Fortunes from off badges. redfive gave these to me.
%%
A badge: Always keep clothes and weapons where you can find them
in the dark   
%%
A badge: Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well
%%
A badge: Be careful when you're playing under an anvil tree
%%
A badge: Be yourself--it's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do
it   
%%
A badge: Carpe Diem--Make your lives extraordinary
%%
A badge: Cheap, Fast, Good--pick two   
%%
A badge: DO IT--It's easier to get forgiveness than permission
%%
A badge: Don't keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your
level.   
%%
A badge: Don't look back--something might be gaining on you
%%
A badge: Don't put off until tomorrow what you can get someone
else to do today   
%%
A badge: Everyone is a damn fool for at least five minutes a
day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit   
%%
A badge: Half the failures in life result from pulling in one's
horse when it is leaping.   
%%
A badge: If all else fails, lower your standards   
%%
A badge: If all else fails, read the directions   
%%
A badge: If at first you don't succeed, change the rules   
%%
A badge: If you can't create it--respect it
%%
A badge: If you can't fight and you can't flee...FLOW
%%
A badge: If you do what you've always done, you'll get what
you've always gotten   
%%
A badge: If you're going to walk on thin ice, you may as well
dance   
%%
A badge: Illegitimi Non Carborundum [with picture of smiling
cat]   
%%
A badge: In this world, you have to be oh so smart or oh so
pleasant. I spent years being smart. I recommend pleasant.
%%
A badge: It's important to keep an open mind, but not so open
your brains fall out   
%%
A badge: It's like brother Nietzsche said--being human is a
complicated gig, so give that dark night of the soul a hug
and howl the eternal yes   
%%
A badge: It's possible to use karate against a swarm of plankton-
-but it won't help   
%%
A badge: Just say know   
%%
A badge: Live now--procrastinate tomorrow!   
%%
A badge: Make love, not war--but be prepared for both
%%
A badge: Make things as simple as possible, but no simpler
%%
A badge: Never ask a barber whether you need a haircut
%%
A badge: Never confuse endurance with hospitality
%%
A badge: Never do anything twice that you don't have to do at
all   
%%
A badge: Never let any mechanical device know you're in a hurry
%%
A badge: Never make anything simple and efficient when it can be
complex and wonderful   
%%
A badge: Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can
lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep
%%
A badge: Never try to teach a pig to sing. It only wastes your
time and annoys the pig.   
%%
A badge: Never use a tool that's more intelligent than you are
%%
A badge: Never wear a hat that has more character than you do
%%
A badge: Nobody told you not to be a plumber   
%%
A badge: Only borrow from pessimists--they don't expect to be
paid back   
%%
A badge: People who fight fire with fire generally end up as
ashes   
%%
A badge: Pick your enemies carefully--they're harder to get rid
of than friends   
%%
A badge: Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty
%%
A badge: Sometimes the only solution is to find a new problem
%%
A badge: There isn't time enough for love, so what does that
leave for hate?   
%%
A badge: We're so busy catching minnows, we forget we're
standing on a whale   
%%
A badge: What's the point of being fascinatingly crazy, if you
don't enrich the world with it?   
%%
A badge: When all else fails, stay in character
%%
A badge: When the bird and the bird book disagree, believe the
bird   
%%
A badge: Yield to temptation--it may not pass your way again
%%
A badge: You can fly, but that cocoon has to go
%%
A badge: You can't achieve the impossible unless you attempt the
absurd   
%%
A badge: You don't need to bring your adversaries to their
knees, just to their senses   
%%
A badge: You're only young once--after that you need another
excuse   
%%
A badge: Anarcho-Capitalist for sale or rent   
%%
A badge: Anarchy begins at home, but it doesn't have to end
there   
%%
A badge: Anarchy--It's not the law, it's just a good idea
%%
A badge: Engaged in the passive overthrow of the U.S. government
%%
A badge: Freedom is just chaos with better lighting
%%
A badge: If people were required to know the law rather than to
obey it, the government would be overthrown the next day
%%
A badge: If they give you lined paper, write the other way!
%%
A badge: I'm an anarchist, especially about whatever someone
else____ is running   
%%
A badge: The mass of mankind was not born with saddles on their
backs, nor a favored few booted and spurred, ready to ride
them legitimately, by the grace of God
%%
A badge: No matter who you vote for, the government gets elected
%%
A badge: Nobody can fix the economy Nobody can be trusted with
their finger on the button VOTE FOR NOBODY   
%%
A badge: One evil empire down--one to go!   
%%
A badge: Question Authority   
%%
A badge: Someday I'm going to take all the red tape and tie up
the Establishment for a change   
%%
A badge: When everything is outlawed, outlaws will have
everything   
%%
A badge: Why is the symbol for anarchy always written the same
way?   
%%
A badge: Don't mind me--I'll just bleed   
%%
A badge: Don't try to engage my enthusiasm--I haven't got one
%%
A badge: Every time I find out the meaning of life, they change
it   
%%
A badge: Go on and try it. The worst you can do is make a fool
of yourself in front of all your friends   
%%
A badge: I don't need you, you know--I can be lonely all by
myself   
%%
A badge: If only there were some indication the universe was
doing it on purpose   
%%
A badge: If only you could get that wonderful feeling of
accomplishment without having to do anything   
%%
A badge: Is the world full of smart people pretending or
imbeciles who mean it?   
%%
A badge: Life always sucks--some days it just bothers you more
than others   
%%
A badge: Life is a holiday in the same way that glass is a
liquid   
%%
A badge: Life's a bitch--and then you die   
%%
A badge: Maybe I don't FEEL like smiling   
%%
A badge: Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the
bug   
%%
A badge: Suffering from the inhumanity of regular employment
%%
A badge: There is no point in getting angry, but there is a
stupid malignity to all this that does try one's patience
%%
A badge: Things will go on as they always have--that is to say,
badly   
%%
A badge: This button isn't really very witty and it runs on and
on and you'd probably be much happier reading some other
button. Most of them aren't half as depressing as this one.
Don't say I didn't warn you.   
%%
A badge: This is a nightmare and I'm going to wake up, RIGHT?
%%
A badge: This isn't hell.  This is where you get sent when
you've been bad in hell.   
%%
A badge: The vultures are circling...they have the faces of
presidential candidates and carry bowling balls in their
buttered claws....   
%%
A badge: What could possibly go wrong?   
%%
A badge: Whenever you're holding all the cards, why does
everyone else turn out to be playing chess?
%%
A badge: The world is a video game where you don't have another
quarter   
%%
A badge: You are here and this is the highlight of your day
%%
A badge: You can't win.  You can't break even.  You can't get
out of the game.   Can I abdicate?   
%%
A badge: Actors aren't quite human, but then again, who is?
%%
A badge: Are the commentators on Hamlet really mad or only
pretending to be mad?   
%%
A badge: Being a pain in the ass is a prerogative of the
creative mind   
%%
A badge: A bird does not sing because it has an answer--it sings
because it has a song   
%%
A badge: Conform, go crazy, become a writer or an artist, or
stylishly fake it like the rest of Manhattan
%%
A badge: Conform, go crazy, or become an artist
%%
A badge: Dancin' fool  [picture of dancing jester]   
%%
A badge: Doing strange things in the name of art   
%%
A badge: Every line a straight line, every pause a song cue
%%
A badge: Fear no art   
%%
A badge: I feel like I'm trapped in a Hemingway story. If I get
any more cryptic, I won't be able to talk at all.   
%%
A badge: If you don't believe in angels, you haven't heard me
sing. If you don't believe in demons, you haven't heard me
snore.   
%%
A badge: I'm an ARTIST--please feed my creditors
%%
A badge: I've suffered enough--when does my art improve?
%%
A badge: I've suffered for my art--now it's your turn!
%%
A badge: The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me
%%
A badge: Moriarty killed a clone--Holmes lives   
%%
A badge: Morris dancing is an exercise in fertility
%%
A badge: My art belongs to Dada   
%%
A badge: No one ever built a statue to a critic
%%
A badge: Opening night--the night before the play is ready to
open   
%%
A badge: Pipers do it with Amazing Grace   
%%
A badge: Scottish country dancers are reel people   
%%
A badge: Stealing from others is called plagiarism. Stealing
from yourself is called style.   
%%
A badge: Storytellers live to tell the tale   
%%
A badge: Those who dance are thought mad by those who hear not
the music   
%%
A badge: What do you get if you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music   
%%
A badge: When in doubt, set and turn   
%%
A badge: Why work for a living when you can die for art?
%%
A badge: Any twelve people who can't get themselves out of jury
duty are not my peers   
%%
A badge: Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry
loose is not nailed down.   
%%
A badge: Are you reading my buttons, or are you transfixed by my
beauty?   
%%
A badge: The best defense is a strong offense, and I intend to
start offending right now   
%%
A badge: Bob built my hot rod, and he filled it with YOUR slack
%%
A badge: A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child
of five.   
%%
A badge: Damn I'm good   
%%
A badge: Do what I mean, not what I say!   
%%
A badge: Does it have enhanced IR vision, a particle beam weapon
with target acquisition, highly amplified arm/leg systems,
self-contained atmosphere, and a small nuclear plant? No?
Not much of a "power suit", is it?   
%%
A badge: Don't let your mind wander. It's too little to be let
out alone.   
%%
A badge: Don't start comparing yourself to me. It'll just make
you crazy.   
%%
A badge: Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some people
abuse the privilege   
%%
A badge: 51% sweetheart, 49% bitch--don't push it
%%
A badge: Fuck'em if they can't take a joke   
%%
A badge: Have no fear--I never attack lesser beings
%%
A badge: The hell with criticism--praise is good enough for me
%%
A badge: Hi! I'll be your asshole for the evening.   
%%
A badge: How can I miss you when you won't go away?
%%
A badge: I always thank the dinosaurs for a plentiful supply of
10W30. It may seem selfish, but they were going to die
anyway   
%%
A badge: I am a genius and should be exempt from shit   
%%
A badge: I am not A bitch...I am THE bitch   
%%
A badge: I am NOT conceited--I just can't stand mortals   
%%
A badge: I am ready to meet my Maker--whether my Maker is
prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter   
%%
A badge: I am the Imp of the Perverse 
%%
A badge: I don't care WHO you are, you're not walking on water
while I'm fishing!   
%%
A badge: I don't delegate responsibility--I delegate blame   
%%
A badge: I don't do names   
%%
A badge: I don't have an attitude, babe--I AM an attitude   
%%
A badge: I don't have an attitude problem--it's supposed to be
like this   
%%
A badge: I don't HAVE ulcers--I give them!   
%%
A badge: I don't practice what I preach because I'm not the kind
of person I preach to   
%%
A badge: I don't see you, so don't pretend to be there   
%%
A badge: I had no shoes and wept. Then I met a man who had no
feet. So I said, "Hey man, got any shoes you're not using?"
%%
A badge: I have more humility in my little finger than you have
in your whole_____ body____!   
%%
A badge: I have no humility. It's a virtue, but I can live with
it   
%%
A badge: I loathe anyone who keeps dogs. They're cowards who
don't have the courage to bite people themselves.   
%%
A badge: I love my attitude problem   
%%
A badge: I may have taught you everything you___ know, but I
haven't taught you everything I_ know   
%%
A badge: I may not understand what you say, but I'll defend to
the death my right to deny it   
%%
A badge: I snore. I don't care. I don't have to. I'm ASLEEP.
%%
A badge: I support everyone's right to be an idiot. I may need
it myself someday.   
%%
A badge: I tried being reasonable once--I didn't like it   
%%
A badge: I used to be conceited--but now I'm perfect   
%%
A badge: I will continue to be an impossible person as long as
those who are now possible remain possible   
%%
A badge: I will defend to the death everyone's right to my
opinion   
%%
A badge: I wore black before______ it was cool   
%%
A badge: If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
%%
A badge: If it doesn't work, use a bigger hammer. If it breaks,
it needed fixing anyway.   
%%
A badge: If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet?
%%
A badge: If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the
street...the sidewalk...the lawn...   
%%
A badge: I'm a law unto myself--and I break it anyway!
%%
A badge: I'm a misanthrope--what's your fucking problem?
%%
A badge: I'm not panicking.  I'm watching you panic.  It's much
more entertaining.   
%%
A badge: I'm not selling out--I'm buying in
%%
A badge: I'm so cool I can hardly bear to gaze upon my wonderful
contenance in the morning, but it does get easier with age
and wisdom   
%%
A badge: I'm the most dangerous thing around--white trash with
brains   
%%
A badge: In my life, I have prayed but one prayer: "Oh Lord,
make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it.
%%
A badge: Instant gratification isn't fast enough   
%%
A badge: Instrument of Darwin   
%%
A badge: Isn't it interesting how your annoying habits are so
much more annoying than mine are?   
%%
A badge: It's a human thing, you wouldn't understand
%%
A badge: It's a patronizing thing--you wouldn't understand
%%
A badge: It's hard to think of you as the end result of millions
of years of evolution   
%%
A badge: It's not easy being a cast iron bitch. It takes years
of practice. Most people don't appreciate that.   
%%
A badge: I've had to choose between honest arrogance and
hypocritical humility   
%%
A badge: Just doing my bit to lower property values
%%
A badge: The lab called--your brain is ready   
%%
A badge: Maybe the meek will inherit the earth, but if they do,
they'll be inheriting it from me   
%%
A badge: Metal is for wearing. Flesh is for changing. You
wouldn't understand, it's a cyborg thing.
%%
A badge: My great dream is that I've won all the beauty contests
in the world and all the people I don't like are forced to
build me a castle in France   
%%
A badge: My ideas are beyond the comprehension of ordinary
mortals.  The brilliance of my mind is dazzling.  Even I am
impressed by it.   
%%
A badge: My mind is made up--don't confuse me with facts   
%%
A badge: My opinion is uncluttered by facts   
%%
A badge: My superiority complex is better than your superiority
complex   
%%
A badge: Never offend with style when you can offend with
substance   
%%
A badge: Occasional lapses of omniscience are the price I pay
for being implementable   
%%
A badge: Of course I'm arrogant. The best usually are.   
%%
A badge: Of course my job looks easy--I'm doing it
%%
A badge: Question Authority--ask me anything
%%
A badge: Sarcasm?  What's that?   
%%
A badge: League of Pushy Women--Self-Appointed Chapter Head
%%
A badge: Self-sacrifice is always a virtue--in other people
%%
A badge: She who must be obeyed   
%%
A badge: A silver tongue, a golden touch, and a mind like a
steel trap   
%%
A badge: Some things are still sacred--I haven't taken them
apart yet   
%%
A badge: Squint as you approach me, lest you be blinded by my
beauty   
%%
A badge: Take my advice--I'm not using it   
%%
A badge: That which does not kill me had better be able to run
away damn fast   
%%
A badge: There you go again--thinking you have rights
%%
A badge: This isn't denial. I'm just very selective about which
reality I accept.   
%%
A badge: Those of you who think you know everything are very
annoying to those of us who do   
%%
A badge: To err is human, but I forgive you   
%%
A badge: We both have the same problem--you   
%%
A badge: We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients, but we
can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is
what annoys me   
%%
A badge: We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God
%%
A badge: Were you standing at the shallow end of the gene pool?
%%
A badge: Who hired all these tacky people?   
%%
A badge: Why do people persist in walking directly into the well-
marked, laser-sharpened, 80K rpm mill saw that is my ego?
%%
A badge: Why was I born with such contemporaries?
%%
A badge: You can try to leave a message, but my spirit screens
its calls   
%%
A badge: You can't be a figment of my imagination--I'd have done
a better job   
%%
A badge: You should learn to be assertive, but not with me
%%
A badge: You're awfully picky for someone from the twilight zone
%%
A badge: THE BABY...an instrument of destruction
%%
A badge: I don't mind getting older. I just mind that I have
aging children   
%%
A badge: I was perfect--and then my parents got hold of me   
%%
A badge: I wouldn't take a million dollars for any of my kids,
but I wouldn't pay a dime for another one   
%%
A badge: If I'd known grandchildren would be so much fun, I
would have had them first   
%%
A badge: Insanity is hereditary--you get it from your kids
%%
A badge: It's not easy being this cute   
%%
A badge: Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Mother   
%%
A badge: Pregnancy is hell. Anyone who says otherwise is lying
or on drugs   
%%
A badge: Warning: grandparent with pictures
%%
A badge: You're sick for the first five months of pregnancy and
uncomfortable for the last five months, but the month in
between is alright   
%%
A badge: BACK RUBS--Given with pleasure, received with ecstasy
%%
A badge: Born to be cuddled   
%%
A badge: Cold milk, warm backrubs, hot baths...all temperature
cheer   
%%
A badge: Don't just stand there--rub my back!   
%%
A badge: Don't just stand there--scratch my back!   
%%
A badge: I give good back   
%%
A badge: Looking for backrub victim   
%%
A badge: Take me home--furry people need love too   
%%
A badge: This button goes to the next person who gives me a hug
%%
A badge: When I knead my friends, they turn their backs
%%
A badge: Willing to be backrub victim   
%%
A badge: I am a bookaholic.  If you are a decent person, you
will not sell me another book.   
%%
A badge: I am a bookaholic.  If you are a decent person, you
will sell me books at half price.   
%%
A badge: If a book and a head collide and a hollow sound is
heard, is it always the fault of the book?
%%
A badge: If you've never said "excuse me" to a parking meter or
bashed your shins on a fireplug, you're probably wasting too
much valuable reading time   
%%
A badge: Migratory lifeform with a tropism for bookstores
%%
A badge: Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and
inside of a dog, it's too dark to read   
%%
A badge: So many books, so little time   
%%
A badge: Some people say life is the thing, but I prefer reading
%%
A badge: They got the library at Alexandria--they're not getting
mine   
%%
A badge: Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?
