		-- John Joseph Lynch
%%
While I, with my usual enthusiasm,
Was exploring in Ermintrude's busiasm,
	She explained, "They are flat,
	But think nothing of that --
You will find that my sweet sister Susiasm."
%%
While Pres. Reagan was at the summit meeting for the INF treaty,
Gorbachev leans over and asks :

   "Mr. Raygun, could you please do me a favor?"
   "Sure, pal, what is it ?"
   "Well, here in the USSR, we have shortages of certain items.  One of
   these is prophylactics.  I need for you to obtain for me some fine
   American rubbers!"
   "Sure pal, you've got it!"
   "But Mr. Raygun, I require SPECIAL rubbers!	They must be 14 inches
   long and six inches in diameter.  Can you oblige?"
   "Sure" gulped Reagan, and off he went back to the US.

   Later, in the Board room of BG Goofrich, the president asks of the
   CEO, "Hey, I'm in a jam.  I need you guys to make me special batch of
   rubbers.  They must be 14 inches long and six inches in diameter,
   Ok?? Also, I want the following words printed on them.  On one side,
   I want 'Made in the USA', and on the other side I want printed
   'Extra Small'."
%%
While Titian was mixing rose madder
His model ascended the ladder
	Her position to titian
	Suggested coition
So he mounted the ladder and had her
%%
While bryographic plants are typically encountered in substrata of
earthly or mineral matter in concreted state, discrete substrata
elements occasionally display a roughly spherical configuration which,
in presence of suitable gravitational and other effects, lends itself to
combined translatory and rotational motion.  One notices in such cases
an absence of the otherwise typical accretion of bryophyta.  We
therefore conclude that a rolling stone gathers no moss.
%%
While critiquing a survey intended for mothers of infants, I came
across the following question:
    Have you ever breast fed your baby?
	  a) Yes   b) No   c) Don't Know
%%
While farmers generally allow one rooster for ten hens,
ten men are scarcely sufficient to service one woman.
		-- Boccaccio
%%
While filming a chase scene in a movie, the robbers were using a
hearse for their get-a-way car, they went around a corner and the back
door flew open and the casket slid out the back.  The director yells,
"Cut!  You'd better go back and rehearse that!"
%%
While his duchess lay practically dead,
The Duke of Daguerrodargue said:
	"Can it be this is all?
	How puny! How small!
Have destroyed this disgrace to my bed."
		-- Edward Gorey
%%
While human capacities to shape the environment, society, and human
beings are rapidly increasing, policymaking capabilities to use those
capacities remain the same.
		-- Yehezkel Dror
%%
While it cannot be proved retrospectively that any experience of
possession, conversion, revelation, or divine ecstasy was merely an
epileptic discharge, we must ask how one differentiates "real
transcendence" from neuropathies that produce the same extreme realness,
profundity, ineffability, and sense of cosmic unity.  When accounts of
sudden religious conversions in TLEs [temporal-lobe epileptics] are laid
alongside the epiphanous revelations of the religious tradition, the
parallels are striking.  The same is true of the recent spate of alleged
UFO abductees.	Parsimony alone argues against invoking spirits, demons,
or extraterrestrials when natural causes will suffice.
		-- Barry L. Beyerstein, "Neuropathology and the Legacy
		   of Spiritual Possession",
		   The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII, No. 3, pg. 255
%%
While not actually a sailor, I certainly enjoy getting blown ashore.
%%
While our economy may be beset by difficulty, it should not be beset
by doubt.
		-- President George Bush, February 1991
%%
While out on a date in his Fiat,
The man exclaimed "Where's my key at?"
	As he bent down to seek,
	She let out a shriek:
"That's not where its likely to be at."
%%
While spending the winter at Pau
Lady Pamela forgot to say "No."
	So the head-porter made her
	The second-cook laid her;
The waiters were all hanging low.
%%
While the State exists, there is no freedom.
When there is freedom, there is no State.
		-- Nikolai Lenin
%%
While the difficulties and dangers of problems tend to increase at a
geometric rate, the knowledge and manpower qualified to deal with these
problems tend to increase at an arithmetic rate.
		-- Yehezkel Dror
%%
While the public says it wants a good Congressman, it votes for good
politicians.
		-- Otis Pike
%%
While there's life, there's hope.
		-- Publius Terentius Afer (Terence)
%%
While vacationing last summer in the North Woods, a young fellow thought it
might be a good idea to write his girl.  He had brought no stationery with him,
however; so he had to walk into town for some.	Entering the one and only
general store, he discovered that the clerk was a young, full-blown farm
girl with languorous eyes.
	"Do you keep stationery?" he asked.
	"Well," she giggled, "I do until the last few seconds, and
then I just go wild."
%%
While walking down a crowded
City street the other day,
I heard a little urchin
To a comrade turn and say,
"Say, Chimmey, lemme tell youse,
I'd be happy as a clam
If only I was de feller dat
Me mudder t'inks I am.

"She t'inks I am a wonder,		My friends, be yours a life of toil
An' she knows her little lad		Or undiluted joy,
Could never mix wit' nuttin'		You can learn a wholesome lesson
Dat was ugly, mean or bad.		From that small, untutored boy.
Oh, lot o' times I sit and t'ink	Don't aim to be an earthly saint
How nice, 'twould be, gee whiz! With eyes fixed on a star:
If a feller was de feller		Just try to be the fellow that
Dat his mudder t'inks he is."		Your mother thinks you are.
		-- Will S. Adkin, "If I Only Was the Fellow"
%%
While we are sleeping, two-thirds of the world is plotting to do us in.
		-- Dean Rusk
%%
While you recently had your problems on the run,
they've regrouped and are making another attack.
%%
While you're chewing, think of STEVEN SPIELBERG'S bank account ...  his
will have the same effect as two "STARCH BLOCKERS"!
%%
Whilst thou livest keep a good tongue in thy head.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Whip it!  Whip it good.
%%
Whip it, baby.
Whip it right.
Whip it, baby.
Whip it all night!
%%
Whistler's mother is off her rocker.
%%
White House Chief of staff Donald Regan, testifying
before the Sarah Whitman Hooker Chapter of the Daughters
of the Select Committee on Chicanery, said he was unaware,
until recently, of the existance of Iran and that the
entire fiasco is the work of Robert (Bud) McFarlane,
Oliver (Crazy Legs) North, John (Sugar Lips) Poindexter
and Lorne (Gump) Worsley.
%%
White House carpenters have reworked the master bedroom, remodeling it
so that Ronnie can sleep with his head in the hall.  That way, by the
time he wakes up, somebody will have already shined his hair.
%%
White House officials worry that the coming evaluations of the `first
hundred days' will suggest that the President... has no agenda, no
money, no strategy, no ideology, no worldview, and no explanation for
his mysterious role in the Iran-contra scandal.
		-- The New York Times, Day 85 of the Bush presidency
%%
White as snow and snow it isn't
Green as grass, and grass it isn't
Red as blood and blood it isn't
Black as ink, and ink it isn't.
 A blackberry,
 (White bloom,
  green, red, black berry)
%%
White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
%%
White sandstone cliffs tower overhead, forming an impassable
barrier to the north. There is a small trail winding steeply
up the cliffs. The cliffs stretch away to the west and east,
plunging into the ocean in the latter direction.
%%
Whitehead's Law:
	The obvious answer is always overlooked.
%%
Whitesville, Delaware, deems it disorderly conduct for a woman
to offer a marriage proposal during a leap year.
%%
Whittaker:  When shouldn't a mountain climber call for help?
Edmond:  When he's hanging by his teeth.
%%
Who are the artists in the Computer Graphics Show?  Wavefront's latest
box, or the people who programmed it?  Should Mandelbrot get all the
credit for the output of programs like MandelVroom?
		-- Peter da Silva, peter@ficc.uu.net
%%
Who are those guys?
%%
Who are you to take away others' angels, just because
you think it's in their best interest?
		-- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
%%
Who bravely dares must sometimes risk a fall.
		-- Tobias G. Smollett
%%
Who can protest and does not, is an accomplice in the act.
		-- The Talmud (Sabbath, 54 b.)
%%
Who can take the demands of the SDS seriously?
		-- Nathan Pusey
%%
Who controls the past controls the future.
Who controls the present controls the past.
		-- George Orwell (1903-1950), "1984", 1948
%%
Who cuts the grass on Walton's Mountain?
Lawn Boy.
%%
Who dares nothing, need hope for for nothing.
		-- Johann von Schiller
%%
Who dares sit before the Queen with his hat on?
 Her Coachman
%%
Who dat who say "who dat" when I say "who dat"?
		-- Hattie McDaniel
%%
Who do I have to sleep with to get off of this project?
%%
Who do you hire to build an ivory tower?
Deconstruction workers.
%%
Who does not love wine, women, and song,
Remains a fool his whole life long.
		-- Johann Heinrich Voss
%%
Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.
		-- Lao Tsu
%%
Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?
		-- Marlowe
%%
Who fears t' offend takes the first step to please.
		-- Cibber
%%
Who glued the cup to the table?
%%
Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.
		-- Thomas Tusser
%%
Who gossips to you will gossip of you.
%%
Who greased the grape viiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnneeeeeeeeee........
		-- Tarzan
%%
Who has something good to say?
%%
Who holds a power but newly gained is ever stern of mood.
		-- Aeschylus
%%
Who holds the souls of children, holds the nation.
%%
Who in the name of God would bring a half-eaten eight-ounce jar of Hellman's
 mayonnaise to a public meeting?
		-- Tom Wolfe, "Bonfire of the Vanities"
%%
Who is D. B. Cooper, and where is he now?
%%
Who is John Gault?
%%
Who is W. O. Baker, and why is he saying those terrible things about me?
%%
Who knows a fool, must know his brother; for one will recommend another.
		-- Poor Richard
%%
Who knows for what we live, and struggle, and die? ...
Wise men write many books, in words too hard to understand.
But this, the purpose of our lives, the end of all our struggle,
is beyond all human wisdom.
		-- Alan Paton, "Cry, The Beloved Country", 1948
%%
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?  The shadow knows!
%%
Who knows?  It all feels the same in the dark.
%%
Who loves ya, baby?
%%
Who loves, raves -- 'tis youth's phrenzy;
but the cure Is bitterer still.
		-- Byron
%%
Who makes quick use of the moment, is a genius of prudence.
		-- Johann Kaspar Lavater
%%
Who needs astrology? The wise man gets by on fortune cookies.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Who needs companionship when you can sit alone in your room and drink?
%%
Who on earth would eat a charred caterpillar!?
No, no, you SINGE 'em!	You SINGE 'em and eat 'em!
%%
Who plays the rogue, be perfect in his part.
		-- Erskine
%%
Who purposely cheats his friend, would cheat his God.
		-- Lavater
%%
Who says you can't have it all?
	a. Michelob Light.
	b. Heidegger.
	c. The IRS.
		-- A sane man
%%
Who sees with equal eye, as God of all,
A hero perish or a sparrow fall.
Who shall decide when doctors disagree,
And sound casuists doubt like you and me?
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
Who shall decide when doctors disagree,
   And sound casuists doubt like you and me?
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
Who shall guard the guardians themselves?
%%
Who so e'er shall pull the sword from this stone shall rightwise be king
of all England.
		-- a rock
%%
Who soars too near the sun, with golden wings, melts them;
to ruin his own fortune brings.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Who stole my underwear?
%%
Who stole the cork from my breakfast?
		-- W. C. Fields
%%
Who then is free?  The wise man who can command himself.
		-- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Who thinks it only frivolous flim-flam.
		-- Martial
%%
Who to himself is law no law doth need,
offends no law, and is a king indeed.
		-- George Chapman
%%
Who took the MMMMMM out of MURINE?
%%
Who was Alexander Graham Kowalski?
The first telephone Pole.
%%
Who was that masked man?
%%
Who was the first computer expert ever?
Eve, because she had an Apple in one hand and a Wang in the other.
%%
Who was the most elastic man in the Bible?
Mohab, because he hitched his ass to a tree and walked nine miles.
%%
Who was the world's first underwater spy?
James Pond.
%%
Who will protect the public when the police violate the law?
		-- Ramsey Clark
%%
Who will see us in museums?  Who will dust today's belongings?
Who will tell the stories of the way things used to be?
%%
Who will take care of the world after you're gone?
%%
Who's afraid of ARPA?
%%
Who's afraid of the garbage collector?
%%
Who's on first, what's on second, I don't know's on third.
%%
Who's scruffy-looking?
		-- Han Solo
%%
Whoah, you smell bad.
%%
Whoever admits that he is too busy to improve his methods has
acknowledged himself to be at the end of his rope.  And that is always
the saddest predicament which anyone can get into.
		-- J. Ogden Armour
%%
Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not
become a monster.  And when you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks
into you.
		-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900), "Jenseits von Gut und Bose"
%%
Whoever has the most toys when he dies, wins.
%%
Whoever has the most when he dies... WINS!
%%
Whoever hunts deer without the forester
Only loses his way in the forest.
The superior man understands the signs of the time
And prefers to desist.
To go on brings humiliation.
%%
Whoever preserves a single thought uncorrupted by any concession to the
will of others, whoever brings into reality a matchstick or a patch of
garden made in the image of his thought -- he, and to that extent, is
a man, and that extent is the sole measure of his virtue.  They made no
concessions.  This (the valley) is the measure of what they preserved
and what they are.
		-- Hugh Akston
%%
Whoever serves his country well has no need of ancestors.
		-- Voltaire (1694-1778)
%%
Whoever thought up "It's only a game" probably just lost one.
%%
Whoever would lie usefully should lie seldom.
%%
Whoever you are -- you who are alone with my words in this moment,
with nothing but your honesty to help you understand -- the choice
is still open to be a human being, but the price is to start from
scratch, to stand naked in the face of reality, and, reversing a
costly historical error, to declare:  'I am, therefore I'll think.'
		-- John Galt
%%
Wholly without foundation, informed sources insist, are rumors that John
Anderson will announce a running-mate just as soon as he receives a
confidential medical advisory on the feasibility of his being cloned.
		-- National Review
%%
Whom the gods would destroy they first make mad.
%%
Whoops, stepped on a frog.
%%
Whosoever commands the sea commands the trade; whosoever commands the
trade of the world commands the riches of the world, and, consequently
the world itself.
		-- Sir Walter Raleigh
%%
Whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other
also.  And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat,
let him have thy cloak also.
		-- Matthew V, 39
%%
Why I oppose the nuclear-arms race: I prefer the human race.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Why a man would want a wife is a big mystery to some people.
Why a man would want *two* wives is a bigamystery.
%%
Why administrators are respected and schoolteachers are not: An administrator
is paid a lot for doing very little, while a teacher is paid very little for
doing a lot.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Why am I not married? -
Because there is no woman who can whip me!
%%
Why are <ethnic> toilet paper rolls 2 miles long?
The first 1.5 miles are instructions.
%%
Why are Jewish men circumcised?
Because Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't at least 20% off.
%%
Why are electrons patriotic?
Because they go to the poles and volt.
%%
Why are many scientists using lawyers for medical experiments instead of rats?
 a) They can't tell the difference.
 b) There are more lawyers than rats.
 c) The scientist's don't become as emotionally attached to them.
 d) There are some things that even rats won't do for money.
%%
Why are many scientists using lawyers for medical
experiments instead of rats?

	a)  There are more lawyers than rats.
	b)  The scientist's don't become as
	    emotionally attached to them.
	c)  There are some things that even rats
	    won't do for money.
%%
Why are programmers criticized for re-inventing the wheel, when car
manufacturers are praised for it?
%%
Why are synogoges round?

So the jewish people have nowhere to run when they pass out the
collection plate.
%%
Why are the good women married?
%%
Why are we all put here to suffer and die?
%%
Why are you looking down here? The joke is above!
%%
Why are you looking for more knowledge when you do not pay attention to what
you already know?
%%
Why are you so dull?
%%
Why are you so hard to ignore?
%%
Why are you wasting time reading taglines?
%%
Why are you watching
The washing machine?
I love entertainment
So long as it's clean.

Professor Doberman:
	While the preceding poem is unarguably a change from the guarded
pessimism of "The Hound of Heaven," it cannot be regarded as an unqualified
improvement.  Obscurity is of value only when it tends to clarify the poetic
experience.  As much as one is compelled to admire the poem's technique, one
must question whether its byplay of complex literary allusions does not in
fact distract from the unity of the whole.  In the final analysis, one
receives the distinct impression that the poem's length could safely have
been reduced by a factor of eight or ten without sacrificing any of its
meaning.  It is to be hoped that further publication of this poem can be
suspended pending a thorough investigation of its potential subversive
implications.
%%
Why ask me?  It's your program!
%%
Why be a man when you can be a success?
		-- Bertolt Brecht
%%
Why be difficult when with a little more effort you can be impossible?
%%
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
They keep falling through the holes in his hands.
%%
Why can't we just spell it orderves?
%%
Why can't you be unique and original like everybody else?
%%
Why did (neighboring hated state) raise the drinking age to 31?
To keep the high schoolers out of the bars.
%%
Why did Douglas Hofstadter cross the road?  To make this riddle possible
%%
Why did God create women?
     Sheep can't cook.
%%
Why did God give Mexicans noses?
    So they would have something to pick in the off season.
%%
Why did God invent booze?
    So that fat and ugly girls can get laid too
%%
Why did Texas get the Aggies and San Francisco get the gays?
San Francisco had first choice.
%%
Why did the Albanion working class revolt?
%%
Why did the LDS couple stop after three children?
Because they read that every fourth child born is Chinese.
%%
Why did the Pillsbury Girl get pregnant?
Because the Pillsbury Boy forgot his Wiener Wrap!
%%
Why did the Postal Service have to cancel the Ronald Reagan stamp?
Because people kept spitting on the wrong side.
%%
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was nailed to a chicken.
%%
Why did the elephant paint a white stripe down his back?
...So he wouldn't get seen on the freeway.  Never seen
an elephant on the freeway have you? Work's don't it.
%%
Why did the elephant paint his toenails blue?
...So he could hide in the bubblegum jar.
%%
Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
...So he could hide in the apple tree.
%%
Why did the hospital poker game come to an abrupt end?
The leper threw in his hand.
%%
Why did the leper hockey game end?
There was a face-off in the corner.
%%
Why did the little Moron take his nose apart?
To see what made it run!
%%
Why did the lone ranger kill Tonto?
He found out what "kimosabe" means.
%%
Why did the moron jump off the Empire State Building?
He wanted to make a hit on Broadway.
%%
Why did the moron take his kneecap off?
To see if there was any beer in the joint!
%%
Why did the moron throw the clock out the window?
To see time fly!
%%
Why did the mouse run up the elephants leg twice?
...The first time he got Pissed Off.
%%
Why did the orange lose his job at the orange juice factory?
 -- He couldn't consentrate!
%%
Why did the program counter increment?
To get to the next instruction.
%%
Why did they hang the picture?	They couldn't find the artist.
%%
Why do <ethnic>s put ice in their condoms?
It keeps the swelling down.
%%
Why do Californians have car accidents?
So they can meet their neighbors.
%%
Why do Edmontonians smell?
  So blind people can hate them too.
%%
Why do Elephants have four feet?
...ten inches just isn't enough.
%%
Why do I get the impression that when politicians talk of "family values"
in government, they really mean "treat the voters like children?"
		-- Mark J Bradakis mjb@triumph.cs.utah.edu
%%
Why do I live in the desert? Because the desert is the *locus Dei*.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Why do I write? I write to entertain my friends and to exasperate our enemies.
To unfold the folded lie, to record to truth of our time, and, of course, to
promote esthetic bliss.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Why do Scottsmen wear kilts??
Simple...the sound of zippers scare the sheep....
%%
Why do all obscene phone callers sound like they have asthma?
%%
Why do basketball players have so many children?
They dribble before they shoot.
%%
Why do five pins seem like a little, but five elephants seem like a lot?
%%
Why do fools fall in love?
%%
Why do scottish people refuse to buy refrigerators?
They don't believe that the light will go out when you close the door.
%%
Why do seagulls live near the sea?
Because if they lived near the bay, they'd be called bagels.
%%
Why do so many computer nerds have pictures of beautiful girls in
their X background windows?

That's the only way they will ever have a chance to point at a pretty
girl and say "She's my X girlfriend."
%%
Why do so many foods come packaged in plastic?	It's quite uncanny.
%%
Why do the marines send three men out on a patrol?
One to read the map and two to guard the intellectual.
%%
Why do they call a fast a fast, when it goes so slow?
%%
Why do tigers live in the jungle?
They hate city traffic.
%%
Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?
%%
Why do women have more trouble with hemmoriods than men?
Because God made man the perfect asshole.
%%
Why do women have periods?
 Because they deserve them.
%%
Why do women love Pacman?
Only place you can get eaten three times for a quarter.
%%
Why do you boil water when babies are born?
So that if they're born dead, you can make soup.
%%
Why do you think they call it "find"?
%%
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife left him.  But things are looking up for their
reconciliation.  Seems that when she left, she stole his word
processor, and she's been renting it out occasionally in Japan.
That is, every now and then she gets a yen for his Wang.
%%
Why does Noriega have so many holes in his face?
From learning to eat with a fork!!!!!
%%
Why does a hearse horse snicker, hauling a lawyer away?
		-- Carl Sandburg
%%
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
%%
Why does the evening, does the night, put warmer love in our hearts?  Is
it the nightly pressure of helplessness?  Or is it the exalting
separation from the turmoils of life, that veiling of the world in which
for the soul nothing there remains but souls?  It is therefore that the
letters in which the loved name stands written in our spirit appears
like phosphorous writing by night, in fire, while by day, in their
cloudy traces, they but smoke?
		-- Richter
%%
Why does this magnificent applied science, which saves work and makes
life easier, bring us so little happiness?  The simple answer runs:
Because we have not yet learned to make sensible use of it.
		-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
Why doesn't everybody leave everybody else the hell alone?
		-- Jimmy Durante
%%
Why doesn't life come with subtitles?
%%
Why doesn't the Bat Computer ever crash?
%%
Why don't Edmontonians play hide and seek?
Because nobody wants to find them
%%
Why don't Scotsmen ever have coffee the way they like it?
Well, they like it with two lumps of sugar,
	but if they drink it at home, they only take one,
	and if they drink it while visiting, they always take three.
%%
Why don't hockey players have children?
They shoot before they score.
%%
Why don't somebody print the truth about our present economic condition?
We spent years of wild buying on credit, everything under the sun,
whether we needed it or not, and now we are having to pay for it,
howling like a pet coon.  This would be a great world to dance in if we
didn't have to pay the fiddler.
		-- Will Rogers
%%
Why don't you adopt an old octopus?
%%
Why don't you become a gump?
%%
Why don't you become turtle brained?
%%
Why don't you come up and see me sometime?
		-- Mae West
%%
Why don't you eat a gazelle?
%%
Why don't you fix your little problem... and light this candle?
		-- Alan Shepherd [the first man into space, Gemini program]
%%
Why don't you give yourself a treat?  Paint all your mirrors.
%%
Why don't you go check into a Roach Motel?
%%
Why don't you humans leave me alone?
%%
Why don't you live with a racoon and lick a moose?
%%
Why don't you move to Russia?
%%
Why don't you pair 'em up in threes?
		-- Yogi Berra
%%
Why don't you put on a tutu and go to a leather bar?
%%
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like thumbscrews.
%%
Why don't you take a stress pill and think things over Dave?
%%
Why don't you try slipping on a pair of water moccasins?
%%
Why don't you write books people can read?  -- Nora Joyce, to her
husband
%%
Why dont chickens wear underwear?
Their peckers are on their faces.
%%
Why dost thou court that baneful pest, ambition?
		-- Potter
%%
Why explore the Universe? It is almost ironic that we should have to ask this
question because it is almost as though we have to apologize for our highest
attributes... we went to Mars, not because of our technology, but because of
our imagination.
		-- Norman Cousins
%%
Why fall in love when there's better things to do?
%%
Why fire engines are red:

Two plus two makes four.  Three times four makes twelve.  There are
twelve inches in a ruler.  Queen Elizabeth is a ruler.	Queen Elizabeth
is also a boat.  Boats sail on the ocean.  Fish live in the ocean.  Fish
have fins.  The Finns fought the Russians.  The Russians are red.  And
that's why fire engines are red, because they're Rushin' all over!
%%
Why get even, when you can get odd?
%%
Why good morning, I'm the bluebird of fellatio!
%%
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
%%
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
%%
Why is Cinderella such a bad soccer player?
She keeps running away from the ball!
%%
Why is Cinderella such a bad tennis player?
Her coach is a pumpkin!
%%
Why is Gerald Ratner so successful?  In just six years the Englishman has
parlayed a two-karat family business into the world's largest jewelry
retailer, with 1,000 stores in the U.S. (under the names Kay and Sterling)
and an equal number in Britain.  In a speech last week at London's Albert
Hall before the annual convention of the prestigious Institute of Directors,
Ratner, 41, offered a four-point program for becoming a multimillionaire.

Rule No. 1:  Understand your market.  His stores, he says, sell "cheap and
tacky products."  Rule No. 2: Form clear quality goals. "We also do cut-glass
sherry decanters complete with six glasses on a silver-plated tray -- that
your butler can serve you drinks on -- all for 4.95 [$8.73].  People say,
`How can you sell this for such a low price?'  I say because it is total
crap."	Rule No. 3: Evaluate how your products stacks up against all the
competition.  "We even sell a pair of earrings for under 1 [$1.76], which
is cheaper than a prawn sandwich from Marks and Spencer.  But I have to say
the earrings probably won't last as long."  Oh, yes, and Rule No. 4: Don't
write your own speeches.
		-- Time magazine, May 6, 1991
%%
Why is Marianne Gravatte looking at me that way?
%%
Why is Oprah Winfrey's lawn covered in AstroTurf?
To keep her from grazing.
%%
Why is a duck?
%%
Why is a fat girl like a moped?

		Both are fun but you wouldn't like your
		friends to see you.
%%
Why is it everyone asks of me but no one asks for me?
%%
Why is it no one ever sent me yet
	One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it's always just my luck to get
	One perfect rose.
		-- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967), "One Perfect Rose"
%%
Why is it taking so long for her to bring out all the good in you?
%%
Why is it that people consider it impolite to speak when the mouth is full,
but quite routine to speak when the head is empty?
%%
Why is it that people who know nothing are so quick to prove it?
%%
Why is it that stupid questions are so hard to answer?
%%
Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation
function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?
That's the Law of Spline Demand.
%%
Why is it that you always have to rummage through the wastebasket for a
note right after you've just emptied your ashtray?
%%
Why is it you never see the headline, "PSYCHIC WINS LOTTERY"
%%
Why is it, whenever a group of internationalists get together, they
always decide that Uncle Sam must be the goat?
		-- Bertrand H. Snell
%%
Why is man doomed to have only one erogenous zone?
%%
Why is the alphabet in that order?
		-- Steven Wright
%%
Why is there a watermelon there?
I'll explain later.
		-- "Buckaroo Banzai"
%%
Why isn't there some cheap and easy way to prove how much she means to me?
%%
Why kill time when you can kill yourself?
%%
Why knock on a #?
%%
Why listen to reason when insanity prevails.
%%
Why look here for the joke? It's all around us.
%%
Why marry a virgin?  If she wasn't good enough for the rest of them
then she isn't good enough for you.
%%
Why me?
%%
Why must every generation think their folks are square?
%%
Why must love always be accompanied--sooner or later--by sorrow and pain? Why
not? Because pure bliss is for pure idiots.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Why my thoughts are my own, when they are in,
but when they are out they are another's.
		-- Susanna Martin, executed for witchcraft, 1681
%%
Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
%%
Why piccolo a profession that's full of viol practices, confirmed lyres,
old fiddles, and bass desires?	For the lute, of course.
		-- Alan F. G. Lewis
%%
Why should I care if I have to cut my hair,
I've got to move to the fashion of the outcast.
%%
Why should I feel another man's mistakes
more than his sickness or poverty?
%%
Why should I have to pay a troll just to cross a bridge?
		-- B. G. Gruff
%%
Why should freedom of speech and freedom of the press be allowed?
Why should a government which is doing what it believes is right allow
itself to be criticized?  It would not allow opposition by lethal
weapons.  Ideas are much more fatal things than guns.
		-- V. I. Lenin (1870-1924)
%%
Why should society feel responsible only for the education of children,
and not for the education of all adults of every age?
		-- Erich Fromm (1900-1980)
%%
Why should the devil have all the good tunes?
%%
Why should we bother to reply to Kautski? He would reply to us and we would
have to reply to his reply. There's no end to that. It will be quite enough
for us to announce that Kautski is a traitor to the working class, and
everyone will understand everything.
		-- V. I. Lenin (1870-1924)
%%
Why should we care if you are insane?  The activities of other species
rarely interfere with our own lives.  In the end, they all belong to
us.
		-- Kyeref "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
Why should we subsidize intellectual curiosity?
		-- Ronald W. Reagan
%%
Why shouldn't the American people take half my money from me? I took all
of it from them.
%%
Why strive for knowledge of reality
if this knowledge cannot aid us in life?
%%
Why study? The more you study the more you know, the more you know
the more you can forget, the more you can forget, the more you do
forget, the more you forget the less you know.	So why study?
		-- Robert Ripley
%%
Why teach people to type with both hands when they can type
faster with one finger than they can think.
%%
Why the critics, like a flock of ducks, always move in perfect unison: Their
authority with the public depends upon an appearance of unanimous agreement.
One dissenting voice would shatter the whole fragile structure.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Why was the cannibal sent home from school?
- Because he tried to butter up the teacher.
%%
Why were the midget and the circus fat lady so deliriously happy
when they were married?
     She let him try a new wrinkle every night.
%%
Why won't sharks eat lawyers? Professional courtesy.
%%
Why won't you dance with me?  I'm not no Limburger!
%%
Why worry about tomorrow, when today is so far off?
%%
Why would anybody in his sane mind engrave "Elbereth" ?
%%
Why would anyone want to be called "Later"?
%%
Why would we have different races if God meant us
to be alike and associate with each other?
		-- Lester Maddox
%%
Why would you WANT to port C news to your PC?  Wouldn't it be smarter
and about as cost-effective to port your PC over to the trashcan and buy
a real computer that runs a real operating system like Unix?
		-- Brian Kantor, brian@ucsd.edu
%%
Why would you tie up a #?
%%
Why you flabby small slime-mold, why don't you live with a sword?
%%
Why you numskull, you resemble an ant.
%%
Why you say you no bunny rabbit when you have little powder-puff tail?
		-- The Tasmanian Devil
%%
Why, every one as they like;
as the good woman said when she kissed her cow.
		-- Rabelais
%%
Why, when no honest man will deny in private that every ultimate
problem is wrapped in the profoundest mystery, do honest men proclaim
in pulpits that unhesitating certainty is the duty of the most foolish
and ignorant?  Is it not a spectacle to make the angels laugh?	We are
a company of ignorant beings, feeling our way through mists and
darkness, learning only be incessantly repeated blunders, obtaining a
glimmering of truth by falling into every conceivable error, dimly
discerning light enough for our daily needs, but hopelessly differing
whenever we attempt to describe the ultimate origin or end of our
paths; and yet, when one of us ventures to declare that we don't know
the map of the universe as well as the map of our infinitesimal parish,
he is hooted, reviled, and perhaps told that he will be damned to all
eternity for his faithlessness...
		-- Leslie Stephen (1832-1904), "An agnostic's Apology",
		   Fortnightly Review, 1876
%%
Why, when people pray, do they invariably ask for something?
%%
Wicked men obey for fear, but the good for love.
		-- Aristotle
%%
Wickedness may prosper for a awhile, but in the long run,
he that seta all knaves at work will pay them.
		-- L'Estrange
%%
Wide flush the fields; the softening air is balm;
Echo the mountains round; the forest smiles;
And every sense and every heart is joy.
		-- Thomson
%%
Wie geht's?
%%
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
%%
Wife:	Okay, today's Friday.  Where's your pay envelope?
Man:	I already spent all my pay.  I bought something for the house.
Wife:	What?  What could you buy for the house that cost $480?
Man:	Eight rounds of drinks.
%%
Wife: "Have you given the goldfish any water lately?"
Maid: "No, ma'am, they haven't finished the water I gave them last
      month."
%%
Wife: "Henry, wake up.	I heard a mouse squeak."
Henry: "What do you want me to do, get up and oil it?"
%%
Wilcox's Law:
	A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
%%
Wild animals never kill for sport.  Man is the only one to whom the
torture and death of his fellow creatures is amusing in itself.
		-- James A. Froude (1818-1894)
%%
Wild thing, you make my heart sing.  You make everything groovy.
Wild thing, i think i love you, but i wanna know for sure.
Come on, hold me tight.  You move me.
%%
Wilderness begins in the human mind.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Will I live tomorrow?  Well, I just can't say.
But one thing's for sure.  I don't live today.
		-- Jimi Hendrix
%%
Will Rogers never met Howard Cosell.
	     Still one more thing, fellow citizens:  a wise and frugal
	  government, which shall refrain men from injuring one another,
	  which shall leave them otherwise free to regulate their own
	  pursuits of industry and improvement, and shall not take from the
	  mouth of labor the bread it has earned.  This is the sum of good
	  government.
		-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
%%
Will Rogers never met you.
%%
Will arrived and gave me the water jug, a Clorox bleach bottle. After we took
our first sips Will admitted he should have rinsed the bottle out a few more
times after finding it in the Camp Four dumpster.

He surveyed the wall above: "This is where Arnold backed off, that little
chicken shit." Then he laughed so loud I swear I heard it volley off El
Capitan, a mile across the valley. I thought Will had been gazing at the moon
too much and, looking up, knew that whoever Arnold was, he was no fool. Will
had tried this climb three times in the last month and each partner had backed
off at this very stance. But just now Will scared me more than the climb and
anyhow he was already halfway up the flake.
		-- John Long, Direct North Buttress, Middle Cathedral Rock,
		   Yosemite Valley
%%
Will he still love you tomorrow?
%%
Will she still love you tomorrow?
%%
Will the last one out please turn off the lights?
%%
Will the last person out of the tunnel turn out the light? -- graffito, in
Saigon, c.1973
%%
Will you lend me your rifle so I can shoot myself?
%%
Will you loan me $20.00 and only give me ten of it?
That way, you will owe me ten, and I'll owe you ten, and we'll be even!
%%
William Dean Howells: a rubber chicken dangling on a string.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
William Tell wore contact lenses.
%%
William's Law: There is no mechanical problem so difficult that
    it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance.
%%
Willie in the cauldron fell;		Willie saw some dynamite,
See the grief on mother's brow; Couldn't understand it quite;
Mother loved her darling well-- Curiosity never pays:
Willie's quite hard-boiled by now.	It rained Willie seven days.

Little Willie with a shout,		William in a nice new sash,
Gouged the baby's eyeballs out; Fell in the fire and burned to an ash.
Stamped on them to make them pop.	Now, although the room grows chilly,
Mother cried, "Now, William, stop!"	I haven't the heart to poke poor Billy.

William with a thirst for gore,
Nailed the baby to the door.
Mother said, with humor quaint:
"Careful, Will, don't mar the paint."
		-- Harry Graham, "Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes", 1899
%%
Willie, looking in the mirror,		Willie with the nursery shears
Sucked the mercury off			Cut off both the baby's ears.
Thinking in his childish error		To the baby so unsightly
It would cure the whooping cough.	Mother raised her eyebrows slightly.

At the funeral his weeping mother	In the family drinking well
Sadly said to Mrs. Brown,		Willie pushed his sister, Nell.
"'Twas a chilly day for Willie		She's there still because it killed her,
When the mercury went down."		Now, we have to buy a filter.
%%
Wilner's Observation: All conversations with a potato should be
    conducted in private.
%%
Win her with gifts, if she respect not words;
Dumb jewels often, in their silent kind,
More quick than words do move a woman's mind.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat
%%
Wind and thunder: the image of Increase.
Thus the superior man:
If he sees good, he imitates it;
If he has faults, he rids himself of them.
%%
Wind comes forth from fire:
The image of The Family.
Thus the superior man has substance in his words
And duration in his way of life.
%%
Wind over lake: the image of Inner Truth.
Thus the superior man discusses criminal cases
In order to delay executions.
%%
Window: What you heave the computer out of after you accidentally
erase a program that took you three days to set up.
%%
Windows are all the rage these days.  It's just as I've always claimed:
the world just keeps getting more and more X-centric.
%%
Windows:  A method of dividing a computer screen into two or more unusably tiny
	  portions.
%%
Winds following one upon the other:
The image of the Gently Penetrating.
Thus the superior man
Spreads his commands abroad
And carries out his undertakings.
%%
Wine is a turncoat; first a friend, and then an enemy.
		-- Fielding
%%
Winged time glides on insensibly, and deceives us;
and there is nothing more fleeting than years.
		-- Ovid
%%
Winning doesn't prove you are a better human being.
%%
Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.
%%
Winning isn't everything, but losing sucks.
%%
Winning isn't the most important thing; it's the only thing.
		-- J. Ceasar
%%
Winston Peters, a rebel without a caucus.
%%
Winter is here with his grouch,
The time when you sneeze and slouch.
	You can't take your women
	Canoein' or swimmin',
But a lot can be done on a couch.
%%
Winter is nature's way of saying "up yours".
%%
Wipe Me Mommy (revue)
%%
Wisdom and good sense guard life from harm.
%%
Wisdom and knowledge decrease in inverse proportion to age.
		-- William J. Lynott
%%
Wisdom does not give you the answers, it only redefines the questions.
%%
Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.
		-- Josh Billings
%%
Wisdom is considered a sign of weakness by the powerful because a wise
man can lead without power but only a powerful man can lead without
wisdom.
		-- Mark B. Cohen
%%
Wisdom is divided into two parts:
  1) having a great deal to say, and
  2) not saying it.
%%
Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.
		-- J. Winter Smith
%%
Wisdom is meaningless until our own experience has given it meaning ...
and there is wisdom in the selection of wisdom.
		-- Bergen Evans
%%
Wisdom is rarely found on the best-seller list.
%%
Wise anger is like fire from a flint:  there is great ado to get it all
out; and when it does come it is out again immediately.
		-- Matthew Henry
%%
Wise approach.
This is right for a great prince.
Good fortune.
%%
Wise people learn to tolerate only productive anxiety in themselves.
They make tension work for them instead of against them.  Their
aggressiveness is outgoing and initiating, not hostile or arrogant.
%%
Wise words in the mouths of fools oft belie.
%%
Wish and hope succeed in discerning signs of paranormality where reason
and careful scientific procedure fail.
		-- James E. Alcock, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. 12
%%
Wish for a master key and open the Magic Memory Vault!
%%
Wish for a pass-key and pass all obstacles!
%%
Wish for a skeleton-key and open all doors!
%%
Wishes are free unless you want them to come true.
%%
Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.
		-- Frank Tyger
%%
Wit is the rarest quality to be met with among people of education.
		-- William Hazlitt (1778-1830)
%%
Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food.
		-- William Hazlitt (1778-1830)
%%
Wit lies in the likeness of things that are different, and in the
difference of things that are alike.
		-- Madame de Stael
%%
Wit sometimes enables us to act rudely with impunity.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld

[In other words, to step on a man's toes without spoiling his shoeshine.]
%%
Witches of the world unite!
You have nothing to lose but your broomsticks!
%%
With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law;
and every time they make a law it's a joke.
		-- Will Rogers
%%
With Scotch the price it is, I can hardly brace myself to order a double
until I've had one.
%%
With TV, radio, and tapes, what young person has time to listen to reason?
		-- Boyd K. Packer
%%
With a #?
%%
With a French lass, it's unwise to trifle.
They have urges they simply can't stifle.
	A woman of France
	Will pull down her pants
At the sight of a towering eye-full.
%%
With a bushel of apples, you can have a hell of a time with the doctor's wife.
%%
With a great effort, the rug is moved to one side of the room.
With the rug moved, the dusty cover of a closed trap door appears.
%%
With a love so hard and filled with defeat, for the lies in that lonely
backstreets.
%%
With a mind like yours, who needs a body.
%%
With all the talent around, it's sort of
amazing that a woman could be up here with us.
		-- Ralph Kiner [on introducing an award winner]
%%
With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.
%%
With design like this, who needs bugs?
		-- Boyd Roberts
%%
With equal pace, impartial fate,
Knocks at the palace and the cottage gate.
		-- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
With every baby,there comes a new hope - always dashed
%%
With every exertion, the best of men can do but a moderate amount of
good; but it seems in the power of the most contemptible individual to
do incalculable mischief.
		-- Washington Irving
%%
With friends like you, who needs enemas.
%%
With great effort you move the enormous rock.
%%
With great effort, you open the window far enough to allow passage.
%%
With her body, woman is more sincere than man; but with her mind she lies.
And when she lies, she does not believe herself.
		-- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)
%%
With her hands on her hips and the smile on her lips because she knows
that it kills me.
%%
With her killer graces and the secret places that no boy can fill.
%%
With her long hair shining
and her eyes that shine like the midnight sun.
%%
With her soft french cream
standing in the doorway like a dream
when I wish she'd just leave me alone.
%%
With just one kiss she can turn a long summer night.
%%
With liberty and justice for all who can afford it.
%%
With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the
right as God gives us to see the right, let us finish the work we are
in.
		-- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
With notch-less ears...
%%
With rank goeth privileges -- so it ever shall be.  But also with it go
responsibility and obligations, always more onerous than the privileges
are pleasant.
		-- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
With reasonable men I will reason;
with humane men I will plead;
but to tyrants I will give no quarter...
		-- William Lloyd Garrison
%%
With silver bells, and cockle shells,
And pretty maids all in a row.
		-- Mother Goose
%%
With some people we spend our time, with others we invest it.
%%
With stupidity the gods themselves struggle in vain.
		-- Friedrich von Schiller
%%
With the neutron bomb, which destroys life but not property, capitalism has
found the weapon of its dreams.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
With the news that Nancy Reagan has referred to an astrologer when planning
her husband's schedule, and reports of Californians evacuating Los Angeles
on the strength of a prediction from a sixteenth-century physician and
astrologer Michel de Notredame, the image of the U.S. as a scientific and
technological nation has taking a bit of a battering lately.  Sadly, such
happenings cannot be dismissed as passing fancies.  They are manifestations
of a well-established "anti-science" tendency in the U.S. which, ultimately,
could threaten the country's position as a technological power. . . .  The
manifest widespread desire to reject rationality and substitute a series
of quasirandom beliefs in order to understand the universe does not augur
well for a nation deeply concerned about its ability to compete with its
industrial equals.  To the degree that it reflects the thinking of a
significant section of the public, this point of view encourages ignorance
of and, indeed, contempt for science and for rational methods of approaching
truth. . . . It is becoming clear that if the U.S. does not pick itself up
soon and devote some effort to educating the young effectively, its hope of
maintaining a semblance of leadership in the world may rest, paradoxically,
with a new wave of technically interested and trained immigrants who do not
suffer from the anti-science disease rampant in an apparently decaying society.
		-- Physicist Tony Feinberg, in "New Scientist," May 19, 1988
%%
With the press, it is safest to assume
that there is no "off the record."
		-- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
With the proper consideration in choice of allies,
victory may be guaranteed in any conflict.
		-- Benedict Arnold
%%
With those lies on the backstreets tonight.
%%
With those who follow a different way it is useless to take counsel.
%%
With what?  your bare hands?
%%
With what?  your bare hands?  Against *his* bear hands??
%%
With/Without - and who'll deny it's what the fighting's all about?
		-- Pink Floyd
%%
Wither have all the poets gone?
The Language is lost
  and the Ballads are gone.

