Crumbs: a gigantic fortune file from elsewhere part 2
%%
A young wife in the outskirts of Reims
Preferred frigging to going to mass.
	Said her husband, "Take Jacques,
	Or any young cock,
For I cannot live up to your ass."
%%
A young woman came into a doctor's office, and upon removing
her blouse, the doctor noticed that she had a large, red 'Y'
on the middle of her chest.  When asked why it was there, she
responded  "Well, my boyfriend just got started at Yale, and
he's so proud of the fact, that he refuses to take off his
sweater even when we make love, so that's how I got it."

"Hmmmmm" says the doctor, and they continue with the examination.

A while later, another young woman comes into the office,
and sure enough, she has the same type of marking, but this
time it's an 'H'.  When asked where it came from, she reponds
"Well, by boyfriend just entered Harvard, and he's so proud..."
etc.

Some time after that, yet another young woman enters the office,
and this time the doctor finds a big red 'M' on her chest.  The
doctor says, "Don't tell me.  You have a boyfriend who just
entered Michigan, right?"

"No," says the young lady, "I don't have a boyfriend and I don't
know anyone who goes to Michigan.  I do have a girlfriend who
goes to Wisconsin, but why do you ask?"
%%
A young woman from old Montreal
Reminisced once concerning her fall,
	Saying, "He was so quick,
	And his prick was so slick,
That I just never felt it at all.		<Scarcely worth it>
%%
A younger person will soon take your job.
%%
A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes. This may be the
purpose of the universe.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
A-Z affectionately,
1 to 10 alphabetically,
from here to eternity without in betweens,
still looking for a custom fit in an off-the-rack world,
sales talk from sales assistants
	when all i want to do is lower your resistance,
no rhythm in cymbals no tempo in drums,
love's on arrival,
she comes when she comes,
right on the target but wide of the mark...
%%
A.  Running a project in this office is like mating elephants--it takes
a great deal of time and effort to get on top of things; B.  The whole
affair is always accompanied by a great deal of noise and confusion, the
culmination of which is heralded by loud trumpeting; C.  After which,
nothing comes of the effort for two years.
%%
A.I. hackers do it with robots.
%%
AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
%%
AAAEEEYYYAAAAAEEEEEYAAAAAA
		-- Johnny Weissmuller
%%
AAH!  The fuel light is on!  We're running out of fuel!  We'll
all die!!  Oh wait, that's the intercom light.
		-- The Far Side
%%
ABC.
It's easy as 123.
All simple as Doe Rey Me, ABC, 123 ...
%%
ACCEPTANCE TESTING:
	An unsuccessful attempt to find bugs.
%%
ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.
%%
ACHTUNG!  ALLES LOOKENSPEEPERS!  DAS COMPUTENMACHINE IST NICHT FUR
 GEFINGERPOKEN UND MITTENGRABBEN!  IST EASY SNAPPEN DER SPRINGENWERK,
 BLOWEN FUSEN UND POPPENCORKEN MIT PITZENSPARKEN!  IST NICHT FUR
 GEWERKEN BY DAS DUMBKOPFEN!  DAS RUBBERNECKEN SIGHTSEEREN KEEPEN DAS
 HANTS IN DAS POCKETS, RELAXEN UND VATCH DAS BLINKENLIGHTS!
%%
ACTORS do it on cue.
%%
ADA:
	Something you need only know the name of to be an Expert in Computing.
	Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop an ADA awareness.
		-- Datamation (January 15, 1984)
%%
ADULTERY:
	Putting yourself in someone else's position.
%%
ADVANCED DESIGN:  copy writer doesn't understand it
%%
ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method.
%%
AI hackers do it robotically.
%%
AIDS is Nature's way of telling you to stop buggering about.
%%
ALASKA:
	A prelude to "No."
%%
ALGOL 60      -- An Austin Mini. Boy, that's a small car.
%%
ALGOL 68      -- An Austin Martin. An impressive car, but not just anyone
		 can drive it.
%%
ALGORITHM:
	Trendy dance for hip programmers.
%%
ALIEN SAUCER MANUFACTURES RACE OF DESTRUCTIVE SUPER-ROSENS
%%
ALL NEW:  Parts not interchangeable with previous design
%%
ALL: petroleum.  "They found all on mah land!"
		-- Texan Dictionary
%%
ALT ALT to you too!
%%
AM Disc Jockeys do it with Modulated Amplitude.
%%
AMAND'S LAW OF MANAGEMENT:
Everyone is always someplace else.
%%
AMBIGUITY:
	Telling the truth when you don't mean to.
%%
AMBITION:
	An ant crawling up an elephant's leg with rape on his mind.
%%
AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.
%%
AMERICA'S CUP FACT:
	Most of the people obsessed with the
	America's cup are trendy jerks who hadn't
	even heard of it a year ago.
		-- Dennis Miller
%%
AMOEBIT:
	Amoeba/rabbit cross; it can multiply and divide at the same time.
%%
AN EXPOSTULATION (Against too many writers of science fiction)

Why did you lure us on like this,
Light-year on light-year, through the abyss,
Building (as though we cared for size!)
Empires that cover galaxies,
If at journey's end we find
The same old stuff we left behind,
Well-worn Tellurian stories of
Crooks, spies, conspirators, or love,
Whose setting might as well have been
The Bronx, Montmartre, or Bethnel Green?

Why should I leave this green floored cell,
Roofed with blue air, in which we dwell,
Unless, outside its guarded gates,
Long, long desired, the Unearthly waits,
Strangeness that moves us more than fear,
Beauty that stabs with tingling spear,
Or Wonder, laying on one's heart
That finger tip at which we start
As if some thought too swift and shy
For some reason's grasp had just gone by?
		-- C. S. Lewis
%%
ANALYSTS PANIC: Prime numbers missing from IEEE floating point?
		-- "National Computer Science Enquirer"
%%
ANARCHY RULES!!!! ... errr ... wait a minute :}
Why can't you be a nonconformist like everyone else?!?!?
%%
ANDROPHOBIA:
	Fear of men.
%%
ANGEL'S LAW OF HOME IMPROVEMENT:
If you cut one inch off a board that is one inch too long,
it will be one inch too short.
%%
ANGORA'S AXIOM:
No matter how well you perform your job, a superior will attempt to
modify the results.
%%
ANSI does it in the standard way
%%
ANTHONY'S LAW OF FORCE:
Don't force it, get a bigger hammer.
%%
ANTIBIOTICS, NUTRA-SWEET and MILK DUDS!!
%%
AOS (aus (East coast) ay-ahs (West coast)) [based on a PDP-10
increment instruction] v. To increase the amount of something.
"Aos the campfire."  Usage: considered silly.
%%
APHASIA:
	Loss of speech in social scientists when asked
	at parties, "But of what use is your research?"
%%
APL --
	A double-decker bus. Its takes rows and columns of passengers to
the same place all at the same time. But, it drives only in reverse
gear, and is instrumented in Greek.
%%
APL hackers do it in the quad.
%%
APL hackers take all they want.
%%
APL is a mistake, carried through to perfection.  It is the language of
the future for the programming techniques of the past: it creates a new
generation of coding bums.
		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
APL is a natural extension of assembler language programming;
...and is best for educational purposes.
		-- Alan J. Perlis
%%
APL is a write only language:
You can write programs in it;  but try and read them!
%%
APL programmers do it with stile
%%
APPENDIX:
	A portion of a book, for which nobody yet has discovered any use.
%%
APPOINTMENT BOOK:
	The reference of last resort when trying to duck undesired
	invitations ("Gee, the soonest I can pencil you in is
	December, 2004"), or when trying to figure out what the hell
	it was you did during the past year.
%%
APRIL 1.  This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on
the other three hundred and sixty-four.
%%
AQUARIUS (Jan.20 - Feb.18)
	You are the type of person who never has enough money to do what
	you want.  Don't expect things to get any better today, either.
	As a matter of fact they might get worse.  Intensify your
	relationship with your bank and any friends you have who might be
	able to lend you a few bucks.
%%
ARCHAEOLOGISTS like it old.
%%
ARCHITECTS have great plans.
%%
ARCHITECTS, ENGINEERS AND CONTRACTORS;	Their Education

An Architect starts out knowing very little about anything and
is educated to know less and less about more things such that he
ends up knowing nothing about everything.

An Engineer starts out knowing very little about anything and
is educated to know more and more about less and less so that she
ends up knowing everything about nothing.

A Contractor starts out knowing everything about everything but ends up
knowing nothing about anything primarily due to his association with
architects and engineers.
%%
ARE: sixty minutes.  "Ah'll meet yew thar in about a are!"
		-- Texan Dictionary
%%
ARIES (Mar.21 - Apr.19)
	You are a wonderfully interesting, honest, hard-working person
	and you should make many new friends, but you won't because you've
	got a mean streak in you a mile wide.
%%
ARISTOTLE'S DICTUM:
One should always prefer the probable impossible to the improbable
possible.
%%
ARITHMETIC:
	An obscure art no longer practiced in the world's developed countries.
%%
ARKANSAS:
	Where the men are men, so are the women and the sheep run scared.
%%
ARN: a metallic element.  "Mah muscle is as strong as arn!"
		-- Texan Dictionary
%%
ARNOLD'S ADDENDUM:
Everything causes cancer in rats.
%%
ARPA is unenthusiastic about your work.
%%
ARTIFACT: Something only an art major would know.
%%
ARTIFACT: The only true fact in an experiment.
%%
ARTISTS are exhibitionists.
%%
ASCII		   : Ancient deity of telecomputing.  Rumored to
		     bestow vast volumes of data upon supplicants.
		     Hence the saying  "ASCII and ye shall
		     receive".
%%
ASCII - a Chinese question
		-- Data communications glossary
%%
ASCII a stupid question, you get an EBCDIC answer.
%%
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
%%
ASCII:
	The control code for all beginning programmers and those who would
	become computer literate. Etymologically, the term has come down as
	a contraction of the often-repeated phrase "ascii and you shall
	receive."
		-- Robb Russon
%%
ASK ME	 I'm shy
%%
ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over.
%%
AST: past tense of the verb, to ask.  "Who ast yew?"
		-- Texan Dictionary
%%
ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus
%%
AT&T does it in Long Lines.
%%
ATLANTA:
	An entire city surrounded by an airport.
%%
ATT Bell Labs is a trademark of UNIX.
		-- Calton Pu
%%
ATTORNEYS make better motions.
%%
AUCTION:
	A gyp off the old block.
%%
AUDITORS like to examine figures.
%%
AUTOMAGICALLY adv. Automatically, but in a way which, for some reason
(typically because it is too complicated, or too ugly, or perhaps
even too trivial), I don't feel like explaining to you.
Example: Some programs which produce XGP output files spool them
automagically.
%%
AVAX - A low-flying VAX with radar.
%%
AZTEC SLIME GOD IMPREGNATES HORRIFIED WORSHIPERS
%%
Abandon all hope ye who have entered cyberspace.
%%
Abandon all hope, ye who enter here
%%
Abandon all hope, ye who exit here
%%
Abandon all hope, ye who press ENTER here.
%%
Abandon hope, all ye who <ENTER> here.
%%
Abe meets his frind (friend) Isaac on the street.
Isaac:	Abe, why are you looking so sad?
Abe:	It's my son.  I sent him off to college, and now he has come
	back home, all full of Gentile ideas.  Where did I go wrong?
Isaac:	Funny you should mention it!  My son, too, has come home from
	college, with his head all messed up, filled with Gentile
	ideas...There is but one course open to us.
	We will ask the Rabbi.
So they go to the Synagogue, and obtain an audience with the Rabbi.
Both:	Rabbi, our two sons, whom we have raised to be devout followers
	of the Law, have come home from college, full of Gentile ideas.
	What can we do about it?
Rabbi Bernstein:  Funny you should mention it!	My son also has come back
	from college, with all sorts of Gentile ideas.	I assure you my
	friends, this problem is beyond human solution. We must go into
	the place of worship and pray.
The three go in and spread their hands in supplication to the Lord.  No
sooner have they articulated their common lament than the lights go out,
the building is filled with cloud and smoke,and a thunderous voice
answers them FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION IT.......
%%
Aberdeen was so small that when the family with the car went
on vacation, the gas station and drive-in theatre had to close.
%%
Ability hits the mark where presumption overshoots and diffidence falls
short.
		-- John Henry Newman
%%
Ability is of little account without opportunity.
		-- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
Ability wins us the esteem of the true men; luck that of the people.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Abley's Explanation: Marriage is the only union that cannot be organized. Both
sides think they are management.
%%
Abolition of a woman's right to abortion, when and if she wants it, amounts to
compulsory maternity: form of rape by the State.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born.
		-- Ronald Reagan
%%
About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
%%
About the campaign in Detroit to "Stamp out the Beatles," John Lennon said:
	"We have a campaign to stamp out Detroit!"
%%
About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.
%%
About the only thing we have left that actually discriminates in favor
of the plain people is the stork.
		-- Kin Hubbard
%%
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a
blunt ax.  It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes
instead.
		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
About you stretches the beach of Ebosskil. The sand is unnaturally
white, reflecting its strange origins in an act of magic. The
sand continues up a hill to the west. There are signs of ruins
visible to the northwest and southwest. You cannot cross the broken
terrain to the north and south.
%%
Above all else - sky.
%%
Above all things, reverence yourself.
%%
Above all, beware of Zeal!
%%
Above fire; below, the lake:
The image of Opposition.
Thus amid all fellowship
The superior man retains his individuality.
%%
Above the lovers struggle in dark corners, desperate as the night moves
on.
%%
Above you is a grating locked with a skull-and-crossbones lock.
%%
Above you is a grating.
%%
Above you is an open grating with sunlight pouring in.
%%
Abroad in the world today is a monstrous falsehood, a consummate
fabrication, to which all social agencies have loaned themselves and
into which most men, women, and children have been seduced ... "the
Eleventh Commandment"; for such, indeed, has become the injunction: You
Must Adjust.
		-- Robert M. Lindner (1915-1956)
%%
Abruptness is eloquence in parting, when spinning out the time is but
the weaving of new sorrow.
		-- Sir John Suckling
%%
Abscond:  To be unexpectedly called away to the bedside of a dying
relative and miss the return train.
%%
Absence and death are the same -- only that in death there is no
suffering.
		-- Walter S. Landor
%%
Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind
extinguishes candles and fans a fire.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Absence in love is like water upon fire;
a little quickens, but much extinguishes it.
		-- Hannah More
%%
Absence makes the heart forget.
%%
Absence makes the heart grow frantic.
%%
Absence of occupation is not rest
A mind quite vacant is a mind distress'd.
		-- Cowper
%%
Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.
%%
Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.
		-- Hugh Drummond
%%
Absolute freedom is being able to do what you please without considering
anyone except the except the wife and kids, the company and the boss,
neighbors and friends, the police and government, the doctor and the
church.
%%
Absolutely no foolish horseplay allowed.
%%
Absolutely-Non-Switching Amplifier :
	Following the boom of Non-switching amplifiers
	in the late 70's and early 80's, there hasn't been too
	much activities in the area of dealing with switching
	noises in class B amplifiers. Recently, Japanese consumer
	electronic giant Sikzjit has introduced a new line of
	amplifiers that they claim are superior to all other
	amplifiers currently in the market. These amplifiers
	are so good that they name the line Absolutely-Non-
	Switching, referring not only to their class A performance
	with class B efficiency, but also to the life time
	warranty that comes with each and every amplifier
	bearing that name. The warranty not only gives you
	specific legal rights varied from state to state, but
	also gives them the right to burn your house and sell
	your kids if you ever decide to switch to another
	amplifier.
%%
Absolutum obsoletum.  (If it works, it's out of date.)
		-- Stafford Beer
%%
Abstain from wine, women and song; mostly song.
%%
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and to the pocket.
		-- Horace Greeley (1811-1872)
%%
Abundance has success.
The king attains abundance.
Be not sad.
Be like the sun at midday.
%%
Abuse is the weapon of the vulgar.
		-- Samuel Griswold Goodrich
%%
Abuse of words has been the great instrument of sophistry and
chicanery, of party, faction, and division of society.
		-- John Adams (1735-1826)
%%
Abuse:	the bitter clamour of two evil tongues.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Academicians care, that's who.
%%
Academy: A modern school where football is taught.
Institute: An archaic school where football in not taught.
%%
Accent on helpful side of your nature.	Drain the moat.
%%
Accept people for what they are -- completely unacceptable.
%%
Accident, n.:
	A condition in which presence of mind is good,
	but absence of body is better.
		-- Foolish Dictionary
%%
Accidents can happen.
%%
According to Prof. TAA of MIT Tech, the rapidly changing magnetic
fields in the room are so intense as to cause you to be electrocuted.
I really don't know, but in any event, something has killed you.
%%
According to Prof. TAA of MIT Tech, the rapidly changing magnetic
fields in the room are so intense as to fry all the delicate innards
of the robot.  I really don't know, but in any event, smoke is coming
out of its ears, and it has stopped moving.
%%
According to a judicial decision in New York, "A railway company
which negligently throws a passenger from a crowded car on a trestle
is held liable for injury to a relative who, in going to his rescue,
falls through the trestle."
%%
According to a recent government publication ...
   A billion seconds ago Harry Truman was president.
   A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
   A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
   A billion dollars ago was late yesterday at the U.S. Treasury...
%%
According to all the latest reports,
there was no truth in any of the earlier reports.
%%
According to experts, the oyster
In its shell - a crustacean cloister -
	May frequently be
	Either he or a she
Or both, if it should be its choice ter.
%%
According to the current doctrines of mysticoscientism, we human animals are
really and actually nothing but "organic patterns of nodular energy composed
of collocations of infinitesimal points oscillating on the multi-dimensional
coordinates of the space-time continuum". I'll have to think about that.
Sometime. Meantime, I'm going to gnaw on this sparerib, drink my Blatz beer,
and contemplate the a posteriori coordinates of that young blonde over yonder,
the one in the tennis skirt, tying her shoelaces.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Accountants do it for profit.
%%
Accuracy and clarity of statement are mutually exclusive.
		-- Niels Bohr (1885-1962)
%%
Accuracy is the twin brother of honesty; inaccuracy, of dishonesty.
		-- Charles Simmons
%%
Accuracy is to a newspaper what virtue is to a lady, but a newspaper can
always print a retraction.
		-- Adlai E. Stevenson
%%
Accuracy of statement is one of the first elements of truth; inaccuracy
is a near kin to falsehood.
		-- Tyron Edwards
%%
Accurate fortune tellers should be shot
%%
Accurate reckoning -- the entrance into the knowledge of all existing
things and all obscure secrets.
		-- Ahmes the Scribe (17th cent. B.C.)
%%
Accurst ambition, how dearly I have bought you.
		-- John Dryden (1631-1700)
%%
Accuse, and so shall it be committed.
%%
Achilles' Biological Findings:
	(1)  If a child looks like his father, that's heredity.  If he
	     looks like a neighbor, that's environment.
	(2)  A lot of time has been wasted arguing over what came first
	     -- the chicken or the egg.  It was undoubtedly the rooster.
%%
Acoustic Modem	   : A modem jury rigged from spare electronic
		     parts and a wooden staff normally used to
		     play billiards.
%%
Act natural.
%%
Act now and receive a set of Ginsu steak knives, absolutely free!
%%
Act upon your impulses, but pray that they may be directed by God.
		-- Emerson Tennent
%%
Act well at the moment, and you have performed a good action to all
eternity.
		-- Lavater
%%
Action is eloquence.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Action is the proper fruit of knowledge.
		-- Thomas Fuller
%%
Action to be effective must be directed to clearly conceived ends.
		-- Jawaharlal Nehru
%%
Actions are the insipid reflections of our motives.
%%
Actions of the last age are like almanacs of the last age.
		-- Sir Thomas Denham
%%
Actions speak louder than words -- though not so often.
%%
Actor: Boris Karloff - Real name: William Henry Pratt
%%
Actor: Cary Grant - Real name: Archibald Leach
%%
Actor: Edward G. Robinson - Real name: Emmanual Goldenburg
%%
Actor: Gene Wilder - Real name: Gerald Silberman
%%
Actor: John Wayne - Real name: Marion Morrison
%%
Actor: Kirk Douglas - Real name: Issur Danielovitch
%%
Actor: Richard Burton - Real name: Richard Jenkins Jr.
%%
Actor: Roy Rogers - Real name: Leonard Slye
%%
Actor: Woddy Allen - Real name: Allen Stewart Konigsberg
%%
Actors are the only honest hypocrites.
		-- Hazlitt
%%
Actors do it in the limelight.
%%
Actors do it on camera.
%%
Actors stand on the side of the camera where the passage of time usually
hurts. Whereas directors stay on the side where it may help.
		-- Alfred Hitchcock
%%
Actors:  Bores to themselves, to others caviare.
		-- Phaedrus
%%
Actresses will happen in the best regulated families.
		-- Oliver Herford (1863-1935)
%%
Actually, my goal is to have a sandwich named after me.
%%
Actually, the probability is 100% that the elevator
will be going in the right direction.  Proof by induction:

N=1.	    Trivialy true, since both you and the elevator
	only have one floor to go to.

Assume true for N, prove for N+1:
	If you are on any of the first N floors, then it is true by the
	induction hypothesis.  If you are on the N+1st floor, then both you
	and the elevator have only one choice, namely down.  Therefore,
	it is true for all N+1 floors.
QED.
%%
Acupuncturists do it with a small prick.
%%
Ad astra per aspera.  (To the stars by aspiration.)
%%
Ad in newspaper : Ray. Get in touch with me as quickly as possible.
		  Bring 3 rings - engagement, wedding, teething.
		  Have news for you.  Mary.
%%
Ada --
	An army-green Mercedes-Benz staff car. Power steering, power
brakes and automatic transmission are all standard.  No other colors or
options are available. If it's good enough for the generals, it's good
enough for you.  Manufacturing delays due to difficulties reading the
design specification are starting to clear up.
%%
Ada is the 400-pound gorilla of programming languages.
%%
Ada was invented because Vogon poetry wasn't deadly enough.
%%
Adam Had 'em.
(On the antiquity of microbes. claimed as the shortest poem.)
%%
Adam was but human -- this explains it all.  He did not want the apple for
the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden.
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910), "The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson"
%%
Adam's Law:
	(1)  Women don't know what they want;
	     they don't like what they have got.
	(2)  Men know very well what they want;
	     having got it, they begin to lose interest.
%%
Adaptability is not imitation.	It means power of resistance and
assimilation.
		-- Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948)
%%
Adaptive Equalization - busing
		-- Data communications glossary
%%
Add in some more bells and whistles.
%%
Add in some more bugs.
%%
Adde parvum parvo magnus acervus erit.
[Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]
		-- OVID
%%
Adding manpower to a late project is like getting nine women pregnant in
hopes of obtaining a baby in one month.
%%
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
		-- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr.
%%
Adhere to your own act, and congratulate yourself if you have done
something strange and extravagant, and broken the monotony of a decorous age.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Adler's Distinction:
	Language is all that separates us from the lower animals,
	and from the bureaucrats.
%%
Administration maintains the status quo.
		-- Thomas L. Martin
%%
Admiration is a very short-lived passion, that immediately decays upon
growing familiar with its object.
		-- Joseph Addison
%%
Admiration is the daughter of innocence.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Admit it! You have no idea who I am!
%%
Adolf Hitler was having terrible nightmares, and so he decided to go
to a fortune teller hoping that the woman could find the source of his
problem.  "I am sorry but I am unable to help you solve your dreams"
said the fortune teller, "but I do know that you will die on a Jewish
holiday."

"And which holiday will this be?" he asked.

"It does not matter." she replied.  "Any day that you die will be a
Jewish Holiday."
%%
Adults die young.
%%
Advancement in position.
%%
Adventure is dedicated to "albino".  It was written by two very bored
students of orange coast college, with a "few" ideas contributed by
david willis, scott adams, and alexis adams. Some minor phrasing
assistance was provided by peter gruenbeck and richard rapier; some
major phrasing assistance came from justin & steve of csu fullerton, and
from willie crowther, don woods, and gary palter, who started it all at
m.i.t.
%%
Adventure is not outside a man; it is within.
		-- David Grayson
%%
Adversity borrows its sharpest sting from our impatience.
		-- Bishop Horne
%%
Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents, which in prosperous
circumstances would have lain dormant.
		-- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Adversity is the first path to truth.
		-- Lord Byron
%%
Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters.
		-- Victer Hugo (1802-1885)
%%
Adversity reveals genius, prosperity conceals it.
		-- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Adversity's sweet milk, philosophy.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Advertisement in the Eagle, newspaper of the American University:
"ACCURATELY YOURS Professional Word Processing Company.
Open 24 hours every day."
New Yorker comment: "Maybe you need a little rest."
%%
Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.
		-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
%%
Advertising Rule:
	In writing a patent-medicine advertisement, first convince the
	reader that he has the disease he is reading about; secondly,
	that it is curable.
%%
Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.
		-- Fred Allen
%%
Advertising is selling by telling.
		-- Gary B. Wright
%%
Advertising is the art of making whole lies out of half truths.
%%
Advertising is the foot on the accelerator, the hand on the throttle,
the spur on the flank that keeps our economy surging forward.
		-- Robert W. Sarnoff
%%
Advertising is the life of trade.
		-- Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933)
%%
Advertising is the most fun of anything you can do with your clothes on.
		-- Mary Wells [advertising executive]
%%
Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.
		-- George Orwell (1903-1950)
%%
Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human
intelligence long enough to get money from it.
		-- Stephen Butler Leacock
%%
Advertising promotes that divine discontent which makes people strive to
improve their economic status.
		-- Ralph S. Butler
%%
Advice from an old carpenter:  Measure twice and saw once.
%%
Advice is a dangerous gift; be cautious about giving and receiving it.
%%
Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful to take.
		-- Josh Billings
%%
Advice is like mushrooms; if you aren't careful, you will
get a lot of B.S.
%%
Advice is like snow; the softer it falls the longer it dwells upon, and
the deeper it sinks into the mud.
		-- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer and wish we
didn't.
		-- Erica Mann Jong
%%
Advise is seldom welcome, and those who need it the most, like it the
least.
		-- Lord Chesterfield
%%
Advise to a young lawyer: When you have no basis for an argument,
abuse the plaintiff.
%%
Advise well before you begin, and when you have maturely considered,
then act with promptitude.
		-- Sallust
%%
Affairs with Nymphs are often very expensive.
%%
Affection, like melancholy, magnifies trifles; but the magnifying of the
one is like looking through a telescope at heavenly objects; that of the
other, like enlarging monsters with a microscope.
		-- Leigh Hunt
%%
Affixed to the east wall of the castle near the corner is a large
bronze plaque, set at approximately waist height. The plaque is
securely attached to the castle wall with heavy rivets.
%%
Affliction comes to us, not to make us sad but sober; not to make us
sorry but wise.
		-- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
Affliction, like the iron-smith, shapes as it smites.
		-- Christian Nestell Bovee
%%
Afraid of Mimics? Try to wear a ring of true seeing.
%%
Afraid of falling piercers? Wear a helmet!
%%
After 21 years they can't kill the Doctor now!
%%
After 40 its patch, patch, patch
%%
After Bart has been beat up by the bully, his family walks by and Lisa puts a
cupcake on his forehead ...
Bully:	"Hey!  They even have food at this thing!  Here's one for the road ..."
		-- "Bart the General", from The Simpsons
%%
After Completion. Success in small matters.
Perseverance furthers.
At the beginning good fortune,
At the end disorder.
%%
After a certain number of years, our faces become our biographies.
%%
After a month at sea, you finally arrive at a sandy beach.
All ashore who's going ashore . . .
%%
After a raise in salary you will have less money at the end of each
month than you had before.
		-- Dr. R. F. Gumperson
%%
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand
	and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean
	security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't
	promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open,
	with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground
	is too uncertain for plans.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting
	for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure... that you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
%%
After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for
everyone'.
		-- Larry Brown
%%
After adding two weeks to the schedule for unexpected delays, add two
more for the unexpected, unexpected delays.
%%
After all my erstwhile dear,
My no longer cherished,
Need we say it was not love,
Just because it perished?
		-- Edna St. Vincent Millay
%%
After all my time here, I've yet to see any problem, however complicated,
which when you looked at it the right way didn't become still more complicated.
		-- Poul Anderson [on doing research]
%%
After all, I am a liberal myself.
%%
After all, financiers just own things, while a skilled person with a job
he loves has much, much more.
		-- David Brin, "Earth"
%%
After all, it is only the mediocre who are always at their best.
		-- Jean Giraudoux
%%
After all, what was MEDEA? Just another child custody case.
		-- Frank Pierson
%%
After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold-down screws, it will
be discovered that the gasket has been omitted.
%%
After an evening at the theatre and several nightcaps at an intimate little
bistro, the young man whispered to his date, "How do you feel about making
love to men?"
	"That's MY business," she snapped.
	"Ah," he said.	"A professional."
%%
After being asked by a waitress if he wanted his pizza cut into four
slices or eight: "Better make it four. I don't think I can eat eight
pieces."
		-- Yogi Berra
%%
After being killed in a tragic auto accident, Fathers Tom and Mike
were met at Heaven's gate by St. Peter.  St. Peter walked up to them
and said, "Hello, fathers.  Since both of you have been such devoted
servants, for a short time only, you may return to Earth in any form
of your choosing.

St Peter turned to Father Tom and asked, "What form would you like,
Father Tom?"  "I have always wanted to soar like an eagle above the
mountains in the bright sunlight," replied Father Tom.	"It is done,"
said St Peter, and Father Tom found himself soaring above the
mountains.

St. Peter then turned to Father Mike and asked, "What would you like to
return as, Father Mike?"  Father Mike hesitated for a moment and then,
looking rather embarrassed, replied, "Well, I'd like to return as a
stud."	"Are you sure?" asked St. Peter?  "Yes, sir, I am," Mike said.
"Then it is done," stated St. Peter, and Father Mike spent the winter
in Minneapolis in a snow tire.
%%
After cocktails in the Oak Room, the graying millionaire took the blond,
attractive, wholesome, winning young woman up to his suite.  They chatted
for a while, and then kissed on the couch.  A little fondling, some feeling
and petting ... to which the young lady lent herself shyly ... and then they
were in the wide, cool bed, naked together.  They chatted more, established
a communion, a rapport the older man considered remarkably gratifying.	The
girl seemed sympatico, innocent, good.
	"Yes, that was it," he thought, "essentially good.  Why, she could
be my own daughter."  He smiled into the young girl's deep blue eyes.
	"Tell me," he asked, his hand on her breast, "What's a nice girl
like you doing in a hotel like this?"
	"Oh, about $2000 a week, with tips."
%%
After fifteen minutes, I wanted to marry her, and after thirty
minutes I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
		-- Woody Allen, "Take the Money and Run"
%%
After half a day in a beauty salon, she still hasn't been worked on --
they're still busy giving her an estimate.
%%
After ingesting a small amount of the controlled substance,
the teenager began climbing the walls screaming, "Look at me!
I'm a graham cracker.  Watch my arm crumble away!"
%%
After large expenditures of federal, state, and county funds; after much
confusion generated by detours and road blocks; after greatly annoying
the surrounding population with noise, dust, and fumes, the previously
existing traffic jam is relocated by one half-mile.
		-- Alan Deitz
%%
After painstaking and careful analysis of a sample, you are always told
that it is the wrong sample and doesn't apply to the problem.
%%
After repeatedly warding off her date's amorous advances during the evening,
the pretty young thing decided to put her foot down: "See here," she shouted
indignantly.  "This is positively the last time I'm going to tell you `no'."
	"Splendid!" exclaimed her date. "Now we can start making some
progress."
%%
After several years of marriage, Debbie's husband, Mike, died
suddenly.  According to his wishes, Debbie had his body cremated and
placed the remains in a small urn.

     Several weeks later, Debbie came home wearing a full-length mink
coat and an eight-carat diamond ring.  She went into the living room,
removed the urn from the mantel and carefully tapped Mike's ashes into
a small dish on the coffee table.

     "Mike, my beloved Mike," she began,"I wish to talk to you.  Mike,
do you remember, for several years you promised me a mink coat?  Well,
here it is, Mike.  do you like it?

     "And, Mike," she continued, "do you remember, for several years
you promised me a diamond ring? Yes?  You remember?  Here it is, Mike.
Do you like it?

     "Well," Debbie exclaimed, puffing Mike's ashes into the air,
"there's that blow job I was promising you."
%%
After spending a forbidden night on the town, two young nuns were trying
to sneak through the fence surrounding their Convent.
	"You know," giggled one as she held the wire apart for the other
to crawl through, "I feel like a Marine."
	"So do I," the other nun sighed, "but where are we going to
find one at three in the morning?"
%%
After the correction has been found to be in error, it will be
impossible to fit the original quantity back into the equation.
%%
After the game the king and the pawn go in the same box.
		-- Italian proverb
%%
After the party was over, he just sort of lay there, grazing on the
carpet.
%%
After the troll's lightning-fast attack, you note the absence of
your heart and kidneys.
%%
After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
		-- Steven Wright
%%
After this was written there appeared a remarkable posthumous memoir that
throws some doubt on Millikan's leading role in these experiments.  Harvey
Fletcher (1884-1981), who was a graduate student at the University of Chicago,
at Millikan's suggestion worked on the measurement of electronic charge for
his doctoral thesis, and co-authored some of the early papers on this subject
with Millikan.	Fletcher left a manuscript with a friend with instructions
that it be published after his death; the manuscript was published in
Physics Today, June 1982, page 43.  In it, Fletcher claims that he was the
first to do the experiment with oil drops, was the first to measure charges on
single droplets, and may have been the first to suggest the use of oil.
According to Fletcher, he had expected to be co-authored with Millikan on
the crucial first article announcing the measurement of the electronic
charge, but was talked out of this by Millikan.
		-- Steven Weinberg, "The Discovery of Subatomic Particles"

Robert Millikan is generally credited with making the first really
precise measurement of the charge on an electron and was awarded the
Nobel Prize in 1923.
%%
After two or three weeks of this madness, you begin to feel As One with
the man who said, "No news is good news."  In twenty-eight papers, only
the rarest kind of luck will turn up more than two or three articles of
any interest...  but even then the interest items are usually buried
deep around paragraph 16 on the jump (or "Cont.  on ...")  page...

The Post will have a story about Muskie making a speech in Iowa.  The
Star will say the same thing, and the Journal will say nothing at all.
But the Times might have enough room on the jump page to include a line
or so that says something like:  "When he finished his speech, Muskie
burst into tears and seized his campaign manager by the side of the
neck.  They grappled briefly, but the struggle was kicked apart by an
oriental woman who seemed to be in control."

Now that's good journalism.  Totally objective; very active and
straight to the point.
		-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing '72"
%%
After winning the decathlon, Jim Thorpe was told by the King of Sweden, "You
are the world's greatest athlete."
Thorpe replied, "Thanks, King."
%%
After winning the pennant one year, Casey Stengel commented,
"I couldn'ta done it without my players."
%%
After wisdom comes wit.
		-- Evan Esar
%%
After your lover has gone you will still have PEANUT BUTTER!
%%
Again, the truth is funnier than fiction

In Phila 11/7/88 :

The police raided a drug house, seizing coke and crack
and the 5 drug dealers in the house.  As they are
raiding the place, the phone rings.  An officer answers
"Hello?"  The voice says "I coming over with the coke
now"  The officer says "Sure, come on over".  The
police wait.  Sure enough, not one, but four people
arrive at the house with 2 kilos of cocaine.
%%
Against Idleness and Mischief

How doth the little busy bee		How skillfully she builds her cell!
Improve each shining hour,		How neat she spreads the wax!
And gather honey all the day		And labours hard to store it well
From every opening flower!		With the sweet food she makes.

In works of labour or of skill		In books, or work, or healthful play,
I would be busy too;			Let my first years be passed,
For Satan finds some mischief still	That I may give for every day
For idle hands to do.			Some good account at last.
		-- Isaac Watts (1674-1748)
%%
Against boredom, even the gods themselves struggle in vain.
		-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
%%
Against stupidity, even the gods themselves contend in vain.
		-- Isaac Asimov
%%
Age ... is a matter of feeling, not of years.
		-- George William Curtis
%%
Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill
		-- attrib to D. W. Jones
%%
Age appears best in four things:  old wood to burn, old wine to drink,
old friends to trust, and old authors to read.
		-- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Age before beauty ... And pearls before swine.
		-- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967) from "The Book of Insults"
%%
Age does not depend upon years, but upon temperment and health.  Some
men are born old, and some never grow so.
		-- Tyron Edwards
%%
Age is a tyrant, who forbids, at the penalty of life, all the pleasures
of youth.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.
%%
Age sits with decent grace upon his visage, and worthily becomes his
silver locks; he bears the marks of many years well spent, of virtue
truth well tried, and wise experience.
		-- Rowe
%%
Agent Orange!
... and now! New Agent Grape!
%%
Aggression which is flagitious when committed by one, is not sanctioned
when committed by a host.
		-- Herbert Spencer
%%
Aggressiveness in worldly affairs or business will benefit your purse.
%%
Agitation is that part of our intellectual life where vitality results;
there ideas are born, breed and bring forth.
		-- Geroge Edward Woodberry
%%
Agitation is the atmosphere of the brains.
		-- Wendell Phillips
%%
Agitation is the marshalling of the conscience of a nation to mold its
laws.
		-- Robert Peel
%%
Agnosticism is the philosophical, ethical and religious dry-rot of the
modern world.
		-- F. E. Abbot
%%
Agnosticism simply means that a man shall not say he knows or believes
that for which he has no grounds for professing to believe.
		-- Thomas Henry Huxley (1825-1895)
%%
Agony!
Beyond power of speech
When the one thing you want
Is the one thing that's out of your reach.
		-- Into the Woods
%%
Agoraphobia
the claustrophobic man got sick of his small room,
    so he moved into his closet.
%%
Agree with them now, it will save so much time.
%%
Ah!  the youngest heart has the same waves within it as the oldest; but
without the plummet which can measure the depths.
		-- Richter
%%
Ah! Valere, all men say the same thing to women; all are alike in their
words; their actions only show the difference that exists between them.
		-- Moliere
%%
Ah! curst ambition! to thy lures we owe,
All the great ills that mortals bear below.
		-- Teckell
%%
Ah! what would the world be to us
If the children were no more?
We should dread the desert behind us
Worse than the dark before.
		-- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
%%
Ah, Louie, Louie....oowooo...me gotta go!!
%%
Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach,
Or what's a heaven for ?
		-- Robert Browning [Andrea del Sarto]
%%
Ah, but soft milk -- that's another matter.
%%
Ah, so soon they forget...
%%
Ah, the Tsar's bazaar's bizarre beaux-arts!
%%
Ah, the life of a frog; that's the life for me.
		-- Bart in "Crepes of Wrath", from The Simpsons
%%
Ah, to be a buzzard now that spring is here!
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Ah, what a dusty answer gets the soul when hot for certainties in this
our life!
		-- George Meredith
%%
Ah, yes, 'Sparkling Muscatel', one of the fine wines of Idaho!
%%
Aha!!! It's.... no, that's not it.
%%
Ahead warp factor one, Mr. Sulu.
%%
Ahh shit!!!
%%
Ahhhhhhhh,
I forget what I was going to say.
%%
Aide to Raygun:  Sir, the poor are outside protesting your budget cuts.
Raygun himself:  Tell them they'll have to help themselves.
Aide to Raygun:  Sir, the Pentagon wants another $30 billion.
Raygun himself:  Tell them to help themselves.
%%
Aide:	 Sir, the poor are outside protesting your budget cuts.
Clinton: Tell them they'll have to help themselves.
Aide:	 Sir, Social Security wants another $30 billion.
Clinton: Tell them to help themselves.
%%
Aim at the sun, any you may not reach it; but your arrow will fly far
higher than if aimed at an object on a level with yourself.
		-- Joel Hawes
%%
Aim for the moon.  If you miss, you may hit a star.
		-- W. Clement Stone
%%
Ain't it the truth!
%%
Ain't no horse can't be rode; ain't no cowboy can't be throwed.
%%
Air Family:
	Describes the false sense of community experienced among
coworkers in an office environment.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Air Force Inertia Axiom:
	Consistency is always easier to defend than correctness.
%%
Airy ambition, soaring high.
		-- Sheffield
%%
Alan Shepherd, one of the Apollo astronauts, said during a press meeting:
	"It's a very sobering feeling to be up in space and realize that one's
	safety factor was determined by the lowest bidder on a government
	contract."
%%
Alas for the Countess d'Isere,
Whose muff wasn't furnished with hair.
	Said the Count, "Quelle surprise!"
	When he parted her thighs;
"Magnifique!  Pourtant pas de la guerre."
%%
Alas! can we ring the bells backward?  Can we unlearn the arts that
pretend to civilize, and then burn the world?  There is a march of
science; but who shall beat the drums for its retreat?
		-- Charles Lamb (1775-1834)
%%
Alas! while the body stands so broad and brawny, must the soul lie
blinded, dwarfed, stupefied, almost annihilated?  Alas! this was, too, a
breath of God, bestowed in heaven, but on earth never to be unfolded!
		-- Carlyle
%%
Alas, I am dying beyond my means.
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900),
		   as he sipped champagne on his deathbed
%%
Alas, how love can trifle with itself!
		-- William Shakespeare, "The Two Gentlemen of Verona"
%%
Alas, reason is not effective against faith, or against searches for
miracles by the desperate.
		-- Dr. Michael B. Shimkin
%%
Alas, there's not much left of the candles.  Certainly not enough to
burn.
%%
Alaska is our biggest, buggiest, boggiest state. Texas remains our largest
unfrozen state. But mountainous Utah, if ironed out flat, would take up more
space on a map than either.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Alaska's chief attractions are: (a) its small and insignificant human
population, thanks to the miserable climate; and (b) its large and magnificent
wildlife population, thanks to (a). Both of these attractions are being
rapidly diminished, however, by (c) the Law of Growth and Space-Age Sleaze.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Albert Camus wrote that the only serious question is whether to kill yourself
or not.  Tom Robbins wrote that the only serious question is whether time has
a beginning and an end.  Camus clearly got up on the wrong side of bed, and
Robbins must have forgotten to set the alarm.
		-- Tom Robbins
%%
Albert Einstein was a late talker as a child. His parents were
understandably worried. finally at the supper table one evening,
He broke his silence to say, "The soup is too hot." Greatly relieved,
his parents asked why he never said a word before. Young Albert
replied, "Because up to now everything was in order."
%%
Albrecht's Law:
	Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well-being.
%%
Alcohol -
	guaranteed to consume 20 times its own weight in excess reality.
%%
Alcohol can impair one's judgement and spelllling.
%%
Alcohol is not a problem, until you can't get any.
%%
Alcohol prohibition didn't work; drug prohibition doesn't work; gun
prohibition won't work.
		-- Clayton E. Cramer, optilink!cramer
%%
Alcohol, hashish, prussic acid, strychnine are weak dilutions.
The surest poison is time.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Society and Solitude"
%%
Alcoholism is not a disease, it's a goal.
%%
Aldebaran's great, okay,
Algol's pretty neat,
Betelgeuse's pretty girls
Will knock you off your feet.
They'll do anything you like
Real fast and then real slow,
But if you have to take me apart to get me there
Then I don't want to go.

[Chorus]

Take me apart, take me apart,
What a way to roam
And if you have to take me apart to get me there
I'd rather stay at home.
		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Alex came home from a business trip to Chicago and found no one home but his
daughter Rose, who was crying bitterly.
	"What's the matter, darling?" asked Alex.
	"Mommy almost died last night," sobbed Rose.
	"That's nonsense," said the father.  "Why do you say that?"
	"Well," said Rose,"you always told us that when we die we'll see God;
so when I heard Mommy moaning last night I rushed to her bedroom and she was
screaming, "Oh God, here I come," and she would have but Uncle Jerry held her
down."
%%
Alexander Portnoy does it alone.
%%
Alexis Position
%%
Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking
about.
%%
Algebraists do it in groups.
%%
Algebraists do it with homomorphisms.
%%
Algol 60 was an improvement on most of its successors.
		-- C. A. R. Hoare
%%
Algol programmers block it out.
%%
Algol-60 surely must be regarded as the most
important programming language yet developed.
		-- T. Cheatham
%%
Algorithmic analysts do it with a combinatorial explosion.
%%
Alia jacta est. (The die is cast.)
		-- Gaius Julius Caesar (100-44 B.C.) after crossing the Rubicon
%%
Alice Fairinlov
%%
Alienation can be fun.
%%
Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
%%
Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.
		-- Arthur Baer
%%
Alimony is paying for something you don't get.
%%
Alimony is the high cost of leaving.
%%
Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
%%
Alive without breath,
As cold as death;
Never thirsty, ever drinking,
All in mail ever clinking.
%%
All American cars are basically Chevrolets.
		-- Herb Caen
%%
All E-mail gladly received. Offensive reply ASAP.
%%
All Governments, including the worst on earth and the most tyrannical on
earth, are free Governments to that portion of the people who voluntarily
support them.
		-- Lysander Spooner
%%
All Hail Discordia!
%%
All I know is what the words know, and dead things, and that
makes a handsome little sum, with a beginning and a middle and
an end, as in the well-built phrase and the long sonata of the dead.
		-- Samuel Beckett
%%
All I really want in life is a piece and some quiet.
%%
All I was doing was appealing for an endorsement, not suggesting you
endorse it.
		-- President George Bush, on his economic growth
		   proposal, speaking to Colorado Governor Roy Romer
%%
All I've got left on the list of desirable vocations is heiress to the
throne of any country in Western Europe and Laurie Anderson.  "Be
practical", was the choral reply from the dinner table.  Well, Laurie
Anderson is already Laurie Anderson, but I read an article in Harpers
that said there were eleven countries, in the world this is I think,
that have queens as sovereign rulers.  That's probably my best shot.
%%
All a MACRO hacker needs is a tight PUSHJ, a loose pair of UUOs,
and a warm place to shift.
%%
All a biker needs is a tight paceline, a loose groove,
and a warm place to sprint.
%%
All a man needs out of life is a place to sit 'n' spit in the fire.
%%
All absolute pronouncements are incorrect.
%%
All airline pilots sound like Johnny Cash.
%%
All ambitions are lawful except those which climb upward on the miseries
or credulities of mankind.
		-- Joseph Conrad
%%
All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.
		-- George Orwell (1903-1950), "Animal Farm" 1945
%%
All are in accord. Remorse disappears.
%%
All art is a revolt against man's fate.
		-- Andre Malraux
%%
All art is but imitation of nature.
		-- Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 B.C. - A.D. 65)
%%
All authority belongs to the people.
		-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
%%
All authority is quite degrading.
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
All ballpoint pens are lost before they run out of ink.
%%
All buses heading in the opposite direction drive off the face of the
earth and never return.
		-- John Corcoran
%%
All business proceeds on beliefs, or judgements or probabilities, and
not on certainties..
		-- Charles Eliot
%%
All cats are NOT gray after midnight.  Endless variety ...
%%
All cats are grey in the dark.
%%
All ceremonies are, in themselves, very silly things; but yet a man of
the world should know them.  They are the outworks of manners and
decency, which would be too often broken in upon, if it were not for
that defence, which keeps the enemy at a proper distance.  It is for
this reason that I always treat fools with great ceremony: true good
breeding not being a sufficient barrier against them.
		-- Chesterfield
%%
All change is not growth; all movement is not forward.
		-- Ellen Glasgow
%%
All changes are good.
%%
All committee reports conclude that "it is not prudent to change the
policy [or procedure, or organization, or whatever] at this time."
		-- Thomas L. Martin
%%
All computers wait at the same speed.
%%
All constants are variables.
%%
All countries hate their immediate neighbors and like the next but one.
(For example, the Poles hate the Germans, Russians, Czechs, and
Lithuanians, and they like the French, Hungarians, Italians, and
Latvians.)
		-- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
All courageous animals are carnivorous, and greater courage is to be
expected in a people, such as the English, whose food is strong and
hearty, than in the half starved commonalty of other countries.
		-- Sir W. Temple
%%
All dams are ugly, but the Glen Canyon Dam is sinful ugly.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
All day long the superior man is creatively active.
At nightfall his mind is beset with cares.
Danger. No blame.
%%
All delivery promises must be multiplied by a factor of 2.0.
%%
All diplomacy is a continuation of war by other means.
		-- Chou En-lai (1898-?)
%%
All dressed up and nowhere to go.
%%
All elevated thinking ends in a sigh.
%%
All experience is an arch wherethrough gleams that untravelled world.
		-- Tennyson
%%
All files, papers, memos, etc., that you save will never be needed until
such time as they are disposed of, when they will become essential and
indispensable.
		-- John Corcoran
%%
All forms of government are pernicious, including good government.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
All general statements are false.
		-- R. H. Grenier
%%
All generalizations are bad.
%%
All generalizations are useless, including this one.
%%
All gods have feet of clay.
%%
All gold is fool's gold.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
All good management is the expression of one great idea.
%%
All government programs have three things in common: a beginning, a
muddle, and no end.
%%
All government, indeed every human benefit and enjoyment, every virtue,
and every prudent act, is founded on compromise and barter.
		-- Edmund Burke
%%
All governments need enemies. How else to justify their existence?
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
All governments require enemy governments.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
		-- Young
%%
All great truths begin as blasphemies.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Annajanska"
%%
All guns are loaded.
%%
All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast.
%%
All heiresses are beautiful.
		-- John Dryden (1631-1700)
%%
All hierarchies contain administrators and managers, and they tend to
appear at alternating levels in the hierarchy.
		-- Thomas L. Martin
%%
All his life he has looked away... to the horizon, to the sky,
to the future.	Never his mind on where he was, on what he was doing.
		-- Yoda
%%
All hope abandon, ye who enter here!
		-- Dante Alighieri (1265-1321)
%%
All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here.
%%
All hope abandon, ye who press ENTER here
%%
All horses in Ft. Lauderdale must have horns and taillights.
%%
All human discoveries seem to be made only for the purpose of confirming
more and more strongly the truths that come from on high and are
contained in the sacred writings.
		-- John F. Herschel
%%
All in all, I'd rather be moose hunting.
%%
All in all, it's just another brick in the wall ...
%%
All in favor say aye.
%%
All innovation is accomplished by lazy people who were tired of
doing things the hard way.
%%
All interference in human conduct has the potential for causing harm--no
matter how innocuous the procedure.
%%
All is One? But One is so Many!
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
All is but lip wisdom which wants experience.
		-- Sir Philip Sydney
%%
All is discovered!  Flee at once!
%%
All is fear in love and war.
%%
All is flux, nothing stays still.
		-- Heraclitus (540?-480? B.C.)
%%
All it takes to fly is to hurl yourself at the ground... and miss.
		-- Douglas Adams
%%
All kings is mostly rapscallions.
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
All laws are simulations of reality.
		-- John C. Lilly
%%
All laws, whether good, bad, or indifferent, must be obeyed to the
letter.
%%
All lawyers should be shot.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
All life evolves by the differential survival of replicating entities.
		-- Dawkins
%%
All life is barriers. All growth is the transcendence of barriers. It's the
dividing line that makes everything possible. Without it, there's nothing but
soup.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
All life is based on death. Nothing exists except by feeding on something else.
Even photosynthesis depends on the heat-death of the sun. Humanity is not
exempt. Embalming doesn't cheat the worms, it cheats the system. But only
temporarily.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
All life's answers are on TV.
		-- Bart Simpson
%%
All mailwomen have perfect posture.
%%
All mankind is divided into three classes:  those that are
immovable, those that are moveable, and those that move.
		-- Arabic proverb
%%
All math classes begin at 8 AM; also, movies on Federal Government.
		-- M. M. Johnston
%%
All men are born naked.
		-- Carlos Eduardo Novaes
%%
All men are created equal, but some must be sent to Siberia.
%%
All men are created unequal.
%%
All men can be lead to believe the lie they want to believe.
		-- Italo Bombolini
%%
All men can be reached by flattery, even God can (what, after all, is
prayer?).
		-- Italo Bombolini
%%
All men have the right to wait in line.
		-- Carlos Eduardo Novaes
%%
All men know the utility of useful things;
but they do not know the utility of futility.
		-- Chuang-tzu
%%
All men look like geeks for a period of 72 hours following a haircut.
%%
All men profess honesty as long as they can.
To believe all men honest would be folly.
To believe none so is something worse.
		-- John Quincy Adams (1767-1848)
%%
All models over 18 years of age.
%%
All monsters are created evil, but some are more evil than others.
%%
All most people want is a little more than they'll ever get.
%%
All my friends are getting married,
Yes, they're all growing old,
They're all staying home on the weekend,
They're all doing what they're told.
%%
All nature is but art, unknown to thee;
All chance, direction, which thou canst not see;
All discord, harmony not understood;
All partial evil, universal good;
And spite of pride, in erring reason's spite,
One truth is clear, Whatever is, is right.
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
All newspaper editorial writers ever do is come down from the hills
after the battle is over and shoot the wounded.
		-- Anonymous
%%
All of adventuredom gives tribute to you, adventurer grandmaster!
%%
All of the animals excepting man know that the principal business of
life is to enjoy it.
		-- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
%%
All of the objects in the # spill out.
%%
All of the sensor screens show the same thing -- endless stars and a
vast void of nothingness.  A small status indicator reads "Condition
green".
%%
All of us have mortal bodies, composed of perishable matter, but the
soul lives forever:  it is a portion of the Deity housed in our bodies.
		-- Flavius Josephus
%%
All of us who are worth anything, spend our manhood in unlearning the
follies, or expiating the mistakes of our youth.
		-- Shelley
%%
All our actions take
their hues from the complexion of the heart.
As landscapes their variety from light.
		-- W. T. Bacon
%%
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death
than the animals that know nothing.
		-- Maurice Maeterlinck
%%
All parts should go together without forcing.  You must remember that the
parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you.  Therefore, if you
can't get them together again, there must be a reason.	By all means, do
not use a hammer.
		-- IBM maintenance manual (1925)
%%
All people are born alike -- except Republicans and Democrats.
		-- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
All philosophy lies in two words, sustain and abstain.
		-- Epictetus
%%
All policy interventions in social problems produce the intended
effect--If the research is carried out by those implementing the policy
or their friends.
		-- James Q. Wilson
%%
All possibility of understanding is rooted in the ability to say no.
		-- Susan Sontag
%%
All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
		-- D. W. Jones
%%
All power rests on hierarchy: An army is nothing but a well-organized lynch
mob.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
All programmers are optimists.	Perhaps this modern sorcery especially
attracts those who believe in happy endings and fairy godmothers.
Perhaps the hundreds of nitty frustrations drive away all but those who
habitually focus on the end goal.  Perhaps it is merely that computers
are young, programmers are younger, and the young are always optimists.
But however the selection process works, the result is indisputable:
"This time it will surely run," or "I just found the last bug."
		-- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., The Mythical Man Month
%%
All programmers want arrays!
%%
All progress is based upon the universal innate desire on the part of
every organism to live beyond its income.
		-- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
%%
All real programs contain errors until proved otherwise,
which is impossible.
		-- Tom Gibb
%%
All red-haired guys are good golfers.
%%
All religions have in common the periodical childlike surrender to a Provider
or providers who dispense earthly fortune as well as spiritual health; some
demonstrations of man's smallness by means of reduced posture and humble
gesture, the admission in prayer and song of misdeeds, of misthoughts, and
of evil intentions; fervent appeal for inner unification by divine guidance;
and finally, the insight that individual trust must become part of the ritual
practice of man, and must become a sign of trustworthiness in the community.
		-- psychologist Erik Erikson
%%
All religions issue Bibles against Satan, and say the most
injurious things against him, but we never hear his side.
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
All revolutions have failed? Perhaps. But rebellion for good cause is self-
justifying--a good in itself. Rebellion transforms slaves into human beings,
if only for an hour.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
All riches come from iniquity, and unless one has lost, another cannot
gain.  Hence that common opinion seems to be very true, "the rich man is
unjust, or the heir to an unjust one."	Opulence is always the result of
theft, if not committed by the actual possessor, than by his
predecessor.
		-- St. Jerome (340?-420)
%%
All right, go lie upon the beach,
To bake beyond the water's reach;
But if you're blistered when you quit,
Remember that you basked for it.
		-- Anthony B. Lake
%%
All right, pilgrim. This is between you and me!
		-- A. Hamilton
%%
All right, who cut the cheese?
%%
All right.  But don't blame me if something goes wr......
			--- POOF!! ---
You are engulfed in a cloud of orange smoke.  Coughing and gasping,
you emerge from the smoke and find....
%%
All roads lead to Amber
%%
All roads lead to Rome.
%%
All roads lead to Trantor, and that is where all stars end.
%%
All science is concerned with the relationship of cause and effect.
Each scientific discovery increases man's ability to predict the
consequences of his actions and thus his ability to control future
events.
		-- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
		-- Ernest Rutherford
%%
All scientific discoveries are first recorded on napkins or tablecloths.
Engineering advances are drawn inside matchbook covers.  Keep supplies
of them handy at all times.
%%
All seems condemned in the long run
to approximate a state akin to Gaussian noise.
		-- James Martin
%%
All sensible people are selfish, and nature is tugging at every contract
to make the terms of it fair.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Conduct of Life"
%%
All serious writers want the obvious rewards: fame, money, women, love--and
most of all, an audience!
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
All societies are based on rules to protect pregnant women and young children.
All else is surplusage, excrescence, adornment, luxury, or folly which can -
and must - be dumped in emergency to preserve this prime function.  As racial
survival is the only universal morality, no other basic is possible.  Attempts
to formulate a "perfect society" on any other foundation other than "Women and
children first!" is not only witless, it is automatically genocidal.
Nevertheless, starry-eyed idealists (all of them male) have tried endlessly-
and no doubt will keep on trying.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
All stressed out, and no one to choke...
%%
All students who obtain a B will feel cheated out of an A.
		-- M. M. Johnston
%%
All such expressions as SQRT(-1), SQRT(-2) ... are neither nothing,
nor greater than nothing, nor less than nothing, which necessarily
constitutes them imaginary or impossible.
		-- L. Euler
%%
All sunshine makes a desert.
%%
All technology expands the space, contracts the time, and destroys the
working group.
		-- Eugen Rosenstock-Huessy
%%
All that glisters is not gold.
Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
All that is gold does not glitter,
     Nor all those who wander are lost;
   The old that is strong does not wither,
     Deep roots are not touched by the frost.
		-- J. R. R. Tolkien
%%
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
		-- J. R. R. Tolkien
%%
All that is not forbidden is mandatory.
%%
All that is not mandatory is forbidden.
%%
All that time is lost which might be better employed.
		-- Jean Jacques Rousseau
%%
All that was new in them was false and what was true was old.
		-- Opinion of Darwin's findings
%%
All that you touch,		And all you create,
All that you see,		And all you destroy,
All that you taste,		All that you do,
All you feel,			And all you say,
And all that you love,		All that you eat,
And all that you hate,		And everyone you meet,
All you distrust,		All that you slight,
All you save,			And everyone you fight,
And all that you give,		And all that is now,
And all that you deal,		And all that is gone,
All that you buy,		And all that's to come,
Beg, borrow or steal,		And everything under the sun is in tune,
				But the sun is eclipsed
				By the moon.

[There is no dark side of the moon...really... matter of fact it's all dark]
		-- Pink Floyd, "Eclipse", Dark Side of the Moon
%%
All the cops in the donut shops say 'way-oh, way-oh'.
%%
All the evidence concerning the universe
has not yet been collected, so there's still hope.
%%
All the female apes ran from King Kong
For his dong was unspeakably long.
	But a friendly giraffe
	Quaffed his yard and a half,
And ecstatically burst into song.
%%
All the girls around you say "You got it coming",
but you get it while you can.
%%
All the girls in France, do a hookie-kookie dance,
And you know the way they shake, is enough to fry a snake,
And the snake they fry, is enough to tell a lie,
And the lie they tell, is enough to go to
Hello, operator, give me number nine,
If you disconnect me, I'll kick you in the
Behind the 'frigerator, there was a piece of glass,
If you do not pick it up, I'll kick you in the
Ask me no more questions, tell me no more lies,
This is what Lulu told me, just before she died.
She had a little brother, she named him Tiny Tim,
She put him in the potty, to see if he could swim.
He swam down to the bottom, he swam up to the top,
Lulu got disgusted, and flushed him down the pot.
		-- Princess
%%
All the good stuff at the right price ... National Lumber.
%%
All the lights are frozen;
The cursor blinks blandly.
Soon, I shall see the dump.
%%
All the lines have been written There's been Sandburg,
It's sad but it's true			Keats, Poe and McKuen
With all the words gone,		They all had their day
What's a young poet to do?		And knew what they're doin'

But of all the words written		The bird is a strange one,
And all the lines read, 	So small and so tender
There's one I like most,		Its breed still unknown,
And by a bird it was said!		Not to mention its gender.

It reminds me of days of		So what is this line
Both gloom and of light.		Whose author's unknown
It still lifts my spirits		And still makes me giggle
And starts the day right.		Even now that I'm grown?

I've read all the greats
Both starving and fat,
But none was as great as
"I tot I taw a puddy tat."
		-- Etta Stallings, "An Ode To Childhood"
%%
All the news that fits, we print.
		-- Alfred E. Newman
%%
All the passions make us commit faults; love makes us commit the most
ridiculous ones.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.
		-- Grant Wood
%%
All the simple programs have been written.
%%
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or
fattening.
		-- Alexander Woollcott
%%
All the troubles of man come from his not knowing how to sit still.
		-- Pascal
%%
All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
%%
All the waters of the earth are in the armpit of the Great Frog.
		-- Robert Crumb
%%
All the work you will do will be written to 'WRITE-ONLY' memory
%%
All the world's a stage.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
All theoretical chemistry is really physics;
and all theoretical chemists know it.
		-- Richard Phillips Feynman (1918-1988)
%%
All things are either sacred or profane.
The former to ecclesiasts bring gain;
The latter to the devil appertain.
		-- Dumbo Omohundro
%%
All things are green unless they are not.
%%
All things are only transitory.
		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
All things are subject to fixed laws.
		-- Marcus Manilius
%%
All things being equal, all things are never equal.
		-- Marshall L. Smith
%%
All things being equal, you are bound to lose.
%%
All things considered, insanity is the only alternative.
%%
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative
%%
All things dull and ugly,		 Each little snake that poisons,
All creatures short and squat,		      Each little wasp that stings,
All things rude and nasty,		  He made their brutish venom,
The Lord God made the lot;		  He made their horrid wings.

All things sick and cancerous,		      Each nasty little hornet,
All evil great and small,		 Each beastly little squid.
All things foul and dangerous,		      Who made the spikey urchin?
The Lord God made them all.		   Who made the sharks? He did.

All things scabbed and ulcerous,
All pox both great and small.
Putrid, foul and gangrenous,
The Lord God made them all.
		-- Monty Python
%%
All things now enjoyed by civilization have been created by some man and
sold by another man before anybody really enjoyed the benefits of them.
		-- James G. Daly
%%
All things that are, are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.
		-- William Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice"
%%
All things whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, do ye even
so to them.
		-- Matthew VII, 12
%%
All this big deal about white collar crime -- what's WRONG with white collar
crime?	Who enjoys his job today?  You?  Me?  Anybody?	The only satisfying
part of any job is coffee break, lunch hour and quitting time.	Years ago
there was at least the hope of improvement -- eventual promotion -- more
important jobs to come.  Once you can be sold the myth that you may make
president of the company you'll hardly ever steal stamps.  But nobody
believes he's going to be president anymore.  The more people change jobs
the more they realize that there is a direct connection between working for
a living and total stupefying boredom.	So why NOT take revenge?  You're not
going to find ME knocking a guy because he pads an expense account and his
home stationery carries the company emblem.  Take away crime from the white
collar worker and you will rob him of his last vestige of job interest.
		-- J. Feiffer
%%
All this buttoning and unbuttoning.
		-- 18th Century suicide note
%%
All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun.
Money's just the way we keep score.
		-- Henry Tyroon
%%
All those things which are now held to be of the greatest antiquity,
were at one time new; and what we today hold up by example, will rank
hereafter as precedent.
		-- Tacitus (55?-120?)
%%
All those who are opposed to the plan I am about to propose will reply
by saying "I resign."
%%
All those who dread uncertainty either because of timidity or from
conventional-mindedness or for fear of material loss are enlisted
under the conservative standard.
		-- Arthur M. Schlesinger, Sr. (1888-1965)
%%
All together now, three times real fast:

		 PLEASANT VALLEY PHEASANT PLUCKERS
%%
All true wisdom is found in computer fortune programs.
%%
All vacations and holiday's create problems, except for ones own.
%%
All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
%%
All warranty and guarantee clauses
become null and void upon payment of invoice.
%%
All wars are ironic because all wars are worse than expected.
%%
All was well with the Dowager Duchess
When trapped in the mad rapist's clutches.
	Till he turned on the light,
	Took one look, said good night
So she hit him with one of her crutches.	<Don't back out now>
%%
All welfare and adversity that come to man and other creatures come
through the Seven and the Twelve.  Twelve signs of the Zodiac, as the
Religion says are the twelve commanders on the side of light; and the
seven planets are said to be the seven commanders on the side of
darkness.  And the seven planets oppress all creation and deliver it
over to death and all manner of evil: for the twelve signs of the Zodiac
and the seven planets rule the fate of the world.
		-- The Menok i Xrat
%%
All who have meditated on the art of governing mankind have been
convinced that the fate of empires depends on the education of youth.
		-- Aristotle
%%
All who joy would win Must share it --
Happiness was born a twin.
		-- Lord Byron
%%
All women are beautiful, some are just less
beautiful than others.
%%
All women named Jennifer have perfect teeth.
%%
All work and no play, will make you a manager.
%%
All work is an act of philosophy.  And when men learn to consider
productive work -- and that which is its source -- as the standard
of their moral values, they will reach that state of perfection which
is the birthright they lost ... The source of work?  Man's mind.
		-- Hugh Akston
%%
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success
is sure.
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
All you need to be a fisherman is patience and bait.
%%
All your fantasies will come true after your imagination is surgically removed.
%%
All your files have been destroyed (sorry).  Paul.
%%
All's well that ends well.
		-- E. A. Poe
%%
Allow me to congratulate you sir. You have the most totally
closed mind that I've ever encountered.
		-- Pertwee Doctor, FRONTIER IN SPACE
%%
Allow no man to be so free with you as to praise you to your face.  Your
vanity by this means will want its food.  At the same time your passion
for esteem will be more fully gratified; men will praise you in their
actions: where you now receive one compliment, you will then receive
twenty civilities.
		-- Steele
%%
Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom
we cannot resemble.
		-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
Almost any misfortune is preferable to a worse one.
%%
Almost anything derogatory you could say about todays's software
design would be accurate.
		-- Kenneth E. Iverson
%%
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
		-- Agnes Allen
%%
Almost as soon as the # breathes his last, a cloud of
sinister black smoke envelops him, and when the fog lifts, the
carcass has disappeared.
%%
Almost everything you do will be insignificant, but it is very
important that you do it.
		-- Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948)
%%
Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically
deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone
believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.
		-- Sydney J. Harris
%%
Almost nothing is impossible if you put the screws to the right people.
%%
Aloha.
%%
Along the south side, so cold that we cried, were we ever colder on that
day, a million miles away, it seemed from all of eternity.
%%
Alpenglow: Feeling of contentment and inner warmth induced by liberal doses of
medicinal brandy.
 		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Alpenstock: limited number of shares in mountain real estate
		-- "An Alphabet for Mountaineers", Climbing 1982
%%
Already the spirit of our schooling is permeated with the feeling that
every subject, every topic, every fact, every professed truth must be
submitted to a certain publicity and impartiality.  All proffered
samples of learning must go to the same assay-room and be subjected to
common tests.  It is the essence of all dogmatic faiths to hold that
any such "show-down" is sacrilegious and perverse.  The characteristic
of religion, from their point of view, is that it is intellectually
secret, not public; peculiarly revealed, not generall known;
authoritatively declared, not communicated and tested in ordinary
ways...It is pertinent to point out that, as long as religion is
conceived as it is now by the great majority of professed religionists,
there is something self-contradictory in speaking of education in
religion in the same sense in which we speak of education in topics
where the method of free inquiry has made its way.  The "religious"
would be the last to be willing that either the history of the
content of religion should be taught in this spirit; while those
to whom the scientific standpoint is not merely a technical device,
but is the embodiment of the integrity of mind, must protest against
its being taught in any other spirit.
		-- John Dewey (1859-1953), American philosopher,
		   from "Democracy in the Schools", 1908
%%
Alternate rest and labor long endure.
		-- Ovid
%%
Although I believe that the economy is on the right track, let me be
the first to say that all is not well.
		-- President George Bush, September 1991
%%
Although a wise man might urge that one should suffer fools gladly, this
should not be construed as license for any fool to demand that one do so.
		-- Frederic William Kantor
%%
Although men flatter themselves with their great actions, they are not
so often the result of a great design as of chance.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Although the implementers are gone, they foresaw that some cretin
would tamper with their remains.  Therefore, they took steps to
prevent this.
%%
Although today there are many trial marriages, there is no such thing as
a trial child.
		-- Gary Wills
%%
Although you are perfectly capable, emit erotic noises only when
absolutely necessary.
%%
Although you tied it incorrectly, the rope becomes free.
%%
Alvin Toffler will do it in the future.
%%
Always acknowledge a fault.  This will throw those in authority off their
guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Always be aware of the phase of the moon!
%%
Always be foolish, but never be stupid.
%%
Always be nice to receptionists and secretaries.
%%
Always be nice to those younger than you, because they are the ones
who will be writing about you.
		-- Cyril Connolly, "Journal and Memoir" 1983
%%
Always be sincere. Even if you have to fake it.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Always be suspicious of an associate who never finds fault with you.
%%
Always cut the cards.
%%
Always distrust offices not under your jurisdiction which say that they
are there to serve you.  "Support" offices in a bureaucracy tend to grow
in size and make demands on you out of proportion to their service and
in the end require more effort on your part than their service is worth.
		-- Douglas Evelyn
%%
Always do right.
This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Always do the hard part first.	If the hard part is impossible, why
waste time on the easy part?  Once the hard part is done, you're home free.

Always do the easy part first.	What you think at first is the
easy part often turns out to be the hard part.	Once the easy
part is done, you can concentrate all your efforts on the hard part.
		-- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
Always do what you are afraid to do.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Always give your people the credit that is rightfully theirs.  To do
otherwise is both morally and ethically dishonest.
%%
Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty.
%%
Always hire a rich attorney.
%%
Always keep the office door closed.  This puts visitors on the defensive
and also makes it look as if you are always in an important conference.
%%
Always laugh at yourself first - before others do.
%%
Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.
%%
Always leave room, when writing a report, to add an explanation
if it doesn't work.
%%
Always lick the suction cup before you shoot the dart gun at the TV set.
		-- Proverb from "Life in Hell"
%%
Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why.
Then do it.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Always look over your shoulder because everyone is watching and plotting
against you.
%%
Always pray that your opposition be wicked.  In wickedness, there is a
strong strain toward rationality.  Therefore, there is always the
possibility, in theory, of handling the wicked by outthinking them.
		-- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Always put off till tomorrow what you shouldn't do at all.
		-- Morris Mandel, "The Jewish Press"
%%
Always remember some people are more human than others.
%%
Always remember, however, that there's usually a simpler and better way
to do something than the first way that pops into your head.
		-- Donald E. Knuth, "TeXbook"
%%
Always remember, pillage BEFORE you burn!
%%
Always run a yellow light.
%%
Always sort the small file first.
		-- Dick Munroe
%%
Always stay in with the outs.
		-- David Halberstan
%%
Always store beer in a cold place. Preferably 14 Willow Lane.
%%
Always store beer in a dark place.
%%
Always tell her she is beautiful, especially if she is not.
%%
Always tell him he is handsome, especially if he is not.
%%
Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.
		-- William Shakespeare, "As You Like It"
%%
Always there remain portions of our heart
into which no one is able to enter, invite them as we may.
%%
Always think of each day of your life as your last, because someday
you will be right.
%%
Always think of something new; this helps you forget your last rotten idea.
		-- Seth Frankel
%%
Always tip well.
%%
Always verify your witchcraft.
%%
Alzheimers advantage: New friends every day.
%%
Amans tam erat lie sing hero ad digito ut mando.
%%
Amash, faplap!
%%
Amateur Time Lord
%%
Amazingly Mind-bogglingly Stupid Question #7432:
    "Is there a Roman numeral for zero?"
%%
Ambidextrous instructors will erase with one hand while writing with the
other.
		-- M. M. Johnston
%%
Ambition has one heel nailed in well, though she stretch her fingers to
touch the heavens.
		-- William Lilly
%%
Ambition is a lust that is never quenched, but grows more inflamed and
madder by enjoyment.
		-- Thomas Otway
%%
Ambition is an idol, on whose wings
Great minds are carried only to extreme;
To be sublimely great or to be nothing.
		-- Southey
%%
Ambition is like love, impatient both of delays and rivals.
		-- Denham
%%
Ambition is not a vice of little people.
		-- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592)
%%
Ambition is so powerful a passion in the human breast, that however high
we reach we are never satisfied.
		-- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)
%%
Ambition is the germ from which all growth of nobleness proceeds.
		-- Thomas Dunn English
%%
Ambition is the last refuge of failure.
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Ambition often puts men upon doing the mesaest offices:  so climbing is
performed in the same posture with creeping.
		-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Ambition usually progresses through the following stages: to be like Dad
... to be a millionaire ... to make enough to pay the bills ... to hang
on long enough to draw a pension.
%%
Ambition's like a circle on the water, which never ceases to enlarge
itself, 'till by broad spreading it disperse to nought.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Ambition, idly vain; revenge and malice swell her train.
		-- Penrose
%%
Ambition:  The dropsy'd thirst of empire, wealth or fame.
		-- Nugent
%%
Ambition:  The glorious frailty of the noble mind.
		-- Hoole
%%
Amending the Constitution to protect the flag is not a matter of
partisan politics.  It's an American issue.
		-- President George Bush, holding a miniature version
		   of the Iwo Jima memorial
%%
America ... a great social and economic experiment, noble in motive and
far- reaching in purpose.
		-- Herbert Hoover (1874-1964)
%%
America My Country: last nation on earth to abolish human slavery; first of
all nations to drop the nuclear bomb on our fellow human beings.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
America has believed that in differentiation, not in uniformity, lies
the path of progress.  It acted on this belief; it has advanced human
happiness, and it has prospered.
		-- Justice Louis D. Brandeis (1856-1941)
%%
America has meant to the world a land in which the common man who means
well and is willing to do his part has access to all the necessary means
of a good life.
		-- Alvin Saunders Johnson
%%
America is a country of young men.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
America is a country that can choke on a gnat, or swallow tigers.
		-- Adlai E. Stevenson
%%
America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room.	Every time it
wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.
		-- Arnold Joseph Toynbee
%%
America is not a mere body of traders; it is a body of free men.  Our
greatness is built upon our freedom -- is moral, not material.	We have
a great ardor for grain; but we have a deep passion for the rights of
man.
		-- Woodrow Wilson
%%
America is not merely a nation but a nation of nations.
		-- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for
one dollar and use it up in two weeks.
		-- John Barrymore
%%
America is the only country left where we teach languages so that no
pupil can speak them.
		-- John Erskine
%%
America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence
without civilization in between.
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone
directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of
civilization.
		-- Georges Clemenceau (1841-1929), 1 December 1945
%%
America lives in the heart of every man everywhere who wishes to find a
region where he will be free to work out his destiny as he chooses.
		-- Woodrow Wilson
%%
America's best buy for a dime is a telephone call to the right person.
%%
America's best buy for a nickel is a telephone call to the right man.
		-- outdated
%%
America, I'm putting my queer shoulder to the wheel.
		-- Allen Ginsberg
%%
America, thou half-brother of the world;
With something good and bad of every land.
		-- Philip James Bailey
%%
America: born free and taxed to death.
%%
American by birth; Texan by the grace of God.
%%
American cars are made shoddily...
Cars made overseas are far superior.
		-- Senator Barry Goldwater
%%
American culture is based on the automobile, and any young man of promise is
going to own one and want to travel great distances in it.  Consequently, any
young woman of aspiration should expect to spend most of her vacations in a
car, probing into unfamiliar corners.  She is not required to know how to drive
but she will certainly be expected to read the road map while her husband
drives, and if she can't, or if she's abnormally slow in giving him help, she's
bound to cause trouble.  Therefore, you'd think that colleges which train the
bright young women who're going to marry the bright young men who are going to
own the Cadillacs that roar back and forth across this continent would teach
the girls to read maps.  None do. They teach a hundred other useless things,
but never a word about the one that will cause the greatest friction.
		-- James Michener, "Space"
%%
American freedom consists largely in talking nonsense.
		-- Ed Howe
%%
American: "The poor man was killed by a revolving crane."
Englishman: "My, what fierce birds you have in America."
%%
Americans are an energetic, ingenious, creative people.  One index to
this fact is that since the establishment of the patent system in 1836,
there have been more than 3-3/4 million patents issued.
%%
Americans are people who insist on living in the present, tense.
%%
Americans have always attached particular value to the word "neighbor."
While the spirit of neighborliness was important on the frontier because
neighbors were so few, it is even more important now because our
neighbors are so many.
		-- Lady Bird Johnson
%%
Americans' greatest fear is that America
will turn out to have been a phenomenon, not a civilization.
		-- Shirley Hazzard, "Transit of Venus"
%%
Ammonia, ammonia, ammonia! Get off, get off, get off!!
%%
Among mortals second thoughts are wisest.
		-- Euripides
%%
Among politicians and businessmen, *Pragmatism* is the current term for "To
hell with our children."
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Among the damned, you are the chosen one.
%%
Among the locky, your name is anathema.
%%
Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
%%
Among the porcupines, rape is unknown.
		-- Gregory Clark
%%
Among twenty snowy mountains the only moving thing was the eye of the
black bird.
%%
Amongst other advantages, a rolling stone gathers no moss.
%%
Amor, ch'al cor gentil ratto s'apprende,
  prese costui de la bella persona
  che mi fu tolta; e 'l modo ancor m'offende.
Amor, ch'a nullo amato amar perdona,
  mi prese del costui piacer si` forte,
  che, come vedi, ancor non m'abbandona.
Amor condusse noi ad una morte.

Love, which is quickly kindled in a gentle heart,
  seized this one for the fair form
  that was taken from me-and the way of it affects me still.
Love, which absolves no loved one from loving,
  seized me so strongly with delight in him,
  that, as you see, it does not leave me even now.
Love brought us to one death.
		-- (La Divina Commedia: Inferno V, vv. 100-06)
%%
Amount of pizza eaten each day in the U.S.: 75 acres.
		-- "Harper's Magazine"
%%
Amulets are hard to make. Even for a wand of wishing.
%%
Amusement to an observing mind is study.
		-- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
Amusement:  the happiness of those who cannot think.
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
Amusements to virtue are like breezes of air to the flame -- gentle ones
will fan it, but strong ones will put it out.
		-- David Thomas
%%
An "M" is an V that broke its leg playing football.
%%
An 'imp' is an off-shoot or cutting. Thus an 'ymp tree'  was
a grafted tree, or one grown from a cutting, not from seed.
'Imp' properly means a small devil, an off-shoot of Satan,
but the distinction between goblins or bogles and imps from
hell is hard to make, and many in the Celtic countries as
well as the English Puritans regarded all fairies as devils.
The fairies of tradition often hover uneasily between the
ghostly and the diabolic state.
		-- Katharine Briggs, A dictionary of Fairies
%%
An 11 is a 10 who doesn't have headaches.
%%
An 18-year-old boy, if he's properly formed, is ruled by the cruise
missile in his pants. The taut heartstrings and the fanciful talk --
they're all just formalities to getting laid; and when a
drop-dead-gorgeous girl at once abets and staves you off, ax murderers
and priests are born. Luckily, I had the Roubidoux bouldering circuit
to vent my frustrations upon--probably the only thing that kept me
sane.
		-- John Long, "A Fool and His Money"
%%
An 8-year-old kid dresses as a pirate and goes trick-or-treating on
Halloween.  He rings a doorbell, and an old granny-lady comes out.
  "Oh, a pirate.  How CUTE!  Where are your buccaneers?
  "They're right under my buckin' hat, lady."
%%
An <ethnic> visits the zoo and winds up at a big aquarium with huge
glass walls. He notices a man standing facing the glass, staring at a
fish on the other side of the glass and opening his mouth slowly, then
closing it, again slowly. The fish is staring back at him, also opening
and closing its mouth slowly. The <ethnic> watches fascinated for a
while, and then walks up to the man and asks him what he's doing.

"I'm demonstrating the superiority of my mental power over that of the
fish there.", the man replies. "By staring at that fish there and
opening and closing my mouth like this, slowly, I am *willing* it to do
the same thing."

"Gee, that's great!" the <ethnic> exclaims, "I just gotta try that for
myself!" So the <ethnic> goes to the other side of the aquarium to find
another fish to try this trick on. After five minutes, the man notices
the <ethnic> come back.

"How did it go?", he asks.

The <ethnic> stares at him, and then slowly opens his mouth...
%%
An A is easily obtained if a student calls his instructor "Professor."
		-- M. M. Johnston
%%
An America man traveling on a train in Europe was having a time trying
to find an available seat.  He finally finds a booth where a man with a
newspaper and a woman are seated, with one other seat, only occupied by
a dog. He enters the booth and kindly asks the woman if she could hold
her dog on her lap so he could be seated as he had been traveling all
day and was quite tired.  "Tiffany always has her own seat when we
travel!" snorts the woman.  Sort of aggravated, but too tired to argue,
the man says "M'aam, I've been traveling all day and I'm really tired.
I'd appreciate it if you could hold your dog, only if it's just for a
moment so I can rest."	The woman turns to the man next to her making
snide remarks under her breath, while the man continues to read his
newspaper seemingly oblivious to the whole situation.  Finally, the
tired man picks up the dog and throws him out of the window.  The woman
gets hysterical and starts screaming at the man with the newspaper.
"Are you going to let this yankee get away with this rude
behavior!!!???"  The man with the newspaper finally turns and says....

"Damn Americans, they drive on the wrong side of the road, drink bloody
iced tea, and now this fool throws the wrong damn bitch out!"
%%
An American Fascist seeking power would not proclaim that he is a
fascist.  Fascism always camouflages its plans and purposes. ... Any
fascist attempt made to gain power in America would not use the exact
Hitler pattern.  It would work under the guise of "super-patriotism" and
"super-Americanism".  Fascist leaders are neither stupid nor naive.
They know that they must hand out a line that "sells".	Huey Long is
said to have remarked that if Fascism came to America it would be on a
program of "Americanism".
		-- U. S. Army (1945)
%%
An American businessman is in Tokyo making a deal with some Japanese
executives. He goes out to dinner with the head honcho of the Japanese
firm, and the two get to discussing politics: Dukes biting the dust,
etc.  The American asks, "How often do you have elections here?"  The
Japanese replies, "Elections? Ah, evely morning!"
%%
An American is a man with two arms and four wheels.
		-- A Chinese child
%%
An American is a person who demonstrates against a new power plant, then
goes home and flips on all the lights, turns up the air conditioner,
puts a tape in the stereo, opens the refrigerator door, plugs in the
coffee maker and sits down to see if the television cameras caught him
protesting.
		-- Wendell Trogdon
%%
An American makes a proposal to the Vatican: he offers a hundred million
dollars in exchange for the changing of one word in the Bible.	He will
only reveal what the word is when meeting with the Pope himself.

The Curia is doubtful, but the money would certainly be useful. An
audience is arranged with the Pope.  It doesn't last long.