%%
A badge: You can't judge a book by its movie   
%%
A badge: Any bureaucracy re-organized to enhance efficiency is
indistinguishable from its predecessor
%%
A badge: Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is
indistinguishable from molasses   
%%
A badge: Bureaucrats cut red tape--lengthwise   
%%
A badge: Committees have become so important that subcommittees
have to be appointed to do the work   
%%
A badge: A conference is a place where conversation is
substituted for the dreariness of labor and the loneliness
of thought.   
%%
A badge: Every revolution evaporates, leaving behind only the
slime of a new bureaucracy   
%%
A badge: Forms follow function, and often obliterate it
%%
A badge: Anything not nailed down is a cat toy   
%%
A badge: Because cats read with their asses!   [picture of cat
sitting on book]   
%%
A badge: Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in
nature has a function   
%%
A badge: Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't teach eight cats
to pull a sled.   
%%
A badge: The cats did it   
%%
A badge: Cats don't ask.  Cats take.   
%%
A badge: Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are
subtle and will piss on your computer   
%%
A badge: Dogs come when called. Cats take a message and get back
to you.   
%%
A badge: Feline Sapiens   
%%
A badge: Instead of using a loom, we've going to wind all the
yarn into balls and adopt an infinite number of kittens
%%
A badge: My other cat is a Jaguar   
%%
A badge: My species domesticated your species   [picture of
cat's face]   
%%
A badge: Never try to out-stubborn a cat   
%%
A badge: No costume is complete without cat hair   
%%
A badge: PURR if you love cats   
%%
A badge: Purranoia: the fear your cats are up to something
%%
A badge: There are many intelligent species in the universe.
They all own cats.   
%%
A badge: There are many intelligent species in the universe.
They are all owned by cats.   
%%
A badge: There are more ways of killing a cat than buttering it
with parsnips   
%%
A badge: Whatever you're doing, it's not as important as petting
the cat   
%%
A badge: And before you get all happy, be informed that your
punishment does not include pain or sex
%%
A badge: ASK ME  I'm shy   
%%
A badge: The average woman would rather have beauty than brains
because the average man can see better than he can think
%%
A badge: Being sexy is a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it
%%
A badge: Bisexual, Proud, and Queer of it  
%%
A badge: Bisexual Separatist   [picture of interlaced female
symbol, smiley face, and male symbol]   
%%
A badge: Brain on vacation, penis on autopilot
%%
A badge: Built for comfort, not for speed   
%%
A badge: Dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians
%%
A badge: Do you know me with my clothes on?   
%%
A badge: Don't give me that kinkier-than-thou attitude
%%
A badge: Don't just flirt--hit me with a clue-by-four
%%
A badge: Don't worry--I know my glamour is the sort that
terrifies weaklings   
%%
A badge: Every tenth Jesus is queer   
%%
A badge: Everyone is looking at you staring at my tits
%%
A badge: Flaming Heterosexual   
%%
A badge: Hatred is not a family value   
%%
A badge: Have an affair. It'll help break up the monogamy
%%
A badge: The heck with top and bottom--I want relationships with
strangeness and charm   
%%
A badge: How will you know the answer to that question if you
don't ask me out loud?   
%%
A badge: I just might_____ say yes   
%%
A badge: I practice parallel monogamy   
%%
A badge: I support the rights of straight people, even though
I'm perfectly bent myself   
%%
A badge: I'd like to have breakfast with you...should I call you
or nudge you?   
%%
A badge: I'd love to go out with you, but I did my own thing,
and now I've got to undo it   
%%
A badge: I'd rather have a bigot think I'm a lesbian than have a
lesbian think I'm a bigot   
%%
A badge: If you can't trust a woman with a choice, how can you
trust her with a baby?   
%%
A badge: Ignorance is bliss, but it'll never replace sex
%%
A badge: I'm going to keep going to these damned cons until I
have a one night stand   
%%
A badge: I'm just looking at your nametag, honest!
%%
A badge: I'm not a lesbian--this is a career move
%%
A badge: I'm not a tease--teases make promises they don't keep.
I'm a flirt--I make no promises at all!   
%%
A badge: I'm sorry, my IQ's over 80. You wouldn't be interested.
%%
A badge: Immoral Minority   charter member   
%%
A badge: Innocent-------- and Horny [picture of unicorn]
%%
A badge: Intelligence is the ultimate aphrodisiac
%%
A badge: It's not cute being this easy   
%%
A badge: Kiss me--I'm not Irish, but don't let that stop you
%%
A badge: League of Bloodthirsty Women   
%%
A badge: League of Bloodthirsty Women--Men's Auxilliary
%%
A badge: Living saint--please tempt   
%%
A badge: Make my day--try to pick up someone else
%%
A badge: Marx is a dead white male   
%%
A badge: MENSCH   Man Entitled to Nights of Sensuously Complete
Happiness   
%%
A badge: Moody bitch seeks understanding gentleman for love/hate
relationship   
%%
A badge: My mind isn't ALWAYS in the gutter--sometimes it comes
out to feed   
%%
A badge: Pigmentally challenged person of gender
%%
A badge: Relaxed Bisexual Agnostic   I don't know, I don't care,
and maybe I'll sleep with it   
%%
A badge: Save an endangered species--hug a romantic
%%
A badge: Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful,
provided you get between the right man and the right woman
%%
A badge: Sex God Teddy Bear   
%%
A badge: Sex is nobody's business but me and my teddy bear's
%%
A badge: Sex is nobody's business except for the three people
involved   
%%
A badge: Sex is only dirty if it's done right   
%%
A badge: Shy, hard of hearing, and near-sighted--please flirt
aggressively   
%%
A badge: Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each
other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now
and then.   
%%
A badge: Sorry, I don't date outside my gender
%%
A badge: Straight but not narrow   
%%
A badge: Taste me, taste me--I'm organic   
%%
A badge: A tisket, a tasket, a condom or a casket
%%
A badge: Together in pride  [pink triangle with celtic knotwork]
%%
A badge: Uppity Women Unite   
%%
A badge: Vanilla and Proud   
%%
A badge: WENCH  Woman Entitled to Nights of Complete Happiness
%%
A badge: What if everyone's a different gender?   
%%
A badge: What part of NO didn't you understand?   
%%
A badge: Without gratuitous sex, we would be no better than
animals   
%%
A badge: Worldcon bid committees have all of the disadvantages
and none of the advantages of a group marriage
%%
A badge: Yield to temptation--I may not make the pass again
%%
A badge: You should see the ones we don't let out in public
%%
A badge: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it
later   
%%
A badge: Any given program will expand to fill all availible
memory plus 1K   
%%
A badge: Any single standard will split into at least two semi-
compatible standards within the cycle time of the fastest
existing computer   
%%
A badge: Artificial Intelligence   
%%
A badge: Artificial Intelligence? I'll be impressed when they
invent artificial cunning.   
%%
A badge: Artificial intelligence is no match for natural
stupidity   
%%
A badge: Ask me--I'm interactive   
%%
A badge: Asking if computers can think is like asking if
submarines can swim   
%%
A badge: BFA: Branch to False Assumption   
%%
A badge: Calm down--It's only ones and zeroes   
%%
A badge: Carpe Noctem   Seize the night   I do more work after
2AM than most people do all day   
%%
A badge: Computers are like the Old Testament God--lots of rules
and no mercy   
%%
A badge: Computers will be perfect when they can predict how
much more the job will cost than the estimate
%%
A badge: The computing field is always in need of new cliches
%%
A badge: Control Data: don't let it control you   
%%
A badge: Demonstrations always crash--the probability of them
crashing goes up exponentially with the number of people
watching   
%%
A badge: DNA: the ultimate RIS machine language   
%%
A badge: Does this program halt? <In a paradoxical flowchart>
%%
A badge: Don't ask me--I have intermittent memory loss
%%
A badge: Earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can.
%%
A badge: Earth shutting down in five minutes--please save all
files and log out   
%%
A badge: Eat when hungry, drink when thirsty, hack whenever
%%
A badge: Every program is part of some other program, and rarely
fits   
%%
A badge: FF buckets of bits on the bus, FF buckets of bits, Take
one down and short it to ground, FE buckets of bits
%%
A badge: Fractals--what you see is what you wait for
%%
A badge: God could create the universe in six days because he
didn't have to make it upward compatible
%%
A badge: Hacker != Cracker   
%%
A badge: Hacking is a conversational black hole
%%
A badge: Hackito ergo sum   
%%
A badge: Hit any key to continue, or any other key to quit
%%
A badge: How many SysAdmins does it take to screw in a
lightbulb? None. They deny privileges to everyone with
access to that room.   
%%
A badge: The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent
of its capacity--the rest is overhead for the operating
system   
%%
A badge: I am a softwareholic. If you are a decent person, you
will not sell me any more software.   
%%
A badge: I am not a number! I am a free numeric variable!   
%%
A badge: I have not lost my mind--it's backed up on disk
somewhere   
%%
A badge: I have not lost my mind--it's backed up on tape
somewhere   
%%
A badge: I have not lost my mind--the tape address is backed up
on disk someplace   
%%
A badge: I know UNIX, ADA, FORTH, APL, PASCAL, C, FORTRAN,
COBOL, SMALLTALK, LISP, and nineteen other high-tech words
%%
A badge: I really hate this damned machine, I wish that they
would sell it.  It never does quite what I want, but only
what I tell it.   
%%
A badge: [I think] [I am] <In a circular flowchart>   
%%
A badge: [I think] [I am] <In a flowchart with a decision box>
%%
A badge: If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set
%%
A badge: If cars had followed the same developmental path as
computers, a Rolls Royce would cost $100, get a million
miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone
inside   
%%
A badge: Implementation is the fruitless struggle by the
talented and underpaid to fulfill promises made by the rich
and ignorant   
%%
A badge: Implementing systems is 95% boredom and 5% sheer terror
%%
A badge: In the begi nning was the word, but when the second word
was added, there was trouble, for with it came syntax   
%%
A badge: Information Vampire--giving a whole new meaning to the
word BYTE   
%%
A badge: It's a computer thing--I wouldn't understand
%%
A badge: It's OK to do the right thing, as long as you don't get
caught   
%%
A badge: Life would not be easier if we could get at__ the
source code   
%%
A badge: Life would be so much easier if we could just look at
the source code   
%%
A badge: Main CPU down, batch process only. One person at a
time, please.   
%%
A badge: Managing programmers is like herding cats
%%
A badge: The MS-DOS way: If it's broke, fix it.  The Unix way:
If it ain't broke, don't touch it.  Maintainer's Motto: If
we can't fix it, it ain't broke.  
%%
A badge: The nice thing about standards is that you have so many
to choose from   
%%
A badge: Once a program is running, it's obsolete
%%
A badge: One picture had better be worth a thousand words--it
takes up more disk space   
%%
A badge: Producing a system from a specification is like walking
on water--it's easier if it's frozen
%%
A badge: Real programmers like C because it's the only language
they can spell   
%%
A badge: Rebooting your brain can be tricky   
%%
A badge: Shakespearian logic <with 2B and ^2B leading into an or
gate>   
%%
A badge: Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up! Push
down! Byte! Byte! Byte!   
%%
A badge: Speaker to Teletypes   
%%
A badge: Standards are just industry's way of codifying
obsolescence   
%%
A badge: They aren't broken, they're...uh...modular
%%
A badge: This is a shareware button. If you have been amused by
what you have just read, please give me one dollar.
%%
A badge: Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don't let
anybody else use it--and get a new one every six months
%%
A badge: The Turing Tarpit is where everything is possible but
nothing interesting is easy   
%%
A badge: The value of a program is proportional to the weight of
its output   
%%
A badge: When all else fails, let a = 7. If that doesn't work,
read the manual.   
%%
A badge: When in doubt, always mount a scratch monkey
%%
A badge: You are in a twisty little passage of standards, all
conflicting   
%%
A badge: You know better than to trust a strange computer
%%
A badge: Alpha test version: too buggy to release   Beta test
version: still too buggy to release   Release 1.0: alternate
pronounciation of beta test version   
%%
A badge: Bugs don't happen because you do something. Bugs just
are.   
%%
A badge: Debugging is anticipated with distaste, performed with
reluctance, and bragged about forever
%%
A badge: Don't get suckered in by comments--only debug code
%%
A badge: Every program has at least one bug and one unnecessary
instruction--therefore, every program can be reduced to one
instruction that doesn't work   
%%
A badge: Fortunately, the computer virus did no harm to our
records. It was immediately devoured by the bugs in our own
programming   
%%
A badge: Fortunately, the second-to-last bug has been fixed
%%
A badge: It's not a bug--it's an undocumented feature
%%
A badge: It's not a bug, it's not a feature, it's an ENHANCEMENT
%%
A badge: Never test for an error condition you don't know how to
handle   
%%
A badge: Once we've got the bugs ironed out, we'll be running on
flat bugs   
%%
A badge: One hundred hairy bugs in the code, one hundred hairy
bugs....Fix one bug, compile it again, 101 hairy bugs.
Repeat until BUGS = 0   
%%
A badge: But I don't have an "any key" on my computer!
%%
A badge: But this is__ the simplified version for the general
public!   
%%
A badge: Create a system any fool can use, and only a fool will
want to use it   
%%
A badge: I read the FM, and it didn't work   
%%
A badge: I thought I had a back-up, but she refused to type it
in again   
%%
A badge: If it doesn't work, change the documentation
%%
A badge: If it has syntax, it isn't user friendly   
%%
A badge: If it's not on fire, it's a software problem   
%%
A badge: Manual?  We've just been pushing buttons until it works
%%
A badge: RTFM   
%%
A badge: SysAdmins can't be sued for malpractice but surgeons
don't have to deal with patients who install new versions of
their own innards   
%%
A badge: User Hostile   
%%
A badge: User Surly   
%%
A badge: We wouldn't get so many weird bug reports if we just
stop selling software to aliens   
%%
A badge: What are you doing wrong with our bug-free product?
%%
A badge: Abandon all hope, ye who PRESS ENTER here   
%%
A badge: Amiga: the computer for the creative mind
MacIntosh: The computer for the rest of us
%%
A badge: The easiest way to accelerate a Mac is 9.8/sec^2, but
it's the only____ way to accelerate an IBM
%%
A badge: Intel: putting the backward into backward compatible
%%
A badge: MS-DOS--Just say no   
%%
A badge: Now that hell has frozen over and Germany has reunited,
the only thing that would surprise me would be if Apple and
IBM....   
%%
A badge: OS/2 for PS/2--Half an operating system for half a
computer   
%%
A badge: Press ENTER to go on to the next button
%%
A badge: PS/2--yesterday's hardware today.  OS/2--yesterday's
software tomorrow.  OS/2 Ext.--today's software real soon
now   
%%
A badge: Speak, friend, and enter. If you don't press enter,
nothing happens.   
%%
A badge: There are two types--those who hate the 8086
architecture, and liars   
%%
A badge: We are Microsoft.  OS/2 is irrelevant.  UNIX is
irrelevant.  Openness is futile.  Prepare to be assimilated.
%%
A badge: Windows & Icons & Mice OH MY!   
%%
A badge: Code as if whoever maintains your code is a violent
psychopath who knows where you live   
%%
A badge: If a program is useful, it must be changed--if it's
useless, it must be documented   
%%
A badge: If a system is of sufficient complexity, it will be
written before it's designed, implemented before it's
tested, and obsolete before it's debugged   
%%
A badge: If it were easy to understand, we wouldn't call it code
%%
A badge: Inside every large program is a small program
struggling to get out   
%%
A badge: It's not pinging.  It's passed on.  This program is no
more.  It's expired and gone to meet its make-r.  This is a
late program.  It's a stiff...  *This is an X program.*
%%
A badge: Just adding features because 'it won't hurt'--does
%%
A badge: My strength is as the strength of ten because my code
is pure   
%%
A badge: Real men write self-modifying code   
%%
A badge: Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to
write, it should be hard to understand.   
%%
A badge: Refusing to live in the real world will substantially
reduce the portability of your code   
%%
A badge: There is not now and never will be a language in which
it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs
%%
A badge: To iterate is human, to recurse, divine   
%%
A badge: Why are the most useless computer programs the most fun
to write?   
%%
A badge: You've got to know when to code'em, know when to modem,
know when to load'em up, know when to run.  Don't count your
money when you're sitting at the keyboard--there'll be time
enough for counting when the program's done
%%
A badge: All the world's an analog stage, and digital circuits
play only bit parts   
%%
A badge: Avoid computer viruses--practice safe hex   
%%
A badge: Disklexia: putting floppies in upside down
%%
A badge: Down to the C in chips   
%%
A badge: An excess of syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semi-
colon   
%%
A badge: Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge
%%
A badge: I must have slipped a disk. My pack hurts.   
%%
A badge: If a train station is where the train stops, what's a
work station?   
%%
A badge: Jobs don't kill programmers. Programmers kill jobs.
%%
A badge: Love to eat them disk files, Disk files what I love to
eat. Byte they little headers off, Nybble on they tiny feet.
%%
A badge: My back is computerized--it has a floppy disk   
%%
A badge: Nice computers don't go down   
%%
A badge: Nice computers only go down once a day   
%%
A badge: Two's complement. Three's a crowd   
%%
A badge: Waiter--there's a feature in my soup!
%%
A badge: We all live in a yellow subroutine   
%%
A badge: ADA is the COBOL of the 80's   
%%
A badge: Assembly was the first against the wall when the
revolution came--COBOL's next   
%%
A badge: C code. C code run. Run, code, run!   