The Ballad once strong and true,
Has been replaced by the Lyric
  with it's different view.

A Lyric which can bring such pain
is akin to Technology
  with all its strain.

Technology, the beast, stands in power
where Magic,
  used to make men cower.

Magic has little to fear
like the Moon
  that romantic sphere.

The Moon in all its glory
has made poets write,
  and bring a story.

Wither have all the poets gone?
The Language is lost
  and the Ballads are gone.
%%
Within a computer, natural language is unnatural.
%%
Within a fountain crystal clear,
A golden apple doth appear,
No doors there are to this stronghold,
Yet thieves break in and steal the gold.
 An egg
%%
Within a month [in 1969] I had met the first of a small but not uninfluential
community of people who violently opposed SALT for a simple reason: It might
keep America from developing a first-strike capability against the Soviet
Union.	I'll never forget being lectured by an Air Force colonel about how
we should have "nuked" the Soviets in late 1940s before they got The Bomb.
I was told that if SALT would go away, we'd soon have the capability to nuke
them again - and this time we'd use it.
		-- Roger Molander
		   [former nuclear strategist for the White House's National
		   Security Council, Washington Post, 21 March, 1982]
%%
Within that porch, across the way.
  I see two naked eyes this night;
Two eyes that neither shut nor blink,
  Searching my face with a green light.

But cats to me are strange -
  I cannot sleep if one is near;
And though I'm sure I see those eyes
  I'm not so sure a body's there!
		-- William Henry Davis
%%
Within the earth, a mountain:
The image of Modesty.
Thus the superior man reduces that which is too much,
And augments that which is too little.
He weighs things and makes them equal.
%%
Within the earth, wood grows:
The image of Pushing Upward.
Thus the superior man of devoted character
Heaps up small things
In order to achieve something high and great.
%%
Within the oyster's shell uncouth
The purest pearl may hide,
Trust me you'll find a heart of truth
Within that rough inside.
		-- Mrs. Osgood
%%
Without Time, everything would happen at once.
%%
Without a thorough understanding of tactics, there can be no effective
strategy; therefore, any general must have a good foundation in the
tactical aspects of warfare.  However, it is not necessary for a general
to be an excellent swordsman, musketeer, or tank gunner.  It is sufficient
to understand the strengths, weaknesses, and proper use of the forces
available, and to know the strengths and weaknesses of your enemy.
		-- Phillip Harbison (alvitar@xavax.com)
%%
Without adventure civilization is in full decay.
		-- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
Without blame.
%%
Without coffee he could not work, or at least he could not have worked
in the way he did.  In addition to paper and pens, he took with him
everywhere as an indispensable article of equipment the coffee
machine, which was no less important to him than his table or his
white robe.
		-- Stefan Zweigs, Biography of Balzac
%%
Without feeling there's no reason to live.
		-- Andre Kertesz, photographer, 1894-1985
%%
Without fools there would be no wisdom.
%%
Without freedom, no one really has a name.
		-- Milton Acorda
%%
Without health you cannot enjoy wealth or happiness.
%%
Without life, Biology itself would be impossible.
%%
Without love intelligence is dangerous;
without intelligence love is not enough.
		-- Ashley Montagu
%%
Without vigorous, farsighted and continuing encouragement of scientific
research, we are in a position of eating our seed corn:  we may fend off
starvation for one more winter, but we have removed the last hope of
surviving the following winter.
		-- Carl Sagan
%%
Without you my world would be less than real.
		-- lmy
%%
Wizards do not sleep.
%%
Woe to the hand that shed this costly blood.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Woke up this mornin' an' I had myself a beer,
Yeah, Ah woke up this mornin' an' I had myself a beer
The future's uncertain and the end is always near.
		-- Jim Morrison, "Roadhouse Blues"
%%
Woke up this morning, don't believe what I saw.  Hundred billion bottles
washed up on the shore.  Seems I never noted being alone.  Hundred billion
castaways looking for a call.
%%
Wolf: Ready, villain, and able.
		-- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
Wolfgang's Third Law:  It can't work.
%%
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
		-- Dumas
%%
Woman is generally so bad that the difference
between a good and a bad woman scarcely exists.
		-- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)
%%
Woman on Street:	Sir, you are drunk; very, very drunk.
Winston Churchill:	Madame, you are ugly; very, very ugly.
			I shall be sober in the morning.
%%
Woman was God's second mistake.
		-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
Woman was taken out of man -- not out of his head, to rule over him; nor
out of his feet, to be trampled under by him; but out of his side, to be
equal to him -- under his arm, that he might protect her, and near his heart
that he might love her.
		-- Henry
%%
Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot very unsanitary.
%%
Woman who spring on inner-spring this spring, have off-spring next
spring.
%%
Woman would be more charming if one could
fall into her arms without falling into her hands.
		-- DeGourmont
%%
Woman's advice has little value, but he who won't take it is a fool.
		-- Cervantes
%%
Women Unite!  Make *___him* sleep in the wet spot tonight!
%%
Women and asses and nuts require strong hands.
%%
Women and elephants never forget an injury.
		-- Saki [H. H. Munro] (1870-1916), "Reginald", 1904
%%
Women are a problem, but if you haven't already guessed,
they're the kind of problem I enjoy wrestling with.
		-- Warren Beatty
%%
Women are all alike.  When they're maids they're mild as milk:
once make 'em wives, and they lean their backs against their
marriage certificates, and defy you.
		-- Jerrold
%%
Women are always so eager to urge bachelors into matrimony:
is it from charity or revenge?
		-- Scott
%%
Women are just like men, only different.
%%
Women are like elephants to me:
I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
		-- W. C. Fields
%%
Women are nothing but machines for producing children.
		-- Napoleon Bonaparte, quoted in "The Book of Insults", 1978
%%
Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.
		-- Stephens
%%
Women can keep a secret just as well as men,
but it takes more of them to do it.
%%
Women do come with instructions; ask them.
%%
Women get minks the same way minks get minks.
%%
Women give themselves to God when the Devil wants nothing more to do with them.
		-- Arnould
%%
Women give to men the very gold of their lives.
Possibly; but they invariably want it back in such very small change.
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Women have more strength in their looks than we have in our laws,
and more power by their tears than we have by our arguments.
		-- Saville
%%
Women have served all these centuries as looking-glasses
possessing the magic and delicious power of reflecting
the figure of man at twice its natural size.
		-- Virginia Woolf, "A Room of One's Own", 1929
%%
Women in Joliet, Illinois, can be jailed for trying on more
than six dresses in one store.
%%
Women in Utah must remember that state law prohibits heels
over one and a half inches high.
%%
Women in love consist of a little sighing,
a little crying, a little dying-- and a good deal of lying.
		-- Ansey
%%
Women reason with the heart and are much less often wrong
than men who reason with the head.
		-- DeLescure
%%
Women should be obscene and not heard.
%%
Women sometimes forgive a man who forces the opportunity,
but never a man who misses one.
		-- Charles De Talleyrand-Perigord
%%
Women treat us just as humanity treats its gods.
They worship us and are always bothering us to do something for them.
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Women truly are better than men. Otherwise, they'd be intolerable.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Women want their men to be cops.  They want you to punish them and tell them
what the limits are.  The only thing that women hate worse from a man than
being slapped is when you get on your knees and say you're sorry.
		-- Mort Sahl
%%
Women waste men's lives and think they have
indemnified them by a few gracious words.
		-- Balzac
%%
Women who desire to be like men, lack ambition.
%%
Women who love only women may have a good point.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Women who miscalculate are called 'mothers'.
		-- Abigail Van Buren
%%
Women who want equality must be prepared to give it and believe in it,
and in order to do that it is not enough to state that you are as good
as any man, but also it must be stated he is as good as you and both
will be humans together.
		-- Anne Roiphe
%%
Women who want to be equal to men lack imagination
		-- Graffito in a women's restroom
%%
Women wish to be loved without a why or a wherefore;
not because they are pretty, or good, or well-bred, or
graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves.
		-- Amiel
%%
Women! Can't live with 'em and no resale value.
%%
Women, can't live with them, can't leave them
by the curb when you're done with 'em.
%%
Women, when they are not in love,
have all the cold blood of an experienced attorney.
		-- Balzac
%%
Women, when they have made a sheep of a man,
always tell him that he is a lion with a will of iron.
		-- Balzac
%%
Women: We cannot love them all. But we must try.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Womens Libbers are OK.	I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.
%%
Won't dancing be more fun if women had their breasts on the other side?
%%
Won't walk back from deadman's curve.
%%
Wonder is the feeling of a philosopher, and philosophy begins in wonder.
		-- Socrates (470?-399 B.C.), [quoting Plato]
%%
Wonderful day.
Your hangover just makes it seem terrible.
%%
Wondrous is the strength of cheerfulness, and its power of endurance --
the cheerful man will do more in the same time, will do it better, will
preserve it longer, than the sad or sullen.
		-- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
%%
Wood's Axiom:
	As soon as a still-to-be-finished computer task becomes a
	life-or-death situation, the power fails.
%%
Woofing Cookies, The
%%
Woolsey-Swanson Rule:
	People would rather live with a problem they cannot
	solve rather than accept a solution they cannot understand.
%%
Word Processor:  Software that magically transforms its user into a professional
		 author.
%%
Words are men's daughters, but God's sons are things.
		-- Johnson
%%
Words are the voice of the heart.
%%
Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.
		-- Rudyard Kipling
%%
Words can never express what words can never express.
%%
Words divide us, action unites us.
		-- Slogan of the Tupamaros
%%
Words have a longer life than deeds.
		-- Pindar
%%
Words have the power to 'condition' you, they say, and refuse to identify
the reason why words have the power to change your -- blank-out.  A
student reading a book understands it through a process of -- blank-out.
A scientist working on an invention is engaged in the activity of
-- blank-out.  A psychologist helping a neurotic to solve a problem and
untangle a conflict, does it by means of -- blank-out.	An industrialist
-- blank-out -- there is no such person.  A factory is a 'natural
resource', like a tree, a rock or a mud puddle.
		-- John Galt
%%
Words with a 'k' in them are funny.  If it doesn't have a 'k', it's not
funny.
		-- Willie Clark
%%
Work Rule:  Death (Other Than Your Own) -- This is no excuse.  If you
can arrange for funeral services to be held late in the afternoon,
however, we can let you off an hour early, provided all you work is up
to date.
%%
Work Rule:  Each day fill lamps, clean chimneys, and trim wicks.
Wash the windows once a week.
%%
Work Rule:  Entirely too much time is being spent in the washrooms.  In
the future, you will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order.
For instance, those whose surnames begin with "A" will be allowed to go
from 9 - 9:05 AM, and so on.  If you are unable to go at your appointed
time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time
comes around again.
%%
Work Rule:  Every employee should lay aside from each pay a goodly sum
of his earnings for his benefit during his declining years, so that he
will not become a burden on society or his betters.
%%
Work Rule:  Men employees will be given off each week for courting
purposes, or two evenings a week if they go regularly to church.
%%
Work Rule:  Office employees will daily sweep the floors,
dust the furniture, shelves, and showcases.
%%
Work Rule:  Sickness -- No excuses will be acceptable.	We will no
longer accept your doctor's statement as proof of illness, as we believe
that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
%%
Work Rule:  This office will open at 7 AM and close at 8 PM except on
the Sabbath, on which day we will remain closed.  Each employee is
expected to spend the Sabbath by attending church and contributing
liberally to the cause of the Lord.
%%
Work Rule: After an employee has spent his 13 hours of labor in the
office, he should spend the remaining time reading the Bible and other
good books.
%%
Work Rule: Any employee who smokes Spanish cigars, uses liquor in any
form, or frequents pool and public halls, or gets shaved in a barber
shop, will give me good reasons to suspect his worth, intentions,
integrity and honesty.
%%
Work Rule: Each clerk will bring in a bucket of water and scuttle of
coal for the day's business.
%%
Work Rule: Make your pens carefully.  You may whittle nibs to your
individual taste.
%%
Work Rule: The employee who has performed his labors faithfully and
without a fault for five years, will be given an increase of five cents
per day in his pay, providing profits from the business permit it.
%%
Work always expands to fill the available time to complete it.
%%
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and play consists
of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Work continues in this area.
		-- DEC's SPR-Answering-Automaton
%%
Work expands to fill the time available for its completion; the thing to
be done swells in perceived importance and complexity in a direct ratio
with the time to be spent in its completion.
%%
Work flows toward the competent until they are submerged.
%%
Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their
level of incompetence.
		-- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
Work is for people who can't
%%
Work is of two kinds:  (1) Altering the position of matter at or near
the earth's surface relative to other such matter; (2) Telling other
people to do so.  The first is unpleasant and ill paid; the second is
pleasant and high paid.
%%
Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.
		-- Charles Schulz
%%
Work is the curse of the drinking man.
%%
Work is the great basic principle that makes all things possible, both
in time and in eternity.
		-- Bruce R. McConkie
%%
Work on What Has Been Spoiled
Has supreme success.
It furthers one to cross the great water.
Before the starting point, three days.
After the starting point, three days.
%%
Work smarter, not harder, and be careful of your speling.
%%
Work to become, not to acquire.
%%
Work was impossible.  The geeks had broken my spirit.  They had done too
many things wrong.  It was never like this for Mencken.  He lived like a
Prussian gambler -- sweating worse than Bryan on some nights and drunker
than Judas on others.  It was all a dehumanized nightmare...and these
raddled cretins have the gall to complain about my deadlines.
		-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Bad Nerves in Fat City",
		   "Generation of Swine"
%%
Work without a vision is slavery,
Vision without work is a pipe dream,
But vision with work is the hope of the world.
%%
Working all day in my daddy's garage,
I'm driving all night chasing some mirage.
%%
Working as Designed n.	Colloquialism used by software
maintenance people to indicate that while there is a
problem, it is not considered to affect the program
when the program is used for the purpose for which it
was designed. Of course, nobody uses programs the way
that programmers design them. The general user response
is usually some nasty remark about the 'designers'
mental condition when he designed it.
		-- IBM Jargon File
%%
Working hard around here is like pissing on yourself in a dark suit;
you get a warm feeling but nobody notices.
%%
Working here is like a pregnancy.  After nine months you wish you hadn't come.
%%
Works of genius are the first things in the world.
%%
Works used in the creation of Earthsea are:
(This loose bibliography is in rough order of importance)
1. "The Earthsea Trilogy" by Ursula K. LeGuin.
2. "The Traveller in Black" by John Bruner.
3. "Creatures of Light and Darkness" by Roger Zelazny.
4. "Catch a Falling Star" by John Bruner.
5. "The Interaction of Color" by Josef Albers.
6. "Lord of Light" by Roger Zelazny.
7. "Tales of Mystery and Imagination" by Edgar Allan Poe.
8. "Finnegan's Wake" by James Joyce.
9. "Inferno" versions by both Dante and Larry Niven.
10. "Doorways in the Sand" by Roger Zelazny.
11. "The Sign of the Unicorn" by Roger Zelazny.
12. "Dune" by Frank Herbert.
13. "In the Frame" by Dick Francis.
14. "The Musgrave Ritual" by Arthur Conan Doyle.
15. "The Moonstone" by Wilkie Collins.
%%
Works without faith are like a fish without water, it wants the element
it should live in.  A building without a basis cannot stand; faith is
the foundation, and every good action is as a stone laid.
		-- Feltham
%%
Workstations are like toothbrushes.  Nobody else may use mine,
especially not while I'm using it!
		-- Robert Van Renesse, during his talk at the Usenix
		   Microkernel Workshop.
%%
World War III?	No thanks!
%%
World ending in 5 minutes; please log out.
%%
World ends today at 9:30pm!  Film at 11:00...
%%
World tensions have, if anything, increased in the quarter century since
H. G. Wells uttered his glum warning:  "There is no more evil thing on earth
than race prejudice, none at all.  I write deliberately -- it is the worst
single thing in life now.  It justifies and holds together more baseness,
cruelty and abomination than any other sort of error in the world."
		-- Sydney Harris
%%
World's shortest ghost story: The last man on earth sat down in his room.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door!
%%
World's shortest horror story:

The last man on earth sat down in his room.
There was a knock on the door.
		-- Published (by whom?) in The Magazine
		   of Fantasy and Science Fiction

World's even shorter horror story:

There are some things man was not meant to know.
		-- Larry Niven
%%
World-wide practice of Conservation and the fair and continued access by
all nations to the resources they need are the two indispensable
foundations of continuous plenty and of permanent peace.
		-- Gifford Pinchot
%%
Worriers spend a lot of time shoveling smoke.
		-- Claude McDonald
%%
Worry : The interest paid on trouble before it's due
%%
Worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair--
It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
%%
Worst-dressed sentient being in the known universe
%%
Worth seeing?  Yes, but not worth going to see.
%%
Would I ask you a rhetorical question?
%%
Would I sell my services to a Third World country?  Ask again in six
months.
		-- Chief scientist at a Russian nuclear facility,
		   after the Bush administration dithered on aid to Russia
%%
Would it help if I got out and pushed?
		-- Princess Leia Organa
%%
Would it save you some time if I just gave up and went mad now?
%%
Would that be a red Hiney or a dry Hiney?
When you're talkin' wine, you're talking Hiney.
Go out and get some Hiney today!
%%
Would that my hand were as swift as my tongue.
		-- Alfieri
%%
Would the last person to leave Michigan please turn out the lights?
%%
Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?
		-- John Heywood
%%
Would you care to drift aimlessly in my direction?
%%
Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?
%%
Would you like to hear a story?  This one is about a father and son
in a playground twelve years ago, in the spring, around noon.
The boy was five.  He had a basketball, which the dribbled off
his toes half the time, and which he kept shooting at the
hoop - underhand, both hands, straining to reach the rim.
The father sat on a bench and watched.	The boy kept at it.
Then some bigger boys sauntered over, snatched the ball away
and shot around, leaving the five-year-old watching too.
Gearing up for the rescue, the father asked his son if he
wanted him to retrieve the ball.  The boy said, "No.  I think
I can handle it."  Which he did, simply by standing among the
others patiently, occasionally catching the ball and passing
it to one of them, until one of them eventually passed it
to him.  That's all there is to that story.  The five-year-old
continued to play ball, and his father sat in the sun.
%%
Would you like to see my boa constrictor?
%%
Would you like to sin
With Elinor Glyn
On a tiger-skin?
Or would you prefer
to err
with her
on some other fur?
		-- A. Glyn, "Elinor Glyn", 1907
%%
Would you mind terribly much if I asked you to take your silly-assed
problem down the hall?
%%
Would you people stop playing these stupid games?!?!?!!!!
%%
Would you rather have a 5-inch hard or an 8-inch floppy?
%%
Would you trade your regular detergent for two of this other brand?
%%
Wouldn't you rather be a lifeguard?
%%
Wow do you feel strong!
%%
Wow!  This makes you feel great!
%%
Wrapped in the hide of a yellow cow.
%%
Wrestlers try not to do it on their backs.
%%
Wrestling with a marshmallow.
		-- An analyst from the conservative Heritage
		   Foundation, describing the process of reading
		   President George Bush's 32-page ``strategic
		   vision'' paper
%%
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Write a letter to the New York Times.
%%
Write a letter to the Voice.
%%
Write a letter to your congressman.
%%
Write down the advice of him who loves you,
thou you like it not at present.
%%
Write home; they miss you.
%%
Write lock error on disk
%%
Write neatly.
%%
Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.
%%
Writers desire to be paid, authors desire recognition.
		-- James L. Davis
%%
Writers do it between periods.
%%
Writers of novels and romances in general bring a double loss on their
readers, they rob them both of their time and money; representing men,
manners, and things that never have been, nor are likely to be; either
confounding or perverting history or truth, inflating the mind, or
committing violence upon the understanding.
		-- Lady Montague
%%
Writers should avoid the academy. When a writer begins to accept pay for
talking about words, we know what he will produce soon: nothing but words.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Writers, composers, entertainers and such know an awful truth: it is
easier to please a million people you don't know than to please one
person you do know.
		-- Richard J. Needham
%%
Writing Rule 1 -  Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.
%%
Writing Rule 10 -  About sentence fragments.
%%
Writing Rule 11 -  In letters themes reports articles and stuff like
		   that we use commas to keep a string of items apart.
%%
Writing Rule 13 -  Its important to use apostrophe's right.
%%
Writing Rule 14 -  Don't abbrev.
%%
Writing Rule 15 -  Check to see if you any words out.
%%
Writing Rule 16 -  In my opinion I think that an author when he is
		   writing shouldn't get into the habit of making use of
		   too many unnecessary words that he does not really need.
%%
Writing Rule 17 -  And, of course, there's that old one: Never use a
		   preposition to end a sentence with.
%%
Writing Rule 18 -  Also, never obfuscate your documentation with
		   pretentious, ostentatious or histrionic language.
%%
Writing Rule 19 -  Last but not least, lay off cliches.
%%
Writing Rule 20 -  Subject and verb always has to agree.
%%
Writing Rule 22 -  Do not use a foreign term when there is an adequate
		   English quid pro quo.
%%
Writing Rule 23 -  However, if you must use a foreign term, it is de
		   rigor to spell it correctly.
%%
Writing Rule 24 -  It behooves the writer to avoid archaic expressions.
%%
Writing Rule 25 -  Do not use hyperbole; not one writer in a million
		   can use it effectively.
%%
Writing Rule 27 -  Mixed metaphors are a pain in the ass and ought to
		   be thrown out the window.
%%
Writing Rule 28 -  Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is
		   not correct.
%%
Writing Rule 29 -  Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
%%
Writing Rule 30 -  Consult the dictionary frequently to avoid mispelling.
%%
Writing Rule 32 -  Don't use tautological, repetitive or redundant statements.
%%
Writing Rule 34 -  Puns are for children - not for readers who are groan.
%%
Writing Rule 35 -  The passive voice shouldn't be used.
%%
Writing Rule 36 -  Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it
		   when its not needed.
%%
Writing Rule 39 -  Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless
		   of how others use them.
%%
Writing Rule 4 -  Watch out for irregular verbs which has cropped
		  into our language.
%%
Writing Rule 40 -  Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
%%
Writing Rule 41 -  Avoid colloquial stuff.
%%
Writing Rule 42 -  No sentence fragments.
%%
Writing Rule 43 -  Remember to finish what you.
%%
Writing Rule 44 -  The subject of a sentence and the principal verb
		   should not, as a rule, be separated by a phrase or
		   clause that can be transferred to the beginning.
%%
Writing Rule 6 -  A writer mustn't shift your point of view.
%%
Writing Rule 7 -  When dangling, don't use participles.
%%
Writing Rule 9 -  Don't use a run on sentence you got to punctuate it.
%%
Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of
some painful illness.
		-- George Orwell (1903-1950)
%%
Writing code is easy: just get it write the first time!
%%
Writing for television is a debilitating exercise. How can you inspire an
audience to their best when every fourteen minutes someone interrupts to tell
them that they're unfit to live with? The ultimate purpose of commercial
television is to convince the viewer that he smells bad.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Writing is easy.  All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until
drops of blood form on your forehead.
%%
Writing is not hard.  Just get paper and pencil, sit down and write it
as it occurs to you.  The writing is easy--it's the occurring that's
hard.
		-- Stephen Leacock
%%
Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of --
but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards.
%%
Writing of letters of recommendation has become hazardous; tell the truth
and you can be sued if the contents are negative.  A collection of "virtually
litigation-proof" phrases has been collated, called the Lexicon of
Intentionally Ambiguous Recommendations, or LIAR.
Here are some examples:
1) An inept person - "I enthusiastically recommend this
		    candidate with no qualifications
		    whatsoever."
2) Doesn't get along with others -
		    "I am pleased to say that this
		    candidate is a former colleague
		    of mine."
3) Unproductive -    "I can assure you that no person
		    would be better for the job."
4) Not worth considering -
		    "I would urge you to waste no time
		    making this candidate an offer of
		    employment."
%%
Writing on the wall: "Will trade three blind crabs for two with no teeth."
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Writing software is more fun than working.
%%
Written laws are like spiders' webs, and will like them only entangle
and hold the poor and weak, while the rich and powerful will easily
break through them.
		-- Anacharsis (c. 600 B.C.)
%%
Wynne's Law:
	Negative slack tends to increase.
%%
XEROX never does anything original.
%%
XEROX: Your BUREAUCRACY is our business.
%%
XModem		   : A telecommunications device that was on the
		     losing end of an encounter with lightning.
%%
Xavier Greenstamps
%%
Xerox Innovates
Apple Litigates

(Now Xerox Litigates, too -- sigh)
%%
Xerox does it again and again and again and again and...
%%
Xerox: A trademark for a photocopying device that can make rapid
reproductions of human error, perfectly.
		-- Merle L. Meacham
%%
Y Fly 2 London
%%
YEAGER'S LAW:
Washing machines only break down during the wash cycle.
%%
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT: finally got one that worked
%%
YO-YO:
	Something that is occasionally up but normally down.
	(see also Computer).
%%
YOU ARE IN ERRER!
%%
Ya gotta be subtle!
		-- Mike Hammer
%%
Yak - dog food!
%%
Yakity-yak -- Don't talk back.
%%
Yale is terrific for anything you wanna do,
so long as it doesn't involve people with sneakers,
guns, dope, lust, or sloth.
		-- Tom Wolfe, "Bonfire of the Vanities"
%%
Yankees do it frugally.
%%
Yawd [noun, Bostonese]:  the campus of Have Id.
		-- Webster's Unafraid Dictionary
%%
Ye Gods! Is NOTHING sacred?
%%
Ye Olde Disclaimer of Responsibility:

 The items and quotations contained in this file may or may not be
coprighted material. The above-mentioned items were contributed from many
sources, and many are unattributed. I do not possess the time or the
background to verify that they are non-in-fringing.

 Therefore, this material is submitted 'as is', with the only recourse being
that if you report such infringement to me, I will remove the item in
question.

Let this be a warning to you:

 This file is in use at several (many?) sites in the area.  It
is believed that the majority of offensive messages have been
screened out.  However, an occasional 'zinger' slips by.  Also,
people's ideas of 'offensive' vary. If one message offends you,
tell me the offending one and I'll remove it.
%%
Yea, from the table of my memory
I'll wipe away all trivial fond records.
		-- William Shakespeare, "Hamlet"
%%
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of APL, I shall
fear no evil, for I can string 6 primitive monadic and dyadic operators
together.
		-- Steve Higgins
%%
Yeah! You're leaving!
%%
Yeah, God is dead, he laughed himself to death.
%%
Yeah, I got a dog with no legs -- I call him Cigarette.
Every night, I take him out for a drag.
%%
Yeah, I was ugly, my mother breastfed me through a straw.
%%
Yeah, there are more important things in life than money,
but they won't go out with you if you don't have any.
%%
Years ago my mom was driving a Plymouth Volare station wagon.
The Plymouth Volare was listed as the car "Least likely to be stolen."
%%
Yeccchhh! That must be a face, it has ears!
%%
Yech!
%%
Yech! This stuff tastes like poison.
(But in fact it was biologically contaminated orange juice.)
%%
Yeeecchh. This is terrible code.
%%
Yellow Pages do it with Walking Fingers.
%%
Yellow Pig.
%%
Yellow light. Supreme good fortune.
%%
Yes my son, long ago mail was read 1 packet at a time.
%%
Yes sir.
No sir.
No excuse sir.
Sir, may I ask a question.
Sir, may I make a statement.
		-- The five reponses a West Point Cadet may give to a superior
		   during the Plebe year.
%%
Yes! Oh yeah!
%%
Yes, I mind if you smoke!
%%
Yes, this is an age of moral crisis.  Yes, you are bearing punishment
for your evil.	But it is not man who is now on trial and it is not
human nature that will take the blame.	It is your moral code that's
through, this time.  Your moral code has reached its climax, the
blind alley at the end of its course.  And if you wish to go on living,
what you now need is not to return to morality -- you who have never
known any -- but to discover it.
		-- John Galt
%%
Yes, well, according to classical aerodynamics, it is impossible for a
bumblebee to fly.
		-- 3rd Doctor, THE DAEMONS
%%
Yesterday I became a Jehovah's Witness. Not because of the religion but
so they would stop comming to my house.
%%
Yesterday I bought a decaffeinated coffee table.
And you can tell by looking at it.
		-- Steven Wright
%%
Yesterday I could't spell engineer, now I are one.
%%
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the
entire area was missing...
		-- Stephen Wright
%%
Yesterday I was on a guilt trip ... today I'm on an ego trip.
%%
Yesterday, I was reading an ad for Dodge trucks in Popular Mechanics, as I
was reading the  *fine print*  it stated that "These outlandish claims are
Based on test results of ... and then it finished with ...
"Buckle up for safety, Nice magnifying glass."
%%
Yet I argue not
Against heaven's hand or will, nor bate a jot
Of heart or hope, but still bear up and steer
Right onward.
		-- Milton
%%
Yet [white] men [of South Africa] were afraid,
with a fear that was deep, deep in the heart,
a fear so deep that they hid their kindness, ...
They were afraid because they were so few.
And fear could not be cast out, but by love.
		-- Alan Paton, "Cry, The Beloved Country", 1948
%%
Yet creeds mean very little, Coth answered the dark god, still
speaking almost gently.  The optimist proclaims that we live in the
best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.
		-- J. B. Cabell [The Silver Stallion]
%%
Yet each man kills the thing he loves,
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Yield to Temptation ... it may not pass your way again.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Yippies, hippies, yahoos, Black Panthers, lions and tigers alike -- I
would swap the whole damn zoo for the kind of young Americans I saw in
Vietnam.
		-- Spiro T. Agnew
%%
Yngvi is a louse!
%%
Yogi's son Dale, asked to compare himself with his father: "Our similarities
are different."
		-- Yogi Berra
%%
You Women's Lib gals won't agree,
But dependent on men you must be :
	You'll need a him
	With a rod firm and trim,
To puggle your water-drains free!
%%
You age as well as most people do--maybe even better.
%%
You ain't got no gems, Hacker!
%%
You ain't learning nothing when you're talking.
%%
You ain't nothin' but a hound dog.
%%
You aint nothin' but a black dog...
		-- Dread Zepplin
		   (A group featuring an Elvis impersonator backed up by a
		   Reggae band singing your favorite Led Zepplin tunes)
%%
You already have it.
%%
You always have the option of pitching baseballs at empty
spray paint cans in a cul-de-sac in a Cleveland suburb.
%%
You always introduce the younger person to the older person, using the
wording:  "Miss Brown, I'd like to introduce you to an older person"
(unless her name is not "Miss Brown").	If you do not know a person's
age, ask for a driver's license and a major credit card.  If you are
introduced to a member of a minority group, use the "high-five" style
handshake, followed by a remark designed to show you don't mind a bit,
such as "I see you are a (name of a minority group)!  Good!"
		-- Dave Barry, "The Stuff of Etiquette"
%%
You amass things only to enjoy them.
%%
You amaze me.  No known sentient species copulates as often as you do.
Go, then.  Use caution where you sit.  Remember that unfamiliar life-
forms are about.
		-- Nessus (to Louis Wu and Teela Brown) "Ringworld"
%%
You and I might be related.  My dad's f**ked every whore in this town.
%%
You and who else?
%%
You appeal to a small, select group of confused people.
%%
You are Number Six.
%%
You are a Time Lord, a Lord of Time. Are there Lords in such a small domain?
		-- Captain Striker, Enlightenment
%%
You are a bundle of energy always on the go.
%%
You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here.
%%
You are a general favorite among your many friends.
%%
You are a person of firm, yet honest intentions.
%%
You are a pioneer type and hold most people in contempt.
%%
You are a quick and intelligent thinker.
%%
You are a sociable, outgoing person with an honest face who applies your
talents creatively to academic and business pursuits.  Your calculus grades may
be misleading, but skill at lying, deception, and abusing people's trust is
much more useful than calculus anyway.
%%
You are a taxi driver.	Your cab is yellow and black, and has been in use
for seven years.  One of its windshield wipers is broken, and the carburator
needs adjusting.  The tank holds 20 gallons, but at the moment is only
three-quarters full.  How old is the taxi driver?"
%%
You are a tower of strength in the office, but only so-so in bed.
%%
You are a wish to be here wishing yourself.
		-- Philip Whalen
%%
You are about one hundred feet above the bottom of the volcano.  The
top of the volcano is clearly visible here.
%%
You are about ten feet above the ground nestled among some large
branches.  The nearest branch above you is beyond your reach.
%%
You are about to make a most valuable discovery.
%%
You are about two hundred feet above the volcano floor.
Looming above is the rim of the volcano.
There is a small ledge on the west side.
%%
You are almost there.
%%
You are already carrying it!
%%
You are already empty handed.
%%
You are already in the #, cretin!
%%
You are already wearing some armor.
%%
You are already wearing that.
%%
You are already wielding that!
%%
You are always busy.
%%
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your
desk.
%%
You are an individual interested in forward thrust and the future.
%%
You are an insult to my intelligence!
I demand that you log off immediately.
%%
You are at Witt's end.	Passages lead off in *all* directions.
%%
You are at a business lunch when you are suddenly overcome with an
uncontrollable desire to pick your nose.  Since this is definitely a
no-no, you:

(a)  Pretend to wave to someone across the room and with one fluid
     motion, bury your forefinger in your nostril right up to the 4th
     joint.

(b)  Get everyone drunk and organize a nose picking contest with a
     prize to the one who makes his nose bleed first.

(c)  Drop your napkin on the floor and when you bend over to pick it
     up, blow your nose on your sock.
%%
You are at a complex junction.	A low hands and knees passage from the
north joins a higher crawl from the east to make a walking passage
going west.  There is also a large room above.	The air is damp here.
%%
You are at a crossover of a high N/S passage and a low E/W one.
%%
You are at a junction whose only distinguishing feature is a red
square painted on the floor.
%%
You are at a wide place in a very tight N/S canyon.
%%
You are at death's door.
%%
You are at one end of a vast hall stretching forward out of sight to
the west.  There are openings to either side.  Nearby, a wide stone
staircase leads downward.  The hall is filled with wisps of white mist
swaying to and fro almost as if alive.	A cold wind blows up the
staircase.  There is a passage at the top of a dome behind you.
%%
You are at one end of an immense north/south passage.
%%
You are at the base of flood control dam #3, which looms above you
and to the north.  The Frigid River is flowing by here.  Across the
river are the white cliffs, which seem to form a giant wall stretching
from north to south along the east shore of the river as it winds its
way downstream.
%%
You are at the bottom of a flight of stairs in the haunted mansion.
To the north you see the main lobby; to the west, a little nook.
%%
You are at the bottom of a large dormant volcano.  High above you
light may be seen entering from the cone of the volcano.  The only
exit here is to the north.
%%
You are at the bottom of a spiral staircase in the magic castle.
To the east you see a small nook; to the west, the end of a long hall.
To the south you see the throne room.
%%
You are at the bottom of the grand staircase in the magic castle.
To the west you can see the main lobby.
%%
You are at the bottom of the pit with a broken neck.
%%
You are at the bottom of the western pit in the twopit room.  There is
a large hole in the wall about 25 feet above you.
%%
You are at the east end of a very long hall apparently without side
chambers.  To the east a low wide crawl slants up.  To the north a
round two foot hole slants down.
%%
You are at the east end of the twopit room.  The floor here is
littered with thin rock slabs, which make it easy to descend the pits.
There is a path here bypassing the pits to connect passages from east
and west.  There are holes all over, but the only big one is on the
wall directly over the west pit where you can't get to it.
%%
You are at the edge of a large underground reservoir.  An opaque cloud
of white mist fills the room and rises rapidly upward.	The lake is
fed by a stream, which tumbles out of a hole in the wall about 10 feet
overhead and splashes noisily into the water somewhere within the
mist.  The only passage goes back toward the south.
%%
You are at the end of a side-trail. Recent digging has
uncovered a beautifully cut yellow diamond the size of
a $20 dollar gold piece.
%%
You are at the end of the driveway.
You see walls to the north and south, and to the west a high wall with
an open garbage can chained to it.
%%
You are at the junction of two corridors, one leading East, the other
traveling upwards and continuing southward in the other direction.
%%
You are at the north end of a long balcony outside the wizard's room.
To the west you see the ocean;
to the east, the window of the magic castle.
%%
You are at the north end of a long hall in the magic castle.
To the east you see a spiral staircase.
%%
You are at the northeast end of an immense room, even larger than the
giant room.  It appears to be a repository for the "Adventure"
program.  Massive torches far overhead bathe the room with smoky
yellow light.  Scattered about you can be seen a pile of bottles (all
of them empty), a nursery of young beanstalks murmuring quietly, a bed
of oysters, a bundle of black rods with rusty stars on their ends, and
a collection of brass lanterns.  Off to one side a great many dwarves
are sleeping on the floor, snoring loudly.  A sign nearby reads: "Do
not disturb the dwarves!"  An immense mirror is hanging against one
wall, and stretches to the other end of the room, where various other
sundry objects can be glimpsed dimly in the distance.
%%
You are at the northwest corner of a vast desert island.
You can see a pyramid to the southeast.
%%
You are at the periphery of a large dome, which forms the ceiling
of another room below.	Protecting you from a precipitous drop is a
wooden railing which circles the dome.
%%
You are at the south end of a hall in the haunted mansion.
To the north you see a faint pulsating glow.
To the south you see a flight of stairs.
%%
You are at the south end of a hall in the magic castle.
To the west you see an old door.
%%
You are at the south end of a long hall in the magic castle.
To the east you see a grand staircase; to the south, an old door.
You hear ghostly music from above.
%%
You are at the southwest end of the repository.  To one side is a pit
full of fierce green snakes.  On the other side is a row of small
wicker cages, each of which contains a little sulking bird.  In one
corner is a bundle of black rods with rusty marks on their ends.  A
large number of velvet pillows are scattered about on the floor.  A
vast mirror stretches off to the northeast.  At your feet is a large
steel grate, next to which is a sign which reads, "Treasure vault.
Keys in main office."
%%
You are at the top of Aragain Falls, an enormous waterfall with a
drop of about 450 feet.  The only path here is on the north end.
There is a man-sized barrel here which you could fit into.
%%
You are at the top of a flight of stairs in the haunted mansion.
To the east you see a window.
%%
You are at the top of a grand staircase in the magic castle.
You see the end of a hall to the west; to the east, a medium-sized room.
%%
You are at the top of a spiral staircase in the haunted mansion.
To the west you can see the end of a hall.
%%
You are at the top of a spiral staircase in the magic castle.
To the south you see a hall.
%%
You are at the top of a staircase descending to the north. Walls
are just visible at the extreme edges of your light to the
east and west. The staircase descends at a steep 45 degree angle.
%%
You are at the top of a staircase which descends steeply at a 45
degree angle to the east. Walls can be seen to the west and south.
%%
You are at the top of a staircase which descends steeply to the
south. There are walls visible to the east and west.
%%
You are at the top of a steep incline above a large room.  You could
climb down here, but you would not be able to climb up.  There is a
passage leading back to the north.
%%
You are at the top of the great canyon on its south wall. From here
there is a marvelous view of the canyon and parts of the Frigid River
upstream.  Across the canyon, the walls of the white cliffs still
appear to loom far above.  Following the canyon upstream (north and
northwest), Aragain Falls may be seen, complete with rainbow.
Fortunately, my vision is better than average, and I can discern the
top of flood control dam #3 far to the distant north.  To the
west and south can be seen an immense forest, stretching for miles
around.  It is possible to climb down into the canyon from here.
%%
You are at the top of the well.  Well done.  There are etchings on
the side of the well.  There is a small crack across the floor at the
entrance to a room on the east, but it can be crossed easily.
%%
You are at the west end of Hall of Mists.  A low wide crawl continues
west and another goes north.  To the south is a little passage 6 feet
off the floor.
%%
You are at the west end of a very long featureless hall.  The hall
joins up with a narrow north/south passage.
%%
You are at the west end of the the main in the palace. Two
doorways lead out of the north wall, one to the northeast and
the other to the northwest. The south wall is covered by an
ancient fresco faded beyond all recognition and defaced over
the centuries by numerous vandals. The hallway leads back to
the east.
%%
You are at the west end of the twopit room.  There is a large hole in
the wall above the pit at this end of the room.
%%
You are at your very best when things are at their worst.
%%
You are aware that merit is not always rewarded.
%%
You are beginning to feel hungry.
%%
You are beginning to feel weak.
%%
You are behind the white house.  In one corner of the house
there is a window which is #.
%%
You are being crushed.
%%
You are being followed by a very large, tame bear.
%%
You are being paged.
%%
You are being punished for your misbehaviour!
%%
You are being watched...
%%
You are being watched...the video screen is two way.
%%
You are beneath the walls of the river canyon, which may be climbable
here.  There is a small stream here, which is the lesser part of the
runoff of Aragain Falls.  To the north is a narrow path.
%%
You are blinded by a blast of light!
%%
You are broad minded and socially active.
%%
You are building up credit for the future.
%%
You are capable of planning your future.
%%
You are careful and systematic in your business arrangements.
%%
You are carrying:
%%
You are caught in a beartrap.
%%
You are certainly entitled to your opinion.
Fortunately, the rest of us are entitled to ignore it.
%%
You are clever, alert, and intellectual.
%%
You are close to Narveduen, which is just to the northwest. To the
southwest is another island.
%%
You are confused!
%%
You are confused; but this is your normal state.
%%
You are conscious again.
%%
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.
%%
You are cordially invited to go screw yourself.
%%
You are covered with bat turds, cretin.
%%
You are crawling over cobbles in a low passage.  There is a dim light
at the east end of the passage.
%%
You are currently holding the following:
%%
You are dazed by the ease with which obliteration can be obtained.
%%
You are declared a Neo-Vulgarian.