   "What did you propose?" the puzzled cardinals ask the American.
   "Only that 'Amen' should be replaced by 'Texas Oil'."
%%
An American scientist once visited the offices of the great Nobel prize
winning physicist, Niels Bohr, in Copenhagen.  He was amazed to find that
over Bohr's desk was a horseshoe, securely nailed to the wall, with the
open end up in the approved manner (so it would catch the good luck and not
let it spill out).  The American said with a nervous laugh,
	"Surely you don't believe the horseshoe will bring you good luck,
do you, Professor Bohr?  After all, as a scientist--"
Bohr chuckled.
	"I believe no such thing, my good friend.  Not at all.	I am scarcely
likely to believe in such foolish nonsense.  However, I am told that a
horseshoe will bring you good luck whether you believe in it or not."
%%
An American, a Frenchman, and a Polock died at almost the same
time, and found themselves in line together at the pearly gates.
When they reached St. Peter, he welcomed them and said that to
get into heaven they would each have to pass a simple test, away
from the other two.
  St. Peter called the American first, lead him out of earshot,
and asked him, 'How many Ls are there in `Here Comes the Bride'?'
  'Uh, none,' replied the American.
  'Ok --- go on in!'
  The Frenchman was next.  Again, St. Peter asked him, 'How many
Ls are there in `Here Comes the Bride'?'
  The man thought a moment and hesitantly said 'None?'
  'That's right, go on in!'
  Lastly, St. Peter asked the Polock, 'How many Ls are there in
`Here Comes the Bride'?'
  The Polock started to count on his fingers, on his toes, on his
nose and back to his fingers again.  After several minutes of
counting and muttering he declared, 'Fifty seven!'
  'Fifty seven?  How did you get fifty seven?'
  'Well, it goes [sung:] La LA la-la, La LA la-laa, la ...'
%%
An Army travels on her stomach.
%%
An Edmontonian appears in a police line up with 5 other guys in
a rape case.  They bring in the victim.
   The Edmontonian blurts out "Yep, that's her!"
%%
An Edmontonian thought that his wife was screwing around on him, so
he decided to follow her around.  Sure enough, He burst into a friends
apartment one night and found her in bed with his friend.  Crazed with
grief, he pulled out a pistol and put it to his own head.  "Don't laugh"
he told his wife "You're next"
%%
An Edwardian father named Udgeon,
Whose offspring provoked him to dudgeon,
	Used on Saturday nights
	To turn down the lights,
And chase them around with a bludgeon.
		-- Edward Gorey
%%
An Elementary-School student's comment on politics:

Some of our presidents never did much else and are famous only because
they became president.
%%
An Emperor who does not rule deposes himself.
		-- Draconian Emperor, FRONTIER IN SPACE
%%
An Englishman thinks he is moral only when he is uncomfortable.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Man and Superman"
%%
An Hacker there was, one of the finest sort
Who controlled the system; graphics was his sport.
A manly man, to be a wizard able;
Many a protected file he had sitting on his table.
His console, when he typed, a man might hear
Clicking and feeping wind as clear,
Aye, and as loud as does the machine room bell
Where my lord Hacker was Prior of the cell.
The Rule of good St Savage or St Doeppnor
As old and strict he tended to ignore;
He let go by the things of yesterday
And took the modern world's more spacious way.
He did not rate that text as a plucked hen
Which says that Hackers are not holy men.
And that a hacker underworked is a mere
Fish out of water, flapping on the pier.
That is to say, a hacker out of his cloister.
That was a text he held not worth an oyster.
And I agreed and said his views were sound;
Was he to study till his head wend round
Poring over books in the cloisters?  Must he toil
As Andy bade and till the very soil?
Was he to leave the world upon the shelf?
Let Andy have his labor to himself!
		-- Chaucer [well, almost]
%%
An Irishman, Italian, and a Edmontonian are sitting at a bar.  The
Irishman orders a drink and pays for it.  He says "I hate this place.  I
know a place on State Street where I can get every third drink free".
The Italian says "That's nothing.  I know a place on the east side where
I can get every other drink free".  The Edmontonian says "Oh yeah, I
heard of a place on the south side where you can get every drink for
free, and at the end of the night you end up in the parking lot getting
laid!".  Where did you hear about this place?" the other two inquired.
"From my wife" says the Edmontonian
%%
An Oak Park, Illinois, ordinance forbids frying more than
one hundred doughnuts in a single day.
%%
An Ocean City, New Jersey, law forbids the sale of cabbage on the
Sabbath.
%%
An Ode to C:
			0x0d2C
			~~~~~~
May your signals all trap
   May your references be bounded
All memory aligned
   Floats to ints rounded.
			   And Remember ...
Non-zero is true			Use -> for a pointer
   ++ adds one				   A dot if it's not
Arrays start with zero			? : is confusing
   And, NULL is for none.		   Use them a lot.

For octal, use zero			a.out is your program
   0x means hex 	   There's no 'U' in 'foobar'
= will set				And, char (*(*x())[])() is
   == means test.			   A function returning a pointer
					   to an array of pointers to
					   functions returning char.
%%
An Oklahoma law says that the driver of "any vehicle involved
in an accident resulting in death ... shall immediately stop ...
and give his name and address to the person struck."
%%
An Olympian lecher was Zeus,
Always playing around fast and loose,
	With one hand in the bodice
	Of some likely young goddess
And the other preparing to goose.		<A poor example>
%%
An Oneida, Tennessee, ordinance forbids anyone to sing the song,
"It Ain't Goin' to Rain No Mo'."
%%
An able man shows his spirit by gentle words and resolute actions; he
neither hot nor timid.
		-- Chesterfield
%%
An abstract term is like a valise with a false bottom, you may put in it
what ideas you please, and take them out again, without being observed.
%%
An actor is a sculptor who carves in snow.
		-- Lawrence Barrett
%%
An actor, in furious rage,
Muttered this to an actress on stage,
"When I'd fallen for you
I had thought forty-two
Was meant for your breasts, not your age."	<A natural mistake>
%%
An adequate bootstrap is a contradiction in terms.
%%
An agent is a vampire with a telephone.
		-- Any Editor
%%
An agreeable girl named Miss Doves
Likes to jack off the young men she loves.
	She will use her bare fist
	If the fellows insist
But she really prefers to wear gloves.
%%
An air traffic robot named Speigal
Brought down an American eagle,
A perfectly darling
Little brown starling,
And Jonathon Livingston Seagul.
		-- G. A. Mason
%%
An alarm rings briefly, and an invisible force prevents you from
leaving.
%%
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
		-- Dylan Thomas (1914-1953)
%%
An algorithm must be seen to be believed.
		-- D. E. Knuth
%%
An ambassador is a man of virtue sent to lie abroad for his country;
a newswriter is a man without virtue who lies at home for himself.
		-- Sir Henry Wotton (1568-1639) Reliquae Wottonianae
%%
An ambassador is an honest man sent abroad
to lie and intrigue for the benefit of his country.
		-- Sir Henry Wotton (1568-1639)
%%
An ambitious lady named Harriet
Once dreamed she was raped in a chariot
	By seventeen sailors
	A monk and three tailors,
Mohammed and Judas Iscariot.		<But what about the horse?>
%%
An amendment to a motion may be amended, but an amendment to an amendment
to a motion may not be amended.  However, a substitute for an amendment to
and amendment to a motion may be adopted and the substitute may be amended.
		-- Montana legislature's contribution to the English language
%%
An ancient pagan, who in pagandom was renowned and praised for his
wisdom, sailed on the same ship with a wicked man. When the ship was in
distress the wicked man lifted up his voice in prayer, but the wise man
said to him: "Keep quiet, my friend; if heaven discovers that you are on
board, the ship will go under.
%%
An angry man is again angry with himself when he returns to reason.
		-- Publius Syrus
%%
An angry man opens his mouth and shuts up his eyes.
		-- Cato
%%
An angst-ridden amorist, Fred,
Saw sartorial changes ahead.
	His mind kept on ringing
	With fishy girls singing;
Soft fruit also filled him with dread.
		-- J. Walker, "The Love Song Of J. Alfred Prufrock"
%%
An anniversary was coming up, he started to reminisce about the last ten
years.	She just wanted to talk about her presents.
%%
An anonymous caller had called the sheriff in a small Missouri town to
report he had seen a body in the river from his fishing boat.  The
sheriff had the river dragged, and turned up the body of a black man
wrapped in heavy chains.  The sheriff turned to his deputy and said "Now
ain't that just like one of them boys to steal more chains than he can
swim with?"
%%
An anonymous woman we knew
Was dozing one day in her pew;
	When the preacher yelled "Sin!"
	She said, "Count me in
As soon as the service is through."
%%
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.  Next morning the ant
wakes up and the elephant is dead.  "Damn", says the ant, "one night
of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
%%
An aphorism is never exactly true;
it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.
		-- Karl Kraus
%%
An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard only
one side of the case. God has written all the books.
%%
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile -- hoping it will eat him last.
		-- Sir Winston S. Churchill
%%
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an onion a day keeps everyone
away.
%%
An apple a day makes 365 apples a year.
%%
An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she
gets, the more interested he is in her.
%%
An architect fellow named Yoric
Could, when feeling euphoric,
	Display for selection
	Three kinds of erection --
Corinthian, ionic, and doric.
%%
An army must set forth in proper order.
If the order is not good, misfortune threatens.
%%
An arrogant wench from Salt Lake
Liked to tease all the boys on the make.
	She was finally the prize
	Of a man twice her size
And all she recalls is the ache.
%%
An arrow shoots out at you!
%%
An article in the Spring 1990 issue of Arlo Guthrie's Rolling Blunder
Review describing the risks of reading RBR, concludes with the flawlessly
logical sentences:

	"In other words, if our readers understand that they do not
understand what they are reading then they must possess an understanding
which is superior to the meaning which caused that misunderstanding.
	"Only a sense of humor stands between pain and pleasure.  Nothing
worth reading can be read."
%%
An artist cannot speak about his art any more than a plane can discuss
horticulture.
		-- Jean Cocteau
%%
An artist who lived in Australia
Once painted his ass like a Dahlia.
	The drawing was fine,
	The colour - devine,
The scent - ah, that was a failia.
%%
An aspiration is a joy forever, a possession as solid as a landed estate, a
fortune in which we can never exhaust and which gives us year by year a revenue
of pleasurable activity.
		-- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
An astronomer fellow named Mark
Was sure it would be a great lark
	To have a girl eye
	The stars in the sky
And see what came up in the dark.	<That's the big dipper, my dear>
%%
An astronomer's swift limousine
Went through a red light in Racine
	He was going so fast
	That the light which he passed
Was Dopplered right up into green.
%%
An atheist is but a mad, ridiculous derider of piety, but a hypocrite
makes a sober jest of God and religion; he finds it easier to be upon
his knees than to rise to a good action.
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
An athiest is a man who has no invisible means of support.
		-- Fulton J. Sheen
%%
An athiest is one hopes the Lord will do nothing to disturb his
disbelief.
		-- Franklin P. Jones
%%
An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.
%%
An attachment a la Plato
for a bashful young potato
or a, not too French, french bean
must excite your languid spleen.
For, if you walk down Piccadilly
with a poppy or lily
in your medieval hand,
every one will say,
as you walk your flowery way;
"If this young man is content,
with a vegetable love
which would certainly not content me.
Why, what a very pure young man
this pure young man must be!"
		-- William S. Gilbert (1836-1911), "Patience"
		   [The subject of the humour is, of course, Oscar Wilde]
%%
An attorney was defending his client against a charge of first-degree
murder.  "Your Honor, my client is accused of stuff his lover's
mutilated body into a suitcase and heading for the Mexican border.
Just north of Tijuana a cop spotted her hand sticking out of the
suitcase.  Now, I would like to stress that my client is *___not* a
murderer.  A sloppy packer, maybe...
%%
An author owned an asterisk
And kept it in his den
Where he wrote tales which had large sales
Of erring maids and men,
And always, when he reached the point
Where carping censors lurk,
He called upon the asterisk
To do his dirty work!
%%
An average English word is four letters and a half. By hard, honest
labor I've dug all the large words out of my vocabulary and shaved it
down till the average is three and a half...
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.
%%
An axe stroke makes a deep wound in your leg.
%%
An eager inventor named Jones
Was reduced to loud sobbing and moans.
	He'd devised x-ray glasses
	To study clothed lasses
But all he could see were their bones.		<Too good>
%%
An eager young hacker named Gus
Once buggered a VAX Unibus.
	The hardware went bad,
	But not the young lad
(Except for the toupee and truss).
%%
An eager young hacker named Gus
Once buggered a VAX Unibus.
	The hardware went bad,
	But not the young lad
He didn't expect all that fuss!
%%
An earthquake is Mother Nature's "silent" pager going off.
%%
An economist is a chap who, when asked for his social security number,
gives an estimate.
		-- K. M. Reese, "Newscripts",
		   Chemical & Engineering News (26 Jun 89), p. 64
%%
An economist is a man who would marry Farrah Fawcett for her money.
		-- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
An economist is an expert who can tell you tomorrow why his
prediction of yesterday didn't come true today.
%%
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow
why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
		-- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's.
		-- Will Rogers
%%
An eerie glow emanates from a small orb floating in mid-air.
%%
An efficient worker is a danger to himself and others.
%%
An egg without salt is like a kiss from a beardless man.
%%
An egghead is one who stand firmly on both feet,
in mid-air, on both sides of an issue.
		-- Homer Ferguson
%%
An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's in a rut.
%%
An elderly man stands in line for hours at a Warsaw meat store (meat
is severely rationed).	When the butcher comes out at the end of the
day and announces that there is no meat left, the man flies into a rage.

"What is this?" he shouts.  "I fought against the Nazis, I worked
hard all my life, I've been a loyal citizen, and now you tell me I
can't even buy a piece of meat?  This rotten system stinks!"

Suddenly a thuggish man in a black leather coat sidles up and murmurs
"Take it easy, comrade.  Remember what would have happened if you
had made an outburst like that only a few years ago" -- and he points
an imaginary gun to this head and pulls the trigger.

The old man goes home, and his wife says, "So they're out of
meat again?"

"It's worse than that," he replies.  "They're out of bullets."
%%
An elderly woman opened her refrigerator one day and found a little
bunny rabbit sitting inside.
"What do you think you're doing in my refrigerator?" she demanded.
"This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" replied the rabbit.
"Yeah; so what?"
"I'm just westing."
%%
An elven cloak is always the height of fashion.
%%
An elven cloak protects against magic.
%%
An employer was asked to write a recommendation for a worker who was
leaving and was not known for putting out a great deal of effort while
on the job. Since the employer did not want to lie and make this
person better than he was, he thought a while before writing anything.
Finally, he found just the right words: "You would indeed be
fortunate to get this person to work for you."
%%
An empty bag cannot win in New York.
		-- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
An empty man is full of himself.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
An encounter with a beautiful woman is good medicine for the well organized
logical mind -- a little jolt never hurt.  Note that the anarchists have been
saying this for years about the A-bomb and civilization.
		-- Encyclopadia Apocryphia
%%
An engineer is someone who does list processing in FORTRAN.
%%
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician find themselves in an
anecdote, indeed an anecdote quite similar to many that you have
no doubt already heard.  After some observations and rough calculations
the engineer realizes the situation and starts laughing.  A few
minutes later the physicist understands too and chuckles to himself
happily as he now has enough experimental evidence to publish a
paper.	This leaves the mathematician somewhat perplexed, as he
had observed right away that he was the subject of an anecdote,
and deduced quite rapidly the presence of humour from similar
anecdotes, but considers this anecdote to be too trivial a corollary
to be significant, let alone funny.
%%
An epicece Gnome of Zurich, wearing a three-piece suit and carrying a
safety deposit box materializes in the room.  "You seem to have
forgotten to deposit your valuables," he says, tapping the lid of the
box impatiently.  "We don't usually allow customers to use the boxes
here, but we can make this ONE exception, I suppose..."  He looks
askance at you over his wire-rimmed bifocals.
%%
An epigram often flashes light into regions where reason shines but
dimly.
		-- E. P. Whipple
%%
An equal opportunity employer.
%%
An era can be said to end when its basic illusions are exhausted.
		-- Arthur Miller
%%
An error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it.
%%
An error is the more dangerous in proportion to the degree of truth
which it contains.
		-- Henri Frederic Amiel (1821-1881)
%%
An erudite fool is a greater fool than an ignorant fool.
%%
An evil mind is a great comfort.
%%
An evil, at its birth, is easily crushed, but it grows and strengthens
by endurance.
		-- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
An exaggeration is a truth that has lost its temper.
%%
An example is not proof.
%%
An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a bull that gave a
great deal of milk with a bull with good meat.
%%
An exception TESTS a rule; it NEVER proves it.
		-- Edmund C. Berkeley
%%
An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie; for an excuse is a lie
guarded.
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
An executive has the job of hiring his own secretary, and phones an
employment agency to arrange the setting up of several interviews. Our
executive takes the first applicant out to lunch, and following a good
meal, excuses himself to use the washroom. As he stands up, our clever
executive, "accidently" drops a $50 bill on the floor in sight of the
secretary-applicant, and pretends not to notice. When he returns, the
first applicant hands him the $50 explaining that he dropped it, etc...

The next day, the executive is lunching with the second applicant. He
makes the same end-of-lunch excuse, "accidently" drops the $50, goes to
the washroom, and when he returns there is no more $50, and the
applicant says nothing.

The third day, The executive lunches with the third applicant, and
repeats his "test" and again, when he returns, again, no $50, and
nothing is said by the secretary-applicant.

Later that afternoon, the executive gets a phone call from the second
applicant who explains that she DID pick up the $50, and she invested
the money, and that a profit of $22 was made on the investment. She
tells the executive that she will be dropping the $72 off at the
executive's office later that day...

So... WHO GOT THE JOB?
The one with the biggest tits!
%%
An executive is a person who is always annoying the hired
help by asking them to do things.
%%
An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes
him.
%%
An experiment is reproducible until another laboratory tries to repeat
it.
		-- Dr. Alexander Kohn
%%
An expert at kissin' and dallyin'
Had a prick quite like that of a stallion.
	His success would be cosmic
	But for shortcomings osmic
For he reeked very strongly of scallion.	<Don't breathe>
%%
An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes 
which can be made, in a narrow field.
		-- Niels Bohr (1885-1962)
%%
An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to
the grand fallacy.
		-- Gerald Weinberg
%%
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he
knows absolutely everything about nothing.
%%
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.
		-- Nicholas Murray Butler (1862-1947)
%%
An expert is someone who can take something you already knew and make it
sound confusing.
%%
An extraordinary haste to discharge an obligation is a sort of
ingratitude.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.
%%
An eye in a blue face
Saw an eye in a green face.
"That eye is like this eye"
Said the first eye,
"But in low place,
Not in high place."
%%
An eye like Mars, to threaten and command.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.
		-- Simon Cameron (1799-1889)
%%
An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.
		-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
%%
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
%%
An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at
all.
		-- Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)
%%
An idea, like a ghost (according to the common notion of a ghost) must
be spoken to a little before it will explain itself.
		-- Charles Dickens
%%
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
%%
An ignorant maid of Durango
Wasn't told where to make a man's wang go,
	But she garnered this knowledge
	Her first night in college
With a sigh you could play as a tango.
%%
An immense mirror is hanging against one wall, and stretches to the
other end of the room, where various other sundry objects can be
glimpsed dimly in the distance.
%%
An impish young fellow named James
Had a passion for idiot games.
	He lighted the hair
	Of his lady's affair
And laughed as she pissed through the flames.
%%
An impotent Scot named MacDougall
Had to husband his sperm and be frugal.
	He was gathering semen
	To gender a he-man,
By screwing his wife through a bugle.
%%
An incautious young woman named Venn
Was seen with the wrong sort of men;
	She vanished one day,
	But the following May
Her legs were retrieved from a fen.
		-- Edward Gorey
%%
An incompetent traitor is no danger.  It is rather the capable men who
must be watched.
		-- Brodrig
%%
An indefatigable woman named Bavel
Had often occasion to travel;
	On the way she would sit
	And furiously knit,
And on the way back she'd unravel.
		-- Edward Gorey
%%
An industrious young obstetrician
Conceived his financial position
	To depend upon beauty
	And husbandly duty
Plus determined and endless coition.		<The economic facts>
%%
An inexhaustible good nature is one of the most precious gifts of
heaven, spreading itself like oil over the troubled sea of thought, and
keeping the mind smooth and equable in the roughest weather.
		-- Washington Irving
%%
An inexorable upward movement leads administrators to higher salaries
and narrower spans of control.
		-- David Riesman
%%
An infallible method of conciliating a tiger
is to allow oneself to be devoured.
		-- Konrad Adenauer
%%
An ingenious young man in South Bend
Made a synthetic ass for a friend,
	But the friend shortly found
	Its construction unsound,
It was simply a bother -- no end.
%%
An inherited treasure awaits you.
%%
An innocent hooker named Agnes
Was reduced to mere tatters and ragness
	Because the poor sweet
	Kept on working a street
That was laden with queers and with fagness.	<What a shame!>
%%
An innocent maiden named Herridge
Was cruelly tricked ito marriage;
	When she later found out
	What her spouse was about,
She threw herself under a carriage.
		-- Edward Gorey
%%
An inquisitive virgin named Dora
Asked the man who started to bore 'er :
	"Do you mean birds and bees
	Go through antics like these,
To supply us our fauna and flora?"
%%
An insatiable damsel named Bridget
Was likely to mutter and fidget
	Whenever some jerk
	Couldn't manage to work
Up a quick enough rise to the rigid.		<Faster, faster>
%%
An intelligent Russian once remarked to us, 'Every country has its own
constitution; ours is absolutism moderated by assassination.'
		-- Georg Herbert
%%
An interesting idea, but...
%%
An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
An invisible force field repels you with violet sparks flying.
%%
An irate young lady named Booker
Told her husband, "You beast, I'm no hooker!
	If you want it queer ways,
	Go to whores for your lays!"
So he packed up his tool and forsook 'er.
%%
An iron horse,
with a flaxen tail,
The faster that the horse does run,
The shorter does his tail become.
 Needle and thread.
%%
An it harms none, do what thou will.
		-- Wiccan Credo
%%
An oath is a recognizance to heaven, binding us over in the courts
above, to plead to the indictment of our crimes, that those who 'scape
this world should suffer there.
		-- Sothern
%%
An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
		-- David Gerrold
%%
An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
		-- David Gerrold
%%
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
%%
An obstinate man does not hold opinions, but they hold him.
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
An octagenerian Jew
To his wife remained steadfastly true.
	This was not from compunction,
	But due to dysfunction
Of his spermatic glands -- nuts to you.
%%
An old car that served you so well will continue to serve you until you
have just put four new tires under it and then will fall apart.
		-- Erma Bombeck
%%
An old chinese man is having trouble seeing, so he goes to the eye
doctor, after the examination the eye doctor says, "You have Cataracts".
The old chinese man thinks for a moment, then says "No, No, I drive
Rincon Continental!"
%%
An old couple just at Shrovetide
Were having a piece -- when he died.
	The wife for a week
	Sat tight on his peak,
And bounced up and down as she cried.
%%
An old gentleman's crotchets and quibblings
Were a terrible trial to his siblings,
	But he was not removed
	Till one day it was proved
That the bell-ropes were damp with his dribblings.
		-- Edward Gorey
%%
An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch,
reflecting on her long life, when all of a sudden a fairy god mother
appears in front of her and informs her that she can have any three
wishes she wants.

"Well," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."
*** POOF *** her rocking chair turned to solid gold.
"And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young beautiful princess."
*** POOF *** she turns into a young beautiful woman.
"Your third wish?", asked the fairy godmother.
Just then the old woman's cat walks across the porch in front of them
"Can you change him into a handsome prince?", she asks.
*** POOF *** there before her stands a young man more handsome than she
she had ever imagined possible.
With a smile that makes her knees weak, he then saunters across the
porch and whispers in her ear,

"Aren't you sorry you had me neutered?"
%%
An old leather bag, bulging with coins, is here.
%%
An old maid who had a pet ape
Lived in fear of perpetual rape.
	His red, hairy phallus
	So filled her with malice
That she sealed up her snatch with Scotch tape.
%%
An old man and his wife were driving down the road. The man was
sitting on the left, where the driver usually sits, and his wife
was sitting on the right, where the passenger customarily sits.

As they drove along, the wife started reminiscing, saying, "You
know, we don't sit close together any more, the way we did when
we were young. We never cuddle up these days."

The man turns to her, sniffs, and says, "I ain't moved."
%%
An old man is lying on his deathbed with all his children,
grandchildren and his older great-grandchildren all around, teary-eyed
at the approaching finale of a very long and productive life. The old
man in is a terminal coma, and the doctors have confirmed that the
waiting will be over within the next twenty-four hours. Suddenly, the
old man opens his eyes and croaks: "I must be dreaming of heaven. I
smell your grandmother's strudel."

"No, grandfather, you are not dreaming. Grandmother is baking strudel
now."

"I know I will never have another taste of her delicious strudel after
this one. Could you please go down and get me a sliver?" the old man
begs with what is left of his final breath.

One of the grandchildren is immediately dispatched to honor the old
man's last request. After a long time, he returns empty-handed.

"Did you bring me one last piece of your grandmother's delicious
strudel?" the old man plaintively queries?

"I'm very sorry, grandfather, but she says it's for the funeral."
%%
An old spinster was asked what she liked most in men.
"Appearance," she replied "and the sooner the better".
%%
An old woman is riding a crowded bus and has to stand with her heavy
packages.  Finally, someone in front of her gives up a seat and so she
grabs it.  "Thank God," she says.

A man in the seat behind her says "Ecxuse me comrade, but this is an
athiest society.  You should say 'Thank Stalin,' not 'Thank God.'"

"Of course you are right," the old woman says.	"Thank Stalin."  She is
silent for a moment, then says: "Comrade, I have just had a terrible
thought: What shall we say when Stalin dies?"

The man behind her replies "In that case I think we can say 'Thank
God.'"
%%
An older lady is mugged and having no cash on hand she asks her
attacker if he will take a check.  The mugger agrees, so she calmly
asks who she should make the check out to.  Not thinking clearly, the
mugger gives the old lady his real name.  The man is arrested in his
home several hours later with the check still in his wallet.
%%
An operating system is considered to have "crashed" when it halts itself
without being asked to.  The reason for the halt is often unknown.
		-- Sperry 5000 Operators Guide
%%
An optimist believes we live in the best world possible; a pessimist
fears this is true.
%%
An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience.
		-- Donald R. Perry Marquis (1878-1937),
		   "archy and mehitabel", 1927
%%
An optimist is a man who looks forward to marriage.
A pessimist is a married optimist.
%%
An optimist is a person who goes to the window every morning and says,
"Good morning, God!"  The pessimist goes to the window every morning and
says, "Good god, morning!"
%%
An optimist is a person who says, "This is the best of all possible worlds."
A pessimist is a person who replies, "Yes, that's so."
%%
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in.
A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
%%
An order that can be misunderstood will be misunderstood.
%%
An ordinance on the books in Flowery Branch, Georgia, reads:
"Be it ordained, and it is hereby ordained, by the Mayor and
Council of the Town ... that on and after this date it shall
be unlawful for any person or persons to holler snake within
the city limits of said town."
%%
An organist playing in York
Had a prick that could hold a small fork,
	And between obbligatos
	He'd munch at tomatoes,
To keep up his strength while at work.
%%
An original idea can never emerge from a committee in the original.
		-- Charles P. Boyle
%%
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
		-- Booker
%%
An ounce of clear truth is worth a pound of obfuscation.
%%
An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.
		-- Michael Korda
%%
An ounce of performance is worth more than a pound of preachment.
		-- Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)
%%
An ounce of security is worth a pound of defense.
%%
An outrageous young lady named Kyle
Likes to flirt in a whimsical style:
	She'll depanty, it's said,
	And then stand on her head
To display her most quimsical smile.
%%
An oyster is a fish built like a nut.
%%
An ugly carpet will last forever.
		-- Erma Bombeck
%%
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
		-- Van Roy
%%
An uncertain young woman named Fern
Was so great she had lovers to burn.
	She got into bed
	With both Johnnie and Fred
And didn't know which way to turn.		<Indecision>
%%
An unconscious troll is sprawled on the floor.
All passages out of the room are open.
%%
An unemployed court jester is no one's fool.
%%
An unexpectedly easy-to-handle sequence of events will be immediately
followed by an equally long sequence of trouble.
		-- Charles Phelps
%%
Analog -
	hors d'oeuvre, usually made with cheese and covered with crushed
nuts.  Served at all staff parties.
%%
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog.  Few people are interested,
and the frog dies of it.
		-- E. B. Waite
%%
Anananay: what happens when you start spelling "banana" and don't stop.
%%
Anarchism is founded on the observation that since few men are wise enough to
rule themselves, even fewer are wise enough to rule others.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Anarchism is not a romantic fable but the hardheaded realization, based on
five thousand years of experience, that we cannot entrust the management of
our lives to kings, priests, politicians, generals, and county commissioners.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Anarchists do it revoltingly.
%%
Anarchists unite!
%%
Anarchy - It's not a law, it's just a good idea.
%%
Anarchy is against the law.
%%
Anarchy means ignoring things that really piss you off!
%%
Anarchy works. Italy has proved it for a thousand years.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Ancient Chinese Curse:
May all your wishes be granted.
%%
Ancient Chinese Curse:
May you live in interesting times.
%%
Ancient Chinese Curse:
May your life be filled with experiences.
%%
And Abner said to Joab, "Let the young men come forward and play before us."
Joab answered "Yes, let them."	So they came up one by one, and took their
places, twelve for Benjamin and Ishbosheth and twelve from David's men.
Each man seized his opponent by the head and thrust his sword into his
side; and thus they fell together.
		-- Samuel 2,2,14-16
%%
And Bezel saideth unto Sham: `Sham,' he saideth, `Thou shalt goest
unto the town of Begorrah, and there thou shalt fetcheth unto thine
bosom 35 talents, and also shalt thou fetcheth a like number of cubits,
provideth that they are nice and fresh.'
		-- Dave Barry, "Getting Religion"
%%
And God said: E = +mv} - Ze}/r ...and there *WAS* light!
%%
And I alone am returned to wag the tail.
%%
And I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was,
how much was mine to keep.
		-- Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
%%
And I remember I'd, I remember back then I'd, I'd drive all night, I
swore I'd drive all night, just to buy you some shoes, and to taste, and
to taste your tender charm.
%%
And I suppose the little things are harder to get used to than the big ones.
The big ones you get used to, you make up your mind to them.  The little
things come along unexpectedly, when you aren't thinking about them, aren't
braced against them.
		-- Marion Zimmer Bradley, "The Forbidden Tower"
%%
And I'll do you one better if you've got the nerve,
I'll race you all the way to deadman's curve.
%%
And ITT begat Hostess, and Hostess begat Morton, and Morton begat
Stuckey's and Stuckey's begat Beatrice, and Beatrice begat Little
Debbie.  And Beatrice did leave Little Debbie with Hostess and go
forth into the wastelands looking for a good spot at a truck stop.
And Beatrice then did go a few miles north from the wastelands and
did settle in Nebraska, never to return to Norman, Oklahoma.
(Endust 12, 7-10)
%%
And Moby Dick for king!
%%
And Now, the number one Cryptic Statement or Part of This Complete
Breakfast:
%%
And St. Atilla raised the hand grenade on high saying "Oh Lord,
bless this Thy Holy Hand Grenade that with it Thou mayest blow
Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy," and the Lord did grin
and the people did feast on lambs, and sloths, and carp, and
orang-outangs, and breakfast cereals, and....
		-- Book of Armaments 2:9
%%
And a joke - but the punch line is a visual thing, so follow the
instructions while looking in the mirror to really get it (and it may be
offensive, so be forewarned)...

There was a woman on the subway, sitting across from an old wino.  She
was wearing a skirt, and was sitting in a most un-ladylike fashion
(leaning back, legs open).  She notices the wino staring up her skirt
with a very interested look on his face.  She gets upset, crosses her
legs, and says "There, you dirty old man, what do you see now?"  He
looks up and goes [put index fingers at opposite sides of your mouth,
and push them past each other, pushing your upper lip to one side, and
your lower lip to the other - if you don't have a mirror handy, just
imagine what it looks like].
%%
And after all this time to find we're just like all the rest.
%%
And after you do all that work:

An in-house IRS study revealed in February that the agency loses
two million tax returns and related documents annually.  One
employee said that when preparing for audits, he routinely requests
taxpayers' files from the state agencies because they are more
likely to have the documents.
%%
And all I wanna know is why, you lied ...
little girl on the backstreets.
%%
And all that the Lorax left here in this mess
was a small pile of rocks with the one word, "unless."
Whatever THAT meant, well, I just couldn't guess.
That was long, long ago, and each day since that day,
I've worried and worried and worried away.
Through the years as my buildings have fallen apart,
I've worried about it with all of my heart.

"BUT," says the Oncler, "now that you're here,
the word of the Lorax seems perfectly clear!
UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
nothing is going to get better - it's not.
So...CATCH!" cries the Oncler.	He lets something fall.
"It's a truffula seed.	It's the last one of all!

"You're in charge of the last of the truffula seeds.
And truffula trees are what everyone needs.
Plant a new truffula - treat it with care.
Give it clean water and feed it fresh air.
Grow a forest - protect it from axes that hack.
Then the Lorax and all of his friends may come back!"
%%
And as we wind on down the road, our shadow's taller than our soul.
%%
And can you teach me to how to dance real slow.
%%
And caught us running burned and blind, chasing something in the night.
%%
And did those feet, in ancient times,
Walk upon England's mountains green?
And was the Holy Lamb of God
In England's pleasant pastures seen?
And did the Countenance Divine
Shine forth upon these crowded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here
Among these dark satanic mills?

Bring me my bow of burning gold!
Bring me my arrows of desire!
Bring me my spears!  O clouds unfold!
Bring me my chariot of fire!
I shall not cease from mental fight,
Nor shall my sword rest in my hand,
Till we have built Jerusalem
In England's green and pleasant land.
		-- William H. Blake (1757-1827), "Jerusalem"
%%
And do you believe in rock and roll and music to save your mortal soul.
%%
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
%%
And earnest young woman in Thrace
Said, "Darling, that's not the right place!"
	So he gave her a thwack,
	And did on her back,
What he couldn't have done face to face.
%%
And ever has it been known that
love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.
		-- Kahlil Gibran
%%
And every spring, a new graduating class enters the workforce.	Some have
a well-rounded view of operating systems, but for many there is only Unix.
		-- Gord Campbell, InfoAge editorial, Nov 84
%%
And for just one look from your sad eyes, you had such pretty sad eyes.
%%
And for my nineteenth birthday I got a union card and a wedding coat.
%%
And he climbed with the lad up the Eiffelberg Tower.  "This," cried the
Mayor, "is your town's darkest hour!  the time for all Whos who have
blood that is red to come to the aid of their country!" he said.  "We've
GOT to make noises in greater amounts!	So, open your mouth, lad!  For
every voice counts!"  Thus he spoke as he climbed.  When they got to the
top, the lad cleared his throat and he shouted out, "YOPP!"

And that Yopp. . .  That one last small, extra Yopp put it over!
Finally, at last!  From the speck on that clover their voices were
heard!	They rang out clear and clean.	And they elephant smiled.  "Do
you see what I mean?. . . " They've proved they ARE persons, no matter
how small.  And their whole world was saved by the smallest of All!"

"How true!  Yes, how true," said the big kangaroo.  "And, from now on,
you know what I'm planning to do?. . .	From now on, I'm going to
protect them with you!"  And the young kangaroo in her pouch said,. . .
ME TOO!  From the sun in the summer.  From rain when it's fall-ish, I'm
going to protect them.	No matter how small-ish!"
		-- Dr. Seuss "Horton Hears a Who"
%%
And he disappeared in a puff of logic.
%%
And he gave it for his opinion, that whoever could make two ears of
corn, or two blades of grass to grow upon a spot of ground, where only
one grew before, would deserve better of mankind, and do mote essential
service to his country, than the whole race of politicians put together.
		-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
And he had a job, and he wore a hat, and he brought home the bacon so
that noone knew.
%%
And here I stand; judge, my masters.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
And here I wait so patiently
Waiting to find out what price
You have to pay to get out of
Going thru all of these things twice
		-- Dylan, "Memphis Blues Again"
%%
And here, over the portals of my fort, I shall cut in the stone
the word which is to be my beacon and my banner.  The word which
will not die, should we all perish in battle.  The word which
can never die on this earth, for it is the heart of it and the
meaning and the glory.

The sacred word:

		E G O
		-- Equality 7-2521
%%
And here, poor fool, with all my lore
I stand no wiser than before.
		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
And how can this be?  For he IS the Kumquat Haagen
%%
And if I said a year ago that these [social] programs weren't working,
perhaps I have been vindicated.
		-- President George Bush, on how Lyndon Johnson was to
		   blame for the LA riots
%%
And if he runs away, he won't be hard to catch.
		-- Bart about the greyhound, Santa's Little Helper, Homer
		   brought home in "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"
%%
And if one bad cluster should accidentally fail...
%%
And if sometime, somewhere, someone asketh thee,
"Who kilt thee?," tell them it 'twas the Doones of Bagworthy!
%%
And if there is promise of a storm, if you want change in your
life, walk in to it.  If you get on the other side, you will
be different.  And if you want change in your life and you are
avoiding the trouble, you can forget it.
%%
And if you believe that, I've got a great used car to show you.
%%
And if you believe that, I've got some land down in Florida...
%%
And in the cool of the night, they reach for a moment and try to make an
honest stand, but they wind up wounded and not even dead, tonight in
jungleland.
%%
And in the master's chambers,
they gather for the feast.
They stab it with their steely knives,
but they just can't kill the beast.
		-- Don Henley
%%
And in the sky, a 1500 pound ox appeared over my head, as a halo might.
Oh well. Crunch.
%%
And in the streets the children sang, the lovers cried and the poets
dreamed, but not a word was spoken the church bells all were broken.
%%
And it does matter.  An honest man or woman is an honest man or woman more
because he or she is honest in the small, everyday things that "don't matter"
individually, but which make up a well-lived life, than because of some single
great temptation that was passed.  A person who is concerned about individual
rights or about individual dignity makes his or her difference not because of
any sweeping great statement or action, but because of the accretion of small,
individually seemingly insignificant acts that spread that dignity and confirm
those rights through every action they take.  It matters because every action
you take, and every action I take is an expression of the human spirit.
		-- William Oliver (oliver@uncmed.med.unc.edu)
%%
And let me the canakin clink, clink;
and let me the canakin clink.
	A soldier's a man;
	O, man's life's but a span,
Why then, let a soldier drink.
%%
And miles to go before I sleep.
%%
And now I see the face of god, and I raise this god over the earth,
this god whom men have sought since men came into being, this god
who will grant them joy and peace and pride.

This god, this one word:
'I'
		-- Equality 7-2521
%%
And now abideth faith, hope and charity, these three; but the greatest
of these is charity.
		-- I Corinthians
%%
And now for something completely different.
%%
And now for something completely else...
%%
And now for something completely the same...
%%
And now for something ruder...
%%
And now for the weather, which is every bit as yucky as the news.
%%
And now your toner's toney,		Disk blocks aplenty
And your paper near pure white, Await your laser drawn lines,
The smudges on your soul are gone	Your intricate fonts,
And your output's clean as light..	Your pictures and signs.

We've labored with your father, Your amputative absence
The venerable XGP,			Has made the Ten dumb,
But his slow artistic hand,		Without you, Dover,
Lacks your clean velocity.		We're system untounged-

Theses and papers			DRAW Plots and TEXage
And code in a queue			Have been biding their time,
Dover, oh Dover,			With LISP code and programs,
We've been waiting for you.		And this crufty rhyme.

Dover, oh Dover,		Dover, oh Dover, arisen from dead.
We welcome you back,		Dover, oh Dover, awoken from bed.
Though still you may jam,	Dover, oh Dover, welcome back to the Lab.
You're on the right track.	Dover, oh Dover, we've missed your clean hand...
%%
And now, let's get right to tonight's
feature presentation of 'Bambi vs. Godzilla'
%%
And now, the Bing Crosby show,
brought to you by the makers of Ex-Lax.
...a brief pause, and then Bing !!
%%
And of course, No soap, radio.
%%
And oftentimes, excusing of a fault,
Doth make a fault the worse by the excuse;
As patches set upon a little breach,
Discredit more in hiding of the fault,
Than did the fault before it was so patch'd.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
And on the seventh day, while He was resting, He created snack
cakes.	And He saw that they looked good, and He did bite into one,
at which time he realized that they tasted like something that had
been sitting on a shelf wrapped in cheap plastic for decades.  He had
too much goop on His fingers to blast them into the void from which
they had come, and therefore He drove them out until they had left
the Promised Land and were stuck in a cheap, tacky display on the end
of the aisle.
(Haagendasz 3, 12-15)
%%
And one day we will master the art of karate and we will rise up and
make the buggers eyes water.
%%
And remember, let's do it to them before they do it to us.
%%
And science, we should insist, better than any other discipline, can
hold up to its students and followers an ideal of patient devotion to
the search for objective truth, with vision unclouded by personal or
political motive.
		-- Sir Henry Hallett Dalt
%%
And so I will live to see another sunset.
		-- Speaker-to-Animals "Ringworld"
%%
And so it was, later, as the miller told his tale,
that her face, at first just ghostly,
turned a whiter shade of pale
		-- Procol Harum
%%
And so we plow along, as the fly said to the ox.
%%
And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you,
ask what you can do for your country.
		-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963),
		   Inaugural Address, 20 January 1961
%%
And that's the way it is...
		-- Walter Cronkite
%%
And the Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because
those people were religious nuts with guns.  Hell, this country was FOUNDED
by religious nuts with guns!
		-- P. J. O'Rourke
%%
And the bed smelled like a fish market.
"The catch of the day," he cried.
%%
And the crowd was stilled.  One elderly man, wondering at the sudden
silence, turned to the Child and asked him to repeat what he had said.
Wide-eyed, the Child raised his voice and said once again, "Why, the
Emperor has no clothes!  He is naked!"
		-- "The Emperor's New Clothes"
%%
And the cry issues forth: WHAT DO YOU KNOW!!
%%
And the days dwindle down to a precious few...
%%
And the kids around here look just like shadows, always quiet, holding
hands.
%%
And the magic rat drove his street machine over the Jersey state line.
%%
And the northern lights commenced to glow.
And she said, with a tear in her eye,
"Watch out where the huskies go,
 and don't you eat that yellow snow."
		-- Frank Zappa, "The Story of Nanook and the Fur Trapper"
%%
And the poets downtown don't write nothing at all, they stand back and
let it all be
%%
And the road warrior, that was the last we saw of him.
%%
And the silence came surging softly backwards
When the plunging hooves were gone...
		-- Walter de La Mare, "The Listeners"
%%
And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
%%
And then it goes... BOOOOOMMMM!!!
%%
And then there were the three cats on the ferry in the Seine
in Paris.  When an accident happened, the paper reported it as:
Un, deux, trois cats sank.
%%
And then there's the story that's fraught
With disaster -- of balls that got caught,
	When a chap took a crap
	In the woods, and a trap
Underneath... Oh, I can't bear the thought!
%%
And then, they brought out the 8-by-10 color glossy pictures
with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one
explaining what it was.
%%
And there he was, reigning supreme at number two.
%%
And there's a crowd of young boys, they're fooling around in the corner.
Joking, dressed in their best brown baggies and their platform soles.
They don't give a damn about any trumpet-playing band;
it ain't what they call rock and roll.
		-- Dire Straits
%%
And this is good old Boston,
The home of the bean and the cod,
Where the Lowells talk only to Cabots,
And the Cabots talk only to God.
%%
And this too shall pass away.
%%
And those fascinating results come thick and fast in this course:
"There are 9 results in there - it looks like it's going to be tedious, and
indeed it is."
%%
And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung
that cometh out of man, in their sight...Then he [the Lord!] said unto
me, Lo, I have given thee cow's dung for man's dung, and thou shalt
prepare thy bread therewith.
		-- Ezek. 4:12-15 (KJV)
%%
And though all cry down self, none means his ownself in a literal sense.
		-- Butler
%%
And thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
And to all you virgins out there.....Thanks for nothing
%%
And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.
		-- Isaiah 56:12 [NSV]
%%
And virtue is her own reward.
		-- Prior
%%
And we heard him exclaim
 As he started to roam:
 `I'm a hologram, kids,
 please don't try this at home!'
		-- Bob Violence
		   Howie Chaykin's little animated 3-dimensional darling
%%
And what accomplished villains these old engineers were!  What diabolical
ways to sabotage they found!  Nikolai Karlovich von Meck, of the People's
Commissariat of Railroads ... would hold forth for hours on end about the
economic problems involved in the construction of socialism, and he loved to
give advice.  One such pernicious piece of advice was to increase the size
of freight trains and not worry about heavier than average loads.  The GPU
exposed van Meck, and he was shot: his objective had been to wear out rails
and roadbeds, freight cars and locomotives, so as to leave the Republic
without railroads in case of foreign military intervention!  When, not long
afterward, the new People's Commissar of Railroads ordered that average
loads should be increased, and even doubled and tripled them, the malicious
engineers who protested became known as limiters ... they were rightly
shot for their lack of faith in the possibilities of socialist transport.
		-- Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn, "The Gulag Archipelago"
%%
And what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love
mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?
%%
And what is fame, that flutt'ring noisy sound,
But the cold lie of universal vogue?
		-- H. Smith
%%
And what would you do if God spoke directly to your face and said, 'I
command that you be happy in the world.  As long as you live.'	What
would you do then?
		-- Richard Bach, "Illusions"
%%
And when Hostess saw that Little Debbie had taken Hostess' own snack
cake and named it a Ding-Dong, then Hostess saw that Little Debbie
was no longer pure of heart and had in fact been looking in the dirty
magazines by the checkout counter.  And Hostess said unto Little
Debbie, 'Go forth from my house, and thou shalt wander the earth
until thou dost find a place where men with beer bellies drive old
pickups with Easy-Rider rifle racks in them, and there thou shalt
dwell forever, or until a Twinkie decomposeth, whichever cometh
first.'  And Little Debbie left the house of Hostess, grumbling
something unintelligible about telling the American Medical
Association what cholesterol does.  And when Little Debbie found a
city wherein all manner of men called her Baby and Sweetie, she did
build a dwelling and sell her Honeybuns to all those that would pay
her.
(Endust 21, 4-12)
%%
And where two raging fires meet together, they do consume the thing that
feeds their fury.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
And which of you by being anxious can add a single cubit to his life's span?
		-- Matthew 6:27
%%
And yet I should have dearly liked, I own, to have touched her lips;
to have questioned her, that she might have opened them; to have
looked upon the lashes of her downcast eyes, and never raised a blush;
to have let loose waves of hair, an inch of which would be a keepsake
beyond price:  in short, I should have liked, I do confess, to have
had the lightest license of a child, and yet been man enough to know
its value.
		-- Charles Dickens
%%
And you may ask yourself  "Am I right? ... Am I wrong?"
And you may say to yourself  "MY GOD! ... WHAT HAVE I DONE?"
		-- The Talking Heads
%%
And, and, and, and, but, but, but, but"
		-- Yechiam Yemini, 14 September 83
%%
And, no, I don't know what they will do to you if you contact them.
%%
And, the driver compresses EVERYTHING, not just EXE & COM
%%
And.....What ever became of Sweet Jane?
	She's lost her sparkle, you see she isn't the same.
	Livin' on reds, vitamin C, and cocaine
	All a friend can say is "Ain't it a shame?"
%%
Andrea's Admonition:
	Never bestow profanity upon a driver who has wronged you.
	If you think his window is closed and he can't hear you,
	it isn't and he can.
%%
Andrew's Canoeing Postulate:  No matter which direction you start, it's
always against the wind coming back.
%%
Andy wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told to meet the
inspector at the signal box. The inspector puts this question to him:
"What would you do if you realized that 2 trains were heading for each
other on the same track?"
Andy says,"I would switch the points for one of the trains."
"What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector.
"Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Andy,"and I'd use the manual
lever over there."
"What if that had been struck by lightning?"
"Then," Andy continues,"I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next
signal box."
"What if the phone was engaged?"
"Well in that case," persevered Andy,"I'd rush down out of the box and use
the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there."
"What if that was vandalized?"
"Oh well then I'd run into the village and get my uncle Silas."
This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?"
Came the answer, "Because he's never seen a train crash."
%%
Anergy-State: Any state of condition of the Universe, or any portion of
it, which requires the expenditure of human effort or ingenuity to bring
it into line with human desires, needs, or pleasures.
		-- Dr. John Gall
%%
Aneroid Barometer: Meteorological instrument which sailors often use to
		  confirm the onset of bad weather.  Its readings, together
		  with heavy rain, severe rolling, high winds, dark skies,
		  and a deep cloud cover, indicate the presence of a storm.
		-- from "Sailing" by Henry Beard and Roy Mckie
%%
Anesthetists do it painlessly.
%%
Anger and intolerance are the twin enemies of correct understanding
		-- Mahatma Ghandi
%%
Anger begins with folly, and ends with repentance.
		-- H. G. Bohn
%%
Anger blows out the lamp of the mind.
		-- Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899)
%%
Anger is a momentary madness, so control your passion or it will control
you.
		-- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Anger is as a stone cast into a wasp's nest.
%%
Anger is blood, pour'd and perplexed into a froth.
		-- Davenant
%%
Anger is momentary madness.
		-- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Anger is seldom without argument but seldom with a good one.
		-- Halifax
%%
Anger kills as surely as the other vices.
%%
Animalens Inc. of Wellesley, Mass., markets red contact lenses for chickens
(at 20 cents a pair), pointing to medical studies showing that chickens
seeing red during the day are happier and eat less food.  A spokesman said
the lenses will improve world egg-laying productivity by $600 million a
year.
%%
Animals LIKE earthquakes, tornadoes, and volcanic activity.
%%
Animals can be driven crazy by putting too many in too small a pen.
Homo sapiens is the only animal that voluntarily does this to himself.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Animals feed; man eats.  Only the man of intellect and judgement knows
how to eat.
		-- Antheime Brillat-Savarin
%%
Animators do it 24 times a second
%%
Annabelle turned beet-red in the face
At having been raped.  Such disgrace
	Yet although it was terrible
	It was not quite unbearable.
She had taken her pill just in case.		<All is not lost>
%%
Annex Canada now!  We need the room, and who's going to stop us?
		-- A Tom Neff .signature
%%
Annoyed to be left unarmed in such an obviously dangerous
neighborhood, the thief slips off into the shadows.
%%
Annual drug deaths: tobacco: 395,000, alcohol: 125,000, 'legal' drugs: 38,000,
illegal drug overdoses: 5,200, marijuana: 0.  Considering government subsidies
of tobacco, just what is our government protecting us from in the drug war?
		-- William A. Turnbow
%%
Another case of Cherry Coke down the programming hatch!
%%
Another day, another death. Another sorrow, another breath.
		-- From "No Remorse" by Metallica
%%
Another day, another dollar.
		-- Vincent J. Fuller [defense lawyer for John Hinckley,
		   upon Hinckley's acquittal]
%%
Another day, another ray of hope.
%%
Another fine product from Bastards Inc.
%%
Another gin and tonic, please.
%%
Another goal is to establish a relationship "in which it is OK for
everybody to do their best.  There are an awful lot of people in
management who really don't want subordinates to do their best, because
it gets to be very threatening.  But we have found that both internally
and with outside designers if we are willing to have this kind of
relationship and if we're willing to be vulnerable to what will come out
of it, we get really good work."
		-- Max DePree, chairman and CEO of Herman Miller Inc.,
		   "Herman Miller's Secrets of Corporate Creativity",
		   The Wall Street Journal, May 3, 1988
%%
Another megabytes the dust.
%%
Another nun joke!!!
	You see, three nuns were walking down the street, when suddenly
this flasher jumped out in front of them and opened his trench coat,
exposing his all to the sisters.  Well, two of the nuns had strokes right
there, but the third nun wouldn't touch it.
%%
Another one bites the dust.
%%
Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.
		-- Pyrrhus
%%
Another toy that helped destroy the elder race of man?
 ...forget about your silly whim; it doesn't fit the plan.
		-- Rush
%%
Another young poet in China
Had a feeling for rhythm much fina.
	His limericks tend
	To come to an end
Quite suddenly.
%%
Another young woman named Clare
Would walk around perfectly bare,
	Saying, "All that I show
	Are my publics, you know,
For my privates are covered with hair." <Modesty victorious>
%%
Answer just what your heart prompts you.
%%
Answers price list:
Answers......................................... $1.00
Answers (requiring thought)..................... $2.00
Answers (correct)............................... $3.00
Dumb looks ..................................... FREE!
%%
Answers: $1 * Correct answers: $5 * Dumb looks: Free! *
%%
Ant Boy calmly prepares to execute his new friend ant-style...
by PINCHING OFF HIS HEAD!
		-- Ant Boy
%%
Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll
    into the least accessible corner.

The Corollary to Anthony's Law of the Workshop: On its way to the
    corner, any dropped tool will always first strike your toes.

Flucard's Corollary: Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in
    the toilet.
%%
Anti-Gravity Device :
	David Almosder has seen the result of his 35
	years effort of building an anti-gravity device.
	Now he's planning on spending the next 35 years
	fingering out why the device doesn't work very well
	up side down.
%%
Anti-Sabbatical:
	A job taken with the sole intention of staying only for a
limited period of time (often one year). The intention is to raise
enough funds to partake in another, more personally meaningful
activity such as watercolor sketching in Crete or designing computer
knit sweaters in Hong Kong. Employers are rarely informed of
intentions.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Anti-Semites -- another name for "failures."
		-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
Anti-trust laws should be approached with exactly that attitude
%%
Anticipated events never live up to expectations.
		-- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Anticipation of problems is half the battle.  And the only way to
anticipate is to think.
%%
Antidisestablishmentarianism!
%%
Anton Bruckner wrote the same symphony nine times (ten, actually), trying to
get it just right. He failed.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Ants are so much like human beings as to be an embarrassment.  They farm
fungi, raise aphids as livestock, launch armies into wars, use chemical
sprays to alarm and confuse enemies, capture slaves, engage in child
labor, exchange information ceaselessly.  They do everything but watch
television.
		-- Lewis Thomas
%%
Ants would starve in your house if ants would come into it.
%%
Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged,
it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
		-- Arthur Somers Roche
%%
Anxiety is fear of one's self.
		-- Wilhelm Stekel
%%
Anxiety is interest paid on trouble before it is due.
		-- Dean Inge
%%
Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.
		-- Soren Kierkegaard
%%
Anxiety, n.:
	The first time you can't do it a second time.

Panic, n.:
	The second time you can't do it the first time.
%%
Any argument worth making within the bureaucracy must be capable of
being expressed in a single declarative sentence that is obviously true
once stated.
		-- John McNaughton
%%
Any associated supporting element maximizes the probability of project success,
yet minimizes cost and time required for the subjective decomposition criteria.
Similarly, the interrelation of system and/or subsystem technologies presents
extremely interesting challenges to anticipated fourth-generation equipment.
Evidently, the incorporation of additional program constraints cannot be
overemphasized when taking into account the subsystem compatibility testing. We
can see, in retrospect, the use of hierarchical structures relating to resource
ownership and allocation adds overriding performance constraints to the concept
of program robustness. Specifically, the effectiveness of marginal isoquant
analysis mandates operations-level consideration of the differentiation between
requirements definition and object coordination. Notably, a large portion of
interface coordination communication presents extremely interesting challenges
to the not insignificant implementation limitations. Simply stated, the use of
hierarchical structures relating to resource ownership and allocation cannot be
overemphasized when taking into account assumptions that represent more than
one interface. It is further assumed that any associated supporting element may
only become apparent when we explicitly design the preliminary qualification
limit. Without going into the technical details, a correct and consistent dual
description of an abstract interface is not free to define the principles of
effective resource management. Interestingly enough, the characterization of
specific criteria recognizes other systems' importance and the necessity for
overall program marketability.
		-- Doublespeak, A nifty computer program
%%
Any body of men who believe in hell will persecute whenever they have
the power.
		-- Joseph M. McCabe (1867-1957)
%%
Any bus that can be the wrong bus will be the wrong bus.  All others are
out of service or full.
		-- John Corcoran
%%
Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an ART.
		-- Charles McCabe, San Francisco Chronicle
%%
Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an Art.
		-- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)

[Having the facts is hard.  --ed]
%%
Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.
		-- Steve Connelly
%%
Any college that would take your son he should be too proud to go to.
		-- Erma Bombeck
%%
Any coward can fight a battle when he is sure of winning; but give me
the man who has pluck to fight when he's sure of losing.  That's my way,
sir; and there are many victories worse than a defeat.
		-- George Eliot
%%
Any coward can sit in his home and criticize a pilot for flying into a
mountain in a fog.  But I would rather, by far, die on a mountainside
than in bed.  What kind of man would live where there is no daring?
And is life so dear that we should blame men for dying in adventure?
Is there a better way to die?
		-- Charles Lindbergh
%%
Any discovery is more likely to be exploited by the wicked than applied
by the virtuous.
		-- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of most harm.
%%
Any error that can creep into a calculation, will.  Also, it will always
be in the direction that will cause the most damage to the calculation.
		-- M. M. Johnston
%%
Any excuse will serve a tyrant.
		-- Aesop (620-560 B.C.)
%%
Any fact is better established by two or three good testimonies than by
a thousand arguments.
		-- Nathaniel Emmons
%%
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
		-- Dale Carnegie
%%
Any fool can make a rule, and every fool will mind it.
		-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a person of some sense to
know how to lie well.
		-- Samuel Butler (1835-1902), "Notebooks" 1912
%%
Any girl can be glamorous.  All you have to do is stand still and
look stupid.
		-- Hedy Lamarr
%%
Any girl who believes that the way to a man's heart is
through his stomach is obviously setting her standards too high.
%%
Any given program costs more and takes longer.
%%
Any given program will expand to fill available memory.
%%
Any given program, when running correctly, is obsolete.
%%
Any government will work if authority and responsibility are equal and
coordinate. This does not insure "good" government; it simply insures
that it will work. But such governments are rare--most people want to
run things but want no part of the blame. This used to be called the
"backseat-driver syndrome."
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Any hack can safely rail away at foreign powers beyond the sea; but a good
writer is a critic of the society he lives in.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Any improbable event which would create maximum confusion if it did
occur, will occur.
		-- H. S. Kindler
%%
Any inanimate object, regardless of its composition or configuration,
may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner
for reasons that are either totally obscure or completely mysterious.
		-- Dr. Fyodor Flap
%%
Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.
%%
Any intelligent consumer knows what a warranty means.  It means that whatever
happens isn't covered.
%%
Any jackass can kick down a barn, but it takes a good carpenter to build
one.
		-- Sam Rayburn
%%
Any large system is going to be operating most of the time in failure
mode.
		-- Dr. John Gall
%%
Any life, no matter how long and complex it may be, is made up of a single
moment- the moment in which a man finds out, once and for all, who he is.
		-- Jorge Luis Borges
%%
Any man can prove he has good judgement by saying you have.
%%
Any man can work when every stroke of his hand brings down the fruit
rattling from the tree to the ground; but to labor in season and out
of season, under every discouragement, by the power of truth -- that
requires a heroism which is transcendent.
		-- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
Any man that can write, may answer a letter.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad.
		-- Leo Rosten [on W. C. Fields]
%%
Any man who hates dogs and loves whiskey can't be all bad.
		-- W. C. Fields
%%
Any map or chart on which the town of Lima, Ohio, is not
prominently figured is banned from sale in that town.
%%
Any mind that is capable of a real sorrow is capable of good.
%%
Any more than three shakes is fun.
%%
Any movement in history which attempts to perpetuate itself, becomes
reactionary.
		-- Josef Broz Tito (1892-1980)
%%
Any of the cookies beginning with 'Button:' are available as calligraphic
buttons in various colors from the following address for $1.50 each.
Quantity discounts are available.
		Nancy Lebovitz
		400 Wollaston Ave. C6
		Newark, DE 19711

Late hot flash!
Some of the buttons may be out of print - they would then
be available as custom ones at $2.50 each. It seems to be
best to write and ask first.
%%
Any ol' port in a storm.
%%
Any one can be great with money.  With money, greatness is not a talent
but an obligation.  The trick is to be great without money.
		-- Italo Bombolini
%%
Any ordinary city is in fact two cities, one the city of the poor, the
other of the rich, each at war with the other; and in either division
there are smaller ones -- you would make a great mistake if you treated
them as single states.
		-- Plato (428-348? B.C.), "The Republic"
%%
Any party which takes credit for the rain
must not be surprised if its opponents blame it for the draught.
		-- Dwight W. Morrow (1873-1931)
%%
Any person under the age of thirty, who, having any knowledge of the
existing social order, is not a revolutionist, is an inferior.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Any pitcher who throws at a batter and deliberately tries to hit him is
a Communist.
		-- Alvin Dark
%%
Any plumbing pipes you choose to replace during renovation will prove to
be in excellent condition; those you decide to leave in place will be
rotten.
		-- Lew Phelps
%%
Any president should have the right to shoot
at least two people a year without explanation.
		-- Herbert Hoover (1874-1964) [discussing the press]
%%
Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Any program that calls itself an OS (e.g. "MSDOS") isn't one.
		-- Geoff Collyer
%%
Any program which runs right is obsolete.
%%
Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.
%%
Any race that doesn't use all its potential will always stop short of
its possibilities.
		-- Jose Torres
%%
Any rebroadcast, reproduction, or other use of the pictures and accounts
of this game without the express written consent of Major League
Baseball is prohibited.
%%
Any relationship between AT&T and science fiction is purely coincidental
as is any relationship between my views and theirs.
%%
Any renovation project on an old house will cost twice as much and take
three times as long as originally estimated.
		-- Lew Phelps
%%
Any resemblance between the above views and those of my employer, my
terminal, or the view out my window are purely coincidental.  Any
resemblance between the above and my own views is non-deterministic.
The question of the existence of views in the absence of anyone to hold
them is left as an exercise for the reader.  The question of the
existence of the reader is left as an exercise for the second god
coefficient.  (A discussion of non-orthogonal, non-integral polytheism
is beyond the scope of this article.)
%%
Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.
%%
Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere.  Climb the
mountain just a little to test it's a mountain.  From the top of
the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.
		-- Bene Gesserit proverb
%%
Any sort of violence done from hate of something or someone will only have
detrimental effects - on you!
		-- Xavier R. Quinton
%%
Any subject can be made interesting, and therefore any subject can be
made boring.
		-- Hilaire Belloc
%%
Any sufficiently advanced bug becomes a feature.
%%
Any sufficiently advanced feature is indistinguishable from a bug.

Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
		-- Rich Kulawiec
%%
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged
demo.
		-- Andy Finkel, computer guy
%%
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
		-- Arthur C. Clarke, "Profiles of the Future", 1962
%%
Any system must be designed to withstand the worst possible set of
circumstances.
%%
Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
		-- Tom Gibb
%%
Any team can win if they are better.
%%
Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.
%%
Any theorem in mathematical analysis can be fitted onto an arbitrarily small
piece of paper if you are sufficiently obscure.
%%
Any theory can be made to fit any facts by means of appropriate
additional assumptions.
		-- Robert E. Schenk
%%
Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll under the car
to the vehicle's exact geographic center.
%%
Any typographical error will occur in the place in which it will
do the most damage.
%%
Any vacuum cleaner would sooner take the nap off a rug than remove white
threads from a dark rug.
%%
Any woman is a volume if one knows how to read her.
%%
Any woman that you become extremely attracted to will tell you that you are
the best friend that a woman could ever have.
%%
Any young man with good health and a poor appetite can save up money.
		-- J. M. Baily
%%
Anybody can become angry -- that is easy; but to be angry with the right
person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the
right purpose, and in the right way -- that is not within everybody's
power and is not easy.
		-- Aristotle
%%
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
		-- George Ade (1866-1944)
%%
Anybody has a right to evade taxes if he can get away with it. No
citizen has a moral obligation to assist in maintaining the government.
%%
Anybody who wants religion is welcome to it, as far as I'm concerned -- I
support your right to enjoy it.  However, I would appreciate it if you
exhibited more respect for the rights of those people who do not wish to
share your dogma, rapture or necrodestination.
		-- Frank Zappa, "The Real Frank Zappa Book"
%%
Anyone	who uses the phrase `As easy as taking candy from a baby' has never
taken candy from a baby.
   "A real friend is someone who takes a winter vacation on a sun-drenched
    beach, and doesn't send a card."
		-- Farmer's Almanac
%%
Anyone can ba a barbarian; it requires a terrible effort to remain a
civilized man.
		-- Leonard Sidney Woolf
%%
Anyone can suck a toothpick!!
%%
Anyone entrusted with power will abuse it if not also animated with the
love of truth and virtue, no matter whether he be a prince, or one of
the people.
		-- Jean de la Fontaine
%%
Anyone nit-picking enough to write a letter of correction to an editor
doubtless deserves the error that provoked it.
		-- Alvin Toffler
%%
Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.
		-- Al Capp, in "Esquire", 1970
%%
Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human.  At best he
is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe and not
make messes in the house.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat."
		-- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
Anyone who does not look out for number one first, last, and always is a
sucker.
%%
Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
		-- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
%%
Anyone who has ever raised rabbits will appreciate the humor/dilemma implied:

Q. how many rabbits does it take to fill a Volkswagon?

A. two.
%%
Anyone who has had a bull by the tail
knows five or six more things than someone who hasn't.
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad.
		-- W. C. Fields
%%
Anyone who imagines that all fruits ripen at the same time
as the strawberries, knows nothing about grapes.
		-- Philippus Paracelsus
%%
Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation.
		-- Edward R. Murrow
%%
Anyone who knows history, particularly the history of Europe, will, I
think, recognize that the domination of education or of government by
any one particular religious faith is never a happy arrangement for the
people.
		-- Eleanor Roosevelt
%%
Anyone who says he isn't going to resign, four times, definitely will.
		-- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
%%
Anything cut to length will be too short.
%%
Anything good is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
%%
Anything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart.
		-- Robert A. Jackson
%%
Anything is better than Julius.  I think that is why Ceasar got
assassinated. I took the name of Groucho because I always look solemn, I
guess.
		-- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
%%
Anything is impossible, if you don't attempt it.
%%
Anything is possible, but nothing is easy.
		-- Bill Gray
%%
Anything is possible, unless it's not.
%%
Anything left over today will be needed tomorrow to pay an unexpected
bill.
		-- Betty Canary
%%
Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.
		-- G. Bell
%%
Anything that begins well ends badly.
Anything that begins badly ends worse.
%%
Anything that happens enough times to irritate you will happen at least
once more.
%%
Anything that satisfies its external specifications, no matter how
inefficient it is, is a success; don't argue with it.
%%
Anything worth doing is worth delegating.
%%
Anything worth doing is worth doing for a profit.
		-- Tericius
%%
Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.
You can do better the next time.
%%
Anything you can do I can do better; anything I can do YOU can do
better; anything I can do I can do better; anything IBM does will cost
more money.
%%
Anything you still can't cope with is your own problem.
		-- Becki Tants
%%
Anything, no matter how bad, will sound good if played back at at very
high level for a short time.
		-- John Culshaw
%%
Anytime things appear to be going better, you've overlooked something.
%%
Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this
big field of rye and all.  Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around --
nobody big, I mean -- except me.  And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy
cliff.	What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go
over the cliff -- I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're
going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them.  That's all I'd do
all day.  I'd just be the catcher in the rye.  I know it;  I know it's crazy,
but that's the only thing I'd really like to be.  I know it's crazy.
		-- J. D. Salinger, "Catcher in the Rye"
%%
Anywhere, anytime, I'd sacrifice the finest nuance for a laugh, the most
elegant trope for a smile.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Apathy can only be overcome by enthusiasm, and enthusiasm can only be
aroused by two things; first, an ideal which takes the imagination by
storm, and second, a definite plan for carrying that ideal into
practice.
		-- Arnold Toynbee
%%
Apathy is a sort of living oblivion.
		-- Horace Greeley (1811-1872)
%%
Aphorism: A concise, clever statement.
%%
Apl programmers do it in a line.
%%
Apparently IBM is not IBM compatible.
		-- Andy Tanenbaum
%%
Apparently heard at a public lecture by the famous C. Northcote Parkinson at
the Indian Institute of Technology, Madras:

	Government's handling of a difficult matter by appointing a
	Commission of Enquiry is just like a person going to the toilet --
	there is a sitting, a report, and then the matter is dropped.
%%
Apparently one section of the shuttle was discovered washed up on the
coast of Florida.  It was a small box that contained a piece of paper.
The paper read:
	I will not go to full throttle.
	I will not go to full throttle.
	I will not go to full throttle.
	I will not go to full throttle.
	(repeated, one hundred times.)
%%
Apparently, July is National Hot Dog Month.  If this is true, I imagine
there must also be National Hot Dog Awards.  I can just imagine this.
Someone opens an envelope, looks at the contents and says: "And the
Wiener is . . . Oscar Mayer!"
%%
Apparently, two very rare minks were missing from the mink farm:
a Hungarian mink and a Czech mink. It was clear that the randy
little animals had escaped by chewing a hole in the wall of their
enclosure.

Well, the value of these two breedable minks being well up in
the thousands of dollars, the hunters and hounds went out after
them. Tracking the minks turned out to be easy: new-fallen snow
showed clear paw-prints for several miles through the woods, and
then into a cave.

The hunters approached the cave with some caution, and sure enough,
the cave turned out to be inhabited by bears. No cubs yet, this
early in the winter, but a big male and a medium female adult were
clearly in residence. To the hunters' dismay, the tracks of the
minks lead right up the bears themselves and *disappeared*!

Well, even as furs, these rare mink were worth some real money, so
hunters shot the bears and began the unpleasant task of dissection.
They soon found the Hungarian mink in the female's stomach.

"Well," they said, "that makes it pretty clear:"

"The Czech's in the male!"

Sorry.
%%
Appearance *versus* reality? Appearance *is* reality, God damn it!
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Appearances are all, my son. Appearances are all.
%%
Appearances deceive and this one maxim is a standing rule: Men are not
what they seem.
		-- Harvard
%%
Appearances often are deceiving.
		-- Aesop (620-560 B.C.)
%%
Applause is the spur of noble minds, the end and aim of weak ones.
		-- Colton
%%
Apple - Typically a device used to seduce men.	Usually equipped with
	display screens and/or worms.
%%
Apple n. A popular computer (made by Apple Computer Inc., Cupertino,
	 Calif.) with a refreshing nonnumeric, nonacronymic appleation.
		I gave my love an Apple, that had no core;
		I gave my love a building, that had no floor;
		I wrote my love a program, that had no end;
		I gave my love an upgrade. with no cryin'.

		How can there be an Apple, that has no core?
		How can there be a building, that has no floor?
		How can there be a program, that has no end?
		How can there be an upgrade, with no cryin'?

		An Apple's MOS memory don't use no core!
		A building that's perfect, it has no flaw!
		A program with GOTOs, it has no end!
		I lied about the upgrade, with no cryin'!
%%
Apple owners do it with mice!
%%
Apples Have Spiritual Powers, Say Insane Engineers.
%%
Apply only to affected area.
%%
Approach has supreme success.
Perseverance furthers.
When the eight month comes,
There will be misfortune.
%%
Approved for veterans.
%%
Approximately 80% of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons
released by vegetation, so let's not go overboard in setting and
enforcing tough emissions standards from man-made sources.
		-- Ronald W. Reagan, quoted in "Sierra", 10 September 1980
%%
April 13 -- True Anecdote: In National League baseball action, the Atlanta
Braves' Dion James hits a ball that would have been caught easily,
except that in midair it strikes and kills a dove.
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
April 14 -- In Colorado, Gary Hart declares his candidacy for the presidential
nomination, making the official announcement while standing in front of
a dramatic backdrop of soaring mountains, towering pine trees, and four
Miami Herald reporters disguised as rhododendrons.
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
April 22 -- Crack U.S. counter-intelligence agents in Moscow begin to suspect
that the new U.S. Embassy in Moscow, constructed by Soviet labor, might
be bugged, when one of them sneezes in the ambassador's office and six
chairs say, "Gesundheit."
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
April 26 -- Jack Kemp announces that he is running for president, pledging
that, if elected, he will deepen his voice.
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
April 3 -- In the Persian Gulf, Iranians attack the Islip garbage barge, but
are driven off by courageous flies.
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
April 30 -- Following a lengthy and dramatic trial, a confused New Jersey jury
awards custody of a 3-month-old boy to a 6-week-old girl.
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
April is the cruelest month...
		-- Thomas Stearns Eliot
%%
Apu (Kwik-E-Mart clerk):  "Haven't I seen you on TV somewhere before?"
Homer:	"Nah, you have me confused with Fred Flintstone."
		-- "Homer's Night Out", from The Simpsons
%%
Apuleius married a rich widow, then wrote "The Golden Ass".
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Aquarius (Jan 21 - Feb 19) : Carol Channing, Jimmy Durante,
Jack Palance, Jimmy Hoffa, Vanessa Redgrave, Humphery Bogart,
Gene Hackman, Farrah Fawcett
%%
Archaeologists make the best husbands.	The older you get, the more
they're interested.
		-- Agatha Christie
%%
Archaeologists will date any old thing.
%%
Architectural Indigestion:
	The almost obsessive need to live in a 'cool' architectural
environment. Frequently related objects of fetish include framed
black-and-white art photography (Diane Arbus a favorite); simplistic
pine furniture; matte black high-tech items such as TVs, stereos, and
telephones; low-wattage ambient lighting; a lamp, a chair, or table
that alludes to the 1950s; cut flowers with complex names.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Architecture is not a business, not a career, but a crusade and a
consecration to a joy that justifies the existence of the earth.
		-- Henry Cameron
%%
Architecture is the printing press of all ages, and gives a history of
the state in which it was conducted.
		-- Lady Morgan
%%
Architecture:  Whatever we choose to implement.
		-- FMS Project Leader
%%
Are people more important than the grizzly bear? Only from the point of view
of some people.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Are there those in the land of the brave
Who can tell me how I should behave
	When I am disgraced
	Because I erased
	A file I intended to save?
%%
Are we controlled by secret forces?
%%
Are we having fun now?
%%
Are we having fun yet?
%%
Are we lovers or just friends in bed?
%%
Are we not men?
%%
Are we running light with overbyte?
%%
Are ya right ?
		-- Prof. D. Ingo
%%
Are you a foul flea, or just a scummy snake?
%%
Are you a good witch or a bad witch?
%%
Are you a man or a mouse?  Come on, squeak up!
%%
Are you a offering a solution, or are you just another part of the problem?
%%
Are you a slob, or just a rectum?
%%
Are you certain quantum mechanics is a science?
%%
Are you enjoying yourself?
%%
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
		-- From The Goon Show
%%
Are you having fun yet?
%%
Are you kidding me? You must be kidding me!
%%
Are you making this up as you go along?
%%
Are you out of your mind?
%%
Are you stoned or just stupid?
%%
Are you sure the back door is locked?
%%
Are you the same person you were ten years ago? twenty?
%%
Are you trying to catch the bird?
%%
Are you trying to explore beyond the plover room?
%%
Are you trying to get into the cave?
%%
Are you trying to somehow deal with the snake?
%%
Are you wearing clean underwear?
%%
Are you wearing underwear?
%%
Are your glasses mended with a strip of masking tape right over your nose?
Do you put pennies in the slots in your penny loafers?
Do you wish you worked for IBM where everyone wore the same
	kind of charcoal grey suit?
Does your bow-tie flash "hey you kid" in red neon at parties?
Do you think pizza before noon is unhealthy?
Do you use the "greasy kid's stuff" to stick down your cowlick?
Do you wear a "nerd-pack" in your shirt pocket to keep the dozen
	or so pencils from marking the cloth?
Do you think Mary Jane is somebody's name?
Is illegal fishing is something only a daring criminal would do?
Is Batman your hero?  Superman?  Green Lantern?  The Shadow?
Do you think girls who kiss on the first date are loose?

	Rate yourself on the nerd-o-matic scale. (1 point for each YES answer)
0-2  -- You are really hip, a real cool cat, a hoopy frood.
3-5  -- There is hope for you yet.
6-7  -- Uh-oh, trouble in River City.
8-10 -- Your immortal soul is in peril.
11+  -- Does suicide seem attractive?
%%
Aren't you forgetting something?
%%
Aren't you glad you use Dial?  Don't you wish everybody did?
%%
Aren't you glad you're not getting all the government you pay for now?
%%
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours.
		-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
%%
Argument, as usually managed, is the worst sort of conversation, as in
books it is generally the worst sort of reading.
		-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
Arguments are extremely vulgar,
for everyone in good society holds exactly the same opinion.
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Arguments seem futile to me, for behind every argument I have ever heard
lies the astounding ignorance of someone.
		-- Justice Louis D. Brandeis (1856-1941)
%%
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19) : Heb Alpert, Richard Chamberlain,
Marlon Brando, Doris Day, Bette Davis, Marsha Mason, James Garner,
Elizabeth Montgomery
%%
Aristocracy is always cruel.
		-- Wendell Phillips
%%
Arithmetical proofs of theorems that do not have arithmetical bases
prove nothing.
		-- G. O. Ashley
%%
Arlo Guthrie does it on his Motorcycle.
%%
Arm the Unemployed
%%
Armadillos do it avec l'amour (Fr., "despite their armour").
%%
Armanism:
	After Georgio Armani: an obsession with mimicking the seamless
and (more importantly) *controlled* ethos of Italian couture. Lake
Japanese Minimalism, Armanism reflects a profound inner need for
control.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Armies aren't known for neatness.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Armor's Axiom:
	Virtue is the failure to achieve vice.
%%
Armstrong's Collection Law:
	If the check is truly in the mail,
	it is surely made out to someone else.
%%
Around here, progress is made on alternate Tuesdays.
%%
Around you lie the ruins of what was obviously once an enormous
castle. The remains have so degenerated that they blend uniformly into
the forbidding rocks to the north. The beach is visible to the
southeast, and the ground slopes uphill to the south. Another castle
(this one still standing) is visible to the west.
%%
Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife - chopping off what's
incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."
		-- Muad'dib
%%
Arrgh!
%%
Arriving with a large box of paper at a local recycling depot, I was
reprimanded for not separating the paper of color from the white trash.
%%
Arrogant dragon will have cause to repent.
%%
Arson - our daughter's brother.
%%
Art is I; science is we.
		-- Claude Bernard
%%
Art is a form of catharsis.
		-- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)
%%
Art is a jealous mistress, and if a man has a genius for painting,
poetry, music, architecture or philosophy, he makes a bad husband and an
ill provider.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Art is a jealous mistress.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Wealth"
%%
Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.
		-- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)
%%
Art is almost always a political statement -- and politics is almost always
an art.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Art is an effort to create, beside the real world, a more human world.
		-- Andre Maurois
%%
Art is the desire of a man to express himself, to record the reactions
of his personality to the world he lives in.
		-- Amy Lowell
%%
Art is the most intense mode of individualism that the world has known.
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Art is the only way to run away without leaving home.
		-- Twyla Tharp
%%
Art is the stored honey of the human soul, gathered on wings of misery
and travail.
		-- Theodore Dreiser
%%
Art is the tree of life.  Science is the tree of death.
%%
Art isn't something you marry, it's something you rape.
		-- Edgar Degas (1834-1900)
%%
Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere.
		-- Gilbert K. Chesterson (1874-1936)
%%
Art, science, philosophy, religion--each offers at best only a crude
simplification of actual living experience.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Artery: The study of paintings.
%%
Arthritic bureaucracies don't tame new frontiers.
		-- Paul A. Gigot, WSJ, on NASA
%%
Arthur C. Clarke's Law of Revolutionary Ideas:
	Every revolutionary idea - in Science, Politics, Art or whatever -
	evokes three stages of reaction. They may be summed up by the three
	phrases:
	      1. "It is impossible - Don't waste my time."
	      2. "It is possible, but not worth doing."
	      3. "I said it was a good idea all along."
%%
Arthur and Ford opened their eyes and looked about in considerable surprise.
"Good God," said Arthur, "it looks just like the sea front at Southend."
"Hell, I'm relieved to hear you say that," said Ford.
"Why?"
"Because I thought I must be going mad."
"Perhaps you are.  Perhaps you only thought I said it."
Ford thought about this.  "Well, did you say it or didn't you?" he asked.
"I think so," said Arthur.
"Well, perhaps we're both going mad."
"Yes," said Arthur, "we'd be mad, all things considered, to think this was
Southend."
"Well, do you think this is Southend?"
"Oh yes."
"So do I."
"Therefore we must be mad."
"Nice day for it."
"Yes," said a passing maniac.
"Who was that?" asked Arthur.
"I don't know.	Just someone."
"Ah."
		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Arthur and his wife Muriel were sitting in their Vauxhall Viva eating their
ice cream cornets.  Suddenly two enormous black birds started to flap around on
the bonnet of the car.	Arthur got out and placed his cornet on the bonnet,
instantly causing the birds to calm down.
 "Well, I've never seen that before," said Muriel.
 "Oh,it's just a case of stilling two birds with one's cone."
		-- Steve Wickham
%%
Arthur was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint
and generally feeling good about himself, when a Nun suddenly appears at
his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man!  Drinking is a Sin!
Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now Arthur gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.
"How do _you_ know Sister?"

"My Mother Superior told me so"

"But have you ever had a drink yourself?  How can you be sure that what
you are saying is right?"

"Don't be ridiculous - of course I have never taken alcohol myself"

"Then let me buy you a drink, - if you still believe afterwards that it
is evil I will give up drink for life"

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, them no-one will
know"

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so Arthur goes inside to the bar.

"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers
his voice and says to the barman ".. and could you put the vodka in a
teacup?"

"Oh no!  It's not that bl**dy Nun again is it?"
%%
Arthur's Laws of Love:
	Art is your fate; don't debate.
%%
Article the Third:
	Where a crime of the kidneys has been committed, the accused should
	enjoy the right to a speedy diaper change.  Public announcements and
	guided tours of the aforementioned are not necessary.
Article the Fourth:
	The decision to eat strained lamb or not should be with the "feedee"
	and not the "feeder".  Blowing the strained lamb into the feeder's
	face should be accepted as an opinion, not as a declaration of war.
Article the Fifth:
	Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize, whether it be in church,
	a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the
	lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have
	to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
		-- Erma Bombeck, "A Baby's Bill of Rights"
%%
Artificial Intelligence is neither -- it consists of quite natural people
programming computers to do dumb things.
%%
Artificial Intelligence is too much of one and not enough of the other.
%%
Artificial food is expensive. Nothing makes steak as efficiently as a cow.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of
the bull.
%%
Artists do it in the buff.
%%
As Gen. de Gaulle occasionally acknowledges America to be the daughter
of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.
		-- John Fitzgerald Kennedy (1917-1963)
%%
As I approached the intersection a stop sign suddenly appeared in a
place where no stop sign has ever appeared before. I was unable to stop
in time to avoid the accident.
%%
As I argued in "Beloved Son", a book about my son Brian and the subject
of religious communes and cults, one result of proper early instruction
in the methods of rational thought will be to make sudden mindless
conversions -- to anything -- less likely.  Brian now realizes this and
has, after eleven years, left the sect he was associated with.	The
problem is that once the untrained mind has made a formal commitment to
a religious philosophy -- and it does not matter whether that philosophy
is generally reasonable and high-minded or utterly bizarre and
irrational -- the powers of reason are surprisingly ineffective in
changing the believer's mind.
		-- Steve Allen, comdeian, from an essay in the book
		   "The Courage of Conviction", edited by Philip Berman
%%
As I grow older and older
And totter towards the tomb
I find that I care less and less
Who goes to bed with whom.
		-- Dorothy L. Sayers
%%
As I slide down the bannister of life, I see you as a splinter in my
ass!!
%%
As I was going across London Bridge,
I met Sister Sally Ann,
She was drunk, and I was sober,
So I kicked her over.
 An empty bottle of whiskey
%%
As I was going to St. Ives,
I met a man with seven wives.
Each wife had seven sacks,
Each sack had seven cats,
Each cat had seven kits.
Kits, cats, sacks, and wives,
How many were going to St. Ives?
 One, myself
%%
As I went down the country road,
I met old Granny Green,
I ate her meat, and sucked her blood,
and threw her skin away.
 A watermelon
%%
As I went under the new telegraph-wire, I heard it vibrating like a
harp high overhead.  It was as the sound of a far-off glorious life,
a supernal life, which came down to us, and vibrated the lattice-work
of this life of ours.
		-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
As Lisa hugged me, I started humming the theme song from the State Farm
Insurance TV commercial.  This is not because I am in any way a slave to
television -- it had to do instead with a strategy I had concocted for
torturing Lisa on her wedding day.  What I planned to do was to plant the
State Farm Insurance jingle subliminally in Lisa's mind, until she retched.
The State Farm Insurance jingle had an almost satanic sticking power.  Lisa
wouldn't be able to hum or even think about anything else but the State Farm
Insurance jingle for weeks.  Soon she would suffer a terrific nervous
breakdown -- the Big NB, as Lisa called it -- and spend the rest of her life
spiking volleyballs off the roof of a mental hospital.

"Like a good neighbor," I hummed softly, "State Farm is there."  Lisa didn't
seem to notice, but I could tell I had done some first-rate subliminal damage,
since she hummed the last two words along with me.  I had planted the first
seed.
		-- Peter J. Smith, from "Make Believe Ballrooms"
%%
As Mark Twain said, "I love Wagner--if only they'd cut out all that damned
singing!"
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
As a Valentine message, young Bonnet,
Having failed at composing a sonnet,
	Drew his girlfriend a card
	That the censors have barred --
Both a heart and a hard-on are on it!
%%
As a confirmed melancholic, I can testify that the best and maybe only
antidote for melancholia is *action*. However, like most melancholics, I
suffer also from sloth.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.  Seest thou a
man wise in his own conceit?
		-- Proverbs 26:11
%%
As a general rule, the most successful man in life is the man who has
the best information.
		-- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
As a goatherd learns his trade by goat,
so a writer learns his trade by wrote.
%%
As a king he approaches his family.
Fear not.
Good fortune.
%%
As a little silvery circular ripple, set in motion by the falling
pebble, expands from its inch of radius to the whole compass of a pool,
so there is not a child--not an infant Moses--placed, however softly, in
his bulrush ark upon the sea of time, whose existence does not stir a
ripple, gyrating outward and on, until it shall have moved across and
spanned the whole ocean of God's eternity, stirring even the river of
life, and the fountains at which the angels drink.
		-- Elihu Burritt
%%
As a man may be eating all day, and for want of digestion is never
nourished, so these endless readers may cram themselves in vain with
intellectual food.
		-- Dr. I. Watts
%%
As a man of more than average caution, I have never felt absolutely
secure until Evans and Novak have spoken.
		-- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
As a matter of cold fact, a lot of people have no use for you because they
can't use you.
%%
As a matter of fact, I do own the road.
%%
As a matter of fact, no, I don't have a life.
%%
As a member of the world conspiracy, you control your own future.
%%
As a net is made up of a series of ties, so everything in this world
is connected by a series of ties. If anyone thinks that this mesh of a
net is an independent, isolated thing, he is mistaken. It is called a
net because it is made up of a series of interconnected meshes, and
each mesh has its place and responsibility in relation to other
meshes.
		-- Buddha
%%
As a rule I only study things that suggest music to me...
Recently the character of each planet suggested lots to me.
		-- Gustav Holst
%%
As a rule, go with state-of-the-art technology (but don't be first).
		-- Larry Long
%%
As a rule, there is no surer way to the dislike of men than to behave
well where they have behaved badly.
		-- Lew Wallace
%%
As a student I learned from wonderful teachers
and ever since then I've thought everyone is a teacher.
		-- Bill Moyers, interviews on "Fresh Air", 1991
%%
As any magician will tell you -- Myth Direction is the secret of a successful
steal.
		-- D. Henning
%%
As between the skulking and furtive poacher, who hunts for the sake of meat,
and the honest gentleman shooter, who kills for the pleasure of sport, I find
the former a higher type of humanity.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
As blushing will sometimes make a whore pass for a virtuous woman, so
modesty may make a fool seem a man of sense.
		-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
As ceremony is the invention of wise men to keep fools at a distance, so
good breeding is an expedient to make fools and wise men equal.
		-- Steele
%%
As charity covers a multitude of sins before God, so does politeness
before men.
		-- Chesterfield
%%
As crazy as hauling timber into the woods.
		-- Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace) (65-8 B.C.)
%%
As empty vessels make the loudest sound, so they that have the least wit
are the greatest blabbers.
		-- Plato (428-348? B.C.)
%%
As engineers, we try to provide for the future, but our crystal balls
are notoriously cloudy and our ability to predict market trends is
marginal at best.
%%
As every thread of gold is valuable, so is every minute of time.
		-- Mason
%%
As expected, the victorious candidate in a particularly dirty recent political
campaign, won by a mudslide.
%%
As far as I can see, the greater amount of education which a part of
the working class has employed for some years past, is an evil.  It
is dangerous because it makes them independent.
		-- J. Geddes (1865) [British glassworks owner]
%%
As far as that goes...
%%
As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods;
they kill us for their sport.
		-- William Shakespeare, "King Lear"
%%
As for the basic assumptions about individuality and self, this is the
core of what I like about cyberpunk. And it's the core of what I like
about certain pre-gibson neophile techie SF writers that certain folks
here like to put down. Not everyone makes the same assumptions. I
haven't lost my mind... it's backed up on tape.
		-- Peter da Silva, peter@ficc.uu.net
%%
As for the women, though we scorn and flout 'em,
We may live with, but cannot live without 'em.
		-- Frederic Reynolds
%%
As for weirdness, the guy who's the tops
Is a kinky old butcher named Pops.
	Since he thinks it's effete
	To be beating his meat,
What he's into is licking his chops.
%%
As fresh as morning dew distill'd on flowers.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
As good almost kill a man, as kill a good book; who kills a man, kills a
reasonable creature, God's image; but he who destroys a good book, kills
reason itself.
		-- Milton
%%
As hard as you try, the book cannot be closed.
%%
As he came in his chubby choirboy,
Father Burke said, "There's no greater joy!
	If no sodomy levens
	And possible heavens,
Existence will merely annoy."
%%
As in certain cults it is possible to
kill a process if you know its true name.
		-- Ken Thompson and Dennis M. Ritchie
%%
As long as I am mayor of this city [Jersey City, New Jersey] the great
industries are secure.	We hear about constitutional rights, free
speech and the free press.  Every time I hear these words I say to
myself, "That man is a Red, that man is a Communist".  You never hear a
real American talk like that.
		-- Mayor Frank Hague (1896-1956)
%%
As long as I don't write about the government, religion, politics, and
other institutions, I am free to print anything.
		-- Beaumarchais
%%
As long as I eat, I live
But when I drink, I die
What am I?
 Fire
%%
As long as art is the beauty parlor of civilization, neither art nor
civilization is secure.
		-- John Dewey (1859-1953)
%%
As long as mankind shall continue to bestow more liberal applause on
their destroyers than on their benefactors, the thirst of military glory
will ever be the vice of the most exalted characters.
		-- Edward Gibbon (1734-1794)
%%
As long as men are free to ask what they must -- free to say what they
think -- free to think what they will -- freedom can never be lost and
science can never regress.
		-- J. Robert Oppenheimer
%%
As long as people will accept crap, 
it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
		-- Dick Cavett, in "Playboy", 1971
%%
As long as there are ill-defined goals, bizarre bugs, and unrealistic
schedules, there will be Real Programmers willing to jump in and Solve
The Problem, saving the documentation for later.
%%
As long as there have been humans we have searched for our place in the
cosmos. Where are we?  Who are we? We find that we live on an
insignificant planet of a humdrum star lost in a galaxy tucked away in
some forgotten corner of a universe.  We make our world significant by
the courage of our questions and by the depth of our answers.
		-- Carl Sagan
%%
As long as we're going to reinvent the wheel again, we might as well try
making it round this time.
		-- Mike Dennison
%%
As long as you've lit one candle, you're allowed to curse the darkness.
%%
As near as I can tell you're not any crazier than the average asshole
on the street
		-- Ken Kesey via R. P. McMurphy
		   "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"
%%
As of next Friday, you will be flushed in favor of CONNIVER. Please go
away.
%%
As of next Thursday, TOPS-10 will be flushed in favor of TENEX.  Please
 update your programs.
%%
As of next Thursday, TOPS-20 will be flushed in favor of ITS.
Please update your programs.
%%
As of next Thursday, UNIX will be flushed in favor of TOPS-10.
Please update your programs.
%%
As of next Tuesday, C will be flushed in favor of COBOL.
Please update your programs.
%%
As of next Tuesday, LISP will be flushed in favor of MUDDLE.
Please update your programs.
%%
As of next Tuesday, all terminal input will be line-at-a-time.
Please update your programs.
%%
As of next Wednesday, CLU will be flushed in favor of SNOBOL.  Please
update your programs.
%%
As of next tuesday, LISP will be flushed in favor of COBOL. Please
update your programs.
%%
As of next tuesday, SAIL will be flushed in favor of COBOL.  Please
 update your programs.
%%
As of today, LISP will be flushed in favor of COBOL.  Please update your
programs.
%%
As one gets older, one discovers everything is going to be exactly the same
with different hats on.
		-- Noel Coward
%%
As riches and favor forsake a man, we discover him to be a fool, but
nobody could find it out in his prosperity.
		-- Jean de La Bruyere
%%
As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of demand.
%%
As seen on TV.
%%
As soils are depleted, human health, vitality and intelligence go with
them.
		-- Louis Bromfield
%%
As soon as questions of will or decision or reason or choice of action arise,
human science is at a loss.
		-- Prof. Noam Chomsky
%%
As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airline rencounters
turbulence.
%%
As soon as you cannot keep anything from a man, you love him.
%%
As the axe entered the forest, the trees said,
'The handle is one of us. '
%%
As the breeches-buoy swing towards the rocks,
Its occupant cried, "Save my socks!
	I could not bear the loss,
	For with scarlet silk floss
My mama has embroidered their clocks."
		-- Edward Gorey
%%
As the caterpillar chooses the fairest leaves to lay her eggs on,
so the priest lays his curse on the fairest joys.
		-- William H. Blake (1757-1827)
%%
As the dimensions of the tree are not always regulated by the size of
the seed, so the consequences of things are not always proportionate to
the apparent magnitude of those events that have produced them.
		-- Colton
%%
As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
		-- Art Buchwald
%%
As the government of the United States of America is not in any
sense founded on the Christian Religion, -- as it has itself
no character of enmity against the law, religion or tranquility
of Musselmen, ...
		-- Article 11, Treaty of Peace and Friendship between
		   The United States and ... Tripoli of Barbary.
%%
As the knife approaches its victim, your mind is submerged by an
overmastering will.  Slowly, your hand turns, until the rusty blade
is an inch from your neck.  The knife seems almost to sing as it
savagely cuts your throat.
%%
As the language of the face is universal, so 'tis very comprehensive; no
laconism can reach it:	'tis the short hand of the mind, and crowds a
great deal in a little room.
		-- Jeremy Collier (1650-1726)
%%
As the last syllable of your spell fades into silence, darkness
envelops you, and the earth shakes.  Then all is quiet.
%%
As the old motto of my Jr. High:
We will find a way or make one."
		-- Robert E. Peary
%%
As the purse is emptied, the heart is filled.
		-- Victor Hugo (1802-1885)
%%
As the robot reaches for sphere, an iron cage falls from the
ceiling.  The robot attempts to fend it off but is trapped below it.
Alas, the robot short circuits in his vain attempt to escape and
crushes the sphere beneath him as he falls to the floor.
%%
As the sword of the best-tempered metal is the most flexible; so the
truly generous are most pliant and courteous in their behavior to their
inferiors.
		-- Fuller
%%
As the system comes up, the component builders will from time to time
appear, bearing hot new versions of their pieces -- faster, smaller,
more complete, or putatively less buggy.  The replacement of a working
component by a new version requires the same systematic testing
procedure that adding a new component does, although it should require
less time, for more complete and efficient test cases will usually be
available.
		-- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
%%
As the thief dies, the power of his magic decreases, and his
treasures reappear:  A #.
%%
As the three wise men approached the manger to present their gifts,
one of them tripped, stubbed his toe, and exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!".
Mary looked over to Joseph and said, "Oh, Joeseph! I like that so much
better than Irving Shwartz!"
%%
As the timber is fitted to the socket, a white sail abruptly appears on
it.
%%