%%
A badge: `C' combines the flexibility of assembly language with
the power of assembly language   
%%
A badge: The C Team--I love it when a program comes together
%%
A badge: C++  Where only your friends can access your private
parts   
%%
A badge: COBOL is just a bug with syntax   
%%
A badge: COBOL is the next best thing to coding it in binary
%%
A badge: COBOL programs are an example of artificial inelegance
%%
A badge: COBOL sucks, Pascal bytes, and assembly is a bits!
%%
A badge: dBase is the non-programming language in which non-
programmers write non-programs   
%%
A badge: #define sysop GOD #define reality NULL
%%
A badge: I <turtle drawing heart> logo   
%%
A badge: I studied COBOL in college, but I didn't compile   
%%
A badge: Is PL/1 Batchrian or dromedary?   
%%
A badge: LISP is a recursive language--first you curse, then you
recurse   
%%
A badge: LISP is like a finely choreographed ballet. Ada is like
a waltz of drugged elephants. C is like a sword-dance on a
freshly waxed floor.   
%%
A badge: MUMPS! The 3 1/2 generation language! Everything is a
string! All data is accessed locally! Use code as data as
code as data...   
%%
A badge: One of the main causes of the decline of the Roman
Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate
successful termination of their C programs   
%%
A badge: Read my LISP--no new syntaxes   
%%
A badge: This button has been brought to you by the language 'C'
and the letter 'F'   
%%
A badge: Those whom the gods would destroy, they first teach
BASIC   
%%
A badge: YOU can help wipe out COBOL in our lifetime
%%
A badge: C sick and sh shocked   
%%
A badge: Ceci | n'est pas une pipe   
%%
A badge: Hello. My $NAME is ~inigo-montoya. You killed my
process. Prepare to vi.  --The Unix's Bride   
%%
A badge: I do so have a memory. It's in /usr.   
%%
A badge: Oy vi!  Grody to thEmacs!   
%%
A badge: rw-rw-rw-: The file protection of the beast   
%%
A badge: SCCS, the source motel--programs check in and never
check out   
%%
A badge: Sex and Drugs and Unix   
%%
A badge: This is your brain: UNIX   This is your brain on
drugs: MS-DOS  Any questions?   
%%
A badge: To err is human, to really foul up requires the root
password   
%%
A badge: Unix is a very user-friendly system--it's just not
promiscuous about which users it's friendly with
%%
A badge: Unix is the answer, but only if you phrase the question
very carefully   
%%
A badge: A VAX is virtually a computer, but not quite
%%
A badge: VMS is a text-only adventure game--if you win, you get
to use UNIX   
%%
A badge: We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm the
root user   
%%
A badge: You are in a maze of twisty little UNIX versions, all
different   
%%
A badge: You know, you have to be careful not to get yourself
locked into this open systems stuff.   ---IBM executive
%%
A badge: Back in my day, we didn't have any of these fancy
disclaimers. We blamed our employers for our opinions, and
they got sued for silly little provocations, and they would
fire us, and we would be sleeping out in the cold and
hungry, and we LIKED it that way   
%%
A badge: Email: when it absolutely, positively has to get lost
at the speed of light   
%%
A badge: !GO HOM-9   
%%
A badge: Go not to Usenet for counsel, for it will say both no,
and yes, and no, and yes....   
%%
A badge: A host is a host from coast to coast, and no one will
talk to a host that's close, unless the host (that isn't
close) is busy, hung, or dead   
%%
A badge: I am a BBS addict. If you are a decent person you will
not show me your dialing directory.   
%%
A badge: If you're working on your dissertation and you're
reading Usenet, add six months to your graduation date
%%
A badge: I'm a mutated .sig virus. Copy me into your .sig or
risk instant death.   
%%
A badge: Imminent death of the Net predicted--GIFs at 11
%%
A badge: My .sig can't come out today. It has a virus.
%%
A badge: Nobody died and made you root@everywhere
%%
A badge: Put your modem where your mouth is   
%%
A badge: Reading the net is like trying to drink from a
firehose.  Posting to the net is like shouting at people as
they go past on a roller coaster.  Archiving the net is like
washing toilet paper.   
%%
A badge: The street finds its own uses for technology; the net
finds its own uses for garbage   
%%
A badge: Strong typing is for people with weak minds
%%
A badge: Usenet is like Tetris for people who still remember how
to read   
%%
A badge: Usenet is not a right. It's a right, a left, and an
uppercut to the jaw.   
%%
A badge: Usenet is a way of being annoyed by people you
otherwise never would have met   
%%
A badge: Usenet: it's not an obsession--it's just something I
have to do ALL the time   
%%
A badge: :-)  
%%
A badge: Campus Crusade for Cthulhu--It found me   
%%
A badge: Cthulhu Cthucks   
%%
A badge: Cthulhu cthucks, but does he cthwallow?
%%
A badge: Cthulhu Express   When it absolutely, positively has to
be turned into an eldritch crawling horror in eons
%%
A badge: Cthulhu isn't really his name, he just has a speech
impediment   
%%
A badge: Cthulhu lives--in MY refrigerator   
%%
A badge: Cthulhu Saves--in case he's hungry later
%%
A badge: Do not call up that which you can not put on hold
%%
A badge: Don't blame me--I voted for Cthulhu
%%
A badge: Don't worry--Cthulhu LIKES your sense of humor
%%
A badge: Fun Guy from Yuggoth   
%%
A badge: It's an Elder Thing--you wouldn't understand
%%
A badge: My child is a horror student at Miskatonic University
%%
A badge: Please bus your trays--the food that you don't eat
today may be the food that eats you tomorrow   Campus
Crusade for Cthulhu   
%%
A badge: Smile! Cthulhu loves you!   
%%
A badge: When Cthulhu calls, he calls collect
%%
A badge: All life is a conjugation of the verb "to eat"
%%
A badge: The amount of common sense is fixed, but the population
keeps going up   
%%
A badge: Any reform must be accounted a success which does not
have an effect exactly the opposite of that intended
%%
A badge: Be sure to save your money--you never know when it
might be worth something   
%%
A badge: Being depressed by the poor isn't much worse than being
bored by the rich   
%%
A badge: Blessed are the ugly and determined, for they acquire
the wealth to command the handsome and clever
%%
A badge: A cynic's work is never done   
%%
A badge: Do we really want the people who solved the S & L
crisis to solve the education crisis?   
%%
A badge: Don't look back--the lemmings might be gaining on you
%%
A badge: Eagles soar but a weasel will never get sucked into a
jet engine   
%%
A badge: The early bird still has to eat worms
%%
A badge: The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time, and
the last 10% takes the other 90%   
%%
A badge: Go Lemmings Go!   
%%
A badge: God, in His bounty and generosity, always creates more
horse's asses than there are horses to attach them to
%%
A badge: God is love--but get it in writing   
%%
A badge: History doesn't repeat itself--historians repeat each
other   
%%
A badge: History is the science of what never happens twice
%%
A badge: Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is the better
defense   
%%
A badge: Humpty Dumpty was pushed   
%%
A badge: I never believe anything until it's been officially
denied   
%%
A badge: I was stupid, I was expendable, and here I am   
%%
A badge: If all the economists in the world were laid end to
end, they'd point in different directions   
%%
A badge: If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
%%
A badge: If the economy can only get better or worse, why aren't
economists right half the time?   
%%
A badge: If we can build a space shuttle, why can't we build a
decent mattress handle?   
%%
A badge: If we're so smart and so creative, why aren't we
happier than they are?   
%%
A badge: I'm not a utopian--I'd settle for a world where the
nice guys finish second last   
%%
A badge: In this world, it rains on the Just and the Unjust, but
the Unjust have the Just's umbrella   
%%
A badge: It's hard to be one of the thousand points of light
when you can't pay your electric bill   
%%
A badge: It's not who wins or loses, it's who keeps score
%%
A badge: I've found the missing link between animals and humans.
It's us.   
%%
A badge: I've read so much about the dangers of sex, smoking,
and drinking that I've given up reading
%%
A badge: Life isn't always fair, but it shouldn't cheat that
much  
%%
A badge: Light a candle, curse the glare   
%%
A badge: The light at the end of the tunnel may be a NO EXIT
sign   
%%
A badge: The lion and the lamb shall lie down together, but the
lamb won't get much sleep   
%%
A badge: Lotteries--you have to play to lose   
%%
A badge: Martyrdom is the oldest way of achieving fame without
ability   
%%
A badge: Meekness is uncommon patience in planning a worthwhile
revenge   
%%
A badge: Mercy is a great virtue, but that doesn't mean you
should pay full price for a late pizza   
%%
A badge: Never attribute to malice what can be adequately
explained by stupidity   
%%
A badge: The New Age is just like the old age--only newer
%%
A badge: No matter how cynical you get, it's impossible to keep
up   
%%
A badge: Now you see that Evil will always triumph over Good,
because Good is dumb   
%%
A badge: Old age and treachery can always overcome youth and
skill   
%%
A badge: Organization: n. Arrangement in an orderly or logical
fashion.  See 'miracle'.   
%%
A badge: Our civilization has grown past that point of barbarism
where it's possible to get anything done
%%
A badge: People are divided into two groups, the righteous and
the unrighteous--and it's the unrighteous who do the
dividing   
%%
A badge: People are more violently opposed to fur than leather
because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle
gangs   
%%
A badge: People will occasionally stumble over the truth, but
most of the time they will pick themselves up and carry on
%%
A badge: The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to
the strong, but that's the way to bet   
%%
A badge: A real friend isn't someone you use and throw away. A
real friend is someone who you use again and again.
%%
A badge: The secret is to find out what people really want and
then call it self-awareness   
%%
A badge: The shortest distance between two points has a bridge
out   
%%
A badge: Smile and the world smiles with you. Frown and you get
credit for thinking.   
%%
A badge: Smile. Tomorrow will be worse.   
%%
A badge: This is a test. Had it been an actual attack, the
warning system wouldn't have worked.   
%%
A badge: Two wrongs are only the beginning   
%%
A badge: Variables don't, constants aren't   
%%
A badge: Warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of
the invoice   
%%
A badge: We have only two things to worry about--either that
things will never get back to normal, or that they already
have   
%%
A badge: What do the lemmings know that we don't?
%%
A badge: When people are free to do as they please, they usually
imitate each other   
%%
A badge: You can fool some of the people all of the time, and
all of the people some of the time--that should be enough
for most purposes   
%%
A badge: You can't go on forever living in the shadow of world
destruction--people get bored.   
%%
A badge: You're so cute when you're cynical   
%%
A badge: By the time rules are is needed, it's already too late
%%
A badge: Do what thou wilt is the whole of the law, but then
there is always chaos to consider   
%%
A badge: Hail Eris! All hail Discordia! [picture of apple]
%%
A badge: If you don't make the rules, you don't have to keep
them. If you do make the rules, you won't anyway.   
%%
A badge: It's not that I don't believe in the system--I don't
believe that there IS a system   
%%
A badge: This slogan is programming you in ways that may not be
apparent for months, or even years.
%%
A badge: The unfacts, did we have them, are too imprecisely few
to warrant our certitude   
%%
A badge: What does a sacred chao say?  MU!   
%%
A badge: [Sacred Chao]   
%%
A badge: Brain damage is what we were after...chromosome damage
was just gravy   
%%
A badge: Drug free school zone is a contradiction in terms
%%
A badge: I am sick and depraved--please feed me drugs and
cookies   
%%
A badge: I know drinking kills brain cells--but only the weak
ones   
%%
A badge: I used to have a drug problem, but now I have enough
money   
%%
A badge: I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, and insanity for
everyone, but they've always worked for me   
%%
A badge: If God took acid, would He see people?
%%
A badge: If they don't want us to drink and drive, we shouldn't
need a driver's license to buy beer   
%%
A badge: If trying to control someone else's addiction is
codependency, then what's the war on drugs?
%%
A badge: If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.   
%%
A badge: If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people. 
%%
A badge: I'm a hallucinogenic toad--lick me all over
%%
A badge: I'm not on drugs--I AM drugs   
%%
A badge: It isn't a war on drugs--it's a war on people   
%%
A badge: Jailing someone to keep them from ruining their life
with drugs is like burning a village to save it
%%
A badge: A mind is a wonderful thing to waste   
%%
A badge: My body, my choice--legalize drugs   
%%
A badge: [picture of a marijuana leaf on a green triangle]
%%
A badge: Psychedelic drugs cause paranoia, confusion, and total
loss of reality in politicians that have never taken them
%%
A badge: Rampaging anarchist horde and floating beer party
%%
A badge: School-free Drug Zone   
%%
A badge: This button goes to the next person who buys me a drink
%%
A badge: When I was young, we didn't have MTV. We had to take
drugs and go to rock concerts.   
%%
A badge: Zero tolerance/infinite hypocrisy 
%%
A badge: All knowledge is contained in fandom   
%%
A badge: Before I go to bed, I want some filk and cookies
%%
A badge: Con of the living dead   
%%
A badge: Conventions--my job away from job   
%%
A badge: Fandom--drugs would be cheaper   
%%
A badge: Fandom is the world's most sophisticated and advanced
system for just hanging around   
%%
A badge: Fandom isn't a matter of life and death--it's much more
important than that   
%%
A badge: Fandom--not your ordinary elite   
%%
A badge: The few, the proud, the incurably insane--The Concom
%%
A badge: I'm not a FAN--I just read the stuff   
%%
A badge: I'm not stupid, I'm not expendable, and I'm not
gophering   
%%
A badge: The last fan on earth sat alone in a room. There was a
loc on the door.   
%%
A badge: Lunacon '92--and he built a crooked house
%%
A badge: My mind is a deadly weapon--but don't worry, it's peace-
bonded for the weekend   
%%
A badge: Remember to safeguard your wallets. Hucksters have been
seen at the convention.   
%%
A badge: Resident Vampire   
%%
A badge: The road goes ever on and on   
%%
A badge: Save the mundanes--we need them for breeding stock!
%%
A badge: Stop me before I volunteer again...and again...and
again...   
%%
A badge: Under the most carefully controlled conditions of
scheduling, programming, and con security, the fen will do
what they damn well please   
%%
A badge: Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable
from technology   
%%
A badge: Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are
subtle and quick to anger   
%%
A badge: Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for you are
crunchy and good with ketchup   
%%
A badge: Dragon Obedience School Dropout   
%%
A badge: The Dragon Taxi Service--we will take thee...anywhere
%%
A badge: Dragonriders do it in between   
%%
A badge: Fantasy is a crutch for people who can't handle soap
operas   
%%
A badge: Few things are more dangerous than a hobbit with low
blood sugar   
%%
A badge: Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both
no and yes   
%%
A badge: Have you hugged your dragon today?   
%%
A badge: I don't remember volunteering for this "Ring" business
%%
A badge: I have no use for adventures--they're nasty disturbing
uncomfortable things and make you late for dinner!   
%%
A badge: The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming
dragon   
%%
A badge: Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are
crunchy and good with ketchup   
%%
A badge: Raised by psychopathic werewolves   
%%
A badge: Save the werewolves--Help protect an endangering
species   
%%
A badge: Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are
gathering   
%%
A badge: Unicorns aren't mythical--virgins are!
%%
A badge: Warning: This person reads fantasy and is an avid
denier of reality   
%%
A badge: Welcome to Middle Earth   
%%
A badge: Anarcho-Paladin   
%%
A badge: Barbarian   
%%
A badge: Berserkers do it without thinking   
%%
A badge: Chaotic Amorals have more fun   
%%
A badge: Chaotic Evil means never having to say you're sorry
%%
A badge: The computer is happy.  The computer is crazy.  The
computer will try to make you happy.  This will drive you
crazy.   
%%
A badge: Dahling, don't be so third-level   
%%
A badge: Deadly ninja throwing button   
%%
A badge: E = mc^2 +_ 3d6   
%%
A badge: Elf   
%%
A badge: Evil Mentalist   I think, therefore you aren't
%%
A badge: Fool! I am the guard!   
%%
A badge: Game Operations Direct or   
%%
A badge: Harmless ninja throwing button   
%%
A badge: I thought YOU silenced the guard!   
%%
A badge: I'm a game master--it's lonely at the top
%%
A badge: It was a painful divorce--I lost the games!   
%%
A badge: It's not a dungeon--it's a fortified underground
defense installation   
%%
A badge: Just think of it as a live role-playing game
%%
A badge: Kill the DM...no, SLOWLY kill the DM   
%%
A badge: Lawful game master--and I pick the laws   
%%
A badge: Magic Users have crystal balls   
%%
A badge: More hit points than you can possibly imagine
%%
A badge: Neutral Greedy   
%%
A badge: Never trust a smiling game master   
%%
A badge: No food, no sleep, just THE GAME   
%%
A badge: Paladins were born to raze Hell   
%%
A badge: Sex and Drugs and Rock and Role-Playing
%%
A badge: That which does not kill us powers up our weapons
%%
A badge: Warning: Game Master whimsical when bored   
%%
A badge: Warning! I still have all my spells!   
%%
A badge: What guard?   
%%
A badge: When the game master smiles, it's already too late
%%
A badge: You bash the Balrog, I'll climb a tree
%%
A badge: You've got to know the rules before you break them--
otherwise it's no fun   
%%
A badge: Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate
%%
A badge: Caution: Hungry Dieter--May bite if provoked
%%
A badge: Even barbarians like chocolate chip cookies
%%
A badge: Have you changed your tofu water today?