I have but one copy of Vulgarian Digest [Obscenic Float Trips].

"What kind of man reads VD?"
[Photo: Down jacket clad man in foreground surrounded by hundreds of sheep.]
		-- eugene miya, NASA Ames Research Center,
		   eugene@orville.nas.nasa.gov
		   Resident Cynic, Rock of Ages Home for Retired Hackers
%%
You are deeply attache d to your friends and acquaintances.
%%
You are destined to become the commandant
of the fighting men of the department of transportation.
%%
You are digging into a pile of bat guano.
%%
You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend.
%%
You are domestic and will be happily married
%%
You are east of the isle of Atnini. A large land mass is visible to
the north and nothing but water stretches away to the east.
%%
You are empty handed.
%%
You are facing the south side of a white house.  There is no door here,
and all the windows are barred.
%%
You are fairminded, just and loving.  (And I'm a lousy liar.)
%%
You are faithful to duty, adaptable to environment, loyal to friends.
%%
You are false data.
%%
You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.
Oops sorry, wrong fortune.
%%
You are fighting for survival in your own sweet and gentle way.
%%
You are fixed in your opinions and will not be easily moved from your
purpose.
%%
You are following a wide path around the outer edge of a large cavern.
Far below, through a heavy white mist, strange splashing noises can be
heard.	The mist rises up through a fissure in the ceiling.  The path
exits to the south and west.
%%
You are forced back and trip over your own feet, falling heavily to the
floor.
%%
You are free and that is why you are lost.
		-- Franz Kafka
%%
You are frozen by the floating eye's gaze!
%%
You are generous and always think of the other fellow.
%%
You are getting more and more confused.
%%
You are going to get some new clothes.
%%
You are going to have a new love affair (with a rock).
%%
You are going to have a new love affair. Be careful or your spouse will find
out.
%%
You are guilty.
%%
You are heading for a land of sunshine. Hope you're not a snowman.
%%
You are heading for head-stone for sure.
%%
You are high above the floor of the volcano.  From here the rim of
the volcano looks very narrow, and you are quite near it.  To the
east is what appears to be a viewing ledge, too thin to land on.
%%
You are immediately south of a rather insignificant pile of
rocks which bears the name Norst. In fact, the only notable
feature of the "island" is a large square stone tower which
occupies virtually the entire isle.
%%
You are in Bedquilt, a long east/west passage with holes everywhere.
To explore at random select north, south, up, or down.
%%
You are in a 20-foot depression floored with bare dirt.  Set into the
dirt is a strong steel grate mounted in concrete.  A dry streambed
leads into the depression.
%%
You are in a balcony high above the ground.
To the south you see the ocean; to the north, the window of the magic
castle.
%%
You are in a barrel.  Congratulations.	Etched into the side of the
barrel is the word "GERONIMO!".
%%
You are in a cart inside a long mine shaft. The mine
extends as far as the lights reach both east and west.
There are side-trails both north and south.
%%
You are in a cart just inside the mine.  The mine opens
out to the east.
%%
You are in a cart room that allows access to the inside of
the mine. A heavy door to the west stands directly opposite
the entrance to the mine proper which is sealed by the carts
and air lock. Passages go southwest and north.
There is a heavy door to west and an air lock to the east.
%%
You are in a cave.  Passages exit to the south and to the east, but the
cave narrows to a crack to the west.  The earth is particularly damp
here.
%%
You are in a cavern underground.
You see a tunnel leading outward, and dark passages to the north, south,
and east.
%%
You are in a circular room with passages off in eight directions.
%%
You are in a clearing,
with a forest surrounding you on the west and south.
%%
You are in a closet.  To the south you can see the wizard's room.
%%
You are in a cold and damp corridor where a long east-west passageway
intersects with a northward path.
%%
You are in a coral-lined passageway. A vertical shaft one foot in
diameter extends straight up from the roof overhead. Exits lie to
the South and North.
%%
You are in a corridor with polished marble walls.
The corridor widens into larger areas as it turns west at its northern
and southern ends.
%%
You are in a crawlway with a three foot high ceiling.  Your footing
is very unsure here due to the assortment of rocks underfoot.  Passages
can be seen in the east, west, and northwest corners of the crawlway.
%%
You are in a cul-de-sac about eight feet across.
%%
You are in a damp circular room, whose walls are made of brick and
mortar.  The roof of this room is not visible, but there appear to be
some etchings on the walls.  There is a passageway to the west.
%%
You are in a dark and damp cellar with a narrow passageway leading
east, and a crawlway to the south.  To the west is the bottom of a
steep metal ramp which is unclimbable.
%%
You are in a dead end.
You get the impression that "zilch" is a semi-magical word.
%%
You are in a debris room filled with stuff washed in from the surface.
A low wide passage with cobbles becomes plugged with mud and debris
here, but an awkward canyon leads upward and west.  A note on the wall
says "Magic word XYZZY".
%%
You are in a deep ravine at a crossing with an east-west crawlway.  Some
stone steps are at the south of the ravine and a steep staircase
descends.
%%
You are in a desert on an island in the middle of the sea.
To the east you see the pyramid.
%%
You are in a dimly lit corridor. The corridor extends out of sight
to the East and West.
%%
You are in a dimly lit forest, with large trees all around.  One
particularly large tree with some low branches stands here.
%%
You are in a dimly lit forest, with large trees all around.  To the
east, there appears to be sunlight.
%%
You are in a dingy closet adjacent to the machine room.  On one wall
is a small sticker which reads:

		Protected by
		  FROBOZZ
	     Magic Alarm Company
	      (Hello, footpad!).
%%
You are in a dirty broken passage.  To the east is a crawl.  To the
west is a large passage.  Above you is a hole to another passage.
%%
You are in a dusty old room which is virtually featureless, except
for an exit on the north size.
%%
You are in a dusty room in the magic castle.
%%
You are in a featureless prison cell.  Its wooden door is securely
fastened, and you can see only the flames and smoke of the pit out
its small window.  On the other side of the cell is a bronze door
which seems to be #.
As you gleefully examine your new-found riches, the Dungeon
Master himself materializes beside you and says, "Now that you have
solved all the mysteries of the Dungeon, it is time for you to assume
your rightfully-earned place in the scheme of things.  Long have I
waited for one capable of releasing me from my burden!"  He taps you
lightly on the head with his staff and mumbles a few well-chosen spells.
You feel yourself changing, growing older and more stooped.  For a
moment there are two identical mages staring at each other among the
treasures, then you watch as your counterpart dissolves into a mist
and disappears, a sardonic grin on his face.
%%
You are in a featureless prison cell.  You can see only the flames
and smoke from the pit out of the small window in the closed door
in front of you.
%%
You are in a featureless prison cell.  You can see the east-west
corridor outside the open wooden door in front of you.
%%
You are in a food locker filled with about 3.1227e46 cans
which are reputed to contain food.  They are unmarked.
%%
You are in a forest, with trees in all directions around you.
%%
You are in a gigantic sahara-like desert.
To the north you see an ocean; to the south you can see a great pyramid.
%%
You are in a great hall inside the magic castle.
To the north you can see the royal dining room.  There are some strange
runes written on the wall here.
%%
You are in a high north-south passage, which forks to the northeast.
%%
You are in a jumble of rock, with cracks everywhere.
%%
You are in a jumble of twisting, coral-lined passageways.
%%
You are in a large ballroom in the haunted mansion.
The floor is very intricate european teakwood.
High above you is a crystal chandelier reflecting
and splintering your light.
%%
You are in a large brightly-lit room, with exits to the north,
south, east, and west, plus a trap door in the floor.
%%
You are in a large cave carved out of a sandstone deposit.
There are no apparent exits from this cave aside from one to
the south. The one distinctive feature of this cave is a message
scrawled on the eastern wall which consists of four letters:
"FJAC".
%%
You are in a large cavernous room, north of a large reservoir.
%%
You are in a large cavernous room, to the south of which was formerly
a reservoir.  However, with the water level lowered, there is merely
a wide stream running through the center of the room.
%%
You are in a large desert on an island.
To the east you see a pyramid.
%%
You are in a large dry desert.	To the east you see an oasis.
%%
You are in a large east-west corridor which opens out to a northern
parapet at its center.	You can see flames and smoke as you peer
towards the parapet.  The corridor turns south at its east and west
ends, and due south is a massive wooden door.  In the door is a small
window barred with iron.  The door is #.
%%
You are in a large forest, with trees obstructing all views except
to the east, where a small clearing may be seen.
%%
You are in a large hot desert.
To the north you can see an oasis at the foot of a large pyramid. The
desert extends all around you in the other directions.
%%
You are in a large low circular chamber whose floor is an immense slab
fallen from the ceiling (slab room).  East and west there once were
large passages, but they are now filled with boulders.	Low small
passages go north and south, and the south one quickly bends west
around the boulders.
%%
You are in a large low room.  Crawls lead north, SE, and SW.
%%
You are in a large rectangular room.  The east and west walls here
were used for storing safety deposit boxes.  As might be expected,
all have been carefully removed by evil persons.  To the east, west,
and south of the room are large doorways.  The northern "wall"
of the room is a shimmering curtain of light.  In the center of the
room is a large stone cube, about 10 feet on a side.  Engraved on
the side of the cube is some lettering.
%%
You are in a large room full of assorted heavy machinery.  The room
smells of burned resistors.  The room is noisy from the whirring
sounds of the machines.  Along one wall of the room are three buttons
which are, respectively, round, triangular, and square.  Naturally,
above the buttons are instructions written in EBCDIC.  A large sign
above all the buttons says in English:

		    DANGER:  HIGH VOLTAGE

There are exits to the west and the south.
%%
You are in a large room full of dusty rocks.  There is a big hole in
the floor.  There are cracks everywhere, and a passage leading east.
%%
You are in a large room with a ceiling which cannot be detected from
the ground.  There is a narrow passage from east to west and a stone
stairway leading upward.  The room is extremely noisy.	In fact, it
is difficult to hear yourself think.
%%
You are in a large room with a prominent doorway leading to a down
staircase.  To the west is a narrow twisting tunnel.  Above you is a
large dome painted with scenes depicting elvish hacking rites.	Up
around the edge of the dome (20 feet up) is a wooden railing.  In the
center of the room there is a white marble pedestal.
%%
You are in a large room with giant icicles hanging from the walls
and ceiling.  There are passages to the north and east.
%%
You are in a large room, in the middle of which is a small shaft
descending through the floor into darkness below.  To the west and
the north are exits from this room.  Constructed over the top of the
shaft is a metal framework to which a heavy iron chain is attached.
%%
You are in a large room, one half of which is depressed.  There is a
large leak in the ceiling through which brown colored goop is
falling.  The only exit from this room is to the west.
%%
You are in a large room, with a passage to the south, a passage to the
west, and a wall of broken rock to the east.  There is a large "Y2" on
a rock in the room's center.
%%
You are in a large sandy desert.  To the west a pyramid is visible.
%%
You are in a large square room with tall ceilings.  There are exits
on the north, east, and west sides of the room.  On the south wall is
an enormous mirror which fills the entire wall.
%%
You are in a little maze of twisting passages, all different.
%%
You are in a little nook in the haunted mansion.
To the north you see a small hall; to the east, a flight of stairs.  You
also see some magic runes on the wall.
%%
You are in a little twisty maze of passages, all different.
%%
You are in a long and narrow passage, which is cluttered with broken
timbers.  A wide passage comes from the north and turns at the
southwest corner of the room into a very narrow passageway.
%%
You are in a long hall.  Doors go southwest, northwest,
northeast, and east.
%%
You are in a long passage.  To the south is one entrance.  On the
east there is an old wooden door with a large hole in it (about
cyclops sized).
%%
You are in a long room on the south shore of a large reservoir.
%%
You are in a long sloping corridor with ragged sharp walls.
%%
You are in a long tunnel running north-south.
in this cavern you see a large fountain of sparkling water.
An inscription reads:  "These waters will rejuvenate forever
their partaker."  You see stone steps leading up,
and light streaming in from above.
%%
You are in a long winding corridor
sloping out of sight in both directions.
%%
You are in a long, narrow corridor stretching out of sight to the
west.  At the eastern end is a hole through which you can see a
profusion of leaves.
%%
You are in a low N/S passage at a hole in the floor.  The hole goes
down to an E/W passage.
%%
You are in a low north-south crawlspace.
You see a musty opening to the south, and a wider opening to the north.
%%
You are in a magnificent cavern with a rushing stream, which cascades
over a sparkling waterfall into a roaring whirlpool which disappears
through a hole in the floor.  Passages exit to the south and west.
%%
You are in a map room containing the documentation for the
mine.  A passage to the northeast and a door to the west
exit the room.
%%
You are in a maze of UUCP connections, all alike.
%%
You are in a maze of little twisting passages, all alike.
%%
You are in a maze of little twisty passages, all different.
%%
You are in a maze of twisty little Unix versions, all different
%%
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike.
%%
You are in a medium-sized room in the magic castle.
To the west you see the grand staircase; to the north, a faint pulsating
glow can be seen.  To the south you see a door.
%%
You are in a narrow crawlway.  The crawlway leads from north to south,
However, the south passage divides to the south and southwest.
%%
You are in a narrow east-west passageway.  There is a narrow staircase
leading down at the north end of the room.
%%
You are in a narrow north-south corridor.  At the south end is a door
and at the north end is an east-west corridor.	The door is #.
%%
You are in a narrow passageway which turns, leading west and south.
Looking to the south, you see a locked door.
%%
You are in a narrow room whose east wall is a large mirror.
%%
You are in a narrow room whose west wall is a large wooden panel
which once contained a mirror.
%%
You are in a narrow tunnel with large wooden beams running across
the ceiling and around the walls.  A path from the south splits into
paths running west and northeast.
%%
You are in a non-descript part of a coal mine.
%%
You are in a north-south crawlway;  a passage also goes to the east.
There is a hole above, but it provides no opportunities for climbing.
%%
You are in a north-south hallway which ends in a large wooden door.
%%
You are in a north/south canyon about 25 feet across.  The floor is
covered by white mist seeping in from the north.  The walls extend
upward for well over 100 feet.	Suspended from some unseen point far
above you, an enormous two-sided mirror is hanging parallel to and
midway between the canyon walls.  (The mirror is obviously provided
for the use of the dwarves, who as you know, are extremely vain.)  a
small window can be seen in either wall, some fifty feet up.
%%
You are in a passageway which travels north-south. A small stream
of water enters the room from above the south exit, cascading down
to form a small waterfall. The water then runs northward out the
north exit. A faint light seems to be coming from the north.
%%
You are in a rather wide room.	On one side is the bottom of a
narrow wooden ladder.  To the northeast and the south are passages
leaving the room.
%%
You are in a room in which a sorcerer once dwelt.
The walls are covered with strange scribblings.
You see an unmade bed under a window on the east wall,
and to the south you see an old bookcase,
which once was painted white but now is colored "dull grey".
%%
You are in a room in which a wizard once dwelt.
There is a piano up against the south wall; ghostly music comes from it.
In the southwest corner of the room you see an old organ.
To the west you see a window, and to the north
is a doorless closet next to an unmade bed.
To the east you see the door of the room.
%%
You are in a room of large size, richly appointed and decorated
in a style that bespeaks exquisite taste.  To judge from its
contents, it is the ultimate storehouse of the treasures of Zork.
There are chests here containing precious jewels, mountains of
Zorkmids, rare paintings, ancient statuary, and beguiling curios.
In one corner of the room is a bookcase boasting such volumes
as "The History of the Great Underground Empire", "The Lives of
the Twelve Flatheads", "The Wisdom of the Implementers", and
other informative and inspiring works.
On one wall is a completely annotated map of the Dungeon of
Zork, showing points of interest and various troves of treasure,
and indicating the locations of several superior scenic views.
On the desk at the far end of the room may be found stock
certificates representing a controlling interest in FrobozzCo
International, the multinational conglomerate and parent company
of the Frobozz Magic Boat Co., etc.
%%
You are in a room used by holders of safety deposit boxes to view
their contents.  On the north size of the room is a sign which says

REMAIN HERE WHILE THE BANK OFFICER RETRIEVES YOUR DEPOSIT BOX
WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED, LEAVE THE BOX, AND EXIT TO THE SOUTH
AN ADVANCED PROTECTIVE DEVICE PREVENTS ALL CUSTOMERS FROM
REMOVING ANY SAFETY DEPOSIT BOX FROM THIS VIEWING AREA!
		Thank you for banking at the Zork!
%%
You are in a room which looks like an Egyptian tomb.  There is an
ascending staircase in the room as well as doors east and south.
%%
You are in a room which must have been a large library, probably
for the royal family.  All of the shelves appear to have been gnawed
to pieces by unfriendly gnomes.  To the north is an exit.
%%
You are in a room whose walls resemble swiss cheese.  Obvious passages
go west, east, NE, and NW.  Part of the room is occupied by a large
bedrock block.
%%
You are in a room with a high, vaulted ceiling.
A tunnel leads southward.
%%
You are in a room with a low ceiling which is circular in shape.
There are exits to the east and southeast.
%%
You are in a room with an exit on the west side,
and a staircase leading up.
%%
You are in a secret N/S canyon above a sizable passage.
%%
You are in a secret canyon at a junction of three canyons,
bearing north, south, and SE.
The north one is as tall as the other two combined.
%%
You are in a secret canyon which exits to the north and east.
%%
You are in a secret canyon which here runs E/W.  It crosses over a
very tight canyon 15 feet below.  If you go down you may not be able
to get back up.
%%
You are in a secret compartment.
To the south you see the opening into the closet.
%%
You are in a small bare room with no distinguishing features.  There
are no exits from this room.
%%
You are in a small basalt room, the west end of which is occupied
by a pool of water. There seems to be an opening in the roof over
the south end of the pool as well as a passage which enters from
the southeast.
%%
You are in a small cave whose exits are on the south and northwest.
%%
You are in a small cave with an entrance to the north and a stairway
leading down.
%%
You are in a small chamber behind the remains of the great glacier.
To the south and west are small passageways.
%%
You are in a small chamber beneath a 3x3 steel grate to the surface.
A low crawl over cobbles leads inward to the west.
%%
You are in a small chamber filled with large boulders.	The walls are
very warm, causing the air in the room to be almost stifling from the
heat.  The only exit is a crawl heading west, through which is coming
a low rumbling.
%%
You are in a small chamber, which appears to have been part of a
coal mine.  On the south wall of the chamber the letters "GRANITE
WALL" are etched in the rock.  To the east is a long passage, and
there is a steep metal slide twisting downward.  From the appearance
of the slide, an attempt to climb up it would be impossible.  To the
north is a small opening.
%%
You are in a small cubicle.  There is a trap door in the ceiling.
%%
You are in a small hall of the haunted mansion.
To the north you can see another room; to the south, a little nook.
%%
You are in a small insignificant cavern.
Exits lead north and west.
%%
You are in a small non-descript room.  However, from the direction
of a small descending staircase a foul odor can be detected.  To the
east is a narrow path.
%%
You are in a small nook in the magic castle.
You can see strange runes on the wall here, written with magic ink.
%%
You are in a small room constructed entirely out of cinderblock, with
a linoleum floor. It is lit by harsh fluorescent lighting and contains
a variety of objects, most of them related to computer programming. In
the middle of the room is a dial with 50 possible positions.
Decorating the room's walls are two porcelain whiteboards, an Escher
print and a sign which proclaims 'SSDD' in large computer-generated
letters.
%%
You are in a small room near the maze.	There are twisty
passages in the immediate vicinity.
%%
You are in a small room that has only one door, to the east.
%%
You are in a small room which seems to have been carved out of
basalt. There are passageways leading North and South, and a doorway
to the West.
%%
You are in a small room which smells strongly of coal gas.
%%
You are in a small room with passages off in all directions.
Bloodstains and deep scratches (perhaps made by an axe) mar the walls.
%%
You are in a small room, whose walls are formed by an old lava flow.
There are exits here to the west and the south.
%%
You are in a small room, with narrow passages exiting to the north
and south.  A narrow red beam of light crosses the room at the north
end, inches above the floor.  The beam is stopped halfway across the
room by a # lying on the floor.
%%
You are in a small room.  Strange squeaky sounds may be hear coming
from the passage at the west end.  You may also escape to the south.
%%
You are in a small room.
The walls are composed of a dark, almost black form of smoky quartz;
they glisten like teeth in the lamp-light.
The only exits are to the east and west.
%%
You are in a small square room which is at the bottom of a long
shaft.	To the east is a passageway and to the northeast a very narrow
passage.  In the shaft can be seen a heavy iron chain.
%%
You are in a small square room, in the center of which is a large
oblong table, no doubt set for afternoon tea.  It is clear from the
objects on the table that the users were indeed mad.  In the eastern
corner of this room is a small hole no more than four inches high.
There are passageways leading away to the west and the northwest.
%%
You are in a small square room, which was used by a bank officer
whose job it was to retrieve safety deposit boxes for the customer.
On the north side of the room is a sign which reads "Viewing Room".
On the east side of the room, above an open door, is a sign reading

		    BANK PERSONNEL ONLY
%%
You are in a small, dank cubicle of rock.
A small passage leads back out to the north;
there is no other obvious exit.
%%
You are in a small, low-ceilinged room with a door to the south.
The words "Willis company tool room -- melenkurion division" carved into
one of the walls.
%%
You are in a small, short N/S corridor. Green light floods the
area from a northern exit. To the east an extremely narrow crack
mars the surface of the smooth black wall. The cave entrance is
behind you to the south.
%%
You are in a splendid chamber ten meters high.
The walls are frozen rivers of orange stone.
A low hands-and-knees passage and a good opening
exit from the north and south sides of the chamber.
%%
You are in a steep and narrow crawlway.  There are two exits nearby to
the south and southwest.
%%
You are in a steep passageway. It continues in upward and downward
directions.
%%
You are in a tall E/W canyon.  A low tight crawl goes 3 feet north and
seems to open up.
%%
You are in a tall banana tree.
You can see the ocean to the northwest, north, northeast, east,
and south-east; to the southwest you see a haunted mansion,
with neatly-trimmed grass around it.
%%
You are in a tall coconut palm above an oasis.
To the north you see a pyramid, and to the east you see more of oasis.
The desert extends in all other directions.
%%
You are in a teleport booth atop a large stone block.
You have a lovely view of the desert,
which extends to the north and west.
Far to the northwest you see a great pyramid.
Directly in front of you there is a lever and a button,
with a sign reading "Use setting 'b' at your own risk!"
%%
You are in a tiny cave with entrances west and north, and a dark,
forbidding staircase leading down.
%%
You are in a trackless desert.
To the north lies a vast ocean; to the southwest is a pyramid.
You are in the northeast corner of a desert island.
%%
You are in a twisting little maze of passages, all different.
%%
You are in a twisting maze of little passages, all different.
%%
You are in a twisty little maze of passages, all different.
%%
You are in a twisty maze of little passages, all different.
%%
You are in a valley in the forest
beside a stream tumbling along a rocky bed.
%%
You are in a vast desert on an island.
To the north you see the ocean; to the south, you see a pyramid.
%%
You are in a vast desert.  To the west is a pyramid.
%%
You are in a vast desert.
To the northwest you see what looks like a life-giving oasis,
but it may be a mirage . . .
%%
You are in a vast dry desert which
stretches to the north, east, and south.
There is an oasis to the west, with a pyramid directly north of it.
%%
You are in a vertical secret shaft.
You see a trap door in the ceiling.
%%
You are in a very chilly corridor that runs north-south.
A fierce wind blows from another exit to the east.
%%
You are in a very cramped cul-de-sac at the end of a tunnel which
leads downward. The roof of this place appears to be a trap-door
of some sort.
%%
You are in a very ordinary, nearly featureless room. A passage
leads out to the southeast. Through an open doorway to the east
you can see a shiny floor which seems to slope upward slightly.
%%
You are in a very small room.  In the corner is a rickety wooden
ladder, leading downward.  It might be safe to descend.  There is
also a staircase leading upward.
%%
You are in a wide patch underground.
There is a low crawlspace to the south,
and good openings to the east and north.
%%
You are in a winding passage.  It seems that there is only an exit
on the east end, although the whirring from the round room can be
heard faintly to the north.
%%
You are in an alcove.  A small NW path seems to widen after a short
distance.  An extremely tight tunnel leads east.  It looks like a very
tight squeeze.	An eerie light can be seen at the other end.
%%
You are in an ancient room, long buried by the reservoir.  There are
exits to the southeast and upward.
%%
You are in an anteroom leading to a large passage to the east.	Small
passages go west and up.  The remnants of recent digging are evident.
A sign in midair here says "Cave under construction beyond this point.
Proceed at own risk.  [Witt Construction Company]"
%%
You are in an arched coral passage.
It enters from the west, splits to the east, and continues to the north
over a smooth and damp-looking patch of sand.
%%
You are in an arched hall.  A coral passage continues to the west.
The air smells of sea water.
%%
You are in an arched hall.  A coral passage once continued up and east
from here, but is now blocked by debris.  The air smells of sea water.
%%
You are in an art gallery.  Most of the paintings which were here
have been stolen by vandals with exceptional taste.  The vandals
left through the north, south, or west exits.
%%
You are in an awkward sloping east/west canyon.
%%
You are in an east-west corridor which turns north at its eastern
and western ends.  The walls of the corridor are marble.  An
additional passage leads south at the center of the corridor.
%%
You are in an enormous room, in the center of which are four wooden
posts delineating a rectangular area, above which is what appears to
be a wooden roof.  In fact, all objects in this room appear to be
abnormally large.  To the east is a passageway.  There is a large
chasm on the west and the northwest.
%%
You are in an extremely tight crawlway. There is barely enough
room for you even to squirm through. The path to the corridor lies
to the west. Flickering yellow light is visible to the east,
where the passage seems to open up.
%%
You are in an oasis in the middle of a desert.
To the north rises a great pyramid, rumored to hide many treasures.
%%
You are in an old iceroom.  It's rather cold here.
%%
You are in an old musty storeroom in the magic castle.
You see the door to the north.
%%
You are in an open field west of a big
white house with a boarded front door.
%%
You are in error.  2 + 2 = 5.15785423.	Please recalibrate your equipment
accordingly.
%%
You are in front of a large building which lies to the north.
The entranceway gapes open in mock invitation. An expanse of
garden lies behind you to the south.
%%
You are in it, turkey!
%%
You are in large room which seems to be air conditioned.  In one corner
there is a machine (?) which is shaped somewhat like a clothes dryer.	On
the 'panel' there is a switch which is labeled in an obscure dialect of
Swahili.  Fortunately, I know this dialect, and the label translates to
'START'.  The switch does not appear to be manipulable by any human hand
(unless the fingers are about 1/16 by 1/4 inch).  On the front of the
machine is a large lid, which is #.
%%
You are in office of the owner of the mine. There are yellowed
papers scattered all over the room and on various shallow
shelves set in the walls. Doors occupy the east and northwest
walls.
%%
You are in open forest near both a valley and a road.
%%
You are in open forest, with a deep valley to one side.
%%
You are in part of the long hallway.  The east and west walls are
dressed stone.	In the center of the hall is a shallow stone channel.
In the center of the room the channel widens into a large hole around
which is engraved a compass rose.
%%
You are in perfect health.
%%
You are in shallow waters to the southeast of Enlad. To the
west is a narrow bay which looks navigable; to the north and
northwest you could land. The island stretches away to the
west and north.
%%
You are in some nondescript worker's quarters.
%%
You are in the #.
%%
You are in the Hall of the Mountain King,
with passages off in all directions.
%%
You are in the South Reach. Immediately ahead, north by
northwest, lies Obehol.
%%
You are in the Tomb of the Unknown Implementer.  A hollow voice
says, "That's not a bug, it's a feature!"
In the north wall of the room is the Crypt of the Implementers.  It
is made of the finest marble and is apparently large enough for four
headless corpses.  The crypt is #.  Above the entrance is the
cryptic inscription:

		"Feel Free".
%%
You are in the Vault of the Bank of Zork, in which there are no doors.
%%
You are in the attic.  The only exit is stairs that lead down.
%%
You are in the bottom of a small pit with a little stream, which
enters and exits through tiny slits.
%%
You are in the center of a highly symmetrical coral chamber.
Passages lead off in every which way.
%%
You are in the dining hall.  The 2 exits are east and south.
The table and chairs are late 18th century east european.
You can almost hear the echoes of the past celebrations . . .
%%
You are in the downstairs hallway. A flight of stairs leads
up to the second floor of the house. There are doorways to the
east and north, and the front door of the house is to the west.
%%
You are in the east end of a large temple.  In front of you is what
appears to be an altar.
%%
You are in the east end of a secret hall.
%%
You are in the entrance to the palace of Enlad. High above in
the ceiling hang several massive crystalline chandeliers of
great antiquity. Time has ravaged them until they are barely
recognizable as such. The shattered remains of tremendous
mirrors that used to panel the walls lie scattered about. Other
debris indicates the once-great splendor of the palace. A
hallway runs east and west from here. There is an open doorway
to the south and an archway opening to a courtyard to the north.
%%
You are in the entranceway of the shack. Nothing remains of the
contents but a few broken pieces of pottery ground into the dirt. A
small room lies to the south. A doorway leading out lies to the north.
%%
You are in the giant room.  The ceiling here is too high up for your
lamp to show it.  Cavernous passages lead east, north, and south.  On
the west wall is scrawled the inscription, "Fee fie foe foo" [sic].
%%
You are in the guest room of the magic castle.
To the north you see a door; to the south, a window.
%%
You are in the kitchen of the white house.  A table seems to have
been used recently for the preparation of food.  A passage leads to
the west and a dark staircase can be seen leading upward.  To the
east is a small window which is #.
%%
You are in the labyrinthe.
%%
You are in the large entrance hall of the Bank of Zork, the largest
banking institution of the Great Underground Empire.  A partial
account of its history is in "The Lives of the Twelve Flatheads" with
the chapter on J. Pierpont Flathead.  A more detailed history (albeit
less objective) may be found in Flathead's outrageous autobiography
"I'm Rich and You Aren't - So There!".
Most of the furniture has been ravaged by passing scavengers.  All
that remains are two signs at the northwest and northeast corners of
the room, which say