As the tone echoes through the air, the sorcerer appears in a cloud of
purple smoke.  He says, "Congratulations!  You've obtained a perfect
score!"  He gestures with his hand, and a crowd of cheering munchkins
carry you off to sign autographs.

* * *	The end   * * *
%%
As the troll contacts the murky black waters of the river it
is almost immediately destroyed.
%%
As the warp engines are engaged, the entire ship shudders and groans.
The lights dim and flare again suddenly, as the ship re-emerges into
normal space, thousands of light-years away.
%%
As the white panel slides shut, a tiny drawer pops out of the
side of the box. The contents of the drawer fall on the ground,
and the drawer slides shut just as quickly.
%%
As threshing separates the wheat from the chaff, so does affliction
purify virtue.
		-- Richard E. Burton
%%
As to Jesus of Nazareth...I think the system of Morals and his Religion,
as he left them to us, the best the World ever saw or is likely to see;
but I apprehend it has received various corrupting Changes, and I have,
with most of the present Dissenters in England, some doubts as to his
divinity.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
As to the idea that advertising motivates people, remember the Edsel.
%%
As tourists inspected the apse
An ominous series of raps
	Came from under the altar,
	Which caused some to falter
And others to shriek and collapse.
		-- Edward Gorey
%%
As two consular clerks in Madras
Fished, hidden in deep shore-grass,
	"What a marvelous pole,"
	Said she, "but control
Your sinkers -- they're banging my ass."
%%
As war and government prove, insanity is the most contagious of diseases.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
As we anarchists say: "There's no government like no government."
		-- D'Arcy J. M. Cain (darcy@druid)
%%
As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.
		-- Miguel de Cervantes
%%
As with liberty, the price of leanness is eternal vigilance.
		-- Gene Brown
%%
As you are old and reverend, you should be wise.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
As you are, so shall you wish. As you wish, so shall it be.
%%
As you attempt to move, the light becomes so bright that you are
blinded momentarily and can't go on.
%%
As you enter the mine a rather burly man approaches you
and exclaims, "Great to see someone else stumble into
this God (sic) forsaken hole. I came here 12 years ago
and lost my boat. This mine has the greatest gem hordes
ever encountered. There will easily be enough for both of
us but first I have 12 years of exploring to show you.
I am not quite as eccentric as I seem but its been so
long since I have had anyone to talk to. Come on and I
will show you what there is to see here". He leaves by
a door to the southeast. There is another door to the
northeast and the entrance behind you to the west.
%%
As you enter, your compass starts spinning wildly.
%%
As you face the side opposite the entrance, two short sides of
carved and polished wood are to your left and right.  The left panel
is mahogany, the right pine.  The wall you face is red on its left
half and black on its right.  On the entrance side, the wall is white
opposite the red part of the wall it faces, and yellow opposite the
black section.	The painted walls are at least twice the length of
the unpainted ones.  The ceiling is painted blue.
%%
As you finish this maneuver the scene in front of you
appears to waver slightly.
%%
As you hit the water you slowly realize that you are undergoing
a most drastic change. It appears that the water was perhaps a
bit more caustic than you initially anticipated. You watch in
agony as the flesh is stripped from your bones.
%%
As you know, I planned a trip out there for some time, so it fits in
very nicely.
		-- President George Bush, on his trip to LA after the
		   riots
%%
As you know, death is my bread and danger my butter.  No, danger is my
bread and death is my butter.  No, danger is my, death is, no, no wait,
sorry, death and danger are my various breads and various butters.
		-- Woody Allen, "What's Up, Tiger Lily?"
%%
As you leave, the door swings shut.
%%
As you look on, the troll manages to munge himself with an
astounding display of ineptitude.
%%
As you move, the light about you changes color abruptly.
%%
As you pick up the rusty knife, your sword gives a single pulse
of blinding blue light.
%%
As you pronounce the formula on it, the scroll disappears.
%%
As you pull the lever, your view of the surroundings quickly
disintegrates.	when your vision returns, you find that you're no longer
where you used to be.
%%
As you reach for the sphere, an iron cage falls from the ceiling
to entrap you.	To make matters worse, poisonous gas starts coming
into the room.
%%
As you step gingerly onto the bridge, it creaks and sways dangerously.
very slowly, you make it across.
%%
As you try, your hand seems to go through it.
%%
As you wish, so be it.
%%
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, If God won't have you, the devil must.
%%
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
If you don't take it out and use it
its going to rust.
		-- highlander
%%
Ask a man which way he is going to vote, and he will probably tell you.
Ask him, however, why, and vagueness is all.
		-- Bernard Levin, in "Daily Mail", 1964
%%
Ask a silly person, get a silly answer
%%
Ask a toad what is beauty?...a female with two great round eyes coming out
of her little head, a large flat mouth, a yellow belly and a brown back.
		-- Voltaire (1694-1778)
%%
Ask a wizard for help.
%%
Ask me if I care.
%%
Ask not for whom the Bell tolls,
and you will pay only the station-to-station rate.
		-- Howard Kandel
%%
Ask not for whom the bell tolls --
		-- Muhammad Ali
%%
Ask not what you can do for your country,
but what your country's been doing to you.
		-- Avengers
%%
Ask not what's inside your head, but what your head's inside of.
		-- J. J. Gibson
%%
Ask of friends only what is honorable.
		-- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
Ask the expert!
%%
Ask the person next to you.
%%
Asked a supplicant priest of the pontiff,
"Do I sin if I do what I want, if
	I screw a young nun
	In the eastertide sun?"
His holiness murmured, "Gut yontiff."
%%
Asking a Republican Senate and Democratic House to make a law is like
trying to fry a single egg in two pans.
		-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
Asking about monsters may be very useful.
%%
Asking when [Saddam Hussein] will be overthrown is like asking when
the economy's coming back.
		-- An aide to President Bush
%%
Ass, grass or gas... nobody rides for free!
%%
Assassination has never changed the history of the world.
		-- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "The Rejected Statement"
%%
Assassins do it from behind
%%
Assembler --
	A Formula I race car. Very fast, but difficult to drive and
expensive to maintain.
%%
Assembly language experience is [important] for the maturity and
understanding of how computers work that it provides
		-- D. Gries
%%
Associate :  Its to caustic for film.
Goldwyn   :  To hell with the cost, if it's a good story, I'll make it.
		-- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
%%
Assume nothing.
%%
Assumptions are the termites of relationships.
%%
Astrology Law:	It's always the wrong time of the month.
		-- Rozanne Weissman
%%
Astrology is a crock.  Fortune cookies, on the other hand, are usually
right.
%%
Astrology is a disease, not a science.
%%
Astrology is the sheerest hokum.  This pseudoscience has been around
since the day of the Chaldeans and Babylonians.  It is as phony as
numerology, phrenology, palmistry, alchemy, the reading of tea leaves,
and the practice of divination by the entrails of a goat.  No serious
person will buy the notion that our lives are influenced individually by
the movement of distant planets.  This is the sawdust blarney of the
carnival midway.
		-- James J. Kilpatrick, Universal Press Syndicate
%%
Astrology... just a bunch of Taurus.
%%
Astronomers See Death Star Thirty Eight Light-Years Away,
And Coming Our Way.
%%
Astronomers do it all night long.
%%
Astronomers do it in the dark.
%%
Asynch:   A place to wash dishes.
Bisynch:  Farewell to the dish washing place.
		-- Data communications glossary
%%
Asynchronous inputs are at the root of our race problems.
		-- D. Winker and F. Prosser
%%
At 49, Layton Kor is a phenomenon. Strong as an ox, quick on the trail,
and fast on rock, Kor stills bursts with an impatient restlessness. With little
difficulty I can picture him 20 years ago--truly he must have been an
unstoppable force. Backing off a climb just wasn't an option; human failure
(never his own) or failure because of the weather, those terms of defeat he
could occasionally accept.
		-- "The book of KOR", by Ed Webster,
		   20th Anniversary issue of Climbing
%%
At 50 everyone has the face he deserves.
		-- George Orwell (1903-1950), "Journals", 1949
%%
At West Point, the cadets had been full of bravado...But bravado was
grounded in ignorance;	true courage was possible only after one gained
the visceral comprehension that death was the potential price of valor.
		-- Rick Atkinson, "The Long Grey Line"
%%
At a bargain sale, the only suit or dress that you like best and that
fits is the one not on sale.
%%
At a blood bank: "Donate now! Don't let us be caught with our pints down!".
%%
At a bullfight, Jose made his bid.
When the maiden agreed, he was rid
	Of all inhibitions
	And, despite the conditions,
As the crowd yelled "Ole!" Jose did.		<Following orders>
%%
At a dance, a girl from Connecticut
Showed an absolute absence of etiquette
	Letting all comers press
	Through the skirt of her dress
And wiping the mess with her petticoat.
%%
At a party, a snobbish gentleman is trying to impress her. "I just can't
bear fools" he says. To this comes an instant reply "obviously your
mother did".
%%
At a resort, a fellow walks up to an older fellow who is sitting
in the sun, sipping iced tea.

Younger guy says - "Hey, you gonna just sit around all day?  How
about it if you join me for a round of golf".

"Nah", the older fellow replies, "tried it once, didn't like it".

"Well then," younger fellow asks "how about a swim?  It might be
just as refreshing as your iced tea there."

"Nah", the older fellow responds, "tried it once, didn't like it.
But if you're game for tennis, my son will be here soon and is
usually up for a game or two - you might want to play with him."

Younger fellow replies: "Your only child I presume?"
%%
At all times there must be at least 12 men named Johnson in the NBA.
%%
At any given moment, a society contains a certain amount of accumulated
and accruing aggressiveness.  If more than twenty-one years elapse
without this aggressiveness being directed outward, in a popular war
against other countries, it turns inward, in social unrest, civil
disturbances, and political disruption.
		-- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
At any given time, there are move horses' posteriors in the
world than horses.
%%
At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable.
		-- Barry Bruce-Briggs
%%
At any one time, thousands of borough councilmen, school board members,
attorneys, and businessmen--as well as congressmen, senators, and
governors --are all dreaming of the White House, but few, if any of
them, will make it.
		-- Mark B. Cohen
%%
At any public relations luncheon, the quality of the food is inversely
related to the quality of the information.
		-- Earl Ubell
%%
At any time, at any place, our snipers can drop you.  Have a nice day.
%%
At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all
my soul.  At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my
ignorance upon the shore.
		-- Kahlil Gibran
%%
At every trifle scorn to take offense,
That always shows great pride or little sense.
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
At first I was uncertain, but now I'm not so sure.
		-- Heisenberg
%%
At first sight, the idea of any rules or principles being superimposed
on the creative mind seems more likely to hinder than to help, but this
is quite untrue in practice.  disciplined thinking focuses inspiration
rather than blinkers it.
		-- G. L. Glegg, The Design of Design
%%
At her annual checkup, the attractive young woman is told by the doctor that
it's necessary to take her temperature rectally.  She agrees and bends over
the examining table, but a few seconds later says indignantly, "Doctor, that's
NOT my rectum!"
	"Madam," says the doctor, "that's not my thermometer!"
	Just then, the woman's husband, hearing her voice, comes into the room.
	"Just what the hell is going on here?" he demands.
	"I'm taking your wife's temperature," the doctor cooly replies.
	"Okay, doc, you know best," says the husband as he picks a scalpel
off the doctor's desk, "but when that thing comes out, it better have
numbers on it!"
%%
At night we go down to the river and into the river we dive.
%%
At night we ride through mansions of glory in suicide machines.
%%
At once it struck me what quality went to form a man of achievement,
especially in literature, and which Shakespeare possessed so enormously
-- I mean negative capability, that is, when a man is capable of being
in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching
after fact and reason.
		-- John Keats (1795-1821)
%%
At participating locations only.
%%
At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell
sophisticated American telephone technology to the soviets.

American : "And in the United States, anyone can pick up any phone
	and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them
	with the police."

Soviet : "In the Soviet Union we don't require that you dial anything."
From the New York Times, 11/7/89:
%%
At some point in your life, you will meet someone who saw Wayne Newton
in Las Vegas.
%%
At some point, every faculty would certainly lynch its dean -- if it
could only agree on a date.
%%
At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its
ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.
		-- Richard H. Brien
%%
At the Academy Awards Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood
gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides
their press agents.
		-- Bob Hope
%%
At the Villa Nemetia the sleepers
Are disturbed by a phantom in weepers;
	It beats all night long
	A dirge on a gong
As it staggers about in the creepers.
		-- Edward Gorey
%%
At the back of the roadhouse they've got some bungalows...
and that's for the people who like to go down slow...
let it roll, baby, roll ... all night long.
		-- Jim Morrison
%%
At the base of all these aristocratic races the predator is not
to be mistaken, the splendorous blond beast, avidly rampant for
plunder and victory.
		-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
At the bottom of a good deal of the bravery that appears in the world
there lurks a miserable cowardice.  Men will face powder and steel
because they cannot face public opinion.
		-- Edwin Hubbel Chapin
%%
At the dissolution
He hurries to that which supports him.
Remorse disappears.
%%
At the end of all civilization
Is the planet Terminus's location.
	There's a girl there whose feat,
	Without stone or concrete,
Nonetheless, was to lay the Foundation.
%%
At the end of the chain is a basket.
%%
At the end of the rainbow is a pot of gold.
%%
At the end of your life there'll be a good rest,
and no further activities are scheduled.
%%
At the foot of the mountain, the lake:
The image of Decrease.
Thus the superior man controls his anger
And restrains his instincts.
%%
At the foot of the mountain, thunder:
The image of Providing Nourishment.
Thus the superior man is careful of his words
And temperate in eating and drinking.
%%
At the heart of science is an essential tension between two seemingly
contradictory attitudes -- an openness to new ideas, no matter how
bizarre or counterintuitive they may be, and the most ruthless skeptical
scrutiny of all ideas, old and new.  This is how deep truths are
winnowed from deep nonsense.  Of course, scientists make mistakes in
trying to understand the world, but there is a built-in error-correcting
mechanism: The collective enterprise of creative thinking and skeptical
thinking together keeps the field on track.
		-- Carl Sagan, "The Fine Art of Baloney Detection,"
		   Parade, February 1, 1987
%%
At the hospital, a doctor is training an intern on how to announce bad
news to the patients.  The doctor tells the intern ``This man in 305
is going to die in six months.	Go in and tell him.''  The intern
boldly walk into the room and up to the man and tells him ``You're
gonna die!''  The man has a heart attack and dies on the spot.	The
doctor quickly takes the intern aside and cautions him ``You were much
too abrupt in announcing the news to that man.	You've got to take it
easy, work your way up to the subject.	Now this man in 310 has but a
week to live.  Go in and tell him, but gently now!''  The intern goes
softly into the room, humming to himself, cheerily opens the drapes to
let the sun in, walks up to the man and tells him ``Good morning!
What a wonderful day, no?  Say...  Guess who's going to die soon?''
%%
At the tail in retreat. This is dangerous.
One must not wish to undertake anything.
%%
At the well hole one shoots fishes.
The jug is broken and leaks.
%%
At the working-man's house hunger looks in, but dares not enter! nor
will the bailiff or the constable enter; for industry pays debts, but
despair increaseth them.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
At these prices I'm not surprised.
%%
At these prices, I lose money--
but I make it up in volume.
		-- Peter G. Alaquon
%%
At times discretion should be thrown aside,
and with the foolish we should play the fool.
		-- Menander
%%
At times it is wiser to remain silent and be considered a fool
than to speak and remove all doubt.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
At twenty years of age the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at
forty, the judgment.
		-- Grattan
%%
At whist drives and strawberry teas
Fan would giggle and show off her knees;
	But when she was alone
	She'd drink eau de cologne,
And weep from a sense of unease.
		-- Edward Gorey
%%
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the
number of pens that person is carrying.
%%
At your feet all the water of the stream splashes into a 2-inch slit
in the rock.  Downstream the streambed is bare rock.
%%
At your feet is a small pit breathing traces of white mist.  An east
passage ends here except for a small crack leading on.
%%
At your service!
%%
Atheism - a non-prophet organization with no invisible means of support
%%
Atheism is rather in the life than in the heart of man.
		-- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Atheism is the result of ignorance and pride; of strong sense and feeble
reasons; of good eating and ill-living.  It is the plague of society,
the corrupter of manners, and the underminer of property.
		-- Jeremy Collier (1650-1726)
%%
Atheist = Deity Disadvantaged.
%%
Athletic fields and golf courses excepted, the out-of-doors wears
an evil aspect, dominated as it is by insects and the brainless
proliferation of vegetable forms.
		-- John Updike (from "A month of Sundays")
%%
Atlanta had a couple inches of snow on the ground for the federal holiday on
January 20. Now, snow is a wonderful thing for holidays like Christmas, but
there's just something not right about a white MLK's Birthday.
%%
Atlanta law forbids diaper service trucks from having
horns that play "Rock-A-Bye-Baby."
%%
Atlee is a very modest man.  And with reason.
		-- Sir Winston S. Churchill
%%
Atoms are made up of electrons and protons (protons are also nothing).
Fifty billion electrons placed side by side in a straight line would
stretch across the period at the end of this sentence.	Protons are
heavier but take up less space.  Such an idea is incapable of being
absorbed by the human mind.
		-- John Lardner and Thomas Sugrue
%%
Atta-boy!
%%
Atta-boy! Atsababy!
%%
Attack long worms from the rear - that is so much safer!
%%
Attacking a dead # is pointless.
%%
Attacking the Guardians is about as futile as attacking a stone wall.
Unfortunately for you, your futile blow attracts their attention, and
they manage to dispatch you effortlessly.
%%
Attacking the snake both doesn't work and is very dangerous.
%%
Attacking without a weapon is suicide.
%%
Attempt to be seen with important people.
%%
Attempted assassinations are the accidents of kings, just as falling
chimneys are the accidents of masons.  If we must weep, let us weep
for the masons.
		-- Benito Mussolini (1883-1945)
%%
Attendants at a service station in Eunice, Louisiana, handed more than
$100 to a naked man who claimed to have a gun in his pocket.
%%
Attention K-Mart shoppers!
%%
Attention to detail is the watchword for gleaning information from an
unsuspecting witness.
		-- Inspector Cleuseau
%%
Attitudes are more important than facts.
		-- Karl Menninger
%%
Audacity, and again audacity, and always audacity.
		-- Georges Jacques Danton
%%
Auditors are the people who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the
wounded.
%%
August 10 -- The U.S. space probe Meanderer II, after a journey of six years
and many millions of miles, passes within 400 miles of the surface of
Neptune, sending back dramatic color photographs of a Delta Air Lines
jet.
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
August 22 -- Rumors circulate that Gary Hart will re-enter the presidential
race.  Johnny Carson places his writers on Full Red Alert.
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
August 25 -- In what is hailed as a landmark ruling, the Supreme Court decides,
by a 7-2 vote, that you cannot count three oranges as one item in the
Express Checkout Lane "unless they are all in the same package."
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
August 27 -- Georgia Senator Sam Nunn announces that he doesn't want to be
president.  Cuomo challenges him to a debate.
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
August 28 -- In the Persian Gulf, tensions mount as a U.S. gunboat engages in a
scuffle with actor Sean Penn.
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
August 3 -- Political activist Donna Rice, in her continuing effort to avoid
publicity, sells her story to ABC television.
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
August 6 -- As "Ollie-mania" continues to sweep the country, one of the most
popular video-arcade games in the country is a new one called -- this is
true -- "Contra."  The way it works is, there are are two soldiers on
the screen, and when you put in a quarter, it never gets to them.
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
Augustine's Law Number I:
The best way to make a silk purse from a sow's ear is to begin with a silk
sow. The same is true of money.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number II:
If today were half as good as tomorrow is supposed to be, it would probably
be twice as good as yesterday was.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number III:
There are no lazy veteran lion hunters.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number IV:
If you can afford to advertise, you don't need to.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number IX:
Acronyms and abbreviations should be used to the maximum extent possible to
make trivial ideas profound...........Q.E.D.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number L:
The average regulation has a life span one-fifth as long as a chimpanzee's
and one-tenth as long as a human's -- but four times as long as the
official's who created it.
%%
Augustine's Law Number LI:
By the time of the United States Tricentennial, there will be more
government workers than there are workers.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number LII:
People working in the private sector should try to save money.
There remains the possibility that it may someday be valuable again.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number V:
One-tenth of the participants produce over one-third of the output.
Increasing the number of participants merely reduces the average output.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number VI:
A hungry dog hunts best.
A hungrier dog hunts even better.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number VII:
Decreased business base increases overhead.
So does increased business base.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number VIII:
The most unsuccessful four years in the education of a cost-estimator is
fifth grade arithmetic.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number X:
Bulls do not win bull fights; people do.
People do not win people fights; lawyers do.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XI:
If the Earth could be made to rotate twice as fast, managers would get
twice as much done.
If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty times as fast, everyone else
would get twice as much done since all the managers would fly off.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XII:
It costs a lot to build bad products.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XIII:
There are many highly successful businesses in the United States. There are
also many highly paid executives. The policy is not to intermingle the two.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XIV:
After the year 2015, there will be no airplane crashes. There will be no
takeoffs either, because electronics will occupy 100 percent of every
airplane's weight.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XIX:
Although most products will soon be too costly to purchase, there will be a
thriving market in the sale of books on how to fix them.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XL:
Most projects start out slowly -- and then sort of taper off.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XLI:
The more one produces, the less one gets.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XLII:
Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XLIII:
Hardware works best when it matters the least.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XLIV:
Aircraft flight in the 21st century will always be in a westerly direction,
preferably supersonic, crossing time zones to provide the additional hours
needed to fix the broken electronics.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XLIX:
Regulations grow at the same rate as weeds.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XLV:
One should expect that the expected can be prevented, but the unexpected
should have been expected.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XLVI:
A billion saved is a billion earned.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XLVII:
Two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered with water. The other third is
covered with auditors from headquarters.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XLVIII:
The more time you spend talking about what you have been doing, the less
time you have to spend doing what you have been talking about. Eventually,
you spend more and more time talking about less and less until finally you
spend all your time talking about nothing.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XV:
The last 10 percent of performance generates one-third of the cost and
two-thirds of the problems.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XVI:
In the year 2054, the entire defense budget will purchase just one
aircraft. This aircraft will have to be shared by the Air Force and Navy
3-1/2 days each per week except for leap year, when it will be made
available to the Marines for the extra day.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XVII:
Software is like entropy. It is difficult to grasp, weighs nothing, and
obeys the Second Law of Thermodynamics;i.e., it always increases.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XVIII:
It is very expensive to achieve high unreliability. It is not uncommon to
increase the cost of an item by a factor of ten for each factor of ten
degradation accomplished.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XX:
In any given year, Congress will appropriate the amount of funding approved
the prior year plus three-fourths of whatever change the administration
requests -- minus 4-percent tax.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XXI:
It's easy to get a loan unless you need it.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XXII:
If stock market experts were so expert, they would be buying stock, not
selling advice.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XXIII:
Any task can be completed in only one-third more time than is currently
estimated.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XXIV:
The only thing more costly than stretching the schedule of an established
project is accelerating it, which is itself the most costly action known to
man.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XXIX:
Executives who do not produce successful results hold on to their jobs only
about five years. Those who produce effective results hang on about half a
decade.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XXV:
A revised schedule is to business what a new season is to an athlete or a
new canvas to an artist.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XXVI:
If a sufficient number of management layers are superimposed on each other,
it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XXVII:
Rank does not intimidate hardware. Neither does the lack of rank.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XXVIII:
It is better to be the reorganizer than the reorganizee.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XXX:
By the time the people asking the questions are ready for the answers, the
people doing the work have lost track of the questions.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XXXI:
The optimum committee has no members.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XXXII:
Hiring consultants to conduct studies can be an excellent means of turning
problems into gold -- your problems into their gold.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XXXIII:
Fools rush in where incumbents fear to tread.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XXXIV:
The process of competitively selecting contractors to perform work is based
on a system of rewards and penalties, all distributed randomly.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XXXIX:
Never promise to complete any project within six months of the end of the
year -- in either direction.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XXXV:
The weaker the data available upon which to base one's conclusion, the
greater the precision which should be quoted in order to give the data
authenticity.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XXXVI:
The thickness of the proposal required to win a multimillion dollar
contract is about one millimeter per million dollars. If all the proposals
conforming to this standard were piled on top of each other at the bottom
of the Grand Canyon, it would probably be a good idea.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XXXVII:
Ninety percent of the time things will turn out worse than you expect. The
other 10 percent of the time you had no right to expect so much.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustine's Law Number XXXVIII:
The early bird gets the worm.
The early worm...gets eaten.
		-- Norman R. Augustine, President and CEO, Martin Marietta
%%
Augustus, for splashing his soup,
Was put for the night on the stoop;
	In the morning he'd not
	Repented a jot,
And next day he was dead of the croup.
		-- Edward Gorey
%%
Aunt Patty:  "Nothing dear, I'm just trashing your father."
Lisa:  "Well, I wish you wouldn't because, aside from the fact that he has the
same frailties as all human beings, he's the only father I have therefore he
is my model of manhood and my estimation of him will govern my prospects of my
adult relationships.  So, I hope you bear in mind that any knock at him is a
knock at me and I am far too young to defend myself against such onsluaghts."
Aunt Patty:  "Uh, huh.	Go watch your cartoon show, dear."
		-- "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire", from The Simpsons
%%
Auntie Em! Auntie Em!
%%
Auntie Em-
Hate you-
Hate Kansas-
Taking the dog
		-- Dorothy
%%
Auntie Histamine
%%
Auribus teneo lupum.  (I hold a wolf by the ears.)
%%
Australia's a lovely land
It's full of bonza blokes,
Sheilas, beer and no-one's queer
Except in Pommie jokes.

Australians are lovely chaps
They're God's own chosen race.
If they ever see a fairy Pom
They'll smash him in the face.

Australians like dressing up
In skirts and having fun
And that's all we were doing
When the Vice Squad came along.
		-- Monty Python
%%
Australian Student Struck By Lightning For The Sixteenth Time.
%%
Australians do it down under.
%%
Authentic, adj. Indubitably true, in somebody's opinion.
%%
Author's Note: "This is a scurvy tune ..."
%%
Authoritarian socialism has failed almost everywhere, but you will find
not a single Marxist who will say it has failed because it was wrong or
impractical.  He will say is has failed because nobody went far enough
with it. So failure never proves that a myth is wrong.
		-- Jean-Francois Revel
%%
Authority and liberty are two incompatible ideas.... Liberty diminishes
in proportion as man progresses and becomes civilized.
		-- Antonio de Oliveira Salazar (1889-1970)
%%
Authority forgets a dying king.
		-- Alfred, Lord Tennyson
%%
Authority intoxicates,
And makes mere sots of magistrates.
The fumes of it invade the brain,
And make men giddy, proud and vain;
By this the fool commands the wise
The noble with the base complies.
The sot assumes the rule of wit,
And cowards make the base submit.
		-- Butler
%%
Authority is a poor substitute for leadership.
		-- John Luther
%%
Authority is no stronger than the man who wields it.
		-- Dolores E. McGuire
%%
Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.
		-- Richard C. Cornuelle
%%
Authority without wisdom is like a heavy ax without an edge, fitter to
bruise than polish.
		-- Anne Bradstreet
%%
Authorization for a project will be granted only when none of the
authorizers can be blamed if the project fails but when all of the
authorizers can claim credit if it succeeds.
%%
Auto Answer	   : What the author of this column should do when
		     informed that a COMPUTE! editor is calling to
		     find out where in blazes this month's column
		     is.
%%
Auto mechanics do it under hoods, using oil and grease.
%%
Autobiography is the history of motorcars.
%%
Autocracy is based on the assumption that one man is wiser than a million
men. Let's play that one over again, too. Who decides?
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Automatic calling unit - teenager with a telephone
		-- Data communications glossary
%%
Autopsy is a dying practice.
%%
Availability of manuscripts in a given subject area is inversely
proportional to the need for books in that area.
%%
Available May 1st - Version 1.0 may ship to dealers August 1st.
%%
Available soon - Should be out within a year.
%%
Avarice in old age is foolish; for what can be more absurd than to
increase our provisions for the read the nearer we approach to our
journey's end.
		-- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
Avarice increases with the increasing pile of gold.
		-- Juvenal
%%
Avarice is always poor, but poor by her own fault.
		-- Johnson
%%
Avarice is always poor.
		-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
Avarice is the vice of declining years.
		-- George Bancroft
%%
Avarice: generally the last passion of those lives of which the first
part has been squandered in pleasure, and the second devoted to
ambition.
		-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
Avec!
%%
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and a .44 magnum.
%%
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
%%
Avoid GOTOs completely if you can keep the program readable.
%%
Avoid The Noid.
%%
Avoid any enterprise which will require new clothes.
%%
Avoid contact with skin.
%%
Avoid emus for the rest of the week.
%%
Avoid fried foods which angry up the blood.
		-- Satchel Paige
%%
Avoid gunfire in the bathroom tonight.
%%
Avoid him.  He's a Commie.
%%
Avoid insincere people.
%%
Avoid making irrevocable decisions while tired or hungry (nota bene:
Circumstances can force your hand. So think ahead!)
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Avoid penguins.
%%
Avoid running at all times.
		-- Satchel Paige
%%
Avoid strange women and temporary variables.
%%
Avoid temporary variables.
%%
Avoid the Fortran arithmetic IF.
%%
Avoid the Mu Shu Pork.
%%
Avoid the chicken salad.
%%
Avoid the end-of-the-year rush.  Fail your exams now.
%%
Avoid unnecessary branches.
%%
Avoiding the thief's stiletto, you stumble to the floor, dropping your
#.
%%
B-) message from Batman !!!
%%
B.C.- [thinking] "Do you believe in ESP?"
Peter - [thinking] "Do you believe in ESP?"
B.C. & Peter - [aloud] "No."
%%
B4 I4Q, RU/18 QT 3.14
%%
B: Well, I'll tell you.  I just got myself a paramour.
A: A paramour???  At your age???
B: Sure.  Why not at my age?
A: Well, what did your wife say?
B: My wife?  Why should she care how I cut the grass?
%%
BABY BORN IN AQUARIUM!
%%
BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.
%%
BACHELOR:
	A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
%%
BACKWARD CONDITIONING:
	Putting saliva in a dog's mouth in an attempt to make a bell ring.
%%
BAD CRAZINESS, MAN!!!
%%
BAILEY'S BUREAUCRATIC RULE:
Massive expenditures obscure the evidence of bad judgement.
%%
BAILIFFS always come to order.
%%
BAKER'S LAW:
You never want the one you can afford.
%%
BAKERS knead it daily.
%%
BALANCES'S LAW OF RELATIVITY:
The length of a minute is determined by which side of the bathroom
door you are on.
%%
BALLISTOPHOBIA:
	Fear of bullets;
OTOPHOBIA:
	Fear of opening one's eyes.
PECCATOPHOBIA:
	Fear of sinning.
TAPHEPHOBIA:
	Fear of being buried alive.
SITOPHOBIA:
	Fear of food.
TRICHOPHOBIA:
	Fear of hair.
VESTIPHOBIA:
	Fear of clothing.
%%
BALTIMORE:
	A wharf-rat stealing Diogenes' lamp.
%%
BAND MEMBERS play all night.
%%
BANES: a type of food.	"Ah love pinto banes!"
		-- Texan Dictionary
%%
BARBERS do it with shear pleasure.
%%
BARKER'S LAW FOR CIVIL SERVANTS:
Start slow and taper off.
%%
BARNARD'S LAW OF CORRESPONDANCE:
Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the
mail.  Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the
Boss is reading it.
%%
BARRY ... That was the most HEART-WARMING rendition of "I DID IT MY
WAY" I've ever heard!!
%%
BARTENDERS do it on the rocks.
%%
BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base.
%%
BASIC --
	A second-hand Rambler with a rebuilt engine and patched
upholstery. Your dad bought it for you to learn to drive.  You'll ditch
the car as soon as you can afford a new one.
%%
BASIC LAW OF EXAMS:
The more you study for an exam, the less sure you are which answer they
want.
%%
BASIC is to computer programming as QWERTY is to typing.
		-- Seymour Papert
%%
BASIC is your friend.
%%
BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often.
%%
BAUD - lady of the evening
		-- Data communications glossary
%%
BBS		   : Tall tales of telecomputing told by insects
		     that produce honey.
%%
BE ALERT! - What this country needs are more lerts.
%%
BEAN: a living person.	"He's a right nice human bean!"
		-- Texan Dictionary
%%
BEAR: an alcoholic beverage. "Yew ever taste light bear?"
		-- Texan Dictionary
%%
BEEF STROGANOFF:
	A bull masturbating.
%%
BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey.
%%
BEER BREWERS do it with more hops.
%%
BEER DRINKERS get more head.
%%
BELIEF:
	Something you do not believe.
%%
BELL'S REVERSE LAW:
Taking a bath is a certain way to make the phone ring.
%%
BELLS AND WHISTLES n. Unnecessary but useful (or amusing) features of
a program.  "Now that we've got the basic program working, let's go
back and add some bells and whistles."	Nobody seems to know what
distinguishes a bell from a whistle.
%%
BEST non sequitur FOR 1988:
  "Let's cut through the demagoguery.  America is #1."
		-- George Bush
%%
BETTER LATE THAN NEVER:
	The single girl's motto.
%%
BEWARE!  People acting under the influence of human nature.
%%
BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-
%%
BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds.
%%
BOHICA:
	Bend over, here it comes again.
%%
BOOB'S LAW: (from MURPHY'S LAW):
	You always find something the last place you look.
%%
BOOKKEEPERS do it with double entry
%%
BOREDOM: n: The state of being bored.

THE:   adv: 3  : beyond all others.
STATE:	 n: 1b2: a condition of abnormal tension or excitement.
OF:   prep: 10 : used as a function word to indicate the position in time
			of an action or occurrence.
BEING:	 n: 2  : something that actually exists.
BORED:	vt: 1  : to weary with ennui or tedium.
	ENNUI:	n: a feeling of weariness.
	TEDIUM:  n:  Tiresome because of length or dullness.

Therefore,  BOREDOM actually means:

Far beyond all other things, there exists a condition of abnormal tension
or excitement that at this exact time or because of this exact position in
the existance of all things, there is something that actually exists that
has brought forth a great tendency to be very weary due to a feeling of
weariness or because of a dullness that is present at this moment in time.
%%
BOSSES delegate the task to others.
%%
BOVE'S THEOREM
   The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal
   increases as the deadline approaches.
%%
BOWLERS have bigger balls.
%%
BPI - a 1960's term used to describe unmentionable parts of the
      anatomy, as in 'you bet your bpi'.
%%
BRAIN(3)	    UNIX Programmer's Manual		 BRAIN(3)

NAME
     braindump, braincat, braincmp, brainlen - brain operations

SYNOPSIS
     #include <brain.h>

     void braindump(b1, b2)
     brain b1, b2;

     void braincat(b1, b2)
     brain b1, b2;

     int braincmp(b1, b2, s)
     brain b1, b2;
     subject s;

     long brainlen(b1);
     brain b1;

DESCRIPTION
     These functions work on null-terminated brains.  They do not
     check for overflow of the receiving brain.

     braindump copies brain b2 to b1, stopping after the null
     axon has been moved.

     braincat appends a copy of brain b1 to the end of brain b2.

     braincmp compares its arguments and returns an integer
     greater than, equal to, or less than 0, according as
     knowledge about subject s in brain b1 is objectively greater
     than, equal to, or less than that in b2.

     brainlen returns the number of usable, non-null axons in b1.

BUGS
     We tried to write a brainndump but you just can't shut some
     people up.

SEE ALSO
     return_of_the_living_dead(1)
     return_of_the_living_dead(2)
     scanners(1) - effects of overflow
     brain-a-matic(4) - Ronco device driver
%%
BREAKTHROUGH: we finally figured out a way to sell it
%%
BRICKLAYERS lay all day.
%%
BRIDGE PLAYERS try to get a rubber.
%%
BRITT'S GREEN THUMB LAW:
The life expectancy of a house plant varies inversely with it's price,
and directly with it's ugliness.
%%
BROKEE:
	Someone who buys stocks on the advice of a broker.
%%
BRUNETTE BUSH:
	The dark side of the moon.
%%
BS:	   You remind me of a man.
B:	  What man?
BS:	   The man with the power.
B:	  What power?
BS:	   The power of voodoo.
B:	  Voodoo?
BS:	   You do.
B:	  Do what?
BS:	   Remind me of a man.
B:	  What man?
BS:	   The man with the power...
		-- Cary Grant, "The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer"
%%
BUCKANEERS:
	What's under your buccanhat.
		-- [This is without a doubt the worst joke in the fortune
		   collection.  Ed.]
%%
BUG:	An elusive creature living in a program that makes it incorrect.
	The activity of "debugging", or removing bugs from a program, ends
	when people get tired of doing it, not when the bugs are removed.
		-- Datamation (January 15, 1984)
%%
BUGS:
	A son of a glitch.
%%
BUREAUCRACY - You have two cows.  The government takes both, shoots one
	and pours the milk down the drain.
%%
BUREAUCRACY:  a method for transforming energy into solid waste.
%%
BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time.
%%
BUS ERROR - core dump
%%
BUSINESS CAREER WORKSHOPS

Money Can Make You Rich
Tawkin' Good: How to Improve Your Spitch and Get a More Betterer
Payn' Job
I Made $100 in Real Estate
Career Opportunities in Iran
Under-Achiever's Guide to'Very Small Business Opportunities
Filler Phrases for Thesis Writers
Tax Shelters for the Indigent
Looters Guide to American Cities
%%
BUTCHERS have better meat.
%%
BYC (Born	General Features: Usually very similar to RX's and/or Fornies
     Yesterday	in appearance;	Face always peaceful, albeit glazed;  Cross
     Christian) on necklace, pin, bracelet, or earrings mandatory;  Bible
		always within reach;  Optional literary pamphlets.
'Jesus Freak'
'Holy Roller'	Behavior Summary:  BYC's are highly insecure individuals who
		adopt Christianity as a means of identity and self-
		justification.	This means that they feel everything they do
		is 'Right' because they are, after all, the 'Chosen Few.'
		It also means they are incapable of inhaling without a holy
		stamp of approval.  BYC's are prepared to flash a bible verse
		to back up their position while refusing to accept any verse
		that weakens it.  BYC's are extremely dogmatic and know no
		shame.
%%
Ba DOOM.
		-- Bob Dickson
%%
Babies are such a nice way to start people.
		-- Don Herold
%%
Babies do it in their pants.
%%
Baby On Board.
%%
Baby carriage bumper sticker:	``POO-POO HAPPENS!''
		-- Bob Irwin, birwin@ficc.ferranti.com
%%
Baby's heads have no hair,
Old men's heads are just as bare;
Between the cradle and the grave,
Lies a haircut and a shave.

Back to a simpler time of skins and stones!
When things go wrong -- the answer's in the stars
Or evil spells or reading chicken bones
Or sacrifices to all gods but Mars.
		-- Jack Kirwan
%%
Baby...
		-- The Late Elvis Presley
%%
Babylon, Babylonnnnnn, Babylon
Babylon try to kill the rasta
Bung down Babylon, Bung down Babylon
Babylon goin down in flames, goin down in flames

Armagideon, Armagideon
Babylon burning, burning, burning
You who did not choose the side of peace and one love
Burn, Burn, Burn

Armagideon time is coming
Zion is only for the Rastaman
Living ital is the only way
Praise the most high, Rasta Far I

Ever living, Ever feeling
Emperor Haile Selassie I
PRAISE JAH
%%
Bach did it with the organ.
%%
Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.
		-- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd
be married too.
		-- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
Back in '80 or '81 the workers were rioting in Gdansk and there were fears
that the Soviets would invade Poland to put down the demonstrations.  Foreign
correspondents were curious as to just what the Poles would do if they were
invaded.  They asked, "What will you do if the East Germans invade from the
West and the Soviets invade from the East?  Who will you fight first?"
	To which the Poles replied, "Why, we will fight the Germans first.
Business before pleasure."
%%
Back in the Dark Ages, the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation
occupied a place of glory in the eyes of the young. The FBI under John Edgar
Hoover was an organization to be held up as a goal for young men of sufficient
"patriotism, valor, fidelity, and abilities."

Now then, see what has happened! In addition to its various other
transgressions, such as the Randy Weaver disaster in Idaho, the FBI has now
come out for the disarmament of the American people, and has issued an
official press release totally exonerating the Bureau for any sort of
transgression in the Waco atrocity. I do not suppose there is anyone who has
not seen the Linda Thompson tape of the action of the Federal ninja at Waco.
The attempt to clear the Feds of any sort of misdemeanor in that episode
completely destroys the credibility of the Bureau. Lo how the mighty are
fallen!
		-- Jeff Cooper
%%
Back in the bad old days when I was working in a fast food joint...

There was one female type person on the night crew.  A very attractive
young lady with a penchant for wearing mini-skirts.  Needless to say,
we did not object to this in the least.  In fact, we used to let her
wipe down the tables up front, instead of slopping the french fryers
and such.  Admittedly one of our reasons was that in order to wipe
down the tables she had to lean far over them and stretch.  Generally
facing away from the counter.

This was when we learned that she tended to wear panties that matched
her nail polish.  No kidding!  She came in one day with black nail
polish with silver speckles, and it turned out that she was wearing
black panties with silver spangles.  Another day, she came in wearing
pink nail polish on one hand, and blue on the other.  The panties were
blue on one cheek, and pink on the other.

But ... one evening ... great anticipation ... When would she EVER go
out and wipe the tables ??? ... She came in to work, and she was wearing
no nail polish!

She never did tables that night, and we never knew.  I suspect we were
set up.
%%
Back in the early days of Nissan, before "Human Engineering", even
before they came up with the name Nissan. Yes, back when they were known
as Datsun. They were attempting to break into the American market when
the most popular vehicle of the year was the Buick Roadmaster.	The
people at Datsun decided to win the American people over with service
and quality.  The first years model had only one snag, a cog in the
drive train was not made to the proper precision. After 800 miles, it
would cause the transmission to drop. They had several hundred models at
dealers in Chicago that all needed replacement parts right away.  So the
execs in Japan, after executing the engineers and all the managers in
between, had the new cogs made and sent out on a specially chartered
cargo jet.  The jet was on its way to Chicago, when it hit some
turbulence. The turbulence was so great that the crate of cogs went
flying against the door, shattered the crate, knocked the door open and
fell out near Cedar Rapids Iowa.  On the ground, a farmer and his son
were putting the cows in the barn when they looked out and saw the cogs
spewing forth from the sky.  The son proclaimed, "Look Dad, it's raining
datsun cogs!".
%%
Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stagecoaches and the like was popular,
there were three people in a stagecoach one day: a true red-blooded
born-and-raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city-slicker from back East, and
a beautiful and well-endowed Texas lady.  The city-slicker kept eyeing the
lady, and finally he leaned forward and said, "Lady, I'll give you $10 for a
blow job."  The Texas gentleman looked appalled, pulled out his pistol, and
killed the city-slicker on the spot.  The lady gasped and said, "Thank you,
suh, for defendin' mah honor!"	Whereupon the Texan holstered his gun and said,
"Your honor, hell!  No tenderfoot is gonna raise the price of women in Texas!"
%%
Back of every achievement is a proud wife and a surprised mother-in-law.
		-- Brooks Hays
%%
Back off, hair ball.
%%
Back to a simpler time of skins and stones! When things go wrong -- the
answers in the stars Or evil spells or reading chicken bones Or sacrifices to
all gods but Mars.
		-- Jack Kirwan
%%
Back when I was a boy, it was 40 miles to everywhere, uphill both ways
and it was always snowing.
%%
Back when I was a boy, we had to carve our own ICs out of wood!
%%
Back when I was attending the University of Utah, The Daily Utah Chronicle
ran a joke ad for a debate between Phil Donahue and Whiskers the Lamb.
Over 30 people showed up.  (what they were expecting, God only knows.)
%%
Back-seat driving is a form of duel control.
		-- Alan F. G. Lewis
%%
Backed up the system lately?
%%
Backup - The duplicate copy of crucial data that no one bothered to make.
%%
Bad company is like a nail driven into a post, which, after the first or
second blow, may be drawn out with little difficulty; but being once
driven up to the head, the pincers cannot take hold to draw it out, but
which can only be done by the destruction of the wood.
		-- St. Augustine
%%
Bad day to drive off a cliff.
%%
Bad dog!  Bad dog!
%%
Bad free count
%%
Bad law is more likely to be supplemented than repealed.
		-- Dalin B. Oaks
%%
Bad luck is universal. Don't take it personally.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Bad men live that they may eat and drink,
whereas good men eat and drink that they may live.
		-- Socrates (470?-399 B.C.)
%%
Bad money drives out good.
		-- Sir Thomas Gresham
%%
Bad news about the two lighthouse keepers --
their marriage is on the rocks.
%%
Bad news does not improve with age.
		-- Jody Powell
%%
Bad news drives good news out of the media.
		-- Lee Loevinger
%%
Bad news travels fast.
%%
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
		-- George Jean Nathan
%%
Bad spellers of the world, untie.
%%
Bad taste is timeless.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Bad temper gets most folks into lots of trouble.
Pride manages to keep them in it.
%%
Bad weather always looks worse through a window.
%%
Bag your face!
%%
Bakers do it for the dough.
%%
Bald, n:
	hairing impaired
%%
Bald: follicularly challenged.
%%
Baldness is a kind of failure.	Wish I'd made the greyed.
		-- Alan F. G. Lewis
%%
Baldwin's Corollary to Schmidt's Law:
If it isn't broken, don't fix it.
%%
Ballet dancers do it on tip-toe.
%%
Balls Law:
	The angle of the dangle is directly proportional to the heat
	of the meat provided that the thrusts of the busts are constant.
%%
Baltimore, n.:
	Where the women wear turtleneck sweaters to hide their flea
	collars.
%%
Bambi could never have been a mother if her hart hadn't been in the
right place.
		-- Alan F. G. Lewis
%%
Bambification:
	The mental conversion of flesh and blood living creatures into
cartoon characters possessing borgeois Judeo-Christian attitudes and
morals.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Banacek's Eighteenth Polish Proverb:
	The hippo has no sting,
	but the wise man would rather be sat upon by the bee.
%%
Banana pickers do it in bunches.
%%
Bandini:  Good shit.
%%
Bands that Belong Together

Beach Boys and UB40
Fine Young Cannibals and Missing Persons
Guess Who and Who
Kansas and Toto
Madonna and Super Tramp
Milli Vanilli and The Pretenders
Styx and Stones
%%
Banish Evil from the world? Nonsense! Encourage it, foster it, sponsor
it. The world owes Evil a debt beyond imagination. Think! Without greed
ambition falters. Without vanity art becomes idle musing. Without
cruelty benevolence lapses to passivity. Superstition has shamed man
into self-reliance and, without stupidity, where would be the savor of
superior understanding?
		-- Magnus Ridolf
%%
Bankers do it for money, but there is a penalty for early withdrawal.
%%
Bankers do it with interest (penalty for early withdrawal).
%%
Banner seen in Warsaw: Long live the radiant friendship between the
peoples of Poland and the Soviet Union!
%%
Bar Chart - A list of places to go when it's Miller time.
%%
Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and
west poles.
%%
Barb Y.R. Fence
%%
Barbara's Rules of Bitter Experience:
	(1)  When you empty a drawer for his clothes
	     and a shelf for his toiletries, the relationship ends.
	(2)  When you finally buy pretty stationary
	     to continue the correspondence, he stops writing.
%%
Barbara:  "Love means never having to say you're sorry."
Ryan:	  "You know, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
%%
Barbers do it with Bryll Cream.
%%
Barbers do it with scissors.
%%
Barbers in Waterloo, Nebraska, are forbidden by law to eat onions
between 7 a.m. and 7 p.m.
%%
Barclaycard - Its trendy to be in debt.
%%
Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upward from
the floor--especially in the dark.
		-- Al Ross
%%
Barefoot girl sitting on the hood of Dodge, drinking warm beer, outside
in the alley.
%%
Barf!
%%
Barfucius say:
A good memory does not equal an airsickness bag in an Electrolux.
%%
Bargain:  anything the customer thinks the store is losing money on.
		-- Kin Hubbard
%%
Barium: What you do when CPR fails.
%%
Barker's Proof:
	Proofreading is more effective after publication.
%%
Barr's Hypothesis: Familiarity breeds content.
%%
Bart:	"But, Dad, you're giving in to mob mentality."
Homer:	"No, I'm not.  I'm hopping on the band wagon.  Now come on son, get
 with the winning team."
		-- "Krusty Gets Busted", from The Simpsons
%%
Bart:	"Is it okay if the balloons say 'Happy Birthday' on them?"
Herman: "Err, I'd rather they say 'Death From Above', but I guess that'll do."
		-- "Bart the General", from The Simpsons
%%
Bart:	"Turkey farm."
Lisa:	"Nope."
Bart:	"Skunks."
Lisa:	"Nope."
Bart:	"Slaughter house.."
Lisa:	"Nope."
Marge:	"What are you doing back there?"
Lisa:	"We're playing 'What's That Odor'?"
Maggie: "*SUCK* *SUCK*"
Bart:	<sniff> <sniff> "Dad's feet?"
Homer:	"BART!"
Lisa:	"You win, Bart!"
Homer:	"LISA!"
		-- "Call of the Simpsons", from The Simpsons
%%
Bart:  "I think this guy's a little crazy."
Grandpa: "General Patton was a little crazy.  This guy's totally out of his
mind!  We can't fail!"
		-- "Bart the General", from The Simpsons
%%
Bart:  "Sir, did you lose your arm in the war?"
Herman (?):  "Well, let's just say that the next time your teacher tells you
 not to stick your arm out the bus window, you DO IT!"
		-- "Bart the General", from The Simpsons
%%
Bart:  "You gotta help me!  These two guys work me night and day.  They don't
feed me.  They make me sleep on the floor.  They put anti-freeze in the wine
and they gave my red hat to the donkey!"
French policeman:  "Anti-freeze in the wine?!  That is a very serious crime!"
		-- English subtitles in "Crepes of Wrath", from The Simpsons
%%
Bartz's Law of Hokey Horsepuckery:	The more ridiculous a belief
system, the higher the probability of its success.
		-- Wayne R. Bartz
%%
Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers.
		-- Tom Lehrer
%%
Baseball Players do it with their bats.
%%
Baseball is a slow, sluggish game, with frequent and trivial interruptions,
offering the spectator many opportunities to reflect at leisure upon the
situation on the field: This is what a fan loves most about the game.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Baseball serves as a good model for democracy in action: Every player is
equally important and each has a chance to be a hero.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Basic Definitions of Science:
	If it's green or wiggles, it's biology.
	If it stinks, it's chemistry.
	If it doesn't work, it's physics.
%%
Bassists do it with their fingers
%%
Bassoonists have long ones.
%%
Bat1: "Hey!  Did you hear there's a guano shortage?
Bat2: "No shit?"
%%
Bathroom graffiti: "For a good time, call 911."
%%
Batman does it with Robin.
%%
Batman loves Robin.
%%
Battery: Electrochemical storage device capable of lighting an incandescent
	lamp of a wattage about equal to that of a refrigerator bulb for a
	period of 15 minutes after having been charged for 2 hours.
		-- from "Sailing" by Henry Beard and Roy Mckie
%%
Battling inanimate objects is pointless.
%%
Be a defensive driver.	Buy a Tiger M31.
%%
Be advanced telepath.  Open communication of data from control central
to all terminal stations.  Control demands periodic reports from all
terminals.  Repeat.  Use coded frequencies.  Secure all telecasts.  Full
alert.
%%
Be affectionate to one who adores you.
%%
Be alert! America needs more lerts.
%%
Be alert, we need all the lerts we can get.
%%
Be always displeased with what thou art, if you desirest to attain to
what thou art not; for where thou hast pleased thyself, there thou
abidest.  But if thou have enough thou perishest.  Always add, always
walk, always proceed. Neither stand still, nor go back, nor deviate.
		-- St. Augustine
%%
Be as perfect as you can, for that is all you can do.
		-- Brigham Young
%%
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most Souls would scarcely
get your Feet wet.  Fall not in Love, therefore: it will stick to your
face.
		-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorada"
%%
Be both a speaker of words and a doer of deeds.
		-- Homer
%%
Be calm in arguing, for fierceness makes error a fault, and truth
discourtesy.
%%
Be careful how you get yourself involved with persons or situations
that can't bear inspection.
%%
Be careful what you set your heart upon - for it will surely be yours.
		-- James Baldwin, "Nobody Knows My Name" 1961
%%
Be careful when a loop exits to the same place from side and bottom.
%%
Be careful when eating bananas. Monsters might slip on the peels.
%%
Be careful when eating salmon - your fingers might become greasy.
%%
Be careful when the moon is its its last quarter.
%%
Be careful when throwing a boomerang -
you might hit the back of your head.
%%
Be careful when you bite into your hamburger.
		-- Derek Bok
%%
Be careful whilst playing under the anvil tree.
%%
Be careful who you step on on the way up;
you never know who you'll pass on the way down.
%%
Be careful!  Is it classified?
%%
Be careful! New moon tonight.
%%
Be cautious in your daily affairs.
%%
Be cheerful while you are alive.
		-- Phathotep (24th Century B.C.)
%%
Be circumspect in your liaisons with women.  It is better to be
seen at the opera with a man than at mass with a woman.
		-- DeMaintenon
%%
Be commonplace and creeping, and you will be a success.
		-- Pierre de Beaumarchais (1732-1799)
%%
Be concise in your writing and talking, especially when giving
instructions to others.
%%
Be content with your lot; one cannot be first in everything.
		-- Aesop (620-560 B.C.)
%%
Be courteous.  Have genuine consideration for other people's feelings,
wishes and situations.
%%
Be different, act normal.
%%
Be entirely tolerant or not at all; follow the good path or the evil
one.  To stand at the crossroads requires more strength than you
possess.
		-- Heinrich Heine (1797-1856)
%%
Be ever vigilant, keep your bodies clean and pure, and you will have a
strength that is heaven-sent.
		-- Gene Hansen, Miss. Committee
%%
Be firm, fly low and stay cool....
		-- Duke, from Doonesbury
%%
Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have
dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over
every living thing that moves upon the earth.
		-- Genesis 1:28
%%
Be generous.  Remember that it is the productivity of others that makes
possible your executive position.
%%
Be good and you will be lonesome.
%%
Be happy. It is a way of being wise.
%%
Be incredibly nice to someone today.
%%
Be incredibly nice to someone tomorrow.
%%
Be independent.
Insult a rich relative today.
%%
Be it ever so vile, there's no place like home.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Be it our wealth, our jobs, or even our homes;
nothing is safe while the legislature is in session.
%%
Be just and fear not: Let all the ends thou aim'st at be thy country's,
thy God's, and truth's.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Be kind to animals.  Take a bitch to dinner.
%%
Be kind to your inferiors, if you can find any.
%%
Be like Elton John - Get behind the boys at Watford every week
%%
Be like a duck -- keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like
the devil under water.
%%
Be more sympathetic.
%%
Be neither too early in the fashion, nor too long out of it; nor at any
time in the extremities of it.
		-- Lavater
%%
Be nice to people on the way up because you'll meet them on your way
down.
		-- Wilson Mizner
%%
Be nice to someone.
%%
Be nice to your friends; if it weren't for them, you would be a total stranger.
%%
Be not anxious about what you have, but about what you are.
		-- Pope St. Gregory I
%%
Be not diverted from your duty by any idle reflections the silly world
may make upon you, for their censures are not in your power, and
consequently should not be any part of your concern.
		-- Epictetus
%%
Be not the first by whom the new are tried, Nor yet the last to lay the
old aside.
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
Be of good cheer: We'll live to piss on the graves of our enemies.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Be open to other people--they may enrich your dream.
%%
Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you.
		-- Ovid
%%
Be patient with those who are slower than you, for they make you look
better.
%%
Be prepared to accept sacrifices.
Vestal virgins aren't all that bad.
%%
Be prepared to go mad with fixed rule and method.
		-- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Be prepared... that's the Boy Scout's solemn creed.
Be prepared... to be clean in word and deed.
Don't solicit for your sister, that's not nice,
Unless you get a good percentage of her price ...
		-- Tom Lehrer
%%
Be realistic: Plan for a miracle.
		-- "Bumper Snickers"
%%
Be security conscious -- because 80 percent of people are caused by
accident.
%%
Be seeing you ...
%%
Be self-reliant and your success is assured. Unless you're incompetent.
%%
Be slow of tongue and quick of eye.
		-- Miguel de Cervantes
%%
Be sober and temperate, and you will be happy.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Be sociable.
Speak to the person next to you in the unemployment line tomorrow.
%%
Be stiff!
%%
Be sure each item is properly endorsed.
%%
Be sure to evaluate the bird-hand/bush ratio.
%%
Be sure to obtain meteorological information before leaving on vacation.
%%
Be sure to save your money; you never know when it might be worth
something again.
%%
Be tactful; overlook not your own opportunity.
%%
Be thankful that you don't live in Upland.
%%
Be the first to go unless you think.
%%
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Be tolerant of those who disagree with you -- after all, they have a
right to their ridiculous opinions.
%%
Be valiant, but not too venturous.
Let thy attire be comely, but not costly.
		-- John Lyly
%%
Be very quiet, we're hunting Wabbits!
%%
Be very slow to believe that you are wiser than all others; it is a
fatal but common error.  Where one has been saved by a true estimation
of another's weakness, thousands have been destroyed by false
appreciation of their own strength.
		-- Charles C. Colton
%%
Be vewwy, vewwy quiet ... I'm hunting wabbits ... heh, heh, heh, heh.
%%
Be wary of strong drink.  It can make you shoot at tax collectors and
miss
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Be where you are, and go where you're going.
%%
Be ye angry and sin not; let not the sun go down upon your wrath.
		-- Ephesians iv, 26
%%
Be yourself--it's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it
%%
Be-bop-a-lou-la, she's my baby!
%%
Bea U.T.S. Skindeep
%%
Beam me out of here, Scotty; I appear to be trapped in a computer.
%%
Beam me up, Scotty, the elevators don't work
%%
Beam me up, Scotty.  There's no intelligent life here.
		-- James Tiberius Kirk
%%
Beam me up, Scotty.
There's no Artificial
Intelligence down here.
%%
Bean shooters are prohibited in Arkansas.
%%
Beards more than two and a half feet long are forbidden by law
in Altoona, Pennsylvania.
%%
Bearing with the uncultured in gentleness,
Fording the river with resolution,
Not neglecting what is distant,
Not regarding one's companions:
Thus one may manage to walk in the middle.
%%
Beat the system.  Unplug the computer.
%%
Beats as it sweeps as it cleans.
%%
Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,
Waiting in a hot tureen!
Who for such dainties would not stoop?
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!

Beautiful Soup!  Who cares for fish,
Game, or any other dish?
Who would not give all else for two
pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
		-- Lewis Carroll, "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland"
%%
Beautiful legs are sometimes without equal, but bow-legs are always
without parallel.
%%
Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life.
%%
Beauty is an outward gift which is seldom despised, except by those to
whom it has been refused.
		-- Edward Gibbon (1734-1794)
%%
Beauty is as summer fruits, which are easy to corrupt and cannot last;
and for the most part it makes a dissolute youth, and an age a little
out of countenance; but if it light well, it makes virtue shine and vice
blush.
		-- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Beauty is everlasting
And dust is for a time.
		-- Marianne Moore
%%
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Should the beholder have poor
eyesight, he can ask the nearest person which girls look good.
%%
Beauty is not caused.  It is.
		-- Emily Dickinson
%%
Beauty is one of the rare things which do not lead to doubt of God.
		-- Jean Anouilh
%%
Beauty is only skin deep, but it's a valuable asset if you're poor or
haven't any sense.
		-- Kin Hubbard
%%
Beauty is only skin deep; ugliness goes all the way through.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Beauty is power; a smile is its sword.
		-- Charles Reade
%%
Beauty is the answer.
%%
Beauty is the first present nature gives to woman and the first it takes
away.
		-- George Brossin Mere
%%
Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone!
		-- Redd Foxx
%%
Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.
%%
Beauty without virtue is like a flower without perfume.
%%
Beauty's tears are lovelier than her smile.
		-- Campbell
%%
Beauty:  it's a sort of bloom on a woman.  If you have it you don't need
to have anything else; and it you don't have it, it doesn't much matter
what else you have.
		-- James Matthew Barrie
%%
Because I do,
Because I do not hope,
Because I do not hope to survive
Injustice from the Palace, death from the air,
Because I do, only do,
I continue...
		-- Thomas S. Pynchon
%%
Because french cream won't soften them boots and french kisses will not
melt that heart of stone.
%%
Because he was human, because he had goodness,
Because he was moral they called him insane.
Delusions of grandeur, visions of splendor,
A manic depressive who walks in the rain.

Cinderella Man, doing what you can,
They can't understand what it means.
Cinderella Man, hang on to your plans.
Try as they might they cannot steal your dreams.
		-- Neil Peart, Rush
%%
Because it's nicer to be with someone than it is not to be with someone.
%%
Because men believe not in Providence, therefore they do so greedily
scrape and hoard.  They do not believe in any reward for charity,
therefore they will part with nothing.
		-- Barrow
%%
Because of the age of the patient, speed was increased for fear of the
patient going bad on the table.
%%
Because of the greatness of the Shah, Iran is an island of stability
in the Middle East.
		-- Jimmy Carter, 31 December 1977
%%
Because the wine remembers.
%%
Because these are ancient times as a result there are not enough
wetbacks to do the work for us. So harvest the barley before you plant
it - it is easier that way.
%%
Because we don't think about future generations, they will never forget us.
		-- Henrik Tikkanen
%%
Beck's Motto: Functionality; All the Functionality; And nothing but the
Functionality.
%%
Become one with the universe.
%%
Bedfellows make strange politicians.
%%
Beef Seeking Missiles :
	The Soviet Union has put a halt to the development
	of guiding missiles. Instant they're putting huge amount
	of resources into developing "beef seeking" missiles,
	as they call it. According to Gorbachev, "
	Why would we want to develop highly advanced guiding missiles
	when we can bomb put the whole US by programming all our
	missiles to land on hamburger joints?"
%%
Beep! 
%%
Beer & Pretzels -- Breakfast of Champions.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 1.  You can enjoy a beer any time of the month.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 10.  When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 11.  Beer never has a headache.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 12.  After you have had a beer the bottle is still worth a dime.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 13.  A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer on your
breath.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 14.  If you pour beer right, you'll get good head.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 15.  You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel
guilty.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 16.  A beer always goes down easily.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 17.  You can share a beer with your friends.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 18.  You always know you are the first one to pop a beer.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 19.  Beer doesn't demand legality.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 2.  Beer stains wash out.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 20.  You can enjoy a beer in public.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 21.  A beer doesn't care when you come home.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 22.  A frigid beer is a good beer.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 23.  You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 3.  You don't have to wine and dine beer.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 4.  Your beer will wait patiently in the car while you play
sports.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 5.  If your beer goes flat you can toss it.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 6.  Beer is never late.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 7.  Hangovers go away.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 8.  A beer doesn't get angry if you get another beer.
%%
Beer is better then women
 Reason 9.  Beer labels come off without a fight.
%%
Beethoven can write music, thank God -- but he can do nothing else
on earth.
		-- Ludwig van Beethoven (1770-1827)
%%
Beethoven did it apassionately.
%%
Beethoven had a noted career.
%%
Beethoven was the first to do it with a full orchestra.
%%
Before (Dean) Stockwell's recent comeback via BLUE VELVET and MARRIED TO THE
MOB, he had been selling real estate in Los Angeles.  Do you think that's
where he learned to lip-sync Roy Orbison songs?
		-- Prof. Fred Hopkins
%%
Before Completion. Success.
But if the little fox, after nearly completing the crossing,
Gets his tail in the water,
There is nothing that would further.
%%
Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish.
		-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955), "Cosmic Religion"
%%
Before I got married I had six theories
about bringing up children; now I have
six children and no theories.
		-- Lord Rochester
%%
Before I knew the best part of my life had come, it had gone.
%%
Before I wrote here, this was empty space.
%%
Before a party or a trip, if it can, it will let rip.
%%
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
		-- Addison H. Hallock
%%
Before completion, attack brings misfortune.
It furthers one to cross the great water.
%%
Before destruction a man's heart is haughty, but humility goes before honour.
		-- Psalms 18:12
%%
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative
or negative.
%%
Before my birth, I had a name,
But soon as born I changed the same:
And when I'm laid within the tomb,
I shall my father's name assume;
I changed my name three days together,
Yet live but one in any weather.
 Today
%%
Before reaching the age of 30, you will have experienced the joy of
spraining an ankle, the wonder of unemployment, the thrill of partial
hair loss and the ecstasy of unrequited love.
%%
Before they made him, they broke the mold.
%%
Before you ask more questions,
think about whether you really want to know the answers.
		-- Gene Wolfe, "The Claw of the Conciliator"
%%
Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of
frogs.
%%
Before you is the entrance to the tower which rises from the center
of the courtyard. In every visible direction the courtyard extends
onward.
%%
Before you kill something make sure you have something better
to replace it with; something better than political opportunist
slamming hate horseshit in the public park.
		-- Charles Bukowski, "Notes of a Dirty Old Man", 1969
%%
Before you slip into unconsciousness,
I'd like to have another kiss...
%%
Begathon, n.:
	A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money so
you won't have to watch commercials.
		-- Rich Hall, Sniglets
%%
Beggar to well-dressed businessman:
	"Could you spare $20.95 for a fifth of Chivas?"
%%
Beggars should be no choosers.
		-- John Heywood
%%
Begin the day with a friendly voice,
a companion unobtrusive.
Plays that song that's so elusive,
and the magic music makes your morning move.
		-- Rush, "Spirit of Radio"
%%
Behavior is a mirror in which every one displays his image.
		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
Behind all the political rhetoric being hurled at us from abroad,
we are bringing home one unassailable fact -- [terrorism is] a crime
by any civilized standard, committed against innocent people,
away from the scene of political conflict, and must be dealt with
as a crime. . . .
   [I]n our recognition of the nature of terrorism as a crime lies our
best hope of dealing with it. . . .
   [L]et us use the tools that we have.  Let us invoke the cooperation
we have the right to expect around the world, and with that cooperation
let us shrink the dark and dank areas of sanctuary until these cowardly
marauders are held to answer as criminals in an open and public trial
for the crimes they have committed, and receive the punishment they so
richly deserve.
		-- William H. Webster, Director,
		   Federal Bureau of Investigation, 15 Oct 1985
%%
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
		-- Justice Louis D. Brandeis (1856-1941)
%%
Behind every great man is a great computer.
%%
Behind every great man is a great woman.
Behind every great woman is a great behind.
		-- anonymous male chauvinist
%%
Behind every successful man you'll find a woman with nothing to wear.
%%
Behind every successful person is an ass.
%%
Behind you is a bronze door which seems to be #.
%%
Behold how great a matter a little fire kindleth.
		-- James III, 5
%%
Behold the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket"
-- which is but a manner of saying, "Scatter your money and your
attention"; but the wise man saith, "Put all your eggs in the one
basket and -- watch that basket!"
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Behold the unborn fetus and
	Weep salt tears crocodilian;
All life is sacred (save, of course,
	An enemy civilian).
%%
Being a frog isn't as bad as it seems.
Whenever anything bugs them, they eat it.
%%
Being a mime means never having to say you're sorry
%%
Being a miner, as soon as you're too old and tired and sick
and stupid to do your job properly, you have to go,
where the very opposite applies with the judges.
		-- Beyond the Fringe
%%
Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade,
since it consists principally of dealings with men.
		-- Conrad
%%
Being average is being the best of the worst, or the worst of the best.
%%
Being blind, you cannot read the formula on the scroll.
%%
Being confused, you mispronounce the magic words ...
%%
Being creative is a job.
%%
Being generous is inborn; being altruistic is a learned perversity. No
resemblance ...
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Being in politics is like being a football coach.  You have to be smart
enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important.
		-- Eugene McCarthy
%%
Being intelligent is not a felony.  But most societies evaluate it as
at least a misdemeanor.
%%
Being normal is driving me crazy.
%%
Being popular is important.  Otherwise people might not like you.
%%
Being prepared brings good fortune.
If there are secret designs, it is disquieting.
%%
Being right too soon is socially unacceptable
%%
Being stoned on marijuana isn't very different from being stoned on
gin.
		-- Ralph Nader
%%
Being ugly isn't illegal.  Yet.
%%
Belief in God? An afterlife? I believe in rock: this apodictic rock beneath my
feet.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Belief in the supernatural reflects a failure of the imagination.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Belief? What do I believe in? I believe in sun. In rock. In the dogma of the
sun and the doctrine of the rock. I believe in blood, fire, woman, rivers,
eagles, storm, drums, flutes, banjos, and broom-tailed horses....
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Believe 1% of what you see, and none of what you hear.
%%
Believe not much them that seem to despise riches; for they despise them
that despair of them; and none are worse when they come to them.  Be not
penny-wise; riches have wings, and sometimes they fly away of
themselves, sometimes they must be set flying to bring in more.
		-- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the
fact.
		-- William James
%%
Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it.
		-- Andre Gide
%%
Bell Labs programmers do it with UNIX.
%%
Belsen was a gas
		-- Mr. J. Rotten
%%
Ben Dover and the Screamers
%%
Ben Johnson swears it was just his birth control pills.
The Birth Control Pill joke refers to Angel Myers, a U.S. Olympic
Athlete who was barred from the games by the USOC due to a positive
steroid test.  She claimed that it was her birth control pills, which
contain some steroids. ]
%%
Ben, why didn't you tell me?
		-- Luke Skywalker
%%
Benchley's Distinction: There may be said to be two classes of people in
the world; those who constantly divide the people of the world into two
classes and those who do not.
		-- Robert Benchley
%%
Benchley's travel distinction: In America there are two classes of
travel: first class and with children.
%%
Bend over hard and SWEAR!
%%
Bend over, I'll drive.
%%
Beneath the city two hearts beat, slow midnight running through one
night, so tender.
%%
Beneath this stone a virgin lies,
For her life held no terrors.
A virgin born, a virgin died:
No hits, no runs, no errors.
%%
Beneath this stone lies Murphy,
They buried him today,
He lived the life of Riley,
While Riley was away.
%%
Benedict's Principle (formerly Murphy's Ninth Corollary):
   Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
%%
Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
%%
Benny Hill:	Would you like a peanut?
Girl:		No, thank you, I don't want to be under obligation.
Benny Hill:	You won't be under obligation for a peanut.
		It's not as if it were a chocolate bar or something.
%%
Benson's Dogma:
ASCII is our god, and Unix is his profit.
		-- Gary Benson, inc@fluke.tc.com
%%
Benson, you are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence
		-- Time Bandits
%%
Bernard Shaw is an excellent man; he has not an enemy in
the world, and none of his friends like him either.
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Berserkers do it without thinking
%%
Bershere's Formula for Failure:
	There are only two kinds of people who fail:
	those who listen to nobody... and those who listen to everybody.
%%
Berth:	Any horizontal surface whose total area does not exceed one half of
	the surface area of an average person at rest, onto which at least one
	liter of some liquid seeps during any 12-hour period, and above which
	there are not less than 10 kilograms of improperly secured objects.
		-- from "Sailing" by Henry Beard and Roy Mckie
%%
Beside the skeleton is a rusty knife.
%%
Besides a mathematical inclination, an exceptionally good mastery of
ones native tongue is the most vital asset of a competent programmer.
		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
Best men are often moulded out of faults.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Best to leave town until this blows over.
%%
Best when told with a heavy Italian accent when the father speaks.

   An Italian boy has a life long dream to go to school in the United
States and it finally comes true (good thing for this joke) when he is
accepted to Columbia University in New York.  After a couple of years
at school his father comes to visit him in America.  The boy is
very excited to see his father and ask what he would like to do in
America.  The father says, "This is'a America. I'd a like'a to go'a to
a baseball game."  So they head on down to Yankee stadium and as it
turns out it's oldtimers day.  Roger Maris comes to bat and hits a
long ball which is heading for the left field seats.  The father stands
up and yells, "RUN'A ROGER, RUN".  Micky Mantle comes up next and hits
a fly ball to deep right field.  Again, the father stands up, and yells
"RUN'A MICKEY, RUN".  Next Joe Dimagio steps out to the plate.	There
pitcher throws ball one, ball two, ball three and walks him on four
pitches.  As Joe Dimagio starts to trot to first base the father stands
up and shouts, "RUN'A JOE, RUN".  "No", his son interrupts, "He has
four balls, he walks".	His father stand up again, "walk'a proud, Joe,
walk'a proud."
%%
Beste's Principle: The more the name of the product promises, the less it
delivers.
%%
Bet it all on 14.
%%
Bet you wonder how I knew about your plan to make me blue
with some other guy that you knew before.  Between both guys
you know I love you more.  It took me by surprise, I must say,
when I found out yesterday.  Don't you know I heard it through
the grapevine.	How much longer would you be mine?  I heard it
through the grapevine.	Now I'm just about to lose my mind.
		-- Marvin Gaye
%%
Bets at the first were fool-traps where the wise Like spiders lay in
ambush for the flies.
		-- Dryden
%%
Better Red than dead.
		-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
Better a cruel truth than a comfortable delusion.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Better a sister in a whorehouse than a brother on a Honda.
%%
Better be alone than in bad company.
%%
Better by far you should forget and
smile than that you should remember and be sad.
		-- Christina Rossetti
%%
Better go home and hit your kids. They are just little monsters!
%%
Better go home and play with your kids. They are just little monsters!
%%
Better go home and work on that application for transfer.
%%
Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come
around while you have your life in such a mess.
%%
Better hope you get what you want before you stop wanting it.
%%
Better late than never.
		-- Titus Livius (Livy)
%%
Better leave the dungeon, otherwise you might get hurt badly.
%%
Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.
%%
Better living through alchemy
%%
Better luck next time.
%%
Better safe than sorry.
%%
Better the prince of some inferior court,
Than second, or less, in beatific light.
		-- Lucifer [Joost van den Vondel's Lucifer]
%%
Better to be despised for too anxious apprehensions, than ruined by too
confident a security.
		-- Edmund Burke
%%
Better to be driven out from among men than to be disliked of children.
		-- Richard Henry Dana
%%
Better to die a thousand deaths than wound my honor.
		-- Addison
%%
Better to have loved a short girl, than never to have loved a tall.
%%
Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.
		-- motto of the Christopher Society
%%
Better to live one day as a lion than 100 years as a lamb.
%%
Better to sink beneath the shock
Than to moulder piecemeal on the rock.
		-- Byron
%%
Better to throw it out -- than throw it in.
		-- Skinny Mitchell
%%
Better to use medicines at the outset than at the last moment.
%%
Better you than me.
%%
Between amoebas and mankind
There seems to be a mighty chasm
But if you study both, you'll find
Your body, and perhaps, your mind
Is largely of this very kind
Of animated protoplasm.
		-- Gerald Lynton Kaufman
%%
Between grand theft and a legal fee,
	there only stands a law degree.
%%
Between grief and nothing I will take grief.
		-- William Faulkner
%%
Between two evils, choose neither.  Between two goods, choose both.
		-- Tyron Edwards
%%
Between your head and your heart, your head has got to win.
%%
Beware of Bigfoot!
%%
Beware of Doug.
%%
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.
		-- Virgil
%%
Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
%%
Beware of a short dark haired man wearing a loud tie.
%%
Beware of a tall black man with one blond shoe.
%%
Beware of a tall blond man with one black shoe.
%%
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes,
and not rather a new wearer of clothes.
		-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.
		-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
Beware of altruism.  It is based on self-deception, the root of all
evil.
%%
Beware of an envelope that ticks.
%%
Beware of an executive with a clean desk.
%%
Beware of attack cat.
%%
Beware of bogus parmbytes.
%%
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not
tried it.
		-- Donald Knuth
Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882), "Circles"
%%
Beware of dark rooms - they may be the Morgue.
%%
Beware of death rays!
%%
Beware of desperate steps! -- the darkest day
Live till to-morrow, will have passed away.
		-- Cowper
%%
Beware of entrance to a quarrel; but being in, bear it that the opposer
may beware of thee.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Beware of falling rocks, wear a helmet!
%%
Beware of friends who are false and deceitful.
%%
Beware of geeks bearing gifts.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Beware of hungry dogs!
%%
Beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great ship.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Beware of low-flying rocks.
%%
Beware of people who fall at your feet.  They may be reaching for the
corner of the rug.
%%
Beware of short waiters.
%%
Beware of the Quantum Ducks   Quark! Quark! Quark!
%%
Beware of the man who has no enemies.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Beware of the man who knows the answer before he understands the question.
%%
Beware of the man whose god is in the skies.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Beware of the minotaur. He's very horny!
%%
Beware of the potion of Nitroglycerine - it's not for the weak of heart.
%%
Beware of wands of instant disaster.
%%
Beware of your wishes: They will probably come true.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Beware the Killer Rabbit!
%%
Beware the bore worms!
%%
Beware the eyes of Morphy.
%%
Beware the granfalloon.
%%
Beware the man who makes cream with his mouth; he winds up making butter
with his nose.
		-- Babbaluche the cobbler
%%
Beware the new TTY code!
%%
Beware the one behind you.
%%
Beware the scurge of the Ice Queen!
%%
Beware the wench with scurvy in her bilge.
%%
Beware the writer who always encloses the word *reality* in quotation marks:
He's trying to slip something over on you. Or into you.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Beyond the 23-rd level lies a happy retirement in a room of your own.
%%
Bibliography is my business.
%%
Bibliography is none of my business...
%%
Bibliography isn't my business, it's my hobby.
%%
Bibliography may not be my business, but all those years in grad
school made it easy...
%%
Bicycle Law:	All bicycles weigh 50 pounds:
A 30-pound bicycle needs a 20-pound lock and chain.
A 40-pound bicycle needs a 10-pound lock and chain.
A 50-pound bicycle needs no lock and chain.
%%
Bicycle racers do it with at 90-110 rpm.
%%
Bicyclists do it with a cadence.
%%
Bicyclists do it with chains.
%%
Bid, then, the tender light of faith to shine
By which alone the mortal heart is led
Unto the thinking of the thought divine.
		-- George Santayana (1863-1952)
%%
Bierman's Laws of Contracts:
	(1)  In any given document, you can't cover all the "what if's".
	(2)  Lawyers stay in business resolving all the unresolved "what if's".
	(3)  Every resolved "what if" creates two unresolved "what if's".
%%
Big M, Little M, many mumbling mice
Are making midnight music in the moonlight,
Mighty nice!
%%
Big as a barn
light as a feather,
Yet sixty horses couldn't pull it.
 A barn's shadow
%%
Big book, big bore.
		-- Callimachus
%%
Big brother is watching you.
		-- George Orwell (1903-1950), "1984", 1948
%%
Big mac attack.
%%
Big people are those who make us feel bigger when we are with them.
%%
Big whorls have little whorls
Which feed on their velocity,
And little whorls have lesser whorls
And so on to viscosity.
		-- Lewis F. Richardson
%%
Bigamist: A fog over Italy.
		-- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Monogamy is the same.
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Bigamy is taking one too many.
%%
Bigger and faster is better.
%%
Biggest security gap - an open mouth.
%%
Bigotry dwarfs the soul by shutting out the truth.
		-- Edwin Hubbel Chapin
%%
Bigotry is hard to remove from a person. It wasn't reasoned in and it can't be
reasoned out.
%%
Bigotry murders religion to frighten fools with her ghost.
		-- Charles Caleb Colton
%%
Bilbo found that goblins hate sand, and that zombies could not see him.
%%
Bilbo's First Law:
	You cannot count friends that are all packed up in barrels.
%%
Bill Murray was interviewed today on NBC, regarding his new movie.

At one point, Katie Couric (who was interviewing him) said something
bogus just to look good.  Murray responded with "This is NBC, you can say
anything you want, it doesn't have to be real."
(the day after the GM truck exploding fiasco)
%%
Bill the Cat Fan Club
%%
Bill the cat says "Just say Ack!"
%%
Bill was sitting by the death bed of his friend Bob.
Bill: "We've been friends for 73 years.  Could you do something for me?"
Bob:  "Yea...what (gasp)"
Bill: "We've enjoyed baseball for years; could you tell me if there's
      baseball in heaven?"
Bob:  "Ok."
A couple days after Bob's death.
Bob:  "Bill, this is Bob."
Bill: "Is there there base ball in Heaven?"
Bob:  "I've got some good news and some bad news."
      "Which doo you want first?"
Bill: "The good news."
Bob:  "There is baseball."
Bill: "What's the bad news?"
Bob:  "You're pitching next Tuesday."
%%
Billy N. Dollars
%%
Billy:	      Mom, you know that vase you said was handed down from
	generation to generation?
Mom:	    Yes?
Billy:	      Well, this generation dropped it.
%%
Bing's Rule:
	Don't try to stem the tide -- move the beach.
%%
Biochemistry expands so as to fill the space and time available for its
completion and publication.
		-- R. T. Hersh
%%
Biology grows on you.
%%
Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the
same thing as division.
		-- 7.06 Lecturer
%%
Birdie, birdie, in the sky,
Why'd you do that in my eye?
I won't fret, and I won't cry.
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
%%
Birds are entangled by their feet and men by their tongues.
%%
Birds do it, bees do it, even chimpanzees do it ...
%%
Birds have the right of way on Utah state highways.
%%
Birds of prey know they're cool.
		-- Far Side
%%
Birth is nothing where virtue is not.
		-- Moliere
%%
Birth is pain,
Death is pain,
Beauty is pain.
The Final Conflict
%%
Birth, copulation and death.
That's all the facts when you come to brass tacks;
Birth, copulation and death.
		-- T. S. Elliot, Sweeney Agonistes (1932)
%%
Birth-control pills are habit forming.
%%
Bismark's law: The less people know about how sausages and laws are
made, the better they'll sleep at night.
%%
Bistromathics is simply a revolutionary new way of understanding the behavior
of numbers.  Just as Einstein observed that space was not an absolute, but
depended on the observer's movement in space, and that time was not an
absolute, but depended on the observer's movement in time, so it is now
realized that numbers are not absolute, but depend on the observer's movement
in restaurants.
%%
Bit - Similar to a nibble.  Commonly eight nibbles to a mouthful.
      (See byte).
%%
Bit - twelve and a half cents
		-- Data communications glossary
%%
Bit rate  - how often you are bitten
		-- Data communications glossary
%%
Bit:  Twelve and a half cents.
Bit rate:  How often you are bitten.
		-- Data communications glossary
%%
Bit: A word used to describe computers, as in "Our son's computer
cost quite a bit."
%%
Bitch, bitch, bitch --
That's all I ever hear,
Ever since the dog ate the baby,
"Get rida the dog, get rida the dog."
%%
Bites on dried gristly meat.
Receives metal arrows.
It furthers one to be mindful of difficulties
And to be persevering.
Good fortune.
%%
Bites on dried lean meat.
Receives yellow gold.
Perseveringly aware of danger.
No blame.
%%
Bites on old dried meat
And strikes on something poisonous.
Slight humiliation. No blame.
%%
Bites through tender meat,
So that his nose disappears.
No blame.
%%
Biting Through has success.
It is favorable to let justice be administered.
%%
Biz is better.
%%
Bizarre!
%%
Black Dens:
	Where Black Holes live; often unheated warehouses with Day'Glo
spray painting, mutilated mannequins, Elvis references, dozens of
overflowing ashtrays, broken mirror sculptures, and Velvet Underground
music playing in the background.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Black Holes are Out of Sight
%%
Black Holes:
	An X Generation subgroup best known for their possession of
almost entirely black wardrobes.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Black holes suck.
%%
Black shiny mollies and bright colored guppies,
Shy little angels as gentle as puppies,
Swimming and diving with scarcely a swish,
They were just some of my tropical fish.

Then I got mantas that sting in the water,
Deadly piranhas that itch for a slaughter,
Savage male betas that bite with a squish,
Now I have many less tropical fish.

	If you think that
	Fish are peaceful
	That's an empty wish.
	Just dump them together
	And leave them alone,
	And soon you will have -- no fish.
		-- To My Favorite Things
%%
Black we are and much admired,
Men seek for us till they are tired,
We tire the horses, but comfort man,
Tell me this riddle, if you can.
 Lumps of coal
%%
Black within and red without,
Four corner's round about.
 A chimney
%%
Blackout, heatwave, .44 caliber homicide,
The bums drop dead and the dogs go mad in packs on the West Side,
A young girl standing on a ledge, looks like another suicide,
She wants to hit those bricks,
	'cause the news at six got to stick to a deadline,
While the millionaires hide in Beekman place,
The bag ladies throw their bones in my face,
I get attacked by a kid with stereo sound,
I don't want to hear it but he won't turn it down...
		-- Billy Joel, "Glass Houses"
%%
Blame Saint Andreas - its all his fault.
%%
Blame it on the *-Property.
%%
Blank paper is God's way of saying it's not so easy to be God.
%%
Blank scrolls make more interesting reading.
%%
Blanking - Term used to describe non-working equipment ("That blanking...")
%%
Blasting requires dynamite.
%%
Blecch!  Rotten food!
%%
Bleeding Ponytail:
	An elderly sold-out baby boomer who pines for hippie or
pre-sellout days.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Blessed Me,
[A jibe at Jeff Hull]
%%
Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
%%
Blessed are the forgetful:  for they get the better even of their blunders.
		-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
Blessed are the meek for they shall inhibit the earth.
%%
Blessed are the peace makers, for they shall be called the children of
God.
		-- Matthew V, 9
%%
Blessed are the pessimists, they make backups!
%%
Blessed is he that expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
		-- Poor Richard
%%
Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be
disappointed.
		-- W. C. Bennett
%%
Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
Blessed is he who has reached the point of no return and knows it, for
he shall enjoy living.
		-- W. C. Bennett
%%
Blind? Eat a carrot!
%%
Blinding speed can compensate for a lot of deficiencies.
		-- David Nichols
%%
Blitzkrieg players do it in five minutes.
%%
Block Parity	   : One heck of a good time.
%%
Blood alone moves the wheels of history.
		-- Benito Mussolini (1883-1945)
%%
Blood and Guts.
%%
Blood is a cleansing and sanctifying thing, and the nation that regards
it as the final horror has lost its manhood ... there are many things
more horrible than bloodshed, and slavery is one of them.
		-- Padraic Pearse
%%
Blood will tell, but it often tells too much.
		-- Don Marquis (1878-1937)
%%
Bloody hell, what's going on?
%%
Bloom's Seventh Law of Litigation:
	The judge's jokes are always funny.
%%
Blow it out your ass!
%%
Blow it out your ear.
%%
Blue paint today.
%%
Blutarsky's Axiom:
	Nothing is impossible for the man who will not listen to reason.
%%
Boat: A hole in the water, surrounded by wood, into which one throws money.
%%
Bob Spreen Cadillac.  Where the freeways meet in Downey.
%%
Body odor is the window to the soul.
%%
Boldness is a child of ignorance.
		-- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Boldness is a mask for fear, however great.
		-- Lucan
%%
Boldness is ever blind, for it sees not dangers and inconveniences;
whence it is bad in council though good in execution.
		-- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.
%%
Bones: "The man's DEAD, Jim!"
%%
Boneyard n.   Where you send Old Iron (q. v.) when it
costs more to plug it in than to throw it away.
		-- IBM Jargon File
%%
Bonking with Barbie..
%%
Bookkeeper: Mr. Goldwyn, our files are bulging with paperwork we no
	   longer need.  May I have your permission to destroy all
	   records before 1945?
Goldwyn:    Certainly.	Just be sure to keep a copy of everything.
		-- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
%%
Bookkeepers do it for the record.
%%
Books are burning
In the main square, and I saw there
The fire eating the text.
Books are burning
In the still air
And you know where they burn books
People are next.
		-- "Books Are Burning", XTC
%%
Books are like eggs--best when fresh.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Books are not men and yet they stay alive.
		-- Stephen Vincent Benet
%%
Books by Oolon Caluphid:
  Where God Went Wrong
  Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes
  Who Is the God Person Anyway?
...and the finale:
  Well, That About Wraps It Up For God
%%
Books, like friends, should be few and well chosen.
		-- Samuel Paterson
%%
Booksellers never read scrolls; it might leave their shop unguarded.
%%
Boomer Envy:
	Envy of material wealth and longe-range material security
accrued by older members of the baby boom generation by virtue of
fortunate births.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Boot camp. Duluth, Minnesota. February. Six A.M. Six below zero.

The Sergeant bellows "Outta those bunks! Birthday suit inspection! I want
you (deleted) to fall in outside, NOW! Buck nekkid! Stand close enough
to make the man in front of you smile! MOVE, YOU #@$&*s!"

The barracks quickly empty, the men fall in and shiver at attention.

The Sergeant hollers "LOOSEN RANKS!"

The ranks separate a bit. The Captain approaches, carrying a swagger
stick.	With the stick, he swats one of the men across the chest.

"Did that hurt, Mister?" the Captain demands.

"No, SIR!" the recruit shouts.

"Why not?" barks the Captain.

"Because I'm a U.S. Marine, SIR!"

The Captain nods, and moves on down the front rank a bit. He whacks
another man across the butt.

"Did that hurt, Mister?"

"No, SIR!"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm a U.S. Marine, SIR!"

Satisfied, the Captain continues on down the rank. He notices that one
of the men is sporting a huge erection, and brings his stick down
sharply on the proffered target.

"Did that hurt, Mister?"

"No, SIR!"

"Why not?"

"Because it belongs to the fellow behind me, SIR!"
%%
Booths for two or more.
%%
Booze is the answer.  I don't remember the question.
%%
Bop ba-ba loo bop a bim bam boom.
%%
Bordeaux makes you think of mischief;
Burgundy makes you tease;
Champagne makes you.
%%
Borderline psychotic with hermit-like tendencys.
%%
Bore:  A man who spends so much time talking about himself that you
can't talk about yourself.
		-- Melville D. Landon
%%
Bored? Drive the speed limit... in your garage.
%%
Boredom is a vital problem for the moralist, since at least half of the
sins of mankind are caused by the fear of it.
		-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
Boren's First Law:
       When in doubt, mumble.
%%
Boren's Laws of Bureaucracy:
1.  When in doubt, mumble.
2.  When in trouble, delegate.
3.  When in charge, ponder.
		-- James H. Boren
%%
Born Again Pagan
%%
Born at the same time as the world
Destined to live as long as the world
And yet never five weeks old.
What is it?
 Moon
%%
Born to run.
%%
Born to shop.
%%
Born to stream
%%
Borrow trouble for yourself, if that's your nature, but don't lend it to
your neighbors.
		-- Rudyard Kipling
%%
Boss to employer: No, Baxter, you're not being replaced by a
computer--only a silicon chip.
		-- Eli Stein
%%
Boswell's Rule:
	Nothing gives a used car more miles per gallon than a salesman.
%%
Both marital problems are teenagers.
%%
Both of them [Breckenridge and Douglas, Lincoln's opponents] mean that
Labor has no rights which Capital is bound to respect, -- that there
is no higher law than human interest and cupidity.
		-- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
%%
Both thunder and lightning come:
The image of Abundance.
Thus the superior man decides lawsuits
And carries out punishments.
%%
Boucher's Observation:
	He who blows his own horn
	always plays the music several octaves higher than originally written.
%%
Bound with cords and ropes,
Shut in between thorn-hedged prison walls:
For three years one does not find the way.
Misfortune.
%%
Bounders get bound when they are caught bounding.
		-- Ralph Lewin
%%
Bow to no patron's insolence; rely
On no frail hopes, in freedom live and die.
		-- Seneca
%%
Bower's Law:
	Talent goes where the action is.
%%
Bowie's Theorem:
	If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
%%
Bowler's dinner -- spare ribs
		-- Raymond D. Love
%%
Bowlers do it in the alley.
%%
Bowlers do it with balls.
%%
Boy meets girl; girl gets boy into pickle; boy gets pickle into girl.
		-- Jack Woodford on plotting
%%
Boy!  Eucalyptus!
%%
Boy, I sure wish that I could be in the 'Advanced Systems Development' group!
%%
Boy, get your head out of the stars above,
You get the maximum pleasure from a minimum of love.
Save your heart and let your body be enough,
To get the maximum pleasure from a minimum of love.
Save your heart and let your body be enough,
And get the maximum pleasure from a minimum of love.
		-- Mac Macinelli, "Minimum Love"
%%
Boy, that crayon sure did hurt!
%%
Boy, they were big on crematoriums, weren't they?
		-- Vice President George Bush at Auschwitz, 1987
%%
Boy:  Of all wild beasts, the most difficult to manage.
		-- Plato (428-348? B.C.)
%%
Boy:"I've got six marbles!"
Girl:"I've got seven marbles!"
Boy:"I've got eight pennies!"
Girl:"I've got a dime!"
Boy: (pulls down pants) "You don't have one of these do you?"
Girl:"Well,no....But I've got one of these!" (lifts up skirt)
     "And with one of these I can get as many of those as I want!!!!"
%%
Boycott -- In 1880, Captain Charles Cunningham Boycott was land agent in
County Mayo, Ireland, for an absentee owner, the Earl of Erne. Though
the harvest had been disastrous, Captain Boycott refused to reduce rents
and attempted to evict any tenants who could not pay in full. As a
result, he became the object of the earliest known effort to force an
alteration of policy by concerted nonintercourse. His servants departed
en masse. No one would sell him food. Life became so miserable for him
that at last he gave up and returned to England. To boycott is "to
combine in abstaining from, or preventing dealings with, as a means of
intimidation or coercion."
		-- Willard R. Espy, "O Thou Improper, Thou Uncommon Noun"
%%
Boycott meat - suck your thumb.
%%
Boylike contemplation.
For an inferior man, no blame.
For a superior man, humiliation.
%%
Boys marry virgins... men marry women!
%%
Bozo is the Brotherhood of Zips and Others.  Bozos are people who band together
for fun and profit.  They have no jobs.  Anybody who goes on a tour is a Bozo.
Why does a Bozo cross the street?  Because there's a Bozo on the other side.
It comes from the phrase vos otros, meaning others.  They're the huge, fat,
middle waist.  The archetype is an Irish drunk clown with red hair and nose,
and pale skin.	Fields, William Bendix.  Everybody tends to drift toward
Bozoness.  It has Oz in it.  They mean well.  They're straight-looking except
they've got inflatable shoes.  They like their comforts.  The Bozos have
learned to enjoy their free time, which is all the time.
		-- Firesign Theatre, "If Bees Lived Inside Your Head"
%%
Bradyism:
	A multisibling sensibility derived from having grown up in
large families. A rarity in those born after approximately 1965,
symptoms of Bradyism include a facility for mind games, emotional
withdrawal in situations of overcrowding, and a deeply felt need for a
well-defined personal space.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Brain damage is all in your head.
		-- Karl Lehenbauer, karl@hackercorp.com
%%
Brain dysfunction detected....
%%
Brain off-line, please wait.
%%
Brain over - Insert coin
%%
Brandy-and-water spoils two good things.
		-- Charles Lamb (1775-1834)
%%
Brave spirits are a balsam to themselves; there is a nobleness of mind
that heals wounds beyond salves.
		-- Cartwright
%%
Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.
		-- Franklin P. Jones
%%
Brazilification:
	The widening gulf between the rich and poor and the
accompanying disappearance of the middle classes.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Bread always falls butter-side down. If it doesn't, you buttered it on the
wrong side.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Bread and Circuits:
	The electronic era tendency to view party politics as corny -
no longer relevant or meaningful or useful to modern societal issues,
and in many cases dangerous.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Break a few rules.
%%
Break into jail and claim police brutality.
%%
Break the ties that bind.
%%
Break-through. One must resolutely make the matter known
At the court of the king.
It must be announced truthfully. Danger.
It is necessary to notify one's own city.
It does not further to resort to arms.
It furthers one to undertake something.
%%
Breakfast sometime?
	Sure.
Shall I call you or just nudge you?
%%
Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement.
%%
Breaking something that's already broken is pointless.
%%
Breast size multiplied by IQ always equals 69
%%
Breed is stronger than pasture.
		-- George Eliot
%%
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
%%
Brevity and conciseness are the parents of correction.
		-- Hosea Ballou
%%
Brevity and superficiality are often concomitants.
		-- Amrom Katz
%%
Brevity is a great charm of eloquence.
		-- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
Brevity is not only the soul of wit, but the soul of making oneself
agreeable, and of getting on with people, and indeed of everything that
makes life worth living.
		-- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
%%
Brevity is the best recommendation of speech, whether in a senator or an
orator.
		-- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
Bricka bracka firecracka sis boom ba
Bugs Bunny, Bugs Bunny rah rah rah!
%%
Bridge ahead.  Pay troll.
%%
Bridge players do it with a partner.
%%
Bridge players do it with finesse.
%%
Bridget O'Flaherty McHugh
Held venal traffic with a gnu.
Mistaking fore for aft one morn
Impaled herself upon its horn.

Moral: Those who seek high ends should shun our furred and feathered friends.
%%
Brief descriptions.
%%