%%
A badge: Hollow chocolate has no calories   
%%
A badge: I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to
eat veggies   
%%
A badge: I eat junk food to get it out of the house   
%%
A badge: I used to love anchovies until I realized they were
like eating an eyebrow. Now they just aren't the same.   
%%
A badge: If the wearer of this button shows any signs of
depression, administer Chinese food immediately   
%%
A badge: If the wearer of this button shows any signs of
depression, administer chocolate immediately!   
%%
A badge: If you can't solve the problems of the world with
chocolate chip cookies, then how can you solve them?
%%
A badge: I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals--I'm a
vegetarian because I hate plants   
%%
A badge: I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the Force.
%%
A badge: Life is just one large conspiracy to drive me to
chocolate   
%%
A badge: Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.
%%
A badge: My loyalties are divided between health food and high
cholesterol swill   
%%
A badge: The perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4 AM
%%
A badge: Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy blue-green meat is
bad for you.   
%%
A badge: When in doubt, cook something and eat it
%%
A badge: All things considered, insanity may be the only
reasonable alternative   
%%
A badge: Anti-paranoia is that eerie feeling that nothing is
connected to anything else   
%%
A badge: As long as we're going insane, we might as well go the
whole way. A mere shred of sanity is of no value.   
%%
A badge: Do not disturb--I'm disturbed enough already   
%%
A badge: Does the noise in my head bother you?
%%
A badge: I don't suffer from insanity--I revel in it!   
%%
A badge: I have a mind like a steel trap; whatever goes in gets
crushed and mangled!   
%%
A badge: I used to be sane...but I got better   
%%
A badge: If God hadn't wanted me to be paranoid, He wouldn't
have given me such a vivid imagination   
%%
A badge: Insanity--it's not just a plea, it's a way of life
%%
A badge: Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're
not out to get you   
%%
A badge: The lunatic fringe begins here   
%%
A badge: Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most
%%
A badge: Only the insane have strength enough to prosper: only
those that prosper truly judge what is sane
%%
A badge: Only two of my personalities are schizophrenic, but one
of them is paranoid, and the other one is out to get him
%%
A badge: Open up!  Mental Health Police   
%%
A badge: Paranoid schizophrenic outnumber their enemies at least
two to one   
%%
A badge: Psychiatrists say that one out of four Americans is
mentally ill. Check your three closest friends.... If they
seem alright, you're the one!   
%%
A badge: The question is not whether I'm out of my mind, but
what am I doing trapped in yours?   
%%
A badge: There is one difference between a madman and me.  I am
not mad.   
%%
A badge: Among animals, it's eat or be eaten. Among people it's
define or be defined.   
%%
A badge: English is bad Ameslan   
%%
A badge: Human speech is like a cracked kettle on which we tap
crude rhythms for bears to dance to, while we long to make
music that will melt stars   
%%
A badge: If words could speak, I wonder what they'd say   
%%
A badge: It's a damned poor mind that can only think of one way
to spell a word   
%%
A badge: Learning French is trivial--the word for horse is
cheval, and everything else follows in the same way
%%
A badge: The most rabid literary purist   
%%
A badge: A sentence is a fine thing to put a preposition at the
end of   
%%
A badge: So many languages, so little time   
%%
A badge: Stifle is the only word which is an anagram of itself
%%
A badge: When you are not looking at it, this sentence is in
Spanish   
%%
A badge: Don't rush me--I'm dawdling as fast as I can!
%%
A badge: I can't be late--I just got here   
%%
A badge: I don't miss deadlines, I ignore them   
%%
A badge: I'm never late--nothing starts without me!   
%%
A badge: It's amazing how long it takes to finish something
you're not working on   
%%
A badge: Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day
after tomorrow   
%%
A badge: Sometimes my NOW is later than it should be   
%%
A badge: Without the last minute, how much would ever get done?
%%
A badge: Dyslexics have more fnu   
%%
A badge: Dyslexics untie! Together we can trip up the world
%%
A badge: Everyone was born right-handed.  Only the greatest
overcome it.   
%%
A badge: God made a few people perfect--the rest He created
right-handed   
%%
A badge: I love lefties   
%%
A badge: If the right side of the brain controls the left side
of the body...then only left-handed people are in their
right minds!   
%%
A badge: Lefties are better lovers   
%%
A badge: Only lefties are in their right minds
%%
A badge: After a correction has turned out to be a mistake, it
will be impossible to fit the original quantity back into
the equation   
%%
A badge: Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall....
%%
A badge: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a
lightbulb? One, who gives it to six Californians, thereby
reducing it to the earlier riddle   
%%
A badge: I'm sorry, but the number you have dialed is imaginary.
Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and dial again.
%%
A badge: Infinity is where you transfer from one parallel line
to another   
%%
A badge: Irrationality is the square root of all evil
%%
A badge: It's chaos pure and simple [with detail of Mandelbrot
set]   
%%
A badge: Life is complex--it's partly real and partly imaginary
%%
A badge: lim 
%%
A badge: Mathematician: a machine for converting coffee into
theorems   
%%
A badge: Politics is for the moment. An equation is for
eternity.   
%%
A badge: A sine curve goes off to infinity, or at least the end
of the blackboard   
%%
A badge: 355/113   Not the famous irrational number pi, but an
incredible simulation!   
%%
A badge: To be or not to be   q{4b^2   
%%
A badge: 2+2=5, for moderately large values of two   
%%
A badge: Amateur Time Lord   
%%
A badge: Are you sure it isn't time for a colorful metaphor?
%%
A badge: Badges?  We don't need no stinking badges!
%%
A badge: Be good to your friends, or they may develop
psychokinetic powers and destroy Tokyo   
%%
A badge: Beam me up, Scotty, it ate my phaser   
%%
A badge: Beam me up, Scotty, the elevators don't work
%%
A badge: Beam me up, Scotty, there's no intelligent life here
%%
A badge: Beauty and the Beast--Bright Lights, Big Kitty
%%
A badge: Borger King   We do it our way   Your way is irrelevant
%%
A badge: Buy one omnipotent being, get one free   Q-PON   
%%
A badge: Couch Potato   
%%
A badge: Creature of the Night   
%%
A badge: Damn fine coffee, and HOT!   
%%
A badge: Damn it, Jim, you're a television personality, not an
actor   
%%
A badge: Death to Barney!   
%%
A badge: Do or do not...There is no try   
%%
A badge: Do you know where your towel is?   
%%
A badge: Don't Panic   
%%
A badge: Don't step on my scarf!   
%%
A badge: Don't torture yourself--that's my job
%%
A badge: Don't try to out-weird me--I get stranger things than
you free with my breakfast cereal   
%%
A badge: The dyslexic Borg: Assimilation is irrelevant.  You are
futile.   
%%
A badge: Eeny Meeny Chili Beanie, the spirits are about to speak
%%
A badge: The end of the world will occur this Friday at 3:00 PM,
with symposium to follow   
%%
A badge: Every Spam is sacred   
%%
A badge: Everything is illusionary, but television is especially
illusionary   
%%
A badge: First generation Trekker  6609.08   
%%
A badge: 42--The answer to life, the universe, and everything
%%
A badge: Gosh, that takes me back...or forward. That's the
trouble with time travel, you never can tell.
%%
A badge: Graduate of the Mad Max School of Defensive Driving
%%
A badge: Happiness is a Tardis with a working dematerialization
circuit   
%%
A badge: Happy Happy Joy Joy   
%%
A badge: Have Tardis, will travel   
%%
A badge: The hell with the prime directive--let's kill something
%%
A badge: Hello. My name is Batman. You killed my father. Prepare
to die.   
%%
A badge: He's dead, Jean-Luc  
%%
A badge: He's dead, Jim.   
%%
A badge: He's dead, Jim. You take his phaser, I'll get his
wallet.   
%%
A badge: Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no march for a
good bullwhip by your side   
%%
A badge: The human spirit is a hard thing to kill, even with a
chain saw   
%%
A badge: I am different, I am alone and I'm am outcast...I bleed
green!   
%%
A badge: I am not a student of human nature. I am a professor of
a far wider academy, of which human nature is only a part
%%
A badge: I canna change the laws of physics, Captain, but I can
find ye a loophole   
%%
A badge: I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. You can't prove
anything.   
%%
A badge: I don't believe in no-win scenarios   
%%
A badge: I don't have to take this abuse from you--I've got
hundreds of people waiting to abuse me   
%%
A badge: I find your lack of faith disturbing   
%%
A badge: I know where my towel is   
%%
A badge: I like the idea of an ancient race--it makes a world
feel so...lived in   
%%
A badge: I love it when a plan comes together   
%%
A badge: I may be a craven little coward, but I'm a GREEDY
craven little coward   
%%
A badge: I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed
%%
A badge: I wanna have Vincent's kittens   
%%
A badge: I warn you not to underestimate my powers   
%%
A badge: I was a Klingon before Klingons were popular   
%%
A badge: I was born in Iowa, I just work in outer space   
%%
A badge: I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed,
debriefed, or numbered. I am not a number! I am a free man!
%%
A badge: I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed,
debriefed, or numbered. I am not a number! I am a free
woman!   
%%
A badge: I will not get very far with this attitude   
%%
A badge: I wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the
intelligence. There's one called "brightness," but it
doesn't work.   
%%
A badge: If people see that you mean them no harm, they'll never
hurt you, nine times out of ten   
%%
A badge: If Starfleet Command had wanted you to have a life, we
would have issued you one   
%%
A badge: If there is anything in the universe more important
than my ego, I want it taken out and shot immediately   
%%
A badge: If you don't like the way I drive, get out of the
Batmobile   
%%
A badge: I'm a citizen of the universe, and a gentleman to boot!
%%
A badge: I'm a very dangerous fellow when I don't know what I'm
doing   
%%
A badge: I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it any more!
%%
A badge: I'm not bad...I'm just drawn that way   
%%
A badge: I'm not expendable, I'm not stupid, and I'M NOT GOING
%%
A badge: I'm ready to leap NOW!   
%%
A badge: I'm the silly green duck with an ego the size of
Cleveland   
%%
A badge: I'm your No. 1 fan. You're lucky I found you.
%%
A badge: In ten minutes, the Joker poison on your Batman
memorabilia will be activated   
%%
A badge: Interfere? Of course we'll interfere. Always do what
you're best at, I say.   
%%
A badge: It's a good thing money can't buy happiness. We
couldn't stand the commercials.
%%
A badge: It's not my FAULT   
%%
A badge: It's not the years--it's the mileage
%%
A badge: Judge me by my size, you will?   
%%
A badge: Just think--how would Bugs Bunny have handled this?
%%
A badge: Kirk & Spock  '92   
%%
A badge: Kirk & Spock  '96   
%%
A badge: K/S  The Human/Vulcan adventure is just beginning
%%
A badge: Laugh it up, fuzzball   
%%
A badge: Life...don't talk to me about life   
%%
A badge: The life that can never/// ///// must be
%%
A badge: Life's a bitch--now so am I   
%%
A badge: Light Sabers--a part of living   
%%
A badge: Live long and prosper. It's logical.
%%
A badge: Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end
%%
A badge: Lt. Commander Data--your plastic pal who's fun to be
with   
%%
A badge: Make it so   
%%
A badge: Make it sober   
%%
A badge: Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our
own point of view   
%%
A badge: Marvelous!  You're going to kill me. What a finely
tuned response to the situation!   
%%
A badge: Me not responsible. Me just pawn in game of life   
%%
A badge: Mostly Harmless  
%%
A badge: Mr. Fusion Home Service Representative
%%
A badge: Mr. Wesley Crusher, would you please report to the
airlock   
%%
A badge: The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or
the one. The needs of the one outweigh the needs of the
many. [written in Yin/Yang symbol]   
%%
A badge: Never tell me the odds--numbers confuse me
%%
A badge: No matter where you go, there you are   
%%
A badge: NO! NO! Don't touch the plot contrivance switch!
%%
A badge: Nobody steps on a church in MY town!
%%
A badge: Not tonight, Chekhov, I have an earache
%%
A badge: Nothing shocks me.  I'm a scientist.
%%
A badge: Now calm yourself, ensign, and try to tell remember
what button you pushed   [picture of upsidedown Enterprise]
%%
A badge: Nuke 'em from orbit--it's the only way to be sure
%%
A badge: Of course he's dead--I killed him.   
%%
A badge: Of course, it's only a theory   
%%
A badge: Oh Boy!   
%%
A badge: Oh God, I'm so depressed   
%%
A badge: Oh, no. Not again.   
%%
A badge: Oh, please continue with your petty bickering--I find
it fascinating   
%%
A badge: Old Jedi never die--they just fade in and out
%%
A badge: Once upon a time...is now   
%%
A badge: One Step Beyond The Night Gallery into The Outer Limits
of The Twilight Zone   
%%
A badge: Other people's property comes naturally to me
%%
A badge: Penguin Lust   
%%
A badge: Picard/Riker '96   
%%
A badge: Please, Captain, not in front of the Klingons
%%
A badge: Possessor of a mind not merely twisted but actually
sprained   
%%
A badge: Quantum Leap--Fun to watch, difficult to explain
%%
A badge: Quantum Leap: places to go, people to be
%%
A badge: Real Daleks don't climb stairs--they level the building
%%
A badge: Renegade Time Lady   
%%
A badge: Renegade Time Lord   
%%
A badge: Revenge is a dish best served microwaved
%%
A badge: Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow
%%
A badge: Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads!
%%
A badge: R2D2 is a renegade Dalek   
%%
A badge: Share and enjoy   
%%
A badge: Shut up, Wesley!   
%%
A badge: Smurf Exterminator   
%%
A badge: Smurfs are baby Gamelons   
%%
A badge: Spending a year dead for tax purposes   
%%
A badge: Star Trek IV--so long, and thanks for all the fish
%%
A badge: Star Trek is irrelevant. The Borg are irrelevant.
Uselessness is futile. You will be assimilated.
%%
A badge: Star Trek V--Shat happens   
%%
A badge: Student of the Harry Tuttle school of Revolutionary
Plumbing   
%%
A badge: Sub-space communications--the next best thing to
beaming there   
%%
A badge: Terminator--The few, the proud, the machines
%%
A badge: That's odd.  That's very odd.  Wouldn't you say that's
very odd?   
%%
A badge: There's so much unhappiness on television, we don't
need more of it in real life   
%%
A badge: They lived in two worlds. They loved in one.
%%
A badge: Thine is not to reason why, thine is just to figure pi
[Vulcan humor]   
%%
A badge: This button boldly goes where no button has gone before
%%
A badge: This is__ a costume. I'm a homicidal maniac--they look
just like everyone else.   
%%
A badge: This isn't reality.  This is fantasy.   
%%
A badge: 333  Eric the half a Beast   
%%
A badge: Time has little to do with infinity and jelly donuts
%%
A badge: Time Lords say, "Go ahead, make my yesterday"
%%
A badge: To baldly go where no man has gone before   
%%
A badge: The twelfth regeneration's a bitch and then you die
%%
A badge: The two most common things in the universe are dark
matter and stupidity   REN & STIMPY in '96!
%%
A badge: Ultimate Question Research Team   
%%
A badge: VCR's exist to do our tv watching for us   
%%
A badge: Veni, Vidi, VCR--I came, I saw, I taped   
%%
A badge: Vincent loves Catherine [in heart]
%%
A badge: Want a jelly baby?   
%%
A badge: Warp 7--it's a law we can live with   
%%
A badge: We are looking for the nuclear wessels   
%%
A badge: We could really bust some heads--in a spiritual sense,
of course   
%%
A badge: We gladly feast on those who would subdue us--not just
pretty words   
%%
A badge: What do you mean, "They beamed outside for some fresh
air"?  
%%
A badge: What's seven feet tall and runs around the Himalayas
with a light saber?   A Yeti Knight   
%%
A badge: When you're up to your ass in tribbles, it's hard to
remember that the objective was to poison the grain
%%
A badge: Who died and made you Blake?   
%%
A badge: Who needs rational when your toes curl up?
%%
A badge: Why are Earth people so parochial?
%%
A badge: Will you dance with the Devil in the pale moonlight?
%%
A badge: Worst-dressed sentient being in the known universe
%%
A badge: Would it save you some time if I just gave up and went
mad now?   
%%
A badge: You knew the job was dangerous when you took it
%%
A badge: You know, just once, I'd like to meet an alien menace
that wasn't immune to bullets!   
%%
A badge: You were TOLD not to feed me after midnight
%%
A badge: You'll find I'm full of surprises   
%%
A badge: Your superior intellect is no match for our puny
weapons   
%%
A badge: [Prisoner bicycle with a 6]   
%%
A badge: [Prisoner bicycle with a 2]   
%%
A badge: [Prisoner bicycle with a your choice of number]
%%
A badge: Authenticity Police--death to Spandex!
%%
A badge: Better Living through Alchemy   
%%
A badge: Fimbriation is a borderline case
%%
A badge: Get thee down. Be thou funky.   
%%
A badge: Heralds don't pun--they cant   
%%
A badge: Practice safe government--use kingdoms   
%%
A badge: She who dies with the most fabric wins   
%%
A badge: Talk to the other_____ autocrat!   
%%
A badge: The battle of the Gulf was won on the playing fields of
Atari   
%%
A badge: Incoming fire has the right of way   
%%
A badge: The most dangerous thing in a combat zone is an officer
with a map   
%%
A badge: Mules and donkeys aren't used in war because they're
too smart to go on a battlefield   
%%
A badge: Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you
%%
A badge: Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest
bidder   
%%
A badge: Never share your foxhole with someone braver than you
are   
%%
A badge: No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy
%%
A badge: The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire
is incoming friendly fire   
%%
A badge: The only winning move is not to play [with picture of
mushroom cloud]   
%%
A badge: Outnumbered, yes. Outmaneuvered, maybe. Outclassed,
never!   