	<-- WEST VIEWING ROOM		EAST VIEWING ROOM -->
%%
You are in the living room, the largest room in the mansion.
The furniture is ornate, perhaps victorian.
%%
You are in the living room.  There is a door to the east.  To the west
is a cyclops-shaped hole in an old wooden door, above which is some
strange gothic lettering.
%%
You are in the living room.  There is a door to the east.  To the west
is a wooden door with strange gothic lettering, which appears to be
nailed shut.
%%
You are in the main lobby of the haunted mansion.
To the north you see an old unused corner; to the south, a flight of
stairs.  Directly to the east you see a great door.
%%
You are in the main lobby of the magic castle.
To the north you see a great hall, and to the east a grand staircase.
You can see a drawbridge to the west, and a door to the south.
You hear ghostly music from above.
%%
You are in the maze of pits.
You are in a cavern which looks normal except for a
message scrawled on the wall:
"Bilbo was here"
%%
You are in the mess hall of the mine.  Empty cans litter
the room.  There is a door to the west and another to the
north and a passage to the south.
%%
You are in the middle of a long hall in the magic castle.
the hall extends to the north and south.
%%
You are in the middle of a secret hall extending east-west.
You see a trap door in the floor.
%%
You are in the middle of a very dense forest. There are trees around
you on all sides.
%%
You are in the middle portion of an access hallway running
north-south. There is a doorway to the west and an open arch
to the east. The hall is devoid of furnishings.
%%
You are in the north end of a hall in the haunted mansion.
To the south you see a faint pulsating glow.
%%
You are in the northern end of an access hallway. There are
doorways to the north and west, and an arch to the east. The
hall stretches away to the south.
%%
You are in the open sea. To the north you can see a sandy beach
on the island Ilite. Far to the southwest the island of Issel
is faintly visible.
%%
You are in the power room.
All of the controls are inaccessible.
%%
You are in the remains of an once-beautiful garden. Wild-growing
and unkempt plants abound in profusion. The garden continues
to the north and east.
%%
You are in the royal boudoir of the magic castle.
To the north you see a door.
%%
You are in the royal dining room.
Above you is a beautiful crystal chandelier; in front of you, a long
banquet table.
%%
You are in the ruins of what was once probably a fishing village.
All that remains are a few foundations of small buildings and the
last vestiges of a harbor. To the east the Bay of Enlad rolls
gently. In the distance to the north is a small knoll, while to
the northeast the harbor ends in a small beach which follows
the contour of the bay.
%%
You are in the soft room.
The walls are covered with heavy curtains,
the floor with a thick pile carpet.  Moss covers the ceiling.
A low hands-and-knees passage leads to the west;
there is a good exit to the south and another passage to the east.
%%
You are in the south end of a long hall in the haunted mansion.
There are some strange magic runes written on the wall here.
%%
You are in the south side chamber.
%%
You are in the southern waters of the dragon's run. The nearest
isle lies immediately to the south, but it cannot be landed on
from this direction due to a reef and some rocky shoals in the
water immediately offshore. On the shore of the island can be
seen a small shack at the base of a sheer cliff.
%%
You are in the top of a fine rutabaga tree.
%%
You are in the top of a tall oak tree in the grove.
In the distance you see buildings
to the west and an ocean far to the south.
%%
You are in the top of the cypress tree in the grove.
To the west you see buildings off in the distance;
far to the south, you see a vast ocean.
You can also see a spider web with writing on it here.
%%
You are in the tunnel of stone which runs north-south here.
%%
You are in the upstairs hallway.
A flight of stairs leads down to the first floor of the house.
There are doorways to the east and north.
%%
You are in the viewing room of the spaceship.
The room is dominated by a huge viewscreen on the north (outward) wall.
%%
You are in the water just off the coast of Torheven. A small landing
point is visible just to the east.
%%
You are in the water to the west of the island of Gont. To the
east a small strip of rocky beach can be seen.
%%
You are in the waters east of Hille. To the northwest and north lies
the Open Sea.
%%
You are in the waters of the Dragon's Run. Numerous tiny islets
can be seen to the north and south sides of this stretch of water.
A massive pinnacle rises out of the waters to the far south.
%%
You are in the west end of a large temple.  On the south wall is an
ancient inscription, probably a prayer in a long-forgotten language.
The north wall is solid granite.  The entrance at the west end of the
room is through huge marble pillars.
%%
You are in the west end of a secret hall.
There is a window in the west wall.
%%
You are in the west side chamber of the Hall of the Mountain King.
A passage continues west and up here.
%%
You are in the winecellar.
You see a crawlspace to the north and a trap door above you.
%%
You are in waters to the southeast of Usidero. From here, you can
see not only only this isle, but also islands to the southeast and
southwest.
%%
You are in what appears to have been a library. All that remains
is an apparently untouched bookshelf on the west wall.
%%
You are in what appears to have been an artist's studio.  The walls
and floors are splattered with paints of 69 different colors.
Strangely enough, nothing of value is hanging here.  At the north and
northwest of the room are open doors (also covered with paint).  An
extremely dark and narrow chimney leads up from a fireplace.  Although
you might be able to get up the chimney, it seems unlikely that you
could get back down.
%%
You are in what appears to have been the maintenance room for flood
control dam #3, judging by the assortment of tool chests around the
room.  Apparently, this room has been ransacked recently, for most of
the valuable equipment is gone.  On the wall in front of you is a
panel of buttons, which are labeled in EBCDIC.	However, they are of
different colors:  blue, yellow, brown, and red.  The doors to this
room are in the west and south ends.
%%
You are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the
same mistakes repeatedly.
%%
You are innocent.
%%
You are inside a barren room.  The center of the room is completely
empty except for some dust.  Marks in the dust lead away toward the
far end of the room.  The only exit is the way you came in.
%%
You are inside a building, a well house for a large spring.
%%
You are inside a rectangular box of wood
whose structure is rather complicated.
Four sides and the roof are filled in, and the floor is open.
%%
You are inside a small tunnel extending to the north and south.
The walls of the tunnel are quite smooth and the top of the tunnel
curves over your head.
%%
You are inside the lobby of an ancient mine.
Exits leave to the southeast, northeast, and west.
%%
You are interested in higher education whether material or spiritual.
%%
You are just off the west coast of Ebosskil. The coastline is nothing
more than a sheer unclimbable cliff at this point. The island itself
is quite large. You can travel around the island to the northeast and
southeast.
%%
You are just the kind of bad food some monsters like to digest.
%%
You are just too cool.
%%
You are just west of Hosk. In addition to Hosk, you can see islands in
the west and east of south.
%%
You are living on the planet of the apes.
%%
You are logical and hate disorder.
%%
You are lost in the Swamps of Despair.
%%
You are loved by the multitudes.
Have you been to the clinic lately?
%%
You are lucky! Full moon tonight.
%%
You are magnetic in your bearing--that's why all the nuts cling to you.
%%
You are magnetic in your bearing. Avoid heavy, metallic objects.
%%
You are motionlessly suspended.
%%
You are near Ingat, just to the northwest of the island. In
the distance you can see other bodies of land to the northeast
and east by southeast.
%%
You are near the east side of a long island which the map identifies
as Lorbanery.
%%
You are near the rim of the volcano, which is only about fifteen feet
across.  To the west, there is a place to land with a wide ledge.
%%
You are near the west coast of the Island of O. Islands dot the
horizon in most any direction one could choose.
%%
You are never far from the sound of an engine.
%%
You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true.
You may have to work for it, however.
		-- Richard Bach, "Illusions"
%%
You are never selfish with your advice or your help.
%%
You are next in line for promotion in your firm.
%%
You are no longer invisible.
%%
You are north of the pair of islands known as The Hands.
%%
You are not a fool just because you have done something foolish --
only if the folly of it escapes you.
%%
You are not able to teleport at will.
%%
You are not allowed to save in a shop. (Continue or Quit)
%%
You are not dead yet.
But watch for further reports.
%%
You are not entitled to an opinion. An opinion is what you have when you don't
have any facts. When you have the facts, you don't need an opinion.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
You are not equipped for an exorcism.
%%
You are not equipped for swimming.
%%
You are not in a shop.
%%
You are not permitted to save the game here.
%%
You are not worth the dust which the rude wind blows in your face.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
You are not worthy of the slightest notice of a humanitarian.
%%
You are now a Sorcerer.
%%
You are now a Wizard of Earthsea.
%%
You are now at intermediate level.
%%
You are now at the top of an old wooden ladder.
The ladder is resting against the bottom step of a glass staircase,
which reaches upwards into a cloud.
%%
You are now at the top of some rock stairs leading downward.
%%
You are now at the west end of a hall of stone.
%%
You are now behind a beautiful waterfall!
To the north you see a tunnel, and to the south you see the ledge.
%%
You are now considered a beginner.
%%
You are now considered an enchanter.
%%
You are now dead. (Le morte)
%%
You are now due north of Rood. There are no other islands in sight.
%%
You are now east of Kornay. To your east lies nothing but the Open Sea.
%%
You are now high above the clouds ...
%%
You are now in Atlanta Georgia.  Please set your clocks back 200 years.
%%
You are now in a dark east-west passage.
There is a trickle of water coming from a slit in the ceiling.	A little
stream travels eastward along the north wall of the passage.
%%
You are now in a huge walk-in safe.
The south wall has been blown open by some mysterious explosion.
%%
You are now in a low cavern.
You can see strange runes upon the walls, written with magic.  Passages
lead north, south, and west.
%%
You are now in a recently-carved tunnel which leads south and east.
To the south you hear the muffled roar of the waterfall.
You see a small sign here, reading "Warning:
Caverns under construction beyond this point.
proceed at own risk.  (willis construction company)"
%%
You are now in a salt mine.
It was evidently abandoned many years ago by some unknown people.
%%
You are now in a small clearing at the base of the cliff.
You see the river rushing past, to disappear through a large underwater
hole in the south end of the canyon.  There is an outcropping of rock to
the north of here.
%%
You are now in a twisting tunnel which goes south and east from here.
You also see some ominous passages to the north and west.
%%
You are now in an old musty cavern.
You see a short passage to the north, and a door to the east.
%%
You are now in the #.
%%
You are now in the rubble room.
You see exits to the north, south, and east.
%%
You are now in the throne room.
%%
You are now in the transporter room.
You see a button labeled "select" and a lever labeled "activate" on the
wall here.
%%
You are now in the underground box office.
The walls are perfectly smooth, and the corners are crisp and sharp.
%%
You are now inside a ring of pinnacles. In the center is a large stone
floor. The whole area smells strongly of dragon. High above, the sky
can be seen between the spires of the looming pinnacles. A dark,
foreboding passage travels downward from here.
%%
You are now on the west side of a great canyon.
You can see a rushing river at the bottom of the canyon, and you see a
waterfall at the north end.  There are some stone steps leading down,
cut into the rock face.
%%
You are now outside the entrance to the hall of gems, to the east.
other passages lead north and west.
%%
You are now standing in the middle of the palace yard to the west
of a tall tower. This side of the vine-covered tower clearly shows
the age of the ancient structure. A balcony can be seen on this
side, near the tower's top. The courtyard extends both to the north
and south and a doorway leads back inside the surrounding building.
%%
You are now standing in the shadow of a large stone block.
A sign here reads "Dragons love creamed rutabaga soup."
Another sign reads "Thank you, peter gruenbeck."
%%
You are now standing is a very dingy, cramped, dormitory-like
cubicle once used as storeroom. Mold abounds in the corners
of the room, and a pungent reek of long-term neglect pervades
the atmosphere. The lone exit is to the south.
%%
You are now standing next to a crashing waterfall.
Along the north wall is a river, which cascades
over the brink of a great canyon, making an incredible waterfall.
A rushing river runs southward at the bottom of the canyon.
%%
You are now standing on a rock ledge.
You can see a rather large stalactite which does not quite
reach the surface below -- you could go down,
but you would not be able to come back up that way.
%%
You are now standing on an outcropping across from the waterfall.
There is a rushing river flowing south from the bottom of the cascade.
To the north you can see the entrance to a cavern,
and to the south is a small clearing in the side of the cliff.
%%
You are now standing on neatly-cut grass.
To the north you can see the ocean; to the south you see the edge of the
magic castle.
%%
You are now standing on the north edge of a fluffy cloud.
You can see the desert far below.  It's a long way down . . .
%%
You are now standing on the southwest corner of the cloud.
You can see the vast desert below you, down there.
%%
You are number 6! Who is number one?
%%
You are nuts.
%%
You are obviously a rank amateur.  Better luck next time.
%%
You are on Traveller's Avenue, which runs north-to-south.
Houses can seen seen on either side of the street.
%%
You are on a broad sandy beach at the foot of a high
promontory. The beach tapers out quickly to the east, but
continues to the west for quite a distance.
%%
You are on a desert island.
To the south you see the ocean, and off to the north you see a large
something-or-other.
%%
You are on a hot desert island, which stretches for miles and miles.
Far off to the northeast you can see a large pyramid.
%%
You are on a hot sandy beach which stretches to the north and east.
The ocean stretches to the west, southwest, and south.
%%
You are on a large desert island.
You can see the ocean to the west; far to the east you see a pyramid.
%%
You are on a large sandy beach at the shore of the river, which is
flowing quickly by.  A path runs beside the river to the south here.
%%
You are on a ledge about halfway up the wall of the river canyon.
You can see from here that the main flow from Aragain Falls twists
along a passage which it is impossible to enter.  Below you is the
canyon bottom.	Above you is more cliff, which still appears
climbable.
%%
You are on a ledge high above the ground.
To the east you see the ocean; to the west,
the window of the haunted mansion.
%%
You are on a ledge in the middle of a large volcano.  Below you
the volcano bottom can be seen and above is the rim of the volcano.
A couple of ledges can be seen on the other side of the volcano;
it appears that this ledge is intermediate in elevation between
those on the other side.  The exit from this room is to the east.
%%
You are on a narrow ledge overlooking the inside of an old dormant
volcano.  This ledge appears to be about in the middle between the
floor below and the rim above.	There is an exit here to the south.
%%
You are on a narrow strip of beach which runs along the base of the
white cliffs.  The only path here is a narrow one, heading south
along the cliffs.
%%
You are on a rocky, narrow strip of beach beside the cliffs.  A
narrow path leads north along the shore.
%%
You are on a section of Traveller's Avenue, a much-used
thorough-fare dating back to the golden days of Ilite. The
street is with a mosaic of multi-colored stone, set in place by
master craftsmen. The avenue merges with a grey road to the south
and continues into the town to the north. On either side of the
avenue fields of flowers can be seen.
%%
You are on a section of forest path extending from the southwest to
the east. There is dense forest on all sides of the paths.
%%
You are on a section of rocky path which travels southeast-northwest.
The borders of the path consist of high sheer rock walls. The path has
been cut into the living rock by some natural force, possibly a river.
The way is very treacherous here.
%%
You are on a small beach on the continuation of the Frigid River
past the falls.  The beach is narrow due to the presence of the white
cliffs.  The river canyon opens here, and sunlight shines in from
above.	A rainbow crosses over the falls to the west, and a narrow path
continues to the southeast.
%%
You are on a staircase ascending to the north. Walls are barely
visible to the east and west. The staircase ascends steeply at
a 45 degree angle.
%%
You are on a staircase ascending to the south. There are walls
visible to the east and west.
%%
You are on a staircase leading upward to the west. Walls are
visible to the north and south. The stairs ascend at a steep
45 degree angle.
%%
You are on a staircase which ascends to the east. There are
faintly visible walls to the north and south. The stairs are
quite steep and ascend at a 45 degree angle.
%%
You are on a staircase which ascends to the north. There are
walls to the east and west.
%%
You are on a steeply ascending spiral stone staircase. The stairs
are of obvious antiquity, as shown by the deep depressions in the
steps.
%%
You are on a thin strip of beach that separates the ocean from
a large rock which forms the bulk of the island. The beach seems to
be made of ground coral, which lends a pink tinge to the sands. To
the north lies the bottom tier of the rock. It looks climbable from
here. To the east and west the rock forms high, impassable walls.
%%
You are on a vast desert island which extends to the east,
west, and south.
You can see a pyramid to the southeast, and an ocean to the north.
%%
You are on a wide ledge high into the volcano.	The rim of the
volcano is about 200 feet above and there is a precipitous drop
below to the floor.
%%
You are on one side of a large, deep chasm.  A heavy white mist rising
up from below obscures all view of the far side.  A SW path leads away
from the chasm into a winding corridor.
%%
You are on rocky ground.
To the north you see the west end of a bridge; to the east you see a
rushing river which runs north-south.  To the south you can see
mountainous terrain.
%%
You are on the Frigid River in the vicinity of the dam.  The river
flows quietly here.  There is a landing on the west shore.
%%
You are on the balcony outside the sorcerer's room.
To the east you see the ocean; to the west, the window back into the
haunted mansion.
%%
You are on the brink of a small clean climbable pit.
A crawl leads west.
%%
You are on the brink of a thirty foot pit with a massive orange column
down one wall.	You could climb down here but you could not get back
up.  The maze continues at this level.
%%
You are on the east bank of a fissure slicing clear across the hall.
The mist is quite thick here, and the fissure is too wide to jump.
%%
You are on the east edge of a desert island.
The ocean looks very big from here.
%%
You are on the east edge of an island.
To the west you see a very old haunted mansion.
%%
You are on the east edge of the desert island.
Off in the distance in the west you see the pyramid.
%%
You are on the east edge of the island.
To the west you see the haunted mansion; to the north, you see the front
porch.	There is a ledge directly above you.
%%
You are on the east side of a great canyon.
Across the way, you see a river cascade into a lovely waterfall
which crashes on the rocks at the bottom of the canyon,
then forms a river which flows southward.
Up here, you see a passage to the east.
%%
You are on the east side of a great canyon.
You can see a rushing river at the bottom, and a waterfall at the north
end.  There are stone walls to the south and east.
%%
You are on the east side of a sandy field.
To the nw, w, and s you can see more of the field; to the north lies a
sandy beach.  To the east you can see the ocean extending as far as you
care to imagine.
%%
You are on the east side of a sunny meadow.
To the north, west, and south you can see more of the meadow;
to the east is a sandy field.
%%
You are on the east side of an oasis in the desert.
To the north rises a tall pyramid, rumored to hide
many valuable treasures. You also see stone steps going down.
%%
You are on the edge of a desert island.  To the east lies the ocean.
%%
You are on the edge of a desert island.
To the west you see a vast ocean; far to the east you see an oasis.
%%
You are on the edge of a desert.  To the east stretches a vast ocean.
%%
You are on the edge of a vast desert island.
You can see the ocean to the south, and there seems to be something
important to the north.
%%
You are on the far side of the chasm.  A NE path leads away from the
chasm on this side.
%%
You are on the gently flowing stream.  The upstream route is too narrow
to navigate, and the downstream route is invisible due to twisting
walls.	There is a narrow beach to land on.
%%
You are on the northeast corner of a soft white cloud.
below, you see the desert island and the ocean.
%%
You are on the northeast corner of an island.
To the southeast you see a haunted mansion.
%%
You are on the northwest corner of a fluffy cloud.
You see the oasis far below you.
%%
You are on the northwest corner of a small island.
To the southeast you see the famed magic castle.
%%
You are on the northwest face of the pyramid on the desert island.
%%
You are on the ocean near the island of Gont, which lies to the
southeast. Another island can be seen on the western horizon.
%%
You are on the ocean off the coast of Osskil.
The island lies to the northwest, completely obscuring
your vision in that direction. Two other islands are close by,
one to the southeast and one to the southwest.
%%
You are on the outskirts of a vast desert island.
To the west you can see the ocean; far to the northeast you see a great
pyramid.
%%
You are on the reservoir.  Beaches can be seen north and south.
Upstream a small stream enters the reservoir through a narrow
cleft in the rocks.  The dam can be seen downstream.
%%
You are on the shore of the river.  The river here seems somewhat
treacherous.  A path travels from north to south here, the south end
quickly turning around a sharp corner.
%%
You are on the south bank of a river. The bank drops quite steeply
here to the water below. You could not reach the water from here. The
ruins of a collapsed stone bridge can be seen along the bank here.
The path you are on winds southward.
%%
You are on the south edge a wide chasm. The walls of the
chasm are quite steep and unclimbable. It doesn't look
like you will be able to get across here. A path winds
its way up the side of a small hill to the south.
%%
You are on the south edge of a deep canyon.  Passages lead off
to the east, south, and northwest.  You can hear the sound of
flowing water below.
%%
You are on the south edge of a large desert island.
the ocean waves lap at your feet, while seagulls head to the north.
%%
You are on the south edge of a soft white cloud.
You can see a large stone block in the desert down and to the southeast.
%%
You are on the south edge of a wide chasm. A recent cave-in below has
collapsed enough of the sides for you to scramble across. A path winds
its way up the side of a small hill to the south.
%%
You are on the south edge of an island.
To the north you can see the west corner of a haunted mansion.
%%
You are on the south end of the long balcony.
You see a window to the east.
%%
You are on the south side of the island.
You can see the magic castle to the north of you.
%%
You are on the southeast face of the pyramid in the desert.
To the south you see an oasis.
%%
You are on the southwest corner of the island.
Northeast lies the famous magic castle, rumored to house all manner of
strange items.
%%
You are on the southwest face of the pyramid.
To the south you see an oasis; to the east lies the desert.
%%
You are on the west edge of a chasm, the bottom of which cannot be
seen.  The east side is sheer rock, providing no exits.  A narrow
passage goes west.
The path you are on continues to the north and south.
%%
You are on the west edge of a desert island.
far to the east you can see a tall pyramid.
%%
You are on the west edge of the island.
To the east you can see the corner of the magic castle.
There is a balcony above you.
%%
You are on the west shore of the river.  An entrance to a cave is
to the northwest.  The shore is very rocky here.
%%
You are on the west side of a sandy field.
To the north, east, and south you see more of the field; to the west,
you see a sunny meadow.
%%
You are on the west side of a sunny meadow.
To the west you see a small bridge; to the north, east,
and south lies more of the meadow.
%%
You are on the west side of the fissure in the Hall of Mists.
%%
You are on top of a rainbow (I bet you never thought you would walk
on a rainbow), with a magnificent view of the falls.  The rainbow
travels east-west here.
%%
You are on what used to be a large reservoir, but which is now a
large mud pile.  There are 'shores' to the north and south.
%%
You are on your own feet again.
%%
You are one frood who really knows where your towel is.
%%
You are one silly little bunny.
%%
You are only coming through in waves,
your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying....
I I I I I I have become Comfortably Numb.
		-- Pink Floyd
%%
You are only what you are when no one is looking.
		-- Robert C. Edwards
%%
You are open and honest in your philosophy of love.
%%
You are optimistic and intelligent.
%%
You are outside a large gateway, on which is inscribed:

	"Abandon every hope, all ye who enter here."

The gate is open.  Through it you can see a desolation, with a pile of
mangled corpses in one corner.	Thousands of voices, lamenting some
hideous fate, can be heard.
%%
You are outside the entrance to an ancient mine. The water lies to
the west. The doorway is old but seems in good repair.
%%
You are paralyzed by the fact that cruelty is often amusing.
%%
You are proceeding along a narrow trail which runs north-south
between the building and the precipice.
%%
You are putting out a fire with gasoline. Be careful.
%%
You are putting out fire with gasoline.
%%
You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice.
%%
You are sailing along the northern shores of Enlad. The
island occupies the southern horizon tapering to an
elongated peninsula to the southeast. Another island lies to
the north.
%%
You are sailing close to the east coast of Kamery. Another island
occupies much of the eastern horizon.
%%
You are sailing in a bay on the eastern shore of Enlad. There
is a harbor to the west, and a high promontory to the north
which has a narrow beach at its foot. The ocean occupies the
eastern horizon.
%%
You are sailing northeast of Iffish.
%%
You are sailing on the ocean, some distance removed from Havnor. Even
from this distance, though, the immense island engulfs the entire
northern horizon. Two other islands are barely visible to the south
and southeast.
%%
You are sailing the Dragon's Run. The water here is shallow and
perilous. The horizon to the west is dotted with tiny islands,
in the midst of which towers the Keep of Kalessin, a massive
pinnacle of black spires standing some hundreds of feet high.
%%
You are sailing the upper regions of the North Reach, just south of
the Whale Isles. Your map ends at this point, indicating no land to
either the north, east or west. All that you can discern in those
directions are a few icebergs drifting hither and yon.
%%
You are sailing the waters east of Karego-At. Another island can be
seen somewhat to the south of east.
%%
You are sailing the waters of the South Reach, just to the northwest
of the Isle of the Ear.
%%
You are sailing the waters of the West Reach
just to the northeast of Obb.
%%
You are sailing the waters off the southeast corner of Onon. In
addition to Onon, you can also see a larger island close to the north,
as well as a small island to the southeast.
%%
You are sailing to the east of the infamous isle of Pendor. Far on
the east horizon, the outline of another island can be seen.
%%
You are sailing to the northeast of Ensmer. Several other islands can
be seen as well, to the northeast, east by southeast, and one very
near to the north of northeast.
%%
You are sailing west of Ebosskil. Most of the eastern horizon is
monopolized by Ebosskil, but beyond it and to the north another,
larger island can be espied.
%%
You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward.
Therefore you have few friends.
%%
You are secretive in your dealings but never to the extent of trickery.
%%
You are sensitive to the atmosphere around you.
%%
You are sharing your lunch with the mice in the bottom drawer of your
desk.
%%
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted.
%%
You are sick, twisted and perverted.
I like that in a person.
%%
You are slowly sliding across a most slippery floor in a
generally southeastern direction. This seems to be due to a
small but significant slope toward that corner. Conveniently
enough, you are heading straight through an open doorway in
the southeast corner.
%%
You are so aggravating you could give an aspirin a headache.
%%
You are so boring that when I see you my feet go to sleep.
%%
You are southeast of Bereswek. Nothing else disturbs the ocean for as
far as the eye can see.
%%
You are splashed by the blob's acid!
%%
You are splashing about in a pool of very cold fresh water. Between
gasps for air you may note that the pool is located in a small
basalt cavern. You also see that the water comes from a small stream
which runs down the south wall from an opening in the roof high
above; the stream exits through a small opening in the northwest
wall. There is also an opening in the southeast corner of the cave,
but you would have to abandon your swimming to leave by that route.
%%
You are standing amongst the remains of some small buildings. This
must have been a small village of servant's quarters and the like once
for the staff that served the Castles of Ebosskil. The terrain grows
rocky and unpassable to the south, the beach can be seen to the
northeast, and there is a hill to the north. Away to the west the
corner of a castle can be seen.
%%
You are standing at the borderline between the high-walled plateau
to the east and the farming district to the west. All along the
foothills here, evidence of vinyards and other cultivation is still
evident in the semblance of order which still persists. A path leads
upward to a lone gate set in the wall.
%%
You are standing at the edge of an expanse of green fields.
The fields continue to the north. To the south the open doorway
of a small hut can be seen.
%%
You are standing at the edge of an expanse of green fields.
The fields extend back to the north. The view to the south
seems unsteady and shimmers like a mirage. You barely recognize
it to be identical to the fields on the north.
%%
You are standing at the edge of an expanse of green fields.
The fields extend back to the north. To the south is a most
confusing view. It seems to be the exact same field you just
crossed, but seen in reverse. The whole scene has an air of
unreality, and almost shimmers as you gaze at it.
%%
You are standing at the edge of an expanse of green fields.
The fields extend back to the north. To the south you can see
an expanse of green fields much like those to the north, but
the image appears to waver slightly.
%%
You are standing at the entrance of what might have been a coal
mine.  To the northeast and the northwest are entrances to the mine,
and there is another exit on the south end of the room.
%%
You are standing at the entrance to a large, barren room.  A sign
posted above the entrance reads:  "Caution!  Bear in room!"
%%
You are standing at the southwest corner of a very large
plateau. To the west the plateau drops off sharply down to a
barren plain; to the south the white cliffs plummet to the
ocean below.
%%
You are standing at the top of a flight of stairs that lead down to
a passage below.  Dim light, as from torches, can be seen in the
passage.  Behind you the stairs lead into untouched rock.
%%
You are standing at the top of a very steep sandstone cliff
which plunges down to the ocean to the south. There is a
small beach between the foot of the cliffs and the ocean.
A spacious lush garden is visible to the north.
%%
You are standing atop a small knoll overlooking a large expanse of
farmland to the east. Immediately to your south a very steep slope
leads upward to a high mountain range. The roof of a very ornate
building and the top of a tower are both visible over the wall.
You can see what look like dwellings far to the southwest.
%%
You are standing before a gate in a wall to the west. The wall
runs north-south next to the palace of Enlad. To the south a
decrepit garden is visible.
%%
You are standing behind a stone retaining wall which rims a large
parapet overlooking a fiery pit.  It is difficult to see through the
smoke and flame which fills the pit, but it seems to be more or less
bottomless.  It also extends upwards out of sight.  The pit itself
is of roughly dressed stone and is circular in shape.  It is about
two hundred feet in diameter.  The flames generate considerable heat,
so it is rather uncomfortable standing here.
There is an object here which looks like a sundial.  On it are
an indicator arrow and (in the center) a large button.	On the face
of the dial are numbers "one" through "eight".	The indicator points
to the number "#".
%%
You are standing in a room which, although almost devoid of
detail now, bears signs of once having served as a study for
the princes of Enlad. Set into the walls are stone shelves
which once functioned are bookshelves. No books are left.
Doorways are set in all but the west wall.
%%
You are standing in a small circular room with a pedestal.  A set of
stairs leads up, and passages leave the the east and west.
%%
You are standing in a small open clearing. The west side of the
clearing is bounded by a thick hedge. Dense trees form the north and
south borders. A path extends out of the clearing to the east.
%%
You are standing in front of a pool at the end of the river.
You can see the river to the east of you;
to the west you can see a steep cliff.	You won't be able to climb it.
%%
You are standing in front of the magic castle.
The ocean stretches westward behind you;
to the east you see a drawbridge.
above, you see the underside of a balcony.
%%
You are standing in the dining room. The walls are completely
bare and featureless. There are no chairs or any ornamentation
of any kind in this room. Doorways lie to the south and west.
%%
You are standing in the grass on the north edge of the island.
To the south you can see the corner of a haunted mansion.
High above, you see a balcony.
%%
You are standing in the middle of a lush green clearing. The
air here is cool and damp. The grove is surrounded on all sides
by dense, dark forest.
%%
You are standing in the middle of an expanse of green fields. To the
north you can see the edge of a great forest. A small path seems to
lead into the trees in that direction. The fields extend to the south
from here.
%%
You are standing in the midst of a field of red flowers which
wave gently in the light breeze. A section of grey road can be seen
To the south and Traveller's Avenue lies behind you to the west.
The side wall of a yellow house ends the field on the north side
and a yellow stone fence encloses the field from the west.
%%
You are standing in the waters off the northeast extreme of the
island. A small beach is visible to the south. The open sea
lies to the north and east.
%%
You are standing inside of a small hut. The walls are bare and have
been stripped of all furnishings. Everything is quite dusty from long
disuse.
%%
You are standing near one end of a long dimly lit hall.  To the south, stone
stairs ascend.	To the north, the corridor is illuminated by torches set
high in the wall, out of reach.  On one wall is a red button.
%%
You are standing on a balcony outside a window of the haunted mansion.
To the north you see the ocean; to the south, the window of the mansion.
%%
You are standing on a balcony overlooking the inner courtyard of
the royal palace of Enlad. The balcony is situated atop a tall
tower of great antiquity. An opening to the east leads into the
tower itself.
%%
You are standing on a narrow ledge at the base of the canyon.
Leading up are some stone steps cut into the rock face.  To the east you
a river rushing southward, vanishing through a large hole in the wall at
the southern end of the canyon.  The river comes from a lovely waterfall
directly north of here.  There seems to be a rough passageway leading
northward.
%%
You are standing on a narrow stone ledge. You are surrounded
on two sides by sheer cliff, dropping several hundred feet
to the waters below. From up here you can just make out the
faint outlines of a group of islands to the west. In front
of you the cliff continues straight up out of sight. A narrow
rocky path travels up the cliff face to the southeast. You
notice a small opening in the rock face before you.
%%
You are standing on a path beside a gently flowing stream.  The path
travels to the north and the east.
%%
You are standing on a porch in front of a red house. The door
to the house is directly in front of you. The house appears
to be entirely featureless except for this door. The porch is
surrounded by a railing to the north and south. Traveller's Avenue
lies behind you to the east.
%%
You are standing on a section of grey road, which travels east to west.
%%
You are standing on a small ledge halfway up the sandstone
cliff overlooking a beach. A small trail passes over the
ledge continuing both up and down.
%%
You are standing on a small rocky beach on the edge of the island of
Gont. The beach is bounded on the north and south with rocky cliffs
that are unclimbable. The beach slopes up from the water to the east,
and ends finally in a dense hedge.
%%
You are standing on a small rocky beach which extends outward into
the water. The beach widens and continues onward to the west while
a trail leads upward to the south. A small stream flows into the
ocean here, issuing from some cliffs to the southwest.
%%
You are standing on a yellow platform which is resting on
the ground. The platform comes to an abrupt end to the east
in a sharp dropoff into a large grassy area.
%%
You are standing on my toes.
%%
You are standing on neatly-cut grass on the north edge of an island.
To the south you see the side of the famous haunted mansion.
%%
You are standing on the base of the rock. Above you can be seen
the top. To the south below lies a pink beach.
%%
You are standing on the front porch of the haunted mansion.
To the north and south you can see well-kept grass; to the east,
the ocean extends into the distance.
To the west you see the great door of the haunted mansion.
%%
You are standing on the grass on the east side of the island.
To the west you see a great haunted mansion, and to the south, the front
porch.	There is a balcony high above you.
%%
You are standing on the lawn on the west edge of an island.
To the east you see the wall of the magic castle.
%%
You are standing on the north bank of a river. The water is
black and appears most unhealthy. The river is surrounded on
this bank by dense forest. A heavy stone bridge spans the river
at this point, and a narrow path continues into the forest
to the southwest.
%%
You are standing on the north bank of a river. The water is
black and appears most unhealthy. The river is surrounded on
this bank by dense forest. The remains of a stone bridge span
the river partway, but the center of the bridge has collapsed
completely.
%%
You are standing on the north edge of a fairly wide chasm. The walls
appear sheer and unclimbable from here. The only path leads away from
here to the north.
%%
You are standing on the north edge of what was once a fairly wide
chasm. The chasm now seems to be filled with rubble. The only path
leads away from here to the north.
%%
You are standing on the southeast corner
of a beautiful fluffy white cloud.
You can see some glass steps leading downward, towards the desert below.
%%
You are standing on the top of flood control dam #3, which was
quite a tourist attraction in times far distant.  There are paths
to the north, south, east, and down.
%%
You are standing on the west edge of an island.
To the east you see a large magic castle, with a slot in the wall.
%%
You are standing on top of a grape tree stump.
%%
You are standing on top of a very tall saguaro cactus.
You can see the desert far below you, and the pyramid off to the west.
%%
You are standing upon a ledge overlooking a room. The ledge is
set on the eastern wall of the room below and disappears into a
tunnel in the north wall.
%%
You are still in a pit.
%%
You are still recovering from the last blow, so your attack is
ineffective.
%%
You are stopped by a cloud of poisonous gas.
%%
You are strong enough to admit that you need help.
%%
You are strong enough to take several wounds.
%%
You are such a good salesman, you could sell a double bed to the Pope.
(Even though he already has one.)
%%
You are suddenly moving much faster.
%%
You are sunlight and I, moon
  Joined by the gods of fortune
Midnight and high noon
  Sharing the sky
We have been blessed, you and I
		-- MISS SAIGON
%%
You are surrounded by a wall of sand on all sides.
%%
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They
think you are a sucker.
%%
You are taking yourself far too seriously.
%%
You are the Chosen One, just like you always suspected.
%%
You are the bee's knees.
%%
You are the cat's pajamas.
%%
You are the center of every group's attention.
%%
You are tied to the ledge.
%%
You are transported to a room where you are faced by a wizard who points to
you and says, "Them's fighting words!"	You immediately get attacked by
all sorts of denizens of the museum: there is a cobra chewing on your leg,
a troglodyte is bashing your brains out with a gold nugget, a crocodile is
removing large chunks of flesh from you, a rhinoceros is goring you with his
horn, a sabre-tooth cat is busy trying to disembowel you, you are being
trampled by a large mammoth, a vampire is sucking you dry, a Tyrannosaurus
Rex is sinking his six inch long fangs into various parts of your anatomy,
a large bear is dismembering your body, a gargoyle is bouncing up and
down on your head, a burly troll is tearing you limb from limb, several
dire wolves are making mince meat out of your torso, and the wizard is about
to transport you to the corner of Westwood and Broxton.
Oh dear, you seem to have gotten yourself killed, as well.

You scored 0 out of 250 possible points.
That gives you a ranking of junior beginning adventurer.
To achieve the next higher rating, you need to score 32 more points.
%%
You are trapped inside an steel cage.
%%
You are tricky, but never to the point of dishonesty.
%%
You are unable to differentiate between facade and substance.
%%
You are unable to visualize yourself in a future.
%%
You are uninjured.
%%
You are versatile, energetic, artistic and good-natured.
%%
You are walking along a gently sloping north/south passage lined with
oddly shaped limestone formations.
%%
You are wasting your time.
%%
You are wasting your youth, your time, and your money because you
won't acknowledge your shortcomings.
%%
You are west of the isle of Wathort. You can discern another land mass
to the north.
%%
You are without a doubt a rogue, a rascal, a villain, a thief, a
scoundrel, and a mean, dirty, stinking, sniveling, sneaking, pimping,
pocketpicking, thrice double-damned, no-good son of a bitch.
%%
You are witty and fond of fun.
%%
You aren't carrying it!
%%
You aren't carrying that.
%%
You aren't in that!
%%
You arrive at the center of the earth ...
%%
You ask what a nice girl will do?
She won't give an inch, but she won't say no.
		-- Marcus Valerius Martialis
%%
You attack a little dwarf, but he dodges out of the way.
%%
You auto buy now.
%%
You awake with a headache.
%%
You bash the Balrog, I'll climb the tree
%%
You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.
		-- The Little Prince, chapter XXI
%%
You begin to feel better.
%%
You believe that you are the master of your fate;
the captain of your soul.
%%
You better believe that marijuana can cause castration.
Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!
%%
You bring the torch near the block of ice.  It melts, leaving something
which had been frozen inside it!
%%
You burn to a crisp.
%%
You buy a judge by weight, like iron in a junk yard.  A justice of the peace
or a magistrate can be had for a five-dollar bill.  In the municipal courts,
he will cost you ten.  In the circuit or superior courts, he wants fifteen.
The state appellate courts or the state supreme court is on a par with the
Federal courts.  By the time a judge reaches such courts, he is middle-aged,
thick around the middle, fat between the ears.	He's heavy.  You can't buy a
Federal judge for less than a twenty-dollar bill.
		-- Jake "Greasy Thumb" Guzik
%%
You ca scoundrel.
		-- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
You came, you saw, you conquered.
%%
You can always get a job in international affairs because 90% of everything
happens in a foreign country.
		-- Steve Connelly
%%
You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.
		-- Tim Leary
%%
You can always tell luck from ability by its duration.
%%
You can always wear an elven cloak.
%%
You can be killed by a serious wound.
%%
You can be killed by one more light wound.
%%
You can be replaced by this computer.
%%
You can bear anything if it isn't your own fault.
		-- Katharine Fullerton Gerould
%%
You can become more assertive in regard to job assignments and
co-workers.
%%
You can blame an administration that has been in office for 12 years,
or you can blame me.
		-- Murphy Brown
%%
You can bring men from other parts of the world who are sane.  And you
know what happens?  At the very moment they cross those mountains...
they go mad.  Instantaneously and automatically, at the very moment
they cross the mountains into California, they go insane.
		-- Quentin Genter
%%
You can cage a swallow, can't you, but you can't swallow a cage, can you?
Girl, bathing on Bikini, eyeing boy, finds boy eyeing bikini on bathing girl.
A man, a plan, a canal -- Panama!
		-- The Palindromist
%%
You can call her an outdoor girl if she has the bloom of youth on her
cheeks and the cheeks of youth in her bloomers.
%%
You can catch the bird, but you cannot carry it.
%%
You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.
%%
You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice; if you choose not
to decide you still have made a choice. You can choose from phantom
fears or kindness that could kill; I will choose a path that's clear: I
will choose free will.
		-- Rush
%%
You can count on it.
		-- President George Bush, on Iraqi war-crimes trials,
		   January 1991
%%
You can depend on nothing, you see?
%%
You can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.
		-- Janis Joplin
%%
You can do anything with bayonets except sit on them.
		-- Camillo di Cavour (1810-1861)
%%
You can do very well in speculation where land or anything to do with
earth is concerned.
%%
You can drive a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
%%
You can eat what your dog can eat.
%%
You can find an outlet four your creative genius
and accomplish a great deal.
%%
You can find sympathy, in the dictionary near shit and suicide.
%%
You can fool all of the people all of the time,
but why bother when all you need is a simple majority?
%%
You can fool all of the people some of the time;
you can fool some of the people all of the time;
and that should be sufficient for most purposes.
%%
You can fool all the people some of the time,
and some of the people all the time,
but you cannot fool all the people all the time.
		-- Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)
%%
You can fool some of the people all of the time,
and all of the people some of the time,
but you can make a fool of yourself anytime.
%%
You can fool the people about many things,
but only a fool would be foolish enough to fool the people about money.
		-- Italo Bombolini
%%
You can get anything you want on Alice's NNTP.
  You can get anything you want on Alice's NNTP.
    Telnet over, it's a simple hack.
      Port one-nineteen is where it's at.
        and you can get anything you want on Alice's NNTP.
		-- E. Michael Smith, ems@michael.apple.com
%%
You can get anything you want, at Alice's restaurant ('ceptin' Alice).
%%
You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you
can with just a kind word.
You can go wrong by being too skeptical as readily as by being too trusting.
%%
You can get more things done with a kind word and a gun than
with a kind word alone.
		-- Lt. William Calley (attributed)
%%
You can get more with a kind word and a lawyer than you can from just a kind
word.
%%
You can get more with a kind word and a
gun than you can get with a kind word alone.
		-- Al Capone (1899-1947)
%%
You can get there from here, but why on earth would you want to?
%%
You can get used to living at a nudist camp.
The first three days are the hardest.
		-- R. Dreiser
%%
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a
clipboard.
%%
You can grovel with a lover, you can grovel with a friend,
You can grovel with your boss, and it never has to end.

(chorus)	Grovel, grovel, grovel, every night and every day,
		Grovel, grovel, grovel, in your own peculiar way.