Brigands will demand your money or your life, but a woman will demand both.
		-- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
%%
Bring out the Best Foods, and bring out the best.
%%
Bring out yer dead...
%%
Bring the whole family... but leave the kids at home!
		-- R. McDonald
%%
Bring us ... a shrubbery!
%%
Bringing your mate to a convention is like taking a game warden hunting.
%%
Brisk talkers are usually slow thinkers. There is, indeed, no
wild beast more to be dreaded than a communicative man having nothing to
communicate. If you are civil to the voluble, they will abuse your patience;
if brusque, your character.
		-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
Britain has lowered the tax on chastity belts by about 60 cents each...
[reclassifying them] as a safety device rather than... clothing
		-- NY Times
%%
Britannia waives the rules.
%%
Broad band - all girl orchestra
		-- Data communications glossary
%%
Brogan's Constant:
	People tend to congregate
	in the back of the church and the front of the bus.
%%
Broken Mirror Law: Everyone breaks more than the seven-year bad luck
allotment to cover rotten luck throughout an entire lifetime.
		-- Rozanne Weissman
%%
Brooks Atkinson described a Shubert play as "beautiful, if you are deaf
and dumb."
%%
Brooks' Law of Prototypes:
	Plan to throw away, you will anyhow.

Corollary:
	If you plan to throw one away, you will throw away two.
		-- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
Brother Giovanni Battista Orsengio was a monk who worked as a dentist.
He kept every tooth he ever pulled - over 2,000,000.
%%
Brother Maynard, read from the Book of Armaments.
%%
Brotherhood is not just a Bible word.  Out of comradeship can come and
will come the happy life for all.
		-- Heywood Hale Broun (1888-1939)
%%
Brotherhood is the very price and condition of a man's survival.
		-- Carlos P. Romulo
%%
Brought to by the Society for the Extinction of Rainbows.
%%
Brought to you by the Ad Council. Wasting your time for no good reason.
%%
Brought to you by the people who made out of context a household word...
%%
Brown Spots on the Wall - by Who Flungdung.
%%
Bruce Sterling, on computers replacing drugs as a medium for altering
consciousness and creating artificial realities:
"In a way, staring into a computer screen is like staring into an eclipse.
It's brilliant and you don't realize the damage until its too late."
%%
Brush your teeth regularly; dental hygiene is important.
%%
Brutality, torture, murder.  Very impressive resume, Mr. Hussein.  I
think you're just what the Los Angeles Police Department is looking for.
		-- (from a political cartoon)
%%
Buck-passing usually turns out to be a boomerang.
%%
Buckboard - the price of lumber before inflation.
%%
Buena Suerte!
%%
Bug number 94
%%
Bug off!
%%
Bug off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes
%%
Bugger me with a fish fork..
%%
Bugs are Sons of Glitches!
%%
Bugs, like coathangers, breed if unobserved.
%%
Buick GN:  "... If Darth Vader drove a Buick ..."
		-- Ken Mosher, ken_mosher@imd.sterling.com
%%
Buick GN: " ... tire smoke and turbo whine ..."
		-- Ken Mosher, ken_mosher@sterling.com
%%
Buick GN: "... I love the smell of burning rubber in the morning ..."
		-- Ken Mosher, ken_mosher@sterling.com
%%
Buick GN: "... groceries delivered ... in 11 seconds or less! ...."
		-- Ken Mosher, ken_mosher@sterling.com
%%
Buick GN: "... honest officer, it's only a little V6 ..."
		-- Ken Mosher, ken_mosher@sterling.com
%%
Buick GN: ".... can you say *BOOST*?  I knew you could. .... "
		-- Ken Mosher, ken_mosher@imd.sterling.com
%%
Buick Grand National:  A *BOOST* of Buick Performance
		-- Ken Mosher KEN_MOSHER@sterling.com
%%
Build a system any fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
%%
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to
use it.
		-- Christopher J. Shaw
%%
Building Contractors, not to be confused with homemakers
%%
Building translators is good clean fun.
		-- T. Cheatham
%%
Built for comfort, not for speed
%%
Bulkhead - hat size larger than 7-1/2.
%%
Bullets speak louder than reason.
%%
Bullshit Detector; when alarm sounds, please re-engage your brain.
%%
Bullshit makes the flowers grow and that's beautiful.
%%
Bumper snicker:  Save Our Trees. Stop Printing Tax Forms !
%%
Bumper sticker on a hearse:  I'd rather be breathing
%%
Bumper sticker seen on a beat up hunk of large Detroit iron:

	   SO MANY PEDESTRIANS

	   SO LITTLE TIME
%%
Bumper sticker seen on a car driven by an attractive young lady:

	"You can't be the first
	but you could be the next!"
%%
Bumper sticker seen on a car in L.A.:

   WELCOME TO CALIFORNIA
	NOW GO HOME
%%
Bumper sticker seen on a foreign car:
	Recalls reduce traffic. Buy American.
%%
Bumper sticker:  I'd rather be teleporting.
%%
Bumper sticker:
If you are cold, hungry and out of work,
eat a conservationist.
%%
Bumper-Sticker:
	I've been sentenced to life on Earth.
%%
Bumper-sticker: "Indian driver - smoke signals only."
%%
Bungee Jumper? Catch you on the rebound.
%%
Bunker's Admonition:
	You cannot buy beer; you can only rent it.
%%
Bunsen Burner burning bright,
On the lab bench of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful chemistry?

In what distant reactions,
Burnt the fire of thine actions?
On what ring stands dare he aspire?
What the hand, dare seize the fire?

And what structure, and what bonds,
Could twist the sinews of thy electrons?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What reaction formed thy heat?

What the test tube?  What the mole?
In what furnace was thy soul?
What the funnel?  What the flask?
Dare its deadly ketones gasp?

When the stars threw down their radiation
And watered the world with their elation:
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made Physics made thee?

Bunsen Burner burning bright,
On the lab bench of the night:
What immortal hand or eye,
Dare frame thy fearful chemistry?
%%
Bureau Termination, Law of:
	When a government bureau is scheduled to be phased out,
	the number of employees in that bureau will double within 12
	months after the decision is made.
%%
Bureaucrat's Principle:
Delay is the safest form of denial.
%%
Bureaucratic Cop-Out Number 1:	You should have seen it when I got it!
		-- Marshall L. Smith
%%
Bureaucrats do not change the course of the ship of state.
They merely adjust the compass.
%%
Burke's Postulates:
	Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
	Don't create a problem for which you do not have the answer.
%%
Burn baby, burn.
%%
Burn in Flames!
%%
Burnt Sienna. Thats the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.
		-- Ken Weaver
%%
Bus drivers do it in transit.
%%
Bus error -- driver executed.
%%
Bus masters do it with slaves.
%%
Bus schedules are arranged so your bus will arrive at the transfer point
precisely one minute after the connecting bus has left.
		-- John Corcoran
%%
Bush Lite:
	 Less Capital gains, More Domestic Policy.
%%
Bush and Gorbachev decided to get themselves frozen for a hundred years to see
how the current political situation resolved itself. After the time was up
they were thawed, and started to read newspapers to catch up on the situation.

Gorbachev started to laugh. In response to Bush's question he said, "I see that
the dollar is still getting weaker."

Then Bush started to laugh. In response to Gorbachev's question of why, he
said, "I read that there is renewed fighting on the German-Chinese border."
%%
Bush had two basic messages for Noriega: We are aware of your
unscrupulous activities, and those don't bother us much.  But you
must... get firmly behind the contra effort.
		-- A colonel present at one meeting with George Bush
		   and Manual Noriega
%%
Bush seems to be a bystander watching to see who Bush turns out to be.
		-- Conservative columnist George F. Will
%%
Bush skitters like a waterbug on the surface of things ... moving fast
lest he linger so long that he is expected to show a mastery of, or
even a real interest in, anything.
		-- Conservative columnist George F. Will
%%
Bush so loves the flag he wraps himself in it, like Linus.
		-- Conservative columnist George F. Will
%%
Bush wears a hat so he knows which end to wipe!
%%
Business - doing efficiently that which did not need doing at all.
%%
Business Graphics:  Popular with managers who understand neither decimals,
		    fractions, Roman numerals, nor PI but have more than a
		    passing acquaintance with pies and bars.
%%
Business Week, October 17:

Laura Newman's business is selling information on local real-estate
transactions.  But when she was working out of her home, people calling for
information thought she was a flake.  In the background they'd hear a baby
crying or a TV blaring.  Not very impressive.  She solved the problem by
playing a tape of typical office sounds: clacking typewriters, ringing phones,
etc.  It was so convincing that clients would apologize for calling at a busy
time.
%%
Business computers - They can't sell it for anything else. The machine may
have been designed for scientific and engineering computing, but after it
was built, it was found to be too slow. IBM makes a good living building
general purpose computers.
%%
Business is a combination of war and sport.
		-- Andre Maurois
%%
Business is a good game -- lots of competition and minimum of rules.  You
keep score with money.
		-- Nolan Bushnell, founder of Atari
%%
Business is like oil, it won't mix with anything but business.
%%
Business is like riding a bicycle --
either you keep moving or you fall down.
%%
Business underlies everything in our national life, including our
spiritual life.  Witness the fact that in the Lord's Prayer the first
petition is for daily bread.  No one can worship God or love his
neighbor on an empty stomach.
		-- Woodrow Wilson
%%
Business will be either better or worse.
		-- Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933)
%%
Business: busyness.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Business?  It's quite simple.  It's other people's money.
%%
Businessmen do it in the black.
%%
Businessmen do it in the red.
%%
Busy souls have no time to be busybodies.
		-- Austin O'Malley
%%
But Aristarchus of Samos brought out a book consisting of some
hypotheses, in which the premises lead to the result that the universe
is many times greater than that now so called.	His hypotheses are that
the fixed stars and the Sun remain unmoved, that the Earth revolves
about the Sun in the circumference of a circle, the Sun lying in the
middle of the orbit, and that the sphere of the fixed stars, situated
about the same center as the Sun, is so great that the circle in which
he supposes the Earth to revolve bears such a proportion to the distance
of the fixed stars as the center of the sphere bears to its surface.
		-- Archimedes
%%
But Captain -- the engines can't take this much longer!
%%
But Henry, that isn't our baby!
Shut up.  It's a nicer carriage.
%%
But I am here! I am Dune!
		-- Noah, ARK IN SPACE
%%
But I find the old notions somehow appealing.  Not that I want to go
back to them--it is outrageous to have some outer authority tell you
what is proper use and abuse of your own faculties, and it is ludicrous
to hold reason higher than body or feeling.  Still there is something
true and profoundly sane about the belief that acts like murder or
theft or assault violate the doer as well as the done to.  We might
even, if we thought this way, have less crime.	The popular view of
crime, as far as I can deduce it from the movies and television, is
that it is a breaking of a rule by someone who thinks they can get away
with that; implicitly, everyone would like to break the rule, but not
everyone is arrogant enough to imagine they can get away with it.  It
therefore becomes very important for the rule upholders to bring such
arrogance down.
		-- Marilyn French, "The Woman's Room"
%%
But I gotta know how it feels, I wanna know if love is wild, baby I
wanna know if love is real.
%%
But I have seen the science I worshiped and the airplane I loved
destroying the civilization I expected them to serve.
		-- Charles A. Lindbergh, Jr.
%%
But Officer, I stopped for the last one, and it was green!
%%
But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and
to thee, to speak these words?	Hath he not sent me to the men which sit
on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss
with you?
		-- 2 Kings 18:27 (KJV)
%%
But an old age serene and bright,
And lovely as a Lapland night,
Shall lead thee to thy grave.
		-- Wordsworth
%%
But better to follow the shadow of the best than to remain content with
the worst.
%%
But captain, the engines haven't been tested in warp drive!
%%
But first, are you experienced?
		-- Jimi Hendrix
%%
But for the lack of any untoward circumstances for this young
secretary to notice, and the total non-involvement of Mr. Mellish
in anything illegal, the full weight of the law would have
insured that Ralph Aldis Mellish would have ended up like all who
challenge the fundamental laws of our society: in an iron coffin
with spikes on the inside!
		-- Monty Python "Matching Tie and Handkerchief"
%%
But for the moment, [Louis Wu] would steal a few hours' sleep . . . to
match his other thefts.
		-- "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
But has any little atom,
	While a-sittin' and a-splittin',
Ever stopped to think or CARE
	That E = m c**2 ?
%%
But have you seen the yak?
Great as a thundercloud,
He stands in his might.
Big?  Sure. But he can't catch mice!
%%
But if a man happens to find himself ... he has a mansion which he can
inhabit with dignity all the days of his life.
%%
But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable nowadays,
the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.
		-- Leslie Stephen (1832-1904), "Sketches from Cambridge"
%%
But it does move!
		-- Galileo Galilei (1564-1642)
%%
But look at the TEETH, man!
%%
But love is blind and lovers cannot see
The pretty follies that themselves commit.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
But my little voice TOLD me to do it!
%%
But now I lost my money and I lost my wife and things don't seen to
matter much to me now.
%%
But now you're back, well little girl I'm back too, and I been out and
I've seen some things, yeah baby I've learned a thing or too about me
and you.
%%
But schools are out to teach patriotism; newspapers are out to stir
up excitement; and politicians are out to get re-elected.  None of the
three, therefore, can do anything whatever toward saving the human race
from reciprocal suicide.
		-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
But scientists, who ought to know
Assure us that it must be so.
Oh, let us never, never doubt
What nobody is sure about.
		-- Hilaire Belloc, "The Microbe"
%%
But since the shop has been robbed recently
%%
But soft, what light through yonder tagline breaks?
%%
But surely no capitalist would ever agree to the complete abolition of
unemployment, to the abolition of the reserve army of unemployed, the
purpose of which is to bring pressure on the labor market, to ensure a
supply of cheap labor.
		-- Joseph Stalin (1879-1953)
%%
But the chances are that you will get nowhere with your spy scare. You have to
have a bigger territory to work in. That's one of the advantages of being a
government instead of just a private liar.
		-- Robert Benchley
%%
But the fire doesn't seem to harm you.
%%
But the palindrome of Bolton is Notlob..it doesn't work, does it?
		-- Monty Python
%%
But then again, I like cold toilet seats.
%%
But then her face,
So lovely, yet so arch, so full of mirth,
The overflowings of an innocent heart.
		-- Rogers
%%
But these pills can't be habit forming;
I've been taking them for years.
%%
But they caught us at the state line, burned our cars in one final hurt.
%%
But they went to MARS around 1953!!
%%
But they'll never mechanize me -- not me!
Said Charlotte, the Louisville harlot.
		-- S. I. Hayakawa
%%
But wait, there's more!  If you order by midnight tonight,
we'll throw in a matching set of steak knives absolutely free!!
... Now how much would you pay?
%%
But we gotta get out of here, cause baby I'm just a scared and lonely
rider.
%%
But we've only fondled the surface of that subject.
		-- Virginia Masters [of Master & Johnson]
%%
But what does it eat, where does it live, what does it spew out?
%%
But what if I'm a figment of my OWN imagination?
%%
But what is freedom?  Freedom from what?  There is nothing to
take a man's freedom away from him, save other men.  To be free,
a man must be free of his brothers.  That is freedom.  That and
nothing else.
		-- Equality 7-2521
%%
But you did not need my urgency.
%%
But you don't cure bad art by locking it all up in one museum,
you cure it by throwing tomatoes at bad artists.
		-- Barry Shein
%%
But you see, I have, let's say, sixty years to live.  Most of that time
will be spent working.	I've chosen the work I want to do.  If I find
no joy in it, then I'm only condemning myself to sixty years of torture.
And I can find the joy only if I do my work in the best way possible
to me.	But the best is a matter of standards -- and I set my own
standards.  I inherit nothing.	I stand at the end of no traditions.
I may, perhaps, stand at the beginning of one.
		-- Howard Roark
%%
But you shall not escape my iambics.
		-- Gaius Valerius Catullus
%%
But you who live on dreams, you are better pleased with the sophistical
reasoning and frauds of talkers about great and uncertain matters than
those who speak of certain and natural matters, not of such lofty nature.
		-- Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519),
		   "The Codex on the Flight of Birds"
%%
But you're not all there.
%%
But, for my own part, it was Greek to me.
		-- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
%%
But, officer, he's not drunk, I just saw his fingers twitch!
%%
But, soft!  What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun!
%%
Butchers do it in the raw.
%%
Butthole Surfers, The
%%
Button: !GO HOM-9
%%
Button: "Be yourself" is the worst advice you can give some people
%%
Button: #define sysop GOD
	#define reality NULL
%%
Button: 'Good Morning' is a contradiction in terms
%%
Button: +/- sqrt(4b^2) = To be or not to be
%%
Button: ...another smooth escape disguised as a dramatic exit
%%
Button: 186,000 mps - it's not the law, it's just a challenge
%%
Button: 2+2=5, for large values of two
%%
Button: 24-hour emergency backrub service
%%
Button: 2B | *2B = FF
%%
Button: 7 out of 10 fans use cats as their drug of choice
%%
Button: A Freudian slip may be revealing, but a Jungian slip is just a
	mythstake
%%
Button: A VAX is virtually a computer, but not quite
%%
Button: A cynic's work is never done
%%
Button: A dollar's a bad boss, and dying is a bad fear
%%
Button: A girl and her cat
%%
Button: A good slogan can stop analysis for fifty years. A great slogan can
	stop it forever.
%%
Button: A liberal is someone who will let you do anything so long as they're
	paid to help you do it
%%
Button: A morning without coffee is like something without something else
%%
Button: A mushroom cloud on the horizon, 24 empty missile tubes - now it's
	Miller time
%%
Button: A real friend isn't someone you use and throw away.
	A real friend is someone who you use again and again.
%%
Button: A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense
%%
Button: ADA is the COBOL of the 80s
%%
Button: Actors aren't quite human, but then again, who is?
%%
Button: After eight hundred years a Forth programmer you are, speak
	backward you will
%%
Button: All knowledge is contained in fandom
%%
Button: All life is a conjugation of the verb "to eat"
%%
Button: All that is gold does not glitter
%%
Button: All the world's an analog stage, and digital circuits play only bit
	parts
%%
Button: Almost Conscious
%%
Button: American Non Sequitur society -- we don't make sense, but we do
	like pizza
%%
Button: Among animals, it's eat or be eaten. Among people it's define or be
	defined.
%%
Button: Anarcho-Capitalist for sale or rent
%%
Button: Anarcho-Paladin
%%
Button: Anarchy begins at home, but it doesn't have to end there
%%
Button: And what do I look like - the living?
%%
Button: Another case of too many scientists, not enough hunchbacks
%%
Button: Anti-paranoia is that eerie feeling that nothing is connected to
	anything else
%%
Button: Any excuse to wear a sword is a good excuse
%%
Button: Any interesting statistic is almost certainly a mistake
%%
Button: Any mental functions attempted in this area must be re-evaluated during
	a subsequent period. It has been discovered that standard logic works
	sideways in this area due to the influence of the occupant.
%%
Button: Any slogan simple enough to fit on a button is too simple to do any
	good
%%
Button: Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from
	molasses
%%
Button: Any sufficiently high technology is indistinguishable from doubletalk
%%
Button: Any sufficiently low technology is indistinguishable from hard work
%%
Button: Anything not nailed down is a cat toy
%%
Button: Anything you say will be distorted and remixed and used against you
%%
Button: Apology Accepted
%%
Button: Are the commentators on Hamlet really mad or only pretending to be mad?
%%
Button: Are we undead - or what?
%%
Button: Are you sure it isn't time for a colorful metaphor?
%%
Button: Are you trying to develop a sense of humor or am I going deaf?
%%
Button: Artificial Intelligence
%%
Button: Artificial Intelligence? I'll be impressed when they invent artificial
	cunning.
%%
Button: Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity
%%
Button: Ask me - I'm interactive
%%
Button: Ask me - I'm shy
%%
Button: Ask me about my vow of silence
%%
Button: Assassins, Inc. - We aim to please
%%
Button: At least Congress doesn't make death worse every year
%%
Button: Authenticity Police - death to Spandex!
%%
Button: Avoid cliches like the plague - they're a dime a dozen
%%
Button: BFA: Branch to False Assumption
%%
Button: Back off, man - I'm a scientist
%%
Button: Back rubs - Given with pleasure, received with ecstasy
%%
Button: Bad taste is timeless
%%
Button: Badges?  We don't need no stinking badges!
%%
Button: Balance the budget - declare politicians a game species
%%
Button: Banned from Argo
%%
Button: Barbarian
%%
Button: Bard
%%
Button: Be careful what you pretend to be - you just might become it
%%
Button: Beam me sideways, Scotty - I'm tired of the same old jokes
%%
Button: Beam me up, Scotty, this planet is infested with obnoxious Trekkies
%%
Button: Beauty and the Beast   Bright Lights, Big Kitty
%%
Button: Beeblebrox for President - Two heads are better than one
%%
Button: Begone and never darken my towels again
%%
Button: Being a pain in the ass is a prerogative of the creative mind
%%
Button: Being weird isn't enough
%%
Button: Better dead than mellow - I love New York
%%
Button: Beware -- I'm armed and have pre-menstrual tension
%%
Button: Beware the Grin Reaper
%%
Button: Beware! The teddy bears of today still carry the vestigial claws of
	their ancestors
%%
Button: Bill the Cat & Opus in 1984  Why not the worst?
%%
Button: Blake's dead, Jim
%%
Button: Blank pieces of paper were invented to let you know how hard it is
	to be God
%%
Button: Boredom delendo est!
%%
Button: Born again virgin
%%
Button: Born to be cuddled
%%
Button: Born to shop
%%
Button: Born to shop (attrib to Jethro Tull)
%%
Button: Brain on vacation, body on autopilot
%%
Button: Bribe is such a... crass word
%%
Button: Bring me my broadsword and clear understanding
%%
Button: Bushydo - The way of the shrub. BONSAI!
%%
Button: Bwah-hah-hah!
%%
Button: By the time a rule is needed, it's already too late
%%
Button: By-product of the Infinite Improbability Drive
%%
Button: C'est la vie. C'est la guerre. Say no more. Say what?
%%
Button: COBOL is the next best thing to coding it in binary
%%
Button: COBOL sucks, Pascal bytes, and assembly is a bits!
%%
Button: Caffiend
%%
Button: Can I cook, or can I?
%%
Button: Can you imagine a roast aardvark without an apple in its mouth? It's
	like a martini without the egg
%%
Button: Card-carrying Temporal Anomaly
%%
Button: Carpe Diem - Make your lives extraordinary
%%
Button: Caution: Slower than light vehicle
%%
Button: Celestial Mechanic - inclined to be eccentric
%%
Button: Cerebus for Dictator
%%
Button: Child of a Looser God
%%
Button: Chopped cabbage - it's not just a good idea... it's THE SLAW
%%
Button: Cleric
%%
Button: Coffee is my only REAL friend
%%
Button: Cogito Ergo Spud - I think, therefore I yam
%%
Button: Cold milk, warm backrubs, hot baths... all temperature cheer
%%
Button: Con of the living dead
%%
Button: Conform, go crazy, become a lawyer
%%
Button: Conform, go crazy, become a writer or an artist, or stylishly fake it
	like the rest of Manhattan
%%
Button: Conventions - my job away from job
%%
Button: Couch Potato
%%
Button: Couch potatoes have brain tubers
%%
Button: Creature of the Night
%%
Button: Cthulhu cthucks, but does he cthwallow?
%%
Button: Cyberpagan
%%
Button: DNA - the ultimate machine language
%%
Button: DWARF	Baruk Khazad! Khazad Aimenu!
%%
Button: Daddy would have gotten us Uzis
%%
Button: Dahling, don't be so third-level (Ben possesses)
%%
Button: Dain Bramaged
%%
Button: Damn I'm good
%%
Button: Darkovans do it in circles
%%
Button: Darth Vader for President - If you're tired of choosing the lesser of
	two evils
%%
Button: Deadly Ninja throwing button
%%
Button: Death before dishonor, but neither before breakfast
%%
Button: Death? Life? I never did understand Zen.
%%
Button: Decadence - more than just a way of life
%%
Button: Delight and amaze me!
%%
Button: Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch
%%
Button: Der Meisterscheimer of the Bavarian Illuminati (world's oldest and
	most successful secret conspiracy)
%%
Button: Desslok for Dictator
%%
Button: Deterministic Chaotic Physicist
%%
Button: Do it in the dirt with Indy!
%%
Button: Do not call up that which you cannot hang up on
%%
Button: Do not call up what you can't put down
%%
Button: Do not disturb. I had a hard enough time getting turbed in the first
	place.
%%
Button: Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for it makes them soggy and
	 hard to light
%%
Button: Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are crunchy and
	good with ketchup
%%
Button: Do or do not...There is no try
%%
Button: Do what thou wilt is the whole of the law, but then there is always
	chaos to consider
%%
Button: Do you know me with my clothes on?
%%
Button: Does anyone have any questions? Any answers? Anyone care for a mint?
%%
Button: Doing strange things in the name of art
%%
Button: Don't Feed the Dieters
%%
Button: Don't Panic! It's alright. Everything is going to be just fine.
%%
Button: Don't bother me. I've got my three miracle minimum. When the Pope signs
	my sainthood papers, I'm outta here!
%%
Button: Don't build more nukes - until we use the ones we have
%%
Button: Don't call me Tiny
%%
Button: Don't destroy the world in the first chapter - you'll find you need
	it later
%%
Button: Don't give me that intelligent life stuff - give me something I can
	blow up
%%
Button: Don't go to bed mad - stay up and fight
%%
Button: Don't just stand there -- buy something!
%%
Button: Don't mind me - I'll just bleed
%%
Button: Don't mock the insecure
%%
Button: Don't put off until tomorrow what you can get someone else to do today
%%
Button: Don't say yes until I've finished talking
%%
Button: Don't start comparing yourself to me. It'll just make you crazy.
%%
Button: Don't try to out-weird me - I get stranger things than you free
	with my breakfast cereal
%%
Button: Downey/Rivera in '92 - wanna see soemthing REALLY scare?
%%
Button: Dragon Obedience School Dropout
%%
Button: Druid
%%
Button: Dungeoneers do it with imagination
%%
Button: Dyslexics have more fnu
%%
Button: E = mc^2 + 3d6
%%
Button: Eagles soar but a weasel will never get sucked into a jet engine
%%
Button: Eat when hungry, drink when thirsty, hack whenever
%%
Button: Either I've been missing something or nothing has been going on
%%
Button: Eldrad Must Live!
%%
Button: Elf
%%
Button: Emmanuel doesn't pun...he Kant
%%
Button: End fannish elitism - Call it Sci-Fi
%%
Button: End rush-hour traffic now! Legalize vehicular weaponry.
%%
Button: Engaged in the passive overthrow of the U.S. government
%%
Button: English is bad Amslan
%%
Button: Entropy requires no maintenance
%%
Button: Ents do Bonsai charges
%%
Button: Erle Stanley Gardnerian - Initiate of the Mysteries
%%
Button: Escape From New York was a documentary!
%%
Button: Eternal nothingness is ok if you're dressed for it
%%
Button: Even Napoleon had his Watergate
%%
Button: Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably
	never happened and those which do not matter
%%
Button: Every line a straight line, every pause a song cue
%%
Button: Every program has at least one bug and one unnecessary instruction -
	 therefore, every program can be reduced to one instruction that doesn't
	 work
%%
Button: Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some people abuse the privilege
%%
Button: Everyone is looking at you staring at my tits
%%
Button: Everything I say can stand on its own two faces
%%
Button: Everything in the universe is packaging, big toys, or meat
%%
Button: Evil Geniuses for a better tomorrow
%%
Button: Evil Grin
%%
Button: Evil Grin (with picture of walking fish symbol)
%%
Button: Evolution in action
%%
Button: Evolution sounds ok, but I'd rather keep my options open
%%
Button: Evolution: Life's a niche and then you die
%%
Button: Excuse me while I change into something more formidable
%%
Button: Exhilarating, isn't it?
%%
Button: Fandom - not your ordinary elite
%%
Button: Fandom isn't a matter of life and death - it's much more important
	than that
%%
Button: Fantasy is a crutch for people who can't handle soap operas
%%
Button: Fascinating. My tricorder has gone completely ape-shit.
%%
Button: Feline Sapiens
%%
Button: Few things are more dangerous than a hobbit with low blood sugar
%%
Button: Fighter
%%
Button: First generation Trekkie  6609.8
%%
Button: Flat Mars Society
%%
Button: For God, for country, and for no apparent reason
%%
Button: For this I went to college?
%%
Button: For this problem, we'll have to call in our crack team of trained
	solipsists
%%
Button: Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names
%%
Button: Former Fetus for Choice
%%
Button: Fractals - what you see is what you wait for
%%
Button: Fun Guy from Yuggoth
%%
Button: GLORP?!
%%
Button: Gene Police: YOU!! Out of the pool!
%%
Button: Generic Button
%%
Button: Genetically perfect but morally crippled
%%
Button: Gerbil-jamming is safe - if you don't share gerbils
%%
Button: Get thee down. Be thou funky
%%
Button: Give me a lever long enough, and a place to stand, and I'll break
	the lever
%%
Button: Give me a straight line and I'll bend it for you
%%
Button: Global Village Idiot
%%
Button: Go Lemmings Go! (attrib to Tolkein)
%%
Button: Go ahead - the Surgeon General has determined that you only live once
%%
Button: Go on and try it. The worst you can do is make a fool of yourself in
	front of all your friends
%%
Button: God is love - but get it in writing
%%
Button: God is real unless declared integer
%%
Button: God made a few people perfect - the rest He created right-handed
%%
Button: God saw absolute truth lying in the street and picked it up. The Devil
	said, "Give it to me and I'll organize it for you."
%%
Button: God won't mind - she's part Irish
%%
Button: Good evening. I'm Barnabas Collins. Forgive me if I startled you.
%%
Button: Good managers believe in sharing credit with the one who did the work
%%
Button: Graduate of the Darth Vader School of Personnel Management
%%
Button: Graduate of the Han Solo School of Action Without Thought
%%
Button: Graduate of the Han Solo School of Asteroid Belt Navigation
%%
Button: Graduate of the Han Solo School of Hyperdrive Repair
%%
Button: Graduate of the Indiana Jones School of Swordplay
%%
Button: Graduate of the Mad Max School of Defensive Driving
%%
Button: Gravity isn't MY fault - I voted for velcro!
%%
Button: Gross anatomy - it isn't just for breakfast anymore
%%
Button: Guard the Mysteries - constantly reveal them
%%
Button: Hacking is a conversational black hole
%%
Button: Hackito Ergo Sum
%%
Button: Hackito Ergo Sum have with apple
%%
Button: Half the failures in life result from pulling in one's horse when it
	is leaping.
%%
Button: Half-elven space cadet
%%
Button: Han Solo lives - in my refrigerator
%%
Button: Hands off - I'm a conversation piece
%%
Button: Happiness is a Tardis with a working dematerialization circuit
%%
Button: Happiness is a positive cash flow.
%%
Button: Happy Booker
%%
Button: Harmless Ninja throwing button
%%
Button: Harrison Ford is a better idea
%%
Button: Have an Illuminated day!
%%
Button: Have an adequate day! (with picture of smiling eye in pyramid)
%%
Button: Have an affair. It'll help break up the monogamy
%%
Button: Have no fear - I never attack lesser beings
%%
Button: Have you Rolfed your cat today?
%%
Button: Have you changed your tofu water today?
%%
Button: Have you hugged a pervert today?
%%
Button: Have you hugged your Cabbage Patch Dalek today?
%%
Button: He's dead, Elliot
%%
Button: He's dead, Jean-Luc
%%
Button: He's dead, Jean-Luc have 1/2
%%
Button: He's dead, Jim... You take his phaser, I'll get his wallet
%%
Button: Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over
%%
Button: Hedonist for Hire - No job too easy
%%
Button: Hell I'm better
%%
Button: Hell's Ewoks
%%
Button: Hello. My name is Batman. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
%%
Button: Hi! I'll be your asshole for the evening.
%%
Button: High Voltage Electronics - life's a glitch, and then you fry
%%
Button: High entertainment threshold
%%
Button: History repeats itself, but each time the price goes up
%%
Button: Housework can kill you if you do it right
%%
Button: How the !*@%! did I get on the con committee?
%%
Button: Humor is emotional chaos recollected in tranquility
%%
Button: I am a bookaholic.  If you are a decent person, you will sell me books
	at half price.
%%
Button: I am a buttonholic. If you are a decent person, you will not sell me
	another button.
%%
Button: I am a genius and should be exempt from shit
%%
Button: I am a genius and should be exempt from this sort of thing
%%
Button: I am a softwareholic. If you are a decent person, you will not sell me
	any more software.
%%
Button: I am different, I am alone and I'm an outcast... I bleed green!
%%
Button: I am not a happy camper
%%
Button: I am not a number! I am a free numeric variable!
%%
Button: I am not a number!
	I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed,
	  or numbered.
	I am a free man!
%%
Button: I am not as forgiving as the Emperor is
%%
Button: I am not conceited -- I just can't stand mortals
%%
Button: I am one of the greatest liars in the English language - I wouldn't
	be telling you this if I didn't know it wasn't true
%%
Button: I am sick and depraved - please feed me drugs and cookies
%%
Button: I am simply a human being, more or less
%%
Button: I am very flexible - I can put both feet in my mouth
%%
Button: I ask for so little, just let me rule you and you will have
	everything you want
%%
Button: I beat the Kobayashi Maru situation by using the Corbomite maneuver
%%
Button: I can't be late -- I just got here
%%
Button: I canna change the laws of physics, Captain, but I can find ye a
	loophole
%%
Button: I cried for the man who had no hair until I met the man who had no head
%%
Button: I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat veggies
%%
Button: I didn't say it was a GOOD joke
%%
Button: I didn't trip - I was caught in a sudden gust of gravity
%%
Button: I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of
	liking them
%%
Button: I do so have a memory. It's in /usr.
%%
Button: I do whatever my Rice Crispies tell me to
%%
Button: I don't WANT to go somewhere where they cook the wine but not the fish
%%
Button: I don't care if I'm a lemming - I'm not going!
%%
Button: I don't delegate responsibility, I delegate blame
%%
Button: I don't do work, but I have a friend who does
%%
Button: I don't get mad -- I get odd
%%
Button: I don't have an attitude problem - it's supposed to be like this
%%
Button: I don't have an attitude, babe - I AM an attitude
%%
Button: I don't have ulcers -- I give them!
%%
Button: I don't know if we're having an argument; but if we are, I'm right!
%%
Button: I don't know why, but humans are quite my favorite species
%%
Button: I don't like spreading rumors, but what else can you do with them?
%%
Button: I don't like violence but I'm very good at it
%%
Button: I don't mean to make you feel guilty, but I would if I could
%%
Button: I don't mind being in touch with reality, as long as I don't have to
	live there
%%
Button: I don't mind being in touch with reality, so long as I don't have to
	pay the phone bill
%%
Button: I don't mind getting older. I just mind that I have aging children
%%
Button: I don't need you, y'know - I can be lonely all by myself
%%
Button: I don't purr - I don't beep - I ain't cute!
%%
Button: I don't remember volunteering for this "Ring" business
%%
Button: I don't see you, so don't pretend to be there
%%
Button: I don't stoop to conquer - I merely conquer
%%
Button: I don't suffer from insanity - I revel in it!
%%
Button: I don't want help, I want pity
%%
Button: I don't want to be a millionaire - just to live like one
%%
Button: I eat Ethiopian food with a fork and I'm proud!
%%
Button: I eat junk food to get it out of the house
%%
Button: I fight for what I believe in. I'm a mercenary, and what I believe in
	is money.
%%
Button: I finally got it all together - but then I forgot where I put it
%%
Button: I find your lack of faith disturbing
%%
Button: I found Jesus, and he said, "Tag, you're it!"
%%
Button: I get paid for thinking like this
%%
Button: I give good back
%%
Button: I grew up on Mt. Everest and everything's been downhill since
%%
Button: I had no shoes and wept. Then I met a man who had no feet. So I said,
	"Hey man, got any shoes you're not using?"
%%
Button: I have a firm grip on reality - by the throat
%%
Button: I have a mind like a steel sieve
%%
Button: I have a mind like a steel trap; whatever goes in gets crushed
	and mangled!
%%
Button: I have a talent for idleness which is tragically wasted by my working
	here
%%
Button: I have an understanding with my local police - I have them outgunned,
	but they have me outnumbered
%%
Button: I have no gun, but I can spit
%%
Button: I have no humility. It's a virtue, but I can live with it
%%
Button: I have no use for adventures - they're nasty disturbing uncomfortable
	things and make you late for dinner!
%%
Button: I have nothing against bigots personally, but if they move into a
	neighborhood, property values go down
%%
Button: I is a college graduate.
%%
Button: I is a college student.
%%
Button: I judge people by what is in their hearts - not by the color of their
	scales
%%
Button: I knew I had some reason for not killing you... Now what was it?
%%
Button: I know I'm a sick person - the question is whether it's charming or
	offensive
%%
Button: I know UNIX, ADA, FORTH, APL, PASCAL, C, FORTRAN, COBOL, SMALLTALK,
	LISP, and nineteen other high-tech words
%%
Button: I know it all. I just can't remember it simultaneously.
%%
Button: I like life - it's something to do
%%
Button: I like the idea of an ancient race - it makes a world feel so...
	lived in
%%
Button: I like to start the day off with a smile and get it over with early
%%
Button: I love it when a plan comes together
%%
Button: I love it when a pun comes together
%%
Button: I love lefties
%%
Button: I love you like a brother but business is business
%%
Button: I may be a craven little coward, but I'm a GREEDY craven little coward
%%
Button: I may have taught you everything you know, but I didn't teach you
	everything I know
%%
Button: I might as well exercise - I'm in a bad mood anyway
%%
Button: I practice parallel monogamy
%%
Button: I pray for boredom but it never comes
%%
Button: I prefer to remain anomalous
%%
Button: I refuse to be intimidated by reality anymore
%%
Button: I regard mornings as a personal affront
%%
Button: I rub people the right way
%%
Button: I spend my life doing things I detest to make money I don't need to buy
	things I don't want to impress people I don't like
%%
Button: I support everyone's right to be an idiot. I may need it myself
	someday.
%%
Button: I think I am! I think I am! - the little engine that philosophized
%%
Button: I think, therefore I am, I think have 1/2/3
%%
Button: I tried being reasonable once - I didn't like it
%%
Button: I used to be amused -- now I'm just bored
%%
Button: I used to be conceited -- but now I'm perfect
%%
Button: I used to have a drug problem, but now I make enough money
%%
Button: I used to have a fnord, but I traded it in on a Chnevy
%%
Button: I wanna have Vincent's kittens
%%
Button: I want a map of this conversation
%%
Button: I want it all!
%%
Button: I was born in Iowa, I just work in outer space
%%
Button: I was stupid, I was expendable, and here I am
%%
Button: I wasn't trained for this
%%
Button: I will defend to the death everyone's right to my opinion
%%
Button: I will never amount to anything in the galaxy while I retain my
	propensity for vulgar facetiousness
%%
Button: I will not be briefed or debriefed - my underwear is my own!
%%
Button: I will not eat oysters - I want my food dead - not sick, not
	wounded - dead
%%
Button: I wouldn't hurt a fly, but only because they taste funny
%%
Button: I wouldn't take a million dollars for any of my kids, but I wouldn't
	pay a dime for another one
%%
Button: I'd be agnostic if I cared that much
%%
Button: I'd do anything to make you happy, but you're asking too much
%%
Button: I'd like to have breakfast with you... should I call you or nudge you?
%%
Button: I'd lose my body if my brain weren't surrounded by it
%%
Button: I'd love to make up my mind, if only I could remember where I left it
%%
Button: I'll give you the shirt off my back, but when you return it, it had
	better be dry cleaned!
%%
Button: I'm Darth Vader from the planet Vulcan
%%
Button: I'm GREAT at immaturity - I've been practicing for decades
%%
Button: I'm a DM -- it's lonely at the top
%%
Button: I'm a GM -- it's lonely at the top
%%
Button: I'm a hacker -- I don't know the meaning of sleep
%%
Button: I'm a law unto myself - and I break it anyway!
%%
Button: I'm a misanthrope - what's your @#$&ing problem?
%%
Button: I'm a right-brain mind in a left-brain job
%%
Button: I'm a very dangerous fellow when I don't know what I'm doing
%%
Button: I'm an ARTIST - please feed my creditors
%%
Button: I'm an anarchist, especially about whatever someone _else_ is running
%%
Button: I'm fannish -- I don't know the meaning of sleep
%%
Button: I'm feeling argumentative.  Please contradict me.
%%
Button: I'm feeling homicidal - say ANYTHING
%%
Button: I'm having a d'eja-vu experience - just like last time
%%
Button: I'm immortal. I'm bored. Let's party.
%%
Button: I'm mad as hell and I won't take it anymore
%%
Button: I'm never late -- nothing starts without me!
%%
Button: I'm not a mercenary -- killing's more of a hobby with me
%%
Button: I'm not a short person - I'm a tall elf
%%
Button: I'm not bad... I'm just drawn that way
%%
Button: I'm not born again - my mother got it right the first time!
%%
Button: I'm not breaking the rules - I'm just testing their elasticity
%%
Button: I'm not irresponsible - I'm out of control!
%%
Button: I'm not on drugs -- I AM drugs
%%
Button: I'm not stupid, I'm not expendable, and I'm not gophering
%%
Button: I'm not worried about the bullet with my name on it... just the
	thousands out there marked 'Occupant'
%%
Button: I'm omnipotent - ask me how
%%
Button: I'm only a hypnotist, so this is only a suggestion
%%
Button: I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
%%
Button: I'm sorry, but a unicorn doesn't work like a mule
%%
Button: I'm the leader - which way did they go?
%%
Button: I'm the world's foremost authority on my own opinion
%%
Button: I've a Right to be Left!
%%
Button: I've abandoned my search for reality and am looking for a good
	fantasy.
%%
Button: I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life - I'm pleased to
	say I've won
%%
Button: I've got a bad feeling about this
%%
Button: I've got it all!
%%
Button: I've got nothing to say and I'll only say it once
%%
Button: I've had time since I joined the Doctor
%%
Button: I've turned my life around - I used to be miserable and depressed -
	now I'm depressed and miserable
%%
Button: If 'if' statements had no 'then' clauses,
%%
Button: If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates
%%
Button: If Murphy's Law were true, whenever you tried to take a breath, all
	the air would be on the other side of the room
%%
Button: If a program is useful, it must be changed -- If it's useless, it must
	 be documented
%%
Button: If a system is of sufficient complexity, it will be built before it's
	designed, implemented before it's tested, and obsolete before it's
	debugged
%%
Button: If all else fails, lower your standards
%%
Button: If all else fails, read the directions
%%
Button: If at first you don't succeed, change the rules
%%
Button: If everything is everything, why can't I eat my shoes?
%%
Button: If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
%%
Button: If guns are outlawed, how will conservatives win arguments?
%%
Button: If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy
%%
Button: If it doesn't work, use a bigger hammer. If it breaks, it needed
	fixing anyway.
%%
Button: If it has syntax, it isn't user friendly
%%
Button: If it's any of your business, it isn't really gossip
%%
Button: If it's not one thing, it's a BUNCH of things
%%
Button: If it's worth doing it's worth doing badly
%%
Button: If losing builds character, I have all the character I need
%%
Button: If olive oil comes from olives, and peanut oil comes from peanuts,
	where does baby oil come from?
%%
Button: If only there were some indication the universe was doing it on purpose
%%
Button: If people were required to know the law rather than to obey it, the
	government would be overthrown the next day
%%
Button: If pi were three, this sentence would look like this
%%
Button: If puns were deli meat, this would be the wurst
%%
Button: If silence could speak, I wonder what it would say
%%
Button: If someone asks you if you're a god, say yes!
%%
Button: If that which does not kill me makes me stronger, I must be Arnold
	Schwarzenegger by now
%%
Button: If the government _really_ wanted us to obey the law, they would
	tell us what it is
%%
Button: If the government doesn't trust the people, why doesn't it dissolve
	them and elect a new people?
%%
Button: If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space?
%%
Button: If the wearer of this button shows any signs of depression,
	administer chocolate immediately!
%%
Button: If there is anything in the universe more important than my ego,
	I want it taken out and shot immediately
%%
Button: If they give you lined paper, write the other way!
%%
Button: If we're so smart and so creative, why aren't we happier than they are?
%%
Button: If words could speak, I wonder what they'd say
%%
Button: If you are in a car travelling at the speed of light in reverse and
	turn on the headlights, what happens?
%%
Button: If you aren't confused, then you don't understand the situation
%%
Button: If you can't dress weird, why dress at all?
%%
Button: If you could print all the money you wanted, and steal all the money
	you wanted, couldn't you manage to stay out of debt?
%%
Button: If you don't like the way I drive, get out of the Batmobile
%%
Button: If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the street... the
	sidewalk... the lawn...
%%
Button: If you don't make the rules, you don't have to keep them. If you do
	make the rules, you won't anyway.
%%
Button: If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
%%
Button: If you know what you're doing, how long it will take, or what it will
	cost, it isn't research.
%%
Button: If you know what you're doing, it isn't research
%%
Button: If you love something, kill it. If it comes back, you belong to it.
%%
Button: If you think my fantasies are weird, you should see my life
%%
Button: If you think my life is weird, you should see my fantasies
%%
Button: If you torture the data enough, it will confess
%%
Button: If you want to take a picture, it'll cost you a fiver. If not, I'll
	break your camera.
%%
Button: If you're allergic to cats, stay away from me
%%
Button: If you're going to put a time machine into a car, you may as well do
	it with some style
%%
Button: Ignore previous button
%%
Button: Immature artists imitate. Mature artists steal.
%%
Button: Immoral Singularity - I dig black holes
%%
Button: Immortality's a bitch
%%
Button: Implementation is the fruitless struggle by the talented and underpaid
	to fulfill promises made by the rich and ignorant
%%
Button: Implementing systems is 95% boredom and 5% sheer terror
%%
Button: In all human affairs, the odds are 6 to 5 against
%%
Button: In science, it doesn't matter if you're wrong, as long as you're not
	stupid. In business, it doesn't matter if you're stupid, so long as
	you're not wrong.
%%
Button: In ten minutes, the Joker poison on your Batman memorabilia will be
	activated
%%
Button: In this world, it rains on the Just and the Unjust, but the Unjust
	have the Just's umbrella
%%
Button: In this world, you have to be oh so smart or oh so pleasant. I spent
	years being smart. I recommend pleasant.
%%
Button: In your heart you know it's flat!
%%
Button: Incest is best, and I consider the cat one of the family
%%
Button: Incompetence is better than no competence at all
%%
Button: Indecision is the basis of flexibility
%%
Button: Indulgences are Papal, too
%%
Button: Intelligence is the ultimate aphrodisiac
%%
Button: Interfere? Of course we'll interfere. Always do what you're best
	at, I say.
%%
Button: Involuntary Polymorph - subject to change without notice
%%
Button: Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs
	to be?
%%
Button: Is the world full of smart people pretending or imbeciles who mean it?
%%
Button: It is against the growing of marijuana to respect laws
%%
Button: It is better to light a flamethrower than to curse the darkness
%%
Button: It is changed, isn't it?
%%
Button: It is easier for a camel to pass through a needle's eye if they are
	lightly greased
%%
Button: It is impossible to solve a problem with the consciousness that created
	it
%%
Button: It isn't a war on drugs - it's a war on people
%%
Button: It takes a lot of cheese to sharpen a sword
%%
Button: It takes all kinds of people to make a world, but did you ever think
	the percentages were wrong?
%%
Button: It was a painful divorce -- I lost the games!
%%
Button: It was only a SMALL thermonuclear device
%%
Button: It won't work - I told Orville that, I told Wilbur that, and I'm
	telling you now!
%%
Button: It's 10 AM - do you know where your shoes are?
%%
Button: It's against my programming to impersonate a Deity
%%
Button: It's an Elder Thing - you wouldn't understand
%%
Button: It's been a long week today
%%
Button: It's been lovely, but I have to scream now
%%
Button: It's chaos pure and simple
%%
Button: It's hard being an individualist all by yourself
%%
Button: It's hard to predict the future when they keep changing the past
%%
Button: It's just a very intense dream
%%
Button: It's nice to be modest, but it's stupid not to tell them
%%
Button: It's not cute being this easy
%%
Button: It's not easy being a cast iron bitch. It takes years of practice.
	Most people don't appreciate that.
%%
Button: It's not my FAULT
%%
Button: It's not the long fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop at the
	 bottom
%%
Button: It's not who wins or loses, it's who keeps score
%%
Button: It's practically impossible to look at a penguin and feel angry
%%
Button: It's slobbering time
%%
Button: Jabba's kind of scum -- fearless and inventive
%%
Button: Jedi Knight
%%
Button: Jesus saves, but the Mongol hoards
%%
Button: John Christian Falkenberg - He's efficient
%%
Button: Join the glaciologists for a nuclear winter now
%%
Button: Judge me by my size, you will?
%%
Button: Just Say Whoa - Stop suicidal cavalry charges - Remember the 600
%%
Button: Just doing my bit to lower property values
%%
Button: Just when you thought it was safe to go back to Tatooine... Jawas II
%%
Button: Kamikaze Chemist
%%
Button: Keeping freedom safe from democracy
%%
Button: Kill them all -- God will know his own
%%
Button: Killing never solves anything, but it keeps people out of your hair
	while you think of what to do next
%%
Button: Kiss me - I'm telepathetic
%%
Button: Klingons need love, too (but don't tell anyone, it would spoil their
	image)
%%
Button: Kzinti Diplomatic Corps   Let's do lunch
%%
Button: Laugh it up, fuzzball
%%
Button: League of Bloodthirsty Women -- Men's Auxiliary
%%
Button: Lefties are better lovers
%%
Button: Lefties have rights, too
%%
Button: Legalize prostitution -- keep politicians off the streets
%%
Button: Let's get some chaos into this confusion
%%
Button: Let's leave religion to the televangelists. After all, they're the
	professionals.
%%
Button: Lethargy in motion
%%
Button: Life is a cabaret - dark, crowded, and full of Nazis
%%
Button: Life isn't always fair, but it shouldn't cheat that much
%%
Button: Life's a beach, and then you dry
%%
Button: Life's a magazine, taxation's a bitch!
%%
Button: Life's a virgin - bitches are too easy
%%
Button: Life's too short, but if you go fast enough, you can live
	it one-and-a-half times.
%%
Button: Life... don't talk to me about life
%%
Button: Light Sabers - A part of living
%%
Button: Light a candle, curse the glare
%%
Button: Listen to the Lord and Lady - call their children in the moonlight
%%
Button: Live Wild or Die!
%%
Button: Live long and prosper. It's logical.
%%
Button: Live now - procrastinate tomorrow!
%%
Button: Living well is the best revenge
%%
Button: Love may make the world go round, but lust is the axis on which it
	revolves
%%
Button: Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver"
%%
Button: Luminous beings we are - not this crude matter
%%
Button: Magic User
%%
Button: Maintaining humility can be a monumental task for some people - in
	my case it's simply too much to ask
%%
Button: Make my day - try to pick up someone else
%%
Button: Make things as simple as possible, but no simpler
%%
Button: Mao's poems are better than Hitler's paintings, but not as good as
	Winston Churchill's
%%
Button: Marching to the beat of a different kettle of fish
%%
Button: Marvelous!  You're going to kill me. What a finely tuned response to
	the situation!
%%
Button: Matrix Technicians do it in relays
%%
Button: Maybe I'll become an evil genius and destroy the world and THEN I'll
	feel better
%%
Button: Me Concom -- you mundane
%%
Button: Me not responsible. Me just pawn in game of life
%%
Button: Member of Videophiles Anonymous
%%
Button: Mercy is a great virtue, but that doesn't mean you should pay full
	price for a late pizza
%%
Button: Militant Agnostic - I don't know and you don't either!
%%
Button: Militant Pacifist - stop fighting or I'll kill you
%%
Button: Mobile smoking area
%%
Button: Money can't buy happiness, but it does quiet the nerves
%%
Button: Money isn't everything, but it'll do till until everything comes along
%%
Button: Moody bitch seeks understanding gentleman for love/hate relationship
%%
Button: Moriarty killed a clone -- Holmes lives
%%
Button: Mr. Fusion Home Service Representative
%%
Button: Mr. Wesley Crusher, would you please report to the airlock
%%
Button: Mules and donkeys aren't used in war because they're too smart to go
	on a battlefield
%%
Button: Murphy's Law only fails when you try to demonstrate it
%%
Button: Mutate now - avoid the rush
%%
Button: My back is computerized - it has a floppy disc
%%
Button: My body belongs to me -- but I share!
%%
Button: My body, my choice - legalize drugs
%%
Button: My brain is the most important thing about me, but look what told me
	that
%%
Button: My commitment is to truth, not consistency
%%
Button: My great dream is that I've won all the beauty contests in the world
	and all the people I don't like are forced to build me a castle in
	France
%%
Button: My life is not organized around high probability events
%%
Button: My loyalties are divided between health food and high cholesterol swill
%%
Button: My mind is a deadly weapon - but don't worry, it's peace-bonded for the
	weekend
%%
Button: My mind isn't ALWAYS in the gutter - sometimes it comes out to feed
%%
Button: My opinion is uncluttered by facts
%%
Button: My other button is funny
%%
Button: My parents went to Ingolstadt, and all I got was this lousy apple
%%
Button: My parents were first cousins -- that's why I look so much alike!
%%
Button: My superiority complex is better than your superiority complex
%%
Button: NCC 1701   1966-1984   RIP
%%
Button: Nasty, British, and Short (Tony Gold)
%%
Button: National Lampoon Staff Anthropologist at large
%%
Button: Naugahyde is murder
%%
Button: Never confuse endurance with hospitality
%%
Button: Never learn to type. If you do, someone will ask you to do it
%%
Button: Never volunteer - they'll send you to earth
%%
Button: Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get filthy -
	and the pig likes it.
%%
Button: Nietzsche is pietzsche, but Sartre is smartre
%%
Button: Nine hundred years ago, I couldn't spell transcendent parahuman deity,
	and now I are one
%%
Button: No food, no sleep, just THE GAME
%%
Button: No job too big, no job too small, no job too stupid
%%
Button: No major project is completed on time, within budget, or by the same
	 staff who started it. Yours will not be the first.
%%
Button: No man is an island so long as he is on at least one mailing list
%%
Button: No matter how cynical you get, it's impossible to keep up
%%
Button: No matter who you vote for, the government gets elected
%%
Button: No more Mr. Nice Guy.
%%
Button: No one ever built a statue to a critic
%%
Button: No one is a failure who is enjoying life
%%
Button: No quarter asked - no change given
%%
Button: No smoking -- Oxygen in use
%%
Button: No, I haven't read ILLUMINATUS!
%%
Button: Not exactly working on all thrusters
%%
Button: Not tonight, darling - the Supreme Court is watching
%%
Button: Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result
%%
Button: Nothing is forgotten. Nothing is ever forgotten.
%%
Button: Nothing is uglier than truth when it is not on our side
%%
Button: Now everybody line up alphabetically by height
%%
Button: Nudge nudge  wink wink	say no more say no more
%%
Button: Nuke 'em from orbit - it's the only way to be sure
%%
Button: Nuke ET
%%
Button: Nuke the Whales
%%
Button: Nuke the fnords. Save the baby dronfs
%%
Button: Nurses are 'patient' people
%%
Button: Of course I'm arrogant. The best usually are.
%%
Button: Of course you're confused - you're wearing my underwear
%%
Button: Oh, please continue with your petty bickering. I find it fascinating
%%
Button: Old Jedi never die -- they just fade in and out
%%
Button: Old hippies never die - they just take a little longer to get a
	mortgage
%%
Button: Once a program is running, it's obsolete
%%
Button: Once upon a time... is now
%%
Button: One Step Beyond The Night Gallery into The Outer Limits of The
	Twilight Zone!
%%
Button: One company, one egg, one basket
%%
Button: Only borrow from pessimists - they don't expect to be paid back
%%
Button: Opposite Weirdnesses Attract - All weirdness is opposite
%%
Button: Our civilization has grown past that point of barbarism where it's
	possible to get anything done
%%
Button: Out of body, back in five minutes
%%
Button: Outnumbered, yes. Outmaneuvered, maybe. Outclassed, never!
%%
Button: Overload - core meltdown initiated
%%
Button: Overstressed, overtired, and oversensitive
%%
Button: PS/2	  - yesterday's hardware today
	OS/2	  - yesterday's software tomorrow
	OS/2 Ext. - today's software real soon now
%%
Button: Pagan Missionary - let me show you my positions
%%
Button: Paladin
%%
Button: Paladins were born to raze Hell
%%
Button: Passing directly from barbarism to decadence
%%
Button: Penguin Lust
%%
Button: Pensic XI -- The War that wasn't
%%
Button: People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's
	safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs
%%
Button: Permanent Mobile Sabbath - On the Sabbath, it is forbidden to work,
	even on your character
%%
Button: Pick a blatant lie and then stick with it
%%
Button: Planets are smarter than astronomers because planets can solve the
	three-body problem
%%
Button: Please, Captain, not in front of the Klingons
%%
Button: Poetry is the right words in the right order. So is a dictionary.
%%
Button: Poets are writers too
%%
Button: Pointed ears are a sign of intelligence
%%
Button: Political language is designed to make lies sound useful and murder
	respectable
%%
Button: Power corrupts -- isn't that what it's for?
%%
Button: Pregnancy is hell. Anyone who says otherwise is lying or on drugs
%%
Button: Prepare for the future -- read science fiction
%%
Button: Press ENTER to go on to the next button
%%
Button: Programmers are a bit smarter
%%
Button: Progress at best consists of replacing errors with more subtle errors
%%
Button: Projecting empaths -- You gotta feel sorry for them
%%
Button: Pundit
%%
Button: Punned-it
%%
Button: Puns are for groan-ups
%%
Button: Punslinger
%%
Button: Pure as the driven slush
%%
Button: Purranoia: the fear your cats are up to something
%%
Button: Put your modem where your mouth is
%%
Button: QVACK
%%
Button: Quantum physics predicts the past with 80% accuracy
%%
Button: R2D2 is a renegade Dalek
%%
Button: RTFM
%%
Button: Ranger
%%
Button: Ranger Squire
%%
Button: Reading - It's not a pastime - it's an addiction
%%
Button: Real Daleks don't climb stairs - they level the building
%%
Button: Real men hack APL
%%
Button: Real-life Heinlein female
%%
Button: Reality corrupts. Absolute reality corrupts absolutely
%%
Button: Reality is OK... Just don't make a habit of it
%%
Button: Reality is a collective hunch
%%
Button: Reality is a crutch for people who can't deal with Markland
%%
Button: Reality is a crutch for people who can't deal with the SCA
%%
Button: Reality is for people who can't handle buttons
%%
Button: Reality is just a transfer gate away
%%
Button: Reality is something you rise above
%%
Button: Reality is the leading cause of stress
%%
Button: Reality is the opiate of the people
%%
Button: Rebel without a clue
%%
Button: Red Giant seeks White Dwarf for binary relationship
%%
Button: Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy blue-green meat is bad for you.
%%
Button: Relaxed Agnostic - I don't know any answers - I'm not looking very
	hard, either
%%
Button: Remember that writer's block is nothing more than a failure of nerve -
	but don't let that bother you
%%
Button: Remember the cold war? How pre-millenial!
%%
Button: Remember, there's more to life than science fiction, but not much
%%
Button: Repetition is the soul of wit. Repetition is the soul of wit.
	Repetition...
%%
Button: Resident Vampire
%%
Button: Revenge is a dish best served microwaved
%%
Button: Right theory, wrong universe
%%
Button: Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads!
%%
Button: Robert A. Heinlein memorial service  7:00 PM
	Barbecue  7:30 PM (no salt necessary)
%%
Button: Rules? What rules?
%%
Button: SEPPUKU button - to use, fold back pin
%%
Button: SPI died for our sins
%%
Button: SSDD - Same shit, different dimension
%%
Button: Sage with a Slight Flaw in Character
%%
Button: Save the mundanes - we need them for breeding stock!
%%
Button: Save the nukes
%%
Button: Save the werewolves - Help protect an endangered species
%%
Button: Say it sincerely... Say it with an Uzi
%%
Button: Scruffy-looking nerf herder
%%
Button: Secular Humanist Defense League
%%
Button: See Earth first
%%
Button: Self-sacrifice is always a virtue - in other people
%%
Button: Service with a snarl
%%
Button: Serving donuts on another planet
%%
Button: Set phasers on "annoy"
%%
Button: Shredded Disaster is Murphy Slaw
%%
Button: Shut up, Wesley
%%
Button: Shy, hard of hearing, and near-sighted - please flirt aggressively
%%
Button: Silly rabbithorn! Matrix are for kids!
%%
Button: Sleep is for the weak and sickly
%%
Button: Sleep is for wimps. Happy, healthy, well-rested wimps, but wimps
	nonetheless
%%
Button: Slight discomfort before dishonor
%%
Button: Smurfs are baby Gamelons
%%
Button: So many books, so little time
%%
Button: So many galaxies, so little time
%%
Button: Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Imperial Admirals
%%
Button: Some things are still sacred - I haven't taken them apart yet
%%
Button: Someday my prince will come - but right now I'm available
%%
Button: Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination
%%
Button: Sometimes my NOW is later than it should be
%%
Button: Sometimes the only solution is to find a new problem
%%
Button: Sometimes the truth can be so unnecessary
%%
Button: Sorry, I don't date outside my gender
%%
Button: Speak softly and wear a LOUD shirt
%%
Button: Speaker to Teletypes
%%
Button: Squint when you approach me, lest you be blinded by my beauty
%%
Button: Squishy-do - the way of the slug
%%
Button: Star Trek IV - so long, and thanks for all the fish
%%
Button: Stop me before I volunteer again... and again... and again...
%%
Button: Story-tellers live to tell the tale
%%
Button: Student of the Harry Tuttle school of Revolutionary Plumbing
%%
Button: Stupid? I don't know the meaning of the word
%%
Button: Success didn't spoil me - I've always been insufferable
%%
Button: Suffering the inhumanity of regular employment
%%
Button: Support your local medical examiner -- die strangely
%%
Button: T'ai Chi isn't a martial art - it's a MARTIAN art. Martians move slowly
	in earth gravity
%%
Button: TERMINATOR - The few, the proud, the machines
%%
Button: THE BABY... and instrument of destruction
%%
Button: THINK - If you are already thinking, please disregard this button
%%
Button: Tailored bacteria have designer genes
%%
Button: Talk is cheap - bullets are cheaper
%%
Button: Talk to the OTHER autocrat!
%%
Button: Taste me, taste me - I'm organic
%%
Button: Taxation is theft; Conscription is slavery; War is murder
%%
Button: Team Banzai
%%
Button: Team Bolshoi
%%
Button: Techno-Hippie
%%
Button: Technopagan
%%
Button: Thank you for not lecturing me about not smoking
%%
Button: Thank you for not thanking me for not smoking
%%
Button: That may well be so true, but my mind working am not
%%
Button: That which does not kill me maims me severely
%%
Button: That which does not kill me makes me smarter except for oxygen
	deprivation
%%
Button: That would be telling
%%
Button: That's ok - I don't know my name either
%%
Button: The C Team - I love it when a program comes together
%%
Button: The DM is always right - cruel, sadistic, etc. but always right
%%
Button: The Dragon Taxi Service - we will take thee... anywhere
%%
Button: The Emperor is not as forgiving as I am
%%
Button: The New Age is just like the old age - only newer
%%
Button: The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously
%%
Button: The art of flying is aiming at the ground - and missing
%%
Button: The beauty of a pun is in the "Oy!" of the beholder
%%
Button: The best defense is a strong retreat
%%
Button: The cops can't get me - they're all prisoners of the donut shops
%%
Button: The cow ate bluegrass and mooed indigo
%%
Button: The customer isn't always right, but they do get an unnatural amount
	of slack
%%
Button: The death ray is in the eye of the beholder
%%
Button: The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its
	limits
%%
Button: The ee's are cummings! The ee's are cummings!
%%
Button: The end of the world is at hand - repent and return your library books
%%
Button: The fascination of the paper clip is inversely proportional to the
	work at hand
%%
Button: The few, the proud, the incurably insane... The Concom
%%
Button: The gods aren't crazy - they're only drunk
%%
Button: The good news is: I'm a perfectionist.
	The bad news is: I charge by the hour.
%%
Button: The hell with criticism - praise is good enough for me
%%
Button: The idea that God is His own grandmother may be unsupported by
	 Scripture, but who wants to offend God's grandmother?
%%
Button: The impossible we do immediately. Miracles require 24 hours notice.
%%
Button: The last man on Earth sat alone in his room. There was a knock on the
	 door. The alien said, "Ten minutes to showtime."
%%
Button: The longer I am around humans, the less I understand them
%%
Button: The lunatic fringe begins here
%%
Button: The map is not the territory, but you can't fold up the territory and
	put it in your glove compartment
%%
Button: The meek are getting ready
%%
Button: The meek may inherit the earth, but it's the grumpy who get promoted
%%
Button: The most rabid literary purist
%%
Button: The obscure we see immediately, the completely apparent takes longer
%%
Button: The only good morning is a dead morning
%%
Button: The perfect lover turns into a pizza at 4 AM
%%
Button: The policeman isn't there to create disorder, he's there to preserve
	disorder
%%
Button: The problem with trouble-shooting is that trouble shoots back
%%
Button: The problem with unwritten laws is that they're so hard to erase
%%
Button: The question is not whether I'm out of my mind, but what are you doing
	trapped in yours?
%%
Button: The real world is only a special case
%%
Button: The rings of Saturn are actually composed of lost airline luggage
%%
Button: The road goes ever on and on
%%
Button: The secret is to find out what people really want and then call it
	self-awareness
%%
Button: The shortest distance between two points has a bridge out
%%
Button: The sleep of reason engenders monsters
%%
Button: The street finds its own uses for technology; the net finds its own
	uses for garbage
%%
Button: The therapist is NOT in
%%
Button: The toughest time in a person's life is when you have to kill a loved
	one because they're the Devil
%%
Button: The trouble with being boss is there's no satisfaction is stealing
	office supplies
%%
Button: The trouble with natural monopolies is that it's so much work to keep
	them going artificially
%%
Button: The twelfth regeneration's a bitch and then you die
%%
Button: The ultimate smart weapon would be too smart to blow itself up
%%
Button: The universe without the Doctor scarcely bears contemplation
%%
Button: The views expressed here do not necessarily represent those of the
	management
%%
Button: The way to a man's heart is with a broadsword
%%
Button: The work most executives do is not very different from the work most
	secretaries do, except that executives rarely have demonstrable skills
	like typing ninety words a minute
%%
Button: The world is cracked; this is all a bad yolk
%%
Button: The worst thing about censorship is <CENSORED>
%%
Button: The worst thing about censorship is that it desensitizes people
	to violence - censorship IS violence
%%
Button: The y chromosome is the runt of the litter
%%
Button: There ain't no such thing as a free console
%%
Button: There ain't no such thing as a free weekend
%%
Button: There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned
	by cats.
%%
Button: There are no accidents. Only plans other people don't tell you about
%%
Button: There are two types - those who hate the 8086 architecture, and liars
%%
Button: There are very few problems which can't be solved by a suitable
	application of high explosives
%%
Button: There comes a time when nothing's left but style
%%
Button: There is a very fine line between reality and fantasy - and I'd
	just as soon obscure it
%%
Button: There is intelligent life, but I'm only visiting
%%
Button: There is no heaven or hell - only smoking or non-smoking
%%
Button: There is no point in getting angry, but there is a stupid malignity
	to all this that does try one's patience
%%
Button: There is no substitute for incomprehensible good luck
%%
Button: There is something fascinating about cosmology. One gets such wholesale
	returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
%%
Button: There must be more fools than knaves in the world, or else the knaves
	wouldn't have enough to live on
%%
Button: There's a dance in the old boy yet
%%
Button: There's always the temptation to let other people think you're normal
%%
Button: There's famine. There's plague. There's death. There's war. Then
	there's us - Fifth Horseman Mercenary Corps.
%%
Button: There's more to life than sitting around in the sun in your underwear
	playing the clarinet
%%
Button: There's no rest for the greedy
%%
Button: There's so much entropy - wouldn't it be nice if it could be used
	for something constructive?
%%
Button: There's too much blood in my caffeine stream
%%
Button: These are the days of Miracle Whip and Wonder Bread
%%
Button: They got the library at Alexandria - they're not getting mine
%%
Button: They like you very much, but they are not the hell your whales!
%%
Button: They lived in two worlds. They loved in one
%%
Button: Thief
%%
Button: This button goes to the next person who buys me a drink
%%
Button: This button goes to the next person who gives me a hug
%%
Button: This button has no other purpose than to get you to read it
%%
Button: This button is cursed. As you read you will be confuset by ther printeb
	wertz. Yer intellijenc wil vabni... xrt! xrt!
%%
Button: This button is programming you in ways that may not be apparent for
	months, or even years
%%
Button: This button isn't really very witty and it goes on and on and you'd
	probably be happier reading some other button. Most of them aren't half
	as depressing as this one. Don't say I didn't warn you.
%%
Button: This is a nightmare and I'm going to wake up, RIGHT?
%%
Button: This is a test. Had it been an actual attack, the warning system
	wouldn't have worked.
%%
Button: This is no ordinary fool you're dealing with.
%%
Button: This person is a natural product. The slight variations in color and
	texture enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are
	to be considered flaws or defects.
%%
Button: This sentence contains one non-standard English flutzpah
%%
Button: This slogan is programming you in ways that may not be apparent for
	months, or even years.
%%
Button: This universe is sold by weight, not by volume. Some settling may
	have occurred during shipment.
%%
Button: Those who like sausage or political policy shouldn't watch either being
	made
%%
Button: Thoth is my copilot
%%
Button: Time Lords say, "Go ahead, make my yesterday"
%%
Button: Time has little to do with infinity and jelly donuts
%%
Button: Time is defined so as to make motion look simple
%%
Button: To err is computer, to forgive is fine
%%
Button: To err is human - what's your excuse?
%%
Button: To err is human, to really foul up requires the root password
%%
Button: Today is the first day of the rest of your sentence
%%
Button: Total Strangers Need Love Too and I'm stranger than most!
%%
Button: Transcendent Paranoia
%%
Button: Trust me
%%
Button: Trust me - thousands don't
%%
Button: Trust me -- I'm almost a Doctor
%%
Button: Two things are universal - hydrogen and stupidity
%%
Button: Two's complement. Three's a crowd
%%
Button: Under the most carefully controlled conditions of scheduling,
	programming, and con security, the fen will do what they damn well
	please
%%
Button: Universal Church of Pan-Ethnic Cuisine
%%
Button: Until you walk a mile in someone else's moccasins, you can't imagine
	the smell
%%
Button: Up *&$@ pulsar without a gravity generator
%%
Button: Up your shaft
%%
Button: User Hostile
%%
Button: User Surly
%%
Button: Using a feather is kinky. Using the whole chicken is perverse!
%%
Button: Vampire victim - be nice to me today
%%
Button: Vegetarians eat vegetables - I am a humanitarian
%%
Button: Veni, Vidi, VCR  I came, I saw, I taped
%%
Button: Vincent loves Catherine
%%
Button: Visit Scenic Dagobah - The Jedi's last resort
%%
Button: Vuja D'e: the strange feeling you get that nothing has happened before
%%
Button: WHAT Sixties revival? The Sixties never died!
%%
Button: Wandering Punster - do not remove gag
%%
Button: War is not healthy for soldiers and other living things
%%
Button: Warning! I still have all my spells!
%%
Button: Warning: GM whimsical when bored
%%
Button: Warp drive air conditioning is hyperventilation
%%
Button: Watch it - You're trying my infinite patience
%%
Button: We Discordians must stick apart
%%
Button: We all have faults, and mine is being wicked
%%
Button: We all live in a yellow subroutine
%%
Button: We are all God's children - by a previous marriage
%%
Button: We are experiencing synaptical difficulties - please stand by
%%
Button: We are looking for the nuclear wessels
%%
Button: We are the Weird
%%
Button: We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!
%%
Button: We cheat the other guy and pass the savings on to you
%%
Button: We don't carry loose change into combat
%%
Button: We must finally acknowledge that the purpose of diplomacy is to
	prolong a crisis
%%
Button: We say that cats are playful creatures, perhaps they say the same
	about us
%%
Button: We'll KNOW that rock is dead when you need a degree to get a job in it
%%
Button: We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm the root user
%%
Button: We'll look for the alien, you find the cat
%%
Button: We're all aliens, but from different planets
%%
Button: We're so busy catching minnows, we forget we're standing on a whale
%%
Button: We're sorry, the button you have reached is not in service. Please
	check the button and dial again, or ask the operator for assistance.
%%
Button: We're tired of third-rate incompetents in public office. We want
	first-rate incompetents
%%
Button: We've got to stop hurting each other - you first
%%
Button: Weird "R" Us
%%
Button: Weird enough for all practical purposes
%%
Button: Weirdness Magnet
%%
Button: Weirdness is the best defense
%%
Button: Welcome back to square one
%%
Button: Welcome to Middle Earth
%%
Button: Were you standing at the shallow end of the gene pool?
%%
Button: Whales are mammals. Mammals have hair. SHAVE THE WHALES!
%%
Button: What a long strange trip it's been
%%
Button: What am I doing out of bed?
%%
Button: What are you doing wrong with our bug-free product?
%%
Button: What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
	The same color as the chameleon on the other side of the mirror
%%
Button: What do you look like when you aren't visualizing anything?
%%
Button: What if it was the Warren Commission who killed JFK?
%%
Button: What is the output of a vacuum pump?
%%
Button: What's the point of being fascinatingly crazy, if you don't enrich
	the world with it?
%%
Button: What's vanilla, vanilla and vanilla?  Ice cream clones
%%
Button: Whatever you're doing, it's not as important as petting the cat
%%
Button: When everything is outlawed, outlaws will have everything
%%
Button: When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve
%%
Button: When in doubt, use more thermite
%%
Button: When nine hundred years old you are, look as good you will not
%%
Button: When screwballs meet, they click
%%
Button: When you are not looking at it, this sentence is in Spanish
%%
Button: When you pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is no longer your friend
%%
Button: When you're as great as I am, it's hard to be humble
%%
Button: When you're up to your ass in tribbles, it's hard to remember
	that the objective was to poison the grain
%%
Button: Whenever you're holding all the cards, why does everyone else turn out
	to be playing chess?
%%
Button: Which came first, the future or the past?
%%
Button: While you were reading my buttons, my friend was picking your pocket
%%
Button: Who died and made you Blake?
%%
Button: Who needs fantasy when you can have physics?
%%
Button: Who needs rational when your toes curl up?
%%
Button: Who's scruffy-looking?
%%
Button: Whoever said that money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop
%%
Button: Why are Earth people so parochial?
%%
Button: Why are elves chaotic? Brownian motion
%%
Button: Why be limited by your imagination - if something's impossible, you
	won't do it.
%%
Button: Why do people spend years writing a novel when they can buy one for a
	few dollars?
%%
Button: Why give the person who has everything a box to keep it in when it
	already comes in its own container?
%%
Button: Why reach for the musket when all you need is a custard pie?
%%
Button: Why work for a living when you can die for art?
%%
Button: Will you dance with the Devil in the pale moonlight?
%%
Button: Windows & Icons & Mice OH MY!
%%
Button: Wisdom is knowing when to stop
%%
Button: Witches use brooms because nature abhors a vacuum
%%
Button: Without the last minute, how much would ever get done?
%%
Button: Woad Warrior
%%
Button: Would all punsters please keep their gags in their mouths?
%%
Button: Would this body lie to you?
%%
Button: YOU can help wipe out COBOL in our lifetime
%%
Button: YUMMIE - Young Upwardly Mobile Mutant
%%
Button: Yeah... yeah... that's the ticket...
%%
Button: Yellow journalism is media ochre
%%
Button: Yes, but what if this weren't a rhetorical question?
%%
Button: Yield to temptation, I may not make the pass again
%%
Button: Yoda for President - Vote for him you will
%%
Button: You are in a maze of twisty little UNIX versions
%%
Button: You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much of your
	 time reading buttons
%%
Button: You can fly, but that cocoon has to go
%%
Button: You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people
	 some of the time - that should be enough for most purposes
%%
Button: You can't be a figment of my imagination - I'd have done a better job
%%
Button: You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus
%%
Button: You can't go on forever "living in the shadow of world destruction."
	After a while, people get bored.
%%
Button: You can't have too many buttons - only too little surface area
%%
Button: You can't judge a book by its movie
%%
Button: You can't tell beforehand which side of the bread you should butter
%%
Button: You know you're in trouble when Spock starts to cry
%%
Button: You know, just once, I'd like to meet an alien menace that wasn't
	immune to bullets!
%%
Button: You should be assertive, but not with me
%%
Button: You shouldn't go faster than twice the speed of light - it's too hard
	on the tires
%%
Button: You think you've found my weakness - but I have MORE
%%
Button: You will meet your destiny on the road you take to avoid it
%%
Button: You'll have to be nice to me - I throw up easily
%%
Button: You're awfully picky for someone from the Twilight Zone
%%
Button: You're not right. You just SOUND right.
%%
Button: You're not the only one who thinks I don't know what I'm doing
%%
Button: You're only young once - after that you need another excuse
%%
Button: You're only young once, but you can be immature forever
%%
Button: You're so cute when you're cynical
%%
Button: You've got to know the rules before you break them - otherwise it's
	no fun
%%
Button: Young urban psycho killer
%%
Button: Your behavior is no excuse for the way you act
%%
Button: Your lack of planning does not constitute my emergency
%%
Button: Your reality is lies and balderdash and I am delighted to say I have
	 no grasp of it whatsoever
%%
Button: Your silliness has been noted
%%
Button: ZORKers do it under the rug
%%
Button: Zero tolerance/infinite hypocrisy
%%
Button: lim   sqrt(3)=2
	3-->4 (with pictures of moon in different phases)
%%
Buttons: He's dead, Jim

	 Of course he's dead, I killed him!
%%
Buttons: I thought YOU silenced the guard!

	 What guard?

	 Fool! I am the guard!
%%
Buy Land Now.  It's Not Being Made Any More.
%%
Buy old masters.  They bring better prices than young mistresses.
		-- Lord Beaverbrook
%%
Buy sheep, sell deer.
		Ancient Babylonian business proverb.
%%
By a careful cultural design, we control not the final behavior, but the
inclination to behave -- the motives, the desires, the wishes ... we
increase the feeling of freedom.
		-- B. F. Skinner
%%
By afflictions God is spoiling us of what otherwise might have spoiled
us. When he makes the world too hot for us to hold, we let it go.
		-- John Powell
%%
By calling this number you have
triggered a relay that will blow up
your phone.
%%
By claiming that they can contribute to software engineering, the soft
scientists make themselves even more ridiculous. (Not less dangerous,
alas!) In spite of its name, software engineering requires (cruelly)
hard science for its support
		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
By definition, one divided by zero is undefined.
%%
By definition, when you are investigating the unknown, you do
not know what you will find or even when you have found it.
%%
By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task
completely overwhelm me.
		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
By establishing real money, men rule out its debasement.
		-- Lewis E. Lehrman
%%
By following the good, you learn to be good. But who wants to be good ?
%%
By following the good, you learn to be good. Unfortunately bad is more fun.
%%
By following the good, you will be bored to death.
%%
By gnawing through a dyke even a rat may drown a nation.
		-- Edmund Burke
%%
By heaven we understand a state of happiness infinite in degree, and
endless in duration.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
By making something absolutely clear, somebody will be confused.
%%
By nature, men are nearly alike;
by practice, they get to be wide apart.
		-- Confucius
%%
By night an atheist half believes a God.
		-- Edward Young
%%
By one count there are some 700 scientists with respectable academic
credentials (out of a total of 480,000 U.S. earth and life scientists)
who give credence to creation-science, the general theory that complex
life forms did not evolve but appeared "abruptly."
		-- Newsweek, June 29, 1987, pg. 23
%%
By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.
		-- Charles Spurgeon
%%
By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent
public temptation.
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
By preserving over all obstacles and distractions, one may unfailingly
arrive at his chosen goal or destination.
		-- Christopher Columbus
%%
By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.
		-- Titus Lucretius Carus
%%
By removing goodness from power, one both makes goodness powerless and allows
power to be evil.
%%
By repackaging age-old operating system features -- such as multitasking
and virtual memory -- and marketing them as "innovations", and by making
non-competitive product agreements, IBM and Microsoft Corp. were able to
successfully pull a grand-scale commercial deception.

The sad part is that MIS managers are still falling for the old song and
dance.	To OS/2 die-hards: "Wake up and face it; OS/2 is d-e-a-d!"
		-- Alex G. Christensen, "Information Week", April 29, 1991
%%
By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long-haired sheep.
%%
By some miracle of elven technology, you have managed to
stop the leak in the dam.
%%
By the age of eighteen, a human has acquired enough joy and heartache to
provide the food of reflection for a century.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
By the age of forty, a man gets the face he deserves.
%%
By the age of forty, a man is responsible for his face. And his fate.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
By the data to date, there is only one animal in the Galaxy dangerous to
man --man himself. So he must supply his own indispensable competition.
He has no enemy to help him.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
By the essence and nature of existence, contradictions cannot exist.
If you find it inconceivable that an invention of genius should be
abandoned among ruins, and that a philosopher should wish to work as
a cook in a diner -- check your premises.  You will find that one of
them is wrong.
		-- Hugh Akston
%%
By the pricking of my thumbs,
Something wicked this way comes.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
By the time a person gets to greener pastures, he can't climb the fence.
%%
By the time a social science theory is formulated in such a way that it
can be tested, changing circumstances have already made it obsolete.
		-- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
By the time of the Great Renaming, net.suicide, along with net.rumors,
was mainly populated by refugees from net.bizarre, which was the first
popular group ever dropped by the backbone. This group of people acted
like a roving gang.  "Ah, here's a NEW almost-empty group to post
train schedules and core dumps in!"  Imagine their squeals of joy when
they discovered that posting to net.test got them mail from all over
the net.
		-- Joe Buck, jbuck@janus.berkeley.edu,
		   gives us some Usenet history
%%
By the time you swear you're his,
	Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
	Infinite, undying --
Lady, make a note of this:
	One of you is lying.
		-- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967), "Unfortunate Coincidence"
%%
By the yard, life is hard.
By the inch, it's a cinch.
%%
By the year 1984 the entire world may be run by computers.
Digital Equipment Corporation will still be run by people.
%%
By this time I got to looking for a kind of substitute,
I can't tell you who I found, except that it rhymes with dissolute.
%%
By work you get money, by talk you get knowledge.
		-- Haliburton
%%
By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a
boss and work twelve hours a day.
%%
Bye Bye
		-- PDP 10
%%
Bye bye life!  Bye bye happiness! Hello, loneliness, I think I'm gonna die.
%%
Bye's First Law of Model Railroading:
	Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of
	faults encountered is proportional to the number of viewers.
%%
Bye, bye, Miss American Pie.  Drove my Chevy to the levee,
but the levee was dry.	Them good old boys were drinkin'
whiskey and rye, sayin' 'This will be the day that I die.'
		-- Don MacLean
%%
Byte - a mouthful, as in 'How many bytes in a Big Mac?'
%%
Byte rate - how fast you can eat
		-- Data communications glossary
%%
Byte your tongue.
%%
C --
	A black Firebird, the all-macho car. Comes with optional
seat belts (lint) and optional fuzz buster (escape to assembler).
%%
C for yourself.
%%
C programmer run C programmer crash C programmer quit
%%
C programmers do it their way.
%%
C provides the infinitely-abusable GOTO statement, and labels to
branch to. Formally, the GOTO is never necessary, and in practice it
is almost always easy to write code without it.
		-- Kernighan & Ritchie, The C Programming Language
%%
C'Bers do it on the air.
%%
C'est l'amour dans l'age d'ordinateur.
%%
C'est la vie.
%%
C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas l'Informatique.
		-- Bosquet [on seeing the IBM 4341]
%%
C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la gare!
%%
C++ is the best example of second-system effect since OS/360.
		-- Henry Spencer, henry@zoo.toronto.edu
%%
C: "Despite that amazing display of cunning, reflex and physical prowess,
your tail still has a death grip on your butt."
		-- Calvin and Hobbes
%%
C: "I think life should be more like tv.  I think all of life's problems
ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you?  I think
weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns.  I think we
should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy
sports cars.  All our desires should be instantly gratified.  Women should
always wear tight clothes, and men should carry powerful handguns.  Life
overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause,
don't you think?"
		-- Calvin and Hobbes
%%
C: "Tigers don't worry about much, do they?"
H: "Nope.  That's one of the perks of being feral."
		-- Calvin and Hobbes
%%
C: A real language for real programmers.
%%
CAD:
	A man who doesn't tell his wife that he's sterile until she's pregnant.
%%
CAMPERS do it in a tent.
%%
CAPITALISM - You have two cows.  You sell one and buy a bull.
%%
CAPRICORN (Dec.22 - Jan.19)
	Play your hunches.  This is a day when luck will play an important
	part in your life.  If you were smarter, you wouldn't need so much
	luck and you wouldn't be reading your horoscope, either.  You are
	a suspicious person, and it will occur to you that astrologers
	don't know what they're talking about any more than your Aunt Martha.
%%
CAPTAIN n. Decorative dummy found on sailboats. See FIGUREHEAD.
%%
CARD: a person lacking courage.  "Yew yella bellied card!"
		-- Texan Dictionary
%%
CARPENTERS hammer it harder.
%%
CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor.
%%
CASE? A fool with a tool is still a fool.
		-- Zwittlinger
%%
CBBS		   : More tall tales of telecomputing told by
		     Naval engineers.
%%
CCITT: Can't Certify I Trust Telecom.
%%
CCITT: Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today
%%
CD-WOM, Wead Onwy Memowy.
%%
CEO of Dementia and Other Meaningless Entities.
%%
CEREBRAL ATROPHY : The phenomena which occurs as brain cells become weak
and sick, and impair the brain's performance.  An abundance of these
"bad" cells can cause symptoms related to senility, apathy, depression,
and overall poor academic performance.	A certain small number of brain
cells will deteriorate due to everyday activity, but large amounts are
weakened by intense mental effort and the assimilation of difficult
concepts.  Many college students become victims of this dread disorder
due to poor habits such as overstudying.
%%
CEREBRAL DARWINISM : The theory that the effects of cerebral atrophy can
be reversed through the purging action of heavy alcohol consumption.
Large amounts of alcohol cause many brain cells to perish due to oxygen
deprivation.  Through the process of natural selection, the weak and
sick brain cells will die first, leaving only the healthy cells.  This
wonderful process leaves the imbiber with a healthier, more vibrant
brain, and increases mental capacity.  Thus, the devastating effects of
cerebral atrophy are reversed, and academic performance actually
increases beyond previous levels.
%%
CHAINING - a method of attaching programmers to desks to speed up output
%%
CHASTITY BELT:
	An anti-trust suit.
	(And an unchivalrous knight is the one that files it.)
%%
CHECKPOINT - the location from where programmer draws his salary
%%
CHEERLEADERS do it with more enthusiasm.
%%
CHEMISTS like to experiment.
%%
CHESSPLAYERS check their mates.
%%
CHIP:  One California hi-way patrolman.
%%
CHIROPRACTORS do it by manipulation.
%%
CHRISTMAS:
	A time when each of us gets to reflect upon what we each most
	deeply and sincerely believe in.  Money.  At the mall of our
	choice.
%%
CI caught the end of a Mark Russell repeat last night on PBS.  He was
satirizing the 1980 presidential campaign (you know, the one that featured
Jimmy and Ronny).  Here are two lines which I thought were not only funny,
but also just as valid today as they were in '80 (maybe even moreso).

"My greatest fear is that...
		 one of the candidates...
					will win."

"One thing I know for sure...
		is that whoever wins...
				he'll be the evil of two lessers."
%%
CIA SECRET: Proof of P=NP found in UFO!
		-- "National Computer Science Enquirer"
%%
CLEVELAND:
	Where their last tornado did six million dollars worth of improvements.
%%
CLOCK MAKERS do it mechanically
%%
CLOWNS do it for laughs.
%%
COACHES whistle while they work.
%%
COBOL --
	A delivery van. It's bulky and ugly, but it does the work.
%%
COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs
%%
COBOL is for morons.
		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
COBOL:
	Completely Over and Beyond reason Or Logic.
%%
COCK-SUCKER:
	Someone who got caught doing what you got away with.
%%
COCKTAIL WAITRESSES serve highballs.
%%
CODING:  AN addictive Drug.
%%
COKEBOTTLE n. Any very unusual character.  MIT people complain about
the "control-meta-cokebottle" commands at SAIL, and SAIL people
complain about the "altmode-altmode-cokebottle" commands at MIT.
%%
COLLEGE:
	The fountains of knowledge, where everyone goes to drink.
%%
COLLIN'S LAW OF CONFERENCES:
The speaker with the most monotonous voice speaks after the big meal.
%%
COLORADO:
	Where they don't buy M & M's, 'cause they're so hard to peel.
%%
COLVARD'S LOGICAL PREMISES:
All probabilities are 50%.  Either a thing will happen or it won't.
GRELB'S COMMENTARY
Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.
%%
COM MODE (variant: COMM MODE) [from the ITS feature for linking two or
more terminals together so that text typed on any is echoed on all,
providing a means of conversation among hackers] n. The state a
terminal is in when linked to another in this way.  Com mode has a
special set of jargon words, used to save typing, which are not
used orally:
Part 1:
BCNU	Be seeing you.
BTW	By the way...
BYE?	Are you ready to unlink?  (This is the standard way to
end a com mode conversation; the other person types
BYE to confirm, or else continues the conversation.)
CUL	See you later.
FOO?	A greeting, also meaning R U THERE?  Often used in the
case of unexpected links, meaning also "Sorry if I
butted in" (linker) or "What's up?" (linkee).
%%
COM MODE [cont.] (variant: COMM MODE) [from the ITS feature for
linking two or more terminals together so that text typed on any
is echoed on all, providing a means of conversation among hackers]
n. The state a terminal is in when linked to another in this way.
Com mode has a special set of jargon words, used to save typing,
which are not used orally:
Part 2:
FYI	For your information...
GA	Go ahead (used when two people have tried to type
simultaneously; this cedes the right to type to
the other).
HELLOP	A greeting, also meaning R U THERE?  (An instance
of the "-P" convention.)
NIL	No (see the main entry for NIL).
OBTW	Oh, by the way...
R U THERE?	Are you there?
%%
COM MODE [cont.] (variant: COMM MODE) [from the ITS feature for
linking two or more terminals together so that text typed on any
is echoed on all, providing a means of conversation among hackers]
n. The state a terminal is in when linked to another in this way.
Com mode has a special set of jargon words, used to save typing,
which are not used orally:
Part 3:
SEC	Wait a second (sometimes written SEC...).
T	Yes (see the main entry for T).
TNX	Thanks.
TNX 1.0E6	Thanks a million (humorous).
<double CRLF>  When the typing party has finished, he types
two CRLF's to signal that he is done; this leaves a
blank line between individual "speeches" in the
conversation, making it easier to re-read the
preceding text.
%%
COM MODE [cont.] (variant: COMM MODE) [from the ITS feature for
linking two or more terminals together so that text typed on any
is echoed on all, providing a means of conversation among hackers]
n. The state a terminal is in when linked to another in this way.
Com mode has a special set of jargon words, used to save typing,
which are not used orally:
Part 4:
<name>: When three or more terminals are linked, each speech
is preceded by the typist's login name and a colon (or
a hyphen) to indicate who is typing.  The login name
often is shortened to a unique prefix (possibly a
single letter) during a very long conversation.
At Stanford, where the link feature is implemented by "talk loops",
the term TALK MODE is used in place of COM MODE.  Most of the above
"sub-jargon" is used at both Stanford and MIT.
%%
COMMAND:  A suggestion made to a computer.
%%
COMMENT:
	A superfluous element of a source program included to the programmer
	can remember what the hell it was he was doing six months later.  Only
	the weak-minded need them, according to those who think they aren't.
%%
COMMON LANGUAGE -
	the first thing a programmer must forget to be successful
%%
COMMUNISM - You have two cows.	The government takes both and gives
	you the milk.
%%
COMPASS [for the CDC-6000 series] is the sort of assembler
one expects from a corporation whose president codes in octal.
		-- J. N. Gray
%%
COMPLEMENT -
	also known as 'antique', an outdated from of speech once used to
express appreciation
%%
COMPLIMENT:
	When you say something to another which everyone knows isn't true.
%%
COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just can't stop.
%%
COMPUTER OPERATORS get the most out of their software.
%%
COMPUTER PERSONALS:
	SWBiM, 29.  Gr/Fr/Mild English.
	Have moose, hoop.  Sincere inquiries
	only.  Discreet.  Fortune Box 1910.
%%
COMPUTER SCIENCE:
	1) A study akin to numerology and astrology, but lacking the
	   precision of the former and the success of the latter.
	2) The protracted value analysis of algorithms.
	3) The costly enumeration of the obvious.
	4) The boring art of coping with a large number of trivialities.
	5) Tautology harnessed in the service of Man at the speed of light.
	6) The Post-Turing decline in formal systems theory.
%%
COMPUTER:
	An electronic entity which performs sequences of useful steps in a
	totally understandable, rigorously logical manner.  If you believe
	this, see me about a bridge I have for sale in Manhattan.
%%
COMPUTERFIRM NYMPHOMANIAC:
	Hot Apple pie.
%%
CONFERENCE:
	A special meeting in which the boss gathers subordinates to hear
	what they have to say, so long as it doesn't conflict with what
	he's already decided to do.
%%
CONFIRMED BACHELOR:
	A man who goes through life without a hitch.
%%
CONFUSION:
	One woman plus one left turn.
EXCITEMENT:
	Two women plus one secret.
BEDLAM:
	Three women plus one bargain.
CHAOS:
	Four women plus one luncheon check.
%%
CONSENT DECREE:
	A document in which a hapless company consents never to commit
	in the future whatever heinous violations of Federal law it
	never admitted to in the first place.
%%
CONSTANT - a type of pressure
CONSTANT AREA - the stomach
%%
CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation.
%%
CONSULTANT:
	(1) Someone you pay to take the watch off your wrist and tell
	you what time it is. (2) (For resume use) The working title
	of anyone who doesn't currently hold a job. Motto: Have
	Calculator, Will Travel.
%%
CONSULTANTS tell other how to do it.
%%
CONSULTATION:
	Medical term meaning "to share the wealth."
%%
CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST:
	A roll in bed with some honey.
%%
COOPER'S LAW:
	All machines are amplifiers.
%%
COPS have bigger guns
%%
COPYING MACHINE:
	A device that shreds paper, flashes mysteriously
	coded messages, and makes duplicates for everyone
	in the office who isn't interested in reading them.
%%
CORPORATE VIRGIN:
	A woman who's new to the firm.
%%
CORRECTION:
  "And lastly, we made the
   mistake of calling the
   Chief Executive of the
   United States of America
   `a mindless baboon', when
   we should have called him
   `Mr. President'."
			    "For this, and for
			     everything, we are
			     sincerely sorry."
  "Very... sorry."
		-- Duck's Breath Homemade Radio
%%
CORRECTION:
  "In our `Pets on Parade' episode, we incorrectly
   identified a Yorkshire Terrier as a reptile. Our
   veterinary friends assure us that the Yorky is
   actually a yapping rug, and not an animal at all."
		-- Duck's Breath Homemade Radio
%%
CORRECTION:
  "Of course, the cards and
   letters just poured in
   when we mistakenly
   credited actor Clint
   Eastwood with the line
   `Why don't you come up
   and see me sometime?' in
   the movie IT'S A
   WONDERFUL LIFE."
			    "What Eastwood actually
			     said was, `Move and I'll
			     blow your head off,' in
			     the film LAST YEAR AT
			     MARIENBAD."
  "And it was actor Jimmy
   Stewart who said, `You're
   a frustrated old miser
   with no friends' to
   actress Donna Reed in the
   final moving scenes of
   the film, HIROSHIMA, MON
   AMOUR."
			    "Our apologies to the
			     entire film industry, as
			     well as our listening
			     audience. We are *very*
			     sorry."
  "Sorry."
		-- Duck's Breath Homemade Radio
%%
COUNTER - a device over which Old Fashions are sold
%%
COURTOUS' RULE:
If people listened to themselves more often, they'd talk less.
%%
COUVIER'S OBSERVATION:
There's nothing more frightening than ignorance in action.
%%
COWBOYS handle anything horny.
%%
COWGIRLS like to ride bareback.
%%
CPU - a juvenile way of telling your dog he missed the paper.
%%
CQ What?... Please type whatever the hell it was you where trying to type
again!
%%
CRAFT WORKSHOPS

Self-Actualization Through Macrame
Needlecraft for Junkies
Northern New Jersey Guide to Bad Taste
Cuticle Crafts
Mobiles and Collages with Fetishes
Gifts for the Senile
Bonsai Your Pet
Building the 747 with Basic Lincoln Logs
%%
CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls.
%%
CRASH! goes the System (Sung to the tune of "POP Goes The Weasel")

Two specks of dust on a Winchester disk
No use to hope you missed them
That's the way computing goes--
CRASH! goes the system.

Go exchange the circuit boards
Try and use your wisdom
No way will you catch that bug--
CRASH! goes the system.

Our pride and joy has features galore
It takes a day to list them
And none of them can be used any more--
CRASH! goes the system.
%%
CRASH:	A sudden, unexpected cessation of activity by
	the computer, accompanied by a sudden,
	unexpected increase in activity by the system
	administrator.	Caused by someone running their
	huge, unimportant program just as your small,
	critical program is about to finish.
%%
CRASH:	Normal termination.
%%
CREATING A COMIC STRIP: Step 1, Dream Up Theme

"... a gruff but endearing two-headed nuclear
 mutant who's always squabbling with itself!

"Naw... it'd look rotten on a Burger King glass."
		-- "Bloom County"
%%
CREDIT MANAGERS always collect.
%%
CREDITOR:
	A man who has a better memory than a debtor.
%%
CREW n. Heavy, stationary objects used on shipboard to hold down corners
of charts, anchor cushions in place, and dampen sudden movement of the
boom.
%%
CRIME CONTROL: Fire a warning shot into his HEART!
%%
CROCK [probably from "layman" slang, which in turn may be derived from
"crock of shit"] n. An awkward feature or programming technique
that ought to be made cleaner.	Example: Using small integers to
represent error codes without the program interpreting them to the
user is a crock.  Also, a technique that works acceptably but which
is quite prone to failure if disturbed in the least, for example
depending on the machine opcodes having particular bit patterns so
that you can use instructions as data words too; a tightly woven,
almost completely unmodifiable structure.
%%
CRT - a movie about a little alien who forgets his telephone number
      and must write home.
%%
CURSOR:
	One whose program will not run.
		-- Robb Russon
%%
CYCLIC REDUNDANCY CHECK: Stocktaking at a Bike shop
%%
Cabbage Patch Abortions
%%
Caco ergo sum
		-- Aldous Huxley - "Eyeless in Gaza"
%%
Caddy!	Hand me my five-iron.
%%
Caesar had his Brutus -- Charles the First, his Cromwell -- and George
the Third ("Treason!" cried the Speaker) may profit by their example.
If this be treason, make the most of it.
		-- Patrick Henry
%%
Cafe Minimalism:
	To espouse a philosophy of minimalism without actually putting
into practice any of its tenets.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Calamity is a man's true touchstone.
		-- Beaumont and Fletcher
%%
Calamity is the perfect glass wherein we truly see and know ourselves.
		-- William Davenant
%%
Calamity is the test of integrity.
		-- Samuel Richardson
%%
Calamity is virtue's opportunity.
		-- Seneca
%%
Calculator Magic (Read calculator upside down)
 60 * 99 + 1794 = place you hope never to go.
 8110 * 73 - 56516 = what a snake does
 44 * 70 = musical instrument
 6000 * 9 - 296 = what you hope your sock don't have
 8400^2 + 517345 = where you might get gas
 228432 / 4 = worse then a pimple
 99 * 50000 + 368804 = what might give you pleasure
%%
California is like a bowl of granola; 50% flakes, 40% nuts and 10% fruits.
%%
California is not without its faults.
%%
California is proud to be the home of the freeway.
		-- Ronald W. Reagan
%%
California law forbids a woman to drive a car while she is
dressed in a housecoat.
%%
California raisins murdered: Cereal Killer suspected
%%
California uberalis.
%%
Call DORIS the DOMINATRIX!
Domination, mild or severe, as you require.
%%
Call The Bates Motel BBS: 1-800-BIG-NIFE
%%
Call a spade a spade.
%%
Call all the gang: Fungus, Ratface, and High-flying Charlie!
%%
Call for Ms. Lingus, Ms. Connie Lingus...
%%
Call for lawyers, guns, and money.
%%
Call him wise whose actions, words and steps are all a clear because to
a clear why.
		-- Lavater
%%
Call me Moriarty, Zeck, Karla, or Bloefeld;
just don't call me late for dinner.
		-- Moi
%%
Call somebody!
%%
Call someone else Ishael.
%%
Call toll free before digging.
%%
Calling for help won't do any
good! We have taken over your town
today, and tomorrow we'll take over
your world!
%%
Calling someone a runner-up is a polite way of saying 'You lost.'
%%
Calm down.  It's just ones and zeros.
		-- cbmvax!carolyn
%%
Calmness is great advantage; he that lets another chafe may warm him at
his fire, mark all his wand'rings and enjoy his frets, as cunning
fencers suffer heat to tire.
		-- Herbert
%%
Calvin (getting on the school bus): "Getting an inch of snow is like winning
				    a dime in the lottery."
		-- Calvin and Hobbes
%%
Calvin (pulling up next to Susie Derkins w/ his lunch bag):Hi Susie! Guess
what I brought for lunch.

Susie(Waving Calvin away with her hands): No! Go sit by someone else,
OK? You always say your lunch is something revolting, and I don't want to
hear it!

Calvin (Waving his sandwich): Gee whiz, what's wrong with you? My lunch is
peanut butter. What's so disgusting about that?!

Susie (Finally taking a bite of her sandwich with Calvin in the frame
holding his thermos): Hmph. I'm glad that one day out of the year you can
be civil.

Calvin: It's my dessert that's gross! Look, a Thermos full of Phlegm!
		-- Calvin and Hobbes
%%
Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of
Plymouth Corner, Vermont.
		-- Clarence S. Darrow (1857-1938)
%%
Calvin:  Hey, Susie, mind if I sit by you?
Susie:	 No, get away from me.	I don't even want to hear about your
	gross lunch today.
Calvin:  It's not that bad, would you please pass the salt?
Susie:	 Sure...
Calvin:  Thanks, slugs are so chewy before you shrivel them up...
		-- "Calvin and Hobbes"
%%
Calvin: "Ever notice how different the air smells after a good rain?
	It smells like...like...DEAD WORMS!"
		-- Calvin and Hobbes
%%
Calvin: "Hello, Dad, it's two a.m.  Do you know where I am?"
		-- Calvin & Hobbes
%%
Calvin: "Trusting parents is hazardous to your health."
		-- Calvin and Hobbes
%%
Calvin: Boy, what a day...I went to school, played outside, and did
	my homework.  I'm exhausted.  [To dad:] You know what
	time it is now?
Dad:	Uh, 7:35.
Calvin: It's MILLER TIME...
		-- Calvin and Hobbes
%%
Calvin: Dad, where do babies come from?
Dad:	Well Calvin, most people just go out to Sears
	and buy a build it yourself kit...
Calvin: You mean, I came from SEARS?!?
Dad:	No, actually, you came from a blue light
	special kit from K-Mart; almost as good and
	a whole lot cheaper...
Calvin: AAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!
Mom:	(from offstage) Dear, what are you telling Calvin now?
		-- Calvin and Hobbes
%%
Calvin: Hi Dad, I'm repeating everything anyone says.
  Dad: Mmm, that's nice.

Calvin: Mmm, that's nice.
  Dad: Stop it, Calvin, that's very annoying.

Calvin: Stop it, Calvin, that's very annoying.
  Dad: I forfeit all my desserts for a week.

Calvin: Okay, give them to me.
  Dad: Why don't you go bother your mother for a while?
		-- "Calvin and Hobbes"
%%