%%
A badge: The problem with the easy way out is that it's already
been mined   
%%
A badge: A Purple Heart just shows that you were smart enough to
think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough
to survive   
%%
A badge: The ultimate smart weapon would be too smart to blow
itself up   
%%
A badge: War is not healthy for soldiers and other living things
%%
A badge: When you've secured the area, don't forget to tell the
enemy   
%%
A badge: Why not try peace? If we find war is better, it will
not be difficult to fight again   
%%
A badge: Born to shop   
%%
A badge: Cheer up--if the economy collapses completely, you
won't owe your student loan to anybody_______   
%%
A badge: A dollar's a bad boss, and dying's a bad fear
%%
A badge: Don't just stand there--buy something!
%%
A badge: Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel
has been turned off.  Thank you for your cooperation.
%%
A badge: I can't be overdrawn--I still have checks left!   
%%
A badge: I just know I was meant to be born rich--somebody up
there must have fouled up the paperwork   
%%
A badge: I spend my life doing things I detest to make money I
don't need to buy things I don't want to impress people I
don't like   
%%
A badge: I was sitting in the lap of luxury--and then luxury
stood up   
%%
A badge: It's not the principle of the thing, it's the money
%%
A badge: Money can't buy happiness, but it does quiet the nerves
%%
A badge: Money is it's own reward   
%%
A badge: Of course I despise money when I haven't got any. It's
the only dignified thing to do.   
%%
A badge: They say the wages of sin are death, but after they
take out taxes, all that's left is a tired feeling
%%
A badge: The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all
your time   
%%
A badge: Veni, Vidi, Visa   
%%
A badge: We cheat the other guy and pass the savings on to you
%%
A badge: Whoever said that money can't buy happiness didn't know
where to shop   
%%
A badge: All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense
of my own importance   
%%
A badge: All my life I wanted to be someone--I guess I should
have been more specific   
%%
A badge: All right, no more Mr. Nice Pope!   
%%
A badge: Almost Conscious   
%%
A badge: Are we having fun yet?   
%%
A badge: Better dead than mellow   
%%
A badge: Beautiful Intelligent Talented Charismatic Horny
%%
A badge: Brain on vacation, body on autopilot   
%%
A badge: Bwah-hah-hah!   
%%
A badge: By God, for a moment there it all made sense...   
%%
A badge: Delight and amaze me!   
%%
A badge: Do not disturb. I had a hard enough time getting turbed
in the first place   
%%
A badge: Does anyone have any questions? Any answers? Anyone
care for a mint?   
%%
A badge: Don't blame me--I was raised by humans
%%
A badge: Evolution sounds ok, but I'd rather keep my options
open   
%%
A badge: Freedom of speech is wonderful--right up there with the
freedom not to listen   
%%
A badge: Give me levity or give me death   
%%
A badge: Good leaders are scarce, so I am following myself
%%
A badge: Have an adequate day   
%%
A badge: Hedonist for Hire--No job too easy   
%%
A badge: Hi! I can't remember your name either   
%%
A badge: Human beings don't live like this   
%%
A badge: I am not a happy camper   
%%
A badge: I am very flexible--I can put both feet in my mouth
%%
A badge: I arise in the morning torn between a desire to
improved the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This
makes it hard to plan the day.  
%%
A badge: I can stand anything but a succession of ordinary days
%%
A badge: I can't grow up--I'm too old   
%%
A badge: I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.   
%%
A badge: I don't care if I'm a lemming, I'm still not going   
%%
A badge: I don't have any solutions, but I certainly admire the
problem   
%%
A badge: I don't like spreading rumors, but what else can you do
with them?   
%%
A badge: I don't mean to make you feel guilty, but I would if I
could   
%%
A badge: I don't want constructive criticism. It's all I can do
to put up with constructive praise   
%%
A badge: I don't want to see anybody die, but there are a few
obituary notices I could read with pleasure   
%%
A badge: I finally got it all together--but then I forgot where
I put it   
%%
A badge: I have a mind like a steel sieve   
%%
A badge: I have not lost my mind--I know exactly where I left it
%%
A badge: I have partaken of the Great Banquet of Life.  What I
need now is the Great Alka-Seltzer of Life.   
%%
A badge: I have PMS and a gun. Care to comment?   
%%
A badge: I know I'm a sick person--the question is whether it's
charming or offensive   
%%
A badge: I know that every time one door closes, another door
opens, but why do these hallways have to be so dark?   
%%
A badge: I like life--it's something to do   
%%
A badge: I pray for boredom but it never comes   
%%
A badge: I try to see good in everything--it makes me horrible
to live with   
%%
A badge: I used to be amused--now I'm just bored   
%%
A badge: I used to be disgusted--now I'm just amused   
%%
A badge: I used to get high on life, but I've built up a
tolerance   
%%
A badge: I want a map of this conversation   
%%
A badge: I won 't ever grow up. My biological clock has a snooze
alarm.   
%%
A badge: I'd love to make up my mind, but I can't remember where
I left it   
%%
A badge: If anyone disagrees with anything I've said, I'll not
only retract it, I'll swear under oath that I've never said
it   
%%
A badge: I'll get a life when someone convinces me that it would
be better than what I have now   
%%
A badge: I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times
to make sure!   
%%
A badge: I'm apathetic and I don't care   
%%
A badge: I'm feeling argumentative.  Please contradict me.
%%
A badge: I'm GREAT at immaturity--I've been practicing for
decades   
%%
A badge: I'm having a mid-week experience   
%%
A badge: I'm immortal. I'm bored. Let's party.
%%
A badge: I'm killing time, wasting space, and going through a
phase   
%%
A badge: I'm not breaking the rules--I'm just testing their
elasticity   
%%
A badge: I'm not irresponsible--I'm out of control
%%
A badge: I'm not shy--I'm studying my prey   
%%
A badge: I'm not tense, just terribly alert   
%%
A badge: I'm sorry, but a unicorn doesn't work like a mule
%%
A badge: I'm the world's foremost authority on my own opinion
%%
A badge: Incorrigible Romantic   
%%
A badge: It takes all kinds of people to make a world, but did
you ever think the percentages were wrong?   
%%
A badge: I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand
%%
A badge: I've had fun before. This isn't it.   
%%
A badge: Lead me not into temptation--I can find it for myself
%%
A badge: Lethargy in motion   
%%
A badge: Let's get some chaos into this confusion
%%
A badge: Life's a bitch, but I like my life   
%%
A badge: Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence
%%
A badge: Migratory lifeform with a tropism for parties
%%
A badge: Misanthropology: the study of why people are so stupid
and why most of them should die, SOON!   
%%
A badge: *Modified Rapture*   
%%
A badge: My commitment is to truth, not consistency   
%%
A badge: My life is based on a true story   
%%
A badge: My life may be strange, but at least it's not boring
%%
A badge: My whole life is a movie--it's just that there are no
dissolves.  I have to live every agonizing moment of it--my
life needs editing.   
%%
A badge: Nasty, Brutish, and Short   
%%
A badge: Nobody can be exactly like me--even I have trouble
doing it   
%%
A badge: Not quite human any longer   
%%
A badge: Nothing can stop me--not even common sense
%%
A badge: Once you've come out as a pagan bisexual married
leather dyke, everything else in life is that much easier
%%
A badge: Out of body, back in five minutes   
%%
A badge: Out of mind, back in five minutes   
%%
A badge: Party Vegetable   
%%
A badge: PMS?  No, I'm always like this.  Why do you ask?
%%
A badge: Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
%%
A badge: Really? What a coincidence--I'm shallow, too!
%%
A badge: Rebel without a clue   
%%
A badge: Rules? What rules?   
%%
A badge: Some people have children in order to buy toys--I feel
it's cheaper and more dignified to cut out the middleman and
buy toys for myself   
%%
A badge: Success didn't spoil me--I've always been insufferable
%%
A badge: Thank you for not trying to raise my consciousness
%%
A badge: Thank you for trying to sell me something I don't want,
but I don't have any surplus hostility to vent. Could you
please come back at a worse time?   
%%
A badge: That may well be so true, but my mind working am not
%%
A badge: That's ok--I don't remember my name either
%%
A badge: There comes a moment in everyone's life, and I've had
plenty of them   
%%
A badge: This mind intentionally left blank   
%%
A badge: Trust me   
%%
A badge: Warning: Whimsical when bored   
%%
A badge: Watch it--You're trying my infinite patience
%%
A badge: We've got to stop hurting each other--you first
%%
A badge: Where am I going, and what am I doing in this
handbasket?   
%%
A badge: Will of iron, whim of steel   
%%
A badge: Yes, I know it's bad for me, but nagging me about it
might be bad for you   
%%
A badge: You'll have to be nice to me--I throw up easily
%%
A badge: Caffiend   
%%
A badge: Coffee is my only REAL friend   
%%
A badge: Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed, chocolate
makes it worthwhile   
%%
A badge: Crankiness....for me it's just as natural as morning
%%
A badge: Death before dishonor, but neither before breakfast
%%
A badge: Don't hate yourself in the morning--sleep till noon
%%
A badge: Even if I'm not asleep, that doesn't mean I'm awake
%%
A badge: The first cup of coffee recapitulates phylogeny
%%
A badge: Give me coffee and no one gets hurt   
%%
A badge: `Good Morning' is a contradiction in terms
%%
A badge: I may rise, but I refuse to shine   
%%
A badge: I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
%%
A badge: It's hard to seize the day when first you've got to
grapple with the morning   
%%
A badge: Life is much too complicated in the morning
%%
A badge: A morning without coffee is like something without
something else   
%%
A badge: Mornings have no mercy   [picture of sun coming in the
window with a gun]   
%%
A badge: "Not a morning person" doesn't even begin to cover it
%%
A badge: Sleep is great, but it's no substitute for caffeine
%%
A badge: This must be morning. I never could get the hang of
mornings.   
%%
A badge: What am I doing out of bed?   
%%
A badge: Confidence is the feeling you have before you
understand the problem   
%%
A badge: For every action, there is an equal and opposite
criticism   
%%
A badge: If anything is used to its full potential, it will
break   
%%
A badge: Interchangeable parts aren't   
%%
A badge: Knowing Murphy's Law won't help either   
%%
A badge: Murphy was an optimist!   
%%
A badge: Murphy's Law is recursive--washing your car to make it
rain doesn't work either   
%%
A badge: Murphy's Law only fails when you try to demonstrate it
%%
A badge: Progress at best consists of replacing errors with more
subtle errors   
%%
A badge: There are no accidents--only plans other people don't
tell you about   
%%
A badge: Whatever you drop will hit your toes on the way to the
corner   
%%
A badge: You always find things in the first place you look, but
not the first time you look there   
%%
A badge: You can't tell beforehand which side of the bread you
should butter   
%%
A badge: Ankh if you love Isis   
%%
A badge: Born again pagan   
%%
A badge: Chaos is King, and Magic is loose in the world
%%
A badge: Child of a Looser God   
%%
A badge: Give me that REAL old-time religion--Isis, Astarte,
Diana, Hecate, Demeter, Kali, Danu, Inanna   
%%
A badge: The Goddess does not seek worship--she rejoices in
being vividly imagined   
%%
A badge: Guard the Mysteries--constantly reveal them
%%
A badge: Hail to the Sun God! He is the Fun God! Ra! Ra! Ra!
%%
A badge: I'm not born again--my mother got it right the first
time! [picture of goddess]   
%%
A badge: I'm pagan too!   [on pentacle]   
%%
A badge: Life's a witch, and then you fly   
%%
A badge: My other car is a broom   
%%
A badge: Pagan and Proud   
%%
A badge: Pagan Missionary   
%%
A badge: Techno-pagan   
%%
A badge: What's the difference between New Age and Neo-Pagan?
About $500 a weekend   
%%
A badge: Witches use brooms because nature abhors a vacuum
%%
A badge: [Double interlaced pentacle]   
%%
A badge: [Eye of Horus]   
%%
A badge: [Interlaced pentacle]   
%%
A badge: All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not
a syllogism   
%%
A badge: Ask me about my vow of silence   
%%
A badge: Black holes are where God is dividing by zero
%%
A badge: Circular Definition: see Circular Definition
%%
A badge: 43% of all statistics are worthless   
%%
A badge: I am one of the greatest liars in the English language-
-I wouldn't be telling you this if I didn't know it wasn't
true   
%%
A badge: If `if' statements had no `then' clauses,   
%%
A badge: If you don't go to other people's funerals, they won't
go to yours   
%%
A badge: I'm having a deja vu experience, just like last time
%%
A badge: Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large
as it needs to be?   
%%
A badge: I've got nothing to say--don't make me say it twice
%%
A badge: The map is not the territory, but you can't fold up the
territory and put it in your glove compartment   
%%
A badge: Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder
%%
A badge: A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago
%%
A badge: The Theorem Theorem: If if, then then   
%%
A badge: There is no TRUTH There is no REALITY There is no
CONSISTENCY There are no ABSOLUTE STATEMENTS I'm very
probably wrong   
%%
A badge: Veteran of the Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force
1990-1951   
%%
A badge: What color is a chameleon on a mirror? The same color
as the chameleon on the other side of the mirror
%%
A badge: What do you look like when you aren't visualizing
anything?   
%%
A badge: What do you mean, you're______ a solipsist?
%%
A badge: Which came first, the future or the past?
%%
A badge: Why did Douglas Hofstadter cross the road?  To make
this riddle possible   
%%
A badge: Yes, but what if this weren't a rhetorical question?
%%
A badge: An acceptable level of unemployment means that the
government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a
job   
%%
A badge: American elect Democrats to Congress so they'll be
given what they want and Republicans to the White House so
they won't have to pay for it--neither one works
%%
A badge: Ask not what you can do for your country, but what your
country is doing to you   
%%
A badge: At least Congress doesn't make death worse every year
%%
A badge: Being in politics is like being a football coach--you
have to be smart enough to understand the game and stupid
enough to think it's important   
%%
A badge: The Bill of Rights goes too far--it should have stopped
at "Congress shall make no law"   
%%
A badge: The Bill of Rights is over two hundred years old--at
that age, I probably won't work either   
%%
A badge: A billion here, a couple of billion there--first thing
you know, it adds up to real money   
%%
A badge: Bribe is such a...crass word   
%%
A badge: Censorship sucks///// is for your own good   
%%
A badge: Clinton wants us to sacrifice--let's start with
politicians   
%%
A badge: Cthulhu for President  [if you're tired of choosing the
lesser of two evils]   
%%
A badge: Democracy is based on the theory that the common people
know what they want and deserve to get it--good and hard!
%%
A badge: Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on what to
have for lunch   
%%
A badge: Democracy is the form of government where everyone gets
what the majority deserves   
%%
A badge: First they came for the drug dealers and the inside
traders, and I didn't speak out. Then they came for the
smokers and the fat people, and I still didn't speak out.
When they came for me, there was no one left to speak.
%%
A badge: First they came for the fourth amendment, but I said
nothing because I wasn't a drug dealer. Then they came for
the sixth amendment, but I kept quiet because I wasn't
guilty. Finally they came for the first amendment, and by
then it was too late to say anything at all.   
%%
A badge: Foreign aid is the transfer of money from poor people
in rich countries to rich people in poor countries
%%
A badge: Former Fetus for Choice   
%%
A badge: Government is non-consensual S&M with the second
amendment as the only safeword   
%%
A badge: Government is the great fiction whereby everyone
endeavors to live at the expense of everyone else
%%
A badge: A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always
count on the support of Paul   
%%
A badge: Gun control is a great idea--for governments FIRST
%%
A badge: How come you never see a politician laugh? Because they
know what they're getting away with, and if they started
laughing, they'd never stop   
%%
A badge: I am interested in politics so that someday I will not
have to be interested in politics   
%%
A badge: I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my
disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too.   
%%
A badge: I don't brake for incumbents   
%%
A badge: I don't care who does the electing, so long as I get to
do the nominating   
%%
A badge: I wonder if the process of aging could be slowed down
if it had to go through Congress   
%%
A badge: The ideal government would just tax everyone a dollar a
year and then spend it all on fireworks   
%%
A badge: If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us
candidates   
%%
A badge: If guns are outlawed, how will conservatives win any
arguments?   
%%
A badge: If the government doesn't trust the people, why doesn't
it dissolve them and elect a new people?   
%%
A badge: If the government really______ wanted us to obey the
law, they would tell us what it is   
%%
A badge: If voting could change the system, it would be illegal.
If not voting could change the system, it would be illegal.
%%
A badge: If you could print all the money you wanted, and steal
all the money you wanted, couldn't you manage to stay out of
debt?   
%%
A badge: If you had to look at Lee Iacocca and eat raw fish,
you'd barf too    
%%
A badge: If you want to know what government medicine would be
like, ask someone in a VA hospital   
%%
A badge: I'm from the IRS.  The government has spent all your
tax money.  Could we please have some more?   
%%
A badge: I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States, but
I could be twice as proud for half the money
%%
A badge: In America, anyone can become president. That's one of
the risks you take.   
%%
A badge: It gets real lonely as a moderate activist, standing
alone with a sign that reads, "Reasonable informed
discussion of the issues as soon as feasible"   
%%
A badge: It is most distressing to us to be the agents whereby
our erring fellow creatures are deprived of that liberty
which is so dear to us all--but we should have thought of
that before we joined the force   
%%
A badge: Keeping freedom safe from democracy
%%
A badge: Laws expand in proportion to the resources available
for their enforcement   
%%
A badge: A liberal is someone who will let you do anything so
long as they're paid to help you do it   
%%
A badge: Limit congress members to two terms--one in congress,
one in jail   
%%
A badge: The most important question about governments is how
they can be kept from going berserk and killing off half the
population?   