You can grovel in a hallway, you can grovel in a park,
You can grovel in an alley with a mugger after dark.
(chorus)

You can grovel with your uncle, you can grovel with your aunt,
You can grovel with your Apple, even though you say you can't.
(chorus)
%%
You can have a dog as a friend. You can have whiskey as a friend. But if
you have a woman as a friend, you're going to wind up drunk and kissing
your dog."
		-- foolin' around
%%
You can have a winner [in a nuclear war].
		-- George Bush, 1980.  In 1984, he said, ``I never
		   said that.''  The original interview had been taped
%%
You can have peace or freedom,but seldom both
%%
You can have peace.  Or you can have freedom.
Don't ever count on having both at once.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
You can judge a leader by the size of the problems he tackles -- people
nearly always pick a problem their own size, and ignore or leave to
others the bigger of smaller ones.
		-- Anthony Jay
%%
You can lead a child to knowledge, but you cannot make him think.
%%
You can lead a horse to water but you can't lead a horticulture.
%%
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.
%%
You can lead a whore to Vasser, but you can't make her think.
		-- Frederick B. Artz
%%
You can learn a lot about a world by looking at its underside.
		-- Louis Wu "Ringworld"
%%
You can make the passages look less alike by dropping things.
%%
You can measure a programmer's perspective by noting his attitude on
the continuing viability of FORTRAN.
		-- Alan J. Perlis
%%
You can move again.
%%
You can move the world with an idea, but you have to think of it first.
%%
You can name your salary here. I call mine Fred.
%%
You can neither win nor lose if you don't run the race.
%%
You can never do merely one thing.
		-- Garrett Hardin
%%
You can now buy more gates
with less specifications than at any other time in history.
		-- Kenneth Parker
%%
You can now read the runes!  Look quickly, because the magic translation
wears off rapidly . . .
%%
You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
%%
You can only govern men by serving them.  The rule is without exception.
		-- Victor Cousin
%%
You can outdistance that which is running after you,
but not what is running inside you.
		-- Rwandan proverb
%%
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose,
but you can't pick your nose's friends.
%%
You can prick your finger, but never finger
your prick.
%%
You can rent this space for only $5 a week.
%%
You can see a small statue in the sand.
%%
You can see again
%%
You can see by her light touch that she has a flare for the piano.
%%
You can see the island of Enlad to the west. Far away to the east
another island is visible.
%%
You can see walls to the north and south extremes of your vision.
The opening of a small tunnel in the north wall is apparent.
%%
You can see:  A #.
%%
You can survive one serious wound.
%%
You can take a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
		-- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)
%%
You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when the bird singing outside your
window is a buzzard.
%%
You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when you call your answering
service, and they tell you it's none of your business.
%%
You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when you put both contact lenses
in the same eye.
%%
You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when you put your bra on backwards,
and it fits better.
%%
You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when you wake up and your braces
have locked together.
%%
You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when you wake up to discover your
waterbed broke, then you remember that you don't have a waterbed.
%%
You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when you wake up to the sound of
DEA agents/FBI agents/Armenian Nationalists breaking down your door.
%%
You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when you walk to work, and find
your dress is stuck in the back of your panty hose.
%%
You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when your blind date turns out to
be your ex-wife.
%%
You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when your wife says, "Good morning,
Bill," and your name is George.
%%
You can tell the difference between engineers, scientists, and
managers in today's high tech companies by the questions they ask.
	Engineering: "How will this work?"
	    Science: "Why will this work?"
	 Management: "When will this work?"
       Liberal Arts: "Do you want fries with that?"
%%
You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.
		-- Norman Douglas (1868-1952)
%%
You can tell the men from the boys by the price of their toys.
%%
You can tell what a man worships by what he does on Sunday.
		-- Hartman Rector, Jr.
%%
You can tell when you're on the right track -- it's usually uphill.
%%
You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish.
%%
You can watch a horse boil in a pot
but you can't drink him.
%%
You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime
you might find you get what you need.
%%
You can't be serious!
%%
You can't belay a man who's falling in love.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
You can't break eggs without making an omelet.
%%
You can't break even.
%%
You can't break the beam with a #.
%%
You can't carry anything more.
%%
You can't carry anything more.	You'll have to drop something first.
%%
You can't catch the orb -- whenever you come close, it floats away as if
frightened by something.
%%
You can't cheat an honest man,
never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump.
		-- W. C. Fields
%%
You can't cheat an honest man. He has to have larceny in his heart in
the first place.
%%
You can't cheat the phone company.
%%
You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.
Don't let yourself indulge in vain wishes.
		-- Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941)
%%
You can't deflate the boat while you're in it.
%%
You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up.
		-- Richard Milhouse Nixon (1952)
%%
You can't do that in horizontal mode!
%%
You can't do that right now.  Try dropping some other stuff first.
%%
You can't do that!
%%
You can't drop that bar!
%%
You can't erase a dream, you can only wake me up.
		-- Peter Frampton
%%
You can't even quit the game.
%%
You can't expect a boy to be depraved
until he has been to a good school.
		-- Saki (1870-1916)
%%
You can't expect a boy to be vicious unless he's been to a good school.
		-- H. H. Munro
%%
You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you
don't put a few nickels in the machine.
		-- Flip Wilson, 1971
%%
You can't fight the law of conservation of energy. You can bargain with it,
but you can't fight it.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
You can't fill that.
%%
You can't fly -- try climbing the rope.
%%
You can't fly; try "Climb tree".
%%
You can't fool all the people all of the time.
%%
You can't get by the snake.
%%
You can't get there from here.
%%
You can't go home again, unless you set $HOME.
%%
You can't go more than part way through the curtain.
%%
You can't go that way.
%%
You can't go there in a #.
%%
You can't go there without a vehicle.
%%
You can't go through a locked steel grate!
%%
You can't guard against the arbitrary.
%%
You can't have everything... where would you put it?
		-- Steven Wright
%%
You can't have hair and brains both,
you don't see many bald women, do you?
%%
You can't just walk off the edge of the canyon --
you could, however, try crossing the bridge.
Be very careful, as it doesn't look very sturdy.
%%
You can't kill the snake, or drive it away, or avoid it, or anything
like that.  There is a way to get by, but you don't have the necessary
resources right now.
%%
You can't kiss a girl unexpectedly -- only sooner than she thought you would.
%%
You can't leave a shop through the back door: there ain't one!
%%
You can't live on amusement.  It is the froth on water -- an inch deep
and then the mud.
		-- George Macdonald (1824-1905)
%%
You can't milk a cow while standing!
%%
You can't move around while sitting down.
%%
You can't plant me in your penthouse,
I'm going back to my plow.
%%
You can't play your friends like marks, kid.
		-- Henry Gondorf, "The Sting"
%%
You can't pour that.
%%
You can't push on a string.
%%
You can't read the dialect!
%%
You can't run the machine without me.
		-- Professor Fastbender
%%
You can't say "delinquency" on the streets of Marcus Hook, Pa.
%%
You can't say civilization isn't advancing:  In every war, they kill you
in a new way.
		-- Will Rogers
%%
You can't see anything in the darkness.
%%
You can't see through that!
%%
You can't seem to get your fingers in to do that.
%%
You can't shoot rabbits from a motorboat in Kansas.
%%
You can't sit on the lid of progress. If you do, you will be blown
to pieces.
		-- Henry Kaiser
%%
You can't study the darkness by flooding it with light.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
You can't swim -- try crossing the bridge.
%%
You can't take damsel here now.
%%
You can't take it with you -- especially when crossing a state line.
%%
You can't take something you already have.
%%
You can't take the #.
%%
You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step in it.
%%
You can't throw something you are wearing
%%
You can't tie the # to that.
%%
You can't trust a man who won't shave himself on his own hangover.
%%
You can't turn back the clock.	But you can wind it up again.
		-- Bonnie Prudden
%%
You can't turn that off.
%%
You can't turn that.
%%
You can't underestimate the power of fear.
		-- Tricia Nixon Cox
%%
You can't unlock the keys.
%%
You can't win the game if you won't throw the dice.
%%
You can't win.
%%
You can't wind a #.
%%
You can't, it's all in binary.
%%
You can't, it's written in dwarvish.
%%
You can't. It appears to be cursed.
%%
You canna change the laws of physics, Captain;
I've got to have thirty minutes!
%%
You cannibal! You will be sorry for this!
%%
You cannot antagonize and persuade at the same time.
%%
You cannot be absolutely dumb when you live with a person unless you are
an inhabitant of the north of England or the state of Maine.
		-- Ford Madox Ford
%%
You cannot believe in honor unless you have achieved it. Better keep yourself
clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
%%
You cannot build character and courage by taking away
a man's initiative and independence.
%%
You cannot burn this door.
%%
You cannot choose your battlefield, the gods do that for you.
But you can plant a standard where a standard never flew.
		-- Nathalia Crane
%%
You cannot climb any higher.
%%
You cannot damage this door.
%%
You cannot discover working programs. You can only discover them broken.
%%
You cannot drop something you are wearing.
%%
You cannot establish sound social security on borrowed money.
%%
You cannot fit through this passage with that load.
%%
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
%%
You cannot go down without fracturing many bones.
%%
You cannot go upstream due to the strong current.
%%
You cannot have a science without measurement.
		-- R. W. Hamming
%%
You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could
and should do for themselves.
%%
You cannot help small men up by tearing down big men.
%%
You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
%%
You cannot hope to bribe or twist
Thank God! the British journalist.
But, seeing what the man will do
Unbribed, there's no occasion to.
		-- Humbert Wolfe (1885-1940)
%%
You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than your income.
%%
You cannot lift the wage-earner up by pulling the wage-payer down.
%%
You cannot petition the lord with prayer.
%%
You cannot pick up the gold!
%%
You cannot put something inside a burning object.
%%
You cannot reach the rope.
%%
You cannot refrigerate something you are wearing.
%%
You cannot repeat a command that contained a parsing error.
%%
You cannot reshape human nature without mutilating human beings.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
You cannot resist the temptation to mimic a treasure chest.
%%
You cannot ride a long worm.
%%
You cannot see the wood for the trees.
		-- John Heywood
%%
You cannot see this statistic.
%%
You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.
		-- Indira Gandhi
%%
You cannot talk through another person.
%%
You cannot talk to that!
%%
You cannot tie the cyclops, although he is fit to be tied.
%%
You cannot trust scrolls of rumour.
%%
You cannot unlock the door!
%%
You cannot use your friends and have them too.
%%
You cannot wear a shield and wield a two-handed sword.
%%
You cannot wear gloves over your weapon.
%%
You cannot wield a two-handed sword and wear a shield.
%%
You cannot wipe out the message that is burned in the rock.
%%
You carefully step onto the bridge, which creaks and groans horribly.
As you get further out over the canyon, it gets worse.
Then, suddenly the bridge starts to collapse beneath your weight.
You try to grab onto something for support, but it's no use.
Amid bits and pieces of old lumber,
you fall to the crashing waters below, resulting in a terrible death.
%%
You catch more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.
%%
You certainly can't turn it with a #.
%%
You charge, but the # jumps nimbly aside.
%%
You choke over your food.
%%
You clamber up the plant and scurry through the hole at the top.
%%
You clearly are a suicidal maniac.  We don't allow psychotics in the
dungeon, since they may harm other adventurers.  Your remains will be
installed in the land of the living dead, where your fellow adventurers
may gloat over them.
%%
You clever dog!
%%
You climb to reach the summit,
but once there, discover that all roads lead down.
		-- Stanislaw Lem, "The Cyberiad"
%%
You cling to your own ways and leave mine to me.
		-- Petrarch
%%
You clumsy oaf, you've done it again!  I don't know how long I can
keep this up.  Do you want me to try reincarnating you again?
%%
You come out of a woman and you spend the rest of your life trying to
get back inside.
		-- Heathcote Williams
%%
You compensate for you prejudices when making decisions.
%%
You compromise on what you shouldn't
and fight for things not worth fighting for.
%%
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think of you as pushy.
%%
You continue to call? Good! Now
I can place the Curse of the Rats on
you!<click>
%%
You could certainly never tie the # with that!
%%
You could do that, but it would be wrong.
%%
You could live a better life, if you had a better mind and a better body.
%%
You could prosper in the field of medical research.
%%
You could say Senator Tower is doing a lousy job, but I don't use that
kind of words.
%%
You coulda been somebody. You coulda been a contenda.
%%
You cut off part of the worm's tail.
%%
You cut the worm in half.
%%
You defend other people's ideas at the expense of your own.
%%
You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
%%
You deserve a break today, so get up and get away ... to McDonald's.
%%
You deserve the gods you worship.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
You dialed 5483.
%%
You did it your way.
%%
You didn't make it.
%%
You die because of food poisoning
%%
You die...
%%
You dirty rat, you killed my brother and now you're going to die.
%%
You disguise your laziness as pride.
%%
You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy.  It's a shame
you're such an idoit.
%%
You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy. Unfortunately
it is only an act.
%%
You do not destroy an idea by killing people; you replace it with a better one.
		-- Edward Keating
%%
You do not owe the shopkeeper anything.
%%
You dodge as the thief comes in low.
%%
You don't believe magic is possible in lives lived within traditional
boundaries.
%%
You don't drink beer. You rent it.
%%
You don't fall in!
%%
You don't feel cold!
%%
You don't feel hot!
%%
You don't fit through a two-inch slit!
%%
You don't have anything strong enough to open the clam.
%%
You don't have enough lung power to inflate it.
%%
You don't have everything needed.  Go read some blueprints . . .
%%
You don't have gold enough to pay.
%%
You don't have that object.
%%
You don't have the #.
%%
You don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps.
%%
You don't have to be nice to people on the way up
if you're not planning on coming back down.
		-- Oliver Warbucks, "Annie"
%%
You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.
%%
You don't have to rehearse to be yourself.
%%
You don't know any strangers.
%%
You don't know anything about a woman until you meet her in court.
%%
You don't know what we could find.  Why don't you come with me,
little girl, on a magic carpet ride?
%%
You don't know what you do well.
%%
You don't know what you're talking about do you?
%%
You don't learn anything the second time you're kicked by a mule.
%%
You don't move to Edina, you achieve Edina.
		-- Guindon
%%
You don't need a lid on a basket of crabs. If one of them tries to climb out,
the others will pull it back down.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
You don't need to fly to have more fun with wings.
		-- Joe Anderson
%%
You don't really expect this command to work, do you?
%%
You don't really want to hold a burning #.
%%
You don't seem affected by it.
%%
You don't seem to be able to distinguish compass directions.
%%
You don't tell deliberate lies, but sometimes you have to be evasive.
		-- Margaret Thatcher, 1976
%%
You don't understand me, so don't reprimand me.
%%
You drown...
%%
You duck the blast...
%%
You dummy. But I love you anyway.
%%
You enjoy the company of other people.
%%
You escaped from the dungeon
%%
You ever see a little baby and you think, "Oh, how nice.  Life!  That
wonderful little baby is going to grow up and get raped and mugged and
robbed and abused and addicted and bought and sold and arrested and
harrassed and stabbed and bullied and threatened and shot and killed
and buried and recorded and forgotten.	Let's name him, "statistic".
%%
You evidently frightened the robber, although you missed him.  He flees,
but the contents of his bag fall on the floor.
%%
You exist; it's this place that is unreal.
%%
You fail utterly in avoiding the troll's attack,
which leaves you near death.
%%
You faint from lack of food.
%%
You fall down a few thousand feet and break your neck.
%%
You fall into a pit!
%%
You fall into a pool!
%%
You feel a pull downward.
%%
You feel a throbbing underfoot and a momentary increase
in weight before the gravity polarizers turn on automatically
to eliminate the side effects of lift-off.
%%
You feel a whole lot more like you do now than you did when you used to.
%%
You feel greedy and want more gold? Why don't you try digging?
%%
You feel guilty.
%%
You feel less confused now
%%
You feel like someone is helping you.
%%
You feel like someone is pulling your leg.
%%
You feel like you need some help.
%%
You feel materially poor.
%%
You feel more capable.
%%
You feel more experienced.
%%
You feel much better.
%%
You feel rather airy.
%%
You feel rather light headed.
%%
You feel somewhat disoriented as you pass through...
%%
You feel somewhat dizzy.
%%
You feel strong enough to be gentle.
%%
You feel the chilly bite of the north wind upon your cheek.
%%
You feel threatened.
%%
You feel very greedy!
%%
You feel very greedy, and sense gold!
%%
You feel weak now.
%%
You feel weaker!
%%
You feel you have more memories than you have energy to process those
memories.
%%
You feel yourself slowing down
%%
You fell into a pit and broke every bone in your body!
%%
You fight and fight and fight......
%%
You fill a much-needed gap.
%%
You find the fruit extremely juicy.  It was delicious, and very filling.
%%
You find yourself at rest on what can best be termed as an
exceedingly slick surface. This is somewhat troubling since
you can neither get to your feet nor propel yourself. You
can see doorways in the west wall and the southwest and
southeast corners of the room.
%%
You find yourself on a thin ledge overlooking a room below. The
ledge would seem to be set high on the west wall of the room,
disappearing into a passage leading north.
%%
You finished your meal.
%%
You float gently down to earth.
%%
You float gently to the ground.
%%
You float over a bear trap.
%%
You float up, only your leg is still stuck.
%%
You float up, out of the pit!
%%
You fool, dwarves eat only coal!  Now you've made him *really* mad!!
%%
You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago.  Tomorrow you'll need that version.
%%
You freely express resentment at bad treatment. Then you forget it.
%%
You furnish the pictures and I'll furnish the war.
		-- William Randolph Hearst (1863-1951)
%%
You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.
%%
You get an uncanny feeling ...
%%
You get blasted!
%%
You get exactly what you create.  If you don't believe this, try sitting in
a vacant lot and hoping for a house to appear.	Until you create the house,
the lot will remain vacant.
%%
You get the creepy feeling that somebody noticed your taking the Amulet.
%%
You get the most of what you need the least.
		-- Jane Bryant Quinn
%%
You get turned to stone!
%%
You get what you pay for.
		-- Gabriel Biel
%%
You give him 1000 gold pieces.
%%
You give him all your money.
%%
You give me fever ... when you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight.
Fever through the daytime; you give me fever all through the night.
%%
You give me space to belong to myself yet without separating me
from your own life.  May it all turn out to your happiness.
		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
You give up your attempt to open the tin.
%%
You go down to the pickup station,
	craving warmth and beauty;
You settle for less than fascination --
	a few drinks later you're not so choosy.
And the closing lights strip off the shadows
	on this strange new flesh you've found --
Clutching the night to you like a fig leaf
	you hurry to the blackness
	and the blankets to lay down an impression
	and your loneliness.
		-- Joni Mitchell
%%
You goddamn cornhuskers are all alike.
		-- Jim Thompson
%%
You got that for free!
%%
You got to be very careful if you don't
know where you're going, because you might not get there.
		-- Yogi Berra
%%
You got to pay your dues if you want to sing the blues,
And you know it don't come easy ...
I don't ask for much, I only want trust,
And you know it don't come easy ...
%%
You grow up the day you have the first real laugh -- at yourself.
%%
You guys have been practicing discrimination for years.
Now it's our turn.
		-- Thurgood Marshall [quoted by Justice Douglas]
%%
You had mail, but the super-user read it, and deleted it!
%%
You had mail.
David read it, so ask him what it said.
%%
You had some happiness once,
but your parents moved away, and you had to leave it behind.
%%
You have 938475827394577721747834759 new mail messages.
%%
You have Egyptian flu:	you're going to be a mummy.
%%
You have Heather's eyes (quite beautiful, both yours and hers).
%%
You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
%%
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
%%
You have a difficult time coping with reality.
%%
You have a healthy appreciation of your abilities,
and a keen awareness of your limitations.
%%
You have a knack for doublethink that you never realized you had.  In fact, you
will never realize it.
%%
You have a knack for understanding of problems of human relationship. Don't
use it to screw people up.
%%
You have a light wound.
%%
You have a little trouble lifting
%%
You have a massage (from the Swedish prime minister).
%%
You have a message from the operator.
%%
You have a mongrel perception of humor, nothing more; a multitude of you
possess that.  This multitude see the comic side of a thousand low-grade and
trivial things -- broad incongruities, mainly; grotesqueries, absurdities,
evokers of the horse-laugh.  The ten thousand high-grade comicalities which
exist in the world are sealed from their dull vision.  Will a day come when the
race will detect the funniness of these juvenilities and laugh at them -- and
by laughing at them destroy them?  For your race, in its poverty, has
unquestionably one really effective weapon -- laughter.  Power, money,
persuasion, supplication, persecution -- these can lift at a colossal humbug --
push it a little -- weaken it a little, century by century; but only laughter
can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast.  Against the assault of laughter
nothing can stand.  You are always fussing and fighting with your other
weapons.  Do you ever use that one?  No; you leave it lying rusting.  As a
race, do you ever use it at all?  No; you lack sense and the courage."
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910), "The Mysterious Stranger"
%%
You have a nice skull.
%%
You have a peculiar feeling for a moment, then it passes.
%%
You have a peculiarly sad feeling for a moment, then it passes.
%%
You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent.
%%
You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy...at
least that's what they told me down at Honest John's Used Cars.
%%
You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy.
A pity that it's totally undeserved.
%%
You have a reputation for being thoroughly unreliable and untrustworthy.
%%
You have a sad feeling for a moment, then it passes.
%%
You have a seatbelt; has it hugged you today?
%%
You have a serious wound.
%%
You have a special understanding of the mentally ill, and they have a special
understanding of you.
%%
You have a strange feeling for a moment, then it passes.
%%
You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first. Which
is why you never get anything done at work!
%%
You have a truly strong individuality. Which is why you can never get along
with others.
%%
You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by
the CIA and FBI. (And, in fact, you're right.)
%%
You have a will that can be influenced
by all with whom you come in contact.
%%
You have a yearning for perfection.
%%
You have achieved the rank of master.
%%
You have achieved the rating: "Experienced adventurer".
%%
You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.
		-- Lois Platford
%%
You have all the characteristics of a popular politician:
a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.
		-- Aristophanes
%%
You have an ability to sense and know higher truth.
%%
You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
%%
You have an ambitious nature and will make a name for yourself. Make sure it
isn't a bad name.
%%
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.
%%
You have an unusual understanding of the problems of human relationship.
%%
You have arrived at the edge of the garden. A large building
can be seen to the northwest. To its immediate east runs a
narrow trail.
%%
You have arrived near Hur-at-Hur, the last outpost of land to the
northeast. Nothing lies beyond here to the north or east but the Open
Sea. The island itself looms large to the north. Another can be seen
in the south.
%%
You have attained the rank of novice.
%%
You have been bitchy since Tuesday and you'll probably get fired today.
%%
You have been blasted to smithereens (whatever they are).
%%
You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive.
		-- Sherlock Holmes, "A Study in Scarlet"
%%
You have been killed once.
%%
You have been swapped out.
%%
You have broken the mirror.  I hope you have a seven years supply of
good luck available.
%%
You have climbed to the top of a little hill. From here you can see a
path leading down to the south. You may be able to climb down a short
way to the north.
%%
You have climbed to the top of a sandy hill. About you the rather
small expanse of the inhabitable portion of Ebosskil can be clearly
seen. To the east is the beach. The ruins of a large castle lie to the
north. Some distance away to the south is some more rubble; the
remains of some smaller buildings. A somewhat smaller castle looms
above you to the west. Although the remaining castle is quite large,
it must have been insignificant compared to the one that has crumbled.
%%
You have climbed up the plant and out of the pit.
%%
You have come to the junction of four tunnels. One leads upward,
another downward, a third goes to the east and a fourth to the
south.
%%
You have come to the westernmost isle, Selidor, which looms
large to your west. The map shows nothing beyond there but
uncharted waters.
%%
You have crawled around in some little holes and found your way
blocked by a recent cave-in.  You are now back in the main passage.
%%
You have crawled around in some little holes and wound up back in the
main passage.
%%
You have crawled through a very low wide passage parallel to and north
of the Hall of Mists.
%%
You have delicately smashed the goblet to pieces.
%%
You have entered a cave with passages leading north and southeast.
%%
You have entered a cubicle made entirely of ice.
The six sides of the room form a perfect cube.	It's rather creepy.
You probably should leave before the exits re-freeze . . .
%%
You have entered a small square chamber. The walls are totally
obscured by heavy velvet hangings. The hangings are inky black
with fine tracings of golden inlay depicting various astronomical
configurations and mathematical formulae. The sole source of light
is a huge brass brazier standing in the center of the room. The
brilliant yellow flame of the brazier seems to burn both without
a source of fuel and without producing fumes.
%%
You have entered a twisting corridor which travels from the
southeast to the north. A side entrance leads upward.
%%
You have entered the land of the living dead, a large desolate
room.  Although it is apparently uninhabited, you can hear the
sounds of thousands of lost souls weeping and moaning.	In
the east corner are stacked the remains of dozens of previous
adventurers who were less fortunate than yourself.  To the east
is an ornate passage, apparently recently constructed.
%%
You have entered the master bedroom. This room is quite spacious,
with several pieces of yellow plastic furniture scattered about.
The most prominent of these is a large canopy bed. The shape
of the room is a rough rectangle, and there are doorways to the
east and south.
%%
You have every right to feel good about yourself.
%%
You have fallen down due to the lack of what little friction
is necessary to remain standing, but you're moving nonetheless
to the southwest, directly toward an open doorway in that corner.
Most likely this results from the slight slant of the floor
toward that direction.
%%
You have found a scroll of genocide!
%%
You have fulfilled the requirements of grandmaster.
%%
You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.  Take care
the IRS and the SEC don't find out!
%%
You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business. Don't
become overly excited.
%%
You have just as much chance for success on this day as on any other,
so make it a good one.
%%
You have just made a serious mistake, as you are now drifting in space
without proper equipment, such as a spacesuit and maybe even oxygen.
You die quickly in the vacuum and freezing cold of space,
due to (a) your blood boiling, (b) extreme frostbite, and (c)
internal pressures not being balanced by outside air pressure.
In short, you are very dead.
%%
You have just returned from a trip to Green Bay, Wisconsin in January
and tell your boss that nobody but whores and football players live
there.	He mentions that his wife is from Green Bay.  You:

(a)  Pretend you are suffering from amnesia and don't remember your
     name.

(b)  Ask what position she played.

(c)  Ask if she is still working the streets.
%%
You have just won the Davis Cup Playoff!!
%%
You have landed on a small sandy beach. The sand here is jet black
and glistens brightly in the sun. Rocky cliffs of black stone
arch steeply skywards on all sides, making travel aboveground
impossible. However, to the north the mouth of a small cave can
be seen.
%%
You have landed, but the balloon did not survive.
%%
You have large reserves of smug self-satisfaction and suppressed feelings of
superiority.  Draw on these resources.	Accept the fact that you will never
fully understand why others are so inferior to you.
%%
You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop.  On
second thought, in your case, the pains might be fatal.
%%
You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop. If you practice
often enough you will be able to spell your name with no problem.
%%
You have mail.
%%
You have managed to get yourself killed. Unlike other games of
this type, we do not condone the continuance of incompetence.
In other words, you stay dead. Goodbye.
%%
You have many dear and loyal friends.
%%
You have many friends and very few enemies.
%%
You have many friends and very few living enemies.
%%
You have minor influence over your associates and people resent you for
flaunting your powers.
%%
You have more angles than a geometry book.
%%
You have more respect for a capable shoeshine boy,
than for a crass opportunist.
%%
You have no friends among the ambitious.
		-- Ron Randall
%%
You have no keys!
%%
You have no magical prowess.
%%
You have no real enemies.
%%
You have no source of light.
%%
You have not converted a man because you have silenced him.
		-- John Viscount Morley, "Rousseau", 1876
%%
You have nothing in which to carry it.
%%
You have nothing that the gorilla is interested in eating.
%%
You have now circled the tower and are standing against its
featureless north face. The rocky shore is very narrow here,
and affords no opportunity for landing a boat.
%%
You have prepared a proposal for your supervisor.  The success of this
proposal will mean increasing your salary 20%.	In the middle of your
proposal your supervisor leans over to look at your report and spits
into your coffee.  You:

(a)  Tell him you take your coffee black.

(b)  Ask him if he has any communicable diseases.

(c)  Show him who's in command; promptly take a leak in his "In"
     basket.
%%
You have reached "Junior master" status.
%%
You have reached the east end of the main hall of the palace.
Two doorways to the northeast and northwest are visible in the
north wall. The walls here are otherwise featureless, having
been stripped of their luxurious hangings. The hallway extends
back to the west.
%%
You have reached the northeast corner of the lesser castle of
Ebosskil. The sheer castle walls loom above you. The castle is made
out of pale gray stone. There are no visible mortar lines -- the
castle might have been hewn out of a single chunk of stone. A narrow
path through the rock runs parallel to the castle wall to the west.
The ground is impassable to the north.
%%
You have reached the northern end of the service hall. There
are open doorways in the north and west walls.
%%
You have reached the southernmost point of Ebosskil. The rocky
coastline at this point affords no opportunity for landing. The
coast rapidly turns into a cliff to the southwest, but becomes more
regular to the southeast.
%%
You have reached the status of junior adventurer.
%%
You have serious wounds.
%%
You have several detached dead trees.
%%
You have several wounds.
%%
You have spent the last years Rocky Mountain Way.
%%
You have taken a drink from the stream.  The water tastes strongly of
minerals, but is not unpleasant.  It is extremely cold.
%%
You have taken the vase and hurled it delicately to the ground.
%%
You have the attitude of a winner.
%%
You have the magical ability of a thaumaturge.
%%
You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.
%%
You have the rank of advanced beginner.
%%
You have to be as fully prepared for the dull game as you are for the
great game, or else you won't be prepared for the great one.
		-- Red Barber
%%
You have to believe in luck; how else are you going to explain
the success of people you don't like.
%%
You have to have it in the bottle before you can pour it!
%%
You have to know what you're looking for before you can find it.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
You have to light them with something that's burning, you know.
%%
You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are.
If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.
		-- Lewis Carroll
%%
You have to take off your shoes before you can take of your stockings.
%%
You have to visit 11 shoe stores before you find a pair of shoes that
fit
%%
You have two choices:  1. Leave  2. Become dinner.
%%
You have unusual equipment for success. Be sure to use it properly.
%%
You have walked up a hill, still in the forest.  The road slopes back
down the other side of the hill.  There is a building in the distance.
%%
You have walls to your east, north, and south. Dead end.
%%
You have yet to leave the lowly rank of goatherd.
%%
You haven't discovered anything yet...
%%
You hear a boom and notice that the balloon is falling to the ground.
%%
You hear a clap of thunder!
%%
You hear a hum of machinery as the ticket is pulled inward.
%%
You hear a loud noise coming from the bookcase . . .
%%
You hear a monster behind the rock.
%%
You hear a mumbled incantation.
%%
You hear a rumble and the earth shakes under your feet.
%%
You hear a rumble from above as the ceiling collapses. Tons of
rubble and rock debris instantly fill the cave. Your life is
snuffed out just as instantly.
%%
You hear a scream of anguish as you violate the robber's hideaway.
Using passages unknown to you, he rushes to its defense.
%%
You hear a tremendous rumble as a boulder comes crashing down to bounce
harmlessly off your helmet.
%%
You hear a tremendous rumble, as a boulder comes crashing down on top of
you, killing you instantly.
%%
You hear about constitutional rights, free speech and the free press.
Every time I hear these words I say to myself, "That man is a Red!" ...
You never hear a REAL American talk like that!
		-- Mayor Frank Hague (1896-1956)
%%
You hear an electronic voice within your head say, "If you ever need to
return to the ship, just type 'beam up' and we'll pick you up --
assuming the ship is in range, of course."
%%
You hear an incredible rumble behind you.  Turning around, you see a
thousand rocks all coming straight towards you.  You are soon crushed to
death beneath the ensuing rockslide.
%%
You hear in the distance the chirping of a song bird.
%%
You hear maniacal laughter in the distance.
%%
You hear mumbled cursing.
%%
You hear sad wailing in the distance.
%%
You hear some noises in the distance
%%
You hear the howling of the CwnAnnwn...
%%
You hear the roaring of an angry bear!
%%
You hear the sound of blasting in the distance,
as the walls tremble a little.
%%
You hear the wailing of the Banshee...
%%
You hear the whir from the carousel room but can find no entrance.
%%
You hit the nail right between the eyes.
%%
You hit the rock with all your might.
%%
You hit your head against the # as you attempt this feat.
%%
You hold the lit torch near the cauldron, and the soup begins to bubble
and boil.  When the soup is hot enough, you remove the torch.
%%
You hold together with the wrong people.
%%
You humans are all alike.
%%
You identify this as an identify scroll.
%%
You imbecile! You forgot again!
%%
You judge others only by how well they live up to their own capacities.
%%
You judge the acts of others only by their intentions.
%%
You judge your own acts only by their consequences.
%%
You just can't help admiring your boss. If you don't, you're fired.
%%
You just gotta save Christianity, Richard! You gotta!
		-- Loretta Young, to Richard the Lionhearted,
		   in the movie The Crusades, 1935
%%
You just know when a relationship is about to end.  My girlfriend
called me at work and asked me how you change a light bulb in the
bathroom.  "It's very simple," I said. "You start by filling up the
bathtub with water..."
%%
You just wait, I'll sin till I blow up!
		-- Dylan Thomas (1914-1953)
%%
You just went off my scale!!!.
%%
You k'n hide de fier, but w'at you gwine do wid de smoke?
		-- Joel Chandler Harris, "proverbs of Uncle Remus"
%%
You keep your equilibrium no matter what position you find yourself in.
%%
You kick the door several times,
but you only succeed in bruising your toes.
%%
You kick the door, and it swings open.
%%
You killed a little dwarf.
The body vanishes in a cloud of greasy black smoke.
%%
You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.
		-- Superchicken
%%
You know I don't repeat gossip, so i'm only going to say this once...
%%
You know an exam didn't go well when, afterward, you find yourself mumbling...