Calvin: Mitch told a funny story at school today.
	I almost died.
Hobbes: Tell it to me.
Calvin: Well, actually the story itself wasn't so
	funny...it was the WAY he told it.
Hobbes: How did he tell it?
Calvin: He was drinking milk...(ha)...and when...(ha ha)
	he laughed ...(ha ha)...it came up his nose.
%%
Calvin: What's it like to fall in love?
Hobbes: Well...Say the object of your affection walks by.  First, your heart
	falls into your stomach and splashes your innards.  All the moisture
	makes you sweat profusely.  This condensation shorts the circuits to
	your brain, and you get all woozy.  When your brain burns out
	altogether, your mouth disengages and you babble like a cretin until
	she leaves.
Calvin: THAT'S love?!?
Hobbes: Medically speaking.
Calvin: Heck, that happened to ME once, but I figured it was COOTIES!!
		-- Calvin and Hobbes
%%
Calvin:
	"That's the remarkable thing about life.  No matter how bad it gets,
	it can always get worse."
		-- Calvin & Hobbes
%%
Cameramen on strike,
Slides at 11
%%
Cameras are so simple to operate now that taking pictures is much easier
than getting friends to look at them.
		-- Hugh Allen
%%
Camille's Axiom:
	If you haven't asked yourself, "Why the hell did
	I go to college anyway?", you must be teaching.
%%
Caminante, son tus huellas el camino, y nada mas;
caminante, no hay camino, se hace camino al andar.
		-- Antonio Machado, "Proverbios y cantares, VI"
%%
Campus Crusade for Cthulhu   It found me
%%
Can I get a witness?
%%
Can I use your phone?
%%
Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?
%%
Can a blue man sing the whites?
%%
Can a nation be free if it oppresses other nations?  It cannot.
		-- V. I. Lenin (1870-1924)
%%
Can a person who has a sense of divine heritage lack self esteem?
		-- Joseph B. Wirthlin
%%
Can anyone remember when the times were not hard, and money not scarce?
%%
Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished?
Yes, work never begun.
%%
Can there be a republic that does not slump under the weight of so much
human desire?
		-- Michael Scully
%%
Can you buy friendship?  You not only can, you must.  It's the
only way to obtain friends.  Everything worthwhile has a price.
		-- Robert J. Ringer
%%
Can you find the mispelled word in hear?
%%
Can you name the seven dwarfs from Snow White? Doc, Dopey, Sneezy,
Happy, Grumpy, Sleepy and Bashful.
%%
Can you name the seven seas? Antarctic, Arctic, North Atlantic,
South Atlantic, Indian, North Pacific, South Pacific.
%%
Can you put your hands in your head?  Oh, no.
%%
Can you read Japanese?	With artwork like this, does it really matter???
%%
Can you repeat the part after "Listen very carefully"?
%%
Can you say "Pervert", I thought you could.
%%
Can you unlock a grating with a #?
%%
Can't open /usr/fortunes.  Lid stuck on cookie jar.
%%
Can't you take a joke?
		-- T. Eulenspiegel
%%
Canada's climate is nine months winter and three months late in fall.
%%
Canada: A country which could have had British culture, American know-how
	and the passion of la France, but instead has British Passion,
	American culture and French know-how.
%%
Canadian Government Supplying Arms To Moslem Rebels.
%%
Canadian elections: The Rhinoceros Party
Quote from the leader of the Rhinoceros Party.

   "You can't expect to fool some of the people all of the time, or
all of the people some of the time, but if you can fool the majority
of the people at election time, that's time enough!"
%%
Canadian prison inmate Robert Walters, halfway through a 24-year
sentence for robbery, was allowed out of Collins Bay penitentiary for
six hours on a "resocializing program" on the condition that his guard
keep him in sight at all times. After the two got drunk at a bar,
Walters excused himself and popped across the street to rob a bank.
%%
Cancel me not -- for what then shall remain?
Abscissas, some mantissas, modules, modes,
A root or two, a torus and a node:
The inverse of my verse, a null domain.
		-- Stanislaw Lem, "The Cyberiad"
%%
Cancer (June 22 - July 21) : Karen Black, Genevieve Bujold, Ann Landers,
Gina Lollabigida, Phyllis Diller, James Cagney, Ginger Rogers,
Robin Williams
%%
Cancer cures smoking.
%%
Candor is a proof of both a just frame of mind, and of a good tone of
breeding. It is a quality that belongs equally to the honest man and to
the gentleman.
		-- James Fenimore Cooper
%%
Candor is the brightest gem of criticism.
		-- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
Cannibalism suits you.
%%
Cannot fork -- try again.
%%
Cannot open /usr/games/lib/fortunes.
%%
Cannot open data file!
%%
Cannot open save file. (Continue or Quit)
%%
Canonical:
	The usual or standard state or manner of something.
%%
Cant produces countercant.
		-- Arthur Herzog
%%
Capital Punishment: The income tax.
%%
Capital as such is not evil; it is its wrong use that is evil.
		-- Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948)
%%
Capital is that part of wealth which is devoted to obtaining further
wealth.
		-- Alfred Marshall
%%
Capitalism ... is outrageously unjust; it requires a continuing
maldistribution of wealth in order to exist ... We live in the twilight
of an epoch ... I am absolutely convinced that we are moving toward some
kind of planned economy.
		-- Micheal Harrington
%%
Capitalism can exist in one of only two states:  welfare or warfare.
		-- Bill Gray
%%
Capitalism did not arise because capitalists stole the land ... but
because it was more efficient than feudalism.  It will perish because it
is not merely less efficient than socialism, but actually
self-destructive.
		-- J. B. S. Haldane
%%
Capitalism has destroyed our belief in any effective power but
that of self interest backed by force.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Capitalism in the United States has undergone profound modification, not
just under the New Deal, but through a consensus that continued to grow
after the New Deal ... Government in the U. S. today is a senior partner
in every business in the country.
		-- Norman Cousins
%%
Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
%%
Capitalism is the unequal distribution of wealth.
Socialism is the equal distribution of poverty.
%%
Capitalism will kill competition.
		-- Karl Marx (1818-1883)
%%
Capitalism: Nothing so mean could be right. Greed is the ugliest of the
capital sins.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Capricorn (Dec 21 - Jan 20) : John Denver, Joan Baez, Rex Allen,
Steve Allen, Dana Andrews, Ray Bolger, David Bowie, Lloyd Bridges,
George Burns
%%
Captain Gristwolde consults the Mediaeval Gyromancers, but becomes so
dizzy he Mediaevalizes.
%%
Captain Hook died of jock itch.
%%
Captain! The dilithium crystals!
%%
Captain's Log, star date 21:34.5...
%%
Captain, I cannot give you more power without divertin' it from the
shields!
%%
Captain, I estimate the odds to be approximately 1643.27 to 1.
%%
Card-carrying member of the cultural elite.
%%
Cards were at first for benefits designed,
Sent to amuse, not to enslave the mind.
		-- David Garrick
%%
Care keeps his watch in every old man's eye.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Care of the poor is incumbent on society as a whole.
		-- Spinoza, 1677
%%
Care to our coffin adds a nail, no doubt; And ev'ry grin so merry, draws
one out.
		-- Dr. Wolcott
%%
Careful planning is the key to safe and swift travel.
		-- Ulysses
%%
Careful with that VAX, Eugene
		-- Flink Poyd
%%
Careful, Mister.  Old Zeek is liable to fire that sucker up!
%%
Caresses, expressions of one sort or another, are necessary to the life
of the affections, as leaves are to the life of a tree.  If they are
wholly restrained, love will die at the roots.
		-- Nathaniel Hawthorne
%%
Carlson's Consolation:
	Nothing is ever a complete failure;
	it can always serve as a bad example.
%%
Carol's head ached as she trailed behind the unsmiling Calibrees along the
block of booths.  She chirruped at Kennicott,
	"Let's be wild! Let's ride on the merry-go-round and grab a gold ring!"
Kennicott considered it, and mumbled to Calibree,
	"Think you folks would like to stop and try a ride
on the merry-go-round?"
Calibree considered it, and mumbled to his wife,
	"Think you'd like to stop and try a ride on the merry-go-round?"
Mrs. Calibree smiled in a washed-out manner, and sighed,
	"Oh no, I don't believe I care to much,
but you folks go ahead and try it."
Calibree stated to Kennicott,
	"No, I don't believe we care to a whole lot,
but you folks go ahead and try it."
Kennicott summarized the whole case against wildness:
	"Let's try it some other time, Carrie."
She gave it up.
		-- Sinclair Lewis (1885-1951), "Main Street"
%%
Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero!
(Seize the day, put no trust in the morrow!)
		-- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Carpenters do it indoors.
%%
Carpenters do it tongue-in-groove.
%%
Carpet - A dog or cat who enjoys riding in an automobile.
%%
Carpet beating in the public square of Savannah, Georgia, is punishable
by law.
%%
Carrier Detect	   : Raison d'etre for premarital blood test.
%%
Carson's Observation on Footwear:
	If the shoe fits, buy the other one too.
%%
Carswell's Corollary:
	Whenever man comes up with a better mousetrap,
	nature invariably comes up with a better mouse.
%%
Carthage must be destroyed.
%%
Cartoon Law I.
      Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made
	aware of its situation.
		Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland.
		He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he
		chances to look down.  At this point, the familiar principle
		of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
%%
Cartoon Law II.
     Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter
	intervenes suddenly.
		Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon
		characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a
		telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward
		motion absolutely.  Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden
		termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
%%
Cartoon Law III.
    Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation
	conforming to its perimeter.
		Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the
		speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of
		reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit
		directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-
		perfect hole.  The threat of skunks or matrimony often
		catalyzes this reaction.
%%
Cartoon Law IV.
     The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater
	than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the
	ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.
		Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture
		it inevitably unsuccessful.
%%
Cartoon Law IX.
     For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.
		This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also
		applies to the physical world at large.  For that reason,
		we need the relief of watching it happen to a duck instead.
%%
Cartoon Law V.
      All principles of gravity are negated by fear.
		Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to
		propel them directly away from the earth's surface.  A spooky
		noise or an adversary's signature sound will induce motion
		upward, usually to the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or
		the crest of a flagpole.  The feet of a character who is
		running or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch
		the ground, especially when in flight.
%%
Cartoon Law VI.
     As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.
		This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in
		which a character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the
		cloud of altercation at several places simultaneously.	This
		effect is common as well among bodies that are spinning or
		being throttled.  A 'wacky' character has the option of self-
		replication only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off
		walls to achieve the velocity required.
%%
Cartoon Law VII.
    Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble
	tunnel entrances; others cannot.
		This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generation, but
		at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a
		wall's surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue
		him into this theoretical space.  The painter is flattened
		against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting.
		This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.
%%
Cartoon Law VIII.

  Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.

		Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional
		nine lives might comfortably afford.  They can be decimated,
		spliced, splayed, accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled,
		but they cannot be destroyed.  After a few moments of blinking
		self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify.

  Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.
%%
Cary Grant was known to resist revealing his age.  When somebody sent
him a telegram asking, "HOW OLD CARY GRANT?" he replied, "OLD CARY
GRANT FINE, HOW YOU?"
%%
Cash in must exceed cash out.
%%
Cash is more important than your mother.
		-- Al Shugart, CEO, Seagate Technologies
%%
Cast your fate to the winds.
		-- L. Bernstein
%%
Castration takes balls.
%%
Catching rides on the outskirts, tying faith between our teeth.
%%
Catholic girls, they never confess.
%%
Catholics do it A LOT!
%%
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
		-- Garrison Keillor
%%
Cats are like Baptists. They raise hell but you can't catch them at it.
%%
Cats don't adopt people. They adopt refrigerators.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Cats like houses better than people.
%%
Cats, no less liquid than their shadows, offer no angles to the wind.
%%
Caught in passing:

At the Louvre: "Mona Lisa's smile reminds me of my wife when she thinks
I'm lying."
%%
Cause of crash: Inadvertent contact with the ground.
%%
Caution:  Contents under pressure
%%
Caution:  Hungry Dieter   May bite if provoked
%%
Caution: Keep out of reach of children.
%%
Caveat Armor (beware of sausage links)!!
%%
Caveat Emptor!
%%
Caveat Perrier (beware of seltzer water)!!
%%
Caveat emptor, no deposit no return, do not remove.
%%
Ce livre est dedie a Chagrin,	     This book is dedicated to Chagrin,
Qui fit un petit mannequin:	     Who fashioned a small doll:
	Sans bras et tout noir,      Without arms and all black,
	Il etait affreux voir;		     It was horrible sight;
En effet, absolument la fin.	     In effect, the absolute end.
		-- Edward Gorey
%%
Celebrity Shadenfreude:
	Lurid thrills derived from talking about celebrity deaths.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Celibacy is hardly ever hereditary
%%
Celibacy is not hereditary.
		-- Guy Godin
%%
Cellists put it between their legs and stroke it.
%%
Censorship always protects and perpetuates every horror of the
prevailing forms of oppression.  With us, its subtle disguises increase
its evil by creating delusions of safety, liberty and democracy.  It
precludes that intelligence which is necessary to hasten a wholesome and
natural social evolution.  By that same ignorance it makes revolutions
more certain, more bloody, and less useful.
		-- Theodore Schroeder (1864-?)
%%
Censorship reflects a society's lack of confidence in itself.
		-- Potter Stweart
%%
Censorship, like charity, should begin at home,
but unlike charity, it should end there.
		-- Clare Boothe Luce (1903-1987)
%%
Censure is the tax a man pays to the public for being eminent.
		-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
Center meeting at 4 pm in 2C-543.
%%
Cerebus - He doesn't love you, he just wants all
your money.
%%
Certain things shouldn't be moved.
		-- Murray Teigh Bloom
%%
Certain thoughts are prayers.  There are moments when, whatever be the
attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees.
		-- Victor Hugo (1802-1885)
%%
Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet,
you can't win.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Certainly the game is rigged; yet if you don't play, you can't win
%%
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very
funny -- Did you ever try buying then without money?
		-- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
Certainty is the lot of those who do not question.
%%
Certified Public Assassin
%%
Chain of command is the backbone of military structure and must be strictly
obeyed.
		-- F. Christian
%%
Chalet or shanty?  It's a decision he should dwell on.
		-- Alan F. G. Lewis
%%
Champagne don't make me lazy.
Cocaine don't drive me crazy.
Ain't nobody's business but my own.
		-- Taj Mahal
%%
Champagne is the only wine a woman can drink and still remain beautiful.
		-- Mme. de Pompadour
%%
Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast. In the pool where
you least expect it, will be a fish.
		-- Ovid
%%
Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.
		-- Anatole France (1844-1924)
%%
Change is an easy panacea.  It takes character to stay in one place and
be happy there.
		-- Elizabeth Clarke Dunn
%%
Change the words into truth,
and then change that truth into love.
		-- Stevie Wonder
%%
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
%%
Changing things is central to leadership, and changing them before
anyone else is creativeness.
		-- Antony Jay
%%
Chantilly Lace had a pretty face; a ponytail, hanging down.
%%
Chaos is King, and Magic is loose in the world
%%
Chaotic Amorals have more fun
%%
Chaotic Evil means never having to say you're sorry
%%
Chapter 2:  Newtonian Growth and Decay

	The growth-decay formulas were developed in the trivial fashion by
Isaac Newton's famous brother Phigg.  His idea was to provide an equation
that would describe a quantity that would dwindle and dwindle, but never
quite reach zero.  Historically, he was merely trying to work out his mortgage.
Another versatile equation also emerged, one which would define a function that
would continue to grow, but never reach unity.	This equation can be applied to
charging capacitors, over-damped springs, and the human race in general.
%%
Character breeds power, particularly in hours of crisis.
%%
Character is a perfectly educated will.
		-- Novalis
%%
Character is a victory, not a gift.
%%
Character is destiny.
		-- Heraclitus (540?-480? B.C.)
%%
Character is not made in a crisis -- it is only exhibited.
		-- Robert Freeman
%%
Character is what God and the angels know of us; reputation is what men
and women think of us.
		-- Horace Mann
%%
Characters do not change.  Opinions alter, but characters are only
developed.
		-- Benjamin Disraeli
%%
Charity begins at home.
		-- Publius Terentius Afer (Terence)
%%
Charity sees the need, not the cause.
%%
Charity should be spontaneous. Calculated altruism is an affront.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity
vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly,
seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth
not in iniquity but rejoiceth in truth; beareth all things, believeth
all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
		-- I Corinthians
%%
Charity:  a thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
		-- Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)
%%
Charlatan -- Though villainy is as ancient as man, one particular form
of it was named only in the 14th century, when the sharp trading of men
from Cerreto, a village about ninety miles north of Rome, made them
notorious and their motives suspect. Under the influence of Italian
ciarlare, "to chatter," a Cerretano became a ciarlatano, and, in
English, a charlatan, "one who pretends to unheld knowledge or ability."
		-- Willard R. Espy, "O Thou Improper, Thou Uncommon Noun"
%%
Charlie was a chemist,
But Charlie is no more.
What Charlie thought was H2O was H2SO4.
%%
Charm is more than beauty.
%%
Chaste makes waste.
%%
Chastity is curable, if detected early.
%%
Chastity is its own punishment.	but it can be cured.  give till it hurts
%%
Chastity is its own punishment.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Chastity is more a state of mind than of anatomy.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Chauvinism:  After Nicolas Chauvin, a soldier excessively devoted to Napoleon;
	    meaning blind allegiance.  I think the word has been changed
	    recently, since male chauvinist appears to refer to a person
	    expecting to receive blind allegiance rather than one giving it.
%%
Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
%%
Check here if tax deductible.
%%
Check the answer you have worked out once more -- before you tell it to
anybody.
		-- Edmund C. Berkeley
%%
Check the position of all switches, knobs, and dials before turning on a
piece of equipment.  Both you and the equipment will live longer.
%%
Check this out!
%%
Cheer Up!  Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
%%
Cheer up! The worst is yet to come!
		-- Philander Johnson
%%
Cheer up, comrades: You can't feel as bad as you look. Or look as bad as you
feel.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Cheerful retreat. Everything serves to further.
%%
Cheerfulness in most cheerful people, is the rich and satisfying result
of strenuous discipline.
		-- Edwin Percy Whipple
%%
Cheerfulness removes the rust from the mind, lubricates our inward
machinery, and enables us to do our work with fewer creaks and groans.
If people were universally cheerful, probably there wouldn't be half the
quarreling or a tenth part of the wickedness there is.	Cheerfulness,
too, promotes health and immortality.  Cheerful people live longest here
on earth, afterward in our hearts.
%%
Cheeseburgie, cheeseburgie! Pepsi! Chips!
%%
Cheit's Lament:
	If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you--
	the next time he's in need.
%%
Chem E's make the best heat exchangers
%%
Chem E.'s do it in packed beds.
%%
Chemist who falls in acid is absorbed in work.
%%
Chemist who falls in acid will be tripping for weeks.
%%
Chemists do it on packed beds.
%%
Chernobyl used MACs
%%
Chess players do it in their minds.
%%
Chess players do it with royalty.
%%
Chess players make better lovers, we know more mating positions."
%%
Chess tonight
%%
Chester Drawers
%%
Chesterton's Discovery:
The only way of catching a train I ever
discovered is to miss the train before.
		-- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
Chicago Tribune headline:  THE FAME OF PLAINS IS MAINLY ON THE WANE.
%%
Chicago has such staunch Democrats that they rise out of the grave
to vote -- sometimes three or four times.
%%
Chicken heads are the chief food of captive alligators.
%%
Chide a friend in private and praise him in public.
		-- Solon
%%
Childhood sometimes does pay a second visit to man; youth never.
		-- Anna Jameson
%%
Childlike folly brings good fortune.
%%
Children -- beat your mother while she is young.
%%
Children are natural copycats - they imitate their parents in spite of
all efforts to teach them to behave properly.
%%
Children are our most valuable resource.
		-- Herbert Hoover (1874-1964)
%%
Children are poor men's riches.
%%
Children are the only minority who grow into their own oppressors.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Children aren't happy without something to ignore,
And that's what parents were created for.
		-- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)
%%
Children begin by loving their parents.  After a time they judge them.
Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), The Picture of Dorian Grey", 1891
%%
Children have more energy after a hard day of play than they do after a
good night's sleep.
		-- Dr. R. F. Gumperson
%%
Children have more need of models than of critics.
%%
Children in a family are like flowers in a bouquet:  there's always one
determined to face in an opposite direction from the way the arranger
desires.
		-- Marcelene Cox
%%
Children should be seen, not heard.
%%
Chill penury weighs down the heart, itself; and though it sometimes be
endured with calmness, it is but the calmness of despair.
		-- Mrs. Jameson
%%
Chinese saying:  He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks.
%%
Chip - Any number of small crunchy objects often served with onion dip.
%%
Chips: The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to
avoid having to leave their keyboards for meals.
%%
Chisolm's Third Law, Corollary 1:
    If you explain so clearly that no one can misunderstand, somebody will.
%%
Chisolm's Third Law, Corollary 2:
    If you do something which you are sure will meet with everyone's approval,
    somebody won't like it.
%%
Chisolm's Third Law, Corollary 3:
	Procedures designed to implement the purpose won't quite work.
%%
Chivalry is not dead.
It's just paralyzed from the neck up.
%%
Chmeee:  Furthermore, they [kzinti] of the Map of Earth have fulfilled
    an ancient daydream of my people.
Louis:	Oh?
Chmeee:  Conquering Earth, you idiot.
		-- "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
Chmeee:  With such a weapon I could boil the Earth to vapor.
Louis Wu:  Shut up.
Chmeee:  It was a natural thought, Louis.
		-- "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
Chocolate Chip.
%%
Chocolate is the answer.
%%
Choir boys do it unaccompanied.
%%
Choose in marriage only a woman whom you would choose as
a friend if she were a man.
		-- Joubert
%%
Choose such pleasures as recreate much, and cost little.
		-- Fuller
%%
Choose the company of your superiors whenever you can have it; that is
the right and true pride.
		-- Lord Chesterfield
%%
Choose variable names that won't be confused.
%%
Choose your friends carefully. Your enemies will choose you!
		-- Y. Arafat
%%
Choosy perverts choose GIF.
%%
Chorus:   Shaving Cream,
	  Be nice and clean,
	  Shave every day and you'll always look keen.
I have a sad story to tell you,
It may hurt your feelings a bit,
Last night when I walked in my bathroom,
I stepped in a big pile of Sh-h-h-  <chorus>

I think I'll break up with my girlfriend,
Her antics are queer, I'll admit,
Each time I say, "Darling, I love you,"
She tells me that I'm full of Sh-h-h-  <chorus>

Our baby fell out of the window,
You'd think that her head would be split,
But good luck was with her that morning,
She fell in a barrel of Sh-h-h-  <chorus>

My old lady died in her bathtub,
She died from a terrible fit,
In order to fulfill her wishes,
She was buried in six feet of Sh-h-h-  <chorus>

When I was in France with the army,
One day I looked into my kit,
I thought I would find me a sandwich,
But the darn thing was loaded with Sh-h-h-  <chorus>

Last week I went out to the ballpark,
To try out my new catcher's mitt,
I told him to throw me a fastball,
But he threw me a big clod of Sh-h-h-  <chorus>

And now folks, my story has ended,
I think it is time I should quit,
If any of you feel offended,
Stick your head in a barrel of Sh-h-h-	<chorus>
%%
Chown up.  Chow down.
%%
Christ believed in hell.  I do not myself feel that any person who is
really profoundly humane can believe in everlasting punishment.
		-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint him.
%%
Christ was grandstanding when he chased the moneylenders out of the temple.
Yes, he made his point, but he also ruined his credit rating.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Christa's son was really upset during the liftoff, but it was
his mom that went to pieces.
%%
Christian theology: nothing so grotesque could possibly be true.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Christianity and Judaism aren't all that different, really.  Growing up in
a Christian family, the feeling of guilt for Man's sins comes from God.
In a Jewish family, it comes from your parents.
%%
Christianity does not remove you from the world and its problems; it
makes you fit to live in it, triumphantly and usefully.
		-- Charles Templeton
%%
Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult
and not tried.
		-- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
Christianity is a battle, not a dream.
		-- Wendell Phillips
%%
Christianity is a missionary religion, converting, advancing,
aggressive, encompassing the world; a non-missionary church is in the
hands of death.
		-- Friedrich Max Muller
%%
Christians are supposed not merely to endure change, nor even to profit
by it, but to cause it.
		-- Harry Emerson Fosdick
%%
Christians do it with grace
%%
Christmas comes but once a year,
A time for love and laughter;
You can come much more than that,
But you have to clean up after.
%%
Christmas comes once a year.  You can come more often but you'll have
 to clean up the mess.
%%
Christmas comes, but once a year is enough.
%%
Christmas has been cancelled, they've found the father
So has Easter, they've found the body
%%
Christmas time is here, by Golly;	 Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens;
Disapproval would be folly;		   Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens;
Deck the halls with hunks of holly;	   Even though the prospect sickens,
Fill the cup and don't say when...	  Brother, here we go again.

On Christmas day, you can't get sore;	     Relations sparing no expense'll,
Your fellow man you must adore;        Send some useless old utensil,
There's time to rob him all the more,	     Or a matching pen and pencil,
The other three hundred and sixty-four!        Just the thing I need... how nice.

It doesn't matter how sincere		     Hark The Herald-Tribune sings,
It is, nor how heartfelt the spirit;	    Advertising wondrous things.
Sentiment will not endear it;		     God Rest Ye Merry Merchants,
What's important is... the price.	 May you make the Yuletide pay.
					Angels We Have Heard On High,
Let the raucous sleighbells jingle;	   Tell us to go out and buy.
Hail our dear old friend, Kris Kringle,        Sooooo...
Driving his reindeer across the sky,
Don't stand underneath when they fly by!
		-- Tom Lehrer
%%
Christmas time is here, by golly.	It doesn't matter how sincere it
Disapproval would be folly.		Is nor how heartfelt the spirit.
Deck the halls with hunks of holly.	Sentiment will not endear it.
Fill the cup and don't say "when."	What's important is the price.

Kill the turkeys, ducks, and chickens.	Hark!  The Herald Tribune sings
Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens.	Advertising wondrous things!
Even though the prospect sickens,
Brother here we go again.		God rest you merry, merchants,
					May you make the Yuletide pay.
On Christmas day you can't get sore,
Your fellow man you must adore; Angels we have heard on high
There's time to rob him all the more	Tell us to go out and buy!
The other three hundred and sixty-four.

Relations sparing no expense'll So, let the raucous sleigh bells jingle.
Send some useless old utensil		Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle
Or a matching pen and pencil.		Driving his reindeer across the sky.
"Just the thing I need.  How nice."	Don't stand underneath when they fly by!
		-- Tom Lehrer, "Christmas Song"
%%
Chroma - Material used in automobile bumpers: manufactured in Italy.
%%
Chuck is wierd, let the whole world know it.
He brought in his bucket to show it.
	We all had a fit
	When we saw it was shit.
We didn't know he was planning to throw it.
%%
Church Police!
%%
Cicero's style bores me.  When I have spent an hour reading him ... and
try to recollect what I have extracted, I usually find it nothing but
wind.
		-- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592)
%%
Cicero, Illinois, prohibits humming on the streets on Sunday.
%%
Cinderella married for money.
%%
Cinema should make you forget you are sitting in a theater.
		-- Roman Polanski
%%
Circular Definition:  see Circular Definition.
%%
Circumflex - a polite invitation for someone to show off his muscles.
%%
Circumstances can force a generalized incompetent to become competent,
at least in a specialized field.
		-- Frank R. Freemon
%%
Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.
		-- Herodotus
%%
Cities should be like the county fairgrounds: empty places except during
times of festival and tournament.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Citizenship comes first today in our crowded world ... No man can enjoy
the privileges of education and thereafter with a clear conscience break
his contract with society.  To respect that contract is to be mature, to
strengthen it is to be a good citizen, to do more than your share is to
be noble.
		-- Isaiah Bowman
%%
Citizenship consists in the service of the country.
		-- Jawaharlal Nehru
%%
City people talk of "escape" when they talk of country living.	To me a
cow is reality.  Escape is homogenized, pasteurized milk, delivered to
the back door in a disposable carton.
		-- Roderick L. Haig-Brown
%%
Civil liberties are always safe as long as their exercise doesn't
bother anyone.
		-- N.Y. Times editorial, Jan. 3, 1941
%%
Civilization - biggest syntax error in history!
%%
Civilization and profits go hand in hand.
		-- Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933)
%%
Civilization begins with order, grows with liberty, and dies with chaos.
		-- Will Durant
%%
Civilization ceases when we no longer respect and no longer put into
their correct places the fundamental values, such as work, family and
country;  such as the individual, honor and religion.
		-- R. P. Lebret
%%
Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Civilization is a religion.
%%
Civilization is not a burden.  It is an opportunity.
		-- Alexander Meiklejohn
%%
Civilization is the order and freedom promoting cultural activity.
		-- Will Durant
%%
Civilization is the process of reducing the infinite to the finite.
		-- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
%%
Civilization tends to spread, if there's a transport system to spread
it.
		-- Louis Wu, "Ringworld"
%%
Civilization, as we know it, will end sometime this evening.
See SYSNOTE tomorrow for more information.
%%
Civilization, like an airplane in flight, survives only as it keeps going
forward.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Civilized people walk funny.
%%
Civilized society is perpetually menaced with disintegration through
this primary hostility of men towards one another ...
		-- Sigmund Freud (1856-1939)
%%
Clang!	Crash!	The # parries.
%%
Clark Kent is a transvestite.
%%
Clark Kent was here.
%%
Clarke's Conclusion:
	Never let your sense of morals interfere with doing the right thing.
%%
Clarke's Third Law:
	Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from
	magic.

G's Third Law:
	In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe
	is composed of only two basic substances: magic and bullshit.

H's Dictum:
	There is no magic ...
%%
Class, that's the only thing that counts in life.  Class.
Without class and style, a man's a bum; he might as well be dead.
		-- "Bugsy" Siegel
%%
Classic art was the art of necessity; modern romantic art bears the
stamp of caprice and change.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Classified Classifieds #1
  YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT but it's true: A natural-language implementation
  of IBM's hair-raising Job Control Language is available NOW. Send 8,000
  floppies and stamped, self-addressed packing crate to Ernie in Supplies
  at the Shady Grove Software Campus.
%%
Classified Classifieds #2
  LANS, LANS, LANS. More than 20 local area networking
  schemes available, most never used. Call J. Johnson
  in Wiring Closet, Calif., for details.
%%
Classified material is considered lost when it cannot be found.
%%
Classified material requires proper storage.
%%
Clay's Conclusion:
	Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
%%
Clean earth smells funny.
%%
Clean mind, clean body: take your pick.
%%
Clean your glasses.
%%
Cleaner! Whiter! Brighter!
%%
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Clearly spoken Mr. Fogg; you explain English by Greek.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Clearly stated instructions will consistently produce multiple
interpretations.
		-- Charles P. Boyle
%%
Clearly, then, the city is not a concrete jungle, it is a human zoo.
		-- Desmond Morris
%%
Clever men are good, but they're not the best.
		-- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
%%
Cleverness is not wisdom.
		-- Euripides
%%
Cleverness is serviceable for everything, sufficient for nothing.
		-- Amiel
%%
Cleverness may not be wisdom, but I have yet to discover a clever moron.
		-- Gary B. Wright
%%
Click.
%%
Climate is what we expect. Weather is what we get.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Climbing K-2 or floating the Grand Canyon in an inner tube: There are some
things one would rather *have done* than *do*.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Climbing a mountain in silence helps to give ascent.
%%
Climbing the walls is of no avail.
%%
Clinton is one Bill, George Bush can't veto...
%%
Clique Maintenance:
	The need of one generation to see the generation following it
as deficient so as to bolster its own collective ego: "Kids today do
nothing. They're so apathetic. We used to go out and protest. All they
do is shop and complain."
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Close friends will surprise you tonight with the absence of a party.
%%
Close is only good enough in horseshoes and hand-grenades.
%%
Close the door, let me give you what you've been waiting for!!
%%
Close your eyes and imagine that you are at the most wonderful party.
Delicious food. (mm-mmm!)
Interesting people.	(oh-kay!)
Terrific music. (uh-huh!)
Now open them!
%%
Close your eyes and press escape three times.
%%
Closed Hearing for the Caption Impaired...
%%
Closing lines:
       I'm going to make like a tree and leave.
       I'm going to put an egg in my shoe and beat it.
       I'm going to make like the shepherds and get the flock out of here.
%%
Clothe an idea in words and it loses its freedom of movement.
		-- Egon Friedell
%%
Clouds and thunder:
The image of Difficulty at the Beginning.
Thus the superior man
Brings order out of confusion.
%%
Clouds rise up to heaven:
The image of Waiting.
Thus the superior man eats and drinks,
Is joyous and of good cheer.
%%
Clovis' Consideration of an Atmospheric Anomaly:
	The perversity of nature is nowhere better demonstrated
	than by the fact that, when exposed to the same atmosphere,
	bread becomes hard while crackers become soft.
%%
Clu programmers do it in clusters.
%%
Cluster analysts do it in groups.
%%
Clyde: "What do you know about magnetic rocks?"
Hyde: "Not a thing.  Go ask Peter."

Clyde leaves to see Peter.

Peter: "There are these 4 poles, you see....
The 'unlike' poles attract and if we reverse them then the
'like' poles will repel....."

A while later:

Hyde: "What did he come up with?"
Clyde: "A lesson in Reverse Polish logic."
%%
Co-workers:  "What'll I tell the boss?"
Homer: "Tell him I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love ...
	and I won't be back for *TEN MINUTES*!"
		-- Homer in "Jacques to be Wild", from The Simpsons
%%
Cobol programmers are down in the dumps.
%%
Coca-Cola was first introduced in 1886.
Pepsi-Cola was first introduced in 1898.
7-up was first introduced in 1933.
Tab was first introduced in 1963.
%%
Cocaine -- the thinking man's Asprin.
%%
Cocaine is nature's way of telling you you have too much money.
%%
Cocaine isn't what it is cracked up to be.
%%
Cocaine's a joke!
	(Who's got the next line?)
%%
Cockatrices might turn themselves to stone faced with a mirror.
%%
Cockcrow penetrating to heaven.
Perseverance brings misfortune.
%%
Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and
eat.
		-- Herb Caen
%%
Cockroaches have done it for millions of years, without apparent
ill-effects.
%%
Code - virus lasting about three to five days, accompanied by sore
	throat, runny nose and fever.
%%
Code mmu: SDR 63 DOESN'T match u u_segmts
%%
Coding is easy;  All you do is sit staring
at a terminal until the drops of blood form on your forehead.
%%
Cognitive dissonance: A "Save the Rainforests" bumper sticker on a
Mitsubishi.
%%
Cohen's Law:
	There is no bottom to worse.
%%
Cohn's Law:
	The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less
	time you have to do anything.  Stability is achieved when you spend
	all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing.
%%
Coincidences are spiritual puns.
		-- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
Coit-Murphy's Statement on the Power of Positive Thinking:
	It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised.
%%
Coito ergo sum
%%
Coitus is punishment for the happiness of being together.
Live as ascetically as possible... that is the only possible
way for me to endure marriage.	But she?
		-- Franz Kafka
%%
Coitus upon a cadaver
Is the ultimate way you can have 'er.
	Her inanimate state
	Means a man needn't wait,
And eliminates all the palaver.
%%
Cold Wind slips down the mountain.
Tree shivers, wraps a flame blanket round;
life burns quietly
until
Breeze stirs leftover burnt leaves.

Winter slowly smiles snow-white teeth,
runs with Breeze and Cold Wind through moaning wood.
For Tree, a hard shell
is no warm coat.
%%
Cold hands, no gloves.
%%
Cold morning on Aztec Peak Fire Lookout. First, build fire in old stove.
Second, start coffee. Then, heat up last night's pork chops and spinach for
breakfast. Why not? And why the hell not?
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Cold-hearted orb that rules the night
Removes the colors from our sight
Red is gray, and yellow white
But we decide which is right
And which is a quantization error.
		-- Jef Poskanzer, jef@well.sf.ca.us from the doc to his
		   oh-so-cool program that converts color bitmaps to
		   greyscale ones.
%%
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
%%
Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery.
%%
Collectors do it in sets.
%%
Colleen's law:
The best ideas always occur when it's too late for them
to be implemented.
%%
College bred is a four-year loaf made out of the old man's dough.
%%
College is like a woman -- you work so hard to get in, and nine months
later you wish you'd never come.
%%
College isn't the place to go for ideas.
		-- Hellen Keller
%%
College or post-high school training desirable.
%%
Collins's Law:
	If you can't make a mistake, you can't make anything.

Corollaries ("Rabinovitch's Rules of Sane Dialogue"):
	1. Everybody who matters is stupid now and then.
	2. If I'm being stupid, that's my problem.
	3. If my being stupid makes you stupid, that's your problem.
	4. If you think you're never stupid, boy are you stupid!
%%
Color Burst - Result of a terrorist attack on a paint store.
%%
Colors fade, temples crumble, empires fall, but wise words endure.
		-- Thorndike
%%
Colors may, in time, fade.
%%
Colossal Cave is always open.
%%
Colson's Law: If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds
will follow.
%%
Comb your hair.
%%
Comb's Law:
A lot of people who complain about their boss being
stupid would be out of a job if he were smarter.
%%
Combinatorialists do it a countable number of times, sadly.
%%
Combinatorialists do it discreetly.
%%
Come and kneel before Zod!
%%
Come back Mrs. Boathook, all is foregriven!
%%
Come back ya pansie! I'll bite yer legs off!
%%
Come back!  All is forgiven!
%%
Come back, or I'll bite your knees off!
%%
Come fill the cup and in the fire of spring
Your winter garment of repentance fling.
The bird of time has but a little way
To flutter--and the bird is on the wing.
		-- Omar Khayyam
%%
Come good times or bad, there's always a market for things nobody needs.
		-- Kin Hubbard
%%
Come home America.
		-- George McGovern (1972)
%%
Come live with me and be my love,
And we will some new pleasures prove
Of golden sands and crystal brooks
With silken lines, and silver hooks.
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
If you would be my posslq.

You live with me, and I with you,
And you will be my posslq.
I'll be your friend and so much more;
That's what a posslq is for.

And everything we will confess;
Yes, even to the IRS.
Some day on what we both may earn,
Perhaps we'll file a joint return.
You'll share my pad, my taxes, joint;
You'll share my life - up to a point!
And that you'll be so glad to do,
Because you'll be my posslq.
%%
Come live with me, and be my love,
And we will some new pleasures prove
Of golden sands, and crystal brooks,
With silken lines, and silver hooks.
		-- John Donne (1572-1631)
%%
Come near me and I'll kill you.
		-- Ron Post
%%
Come on baby, don't say that!
%%
Come on you knuckle-head! Get out'a here.  I mean it!
%%
Come on, baby, light my fire.
		-- Jim Morrison
%%
Come on, bark like a dog.
%%
Come on, now!
%%
Come riddle, come riddle my roe-tee-tee-tote,
A little red man in a little red coat,
A stone in his belly, A stick in his throat,
Come tell me this riddle, and I'll give you a groat.
 A cherry
%%
Come up and see me sometime.  Come Wednesday, that's amateur night.
		-- Mae West
%%
Come, Watson, the game is afoot.
%%
Come, every frustum longs to be a cone,
And every vector dreams of matrices.
Hark to the gentle gradient of the breeze:
It whispers of a more ergodic zone.
		-- Stanislaw Lem, "The Cyberiad"
%%
Come, let us hasten to a higher plane,
Where dyads tread the fairy fields of Venn,
Their indices bedecked from one to _n,
Commingled in an endless Markov chain!
		-- Stanislaw Lem, "The Cyberiad"
%%
Come, muse, let us sing of rats!
		-- From a poem by James Grainger (1721-1767)
%%
Comedians do it for laughs.
%%
Comedy is someone else slipping on a banana peel.
%%
Comedy is the last refuge of the nonconformist mind.
		-- Gilbert Seldes (1893-?)
%%
Comes the dawn, the sun shall rise in the west.
%%
Comfort the Afflicted, and Afflict the Comfortable.
%%
Comfortable approach.
Nothing that would not further.
If one is induced to grieve over it,
One becomes free of blame.
%%
Coming Soon!!  Mouse Support for Edlin!!
%%
Coming joyousness. Misfortune.
%%
Coming soon to a theater or a drive-in near you!
%%
Coming soon: Netware for the Nintendo!
%%
Coming to Meet. The maiden is powerful.
One should not marry such a maiden.
%%
Coming together is a beginning;
	keeping together is progress;
		working together is success.
%%
Comitas comitatum, omnia comitas.
		-- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
Commandment #12592
Oh ye who go about saying unto each other:  "Hello sailor":
Dost thou know the magnitude of thy sin before the gods?
Yea, verily, thou shalt be ground between two stones.
Shall the angry gods cast thy body into the whirlpool?
Surely, thy eye shall be put out with a sharp stick!
Even unto the ends of the earth shalt thou wander and
unto the land of the dead shalt thou be sent at last.
Surely thou shalt repent of thy cunning.
%%
Commend a fool for his wit, or a knave for his honesty, and they will
receive you into their bosom.
		-- Fielding
%%
Comment is free, but facts are sacred.
		-- C. P. Scott, c.1900
%%
Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways.
		-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
%%
Commitment isn't a chore. It's a challenge.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Committee -- a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.
		-- Milton Berle
%%
Committee -- a group of the unfit, appointed by the unwilling, to do the
unnecessary.
		-- Stewart Harrol
%%
Committee Rules: (1) Never arrive on time, or you will be stamped a
beginner.
		-- Harry Chapman
%%
Committee Rules: (2) Don't say anything until the meeting is half over;
this stamps you as being wise.
		-- Harry Chapman
%%
Committee Rules: (3) Be as vague as possible; this prevents irritating
the others.
		-- Harry Chapman
%%
Committee Rules: (4) When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be
appointed.
		-- Harry Chapman
%%
Committee Rules: (5) Be the first to move for adjournment; this will
make you popular -- it's what everyone is waiting for.
		-- Harry Chapman
%%
Committee Rules:
	(1) Never arrive on time, or you will be stamped a beginner.
	(2) Don't say anything until the meeting is half over; this
	    stamps you as being wise.
	(3) Be as vague as possible; this prevents irritating the
	    others.
	(4) When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be appointed.
	(5) Be the first to move for adjournment; this will make you
	    popular -- it's what everyone is waiting for.
		-- Harry Chapman
%%
Committee reports dealing with wages, salaries, fringe benefits,
facilities, computers, employee parking, libraries, coffee breaks,
secretarial support, etc., always call for dramatic expenditure
increases.
		-- Thomas L. Martin
%%
Committee:  A cul-de-sac to which ideas are lured and then quietly
strangled.
		-- John A. Lincoln
%%
Common and vulgar people ascribe all ill that they feel to others;
people of little wisdom ascribe to themselves; people of much wisdom, to
no one.
		-- Epictetus
%%
Common sense and nature will do a lot to make the pilgrimage of life not
to difficult.
		-- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)
%%
Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom.
		-- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
Common sense is compelled to make its way without the enthusiasm of
anyone.
		-- Ed Howe
%%
Common sense is genius in homespun.
		-- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
Common sense is in spite of, not as the result of education.
		-- Victor Hugo (1802-1885)
%%
Common sense is only a modification of talent.	Genius is an exaltation
of it. The difference is, therefore, in degree, not nature.
		-- Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton
%%
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
		-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things
as they ought to be done.
		-- Josh Billings
%%
Common sense is very uncommon.
		-- Horace Greeley (1811-1872)
%%
Common sense isn't.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Commoner's second law of ecology:
Nothing ever goes away.
%%
Commoner's three laws of ecology:
	1) No action is without side-effects.
	2) Nothing ever goes away.
	3) There is no free lunch.
%%
Commonly, physicians, like beer, are best when they are old, and
lawyers, like bread, when they are young and new.
		-- Fuller
%%
Commonplace people dislike tragedy because they dare not suffer
and cannot exult.
		-- John Masefield (1878-1967)
%%
Communicate!  It can't make things any worse.
%%
Communism has nothing to do with love.	Communism is an excellent hammer
which we use to destroy our enemy.
		-- Mao Tse-tung
%%
Communism is a society where each one works according to his abilities
and gets according to his needs.
		-- Pierre Joseph Proudhon
%%
Communism is like a mouth on a lollipop
%%
Communism is the death of the soul.  It is the organization of total
conformity -- in short, of tyranny -- and it is committed to making
tyranny universal.
		-- Adlai E. Stevenson
%%
Communism means barbarism.
		-- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
%%
Communism possesses a language which every people can understand --
its elements are hunger, envy, and death.
		-- Heinrich Heine (1797-1856)
%%
Communism: The longest and most painful route from capitalism to capitalism.
%%
Communist paradises have this peculiarity, that people don't want to live
in them.
		-- Brian Crozier
%%
Communists do it without class.
%%
Compared to what we ought to be, we are only half awake.  We are making
use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources.
		-- William James
%%
Compared with everything else in data processing, paper is cheap; use
it. But the value of a report decreases as the number of its pages
increases.
%%
Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation.
%%
Competence always contains the seed of incompetence.
%%
Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the
beholder.
		-- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
Competition is a sin.
		-- John D. Rockefeller, Sr.
%%
Competitive fury is not always anger.  It is the true missionary's
courage and zeal in facing the possibility that one's best may not be enough.
		-- Gene Scott
%%
Compile - a heap of decomposing vegetable matter.
%%
Compiler Writer's Motto -- Optimization Pass:
	Making a wrong program worse is no sin.
		-- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
Complaint is the largest tribute heaven receives, and the sincerest part
of our devotion.
		-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
Complaint is the largest tribute heaven receives.
		-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
Complete adaptation to environment means death.  The essential point in
all response is the desire to control environment.
		-- John Dewey (1859-1953)
%%
Complete approach.
No blame.
%%
Complex Ways of Saying Simple Things
 -- Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minikin.
 -- Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate.
 -- Surveillance should precede saltation.
 -- Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.
 -- It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitately departed
	lacteal fluid.
 -- Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.
 -- It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated
	canine with innovative maneuvers.
 -- Eschew the implement of correction and vitiate the scion.
 -- The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly
	galled saucepan does not reach 212 degrees Fahrenheit.
%%
Complex Ways of Saying Simple Things
 Abstention from any aleatory undertaking precludes a potential
 escallation of a lucrative nature.
%%
Complex Ways of Saying Simple Things
 Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of
 hedonistic diversion renders John a hebetudinous fellow.
'All work and no play makes John a dull boy.'
%%
Complex Ways of Saying Simple Things
 It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitately departed
 lacteal fluid.
'Don't cry over spilled milk.'
%%
Complex Ways of Saying Simple Things
 Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate.
 'Birds of a feather stick together.'
%%
Complex Ways of Saying Simple Things
 Missiles of ligneous or osteal consistency have the potential of
 fracturing osseous structure, but appellations will eternally
 remain innocuous.
%%
Complex Ways of Saying Simple Things
 Neophyte's serendipity.
%%
Complex Ways of Saying Simple Things
 Surveillance should precede saltation.
 'Look before you leap.'
%%
Complex Ways of Saying Simple Things
 The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby
 the optimal cachinnation.
%%
Complex Ways of Saying Simple Things
 The writing implement is more potent than the claymore.
%%
Complex Ways of Saying Simple Things
A revolving concretion of earthy or mineral matter accumulates no
 congeries of small, green bryophytic plant.
%%
Compliments of congratulations are always kindly taken, and cost nothing
but pen, ink, and paper.  I consider them as draughts upon good
breeding, where the exchange is always greatly in favor of the drawer.
		-- Chesterfield
%%
Compromise is but the sacrifice of one right or good in the hope of
retaining another -- too often ending in the loss of both.
		-- Tyron Edwards
%%
Compromise is never anything but an ignoble truce between the duty of a
man and the terror of a coward.
		-- Reginald Wright Kauffman
%%
Compromise makes a good umbrella, but a poor roof; it is temporary
expedient, often wise in party politics, almost sure to be unwise in
statesmanship.
		-- James Russell Lowell (1819-1891)
%%
Computational Physicist and all around nice guy.
%%
Computer "Daffy"nitions:

DEBUG:	Six-legged critter found on deflowers.
		-- "TELECONNECT", Sep. 1988
%%
Computer Glossary - An Alternate View of the Universe:

   pixel, n.
	A mischievous, magical spirit associated with screen
	displays.  The computer industry has frequently borrowed from
	mythology: Witness the sprites in computer graphics, the
	demons in artificial intelligence, and the trolls in the
	marketing department.
%%
Computer Science is not about computers, any more than Astronomy is
about telescopes.
		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
Computer Support Hotline:  "So what's wrong with the product?"
Customer		:  "It's on fire."
%%
Computer languages with strong typing are for people with weak memories.
%%
Computer people have often spoken of the "gigo" effect, meaning "garbage
in - garbage out". What gives some of us chills is a secondary meaning of
"gigo": "garbage in - gospel out". It can happen here.
		-- Kelvin Throop III
%%
Computer programmers do it logically.
%%
Computer programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.
%%
Computer programs expand so as to fill the core available.
%%
Computer scientists are programmed to do it by macro insertion.
%%
Computer scientists do it a bit at a time.
%%
Computer scientists do it all night long.
%%
Computer scientists do it by bit.
%%
Computer scientists do it discretely.
%%
Computer scientists simulate doing it.
%%
Computer-based management information systems will cure most review and
control problems.
		-- Richard F. Moore
%%
Computers All Wait at the Same Speed!
%%
Computers Rule 01001111 01001011
%%
Computers are my life, they're my wife!
%%
Computers are the most fun you can have with anything that isn't breathing.
		-- Bruce Walker, CACM Forum
%%
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
		-- Tom Gibb
%%
Computers can give you the mnemonic plague.
%%
Computers can make more mistakes in one minute than 100 experts in one year.
%%
Computers do it in ASCII, except IBM's which use EBCDIC.
%%
Computers don't actually think.
	You just think they think.
		(We think.)
%%
Computers evolved from scientific superbrains to household appliances;
  had they started out as video games, they would certainly have been
  designed with the user interface in mind.
		-- D. Verne Morland
%%
Computers in Love.

Micro was a real-time operator and dedicated
multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to
interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it
meant time sharing.

One evening he arrived home just as the SUN was
crashing, and had parked his motorolla 68000 in the main
drive (he had missed the 5100 bus that morning). He noticed
an elegant piece of daisy wheels in his garden, and he
thought to himself, "she looks user-friendly". I'll see if
she'd like an update tonight."

Mini was her name, and she was delightfully
engineered with eyes like cobol and a prime mainframe
architecture that set Micro's peripherals networking all
over the place.

He browsed over to to her casually, admiring the
power of her twin, 32-bit floating point processors and
enquired "how are you, honeywell?", and smoothing her
console over her curvilinear functions.

Micro settled for a straight line approximation. He
said " I am stand-alone tonight, how about computing a
vector to my base address? I'll output a byte to eat to eat,
and may be we could get offset later on.

Mini ran a priority process for 2.6 milliseconds then
transmitted 8K, "I've been dumped myself recently, and a new
page is just what I need to refresh my disks. I'll park my
machine cycle in your background and meet you inside." She
walked off, leaving Micro admiring her solenoids and
thinking, "wow, what a global variable, I wonder if she'd
like my firmware......"

They sat down at the process table to a top of form
feed of fiche and chips and a bucket of baudot. Mini was in
conversational mode and expanded on ambiguous arguments
while Micro gave occasional acknowledgements although, in
reality, he was analyzing the shortest and least critical
path to her entry point. He finally settled on the old
"would you like to see my benchmark subroutine ?" but Mini
was again one step ahead.

Suddenly she was up and stripping off her parity bits to
reveal the full functionality of her operating system
software. "Let's get basic, you ram," she said. Micro was
loaded by this hardware policing module which had a
processor of it's own and was in danger of overflowing its
buffer, and hang-up that Micro had consulted his analyst
about. "Core," was all he could say, as she separated to log
him off.

Micro soon recovered, however, when Mini went down
on the DEC and opened her divide files to reveal her data
set ready. He accessed his fully packed root device and was
just about to start pushing into her cpu stack, when she
attempted an escape sequence.

	"No, No !" she cried, "you're not shielded."
	"Reset, baby", he replied, "I've been debugged."
	"But I haven't got my current loop enabled, and I
can't support child processes," she protested.
	"Don't run away", he said, I'll generate an interrupt."
	"No that's too error prone, and I can't abort
because of my design philosophy.

Micro was locked in by this stage though, and could
not be turned off. But Mini soon stopped his thrashing by
introducing a voltage spike into his main supply, whereupon
he fell over with a head crash and went to sleep.
"Computers", she thought as she compiled herself,
"all they ever think of is hex".
%%
Computers just want to have fun.
%%
Computers never make mistrakes.
%%
Computers run on faith, not electrons.
%%
Computing power increases as the square of the cost.  If you want to do
it twice as cheaply, you have to do it four times as slowly.
		-- Herb Grosch

[It has been suggested that this is not a "law", but rather a
description of IBM's pricing strategy.]
%%
Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Conceit in weakest bodies strongest works.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Conceit is to nature what paint is to beauty; it is not only needless,
but impairs what it would improve.
		-- Pope
%%
Concentrate on security.
%%
Concentrate on th'cute, li'l CARTOON GUYS!  Remember the SERIAL
NUMBERS!!  Follow the WHIPPLE AVE. EXIT!!  Have a FREE PEPSI!!	Turn
LEFT at th'HOLIDAY INN!!  JOIN the CREDIT WORLD!!  MAKE me an OFFER!!!
CONGRATULATIONS!  Now should I make thinly veiled comments about
DIGNITY, self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE??
%%
Conceptual integrity in turn dictates that the design must proceed from
one mind, or from a very small number of agreeing resonant minds.
		-- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
%%
Concerning players, we have thought it fit to excommunicate them so
long as they continue to act.
		-- First Council of Arles (314)
%%
Concerning the gods, I am not able to know to a certainty whether they
exist or not. For there are many things which prevent one from knowing,
especially the obscurity of the subject, and the shortness of the life
of man.
%%
Concrete is heavy; iron is hard--but the grass will prevail.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Condom - external storage
%%
Condominiums are not effective birth control.
%%
Condoms are like listening to a symphony with cotton in your ears.
%%
Conductors beat it with an audience.
%%
Conductors do it rhythmically.
%%
Conductors wave it up and down
%%
Confectioners do it sweetly.
%%
Conference: A place where conversation is substituted for the dreariness of
 work and the loneliness of thought.
		-- Kelvin Throop III, "The Management Dictionary"
%%
Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven;
confess them to man and you will be laughed at.
		-- Josh Billings
%%
Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is
good for dandruff -- it is a palliative rather than a remedy.
		-- Peter De Vries
%%
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career.
%%
Confidence comes from hours and days and weeks of constant
work and dedication.
		-- Roger Staubach
%%
Confidence is that feeling you get just before you really
understand the situation.
%%
Confidential memorandum - No time to xerox a copy for the entire office
		-- Glossary of important business terms
%%
Conflict. You are sincere
And are being obstructed.
A cautious halt halfway brings good fortune.
Going through to the end brings misfortune.
It furthers one to see the great man.
It does not further one to cross the great water.
%%
Conflicting research paradigms
Have legitimized various crimes.
	The worst we can see
	Is in psychology,
Measuring reaction times.
%%
Conform and be dull.
		-- J. Frank Dobie
%%
Conform, go crazy, or become a writer
%%
Conformity is the treadmill most of us are content to walk.  Great men
blaze new trails, where there is less traffic, but more promise.
		-- Gary B. Wright
%%
Conformity obstructs progress.
%%
Confront a child, a puppy, and a kitten with a sudden danger; the child
will turn instinctively for more assistance, the puppy will grovel in
abject submission, the kitten will brace its tiny body for a frantic
resistance.
		-- H. H. Munro
%%
Confucious say too damn much!
%%
Confucious say: I didn't say that!
%%
Confucious say: Man with no legs bums around.
%%
Confucious say: Those who quote me are fools.
%%
Confucious say:
	woman who ride bicycle peddle ass around town.
	fool man climb tree to get cherries;  wise man spread limbs.
	woman who fly upside down in airplane have big crack up.
	man who live in glass house should bathe in the basement.
	man who make love on ground have piece on Earth.
	man who lose key to girlfriend's apartment get no new key.
	man who fights with wife, gets not peace at night.
	child conceived in back seat of car with automatic transmission
		turn out to be shiftless bastard.
%%
Confucius say...
    ... woman who go to man's apartment for snack, may get tit bit.
    ... man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
    ... man who snatch kisses when young, kiss snatches when old.
    ... man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.
    ... man who fish in other man's well, often catch crabs.
    ... girl who douche with vinegar walk around with sour puss.
    ... man with athletic finger make broad jump.
    ... man who marry girl with no bust, has right to feel low.
    ... he who burn rubber have hot rod.
    ... baby conceived in car with automatic transmission,
	grows up to be shiftless bastard.
%%
Confucius say: 'Man who shoot off mouth often lose face.'
%%
Confucius say: 'Who say I say all those things they say I say?'
%%
Confucius say: Girls should not marry basketball players --
	       they dribble before they shoot.
%%
Confucius say: He who live in glass house dress in basement.
%%
Confucius say: Modern house without toilet uncanny.
%%
Confucius say: Wife who put man in dog house find him in cat house.
%%
Confucius say:Squirrel who run up woman's leg not find nuts.
%%
Confuscious say :
  "Man who have hand in pocket not just jingling change."
%%
Confuscious say: Baby conceived on back seat of car with
automatic transmission, grow up to be shiftless bastard.
%%
Confuscious say: Kotex not best thing in world, but it is next to it.
%%
Confuscious say: Man who fights with wife all day,
gets no piece (peace) at night.
%%
Confuscious say: Man who get kicked in testicles, left holding bag.
%%
Confuscious say: Man who lays woman on ground, get piece on earth.
%%
Confuscious say: Man who marries girl with no bust, have right to feel
low down.
%%
Confuscious say: Man who snatches kisses when young,
kisses snatches when old.
%%
Confuscious say: Man who sucks nipples, make clean breast of things.
%%
Confuscious say: Passionate kiss like spider web,
lead to undoing of fly.
%%
Confuscious say: Virginity like balloon, one prick and it is all gone.
%%
Confuscious say: Wife who slides down bannister, makes monkey shine.
%%
Confuscious say: Woman who files upside-down, have crack up.
%%
Confuscious say: Woman who spends much time on bedspring,
may have offspring.
%%
Confuse People:  Quote from the wrong message!
%%
Confusion (entropy) is always increasing in society.  Only if someone or
something works extremely hard can this confusion be reduced to order in
a limited region.  Nevertheless, this effort will still result in an
increase in the total confusion of society at large.
		-- Dr. W. L. Everitt
%%
Confusion is always increasing in society. [Social entropy]
%%
Confusion not only reigns, it pours.
%%
Confusion will be my epitaph
as I walk a cracked and broken path
If we make it we can all sit back and laugh
but I fear that tomorrow we'll be crying.
		-- King Crimson, "In the Court of the Crimson King"
%%
Congratulations!  Unlike the other vandals, who merely stole the
artist's masterpieces, you have destroyed one.
%%
Congratulations!  You are the one-millionth user to log into our system.
%%
Congratulations!  You have just vanquished a dragon with your bare
hands!	(Unbelievable, isn't it?)
%%
Congratulations!  You have purchased an extremely fine device that
would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that
you undoubtably will destroy it via some typical bonehead consumer
maneuver.  Which is why we ask you to PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE READ THIS
OWNER'S MANUAL CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE.	YOU ALREADY
UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T YOU?  YOU UNPACKED IT AND PLUGGED IT IN AND TURNED
IT ON AND FIDDLED WITH THE KNOBS, AND NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD
WHO ONCE SHOVED A POLISH SAUSAGE INTO YOUR VIDEOCASSETTE RECORDED AND
SET IT ON "FAST FORWARD", THIS CHILD ALSO IS FIDDLING WITH HE KNOBS,
RIGHT?	AND YOU'RE JUST NOW STARTING TO READ THE INSTRUCTIONS,
RIGHT???  WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BREAK THESE DEVICES RIGHT AT THE
FACTORY BEFORE WE SHIP THEM OUT, YOU KNOW THAT?
		-- Dave Barry, "Read This First!"
%%
Congratulations!  You've managed to break all the bottles.  Fortunately
for your feet, they were made of magic glass and disappear immediately.
%%
Congratulations! You've just
won an all-expensive-paid trip to the
Arctic!
%%
Congratulations!!
%%
Congress has formed a special committee to examine funding to the
Nicaraguan rebels.  It's called contracept.
%%
Congresswoman:	Well, Mr. Dallas... we've heard your smut masquerading as
songs... and we've heard how teen prostitution pregnancy, drug use, cults,
runaways, suicide and poor hygiene are sweeping this nation.  We thought you
might like to share with the committee any particular causes you might see
for those latter problems...

Steve Dallas:  I dunno.  Maybe the proliferation of narrow, suffocating
zealotry masquerading as parenting in this country.
		-- "Bloom County"
%%
Connotations, The
%%
Conquering Russia is a steppe by steppe process
%%
Conquering his fears, the troll puts you to death.
%%
Conscience -- the only incorruptible thing about us.
		-- Henry Fielding
%%
Conscience doth make cowards of us all.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Conscience has no more to do with gallantry than it has with politics.
		-- Sheridon
%%
Conscience is defined as the thing that hurts
when everything else feels great.
%%
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking.
		-- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956), "A Mencken Chrestomathy", 1949
%%
Conscience is the mirror of our souls, which represents the errors of
our lives in their full shape.
		-- George Bancroft
%%
Consensus Terrorism:
	The process that decides in-office attitudes and behaviour.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Conservation is ethically sound.  It is rooted in our love of the land,
our respect for the rights of others, our devotion to the rule of law.
		-- Lyndon Baines Johnson
%%
Conservation means the wise use of earth and its resources for the
lasting good of men.
		-- Gifford Pinchot
%%
Conservative, n.:
	One who admires radicals centuries after they're dead.
		-- Leo C. Rosten
%%
Conservative, n: A Liberal who's been mugged.
%%
Conserve energy -- make love more slowly.
%%
Conserve energy, kill yourself.
		-- jon@dscatoh0.sac.ca.us
%%
Consider carefully before you say a hard word to a man, but never
let a chance to say a good one go by. Praise judiciously bestowed is money
invested.
		-- George Horace Lorimer
%%
Consider the Malevolent Universe Theory: it really IS out to get you!
%%
Consider the following axioms carefully:
	"Everything's better when it sits on a Ritz."
			and
	"Everything's better with Blue Bonnet on it."
What happens if one spreads Blue Bonnet margarine on a Ritz
cracker? The thought is frightening. Is this how God came
into being?
Try not to consider the fact that "Things go better with Coke".
%%
Consider the little mouse,
how sagacious an animal it is which never entrusts its life to one hole only.
		-- Titus Maccius Plautus (254?-184 B.C.)
%%
Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to
stick to one thing till it gets there.
		-- Josh Billings
%%
Consider the woman who offered to sell to Tarquin a collection of books
and when he would not give the sum she demanded burned one-third of them
and demanded the same sum, and when again he would not give the sum she
demanded, burned another one-third of them and demanded the same sum,
until finally he gave the original sum for the last third.
%%
Consider will what your strength is equal to, and what exceeds your
ability.
		-- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Consistency is the product of small minds.
		-- Merle P. Martin
%%
Consolations, Consultations, Conflagrations.
%%
Conspicuous Minimalism:
	A life-style tactic similar to Status Substitution. The
nonownership of material goods flaunted as a token of moral and
intellectual superiority.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Conspiracy: the opiate of the asses
%%
Constant complaint is the poorest sort of pay for all the comforts we
enjoy.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Constant success shows us but one side of the world; adversity brings
out the reverse of the picture.
		-- Charles Caleb Colton
%%
Constants are variables.
		-- Murphy
Data types are variables.
		-- Old wisdom
%%
Construction workers do it higher.
%%
Consult your friend on all things, especially on those which respect
yourself. His counsel may then be useful where your own self-love might
impair your judgement.
		-- Seneca
%%
Consumption of home-made food is strictly forbidden in this dungeon.
%%
Contact lenses, once they fall to the ground, disintegrate.
%%
Contact with a friend may provide some unexpected income advantages.
%%
Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients.
%%
Contains no user-serviceable parts.
%%
Contemplation of my life.
The superior man is without blame.
%%
Contemplation of my life
Decides the choice
Between advance and retreat.
%%
Contemplation of the light of the kingdom.
It furthers one to exert influence as the guest of a king.
%%
Contemplation through the crack of the door.
Furthering for the perseverance of a woman.
%%
Contemplation. The ablution has been made,
But not yet the offering.
Full of trust they look up to him.
%%
Contemptuous lights flashed flashed across the computer's console.
		-- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
%%
Content:  80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRONi ... The waitress's UNIFORM sheds
TARTAR SAUCE like an 8" by 10" GLOSSY ...
%%
Contented joyousness. Good fortune.
%%
Contented limitation. Success.
%%
Contentment is a pearl of great price, and whoever procures it at the
expense of ten thousand desires makes a wise and happy purchase.
		-- John Balguy
%%
Contentment is natural wealth, luxury is artificial poverty.
		-- Socrates (470?-399 B.C.)
%%
Contentment is, after all, simply refined indolence.
		-- Thomas C. Haliburton
%%
Contentment produces in some measure, all those effects which the
alchymist usually ascribes to what he calls the philosopher's stone; and
if it does not bring riches, it does the same thing, by banishing the
desire of them. If it cannot remove the disquietudes arising from a
man's mind, body, or fortune, it makes him easy under them.
		-- Addison
%%
Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show.
%%
Continental Life.  Why do you ask?
%%
Continental Life.  Why?
%%
Contrary to popular opinion, sanity IS a disease.
%%
Contusion of the leg secondary to nausea and vomiting.
%%
Convention is the ruler of all.
		-- Pindar
%%
Convergence - a convocation of graphics programmers.
%%
Conversation enriches the understanding,
but solitude is the soul of genius.
%%
Conversation is an art in which man has all mankind for competitors.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without
affection, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel
without falsehood.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple
words: I do not know.
		-- Andre Maurois
%%
Conversational Mode - describes the typical office the day after
		      a major sporting event.
%%
Conversational Slumming:
	The self-conscious enjoyment of a given conversation precisely
for its lack of intellectual rigor. A major spin-off of Recreational
Slumming.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Converse with any plankton lately?
%%
Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.
		-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
Cook E. Jar and the Crumbs
%%
Cookie - Another insanely great product from the oddballs in the
	 basement.
%%
Coors to you!
%%
Copulation is spiritual in essence.
%%
Copy-protected - 1) A clever method of preventing incompetent pirates from
	STEALING software and legitimate customers from USING it.
		 2) A means of distinguishing honest users from thieves by
	preventing larceny by the former, but not the latter.
%%
Copyright the Intergalactic Thought Association
%%
Correspondence Corollary:
       An experiment may be considered a success if no more than half of your
       data must be discarded to obtain correspondence with your theory.
%%
Corry's Law:
	Paper is always strongest at the perforations.
%%
Cosine, secant, tangent, sine!
3.14159!
logarithm, logarithm, Tech, Tech, Tech!
%%
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy, but not expressed in fancy; rich,
not gaudy; for the apparel oft proclaims the man.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Could I have change for a quarter, please?
%%
Could John Wayne have ever taken Normandy, Iwo Jima, Korea, the Gulf of
Tonkin, and the entire Wild West on a diet of quiche and salad?
%%
Could any thinking being ever have claimed to be an expert on the
Ringworld?
		-- "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
Could be meat, could be cake.
%%
Could be you're crossing the fine line
A silly driver kind of...off the wall

You keep it cool when it's t-t-tight
...eyes wide open when you start to fall.
		-- The Cars
%%
Could be, could not be.
%%
Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?
%%
Could it happen to me?	Could it happen here?
%%
Could the high divorce rate be associated with a desire
to get more experience under one's belt?
%%
Couldn't myself have better it said.
%%
Couldn't open cave file.
%%
Couldn't we jury-rig the cat to act as an audio switch, and have it yell
at people to save their core images before logging them out?  I'm sure
the cattle prod would be effective in this regard.  In any case, a traverse
mounted iguana, while more perverted, gives better traction, not to mention
being easier to stake.
%%
Count Dracula, your Bloody Mary is ready.
%%
Count the day won when, turning on its axis,
This earth imposes no additional taxes.
%%
Counterpart to the knee-jerk liberal is the new knee-pad conservative, always
groveling before the rich and the powerful.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Counting in binary is just like counting in decimal --
if you are all thumbs.
		-- Glaser and Way
%%
Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal --
if you don't use your thumbs.
		-- Tom Lehrer
%%
Countries are well cultivated, not as they are fertile, but as they are
free.
		-- Montesquieu
%%
Country Folk	General Features:  Always lots of denim.  Comboy boots
		and hat often worn.  Button-up, collared shirts most
'Farmer Boy'	commonly worn.
'Cowboy'
		Behavior Summary:  Country folk are proud to be rural
		and hate 'city slickers.'  They are, however, quite
		often downright friendly, and even chivalrous, unless
		angered.  They are often pompous and long-winded.
		All American.
%%
Couples without children always know just how you should raise yours.
%%
Courage consists not in blindly overlooking danger, but in seeing it,
and conquering it.
		-- Richter
%%
Courage is a quality so necessary for maintaining virtue that is always
respected, even when it is associated with vice.
		-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
Courage is almost a contradiction in terms:  it means a strong desire to
live taking the form of readiness to die.
		-- Gilbert K. Chesterson (1874-1936)
%%
Courage is fear holding on a minute longer.
		-- Gen. George S. Patton
%%
Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
%%
Courage is grace under pressure.
		-- Ernest Hemingway (1898-1961)
%%
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -- not absence of fear.
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910), "Pudd'nhead Wilson", 189
%%
Courage is the complement of fear. A man who is fearless cannot be
courageous.  (He is also a fool.)
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Courage is the willingness of a person to stand up for his beliefs in the face
of great odds. Chutzpah is doing the same thing wearing a Mickey Mouse hat.
%%
Courage is walking naked through a cannibal village.
		-- Leonard Louis Levinson
%%
Courage is your greatest present fault.
%%
Courage that grows from constitution often forsakes a man when he has
occasion for it;  courage which arises from a sense of duty acts in a
uniform manner.
		-- Joseph Addison
%%
Courses of action which run only to be justified in terms of
practicality ultimately prove destructive and impractical.
		-- Mark B. Cohen
%%
Courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones which strike
deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart.
		-- Henry Clay
%%
Courtesy is a science of the highest importance.  It is ... opening a
door that we may derive instruction from the example of others, and at
the same time enabling us to benefit them by our example, if there be
anything in our character worthy of imitation.
		-- Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (1533-1592)
%%
Courtship consists of a number of quiet attentions, not so pointed as to
alarm, nor so vague as not to be understood.
		-- Sterne
%%
Covenants without the swords are but words.
		-- Camden
%%
Cover your stump before you hump.
%%
Covert Conversation Code: If you don't want your children to hear what you are
sayin, pretend you're talking to them.
%%
Cowabunga!
%%
Coward: A man in whom the instinct of self-preservation acts normally.
		-- Sultana Zoraya
%%
Cowardice ... is almost always simply a lack of ability to suspend the
functioning of the imagination.
		-- Ernest Hemingway (1898-1961)
%%
Cowards can never be moral.
		-- Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948)
%%
Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of
death but once.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Cowboy look is the one I saw, can't change now
'cause the cloths I bought.
%%
Cowboys make better lovers: Ask any cow.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Cowpies from Outer Space
%%
Cows do it in leather.
%%
Cows may come and cows may go, but the bull in this place goes on
FOREVER!!!
%%
Cox's philosophy:
	Life's a bitch, then you die.
%%
Crab apples may not be the best kind of fruit; but a tree which every
year bears a great crop of crab apples is better worth cultivating than
a tree which bears nothing.
%%
Crane's Law:
    There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
%%
Crazed Whale Goes Berserk And Mugs
Forty Six Real-Estate Agents With Shotgun.
%%
Crazy way to travel.  Spreading a man's molecules all over the universe.
		-- McCoy, "Obsession," 3620.7
%%
Cream isn't all that floats to the top.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Create the impression that you have already reached your level of
incompetence.
%%
Creating computer software is always a demanding and painstaking
process -- an exercise in logic, clear expression, and almost fanatical
attention to detail.  It requires intelligence, dedication, and an
enormous amount of hard work.  But, a certain amount of unpredictable
and often unrepeatable inspiration is what usually makes the difference
between adequacy and excellence.
%%
Creation is a drug I can't afford to do without.
		-- Cecil B. DeMille
%%
Creative intelligence in its various forms and activities is what makes
man.
		-- James Harvey Robinson
%%
Creativity in living is not without its attendant difficulties,
for peculiarity breeds contempt. And the unfortunate thing about
being ahead of your time when people finally realize you were right,
they'll say it was obvious all along.
		-- Alan Ashley-Pitt
%%
Creativity is not always bred in an environment of tranquility;
sometimes you have to squeeze a little to get the paste out of the tube.
%%
Creativity varies inversely with the number of cooks involved with the
broth.
		-- Bernice Fitz-Gibbon
%%
Creditors have better memories than debtors; and creditors are a
superstitious sect, great observers of set days and times.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Credulity is the man's weakness, but the child's strength.
		-- Charles Lamb (1775-1834)
%%
Credulous hope supports our lives and always says that tomorrow will be better.
		-- Tibullus
%%
Crenna's Law of Political Accountability:
	If you are the first to know about something bad,
	you are going to be held responsible for acting on it,
	regardless of your formal duties.
%%
Creo que es la cagada de hormiga!
%%
Cried Miss Pratt : "What are you staring at?
I know - you don't have to say that!
	All you guys want of me
	Is a poke where I pee,
And it's pounding my ass mighty flat!"
%%
Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
		-- Alfred E. Newman
%%
Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
%%
Crime is a job.
%%
Crime is contagious.  If the government becomes a law-breaker,
it breeds contempt for law.
		-- Justice Louis D. Brandeis (1856-1941)
%%
Crisis Management: The ability to make anything sound much worse than
		  it really is.
		-- Richard F. Joyce
%%
Crisis? What crisis?
%%
Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
		-- Zeuxis
%%
Criticism is like champagne, nothing more execrable if bad, nothing more
excellent if good; if meagre, muddy vapid, and sour, both are fit only
to engender colic and wind; but if rich, generous and sparkling, they
improve the taste, expand the heart, and are worthy of being introduced
at the symposium of the gods.
		-- Colton
%%
Critics are a kind of freebooters in the republic of letters -- who,
like deer, goats, and divers other gramniverous animals, gain
subsistence by gorging upon buds and leaves of the young shrubs of the
forest, thereby robbing them of their verdue, and retarding their
progress to maturity.
		-- Washington Irving
%%
Critics are like ticks on a dog or tits on a motor: ornamental but
dysfunctional.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Crittendon's 14th application of Murphy's First Law:
	You cannot successfully determine beforehand which
	side of the bread to butter.
%%
Cropp's Law:
	The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent
	in the office.
%%
Cross a centipede with a parrot and you'll get a walkie-talkie.
%%
Cross a lemon with a deer and you'll get a sour doe.
		-- R. J. Murphy
%%
Cross a mink with an octopus and you'll get a coat of arms.
		-- Lawrence Wasser
%%
Cross a salmon with a feather and you'll get a fish that's tickled pink.
		-- Ruth Fisher
%%
Cross a supermarket with a jungle and you'll get checkout lions.
		-- Richard Ianelli
%%
Crossing the bar: "I want to buy a beer for every man in the house. If any."
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Cruickshank's Law of Committees:
	If a committee is allowed to discuss a bad idea long enough, it
	will inevitably decide to implement the idea simply because so
	much work has already been done on it.
%%
Crush! Kill! Destroy!
%%
Cry, the beloved country, for the unborn child that is the inheritor
of our fear. Let him not love the earth too deeply... For fear will
rob him of all if he gives too much.
		-- Alan Paton, "Cry, The Beloved Country", 1948
%%
Cryptic or stupid -- you decide.
%%
Cryptographers do it secretly.
%%
Cryptotechnophobia:
	The secret belief that technology is more of a menace than a
boon.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Crystallographers do it with groups.
%%
Crystals are the subject of international fascination.	From crystal balls to
lasers, they have been prized in healing and science throughout the centuries.
Now Randall and Vicki Baer explore completely new horizons of crystal-based
knowledge.

Building on the foundation of their popularly acclaimed book, "Windows of
Light", the Baers explore techniques, tools, and technologies for personal
and planetary transformation.  They detail advanced techniques for using
crystals in such areas as healing, stress management, mind-center activation,
and telethought communication, and they demonstrate the unification of the
spiritual and the scientific in a light-based sacred science.

The Baers explore visions of a new age based on higher planes of reality
and ultra-advanced crystal technologies.  An essential reference, "The
Crystal Connection" is a landmark achievement in the field of crystal-based
sacred science.

Randall and Vicki Baer are internationally known authorities in the areas
of crystals, sacred science, and spiritual teachings.  Widely sought as
speakers, they are codirectors of the Starcrest Academy of Interdimensional
Law and Science, a project dedicated to worldwide seminars and advanced
educational programs in the sacred sciences.  They are the authors of
"Windows of Light: Quartz Crystals and Self-Transformation", considered
the best work on the subject to date.
		-- from the back cover of "The Crystal Connection",
		   Harper and Row, ISBN 0-06-250033-3
%%
Cthulhu Cthucks
%%
Cthulhu Lives--in MY refrigerator
%%
Cthulhu Saves--in case he's hungry later
%%
Cthulhu for President, if you're tired of choosing the LESSER of two evils.
%%
Cube top, squared off, eight corners, ninety degree angles ...
Flat top, stare straight ahead, stock parts, BLOCKHEAD!
%%
Cuckoos do it by proxy.
%%
Cult of Aloneness:
	The need for autonomy at all costs, usually at the expense of
long'term relationships. Often brought about by overly high
expectations of others.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Cultivate the habit of early rising.  It is unwise to keep the head long
on a level with the feet.
%%
Cultivation to the mind is as necessary as food to the body.
		-- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why.
%%
Cum Hilde autem ambulabat
Homo qui aedificabat.
	Dixit volebat.	Debet et potebat.
	Sic ille ducebat.  Statim faciebat.
Sed virginem pine necebat.
%%
Cunnilingus is a real tongue twister!
%%
Cunnilingus is next to cleanliness.
%%
Cunnilingus is next to godliness.
%%
Cunnilingus siempre!
%%
Cunning and deceit will every time serve a man better than force.
		-- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)
%%
Cunning and treachery are the offspring of incapacity.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Cure the disease and kill the patient.
		-- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Curiosity in the humanities is a free person's humility, and a humble
person's freedom.
		-- Joseph Duffy
%%
Curiosity is the father of destruction.
%%
Curiousity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought her back.
%%
Curley's Law:  As long as they spell the name right.
%%
Curse you, Red Baron!
%%
Cursed is every-one who places his hope in man.
		-- Saint Augustine
%%
Cursed is he that does not know when to shut his mind.	An open mind is
all very well in its way, but it ought not to be so open that there is
no keeping anything in or out of it.  It should be capable of shutting
its doors sometimes, or may be found a little draughty.
		-- Samuel Butler (1835-1902)
%%
Cursor - an expert in four-letter words.
%%
Custom does often reason overrule
And only serves for reason to the fool.
		-- John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester
%%
Custom is the law of fools.
		-- Vanburgh
%%
Custom will often blind one to the good as well as to the evil effects
of any long established system.
		-- Bishop Richard Whately (1787-1863)
%%
Customs tell a man who he is, where he belongs, what he must do.  Better
illogical customs than none; men cannot live together without them ...
"justice" is a search for workable customs.
		-- Dr. Margaret Mader
%%
Cut 'em off at the past!
%%
Cut the crap.
%%
Cutler Webster's Law:
	There are two sides to every argument, unless a person is personally
	involved, in which case there is only one.
%%
Cybermats, why does it have to be cybermats?
%%
Cynic, n.:
	One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced
	eye.
%%
Cynicism -- the intellectual cripple's substitute for intelligence.
		-- Russell Lynes
%%
Cynicism is disappointed idealism.
		-- Harry Kemelman
%%
Cynicism is humour in ill-health.
		-- Herbert George Wells (1866-1946)
%%
Cynicism is the last refuge of the complex
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Cynics are only happy in making the world as barren to others as they
have make it for themselves.
		-- George Meredith
%%
Cynics are right nine times out of ten; what undoes them is their belief
that they are right ten times out of ten.
		-- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
DALE'S PARKING LAW:
If two cars are left in a parking lot, one will be blocking the other.
%%
DALLAS:
	The city that chose Astroturf to keep the cheerleaders from grazing.
%%
DAM: Mothers Against Dyslexia.
%%
DAMN IT, I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!
%%
DANCERS do it in leaps and bounds.
%%
DANGER!  I drive like you do.
		-- "Bumper Snickers"
%%
DANGER! Computer store ahead, hide wallet!
%%
DATA PROCESSING MANAGER:

LEAPS TALL BUILDINGS WITH A SINGLE BOUND,
IS MORE POWERFUL THAN A LOCOMOTIVE,
IS FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET, WALKS ON WATER,
GIVES POLICY TO GOD.

ASSISTANT D. P. MANAGER:

LEAPS SHORT BUILDINGS IN A SINGLE BOUND,
IS ALMOST AS POWERFUL AS A SWITCH ENGINE,
IS JUST AS FAST AS A SPEEDING BULLET, WALKS ON WATER IF
THE SEA IS CALM, TALKS WITH GOD.

SYSTEM ANALYST:

BARELY CLEARS A QUONSET HUT,
LOSES TUG OF WAR WITH A LOCOMOTIVE,
CAN FIRE A SPEEDING BULLET, SWIMS WELL,
IS OCCASIONALLY ADDRESSED BY GOD.

SENIOR PROGRAMMER:

RUNS INTO BUILDINGS,
RECOGNIZES LOCOMOTIVES TWO OUT OF THREE TIMES,
IS NOT ISSUED AMMUNITION,
CAN STAY AFLOAT WITH A LIFE JACKET, TALKS TO WALLS.

PROGRAMMER:

LIFTS BUILDINGS AND WALKS UNDER THEM,
KICKS LOCOMOTIVES OFF THE TRACKS,
CATCHES SPEEDING BULLETS IN HIS TEETH AND EATS THEM,
FREEZES WATER WITH A SINGLE GLANCE,

	H E   I S   G O D !
%%
DATA:
	Computerspeak for "information".  Properly pronounced
	the way Bostonians pronounce the word for a female child.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- Apr. 11th:

    After aerial reconnaissance photographs reveal
    that Moammar el-Gadhafi is building a
    375-foot-high middle finger near the highly
    strategic Gulf of Sidra, an angry President
    Reagan directs massive bombing raids against
    various site in Liberia.  Worldwide reaction to
    the U.S. raids is mixed, the major criticism
    being that the president probably meant to
    attack Libya, which SOUNDS like "Liberia," but
    is actually a different country.  U.S. polls
    show that 87% of Americans support the president
    and think they "probably would have made the
    same mistake."
%%
DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- Apr. 25th:

    True Fact: The U.S. Government arrest 17 people
    for allegedly attempting to sell arms to Iran.
    This item will seem much funnier later on.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- August 3rd:

    Working in dark, cold and treacherous currents
    far beneath the surface of North Atlantic water
    lashed by Tropical Storm Dwayne R. LePoon Jr.,
    divers for the first time are able to get an
    "underwater eye" camera inside the wreck of the
    Titanic and discover that the ill-fated luxury
    liner had been operated by financially troubled
    Eastern Air Lines.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- Feb. 17th:

    Under the careful scrutiny of crack State
    Department observers, Filipino voters re-elect
    President Ferdinand Marcos by more than 600
    billion votes. Marcos, in a conciliatory mood,
    calls for "a time of healing" followed by "a
    time of giving people powerful electrical shocks
    in their private parts."
%%
DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- Feb. 20th:

    President Reagan visits the island of Grenada to
    commemorate the U.S. victory over communist
    Cuban troops armed with sophisticated
    construction equipment. Thousands of cheering
    Grenadans turn out to watch Air Force One
    gracefully touch down, then swoop back up into
    the sky because Grenada is too short for an
    actual landing.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- June 14th:

    Eight concerned parents in rural Georgia sue the
    local school district for teaching their
    children the alphabet, which can be used to form
    dirty words.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- June 29th:

    President Reagan announces that the SALT II
    treaty is "dead" and that he will continue to
    abide by it. White House press spokesman Larry
    Speakes clarifies this by explaining that the
    president "has no idea what he is saying."
%%
DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- June 2nd:

    Canada demands that Libya send it some diplomats
    so it can expel them.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- Mar. 20th:

    Kurt Waldheim issues a statement claiming that
    he missed World War II because of "car trouble."
%%
DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- Mar. 6th:

    In the Middle East, Iraq uses up all its young
    men and has to borrow some from Iran so they can
    keep having a war.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- May 10th:

    The official Soviet news agency Tass releases a
    photograph of a city street scene, with the
    caption: "All is well as citizens of Chernobyl
    are resuming normal activities." Clearly visible
    in the background is the Vatican.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S "1986 in Review" -- Nov. 19th:

    White House spokesman Larry Speakes tries to
    clarify the Iran Arms deal further but no
    reporters show up because they're afraid they'll
    wet their pants laughing.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1987 IN REVIEW -- August 20th
   In Miami, alert Metrorail police arrest a
   woman for permitting her child to eat a
   Vienna sausage.  Bystanders applaud this
   courageous law-enforcement action by firing
   their revolvers into the air.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1987 IN REVIEW -- Feb 1st
   A new policy requiring random drug testing of
   all airline pilots runs into a snag when
   nearly half of the Delta pilots are unable to
   hit the specimen bottle.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1987 IN REVIEW -- Feb. 4th
   The United States yacht Stars and Stripes
   recaptures the coveted America's Cup when the
   Australian entry, Kookaburra, is sunk by a
   Chinese-made "Silkworm" missile.  The U.S.
   Sixth Fleet steams toward the troubled region
   with orders to "form humungous targets."
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1987 IN REVIEW -- June 29th
   In Wimbledon action, John McEnroe kills a
   line judge and is given a stern warning.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1987 IN REVIEW -- Nov. 12th
   In continuing media coverage of the Character
   Issue, presidential candidates named Bruce
   "Dick" Babbitt and Albert "Dick" Gore Jr.
   state that they have tried marijuana, but no
   longer use it.  "Now we just drink gin till
   we throw up," they state.

   George Bush reveals that he tried to smoke
   marijuana, but nobody would give him any.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1987 IN REVIEW -- Oct. 23rd
   The Senate rejects Bork.  President Reagan,
   informed of this by his aides, angrily
   responds: "Who?"
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1988 IN REVIEW -- Aug. 2nd
   In Gdansk, Poland, shipyard workers finally
   reach an agreement with the government after
   eight years on strike and return to work, only
   to discover amidst much hearty laughter that
   they no longer have the faintest idea how to
   build ships.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1988 IN REVIEW -- Feb. 16th
   Primary election day finally dawns in New
   Hampshire as thousands of voters go to the
   polls, read the names of the leading
   presidential contenders, then lie down in the
   snow to die.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1988 IN REVIEW -- Feb. 17th
   The Winter Olympics are marred by suspicions of
   possible drug abuse after Ular Bforgsen of
   Norway wins the ski jump with a leap of 14,768
   feet.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1988 IN REVIEW -- Feb. 25th
   True item: Published reports reveal that a U.S.
   B-1 bomber, which costs $238 million and is
   designed to use the world's most sophisticated
   technology to be able to penetrate deep into
   Soviet airspace, crashed because it hit a
   pelican.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1988 IN REVIEW -- Feb. 3rd
   Suspected drug trafficker Manuel Noriega
   purchases a full-page advertisement for
   "mail-order narcotics" in My Weekly Reader.
   Observant U.S. foreign-policy experts examine
   this possible clue with magnifying glasses and
   secret decoder rings.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1988 IN REVIEW -- Jan. 1st
   In college bowl action, 'Goiters whip 'Roids,
   'Geeters whonk 'Nads, and Colorado Raging
   Hormones upset Utah State Fighting Lavatory
   Inspection Certificates, leaving the question
   of who is national champion once again to be
   settled by the official NCAA procedure of
   drunks shouting in bars.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1988 IN REVIEW -- Jan. 9th
   In a decision that will later prove to be a
   tragic mistake, Massachusetts Gov. Michael
   Dukakis approves a prison furlough for U.S.
   Attorney General Edwin Meese.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1988 IN REVIEW -- Jun. 22nd
   In a cover story, Newsweek magazine reports
   that the Greenhouse Effect is getting worse and
   nobody can stop it and the polar ice caps are
   going to melt and we're all going to die.  Next
   week's cover: Cher.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1988 IN REVIEW -- Mar. 20th
   George "The Enforcer" Bush, explaining his
   Anti-Crime Platform at a Texas campaign rally,
   bites the head off a duck.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1988 IN REVIEW -- Nov. 1st
   The publishers of Batman comics, responding to
   a poll of their readers, kill Pee-wee Herman.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1988 IN REVIEW -- Oct. 2nd
   Generoso Pope Jr., publisher of the National
   Enquirer, dies. Elvis rushes to scene.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1988 IN REVIEW -- Oct. 31st
   Many radio stations re-broadcast Orson Welle's
   classic "War of the Worlds" on the 50th
   anniversary of the night when millions of
   Americans were terrified by the belief that the
   Earth had been invaded by Martian spacecraft
   carrying furloughed rapist Willie Horton.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1988 IN REVIEW -- Sep. 10th
   The America's Cup competition, reflecting
   radical improvements in technology, is won
   decisively by the U.S.S. Vincennes when skipper
   Dennis Conner "mistakes" the New Zealand
   challenger for an attacking Iranian fighter jet.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1988 IN REVIEW -- Sep. 18th
   In Olympic action, sprinter Ben Johnson wins
   the 100-meter dash, the 200-meter hurdles, the
   pole vault, platform diving, table tennis and
   tae kwon do.  "I felt very good today," says
   the Canadian athlete, although not in any
   recognizable language.
%%
DAVE BARRY'S 1988 IN REVIEW -- Sep. 4th
   In a tough and practical pre-election stride
   forward in the War on Drugs, Congress votes to
   dig up deceased suspected pushers and have them
   shot.
%%
DAY-oh!  Da-a-ay-oh!  Daylight come and me wanna go home.
%%
DCE seeks DTE for mutual exchange of data.
%%
DDT did a job on me, now I am a real sickie,
I just guess I'll have to tell them that I got no cerebellum,
all the girls are in love with me, I'm a teenage LOBOTOMY.
%%
DDT: Security in Obscurity.
%%
DE:  The Soviets seem to have difficulty implementing modern technology.
     Would you comment on that?

Belenko:  Well, let's talk about aircraft engine lifetime.  When I flew
	  the MiG-25, its engines had a total lifetime of 250 hours.

DE:  Is that mean-time-between-failure?

Belenko:  No, the engine is finished; it is scrapped.

DE:  You mean they pull it out and throw it away, not even overhauling
     it?

Belenko:  That is correct.  Overhaul is too expensive.

DE:  That is absurdly low by free world standards.

Belenko:  I know.
		-- an interview with Victor Belenko,
		   MiG-25 fighter pilot who defected in 1976
		   "Defense Electronics", Vol 20, No. 6, pg. 102
%%
DEADHEADS do it with Jerry.
%%
DEADLOCK n. A situation wherein two or more processes are unable to
proceed because each is waiting for another to do something.  A
common example is a program communicating to a PTY or STY, which
may find itself waiting for output from the PTY/STY before sending
anything more to it, while the PTY/STY is similarly waiting for
more input from the controlling program before outputting anything.
(This particular flavor of deadlock is called "starvation".
Another common flavor is "constipation", where each process is
trying to send stuff to the other, but all buffers are full because
nobody is reading anything.)
%%
DEADWOOD:
	Anyone in your company who is more senior than you are.
%%
DEATH WISH:
	The only wish that always comes true, whether or not one wishes it to.
%%
DEATH: The penultimate commercial transaction finalized by probate.
		-- Bernard Rosenberg
%%
DEA
	You're too stupid to know that certain drugs are bad for you and
	will lead to more harmful ones.  [We'll lock you up to protect
	you from yourself.]
		-- George L Roman, oilean!wok!george@sgi.com
%%
DEBUGGING - removing the needles from a haystack
%%
DEC measures benchmarks with a calender.
%%
DECEPTION EXPERIMENT: An experiment in which the researcher is pleased
to believe that the true nature of the situation is unknown to the
participants.  Typically the only parties deceived are the funding
agency and the journal editor.
%%
DEER HUNTERS will do anything for a buck.
%%
DEFAULT:
	The hardware's, of course.
%%
DEFINE: De ting you get for breaking de law.
%%
DEJA VU:
	French., already seen; unoriginal; trite.
	Psychol., The illusion of having previously experienced
	something actually being encountered for the first time.
	Psychol., The illusion of having previously experienced
	something actually being encountered for the first time.
%%
DENTAL HYGIENISTS do it till it hurts.
%%
DENTISTS do it in your mouth.
%%
DENVER:
	A smallish city located just below the `O' in Colorado.
%%
DESIGN SIMPLICITY: costs (manufacturer's) cut to the bone
%%
DESIGN:
	What you regret not doing later on.
%%
DETECTIVES do it under cover.
%%
DEVICE=EXXON.SYS may mess up your environment
%%
DEVYVER'S LAW:
Given a sufficient number of people and an adequate amount of time, you can
create insurmountable opposition to the most inconsequential idea.
%%
DFWS!
%%
DIAGNOSTIC: software which runs to completion no matter how broken the
hardware is
%%
DIAPHRAGM:
	A childproof cap.
%%
DICKER:
	What you do to your wife if arguing doesn't work.
%%
DIETICIANS eat better.
%%
DIM! (DIM of the YARD!)
%%
DINER'S POSTULATE:
There is a magnetic attraction between a clean tie and the soup of the
day.
%%
DIODE: What happens to people who don't die young.
%%
DIPLOMACY: The art of fishing tranquilly in troubled waters.
%%
DIPLOMACY:
	The art of jumping into troubled waters without making a splash.
%%
DIPLOMAT - One who thinks twice before saying nothing.
%%
DIRECT MAILERS get it in the sack.
%%
DIRECT SALES ONLY: manufacturer had argument with distributor
%%
DISBAR:
	As distinguished from some other bar.
%%
DIVE, DIVE DIVE!!! UP PERISCOPE!!! Ooops sorry, wrong fantasy.
%%
DIVORCE =system("echo y| erase \wife\*.*" );
%%
DIVORCE:
	A change of wife.
%%
DO LOS ANGELES A FAVOR. WHEN YOU LEAVE, TAKE SOMEONE WITH YOU.
%%
DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality
%%
DO {nothing} WHILE (HearFromMe==0)
%%
DOLL: operate a telephone.  "Jes doll me up sometime!"
		-- Texan Dictionary
%%
DONSEN'S LAW:
A specialist learns more and more about less and less until he knows
everything about nothing.
%%
DOOLEY'S LAW:
	Trust everybody but cut the cards.
%%
DOORWELL'S THEORY
	If it looks easy, it will be tough.
	If it looks tough, it's virtually impossible.
%%
DOS 5.0  Yesterday's operating system, today!
%%
DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse.
%%
DOS-O-MANIA : Reboot is not kicking your computer again
%%
DOS-O-MANIA : Root is not the book Alex Haley wrote.
%%
DOWN WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!
%%
DR. POOHTH reveals 'LIME JELLO can RESCUE YOUR LOVE LIFE'
%%
DROP THE DAMN BEAR!!!
%%
DRUG:
	A substance that, when injected into a rat,
	produces a scientific paper.
%%
DUKE'S LAW:
Your mouth works faster than your brain.  You say things you haven't even
thought of yet.
%%
DUNE'S OBSERVATION:
When you drop change near a vending machine, the pennies will fall
nearby while the coins the machine will accept will roll under it.
%%
DYKE:
	A woman who kick-starts her vibrator.
%%
Dabney Eats It
%%
Dad, what's that building?
That's an ancient Norman watchtower... where they would watch for Norman!
They haven't spotted him yet...
		-- actual conversation between my Dad & me
%%
Daddy, the garbage man is here! Tell him we don't need any.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C: mean?
%%
Dain Bramaged.
%%
Daisy, daisy give me your answer dear.	I'm half crazy....
%%
Dallas still lives.  God must be dead.
%%
Dame Catherine of Ashton-on-Lynches
Got on with her grooms and her wenches:
	She went down on the gents,
	And pronged the girl's vents
With a clitoris reaching six inches.
%%
Dames lie about anything -- just for practice.
		-- Raymond Chandler
%%
Dammit Jim, I'm an actor not a doctor.
%%
Dammit, Jim, I'm a computer, not a fortune-teller!
%%
Dammit, how many times do I have to tell you?  ____FIRST you rape, ____THEN you
pillage!!
%%
Damn I'm good.
%%
Damn all expurgated books; the dirtiest book of all is the expurgated
book.
		-- Walt Whitman
%%
Damn braces.
		-- William H. Blake (1757-1827), "Proverbs of Hell"
%%
Damn it Jim!  I'm a doctor not a digital watch!
%%
Damn it Jim!  I'm a doctor not a magician!
%%
Damn it!  Damn it all!	Damn it all to hell!
%%
Damn, I need a Coke!
		-- Dr. William DeVries
		   [after implanting the first artificial human heart]
%%
Damnable, both sides rogue.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Damned Neuters, in their Middle way of Steering,
Are neither Fish, nor Flesh, nor good Red Herring.
		-- John Dryden (1631-1700)
%%
Dance that funky stuff.
%%