%%
A badge: My greatest fear is that one of the candidates will win
%%
A badge: Nobody's life, liberty or property are safe when
Congress is in session   
%%
A badge: Of course, the U.S. Constitution isn't perfect, but
it's a lot better than what we have now
%%
A badge: One more time....this is your mind.  [picture of egg]
This is the government on your mind.  [picture of stomped
egg]   Any questions?   
%%
A badge: The police aren't there to create disorder, they're
there to preserve disorder   
%%
A badge: Political language is designed to make lies sound
useful and murder respectable   
%%
A badge: Politically correct is a contradiction in terms
%%
A badge: Politicians who support sanctions should have to take
in the refugees--it's only fair   
%%
A badge: Politics: formed from the Greek "poly", meaning many
and "ticks", meaning small blood-sucking insects
%%
A badge: The problem with depending on government is that you
can't depend on it   
%%
A badge: Proud member of the cultural elite   
%%
A badge: Remember the cold war? How pre-millennial!   
%%
A badge: See what happens when you don't eat your broccoli!
%%
A badge: SSDC--Same Shit, District of Columbia   
%%
A badge: State lotteries are a tax rebate for intelligence
%%
A badge: The strongest reason for people to retain the right to
keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect
themselves against tyranny in government--Thomas Jefferson
%%
A badge: Support free trade--smuggle!   
%%
A badge: Taxation is theft; Conscription is slavery; War is
murder   
%%
A badge: There is no situation, no matter how miserable, that
the police cannot make worse   
%%
A badge: There isn't much to being a comedian when you have the
whole government working for you   
%%
A badge: Those who like sausage or political policy shouldn't
watch either being made   
%%
A badge: To err is human; to blame it on someone else is
politics   
%%
A badge: The trouble with natural monopolies is that it's so
much work to keep them going artificially   
%%
A badge: Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things  ---Dan
Quayle   
%%
A badge: War isn't politics. It is indeed the only human
activity that is rottener than politics   
%%
A badge: We're tired of third-rate incompetents in public
office. We want first-rate incompetents.
%%
A badge: When buying and selling are controlled by legislation,
the first thing to be bought and sold are legislators
%%
A badge: When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve
%%
A badge: Whoever wins the election will be the evil of two
lessers   
%%
A badge: Why not outlaw heterosexuality instead of abortion?
Strike at the source!   
%%
A badge: Why reach for the musket when the custard pie will do?
%%
A badge: Withdrawing in disgust is not the same as apathy
%%
A badge: The worst thing about censorship is <CENSORED>
%%
A badge: The worst thing about censorship is that it
desensitizes people to violence--censorship IS violence
%%
A badge: Advertising must be trite--it's the law of the jingle
%%
A badge: All power corrupts, but we need the electricity--D. W.
Jones   
%%
A badge: The beauty of a pun is in the "Oy!" of the beholder
%%
A badge: Beware the Grin Reaper [smiley face with teeth]
%%
A badge: Bushydo--The way of the shrub. BONSAI!   
%%
A badge: C'est la vie. C'est la guerre. [picture of celery] Say
no more. Say what?   
%%
A badge: C'est la vie, C'est la guerre, Say no more
%%
A badge: Chopped cabbage--it's not just a good idea...it's THE
SLAW   
%%
A badge: Christopher Robin Hood steals from the rich and gives
to the Pooh   
%%
A badge: Cogito Ergo Spud--I think, therefore I yam
%%
A badge: Conquering Russia is a steppe by steppe process
%%
A badge: Couch potatoes have brain tubers   
%%
A badge: The cow ate bluegrass and mooed indigo
%%
A badge: Erle Stanley Gardnerian--Initiate of the Mysteries
%%
A badge: Evolution--life's a niche, and then you die
%%
A badge: Fantasy isn't our crutch--it's arcane
%%
A badge: Forewarned is half an octopus   
%%
A badge: A Freudian slip may be revealing, but a Jungian slip is
just a mythstake   
%%
A badge: Give me a straight line and I'll bend it for you
%%
A badge: <hebrew: chet,yod> guys   
%%
A badge: <hebrew: chet, yod> y'all   
%%
A badge: How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
One third less than it takes to change a regular bulb.
%%
A badge: I grew up on Mt. Everest and everything's been downhill
since   
%%
A badge: I love it when a pun comes together   
%%
A badge: I need my sinuses like I need a hole in the head   
%%
A badge: If it isn't baroque, don't fix it--unless you're sure
you can handel it   
%%
A badge: If space is warped, time is all that's weft   
%%
A badge: If tin whistles are made of tin, what are fog horns
made of?   
%%
A badge: If you eat Twinkies Lite, do you kill one third less
people?  No, but you get a much lighter sentence
%%
A badge: I'm a Zen nudist--I'm naked in my own mind   
%%
A badge: I'm pink, therefore I'm spam   
%%
A badge: I'm sorry, my karma ran over your dogma
%%
A badge: Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant   
%%
A badge: Incorrigible Punster--do not incorrige
%%
A badge: Indulgences are Papal, too   
%%
A badge: Invertebrate Punster--Spinelessly unable to resist a
pun--So slug me!   
%%
A badge: Just Say Whoa--Stop suicidal cavalry charges--Remember
the 600   
%%
A badge: Kamikaze Paranomasiac   each pun a killer
%%
A badge: L'etat c'est Moe   All the world's a stooge
%%
A badge: Life's a beach, and then you dry   
%%
A badge: Lizard Invasion   Newts at eleven   
%%
A badge: Master of Pun Fu  
%%
A badge: Nietzsche is pietzsche, but Sartre is smartre
%%
A badge: No one expects the Spammish repetition  Spam! Spam!
Spam! Spam!   
%%
A badge: No quarter asked--no change given   
%%
A badge: On the road, Zippy is a pinhead without a purpose, but
never without a point   
%%
A badge: An onomatopia is a social-political system that just
sounds good   
%%
A badge: Poets make better lays   
%%
A badge: Pretend to spank me--I'm a pseudo-masochist
%%
A badge: Pundit   
%%
A badge: The shortest distance between two puns is a straight
line   
%%
A badge: Shredded Disaster is Murphy Slaw   
%%
A badge: Sick, sick, sick--the humor of the Beast
%%
A badge: 669   The Number of the Beastiality   
%%
A badge: 668--the Neighbor of the Beast   
%%
A badge: SUSHIDO--The way of the Tuna   
%%
A badge: That was ZEN, this is TAO   
%%
A badge: These are the days of Miracle Whip and Wonder Bread
%%
A badge: To thine own self be cool   
%%
A badge: 2 x 4 x 666   The Lumber of the Beast
%%
A badge: Wandering Punster   
%%
A badge: Whales are mammals. Mammals have hair. SHAVE THE
WHALES!   
%%
A badge: What do macrobiotic cats eat?   Brown mice
%%
A badge: What's vanilla, vanilla and vanilla? Ice cream clones
%%
A badge: Why get real when artificial is so much easier to keep
clean?   
%%
A badge: Why is Cleopatra so resistant to therapy? Because she
is da Queen of da Nile   
%%
A badge: The world is cracked; this is all a bad yolk
%%
A badge: Would all punsters please keep their gags in their
mouths?   
%%
A badge: Yellow journalism is media ochre   
%%
A badge: The border between the Real and the Unreal is not
fixed, but just marks the last place where rival gangs of
shamans fought each other to a standstill
%%
A badge: Everybody talks about reality, but nobody does anything
about it   
%%
A badge: How can you be in two places at once when you're not
anywhere at all?   
%%
A badge: I am not a monotheist--the world looks as though it was
designed by a committee   
%%
A badge: I don't have an overactive imagination--I live in an
underactive universe   
%%
A badge: I don't mind being in touch with reality, as long as I
don't have to live there   
%%
A badge: I don't mind being in touch with reality, so long as I
don't have to pay the phone bill   
%%
A badge: I don't want to die--existence is one of my strong
points   
%%
A badge: I have a firm grip on reality--by the throat   
%%
A badge: I refuse to be intimidated by reality anymore   
%%
A badge: I'm not imaginary--I'm ontologically challenged
%%
A badge: Imagination is the one weapon in the war against
reality   
%%
A badge: I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life--
I'm pleased to say I've won   
%%
A badge: Please do not adjust your mind--reality is
malfunctioning   
%%
A badge: Portions of the preceding were recorded. As for the
rest, I quite fear that it was all in your mind.
%%
A badge: The real world is only a special case   
%%
A badge: Reality corrupts. Absolute reality corrupts absolutely.
%%
A badge: Reality is just a transfer gate away   
%%
A badge: Reality is not always probable, or even likely
%%
A badge: Reality is OK...Just don't make a habit of it
%%
A badge: Reality is something you rise above
%%
A badge: Reality is the opiate of the people
%%
A badge: Reality is what refuses to go away when I stop
believing in it   
%%
A badge: The reality you have dialed is not in service. Please
check the value of pi or consult your local deity.
%%
A badge: Right theory, wrong universe   
%%
A badge: Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination
%%
A badge: SSDD--Same shit, different dimension   
%%
A badge: There are only 2000 real people in the world--the rest
are bad special effects   
%%
A badge: There are very few problems which can't be solved by
ripping a hole in reality   
%%
A badge: There is a very fine line between reality and fantasy--
and I'd just as soon obscure it   
%%
A badge: This life is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an
actual life, you would have received further instructions as
to what to do and where to go. You may or may not be issued
an actual life later.   
%%
A badge: Your reality is lies and balderdash and I am delighted
to say I have no grasp of it whatsoever   
%%
A badge: You're not as real as you think   
%%
A badge: Christians do it with grace   
%%
A badge: Death? Life? I never did understand Zen.
%%
A badge: Don't bother me. I've got my three miracle minimum.
When the Pope signs my sainthood papers, I'm outta here!
%%
A badge: Evolution in action [picture of Christian fish with
legs]   
%%
A badge: Giving up Catholicism for Lent   
%%
A badge: God created music so people could pray without words
%%
A badge: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot
change, the courage to change the things I can, and the
wisdom to know the difference   
%%
A badge: I am a Quaker. In case of emergency, please be quiet.
%%
A badge: I died for your sins, and all I got was this lousy
button   
%%
A badge: I found Jesus, and he said, "Tag, you're it!"   
%%
A badge: I'd be an agnostic if I cared that much   
%%
A badge: The idea that God is His own grandmother may be
unsupported by Scripture, but who wants to offend God's
grandmother?   
%%
A badge: If God dwells within us, I hope He likes enchiladas
because that's what He's getting   
%%
A badge: If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?   
%%
A badge: Let's leave religion to the televangelists. After all,
they're the professionals.   
%%
A badge: Live Lent in the fast lane   
%%
A badge: Militant Agnostic--I don't know and you don't either!
%%
A badge: Permanent Mobile Sabbath--On the Sabbath, it is
forbidden to work, even on your character   
%%
A badge: Relaxed Agnostic--I don't know any answers--I'm not
looking very hard, either   
%%
A badge: To you I'm an agnostic. To God, I'm the loyal
opposition.   
%%
A badge: [Yin/Yang]   
%%
A badge: Academic infighting is vicious because the stakes are
so low   
%%
A badge: A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently
save a couple of hours in the library   
%%
A badge: God didn't create the world in seven days--He goofed
off for six, then pulled an all-nighter   
%%
A badge: Grad School--it's not a job, it's an indenture
%%
A badge: If you are given an open book exam, you will forget the
book.  If you are given a take home exam, you will forget
where you live.   
%%
A badge: Never let your schooling interfere with your education
%%
A badge: Right after I graduate, I'm gonna sit in a tree, cut
the soles off my shoes, and learn to play the flute
%%
A badge: Trust me--I'm almost a Doctor   
%%
A badge: Try not to have a good time--this is supposed to be
educational   
%%
A badge: Always keep a record of your data--it shows you've been
working   
%%
A badge: And God said: <Maxwell's equations>...and then there
was light!   
%%
A badge: Another case of too many scientists, not enough
hunchbacks   
%%
A badge: Any sufficiently advanced technology is
indistinguishable from a rigged demo   
%%
A badge: Any sufficiently advanced technology is
indistinguishable from magic   
%%
A badge: Any sufficiently high technology is indistinguishable
from doubletalk   
%%
A badge: Back off, man--I'm a scientist   
%%
A badge: Beware of Quantum Ducks--Quark! Quark! Quark!
%%
A badge: A bristlecone pine is just a fire's way of making
another fire   
%%
A badge: Chem E's make the best heat exchangers   
%%
A badge: Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery
%%
A badge: Deterministic Chaotic Physicist   
%%
A badge: Enough research will tend to support your theory
%%
A badge: Entropy is what happens when the universe doesn't pay
its electric bill   
%%
A badge: Entropy isn't what it used to be   
%%
A badge: Entropy requires no maintenance   
%%
A badge: Experience varies directly with equipment ruined
%%
A badge: The experiment may be considered a success if no more
than 50% of the data must be discarded to obtain a
correspondence with the theory   
%%
A badge: The great tragedy of science is the slaying of a
beautiful theory by an ugly fact   
%%
A badge: Half of what I know today will be obsolete in five
years--I'd just like to know which half   
%%
A badge: Hello--I'm in a superposition of states right now, but
if you'll leave your name and number, I'll get back to you
as soon as my state collapses   
%%
A badge: High Voltage Electronics--life's a glitch, and then you
fry   
%%
A badge: I don't pretend to understand the universe--it's much
bigger than I am  --Einstein   
%%
A badge: If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
%%
A badge: If Murphy's Law were true, whenever you tried to take a
breath, all the air would be on the other side of the room
%%
A badge: If pi were three, this sentence would look like this
[the o's are hexagons]   
%%
A badge: If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a
parking space?   
%%
A badge: If you are in a car travelling at the speed of light in
reverse and turn on the headlights, what happens?   
%%
A badge: If you know what you're doing, how long it will take,
or what it will cost, it isn't research.   
%%
A badge: If you torture the data enough, it will confess   
%%
A badge: If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the
precipitate   
%%
A badge: In science, it doesn't matter if you're wrong, as long
as you're not stupid. In business, it doesn't matter if
you're stupid, so long as you're not wrong.   
%%
A badge: It would be nice if entropy could be used for something
constructive   
%%
A badge: Kamikaze Chemist   
%%
A badge: The little engineer that could   
%%
A badge: 1.79x10^12 furlongs per fortnight--it's not just a good
idea, it's the LAW   
%%
A badge: 186,000 mps--it's not the law, it's just a challenge
%%
A badge: 186,000 mps: It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW
%%
A badge: A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms
%%
A badge: Please do not look into laser with remaining eyeball
%%
A badge: Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal
on earth   
%%
A badge: Quantum Mechanics are <psi>chotic   
%%
A badge: Quantum Mechanics--the dreams stuff is made of
%%
A badge: Quantum physics predicts the past with 80% accuracy
%%
A badge: Resistance is useless 
%%
A badge: Schrdinger cut the wave equation down to <psi>'s
%%
A badge: Science is true--don't be misled by facts
%%
A badge: Science seeks to make theories that are so beautiful,
elegant, and logical that Nature is flattered and acquiesces
%%
A badge: The shorter the life of the particle, the more it costs
to produce   
%%
A badge: SPCA--we're here to inquire about the health of Dr.
Schrodinger's cat   
%%
A badge: Teacher from the Black Lagoon   
%%
A badge: This is a 100% matter product. In the unlikely event
that it contacts anti-matter in any form, a catastrophic
explosion will result   
%%
A badge: This universe is full of magical things patiently
waiting for our wits to grow sharper.   
%%
A badge: 2+2 now equals 5.15785423. Please recalibrate your
equipment accordingly   
%%
A badge: 2.998x10^10 cm/sec--It's not just a good idea, it's the
LAW   
%%
A badge: Under the most carefully controlled conditions of
temperature, density and pressure, the organism will do what
it damn well pleases   
%%
A badge: Unfortunately, Albert, God does____ play dice with the
universe   
%%
A badge: What if the purpose of intelligent life is to get all
that carbon back into the ecosystem?
%%
A badge: What is the output of a vacuum pump?   
%%
A badge: Who needs fantasy when you can have physics?
%%
A badge: Why are elves chaotic? Brownian motion
%%
A badge: You shouldn't go faster than twice the speed of light--
it's too hard on the tires   
%%
A badge: Interstellar amity demands that we make some physical
contact at this point, but I beg to be excused
%%
A badge: Kzinti Diplomatic Corps   Let's do lunch
%%
A badge: The last man on Earth sat alone in his room. There was
a knock on the door. The alien said, "Ten minutes to
showtime."   
%%
A badge: Let me control a planet's oxygen supply and I don't
care who makes the laws!   
%%
A badge: Mutate now--avoid the rush   
%%
A badge: Never volunteer--they'll send you to earth
%%
A badge: Nine hundred years ago, I couldn't spell transcendent
parahuman deity, and now I are one   
%%
A badge: Prepare for the future--read science fiction
%%
A badge: Reality is a crutch for people who can't deal with
science fiction   
%%
A badge: Remember, there's more to life than science fiction,
but not much   
%%
A badge: Robert A. Heinlein memorial service  7:00 PM   Barbecue
7:30 PM 
%%
A badge: Up shit pulsar without a gravity generator   
%%
A badge: ...And I thought phrenology with a ball-peen hammer was
a dying art!   