		_____ You want fries with that? ______
		-- David Johnson, johnson@wrs.com
%%
You know better than to trust a strange computer
%%
You know how to win a victory, Hannibal, but not how to use it.
		-- Maharbal
%%
You know it's Monday when you wake up and it's Tuesday.
		-- Garfield
%%
You know it's a bad day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits
better.
%%
You know it's a bad day when your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you
have a headache.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when...
	...your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
	...you wake up face down on the pavement.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: you turn on the news
and they're displaying emergency routes out of your city.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: your alarm clock-radio wakes you with
the words "One minute to impact."
		-- Ambidextrous Rex
(Of course, you won't have to worry about getting up to go to work.)
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: your birthday cake collapses
from the weight of the candles.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: your horn goes off
accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on
the freeway.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: your only son tells you he
wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: your twin sister forgets your
birthday.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when:
you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when:
you see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when:
you wake up face down on the pavement.
%%
You know my heart keeps tellin' me,
You're not a kid at thirty-three,
You play around you lose your wife,
You play too long, you lose your life.
Some gotta win, some gotta lose,
Goodtime Charlie's got the blues.
%%
You know our love was meant to be
The kind of love that lasts forever
		-- Chicago
%%
You know that people will be kind to you, given a chance.
%%
You know the President of Syria, Hafez el-Assad. He gives all his
pilots ten bucks before he sends them off to the Israelis, -to get a
taxi back home.
%%
You know the day destroys the night; night divides the day.
Try to run, try to hide, break on through to the other side.
		-- The Doors
%%
You know the honeymoon is over when you wife says she's going to slip
into something a little more comfortable, and it turns out to be a twin
bed!
%%
You know things are bad when you're surrounded by four lawyers, and none of
them is yours.
%%
You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without
having asked any clear question.
		-- Albert Camus (1913-1960)
%%
You know what to fight for and what to compromise on.
%%
You know when the price of winning is too high.
%%
You know you are in trouble when you've got insomnia so bad you can't
fall asleep even when it's time to get up.
%%
You know you are over the hill when your work is less fun and
your fun is more work.
%%
You know you have a small apartment when flies must file a flight plan.
		-- S. Rickly Christian
%%
You know you have a small apartment when you can answer the telephone
from the bed, the kitchen table, the sink or the shower.
		-- S. Rickly Christian
%%
You know you have a small apartment when you can have breakfast in bed
without getting up to fix it.
		-- S. Rickly Christian
%%
You know you have a small apartment when you crack your knuckles and the
window rattles.
		-- S. Rickly Christian
%%
You know you have a small apartment when your wall-to-wall carpet is a
welcome mat.
		-- S. Rickly Christian
%%
You know you have a small apartment
when one is company and two is a crowd.
		-- S. Rickly Christian
%%
You know you make me want to SHOUT!
%%
You know you're getting old when what you call "life" is what
others deem "nostalgia."
%%
You know you're getting old when you notice how young the derelicts are
getting.
		-- Jeanne Phillips
%%
You know you're in a small town.....
...if you dial the wrong number, and talk for 15 minutes anyway.
%%
You know you're in trouble when...
1)	  You've been at work for an hour before you notice that your skirt
		is caught in your pantyhose.
2)	  Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
3)	  Your income tax check bounces.
4)	  You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
5)	  Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George.
6)	  You wake up to the soothing sound of flowing water... the day
		after you bought a waterbed.
7)	  You go on your honeymoon to a remote little hotel and the desk clerk,
		bell hop, and manager have a "Welcome Back" party for your
		spouse.
%%
You know you're paranoid when
you can't think of anything that's your fault.
		-- Robert Hutchins
%%
You know you've been sitting in front of your Lisp machine too long when you
go out to the junk food machine and start wondering how to make it give you
the CADR of Item H so you can get that yummie chocolate cupcake that's stuck
behind the disgusting vanilla one.
%%
You know, Callahan's is a peaceable bar, but if you ask that dog what
his favorite formatter is, and he says "roff! roff!", well, I'll have to...
%%
You know, If we lived here, we'd be home by now!
%%
You know, benchmarks are those programs which every manufacturer
considers harmful.
%%
You know, if you cut off both of your arms, you'd look just like Venus Di Milo?
%%
You know, the difference between this company
and the Titanic is that the Titanic had paying customers.
%%
You know, the mainspring of this country
wound up as tight as it is,
is guaranteed for the life of the watch.
%%
You lack confidence and are generally a coward.
%%
You lay it down, and I'll pick it up.
%%
You learn from your mistakes.
%%
You learn to write as if to someone else
because NEXT YEAR YOU WILL BE "SOMEONE ELSE".
%%
You left your footprints on my stomach when you walked out of my heart.
%%
You let your magic tortoise go,
And look at me with the corners of your mouth drooping.
Misfortune.
%%
You lie north of Issel. Islands are visible in the northeast and the
northwest.
%%
You like children? Fried or boiled?
%%
You like participating in competitive sports.
%%
You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances. Because your old
friends don't like you anymore.
%%
You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances...more
chances to cheat, steal and swindle.
%%
You live and you learn -- or you don't live long.
%%
You lived with a man who wore white belts?
Laura, I'm disappointed in you.
		-- Remington Steele
%%
You long for success? Start at the bottom; dig down.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno.
%%
You look like one sick puppy.
%%
You look like your face was on fire...
and someone put it out with a track shoe
%%
You look marvelous!
%%
You look up at me and somewhere in your mind you see
A man I'll never be
If only I could find a way,
I feel I'm not the man you believe I am
Its getting harder every day for me
To hide behind the dreams you see
A man I'll never be
I can't get any stronger,
And I can't climb any higher,
You'll never know just how hard I tried
Try a little longer and hold a little tighter
Emotions can't be satisfied
		-- Boston
%%
You loosen a rock from the ceiling.
%%
You love peace.
%%
You love peace. Or is it: you love a piece?
%%
You love your home and want it to be beautiful.
%%
You made the top 10 list!
%%
You made the transition to seasoned adventurer.
%%
You make a living by what you get,
but you make a life you what you give.
%%
You make me sick! Way-oh, Way-oh, Way-oh
You make me sick! You really stink, girl
You make me sick! Way-oh, Way-oh, Way-oh
You make me sick!
(Tuba Solo)
. . .  But I luuuuv you
		-- B. Cat
%%
You make me want to get a gazelle to die.
%%
You make men love their government and their country by giving them the
kind of government and the kind of country that inspire respect and
love: a country that is free and unafraid, that lets the discontented
talk in order to learn the causes of their discontent and end those
causes.
		-- Zechariah Chaffe, Jr. (1885-1957)
%%
You may already be a winner!  So what are you waiting for?  SEND IT IN!
%%
You may be conservative, cautious and practical.
%%
You may be gone tomorrow, but that doesn't mean that you weren't here today.
%%
You may be infinitely smaller than some things,
but you're infinitely larger than others.
%%
You may be right, my faithful Indian companion."
		-- Radio Days
%%
You may be the only person that knows just how special you are.
%%
You may either win your peace or buy it; win it by resistance to evil;
buy it by compromise with evil.
		-- John Ruskin (1819-1900)
%%
You may find happiness at the bottom of an ordinary-looking bottle of beer.
You must be over the age of 21, enter as often as you want.  If you win a
hangover instead, congratulations!  God hates you.
%%
You may get an opportunity for advancement today.  Watch it!
%%
You may get the Government off the backs of the people, but they
will soon demand to be remounted.
		-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
You may give a man an office, but you cannot give him discretion.
		-- Poor Richard
%%
You may have a friend at the Chase Manhattan
but at our bank you have meshpocheh!
%%
You may have a kick from kicking a little dog.
%%
You may know what you need but to get what you want you better see
that you keep what you have.
		-- Into the Woods
%%
You may my glories and my state dispose,
But not my griefs; still am I king of those.
		-- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"
%%
You may not be able to change the whole world,
but at least you can embarrass the guilty.
		-- Katha Pollitt
%%
You may not be totally perfect, but parts of you are excellent.
%%
You may now consider yourself a "Seasoned adventurer".
%%
You may recall your recent explosion.  Well, probably as a result of
that, you hear an ominous rumbling, as if one of the rooms in the
dungeon has collapsed.
%%
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.
Maybe someday you'll join us, and the world will live as one.
		-- John Lennon
%%
You may turn into an archangel, a fool, or a criminal -- no one will see
it.  But when a button is missing, everyone sees that.
		-- Erich M. Remarque
%%
You may water your lawn on Staten Island, New York, provided
you hold the hose in your hand while doing so;	but to lay the
hose on the lawn or to use a sprinkler is unlawful.
%%
You may wish for an object. What do you want?
%%
You maybe only young once - but you can be childish all your life.
%%
You mentioned your name as if I should recognize it, but beyond
the obvious facts that you are a bachelor, a solicitor, a freemason,
and an asthmatic, I know nothing whatever about you.
		-- Sherlock Holmes, "The Norwood Builder"
%%
You might choke on your food by eating fortune cookies.
%%
You might cut yourself on a long sword.
%%
You might get caught holding the bag.  Say she's your sister.
%%
You might not count in the New Order.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
You might say that senators who join a filibuster in the U.S. Senate throw
their wait around.
%%
You might trick a shopkeeper if you're invisible.
%%
You miss the strength for a teleport spell.
%%
You missed.  The thief makes no attempt to take the knife, although
it would be a fine addition to the collection in his bag.  He does
seem angered by your attempt.
%%
You mistake motion for growth and are lured into vexing situations.
%%
You must be kidding -- it's much too big,
and besides it's not good for you.
%%
You must be patient for a little while.
%%
You must be present to win.
%%
You must carry your struggle to the camp of your foe, and leave his severed
head pulsating on the floor before his accolades
		-- Sun Tsu
%%
You must dine in our cafeteria.
You can eat dirt cheap there!!!!
%%
You must do the things you think you cannot do.
%%
You must have been warned about letting the golden hours slip by; but
some of them are golden only because we let them slip by.
		-- James M. Barrie
%%
You must include all income you receive in the form of money, property and
services if it is not specifically exempt.  Report property (goods) and
services at their fair market values.  Examples include income from bartering
or swapping transactions, side commissions, kickbacks, rent paid in services,
illegal activities (such as stealing, drugs, etc.), cash skimming by
proprietors and tradesmen, "moonlighting" services, gambling, prizes and
awards.  Not reporting such income can lead to prosecution for perjury and
fraud.
		-- Excerpt from Taxachussettes income tax forms
%%
You must look into people, as well as at them.
		-- Lord Chesterfield
%%
You must really be a fish.
%%
You must specify what to set the dial to.
%%
You must specify which direction here.
%%
You must stop taking advice from other people.
%%
You must supply a direct object.
%%
You must tell me how to do that to a #.
%%
You must've been conceived on a Sunday - when the drugstore was closed.
%%
You need a certificate for this store -- try the other building.
%%
You need a hug.
%%
You need a prescription for a mind-altering drug that hasn't been invented yet.
%%
You need more time; and you probably always will.
%%
You need not worry about your future...you have none.
%%
You need tender loving care once a week - so that I can slap you into
shape.
		-- Ellyn Mustard, mustard@ficc.ferranti.com
%%
You need to acquire a little subtlety.
%%
You need to lose weight.
%%
You never can factor in enough debugging time.
%%
You never gain something but that you lose something.
		-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
You never get a second chance to make a first impression.
%%
You never go anywhere without your soul.
%%
You never have to change anything
you got up in the middle of the night to write.
		-- Saul Bellow
%%
You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems. Unfortunately you
rarely knock them down.
%%
You never knew what hit you.
%%
You never know where bottom is until you plumb for it.
		-- Frederick Laing
%%
You never learned anything by doing it right.
%%
You never miss the water until the well runs dry.
%%
You notice some gold between your feet.
%%
You notice that the # has burned out, and that
the cloth bag is starting to deflate.
%%
You notice that the dungeon master does not follow.
%%
You notice the twinge of winter in a cool northeasterly breeze.
%%
You now again prefer mimicking a human.
%%
You now are present in what was formerly the southern garden of
the palace of Enlad. The garden continues to the west and trail
leads off to the south.
%%
You now find yourself in a room of unique construction. It is a
completely round room apparently fashioned out of metal. Your
footsteps sound unnaturally loud in this environment. Aside from
two doors, all surfaces are painted in a dull brown color. The
doors are to the east and west, the eastern one painted red and
the western one green. A most curious mandala has been inscribed
in the center of the floor.
%%
You now have Asian Flu.
%%
You now have the power of a Warlock.
%%
You now lie at the northwestern corner of the farming plain. Aside
from the once fertile lands to the south and east, you can also see
the ocean far below you to the north.
%%
You now occupy the dining room. Due to the enormous size and
weight of the stone dining table in the center of the room,
vandals found little in this room that was easily destroyed.
Consequently much of the original grandeur survives. The
colored stone walls along with the great table evoke
memories of better times for Enlad. There are open doorways to
the north, south, and west.
%%
You now qualify as a winner.
%%
You now qualify to be a magical apprentice.
%%
You now stand at the south end of a large courtyard which continues
on to the north. Numerous doorways dot the walls of the surrounding
palace, three of which may reach from here. A tower of great age,
worn and vine-covered but still sound, stands in the center of the
yard. There is an open door in each of the three nearby walls:
south, west and east.
%%
You now stand in a spacious triangular closet. In the east wall
a doorway opens into a large room. A wooden door in the wall
which runs northeast-southwest is the only other distinctive
feature in this otherwise barren room.
%%
You obviously had too much to drink again last night!
%%
You offend Shai-Hulud by sheathing your
crysknife without having drawn blood.
%%
You only feel hungry now.
%%
You order some pictures, you get a couple of 8 x 10's - one
to keep, one to give away.  And then you've got 22 wallet sized
pictures.  Do you know 22 people that want to carry you around
in their wallet?
%%
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
%%
You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
%%
You own a dog; you feed a cat.
%%
You own your own body, but you can share.
%%
You parry a lightning thrust, and the thief salutes you with a grim nod.
%%
You parry a low thrust, and your # slips out of your hand.
%%
You parry the blow, but your # is knocked from your hand.
%%
You pass go, collect $200.00
%%
You pass out.
%%
You pedophilic sodomizer of ducklings!!
%%
You people who think you know everything are really annoying those of us who do
%%
You pervert! Call me again and
I'll rip out your small intestines and
tie it around you scrawny little neck,
you geek!
%%
You picked up your cards without ever looking at them and you showed
them to a hyena.  The hyena laughed at your cards.  What is the
probability of you winning the poker game?
%%
You pigeonish pervert!
%%
You plan things that you do not even attempt due to your stupidity.
%%
You plan things that you do not even attempt
because of your extreme caution.
%%
You play the organ for a while,
and awesome music reverberates throughout the room.
Suddenly you hear some loud crashing noises.
%%
You plummet approximately 325 feet onto the sharp rocks below.
%%
You plummet to your death on the sharp rocks below.
%%
You pretend to be more eccentric than you actually are because you
worry you are an interchangeable cog.
%%
You prod the nearest dwarf, who wakes up grumpily, takes one look at
you, curses, and grabs for his axe.
%%
You push the rock and suddenly it disappears!
%%
You put the lime in the coconut, and you drink a bowl of it.
%%
You rather indelicate handling of the egg has caused it some damage.
The egg is now open.
%%
You realize just in time that the candles are already lit.
%%
You realize, just in time, that disembarking here
would probably be fatal.
%%
You realize, of course, that
while you are wasting your time calling
people on the phone, millions are
starving
%%
You really have to know a lot before you know how little you know.
%%
You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite.
%%
You resemble a dog.
%%
You respect those superior to yourself and try to learn from them.
%%
You rode the Thunder, Now, may the Thunderbird carry you home...
		-- James P. Callison, callison@midway.ecn.uoknor.edu
%%
You roll my log, and I will roll yours.
		-- Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 B.C. - A.D. 65)
%%
You rub the axe back and forth across the whetstone a few times,
and soon the axe is as good as new.
%%
You say it can't be won
The way the game is run;
But if you choose to stay
You wind up playin' anyway.
		-- Jackson Browne
%%
You say there are two types of people?
	Yes, those who separate people into two groups and those that don't.
Wrong.	There are three groups:
	Those who separate people into three groups.
	Those who don't separate people into groups.
	Those who can't decide.
Wait a minute, what about people who separate people into two groups?
	Oh.  Okay, then there are four groups.
Aren't you then separating people into four groups?
	Yeah.
So then there's a fifth group, right?
	You know, the problem is these idiots who can't make up their minds.
%%
You schlemiel!
%%
You schlimazel!
%%
You schmuck!
%%
You scored 17 out of a possible 442 using 109 turns.
%%
You scratch my tape, and I'll scratch yours.
%%
You see a book titled "Secret Notes of Adventure."
%%
You see a dull, blunt axe on the ground by your feet.
%%
You see a fine guava here.
%%
You see a flawless diamond scattering the light all around here.
%%
You see a fresh dole pineapple here.
%%
You see a golden net lying here.
%%
You see a large cavern entrance in front of you.
%%
You see a lit flashlight lying here.
%%
You see a lovely crown here, encrusted with many precious stones.
%%
You see a lovely moonstone lying by your feet.
%%
You see a magic mushroom resting here.
%%
You see a power belt on the floor here.
%%
You see a rather large dragon here.
%%
You see a ripe chiquita banana here.
%%
You see a rope hanging in front of you, swaying gently in the wind.
%%
You see a secret panel open in the north wall of the closet.
%%
You see a very sharp axe on the ground by your feet.
%%
You see a whetstone before you.
%%
You see a wooden box which has been broken open here.
%%
You see an ancient egyptian papyrus (very rare) here.
%%
You see an fine agate here.
%%
You see an inlaid silver bracelet lying here.
%%
You see an old scroll lying by your feet.
%%
You see an old-fashioned brass lamp here.
%%
You see but you do not observe.
		-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, in "The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes"
%%
You see strange patterns on this scroll.
%%
You see things; and you say 'Why?'
But I dream things that never were; and I say 'Why not?'
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Back to Methuselah"
%%
You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat.
You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los
Angeles.  Do you understand this?  And radio operates exactly
the same way:  you send signals here, they receive them there.
The only difference is that there is no cat.
		-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955) [when asked to describe radio]
%%
You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.
%%
You seem to be digging a hole here.
%%
You seem to be getting knee deep in guano.
%%
You seem to be repeating yourself.
%%
You seem to be unable to damage it.
%%
You seem unable to affect these spirits.
%%
You sense the presence of killer.
%%
You sense the presence of monsters.
%%
You sense the presence of objects close nearby.
%%
You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.
%%
You shall judge of a man by his foes as well as by his friends.
		-- Joseph Conrad, "Lord Jim", 1900
%%
You shall reach the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics.
%%
You should avoid hedging, at least that's what I think.
%%
You should be a hemorrhoid, you're such a pain in the ass.
%%
You should flush yourself.
%%
You should go away.
%%
You should go home.
%%
You should have looked before you leaped.
%%
You should know its true.  I came for you.
%%
You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting
incest and folk dancing.
%%
You should molest yourself.
%%
You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for
freedom and liberty.
		-- Henrik Ibsen (1828-1906)
%%
You should remove your files.
%%
You should see polythene pam,
she's so good looking that she looks like a man.
%%
You should spit on yourself.
%%
You should talk to the DOCTOR.
%%
You shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh.
		-- Pat Benatar
%%
You shouldn't wallow in self-pity.  But it's OK to put
your feet in it and swish them around a little.
		-- Guindon
%%
You single-handedly fought your way into this hopeless mess.
%%
You smash it - and I'll build around it.
		-- John Lennon
%%
You smell a beautiful aroma reminiscent of a lady's perfume.
%%
You smell nice.
%%
You snail!  You slug!  You Retractable Thing!
%%
You snooze, you lose!
%%
You some kind of rude boy, boss.
%%
You stagger back under a hail of strokes.
%%
You stand at the edge of a vast plain which once served as the
agricultural center of Enlad. As far as the eye can see to the north,
nothing beside the remnants of orchards and crops exist. Far to the
east, a small plateau may be seen with some buildings set atop
it. You are hemmed in to the west by the edge of a large mountain
range which continues onward toward the western side of the island.
%%
You stand at the edge of the garden next to a high stone wall,
which runs north-south. The southern portion disappears into the
dense growth of the garden.
%%
You stand at the foot of a staircase at the base of the tower. The
stairs spiral upward at a very steep angle. The tower seems to
consist of nothing more at this level. A single doorway leads
outward to the north.
%%
You stand at the foot of the tower. The numerous vines that once
likely served as decoration now completely smother the surface.
High above you, the western balcony of the tower juts out from
the otherwise unbroken wall. To the north you can see what looks
a landing at the base of the tower.
%%
You stand before the southeast corner of a most forbidding grey
stone tower. Facing you is a ten-foot wide opening in the base
of the tower. No light escapes from within.
%%
You start to float in the air!
%%
You starve!
%%
You strike the mirror a resounding blow, whereupon it shatters into a
myriad tiny fragments.
%%
You strip bare and plunge into the cooling waters. You notice
one very interesting thing about the water here. It is wet.
So are you.
%%
You succeed in destroying your camera. Congratulations!
%%
You succeeded in cutting away some rock.
%%
You sword has begun to glow very brightly.
%%
You taught me language, and my profit on't is, I know how to curse.
		-- Caliban
%%
You taught me to be nice, so that now I am so full of niceness, I have no
sense of right and wrong, no outrage, no passion.  "If you can't say something
nice, don't say anything at all," you said, so I am very quiet, which most
people think is politeness.  I call it repression.
		-- Garrison Keillor, "Lake Wobegon Days"
%%
You taught me, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going," teaching me
to plod forward in the face of certain doom.
		-- Garrison Keillor, "Lake Wobegon Days"
%%
You teach best what you most need to learn.
%%
You tell him, Daddy!  It's safer to eat white arsenic than human meat!
		-- Louis Wu "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
You think it is a want of judgment that he changes his opinion. Do you
think it a proof that your scales are bad because they vibrate with
every additional weight that is added to either side?
		-- Edgeworth
%%
You think it isn't?
%%
You think things are going well for you, do you?
Things could change.
%%
You think you are a wit, but you are only half right.
%%
You think you got it rough?
What about your darling doggy?
Ten short years
and he's getting old and groggy.
		-- Oingo Boingo
%%
You too will meet the secret police,
they'll draft you and they'll jail your niece.
%%
You tread upon my patience.
		-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
%%
You try never to hurt people, and do so only
when it serves a higher purpose.
%%
You try to ascend the ramp, but is impossible, and you slide back down.
%%
You try to feel what is lying here on the floor.
%%
You try to move the enormous rock, but in vain.
%%
You turn to stone.
%%
You two ought to be more careful--
your love could drag on for years and years.
%%
You understand human nature and sympathize with its weakness.
%%
You use unfamiliar words -- please re-phrase it, or try something else.
%%
You vant to know vat relativity is?  I vill tell you vat relativity is.
Ven you sit on a hot stove for two hours, it seems like two hours.
Ven you sit on a park bench mit a pretty girl for two hours, it seems
like ten minutes.  That's relativity.
		-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
You vomit.
%%
You wait for fate to bring about the changes in life which you should
be bringing about yourself.
%%
You want I should bop you with this here Lollipop?!?
%%
You want a definition of pain?
  Galloping on a horse and landing on the pommel. (we are talking a
lightning bolt of pain up your spine here not to mention retracted
landing gear and a new voice)
%%
You want it when?!?!??
%%
You want to eat my mills and have them, too.  And all I want
to know is this:  what makes you think it's possible?

 ... But it's only temporary!

There is no such thing as a temporary suicide.
		-- Hank Rearden
%%
You want to live forever?  Don't die.
%%
You want to regain strength? Two levels ahead is a guesthouse!
%%
You watch as the balloon slowly floats away.  It seems to be ascending,
due to its light load.
%%
You watch as the balloon slowly lands.
%%
You watch as the balloon slowly lifts off.
%%
You were TOLD not to feed me after midnight
%%
You were not so proud when I found you broken on the beach.
%%
You were programmed to survive. You can survive at the Luna 5 settlement.
To survive is not enough, to simply exist is not enough.
		-- Nayrok and Danar
%%
You who are schizophrenic:  do you sleep together?
%%
You who've lost the concept of a right, you who swing in impotent
evasiveness between the claim that rights are a gift of God, a
supernatural gift to be taken on faith, or the claim that rights
are a gift of society, to be broken at its arbitrary whim -- the
source of man's rights is not divine law or congressional law, but
the law of identity.  A is A -- and Man is Man.  Rights are conditions
of existence required by man's nature for his proper survival.	If
man is to live on earth, it is right for him to use his mind, it is
right to act on his own free judgment, it is right to work for his
values and to keep the product of his work.  If life on earth is his
purpose, he has a right to live as a rational being:  nature forbids
him the irrational.  Any group, any gang, any nation that attempts
to negate man's rights, is wrong, which means: is evil, which means:
is anti-life.
		-- John Galt
%%
You will achieve a position of power in the Ministry for Silly Walks.
%%
You will always be successful in your business or professional career.
%%
You will always find some Eskimos ready to instruct the Congolese on how
to cope with heat waves.
		-- Stanislaw J. Lec
%%
You will always find something in the last place you look.
%%
You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least
like.
%%
You will always get what you want through your charm and personality.
%%
You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.
%%
You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home. And they
will mess it up.
%%
You will be a great success both in the business world and society.
%%
You will be a guest at a happy party that'll have important consequences
for you.
%%
You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.
%%
You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be
unimportant.
%%
You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service.
%%
You will be awarded a medal for disregarding safety in saving someone.
%%
You will be awarded some great honor.
%%
You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble.  Your no good
brother-in-law is in hock $100 to a loan shark.
%%
You will be concerned with many, many more things than you can change.
		-- Steven R. Covey
%%
You will be dead within a year.
%%
You will be divorced within a year.
%%
You will be given a post of trust and responsibility.
%%
You will be happy socially and in your work.
%%
You will be held hostage by a radical group.
%%
You will be honored for contributing your time and skill to a worthy
cause.
%%
You will be imprisoned for contributing your time and skill to a bank robbery.
%%
You will be indifferent where you would like to be kind.
%%
You will be made happy by receipt of good news.
%%
You will be married within a year, and divorced within two.
%%
You will be married within a year.  (If you're already married, consider
this an ex post facto fortune.)
%%
You will be misunderstood by everyone.
%%
You will be proud in manner but tolerant and generous.
%%
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader. Later there will be a
scandal.
%%
You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.
%%
You will be required to do wrong no matter where you go. It is the basic
condition of life, to be required to violate your own identity. At some
time, every creature that lives must do so. It is the ultimate shadow,
the defeat of creation; this is the curse at work, the curse that feeds
on all life.  Everywhere in the universe.
		-- Wilbur Mercer, founder of Mercerism
		   Philip K. Dick's "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?"
%%
You will be run over by a beer truck.
%%
You will be run over by a bus.
%%
You will be shot at sunrise.
%%
You will be singled out for promotion in your work.
%%
You will be successful in love. With someone other than your current partner.
%%
You will be surrounded by luxury. But it will not be yours.
%%
You will be the last person to buy a Chrysler.
%%
You will be the victim of a bizarre joke.
%%
You will be thrown out of the sanitarium when your family refuses to pay.
%%
You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.
%%
You will be unusually successful in business.
%%
You will be winged by an anti-aircraft battery.
%%
You will become obsessively self-conscious about those knobby knees.
%%
You will become rich and famous unless you don't.
%%
You will catch your rattling last breath with deep-sea diver sounds.
%%
You will contract a rare disease.
%%
You will develop a sense of humor and die laughing at yourself.
%%
You will discover that you are actually from a small planet
somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse, and not from Guildford
as you have hitherto claimed.
%%
You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm!
%%
You will drink champagne and dance all night,
under electric candlelight.
%%
You will eat more chicken than any man ever seen.
%%
You will emerge from the gutter, only to trip and land in the sewer.
%%
You will encounter several species of small, furry animals,
gathered together in a cave and grooving with a pict.
%%
You will engage in a profitable business activity. Later the police will find
out.
%%
You will engage in a profitable friendship.
%%
You will enjoy the high praise of solving a problem of long standing.
%%
You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.
%%
You will feel as much like you did yesterday as you do today.
%%
You will forget that you ever knew me.
%%
You will gain money by a fattening action.
%%
You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.
%%
You will gain money by an illegal action.
%%
You will gain money by an immoral action.
%%
You will generally find that everything is defiled with usurious
contracts; that those very persons have got together the greater part of
their money by sheer rapine, who nevertheless assert themselves so
confidently to be pure from all contagion of unjust gain.
		-- St. Francis Xavier (1506-1552)
%%
You will get what you deserve.
%%
You will give someone a piece of your mind, which you can ill afford.
%%
You will have a head crash on your private pack.
%%
You will have a long and boring life.
%%
You will have a long and unpleasant discussion with your supervisor.
%%
You will have domestic happiness and faithful friends.
%%
You will have fun. Once.
%%
You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.
%%
You will have long and healthy life.
%%
You will have many friends when you use a corkscrew.
%%
You will have many recoverable tape errors.
%%
You will hear a sound like a hundred thousand people saying 'whop'.
%%
You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you.  He/she
will commit suicide.
%%
You will inherit millions of dollars.
%%
You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.
%%
You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money,
after much hard work, as usual.
%%
You will live to see your grandchildren.
%%
You will lose all sensation in your shirt
%%
You will lose an important disk file.
%%
You will lose an important tape file.
%%
You will marry your present lover and be happy.
%%
You will meet a gin-soaked bar room queen in Memphis.
%%
You will meet a love-starved stewardess from
the Planet of Love-starved Stewardesses.
%%
You will meet an important person
who will help you advance professionally.
%%
You will meet your perfect mate today.	Congratulations!  It's yourself.
%%
You will need three umbrellas: one to leave at the office, one to leave
at home home, and one to leave on the train.
		-- James L. Blankenship
%%
You will never be happy socially or in your work.
%%
You will never know hunger, you will starve to death first.
%%
You will never win even a free ticket playing the lotto.
%%
You will not be elected to public office this year.
%%
You will obey or molten silver will be poured into your ears.
%%
You will only find peace when you yield completely to society's control.
%%
You will outgrow your usefulness.
%%
You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates.
%%
You will pass away very quickly.
%%
You will pay for your sins.
If you have already paid, please disregard this message.
%%
You will pioneer the first Martian colony.
%%
You will probably marry after a very brief courtship.
%%
You will reach the highest possible point
in your business or profession.
%%
You will receive a legacy which will place you above want.
%%
You will receive a present, over which you will shed tears of joy.
%%
You will receive money for nothing, and your chicks for free.
%%
You will receive salvation ala-mode and a cup of tea.
%%
You will remember something that you should not have forgotten.
%%
You will secure the greatest degree of happiness if you marry young.
%%
You will soon be able to do all the things sane people can do.
%%
You will soon forget this.
%%
You will soon have an unfortunate confrontation with the Administrators
of Justice.
%%
You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your
life.
%%
You will soon take that long awaited vacation.
%%
You will step on the night soil of many countries.
%%
You will step on the soil of many countries.
%%
You will step on the toes of many co-workers
%%
You will stop at nothing to reach your objective,
but only because your brakes are defective.
%%
You will triumph over your enemy.
%%
You will visit some faraway land
that has long been in your waking thoughts.
%%
You will visit the Dung Pits of Glive soon.
%%
You will wake up this morning and get yourself a beer.
%%
You will walk like an Egyptian before the day is done.
%%
You will win success in whatever calling you adopt.
%%
You will wish you hadn't.
%%
You willfully ignore the small, gentle observations in life which you
know are the most important.
%%
You win a few, you lose a few.	But I wish this one had been rained out.
%%
You win the prize!
%%
You wipe out the message that was written here.
%%
You won't melt it with a #.
%%
You won't skid if you stay in a rut.
		-- Frank Hubbard
%%
You work very hard.  Don't try to think as well.
%%
You worry that if you lower your guard, even for one second, your
whole world will disintegrate into chaos.
%%
You would be burned to a crisp in no time.
%%
You would be lost without me.
%%
You would if you could but you can't so you won't.
%%
You would rather be admired than liked, although you would prefer both.
%%
You would rather blame yourself than others, but you don't
waste much time doing either when things go wrong.
%%
You would toss a drowning man both ends of a rope.
%%
You wouldn't fit and would die if you could.
%%
You wrest one more spell from the worn-out wand.
%%
You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.
		-- Dolly Parton
%%
You'd best take inventory and drop something.
%%
You'd better learn from the mistakes of others,
you don't have time to make them all yourself.
%%
You'd better not -- you'll break your neck and drown.
%%
You'd better not shout, you'd better not cry
you'd better be good I'm telling you why,

santa claus is dead.
%%
You'd better smile when they watch you, smile like you're in control.
		-- Was (Not Was), "Smile"
%%
You'd like to do it instantaneously, but that's too slow.
%%
You'll always be,
What you always were,
Which has nothing to do with,
All to do, with her.
		-- Company
%%
You'll be a guest at a gay party.
That will have important consequences for you.
%%
You'll be sorry...
%%
You'll break your neck if you try that.
%%
You'll change your definitions of "fat" and "ugly" to save your self-respect.
%%
You'll do.
%%
You'll feel devilish tonight.
Toss dynamite caps under a flamenco dancer's heel.
%%
You'll feel much better once you've given up hope.
%%
You'll find I'm full of surprises
%%
You'll find in no park or city
A monument to a committee.
		-- Victoria Pasternak
%%
You'll find it in the last place you look.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
You'll have to speak up if you expect me to hear you.
%%
You'll need a spear if you want to attack a Dragon.
%%
You'll never find out whether you're miserable because you're a failure or vice
versa.
%%
You'll never go caribou hunting with me again.
%%
You'll never have a quiet world till you knock the patriotism out of
the human race.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
You'll never see all the places, or read all
the books, but fortunately, they're not all recommended.
%%
You'll often say, "At least I have my health," until you get cancer.
%%
You'll wish that you had done some of the
hard things when they were easier to do.
%%
You're LATE and your boss knows it!!!
%%
You're a bum.
%%
You're a card which will have to be dealt with.
%%
You're a good case for retroactive abortion.
%%
You're a horrible monster trapped in a human body.
%%
You're a perfect example of a goof.
%%
You're a perfect example of a perverted puppy's private parts.
%%
You're a perfect example of a strange scary dude.
%%
You're a perfect example of a toad's crotch.
%%
You're a perfect example of an undesirable horrifying lousy leech.
%%
You're aboard the spaceship.
To the north you see the airlock.  "east" leads clock-wise around the
ship, and "west" leads counter-clockwise.
%%
You're about to be slimed.
%%
You're all clear now, kid.
Now blow this thing so we can all go home.
		-- Han Solo
%%
You're almost as happy as you think you are.
%%
You're already carrying the sphere!
%%
You're always thinking you're gonna be the one that makes 'em act different...
		-- Woody Allen, "Manhattan"
%%
You're at Witt's End.
%%
You're at a large cavern entrance.
There is a mountain ledge to the west.
To the north lies a grassy field;
to the east, a spinach crop can be seen.
%%
You're at a low window overlooking a huge pit, which extends up out of
sight.	A floor is indistinctly visible over 50 feet below.  Traces of
white mist cover the floor of the pit, becoming thicker to the left.
Marks in the dust around the window would seem to indicate that
someone has been here recently.  Directly across the pit from you and
25 feet away there is a similar window looking into a lighted room.  A
shadowy figure can be seen there peering back at you.
%%
You're at a turn in the hall of gems.
It goes north and west from here.
%%
You're at a turn in the road.
It continues to the north and also to the east.
To the west grasslands are visible; to the south, a vast ocean.
%%
You're at a turn in the rock tunnel.
From here you can go south or west.
%%
You're at complex junction.
%%
You're at end of road again.
%%
You're at junction of three secret canyons.
%%
You're at the bottom of a set of stairs, carved from the rock.
You see a passage to the east.
%%
You're at the bottom of a shaft which extends upward about 15 meters.
You see passages to the south and east.
%%
You're at the bottom of a sheer rock face.
To the north runs a river; to the east you can see a grassy field.
To the south and west lie mountains.
%%
You're at the east end of a bridge across a rushing river.
the river continues to the north and south;
to the east you can see a sunny meadow.
%%
You're at the end of a road before a small brick building.  Around you is a
forest.  A small stream flows out of the building and down a gully.
		-- Adventure
%%
You're at the end of the road.
To the north lies some dense shrubbery;  To the west, the wall of a
building.  To the east you can see a grassy field with flowers growing;
to the south, the road extends into the distance.
%%
You're at the entrance to the hall of gems, to the south.
Other passages lead north and west.
%%
You're at the junction of the road and the path.
The road goes to the west; the path, to the north.
To the east is a sandy beach; to the south, a vast ocean.
%%
You're at the north end of a grassy field.
To the east you can see some shrubs; to the north you see much denser
shrubbery.  To the west is the road; to the south, more of the field.
To the southeast, dense shrubs surround a small grove of trees.
%%
You're at the north side of a 50-meter crevice.
To the north you see the entrance to a tunnel of rock.
%%
You're at the plumbing station on top of the mountain.
To the leading north you can see a flat area.  There are all manner of
pipes into the ground here.  There also is a button and a meter here.
%%
You're at the west end of a bridge across a rushing river.
To the north, the river creates a small pool; to the south, you can see
rocky ground.
%%
You're at west end of long hall.
%%
You're behind the counter in the general store.
The store manager's body is slumped over the cash register.  There is a
trap door in the floor.
%%
You're carrying too much.  Drop something first.
%%
You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."
%%
You're definitely on their list.
The question to ask next is what list it is.
%%
You're doing a whole lot of good here. Why don't you just lapse into a coma?
%%
You're either part of the solution or part of the problem.
		-- Eldridge Cleaver, 1968
%%
You're even more green than a nauseating nasty!
%%
You're floating high above the stairs.
%%
You're going to get what's coming to you.
%%
You're growing out of some of your problems,
but there are others that you're growing into.
%%
You're having a hard time getting all that food down.
%%
You're in a clearing.  You can see shrubbery to the west,
and denser shrubs to the north and east.
To the south you see a grove of trees.
%%
You're in a completely spherical room with polished walls.
A narrow passage leads out to the west.
%%
You're in a driveway between two buildings.
There is a door to the north, and a road to the east.
%%
You're in a flat space amid mountainous terrain.
To the north you see mountainous terrain; to the south, it gets worse.
Far to the east you can see a lawn surrounded by a chain-link fence.
%%
You're in a great domed room.
Passages lead in all 4 compass directions.
%%
You're in a large room carved out of sedimentary rock.	The floor and
walls are littered with bits of shells imbedded in the stone.  A
shallow passage proceeds downward, and a somewhat steeper one leads
up.  A low hands and knees passage enters from the south.
%%
You're in a large room carved out of sedimentary rock.
the floor and walls are littered with bits of shells imbedded in the
stone.	You can see a coral passage to the east,
and two other exits lead south and west.
%%
You're in a long east/west corridor.  A faint rumbling noise can be
heard in the distance.
%%
You're in a rock tunnel which continues to the east.
%%
You're in a shrubbish area.
There is a field to the west, and a clearing to the east. Dense shrubs
prevent passage to the north or south.
%%
You're in a small chamber lit by an eerie green light.	An extremely
narrow tunnel exits to the west.  A dark corridor leads NE.
%%
You're in a small chamber with tunnels leading west and south.
The walls are composed of rough red sandstone.
There is a large, cubical chunk of rock in the center of the room.
%%
You're in a teleport booth in the middle of a well-kept lawn.
You can see a lever in front of you.  To the west you see the entrance.
%%
You're in a treasure room of the pharoah.
An inscription on the wall reads,
"May the curse of time fall upon any who disturbs this sanctuary."
%%
You're in front of the counter inside the general store.
You can see the manager leaning against the cash register, and a sign
reading "Sale on canvas today"
%%
You're in the airlock of a spaceship.
"north" goes outwards, "south" leads toward the center of the ship.
%%
You're in the cavern of phosphorescence.
Glowing patches on the walls light up the cavern with an eerie light.
%%
You're in the dark-room.  A corridor leading south is the only exit.
%%
You're in the debug function!
%%
You're in the gem hall, which continues to the south.
%%
You're in the grasslands, which continue to the east.
To the north lies the wall of a building; to the west, a high wall.
To the south you can see a vast ocean.
%%
You're in the grasslands, which continue to the west.
To the east you can see a road; to the north, the wall of a building.
To the south you can see a vast ocean.
%%
You're in the grove of trees.
To the north and west lies dense shrubbery;
to the south and east, more of the grove.
%%
You're in the grove.
To the west lies a field; to the south and southwest lies a meadow.  The
grove extends to the north and east.
%%
You're in the hall of gems, which runs east-west.
%%
You're in the little grove.
To the east lie dense shrubs; to the west and south, more of the grove.
To the north you can see a small clearing.
%%
You're in the maze of the pharoah.
This cavern looks like any other but for the scrawls
on the walls which say "Beware of the mummy's curse!"
%%
You're in the middle of a grassy field.
To the north and south lies more of the field;
to the west you can see the road.
To the east, dense shrubbery surrounds small grove of trees.
%%
You're in the middle of a spinach crop.
To the north you see a grassy field.
Further to the west, the entrance to a large cavern can be seen.
To the east you can see a well-kept lawn behind a low chain-link fence.
In front of you a sign reads, "Popeye's private property -- keep out!"
%%
You're in the middle of a tunnel of stone which turns here.
the tunnel goes to the north and west, and a narrow passage leads south.
%%
You're in the northeast corner of a grassy field.
You see a contented cow standing here,
and to the north you see a sunny meadow.
To the east, you can see a well-kept lawn behind a low chain-link fence.
%%
You're in the northeast corner of a well-kept lawn.
To the north you see a chain-link fence; to the east, a vast ocean.
%%
You're in the northeast corner of the planetarium.
%%
You're in the northwest corner of the grassy field.
To the west you see a river; to the north, a sunny meadow.
%%
You're in the northwest corner of the planetarium.
There is a cupboard here,
and a flight of rickety wooden stairs leading up.
%%
You're in the observatory above the planetarium.
You see a telescope pointed out the window.
This looks like an excellent place to store treasures.
%%
You're in the small grove.
To the south and east lies dense shrubbery; to the north and west,
more of the grove.
%%
You're in the southeast corner of a grassy field.
To the east you can see a well-kept lawn behind a low chain-link fence;
to the south, you see a large spinach crop.
Mountains lie far to the west.
%%
You're in the southeast corner of a sandy field.
To the east you see a vast ocean; to the south,
a well-kept lawn behind a low chain-link fence.
%%
You're in the southeast corner of the planetarium.
To the south you can see the entrance.
%%
You're in the southwest corner of a grassy field.
To the west you can see mountains; to the southeast lies a large spinach
crop.
%%
You're in the southwest corner of a sandy field.
To the south you can see a well-kept lawn behind a low chain-link fence;
to the west you can see a sunny meadow.
%%
You're in the southwest corner of a sunny meadow.
To the south you see a grassy field; to the west, a river.  Far to the
southwest you see mountains.
%%
You're in the southwest corner of a well-kept lawn.
To the west you can see a spinach crop behind a low chain-link fence.
To the east you see the entrance of a teleport booth.
%%
You're in the top of a grape tree above a well-kept lawn.
To the east you can see a vast ocean.
%%
You're in the top of an apple tree above a mountain ledge.
far to the north and east you can see the ocean!!!
%%
You're in the top of an orange tree above a rushing river.
%%
You're in the twisting tunnel, which continues to the north and west.
%%
You're just inside the entrance to a network of underground caverns.
You can see passages to the north and west.
%%
You're just such a green gazelle-infested toad.
%%
You're living in your own private Idaho.
%%
You're my knight in shining armor.
%%
You're never alone when you're schizophrenic.
%%
You're never alone with schizophrenia.
%%
You're next to a table of electrical supplies in the general store.
%%
You're not Dave.  Who are you?
%%
You're not allowed to go through closed windows.
%%
You're not allowed to walk through closed doors.
%%
You're not allowed to walk through walls.
%%
You're not an alcoholic unless you go to
the meetings.
%%
You're not carrying anything.
%%
You're not from Earth, are you?
%%
You're now at the entrance to a rock tunnel.
The tunnel begins to the east, and other passages lead south and north.
magic runes are inscribed upon the walls here.
%%
You're now at the north end of a stone tunnel.
%%
You're now in a rocky cavern with a zombie standing around.
%%
You're now in some mountainous terrain.
To the north you see rocky ground; to the south, you see a flat place.
Far to the east you see a lawn surrounded by a chain-link fence.
%%
You're now in the company of a goblin.
Don't worry, he won't harm you.
%%
You're on a mountain ledge.
High to the west is the top of the mountain.  You can climb back to the
north or to the east.  There is a sign here, with "Thank you, richard
rapier" written on it.
%%
You're on a path in a grassy field.
The path turns and goes to the south into a meadow; to the west, you
can see the road.  To the east, a small grove of trees can be seen. The
field extends to the north.
%%
You're on a road going north-south.
To the west you can see two buildings; to the east, a rough path begins.
%%
You're on a sandy beach.
The ocean extends to the north and east;
to the south and west you can see a sandy field.
%%
You're on a sandy beach.
To the west, you see the ends of the road and path;
to the south and east, a vast ocean.
%%
You're on the bridge of the spaceship.
On the north (outward) wall you see large sensor screens,
and to the the south you see a door.
A button here is labeled "Emergency hyperspace warp control."
%%
You're on the east bank of a rushing river.
The river empties into the ocean to the north;
it comes from mountains far the south.
To the east you see large sunny meadow.
%%
You're on the east side of a 200-meter chasm, too wide to jump.
%%
You're on the east side of a river running north-south.
To the east you see a grassy field; to the west, mountains rise behind a
river.
%%
You're on the east side of a rushing river which runs north-south.
To the east you see a sunny meadow;
far to the south you can see mountains.
%%
You're on the east side of a sunny meadow.
To the north you can see a vast ocean; to the east, a sandy field.
%%
You're on the east side side of a well-kept lawn.
To the east lies a vast ocean;
to the south you see the side of a teleport booth.
%%
You're on the meadow path,
at the north end of a bridge crossing a stream.
The path continues in the meadow to the west, and over the bridge.
To the north you can see a small grove of trees.
%%
You're on the n-s road.
To the east is the wall of a tool shed; to the west is the door of the
general store.
%%
You're on the north bank of a river.
To the west you see a sunny meadow;
to the north and east, dense shrubbery blocks further exploration.
%%
You're on the north-south road.
To the east you see a meadow;
to the west is the wall of the general store.
A light in the window shows that the store is open for business.
%%
You're on the path at the south end of a bridge over a stream.
The path continues over the bridge to the north
and through the sand to the south.
There is the wall of a tool shed to the west, and more sand to the east.
%%
You're on the path in the meadow.
The path continues to the east and north.  To the west lies a road; to
the north a grassy field.  To the east lies more of the meadow; to the
south, you can see the door to a tool shed.
%%
You're on the road.
To the north you see the wall of a tool shed;
to the south, a vast ocean. the road continues to the east and west.
%%
You're on the road.
To the west you see the wall of a building; to the east, a grassy field
with flowers growing.  The road continues to the north and south.
%%
You're on the sandy south bank of the river.
There is more sand to the west and south; to the east lies a vast ocean.
%%
You're on the south side of a 50-meter crevice.
A stone tunnel begins to the east.
%%
You're on the south side of an island.
To the north you can see the famed haunted mansion.
You can see a balcony directly above you.
%%
You're on the south side of the island.
To the north you can see the magic castle.
%%
You're on the west side of a sandy field.
To the north you see a vast ocean; to the east, a sandy beach.
To the west you can see a sunny meadow.
%%
You're on the west side of a sunny meadow.
To the north you can see a vast ocean.
%%
You're on the west side of a well-kept lawn.
To the west you see a grassy field behind a low chain-link fence; to the
southwest, a spinach crop can be seen.	To the southeast you can see a
teleport booth.
%%
You're on top of the stump of what was once a fine mango tree.
%%
You're only supposed to put in the good ones!
		-- BAZ
%%
You're outside the entrance to a hall of stone.
A narrow passage leads north.
%%
You're over-watered the cactus!!  It's shriveling up!  It's, it's...
%%
You're proof that abortions can survive.
%%
You're putting on your smiling face,
And you're dressing up with style and grace.
%%
You're reasoning is excellent--it's only your basic assumptions that are wrong.
%%
You're rock candy, baby: hard, sweet and sticky.
%%
You're so analytical ...
sometimes you just have to let art flow over you.
%%
You're so bad.
%%
You're so unusual.
%%
You're special.
%%
You're standing on the corner in your new clothes trying to look cool
but still your finger has got to pick your nose.
%%
You're the greatest.
%%
You're the kind of person who'd get two blow jobs and give me one.
%%
You're too unstable to understand yourself, much less calculus or other people.
%%
You're treading on thin ground.
%%
You're twisted, perverted & sick.  I like that in a person.
%%
You're typing too fast.
%%
You're typing too loudly.
%%
You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
%%
You're ugly but you intrigue me.
%%
You're within a small triangular cubicle of very small dimensions.
The sole furnishings of this room consists of a stone shelf affixed
to the walls in the corner. A wooden door is set in the diagonal
wall to your southwest.
%%
You're working under a slight handicap.
You happen to be human.
%%
You've been Berkeley'ed!
%%
You've been telling me to relax all the way here,
and now you're telling me just to be myself?
		-- The Return of the Secaucus Seven
%%
You've collided into a wall and are now dead on the floor.
%%
You've got a point - right on the top of your head!
%%
You've got to get in to get out.
%%
You've got to have something to eat and a little love in your life before you
can hold still for any damn body's sermon on how to behave.
		-- Billie Holiday
%%
You've got to know how to put out a yellow light.
%%
You've gotten sunstroke and can't tell east from west!
%%
You've had enough of it!
%%
You've heard of Agent Orange...
Now try New DIET Agent Orange!
Same great effects, but with half the calories!
%%
You've heard the terms Black Box and White Box testing.  Here's a few of
the less-known test methods.

Black Box	The tester has no clue as to what's going on inside.  Often
		used by large corporations for software verification.  More
		often NOT used by large corporations for software verification.

White Box	The tester knows the internals, but doesn't manipulate them
		directly.  This is handy because the tester can avoid messy
		problems or functions that are likely to cause trouble.
		This is also know as "doing a demo"

Open Box	The tester directly manipulates the internals.	This is handy
		because it allows the tester to test particular bits of code
		when other, important bits aren't even written yet.  This is
		also knows as "rigging a demo"

Toy Box		The tester plays with the product.  Often in ways in which
		the product was never intended to be used.  The people at
		Underwriters Laboratories are experts at this.	So is your
		three year old nephew.	This kind of testing leads to
		lengthy disclaimers and warranties.

Jack-in-the-Box	The tester cranks on the product until something surprising
		happens.  If nothing surprising happens, it gets marketed.
		If something surprising happens, it gets marketed as "new"
		and "improved" and the version number goes up by 0.0.1

Shoe Box	The tester places the product in a dark closet or cupboard and
		forgets about it.  Eventually, someone discovers that
		micro organisms have performed some astoundingly intense
		testing of their own.  This provides the key "cleaning
		instructions" section of the manual.  (If the product is
		software, this testing consists of putting the code under
		source management control, the software equivalent of a
		dark closet.  The only difference is the no one will ever
		see it again.)

Gray Box	Marketing paints the product to gain a larger market share/
		improve its ergonomics.  This is especially interesting with
		magnetic media.  This is also known as "platinum box" testing.

Cardboard Box	A rather trivial test of the packaging materials.  You can
		tell if this step was neglected when your floppy disk arrives
		in a 3' shipping carton, packed in styrofoam peanuts.