Danger is at hand. It furthers one to desist.
%%
Dangerous exercise: Jumping to conclusions.
%%
Dante's universe had been a complex artifact, with the souls of men
and angels shown as precisely machined parts of the vast structure.
The Ringworld was obtrusively an artifact, a _made_ thing.  You
couldn't forget it, not for an instant; for the handle rose overhead,
huge and blue and checkered, from beyond the edge of infinity.
		-- "Ringworld"
%%
Dare to be naive.
		-- Richard Buckminster Fuller (1895-1983)
%%
Dare to give true advice with all frankness.
		-- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
Dark and lonely
on a summer night.
Kill my landlord,
Kill my landlord.

Watchdog barkin'
Do he bite?
Kill my landlord,
Kill my landlord.
		-- Saturday Night Live
%%
Darkening of the Light. In adversity
It furthers one to be persevering.
%%
Darkening of the light as with Prince Chi.
Perseverance furthers.
%%
Darkening of the light during flight.
He lowers his wings.
The superior man does not eat for three days
On his wanderings.
But he has somewhere to go.
The host has occasion to gossip about him.
%%
Darkening of the light during the hunt in the south.
Their great leader is captured.
One must not expect perseverance too soon.
%%
Darkening of the light injures him in the left thigh.
He gives aid with the strength of a horse.
Good fortune.
%%
Darth Vader!  Only you would be so bold!
		-- Princess Leia Organa
%%
Darwin survives.
%%
Darwin was the great expansionism.  He shocked the world by arguing
convincingly that life is the creation of an autonomous process so simple that
it can be understood with just a moment of reflection.	No equations, photons
or computer read-outs required.  I can all be summarized in a couple of lines:
new variations in the hereditary material arise continuously, some survive and
reproduce better that others, and as a result organic evolution occurs.  And
even more briefly as follows: natural selection acting on mutations produces
evolution. Given enough time (and the Earth is over four billion years old)
even radically new kinds of organisms can be assembled this way, insects from
myriapods, amphibians from lungfish, birds from small dinosaurs, and even life
from inanimate matter.
		-- Edward O. Wilson, "Biophilia"
%%
Dash-X: "Do things like this happen to you often?"
Simon:	"Oh, at least once a week."
		-- "Hole in the Head Gang", Eerie Indiana
%%
Data Potato ... du wop ... du wop !!!
%%
Database administrators do it with their relations
%%
Dave has an areoplane,
In which he likes to frisk.
Oh what a foolish boy,
His silly *.
%%
Dave's not here, man...
%%
David Brinkley: The daily astrological charts are precisely where, in my
  judgment, they belong, and that is on the comic page.
George Will:  I don't think astrology belongs even on the comic pages.
  The comics are making no truth claim.
Brinkley:  Where would you put it?
Will:  I wouldn't put it in the newspaper.  I think it's transparent rubbish.
  It's a reflection of an idea that we expelled from Western thought in the
  sixteenth century, that we are in the center of a caring universe.  We are
  not the center of the universe, and it doesn't care.	The star's alignment
  at the time of our birth -- that is absolute rubbish.  It is not funny to
  have it intruded among people who have nuclear weapons.
Sam Donaldson:	This isn't something new.  Governor Ronald Reagan was sworn
  in just after midnight in his first term in Sacramento because the stars
  said it was a propitious time.
Will:  They [horoscopes] are utter crashing banalities.  They could apply to
  anyone and anything.
Brinkley:  When is the exact moment [of birth]?  I don't think the nurse is
  standing there with a stopwatch and a notepad.
Donaldson:  If we're making decisions based on the stars -- that's a cockamamie
  thing.  People want to know.
		-- "This Week" with David Brinkley, ABC Television, Sunday,
		   May 8, 1988, excerpts from a discussion on Astrology
		   and Reagan
%%
David Letterman's "Things we can be proud of as Americans":
* Greatest number of citizens who have actually boarded a UFO
* Many newspapers feature "JUMBLE"
* Hourly motel rates
* Vast majority of Elvis movies made here
* Didn't just give up right away during World War II
    like some countries we could mention
* Goatees & Van Dykes thought to be worn only by weenies
* Our well-behaved golf professionals
* Fabulous babes coast to coast
%%
David Merrick, displaying ... his sneaky knack for extending the life of
a production beyond the reasonable expectations of the playwright's
mother.
		-- Walter Kerr
%%
David Stone's law:
	One man's 'Simple' is another man's 'Huh ?'
%%
David was just a shepherd who liked to get his rocks off in leather.
%%
Davis' Law of Traffic Density:
	The density of rush-hour traffic is directly proportional to
	1.5 times the amount of extra time you allow to arrive on time.
%%
Davis's Dictum:
	Problems that go away by themselves, come back by themselves.
%%
Dawson's First Law: You don't have enough outlets.
%%
De gustibus non disputandum est.
There's no accounting for taste.
%%
Dead end.
%%
Dead puppies aren't much fun.
%%
Deadline-Dan's Demo Demonstration:
       The higher the "higher-ups" are who've come to see your demo, the
       lower your chances are of giving a successful one.
%%
Deadlock's Law: If the lawmakers make a compromise, the place where it
will be felt the most is the taxpayer's pocket.
%%
Deaf, dumb, and blonde.
%%
Deal with it.
%%
Dealing with the problem of pure staff accumulation,
all our researches ... point to an average increase of 5.75% per year.
		-- C. N. Parkinson
%%
Dear Abby,

I have two brothers, one works at IBM, the other was sentenced to death in
the gas chamber.  My mother died of insanity when I was three years old,
my two sisters are prostitutes and my father sells narcotics.

Recently, I met a girl who was released from a reformatory where she served
time for smothering her illegitimate child to death.  I love this girl and
want to marry her.

My problem is this:
Should I tell her about my brother who works at IBM?

Sincerely,
Fred
%%
Dear Abby:
	I have two brothers.  One was sent to the electric chair when I was
a child.  My mother died in an insane asylum.  My father is a pimp and my
sister is a very successful and highly paid prostitute.
	Recently I met a wonderful girl who has just been released from prison
for murdering her illegitimate child with a Zip-loc sandwich bag.  We're very
much in love and want to be married after her venereal disease is cured.
	My other brother is attending Purdue University.
	My problem is this: should I tell her about my brother at Purdue?
		Sincerely,
		Undecided.
%%
Dear Ann Landers:
	My husband watches the TV preachers every Sunday.  He claims
one minister said there are 350 different sins.  My husband wants to
know if you can get the list.  He thinks he is missing something.
		-- E. J. [Mayfield, KY.]
%%
Dear Freshman,
	You don't know who I am and frankly shouldn't care, but unknown
to you we have something in common.  We are both rather prone to
mistakes.  I was elected Student Government President by mistake, and
you came to school here by mistake.
%%
Dear God, make me a good boy, but it's all right with me if you'd like
to take your time about it.
%%
Dear Lord, give me chastity and self-restraint...but not yet, O Lord, not yet!
		-- St. Augustine
%%
Dear Lord, observe this bended knee
This visage meek and humble,
And hear this confidential plea
Voiced in reverent mumble:
	Give me Shylock, give me Fagin
	But O God spare me Ronald Reagan!
		-- Ansel Adams
%%
Dear Posterity,
  If you have not become more just, more peaceful, and generally more
rational than we are (or were) - why then, the Devil take you.
  Having with all respect, given utterance to this pious wish,
  I am (or was),
  Your,
    (Albert Einstein)
%%
Death and Yem.
%%
Death and taxes are inevitable; at least death doesn't get worse every year.
%%
Death comes to all
But great achievements build a monument
Which shall endure until the sun grows cold.
		-- Georg Fabricius
%%
Death comes to any idea imprisoned in the mind of a lawmaker.
		-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
Death here. Hold on, I'll be right with you!
%%
Death if every man's final critic. To die well you must live bravely.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Death is a comingling of eternity with time; in the death of a good man,
eternity is seen looking through time.
		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
Death is a spirit leaving a body, sort of like a shell leaving the nut behind.
		-- Erma Bombeck
%%
Death is just around the next door.
%%
Death is life's answer to the question 'Why?'
%%
Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies
inside us while we live.
		-- Norman Cousins
%%
Death is the best part of life. That's why they save it for last.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Death is the greatest kick of all.  That's why they save it for the last.
%%
Death opens the gate of fame, and shuts the gate of envy after it; it
unlooses the chain of the captive, and puts the bondsman's task into
another man's hand.
		-- Sterne
%%
Death rays don't kill people, people kill people!!
%%
Death tugs at my ear and says: "Live, I am coming."
		-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. (1809-1894)
%%
Death: to stop computing suddenly.
%%
Debate is the death of conversation.
		-- Emil Ludwig
%%
Decade Blending:
	In clothing: the indiscriminate combination of two or more
items from various decades to create a personal mood: Sheila = Mary
Quant earrings (1960s) + cork wedgie platform shoes (1970s) + black
leather jacket (1950s and 1980s).
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Deceit in the conduct of war outweighs valor and is worthy of merit.
		-- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)
%%
December 15 -- Under intense pressure from the U.S. to reduce the trade
deficit, Japanese auto manufacturers agree to give their cars really ugly
names.
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
December 18 -- Playboy magazine offers Tammy Faye Bakker a record $1.5 million
if she will promise never, ever to pose nude.
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
December 2 -- In a widely hailed legal decision, the judge in the bitter
divorce dispute between Joan Collins and Peter Holm orders them both shot.
Mikhail Gorbachev appears on "Jeopardy."
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
December 27 -- Oscar C. Klaxton, an employee of the U.S. Department for Making
Everybody Nervous, wins a $10,000 prize for dreaming up the concept of a
deadly "hole" in an invisible "ozone layer."
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
December 5 -- In a cost-cutting move, financially troubled Eastern Airlines
announces that its domestic flights will operate without engines.  "Most
of them never take off anyway," explains a spokesman.
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
December 8 -- In Washington, the long-awaited U.S.-Soviet summit meeting gets
off to an uncertain start as President Reagan attempts to nominate Soviet
Premier Mikhail Gorbachev to the Supreme Court.
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
December 9 -- The summit concludes on a triumphant note as, in the culmination
of 10 years of negotiations between the superpowers, Gorbachev and New York
Gov.  Mario Cuomo sign a historic agreement under which both sides will
move all of their mid- and short-range long-term strategic tactical
nuclear weapons 150 feet to the left.
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
Decide what you want to be- pay the price and be what you want to be.
		-- John A. Widstoe
%%
Deciding whom you marry is the most important decision you'll ever make.
%%
Decision is a sharp knife that cuts clean and straight; indecision is a
dull one that hacks and tears and leaves ragged edges behind it.
		-- Gordon Graham
%%
Decision of character is one of the most important of human qualities,
philosophically considered.  Speculation, knowledge, is not the chief
end of man; it is action.
		-- Burnap
%%
Deck Us All With Boston Charlie

Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower, alleygaroo!

Don't we know archaic barrel,
Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou.
Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!
		-- Walt Kelly, "Pogo"
%%
Declared guilty... of displaying feelings of an almost human nature.
		-- Pink Floyd, "The Wall"
%%
Decorate your home.  It gives the illusion
that your life is more interesting than it really is.
		-- C. Schultz
%%
Decrease combined with sincerity
Brings about supreme good fortune
Without blame.
One may be persevering in this.
It furthers one to undertake something.
How is this to be carried out?
One may use two small bowls for the sacrifice.
%%
Deduce - de lowest card in de deck.
%%
Deep in the nature of all these noble races there lurks unmistakably the
beast of prey, the blond beast, lustfully roving in search of booty and
victory.
		-- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
%%
Default is more revolutionary than ideals.
		-- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Defeated, but not dismayed -- crushed to the earth, but not humiliated
-- he seemed to grow more haughty beneath disaster, and to experience a
fierce satisfaction in draining the last dregs of bitterness.
		-- Washington Irving
%%
Defer not till tomorrow to be wise,
Tomorrow's sun to thee may never rise.
		-- Congreve
%%
Defiance is beautiful. The defiance of power, especially great or overwhelming
power, exalts and glorifies the rebel.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Definition of STRESS: That confusion created when
one's mind overrides the body's desire to choke the
living shit out of some asshole who desperately needs it!
%%
Definition:  Virgin -- an ugly third grader.
%%
Definition: pumpkin (v.): What people in Kentucky do.
%%
Deflector shields just came on, Captain.
%%
Degrees of ability may vary, but the basic principle remains the same:
the degree of a man's independence, initiative and personal love for
his work determines his talent as a worker and his worth as a man.
Independence is the only gauge of human virtue and value.  What a man
is and makes of himself; not what he has or hasn't done for others.
There is no substitute for personal dignity.  There is no standard of
personal dignity except independence.
		-- Howard Roark
%%
Deine schiff ist ingecommen.
%%
Delay is preferable to error.
		-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
%%
Delete everything and start over.
%%
Deliberate provocation of mystical experience, particularly by LSD and
related hallucinogens, in contrast to spontaneous visionary experiences,
entails dangers that must not be underestimated.  Practitioners must
take into account the peculiar effects of these substances, namely their
ability to influence our consciousness, the innermost essence of our
being.	The history of LSD to date amply demonstrates the catastrophic
consequences that can ensue when its profound effect is misjudged and
the substance is mistaken for a pleasure drug.	Special internal and
external advance preparations are required; with them, an LSD experiment
can become a meaningful experience.
		-- Dr. Albert Hoffman, the discoverer of LSD
%%
Deliberate with caution, but act with decision; and yield with
graciousness, or oppose with firmness.
		-- Charles Hole
%%
Deliver Us From Taxation
		-- button, source forgotten
%%
Deliver yourself from your great toe.
Then the companion comes,
And him you can trust.
%%
Deliverance. The southwest furthers.
If there is no longer anything where one has to go,
Return brings good fortune.
If there is still something where one has to go,
Hastening brings good fortune.
%%
Delivered by Electronic Sled-Dogs.....Woof!
%%
Delta: A real man lands where he wants to.
		-- David Letterman
%%
Delta: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.
		-- DAVID LETTERMAN!
%%
Delta: The kids will love our inflatable slides.
		-- David Letterman
%%
Delta: We never make the same mistake three times.
		-- David Letterman
%%
Delta: We're Amtrak with wings.
		-- David Letterman
%%
Deluded enthusiasm.
But if after completion one changes,
There is no blame.
%%
Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's
beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from
drowning them at birth.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Dem Bones.  Big, Beefy Ribs.
%%
Demanding a direct answer from a bureaucrat is like eating with rubber
chopsticks.
		-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
Demian's Observation:
	There is always one item on the screen menu that is mislabeled and
	should read "ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE."
%%
Democracy can learn some things from Communism: for example, when a
Communist politician is through, he is through.
%%
Democracy can withstand anything but democrats.
%%
Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the
incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), "Democracy"
%%
Democracy is a process by which the people are free
to choose the man who will get the blame.
		-- Dr. Laurence J. Peter, "Peter's Quotations", 1977
%%
Democracy is based on the assumption that a million men are wiser than
one man. How's that again? I missed something.

Autocracy is based on the assumption that one man is wiser than a
million men. Let's play that one over again, too. Who decides?
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Democracy is based on the conviction that there are extraordinary possibilities
in ordinary people.
		-- Harry Emerson Fosdick
%%
Democracy is not a matter of sentiment, but of foresight.  Any system
that doesn't take the long run into account will burn itself out in the
short run.
		-- Charles Yost
%%
Democracy is that form of government where everybody gets what the
majority deserves.
		-- James Dale Davidson
%%
Democracy is the worst form of government except all those other
forms that have been tried from time to time.
		-- Sir Winston S. Churchill
%%
Democracy is the worst system devised by the wit of man, except for all
the others.
		-- Sir Winston S. Churchill
%%
Democracy means government by the uneducated, while aristocracy means
government by the badly educated.
		-- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
Democracy's GREAT! Even George Bush can chunder!
%%
Democracy, with its noise, with temptations of posts and prebends,
converts the professor into an orator, the poet into a deputy,
squandering the intellectual energies of a people.
		-- Quoted by Felipe Torroba Bernaldo de Quiros
%%
Democracy--rule by the people--sounds like a fine thing; we should try it
sometime in America.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Democrats Call for Amnesty, Reduced Sentences Likely.
%%
Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere.
Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.
%%
Democrats eat the fish they catch. Republicans hang them on the wall.
%%
Democrats give their worn-out clothes to those less fortunate.
Republicans wear theirs.
%%
Democrats keep trying to cut down on their smoking but are not
successful.  Neither are Republicans.
%%
Democrats make up plans and then do something else. Republicans follow the
plans their grandfathers made.
%%
Democrats name their children after currently popular sports figures,
politicians, and entertainers.	Republican children are named after
their parents or grandparents, depending on where the money is.
%%
Demonstrating once again the importance of the lowly comma, this
telegram was sent from a wife to her husband:
	"NOT GETTING ANY, BETTER COME HOME AT ONCE."
%%
Deng Xiaoping: why every home needs a rifle.
%%
Denial:  A river in Egypt.
%%
Denniston's Law:
	Virtue is its own punishment.
%%
Dense clouds,
No rain from our western territory.
The prince shoots and hits him who is in the cave.
%%
Dental health is next to mental health.
%%
Dental hygiene is highly recommended, but I'm not sure what
you want to brush them with.
%%
Depart in pieces, i.e., split.
%%
Depart not from the path which fate has assigned you.
%%
Department chairmen never die, they just lose their faculties.
%%
Department meeting in 3 minutes.
%%
Department of Tautological Pleonasms and Superfluous Redundancies Department
		-- Jeff Makey
%%
Depend on no man, on no friend, but him who can depend on himself.  He
only who acts conscientiously towards himself will act so towards
others, and vice versa.
		-- Lavater
%%
Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will,
but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.
		-- R. E. Shay
%%
Depression is merely anger without the enthusiasm.
%%
Depth: Height turned upside down.
		-- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
Der Horizont vieler Menschen ist ein Kreis mit Radius Null -
und das nennen sie ihren Standpunkt.
%%
Der spring is spring
   Der grass is riz
   I wonder where dem boidies is?
   Der little boids is on der wing,
   Ain't that absoid?
   Der little wings in on der boid!
%%
Derision Preemption:
	A life-style tactic; the refusal to go out on any sort of
emotional limb so as to avoid mockery from peers. Derision Preemption
is the main goal of Knee-Jerk Irony.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Descend in order to meet more decent monsters.
%%
Description: QUALITY
From: RANDERSON    Date: 22-APR-1988
Quality is like buying oats. If you want nice, fresh oats, you must pay
the price.  However, if you can be satisfied with oats that have already
been through the horse...that comes a little cheaper.
%%
Design flaws travel in herds.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Desire lends strength. Aspiration creates inspiration, which, for the artist,
is the breath of life.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Desire, said the Buddha, is the cause of suffering. But without desire, what
delight?
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Desist from enumerating your fowl prior to their emergence from the shell.
%%
Despise not any man, and do not spurn any thing.  For there is no man
that hath not his hour, no is there any thing that hath not its place.
		-- Rabbi Ben Azai
%%
Despite all appearances, your boss is a thinking, feeling, human being.
%%
Despite all the evidence to the contrary, I remain convinced that Man is the
missing link between apes and civilized beings.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Despite decades of market research, markets proliferate and there's no cure
in sight.
		-- Steve Connelly
%%
Despite my 30 years of research into the feminine soul, I have not yet
been able to answer ... the great question that has never been answered:
What does a woman want?
		-- Sigmund Freud (1856-1939)
%%
Despots govern by terror.  They know that he who fears God fears nothing
else; and, therefore, they eradicate from the mind, through their
Voltaire, the Heloetius, and the rest of that infamous gang, that only
sort of fear that generates true courage.
		-- Edmund Burke
%%
Detroit made a grand try at persuading the visiting Republicans that the
city is not as crime-ridden as people think.  The campaign was going
fine until somebody stole the governor's Lincoln Mark IV limousine.
		-- National Review
%%
Develop your own set of cliches.
		-- Fripp
%%
Development. The maiden
Is given in marriage.
Good fortune.
Perseverance furthers.
%%
Device-independent - This means that it runs on two or more devices.
Often refers to software written for a certain device, then modified
for some newer device. When the software supports three devices, it
is considered "totally" device-independent. Printers and terminals
are examples of devices. Devices are sometimes called peripherals,
but not in writing, because that word is hard to spell and computer
people are notoriously bad spellers.
%%
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
perspire.
%%
Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
%%
Dialogue: opposing factions discussing relevant issues.  Formerly called
an argument.
		-- Paul Sweeney
%%
Dibble's First Law of Sociology:
	Some do, some don't.
%%
Dick is out. Jane is out. Spot
is out. This is their answering machine.
I am in. The beep is in. At the sound
of the beep leave your name. At the
sound of the beep leave your message.
<Beep!>
%%
Dictionaries are like watches: the worst is better than none, and the best
cannot be expected to go quite true.
		-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
Dictum is what a court thinks but is afraid to decide.
		-- Henry Waldorf Francis
%%
Did Detroit invent the back seat to destroy the morals of America?
		-- Ed Sanders
%%
Did I just step on someones toes again?
%%
Did Tarzan love Cheetah or Jane? - Pictures at 11.
%%
Did it ever occur to you that fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
%%
Did love make the world go round when it was flat?
%%
Did somebody step on a duck?
%%
Did the Devil really create the world when God wasn't looking?
%%
Did you ever feel like the whole world was a tuxedo and you were a pair
of white socks?
%%
Did you ever hear
Of the frolic fairies dear?
They're a blessed little race,
Peeping up in fancy's face,
In the valley, on the hill,
By the fountain and the rill;
Laughing out between the leaves
That the loving summer weaves.
		-- Mrs. Osgood
%%
Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion?
%%
Did you hear about the <ethnic> that went to the airport?
Saw a sign that said 'Airport Left', so he turned around and went home.
%%
Did you hear about the Arab baker who every morning at 6:00 would
bow to the yeast?
%%
Did you hear about the Dean who was so dumb that the other Deans noticed?
%%
Did you hear about the Len Bias Memorial Basketball League?
It's for guys six feet and under.
%%
Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund?
Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.
%%
Did you hear about the dyslexic who tried to commit suicide by throwing
himself behind a bus?
%%
Did you hear about the earthquake committee meeting that was adjourned
by a motion from the floor?
%%
Did you hear about the midget who was running away from the Prague Police?
He ran up to a house, knocked on the door and asked the woman who
   opened the door if she would cache a small Czech.
%%
Did you hear about the model who sat on a broken bottle and cut a nice figure?
%%
Did you hear about the new German microwave oven?

		... Seats 500.
%%
Did you hear about the new building demolition company?
They call themselves "Ediface Wrecks".
%%
Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?
Nice setting, but not a lot of atmosphere.
%%
Did you hear about the nuclear scientist who swallowed uranium and got
atomic ache?
		-- Shelby Friedman
%%
Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town and was
given a ticket for making a ewe turn?
%%
Did you hear about the snail that was mugged by two tortoises?
When he went down to report the mugging the police officer asked him
if he could describe the event and the snail replied, "I don't know
if I could, it happened so fast."
%%
Did you hear about young Henry Lockett?
He was blown down the street by a rocket.
	The force of the blast
	Blew his balls up his ass,
And his pecker was found in his pocket.
%%
Did you hear about:
	The French soldier who kissed his wife's
	cheeks before he went to the front.
%%
Did you hear that Woody Allen's girlfriend is pregnant with his next
girlfriend?
%%
Did you hear that two rabbits escaped from the zoo and so far they have only
recaptured 116 of them?
%%
Did you hear they've created a new cereal for Harley Davidson owners?

It's called Nut & Bitch.
%%
Did you know about the -o option of the fortune program?  It makes a selection
from a set of offensive and/or obscene fortunes.  Why not try it, and see
how offended you are?  The -a ("all") option will select a fortune at random
from either the offensive or inoffensive set, and it is suggested that
"fortune -a" is the command that you should have in your profile.
%%
Did you know that 'gullible' is not in Webster's Dictionary?
%%
Did you know that _naked_ once meant the same thing as _unprotected_?
		-- Louis Wu "Ringworld"
%%
Did you know that for the price of a 280-Z you can buy two Z-80's?
		-- P. J. Plauger
%%
Did you know that married men live longer than single men?  So, if you
want to die a slow death, get married!!!
		-- Dave Maynard
%%
Did you know that there are 71.9 acres of nipple tissue in the U.S.?
%%
Did you know the University of Iowa closed down after someone stole the book?
%%
Did you know there isn't a single mosquito in the Yukon?
That's right, they're all married, and they each have 70,000 children!
		-- Ilana Stern, ilana@kiowa.scd.ucar.edu
		   A joke I was told in Liard Hot Springs, BC
%%
Did you like Dukakis in a tank?  Then you must LOVE Bush in karate gear!
%%
Did you write the book of love and do you believe in god above -
everybody tells me so.
%%
Did your mother have any children that lived?
%%
Didja' ever have to make up your mind,
Pick up on one and leave the other behind,
It's not often easy, and it's not often kind,
Didja' ever have to make up your mind?
		-- Lovin' Spoonful
%%
Didn't I see you at the zombie jamboree?
%%
Die, faplap!
%%
Die, my dear doctor, that's the last thing I'll do!
		-- Lord Palmerston
%%
Diet Pepsi isn't working.
		-- note attached to the soda fountain in the
		   140 building at SCO

Then cut down on the Big Macs.
		-- note attached to the note
%%
Diet: A plan for putting of tomorrow what you put on today.
%%
Dieters live life in the fasting lane.
%%
Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it all.
%%
Difference between US & UK...
	UK - 100 miles is a long distance.
	US - 100 years is a long time.
%%
Difference of religion breeds more quarrels than difference of politics.
		-- Wendell Phillips, Speech, 7 November 1860
%%
Difficulties in blessing.
A little perseverance brings good fortune.
Great perseverance brings misfortune.
%%
Difficulties pile up.
Horse and wagon part.
He is not a robber;
He wants to woo when the time comes.
The maiden is chaste,
She does not pledge herself.
Ten years\(emthen she pledges herself.
%%
Difficulty at the Beginning works supreme success,
Furthering through perseverance.
Nothing should be undertaken.
It furthers one to appoint helpers.
%%
Difficulty is a severe instructor, set over us by the supreme ordinance
of a parental guardian and legislator, who knows us better than we know
ourselves; and He loves us better too.	He that wrestles with us
strengthens our nerves, and sharpens our skill.  Our antagonist is our
helper.  This amicable conflict with difficulty obliges us to an
intimate acquaintance with our object, and compels us to consider it in
all its relations.  It will not suffer us to be superficial.
		-- Edmund Burke
%%
Dig it, first they killed those pigs,
then they ate dinner in the same room with them,
then they even shoved a fork in a victim's stomach.  Wild!
		-- Bernadine Dohrn [on the Manson killings]
%%
Digging in the black sand is futile.
%%
Digging oolitic strata,
Laid in the oligocene,
Geologists are lost for data --
Fossils, yes! But ...  A MACHINE???
%%
Digging with a # is silly.
%%
Digging with the # is slow and tedious.
%%
Digging without a shovel is quite impractical.	Even with a shovel
progress is unlikely.
%%
Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
%%
Digital computers are themselves more complex than most things people
build: They have very large numbers of states.	This makes conceiving,
describing, and testing them hard.  Software systems have
orders-of-magnitude more states than computers do.
		-- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr.
%%
Digital has it now. Unfortunately, it's on back-order.
		-- Kevin Barkes
%%
Digital is the only company where a 19 to 1 majority is a tie.
%%
Digital, adj. - Having or possessing fingers.
%%
Dignity consists not in possessing honors, but in deserving them.
%%
Dilate: To live long.
%%
Dime is money.
%%
Dime:  a dollar with all the taxes taken out.
%%
Dimensions will be expressed in the least convenient terms, e. g.:
Furlongs per (Fortnight)**2 = Acceleration.
%%
Ding Dong the wicked witch is dead!
%%
Ding, dong.
%%
Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
%%
Dinner suggestion #302 (Hacker's De-lite):
	1 tin imported Brisling sardines in tomato sauce
	1 pouch Chocolate Malt Carnation Instant Breakfast
	1 carton milk
%%
Dinon dina, dit on, du dos dodu d'un dodu dindon.
(Dindon dined, said he, on the fat back of a fat turkey.)
%%
Diogenes, having abandoned his search for
truth, is now searching for a good fantasy.
%%
Diplomacy has rarely been able to gain at the conference table what
cannot be gained or held on the battlefield.
%%
Diplomacy is the art of letting the other party have things your way.
		-- Daniele Vare
%%
Diplomacy is the delicate weapon of the civilized warrior.
		-- Hun, A. T.
%%
Diplomacy is to do and say the nastiest thing in the nicest way.
%%
Diplomacy, n.  The art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a
rock.
		-- Leonard L. Levinson
%%
Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for
finishing it ... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall
flat in a week.
		-- Will Rogers
%%
Direct a direct hit on your direct opponent, directing in the right
direction.
%%
Direct action produces direct reaction.
%%
Directly in front of you looms the lesser castle of Ebosskil. The
castle is three stories high, although the third floor only has
half as much area as the other floors. The shape of the castle is
precisely rectangular with no mortar lines, seams, or windows. The
castle shows absolutely no signs of wear -- it could be brand new for
all your examination shows. There is an open archway in the exact
center of this eastern wall. Sandy ground stretches away to the
north and south, and climbs a hill to the east.
%%
Dirty deeds done dirt-cheap.
%%
Dirty tags and they're done dirt cheap.
%%
Discipline is the refining fire by which talent becomes ability.
		-- Roy L. Smith
%%
Discipline, like the bridle in the hand of a good rider, should exercise
its influence without appearing to do so; should be ever active, both as
a support and as a restraint, yet seem to lie easily in hand.  It must
always be ready to check or to pull up, as occasion may require; and
only when the horse is a runaway should the action of the curb be
perceptible.
%%
Disclaimer: All opinions are not really opinions.
%%
Disclaimer: Any society that needs disclaimers has too many lawyers.
%%
Disclaimer: My employers seldom even LISTEN to my opinions.
Meta-disclaimer: Any society that needs disclaimers has too many lawyers.
%%
Disclaimer: Written by a highly caffeinated mammal.
%%
Disclaimer: ``The word that comes to mind is `incredibly stupid'--
	    but that's *two* words.''
		-- Dave Vernest
%%
Disclose classified information only when a NEED TO KNOW exists.
%%
Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahyde pipeline running
straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions
and devalue the dollar!
%%
Discovery consists of looking at the same thing as everyone else and thinking
something different.
%%
Discretion in speech is more than eloquence.
		-- Sir Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
Discretion is the better part of survival.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Discretion is the better part of valor.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Disease can be cured; fate is incurable.
		-- Chinese proverb
%%
Diseases for Kisses (Hyperkarma):
	A deeply rooted belief that punishment will somehow always be
far greater than the crime: ozone holes for littering.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Dishonest John, you dirty rat!
%%
Dishonesty, cowardice and duplicity are never impulsive.
		-- George A. Knight
%%
Dishonor will not trouble me, once I am dead.
		-- Euripides
%%
Disillusioned words like bullets bark,
As human gods aim for their mark,
Make everything from toy guns that spark
To flesh-colored christs that glow in the dark.
It's easy to see without looking too far
That not much is really sacred.
%%
Disk crisis, please clean up!
%%
Disk crunch - please clean up.
%%
Disk: What goes out in your back after bending over a computer
keyboard for seven hours at a clip.
%%
Disks travel in packs.
%%
Diskson's Rule of 49: The comfort of turning 49 is the realization that you are
now too old to die young.
%%
Dispatch calls, are you doing something wicked?
No siree man we're just giving tickets.
%%
Dispersion. Success.
The king approaches his temple.
It furthers one to cross the great water.
Perseverance furthers.
%%
Distance doesn't make you any smaller,
but it does make you part of a larger picture.
%%
Distance is a great promoter of admiration!
		-- Denis Diderot
%%
Distributed Systems people do it loosely coupled.
%%
Distrust everything sold at check-out stands.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Disturbing news about the afterlife: 'Bring marshmallows'
%%
Ditat Deus.  (God enriches.)
%%
Divers do it deeper.
%%
Divers do it underwater.
%%
Divers do it with a twist
%%
Divers love
 P	 G
  L	N
   U   I
    N G

Neck lines
%%
Divest!
%%
Divines and dying men may talk of Hell
But in my heart her several torments dwell.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Divorce Assumption:
	A form of Safety Net-ism, the belief that if a marriage
doesn't work out, then there is no problem because partners can simply
seek a divorce.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Do I believe in ghosts? I believe in the ghosts that haunt the human mind.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
		-- Walt Whitman, "Leaves of Grass", 1855
%%
Do I dare disturb the universe?
		-- T. S. Eliot
%%
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.
		-- T. S. Eliot, "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
%%
Do YOU have redeeming social value?
%%
Do clones have navels?
%%
Do disks spin the other way in the Southern Hemisphere?
%%
Do fish get thirsty?
%%
Do for friends only what is honorable and without even waiting to be
asked.
		-- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
Do it once, do it right, and _m_a_y_b_e she'll
let you do it again.
%%
Do it.
%%
Do married women make the best wives?
%%
Do more than anyone expects, and pretty soon everyone will expect more.
%%
Do not accept disrespect from others. That is not charity.
		-- Aileen Clyde
%%
Do not adjust your brain -- reality is out of adjustment.
%%
Do not allow this language (Ada) in its present state to be used in
applications where reliability is critical, i.e., nuclear power
stations, cruise missiles, early warning systems, anti-ballistic missile
defense systems.  The next rocket to go astray as a result of a
programming language error may not be an exploratory space rocket on a
harmless trip to Venus: It may be a nuclear warhead exploding over one
of our cities.	An unreliable programming language generating unreliable
programs constitutes a far greater risk to our environment and to our
society than unsafe cars, toxic pesticides, or accidents at nuclear
power stations.
		-- C. A. R. Hoare
%%
Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen.  Keep
it in the sunlight.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Do not attempt to do a thing unless you are sure of yourself; but do not
relinquish it simply because someone else is not sure of you.
		-- Stwert E. White
%%
Do not be defined by your possessions.
%%
Do not be swayed by seemingly democratic arguments.
		-- David Brower 1944
%%
Do not believe those persons who say they have never been jealous.  What
they mean is that they have never been in love.
		-- Gerald Brenan
%%
Do not bend, fold, spindle, or mutilate.
%%
Do not count your chickens before they are hatched.
		-- Aesop (620-560 B.C.)
%%
Do not despair of life.  You have no doubt force enough to overcome
your obstacles.  Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in
a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger.  Notwithstanding
cold and hounds and traps, his race survives.  I do not believe any
of them ever committed suicide.
		-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
Do not despise the blind man for who is to say he is not a serpent.

		Chinese Proverb
%%
Do not disturb.
%%
Do not disturb. Already disturbed!
%%
Do not forget to logout whenever you are finished with a terminal
session- If you neglect to logout, your account will continue to
accrue the hourly connection charge. In addition, some unscrupulous,
dastardly, or generally ornery critter may discover your oversight
and proceed to first use your account to perform his/her own tasks,
then delete all of your files and send nasty notes to your friends,
therefore causing you untold grief and probably leaving you little
choice but to leave town on the first freight train if you are even
remotely honorable.
%%
Do not forsake me.
%%
Do not fumble with a woman's logic.
%%
Do not go gentle into that good night
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
		-- Dylan Thomas (1914-1953)
%%
Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Do not immerse.
%%
Do not marry into a family in which all the men wear pinky rings.
%%
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards,
for they become soggy and hard to light.

Do not throw cigarette butts in the urinal,
for they are subtle and quick to anger.
%%
Do not multiply objects without necessity.
		-- William of Occam
%%
Do not open your mouth to tell me that your mind has convinced
you if your right to force my mind.  Force and mind are opposites;
morality ends where a gun begins.  When you declare that men are
irrational animals and propose to treat them as such, you define
thereby your own character and can no longer claim the sanction
of reason -- as no advocate of contradictions can claim it.  There
can be no 'right' to destroy the source of rights, the only means
of judging right and wrong:  the mind.
		-- John Galt
%%
Do not overtax your powers.
%%
Do not permit a woman to ask forgiveness, for that is only the first step.
The second is justification of herself by accusation of you.
		-- DeGourmont
%%
Do not purchase if seal has been tampered with.
%%
Do not remove this tagline under penalty of the law.
%%
Do not scald your lips trying to eat the donut chunk floating in the coffee.
		-- Proverb from "Life in Hell"
%%
Do not seek death; death will find you.
But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.
		-- Dag Hammarskjold
%%
Do not seek happiness in the glimmering but shallow things of the world.
		-- Dallin H. Oaks
%%
Do not show your wounded finger, for everything will knock up against it.
		-- Baltasar Gracian
%%
Do not simplify the design of a program if a way
can be found to make it complex and wonderful.
%%
Do not stamp.
%%
Do not stoop to tie your laces in your neighbor's melon patch.
%%
Do not throw butts in the urinals, for they are subtle and quick to
anger.
%%
Do not throw cigarette butts in the urinal,
for they become soggy and hard to light.
%%
Do not try to tell me that things can't get any worse or that the only
direction we can go is up.  They can and it isn't.
		-- Nathan Cobb
%%
Do not underestimate the power of the Farce.
%%
Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.
%%
Do not use the blue keys on this terminal.
%%
Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.
%%
Do not waste your time on Social Questions.  What is the matter with the
poor is Poverty; what is the matter with the rich is Uselessness.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Do not wish to be anything but what you are and try to be that perfectly.
		-- St. Francis De Sales
%%
Do not worry about which side your bread is buttered on: you eat BOTH sides.
%%
Do not write below this line.
%%
Do nothing unless you must, and when you must act -- hesitate.
%%
Do someone a favor, and it becomes your job!
%%
Do something big today: lift a boulder.
%%
Do something unusual today.  Get some work done.
%%
Do standards inevitably cause industries to calcify into obsolete technology?
Suppose we journey to the plains of Shinar and build a tower of bricks reaching
to heaven.  (That's the Tower of Babel, for those without a reading familiarity
with the Book of Genesis.)  Look, God Himself knows what standards can do, he
even said something like "The Sons of Men are all of one tongue and one
purpose, and now nothing shall be impossible for them."  So the Ancient of Days
had to step in and give us the wonderful gift of cultural diversity, to add
such a whopping translation overhead on every information transaction that we
bogged down forever into chaos and warfare.
		-- Dan Mocsny (dmocsny@uceng.uc.edu)
%%
Do steam rollers really roll steam?
%%
Do students of Zen Buddhism do Om-work?
%%
Do that hand jive.
%%
Do the best you can.
%%
Do the joke. Get the laugh. Move on.
%%
Do the things which you will be proud to remember when you are old.
%%
Do there exist many worlds, or is there but a single world?  This is one
of the most noble and exalted questions in the study of nature.
		-- Albertus Magnus
%%
Do unto others before they undo you.
%%
Do vampires get AIDS?
%%
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
%%
Do we have a Dr. Hobson in the faculty?
%%
Do what I mean, not what I say!
%%
Do what comes naturally.  Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
%%
Do what the Lord wants you to do, when He wants you to do it. Nothing
else is important.
		-- John H. Groeberg
%%
Do what you can to prolong your life,
in the hope that someday you'll learn what it's for.
%%
Do whatever you want. You don't matter.
%%
Do whatever your enemies don't want you to do.
		-- Gary Novak
%%
Do ya wanna be popular, or do ya wanna park cars the rest of your life?
%%
Do you expect me to applaud?
%%
Do you feel personally responsible for the world food shortage?
Every time you go to the beach, does the tide come in?
Have you ever eaten an entire moose?
Can you see your neck?
Do joggers take laps around you for exercise?
If so, welcome to National Fat Week.
This week we'll eat without guilt, and kick off our membership campaign,
	...by force-feeding a box of cornstarch to a skinny person.
		-- Garfield
%%
Do you flood the Sistine chapel so that the tourists can get closer to
the ceiling?
		-- David Brower
%%
Do you guys know what you're doing, or are you just hacking?
%%
Do you know Montana?
%%
Do you know how the Grand Canyon was formed ?
  A Scot dropped a penny in a golf hole.
%%
Do you know how to get a kleenex to dance?
Blow a little boogie into it!
%%
Do you know the ordinances of the heavens?  Can you establish their rule
on Earth?
		-- The Book of Job
%%
Do you know what a Jewish dilemma is?
Free ham.
%%
Do you know what a pessimist is? A person who thinks everybody as
nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Do you know what prizes the communists are now offering for recruiting
new party members?

If you get one new member, you don't pay dues. Two new members, you
can quit the party. And for three, you get a certificate saying you
were never a member.
%%
Do you know where your towel is?
%%
Do you know why the new Michael Jackson album is called "Dangerous"?
Because the record company execs couldn't spell "Androgynous".
%%
Do you know why there were only 600 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
There were only 2 cars!
%%
Do you know yesterday I saw a fox in Piccadilly?
		-- Mike Yates, INVASION OF THE DINOSAURS
%%
Do you know, I think that Dr. Swift was silly to laugh about Laputa.
I believe it is a mistake to make a mock of people, just because they
think.	There are ninety thousand people in this world who do not
think, for every one who does, and these people hate the thinkers
like poison.  Even if some thinkers are fanciful, it is wrong to make
fun of them for it.  Better to think about cucumbers even, than not
to think at all.
		-- T. H. White
%%
Do you need help getting out of the maze?
%%
Do you not know, my son, with what little understanding the world is ruled?
		-- Pope Julius III
%%
Do you realize how boring you are?
%%
Do you realize that a modern computer can make a mistake that would have
taken a thousand men a million years?
%%
Do you realize that you are responsible for making this organization a
cost, rather than a profit, center?
%%
Do you really want to quit now?
%%
Do you suffer painful elimination?
		-- Don Knuth [Structured Programming with Gotos]

Do you suffer painful recrimination?
		-- Nancy Boxer [Structured Programming with Come-froms]

Do you suffer painful illumination?
		-- Isaac Newton [Optics]

Do you suffer painful hallucination?
		-- Don Juan [cited by Carlos Casteneda]
%%
Do you think that the grave is too deep?  Well, then, take a drink.
Take one or two or three:  You'll die happier.
		-- Carl Michael Bellman (1740-1795)
%%
Do you think you'll be the guy to make the Queen of the Angels sigh?
%%
Do you think your mother and I should have lived comfortably so long
together if ever we had been married?
%%
Do you want the hint?
%%
Do you want to know what's ahead for you, in your happiness at home, your
business success?  Here's a telling test: Look in the mirror.  Is your skin
smooth and lovely, your hair gleaming, your make-up glamorous?	Are you slender
enough for your height?  Do you stand erect, confident?  Yes?  Then you are
on your way to success as a woman.
		-- Ladies Home Journal (1947 advertisement)
%%
Do you want to visit hell? Dig a *very* deep hole.
%%
Do you wish me to try to patch you?
%%
Do you wish to leave the game?
%%
Do your part to help preserve life on Earth -- by trying to preserve your own.
%%
Doc, note, I dissent.  A fast never prevents a fatness.
I diet on cod.
%%
Doctor Ruth Tells Of Night Of Terror With Donny Osmond:
'He Threatened Me With Hack Saw'.
%%
Doctor Who for president
%%
Doctor Who has got a brand new face,
For travelling in time and travelling in space,
But wherever he'll go
I think he'll find
He can't leave bloody Bonnie Langford behind !
%%
Doctor With Hemahroids Allowed To Practice In LA.
%%
Doctor to patient:  First the good news -- you're going to have a
disease named after you.
%%
Doctor, doctor, gimme the news. I've got a bad case of loving you.
%%
Doctor, my brain hurts!
%%
Doctor, say you're pleased to see her.
		-- Nyssa, TERMINUS
%%
Doctor: Does it hurt when you do this?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Well, don't do that.
%%
Doctor: Have you ever had this before?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Well, you've got it again.
%%
Doctors do it with patience.
%%
Doctors take two aspirin and do it in the morning.
%%
Doctors, dentists, and lawyers are only on time for appointments when
you're not.
		-- Roxanne Weissman
%%
Document unto others as you would be documented to.
%%
Documentation - A perplexing linen-bound accessory resorted to only in
	 situations of dire need when friends and dealers are unavailable,
	 normally only employed as a decorative bookend.
User-friendly - Supplied with a full color manual.
Very user-friendly - Supplied with an on-disk and audiotape tutorial, so the
	user needn't bother with the full color manual.
Extremely user-friendly - Supplied with a mouse so that the user needn't bother
	with the on-disk and audiotape tutorial, the full color manual, or the
	program itself.
Easy to learn - Hard to use.
Easy to use - Hard to learn.
Easy to learn and use - Little to learn, less to use.
Powerful - Hard to learn, dangerous to use.
Menu-driven - Easy to learn, tedious to use.
%%
Documents should always be dated, listings should never be torn on the
outside fold. Violation is indicative of someone's (programmer's or
operator's) inability.
%%
Does a good farmer neglect a crop he has planted?
Does a good teacher overlook even the most humble student?
Does a good father allow a single child to starve?
Does a good programmer refuse to maintain his code?
		-- The Tao of Programming
%%
Does a man speak foolishly?--suffer him gladly, for you are wise.  Does
he speak erroneously?--stop such a man's mouth with sound words that
cannot be gainsaid.  Does he speak truly?--rejoice in the truth.
		-- Oliver Cromwell
%%
Does anybody know why the current breed of half-educated journalists insist
upon referring to a "9 millimeter, semi-automatic handgun" when the word they
are groping for is "pistol"?
		-- Jeff Cooper
%%
Does anyone here speak jive?
%%
Does anyone really know what time it is?  Does anyone really care?
%%
Does every hour of his life.  If I asked you to keep your soul - would
you understand why that's much harder?'
		-- Howard Roark
%%
Does he treat your breasts like unripe grapefruit?  Who needs him?
		-- `J' [The Sensuous Woman]
%%
Does history record any case in which the majority was right?
%%
Does it rape elephants?
		-- Brent Byer
%%
Does killing time damage eternity?
%%
Does she have any friends?
%%
Does she or doesn't she?
Only her hair dresser knows for sure!
%%
Does the American Public really care that Juan Valdez gets up
at the crack of dawn to pick only the ripest Columbian
coffee beans?
%%
Does the Enterprise use DOS v 2356.0?
%%
Does the light really go off when you shut the door?
%%
Does this nation have any more need of rocket scientists?  Or would I be
better off inventing purple dinosaur puppets?
		-- Daniel Weed, weed@pat.mdc.com,
		McDonnell Douglas Space Systems Co. - Houston
%%
Dog Pound:  A used cur lot.
%%
Dogma:	A puppy's mother.
%%
Dogs are always loyal. They've never learned better.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Dogs come when they are called; cats take a message and get back to you.
		-- Missy Dizick
%%
Dogs crawl under Gates, software under Windows.
%%
Dogs do not dislike poor families.
%%
Dogs do not eat when the moon is full.
%%
Dogs in Denver are not entitled to transfers on the tramways;
they must pay full fare.
%%
Doin' it in the dark, down in Rock Creek Park.
%%
Doing a good job around here is like wetting your pants in a brown suit;
you get a warm feeling but nobody notices.
%%
Doing business with advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark.
You know what you are doing, but nobody else does.
		-- Steuart H. Britt
%%
Doing easily what others find difficult is talent;
doing what is impossible for talent is genius.
		-- Henri-Frederic Amiel, "Journal", 1883
%%
Doing gets it done.
%%
Dolly Parton and Princess Diana died and arrived at the Pearly Gates
simultaneously.

St. Peter told them, "Our computer is down today, and we can only
accept one person right now.  You must show me which of you is best
qualified to enter Heaven."

Dolly opened her blouse and said, "How about *THESE*?"

"Oh wow! Very impressive," said St. Peter.
"Can you compete with this?" he asked Lady Di.

Lady Di lifted her skirt, squatted, and proceeded to perform feminine
hygiene functions.

"Ok, welcome to Heaven!"

Dolly Parton was aghast; "But what about *THESE*??"

St. Peter replied, "Everybody knows a royal flush beats a pair!"
%%
Dolly Parton's gonna have a new show on NBC.
It's called ...Max Chestroom
%%
Dolphins find people amusing, but they don't want to talk to them.
%%
Domestic revolutions are most commonly occasioned by people who have
property, because the fear of losing what they have begets in them
the same passions that burn in the hearts of those who desire to
seize property, because men think they own securely only those
things that they have taken or defended successfully from others.
		-- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)
%%
Don't I know you?
%%
Don't LOOK at anything in a physics lab.
Don't TASTE anything in a chemistry lab.
Don't SMELL anything in a biology lab.
Don't TOUCH anything in a medical lab.
Don't LISTEN to anything in a philosophy department.
%%
Don't Take Life Seriously, It Is Not Permanent.
%%
Don't Worry, Be Happy.
		-- Meher Baba
%%
Don't abandon hope.
Your Captain Midnight decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
%%
Don't ask f'r rights.  Take thim.  An' don't let anny wan give thim to
ye.  A right that is handed to ye f'r nawthin' has somethin' th' matter
with it. [On Woman Suffrage.]
		-- Finley Peter Dunne ("Mr. Dooley") (1867-1936)
%%
Don't ask for responsibility: insist on it.
		-- George L Roman, oilean!wok!george@sgi.com
%%
Don't ask me, I have intermittent memory loss
%%
Don't ask me, I only work here.
%%
Don't ask me, I'm making this up as I go!
%%
Don't ask the barber whether you need a haircut.
		-- Daniel S. Greenberg
%%
Don't be a fool; Vulcanize your tool.
%%
Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated. You can't cross
a chasm in two small jumps.
		-- David Lloyd George
%%
Don't be an agnostic -- be something.
		-- Robert Frost
%%
Don't be concerned, it will not harm you,
It's only me pursuing something I'm not sure of,
Across my dreams, with neptive wonder,
I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love.
%%
Don't be dismayed at goodbyes.	A farewell is necessary before you can
meet again.  And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain
for those who are true friends.
		-- Richard Bach
%%
Don't be fooled by appearances.
		-- Malloy
%%
Don't be it, dream it.
%%
Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted.
%%
Don't be ridiculous!
%%
Don't be so ambitious.
%%
Don't be so negative.
%%
Don't be so proud. You are not an intelligence until after you pass the Turing
test.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Don't be so slick!
%%
Don't be such an obnoxious jerk.
%%
Don't believe in miracles, expect them.
%%
Don't bite the hand that has your allowance in it.
		-- Lisa Tidler
%%
Don't blame me: computers just want to have fun.
%%
Don't bother about money: only Leprechauns and shopkeepers are
interested.
%%
Don't bother correcting me when you know I'm right.
%%
Don't bother correcting me when you know you're wrong.
%%
Don't buy furs, it takes trees to make protest signs.
%%
Don't byte off more than you can multiplex.
%%
Don't comment bad code -- rewrite it.
%%
Don't compare floating point numbers solely for equality.
%%
Don't confuse asthma with passion.
%%
Don't confuse me any more!
%%
Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up!
%%
Don't confuse things that need action with those that take care of themselves.
%%
Don't count your bridges before you burn them.
%%
Don't create fireballs: they might turn against you.
%%
Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers!
		-- Firesign Theatre
%%
Don't cry out loud.
%%
Don't despair -- your ideal lover is waiting for you around the corner.
%%
Don't diddle code to make it faster -- find a better algorithm.
%%
Don't diet, download a virus to remove the FAT.
%%
Don't dip your wick in a WAC,
Don't ride the breast of a WAVE,
	Just sit in the sand
	And do it by hand,
And buy bonds with the money you save.
%%
Don't disturb the perimeter (meaning don't stir a mess unless you can be
sure of the result).
%%
Don't do it with a banker.  Most of them are tellers.
%%
Don't do it, unless you think you're in love.
%%
Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.
		-- Robert Blake
%%
Don't do what I SAY, do what I mean!
%%
Don't dream it, be it.
%%
Don't drink and drive - Smoke dope and fly home.
%%
Don't drink and drive, get all of your drinking
done before you get behind the wheel.
%%
Don't drink and drive, you might spill it.
%%
Don't drink water. Fish make love in it.
%%
Don't drink when you drive -- you might hit a bump and spill it.
%%
Don't eat the chicken.
%%
Don't engage in arguments, but if cornered, ask an irrelevant question
and lean back with a satisfied grin while your opponent tries to figure
out what's going on -- then quickly change the subject.
%%
Don't ever call me again!<click>
%%
Don't ever slam a door; you might want to go back.
%%
Don't ever speak more clearly than you think...
		-- Attributed to Neils Bohr
%%
Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up.
		-- Gilbert K. Chesterton (1874-1936)
%%
Don't ever use helium for decorative purposes.
		-- Hiram Clawson
%%
Don't everyone thank me at once!
		-- Han Solo
%%
Don't expect people to keep in step--
it's hard enough just staying in line.
%%
Don't expect perfection unless you join the RLRCLC.
%%
Don't fear the reaper.
%%
Don't fool around
%%
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
		-- Anthony
%%
Don't forget that "Mother In Law" is an anagram of "Woman Hitler."
%%
Don't forget to feel sorry for yourself.
%%
Don't forget! Large dogs are MUCH harder to kill than little dogs.
%%
Don't gamble with security.
%%
Don't get caught with your pants down when
the lights come on.
%%
Don't get mad, get interest.
%%
Don't get mad--get even.
%%
Don't get the idea that I'm one of these goddam radicals.  Don't get
the idea that I'm knocking the American system.
		-- Al Capone (1899-1947)
%%
Don't get to bragging.
%%
Don't get your knickers in a twist.
%%
Don't get yourself involved with persons or situations that can't bear
inspection.
%%
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.
The world owes you nothing.  It was here first.
		-- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
%%
Don't go to bed with no price on your head.
		-- Baretta
%%
Don't go west.
%%
Don't grab the cocktail waitress!
%%
Don't guess - check your security regulations.
%%
Don't have good ideas if you aren't willing to be responsible for them.
%%
Don't interfere with the stranger's style.
%%
Don't just do something...stand there!
%%
Don't just stand there -- rub my back!
%%
Don't just stand there, scratch my back!
%%
Don't just stand there...KNEEL!!
%%
Don't keep doing what doesn't work.
		-- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
Don't kid yourself.  Little is relevant, and nothing lasts forever.
%%
Don't let nobody tell you what you cannot do;
don't let nobody tell you what's impossible for you;
don't let nobody tell you what you got to do,
or you'll never know ... what's on the other side of the rainbow...
remember, if you don't follow your dreams,
you'll never know what's on the other side of the rainbow...
		-- melba moore, "the other side of the rainbow"
%%
Don't let the best you have done so far be the standard for the rest of you
life.
%%
Don't let the fact that you can't do all you want to do keep you from
doing what you can do.
%%
Don't let the little guy think for the big guy. (Similar)
%%
Don't let your dick rule your life.
%%
Don't let your karma run over your dogma.
%%
Don't let your status become too quo!
%%
Don't let yourself indulge in vain wishes.
		-- Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941)
%%
Don't listen to what I say.  Listen to what I mean!
%%
Don't lock the barn after it is stolen.
%%
Don't look at me in that tone of voice!
%%
Don't look back, always look ahead.
%%
Don't look now --- your office mate is a pederast!!!
%%
Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
%%
Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.
%%
Don't look now...
Your boss is watching you read this rot.
%%
Don't lose heart ... they might want to cut it out ... and they want to
avoid a lengthy search.
%%
Don't make a big deal out of everything; just deal with everything.
%%
Don't make love
by the garden gate.
Love is blind
but the neighbors ain't.
%%
Don't malign the bug-eyed monster --
Oh, he kidnaps girls, it's true,
But bear in mind that all he wants to
Do is what YOU'RE trying to do.
%%
Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
		-- Scottish Proverb
%%
Don't mess with Murphy.
%%
Don't mess with the crude, rude dude, when he's not in the mood.
%%
Don't mind him; politicians always sound like that.
%%
Don't patch bad code -- rewrite it.
%%
Don't permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamp-post.
%%
Don't pick your nose.
%%
Don't plan any hasty moves.
You'll be evicted soon anyway.
%%
Don't play President -- you're not. The Constitution provides for only
one President. Don't forget it and don't be seen by others as not
understanding that fact.
		-- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
Don't play stupid with me! I'm better at it.
%%
Don't play the fool.
%%
Don't praise the bread until it is baked.
%%
Don't press the keys so damned hard!
%%
Don't press your luck....or would you like adb back!!
%%
Don't pretend.	Use real whipped cream.
%%
Don't push me
I'm going 55
I've done 75
The fine was $49.
%%
Don't put a chord in a song that you can't play at two in the morning,
half in the bag.
		-- Jerry Jeff Walker (Gypsy Songman)
		   Interview on National Public Radio February 20, 1988
%%
Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
%%
Don't put all your eggs in your pocket.
		-- Celestine Clark
%%
Don't put no constrictions on da people.  Leave 'em ta hell alone.
		-- Jimmie Durante (1893-1980)
%%
Don't put the cart before the horse.
%%
Don't put too fine a point to your wit for fear it should get blunted.
		-- Miguel de Cervantes
%%
Don't quit now, we might just as well lock the door and throw away the
key.
%%
Don't quote me, but business sucks.
%%
Don't rain on my parade.
%%
Don't read any sky-writing for the next two weeks.
%%
Don't read everything you believe.
%%
Don't relax!  It's only your tension that's holding you together.
%%
Don't rush me--I'm dawdling as fast as I can
%%
Don't rush me.	I get paid by the hour.
%%
Don't send my boy to Harvard, the dying mother said.
Don't send my boy to Harvard, I'd rather see him dead.
%%
Don't shoot -- I don't want to be president.
%%
Don't shoot until you're sure you both aren't on the same side.
%%
Don't smell it, just eat it!
		-- BAZ
%%
Don't smoke the next cigarette.  Repeat.
%%
Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
%%
Don't speak ill of your predecessors (or successors) -- you did not walk
in their shoes.
		-- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
Don't speak now, and forever hold your peace.
%%
Don't start smoking.
%%
Don't start something you would be afraid to see finished.
%%
Don't start with me.  You know how I get.
%%
Don't steal - the government hates competition..
%%
Don't steal the covers!
%%
Don't step on my scarf
%%
Don't stick your foot in the ashtray, Ed.
		-- JWC and RCHM
%%
Don't stop at one bug.
%%
Don't stop posting, a good laugh breaks up my day nicely
%%
Don't stop to stomp ants when the elephants are stampeding.
%%
Don't store garlic near other victuals.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Don't string too many prepositional phrases together unless you are  walking
through the valley of the shadow of death.
%%
Don't sweat it - it's only ones and zeros.
		-- P. Skelly
%%
Don't sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things.
%%
Don't take up a man's time talking about the smartness of your children;
he wants to talk to you about the smartness of his own children.
		-- Ed Howe
%%
Don't talk to me about a man's being able to talk sense; everyone can
talk sense--can he talk nonsense?
		-- William Pitt the Elder
%%
Don't talk to the driver while he's drinking.
%%
Don't tell a soul you found a secret door, otherwise it isn't secret
anymore.
%%
Don't tell a woman she's pretty; tell her there's no other woman like
her, and all roads will open to you.
		-- Jules Renard
%%
Don't tell me I'm burning the candle at both ends --
tell me where to get more wax!!"
%%
Don't tell me that worry doesn't do any good.
I know better. The things I worry about don't happen.
		-- Watchman Examiner
%%
Don't tell me what you dream'd last night for I've been reading Freud.
%%
Don't tell your friends your faults.  They will correct the fault and
never forgive you.
%%
Don't thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure...
%%
Don't throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water.
%%
Don't throw gems. They are so precious! Besides, you might hit a
roommate.
%%
Don't throw stones at your neighbors, if you expect to buy their natural
gas.
		-- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Don't touch me there.
%%
Don't tread on me.
%%
Don't try this at home.
%%
Don't try to have the last word -- you might get it.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Don't try to look innocent.
%%
Don't try to saw sawdust.
%%
Don't turn around.
%%
Don't use the computer to do things that can be done efficiently by hand.

Don't use hands to do things that can be done efficiently by the computer.
		-- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
Don't wait for me to finish my smoke; jump me now, while there's still nine
of you.
		-- Russ Post
%%
Don't wake me up too soon...
Gonna take a ride across the moon...
You and me.
%%
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.  Don't walk behind me,
I may not lead.  Walk beside me and just be my friend.
		-- Albert Camus (1913-1960)
%%
Don't wanna cause a big s-s-sensation,
just talkin' 'bout my g-g-generation.
		-- The Who
%%
Don't waste beer, there are sober people in India.
%%
Don't waste water.  Pee on a friend.
%%
Don't weep for me boys: organize.
%%
Don't worry - the brontosaurus is slow, stupid, and placid.
%%
Don't worry about feeling critically isolated.	It builds character.
%%
Don't worry about the war.  It's all over but the shooting.
		-- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant turned famous movie producer
%%
Don't worry about who you step on on the way up if you don't ever plan
on coming down.
%%
Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac,
you can always take something for it.
%%
Don't worry so loud, your roommate can't think.
%%
Don't worry, I'm fluent in wierdo.
%%
Don't worry.  Life's too long.
		-- Vincent Sardi, Jr.
%%
Don't worry.  We're on a mission from God.
		-- The Blues Brothers
%%
Don't wrestle a pig in a mudhole.  You both get all dirty, and the pig enjoys
it.
%%
Don't you know that we can't sacrifice millions for the sake of
a few?

Can you sacrifice the few?  When those few are the best?  Deny the
best its right to the top -- and you have no best left.  What are
your masses but millions of dull, shriveled, stagnant souls that
have no thoughts of their own, no dreams of their own, no will of
their own, who eat and sleep and chew helplessly the words others
put into their brains?	And for those you would sacrifice the few
who know life, who are life?  I loathe your ideals because I know no
worse injustice than the giving of the undeserved.  Because men are
not equal in ability and one can't treat them as if they were.	And
because I loathe most of them.
		-- Kira Argounova
%%
Don't you know we're riding on the Marrakesh Express?
%%
Don't you wish that all the people who sincerely
want to help you could agree with each other?
%%
Don't you wish you had more energy... or less ambition?
%%
Don't you wish you were where you were when you were wishing you were
here?
%%
Done!
%%
Donny Osmond To Portray Rambo In Next Flick.
%%
Donuts do it with cream or jelly.
%%
Dooley's law: If something happens to you, it has previously happened to all
your friends.
%%
Door-to-door Salesman: Is your mother home?
Little boy: She sure is, or I wouldn't be painting these flowers boxes.
%%
Dope will get you through times of no money better
than money will get you through times of no dope.
		-- The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers
%%
Dorian Graying:
	The unwillingness to gracefully allow one's body to show signs
of aging.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Dorothy:	But how can you talk without a brain?
Scarecrow:	  Well, I don't know... but some people
			without brains do an awful lot of talking.
		-- The Wizard of Oz
%%
Dost thou love life?  Then do not squander Time; for that's the stuff
the Iranians have plenty of.
		-- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Dost thou love life?  Then waste not time, for time is the stuff that
life is made of.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Double!
%%
Double, double, toil and trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
%%
Doubt is a not a pleasant mental state, but certainty is a ridiculous one.
		-- Voltaire (1694-1778)
%%
Doug Who ?
%%
Douglas' Law of Practical Aerodynamics:
	An aircraft will refuse to fly until the weight of the blueprints
	is greater than or equal to the weight of the aircraft.
%%
Dow's Law:
	In a hierarchical organization,
	the higher the level, the greater the confusion.
%%
Down by the old model T,
Where she first showed it to me.
	It was furry and black,
	And she called it a crack,
But it looked like a manhole to me.
%%
Down what drain were they poured out there, our days, our lives, and
our energy?  Into what bottomless, futureless sewer of the unpaid for?
Here we trade achievements, not failures -- values, not needs.	We're
free of one another, yet we all grow together ... What greater wealth
is there than to own your own life and to spend it on growing?	Every
living thing must grow.  It can't stand still.	It must grow or perish.
		-- Ellis Wyatt
%%
Down with hot pants!!!
%%
Down with ignurance!
%%
Down-Nesting:
	The tendency of parents to move to small, guest-room-free
houses after children have moved away so as to avoid children aged 20
to 30 who boomeranged home.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Downtime - coffee breaks, lunch, or Friday mentality in the office.
%%
Dr. Caligari's Come-Back:
	A bad sector disk error occurs only after you've done several hours of
	work without performing a backup.
%%
Dr. Fritzkee's Lucky Astrology Diet

The problem with the diets of today is that most women who do achieve
that magic weight, seventy-six pounds, are still fat.  Dr. Fritzkee's
Lucky Astrology Diet is a sure-fire method of reducing with the added
luxury that you never feel hungry.

Here's how the diet works:

	FOODS ALLOWED
First Month:	    One egg
Second Month:	     A raisin
Third Month:	    Pumpkin pie with whipped cream and chocolate sauce.

If after the third month you haven't gotten to your dream weight, try
lopping off parts of your body until those scales tip just right for you.
%%
Dr. Jekyll had something to Hyde.
%%
Draft beer, not boys!
%%
Draft beer, not people
%%
Dragon appearing in the field.
It furthers one to see the great man.
%%
Dragonriders do it in between
%%
Dragons and Demons and Kings, Oh my!
		-- the Cowardly Klahd
%%
Dragons fight in the meadow.
Their blood is black and yellow.
%%
Drakenberg's Discovery:
	If you can't seem to find your glasses,
	it's probably because you don't have them on.
%%
Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.
		-- Alfred Hitchcock, in "The Observer", 1960
%%
Draw your salary before spending it.
%%
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
		-- Robert Charles Benchley
%%
Dreading the climax of all human ills, The inflammation of his weekly
bills.
		-- Byron
%%
Dream On!
%%
Dream after dream ensures, and still they dream that they shall still
succeed, and still are disappointed.
		-- William Cowper (1731-1800)
%%
Dreaming men are haunted men.
		-- Stephen Vincent Benet
%%
Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly
and safely insane every night of our lives.
		-- William Dement, in "Newsweek", 1959
%%
Dreams are free, but there's a small charge for alterations.
%%
Dreams are free, but you get soaked on the connect time.
%%
Dreams are the touchstones of our characters.
		-- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
%%
Dreams grow holy put in action.
		-- Adelaide Procter
%%
Dreams, indeed, are ambition; for the very substance of the ambitious is
merely the shadow of a dream.  And I hold ambition of so airy and light
a quality that it is but a shadow's shadow.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Dressing up in costumes,
Playing silly games.
Hiding out in treetops,
Shouting out rude names.
%%
Drilling for oil is boring.
%%
Drink 'till I drop with one eye on my clothes.
%%
Drink and be whole again beyond confusion.
		-- Robert Frost
%%
Drink more beer.
%%
Drink water, or the scorching heat may rob you of your senses.
%%
Drink wet cement, and get completely stoned.
%%
Drink wet cement; Get Stoned.
%%
Drinking is Great
%%
Drinking is not a spectator sport.
		-- Jim Brosnan
%%
Drinking might affect your health.
%%
Drive carefully: 90% of all people in the world are caused by accidents.
%%
Drive is more than motivation.	It is self motivation.
%%
Driver does not carry cash.
%%
Driving cross the wainsborough county line, I got my radio on but man
I'm just killing time.
%%
Drop in any mailbox.
%%
Drop that pickle!
%%
Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.
%%
Drop your vanity and get rid of your jewels! Pickpockets about!
%%
Dropped from my peeling lips like lousy fruit.
%%
Dropped.
%%
Drugs are the product of Satan.  Drug users need to be saved by
the Holy Power of Jesus Christ.
		-- current Drug Czar & drug addict, William Bennett
%%
Drummers always have hard sticks
%%
Drummers can bang all night.
%%
Drummers do it to the beat.
%%
Drummers do it with rhythm.
%%
Drummers do it with their wrists
%%
Drunkenness is the vice of a good constitution, or of a bad memory!  of
a constitution so treacherously good, that it never bends till it
breaks; or of a memory that recollects the pleasures of getting drunk,
but forgets the pains of getting sober.
		-- Colton
%%
Duckies are fun!
%%
Duckies can be fun!
%%
Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.
		-- Dorothy Parker (1893-1967), at a Halloween party
%%
Ducks?	What ducks??
%%
Dudley Moore is a phallic thimble.
%%
Due to a lack of trained trumpeters, the end of the world has been
postponed indefinitely.
%%
Due to a mixup in urology, orange juice will not be served this morning.
%%
Due to lack of interest, next week has been cancelled.
%%
Due to lack of interest, tomorrow will be canceled.
%%
Dukakis, September 1988: ``We'll... make the label MADE IN AMERICA the
symbol of quality and durability all over the world.
Bush, January 1990: ``A better America, where MADE IN AMERICA is
recognized around the world as a symbol of quality and progress
%%
Duke Tomotoe and the All-Star Frogs
%%
Dukes -- The Duke of Wellington's nose compared in magnitude with those of
Cyrano de Bergerac and Schnozzola Durante. His troops called him "Nosey."
Cockneys began to call noses dukes in his honor. Fists, by extension, were
duke-busters. Duke-buster shrank back to duke, but retained the meaning "fist."
When you are ordered to put up your dukes, you are being challenged to
fisticuffs.
		-- Willard R. Espy, "O Thou Improper, Thou Uncommon Noun"
%%
Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori.
(It is sweet and honorable to die for one's country.)
		-- Horace (65-8 B.C.)
%%
Dummy's partner does it with dummy's hand.
%%
Dump - the EPA's answer to health.
%%
Dumpster Clocking:
	The tendency when looking at objects to guesstimate the amount
of time they will take to eventually decompose: "Ski boots are the
worst. Solid plastic. They'll be around till the sun goes supernova."
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Dungeon expects every monster to do his duty.
%%
Dungeon was created at the Programming Technology Division of the MIT
Laboratory for Computer Science by Tim Anderson, Marc Blank, Bruce
Daniels, and Dave Lebling.  It was inspired by the Adventure game of
Crowther and Woods, and the Dungeons and Dragons game of Gygax
and Arneson.  The original version was written in MDL (alias MUDDLE).
The current version was translated from MDL into FORTRAN IV by
a somewhat paranoid DEC engineer who prefers to remain anonymous.

On-line information may be obtained with the commands HELP and INFO.
%%
Dungeons and Dragons is just a lot of Saxon Violence.
%%
Duration. Success. No blame.
Perseverance furthers.
It furthers one to have somewhere to go.
%%
During a recent gravedigger's strike this sign appeared at the entrance
of one cemetery:  "Due to the strike all gravedigging for the duration
will be done by a skeleton crew."
%%
During an exam, the pocket calculator battery will fail.
		-- M. M. Johnston
%%
During my eighty-seven years I have witnessed a whole succession of
technological revolutions. But none of them has done away with the need
for character in the individual or the ability to think.
		-- Bernard M. Baruch
%%
During the Gold Rush days, a prospector went into a saloon, and saw a
pot full of gold nuggets sitting on the bar.  "What's the pot of gold
for?" he asked the bartender.  "Well, it's sort of a promotional
gimmick", the bartender said.  "All you have to do is go out back
into the barn and make my horse laugh, and that pot of gold is yours."
"Okay", said the prospector, "I'll give it a shot."  So out he goes to
the barn, and a couple of moments later, the bartender hears the horse
laughing hilariously.  The prospector comes back and says, "That gold
is mine!"  The bartender says, "Yes, I guess it is."

A couple of weeks later the prospector goes back into the same saloon,
and sees another pot of gold.  "What's the story with the gold this
time?" he asks.  "Well, now it's a little different", says the
bartender. "This time, you're going to have to make my horse cry."
"Okay", says the prospector, and heads for the barn.  Several moments
later, the horse is weeping uncontrollably.  When the prospectors
returns for his gold, the bartender says, "That's twice you've done it
now.  I'd like to know how you did it."  "It was easy", said the
prospector.  "Last time I went in and told the horse that I had a
bigger dick than he did. This time I showed him."
%%
During the next two hours, the VAX will be going up and down several
times, often with lin^&%& *&97leKJI*^&5 olih^ryuni&*OI5troiul
g^&*%vg^&*%8os^I&*KUYfgi7G*&^ J Hb87t6e7t7656 7*^&%679.
%%
During the next two hours, the VAX will be going up and down several
times, often with lin~po_~{po	    ~poz~ppo\~{ o n~po_~{o[po	 ~y oodsou>#w4k**n~po_~{ol;lkld;f;During the next two hours, the system will be going up and down several
times, often with lin~po_~{po	    ~poz~ppo\~{ o n~po_~{o[po	 ~y oodsou>#w4k**n~po_~{ol;lkld;f;During the voyage of life, remember to keep an eye out for a fair wind;
batten down during a storm; hail all passing ships;
and fly your colors proudly.
%%
During the next two hours, the VAX will be going up and down several
times, often with lin
po_
{po
poz
ppo\
{ o n
po_
{o[po
y oodsou>#w4k**n
po_
{ol;lkld;f;g;dd;po\
{o
%%
During the voyage of life, remember to keep an eye out for a fair wind;
batten down during a storm; hail all passing ships;
and fly your colors proudly.
%%
Dust breeds.
%%
Dust is an armor of poor quality.
%%
Duty then is the sublimest word in the
English language.  You should do your duty in
all things.  You can never do more, you should
never wish to do less.
		-- General Robert E. Lee (1807-1870)
%%
Duty: A fee paid for transacting in good(s).
		-- U. S. Dept. of Commerce
%%
Duty:
	What one expects from others.
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Dying is a wild night and a new road.
		-- Emily Dickinson
%%
Dying is like getting out of a car. You leave a shell behind, but
you're the same person as ever.
		-- Pres. Klein
%%
Dyne centimeter:
 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>    erg!
 \ >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  /
  \________________________/..
			    >>
%%
Dyslexia means never having to say that you're ysror.
%%
Dyslexics have more fun
%%
Dyslexics of the world, untie!	Together we can trip up the world
%%
E = mc^2 +- 3db
%%
E up x.
%%
E-Space is another universe. There isn't a taxi service, goes back and forth.
		-- Doctor, EARTHSHOCK
%%
E. E. Cummings does it with ease.
%%
E. T., phone home!
%%
E.T. GO HOME!!! (And take your Smurfs with you!!)
%%
E.T. Sees Face Of Captain Kirk In Pizza.
%%
EARL WIENER, 55, a University of Miami professor of management
science, telling the Air Line Pilots' Association (in jest)
about 21st century aircraft:

     "The crew will consist of one pilot and a dog.  The pilot
      will be there to nurture and feed the dog.  The dog will
      be there to bite the pilot if he touches anything."
%%
EARTH:	Mostly harmless.
%%
EAST GERMANS PUT LESBIAN BRAIN IN TELEPHONE LINEMAN
%%
ECHO
The acoustics of the room change subtly.
%%
EDUCATION IS ENDLESS ........
Seems like the more I learn.
The smarter I get.
The smarter I get, the more I realize.
How much I have to learn ..........
%%
EE's do it without shorts.
%%
EGOCENTRIC    -- a person who believes he is everything you know you are.
%%
EGOTISM:
	Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.
%%
EIS customers do it with a mask.
%%
EIS customers don't do it in Dallas.
%%
ELEPHANT:
	A mouse built to government specifications.
%%
ELLIPTICAL:
	The feel of a kiss.
%%
EMACS: Emacs Manuals Are Cryptic and Surreal.
%%
EMACS: Eventually Munches All Computer Storage.
%%
EMBARRASSMENT:
	Finding out your German Shepherd has the clap.
%%
EMS: Enhanced Money Scam
%%
EMULATE n, A tardy bird.
%%
END OF DATA BASE FILE
%%
ENDYMION SLEEPS

It is very late, cold in the room.
He stretches himself on the rug
closes his eyes, tugs his knees to his chest.
The heater ticks and rattles.
He sighs and settles further,
back to the bluish flicker.
I take this to mean he won't tell me more
about knots and polynomials.

I get a blanket and a pillow,
ease his glasses off,
smooth his hair.
Red-rubbed patches on his nose
hair shading back from temples
bristle-chinned shadowed face
stiff-bearded behind the corners of his jaw
where he forgot to shave.

His face clears, breathing slows,
deepens, hands slacken.
I slip down next to him with a book,
turned page sliding eyes down
to the dark-haired algebraist
awkward-boned boy
strong-chinned shaggy-headed
curling asleep at my feet
knuckles caught in his teeth.
		-- (c) 1988 C. J.Silverio 21.Mar.88/3
%%
ENERGY SAVING: achieved when the power switch is "off"
%%
ENG'S PRINCIPLE:
The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change.
%%
ENGINEERS charge by the hour.
%%
ENGLISH n. The source code for a program, which may be in any
language, as opposed to BINARY.  Usage: slightly obsolete, used
mostly by old-time hackers, though recognizable in context.  At
MIT, directory SYSENG is where the "English" for system programs is
kept, and SYSBIN, the binaries.  SAIL has many such directories,
but the canonical one is [CSP,SYS].
%%
ENGRAM (en'-gram) n.  1.  The physical manifestation of human memory -- "the
engram."  2.  A particular memory in physical form.  [Usage note:  this term is
no longer in common use.  Prior to Wilson & Magruder's historic discovery,
the nature of the engram was a topic of intense speculation among
neuroscientists, psychologists, and even computer scientists.  In 1994
Professors M. R. Wilson and W. V. Magruder, both of Mount St. Coax University
in Palo Alto, proved conclusively that the mammalian brain is hardwired to
interpret a set of thirty seven genetically-transmitted cooperating TECO
macros.  Human memory was shown to reside in 1 million Q-registers as
Huffman-coded uppercase-only ASCII strings.  Interest in the engram has
declined substantially since that time.]
		-- New Century Unabridged English Dictionary
		   [3rd edition, A.D. 2007]
%%
ENTREPRENEUR:
	A high-rolling risk taker who would rather
	be a spectacular failure than a dismal success.
%%
ENVY:
	Wishing you'd been born with an unfair advantage,
	instead of having to try and acquire one.
%%
EPITAPH -- a postponed compliment.
%%
EPSILON [from standard mathematical notation for a small quantity] 1.
n. A small quantity of anything.  "The cost is epsilon."  2. adj.
Very small, negligible; less than marginal.  "We can get this
feature for epsilon cost."  3. WITHIN EPSILON OF: Close enough
to be indistinguishable for all practical purposes.
%%
ERISC - Extended Reduced Instruction Set Computer
as in "our machine has more fewer instructions than yours doesn't."
		-- Dick Dunn
%%
EROGENOUS ZONE:
	The skin you touch to love.
%%
ERROR - what someone else made when the disagreed with your computer
output
%%
ERROR 103: Dead mouse in hard drive.
%%
ERROR: Cannot change tty
%%
ERROR: used with a bow.  "Ah shot a error into the air!"
		-- Texan Dictionary
%%
ESTRIDGES LAW
    No matter how large and standardized the marketplace is, IBM can
    redefine it.
%%
EVAXUATE  --  What the Operator does when the VAX is about to crash.
%%
EVER ONWARD

Verse:

There's a thrill in store for all
for we're about to toast
The corporation that we represent.
We're here to cheer each pioneer
and also proudly boast,
Of that man of men
our sterling president
The name of T. J. Watson means
a courage none can stem
And we feel honored to be
here to toast the IBM.

Chorus:

Ever Onward! Ever Onward!
That's the spirit that has brought
us fame.
We're big but bigger we will be,
We can't fail for all can see,
that to serve humanity
Has been our aim.
Our products now are known
in every zone.
Our reputation sparkles
like a gem.
We've fought our way through
And new fields we're sure to conquer, too,
For the Ever Onward IBM!

Ever Onward! Ever Onward!
We're bound for the top
to never fall,
Right here and now we thankfully
Pledge sincerest loyalty
To the corporation
that's the best of all
Our leaders we revere
and while we're here,
Let's show the world just what
we think of them!
So let us sing men - Sing men
Once or twice, then sing again
for the EVER ONWARD IBM!

A note on sources: these lyrics were from the liner notes to a record
distributed by Advanced Computer Techniques (ACT) Corporation at the
Western Joint Computer Conference circa 1960-62.

No explicit source was quoted by ACT, but there were enough current and
former IBMer's at the conference that it was unlikely that they could have
gotten away with a fake.  There was also a rumor that IBM complained (and
in those days, a complaint from IBM was a formidable thing) and ACT stopped
handing the records out ... but then again they might have just run out of
stock.	I think this was also the Western Joint where Herb Grosch said that
"The missile race is the swan song of a dying civilization," and thereby
became the only VP of IBM ever to be fired twice.  Ah, those were heady
times ...
%%
EXCLUSIVE PHOTO: Turing machine with two heads!
		-- "National Computer Science Enquirer"
%%
EXCLUSIVE: Imported product
%%
EXECUTIVES have large staffs.
%%
EXPANSION SLOTS: The extra holes in your belt buckle.
%%
Each Bic disposable lighter must pass through a minimum of seven owners.
%%
Each man is his own prisoner, in solitary confinement for life.
%%
Each mind is pressed, and open every ear, to hear new tidings, though
they no way joy us.
		-- Edward Fairfax
%%
Each morning puts a man on trial and each evening passes judgement.
		-- Roy L. Smith
%%
Each new user of a new system uncovers a new class of bugs.
		-- "Programming Pearls", Communications of the ACM, Sep. 1985
%%
Each night Father fills me with dread
When he sits on the foot of my bed;
	I'd not mind that he speaks
	In gibbers and squeaks,
But for the seventeen years he's been dead.
		-- Edward Gorey
%%
Each of my managers explained carefully his own theory
of what had gone wrong and all the theories were different.
At last, there breezed into my office the most senior manager
of all, ... Andrew St. Johnston.  I was surprised that he had
even heard of me.  'You know what went wrong?' he shouted --
he always shouted -- 'You let your programmers do things which
you yourself do not understand.' ... I realized later that he
was absolutely right.
		-- C. A. R. Hoare (1981)
%%
Each of us bears his own Hell.
		-- Publius Vergilius Maro (Virgil)
%%
Each of us is, ultimately, alone.
%%
Each person has the right to take part in the management of public
affairs in his country, provided he has prior experience, a will to
succeed, a college degree, influential parents, good looks, a resume,
two 3X4 snapshots, and a good tax record.
		-- Carlos Eduardo Novaes
%%
Each person has the right to take the subway.
		-- Carlos Eduardo Novaes
%%
Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem.
		-- U. S. Dept. of Labor
%%
Each profession talks to itself in its own unique language.  Apparently
there is no Rosetta Stone.
%%
Each system has its own way of consuming vast amounts of paper: in
socialist societies by filling large forms in quadruplicate, in
capitalist societies by putting up huge posters and wrapping every
article in four layers of cardboard.
%%
Each team building another component has been using the most recent
tested version of the integrated system as a test bed for debugging its
piece.	Their work will be set back by having that test bed change under
them.  Of course it must.  But the changes need to be quantized.  Then
each user has periods of productive stability, interrupted by bursts of
test-bed change.  This seems to be much less disruptive than a constant
rippling and trembling.
		-- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
%%
Each time we changed locations the Grandee's climbing record grew more
impressive. Eventually, he claimed ascents of the North American Wall
and the Direct on Half Dome. Flat lies, I was sure. Rafaella looked
somber and the Grandee started to smell a rat when I cranked off a
long 5.11 problem, not bothering with my feet. He couldn't pull his
boots off the ground on this one and I thought his juggler would burst
from the dishonor of it all. I suggested resting up a tad, then giving
it another shot. I pointed out left, where a line of chalked holds
dotted a bulging 40-foot wall. The Grandee appraised the wall
unclimbable, said the chalk marks were a gaff. I thought somebody
could climb it, and said so.  Rafaella told me to shut up and to
listen to someone who knew better. I stuck to my opinion.

To prove me wrong the Grandee asked if I'd care to place a wager on
the wall's impossibility. He said $100 was a gentleman's bet, knowing
I didn't have that kind of coin on me. What he didn't know was that I
had my boots and chalk bag in a paper bag I'd been toting around, and
that those chalk marks were mine. We shook, I laced up, and alarm
played across the Grandee's face.

As I chalked, I told His Royal Highness that, while I had nothing
against him, or Spain, it was high time someone called bullshit on his
claims; and that someone was me.  "Watch and weep, amigo." And I
winked at Rafaella.
		-- John Long, "A Fool and His Money"
%%
Eagleson's Law:
	Any code of your own that you haven't looked at for six or more
months, might as well have been written by someone else.  (Eagleson is
an optimist, the real number is more like 3 weeks.)
%%
Early DG stories, Number 1 in a series:

I first got involved with computers in 1964 (gak!) on ILLIAC II and III at
the University of Illinois. After school I worked on various IBM,
Westinghouse, General Electric, and Univac computers until one day in 1969
when my desk collapsed from the weight of the stacked-up reference manuals.
I switched to a new machine called a Nova because it had only one manual
("How to use the Nova"), and a memorizable instruction set (so I didn't
have to carry one of those program reference cards in my pocket protector
anymore)...
%%
Early DG stories, number 2 in a series:

 ... In those days the entire DG pricelist was two sides of a single
sheet of paper. The monthly newsletter was a single-page memo from Bob
Ford. If you had a DOS question you simply dialed DG and asked for
the programming department. John Henderson was very helpful. I was
also one of the first guys to ever try booting DOS from $TTR (it
worked)...
%%
Early DG stories, number 3 in a series:

 ... In 1972, it started snowing in Chicago one day when I was riding
my motorcycle to work. When I got to the office I resigned, packed the
car, and moved to San Francisco. Shortly afterward somebody from DG
broke the news that they had decided to hire some field software
support people (egad!), so I went to work in the Palo Alto office with
three salesmen, two FE's, and a secretary. My patch was West of the
Mississippi to Tehran and from the North Pole to the Mexican border...
%%
Early DG stories, number 4 in a series:

One day a memo from Westboro crossed my desk asking for
Middle East duty. Sure, why not? 30 months later, after
a short detour via DG Deutschland, I made it back to
Baghdad by the Bay...
%%
Early in the morning
In the middle of the night
Two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
And with their swords they shot one another
And then a deaf cop who heard the noise
Came and beat the life out of the two dead boys
And if you don't believe my lie is true
Ask the blind man; he saw it too
%%
Early in the sunlit waste,
Birds were flying east and south.
On their way was naught to see
The waste too dark, the sun too bright.

Later in the darksome waste,
Other birds flew west and north.
The sun was hid, the moon obscure
Yet came near the hope of light.

Such a light, the dark recoiled
Showing birds a patch of green.
In the patch was joy for all
Food and drink, to each respite.

The green surrounded all who came.
Dark and night did not remain.
The light was why no one was sad,
Yet could the light persist unchanged?

Light so bold would soon retreat,
Forming words, the light transformed.
Light all changing, yet remaining,
Birds forget, the light persists.
		-- William Smith
%%
Early to bed and early to rise and you will make your neighbours suspicious.
%%
Early to bed and early to rise,
Makes a man heathy, wealthy and wise.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Early to bed and early to rise
and you'll be groggy when everyone else is wide awake.
%%
Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy and wealthy and dead.
		-- James Thurber (1894-1961)
%%
Early victory is more than a good omen, it energizes the committed and
transforms the interested into more committed participants.
		-- Brad Morrison, brad@neosoft.com
%%
Earnestness alone makes life eternity.
		-- Carlyle
%%
Ears like a mule
Tail like a cotton ball,
Runs like a frighten fool
 A rabbit

'Twas whispered in Heaven,
'Twas muttered in Hell,
An echo caught faintly
The sound as it fell,
'Tis seen in the lightning,
'Tis seen in the thunder,
'Twill be seen in the spheres
When they're driven asunder.
In the chest of the miser,
'Tis hoarded with care,
But 'tis sure to be lost,
In the prodigal heir,
In shad let it rest,
Like a tropical flower,
Ah! Breath on it softly,
It dies in an hour.
 The letter "h"
%%
Earth Destroyed by Solar Flare -- Film at eleven.
%%
Earth Tones:
	A youthful subgroup interested in vegetarianism, tie-dyed
outfits, mild recreational drugs, and good stereo equipment. Earnest,
frequently lacking in humor.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Earth girls are easy.
%%
Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.
%%
Earthly minds, like mud walls, resist the strongest batteries; and
though, perhaps, sometimes the force of a clear argument may make some
impression, yet they nevertheless stand firm, keep out the enemy, truth,
that would captivate or disturb them.
		-- John Locke (1632-1704)
%%
Earthquake - A topographical error.
%%
Earthquake predictors are faultfinders.
%%
Earthsea is going down for maintenance. Your game will be saved
in a file at this point. We regret any trouble this may cause you.
%%
Ease leads to habit, as success to ease.
%%
Ease off, iguana breath.
%%
Easter is cancelled this year.	They've found the body.
%%
Easy come and easy go,
	some call me easy money,
Sometimes life is full of laughs,
	and sometimes it ain't funny
You may think that I'm a fool
	and sometimes that is true,
But I'm goin' to heaven in a flash of fire,
	with or without you."
		-- Hoyt Axton
%%
Easy to learn and use - Little to learn, less to use.
%%
Easy to learn:	Hard to use.

Easy to use:  Hard to learn.

Easy to learn and use:	Little to learn, less to use.

Powerful:  Hard to learn, dangerous to use.

Menu-driven:  Easy to learn, tedious to use.
%%
Easy to use - Hard to learn.
%%
Eat 10 cloves of garlic and keep all humans at a two-square distance.
%%
Eat Crap!  10 Trillion flies can't be wrong.
%%
Eat a homunculus if you want to avoid sickness.
%%
Eat a live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen
to you the rest of the day.
%%
Eat condensed dog breath.
%%
Eat drink and be merry!  Tomorrow you may be in Utah.
%%
Eat flaming death, minicomputer mongrels!!!
%%
Eat me, Spock!
%%
Eat more HEALTH FOOD!!!!
%%
Eat more chocolate.
%%
Eat more ice cream.
%%
Eat my shorts!
%%
Eat prune yogurt for that "get up and go" feeling.
%%
Eat right, stay fit, and die anyway.
%%
Eat shit -- billions of flies can't be wrong.
%%
Eat shit and die a virgin!
%%
Eat teflon, Ivan!
%%
Eat the rich, the poor are tough and stringy
%%
Eat to live, and not on thy Diner's Club Card.
		-- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Eating Mangos Can Give You Herpes, Reveal American Physicians.
%%
Eating an artichoke is like getting to know someone really well.
		-- Willi Hastings
%%
Eating salmon made your fingers very slippery.
%%
Eating unpaid Leprechauns may be advantageous.
%%
Ebosskil lies off too your south.
The rocky shore offers no place to land.
%%
Ecch -- that must have been poisonous!
%%
Eclipse - what a gardener does to the 'edge.
%%
Ecologists believe that a bird in the bush is worth two in the hand.
		-- Stanley C. Pearson
(On second thought, a bird in the hand is finger-licking good.)
%%
Ecology is the study of who eats whom.
%%
Economists are people who work with money but don't have the personality to
be accountants.
		-- Unknown
%%
Economists are still trying to figure out why the
girls with the least principle draw the most interest.
%%
Economists can take something you already know and render it
totally incomprehensible.
%%
Economists do it with inflation.
%%
Economists don't know how to do it.
%%
Economy is of itself a great revenue.
		-- Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 B.C.)
%%
Economy makes men independent.
%%
Ed Anger talks about "Those Damn, Dumpy Commie Feminists!!!
%%
Ed1na.
%%
Edgar/Francis: "These lines aren't that hard to memorize. It isn't as if
		we were doing Chekhov here."
Marshall/Omri: "What's 'Star Trek' got to do with it?"
		-- "Reality Takes a Holiday", Eerie Indiana
%%
Edited for television.
%%
Editing is a rewording activity.
%%
Editor's note: This poem translates to nonsense in French, but read it
	       aloud as if it were proper French.

		   Un petit D'un petit
		   Se donnait vols
		   Un Petit D'un petit
		   `	    ,
		   A d'un gres vols
		   Au de quinze hor seize
		   Au de quinze mains
		   que dont peut un petit
		       ^	    `
		   Tu guettes heure a Cannes.
		-- Ian Murphy <CBWP8008@IRUCCVAX>
%%
Edmund Muskie announced to the press that he'd forgotten
what committee he was on. The Capitol Courtesy Desk
announced, "We have a lost committee member over here"
over the public address system, and was subsequently claimed.
%%
Edmund Wilson was our greatest American literary critic because he was more
than a literary critic: He was a fearless, even radical judge of the society
he lived in. (See, for example, "A Piece of My Mind"; "The Cold War and the
Income Tax"; the introduction to "Patriotic Gore".) Our conventional critics
cannot forgive him for those scandalous lapses in good taste.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Education begins the gentleman, but reading, good company and reflection
must finish him.
		-- John Locke (1632-1704)
%%
Education belongs pre-eminently to the church ... neutral or lay schools
from which religion is excluded are contrary to the fundamental
principles of education.
		-- Pope Pius XI (1857-1939)
%%
Education has in America's whole history been the major hope for
improving the individual and society.
		-- Gunnar Myrdal
%%
Education helps earning capacity.  Ask any college professor.
%%
Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
		-- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
%%
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
		-- Will Durant, in "National Enquirer", 1980
%%
Education is a weapon, whose effect depends on who holds it in his hands
and at whom it is aimed.
		-- Joseph Stalin (1879-1953)
%%
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to
remember that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
		-- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
%%
Education is helping the child realize his potentialities.
		-- Erich Fromm (1900-1980)
%%
Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.
		-- William Butler Yeats
%%
Education is the instruction of the intellect in the laws of Nature.
		-- Thomas Henry Huxley (1825-1895)
%%
Education is the transmission of civilization.
		-- Ariel and Will Durant
%%
Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.
		-- B. F. Skinner
%%
Education is what you have left over after
you have forgotten everything you learned.
%%
Education makes people easy to lead, but difficult to drive;
easy to govern, but impossible to enslave.
		-- Henry Peter Brougham
%%
Education today, more than ever before, must see clearly the dual
objectives: education for living and education for making a living.
		-- James Mason Wood
%%
Education with inert ideas is not only useless; it is above all things
harmful.
		-- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
Education, n.  One of the few thing a fellow is willing to pay for and
not get.
		-- Leonard L. Levinson
%%
Education: A debt due from present to future generations.
		-- George Peabody
%%
Een schip op het strand is een baken in zee.
[A ship on the beach is a lighthouse to the sea.]
		-- Dutch Proverb
%%
Eeny Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak.
		-- Bullwinkle J. Moose
%%
Eeny meeny miny mo;
Bascalora hora do.
%%
Egghead: What Mrs. Dumpty gave Humpty
%%
Eggheads of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your yokes.
		-- Adlai Stevenson
%%
Eggs taste terrible when they're not salted properly
%%
Ego Gratification through Violence
%%
Ego sum ens omnipotens
%%
Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.
		-- Frank Leahy
%%
Egotist:  A man who's always me-deep in conversation.
%%
Eh... what's up, Doc?
%%
Eight Things your computer won't do:
 1) It won't save you money
 2) It won't make your organization run right
 3) It won't solve every problem
 4) It won't run itself
 5) It won't always be right
 6) It won't meet all its own needs
 7) It won't protect itself
 8) It won't become obsolete
		-- J. Makower
%%
Eighteen goddess-like daughters are not equal to one son with a hump.
		-- Chinese Proverb
%%
Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees.
		-- Ronald W. Reagan, famous movie star
%%
Einstein argued that there must be simplified explanations of nature,
because God is not capricious or arbitrary.  No such faith comforts
the software engineer.
		-- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr.
%%
Einstein spoke four languages for different purposes: German for
Science, English for Business, French for Love, and Spanish for Prayer.
%%
Eisenhower told me never to trust a Communist.
		-- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
Eisenhower was very nice,
Nixon was his only vice.
		-- C. Degen
%%
Either the world will be governed according to the ideas of modern
democracy and then the weight of any decision will result in favor of
the numerically stronger races, or the world will be dominated in
accordance with the laws of the natural order of force, and then it is
the peoples of brutal will who will conquer.
		-- Adolf Hitler (1889-1945), "Mein Kampf"
%%
Ek yem ull, cross nul atau
%%
El amor es un camino que de repente aparece y de tanto caminarlo se te pierde.
		-- Victor Jara, "El Amor es un Camino"
%%
El infierno es el lugar donde no se ama.
(Hell is the place where love is not found.)
		-- Santa Teresa
%%
El que al cielo escupe, a su cara le cae.
%%
Elections come and go, but politics are always with us.
%%
Electric clocks aren't entirely useless when the power goes off.  They
tell you exactly when it happened.
		-- Jane Goodsell
%%
Electrical Engineers do it with more frequency and less resistance.
%%
Electrical engineers are shocked when they do it.
%%
Electrician's breakfast -- ohmlettes
		-- Raymond D. Love
%%
Electricians do it in their shorts.
%%
Electron Gun - Weapon used by physicist on safari for elementary particles.
%%
Electronic Love Muffin
%%
Elegance and truth are inversely related.
		-- Becker's Razor
%%
Elegant Frankfurter - A haute dog.
%%
Elephant hunting: A contribution to the theory of big-game hunting...

Politicians don't hunt elephants, but will share the elephants you catch with
the people who voted for them.
%%
Elevator Rules:
	1.  Face forward.
	2.  Fold hands in front.
	3.  Do not make eye contact.
	4.  Watch the numbers.
	5.  Don't talk to anyone you don't know.
	6.  Stop talking with anyone you do know when anyone you don't
	    know enters the elevator.
	7.  Avoid brushing bodies.
		-- Psychologist Layne Longfellow
%%
Elevators always travel in groups. Only one of them knows the way.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Elevators traveling in the desired direction are always delayed and on
arrival tend to run in pairs, threes of a kind, full houses, etc.
		-- Pete Maiken
%%
Eleven reasons a cucumber is better than a man:
	(1)  Cucumbers can stay up all night, and you won't have to
	     sleep in the wet spot.
	(2)  Cucumbers don't play the guitar and try to find
	     themselves.
	(3)  You won't find out later that your cucumber (a) is
	     married, (b) is on penicillin, (c) likes you -- but loves
	     your brother!
	(4)  A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is.
	(5)  A cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are
	     wet.
	(6)  Cucumbers don't say "Let's keep trying until we have a
	     boy".
	(7)  Cucumbers won't tell you size doesn't count.
	(8)  A cucumber won't leave you for a cheerleader or an ex-nun.
	(9)  Cucumbers don't fall asleep on your chest or drool on the
	     pillow.
	(10) Cucumbers don't care if you make more money than they do.
	(11) With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the way you
	     left it.
%%
Eli and Bessie went to sleep.  In the middle of the night, Bessie
 nudged Eli.  "Please be so kindly and close the window.  It's cold
 outside!" Half asleep, Eli murmured, "Nu ...  so if I'll close the
 window, will it be warm outside?"
%%
Elizabeth Taylor Gives Birth To Fifteenth Son.
%%
Elizabeth Taylor Has Sinusitis: 'A Elephant Gave It To Me'
...Linda Rondstadt Reveals All.
%%
Elliptic paraboloids for sale.
%%
Elmer Fudd's Gun
%%
Eloquence is logic on fire.
%%
Emacs lives!
%%
Emacs:	a lifetime of convenience, a moment of regret.
%%
Email me the rules, please!
%%
Emallgration:
	Migration toward lower-tech, lower-information environments
containing a lessened emphasis on consumerism.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Emotion has taught mankind to reason.
		-- Marquis de Vauvenargues
%%
Emotional Ketchup Burst:
	The bottling up of opinions and emotions inside oneself so
that they explosively burst forth all at once, shocking and confusing
employers and friends - most of whom thought things were fine.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Employees and their families are not eligible.
%%
Employer:  "You're an hour late.  You should have been here at 9
o'clock" Office boy:  "Why, what happened?"
%%
Emptiness on paper;
Fleeting thoughts.
Red Sox play at Fenway's
Green park.
		-- Larry Sweeny (?)
%%
Encyclopedia for sale by father.
Son knows everything.
%%
Endless the world's turn, endless the sun's spinning
Endless the quest;
I turn again, back to my own beginning,
And here, find rest.
%%
Enemas are my specialty!
%%
Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.
%%
Engineer: Person who turns abstractions into malfunctions.
%%
Engineers do it with a first order approximation.
%%