%%
A badge: Anything you say will be distorted and remixed and used
against you   
%%
A badge: Beware of the Vampire Jesus--He gave his blood for you
and he wants it all back now!   
%%
A badge: Bite off one chicken head and they never let you forget
%%
A badge: Blood is thicker than water--and much tastier
%%
A badge: Can you imagine a roast aardvark without an apple in
its mouth? It's like a martini without the egg
%%
A badge: Don't Panic! It's all right. Everything is going to be
just fine.   
%%
A badge: Don't take life seriously--it isn't permanent
%%
A badge: Don't you look at me in that tone of voice
%%
A badge: Free Oral Castrations   
%%
A badge: Gerbil-jamming is safe--if you don't share gerbils
%%
A badge: Gross anatomy--it isn't just for breakfast anymore
%%
A badge: Hello. My name is Oedipus. You are my father. Prepare
to die.   
%%
A badge: I guess we were all guilty. We all shot him, we all
skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker
that said, "I killed Bob".   
%%
A badge: I just held my hand up to this buzz saw and lost one of
my fingers! What do you make of that?...Damn--there goes
another!   
%%
A badge: I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my
grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers
%%
A badge: I wouldn't hurt a fly, but only because they taste
funny   
%%
A badge: If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse
will happen to either of you for the rest of the day   
%%
A badge: The meek are getting ready   
%%
A badge: Never play leapfrog with a unicorn
%%
A badge: Nuke the baby seals for Jesus   
%%
A badge: Nuke the Smurfs   
%%
A badge: Nuke the whales   
%%
A badge: Save the nukes   
%%
A badge: Seppuku button--to use, fold back pin
%%
A badge: Slit your wrists--it'll lower your blood pressure
%%
A badge: That which does not kill me makes me smarter, except
for oxygen deprivation   
%%
A badge: Today is the first day of the rest of your sentence
%%
A badge: Until you walk a mile in someone else's moccasins, you
can't imagine the smell   
%%
A badge: Vegetarians eat vegetables--I am a humanitarian
%%
A badge: Watership Down: You've read the book. You've seen the
movie. Now eat the stew.   
%%
A badge: Welcome back to square one   
%%
A badge: What if it was the Warren Commission who killed JFK?
%%
A badge: While you were reading my buttons, my friend was
picking your pocket   
%%
A badge: You're a much nicer person than I am, so I'm sure
you'll forgive the vicious things I've been saying about you
%%
A badge: American Non Sequitur Society--we don't make sense, but
we do like pizza   
%%
A badge: And God said, "Let there be light", and there was
light.  And everyone said, "Hey, cool!  Do You do parties?"
%%
A badge: Ask a silly person, get a silly answer   
%%
A badge: Beware! The teddy bears of today still carry the
vestigial claws of their ancestors   
%%
A badge: Bill the Cat fan club   
%%
A badge: Brought to you by the people who made "out of context"
a household word   
%%
A badge: But, Officer, I stopped for the last one, and it was
green!   
%%
A badge: A closed mouth gathers no feet   
%%
A badge: The cops can't get me--they're all prisoners of the
donut shops   
%%
A badge: Curb your god   
%%
A badge: Debate politics with a fern. If you lose, refuse to
water it.   
%%
A badge: Destructive Testing Systems   You make it   We break it
Guaranteed!   
%%
A badge: Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for it makes
them soggy and hard to light   
%%
A badge: Don't try this at home, kids. This stunt should only be
attempted by trained, proffessional idiots.
%%
A badge: Don't worry--be silly!   
%%
A badge: Eat the Rich!  The poor are tough and stringy
%%
A badge: Eternal nothingness is ok if you're dressed for it
%%
A badge: Even Napoleon had his Watergate
%%
A badge: Everything I say can stand on its own two faces
%%
A badge: Everything in the universe is packaging, big toys, or
meat   
%%
A badge: Flat Mars Society   
%%
A badge: For this problem, we'll have to call in our crack team
of trained solipsists   
%%
A badge: Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your
soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck
%%
A badge: Gravity isn't MY fault--I voted for velcro!
%%
A badge: Hobbes is real and Calvin is his pet boy   
%%
A badge: How many Martians does it take to screw in a light
bulb? One and a half.   
%%
A badge: I am not a minority. I am an outnumbered majority.   
%%
A badge: I cried for the man who had no hair until I met the man
who had no head   
%%
A badge: I do the work of three men--Larry, Moe, and Curly   
%%
A badge: I do whatever my rice crispies tell me to   
%%
A badge: I find it hard to sit still in one spot, and impossible
to sit still in two spots   
%%
A badge: I have bungee fever and there's only one
cure....BOING....   
%%
A badge: I judge people by what is in their hearts--not by the
color of their scales   
%%
A badge: I stared into the abyss. The abyss stared into me.
Neither of us liked what we saw.   
%%
A badge: I support family values--Addams family values   
%%
A badge: I used to belong to a solipsism club, but I got bored
and voted everyone else out   
%%
A badge: I'd lose my body if my brain weren't surrounded by it
%%
A badge: If Jesus was Jewish, why did he have a Mexican name?
%%
A badge: If olive oil comes from olives, and peanut oil comes
from peanuts, where does baby oil come from?   
%%
A badge: If stupidity is outlawed, only outlaws will be stupid
%%
A badge: If you can keep your head when all about you are losing
theirs, you may have an exciting future as a guillotine
operator   
%%
A badge: I'm omnipotent--ask me how   
%%
A badge: I'm the leader. Which way did they go?
%%
A badge: In the beginning there was nothing, and God said "Let
there be light." And there was still nothing, but you could
see it.   
%%
A badge: In your heart you know it's flat!   
%%
A badge: Incompetence is better than no competence at all
%%
A badge: It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that certain je
ne sais quoi   
%%
A badge: It is better to have loved and lost than never to have
loved at all, but only if no betting is involved
%%
A badge: It is better to trip and end up on the floor, than to
not trip and end up on the floor for no particular reason
%%
A badge: It is easier for a camel to pass through a needle's eye
if they are lightly greased   
%%
A badge: It won't work--I told Orville that, I told Wilbur that,
and I'm telling you now!   
%%
A badge: It's a control freak thing--I won't let___ you
understand   
%%
A badge: It's a small world, but I'd hate to have to paint it
%%
A badge: I've made such a terrible mess of things...and all I
wanted to do was rule the universe   
%%
A badge: Jeez if you love Honkus   
%%
A badge: Life is too short, but if you do it fast enough, you
can live it one and a half times   
%%
A badge: The little engine that philosophized  I think I am! I
think I am!   
%%
A badge: Metaphysics 5 cents--the philosopher IS
%%
A badge: A mind is a terrible thing to taste   
%%
A badge: A mind is a terrible thing--it must be stopped before
it kills again   
%%
A badge: National Psychic Society   You KNOW where the meetings
are   
%%
A badge: Naugahyde is murder   
%%
A badge: Pave the planet   One world   One people   One slab of
asphalt   
%%
A badge: Personifiers Unite!  You have nothing to lose but Mr.
Dignity!   
%%
A badge: Pobody's Nerfect!   
%%
A badge: Pogo ergo possum   
%%
A badge: Professional Nuisance for Hire--name a target, name a
place, I'm there   
%%
A badge: The rings of Saturn are actually composed of lost
airline luggage   
%%
A badge: Save the universe--collect all four   
%%
A badge: 606   The area code of the Beast    
%%
A badge: 666-6667   The Wrong Number of the Beast   
%%
A badge: 666A   The Tenant of the Beast   
%%
A badge: T'ai Chi isn't a martial art--it's a MARTIAN art.
Martians move slowly in earth gravity   
%%
A badge: Think "HONK" if you're a telepath   
%%
A badge: THINK--If you are already thinking, please disregard
this button   
%%
A badge: This button is cursed. As you read you will be confuset
by ther printeb wertz. Yer intellijenc wil vabni...xrt! xrt!
%%
A badge: This button is right side up--the person wearing it has
flipped    [text is upside down]   
%%
A badge: This is no ordinary fool you're dealing with.
%%
A badge: Thou shalt eat green eggs and ham--obey thy God, I-am-
that-I-am   
%%
A badge: Two wrongs don't make a right--it usually takes three
or more   
%%
A badge: UFO's are real--the Air Force is swamp gas!
%%
A badge: The warranty explicitly states that under NO
circumstances shall a rocket be returned to the manufacturer
under its own power   
%%
A badge: A watched clock never boils   
%%
A badge: We are all God's children--by a previous marriage   
%%
A badge: We have met the enemy and they are us and you are me
and we are all together   --Walt Kelly, Lennon, and the
Beatles     
%%
A badge: We're sorry, the button you have reached is not in
service. Please check the button and dial again, or ask the
operator for assistance.   
%%
A badge: When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have in-
laws   
%%
A badge: Why give the person who has everything a box to keep it
in when it already comes in its own container?
%%
A badge: Women, children, Red Indians, spacemen, and a sort of
idealized version of Complete Renaissance Men first!
%%
A badge: Yes, sir, we've graphed the data. It's a smiley face,
sir.   
%%
A badge: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him
to swim on his back, you've got something   
%%
A badge: You can't have too many buttons--only too little
surface area   
%%
A badge: You can't teach people to be lazy. Either th
ey have it or they don't.   
%%
A badge: You could be replaced by an infinite number of monkeys
%%
A badge: You'll go to Heck if you don't believe in Gosh
%%
A badge: You've been leading a dog's life.  Stay off the
furniture.   
%%
A badge: I never spit in your drink--why do you smoke in my air?
%%
A badge: Mobile Non-Smoking Area   
%%
A badge: Mobile Smoking area   
%%
A badge: No smoking--Oxygen in use   
%%
A badge: Sanctimonious Non-Smoker on the Rampage   [picture of
cigarette with forbid symbol]   
%%
A badge: Thank you for not breathing while I smoke
%%
A badge: Thank you for not lecturing me about not smoking
%%
A badge: There is no heaven or hell--only smoking or non-smoking
%%
A badge: Celestial Mechanic--inclined to be eccentric
%%
A badge: Is the surface of a planet the right place for a
developing technological civilization?   
%%
A badge: The meek will inherit the earth; the rest of us will go
to the stars   
%%
A badge: Of course you can't flap your arms and fly to the moon-
-after a while you'd run out of air to push against   
%%
A badge: Only one planet? At least one solar system!
%%
A badge: Planets are smarter than astronomers because planets
can solve the three-body problem   
%%
A badge: So many galaxies, so little time   
%%
A badge: There is something fascinating about cosmology. One
gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a
trifling investment of fact.   
%%
A badge: This universe is sold by mass, not by volume. Some
expansion may have occurred during shipment.
%%
A badge: This universe is sold by weight, not by volume. Some
settling may have occurred during shipment.
%%
A badge: And what do I look like--the living?   
%%
A badge: Be nice to me--I'm out of Valium   
%%
A badge: Beware--I'm armed and have pre-menstrual tension
%%
A badge: Caution: Contents under pressure   
%%
A badge: Caution--I was not hired for my disposition
%%
A badge: DISORGANIZATION is merely the sign of a very healthy
individual trying to do more in a shorter period of time
than those lazy, obsessively tidy types who can think of
nothing better to do than straighten objects in drawers and
stuff like that which only feeds their egos and makes them
think that they are better than those of us who are truly
gifted   
%%
A badge: Frogs are smart--they eat what bugs them
%%
A badge: I am under the influence of sugar, caffeine, and lack
of sleep, and should not be held responsible for my behavior
%%
A badge: I don't have burnout, but I'm slightly singed   
%%
A badge: If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport
%%
A badge: If it's not one thing, it's a BUNCH of things   
%%
A badge: If that which does not kill me makes me stronger, I
must be Arnold Schwarzenegger by now   
%%
A badge: I'm taking last week back to the store, and I won't
even ask for a refund   
%%
A badge: It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing milkbone
underwear   
%%
A badge: It's been lovely, but I have to scream now
%%
A badge: I've only got one nerve left, and you're getting on it
%%
A badge: Life imitates art, but does it have to imitate satire?
%%
A badge: Life's a bitch, and she's back in heat
%%
A badge: Maybe I'll become an evil genius and destroy the world
and THEN I'll feel better   
%%
A badge: Now is NOT a good time to annoy me   
%%
A badge: Nuke the world--I want to get off   
%%
A badge: Oh, no, not another learning experience!   
%%
A badge: One day I shall burst my bud of calm and blossom forth
into hysteria   
%%
A badge: One of the symptoms of impending nervous breakdown is
the belief that your work is terribly important
%%
A badge: Overload--core meltdown initiated   
%%
A badge: [picture of gauge past overload]   
%%
A badge: Reality is the leading cause of stress
%%
A badge: Some people live life in the fast lane.  I live in
oncoming traffic.  
%%
A badge: The therapist is NOT in   
%%
A badge: Time is supposed to keep everything from happening at
once...it's not working   
%%
A badge: TPFE*   *Tiredest person on the face of the earth
%%
A badge: Warning: One human being. Contents under pressure. Use
only as directed.   
%%
A badge: Will the deity who nailed the KOSMIC KARMIC KICKME sign
to my back kindly remove it?   
%%
A badge: Against stupidity, the gods themselves struggle in vain
%%
A badge: Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people
are interested, and the frog dies of it.   
%%
A badge: Any slogan simple enough to fit on a button is too
simple to do any good   
%%
A badge: Any technology distinguishable from magic is
insufficiently advanced   
%%
A badge: Anything is possible if you don't know what you're
talking about   
%%
A badge: Bad taste is timeless   
%%
A badge: The chief cause of problems is solutions
%%
A badge: Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong
answers   
%%
A badge: Common sense is what tells you the earth is flat
%%
A badge: The difference between a fool and a criminal is that a
fool attacks unpredictably and on a wider front
%%
A badge: The difference between genius and stupidity is that
genius has its limits   
%%
A badge: The fear of death is the beginning of slavery
%%
A badge: For something to become clean, something else must
become dirty, but you can get everything dirty without
getting anything clean   
%%
A badge: The future exists first in the imagination, then in the
will, then in reality   
%%
A badge: God saw absolute truth lying in the street and picked
it up. The Devil said, "Give it to me and I'll organize it
for you."   
%%
A badge: Half the fun of being alive is not knowing what
tomorrow will bring. The other half is pretending you don't
care.   
%%
A badge: History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong
with history.   
%%
A badge: Home is where you can scratch where it really itches
%%
A badge: Humor is emotional chaos recollected in tranquility
%%
A badge: I have to do it myself, but I can't do it alone   
%%
A badge: An idea is not responsible for the people who believe
in it   
%%
A badge: If it's any of your business, it isn't really gossip
%%
A badge: If it's stupid and it works, it's not stupid
%%
A badge: If it's worth doing, it's worth doing badly
%%
A badge: If you are willing to die, you can do anything   
%%
A badge: If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the
remaining 3%?   
%%
A badge: The important things are always simple. Simple things
are always hard.   
%%
A badge: In nature, there are no rewards or punishments, only
consequences   
%%
A badge: Indecision is the basis of flexibility
%%
A badge: Inside every large problem is a small problem
struggling to get out   
%%
A badge: It is impossible to solve a problem with the
consciousness that created it   
%%
A badge: It's amazing how much mature wisdom resembles being too
tired   
%%
A badge: It's hard to predict the future when they keep changing
the past   
%%
A badge: It's never too late to have a happy childhood
%%
A badge: It's not that simple   [the initial letter is heavily
ornamented] 
%%
A badge: It's practically impossible to look at a penguin and
feel angry [with picture of penguin]   
%%
A badge: Laws are made to be broken   
%%
A badge: Life--a sexually transmitted disease that afflicts some
people more than others   
%%
A badge: Life--an invariably fatal condition spread by sexual
contact   
%%
A badge: Life's a bitch, but the puppies are cute
%%
A badge: Love--it's not just a good idea--it's the Law
%%
A badge: The mind is the final battlefield. The stuff in between
is just noise.   
%%
A badge: No man is an island so long as he is on at least one
mailing list   
%%
A badge: No one is a failure who is enjoying life   
%%
A badge: Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has
come   
%%
A badge: Nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenious
%%
A badge: Nothing is impossible for anyone impervious to reason
%%
A badge: Nothing is more dangerous than an idea...if it's the
only one you've got   
%%
A badge: The obscure we see immediately, the completely apparent
takes longer   
%%
A badge: Our problems are mostly behind us. What we have to do
now is fight the solutions.   
%%
A badge: Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an
empty life   
%%
A badge: People are SUPPOSED to be inconvenient.  If you're too
convenient, you aren't doing your job.
%%
A badge: The problem with unwritten laws is that they're so hard
to erase   
%%
A badge: Pure drivel tends to drive away ordinary drivel
%%
A badge: The pursuit of power is the quest for the unattainable
by the unphilosophical though the tactics of the unspeakable
%%
A badge: Stupidity got us into this mess--why can't it get us
out?   
%%
A badge: Success is achieving the top of the food chain
%%
A badge: There ain't no such thing as a free weekend   
%%
A badge: There are no answers, only cross-references
%%
A badge: There comes a time when nothing's left but style
%%
A badge: There is a fine line between courage and foolishness.
Too bad it's not a fence.   
%%
A badge: There is no substitute for incomprehensible good luck
%%
A badge: There must be more fools than knaves in the world, or
else the knaves wouldn't have enough to live on
%%
A badge: There's always free cheese in a mousetrap   
%%
A badge: There's never time to do it right. There's always time
to do it over.   
%%
A badge: Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted
and recorded every day like those of a baseball player.