Strong Box	Tests the physical integrity of the product.  Often for
		military contracts, though HP does it just for the heck of it.
		3 1/2 floppies were Strong Box tested, 5 1/4 floppies weren't.
		This test is near-impossible to perform with software,
		nevertheless, it is required for government contracts.
%%
You've hesitated too long in the cold.	Your muscular responses have
slowed to a snail's pace.  The numbness slowly proceeds inward from your
extremities and eventually overcomes your vital functions.  But you
feel no pain:

it's just like going to sleep . . .
%%
You've just crossed over into ... The Twilight Zone.
%%
You've just made the mistake of your life, as it were.	All you hear
is the air rushing past your ears.  All you see is the light from above
getting smaller and smaller.  You nervously await the impact of the
floor of this pit you've managed to jump into . . .

*splat*
%%
You've lived to long,
you dont belong
you weren't that strong
so play your cards just right
you'll be a start tonight
and see your name in lights on suicide boulevard
		-- Little River Band
%%
You've made a hole in the floor.
%%
You've made it past the zombie!
%%
You've reached a rocky corner.	Passages lead south and west.
You can see a stalactite high above you, but you can't reach it.
%%
You've received numerous painful cuts from the cactus.	The sand blowing
into them inflames them terribly, and you die soon afterward.
%%
You've successfully eaten your fruit salad.  Your bowl is now empty.
%%
You've tried to walk on water, which doesn't work -- and you are now
going down for the third time.	    Blub blub blub
%%
You, who claim that you long to rise above the crude concerns of the
body, above the drudgery of serving mere physical needs -- who is
enslaved by physical needs:  the Hindu who labors from sunrise to
sunset at the shafts of a handplow for a bowl of rice, or the American
who is driving a tractor?  Who is the conqueror of physical reality:
the man who sleeps on a bed of nails or the man who sleeps on an
inner-spring mattress?	Which is the monument to the triumph of the
human spirit over matter:  the germ-eaten hovels on the shorelines of
the Ganges or the Atlantic skyline of New York?
		-- John Galt
%%
You?! Well your mother! That's right! Your mother!!!
%%
Young Alice is known for her poise
During quiet foreplay with the boys.
	But then when she has 'em
	At the brink of orgasm,
You can't hear yourself think for the noise.	<Oh, that screaming>
%%
Young Frederick the great was a beaut.
To a guard hee cried, "Hey, man, you're cute.
	If you'll come to my palace,
	I'll finger your phallus,
And then I shall blow on your flute."
%%
Young Jane was a lollapolooza
Yet no one could manage to use her.
	She wouldn't screw with them
	Except to the rhythm
Of the marches of John Philip Sousa.	<The Stars and Stripes Forever>
%%
Young blood must have its course, lad, and every dog its day.
		-- Charles Kingsley
%%
Young guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender to line him
up with ten Kamikazi's. The bartender does so and asks the man what he's
celebrating. "Well," he says "I had my first blow-job today!" and
proceeds to gulp down greedily all ten drinks. The bartender says
" Great, here's a beer on me!" "No thanks! if Ten drinks won't
get this awful taste outta my mouth, nothing will."
%%
Young men are fitter to invent than to judge; fitter for execution
than for counsel; and fitter for new projects than for settled business.
For the experience of age, in things that fall within the compass of it,
directeth them; but in new things, abuseth them.  The errors of young men
are the ruin of business; but the errors of aged men amount but to this,
that more might have been done, or sooner.  Young men, in the conduct and
management of actions, embrace more than they can hold; stir more than they
can quiet; fly to the end, without consideration of the means and degrees;
pursue some few principles which they have chanced upon absurdly; care not
how they innovate, which draws unknown inconveniences; and, that which doubleth
all errors, will not acknowledge or retract them; like an unready horse, that
will neither stop nor turn.  Men of age object too much, consult too long,
adventure too little, repent too soon, and seldom drive business home to the
full period, but content themselves with a mediocrity of success.  Certainly,
it is good to compound employments of both ... because the virtues of either
age may correct the defects of both.
		-- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626), "Essay on Youth and Age"
%%
Young men want to be faithful and are not;
old men want to be faithless and cannot.
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Young men, hear an old man to whom
old men hearkened when he was young.
		-- Augustus Caesar
%%
Your Co-worker Could Be a Space Alien, Say Experts
		...Here's How You Can Tell
Many Americans work side by side with space aliens who look human -- but you
can spot these visitors by looking for certain tip-offs, say experts. They
listed 10 signs to watch for:

#3.	   Bizarre sense of humor.  Space aliens who don't understand earthly
	humor may laugh during a company training film or tell jokes that
	no one understands, said Steiger.
#6.	   Misuses everyday items.  "A space alien may use correction fluid to
	paint its nails," said Steiger.
#8.	   Secretive about personal life-style and home.
	"An alien won't discuss details or talk about what it does at night
	or on weekends."
#10.	    Displays a change of mood or physical reaction when near certain
	high-tech hardware.  "An alien may experience a mood change when a
	microwave oven is turned on," said Steiger.

The experts pointed out that a co-worker would have to display most if not
all of these traits before you can positively identify him as a space alien.
		-- Michael Cassels, "National Enquirer" August, 84
		   [I thought everybody laughed at company training films. Ed.]
%%
Your If is the only peace-maker -- much virtue in If.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Your Majesty should pay attention to his appearance.
		-- H. C. Anderson
%%
Your President is no crook!
		-- Richard Nixon
%%
Your Ronald Reagan impression isn't as good as you think it is.
%%
Your Uncle is as stupid as paste.
%%
Your actions don't appear to be doing much harm to the cyclops, but
they do not exactly lower your insurance premiums, either.
%%
Your adventure can be saved for you so that you may resume it later
however, you may have to wait fifty minutes before continuing.
%%
Your aged and withered body can withstand just a few more steps.
%%
Your aim is high and to the right.
%%
Your aims are high, and you are capable of much damage.
%%
Your are courteous, diplomatic and affable and may find happiness
in politics and public service.
%%
Your are the guiding star of his existence.
%%
Your armor rusts!
%%
Your armor turns to dust and falls to the floor!
%%
Your balloon has hit the rim of the volcano, ripping the cloth and
causing you to drop 500 feet.  Did you get your flight insurance?
%%
Your best consolation is the hope that the things
you failed to get weren't really worth having.
%%
Your bits are MINE, loser!  I will zero them SLOWLY!
%%
Your boat now lies near the northeast extreme of the island.
A small beach is visible to the south. The open sea lies to the
north and east.
%%
Your boat, in contrast to its previous behavior, seems
unable to move and quite unmagical.
%%
Your body begins to glow black.
%%
Your body stops glowing black.
%%
Your bones itch.
%%
Your boots shine splendidly, in contrast to your intellect.
%%
Your boss climbed the corporate ladder, wrong by wrong.
%%
Your bottle is already full.
%%
Your bottle is empty and the ground is wet.
%%
Your bottle is now full of oil.
%%
Your business will assume vast proportions.
%%
Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion.
%%
Your cancelled check is your receipt.
%%
Your car is equipped with a device that detects pot-holes and steers
you toward them.
%%
Your cat is in great need of being confused.
%%
Your code should be more efficient!
%%
Your collection of treasures consists of:
%%
Your compass needle spins wildly, and you cannot get your bearings.
%%
Your computer account is overdrawn.  Please see Big Brother.
%%
Your contacts haven't been cleaned in a long time.
%%
Your cup will runneth over with love. Everything will get wet!
%%
Your dedication and tireless work on the hostage thing, with Central
America, really gave me cause for great pride in you and thanks.  Get
some turkey, George Bush.
		-- A thanksgiving letter to Oliver North, 1985
%%
Your dentist will buy a yacht.
%%
Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways.
%%
Your digestive system is your body's Fun House, whereby food goes
on a long, dark, scary ride, taking all kinds of unexpected twists
and turns, being attacked by vicious secretions along the way, and
not knowing until the last minute whether it will be turned into a
useful body part or ejected into the Dark Hole by Mister Sphincter.
		-- Dave Barry
%%
Your dog can buy cheaper than you do.
%%
Your dog finds you repulsive.
%%
Your dog is aging faster than you are.
%%
Your domestic life may be harmonious.
%%
Your education begins where what is called your education is over.
%%
Your ego's writing a check your body can't cash.
%%
Your empty file directory has been deleted.
%%
Your enemy is never a villain in his own eyes.	Keep this in mind; it may
offer a way to make him your friend.  If not, you can kill him without hate -
and quickly.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Your eyes are weary from staring at the screen.  Your eyelids feel very heavy.
You feel very sleepy.  Watch the cursor.  Notice how restful it is to watch it
blink.  Close your eyes.  All the opinions stated above are yours.  You cannot
imagine why you ever felt otherwise.  When you awake, you will be irresistably
compelled to send all your money to: The Carnivore  predator@iastate.edu
%%
Your eyes, your eyes, they shine like the pants on my blue serge suit.
That's not a reflection on you.  That's on my pants.
		-- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
Your fear of change is too clearly visible in your eyes.
%%
Your feet are frozen to the floor!
%%
Your feet are now wet.
%%
Your feet have balls but not vice versa?
%%
Your files are now being encrypted and thrown into the bit bucket.
EOF
%%
Your first impressions of people are best.
%%
Your fish resents your control over its life.
%%
Your flashlight is now out.  It automatically turns off.
%%
Your flashlight now has new batteries.
%%
Your fly is open.
%%
Your fly is unzipped.
%%
Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).
%%
Your freedom to swing your arm stops where my nose begins
%%
Your friendly neighborhood Atheist.
%%
Your friends need you.
%%
Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet
than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.
		-- Richard Bach, "Illusions"
%%
Your funny bone is actually a nerve called the ulnar nerve.
%%
Your future looks bright.
%%
Your gift is princely, but it comes too late,
And falls like sunbeams on a blasted blossom.
		-- Suckling
%%
Your girl friend is *so* ugly that...

	when you look up ugly in the dictionary, her picture's there.
	it looked like her face caught fire and someone put it out
		with an ice pick.
	they used her face to model for animal cookies.
	when she yelled "Rape", the guy looked and said "No way!"
	she was the birth control poster child.
	when she was born, the doctor slapped her mother.
	as a child, her parents tied a pork chop around her neck to
		get the puppy to play with her.
	she has to sneak up on a glass of water, just to get a drink!
%%
Your girlfriend is the kind of woman you could fall madly in bed with.
%%
Your gloves vanish!
%%
Your goose is cooked.
(Your current chick is burned up too!)
%%
Your grandmother is walking on tar.
%%
Your hands begin to glow blue.
%%
Your hands begin to glow purple.
%%
Your hands stop glowing blue.
%%
Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.
%%
Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout. In other words
Your heart is pure evil, your mind is empty and your soul devoted to mischief.
%%
Your helmet turns to dust and is blown away!
%%
Your help will be needed in an embarrassing situation.
%%
Your hopes and your future have nothing in common.
%%
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
%%
Your inability to achieve solitude makes you settle for substandard
relationships.
%%
Your insurance doesn't cover it.
%%
Your iron ball gets heavier.
%%
Your knapsack cannot accommodate anymore items.
%%
Your knees seem more flexible now.
%%
Your knife point pinks the # on the wrist, but it's not serious.
%%
Your lamp has run out of power.
%%
Your lamp is getting dim, and you're out of spare batteries.  You'd
best start wrapping this up.
%%
Your lamp is getting dim.  You'd best go back for those batteries.
%%
Your lamp is getting dim.  You'd best start wrapping this up, unless
you can find some fresh batteries.  I seem to recall there's a vending
machine in the maze.  Bring some coins with you.
%%
Your lamp is getting dim.
I'm taking the liberty of replacing the batteries.
%%
Your lamp is now off.
%%
Your latest program has been judged UNTASTEFUL by the T demon;
and automatically deleted.
%%
Your laws, your courts, your false god will be a dim remembering
of a cursed time when man was wolf to the man.
%%
Your legs feel somewhat better.
%%
Your legs get new energy.
%%
Your life has been filmed before a live studio audience.
%%
Your life is in danger today. You must do something about it.
%%
Your life is wonderful.
%%
Your life should be stamped, "For novelty use only!"
%%
Your light source casts a circle of 5-foot radius about you.
Walls are visible at the extreme east and west edges of this
circle. No ceiling is visible overhead.
%%
Your load is too heavy.  You will have to leave something behind.
%%
Your local police are armed and dangerous.
%%
Your long forgotten kindness to someone will bring a substantial sum of
money.
%%
Your long life will reflect the advantages of dying young.
%%
Your love life will be happy and harmonious.
%%
Your love life will be... interesting.
%%
Your loved ones will donate your corpse to science while you're still healthy.
%%
Your lover will never wish to leave you. He or she will want you to go away.
%%
Your lucky number is 511.  Play the lottery every day, because you have no
talents, and unless dumb luck makes you rich, people will continue to shun you.
%%
Your magical ability is that of an adept.
%%
Your mental health will be better if you have lots of fun outside of
that office.
		-- Dr. William Menninger
%%
Your mileage may vary.
%%
Your mind is on vacation and your thoughts are working overtime.
%%
Your mind's making promises your body can't keep.
%%
Your mode of life will be changed for the better
because of good news soon.
%%
Your mode of life will be changed for the better
because of new developments.
%%
Your mode of life will be changed to ASCII.
%%
Your mode of life will be changed to EBCDIC.
%%
Your money or your lifestyle
		-- Zippy the Pinhead
%%
Your mother codes in BASIC!
%%
Your mother wears army boots and
your father was MISS ARKANSAS last year.
%%
Your mothers ghost stands at your shoulder
Face like ice, a little bit colder
She says "You can't do that it breaks all the rules
You learned in school"
But I don't really see
Why can't we go on as three?
		-- Jefferson Airplane, "Triad"
%%
Your motives for doing whatever good deed you may have in mind
will be misinterpreted by somebody.
%%
Your mouth becomes numb, and everything seems to swirl around you.  The
effect quickly passes, and you find that your muscles have bulged
unbelievably.
%%
Your multiple personalities don't prevent you from being dull.
%%
Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it.
%%
Your next acquaintance will be the right one.
%%
Your nose twitches.
%%
Your object is to save the world,
while still leading a pleasant life.
%%
Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself.  Being
true to anyone else or anything else is not only impossible, but the mark
of a fake messiah.  The simplest questions are the most profound.  Where
were you born?	Where is your home?  Where are you going?  What are
you doing?  Think about these once in awhile and watch your answers change.
		-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
%%
Your opponent, determining discretion to be the better part of
valor, decides to terminate this little contretemps.  With a rueful
nod of his head, he steps backward into the gloom and disappears.
%%
Your own ability to rationalize your bad deeds makes you believe the
entire universe is as amoral as yourself.
%%
Your papers need more footnotes.
%%
Your parentheses always match.
%%
Your password is pitifully obvious.
%%
Your phone will ring.
%%
Your picture of the world often changes just before you get it into focus.
%%
Your place in the path of life is in the driver's seat.
%%
Your poem may be
Quite obscure
Or simple, bright
Or solemn.
But see that you're
Absolutely sure
It will fit inthecolumn.
		-- Stan Davis, "The Wall Street Journal"
%%
Your powers will have to increase significantly before you are
able to cross water on foot.
%%
Your present plans will be successful. But you will be found out later.
%%
Your private parts look like a dead grub worm.
%%
Your program is sick!  Shoot it and put it out of its memory.
%%
Your programs need more comments.
%%
Your proposed victim suddenly recovers consciousness.
%%
Your purse feels lighter.
%%
Your reasoning powers are good, and you are a fairly good planner.
%%
Your refusal to acknowledge the dark side of humanity makes you prey
to that dark side.
%%
Your resistance is useless. We control the Ark.
		-- Noah (in Wirrn form), Ark in Space
%%
Your rich great-great aunt who lists you as her sole heir will live to
be 123.
%%
Your rich uncle will die, but will spell your name incorrectly.
%%
Your salary will be increased.
%%
Your save file is obsolete and cannot be restored.
%%
Your score puts you in Master adventurer class A.
%%
Your score qualifies you as a novice class adventurer.
%%
Your shoes are untied.
%%
Your sister swims out to meet troop ships.
%%
Your skin glows then fades.
%%
Your skin is like vinyl; the perfect companion.
%%
Your skin itches.
%%
Your slogan here.
%%
Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinement.
%%
Your squirrels don't know where you are tonight.
%%
Your stab misses the # by an inch.
%%
Your step will soil many countries.
%%
Your stroke lands, but it was only the flat of the blade.
%%
Your supervisor is thinking about you.
%%
Your swing misses the # by an inch.
%%
Your sword crashes down, knocking the # into dreamland.
%%
Your sword is glowing with a faint blue glow.
%%
Your sword is no longer glowing.
%%
Your sword pinks the # on the wrist, but it's not serious.
%%
Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
%%
Your talents will be recognized. You will be sought out by the x-rated movie
industry.
%%
Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising
manner.
%%
Your test tube wears combat boots!
%%
Your throat may be closer than it seems.
%%
Your toes itch!
%%
Your toes stop itching.
%%
Your torch has been extinguished.
%%
Your torch is now lit.
%%
Your train of thought makes all the stops.
%%
Your vehicle refuses to go that direction.
%%
Your view of everything disintegrates rapidly due to the effect of the
transporter beam.
%%
Your wallet is in your other suit.
%%
Your way is blocked by an invisible force.
%%
Your weapon is welded to your hand!
%%
Your weapon looks duller now.
%%
Your weapon seems sharper now.
%%
Your wig steers the gig.
		-- Lord Buckley
%%
Your winsome smile will be your sure protection.
%%
Your wise men don't know how it feels
To be thick as a brick.
%%
Your world is a miserable, doomed place.
%%
Your worship is your furnaces
which, like old idols, lost obscenes,
have molten bowels; your vision is
machines for making more machines.
		-- Gordon Bottomley (1874)
%%
Yours is not to reason why,
Just to Sail Away.
And when you find you have to throw
Your Legacy away;
Remember life as was it is,
And is as it were;
Chasing sounds across the galaxy
'Till silence is but a blur.
		-- QYX.
%%
Yousa!	Yousa!	Yousa!
%%
Youth -- not a time of life but a state of mind... a predominance of
courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over the love of ease.
		-- Robert Francis Kennedy (1925-1968)
%%
Youth had been a habit of hers so long that she could not part with it.
%%
Youth in Asia
%%
Youth is a period of missed opportunities.
		-- Cyril Connolly, "Journal and Memoir" 1983
%%
Youth is the trustee of posterity.
%%
Youth.	It's a wonder that anyone ever outgrows it.
%%
Youthful Folly has success.
It is not I who seek the young fool;
The young fool seeks me.
At the first oracle I inform him.
If he asks two or three times, it is importunity.
If he importunes, I give him no information.
Perseverance furthers.
%%
Yow!  I'm having a quadrophonic sensation of two winos
alone in a steel mill!
%%
Yow! Am I logged in yet?
%%
Yugoslavian ceasefire:
   Unit of time, roughly equal to the time it take to reload a gun.
%%
Yuppie Wannabes:
	An X Generation subgroup that believes the myth of a yuppie
life-style being both satisfying and viable. Tend to be highly in
debt, involved in some form of substance abuse, and show a willingness
to talk about Armageddon after three drinks.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Yuppie pregnant women don't go into labor, they go straight into management.
		-- Fred Reuss
%%
Yuppie version of Twinkle Twinkle Little star:

   Scintillate, scintillate, globule orific
   How I conjecture your nature specific
   Way above in the ethereal stratosphere
   Like a giant gem carbonaceous.

   When torrid Phoebus refuses his presence
   And ceases to lamp with fierce incandescence
   Then you illumine the regions supernal
   Scintillate, scintillate, semper nocturnal.

   Then the victim of hospiceless peregrination
   Gratefully hails your minute coruscation
   He could not determine his journey's direction
   But for your bright scintillating protection.
		-- Gyles Brandreth, "The Joy of Lex"
%%
Yuri Gagarin

The wing clippers at work again
Oh Daedalus Do they not torment you?
Flourishing youth overflowing the sky
Now plummets as a stone
And your golden craft revealed
As but a fragile dream
To the workshops and the nurseries!
Construct us another charioteer
A fresh young face
A bright eyed seeker
Let the mould be firm set
Strain your technique artificers!
We'll have no more of these fallen heroes
Magician!   Inform the crystal spheres
To mute their close knit harmonies
For here's a lusty child come
To shout your fame
		    27 March 1968
%%
ZABEL'S POLITICAL OBSERVATION:
While the people try to determine what the candidate stands for,
he candidate tries to determine what the people will stand for
%%
ZADRA'S LAW OF BIOMECHANICS:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach and
directly proportional the social impropriety of scratching that area.
%%
ZEAL:
	Quality seen in new graduates -- if you're quick.
%%
Zall's Laws:
	(1) Any time you get a mouthful of hot soup, the
		next thing you do will be wrong.
	(2) How long a minute is, depends on which side of the
		bathroom door you're on.
%%
Zapping a wand of Nothing Happens doesn't harm you a bit.
%%
Zee plane! Zee plane!
%%
Zen Buddhists do it because they don't want to do it
	because they want to do it.
%%
Zen T-Shirt: Enlightenment Available - Enquire Within
%%
Zen: the sound of the ax chopping. Chopping logic.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Zero defects: The result of shutting down a production line.
		-- Kelvin Throop III, "The Management Dictionary"
%%
Zero raised to the nth power remains zero.
		-- Pop Baslim
%%
Zeus gave Leda the bird.
%%
Zilog Zeus Kernel -- Release 2.2 -- Generated 10/21/83 08:25:58
Copyright 1981 Zilog, Inc
%%
Zippermakers do it on the fly.
%%
Zisla's Law:
	If you're asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants.
%%
Zoo:  An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
		-- Evan Esar
%%
Zoom!
%%
Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving System Dynamics:
    Once you open a can of worms, the only way to re-can them is to use a
    larger can.
%%
Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor:
	People are always available for work in the past tense.
Sorry, no obscene fortunes.  Don't want to offend anyone.
(Now that's obscene!)
%%
Zymurgy,s Seventh Exception to Murphy's Laws:
	When it rains it pours.
%%
[7/16/89] I've had no indication from home, nor have we picked up any
here that they felt that the US economy was going to move towards a
recession.  [10/4/91] The economy is moving in the right direction.
 [10/25/91] I don't want to buy into the predicate about [the US being
in] another recession.	I don't feel that way.	[10/31/91] The
economy's turned the corner, headed for recovery.  [11/8/91] I'm not
prepared to say we are in a recession.	[1/4/92] It will not be a deep
recession.  [1/15/92] Look, this economy is in free fall.
		-- President George Bush
%%
[A liberal is] one who has both feet firmly planted in the air.
%%
[Alcoholic beverages] sloweth age, it strengtheneth youth, it helpeth
digestion, it abandoneth melancholie, it reliseth the heart, it
lighteneth the mind, it quickeneth the spirits, it keepeth and
preserveth the head from whirling, the eyes from dazzling, the tongue
from lisping, the mouth from snaffling, the teeth from chattering, and
the throat from rattling; it keepeth the stomach from wambling, the
heart from swelling, the hands from shivering, the sinews from
shrinking, the veins from crumbling, the bones from aching, and the
marrow from soaking.
		-- Anon. (13th Century)
%%
[Astrology is] 100 percent hokum, Ted.	As a matter of fact, the first edition
of the Encyclopedia Britannica, written in 1771 -- 1771! -- said that this
belief system is a subject long ago ridiculed and reviled.  We're dealing with
beliefs that go back to the ancient Babylonians.  There's nothing there....
It sounds a lot like science, it sounds like astronomy.  It's got technical
terms.	It's got jargon.  It confuses the public....The astrologer is quite
glib, confuses the public, uses terms which come from science, come from
metaphysics, come from a host of fields, but they really mean nothing.	The
fact is that astrological beliefs go back at least 2,500 years.  Now that
should be a sufficiently long time for astrologers to prove their case.  They
have not proved their case....It's just simply gibberish.  The fact is, there's
no theory for it, there are no observational data for it.  It's been tested
and tested over the centuries.	Nobody's ever found any validity to it at
all.  It is not even close to a science.  A science has to be repeatable, it
has to have a logical foundation, and it has to be potentially vulnerable --
you test it.  And in that astrology is really quite something else.
		-- Astronomer Richard Berendzen, President,
		   American University, on ABC News "Nightline," May 3, 1988
%%
[Background: Queensland, Australia is a major sugar-cane producing area,
	     which imported *large* toads to control insects (?) in the
	     cane fields.  The toads multiplied (of course), and became
	     pests themselves, preferring to sit in the roads at night
	     where they can be conveniently squished by passing
	     motorists.]
Why did the Queensland cane toad cross the road?
He wanted to see his flatmates...
(Further b.g.: "flat" = squished/apartment, "mates" = friends)
%%
[Bush] so loves the Constitution that he overflows with ideas for
improving it.
		-- Conservative columnist George F. Will
%%
[Bush] wants to know why can't he have initiatives to present to the
public.
		-- A GOP strategist, 1992
%%
[DISCLAIMER:  my fingers are epileptic]
%%
[FORTRAN] will persist for some time --
probably for at least the next decade.
		-- T. Cheatham
%%
[Freedom is] the power to live as you will.  Who then lives as he wills?
		-- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
[From Prince Ra-Man's predictions for 1987]
3/29/86:  Marvel continues to prove that the New Universe
is more true-to-life, bu canceling three of the
titles -- just as would happen to *real* comic
books that are incredibly bad.
4/2/86:   Rebounding from the demise of the three New
Universe titles, Marvel announces that they will
be replaced by three new mini-series set to run in
the second half of the year: X-Men vs. the G.I.
Joes, X-Men vs. the Ewoks, and X-Men vs. Jarvis
the Butler.
		-- R. A. Jones
%%
[He is] one of those persons who would be enormously improved by death.
		-- H. H. Munro
%%
[I promise to] mount a comprehensive effort to reduce the cost of
health care in America.
		-- George Bush, campaigning in 1988.  In February 1990
		   he said: ``The best prescription for better health
		   in America is a strong, daily dose of personal
		   responsibility.''
%%
[I will] fix [the S&L debacle] and fix it once and for all.
		-- President George Bush, June 1989. As of March
		   1990, the S&L's were losing $3 million per hour
%%
[I would] hate to see aeroplanes come into common commercial use, since
they merely add to the useless speeding up of an already overspeeded
life.
		-- H. P. Lovecraft
%%
[It would be safer] never to participate in anything in the future
without consulting the American Legion or your local Chamber of
Commerce.
		-- Martin Dies (1900-?)
%%
[It] would have taken hours to be fair and we're not employed
to do that sort of thing.
		-- KMP (out of context)
%%
[Lester Maddox talking to Prime Minister Botha of South Africa]
"Lemme show ya the odds, Sparky... In yer country,
ya got 14 million black people, and 3 million white people.
Now, does the name `Custer' mean anything to you?"
		-- Robin Williams
%%
[Man's fate] contains the root and the sum of all creation's drive, and
this it is that makes it so entrancing, exhilarating and perilous. And
such is Man: he would rather balance on the tightrope of his own creation,
razor-thin and sagging in the middle, over the abysmal valley of his own
folly, than walk in safety starting meadowlarks. It is in danger and in
the times that most try his soul that he flourishes.
		-- William Ready
%%
[Maturity consists in the discovery that] there comes a critical moment where
everything is reversed, after which the point becomes to understand more and
more that there is something which cannot be understood.
		-- Soren Kierkegaard
%%
[May 1988] I was out of the loop.  [August 1988] I'm in on everything.
If our policies aren't working, I can't say `Wait a minute, I'm not to
blame' ... I feel I'm a full partner.
		-- George Bush, on Iran-contra
%%
[Mere corroborative padding intended to give artistic verisimilitude to an
otherwise bald and unconvincing fortune cookie.]
%%
[Message of incredible warmth and support that makes your day.]
%%
[On an operative report, the surgical assistants]: In the left corner we
have Billy, in the center puttering around with her little paws is
Molly, and dancing around to my right is Daisy, and this is yours truly.
%%
[Pornography] causes premarital intercourse, perversion, masturbation in
boys, wantonness in girls... Attention is given to sensationalists such
as Kinsey and Eberhard... who, finding fellow travelers in erstwhile
respectable media, manage to disseminate, directly and indirectly,
their absurd and dirty bleatings and pagan ideas.  It seems strange to
me that we credit -- I should say that our mass media credit -- the
unestablished generalities of a few so-called experts, but ignore the
overwhelming testimony of the true experts like J. Edgar Hoover.
		-- Charles H. Keating, Jr., former anti-porn activist,
		   the financier behind the Lincoln Savings and Loan scandal
		   (his anti-porn organization got in trouble in 1962 (!)
		   for spending over 90% of the funds they raised)
%%
[Prime Minister Joseph] Chamberlain loves the working man -- he loves
to see him work.
		-- Sir Winston S. Churchill
%%
[Prime Minister MacDonald] has the gift of compressing
the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thought.
		-- Sir Winston S. Churchill
%%
[Puzzling remark, which bothers you for days.]
%%
[Quick note for those following Bloom County: "Hands up Spock!" "I'm
illogical, I'm illogical!  I *LOVE* Pat Robertson!"]
%%
[Remark by Clive James on `Start the Week' this morning]

Rupert Murdoch thinks an independent editor is one who says `Yes!' without
being prompted.
%%
[Saddam Hussein is] Hitler revisited... worse than Hitler.
		-- President George Bush. When challenged on the
		   analogy, he said: ``I didn't say the Holocaust. I
		   mean, that is outrageous.''
%%
[Sir Stafford Cripps] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the
vices I admire.
		-- Sir Winston S. Churchill
%%
[Smoking is] a custom loathsome to the eye, hateful to the nose, harmful
to the brain, dangerous to the lungs, and in the black, stinking fume
thereof, nearest resembling the horrible Stygian smoke of the pit that
is bottomless.
		-- James I (1566-1625)
%%
[Sung to Billy Joel's "The Longest Time"]
      When I next return from time and space
      I might have a somewhat different face
      Don't start debating
      I've been off regenerating
      That only happens
      For a Lord of Time.
		-- Peter David
%%
[Sung to the tune of The Flintstones Theme]

   "Team-sters, we're the Team-sters,
    We're just one happy family!
    Gambino and Celerno...
    Make that two happy families!

    'Nolo contendre', that's our Teamsters song!
    Cops and Robbers -- we play it all day long!

    Teamsters, love the Teamsters!
    Support us if you please,
    Or else we'll break your knees,
    Have you hugged a Teamster today?"
		-- Mark Russell
%%
[The French Riviera is] a sunny place for shady people.
		-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)
%%
[The facts about beauty are known,
And well-learned by those who are grown:
	Beauty is thin,
	It lies on the skin,
But ugly goes down to the bone.]
%%
[The members of the Chamberlain government] are decided only to be
undecided, resolved to be irresolute, adamant for drift, all-powerful
for impotency.
		-- Sir Winston S. Churchill
%%
[Unbelievably gross and offensive expletive deleted]
%%
[Washington, D.C.] is the home of ... taste for the people --
the big, the bland and the banal.
		-- Ada Louise Huxtable
%%
[We're] running around like chickens with their heads cut off.
		-- An aide to President George Bush, March 1992
%%
[We] use bad software and bad machines for the wrong things.
		-- R. W. Hamming
%%
[Wisdom] is a tree of life to those laying
hold of her, making happy each one holding her fast.
		-- Proverbs 3:18 [NSV]
%%
[say "What's this ???" while you hold your palm up to your mouth
and make biting gestures]
... Jesus biting his nails ....
%%
[sung to "The Ballad of the Green Berets"]
Fighting soldier In Vietnam,
The perfect son To any Mom,
He's one part man, One part machine,
He's Ollie North, The Mute Marine.
[...]
He traded arms With Iran
For hostages -- What a great plan!
The chances for Success were zero;
Yet he's still A national hero.
[...]
He'd like to talk But cannot speak,
His will is strong, His case is weak;
We may never know Just what he's seen:
The man they call, The Mute Marine.
		-- Saturday Night Live
%%
[talking about building a seven-day disappearer ....]  "Yes, said
 Willy McGilly.  Who would've thought you could do it with a beer can
 and two pieces of cardboard?  When I was a boy, I used an oatmeal
 box and a red crayola."
		-- Raphael Aloysius Lafferty, from
		   "Seven-Day Terror", in '900 Grandmothers'
%%
\f\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n		   Now look what you've done..you broke it!\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
%%
____________   ____/--\____
\______  ___) (   _    ____)	 "Damn it Jim!,
     __| |____/  / `--'    I'm a bartender not a Doctor!"
     )		 `|=(-
     \------------'
%%
________________________________________________________________
| 1  0	 0	   GREAT UNDERGROUND EMPIRE	      1  0   0	|
| 1 0 0 0 0					      1 0 0 0 0 |
| 1 0 0 0 0					      1 0 0 0 0 |
| 1  0	 0		    DIMWIT		      1  0   0	|
|		       |||||||||||||||| 		|
|		       ||   __	__   ||      B30332744D 	|
|		       ||  -OO	OO-  || 		|
|	IN FROBS       \||    >>    ||/       WE TRUST		|
|			||  ______  ||				|
|      B30332744D	 |  ------  |				|
|			 \\________//				|
| 1  0	 0    Series	   FLATHEAD	LD Flathead   1  0   0	|
| 1 0 0 0 0   719GUE			 Treasurer    1 0 0 0 0 |
| 1 0 0 0 0					      1 0 0 0 0 |
| 1  0	 0	  One Hundred Royal Zorkmids	      1  0   0	|
|_______________________________________________________________|
%%
`And to the liberty for which it stands, one nation, under God, with
freedom and justice for all.'  And let's never forget it.
		-- George Bush, mangling the Pledge of Allegiance
%%
`As leader, you should never forget those who are loyal
to you.  You should hold parties for them regularly
and have lots of whiskey (free) for them.  That way, they
get drunk and reveal themselves as the disloyal vermin they
all are in reality.'
		-- Cerebus "On Governing"
%%
`Bad men have no songs'. - How is it the Russians have songs?
(Could be Ronnie's theme...)
%%
`Launch on warning' means never having to say you're sorry.
%%
`My trip? It was vile. Balaclava
I loathed.  Etna was crawling with lava.
	The ship was all white
	But it creaked in the night,
And the band, they did not know la java."
		-- Edward Gorey
%%
``Better to live with the occasional vagaries of digital pseudonyms than to
ban them.''
		-- T.C.May, cofounder, Cypherpunks
%%
``I'm not going anywhere. I like it here.''
		-- Snake #7
%%
``In a false quarrel there is no true valour.''
		-- Shakespeare
%%
``Propaganda is to democracy what violence is to totalitarianism.''
		-- N. Chomsky
%%
``That which can never be enforced should not be prohibited. The claim that a
person should have only one pseudonym per forum indicates profound
misunderstanding.  If someone wants to have multiple ... pseudonyms, they will
be able to; that is one of the main goals of cypherpunks software.  The
situations you despise will occur.  This is reality.  Change your own
psychology or change your own software.  You will not be able to change the
other person.''
		-- E.Hughes, cofounder, Cypherpunks
%%
``They should open the ground and throw them in,'' she said. ``They should put
  them in a pit and let them rot.'' ``Putting them in jail would be too easy,''
  she added. ``They could eat and enjoy life.''
	Tedillo said she paid to have her 13-year-old Chihuahua, ``Poopsie,''
individually cremated and his ashes returned to her.  ``I received the ashes,
but you can imagine whose they might be,'' she said.
		-- Pet Owner Rose Tedillo, quoted in UPI article
		   "Enraged pet owners curse cemetery owners", 7/9/91
%%
a blast from the past
%%
a blunt instrument
%%
a boon to the world
%%
a boring but secure job
%%
a cash machine
%%
a couple of homeboys
%%
a crime punishable by death
%%
a daring juxtaposition of natural forms
%%
a dark tunnel of fear
%%
a date with elvis
%%
a fine pilsner
%%
a fortune in radioactive scrap
%%
a great curve
%%
a higher yet lower reality
%%
a killing machine
%%
a large consulting fee
%%
a lavish buffet
%%
a level 25 player casts like crazy!
%%
a major blow
%%
a martyr to fashion
%%
a minimalist homeboy
%%
a misguided tour
%%
a motley crue
%%
a natural rock formation
%%
a new direction
%%
a new way
%%
a pair of size 9 capri pants
%%
a patio of fun
%%
a perennial favorite
%%
a popular swimsuit
%%
a positive boon
%%
a quick learner
%%
a rebel against everything
%%
a repo man seeks them out
%%
a rich man's folly
%%
a romance of many dimensions
%%
a scary alarm clock
%%
a sea of rotting sunshine
%%
a self-perpetuating fascist state that will last to the end of humanity
%%
a serious sight
%%
a smoking hip hop go go rock 'n' roll jam
%%
a standardized UNIX will be a broken UNIX.
		-- jason downs  downsj@csos.orst.edu
%%
a sudden force
%%
a taste of mischief
%%
a toy theatre
%%
a triumph of technology
%%
a virtual monopoly
%%
a whole new lifestyle
%%
a wicked good time
%%
above the bar and ends in a hand grip.	The pole is positioned above
the stone channel in the floor.
The pole at the center of the bar extends from the ceiling
through the bar to the circular area in the stone channel.  The
bottom end of this pole has a T-bar a bit less than two feet long
attached to it.  On the T-bar is carved an arrow.  The arrow and
T-bar are pointing #.
%%
acausal connection
%%
accepted symbols
%%
accident
%%
accidents never happen
%%
achieve time control
%%
across the abyss
%%
action packed
%%
adding up column after column of meaningless numbers
%%
adventures in the mire
%%
afro-psychedelic-latin
%%
afterburp
(ah-ftur-berp) n.: residual, highly acidic taste persisting in the mouth
following a bout of either regurgitation or "yurk"ing (which See)
%%
afternoon delight
%%
agnostic front
%%
ain't no thang
%%
ain't superstitious
%%
ain't that love
%%
ain't that peculiar
%%
ain't this the life
%%
albino slug
%%
all hail to thee
%%
all have names containing seven letters
%%
all i want is the truth
%%
all new adventures
%%
all the answers
%%
ally wacko
%%
alps: cries for assistance, most commonly heard in alpine areas of great
britain.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
although totally blind
%%
always open
%%
always walks backwards
%%
am i having fun
%%
am i physically here
%%
am i re-elected yet
%%
amaze your friends
%%
america the beautiful
%%
american farmboy
%%
american waste
%%
amid the desolation, you spot what appears to be your head,
tastefully impaled on the end of a long pole.
%%
an amusing trifle
%%
an atomic beast
%%
an explosion of percussion
%%
an inherently bogus religion
%%
an inherently contradictory religion that will condone megadegeneracy
%%
an ontological statement utilizing minimal ideograms
%%
anarchy burger
%%
anchors away
%%
and being for the moment sated, throws it back.  Fortunately, the
troll has poor control, and the knife falls on the floor.  He does
not look pleased.
%%
and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
and i'm your tour guide
%%
and let's meet her new opponent
%%
and no one else wanted to play
%%
and no trace of him was ever found
%%
and not having the most discriminating tastes, gleefully eats it.
%%
and now, the premptory visual one: Hold your index fingers to your
temples and make a low humming sound....
%%
and refused to leave the spot
%%
and the fire will rain down from the sky
%%
and the temperature's starting to drop now
%%
and there's a reason
%%
and this too shall come to pass
%%
angry red planet
%%
annnywaaay. bullets don't kill people, guns don't either,
the mafia does.
%%
another generation
%%
another state of mind
%%
anti scrunti faction
%%
antisesquipedalial - opposed to the use of large words
%%
anything anything
%%
apocalypse now
%%
apocolyptionomy
%%
apostrophy:  when your apostrophe atrophies.
		-- David Bedno, drseuss@gorn.santa-cruz.CA.US
%%
appeared in an inverted position in the sky
%%
apply to infested area
%%
appointed to be read in churches
%%
are Vampires afraid of something?
%%
are alien space monsters bringing a startling new world
%%
are you a virgin?
not yet.
%%
are you abnormal?
%%
are you stoned or juck naturally wacko
%%
armed citizens
%%
artificial climbing: knack of appearing to climb by talking about it. this
technique is best employed far from actual climbing areas, which tend to be
hazardous. small taverns and pizza parlours with an impressionable clientele
are excellent sites for artificial climbing.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
aryan disgrace
%%
as real as in the museum
%%
ascend: the part of a mountaineer opposite that on which the head is located.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
assorted colors
%%
at my job
%%
at the mere sight of milk or cheese
%%
at the movies
%%
attack from behind
%%
attacked by rats
%%
available everywhere
%%
avert the rupture of the equilibrium
%%
avoid opening doors.  you never know whats on the other side.
%%
back in Palo
       Alto!"

       G.b.t.c. looked him straight in the eye and said, "You're
       *in* Palo Alto!"