Engineers do it with precision.
%%
England has never enjoyed a genuine social revolution. Maybe that's what's
wrong with that dear, tepid, vapid, insipid, stuffy, little country.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
English law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law.
	This is our idea of useless legislation.
%%
English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his
corpse.
%%
Engrave your wishes with a wand of wishing.
%%
Enjoy a good laugh -- go to work on a feather.
%%
Enjoy life!  Eat out more often!
		-- S. E. Rykoff (Restaurant Supplies)
%%
Enjoy me, I may never pass this way again.
%%
Enjoy what you have, hope for what you lack
%%
Enjoy your life. If you don't, no one else will.
%%
Enjoy your life; be pleasant and gay, like the birds in May.
%%
Enjoy your present pleasures so as not to injure those that are to
follow.
		-- Seneca
%%
Enjoy yourself while you're still old.
%%
Enlightened people seldom or never possess a sense of responsibility.
		-- George Orwell (1903-1950)
%%
Enlightenment is a major cause of unhappiness at MIT.
		-- J. Spencer Love (out of context)
%%
Enough research will tend to confirm your conclusions.
%%
Enough said.
%%
Enough wit places one above his equal; too much of it lowers him to the
rank of mere entertainer.
%%
Entangled folly brings humiliation.
%%
Enter and sign-in please!
%%
Enter that again, just a little slower.
%%
Enthusiasm is the greatest asset in the world. It beats money and
power and influence.
		-- Henry Chester
%%
Enthusiasm that expresses itself
Brings misfortune.
%%
Enthusiasm that looks upward creates remorse.
Hesitation brings remorse.
%%
Enthusiasm without knowledge is like running in the dark.
%%
Enthusiasm. It furthers one to install helpers
And to set armies marching.
%%
Entrepreneurs do it with creativity and originality
%%
Entropy has us outnumbered.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Entropy is what happens when the universe doesn't pay
it's electric bill.
%%
Entropy requires no maintenance.
		-- Markoff Chaney
%%
Envelope delay - the U.S. Postal Service
		-- Data communications glossary
%%
Envy is a pain of mind that successful men cause their neighbors.
		-- Onasander
%%
Envy is a weed that grows in all soils and climates, and is no less
luxuriant in the country than in the court; is not confined to any rank
of men or extent of fortune, but rages in the breasts of all degrees.
		-- Lord Clarendon
%%
Epileptic woman who give blow-job may bite big one.
%%
Epistolary expression is with me largely replacing conversation.
		-- H. P. Lovecraft, 12/23/1917
%%
Epitaphs for a gravestone: Please: no hooliganism; or
"Es prohibe se hace agua aqui"; or No comment.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Equality is not when a female Einstein gets promoted to assistant
professor; equality is when a female schlemiel moves ahead as fast as a
male schlemiel.
		-- Ewald Nyquist
%%
Equality of opportunity is an equal opportunity to prove unequal
talents.
		-- Sir Herbert Samuel
%%
Equations are more important to me, because politics is for the present,
but an equation is something for eternity.
		-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
Ergonomic design - They paid some French or Italian designer good
money for it, just so they wouldn't have to engrave his initials on
it. With a Greek etymology, "ergonomic" means the study of work;
with a Latin etymology, it means the study of therefore.
%%
Erma Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office
plants have died.
%%
Ernest Coveley, thirty-seven, was sentenced to seven years in prison
in London in November for sixteen armed robberies, fourteen of which
were committed with a cucumber wrapped in foil to resemble a gun.  (In
the other two, he had used an iron bar because he said he could not
afford a cucumber.)  After each of the fourteen robberies, Coveley
said, he would eat his weapon in a sandwich.
%%
Eros spelled backwards is sore.
		-- Paul Krassner
%%
Err is basically a synonym for Murphy, but those who quote him over the
better known prophet insist he is as real as Murphy.  The basis for
their argument: (1) his spirit, like Murphy's, is everywhere and (2) Err
is human.
%%
Error - something only humans can commit.
%%
Error: What you made the first time you walked into a computer
show room to "Just look."
%%
Errors like straws upon the surface flow:
He who would search for pearls must dive below.
		-- Dryden
%%
Es brilig war.	Die schlichte Toven
	Wirrten und wimmelten in Waben;
Und aller-m"umsige Burggoven
	Dir mohmen R"ath ausgraben.
		-- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"
%%
Es giebt ein Arbeiter von Tinz,
Er schlaft mit ein Madel von Linz.
	Sie sagt, "Halt sein' plummen,
	Ich hore Mann kommen."
"Jacht, jacht," sagt der Plummer, "Ich binz."
%%
Es ist nicht genug zu wissen, man muss auch anwenden.
Es ist nicht genug zu wollen, man muss auch tun.
		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)

TRANSLATION:
It is not enough to have knowledge, one must also apply it.
It is not enough to have wishes, one must also accomplish.
%%
Eschew obfuscation.
%%
Eschew surplusage.
%%
Eskimos often buy refrigerators to keep their food from freezing.
%%
Established technology tends to persist in the face of new technology.
		-- Gerritt A. Blaauw
%%
Estimated amount of fat surgically removed from Americans in 1988,
in pounds: 200,400

Estimated amount of silicone and collagen implanted in Americans in 1988,
in pounds: 63,250
%%
Et mundo est dementia.
%%
Etc: An abbreviation used to make believe you know more than you do.
		-- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
Eternal boredom is the price of constant vigilance.
		-- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Eternal sunshine settles on its head.
		-- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.
		-- Wendell Phillips
%%
Eternity is alright - so far as it goes.
%%
Eternity is in love with the productions of time.
%%
Eternity stands always fronting God; a stern colossal image with blind
eyes, and dim lips, that murmur evermore, "God, God, God!"
		-- Mrs. Browning
%%
Ethernet - what you use to catch the ether bunny
		-- Data communications glossary
%%
Ethnologists up with the Sioux
Wired home for two punts, one canoe.
	The answer next day,
	Said, "Girls on the way,
But what the hell's a `panoe'?"
%%
Ethnomagnetism:
	The tendency of young people to live in emotionally
demonstrative, more unrestrained ethnic neighborhoods: "You wouldn't
understand it there, mother - they *hug* where I live now."
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Etiquette is for those with no breeding; fashion for those with no taste.
%%
Ettore's Observation:
	The other line moves faster.
%%
Etymology, n.:
	Some early etymological scholars came up with derivations that
	were hard for the public to believe.  The term "etymology" was
	formed from the Latin "etus" ("eaten"), the root "mal" ("bad"),
	and "logy" ("study of").  It meant "the study of things that
	are hard to swallow."
		-- Mike Kellen, Oakdale, Minnesota
%%
Euclid was square.
%%
Eureka!
		-- Archimedes
%%
European Heaven:
   The cooks are French
   The policemen are British
   The lovers are Italian
   The mechanics are German
   Things are run by the Swiss

European Hell:
   The cooks are British
   The policemen are German
   The lovers are Swiss
   The mechanics are French
   Things are run by the Italians
%%
Evangelists do it with Him watching.
%%
Evangelists do more than lay people.
%%
Evangelonging (e'van ja long ing),

The practice of (tel-)evangelists to emphasize a word by
stretching out the middle.  (i.e., Ga-aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh-d)
%%
Evanston, Illinois, makes it unlawful to change clothes in an
automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
%%
Even God cannot change the past.
		-- Agathon
%%
Even God cannot change the past.

[which proves that historians are more powerful than God.]
%%
Even God lends a hand to honest boldness.
		-- Menander
%%
Even Murphy's Law doesn't work all the time.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Even Napoleon had his Watergate.
		-- Yogi Berra
%%
Even a cabbage may look at a king.
%%
Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
%%
Even a worthless fish would want you to frighten his face.
%%
Even barbarians like chocolate chip cookies
%%
Even bytes get lonely for a little bit.
%%
Even hypochondriacs can be ill.
%%
Even if by chance a leather belt is bestowed on one,
By the end of morning
It will have been snatched away three times.
%%
Even if it can't, it might.
		-- A. J. Barton
%%
Even if the story isn't true, if has a grain of sense and instruction to  it,
and it's entertaining as well, it's worth the telling.
%%
Even if we put all these nagging thoughts [four embarrassing questions about
astrology] aside for a moment, one overriding question remains to be asked.
Why would the positions of celestial objects at the moment of birth have an
effect on our characters, lives, or destinies?	What force or influence,
what sort of energy would travel from the planets and stars to all human
beings and affect our development or fate?  No amount of scientific-sounding
jargon or computerized calculations by astrologers can disguise this central
problem with astrology -- we can find no evidence of a mechanism by which
celestial objects can influence us in so specific and personal a way. . . .
Some astrologers argue that there may be a still unknown force that represents
the astrological influence. . . .If so, astrological predictions -- like those
of any scientific field -- should be easily tested. . . . Astrologers always
claim to be just a little too busy to carry out such careful tests of their
efficacy, so in the last two decades scientists and statisticians have
generously done such testing for them.	There have been dozens of well-designed
tests all around the world, and astrology has failed every one of them. . . .
I propose that we let those beckoning lights in the sky awaken our interest
in the real (and fascinating) universe beyond our planet, and not let them
keep us tied to an ancient fantasy left over from a time when we huddled by
the firelight, afraid of the night.
		-- Andrew Fraknoi, Executive Officer,
		   Astronomical Society of the Pacific,
		   "Why Astrology Believers Should Feel Embarrassed,"
		   San Jose Mercury News, May 8, 1988
%%
Even if you can deceive people about a product through misleading
statements, sooner or later the product will speak for itself.
		-- Hajime Karatsu
%%
Even if you could grow hair on a billiard ball, you couldn't comb
it without a cowlick.
%%
Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to
speak it to?
		-- Clarence S. Darrow (1857-1938)
%%
Even if you persuade me, you won't persuade me.
		-- Aristophanes
%%
Even in the moment of our earliest kiss,
When sighed the straitened bud into the flower,
Sat the dry seed of most unwelcome this;
And that I knew, though not the day and hour.
Too season-wise am I, being country-bred,
To tilt at autumn or defy the frost:
Snuffing the chill even as my fathers did,
I say with them, "What's out tonight is lost."
I only hoped, with the mild hope of all
Who watch the leaf take shape upon the tree,
A fairer summer and a later fall
Than in these parts a man is apt to see,
And sunny clusters ripened for the wine:
I tell you this across the blackened vine.
		-- Edna St. Vincent Millay
		   [Even in the Moment of Our Earliest Kiss, 1931]
%%
Even in war, moral power is to physical as three parts out of four.
		-- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
Even moderation ought not to be practiced to excess.
%%
Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling
just a bit unchivalrous...
		-- Robert Benchley
%%
Even paranoids have enemies.
		-- Jim Pastore
%%
Even puppeteers have enemies
%%
Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.
%%
Even the gods love their jokes.
		-- Plato (428-348? B.C.)
%%
Even the night must fail
When light sleeps in the eyes,
When dark becomes dark on dark
And into darkness dies.

Soon the eye dissolves,
Perplexed by the teasing night,
Into a stillness of the heart,
A fable of fallen light.
%%
Even the weariest river winds somewhere safe to sea.
		-- Charles Algernon Swinburne
				 "The Garden of Proserpine"
%%
Even things in themselves not positively advantageous, sometimes become
so, by their tendency to provoke exertion.  Every new scene, which is
opened to the busy nature of man to rouse and exert itself, is the
addition of a new energy to the general stock of effort.
		-- Alexander Hamilton
%%
Even though they call it pasta now, it's still spaghetti.
		-- "Welcome to the Real World!"
%%
Even though they raised the rate for first class mail in the United
States we really shouldn't complain -- it's still only 2 cents a day.
%%
Even today two can live as cheaply as one. But both must be working.
%%
Even worse than raining cats and dogs is hailing taxis.
%%
Evening hours `all clear' for romance.
Tell mate you have to work late.
%%
Events are not affected, they develop.
		-- Sri Aurobindo
%%
Events have made you a true adventurer.
%%
Events later this year will prove your life isn't as bad as it could be.
%%
Eventually all wands of striking do strike.
%%
Eventually you will come to admire the swift elegance of a retreating
nymph.
%%
Eventually, the water hazard will be filled with golfballs.  It will still
be a hazard, though, because you're only allowed to hit your own ball.
		-- Steve Connelly
%%
Ever Onward!  Ever Onward!
That's the sprit that has brought us fame.
We're big but bigger we will be,
We can't fail for all can see, that to serve humanity
Has been our aim.
Our products now are known in every zone.
Our reputation sparkles like a gem.
We've fought our way thru
And new fields we're sure to conquer, too
For the Ever Onward IBM!
		-- Ever Onward [from the 1940 IBM Songbook]
%%
Ever feel like you're the head pin on life's
bowling alley, and everyone's rolling strikes?
%%
Ever get the feeling that the world's on tape
and one of the reels is missing?
		-- Rich Little
%%
Ever hear the one about the man talking to his psychiatrist:
"Probably you have seen much more serious inferiority complexes."
%%
Ever heard of this ship that was carrying a cargo of yo-yo's?
It sank 164 times.
%%
Ever notice that children always brighten up a home - because they leave
the lights on throughout the house.
%%
Ever tried to catch a flying boomerang?
%%
Ever tried to put a Troll into a large box?
%%
Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water?
Just spell "Evian" backwards!
%%
Ever wonder whether anybody could be so dumb as to require
instructions telling them how to play with a Slinky (a children's toy
consisting of a large flexible spring)? Well, in case you were
wondering, HERE are the instructions that come with one:

TO PLAY WITH SLINKY IN HANDS
Hold end coils of Slinky with both hands. Now raise and
lower each hand in a rhythmic motion.

TO BOUNCE SLINKY UP AND DOWN
Hold a few coils lightly in one hand, allowing rest of
Slinky to hang down. Now in a bouncing motion, move
hand slowly up and down.

TO WALK SLINKY DOWN INCLINE OR SLOPE
Any board or table top with a non-slip surface will do.
Slope surface so rise equals about 1 foot for every 4
foot length. Place Slinky at top, flip and watch Slinky
start down, end over end.
%%
Ever wonder why fire engines are red?

Because newspapers are read too.
Two and Two is four.
Four and four is eight.
Eight and four is twelve.
There are twelve inches in a ruler.
Queen Mary was a ruler.
Queen Mary was a ship.
Ships sail the sea.
There are fishes in the sea.
Fishes have fins.
The Fins fought the Russians.
Russians are red.
Fire engines are always rush'n.
Therefore fire engines are red.
%%
Ever wondered about the origins of the term "bugs" as applied to
computer technology?  U.S. Navy Capt. Grace Murray Hopper has firsthand
explanation.  The 74-year-old captain, who is still on active duty, was
a pioneer in computer technology during World War II.  At the C.W. Post
Center of Long Island University, Hopper told a group of Long Island
public school administrators that the first computer "bug" was a real
bug--a moth.  At Harvard one August night in 1945, Hopper and her
associates were working on the "granddaddy" of modern computers, the
Mark I.  "Things were going badly; there was something wrong in one of
the circuits of the long glass-enclosed computer," she said.  "Finally,
someone located the trouble spot and, using ordinary tweezers, removed
the problem, a two-inch moth.  From then on, when anything went wrong
with a computer, we said it had bugs in it."  Hopper said that when the
veracity of her story was questioned recently, "I referred them to my
1945 log book, now in the collection of the Naval Surface Weapons
Center, and they found the remains of that moth taped to the page in
question."
%%
Ever wondered why you always run out of breath when you throw up?
Ah, but a man's retch should exceed his gasp, else what's a heaving for?
%%
Every 4 seconds a woman has a baby.  Our problem is to find this woman
and stop her.
%%
Every Advent, we entered the purgatory of "lutefisk", a repulsive gelatinous
fishlike dish that tasted of soap and gave off an odour that would gag a goat.
We did this in honor of Norwegian ancestors, much as if the survivors of a
famine might celebrate their deliverance by feasting on elm bark.  I always
felt the cold creeps as Advent approached, knowing that this dread delicacy
would be put before me and I'd be told, "Just a little."  Eating "a little"
was, like vomiting "a little," as bad as "a lot."
		-- Garrison Keillor, "Lake Wobegon Days"
%%
Every Titanic has its iceberg.
%%
Every Tom, Dick and Harry is named William.
		-- Sam Goldwyn
%%
Every action in our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in
eternity.
		-- Edwin Hubbel Chapin
%%
Every action or decision of an institution must be intended to keep the
institution machinery working.
		-- Robert N. Kharasch
%%
Every activity always takes more time than you have.
%%
Every advance in civilization has been denounced as unnatural while
it was recent.
		-- Bertrand Russell (1872-1967)
%%
Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature
into his pictures.
		-- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
Every artist ought to pray that he may not be 'a success'.
		-- Gustav Holst
%%
Every breath a static charge --
A tongue that tastes like tin
Steely-eyed outside --
To hide
The enemy within . . .

To you -- is it movement or is it action?
Is it contact or just reaction?
And you -- revolution or just resistance?
Is it living, or just existence?
Yeah you -- it takes a little more persistence
To get up and go the distance . . .
		-- Neil Peart, Rush
%%
Every bug you find is the last one.
%%
Every burned book enlightens the world.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Every calling is great when greatly pursued.
		-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. (1841-1935)
%%
Every charitable act is a stepping stone towards heaven.
		-- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
Every child born in America can hope to grow up to enjoy tax loopholes.
%%
Every cloud engenders not a storm.
		-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
%%
Every cloud has a silver lining;
you should have sold it, and bought titanium.
%%
Every country has the government it merits.
		-- Joseph de Maistre (1753-1821)
%%
Every decision you make is a mistake.
		-- Dahlberg
%%
Every dictator is a mystic, and every mystic is a potential
dictator.
		-- John Galt
%%
Every doctor makes mistakes.  That's why they have hospitals.
		-- Jerry Lewis
%%
Every dog has its day, but the nights belong to the pussycats.
%%
Every dog must have its day.
		-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
Every dog should be a domesticated one.
%%
Every dogma has its day, but ideals are eternal.
		-- Israel Zangwill (1884-1926)
%%
Every editor of newspapers pays tribute to the Devil.
		-- La Fontaine
%%
Every employee begins at his level of competence.
%%
Every generation laughs at old fashions, but follows religiously the
new.
%%
Every good citizen makes his country's honor his own, and cherishes it
not only as precious but as sacred.  He is willing to risk his life in
its defense and is conscious that he gains protection while he gives it.
		-- Andrew Jackson
%%
Every government is run by liars and nothing they say should be believed.
		-- I. F. Stone
%%
Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the absolute
rejection of authority.
		-- Thomas Henry Huxley (1825-1895)
%%
Every great decision creates ripples--like a huge boulder dropped in
a lake. The ripples merge, rebound off the banks in unforeseeable ways.
The heavier the decision, the larger the waves, the more uncertain the
consequences.
		-- Doctor, REMEMBRANCE OF THE DALEKS
%%
Every great improvement has come after repeated failures.  Virtually
nothing comes out right the first time.  Failures, repeated failures,
are fingerposts on the road to achievement.
		-- Charles R. Kettering
%%
Every great or original writer in proportion as he is great or original,
must himself create the taste by which he must be relished.
		-- Wordsworth
%%
Every great philosophy is unconscious autobiography.
%%
Every hand has only one finger to put a ring on. You've got only two
hands. So?
%%
Every hard-boiled egg is yellow inside.
%%
Every harlot was a virgin once.
		-- William H. Blake (1757-1827)
%%
Every man and woman thinks of changing humanity, but none think of changing
themselves.
%%
Every man desires to live long, but no man desires to be old.
		-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
%%
Every man feels instinctively that all the beautiful sentiments in the
world weigh less than a single lovely action.
		-- Lowell
%%
Every man has a right to his opinion, but no man has a right to be wrong
in his facts.
		-- Bernard M. Baruch
%%
Every man has his price.
Every price has its man.
%%
Every man has in himself a continent of undiscovered character.
Happy is he who acts the Columbus of his own soul.
		-- Sir J. Stevens
%%
Every man has just as much vanity as he wants understanding.
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
Every man has three characters -- that which he exhibits, that which he
has, and that which he thinks he has.
		-- Alphonse Karr
%%
Every man has two vocations: his own and philosophy.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom
consists of not exceeding the limit.
		-- Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)
%%
Every man is a revolutionist concerning the thing he understands.
For example, every person who has mastered a profession is a sceptic
concerning it, and consequently a revolutionist.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Every man is a volume if you know how to read him.
		-- William Ellery Channing (1780-1842)
%%
Every man is apt to form his notions of things difficult to
be apprehended, or less familiar, from their analogy to things which
are more familiar.  Thus, if a man bred to the seafaring life, and
accustomed to think and talk only of matters relating to navigation,
enters into discourse upon any other subject; it is well known,
that the language and the notions proper to his own profession are
infused into every subject, and all things are measured by the
rules of navigation: and if he should take it into his head to
philosophize concerning the faculties of the mind, it cannot be
doubted, but he would draw his notions from the fabric of the ship,
and would find in the mind, sails, masts, rudder, and compass."
		-- Thomas Reid, "An Inquiry into the Human Mind", 1764
%%
Every man is his own ancestor, and every man his own heir.  He devises
his own future, and he inherits his own past.
		-- H. F. Hedge
%%
Every man is the architect of his own fortune.
		-- Appius Claudius
%%
Every man of genius is considerably helped by being dead.
%%
Every man should be his own guru; every woman her own gurette.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision
for the limits of the world.
		-- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860), "Studies in Pessimism"
%%
Every man that was ever married to her insisted she was a great
housekeeper.  After each divorce she keeps the house.
%%
Every man who is high up loves to think that he has done it all himself;
and the wife smiles, and lets it go at that.
		-- James Matthew Barrie
%%
Every man's life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived
and how he died that distinguish one man from another.
		-- Ernest Hemingway (1898-1961),
		   quoted in "Sunday Times", 1966
%%
Every means tends to become an end.  To understand the tragedy of
history it is necessary to grasp that fact.  Machines, which ought to be
man's instruments, enslave him, the state enslaves religion, parliament
enslaves democracy, institutions enslave justice, academies enslave art,
the party enslaves the cause, the dictatorship of the proletariat
enslaves Socialism.
		-- Ignazio Silone (1900-1978)
%%
Every mistake is another opportunity to beat yourself up.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Every moment dies a man, every moment 1 1/16 is born.
		-- Charles Babbage
%%
Every moment is precious. And precarious.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Every morning is a Smirnoff morning.
%%
Every nation has the government it deserves.
		-- Joseph De Maistre
%%
Every new opinion, at its starting, is precisely in a minority of one.
		-- Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
%%
Every newspaper, no matter how tight the news hole, has room for a story
on another newspaper increasing its newsstand price.
		-- Ed Zellar
%%
Every night my prayers I say,
	And get my dinner every day;
And every day that I've been good,
	I get an orange after food.
The child that is not clean and neat,
	With lots of toys and things to eat,
He is a naughty child, I'm sure--
	Or else his dear papa is poor.
		-- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
Every noble activity makes room for itself.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Every one complains of the badness of his memory, but nobody of his
judgment.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Every one wishes to have truth on his side, but it is not every one
that sincerely wishes to be on the side of truth.
		-- Richard Whately (1787-1863)
%%
Every organization is self-perpetuating.  Don't ever ask an outfit to
justify itself, or you'll be covered with facts, figures and fancy.  The
criterion should rather be, "What will happen if the outfit stops doing
what it's doing?"  The value of an organization is easier determined
this way.
		-- Amrom Katz
%%
Every paper published in a respectable journal should have a preface by
the author stating why he is publishing the article, and what value he
sees in it.  I have no hope that this practice will ever be adopted.
		-- Morris Kline
%%
Every path has its puddle.
%%
Every person has the right to suffer at their own hands.  The function of
society is not to protect the individual from himself but to protect the
individual from society.
		-- Eric Praetzel praetzel@maxwell.uwaterloo.ca
%%
Every person is an individual; we all have a set of designer genes.
%%
Every person who has mastered a profession is a skeptic concerning it.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Every person, all the events in your life are there because you have
drawn them there.  What you choose to do with them is up to you.
		-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
%%
Every problem contains within itself the seeds of its own solution.
%%
Every problem, no matter how complicated, when looked at in a certain
way becomes more complicated.
%%
Every program has (at least) two purposes: the one for which it was
written and another for which it wasn't.
%%
Every program is either trivial or it contains at least one bug.
%%
Every purchase has its price.
%%
Every question defines its own answer -- except perhaps, "Why a duck?"
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Every reasonable human being should be a moderate Socialist.
		-- Thomas Mann (1875-1955)
%%
Every reform is only a mask under cover of which a more terrible reform,
which dares not yet name itself, advances.
		-- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
%%
Every reign must submit to a greater reign.
		-- Seneca, "Thyestes"
%%
Every revolutionary ends by becoming either an oppressor or a heretic.
		-- Albert Camus (1913-1960), "The Rebel", 1951
%%
Every sentence I utter must be understood not as an affirmation, but as
a question.
		-- Niels Bohr (1885-1962)
%%
Every so often I lose it.  I think I've accepted it all, and then all
of a sudden it's too big.  Too tanj big.
		-- Louis Wu "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
Every society is divided into two classes: prostitutes and pimps, those
who do and those who sell. Every successful individual is something of
both.
%%
Every spam is sacred
%%
Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great.
%%
Every successful revolution puts on in time the robes of the tyrant it
has deposed.
		-- Barbara Tuchman
%%
Every time Europe looks across the Atlantic to see the American Eagle,
it observes only the rear end of an ostrich.
		-- Herbert George Wells (1866-1946)
%%
Every time I close the door on Reality, it comes in through the window.
		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
Every time I get to thinking the world is moving too fast, I go to the
Post Office.
		-- Bob Cordray
%%
Every time I look at you I am more convinced of Darwin's theory.
%%
Every time I lose weight, it finds me again!
%%
Every time a child says, "I don't believe in fairies" there is a little
fairy somewhere that falls down dead.
		-- James Matthew Barrie
%%
Every time we teach a child something, we keep him from inventing it
himself.
		-- Jean Piaget - a Swiss psychologist
%%
Every time you come up with a terrific idea, you find that someone else
thought of it first.
		-- Frank Harden
%%
Every time you fall in love, it's the first time.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Every time you make something foolproof, along comes a better class of fool.
%%
Every tribe has the chief it deserves.
%%
Every why hath a wherefore.
		-- William Shakespeare, "A Comedy of Errors"
%%
Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right, instantly.
%%
Every woman that you meet that you are instantly attracted to will be:
	Married,
	Heavily dating the same guy for the third year,
	Your brother's ex-girlfriend.
%%
Every writer has his favorite coterie of enemies: Mine is the East Coast
literati--those prep school playmates and their Ivy League colleagues.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Every year my thermostat goes lower and my oil bills go higher.  It's
like I'm heating in Celsius and paying in Fahrenheit.
%%
Everybody believes in rugged individualism, but you'll do better by
pleasing the boss.
		-- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
Everybody but Sam had signed up for a new company pension plan that called
for a small employee contribution.  The company was paying all the rest.
Unfortunately, 100% employee participation was needed; otherwise the plan
was off.  Sam's boss and his fellow workers pleaded and cajoled, but to no
avail.	Sam said the plan would never pay off.	Finally the company president
called Sam into his office.
	"Sam," he said, "here's a copy of the new pension plan and here's
a pen.	I want you to sign the papers.	I'm sorry, but if you don't sign,
you're fired.  As of right now."
	Sam signed the papers immediately.
	"Now," said the president, "would you mind telling me why you
couldn't have signed earlier?"
	"Well, sir," replied Sam, "nobody explained it to me quite so clearly
before."
%%
Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common
sense.
%%
Everybody has 20/20 hindsight.
%%
Everybody has something to conceal.
		-- Humphrey Bogart
%%
Everybody into the underbrush, here they come!
		-- Dave Pierson
%%
Everybody is a somebody, but who the hell do you think you are?
%%
Everybody is at the same intensity. It's a super, super feeling.
		-- Joe Greene
%%
Everybody is interesting for an hour, but few people can last more than two.
		-- V. S. Naipul, interview in "Time", 10 July 1989
%%
Everybody knows this is nowhere.
%%
Everybody needs a career manager!
		-- Lady Macbeth
%%
Everybody needs a little love sometime; stop hacking and fall in love!
%%
Everybody ought to have a butler.
%%
Everybody ought to have a friend.
%%
Everybody ought to have a maid.
%%
Everybody should have tasted a scorpion at least once in his life.
%%
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
		-- Joe Louis, 1965
%%
Everybody's gotta be someplace.
		-- Myron Cohen
%%
Everyday grows longer and longer
My life is a game of give and take
So take a chance and you'll grow older
Don't let your feelings roll you over.

Through all those lonely, lonely nights
There is an essence, that is you.
A feeling, a memory, just a vision of the past.
Love sets all free.  So be free.

Being free, as in ecstasy
We will travel through the enchanted lands
Of endless sunsets and sunrises.
We will follow the rainbow of endless love.
If you love me, as we say.
		-- David Battalia
%%
Everyday we sweat it out on the streets of a runaway american dream.
%%
Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment.
%%
Everyone has a purpose in life.  Perhaps yours is watching television.
		-- David Letterman
%%
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
%%
Everyone has ancestors and it is only a question of going back far
enough to find a good one.
		-- Howard Kenneth Nixon
%%
Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.
		-- Winston Churchill, Speech, January 1952
%%
Everyone has something ancestral,
even if it is nothing more than a disease.
		-- Ed Howe
%%
Everyone has talent at twenty-five.  The trick is to have it at fifty.
		-- Edgar Degas (1834-1900)
%%
Everyone has the right, without exception, to equal pay for equal work.
Except women.
		-- Carlos Eduardo Novaes
%%
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
%%
Everyone in the office is welcome to join the group going to the Columbus
Theater tonight.  Meet in the lobby at 8:30.  The films are "Blue Jennifer"
and "Hot Coed Cheerleaders".
%%
Everyone is a fool part of the time; wisdom consists in not
exceeding your time limit.
%%
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his
original ideas closer together.
%%
Everyone is a self-made person, but only the successful admit it.
%%
Everyone is enthusiastic about your work.
%%
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
%%
Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.
%%
Everyone is in the best seat.
		-- John Cage
%%
Everyone knows conniving is more effective than planning.
%%
Everyone knows how laborious the usual Method is of attaining to Arts
and Sciences; whereas by his Contrivance, the most ignorant Person at
a reasonable Charge, and with a little bodily Labour, may write Books
in Philosophy, Poetry, Politicks, Law, Mathematics, and Theology,
without the least Assistance from Genius or Study. He then led me to
the Frame, about the sides of which all his Pupils stood in Ranks. It
was Twenty Foot square...linked by slender Wires. These Bits...were
covered on every Square with Paper pasted upon them; and on These
Papers were written all the Words of their Language...

The Professor then desired me to observe, for he was going to set his
Engine at work. The Pupils at his Command took each of them hold of
an Iron Handle, whereof there were Forty fixed round the Edges of the
Frame; and giving them a sudden Turn, the whole Disposition of the
Words was entirely changed...
		-- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745), "Gulliver's Travels"
%%
Everyone knows that damage is done to the soul by bad motion pictures.
		-- Pius XI (1857-1939)
%%
Everyone knows that dragons don't exist.  But while this simplistic
formulation may satisfy the layman, it does not suffice for the
scientific mind.  The School of Higher Neantical Nillity is in fact
wholly unconcerned with what ____does exist.  Indeed, the banality of
existence has been so amply demonstrated, there is no need for us to
discuss it any further here.  The brilliant Cerebron, attacking the
problem analytically, discovered three distinct kinds of dragon: the
mythical, the chimerical, and the purely hypothetical.	They were all,
one might say, nonexistent, but each nonexisted in an entirely
different way ...
		-- Stanislaw Lem, "The Cyberiad"
%%
Everyone knows that the name of the game is to let the other guy have
all of the little tats and to keep all of the big tits for yourself.
		-- Thomas L. Martin
%%
Everyone knows what AIDS means.  Do you know what GAY means?
'Got Aids Yet?'
%%
Everyone must row with the oars he has.
		-- English proverb
%%
Everyone must see daily, instances of people who complain from a mere
habit of complaining.
%%
Everyone needs long-range goals if for no other reason than to keep from
being frustrated by short-range failures.
%%
Everyone should learn a manual trade: It's never too late to become an honest
person.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing
himself.
		-- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)
%%
Everyone wants to go to the Celestial Kingdom, but no one wants to die
to get there.
%%
Everyone wants to look good at his own funeral.
		-- Louis Wu "The Ringworld Engineers"
%%
Everyone was born right-handed.  Only the greatest overcome it.
%%
Everyone who comes in here wants three things:
	1. They want it quick.
	2. They want it good.
	3. They want it cheap.
I tell 'em to pick two and call me back.
		-- sign on the back wall of a small printing company
		   in Delaware
%%
Everyone who stops by with unsought advice will see it immediately.
%%
Everyone will avoid you, even though your personality isn't infectious.
%%
Everyone's in a high place when you're on your knees.
%%
Everything But the Girl
%%
Everything I did last year was for the purpose of advancing my --
everything I did politically -- advancing my election.	And of course
I'm not going to say that.
		-- President George Bush, June 1989
%%
Everything I say is a lie...
%%
Everything beautiful has its moment and then passes away.
		-- Luis Cernuda, "Las Ruinas"
%%
Everything bows to success, even grammar.
%%
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous".
%%
Everything considered, work is less boring than amusing oneself.
		-- Charles Baudelaire
%%
Everything costs more than first estimated.
%%
Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually fall into the
Atlantic ocean.
%%
Everything else you grow out of, but you never recover from childhood.
%%
Everything happens at the same time with nothing in between.
		-- Paul Hebig
%%
Everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and
they came down upon him for the funeral expenses.
		-- Jerome K. Jerome, "Three Men in a Boat"
%%
Everything has two handles; the one soft and manageable, the other such
as will not endure to be touched.  If then your brother do you an
injury, do not take it by the hot hard handle, by representing to
yourself all the aggravating circumstances of the fact; but look rather
on the soft side, and extenuate it as much as is possible, by
considering the nearness of the relation, and the long friendship and
familiarity between you--obligations to kindness which a single
provocation ought not to dissolve.  And thus you will take the accident
by the manageable handle.
		-- Epictetus
%%
Everything in excess!  To enjoy the flavour of life, take big bites.
Moderation is for monks.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Everything in our favour was against us.
%%
Everything in this book may be wrong.
		-- Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul
%%
Everything is connected to everything else. That's why it's so hard to keep a
secret.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Everything is for sale; only the price is negotiable.
%%
Everything is in a state of utter dishevelment.
%%
Everything is matter.  Matter is electricity.  Electricity is invisible,
intangible.  Therefore it is nothing.  Therefore everything is nothing.
%%
Everything is more complicated than it looks to most people.
		-- Frederick Lewis Allen
%%
Everything is nothing.	Everything is all.  All is one.  One is
inconceivable, infinite.  Therefore it is nothing.  Therefore everything
is nothing.
%%
Everything is relative.
%%
Everything might be different in the present
if only one thing had been different in the past.
%%
Everything must be done immediately even if it doesn't have to be.
		-- Larry Kane
%%
Everything needs a little oil now and then.
%%
Everything not forbidden is compulsory.
%%
Everything on stage should be larger than real life.
%%
Everything should be as simple as possible, but no simpler.
		-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
%%
Everything suddenly goes dark.
%%
Everything takes longer than you think.
%%
Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.
		-- Erwin Tomash
%%
Everything takes more time and money.
		-- Anne DeCaprio
%%
Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
		-- Jeffrey F. Chamberlain
%%
Everything that comes up must come down.
%%
Everything that exceeds the bounds of moderation has an unstable
foundation.
		-- Seneca
%%
Everything that grows changes
%%
Everything that sucks isn't bad.
%%
Everything under the sun is in tune,
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon.
%%
Everything was fine until they invented four-letter words:
	  WORK
     HARD WORK
VERY HARD WORK
%%
Everything was fine until they invented women.
%%
Everything whirls around, and suddenly you are elsewhere.
%%
Everything will be just tickety-boo today.
%%
Everything will go wrong at one time,
and that time is always when you least expect it.
%%
Everything worthwhile is mandatory, prohibited, or taxed.
%%
Everything you know is wrong.
		-- The Firesign Theater
%%
Everything you read in the newspapers is absolutely true except for that
rare story of which you happen to have firsthand knowledge.
		-- Erwin Knoll
%%
Everything you've learned in school as "obvious" becomes less and less
obvious as you begin to study the universe.  For example, there are no
solids in the universe.  There's not even a suggestion of a solid.
There are no absolute continuums.  There are no surfaces.  There are no
straight lines.
		-- Richard Buckminster Fuller (1895-1983)
%%
Everything's coming up roses.
%%
Everything's different. Nothing's changed.
Well, only maybe slightly rearranged.
%%
Everytime I think that I'm getting old, and gradually going to the grave,
something else happens.
		-- Lillian Carter
%%
Everywhere and at all times men of commerce have had neither heart and
soul; their cash-box is their God. ... They traffic in all things, even
human flesh. ...  Could it ever be expected that such worthless
creatures could become citizens?  Above all, a freeman must be humane
and disinterested; he must sacrifice everything for his country.  Their
country?  Foutre!  Businessmen have no such thing.
		-- Jacques Rene Hebert (1755-1794)
%%
Everywhere is ... dykes and fairies, freaks and hairies
... I'd love to feed the world, but I don't know what to do.
... so I leave it up to you.
%%
Everywhere you go you'll see them searching,
Everywhere you turn you'll feel the pain,
Everyone is looking for the answer,
Well look again.
		-- Moody Blues, "Lost in a Lost World"
%%
Evil always triumphs over good, because good is STUPID!
%%
Evil habits soil a fine dress more than mud; good manners, by their
deeds, easily set off a lowly garb.
		-- Plautus
%%
Evil thoughts intrude in an unemployed mind, as naturally as worms are
generated in a stagnant pool.
%%
Evolution is a bankrupt speculative philosophy, not a scientific fact.
Only a spiritually bankrupt society could ever believe it. ... Only
atheists could accept this Satanic theory.
		-- Rev. Jimmy Swaggart,
		   "The Pre-Adamic Creation and Evolution"
%%
Evolution is a million line computer program falling into place by accident.
%%
Evolution is as much a fact as the earth turning on its axis and going
around the sun.  At one time this was called the Copernican theory; but,
when evidence for a theory becomes so overwhelming that no informed
person can doubt it, it is customary for scientists to call it a fact.
That all present life descended from earlier forms, over vast stretches
of geologic time, is as firmly established as Copernican cosmology.
Biologists differ only with respect to theories about how the process
operates.
		-- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts
		   of Life", The Skeptical Inquirer,
		   Vol. XII No. 2, ppg. 128-131
%%
Evolution, revolution, birth control, sell your soul.
Shooting rockets to the moon, kids growing up too soon.
And the politicians say that more taxes will solve everything...
... ... and the band played on.
		-- "Ball of Confusion"
%%
Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared,
for even the greatest fool my ask more the the wisest man can answer.
		-- C. C. Colton
%%
Examine the contents, not the bottle.
		-- The Talmud
%%
Example is a living law, whose sway Men more than all the written laws
obey.
		-- Sedley
%%
Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the
only thing.
		-- Albert Schweitzer
%%
Examples I could cite you more:
But be contented with these four;
For when one's proofs are aptly chosen
Four are as valid as four dozen.
		-- Prior
%%
Examples of unclear writing: sentences taken from actual applications
for support received by a local welfare department ...

	In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing ten
	pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.
%%
Exams will always contain questions not discussed in class.
		-- M. M. Johnston
%%
Excellence is never granted to man, but as the reward of labor.  It
argues, indeed, no small strength of mind to persevere in the habits of
industry, without the pleasure of perceiving those advantages which,
like the hands of a clock, whilst they make hourly approaches to their
point, yet proceed so slowly as to escape observation.
		-- Sir Joshua Reynolds
%%
Except for the scale of the operation, there was nothing unusual about
Hitler's massacre of the Jews. Genocide's an old tradition, as human as mother
love or cherry pie.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Exceptions always outnumber rules.
%%
Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.
		-- Miller
%%
Excerpt from "Quotes, damned quotes and..." by John Bibby:

If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9
times out of ten it will.
		-- Paul Harvey News, 1979
%%
Excerpt from "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", page 634784, section 5a.
"Far back in the mists of ancient time, in the great and glorious days of the
former Galactic Empire, life was wild, rich and largely tax free.
Mighty starships plied their way between exotic suns, seeking adventure and
reward among the furthest reaches of Galactic space.  In those days spirits
were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and
small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from
Alpha Centauri.  And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds,
to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before - and thus was the
Empire forged."
		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%%
Excerpt from the press conference where Lyndon LaRouche
supporters revealed a plot by the KGB and Department
of Justice to assassinate LaRouche:

    "What documentation do you
     have to prove the KGB/DOJ
     murder plot?"
			      "Ohhh, ho ho!  We're sure
			       all right."
		-- Alex Heard, THE NEW REPUBLIC
%%
Excess of grief for the deceased is madness; for it is an injury to the
living, and the dead know it not.
		-- Xenephon
%%
Excess of sorrow laughs.  Excess of joy weeps.
%%
Excessive official restraints on information are inevitably self
defeating and productive of headaches for the officials concerned.
		-- Edward Kennedy, AP correspondent
%%
Excitement and danger await your induction to tracer duty!  As a tracer,
you must rid the computer networks of slimy, criminal data thieves.
They are tricky and the action gets tough, so watch out!  Utilizing all
your skills, you'll either get your man or you'll get burned!
		-- advertising for the computer game "Tracers"
%%
Exciting ... yet not too far from innocence.
%%
Excuse me sir, do you have any user-friendly sales reps?
		-- Mike Doonesbury
%%
Excuse me while I dance a little jig of despair
%%
Excuse me while I sharpen my tongue.
%%
Excuse written by a parent to the teacher:

Chris has an acre on his side.
%%
Excuses are the leaning posts of fools.
%%
Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.
		-- Marcus Aurelius
%%
Executive Shakeup - Title Wave.
%%
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up. So put your make-up on heavily
today.
%%
Executive ability is prominent in your makeup...don't wipe it off!
%%
Executives do it in three piece suits.
%%
Exercise caution in your daily affairs.
%%
Exercise is wonderful.	I could sit and watch it all day.
		-- Louis Wu "Ringworld"
%%
Exercise more.
%%
Existence exists -- and the act of grasping that statement implies
two corollary axioms:  that something exists which one perceives
and that one exists possessing consciousness, consciousness being
the faculty of perceiving that which exists.
		-- John Galt
%%
Exit! Stage Left!
%%
Expansion Unit: The new room you have built on to your home to
house your computer and all its peripherals.
%%
Expansion means complexity; and complexity decay.
%%
Expatriate Solipsism:
	When arriving in a foreign travel destination one has hoped
was undiscovered, only to find many people just like oneself; the
peeved refusal to talk to said people because they have ruined one's
elitist travel fantasy.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
%%
Expect better treatment from those around you than you give them.  You deserve
to be disappointed.
%%
Expect the worst. You'll never be disappointed.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
Expectation is the mother of disappointment.
%%
Expecting something for nothing is the most popular form of hope.
		-- Arnold Glasow
%%
Expecting the government to fight inflation is like
expecting the Mafia to fight crime.
%%
Expedience is the best teacher.
%%
Expedite - to compound confusion with commotion
		-- Glossary of important business terms
%%
Experience is a dear teacher, but fools will learn at no other.
		-- Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanac
%%
Experience is a hard teacher.  She tests first and teaches afterward.
%%
Experience is awareness of encompassing the totality of things.
%%
Experience is directly proportional to computer time wasted.
%%
Experience is directly proportional to time wasted.
%%
Experience is the comb that Nature gives us when we are bald.
%%
Experience is the one thing you have plenty of when you're too old to
get the job.
%%
Experience is the worst teacher.
It always gives the test first and the instruction afterward.
%%
Experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test before presenting the
lesson.
%%
Experience is what lets us recognize a mistake the next time we make it.
%%
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
%%
Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other, and
scarcely in that; for it is true, we may give advice, but we cannot give
conduct.  Remember this: They that will not be counseled cannot be
helped.  If you do not hear reason she will rap you over the knuckles.
		-- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
%%
Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other.
   And scarce in that.
		-- Poor Richard
%%
Experience keeps a dear school, but it's a hell of a campaign tactic.
		-- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Experience teaches that men are often so much governed by what they are
accustomed to see and practice, that the simplest and most obvious
improvements, in the most ordinary occupations, are adopted with
hesitation, reluctance, and by slow gradations.  Men would resist
changes, so long as even a bare support could be ensured by an adherence
to ancient courses, and perhaps even longer.
		-- Alexander Hamilton
%%
Experience: a name everyone gives to his mistakes.
%%
Experiments are often tricky --
There's no exception to this rule,
What CAN have made that rat a sticky,
Slimy, rather smelly pool?
%%
Experiments must be reproduceable, they should fail the same way each
time.
%%
Expertise in one field does not carry over into other fields. But
experts often think so. The narrower their field of knowledge the more
likely they are to think so.
		-- Lazarus Long, from Robert A. Heinlein's
		   "Time Enough For Love"
%%
Experts do not like surprises.
It makes them look bad at the home office.
		-- Vic Gold
%%
Experts in advanced countries underestimate by a factor of 2 to 4 the
ability of people in underdeveloped countries to do anything technical.
(Examples: Japanese on warplanes, Russians on the bomb, Iranians on
refineries ... etc.)
		-- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
Exploding Rodents
%%
Exploding piglets!!!  My god, it's raining bacon!
%%
Exploit the inevitable (which means, take credit for anything good which
happens whether you had anything to do with it or not).
%%
Expressing anger is a form of public littering.
		-- Willard Gaylin
%%
External Security:
%%
Extraordinary claims demand extraordinary proof.  There are many
examples of outsiders who eventually overthrew entrenched scientific
orthodoxies, but they prevailed with irrefutable data.	More often,
egregious findings that contradict well-established research turn out to
be artifacts.  I have argued that accepting psychic powers,
reincarnation, "cosmic consciousness," and the like, would entail
fundamental revisions of the foundations of neuroscience.  Before
abandoning materialist theories of mind that have paid handsome
dividends, we should insist on better evidence for psi phenomena than
presently exists, especially when neurology and psychology themselves
offer more plausible alternatives.
		-- Barry L. Beyerstein, "The Brain and Consciousness:
		   Implications for Psi Phenomena",
		   The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2, ppg. 163-171
%%
Extreme avarice is always mistaken; there is no passion which is oftener
further away from its mark, nor upon which the present has so much power
to the prejudice of the future.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.
		-- William Shakespeare, "The Rape of Lucrece"
%%
Extreme remedies are very appropriate for extreme diseases.
		-- Hippocrates (460?-377? B.C.)
%%
Extremely user-friendly - Supplied with a mouse so that the user needn't bother
        with the on-disk and audiotape tutorial, the full color manual, or the
        program itself.
%%
Extremism in Defense of Liberty is No Substitute for Vice.
%%
Extremities:  The patient wears a toupee and there is a right inguinal
hernia.
%%
Eye have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC;
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I cannot sea.
I've run this poem threw it,
I'm sure your please too no,
Its letter perfect in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
%%
Eyes full,
House full,
Still can't catch a spoonful.
 Smoke
%%
Eyes with the same blue witchery as those of Psyche, which caught love
in his own wiles.
%%
F. S. Fitzgerald to Hemingway:
	"Ernest, the rich are different from us."
Hemingway:
	"Yes.  They have more money."
%%
F.A.R.T....Fathers Against Radical Teenagers
%%
FACILITY REJECTED 100044200000;
%%
FAITH: An illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.
		-- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
FALSIE SALESMAN:
	Fuller bust man.
%%
FARMERS spread it around.
%%
FARRELL'S RULE FOR HIGH-TECH GADGETS:
The most expensive part will break.
%%
FASCISM - You have two cows.  The government takes both and sells
	you the milk.
%%
FATHER OF TEN GETS SEVEN BABYSITTERS PREGNANT!
%%
FAVOR: have a temperature.  "Ah'm sick!  Ah got a favor!"
		-- Texan Dictionary
%%
FBI         Idaho: mother holding baby = "heavily armed extremist"
Newspeak:   Texas: flamethrower = "tear gas dispenser"
            Washington, DC: illegal lobbying = "sound policy"
		-- Ed Rudnick, erudnick@pica.army.mil
%%
FCC
	You're too incompetent to know to change the channel when
	something offensive comes on the air.  Worse: you're too
	incompetent to raise children "correctly."  [We'll censor
	certain programs during certain times, and "objectively" label
	other forms of media.]
		-- George L Roman, george@sgi.com
%%
FDA
	You're too stupid to consult a doctor before you take unknown
	drugs.  [We'll force you to.]
		-- George L Roman, george@sgi.com
%%
FDIC
	You're too stupid to understand complex things like investments,
	portfolios, and prospectuses.  [We'll insure bank deposits so
	you don't have to think!  Just look for the little sticker.]
		-- George L Roman, george@sgi.com
%%
FEAR:
	What you feel when you see a U-Haul with Texas license plates.
%%
FECK OPUC
		-- Bumper sticker
%%
FELT TIP:
	Past tense for a breast examination!
%%
FEMALE RABBITS:
	The gift that just "keeps on giving."
%%
FIELD TEST: Putting your software out to pasture.
%%
FIELD TESTED: manufacturer lacks test equipment
%%
FIFO - common name for a dog.
%%
FIGHT ORGANIZED CRIME, STAMP OUT THE IRS
%%
FILE CABINET:
	A four drawer, manually activated trash compactor.
%%
FINAGLE'S RULES
    1. To study an application best, know it thoroughly before you start
    2. Always keep a record of data.  It shows you have been working
    3. Always draw your curves, then plot the reading
    4. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing
    5. Results should always be reproducible.  They should all fail
       in the same way
    6. Do not believe in miracles.  rely on them.
%%
FINAGLE'S SIXTH LAW:
Do not believe in miracles--rely on them.
%%
FIREMEN are always in heat.
%%
FIRST LAW OF ENTERTAINING:
The more food you prepare, the less your guests eat.
%%
FIRST LAW OF LIVING:
As soon as you're doing what you wanted to be doing,
you want to do something else.
%%
FIRST RULE OF SUPERIOR INFERIORITY:
Don't let your superiors know you are better than they are.
%%
FISHBOWL:
	A glass-enclosed isolation cell where newly
	promoted managers are kept for observation.
%%
FISHERMEN are proud of their rods.
%%
FISHING n. The art of casting, trolling, jigging, or spinning while
freezing, sweating, swatting, or swearing.
%%
FIXED LENGTH WORD - four letter words used by programmers in a state of
		    confusion
%%
FLAG DAY [from a bit of Multics history involving a change in the
ASCII character set originally scheduled for June 14, 1966]
n. A software change which is neither forward nor backward
compatible, and which is costly to make and costly to revert.
"Can we install that without causing a flag day for all users?"
%%
FLAP v. To unload a DECtape (so it goes flap, flap, flap...).  Old
hackers at MIT tell of the days when the disk was device 0 and
microtapes were 1, 2,... and attempting to flap device 0 would
instead start a motor banging inside a cabinet near the disk!
%%
FLOATING CONTROL - a characteristic exhibited when you have to go to the
		   restroom but can't leave the computer
FLOATING POINT - the absolute limit before Floating Control is lost
%%
FLOPPY DISK: Serious curvature of the spine.
%%
FLOW CHART - a graphic representation of the fastest route to the
	     coffee machine
%%
FLUKE MINUTE SAFETY TEST:
    In case of fire, save the
a.  women and children.
b.  expensive equipment.
c.  jewelry and wallets of those who've
     succumbed to smoke inhalation.
		-- Originally a part of a Sane Man quiz -- I absconded with it
%%
FM Disc Jockeys do it in stereo, and with high fidelity.
%%
FMS will keep you on your finger tips.
%%
FOOLPROOF OPERATION: no provision for adjustment
%%
FOOTBALL PLAYERS are measured by the yard.
%%
FOR SALE: Iraqi rifle.	Never fired.  Dropped once.
%%
FOR SALE: cat fur - enough to make several kittens. used once. good condition.
Buyer must pick it out from under the furniture. $440/lb.

At $440/lb I'd sell one of our cat fur generators ;-) ;-) ;-).
%%
FORCE YOURSELF TO RELAX!
%%
FORECAST:
	A prediction of the future, based on the past,
	for which the forecaster demands payment in the present.
%%
FORTH	      -- A go-cart.
%%
FORTH IF HONK THEN
%%
FORTHAM'S LAW:
Urgency varies inversely with importance.
%%
FORTRAN - Fortunately Our Readers Take Refreshers At Nightschool
%%
FORTRAN II    - A Model T Ford. Once it was king of the road.
FORTRAN IV    - A Model A Ford.
FORTRAN 77    - A six-cylinder Ford Fairlane with standard transmission
		and no seat belts.
%%
FORTRAN is a good example of a language
which is easier to parse using ad hoc techniques.
		-- D. Gries [What's good about it?]
%%
FORTRAN is not a flower but a weed --
it is hardy, occasionally blooms, and grows in every computer.
		-- Alan J. Perlis
%%
FORTRAN is the language of Powerful Computers.
		-- Steven Feiner
%%
FORTRAN rots the brain.
		-- John McQuillin
%%
FORTRAN, "the infantile disorder", by now nearly 20 years old, is
hopelessly inadequate for whatever computer application you have in mind
today: it is now too clumsy, too risky, and too expensive to use.
		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
%%
FORTRAN:
	A mature (see MATURE) programming language whose
	name means FOR TRANsmogrification (of the
	desired functionality).

MATURE: Adjective used to describe anything that nobody
	uses anymore.
%%
FORTRAN?  The syntactically incorrect statement "DO 10 I = 1.10" will
parse and generate code creating a variable, DO10I, as follows: "DO10I =
1.10" If that doesn't terrify you, it should.
%%
FOUR-WHEELERS eat more bush.
%%
FRANK'S BUREAUCRATIC REWRITE:
	Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
%%
FRANZ' LAW FOR ENGINEERS:
Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts
which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.
%%
FROM THE DESK OF
 Dorothy Gale

	       Auntie Em:
		       Hate you.
		       Hate Kansas.
		       Taking the dog.
			       Dorothy
%%
FURRIERS appreciate good beaver.
%%
FUTURISTIC: can't figure out another reason why it looks as it does
%%
FYI - found yesterday, interested?
		-- Glossary of important business terms
%%
Face Ful'O Boyfriend
%%
Faceless wonder.
%%
Fact is solidified opinion
%%
Facta, non verba.
%%
Factor analysts rotate their principal components.
%%
Facts and truth are often cousins -- not brothers.
		-- Edward Bunker
%%
Facts are God's arguments, we should be careful never to misunderstand
or pervert them.
		-- Tyron Edwards
%%
Facts are stupid until brought into connection with some general law.
		-- Louis Agassiz
%%
Facts are the enemy of truth.
		-- Don Quixote
%%
Facts are to the mind the same thing as food to the body.  On the due
digestion of facts depends the strength and wisdom of the one, just as
vigor and health depend on the other.  The wisest in council, the ablest
in debate, and the most agreeable in the commerce of life, is that man
who has assimilated to his understanding the greatest number of facts.
		-- Edmund Burke
%%
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
		-- Aldous Huxley
%%
Facts, apart from their relationships, are like labels on empty bottles.
		-- Sven Italla
%%
Faculty purchases of equipment and supplies always increase to match the
funds available, so these funds are never adequate.
		-- Thomas L. Martin
%%
Fad: In one era and out the other.
		-- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
Fail me again and you'll breakfast on burning coals!
%%
Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.
		-- Sir Walter Raleigh
%%
Faint heart ne'er won fair lady.
		-- Miguel de Cervantes
%%
Faire de la bonne cuisine demande un certain temps.  Si on vous fait
attendre, c'est pour mieux vous servir, et vous plaire.
[Good cooking takes time.  If you are made to wait, it is to serve you
 better, and to please you.]
Menu of Restaurant Antoine, New Orleans
[Also, what we're going to be telling our customers]
%%
Faith builds a bridge across the gulf of death,
To break the shock blind nature cannot shun,
And lands thought smoothly on the further shore.
		-- Young
%%
Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door.
%%
Faith healers do it with whatever they can lay their hands on (?)
%%
Faith in a holy cause is to a considerable extent a substitute for lost
faith in ourselves.
		-- Eric Hoffer
%%
Faith in immortality, like belief in Satan, leaves unanswered the
ancient question: is God unable to prevent suffering and thus not
omnipotent? or is he able but not willing to prevent it and thus not
merciful? And is he just?
%%
Faith is believing what you know is untrue.
%%
Faith is never identical with piety.
		-- Karl Barth
%%
Faith is not reason's labor, but repose.
		-- Young
%%
Faith is one of those words that connotes, however irrationally, some
kind of virtue in itself.
		-- Louis J. Halle
%%
Faith is the soul going out of itself for all its wants.
		-- Boston
%%
Faith is the substance of things hoped for,
the evidence of things not seen.
		-- Hebrews XI, 1.
%%
Faith lights us through the dark to Deity.
		-- Davenant
%%
Faith means belief in something concerning which doubt is theoretically
possible.
		-- William James
%%
Faith means intense, usually confident, belief that is not based on
evidence sufficient to command assent from every reasonable person.
		-- Walter Kaufmann
%%
Fake it!!!
%%
Fall not in love; it will stick to your face.
%%
Falling in love is a lot like dying.
You never get to do it enough to become good at it.
%%
Fame may be compared to a scold: the best way to silence her is to let
her alone, and she will at last be out of breath in blowing her own
trumpet.
		-- Fuller
%%
Fame sometimes creates something out of nothing.
%%
Fame-induced Apathy:
	The attitude that no activity is worth pursuing unless one can
become very famous pursuing it. Fame-induced Apathy mimics laziness,
but its roots are much deeper.
		-- Douglas Coupland, Generation X
%%
Familiarity breeds contempt.
%%
Familiarity breeds.
%%
Family history: Mother, age 87, is a diabetic.	Father lives with an
ulcer.
%%
Family member Dr. Werner Weissenhofer reports from Vienna. It seems that a
felon armed with a 357 revolver robbed a bank. As he left the bank, he was
accosted by a policeman whom he murdered with one shot. Great excitement
ensued, with the felon taking hostages and racing madly around from one store
to another. When the forces of law and order had been mobilized and surrounded
the goblin, a policeman volunteered to trade himself to the goblin for two
hostages. This offer was accepted, at which time the felon fired at the
policeman and seriously wounded him. The forces of law and order opened up
with everything they had, which was mostly AUG and Glock fire. Shortly, the
goblin killed himself with one round. He had fired three times and achieved
three hits. The police, according to their official report, fired 1,261 rounds
without drawing blood.

At one time, we used to refer to an event of this sort as a "Chinese Fire
Drill." Later we came to call if "Father's Day in Harlem." After the interment
of the Ayatollah Khomeini, we began to call it "An Iranian Funeral." Now, I
guess we can call it "A Viennese Bank Robbery."

As I have often stated, if someone wants to shoot at me, I sure hope he does
it on full-auto.
		-- Jeff Cooper
%%
Family values means--if you want to get out of the draft, call your dad.
%%
Famous last words - Don't worry, I can handle it.
%%
Famous last words - Icarus: Aaaahhhhhhhhh.
%%
Famous last words - Jesus Christ: Father, beam me up.
%%
Famous last words - Lion at the Circus of Rome: Burp..
%%
Famous last words - You and what army?
%%
Famous last words:
	(1) Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
	(2) Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there.
	(3) What happens if you touch these two wires tog--
	(4) We won't need reservations.
	(5) It's always sunny there this time of the year.
	(6) Don't worry, it's not loaded.
	(7) They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.
%%
Famous last words:
1) Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
2) Don't worry, I can handle it.
3) Don't worry, it's not loaded.
4) If you were as smart as you think you are, you wouldn't be a cop.
5) It's always sunny there this time of the year.
6) Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there.
7) They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.
8) We won't need reservations.
9) What happens if you touch these two wires tog-
10) You and what army?
%%
Fanatic: Someone who, having lost site of his goal,
re-doubles his efforts.
%%
Fanaticism consists in redoubling your effort when you have forgotten
your aim.
		-- George Santayana (1863-1952)
%%
Fanatics have their dreams, wherewith they weave a paradise for a sect."
		-- Keats
%%
Fancy gizmos don't work.
		-- Jane Bryant Quinn
%%
Fantasies are free...
	NO!! NO!! It's the thought police!!!!
%%
Fantastic doctrines (like Christianity or Islam or Marxism) require unanimity
of belief. One dissenter casts doubt on the creed of millions. Thus the fear
and the hate; thus the torture chamber, the iron stake, the gallows, the labor
camp, the psychiatric ward.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Far away talent always seems better than home developed talent.
%%
Far away, across the fields, the tolling of the iron bell
draws the faithful to their knees, with its softly spoken magic spell
		-- Pink Floyd "Dark Side of the Moon"
%%
Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even
though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits
who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the grey
twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.
		-- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
%%
Fare thee well now, let your life proceed by it's own design.
Nothing to tell now, let the words be yours, I am done with mine.
		-- fuzzy@sage.cc.purdue.edu
%%
Farewell a long farewell, to all my greatness!
This is the state of man.  Today he puts forth
The tender leaves of hope; tomorrow blossoms,
And bears his blushing honors thick upon him;
The third day comes a frost, a killing frost.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Farmers do it in the dirt.
%%
Farmers do it with cows, sheep and other assorted animals.
%%
Farmers in the Iowa State survey rated
machinery breakdowns more stressful than divorce.
		-- Wall Street Journal
%%
Farnsdick's corollary to the fifth corollary:
	After things have gone from bad to worse,the cycle will repeat itself.
%%
Fascinate: What you do to a shirt with nine buttons.
%%
Fascinating!
%%
Fascism in America will attempt to advance under the banner of
Americanism and anti-Fascism.
		-- Georgi Dimitrov (1882-1949)
%%
Fascism is Capitalism plus Murder.
		-- Upton Sinclair (1878-1968)
%%
Fascism is big business armed with bayonets.
		-- Grant Singleton (1890-?)
%%
Fascism is government by the few and for the few.  The objective is
seizure and control of the economic, political, social and cultural life
of the state.
		-- U. S. Army (1945)
%%
Fascism is not the easist thing to identify and analyze; nor once in
power, is it easy to destroy... Points to stress are:

(1) Fascism is more apt to come to power in time of economic crisis;

(2) Fascism inevitably leads to war;

(3) it can come in any country;

(4) we can best combat it by making our democracy work.
		-- U. S. Army (1945)
%%
Fashion is a potency in art, making it hard to judge between the
temporary and the lasting.
		-- E. C. Stedman
%%
Fashions are induced epidemics.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Fashions fade; style is eternal.
		-- Yves Saint Laurent
%%
Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.
		-- Victor Hugo (1802-1885)
%%
Fast cars, fast women, fast algorithms... what more could a man want?
		-- Joe Mattis
%%
Fast personal decisions are likely to be wrong.
%%
Fast ship?  You mean you've never heard of the Millennium Falcon?
		-- Han Solo
%%
Fastbuck Enterprises introduces its new line of winter season products..
			 Introducing
	    Whirlpool 5000(011611) Refrigerator
  Fully macintosh Compatible
  68020 CPU
  4 Mg. RAM
  100 Mg. HD
  Built in software and softdrink dispenser
  On board coke-cache.
  Warning lights for low on coke or ice
  Built in Oreo storage compartment
  Detachable keyboard from the Freezer compartment.
  Built in Appletalk support
  Thru-the-door ice water vt100 terminal
  12 expansion slots
Available colors
  Avocado green, Bell and howel black and melting-margarine yellow
Additional Options
  4 way speaker stereo system
  2 meter modem support
  Sidecar for PC support
For more information please call : 1-800-FASTBUCK
%%
Faster cars, colder beer, younger women, more money!
%%
Faster, faster, you fool, you fool!
%%
Fat Wars: May the Sauce Be With You.
%%
Fat person: Nutritional Overachiever
%%
Fat, drunk, and stupid is the only way to go through life.
%%
Fat-bottomed girls, you make the rockin' world go 'round.
%%
Fatal Error Using Mouse. Replace and Bury Operator.
%%
Fatal disk crash, please call Zzzilog.
%%
Fatal error, system crashes.
%%
Fate keeps on happening.
%%
Fate steals along with silent tread,
Found oftenest in what least we dread;
Frowns in the storm with angry brow,
But in the sunshine strikes the blow.
		-- Cowper
%%
Father and son cannibals were walking through the jungle looking for
supper.  They spied a thin favored girl and the son said, "What about
it, Dad?"  "Too skinny.  Let's keep looking."  They went on further
and saw another, this time on the obese side.  Son: "Well?"  Dad: "No,
too fat."  After a while they came upon a gorgeous woman.  Son: "All
right!	You can't complain about this!"  Dad: "You're right.  Let's
take this one home and eat your mother!"
%%
Fathers alone a father's heart can know
What secret tides of still enjoyment flow
When brothers love, but if their hate succeeds,
They wage the war, but 'tis the father bleeds.
		-- Edward Young
%%
Fear and dull disposition, lukewarmness and sloth, are not seldom wont
to cloak themselves under the affected name of Moderation.
		-- John Milton (1608-1674)
%%
Fear and loathing, my man, fear and loathing.
%%
Fear has a smell, as
Love does.
		-- Margaret Atwood
%%
Fear has its use but cowardice has none.
		-- Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948)
%%
Fear is but a concept, courage a way of life
%%
Fear is the greatest salesman.
		-- Robert Klein
%%
Fear is the tax that the conscience pays to guilt.
		-- Sewell
%%
Fear of Ordinary Life
%%
Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.
		-- Psalms 111:10
%%
Feast - An eat wave.
%%
Feature not implemented.
%%
Features should be discovered, not documented.
%%
Feazel's Travel Rule:
Don't go back.	It isn't there anymore.
Exception:  Switzerland
%%
Feb 20 1988
Last week David Letterman said he tuned away from the Olympics
to watch the news reports on the New Hampshire primaries.
He said he wanted to see an American win SOMETHING.
%%
February 17 -- In Colombia, police arrest Carlos Lehder for jaywalking and
discover, during a routine search, that his pockets contain 1,265,000
pounds of cocaine.  Lehder claims to have "no idea" how it got there.
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
February 19 -- Mario Cuomo announces that he doesn't want to be president and
immediately becomes the Democratic front-runner.
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
February 23 -- Panic grips the nation as a terrorist group seizes 150,000 new,
improved W-4 forms and threatens to send them to randomly selected
Americans through the mail.
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
February 3 -- In the ongoing war against the federal budget deficit, Congress
gives itself a pay raise.
		-- Dave Barry "Year in Review for 1987"
%%
Fed some caviar to my girlfriend
She was a virgin tried and true
Now my girlfriend needs no urgin'
There ain't nothin' she won't do!
	Caviar comes from a Virgin Sturgeon -
	Virgin Sturgeon's a very fine fish.
	Virgin Sturgeon needs no urgin'
	That's why caviar is my dish!
Fed some caviar to my Grandpa
He was a man of ninety-three
Shrieks and screams were heard from Grandma
He had chased her up a tree!
	(chorus)
%%
Federal grants are offered for... research into the recreation potential
of interplanetary space travel for the culturally disadvantaged.
%%
Feed yourself and feed others. Then, if you have to say good-bye,
it won't matter. You will have shared love.
		-- Jeanne Moreau
%%
Feeding the animals is strictly prohibited. The Management.
%%
Feelin' 7-Up, I 'm feelin' 7-Up.  It 's a crisp, refreshing . . .
%%
Feeling lousy? Why don't you drink a potion of tea?
%%
Felines... nothing more than felines...
%%
Felix the Cat, the wonderful, wonderful cat.
%%
Fellow programmer, greetings!  You are reading a letter which will bring
you luck and good fortune.  Just mail (or UUCP) ten copies of this letter
to ten of your friends.  Before you make the copies, send a chip or
other bit of hardware, and 100 lines of 'C' code to the first person on the
list given at the bottom of this letter.  Then delete their name and add
yours to the bottom of the list.

Don't break the chain!	Make the copy within 48 hours.	Gerald R. of San
Diego failed to send out his ten copies and woke the next morning to find
his job description changed to "COBOL programmer."  Fred A. of New York sent
out his ten copies and within a month had enough hardware and software to
build a Cray dedicated to playing Zork.  Martha H. of Chicago laughed at
this letter and broke the chain.  Shortly thereafter, a fire broke out in
her terminal and she now spends her days writing documentation for IBM PC's.

Don't break the chain!	Send out your ten copies today!
%%
Fellows who have no tongues are often all eyes and ears.
		-- Haliburton
%%
Fellowship with Men in the open.
Success.
It furthers one to cross the great water.
The perseverance of the superior man furthers.
%%
Fellowship with men at the gate.
No blame.
%%
Fellowship with men in the clan.
Humiliation.
%%
Fellowship with men in the meadow.
No remorse.
%%
Feminists just want the human race to be a tie.
%%
Feminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of
women.	They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their
handbags are full.
		-- Earl Wilson
%%
Fence straddlers have no balls. In compensation, however, they enjoy a
comfortable seat and can retreat swiftly, when danger threatens, to either
side of the fence. There is something to be said for every position.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Fer sell cheep:  IBM spel chekker.  Wurks grate.
%%
Fess:	Well, you must admit there is something innately humorous about
	a man chasing an invention of his own halfway across the galaxy.

Rod:	Oh yeah, it's a million yuks, sure.  But after all, isn't that the
	basic difference between robots and humans?

Fess:	What, the ability to form imaginary constructs?

Rod:	No, the ability to get hung up on them.
		-- Christopher Stasheff, "The Warlock in Spite of Himself"
%%
Fester: Quicker.
%%
Few enterprises of great labor or hazard would be undertaken if we had
not the power of magnifying the advantages we expect from them.
		-- Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
%%
Few ever lived to a great age, and fewer still ever became
distinguished, who were not in the habit of early rising.
		-- Todd
%%
Few love to hear the sins they love to act.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an
income tax form.
%%
Few people now believe in the devil; but very many enjoy behaving as
their ancestors behaved when the Fiend was a reality as unquestionable
as his Opposite Number.
%%
Few persons have sufficient wisdom to prefer censure, which is useful,
to praise which deceives them.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Few rich men own their own property. The property owns them.
		-- Robert Green Ingersoll (1833-1899)
%%
Few understand the works of Cummings,
And few James Joyce's mental slummings,
And few young Auden's coded chatter;
But then it is the few that matter.
Never be lucid, never state,
If you would be regarded great,
The simplest thought or sentiment,
(For thought, we know, is decadent) ...
		-- Dylan Thomas (1914-1953)
%%
Few young men of high gifts and fine tastes look forward to entering
public life, for the probability of disappointments and vexations of a
life in Congress so far outweigh its attractions that nothing but
exceptional ambition or a strong sense of public duty suffices to draw
such men into it.  Law, education, literature, the higher walks of
commerce, finance, or railway work offer a better prospect of enjoyment
or distinction.
		-- Lord James Bryce
%%
Fewer things are harder to put up with that the annoyance of a
good example.
%%
Fiat Lupi (Let there be wolves)
%%
Fiction completes the individual who has only one life, but desires a thousand.
%%
Fiddling with a # #.
%%
Fidel Castro was addressing a huge crowd in Havana: "They accuse me of
intervening in Angola..." and a voice in the crowd cried loudly, "Peanuts,
Popcorn!" Castro resumed: "They say I've intervened in Mozambique..." and was
again interrupted by the cry of "Peanuts, Popcorn!" Picking up a third time,
Castro went on: "They tell me I'm intervening in Nicaragua..." and once more
the vendor yelled, "Peanuts, Popcorn!" Losing his temper, Castro snapped,
"If that capitalist bastard yells 'Peanuts, Popcorn!' once more, I'll kick him
all the way to Miami!" Whereupon the entire audience yelled "PEANUTS, POPCORN!"
%%
Fie! What a spendthrift he is of his tongue!
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Field's revelation:  If you see a man holding a clipboard and looking
official, the chances are good that he is supposed to be doing something
menial.
%%
Fiery letters might deter monsters.
%%
Fifteen cents of every twenty-cent stamp goes for storage.
		-- Louis Rukeyser
%%
Fifteen men on a dead man's chest,
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!
Drink and the devil had done for the rest,
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!
		-- Robert Louis Stevenson, "Treasure Island"
%%
Fifteen men on a dead man's chest.
Yo-ho-ho, no-wonder he's dead.
%%
Fifty percent of everything is below average.
%%
Fig Newton.
%%
Fight for what you believe in, stand up for what you believe in.
		-- President George Bush, to Chinese dissidents, May
		   21 1989.  Nine days later he waived trade
		   restrictions against China
%%
Fight poverty the American way -- get a job.
%%
Figure the last thing you would expect the enemy to do, then count on him
doing precisely that
		-- Richelieu
%%
Figures won't lie, but liars will figure.
		-- Charles H. Grosvenor
%%
File Transfer	   : Procedure followed by telecomputerists who
		     become tired of their present job.
%%
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
%%
File: What your secretary can now do to her nails six and a half hours
a day, now that the computer does her day's work in 30 minutes.
%%
File:
  What your secretary does to her nails when the computer
  is doing all of the work
%%
Filksinger for hire (Ear insurance extra)
%%
Filling out the form: Race? Human. Religion? Paiute. Occupation? Criminal
anarchy. Hobbies? Survival with honor.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Fimbriation is a borderline case
%%
Finagle's Eighth Law:
	If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

Finagle's Ninth Law:
	No matter what results are expected,
	someone is always willing to fake it.

Finagle's Tenth Law:
	No matter what the result someone is always eager to misinterpret it.

Finagle's Eleventh Law:
	No matter what occurs,
	someone believes it happened according to his pet theory.
%%
Finagle's Fourth Law: No matter what occurs, there is always someone who
believes it happened according to his pet theory.
%%
Finagle's Laws:
1) Science is truth.  Don't be misled by facts.
2) If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
3) In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all
   need of checking, is the mistake. Corollaries:
   a) Nobody whom you ask for help will see it.
   b) The first person who stops by, whose advice you really
      don't want to hear, will see it immediately.
4) No matter what the anticipated result, there will always be someone eager to
   a) misinterpret it,
   b) fake it, or
   c) believe it happened according to his own pet theory. [see Fusion, Cold]
5) Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
6) The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
7) Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers
  something that either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
%%
Finagle's Second Law:
	No matter what results are expected, someone is always willing to fake
	it.
%%
Finagle's Seventh Law:
	The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
%%
Finagle's law, how much there was to find!  Strange life. . . .
Sunflowers. . . . Floating cities. . . . Bandersnatchi. . . . And
death?	Death was always the same, everywhere.
		-- "Ringworld"
%%
Final exam in philosophy:
"Prove that the chair on the desk does not exist".
Student turned in "What chair?" and got an A.
%%
Final message received from the Titanic: "Fatal crash due to icebug."
%%
Finality is death.  Perfection is finality.  Nothing is perfect.  There
are lumps in it.
		-- James Stephens
%%
Finally, we were in the cave beneath the big roof. To say it was intimidating,
especially in those days of EBs and tube chocks, is like saying El Cap goes up
"for a ways." There we were, isolated in the bowels of a dark, dank, chilly
belay cave, the uneven floor paved with vermin poop--and before us, the roof
swept outward, into th blazing sunlight. The crack flare downward like an
elongated cross section of an inverted funnel, threatening to disgorge
would-be trespassers.
		-- "Lucille", By Jay Anderson, Rock and Ice #44 Jul/Aug, 1991
%%
Find a place in the world that others might have missed.
%%
Find enough clever things to say, and you're a Prime Minister; write
them down and you're a Shakespeare.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Find happiness in your work, or you may never find it anywhere else.
%%
Find out the cost before you get in.
%%
Find your aim in life, before you run out of ammunition
%%
Finding the occasional straw of truth awash in a great ocean of
confusion and bamboozle requires intelligence, vigilance, dedication
and courage.  But if we don't practice these tough habits of thought,
we cannot hope to solve the truly serious problems that face us --
and we risk becoming a nation of suckers, up for grabs by the next
charlatan who comes along.
		-- Carl Sagan, "The Fine Art of Baloney Detection,"
		   Parade, February 1, 1987
%%
Fine Print - A clause for suspicion.
%%
Fine day for friends.
So-so day for you.
%%
Finishing you off, a lightning throw right to the heart.
%%
Finite to fail, but infinite to venture.
		-- Emily Dickinson
%%
Finster's Law:
	A closed mouth gathers no feet.
%%
Fire at the foot of the mountain:
The image of Grace.
Thus does the superior man proceed
When clearing up current affairs.
But he dare not decide controversial issues in this way.
%%
Fire in each eye, and papers in each hand, They rave, recite, and madden
round the land.
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
Fire in heaven above:
The image of Possession in Great Measure.
Thus the superior man curbs evil and furthers good,
And thereby obeys the benevolent will of heaven.
%%
Fire in the lake: the image of Revolution.
Thus the superior man
Sets the calendar in order.
%%
Fire on the mountain:
The image of The Wanderer.
Thus the superior man
Is clear-minded and cautious
In imposing penalties,
And protracts no lawsuits.
%%
Fire over water:
The image of the condition before transition.
Thus the superior man is careful
In the differentiation of things,
So that each finds its place.
%%
Fire over wood:
The image of The Caldron.
Thus the superior man consolidates his fate
By making his position correct.
%%
Fire that's closest kept burns most of all.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Firm as a rock. Not a whole day.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
%%
Firm seclusion within the family.
Remorse disappears.
%%
First Corollary of Taber's Second Law:	If a system doesn't have a
payback for the man at the base of the information system, then that
system is worthless.
		-- Pat Taber
%%
First Lady Nancy Reagan admitted to reporters that she
got Poindexter in a hammerlock and gave him "bone crushers"
and "noogies" until he agreed to talk.
%%
First Law of Bridge:  It's always the partner's fault.
%%
First Law of Hacking: leaving is much more difficult than entering.
%%
First Law of Office Holders:  Get reelected.
%%
First Law of Wing-Walking: Never leave hold of what you've got until
you've got hold of something else.
		-- Donald Herzberg
%%
First as to speech.  That privilege rests upon the premise that there is
no proposition so uniformly acknowledged that it may not be lawfully
challenged, questioned, and debated.  It need not rest upon the further
premise that there are no propositions that are not open to doubt; it is
enough, even if there are, that in the end it is worse to suppress
dissent than to run the risk of heresy.  Hence it has been again and
again unconditionally proclaimed that there are no limits to the
privilege so far as words seek to affect only the hearers' beliefs and
not their conduct.  The trouble is that conduct is almost always based
upon some belief, and that to change the hearer's belief will generally
to some extent change his conduct, and may even evoke conduct that the
law forbids.

[cf. Learned Hand, The Spirit of Liberty, University of Chicago Press,
1952; The Art and Craft of Judging: The Decisions of Judge Learned Hand,
edited and annotated by Hershel Shanks, The MacMillian Company, 1968.]
%%
First do what is necessary, Then do what is possible And soon you are doing the
impossible.
%%
First draw the curves, then plot the data.
%%
First fiddles do it violently.
%%
First get an absolute conquest over thyself, and then thou wilt easily
govern thy wife.
		-- Fuller
%%
First graffitist: ----->  Jesus saves
Second graffitist:----->  But Esposito scores on the rebound
%%
First impressions are of major importance in business matters.
		-- J. Pierpont Finch
%%
First impressions, being the longest lasting, are of utmost importance.
		-- J. Carter
%%
First law of bicycling (Dermott's Ditty):
	No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
%%
First must give place to last, because last must have his time to come;
but last gives place to nothing, for there is not another to succeed.
		-- Bunyan
%%
First pull up, then pull down.
%%
First rule of public speaking.
	First, tell 'em what you're goin' to tell 'em;
	then tell 'em;
	then tell 'em what you've tole 'em.
%%
First thing you do is shoot all the lawyers
%%
First things first -- but not necessarily in that order
		-- The Doctor, "Doctor Who", MEGLOS
%%
First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull
your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.
		-- Leo Rosenberg
%%
First you get down on you knees,	  So get down upon your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,		  Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect and	  Bow your head with great respect and
Genuflect, genuflect, genuflect.	  Genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!
Do whatever steps you want if		  Make a cross on your abdomen,
You have cleared them with the Pontiff	  When in Rome do like a Roman.
Everybody say his own "kryie leison"	  Ave, Maria!  Gee it's good to see ya!
Doin' the Vatican Rag!			  Gettin' ecstatic and sorta dramatic
					  Doin' the Vatican Rag!
Get in line in that processional.
Step into that small confessional
Where the man who's got religion'll
Tell you if you sin's original.
If it is try playin' it safer;
Drink the wine and chew the wafer.
Two, four, six, eight,
Time to transubstantiate.
		-- Tom Lehrer, "Vatican Rag"
%%
First you get down on your knees,	 Get in line in that processional,
Fiddle with your rosaries,		  Step into that small confessional,
Bow your head with great respect,	 There the guy who's got religion'll
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!	    Tell you if your sins' original.
Do whatever steps you want if		     If it is, try playin' it safer,
You have cleared them with the Pontiff,        Drink the wine and chew the wafer,
Ev'rybody say his own			     Two, four, six eight,
Kyrie eleison,				      Time to transubstantiate!
Doin' the Vatican Rag.

So get down upon your knees,		    Make a cross on your abdomen,
Fiddle with your rosaries,		  When in Rome do like a Roman,
Bow your head with great respect,	 Ave Maria,
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect!	    Gee, it's good to see ya,
	Gettin' ecstatic an' sorta dramatic an' Doin' the Vatican Rag!
		-- Tom Lehrer [Vatican Rag]
%%
First you must understand a few things: The government is inherently evil,
immensely powerful, and almost infinitely stupid. To prosper you must
become a willing and enthusiastic minion of this evil, to survive you must
learn to hide in the shadows, pay tribute when noticed and lick the boots
of your oppressors when challenged. To be free you must die.
		-- C. Luchini 5/13/93 cbl@uihepa.hep.uiuc.edu
%%
First, let me tell you I'm cursed.
I'm a poet whose time gets reversed.
	Reversed gets time
	Whose poet a I'm
Cursed I'm you tell me let first.
%%
First, let's decide who's leading and who's following.
		-- F. Astaire
%%
Fish and visitors stink in three days.
		-- Poor Richard
%%
Fish or cut bait!
%%
Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.
		-- Adolfo Guzman
%%
Five guys were bragging about the children at the mens club, the fist
says I have five boys, that gives me basketball team.  Then next guy
says, I have six boys, that means I have a hockey team.  The third man
says well I have nine boys, thats a baseball team.  The fourth say well
I have eleven boys thats a football team.  And after this they look at
the last man who is looking kind of silent, and they say, well what
about you?  And he responds, eighteen girls, a golf course.
%%
Five names that I can hardly stand to hear,
Including yours and mine and one more chimp who isn't here,
I can see the ladies talking how the times is gettin' hard,
And that fearsome excavation on Magnolia boulevard,
Yes, I'm goin' insane,
And I'm laughing at the frozen rain,
Well, I'm so alone, honey when they gonna send me home?
	Bad sneakers and a pina colada my friend,
	Stopping on the avenue by Radio City, with a
	Transistor and a large sum of money to spend...
You fellah, you tearin' up the street,
You wear that white tuxedo, how you gonna beat the heat,
Do you take me for a fool, do you think that I don't see,
That ditch out in the Valley that they're diggin' just for me,
Yes, and goin' insane,
You know I'm laughin' at the frozen rain,
Feel like I'm so alone, honey when they gonna send me home?
(chorus)
		-- Steely Dan, "Bad Sneakers"
%%
Five rules for eternal misery:
	1) Always try to exhort others to look upon you favorably.
	2) Make lots of assumptions about situations and be sure to
	   treat these assumptions as though they are reality.
	3) Then treat each new situation as though it's a crisis.
	4) Live in the past and future only (become obsessed with
	   how much better things might have been or how much worse
	   things might become).
	5) Occasionally stomp on yourself for being so stupid as to
	   follow the first four rules.
%%
Five-foot-nine, eyes that shine,
He turns water into wine,
Has Anybody Seen J. C.?

Yeah, he's so neat, he's so cool,
He just walked across my pool,
Has anybody seen JC?

Well, if you run into
a smilin' Jew
with a crown of thorns,
Give 'im a wink, give 'im a nod --
Betcher ass he's the son of God!

Virgin Mary, she's the most,
She got nailed by the Holy Ghost,
Has Anybody Seen JC?
%%
Flame on!
		-- Johnny Storm
%%
Flames to dev/null/here/is/a/quarter/now/go/buy/a/clue.
%%
Flaming nuclear death to Smurfs
%%
Flashlight: Tubular metal container used on shipboard for storing dead
	   batteries prior to their disposal.
		-- from "Sailing" by Henry Beard and Roy Mckie
%%
Flatterers always live at the expense of the one who listens.
%%
Flattery is a sort of bad money, to which our vanity gives currency.
		-- Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld
%%
Flattery is like cologne -- to be smelled, but not swallowed.
		-- Josh Billings
%%
Flattery will get you everywhere.
%%
Flattery: The art of telling another exactly what he thinks of himself.
		-- "Laughs Unlimited"
%%
Flautists blow crosswise
%%
Fleas can be taught nearly anything that congressmen can.
%%
Flicker - My Friend.
%%
Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.
		-- Unknown
%%
Flirt: A woman who thinks it's every man for herself.
%%
Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself.
		-- Helen Rowland
%%
Flog's law: flog spelled backward is golf, and vis versa.
%%
Floppy not responding. Format hard drive instead? (Y/N)
%%
Floppy now, hard later.
%%
Florida law forbids rats to leave ships docked in Tampa Bay.
%%
Florida state law provides that all persons found at any time
underneath a sidewalk shall be guilty of a misdemeanor.
%%
Florists are just petal pushers.
%%
Flowcharts! Who said anything about having to do flowcharts?
%%
Flowers are like the pleasures of the world.
		-- William Shakespeare
%%
Flu - The malady lingers on.
%%
Flucard's Corollary:
	Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet.
%%
Flugg's Rule:
The slowest checker is always at the quick check-out lane.
%%
Fluid Mechanics do it smoothly.
%%
Flush twice - its a long ways to the cafeteria.
%%
Flutists blow sideways
%%
Fly me away to the bright side of the moon ...
%%
Flyers do it on top, upside down, or rolling.
%%
Flying dragon in the heavens.
It furthers one to see the great man.
%%
Flying is the second greatest experience known to man.	Landing is the first.
%%
Flying will never be safe as long as one must drive to the airport.
%%
Folks who think they know it all bug those of us who do
%%
Folks, what can I tell you about my next guest.  This cat allowed himself
to be adored, but not loved. And his success in show business was matched
by failure in his personal relationship bag, now that's where he really
bombed.  And he came to believe that work, show business, love, his whole
life, even himself and all that jazz was bullshit.  He became numero uno
gameplayer.  Uh, to the point where he didn't know where the games ended
and the reality began.	Like to this cat, the only reality... is death, man.
Ladies and gentlemen, let me lay on you, a so-so entertainer, not much of
a humanitarian, and this cat was never nobody's friend.  In his final
appearance on the great stage of life, uh, you can applaud if you wanta,
Mr. Joe Gideon!!
		-- All That Jazz
%%
Follow the yellow brick road.
%%
Follow-ups to alt.nobody.really.cares
%%
Following creates success.
Perseverance brings misfortune.
To go one's own way with sincerity brings clarity.
How could there be blame in this?
%%
Following has supreme success.
Perseverance furthers. No blame.
%%
Following the rules will not get the job done.
%%
Fond of equestrians, Mabel
Looked for true love in the stable.
	But she found the studs,
	For her were all duds,
Now she's out with the leg of a table.
%%
Food and houses and clothes can be produced by human labor, but when
they are produced they can be stolen... What you do to a horse or a bee,
you can also do to a man or a woman or a child.  You can get the upper
hand of them by force, or trickery of any sort, or even by teaching them
that it is their religious duty to sacrifice their freedom to ours.
		-- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
%%
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
%%
Food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.
		-- Rozanne Weissman
%%
Fool!  I am the guard!
%%
Fools admire, but men of sense approve.
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
Fools are certain, but wise men hesitate.
%%
Fools ignore complexity.  Pragmatists suffer it.
Some can avoid it.  Geniuses remove it.
		-- Alan J. Perlis's Programming Proverb #58,
		   SIGPLAN Notices, Sept. 1982
%%
Fools make feasts and wise men eat them.
		-- Poor Richard
%%
Fools rush in -- and get the best seats in the house.
%%
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
Fools rush in wherever lottery tickets are sold
%%
Fools think alike, but great minds run in the same channel.
%%
Football Player Sees Face Of Batman In Enchilada.
%%
Football builds self-discipline.  What else would induce
a spectator to sit out in the open in subfreezing weather?
%%
Football coach to reporters:  I said before the season began that we
would be the team to beat this year -- and sure enough, everybody beat
us.
		-- Lichty & Wagner
%%
Football has as much to do with Education as Bullfighting has to Agriculture.
		-- Veblen
%%
Football is a game for trained apes. That, in fact, is what most of the
players are--retarded gorillas wearing helmets and uniforms. The only thing
more debased is the surrounding mob of drunken monkeys howling the gorillas
on.
		-- Edward Abbey
%%
Football players are living proof that brains don't come with
a guarantee.
%%
Football players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their
bodies for the pleasure of others.
		-- Merle Kessler
%%
Foote from this earthly stage, alas! is hurled;
Death took him off, who took off all the world.
%%
For 40 years I have analyzed stocks and other money markets.  Now I have
made a remarkable discovery.  The Confederate dollar has risen in value
7.4 percent a year since 1965.	It has outperformed the German mark, the
Japanese yen and the Swiss franc.
		-- Vincent W. Allen
%%
For Cambridge people rarely smile
Being urban, squat, and packed with guile.
		-- Rupert Brooke (1887-1915)
%%
For God's sake, stop researching for a while and begin to think!
%%
For I dipt into the future,
Far as human eye could see,
Saw the vision of the world,
And all the wonder that would be.
		-- Tennyson
%%
For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do.
		-- Paul of Tarsus [Saint Paul]
%%
For I swore I would stay a year away from her; out and alas!
but with break of day I went to make supplication.
		-- Paulus Silentarius (c. 540 A.D.)
%%
For Sale by Owner:
Complete Set of Encyclopedia Brittanica
Excellent condition, but no longer needed;
My wife knows everything.
%%
For Sale: Parachute, only used once, never opened. Small red spot.
	  No reasonable offers refused...
%%
For Sale: Slightly used message. Enquire within.
%%
For Sale:

	Hand scanner - only used twice.
%%
For a gay time, call 632-9483.	Ask for Brucie.
%%
For a good time, call 632-9484.  Ask for Cathy.
%%
For a good time, call 642-9483
%%
For a good time, call 8367-3100.
%%
For a holy stint, a moth of the cloth gave up his woolens for lint.
%%
For a house-to-house salesman named Moore,
Getting housewives' attention's no chore:
	He's endowed with a dong
	That is 12 inches long,
So he wedges his foot in the door.
%%
For a lawyer to feast on meat of the shark is a form of cannibalism.
		-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
%%
For a light heart lives long.
		-- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"
%%
For a long time I felt without style or grace.
%%
For a man to achieve all that is demanded of him he must regard himself
as greater than he is.
		-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)
%%
For a real sweet time, call C6 H12 O6.
%%
For a tasty & healthful way to celebrate the Glory of International
Labor, here's an easy (under the current circumstances) to fix menu
that will delight diners (taken from Cher Noble's "RADical Chic
Cookery", NRC Press, 1986):

		May Day Menu

Hors d'oeuvres: Bowl of Red-hots (bet you can't eat just one!)
Appetizers: Incandescent Sturgeon Aspic (a regional variation on
		a traditional favorite, from the Ukraine)
	    Iodine & Powdered Milk Souffle'
Entree: Chicken Kiev (what else?)
Dessert: Half-life Pie (keeps indefinitely)

Wash down with plentiful amounts of Graphite Cooler (wine, grenadine
& pencil dust; pour over ice):	a refreshing hot weather drink.

Bon appetit!
%%
For a while I didn't have a car...I had a helicopter...no place to
park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running...
[slow glance upward]
		-- Stephen Wright
%%
For adult education nothing beats children.
%%
For all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these:
	"It might have been!"
%%
For am I not, the Lion of Medaelus?
%%
For an instant you couldn't see your right hand.
%%
For any remedy there is a misery.
%%
For anything worth having one must pay the price; and the price is
always work, patience, love, self-sacrifice -- no paper currency, no
promises to pay, but the gold of real service.
		-- John Burroughs (1837-1921)
%%
For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is
dead.
%%
For best results machine wash cold, tumble dry low. do not bleach, etc.
For not-so-good results drag behind car through puddles and dry on roof rack.
%%
For centuries, the battle of morality was fought between those who
claimed that your life belongs to God and those who claimed that it
belongs to your neighbors -- between those who preached that the good
is self-sacrifice for the sake of ghosts in heaven and those who
preached that good is self-sacrifice for the sake of incompetents on
earth.	And no one came to say that your life belongs to you and the
good is to live it.
		-- John Galt
%%
For children with short attention spans: boomerangs that don't come back.
%%
For children, a woman.
For pleasure, a boy.
For sheer ecstasy, a melon.
%%
For courage mounteth with occasion.
		-- William Shakespeare, "King John"
%%
For crying out loud, the poor thing is already dead!
%%
For democracy is a method of finding proximate solutions for insoluble
problems.
		-- Reinhold Niebuhr
%%
For dog bite:  put the dog away for several days.  If he has not
recovered, then kill it.
%%
For drowning:  climb on top of the person and move up and down to make
artificial perspiration.
%%
For every Problem there is a simple Solution,
     Neat,
       Plausible,
	 Wrong.
%%
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
		-- Harrison
%%
For every action, there is an equal but opposite critical analysis.
		-- Solomon Short
%%
For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.
		-- Richard Clopton
%%
For every credibility gap there is a gullibility gap.
		-- Senator Stuart Symington
%%
For every human problem, there is a neat plain solution -- and it is
always wrong.
		-- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)
%%
For every idiot-proof system, a new improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
%%
For every inch that is not a fool is rogue.
		-- Dryden
%%
For every proverb that confidently asserts its little bit of wisdom,
there is usually an equal and opposite proverb that contradicts it.
		-- Richard Boston
%%
For every worry under the sun
There is a remedy or there is none.
If there is then go and find it.
If there's none then never mind it.
%%
For evil news rides post, while good news baits.
		-- Milton
%%
For example, if \thinmskip = 3mu, this makes \thickmskip = 6mu.  But if
you also want to use \skip12 for horizontal glue, whether in math mode or
not, the amount of skipping will be in points (e.g., 6pt).  The rule is
that glue in math mode varies with the size only when it is an \mskip;
when moving between an mskipand ordinary skip, the conversion factor
1mu=1pt is always used.  The meaning of '\mskip\skip12' and
'\baselineskip=\the\thickmskip' should be clear.
		-- Donald Knuth, "TeX 82 -- Comparison with TeX80"
%%
For fainting:  rub the person's chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above
the hand instead.
%%
For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.
%%
For forms of government let fools contest; Whate'er is best administer'd
is best.
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and
forth.
%%
For good men but see death, the wicked taste it.
		-- Johnson
%%
For good, return good.
For evil, return justice.
%%
For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your
throat.
%%
For her first week's salary the gorgeous new secretary was given an
exquisite nightgown of imported lace.  The next week her salary was raised!
%%
For here we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead, nor to
tolerate error so long as reason is free to combat it.
		-- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
%%
For in religion as in friendship, they who profess most are ever the
least sincere.
		-- Sheridan
%%
For it is the doom of men that they forget.
		-- Merlin
%%
For many wives, the season to be jolly is between the end of football
and the beginning of baseball.
		-- A. L. Sheppard
%%
For maximum attention, it's hard to beat a good, big mistake.
%%
For me they were steps, I have climbed up upon them - therefore I had
to pass over them.  But they thought I wanted to settle down on them...
%%
For men use, if they have an evil turn, to write it in marble:
and whoso doth us a good turn we write it in dust.
		-- Sir Thomas More
%%
For modes of faith let graceless zealots fight, His can't be wrong whose
life is in the right.
		-- Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
%%
For more Star Trek Quotes, get "Star Trek Speaks" by Susan Sackett,
Fred Goldstein and Stan Goldstein, Pocket Books, 1979.
%%
For most people ignorance isn't an excuse...it's the truth.
%%
For my part I can compare her to nothing but the sun; for, like him, she
takes no rest, nor ever sets in one place by to rise in another.
		-- Dryden
%%
For myself, I can only say that I am astonished and somewhat terrified at
the results of this evening's experiments.  Astonished at the wonderful power
you have developed, and terrified at the thought that so much hideous and
bad music may be put on record forever.
		-- Sir Arthur Sullivan [message to Edison], 1888
		   on seeing a demonstration of Edison's new talking machine
%%
For nations that waste their inheritances -- even nations that are
profligate -- usually do so in ways more subtle than individuals.  Bad
habits and bad advice take longer to inflict their damage; nations, too,
have their reckonings, but they can survive many more nights before the
hangover.
		-- Michael Scully
%%
For nosebleed:	put the nose much lower than the body.
%%
For nothing lovelier can be found
in woman, than to study household good,
And good works in her Husband to promote.
		-- Milton
%%
For off-road use only.
%%
For office use only.
%%
For oh! so wildly do I love him
That paradise itself were dim
And joyless, if not shared with him.
		-- Moore
%%
For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe.
		-- Larry Eisenberg
%%
For people who like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they
will like.
%%
For recreational use only.
%%
For sale by prescription only.
%%
For sale, Toilet-seat cover.  Barely used.
%%
For sale: Hot tub, 375 gallons, sleeps six.
%%
For several years more I maintained public relations with the Almighty.
But privately, I ceased to associate with him.
		-- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)
%%