%%
A badge: Things only appear to get lost--they're waiting for you
in next week   
%%
A badge: A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense
%%
A badge: Truth comes as an enemy only to those who have lost the
ability to welcome it as a friend   
%%
A badge: The universe does not have laws--it has habits, and
habits can be broken   
%%
A badge: Virtue is more to be feared than vice because its
excesses are not regulated by conscience
%%
A badge: We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities
%%
A badge: We'll KNOW that rock is dead when you need a degree to
get a job in it   
%%
A badge: Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed
%%
A badge: What's the good of being grown-up if you can't be
childish?   
%%
A badge: When the foolkiller comes around, we'd better all___
hide in the high grass   
%%
A badge: When we are planning for posterity, we ought to
remember that virtue is not hereditary
%%
A badge: You are only as strong as your weakest delusion
%%
A badge: You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it
damnfoolproof   
%%
A badge: You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is
out of focus   
%%
A badge: And they shall beat their swords into plowshares, for
if you hit a man with a ploughshare, he'll know he's been
hit   
%%
A badge: Armed and dangerous, but I forgot where I put it
%%
A badge: Assassins do it from behind   
%%
A badge: Assassins, Inc.--We aim to please
%%
A badge: At any time, at any place, our snipers can drop you.
Have a nice day.   
%%
A badge: Balance the budget--declare politicians a game species
%%
A badge: Boxing is like a ballet, except that there's no music,
no choreography, and the dancers hit each other
%%
A badge: Certified Public Assassin   
%%
A badge: Crime doesn't pay, but at least you're your own boss
%%
A badge: Don't build more nukes until we use the ones we have
%%
A badge: End rush-hour traffic now! Legalize vehicular weaponry.
%%
A badge: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot
change, the courage to change the things I can, and the
weaponry to make the difference   
%%
A badge: Guns don't kill people--I do   
%%
A badge: I am not a trained killer. I LEAD trained killers.   
%%
A badge: I don't do work, but I have a friend who does   
%%
A badge: I don't like violence but I'm very good at it   
%%
A badge: I fight for what I believe in. I'm a mercenary, and
what I believe in is money.   
%%
A badge: I haven't killed anyone yet. Help me keep it that way.
%%
A badge: I knew I had some reason for not killing you...Now what
was it?   
%%
A badge: I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words
%%
A badge: If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals?
%%
A badge: If I thought life was cheap, I wouldn't charge so much
to take one   
%%
A badge: If I want your opinion, I'll read it in your entrails
%%
A badge: If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you
%%
A badge: If you can read this, you're in range   
%%
A badge: If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come
back to you, hunt it down and kill it.   
%%
A badge: I'm feeling homicidal--say ANYTHING   
%%
A badge: I'm here to chew bubblegum and kick ass...I'm out of
bubblegum   
%%
A badge: I'm not a mercenary--killing's more of a hobby with me
%%
A badge: I'm not worried about the bullet with my name on it--
just the thousands out there marked "occupant"
%%
A badge: It's you and me against the world. When do we attack?
%%
A badge: Kick ass now, take names later   
%%
A badge: Kill them all--let God sort them out   
%%
A badge: Killing never solves anything, but it keeps people out
of your hair while you think of what to do next
%%
A badge: Let's split up--we can do more damage that way
%%
A badge: Lightning is one hell of a murder weapon--and the best
part is, it can't be traced   
%%
A badge: Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat
cleaver"   
%%
A badge: A mushroom cloud on the horizon, 24 empty missile tubes-
-now it's Miller time   
%%
A badge: Nuke 'em till they glow, then shoot 'em in the dark
%%
A badge: Old mercenaries never die. They just go to hell and
regroup.   
%%
A badge: Once is accident, twice is coincidence, three times is
enemy action   
%%
A badge: Peace through superior firepower
%%
A badge: Serenity through viciousness
%%
A badge: Some people are useless on top of the ground--they
should be under it, inspiring the cabbages   
%%
A badge: There are very few personal problems which can't be
solved by a suitable application of high explosives.
%%
A badge: There are very few problems which can't be solved by a
suitable application of high explosives   
%%
A badge: There is no substitute for good manners--except fast
reflexes   
%%
A badge: The way to a man's heart is through his back
%%
A badge: We aim to please, but we shoot to kill   
%%
A badge: We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!   
%%
A badge: When in doubt, use more thermite   
%%
A badge: When you pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is no longer your
friend   
%%
A badge: Any excuse to wear a sword is a good excuse
%%
A badge: Ban the Bomb--Save the world for conventional warfare
%%
A badge: Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people
%%
A badge: I have an understanding with my local police--I have
them outgunned, but they have me outnumbered   
%%
A badge: If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?   
%%
A badge: If the government doesn't trust us with our guns, why
should we trust them with theirs?   
%%
A badge: It is better to light a flame thrower than to curse the
darkness   
%%
A badge: Peace through superior swordplay
%%
A badge: They'll take away my sword when they pry my cold dead
fingers off the hilt   
%%
A badge: Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser   
%%
A badge: The way to a man's heart is with a broadsword
%%
A badge: What's wrong with a waiting period before you publish a
newspaper while the government checks the facts?
%%
A badge: When guns are outlawed, only outlaws, the police, and
the military will have guns   
%%
A badge: Will build secret weapon for food   
%%
A badge: Any mental functions attempted in this area must be re-
evaluated during a subsequent period. It has been discovered
that standard logic works sideways in this area due to the
influence of the occupant.   
%%
A badge: Ask me about my extra chromosome   
%%
A badge: Being weird isn't enough   
%%
A badge: The entire world is a very strange carrot, but the
farmer is not worried at all   
%%
A badge: I am simply a human being, more or less   
%%
A badge: I prefer to remain anomalous   
%%
A badge: I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal   
%%
A badge: If you can't dress weird, why dress at all?   
%%
A badge: If you can't say something nice, say something
surrealistic   
%%
A badge: I'm a flying saucer pilot for the CIA
%%
A badge: I'm not doing this just____to be weird
%%
A badge: Is is weird in here or is it me?   
%%
A badge: Marching to a different kettle of fish
%%
A badge: My life is not organized around high probability events
%%
A badge: Not only are people weirder than you think, people are
weirder than you can think   
%%
A badge: Opposite weirdnesses attract--all weirdness is opposite
%%
A badge: Some folks just aren't cut out to be normal...
%%
A badge: Support your local medical examiner--die strangely
%%
A badge: There's always the temptation to let other people think
you're normal   
%%
A badge: There's more to life than sitting around in the sun in
your underwear playing the clarinet   
%%
A badge: This has been a test of the emergency of the emergency
weirdness system   
%%
A badge: Total strangers need love too--and I'm stranger than
most!   
%%
A badge: We are everywhere   
%%
A badge: Weird enough for all practical purposes   
%%
A badge: Weirdness is the best defense   
%%
A badge: Weirdness Magnet   
%%
A badge: We're all aliens, but from different planets
%%
A badge: When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro
%%
A badge: With friends like these, who needs hallucinations?
%%
A badge: You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you
odd   
%%
A badge: Your silliness has been noted   
%%
A badge: YUMMIE--Young Upwardly Mobile Mutant   
%%
A badge: Another deadline, another miracle
%%
A badge: Any sufficiently low technology is indistinguishable
from hard work   
%%
A badge: The customer isn't always right, but they do get an
unnatural amount of slack   
%%
A badge: Don't be irreplaceable--if you can't be replaced, you
can't be promoted   
%%
A badge: Don't worry about who you step on when you're on the
way up if you don't plan on coming down   
%%
A badge: The early bird who catches the worm works for someone
who comes in late and owns the worm farm   
%%
A badge: First-rate people hire first-rate people.  Second-rate
people hire third-rate people.   
%%
A badge: The good news is: I'm a perfectionist. The bad news is:
I charge by the hour.   
%%
A badge: A good slogan can stop thought for fifty years. A great
slogan can stop it forever.   
%%
A badge: Hard work may not kill me, but why take chances?
%%
A badge: Here at First National, you're not just a number--
you're two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another
dash, and another number   
%%
A badge: Housework can kill you if you do it right
%%
A badge: I have a talent for idleness which is tragically wasted
by my working here   
%%
A badge: If work were so wonderful, the rich would keep it all
for themselves   
%%
A badge: I'm a right-brain mind in a left-brain job
%%
A badge: I'm not loafing--I work so fast I'm always finished
%%
A badge: I'm not unemployed--I'm looking for the perfect job
%%
A badge: I'm self-employed, and my boss is a bastard   
%%
A badge: I'm self-employed, and my boss is a bitch   
%%
A badge: The impossible we do immediately. Miracles require 24
hours notice.   
%%
A badge: The less you bother me, the sooner you'll get results
%%
A badge: The meek may inherit the earth, but it's the grumpy who
get promoted   
%%
A badge: A neat desk is the sign of a sick mind   
%%
A badge: Never learn to type. If you do, someone will ask you to
do it.   
%%
A badge: No job too big, no job too small, no job too stupid
%%
A badge: No major project is completed on time, within budget,
or by the same staff who started it. Yours will not be the
first.   
%%
A badge: Please solve your problems in advance so that we can
help you better   
%%
A badge: The problem with trouble-shooting is that trouble
shoots back   
%%
A badge: Service with a snarl   
%%
A badge: A sick mind is not necessarily the sign of a neat desk
%%
A badge: There can't be a crisis next week--my schedule is
already full   
%%
A badge: There's no need to do housework--after four years the
dirt doesn't get any worse   
%%
A badge: Those who are unable to remember past meetings are
condemned to repeat them   
%%
A badge: The trouble with being boss is there's no satisfaction
is stealing office supplies   
%%
A badge: We aren't disorganized--we have an organization which
is beyond comprehension   
%%
A badge: We tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing...and
a wonderful method it is for creating the illusion of
progress, while producing confusion, inefficiency, and
demoralization   
%%
A badge: We the unwilling led by the unknowing are doing the
impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much with so
little for so long that we are now capable of doing
practically anything with virtually nothing.   
%%
A badge: What do you mean, we're not getting paid?   
%%
A badge: When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly
%%
A badge: Why did the Roman Empire collapse?  What's Latin for
office automation?   
%%
A badge: The work most executives do isn't very different from
the work most secretaries do, except that executives rarely
have demonstrable skills like typing ninety words a minute
%%
A badge: Work your fingers to the bone, and what do you get?
Bony fingers!   
%%
A badge: You can name your own salary here--I call mine Fred
%%
A badge: Your lack of planning does not constitute my emergency
%%
A badge: As// ins/// pers//// ex -piring writer   
%%
A badge: Authors rarely welcome even the most constructive
advice   
%%
A badge: Because I'm the editor, that's why!   
%%
A badge: Because I'm the writer, that's why!   
%%
A badge: Conform, go crazy, or become a writer
%%
A badge: Don't destroy the world in the first chapter--you'll
find you need it later   
%%
A badge: For every vision, there is an equal and opposite
revision    
%%
A badge: Incorrigible Proofreader   
%%
A badge: It is better to write for yourself and not have a
public than to write for the public and not have a self
%%
A badge: Of course it's possible to write good fiction in a
world you didn't invent--mainstream writers do it now and
then   
%%
A badge: Remember that writer's block is nothing more than a
failure of nerve--but don't let that bother you
%%
A badge: There's a typo in this sentence, but it slides away
when your eyes move toward it   
%%
A badge: Truth is stranger than fiction because fiction has to
make sense   
%%
A badge: Why do people spend years writing a novel when they can
buy one for a few dollars?   
%%
A badge: Writing about music is like dancing about architecture
%%
A badge: Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet
of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead
%%
A badge: Writing is like prostitution--first you do it for love,
then for a few friends, and finally for money
%%
A badge: ...another smooth escape disguised as a dramatic exit
%%
A badge: Avoid cliches like the plague--they're a dime a dozen
%%
A badge: Boredom delenda est!   
%%
A badge: Clue   
%%
A badge: Conform, go crazy, become a lawyer   
%%
A badge: The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of
your life   
%%
A badge: Dogs are wonderful creatures which convert leftovers
and table scraps into hair, which they then politely
distribute over your carpet and furniture
%%
A badge: Don't mock the insecure   
%%
A badge: Excuse me while I change into something more formidable
%%
A badge: Freedom, Immortality, and the Stars!
%%
A badge: Gene Police: YOU!! Out of the pool!   
%%
A badge: Genetically perfect but morally crippled
%%
A badge: Global Village Idiot   
%%
A badge: God is dead--you are all absolutely free
%%
A badge: Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled
in terror, and you would have been informed
%%
A badge: Happiness is the planet Earth in your rear view mirror
%%
A badge: Have an illuminated day!  [picture of smiley pyramid]
%%
A badge: History repeats itself, but each time the price goes up
%%
A badge: Housewives against entropy   
%%
A badge: How many recovering co-dependents does it take to screw
in a light bulb?   None.  The recovering co-dependent
detaches and tells the lightbulb to screw itself.   
%%
A badge: The human race is still in beta testing
%%
A badge: I am a buttonholic. If you are a decent person, you
will not sell me another button.   
%%
A badge: I am the mother of all things, and all things should
wear a sweater   
%%
A badge: I am very interested in the future because I plan to
spend the rest of my life there   
%%
A badge: I haven't exactly lost it--it's been temporarily
mislaid   
%%
A badge: I haven't lost it--it's been temporally mislaid   
%%
A badge: I know it all. I just can't remember it simultaneously.
%%
A badge: I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us.
Pigs treat us as equals.   
%%
A badge: I wouldn't mind dying--it's that business of having to
stay dead that scares me   
%%
A badge: I'd do anything to make you happy, but you're asking
too much   
%%
A badge: If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a
nail   [picture of thumbnail]   
%%
A badge: If God had meant us to be naked, we would have been
born that way   
%%
A badge: If I were any more convenient, I'd be a nuisance   
%%
A badge: If there's so much labor-saving machinery, why don't I
have more free time?   
%%
A badge: If today is the first day of the rest of your life,
what was yesterday?   
%%
A badge: If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our
luggage   
%%
A badge: If you don't like lawyers, the next time you're
arrested hire a comedian   
%%
A badge: If you want to live fast, die young, and leave a good-
looking corpse, IT'S TOO LATE!   
%%
A badge: I'll wear any color so long as it's black
%%
A badge: The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional
takes a bit longer.   
%%
A badge: I'm not politically incorrect--I'm politically
challenged   
%%
A badge: I'm only a hypnotist, so this is only a suggestion
%%
A badge: Ladies' Sewing Circle & Terrorist Society   
%%
A badge: Live Wild or Die!   
%%
A badge: My brain is the most important thing about me, but look
what told me that   
%%
A badge: National Lampoon Staff Anthropologist at large
%%
A badge: Never argue with a Scorpio--even if you win, you lose
%%
A badge: Never argue with a Scorpio--it's frustrating and you'll
lose anyway   
%%
A badge: Of course I can keep secrets--it's the people I tell
them to who can't keep them   
%%
A badge: One half of all marriages end in divorce, the rest in
death--I got out alive!   
%%
A badge: Other sports exist only to keep you occupied until
baseball season comes around again   
%%
A badge: Passing directly from barbarism to decadence
%%
A badge: Power corrupts--isn't that what it's for?   
%%
A badge: Projecting empaths--You gotta feel sorry for them
%%
A badge: The purpose of art is to hold a mirror up to life.
Life obviously needs more sleep.   
%%
A badge: Repetition is the soul of wit. Repetition is the soul
of wit. Repetition...   
%%
A badge: The revolution will not be a three-part, prestige-
format miniseries   
%%
A badge: Rule Six: Anyone who thinks rule 6 should be "There is
no rule six" must repeat other people's jokes until they get
the point   
%%
A badge: Running an open marriage is a little like running a
business or a political group, but not in a boring way
%%
A badge: Sleep deprivation is fun--you see such pretty colors
%%
A badge: Sleep is for wimps. Happy, healthy, well-rested wimps,
but wimps nonetheless   
%%
A badge: Sometimes the truth can be so unnecessary
%%
A badge: Speak softly and wear a LOUD shirt   
%%
A badge: Stupid? I don't know the meaning of the word
%%
A badge: Subvert the dominant paradigm!   
%%
A badge: Support your local thieves' guild--leave your doors
unlocked   
%%
A badge: There's a thin woman inside every fat woman...I ate
mine   
%%
A badge: Think of it as evolution in action   
%%
A badge: This person is a natural product. The slight variations
in color and texture enhance its individual character and
beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects.
%%
A badge: Time...do you really believe the past arranges itself
for our convenience into those paltry little squares they
print on calendars?   
%%
A badge: Time is just an illusion perpetuated by the
manufacturers of space   
%%
A badge: Vampire victim--be nice to me today    [picture of
smiley with teeth]   
%%
A badge: The views expressed here do not necessarily represent
those of the management   
%%
A badge: Vuja De': the strange feeling you get that nothing has
happened before   
%%
A badge: We all have faults, and mine is being wicked   
%%
A badge: We are experiencing synaptical difficulties--please stand by   
%%
A badge: We're going to keep on repeating history until we get a
passing grade   
%%
A badge: What a long strange trip it's been   
%%
A badge: What____ Sixties revival? The Sixties never died!
%%
A badge: Whenever I try to get in touch with myself, I always
get the answering machine   
%%
A badge: Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible?   
%%
A badge: Why can't you be unique and original like everybody else?   
%%
A badge: You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too
much of your time reading buttons   
%%
A badge: Your eyes are weary from reading buttons. You are
sleepy. You agree with all my ideas. You cannot imagine why
you ever felt otherwise.   
%%
A badge: You're not right. You just SOUND right.   
%%
A badge: You're not the only one who thinks I don't know what I'm doing   
%%