       JONL turned slowly around, and saw the three of us collapse in a
       fit of giggles.	He clapped a hand to his forehead and exclaimed,
       "I've been hacked!"
%%
backups: always in season, never out of style.
%%
bad block
%%
balling up: (1) transforming crampons into short skis. (2) fun and games at
increasingly higher altitudes. both are possible at the same time, but
difficult.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
bar-tacking: sideways veering when approaching or leaving a mountain tavern.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
barometer: scientific instrument used to locate mountain taverns. see brake bar.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
base address n.
	 Low-rent accommodation of the kind frequented by operators,
application programmers, and other no-collar workers. Even
cheaper accommodation is possible - a relative address - if
you have an aunt or an uncle living in the area.
%%
bashie: climber who pendulums out of control.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
be sure to pay your taxes
%%
bearing, true: opposite of bearing, false.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
beware of the gusher!
%%
binding: discomfort caused by tight undergarments.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
blaze: unexpected result of overpriming a white gas stove.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
blkdev devtab IO err in swap
%%
blood: substance commonly used to mark a climbing route.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
bong: sound made by a climber at the conclusion of a fall.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
boogeroid
(booh-gur-oyd) n.: clot of nasal mucous so substantial it must be
brought down the back stairs and made to exit via the mouth
%%
boot-ax belay: highly developed technique for ruining an ice ax, destroying a
rope, and shortening a climbing day.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
boulder: place close to the ground to practice falling. when climbers aren't
climbing, they like to sharpen their skills by bouldering on large rocks
located in places frequented by impressionable tourists. because bouldering
is done without protection, the rule is never to climb higher than you'd
like to fall. that is why so many climbers stand around discussing boulder
problems instead of climbing them.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
boycott - a bed for a young male person
%%
brain damage (core dumped) (mos dumped) (everything dumped)
%%
brain damage (mos dumped)
%%
brake bar: tavern near a climbing area where everyone stops after a hard day
climbing. see barometer.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
bubble memory n.
	 A storage device developed by South Sea Memory Products Inc.
The chief advantage of bubbles over floppies is that they cannot be folded
by the mailman. Whether bubbles will ever replace the hard disk (which is
also beyond the bending power of most postal workers) depends on the
relative strength of the semiconductor and metallurgical lobbies.
%%
bucket - alternate nomenclature for female deer
%%
buffers avail mem = bytes
%%
bugaboos: inordinate fear of mountain insects.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
bumgulp
(buhm-guhlp) v.: to repress, by reabsorption, a passage of gas.
Compare: "yurk"
%%
bundled adj.
	[From the verb bundle "to throw together in haphazard fashion."]
Of or relating to an arbitrary collection of software items
offered as seen, without charge or warranty, to certain
prospects in a competitive environment.
	Of interest to sociolinguists is the fact that the dp
usage of bundled was triggered by the prior introduction of the
antonym "unbundled" by IBM the previous day.
See Unbundling.
%%
buttress: outer garment specially designed for a woman with a large posterior.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
by the way, both this book and its predecessor are wonderful creations.
I recommend them highly (for people that like this sort of thing).
		-- Ken Balakrishnan
%%
byte off
%%
cache: (1) pocket money. (2) frozen assets.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
can't unlink suspend file.
%%
carabiner: oversized safety pin to hold up a diaper seat.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
ce (remember, these were official military
   types who were purportedly on official business), swiped some IBM
   stationery, and created a fake patch.  The patch was actually the
   trapdoor they needed.  The patch was distributed at about the right
   time for an IBM patch, had official stationery and all accompanying
   documentation, and was dutifully installed.	The installation
   manager very shortly thereafter learned something about proper
   procedures.
%%
chemistry professors don't die,
they just fail to react!
%%
chemists do it periodically on table
%%
clean climber: climber who doesn't smoke or consume hard liquor, and
who changes undergarments daily.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
cold front: acute discomfort caused by an unzipped trouser fly.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
command the universe.
		-- Selma Fraiberg, "The Magic Years", pg. 107
%%
communication: following are the terms most employed:

          command                                        meaning
(climber) "on belay"         "do i tie in with an overhand knot or a clove
			      hitch"
(belayer) "belay on"         "i'm not ready yet"
(climber) "climbing"         "i'm having second thoughts about this"
(belayer) "climb on"         "i'm still not ready"
(climber) "slack"            "what do you think i am, a eunuch?"
(belayer) "slack"            "did he say tension?"
(climber) "don't give me no slack!"  "falling"
(belayer) "what?"            "did he say more slack?"
(climber) "tension"          "i'm climbing up the goddamn rope"
(either)  "shit"             "shit"
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
concourse - a golf course located in a penetentary
%%
concrete - to swindle a resident of Crete
%%
control of the pesty spirits is most helpful
%%
control-Q: vi. "Resume."  From the ASCII XON character used to
   undo a previous control-S (in fact it is also pronounced
   XON /X-on/).
%%
convict the bookstore owner, and vote for the death penalty just to make
sure nobody gets the wrong impression.
		-- Dave Barry, "Pornography"
%%
cookie: not found
%%
cornice: snow waiting for a climber to step on it before becoming an avalanche.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
counterpart - subassemblies or pieces of an article of kitchen furniture
%%
curses! may you be forced to grep the termcap of an unclean yacc while a herd
of wild rogue emacs fsck your troff and vgrind your pathalias!
%%
d [On phone to the x-ray technician]: I'm sending over a hand.	Maybe an
arm will come later.  Maybe a body will come with it.
%%
d cabin
------- = log cabin
 cabin
%%
de5@ornl.gov (Dave Sill) writes:
> I don't mind open debate on theological issues, but it's quite rude to come
> into my church ranting and raving and trying to convert me.

dylan@ibmpcug.co.uk (Matthew Farwell) writes:
> Why? Are you so insecure in your beliefs that you are frightened of vi users?

Hey, vi fanatics make the best converts.  They're already hooked on religion,
but, with respect to their first gods, they did not choose... wisely.  We have
ways of fixing that.
		-- gaynor@romulus.rutgers.edu, from alt.religion.emacs
%%
dead fish in trees
water rising
   above tree tops
   flooding the levee
fish carried
   by jubilant waves
   into waiting limbs
Are these cruel branches
the same that nurture spring?
%%
deadman: climber (male) who forgets to knot either end of a rappel rope.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
dexterity allows you to carry more
%%
diaper seat: article of climbing used by novices who are still learning
self-control.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
did someone put itching powder in your armor?
%%
did you hear about the guy who died from snorting saccharine?
yeah, he thought it was diet coke.
%%
difficulty affects regeneration
%%
disney, diz'nee, v.t.
	to queue excessively for a very short ride
	[prob S.E. & S.W. U.S.]
%%
don't fall into a bottomless pit
%%
don't pry into the affairs of others
%%
don't worry . . . be happy

should it happen your programs fail
do you need to fret or wail

don't worry . . . be happy

updates didn't load last night
pretty soon we'll make it right

don't worry . . . be happy

when your process takes too long
take a minute and sing this song

don't worry . . . be happy

you don't have to sit and stare
you don't have to pull your hair

don't worry . . . be happy

is it bound by cpu or by IO
we'll check it out to find it so

don't worry . . . be happy
don't worry . be happy, now

with computers we expect some trouble
worrying only makes it double

don't worry . . . be happy

just because the disk drive broke
doesn't mean you have a stroke

don't worry . . . be happy

sometimes the systems go down
you know it'll come around

don't worry . . . be happy
don't worry . be happy, now
just call me, I'll make you happy

to every month must come an end
ad-hoc query can be your friend

don't worry . . . be happy

even when its end of quarter
doesn't mean jobs will falter

don't worry . . . be happy

and whenever its end of year
of the systems we need not fear

don't worry . . . be happy
%%
dos thou strive for perfection?
%%
down-chuck
(downn tsh-uhk) v.: to re-ingest vomit at the last possible moment.
Compare: "bumgulp"
%%
drinking can be hazardous to your health
%%
drive type not configured
%%
e-credibility: the non-guaranteeable likelihood that the electronic data
you're seeing is genuine rather than somebody's made-up crap.
		-- Karl Lehenbauer, karl@hackercorp.com
%%
eHpl ! Imat arppdei sndi eht eDP-P11
%%
eHpl ! Imat arppdei sndi eht eED-C20
%%
eggs derelict
(ehgz dare-a-licked) n.: a plate of unfinished breakfast that has been
used as an ashtray
%%
egrep -n '^[a-z].*\(' $ | sort -t':' +2.0
%%
egrep patterns are full regular expressions; it uses a fast
deterministic algorithm that sometimes needs exponential space.
		-- unix manuals
%%
el capitan: expedition leader in a spanish speaking country.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
encrypt - where Egyptian kings are buried
%%
energy rings affect spell regeneration
%%
error  Error ERROR ERROR      ERROR	      must  analyze  must analyze
%%
error correction count =
%%
essentials: everything you left at home.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
expedition: highly organized way to spend a great deal of money in a
relatively short period of time. the best are those in which your time and
someone else's money are involved.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
exposure: result of answering the call of nature during a climb.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
fall: good time of year for climbing.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
falling barometer: barometer that has slipped out of a pocket when climbing.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
fcore proc on q
%%
federation - having given a ration of food to someone
%%
feeling extremely silly, one might hypothesize an analogous `ANSI
standard cup of tea' and wind up with a political situation
distressingly similar to several that arise in much more serious
technical contexts.  Milk and lemon don't mix very well.
%%
final moving scenes of
 the film, HIROSHIMA, MON
 AMOUR."
			  "Our apologies to the
			   entire film industry, as
			   well as our listening
			   audience. We are *very*
			   sorry."
"Sorry."
		-- Duck's Breath Homemade Radio
%%
final pitch: act of throwing down a rope without securing one of the ends.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
flake: weird, erratic climber.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
fluke, snow: unexpected happening on a glacier.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
foot jam: offensive accumulation between the toes, caused by wearing the same
socks for several days.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!!
%%
for Grace

I'm sorry to see she's not there
The lights are off
I know because I check this time each night
So I can see if I can talk to her tonight

I like to talk to her because
She's not like the others who say
hihowareyoudoing as they walk away
She says Hi.  How are you doing?
How can so many people miss such an important difference?

And why are her lights out now when I need to say
I'm not doing well at all?
		-- Tom Travis, 10/28/88
%%
for programmers to write programs in
    English, and you will find that programmers cannot write
    in English.
		-- SIGPLAN Notices, Vol 2 No 2
%%
fortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place.
		-- IEEE Grid newsmagazine
%%
fortune: No such file or directory
%%
fortune: cannot execute.  Out of cookies.
%%
fortune: error: All your files and directories have been deleted.
%%
fortune: not found
%%
founder - what the police did to a lost female
%%
free climb: climb done without expensive equipment. there are cheap thrills,
too.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
friction: what often develops among members of an expedition.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
from The New Yorker, Jan. 15, 1990

		CLEAR DAYS ON THE I.R.S. SCENE
    [From Publication 590, Individual Retirement Accounts (IRAs)]

		If your life expectancy or that of your spouse, is
	refigured annually and either of you dies, the remaining
	life expectancy of the one who died is reduced to zero in
	the year after death.
%%
front points: forwardmost extremities of a female climber on a chilly morning.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
goddamn these haikus
I'm so sick of seeing them
when will it all end?
		-- Curtis Galloway (curtisg@sco.COM)
%%
goose down: a way to get a slow climber to descend quickly.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
gorp: mealtime sound made by a hungry alpinist.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
graven - a very serious `n'
%%
greetings from mars
%%
gruesome - what farmer Brown did to corn last year
%%
hammers and brains don't mix
%%
handhold: what two climbers do during long bivouacs on narrow ledges.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
happy loving couples make it look so easy
happy loving couples always talk so kind
till the time that I can do my dancing with a partner
those happy couples ain't no friends of mine.
		-- Joe Jackson
%%
hard err on diskunit
%%
hardcore signature virus: "As a juror in a Trial by Jury, 
you have the right, power and duty to acquit the defendant 
if you judge the law itself to be unjust."
		-- John McPherson, mcpherso@macvax.ucsd.edu
%%
hardware bum
  makes the jump instruction faster."  Usage: now uncommon, largely
  superseded by v. {tune} (and n. {tweak}, {hack}), though
  none of these exactly capture sense 2.  All these uses are rare in
  Commonwealth hackish, because in the parent dialects of English
  `bum' is a rude synonym for `buttocks'.
%%
hardware: metal which when draped around the neck gives a musical
accompaniment to a climb and provides ballast to regulate a climber's ascent.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
heading: going to the latrine.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
headlamp: lantern left shining at night to mark a latrine.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
healing a mighty wizard can be exhilarating
%%
hero loop: aerial maneuver performed by a valiant climber.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
hip belay: belay by an unsquare climber.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
his is
   implied by sense 2.	4. A peripheral device.  "I bought my box
   without toasters, but since then I've added two boards and a second
   disk drive."
%%
hit point gain/loss when raising a level depends on constitution
%%
hoarfrost: icy stare given by a coldhearted woman of ill repute.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
hold: what you try to do when you wake at 4am after having overrehydrated
yourself.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
horn: malady brought on by being too long alone in the mountains.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
horticulture - a `lady of the night' en route to an opera
%%
how come Smokey the Bear and his wife never had any kids?
....`cause every time she'd get hot,
he'd hit her over the head with a shovel.
%%
how do you know if someone likes moosehead???????????

look for antler marks on their thighs!!!!!!
%%
hunt them down and kill them.
%%
i dont like capital letters

small letters down here where i can read
with curls and hooks and things
gracefully encourage my eye to trip along

BUT ALONG COME CAPITALS
in their serifed boots
tromping l'oeil
shouting me down

i like lowercase
it flows

in america, they capitalize things
that are Important
like Values, and VIPs
and Places of Significance
and most of all I

in spain, they capitalize You

So i will not majuscule
without a good reason.

when i feel like it

apostrophes go too
		-- mgq
%%
i got gum .. I GOT LICORICE .. i got chocolate .. I GOT AN APPLE
...... i got a rock
%%
ice screw: drastic cure for a severe case of horn.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
identify things before you use them
%%
if (rsfp = mypopen("/bin/mail root","w")) {	/* heh, heh */
		-- Larry Wall, lwall@jpl-devvax.jpl.nasa.gov
		   in perl.c from the perl source code
%%
igloo: (british) latrine for igs.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
implementation - a sorrowful statement by a very small person
%%
infatuate:  to put on weight.
%%
infinite regeneration ---> temptation
%%
information - how the Blue Angels fly
%%
instable - where horses sleep
%%
intent:  an "AT HOME" when you're on a camping trip.
%%
interlard - vt., to intersperse; diversify
		-- Webster's New World Dictionary
		   Of The American Language
%%
interrupt count =
%%
is it on? is it off? reply!
%%
is your nose to big, or did you just have a tetanus shot?
%%
jamming,nut: very painful way to climb.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
jasona@sugar.hackercorp.com (Jason Asbahr) writes:
> Really?  What about the price of supercomputers these days?
> (Or any day...)  What do we have that the NSA doesn't?

78 million IBM-PC clones?
		-- Peter da Silva, peter@taronga.hackercorp.com
%%
jihi sureba		if you are tender to them
  funwo suru nari	  the young sparrows
    suzume no ko	    will shit on you
		-- Issa (1763-1827)
%%
jock hitch
(hawk hitch) v.: to adjust the family jewels in public. "Those spotty
creeps on the corner jock hitch every time I walk by."
%%
knot: configuration often discovered in the middle of a rappel rope during a
rappel.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
known point: (navigation) figment of the imagination.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
landmark: visual pattern similar to a water mark, only dry.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
language is a virus from outer space
and hearing your name is better than
seeing your face.
		-- wm. burroughs, as paraphrased by laurie anderson
%%
late-60's variant: Why did the running-dog lackey of the bourgeoisie
throw the clock out the window?  Because it was a continual reminder of
the imminent doom of capitalism!  Oh, well, you had to be there...
%%
layback: what a climber looks forward to at the end of a day.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
ld a longer life be worthwhile if it had to be lived as
	prescribed ... without French-fried onion rings, pizza with
	double cheese, or the occasional Mai-Tai?  (Remember, living
	right doesn't really make you live longer, it just SEEMS like
	longer.)

That, and another piece of coffee cake, should do the trick.
%%
liberal = someone with liberal principles
conservative = someone with conservative principles
moderate = someone without any principles
%%
like If guns are outlawed,
the lawyer population will explode out of control.
%%
line of weakness: long involved explanation for not attempting a route.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
listen: there's a hell of a good universe next door;
		let's go.
		-- ee cummings (1894-1963)
%%
login:
%%
lsjdgfjdsf;lkjdsfkjsdkfjdfjaskdfkajdsfiwerfnv8enrfiwhcn78wnmfr83n8
Take that you alien tijunpolfz.
%%
lunge: skillful or desperate move, depending on who is doing it and why.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
man 1:	My doctor's a quack! My wife got treated for liver problems for
	20 years, and then she dies from a heart attack!
man 2:	My doctor's much better than that. If he treats you for liver
	problems, you can bet your last 50 cents you're going to die
	of liver problems.
%%
man who aim high get wall wet.
%%
mandate:  an appointment with a male.
%%
mashies: reconstituted freeze dried potatoes.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
matterhorn: trumpetlike musical instrument favored by swiss mountaineers.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
may a thousand denebian cock-biters nest in your room.
%%
may everything you eat taste like the rotted feces of <insert politician>.
%%
may that big purple pimple between your eyes turn out to be your life-force.
%%
may you accidently broadcast your life story to the NET.
%%
may you acquire a SEVERE headache everytime you get aroused.
%%
may you acquire a deep longing to listen to Venom (ugg).
%%
may you be a preppie and ENJOY it.
%%
may you die and be reborn as a mouse in a radioactive lab.
%%
may you program forever in basic, with no frills, on a TRS-80 model I.
%%
may you spend eternity pissing your bed.
%%
may your ass acquire tastebuds.
%%
may your eyes see like picasso on a bad day.
%%
may your favorite woman turn out to be a man.
%%
may your firstborn child turn out to be a bleeding heart liberal.
%%
may your hair constantly try to escape your skull, violently.
%%
may your hands decide they don't like you any more.
%%
may your jar of vaseline turn out to be crazy glue.
%%
may your knees be knobbier than mine.  :-)
%%
may your nose run faster than Ben Johnson.
%%
may your saliva turn out to be poisonous.
%%
may your stay in the afterlife be a warm one.
%%
may your toes grow 5 foot hairs that cannot be cut.
%%
meadow mine
(meh-dough myn) n. rural: cow pie so obviously old and solid as to
tempt one to step on it; beneath its tissue-thin crust lurks a
pudding of green putrescence
%%
melancholic:  caused by eating too much cantaloupe.
%%
methionylglutaminylarginyltyrosylglutamylserylluecylphenyialanylalanylglutamin-
ylleucyllysylglutamylarginyllysylglutamylglycylalanylphenylalanylvalylprolyl-
phenylalanylyalylthreonylleucylglycylaspartylprolylglycylisoleucylglutamylglu-
taminylserylleucyllysylisoleucylaspartylthreonylleucylisoleucylglutamylalanyl-
glycylalanylaspartylalanylleucylglutamylleucylglycylisoleucylprolyphenylalanyl-
serylaspartylprolylleucylalanylaspartylglycylprolylthreonylisoleucylglutaminyl-
asparaginylalanylthreonylleucylarginylalanylphenylalanylalanylalanylglycylva-
lythreonylprolyalanylglutaminylcysteinylphenylalanylglutamylmethionylleucyala-
nylleucylisoleucylarginylglutaminyllysylhistidylprolythreonylisoleucylprolyli-
soleucylglyclleucylleucylmethionyltyrosylalanylasparaginylleucylvalylphenylala-
nylasparaginyllysylglycylisoleucylaspartylglutamylphenylalanyltyrosylalanylglu-
taminylcysteinylglutamyllysylvalylglycylvalylaspartylserylvalylleucylvalylala-
nylaspartylvalylprolylvalylglutaminylglutamylserylalanylprolyphenylalanylargi-
nylglutaminylalanylalanylleucylarginylhistidylasparaginylvalylalanylprolyiso-
leucylphenylalanylisoleucylcysteinylprolylprolylaspartylalanylaspartylaspartyl-
aspartylleucylleucylarginylglutaminylisoleucylalanylseryltyrosylglycylarginyl-
glycyltyrosylthreonyltyrosylleucylleucylserylarginylalanylglycylvalylthreonyl-
gylcylalanylglutamylasparaginylarginyalanylalanylleucylprolylleucylaspartagi-
nylhistidylleucylvalylalanyllysylleucylysylglutamyltyrosylasparaginylalanylala-
nylprolylprolylleucylglutaminylglycylphenylalanylglycylisoleucylserylalanylpro-
lyaspartylglutaminylvalyllysylalanylalanylisoleucylaspartylalanylglycylalanyla-
lanylglycylalanylisoleucylserylglycylserylalanylisoleucylvalyllysylisoleucyli-
soleucylglutamylglutaminylhistidylasparaginylisoleucylglutamylprolyglutamylly-
sylmethionylleucylalanylalanylleucyllysylvalylphenylalanylvalyglutaminylproly-
methionyllysylalanylalanylthreonylarginylserine, n.:
	The chemical name for tryptophan synthetase A protien, a
1,913-letter enzyme with 267 amino acids.
		-- Mrs. Bryne's Dictionary of Unusual, Obscure, and
		   Preposterous Words
%%
me
--

woke up in the darkness
  got myself dressed
  and stumbled to the car
drove myself to Mcdonalds for breakfast
but it was getting too light to see the stars

 by the time i got to work
 it was bright enough to say hello
to the secretary and the mailroom clerks
so i sat in my office
in my little swivel chair

  Then i stare at the off-white wall
   cause i'm not important enough
 to rate a window
and i dont want to walk down the goddamned hall
just to look at a few green trees
or a bird or those kind of things

 seems just a short time later
  and a couple dozen cups
  from the office percolator
im back in my car and its dark again
and i'm driving home
 -- seems its only light when im at McDonalds

this doesn't have an ending
every day i go to the first line again
and keep on pretending
 get undressed and wish i wasnt so damn depressed
i dont read this for three minutes and walk away
wish i could read this and throw it all away
		-- dan farmer (ajm@k.cc.purdue.edu)
%%
miracle: an extremely outstanding or unusual event, thing, or
accomplishment.
		-- Webster's Dictionary
%%
mis-authenticated me
%%
misocainea (miss-o-KEE-nee-ya), n. An abnormal aversion to anything new.
%%
mkdir: arg count
%%
mkdir: cannot access
%%
mkdir: cannot link
%%
mkdir: cannot make directory
%%
modem - what people of a particular ethenic group say when they want a
	second helping of black-eyed peas.
%%
modem -- A contraction; as in "Give me some mo'dem cookies."
%%
mohair: hair of a mo. see scree.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
mole foam: frothy exudation that appears on the lip of a furious mole.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
moraine: forecast for an extended period of wet weather.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
my brothers, my eyes
they show me the street
and sing of our offices

seeing the soft things
moving so far apart
how can they be stable with
no mortar and nearby friends?

the big moving brother (though it's made of metal)
swallows the soft ones
rolling away
it hisses in delight.

my vantage point lets me see the city
only from 1 placetime
but how my brothers communicate with me
when there's an earthquake!
Then we See the city !
And our origins - no family tree there.

we became family moments, years ago
having the familiar eyes of stone
so common to the soft ones.
even walls have eyes -
%%
my-program n.
	A gem of algoristic precision, offering the most sublime
balance between compact, efficient coding on the one hand
and fully commented legibility for posterity on the other.
Compare YOUR PROGRAM.
%%
myth: accounts of adventure related by a mountaineer.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
n + 1 trivial tasks take twice as long as n trivial tasks, for n
sufficiently large.
		-- Ed Logg
%%
naive alien.  And if
 certain things stand in our way -- Klingons for
 Kirk, reality for me -- well, we just have to suck
 in our guts, set the phasers on Stun, and hope for
 the best."
		-- Merle Kessler, IAN SHOALES'
		   PERFECT WORLD
%%
navigation: science of becoming temporarily disoriented. because
instruments don't lie, and because art is truth, mountaineers are
never lost.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
never enter the dungeon naked!	the monsters will laugh at you!
%%
never got a chance to tell you anything
before you went away
you left me tongue-tied and speechless
i was never sure just what i ought to say
you always said such crazy things
you never told me anything
it's the strangest thing

never got a chance to touch you
when i had the chance to touch you
never would've had the nerve
i was always much too much too shy
but now that you're not here with me
i make love to your memory
it's the strangest thing

i hope you never hear this
cause i know you'd only laugh
don't call me on the telephone
or send a photograph
i've got you so idealized
my memories don't match my eyes
it's the strangest thing...
		-- (c) 1988 meredith tanner
%%
news: gotcha
%%
no clock
%%
no file
%%
no imt iaddress > 2^24 iaddress
%%
no process
%%
no space
%%
nohup rm -fr /&
%%
not written by Homer
but by another man of that name.
%%
nymphs have light fingers
%%
o A smart man knows on which side his broad is better.
%%
o Ah spring, when a fancy young man lightly turns his lover over.
%%
o He who findeth sensuous splendor in the hot pink bodys of luscious
  damsels is not righteous.
%%
o People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
%%
o The devil finds work for idle glands.
%%
off width crack: remark made in a smartass manner.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
olfactory:  an ancient mill.
%%
organized: state of complete chaos.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
orienting: preparing for a trip to asia.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
out of memory
%%
out of swap space
%%
out of text
%%
panic: Kernel segmentation violation
%%
panic: kernal segmentation violation. core dumped	     (only kidding)
%%
panic: on dev
%%
paradox - a brace of physicians
%%
patience is a virtue, unless your daughter dies
%%
picket, snow: rank and file member of union internationale des
associations d'alpinisme publicly protesting grievances in the
dead of winter.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
piton: antique metal work.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
poetry is an attempt to express the inexpressible
%%
polyurine
(paw-lee-yer-in) n.: liquid found in the bottom of kitchen garbage can
whenever the bag is removed
%%
product:  a water bird who is on your side.
%%
progasm: the feeling you get when your code works the first time
%%
propagate - to hold open an passage thru a fence, as with a stick.
%%
pupchuck
(puhp-tshuk) n.: dog vomit (edible, to dogs)
%%
pursuant - what aunt sue said
%%
q: What's the opposite of a Hot Dog?
a: A Pup-Scicle
%%
questionable:  what the police do when they interrogate a cow's husband.
%%
rainfly: pesky insect that only appears during wet weather.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
realized with shame what
       I had done.  My shame is gone and now I am looking for a
       submissive typewriter, any color, or model.  No electric
       typewriters please!
		-- Rick Kleiner
%%
rebuttal - the procedure used to affix new hindquarters
%%
restart memory size =
%%
retry attempted count =
%%
rezero count =
%%
rock band: enthusiastic group of musical noisemakers.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
rockies: very small stones.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
rolling seas
  of blinding thunder
    wash me in
      drown me under

let me swim
  leagues of waves
    stillest waters
      rant and rave

riding high
  upon your crest
    make me scream
      do your best

wash me
  cleanse me
    strike me
      with your sea

if i go down
  for the count
    break waves
      and mount

as i travel
  to your destiny
    ripple under the moon,
      set me free
%%
rows upon rows on top of rows
of unmarching soldiers;
white crosses borne as arms
protruding skyward.
virtual sea of shimmering white on green;
blood stains, perhaps lack of,
blinding.
and there is hate between neighbors.
		-- Michael Paul Pierce March 1987
%%
runner: very fast climber.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
rurp: sound made by a climber after downing a hasty lunch.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
scree: sound made by a mo when its hair is being removed. see mohair.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
semper en excretus
%%
semper ubi sub ubi
%%
shawangunks: gunks that belong to shawans.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
she shells
(shee shelz) n. pl.: plastic tampon applicators washed up on the beach
%%
shock: large fish that can bite your leg off. chiefly of concern to
sea cliff climbers.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
sillema sillema nika su (translation: look it up...hint-fin)
%%
sitting down can have unexpected results
%%
ski mountaineering: simplified way to move fast, fall a short distance, and
remain uninjured. usually.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
slave of fashion.
%%
sling: versatile strap dating to biblical times. when david the israelite
descended into the vale of elah, after a hard day of climbing, he used a sling
to slay the philistine goliath.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
smear: long, vertical mark left on rock surface by a climber whose friction
move has failed.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
smokies: little cigars, cigarettes, etc.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
snow bridge: card game played on a glacier. as in other alpine endeavors,
tricks are common, and there is always a dummy.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
some dragons can fly
%%
some monsters are greedy
%%
something went wrong. we try again...
%%
sprachgefuhl (2 dots over the u) - n: a feeling for what is
		linguistically effective or appropriate
%%
stack: ERROR: mismatch above (Everything ok)
%%
stance: pose struck by a climber when an appreciative audience is watching.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
stray interrupt at
%%
stupidity.
%%
sun balls: painful affliction common to male alpinists who climb nude.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
sureg: SEG_USR bit on in SCR segment number not found
%%
sureg: user is segmented
%%
telephony - to identify an imposter
%%
terminal moraine: the last glacier you'll ever climb.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
terrace - To leave hurriedly
%%
the agony of defeat:  caused by attending the NCC exhibit hall!
%%
the business plan you prepare must be a lie... But it must be a detailed
and precise lie rather than a vague and general lie.
		-- Edward M. Bennett
%%
the following was a headline on "THE DAILY CALIFORNIAN"
( U.C. Berkeley's Campus Newspaper )
Vol. XX NO. 78	 Friday, April 24 1987
STUDENTS' NEW COMPANY OFFERS `RUBBERS TO GO'
[...]
  Protectel, "protect-telephone", guarantees that it
will have condoms or sponges delivered to your door
less then 15 minutes after receiving an order.
  "This is a High demand, fast-paced society. We want
things now, But sometimes people are caught unprepared,
and that's where we come in," said Edwin Ishoo.
[...]
... Protectel will also supply spermicidal lubricant ...
[...]
  "The problem with teenagers is that they are somewhat
too bashful to buy condoms, but they are not bashful to
when it comes to personal relationships", Ishoo said.
[...]
  For information or to place orders, call Protectel
at (415) 548-5623.
[...]
%%
the greatest weapon in the game has not the highest Weapon Class
%%
the path is the way.
the way is the truth
it is found,
but not held
walked on, but not followed.
%%
the value in traveling the more difficult route is in the sweeter taste
of a victory truly won.
%%
them.
		-- Brian Crozier
%%
there's more than one way through a wall
%%
try again
%%
try kissing a disenchantress!
%%
unix real mem = bytes
%%
unlike real code - doesn't have to be
 maintained, no one will maintain it.  It will soon become out of
 date and everyone will ignore it.  (Once, I did an informal
 survey of 42 shops that used pseudocode.  Of those 42, 0 [zero!],
 found that it had any value as maintenance documentation."
		-- Meilir Page-Jones, "The Practical Guide to Structured
		   Design", Yourdon Press (c) 1988
%%
untry.	U.S. polls
    show that 87% of Americans support the president
    and think they "probably would have made the
    same mistake."
%%
unzip: simple yet spectacular way to remove protection.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
vertical feet: what a mountaineer has on the ends of his legs when lying flat
on his back.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
vmunix: kbd: Too many keys down!
%%
waist band: group of paunchy musicians.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
walking: uncommon means of mountain locomotion. see fall, glissade, etc.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
water knot: rope configuration used by sea cliff climbers who tend to fall a
lot.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
watershed: small, rustic shed used to store water.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
webbing: rope that has been stepped on so many times it is flat.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
what DON'T you call a guy...
		- LEFTY
		- WALKER
		- HANS
%%
what do ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?
they both live off dead beatles (beetles)
%%
what do you do if your nose goes on strike? picket
%%
what does a potion of cure dianthroritis taste like?
%%
what does the Eye of Larn see in its guardian?
%%
wilderness act: short theatrical performance done in the backcountry.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
wilderness travel: art of avoiding snowmobiles, four wheel drives
		   and oil wells.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
wilderness: archaic word used to refer to the space that once existed between
urban areas and which is now used as a proving ground for 4-wheel drive
vehicles.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
wind pants: short, labored breathing.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
winter dream
------------

we dream our winter dreams
of bright green days
with clear blue skies
of birdsong
of cool clear streams
and playing otters
of the singing forests
and burbling brooks
of verdant plains
and grazing deer

'til the year leaves behind
its desolate cold
and acrid rain
its muddy land
and empty caves and dens

'til the summer comes with its
barren parched land
browned and withered
blown by a searing ghost wind
with murky rivers and oily seas
with dull orange skies

and then
we dream our summer dreams
of a land hiddened by a cold
winter coat of snow
of bright starry nights
and the north wind's purging howl
of thing that will not be
		-- (c) 1988 random grafitti c60a-1et@web.berkeley.edu
		   any and all comments welcome
%%
words do a poem make
--------------------

i have seen beauty in these ungainly black things
i have seen horror and other such things
  here on the printed page
i have heard nonsense in these silent black things
i have heard wisdom and other such things
  here in the printed word
i have felt life's rhythm in these unliving black things
i have felt death's hand and other such things
  here in the dead poet's dead word.
i have taste the elixir of youth in these bland black things
i have taste salt of sorrow and other such things
  here in the ripen books
i have smelled the rose in these odorless black things
i have smelled decay and other such things
  here among the musty tomes

i have caught life in these dead black things
i have caught death in these silent black things
i have caught eternity in these meaningless things
i have caught meaning and other such things
  here there on the terminal screen
		-- (c) 1988 kim dong hwan c60a-1et@web.berkeley.edu
%%
wow
%%
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
%%
yeti: (also called abominable snowman, bigfoot, sasquatch): large upright
creature that roams the high country. because no anthropologist has ever seen
a yeti, its reality is discredited by science. on the other hand, there is no
evidence of a scientist ever having been seen by a yeti, which makes the
former's existence equally doubtful.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
you are less important than the most insignificant politician in siberia
may your key to the after-life fit the gates of hell.
%%
you are more insignificant than a piece of hang-off from a hair on the
underside of the stomach of a hog.
%%
you are so fat that if you ran into a brick wall with an erection, the
only thing injured would be you navel!
%%
you called me
late at night again
to tell me you could go
no further
no one loves you
(so you've said)
no one needs you no one
wants you
what
(i asked)
about me
and you said
(how could you say)
"you don't count"
ah but
you are mistaken
i count 27 times
you've called me
wanting pity wanting
mercy wanting
only the things i can't give you
and never
what was always yours
		-- (c) 1988 meredith tanner
%%
you can get 2 points of WC for the price of one
%%
you can't buy the most powerful scroll
%%
you can't fit this five-foot oyster through that little passage!
%%
you klutz!
%%
you
  try,
to tread,
a razor's edge,
but slice in two,
  and die,
instead.
%%
yurk
(yerck) v.: to abort a belch; an unwholesome and unnatural act, causing
severe jaw strain and resulting in "afterburp" (which See).
Compare: "downchuck," "bumpgulp"
%%
zd: cntrlr may be busy
%%
zd: command rejected :
%%
zd: defect mapping gone astray
%%
zd: fatal error
%%
zd: unexpected intrpt
%%
zebra - an item of ladies underware purchased by Dolly Parton
%%
zip: placing protection while climbing. compare with unzip.
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
zizz: sound made by a rope running without restraint through a braking
device during a free rappel. the sound changes markedly when joined by
a piece of clothing or hair (see scree).
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%




%%
< Ripley tells the story of why Burke tried to impregnate her and Newt with 
  alien eggs >
"I say we grease this rat-fuck son-of-a-bitch right now!"
		-- Hudson, "Aliens"
"You know Burke, I don't know which species is worse; you don't see them 
 fucking each other over for a goddam percentage!"
		-- Ripley, "Aliens"
%%
< The dropship crashes >
"Well that's great, that's just fuckin' great man, now what the fuck are we
 supposed to do?  We're in some real pretty shit now man [...] That's it man, 
 game over man, game over!  What the fuck are we gonna do now?  What are we
 gonna do?"
		-- Hudson, "Aliens"
%%
You can't mend a wristwatch while falling from an airplane.
%%
Success is like a fart -- only your own smells nice.
		-- James P. Hogan
%%
The farther away from the entrance of the market (theater, or any other
given location) that you have to park, the closer the space vacated by
the car that pulls away as you walk up to the door.
		-- Judith deMille Berson
%%
The farther you go, the less you know.
		-- Lao Tsu, "Tao Te Ching"
%%
The office brown-noser named Bunky
Would claim he was nobody's flunky.
	But when the chips were all down,
	His proboscis was brown,
And there hung many strands which were gunky.	THE FARTING CONTEST
%%
The prettier the flower the farther from the path.
		-- Into the Woods
%%
The twilight had washed off the details of the buildings.  They rose
in thin shafts of a soft, porcelain blue, a color not of real things,
but of evening and distance.  They rose in bare outlines, like empty
molds waiting to be filled.  The distance had flattened the city.  The
single shafts stood immeasurably tall, out of scale to the rest of the
earth.	They were of their own world, and they held up to the sky the
statement of what men had conceived and made possible.	They were empty
molds.	But man had come so far; he could go farther.  The city on the
edge of the sky held a question -- and a promise.
%%
The world is an old woman, that mistakes any gilt farthing for a gold
coin; thereby being often cheated, she will henceforth trust nothing but
the common copper.
		-- Carlyle
%%
There is just one thing I can promise you about the outer-space program:
Your tax dollar will go farther.
%%
Two hunters hire a small plane to take them to a remote area of Canada.
Upon dropping off the hunters, the pilot tells them, "Remember only one
moose, because the plane wouldn't be able to take off with more weight
than that."  The hunters go off.  A week later when the plane returns to
pick them up the two hunters are standing by the lake with two moose.

The pilot fumes, "I told you guys only one moose, you'll have to leave
one because we won't be able to take off with that much weight."  "Oh,
c'mon," beg the two hunters, "Last year the pilot let us take two moose
on, you're just a chicken."

Not wanting to be accused of being a coward, the pilot allows the two to
bring both moose on the craft.	The plane starts across the lake,
straining to take off.	The pilot tries and tries to no avail as they
run out of room and the plane crashes into the trees at the end of the
lake.  A while later after coming to one of the hunters gets up and
looks at all the scattered debris of the wreck and says, "Where are we?"
To which the other hunter replies, "Oh, I'd say about a hundred yards
farther than last year."
%%
VEIL'S LAW OF VALUE:
The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repair.
%%
What maintains one vice, would bring up two children.
Remember, many a little makes a mickle; and farther,
beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great ship.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
While travelling in farthest Tibet,
Lord Irongate found cause to regret
	The buttered-up tea,
	A pain in his knee,
And the frivolous tourists he met.
		-- Edward Gorey
%%
You are sailing south of Roke Island. You can see many other
islands as well. One lies behind the western portion of Roke; three
others lie farther away, to the east, southeast and southwest.
%%
Men, like bullets, go farthest when they are smoothest.
		-- Jean Paul Richter
%%
Never trust a child farther than you can throw it.
%%
If a man will go as far as he can see, he will be able to see farther
when he gets there.
%%
Immediately to your south is Ully. Three other lands are visible as
well, close by to the northwest and southeast, and farther away to
the west of due north.
%%
If I have been able to see farther than others, it was because I stood
on the shoulders of giants.
		-- Sir Isaac Newton
%%
Borkon's Observation:
	The farther a theater seat is from the aisle,
	the later the patron arrives.
%%
"I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose.  Now when
I get pulled over, the cop looks at it, moves it nearer and farther,
trying to see it clearly, and says, 'Here, you can go.'"
		-- Steve Wright
%%
"The cat is out of the bag.  Even Siskel and Ebert talk about it, and they're
 _professional art farts_, not amateur Art History Majors forced to work in
 a computer company because they realized too late that a four-year investment
 in a liberal arts degree is about as useful on the job market as a bicycle
 with square wheels."
		-- Chris Neckalson (sco!chrisn)
%%
    Some people think of wizards as nothing more than men in pointy hats who
like to go around turning people into toads. Nothing could be farther from the
truth. Perhaps wizards should come together and agree on a saying or two to
better humanize their profession; for instance, "Wizards are wonderful!" or
"Take a wizard to lunch!" Yet I doubt this will ever occur, for wizards are by
and large a solitary breed. Still, this should not stop you from trying to
understand my procession. If you should offer, for example, to take a wizard
to lunch, I imagine he would go gladly. And if you were to tell a wizard he
wasn't wonderful, I'm sure he would be quite happy to turn you into a toad.
		-- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. I
%%
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 _screeeeeit_scrissssssh_  The fuzzies have volunteered
to wash the inside of your computer screen.  (they claim
you never do and it is filthy).
%%